The Lusty Dragon Maid

by Art Inspired

Rating: teen
Tags: Smolder, Random, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Second Person, Comedy
Length: 1636

It's been some time since you last had your chambers tended to.

It's been some time since you last had your chambers cleaned. Luckily for you, the maid is all too willing to take care of everything tonight.

Just in case it isn't already painfully obvious, this is a parody/spoof of the book, The Lusty Argonian Maid which can be found in various Elder Scrolls video games.

New, unique chapters will be added overtime, but let it be known that Act IV, Scene III, and Act VII, Scene II are the ones that actually follow the books found within the various Elder Scrolls video games.

Published 2021-07-04 18:50:03 UTC
Last updated 2021-07-07 13:38:11 UTC

Act I, Scene VI

Your sword cleaves its way through many a foe. Nothing can stop you, and this is simply because this is what you live for. From time to time, you might enjoy dungeon delving, but there's just something about being in the midst of sheer chaos that shakes you to your very core, and just makes you act that much more quickly and without ever even hardly needing to think. You deflect, and dodge a countless number of incoming attacks, and then, you leap.

Your strong legs take you so high up from the smoke and the fighting that's taking place down below that you can see the rest of the city as well. It's all been set ablaze with a beautiful and lively fire. The air smells dirty, and it's like nothing you've ever really experienced before, and when you come sailing back down into the pavilion, you use your sword to swiftly end the lives of those who would seek to do even more meaningless, gruesome harm.

The fog clears slowly, and there's a lingering sensation of dread still inhabiting the air. That dread is intensified once you hear the soft echoes of a distressed female nearby. She cries out in undeniable terror, "Not me, please!"

Your legs take you to the noises she's making quicker than you've ever moved before, and the next thing you know, you're slicing and slashing away at every living thing left and right that surrounds whoever had made those whimpers seconds earlier. Once they're all vanquished, and after the last demon has utterly disappeared, you pick the maiden up by what you assume to be her forehoof. You're stunned once you find out that you're actually dealing with a cute looking dragon of all things.

Light shines through and illuminates her orange and purple scales, and her blue eyes just stare back at you expectantly. "Sir knight, I... Th-thank you..."

As you help her up, you observe her torn maid's outfit, and you ask, "They didn't harm you, did they?"

She shakes her head modestly, and tells you, "They were about to, but you totally showed them who's boss!"

You appreciate her demeanor, and you then decide to offer her your hand. She just glares at it, and then, you tell her, "I think it might be best if you stuck with me for the time being. After all, there's far too many beasts roaming the city for us to slip through. I doubt you'd even be able to fly your way out..." You next dig around in your knapsack for a weapon, and find the small dagger that you had stuck in there earlier. Handing it to her, you tell the dragon, "Don't leave my side for a second!"

She nods intellectually. "Understood, I'll stay right behind you the whole way!"

Just as you make your way to a nearby balcony, you decide to ask this creature, "What do they call you, by the way?"

"Oh," she says with blushing cheeks. "Smolder... A-and it's very nice to meet you. I've never met an actual-" You unfortunately have no other choice but to cut Smolder off by placing the palm of your hand against her lips. "Mmh!"

"Ssh," you voice as quietly as you can. "They're directly ahead of us..."

Smolder tries not to panic, but she still finds the courage to ask you forwardly, "How are you supposed to take on all of those thugs all by yourself? There's at least seven or eight of them!"

You smile excitedly once Smolder's warnings enter your ears. You simply tell her after unsheathing your blade once more, "Plenty of time, my sweet. Plenty of time."

Act IV, Scene III

You are in your bedroom chambers, and your maid has finally arrived to do the usual housekeeping. She's standing at the door, and she's just gawking in your direction. Is she possibly offended by what you've just said to her?

Perhaps you've overstepped your bounds this time around. What might the Mistress do to you if she ever finds out about any of this? What're you thinking? You silly, magnificent dungeon delver. You're the hero in this odd but adventurous tale, are you not?

