Quiver

by Velocipede

Rating: mature
Tags: Slice of Life, Human, Twilight Sparkle, Main 6, Original Character, Porn, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Sex
Length: 5800

The Council of Friendship is stressed out after a long meeting. Princess Twilight Sparkle knows just what they need: A giant bed, her human concubine, and an anatomy-altering spell.

Sequel-ness

If you want 4000 words of just talking, establishing the Princess Twilight x concubine relationship, read the prequel. Otherwise, you should be perfectly fine without it!

Longdesc

After becoming the Sovereign of Equestria and moving to Canterlot, Princess Twilight Sparkle really only sees her friends these days during meetings of the Council of Friendship. She can't help but be worried that all their time together is spent working and stressing out.

Luckily, she knows exactly what she and her friends need to both take the edge off and feel close to each other again: A giant bed, her human concubine, and an anatomy-altering spell.

Content

Overall: Six mares, of which between two and six have penises at any particular point in time. One woman with a vulva. Lots of smiles and cuddling and terrible jokes and kissing and eye contact and establishing consent and female orgasms and pony cum.

Part 1: Setup: Kissing, introducing the new person in your life you do all sorts of weird sex stuff with now, propositioning five of your best friends at once.
Part 2: Princess Twilight Sparkle of Equestria: Kissing; stepping on limbs with metal shoes; clit/marecock frotting; marecock going in and out of a vagina until ejaculation occurs; cuddling; offer of, establishing consent to, and repeated casting of temporary penis spell.
Part 3: Pinkie Pie: Kissing (on face), kissing (on body), kissing (on penis), blowjob, prolonged eye contact, hoofholding, pony cum with an unexpected taste, a conversation about dietary habits; cuddling.
Part 4: Rarijackdash: TBD, but definitely includes triple penetration
Part 5: Fluttershy: TBD
Part 6: Teardown

Published 2021-06-29 14:30:00 UTC
Last updated 2021-06-29 14:30:00 UTC

Part 1: Setup

On the command of her Sovereign, Princess Twilight Sparkle of Equestria, the human stepped into the Council Room, to the surprised looks of the assembled members of the Council of Friendship.

In front of the wide eyes of those colorful mares, the human could not help but feel a bit self-conscious, instinctively covering herself with an arm, as if that could hide the fact that she was wearing a dress. She felt naked without tubes of cloth encasing both her legs at all times, which was perfectly fine when it was just Twilight and her, but it was the first time most of their friends would have seen her like this. She gave a nervous smile and waved.

Pinkie smiled back and waved happily, as she usually did, but the rest of them seemed to be stuck in molasses, still wearing the same confused expressions they had shown when she first walked in the room. She understood. They all looked very tired and bedraggled, and from the scattered sheaves of reports and forms that were stacked high on the giant conference table they were sitting around, they had clearly been working themselves to the bone. It seemed to take them a few seconds to process things.

Then, Rainbow Dash blinked, and raised a wing in protest.

“What are you talking about Twilight? I thought that you were going to share with us something secret and awesome, but we already know who she is! Humans aren’t some sort of super-awesome Princess-level secret! Wait, are they?”

“No, Rainbow Dash,” Twilight laughed, a smile coming to her face despite the tiredness in her eyes. (Something the human brought out a lot in her, she happily noted.) “She isn’t the state secret! Our relationship is.”

At that, the human wrapped her arm around the seated Twilight’s withers, which were at the level that an average human woman’s shoulders would be in height, and kissed her warmly on the lips. They both turned to smile at the other five mares, who were looking at them with a mix of surprise and confusion.

“Girls, I know I introduced you all to her as our newest friend back when we all lived in Ponyville. But now, I would like to introduce her to you all as my concubine.“

This seemed to surprise and confuse them further, a mix of quizzical looks and frowns.

“Concubine?” asked Rarity with concern. “Darling, if this is your way of announcing your new relationship as marefriends together, I must say, this is quite the strange way to go about it.”

“Oh, we’re not marefriends,” Twilight corrected, as her concubine nodded silently in agreement. “I did mean what I said, and everything I said earlier.”

“Everything?” asked Fluttershy, her mouth half-hidden by the wings she drew in close to her face. “But you said that you wanted to introduce us to a new side of your life up here in Canterlot, one that might be hard for us to understand. Even if you two have a relationship that’s hard to define, it doesn’t really seem like something to be so nervous about.”

