What We Gonna Do About Cozy Glow?

by Matthais Unidostres

Rating: everyone
Tags: Discord, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Flurry Heart, Alternate Universe, Gallus, Luster Dawn, Spike, Comedy
Length: 3541

It's been a year since Princess Twilight freed Cozy Glow to reform her, and Cozy has begun to occasionally upstage certain creatures close to the Princess. This made them very unhappy, enough to start thinking of ways to get rid of Cozy Glow.

THIS STORY IS NOT TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY. IT MIGHT COUNT AS A "CRACK FIC" DUE TO OOC.

Time has passed since that Battle of the Bell and Twilight Sparkle's grand coronation. Enough time for Twilight to decide to try to reform Cozy Glow. Twilight put great effort into understanding the malicious filly, and spent as much time as she could with her. Much to the Princess' delight, all her hard work ended up paying off. Cozy Glow now finally grasped the concept of empathy, and now sought to be as helpful as possible. So much so, that Cozy has begun to occasionally upstage certain creatures close to the Princess; from Spike, to Captain Gallus, to Luster Dawn, even Princess Flurry Heart. This made them all very unhappy.

They immediately started thinking of ways to get rid of Cozy Glow.

This story was inspired by the song Oh No! What We Gonna Do? from the first episode of Veggietales, Where's God When I'm S-Scared?

Published 2021-06-22 00:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2021-06-22 00:50:01 UTC

The Story

Princess Flurry Heart was all smiles as she entered into Canterlot Castle. She knew very well the story of how it was destroyed by Cozy Glow, Chrysalis, and Tirek years ago; and yet she found it hard to believe considering how wonderfully constructed the castle was. To her, it seemed as though the castle had always been there, just the way it was at the moment. But, then again, she was merely an infant during the evil trio's brief reign of terror, and now she was a proper young adult, and proud ruler of the Crystal Empire.

Flurry Heart shook off these thoughts as she made her way into the castle, focusing on her upcoming meeting with her aunt, who was now the sole ruler of all Equestria, as she had been for several years now. From what Flurry heard, Twilight even had her own personal student in the form of one Luster Dawn, although the young unicorn was living in Ponyville know as far as Flurry Heart knew. That's not to say that Twilight was unoccupied, as for a little over a year, she had taken on a new pet project: reforming Cozy Glow.

Flurry couldn't help but feel a bit of nervous excitement, "nervouscited" as the aging Pinkie Pie would say, at the thought of coming face to face with the infamous "demon filly". Information was sparse on the Cozy Glow's progress, but Twilight did go on record saying that Cozy was doing very well, and had begun to show signs of genuine empathy and regret for her actions. Cozy rarely left Twilight's side, so Flurry knew that she'd surely meet her during the royal meeting.

As Flurry walked through the opulent halls, she heard a familiar voice talking to an unfamiliar voice.

"Oh, I am so glad I'm not the only one, Captain Gallus!"

"Shh! Pipe down, Luster. And don't worry. Spike and Discord are on our side too. We talk about the brat a lot during our O&O sessions."

Curious, Flurry Heart turned a corner and saw Gallus the griffon, decked out in his golden armor, speaking with none other that Princess Twilight Sparkle's prized student, Luster Dawn.

The pair immediately noticed the Princess of the Crystal Empire and both quickly bowed.

"Your Majesty," Gallus said reverently.

Flurry smiled and shook her head, "No need to bow to me, you two." She then focused her attention to Luster and said, "Luster Dawn! I didn't expect to see you here. Didn't you move to Ponyville to understand the Magic of Friendship better?"

Luster nodded and said, "Yes. But I just had to come back for a visit because. . . .well. . . I've had something on my mind lately, and I just had to talk to someone about it. And I've always trusted Gallus very much, and he's always been a practical thinker, so I thought. . .well. . ."

Luster trailed off and smiled sheepishly, which invited Flurry Heart to tilt her head and say with a smile, "Maaaaaybe I can help?"