"Certainly not, kind sir!" She gets up, and her skirt ruffles all too sweetly. Smolder is standing before you wearing her typical yet lovely maid's outfit, and she bows reluctantly. You nearly can't contain your hidden desires, and your growing, furtive adoration for this dragon for very much longer, but you simply must. It's much too soon to begin your shenanigans with her. "I am here but to clean your chambers," so she tells you. She even tries to put on a better face. Once again, she curtsies before attempting to get to her rigorous work.

All you can do is roll your crafty eyes, and sigh at her usual banter. She bends over serenely. She is always so amusing to you. "Is that all you have come here for, little one? My chambers?" For some reason, this question always seems to get her attention quite easily.

She peers at you shiftily, but her eyes are just so tantalizing to you that you just might get lost within them forever. "I have no idea what it is you imply, master," she says as kindly as she can. "I am but a poor dragon maid."

"So you are, my dumpling." You come closer to her as you say welcomingly, "And a good one at that. Such strong legs and shapely tail..."

You allow your eyes to wander more and more. It's not like you haven't ever blatantly placed her in this situation before. In fact, you consider the strong possibility that she might actually be thoroughly enjoying it.

She teases, "You embarrass me, sir!"

"Fear not," you chuckle. "You are safe here with me."

You help lift her up from the floor. You want to squeeze her tightly, and your blood rushes swiftly from within your powerful, and muscular body. You can't stop yourself. She's too beautiful to resist for long.

"I must finish my cleaning, sir," she tells you while totally faking her struggles. You can even see her giddily smiling, and you also hear her laughing periodically. "The mistress will have my head if I do not!"

"Cleaning, eh?" You furrow your brow at her, and that's when you make your way towards your golden trove of treasures. "I have something for you. Here, polish my spear."

She backs away from it, saying, "But it is huge! It could take me all night!" As expected, she then just cowers in front of it. You can tell that Smolder is quite cautious towards proceeding with this new task that you've just given to her.

"Plenty of time, my sweet. Plenty of time."

Act VII, Scene II

The two of you are now together in the royal kitchens of all places, but neither of you are even really all that sure as to what you're doing. Luckily, you're completely alone with Smolder, but you've been baking for far too long. Every now and again, however, you catch a stunning glance as she bends, and reaches for the mixing bowl.

She's always so active whenever she's around you. It is nice and steamy in there today, too, and the sweet, little dragon maid has worn her shortest skirt yet again. You make absolutely no complaints as far as her attire goes. She looks dazzlingly pretty in her pink apron as well. "My goodness, that's quite a loaf! But how ever shall it fit my oven?"

She turns to you, inching even closer. She rests her scaly head on your shoulder, and stares up at you with obvious need in her wide eyes. She blinks a few times, and as time passes, you also start to hear her as she keeps on breathing.

You feel tempted to bring her even closer towards you, but you must keep control of your sporadic impulses. At least, for now you must, so you smile kindly at her. "This loaf isn't ready for baking, my sweet. It has yet to rise."

She pouts, and brings the nail of her claw close towards her pursed lips. "If only we could hurry that along. How would I accomplish such a task?"

You've been at this for long enough, and as you lean against the nearby counter, you decide that it's beyond high time that you took a small break, and watched Smolder at work for a change.

"Oh, my foolish little dragon maid," you say with a shrug. She just looks in your direction with unsure eyes. "You must use your claws."

She gasps with a shocked expression. "You wish me to knead the loaf? Here?" She panics a little, and looks all around in fear. She's just too cute to you whenever she's behaving like this.

Your amusement knows no bounds today, so you tightly grab hold of her around the thighs, and you bring her that much closer. Your faces might as well be gracing one another by now. "Of course," you voice openly.

She shakes in your heroic, and mighty presence. "But what if the mistress catches me? Your loaf was meant to satisfy her appetite."

If only to calm her down, you wave your hand with a careless attitude. "Don't fret, my delicate flower." You then softly and fondly stroke her tense wings. "I'll satisfy the mistress's cravings later."

"Very well," she says back to you with a roll of the eyes. "But I'm afraid my oven isn't hot enough. It could take hours!"

Again, you smile all too happily as these words freely enter your ears. You simply tell her after biting your bottom lip passionately, "Plenty of time, my sweet. Plenty of time."