“Oh, I’ve been in relationships that were hard to define before, Fluttershy!” the human interjected with a laugh. “This is nothing like any of those! Why, one time—”

Her words stopped as she found her mouth full of Twilight’s wingfeathers. Twilight calmly spoke over her.

“You’ll see what I mean soon enough. You all will.” She sighed as she looked around the table, the mess of papers strewn all over it, and the tired eyes that looked back at her in return. “In truth, I’m worried about us, girls. All of us have our friendships with one another, but that’s different from what it’s like when all six of us are together. And before I became the Sovereign, all six of us being together meant getting our manes done together at the spa, or going on a grand adventure to save Equestria. Now what it means is that we’re sitting in this room, arguing with each other and working ourselves to death deep into the night! That’s not what I want us to feel like.``

Everyone frowned sorrowfully at this except for Pinkie.

“Well, don’t worry about that, Twilight!” she said dismissively. “It’s not like we’ve stopped having spa days together! In fact, we all get together to do it once every week, on Thursdays! All of us are there! Me, Rarity, Applejack, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, and… uh…” Pinkie frowned at the realization.

“That’s exactly it, Pinkie! You girls are still living the lives that we all once shared when we were all together in Ponyville! But even though I’ve only been in Canterlot for a few moons, my life is already way different from what it once was. In a lot of ways you couldn’t understand. And well... “ She smiled warmly at her concubine, who smiled back at her. “I thought that it would be nice for us to share in something really fun, to take a load off of all our stress.”

The rest of the mares looked at each other in confused silence as Twilight pressed a hidden button underneath her side of the massive table. With a mechanical groan, the much-hated massive conference table with all of its accursed forms and papers disappeared underneath the floor, replaced soon enough by an equally massive bed.

“Well, now that’s more like it!” Applejack said excitedly, as she crouched down in her throne for a leap. “Geronimo!” she yelled, cannonballing herself onto the bed’s surface before unfolding into a very relaxed-looking starfish. “A nice nap is just what we all need to take a load off after a long, hard day of work. Great idea, Twi!“

“Darling,” Rarity said, who stepped daintily onto the edge of the bed from her throne. “I do get the feeling that, er, that is not quite what she had in mind.“

Applejack looked up at her with a confused expression. “Now, what else could a giant bed be for if not a giant nap, Rares?”

Rarity frowned, and made the kind of Rarity noise that meant that she was not comfortable answering the question too directly. Thankfully, Twilight intervened.

“She’s right, Applejack.” Twilight’s voice had a tinge of apology in it. “I was hoping we’d do something a bit more active than napping.” She used a wing to brush the body of the human next to her, gently. “Like I said, she is my concubine, and I would like to share her with all of you.”

“Share her?” peeped out Fluttershy, her face in a confused frown. “What do you mean?”

“Well, you know!” Twilight grew visibly flustered pretty much instantly. “Uh, I just thought that it would be a nice way for all of us to destress! Using her!”

“‘Using’? What are you talking about, Twilight?” asked Rainbow Dash, not at all enlightened.

“I mean! Um, err…”

Twilight’s concubine brushed the alicorn’s neck with her hand, getting her attention. “Maybe it’s best to be direct?”

The alicorn was bright red, and hardly able to speak. “I can’t. They’re my friends.”

“They’re mine, too,” the human pointed out.

“But not in the same way! I mean, sort of not!”

Her concubine sighed, and gave her a warm peck on the cheek. “I’ll tell them, then. You get so cute when you’re flustered.”

She turned to address their friends, and was suddenly overwhelmed herself by all of their confused stares.

”She, uh,” she hesitated, finding it pretty difficult after all. “Ah, screw it. She wants you all to have sex with me on this bed.”

She winced at her own words as soon as she said them.

“I mean, uh, not all at the same time! Unless that’s what all five of you agree to do, which actually would be really cool and good and something I’d be extremely into. But, you know, it really is up to what each of you wants to do and are comfortable with, which definitely includes not wanting to at all! Just want to make that clear. No matter what, all of you really are our very best friends. It just sounds like adding this new dimension to our relationship would be really fun, again, if that’s something you’d be into.“

“I think they get it, babe,” Twilight whispered, cutting her off. She smiled sheepishly.