Luster and Gallus exchanged glances for a moment, then the griffon turned to the alicorn and said, "Well, you know about how Twilight's been trying to reform Cozy Glow for a year now, right?"

Flurry nodded and said, "Sure, sure. And I hear it's been a success, hasn't it?"

Gallus frowned and said gravely, "Well, I don't know about that. All I know is that Cozy has our Princess eating out of her hooves."

Flurry blinked her eyes at the griffon, then she asked, "What do you mean by that?"

Gallus looked around to make sure no one else was within earshot, then he said, "Every once in a while, either I or Spike will suggest something or provide some advice, but then that little brat will say something else, and Twilight will just agree with her instead of us!"

Luster Dawn nodded and said irately, "Uh-huh! She did that to me too! One time when I was visiting with her, I was suggesting a new way for books to be classified in libraries using letter combinations, and then Cozy came in with some idea involving numbers and decimals, and Twilight suggested I work off of that idea instead!"

Flurry gave a strained smile and said, "Are you sure you two aren't just overreacting the tiniest, tinyest bit?"

Luster glared indignantly and said, "Overreacting?! Well, I-!"

Gallus extended a wing to cut Luster off, and he said, "I'll tell ya what: how about you go on ahead and meet with Princes Twilight. Cozy Glow will be there with her, as usual. If it's as bad as we're saying it is, then come and meet us in the Grand Ballroom. No one's using it, so we can talk in private. Then we can. . .take steps."

Flurry Heart just rolled her eyes and blew a raspberry before saying, "Sure. Whatever you say, I guess. Okay, thanks. Byyyye!"

As Flurry trotted away, Gallus turned to Luster and said, "Alright. Let's go get the guys. I'm sure they'll wanna be a part of this."

". . . .and so I couldn't be more proud of Cozy Glow for how far she's come," Princess Twilight declared with a smile.

The two alicorn princess were seated at a smile table, facing each other with drinks at hoof's reach. Tea for Twilight and a milky latte for Flurry Heart. Nearby, Cozy Glow sat on a cushion, reading a from one of the many Magic of Friendship Study Guides (TM) and taking notes in notebook. However, she was currently looking up at the two older ponies at the moment, having heard her name being discussed.

Cozy Glow averted her eyes in shame and said, "I don't know. I mean, it took all that effort for me to be normal. Is that something to be proud of?"

"Any positive progress of any kind is admirable, Cozy," Princess Twilight said warmly, with an elegance that matched her tall, majestic frame.

Flurry Heart chuckled and said, "Well, you deserve some of that pride too, Auntie! You're the one who did the reforming."

Twilight nodded, "Well, it was hard at first. But it was Cozy's decision to actually try and work with me and give it a try. There were some painful moments, and tearful breakthroughs, but I'd say they were quite worth it. Wouldn't you, Cozy?"

The pegasus smiled a bit and said, "Yes. Yes, I would."

Twilight looked quite pleased to hear this, and she turned back to Flurry Heart and said, "So, was there anything else you wanted to discuss here?"

The one thing that had slipped her memory promptly returned, and Flurry said, "Oh, yes! I've been working on a trade deal I'd like to strike up with Dragon Lord Ember. The Crystal Empire gives the dragons crystal berries, and they give us some of the rare crystals that grow within the volcanoes of the Dragon Lands! Heh, heh?! Get it? Crystals for crystals? Get it! Many of the brainier Crystal Ponies have had ideas for new inventions that could rival some of the stuff in Princess Sunset's human world, but they need those rare crystals to make them. Now, if you'll join in on it and help me sell the crystal berries as just as good and tasty and nutritious to dragons as any old gemstone, we'll be all set!"

"That doesn't sound right."

Both Princesses turned to look at Cozy Glow, who was staring down at her Study Guide and notebook.

