Do you remember those days?
Deep down, there is a part of me earnestly hoping that you do.
When the crown did not dictate our lives; when politics was something we only ever heard mother speak of, and hardly ever to us; when appearances meant little; when our largest anxieties hinged upon examinations, essays, and the marks we received; when we pranced about the garden, playing make-believe as we dreamt of the future to come; when we sang to the animals of both the day and night, pleasing ourselves with their looks of amazement and satisfaction; when we would sneak about the kitchens, hoping to secure sweets denied to us after dinner; when we stayed up far too long, reading gripping novels that we spoke of for days upon weeks afterwards...
...When we were much, much younger.
My mind sometimes finds itself pondering the question of what you think of on nights like tonight. I retain a distant hope that perhaps you do not think ill of me, but I also similarly retain a hold upon reality which tells me that this is unlikely. It is not as though I do not deserve it; the scorn, the shame, and all the guilt that accompanies it; but still does that far-off hope persist, longing, yearning to hear you say that you will forgive me.
By the time my pen will have written these words, it will officially be the first day of summer. A celebration is being held in Canterlot, and all across Equestria--one which has persisted all throughout the night thus far. Each and every pony I have crossed paths with throughout the day has been in a cheerful mood, and I have done my very best to match. Many ponies have congratulated me, even thanked me, for my service and leadership as their princess. It is not that I am ungrateful for the thanks, the cheer, and the attention, but alas… it feels so misplaced.
For long have I wondered what life might have been like had I not made the error I did that night, fifty years ago now. I have wondered what thanks, cheer, and attention ponies might have given to you--all of which you would have deserved in their entirety. I have wondered how many times I would have been amused by the sight of your decidedly unamused waking face, or how many times I would have delighted myself to see your accomplishments. I have wondered how many laughs we have missed, how many stories will never be told, how many embraces we will never share…
...Do forgive the tear that has stained the page.
Perhaps it is not prudent of me to lock myself away in my chambers on a night that is meant to be my own; however, I must also admit that it is similarly not prudent of me to celebrate myself when I carry the knowledge that it was that very act which condemned you to a thousand years of exile. I have lied to myself before, attempting to reason that banishing you was the only way I could have saved Equestria… the only way I could have saved you; but it is but a lie, and lies only incur debt to the truth which watches over us all, whether it be with a smile, or a sneer.
We first heard that from Star-Swirl; do you remember that? I am almost certain that you do; it was the first time we were ever caught in the act of academic dishonesty. I thought I was doomed to never be the great princess our mother was, such was the guilt I felt then… were it not for your consoling, I do not know that I would have been able to recover in time for the other examination we took later in the week. I was always such a worrier, and I suppose I still am. You were always the one who could keep your head about you when everything was going wrong; I am certainly learning, but am nowhere close to where you were...
Where you are.
Oh Luna… how I wish I could say this to you now, and how I wish you could hear me… How I wish I could apologize to you for everything that went wrong, for the selfishness I exhibited… How I wish I could set down the weight of guilt and shame I carry so persistently upon my shoulders, and set you free from the prison you never deserved… From the fate that you never asked for…
But I cannot undo those mistakes. They have been etched into the pages of history in ink that can never be erased, and that should never be forgotten. It will stand for all time, and I will have to learn to live with it… but even this is a punishment far too lenient for my error.
But, inappropriate in this moment though it may be… because I cannot say this to you yet, I will write it down now, earnestly waiting for the day I can have your ear once again.
I would like to thank you, Luna.
For the days of our youths, and the joy you brought me. For the time when we shared the crown, and the comfort you rendered me. Most importantly of all, for the days I have now, and the lessons you have taught me. I know not who I would have been without you, Luna; all I know is that I would not be the same. The path that lies before me is fraught with peril, difficulty, challenge, and suffering; but I know that I will survive it. I will lead Equestria as I know you would want me to, and I will keep her safe. I do not say this unafraid, but as you were so fond of saying, fear is a reaction: courage is a response.
And so, with resolution and determination... I will have courage.
I pray that you will, too.