“Ah, sorry, I’m rambling! Don’t proposition five of my best friends every day, you know? So, uh, what do you guys all think?”

A tense silence stretched over the room, as Twilight and her concubine glanced at each other nervously. Thankfully, Pinkie broke it pretty fast.

“I think it sounds fun!” she exclaimed brightly. She then turned to face the others. “But, you know, I think most things sound fun, at least to try once! That shouldn’t make anypony here feel like they’re a prude or anything if they don’t think so! Not wanting to try something is just as valid, and nopony should ever feel pressured to say ‘yes’ out of fear that they’re bringing down somepony else’s fun.”

“Oh, of course!” Twilight insisted, horrified. “I mean, I actually agonized over a long time if I should propose this at all, in light of the power imbalance that now exists between us now that I’m the Sovereign!”

“Oh, Twi!” Rainbow Dash dismissed. “You might be the absolute monarch of Equestria now, but to us, you’re still that wingless bookworm we all met in Ponyville all those years ago! If any of us ever felt like we didn’t feel like doing something you asked, I’m sure none of us would have any problem saying ‘no’!” The pegasus rubbed the back of her neck with a wing, looking the human’s body up and down. “And, uh, I wouldn’t say ‘no’."

Rarity was whispering something in a frowning Applejack’s ear. “Yeah, I know,” she grumbled mutteringly. “But her?” Rarity then whispered something more intense, and Applejack sighed. “Yeah, I know, you’re right. I should try.” Then, to Twilight, at a normal volume: “Rarity and I are in.“

All eyes turned to Fluttershy now, who was covering nearly her entire face with her wings. All faces showed a bit of concern as they realized what kind of position they had placed her in.

She spoke up in a soft voice. “Um. I think I know what you’re all thinking now. And I know in the past I had trouble speaking up for myself in a lot of different situations. But I’ve grown over the years, haven’t I? I mean, it does make sense to want to check in with me especially though, and I am thankful you girls are thinking about that. I guess what I’m saying is that, well, I wouldn’t mind participating. I mean, more than that. I’m curious to try. I’ve always found animal reproduction so fascinating.“ She looked at the human and eeped. “I mean, I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to call you just an ‘animal’!”

The human laughed. “It’s okay, Fluttershy. It’s not like I wasn’t curious about how you ponies worked when I first came here. Though I thought I’d mostly learn about things through anatomy textbooks rather than, uh, firsthand experience.”

“Heh,” Twilight chuckled. ‘Firsthand is more like it!”

“Ugh.” Her concubine rolled her eyes and smiled. “I am rubbing off on you in the absolute worst way.”

“Rubbing off is—”

Twilight was interrupted with a kiss, as her concubine stopped her mouth with her lips. They held their kiss for a bit before breaking it off, then looked into each other’s eyes in silence for a few moments, soft smiles on their faces. Twilight sighed happily, then looked back out at her friends, beaming.

“Oh, girls, I’m so relieved! I mean, not that I would have been disappointed if any of you said ‘no’, but, you know! I’m just so excited!”

“But Princess!” her concubine interjected with a smile. “There is one more thing you wanted to propose to them, remember? The spell?”

“Oh, that’s right! That one’s really hard to explain.” Twilight cringed. So hard that her friends were looking at the both of them with confused expressions on their faces again.

“I think it’s better that we just show them,” her concubine pointed out, soothingly rubbing her muzzle.

Twilight’s cringe melted away, and agreed with a smile. “I think we should.”

Part 2: Princess Twilight Sparkle of Equestria

The human got up onto the bed, sitting up on her knees, and Twilight joined her, standing up on her hooves, so that their faces were level. She kissed her concubine deeply and passionately, using one of her wings to massage her familiar neck and her back, especially that one spot that had been bothering her off and on for years now ever since she reracked a weight wrong while doing squats in her friend’s garage gym. Shows her to not use a proper squat rack even one time, huh? Anyway. That spot, which felt very nice, both for the relief it brought and the softness of Twilight’s wingfeathers against it.

She kept her other wing open, but draped to block the sight of her body from her friends as she gently laid the human on her back in the bed, then used her aura to gently lift up the hem of her dress across her upper thighs, all the way up past her waist, glad that the human had adopted the ponies’ cultural practice of not wearing anything underneath dresses.