"I'm just saying," Cozy continued, "It doesn't sound very honest to make those claims about crystal berries. Sure, they're good and all, but diamonds and rubies they are not. And it isn't very generous to give the dragons a deal where you get more than you give. Way more. From what you just said, those rare crystals are pretty much priceless to you."

Twilight blinked her eyes, then turned back to Flurry Heart and said, "Flurry, this deal really does sound awfully one sided. I'm afraid I cannot possibly condone it."

Flurry's heart and jaw both dropped as she gaped at Twilight. "Bu-bu-bu-but those rare lava crystals! We need them, Twilight! The future needs them!"

Twilight frowned and said, "Then I suggest you offer the dragons something that's worth what you're asking for in return. Like, perhaps actually gems from the Crystal Empire."

"We need those too!" Flurry argued, almost whining, "We use them for construction, trading, decoration, art, everything! And we're already trading a lot of them with nearly all the other races! But if we could make use of the crystal berries-."

"Flurry, please," Twilight firmly, "We must treat our allies with honesty, integrity, and fairness. You understand, don't you."

Flurry took a quick glance to the side, where Cozy had gone back to her studying and notetaking. She then smiled tat Princess Twilight and said, "Sure, I understand, Aunt Twilight."

When Flurry Heart entered the Grand Ballroom, she was greeted with the sight of not only Luster Dawn and Captain Gallus, but also the burly, built up Spike the Dragon along with the Sprit of Chaos himself. The dragon and draconequis were both scribbling into a set of thick books at the long table, seemingly comparing notes about something or other.

Gallus smirked and said, "I told ya all she'd see it our way."

Discord huffed and said, "You couldn't have come in a few more minutes later. I was on a roll just now! The greatest O&O campaign of all time was taking shape!"

Spike snickered and said, "Greatest? When you're the OM? That's a matter of opinion. I think the word you're looking for is insane."

"Don't be a critic, Spikey."

"What did I tell you about calling me that. . . Dizzy."

"Only Fluttershy is allowed to call me that!"

Luster stamped her hoof and said, "Can you boys drop your pet names and tabletop gaming obsessions for a moment and focus. This is serious!"

Spike shrugged and said, "Okay, okay, you're right." He then focused his attention on the alicorn in the room and said, "So, did Cozy Glow strike again for you too?"

Flurry Heart pouted and said, "I'll say! I had a perfect trade agreement all lined up, and I just needed Twilight's support, and Cozy Glow ruined it! On purpose too, I bet."

Flurry Heart was suddenly dressed as a pirate captain, complete with tricorn hat, and Discord saluted to her and said, "Aye-aye, Captain Obvious!" He snapped his talons to make the costume disappear, and then he held his lion paw up to let marionettes of the infamous evil trio hang from his fingers. "Of course she's doing it on purpose! I warned Twilight the little brat was beyond all hope, just like those other two idiots! That's why I originally used them to build up her confidence. They were dispensable monsters no one cared about." Discord then set marionettes on fire, and they burned to ashes. Discord dusted his paw off and said with an annoyed groan, "But then Twilight has to get and set one loose! Sometimes I wonder why I even bother!"

Spike growled and said, "And she always gives some tricky reason for why she's right and I'm wrong that sound right but is just another way of getting into Twilight's head. Twilight should be listening to me over her no matter what! Of course I know more than some crazy psycho pegasus!"

"Who hasn't spent a day in basic training, let alone everything I had to go through!" Gallus added bitterly, then he muttered, "Guard patrol rotation based on odd and even streets, of all the stupid. . ."

"I feel so betrayed whenever they're together!" Luster Dawn cried out in anguish, "She just. . .replaced me! And she likes Cozy better than me, I know it!"

Flurry Heart flashed her horn and said, "Okay, okay; I'm pretty sure we all get it by now. We all know what the problem is. We're all in agreement that somethings gotta be done. But the question is. . ." Flurry Heart raised a forehoof and rubbed her chin, "What are we gonna do about Cozy Glow."

