The Life of a Modern Man in an Unusual World

by UmbraScriptor

Rating: mature
Tags: Profanity, Violence, Princess Celestia, Death, Human, Main 6, Princess Luna, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Adventure
Length: 10529

A human, a career anthropologist and without much motivation to see the world beyond his office, is plunged into a world where humans are feral and sold to the highest bidder. With only his wit, this man must find his way in this strange world.

Kyle Williams, a career anthropologist and book worm, is handed an artifact of peculiar design. Upon closer inspection, Williams is transported to a world of candy colored equines. A world where humans exist, but not to the same level modern humans do. In fact, these feral humans seem to be a commodity! With only his wits, his logical thinking and what friends he can find Kyle must find a way home, if one even exists in this strange and fantastical place.

Published 2021-06-22 07:30:00 UTC
Last updated 2021-11-16 10:43:55 UTC

A Rude Awakening

Kyle woke with a start, kicked awake by a sudden bump that sent him into the air. He opened his eyes and immediately shut them again as a blinding headache split his skull, fracturing his ability to think clearly. After a moment he just rubbed his temples and rested his head on the wooden floor, feeling fatigued all of a sudden.

Wait, a wooden floor…

Kyle’s eyes shot open again and this time he took in his surroundings. He was resting on a wooden floor covered lightly in hay. He looked over and saw a wooden wall facing him. He followed it to the corner, where it met with steel bars that came down from the ceiling to the floor. Then it dawned on him; he was in a cell. He turned and peered through the bars that made up the door. The only light came from a few candles swinging from the ceiling, giving the room a haunting appearance. Another row of cells sat opposite of his own, and the two rows of cells seemed to make up the whole of the room they were in. A sudden bump from the floor broke his focus. Then he noticed the faint sound of steel grinding against steel. He looked for a window, but found none nearby. It was like the cells were all in some sort of box. Kyle glanced in one of the occupied cells and noticed a naked man sitting curled up on the floor. His appearance made Kyle look down and notice his own lack of modesty. He rubbed the back of his head as he tried to make sense of what happened to him. Just a moment ago he was in his office, examining an artifact that his assistant had brought him that looked suspiciously like-

A door opened somewhere down the row of cells and the steel screeching became unbearably loud for his pounding head. Then the noises faded out and a pair of voices came from that end. Kyle heard footsteps start down the rows, periodically stopping to hit the bars and startle the occupants. Kyle decided to grill whoever came by for whatever information he could get. As the footsteps approached his cell he opened his mouth to speak, but let it hang there as he saw what stood before him. It was a horse of some kind, a few hands shorter than himself, and an unnaturally bright yellow color. It’s mane was shorn short to a small ridge along it’s head and was an odd green. It stared back, seeming a little bored, as Kyle tried to make sense of what was in front of him.

Suddenly the horse smacked a bar against his cell and he jumped back, falling to the floor. The horse chuckled and made to move on. Instinctively, Kyle spoke up.

“Hey!”

The horse stopped dead and turned its head quickly to look at Kyle, it’s eyes wide and clearly surprised. It tapped the bar against the cell and spoke, it’s voice gravely and deep.

“What’d you say?”

“I said ‘hey,’” Kyle said simply. “What you did was rather rude.”

The horse opened its mouth, shut it, then called down the row, “Swift! Get your flank over here!”

Another horse trotted over, this one a light blue with a long yellow mane. It also had long eyelashes and… Kyle had to stare to make sure he was seeing it correctly. This horse had wings on its sides. Beneath one of its wings he saw an odd symbol that looked like a star with a streak of white running behind it sitting on the horse’s backside. He looked at the yellow horse and saw it too had a symbol on its backside. The yellow one’s mark appeared to be a badly painted image of a club striking a skull.

The light blue horse looked in the cell. “This one giving you trouble, C.C.?”

“Don’t call me that!” The other pony said quickly.

“Sorry, ‘Cudgel.’ So then what’s the problem?”

“This one just spoke to me. Like in straight Equestrian.”

The horse called Swift giggled lightly. “C’mon, you know these things can’t talk. They’re barely any good for combat practice.”

Cudgel turned to Kyle, “You! Talk to her and prove what I said.”

Kyle, who had been confused by the exchange, spoke absently. “Um, what did you want me to say?”

Swift’s smile dropped. She peered into the cell and stared at Kyle. She spoke after a moment of silence. “Who taught you to speak, boy?”

Kyle wasn’t sure he enjoyed being called ‘boy’ by a talking horse, but he decided to not press the issue. “What do you mean? I could always talk.”

Swift turned to Cudgel. “Go get Rusty. He’s gonna wanna see this for himself.”

Cudgel nodded and ran to the door further down the room. Swift turned and smiled politely at Kyle. “Could you stand for me, boy?”

“If you stop calling me boy...” Kyle sighed.