She used a wing to massage her now-exposed hips on the spots where the human’s cutie marks would have been if she had been a pony. Though there was a mark of sorts now, permanently drawn onto her skin with magic, identical on each side: A circle of brilliant gold, topped with a pink, six-pointed star.

Twilight smiled warmly at her concubine as she looked into her eyes. She removed the wing from in front of her body, to the gasps of her friends.

Sloping up gently from between Twilight’s thighs was the Gift of the Alicorn. A lovely curve of smooth, luscious flesh, of a deep violet considerably darker than that of her coat. On instinct, the human’s mouth watered at the sight of it. An excited frisson worked its way up her spine as the alicorn approached her body with her own, until they met at the crotch.

The base of Twilight’s marecock was now against her concubine’s lower lips, softly, oh so softly, pressing against her clit. Using her still-shoed, steel-shoed hooves, she pinned her concubine’s arms down to the bed, the metal biting gently into the human’s soft biceps, and yes, they were soft, because she’d become lazy about going to the gym even though it wasn’t like she was busy with anything else these days, but anyway. The Alicorn Princess craned her long neck forward to plant a deep kiss on the human’s mouth, driving the back of her head into the mattress. Keeping up this pressure, she began to rock her hips back and forth, sensually dragging the smooth surface of her marecock up and down and across her like a bow gliding across a set of violin strings. With each stroke, she took care to make sure that the swell of her median ring would nudge against her concubine’s clit, and took pleasure in the resulting soft whimpers.

After a bit of slow buildup, Twilight broke this kiss, and her concubine gasped sharply as she began to softly pant and take in air. Still rocking lovingly against her, Twilight gave her the warmest of smiles as her concubine felt her cheeks burning red. She stared into the alicorn’s eyes, falling in love with their brilliant violet for the millionth Celestia-damned time. Time itself seemed to slow as they held each other’s gaze, all dazed smiles. Twilight dragged her next backstroke out until time itself seemed to slow down to a crawl, and while still staring lovingly into her concubine’s eyes, entered her.

Twilight’s concubine lost herself in the sensation of being filled with the flesh of her Sovereign. The crowned head of the crowned head of Equestria, probing deep into her. Then out. Then in. Then out. Then in.

She rocked her hips slightly in time with each stroke, but had to be careful not to rock her hips too much, lest she overstimulate herself. She tried to focus on the tightness of her body against Twilight, tried to imagine how her contours felt to her. She could see that familiar crimson begin to build up on Twilight’s face as the alicorn continued to stroke.

They looked into each other’s eyes with mutual understanding. Though they could not see the faces of their friends, they could imagine their wide eyes, their shocked expressions, their delightful curiosity. And both Twilight and her concubine intended to deliver, both working now to summon what they needed to from within Twilight’s core. The pace of Twilight’s strokes quickened, along with the pace of her breathing, her eyes closing into lovely ovals to better feel the sensations of her concubine’s body. Her concubine then said those words that Twilight loved to hear.

Well, the first part wasn’t the part that Twilight loved to hear, but the rest was.

“Princess Twilight Sparkle-za de Step-on-Me,” the human said between her gasps and pants, packing as much reverence and worship into her airy whisper, which did not require any acting. “Please, use my body as is the divine right of a Sovereign over Her concubine. Till my unfamiliar and hardy soil, just like the adoption of the steel plow allowed for efficient tillage of the tough prairie of the Equestrian Midwest, starting an explosive growth in agricultural yield which allowed the government of the mid-Celestian era to expand its state capacity at a critical juncture in its economic development out of the mercantilist system—”

Twilight had heard enough. With a lustful groan, she pushed in one last plunge before tensing up her body tight and shuddering. Her concubine squeezed her inside of her, feeling the sensation of each throb, the delight of those ropes of warm liquid filling up her insides, coating her walls. Another shiver ran up her, but she kept holding on tight until the last of Twilight’s pumps had exhausted itself.

Unclenching, Twilight’s concubine felt that hard-to-describe but amazing sensation of her Sovereign sliding out of her, coated in a mixture of both their juices, which ran outside of her and onto the bed. Twilight, for her part, collapsed gently onto the soft body of her concubine, nestling the top of her head underneath her chin, her muzzle resting comfortably on her right breast. As she cooed and shuddered, her concubine began to run her fingers through her mane with a smile, unshoeing and squeezing her hoof firmly with her other hand.