Luster Dawn turned to Gallus and said, "Well, you're the Captain of the Guard. Can't you just throw her into a dungeon, throw away the key, and let her rot."

Gallus glared at Luster and said, "If it were that simply I would have done that already. Don't you realize that Princess Twilight would find her before long? And then I'd be the one rotting in jail."

Luster huffed and said with a deadpanned expression, "Okay. Okay. Bad idea. Then how about we just drag her off to Ghastly Gorge and feed her to a Quarry Eel. Then there'd be nothing left to find."

Gallus gave Luster a look that said "are you serious?" and said, "How could we do that without being seen or heard? The brat would scream her head off if we tried kidnapping her."

Luster gestured impatiently with her forehooves and said, "Well, if we said we needed to take her there-."

"What excuse could we possibly give Cozy or Twilight for taking them there?" Gallus shot back, but then he paused and tapped his talons thoughtfully, "But you know. . . we could say we want to take her to the Treehouse of Harmony. . .in the Everfree Forest."

Luster smiled eagerly and rubbed her forehooves together, "Oh. . .I see where you're going with this. . ."

Gallus smirked back and said, "We could all find a nice shady spot. . .and watch as Cozy meets up with a hungry Cragadile."

"That won't work," Spike said, his arms folded stubbornly.

"Why not?" Gallus challenged.

"Uh, Cozy can fly. Cragadiles can't," Spike pointed out obviously.

"If we tied her up first-."

"And what if she gets away?" Spike interrupted the griffon, "Then Twilight will never trust any of us again. We need to plan this carefully."

"Okay, so what's your brilliant plan," Gallus griped.

Spike grinned and winked his eye at the group, "It's simple really. We just need to turn her back to stone."

"Huh?" Luster and Gallus said.

Spike chuckled and said, "Listen, Silverstream still has that pet Cockatrice, right? Well, all we gotta do is make it really mad, and then lock Cozy Glow in her room with it. It'll catch her by surprise and turn her back to stone. Then we'll stick her back where she belongs, with Chrysalis and Tirek! When Twilight sees Cozy magically back where she belongs, she'll just figure that the universe itself wants Cozy back as a statue again, and that'll be that."

"Yes!" Gallus cheered.

"NO!" Luster shouted.

Spike threw his arms up and shouted, "Oh, come on! Why not?!"

Luster rolled her eyes and said, "I guess you've been so busy either being an ambassador or dating Gabby that you've forgotten how Princess Twilight thinks. Luckily, I was her personal student, so I do know how she thinks. She'd free her right away and demand answers. And that's assuming that we don't get caught lugging her statue around, or if no one hears her screaming in her room when she sees the Cockatrice."

"Stop thinking!" Discord shouted suddenly, now standing amidst the group next to a chalkboard, "Our best course of action here is simple and obvious."

Discord then began to wildly scribble on the chalkboard, a piece of chalk in his eagle claw, lion paw, and tail, as he explained his plan, "First, we give her a great big box of jelly doughnuts to lure into a false sense of security. Ah-ha! But then here's the twist! Right before she can eat one, we take them all away! Then we fill her ears with cheese balls and her nostrils with banana sorbet! And while she's bent over double trying to get all that icy cold desert out of her nose holes, we'll use her as a footstool for a bit, then use her as a table to play a round of O&O. And when we're done, we'll tie her up and throw her right into the sock puppet dimension!"

Discord turned with a flourish and smiled as he stood proudly next to a chalkboard full of images of Cozy Glow looking frightened and tormented in the various ways Discord had described. The unicorn, dragon, griffon, and alicorn all stared at the chalkboard in awe as they tried to comprehend Discord's plan.

"OR!"

Everycreature turned towards Princess Flurry Heart, who had been silent during the whole discussion up to this point.

