Guess Who's Back

by Spazz Kid

Rating: teen
Tags: Dark, Alternate Universe, Princess Luna, Comedy, Profanity, Random, Princess Celestia, Sex, Human, Main 6, Anon, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 1023

Anon has returned. No one is happy about this.

Anon has returned.

No one is happy about this.

Sex tag for sexual humor.

Published 2021-09-21 20:10:00 UTC
Last updated 2021-09-21 20:10:00 UTC

Feel's a lil' empty without me

Today was a normal day.

Twilight and the gang had literally just been saved by Starlight from the Changlings, who then repented from their sins or something, so yeah, everything was going pretty cool, ngl.

Starlight had decided to peace out, and hang with Trixie for the day, and the Mane 6 were vibing in the throne room, and talking about random shit, most likely about what had literally just transpired, when Spike started gagging.

"Hm, I guess Celestia knows about the situation already." Twilight said as a scroll shot out of Spike's mouth. She took it in her magic. She read out loud;

"Twilight, I know you and the girls have just settled down after yesterday's events, but you're all needed in the castle.

Sincerely,
Celestia"

"Dammit, what could she need now??" Rainbow Dash exclaimed, deeply annoyed.

"I don't know, but we should probably head out." Twilight said, poofing the scroll away with her magic.

"God-fucking-dammit horse, I'm not sure how the hell how I got here the first time, how do you expect me to be able to tell how I did it this time?" An angry green creature yelled at Celestia from the other side of the bars in his cell. Luna was next to her looking extremely tired, and extremely bored. They were all in the dungeon.

"First off, I'm not a horse, I am a pony-" Celestia began.

"Yeah, keep telling yourself that, fatass." Anon muttered loudly. Celestia chose to ignore him, and Luna exhaled sharply through her nostrils.

"- and secondly, it's hard for you coming back to be a coincidence, seeing as you appeared in the same place as last time." Celestia's brow furrowed as she finished.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever..." Anon said, walking over to the small bed in the corner.

The door to the dungeon opened, and in came Twilight and Co.

Immediately, Twilight noticed Anon, and she gasped angrily.

"Anon!" She snarled through gritted teeth.

"Oh yeah, you exist." Anon voiced. "The fuck was your name again? I can't remember, ten years go by insanely fast."

"T-ten years? Are you moronic?" Rarity exclaimed suddenly. "It's only been 2 months!"

"Well, listen here, you little cum colored fabric fucker-" Anon stood up quickly, and power walked to the bars of the cell. He glared at rarity with his non-existent eyes. "Maybe time works differently in my universe. Now-" He looked at Celestia, who looked to be on the edge of magically yeeting him out of existence, before continuing. "- Tell how long I have to be here. I have a pregnant wife to take care of!"

"You? Wife?" Rainbow snorts. "If you have a wife, then Applejack has bodies in her cellar!" She looked at Applejack, seeing if she can tell if Anon is lying or not. "Right, AJ?"

"He's..." Applejack stared at Anon with a bored expression."... he's telling the truth."

The grin on Dash's face was gone. "Wait, then that means..."

"Will you two shut the fuck up?" Anon yelled at them, before looking at Celestia expectantly. "Well? How long?"

Celestia sighed with her eyes closed, trying to regain her composure, before opened her eyes again, and looking at Anon with a blank expression. "Why should I tell you?"

"YOU FU-!" Anon almost exploded at Celestia, before coughing, and trying again. "I mean, aren't you, like, a kind and just ruler, or something?? Aren't you fair to anyone no matter what they did? I'm sure there's been worse done to... what the fuck is this place called again??"

"Equestria." Twilight answered, staring at Anon with a... less hostile expression than before.

"Thanks, crackhorse." Anon nodded at her, before turning back to Celestia.

Celestia sighed again with a defeated expression. "10 years..."

"WHAT!?" Everyone else but Luna shouted, mainly because she wasn't paying attention.

"C"mon! You've gotta be pulling my leg here!" Anon shouted.

"No. I'm not... Unfortunately." Celestia grumbled.

"What the hell did I even do to deserve this?"Anon collapsed to his knees.

"You caused the most catastrophic mass-pregnancy event Equestria has ever seen!" Twilight exclaimed.

"And that's bad because...?" Anon glared at Twilight.

"Because! Overpopulation!" Twilight glared back at him, even harder.

Anon sighed. "Okay? And that's my problem, how??"

"You freaking caused it!" Dash butted in, seemingly having snapped out of whatever weird mental state she was in.

That shut Anon up, mainly because he probably didn't have anything to counter that.
Yeah, he realized it was his fault, but was he willing to admit that?
Fuck no!

...

Actually, yeah he was.

"Okay, fine! But how is this problem that can be solved?" Anon asked, before quickly answering his own question. "Oh! I know! Abortion!"

Mostly everyone in the room gasped, except Dash and Luna. The next 20 seconds consisted of all the ponies (excluding those aforementioned) arguing with Anon, really loudly mind you, about how that's an awful thing to do, yada yada yada.

"QUIET!" Luna shouted, before rubbing her temple with her hoof. Everyone turned to face her as she walked towards the door. "I swear, all of you, so sensitive." She exited the dungeon.

Anon snorted, "I forgot why I liked her so much..." He said quietly.

"Anon." Celestia said, getting everyone's attention. "While I do agree there isn't much that we could do to solve this problem.."

"Gotta say, my idea could work.." Anon muttered quietly.

Celestia continued, ignoring him, ".. I do know what we can do with you as you wait to get home."

"Yes?" Anon raised a brow.

"You can sit in this cell until you go home." Celestia said blankly, before turning around.

"Wha-WHAT?" Anon exclaimed loudly.

Celestia was holding the door open as everyone was filing out. She was about to walk out, but she looked at Anon before she did. "It's either that, or constant community service. Or choice." She exited before Anon could say anything else.

And thus begins the 10 - year sentence of Anon, full name Anonymous F. Aggot.
Will he ever get out alive?
Yes; for bathroom breaks of course.

Does he ever get home?

Eh, probably not.