At last, the human could look up to see the look on their friends’ faces, gauging their reaction to all they had just learned and seen. As expected, a mixture of surprise and confusion and fascination and lust, in differing proportions. She smiled.

For her part, the alicorn’s eyes were still closed. But Twilight gave one last, satisfied coo, imparting it with the air of finality. An extremely satisfied grin was plastered on her face as if permanently imprinted on it by magic. The magic of friendship. And orgasms.

“You see, girls? This is the kind of thing I’ve been doing up here. The experience that is just so hard to explain, I really couldn’t find a way without showing you! And as you can see”—Twilight let out a satisfied sigh as a late wave of pleasure conveniently washed through her—”all the stress I had up until a few minutes ago is just gone now! And I’m not just trying to demonstrate something here. I wanted to give you all the opportunity to enjoy it yourselves.”

Her friends all looked at each other in confusion. Rainbow Dash spoke up.

“What do you mean, Twilight? Watching you was really hot, sure, but I thought we already agreed to have sex with her?”

At that, Twilight opened her eyes to look at her friends. “Oh, but I’m offering more than just that! I wanted to give you the chance to specifically do what I just did! But you don’t have to do the exact same thing, of course. There are so many ways to use her body! And doing a variety of things would be better anyway for keeping things interesting.”

“Um Twi?“ Applejack diplomatically pointed a hoof at the mess of Twilight’s now-softened cock, still coated and dripping with her own cum. “It’s not like all of us here have one of those things.”

“Applejack!” Twilight laughed. “Who do you think I am? Not only did I spend a decade of my finite and limited young adulthood glued to books studying magic at the postgraduate level, but as the Alicorn Sovereign of Equestria, I am the most powerful magic user on the planet! Of course I could very easily cast a spell to make sure all five of you have what I have. Though it will only be temporary, unless one of you manages to make my concubine come so hard that you ascend into alicornhood!”

Twilight laughed her adorable, nasal little laugh at her own joke

“But, you know, only if you want to, of course.” Twilight chuckled, and lovingly patted her concubine with a wing. “And don’t worry about how she feels. She is really, really into the idea.”

“Yeah, I really, really am,” she admitted. “It’s absolutely crazy, how much I think about this. Like, to the point where I think I have a brain problem about it.”

Twilight beamed. “So, what do you say, girls?”

From them, she received a mixture of silent and voiced assents, curious and excited smiles. She smiled.

Twilight’s horn glowed, and the air crackled as she sent out a powerful magical zap from it. Then, another. Then, another. Then, another. Twilight and her concubine shared a grinning giggle with each other at the sight of her friends looking down at their transformed bodies in awe. The alicorn whispered some very encouraging words in the human’s ear that caused her to blush and tremble. Then, she spoke to her friends.

“So, who wants to go first?”

“Ooh, me!” Pinkie shouted, enthusiastically waving her hoof in the air. “Pick me!”

Part 3: Pinkie Pie

Pinkie Pie bounded forward in her characteristic bounce, which caused the bed to shake with each landing, drawing even more attention to the sight of her erection flopping as she went

“Hey there!” she greeted the human with her typical manic grin. Her face was, if anything, uncomfortably close to hers.

“Uh, hey!” the human greeted back, smiling awkwardly.

“Oh, sorry! Got a little too close, though, didn’t I?” Pinkie asked rhetorically, backing away. “Um, how should I have done that? Like this?” She extended a hoof to her as if proposing a hoofshake, then shook her head. “No, wait, that’s too formal. Oh, I know! A kiss, right?”

“Yeah!” the human agreed, a sheepish smile on her face. “Starting with a kiss does sound nice.”

“Oh, great!” Pinkie agreed, the happiest of smiles on her face. “Because I like to start having sex with a kiss, too!”

“Small world, huh?” The human broke out into a grin as well, unable to help herself in the face of Pinkie’s infectiousness. “But what kind of kiss?”

“Oh, there’s so many kinds out there! Just like there are so many kinds of cupcakes, I don’t know how I could choose! Bad analogy, though, because I just end up choosing all of them. Or good analogy? But still!”

The human smiled. “Then let’s start with a soft one.”

She pressed her lips gently against Pinkie’s, just enough for her lips to make suction against hers before breaking off with a little pop. She looked into the blue of Pinkie’s eyes, who looked into hers in return. She giggled a low giggle, and Pinkie mirrored her, before she went in for another kiss. Longer this time, just a touch firmer, enough to feel the vacuum in the space between their mouths tug at them just a bit before parting. Enough to feel the softness of those lips against her own.