Flurry smiled, and her eyes shifted left and right. Then she motioned with her wings for everycreature to get closer. Once they were all gathered together, Flurry said in a low whisper, "There's an old law in the Crystal Empire, and it's still on the books. If you don't bow to the ruler of the Crystal Empire on command, every single time the ruler asks you, you can be thrown into a den of Manticores. I can convince Twilight to visit my empire with Cozy Glow, I can give her a really hard time, force her to bow down to me over and over again, until she finally refuses, and then we'll have her! And the best part is that Twilight will only be mad at me and not at any of you, so she'll get over it soon enough. I can deal with it, and we'll finally all be rid of Cozy Glow for good!"

Luster Dawn blinked her eyes thoughtfully, then she smiled and said, "I like it. . ."

Discord grinned wickedly and said, "It's sneaky."

Gallus rubbed his talons together and said with bright, shining eyes, "And it just-."

"-Might work!" Spike shouted as he gave two thumbs up.

Flurry Heart was all smiles as she said, "I know. I know. I'm a genius. You can all just sit back and relax. I'll get rid of Cozy for you, easy."

Author's Note

Literally RIGHT AFTER I WROTE THIS, it occurred to me that the human CMC and Sunset Shimmer would have fit this better if not perfectly, but I didn't feel like writing another Anon-a-Miss story after I wrote The Shadow Knows. So, if anyone else wants to write that, go right ahead.

Also, this story was heavily inspired by The Legionnaire by Vanity. Please check it out, it's an awesome story that provides the perfect explanation to why the Magic of Friendship is dead in G5.

The Song

Author's Note

This story was inspired by the song Oh No! What We Gonna Do? from the first episode of Veggietales, Where's God When I'm S-Scared?

The Song

It's been a year since Princess Twilight freed Cozy Glow in order to reform her, and the filly has made phenominal progress. So much so that Cozy has begun to occasionally make suggestions and comments that have upstaged Twilight's personal student Luster Dawn, Twilight's Royal Advisor Spike the Dragon, Twilight's Captain of the Royal Guard Gallus the Griffon, and even Twilight niece and ruler of the Crystal Empire: Flurry Heart. This made them all very unhappy, enough to start thinking of ways to get rid of Cozy Glow. . .

Luster Dawn, Gallus, Spike, and Flurry Heart all paced around an empty room in Canterlot Castle, their heads down as they walked around in a circle, deep in though.

Oh no! What we gonna do? Twilight likes Cozy more than me and you.
Oh no! What we gonna do? We gotta get her outta here!

Oh no! What we gonna do? Twilight likes Cozy more than me and you.
Oh no! What we gonna do? We gotta get her outta here!

We could throw her
in the dungeon
We could let her
rot in jail

We could drag her
to Ghastly Gorge
Have him eaten
by a Quarry Eel.

We could drop her in the Everfree and leave her there a while
Then we'll all sit back and watch her meet a hungry cragadile.

We could lock her in her room with a really pissed of Cockatrice
And stick her back with those two jerks once she's been re-petrified.

Discord suddenly appeared in their midst and joined in gleefully.

We could give her jelly doughnuts, then take 'em all away
Then we'll fill her ears with cheese balls and her nostrils with sorbet.

Then we'll use her as a footstool, then play O&O on top of her.
Then tie her up and throw her into the sock puppet universe.

"Or!" Flurry Heart exclaimed, and she motioned with her wings for everycreature else to get in close. Once they were huddled, Flurry Heart whispered her plan to them.

Luster Dawn blinked her eyes thoughtfully, then she smiled and said, "I like it. . ."

Discord grinned wickedly and said, "It's sneaky."

Gallus rubbed his talons together and said with bright, shining eyes, "And it just-."

"-Might work!" Spike shouted as he gave two thumbs up.

Flurry Heart smiled triumphantly.

I'll make her disobey a law that no creature ever heard before
Then we'll throw that bratty filly into a den of Manticores!