“Wow, I really like the way you kiss.”

“You’re not so bad yourself, Pinkie.” She smiled, and took the pink pony’s hoof in her hand and held it, squeezing it gently. Holding hoof, she kissed Pinkie again, a fairly deep one this time, lasting long enough to feel the contours of its natural ebb and flow, which she accentuated by the pressure she placed on the hoof that she was squeezing.

When the kiss finally broke, Pinkie let out a little gasp as Twilight’s concubine went for her neck next, planting a firm kiss on the spot right underneath her jaw. Then, further down her neck to the point where it met her collar, planting a little belt of kisses around her throat like a decorating necklace. Then, further down her barrel, feeling the softness of Pinkie’s undercoat brushing against her face as she traveled, her hand still holding on to the earthpony’s hoof. Her two hands, since her other hand was now holding on to her other hoof, as her face continued its downward journey. Until she was planting loving kisses on that adorable pony belly, bulging round and full as a consequence of Pinkie’s sitting position. She could already feel the presence of something beautiful just below her. Letting go of Pinkie’s hoof, she wrapped the fingers of her right hand gently around Pinkie’s shaft, and began to brush the tip of her marecock up and down the softness of her own throat as she continued to plant kisses on her belly.

She smiled at the sound of Pinkie’s giggles and looked up, locking eyes with those clear pools of sky-blue, feeling the radiance of that warm and open smile underneath them. Not breaking eye contact, she moved her face off of Pinkie’s belly and guided her marecock to her lips with her fingers. After a lusty inhale of the faint sheen of musk on its shimmering skin, she kissed the tip lovingly, pressing the softness of her lips against the flat, round surface. Then, she wrapped her lips around the head, forming a seal around the perimeter ring, imagining the flesh that ring constrained expanding beautifully into a signal that her imminent reward was to come.

As she began to bob her head up and down, she also started working the remaining length of Pinkie that was not in her mouth with her right hand, using the saliva drooling down from her mouth as lubricant. With her left, she held on to Pinkie’s hoof, using her thumb to draw intimate little circles on the surface of her frog. With her eyes, she made sure that her gaze stayed locked on Pinkie’s own, even as she slowly ramped up the intensity of her movements, working her shaft harder and harder with her hand, lips, and tongue.

She reveled in the slickness of her flesh as she slid in and out of her lips. How the taste and texture of her changed depending on which part of her tongue she was focusing on. How she felt the cavity of her mouth fill and unfill. But above all, she loved that simple, open, uncharacteristically silent smile that Pinkie was giving her from above. That steady happiness in those eyes, which kept tempting her to break into a smile and a laugh of her own, even as she worked. But at last, at long last, it had begun. She could see that Pinkie was trying to keep her eyes open, but could not stop herself from closing them for longer and longer periods as the human’s work reached its fevered crescendo. Pinkie’s wide, happy, smile got even wider and happier somehow, against all logical sense, matching the pleasant flaring of her cock. At this, the human did smile, happily and goofily, as Pinkie began to throb and pulse in her mouth. The body of the pink party planner pony shuddered pleasantly with each rope of pony cum that she produced, painting the human’s palate with her pearly product.

The human was puzzled. The taste and texture were not quite what she had expected from pony cum. It was sweeter. A good deal sweeter, actually. Not to mention the consistency, which reminded her of, well, cupcake icing. As she swallowed, and felt the bolus of pony cum make its way down her throat, she confirmed that she was not imagining things.

“Um, Pinkie?” she asked worriedly, lifting her face up from between Pinkie’s thighs.

The pink pony smiled at her softly through the haze of her orgasm. “?” she asked.

“Just, uh, how many of those cupcakes do you eat a day?”

Pinkie blinked, and pondered that for a second. “I don’t know!” she said. “Seven?”

“Really?” The human pressed “X” to doubt. “Are you sure about that?”

The pony gave her a lazy pony shrug, a lazy smile still wide on her face. “I never really thought about counting it!”

“Well, um, Pinkie. Why don’t you walk me through a typical day for you? And we can see how many cupcakes you eat on average?”

Pinkie giggled at her. “This is the weirdest pillow talk I sure ever had, but sure! Let’s see. I’m usually pretty hungry when I get up, so I usually start the day with a little something to eat. Usually whatever I left on the end table from my midnight snack the night before, so there’s a few cupcakes right there! And after I scarf those down, I get myself right out of bed!”

“To go to work?”

“Oh, not that, silly! To go to the kitchen. I have to eat breakfast first!”

“Ah, even though you--” The human interrupted herself, knowing it was better to not try to point it out. “Okay, sure. Breakfast. And breakfast usually is…”

“Cupcakes, duh!” Pinkie rolled her eyes as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. “There’s nothing in the world more perfect for a breakfast than cupcakes! So I usually eat, like, three or four cupcakes for breakfast. Then I go to work.”

“Right. And since you live above the Sugarcube Corner, your commute is pretty quick, right? No exercise or anything?”

“That’s right! Good thing, too, because the mornings are always the most hectic, with all the batches of cupcakes I have to make! And you know what I have to do at the end of each batch to make sure that it’s good enough for our customers?”

“Is it…” The human sighed, already knowing the answer. “Is it ‘eat one of them’?”

“Yepperoonie!” Pinkie confirmed cheerily. “So, you know, with an average of six batches of cupcakes an hour, a full workday means I end up eating, like, thirty cupcakes! Oh, and there’s also the lunch break in the middle!”

“And what do you usually have for lunch, Pinkie?”

“Well, we are a bakery, so I just end up eating whatever of the many products we make that morning that we have the most leftovers of. Which is always cupcakes, because we, like, always make a lot more cupcakes than we end up selling for some reason!”

Pinkie laughed uproariously at this. The human did not.

“So then you have the rest of your day, right?”

“That’s right! You know, with all the wacky and fun and super random Pinkie Pie adventures I get up to every day, there really isn’t anything about it that’s ‘typical’ for me.“ Pinkie made air quotes with her hooves, in her adorable way. “Oh, except that I probably end up eating a few cupcakes here and there. That’s something I end up doing pretty much every day, no matter what weird thing I end up doing or what context I’m in, now that I think about it!”

“Right. And then you go home at the end of the day.”

“That’s right! No more cupcakes after that!” She blinked. “Oh, yeah! Almost forgot! Then I usually take a midnight snack to bed with me to munch on until I lose consciousness. However many cupcakes I eat at that point just depends on how long it takes for me to fall asleep. So that’s probably ten or twelve more cupcakes on average, right there.” Pinkie pondered this for a moment. “Huh. I guess ‘seven’ was a little low, now that I’m thinking about it!”

“Yeah,” the human agreed, frowning.

“Well, learn something new about yourself every day!” Pinkie’s tone was as cheery as it always was. “Say, why were you even asking about this in the first place?”

“Well, here.” She crawled her body forward on the bed until her face was up to Pinkie’s. “I still have some of you on my chin. Maybe it’s better for you to taste it yourself.”

She offered up her chin, and Pinkie licked herself off it with a single smooth motion of her tongue. She swished it around in her mouth with a look of contemplation, as if taking notes on the flavor.

“Hmm, yeah! I totally recognize this! It’s the breezy nectar base that we’ve been making all of our cupcake frosting with. Huh!“ Pinkie gave her a puzzled look. “Is that what’s made you all worried?”

“Um, yeah, I’m worried! Like, are you sure you’re not, like, diabetic?”

Pinkie looked at her with a confused expression on her face. “‘Diabetic’? Is that another one of those weird human words that you’re going to have to explain to me? Because, you know, we’ve already had sex!”

The human frowned. “No, I mean, like… Are you not surprised by this?”

Pinkie blinked. “About what?”

“You know, like, what you taste like?”

“Why should I be? That’s what I always taste like!”

With that, the human was enlightened.

“So that’s normal?”

“Duh! As we’ve just established, I eat a lot of cupcakes.”

Pinkie laughed, and this time, the human joined her in her laughter. Come to think of it, it was pretty funny.

She settled into a nice warm cuddle and lazy makeout with the pink pastel pony for a length of time that seemed to stretch on forever, but was probably not more than a few minutes. Then, Pinkie spoke.

“This is really nice, but I think there’s somepony next in line. Well, two someponies!”

The human looked up to see Applejack and Rarity standing on the bed above them both, holding hooves and giving her the most curious of expressions.

She smiled.