Swift giggled and nodded. “Sure, no problem.”

Kyle stood, causing the horse to look up at him now. She looked him over with a careful eye, muttering to herself as she worked her way down the front of his body. Kyle just waited patiently for her to finish her inspection.

“Turn.”

“What?” Kyle asked.

“Turn around for me.” Swift said patiently.

Kyle complied and turned around, facing the wooden wall. After a moment of quiet muttering she spoke again, “Turn.”

Kyle turned to the horse, who smiled up at him. “You’re in pretty good condition for new merchandise.”

“Merchandise?” Kyle asked, confused.

Swift nodded. “Yes, merchandise. We were going to sell you to the Griffins for a tidy profit, but you may have changed things a little.”

Kyle blinked once, now completely confused. “Wait, so you were going to make me a slave?”

“If you were lucky,” Swift said calmly. “Only good workers are made slaves there. The rest are, well… they are predators, after all.”

Kyle’s eyes widened. “And you’re willing to do this to innocent people?”

Swift shrugged. “Your kind is usually too dumb to realise what’s happening. Most of them sleep through it all until we sell them. You’re a special exception.”

“How am I an exception? Humans are very intelligent, as a matter of fact.”

Swift giggled again. “Yeah, and I’m the Queen of Everfree. Look, boy, your kind are beyond mindless. All they do is eat, breed and sleep until they roll over and die. Unless we catch them and give them a purpose, that is.”

“Some purpose...” Kyle grumbled.

Swift’s smile faded. “Hey, it’s the nature of business. We fill a need.”

Kyle glared at her. “Do all horses think themselves so above common morality?”

She made an indignant face. “First of all, I’m a pony, not a horse like those saddle-baggers.”

“Apologies.” Kyle said sarcastically.

“Second, we have permission from the Princess herself to do this. She sees the potential in this business. So we don’t need morality.”

“Ah, so a ‘pony’ who lives in a monarchy believes herself above the morally just, does she?”

Swift glared at Kyle, clearly upset. “Hey, I didn’t want to do this. I didn’t have much choice in the matter.”

“There’s always a choice.”

“You don’t know anything!” Swift said, nearly shouting. The door opened and she turned quickly to see who came through. Then she turned to Kyle. “Watch your tongue, boy. Rusty is not a pony you want to mess with.”

Kyle said nothing as she stepped aside and a new pony came over with Cudgel by his side. This pony was a deep orange with a slicked back black mane. He had some grey around his muzzle and he walked with a slight limp. He smiled calmly, looking Kyle over before turning to Cudgel. “This is him?”

“Yes, Mr. Coin. This is the one that talks.”

Mr. Coin looked Kyle in the eye. “Care to prove my associate’s story?”

Kyle shrugged but said nothing. Mr. Coin nodded and turned to Swift. “Can you at least vouch for Cudgel?”

Swift nodded. “I was here for it, Mr. Coin. He speaks quite well for a human.”

“And the results of your inspection?”

“Healthy, fit, only a little bruised and cleaner than the others. He’s definitely different.”

Mr. Coin turned back to Kyle. “I guess the Saddle Arabians left his discovery out of the registry. Boy, would you grace me with but a single word?”

Kyle sighed quietly, “Fine.”

Mr. Coin’s smile widened significantly, his eyes lighting up. “My, my, you’ve certainly changed things for us, my boy.”

“Kyle.” Kyle said simply.

“Excuse me?”

“My name is not ‘boy.’ It’s Kyle.”

Mr. Coin nodded. “Very well, Kyle. I am Rusted Coin, and it’s my great pleasure to make your acquaintance.” He turned to Cudgel and Swift before Kyle could respond. “Come. We need to get Wicker to send a letter to Canterlot. Swift, you stay here and keep an eye on him.”

The two nodded and Cudgel followed Rusted Coin out of the room. Swift grabbed a small stool from the corner and set it in front of his cell. She sat herself down as Kyle made himself comfortable by the wooden wall. They sat in silence for a time before Kyle spoke, “Miss Swift?”

Her ears perked up. “Hm?”

“You mentioned you didn’t want to be in this line of work. I was curious what pushed you into it.”

Swift’s eyes narrowed. “What do you care?”

“Well, we do have some time to kill. I just thought I would ask.”

She sighed and shifted on her stool. “I was a studying doctor at the capitol before the saddle-bags found the first of your kind on their borders. After that, there was a need for medical professionals to help study them and learn about them.” She stared at a section of wall beside Kyle’s head. “I saw it as an opportunity to learn about a whole new species before anyone else could. I thought I would be doing something worthwhile.”

“So what drove you here?”

Swift focused back on Kyle. “The saddle-baggers decided your kind was worth more as a commodity than as a specimen of science. They started selling you as meat and slaves to the Griffins for a good profit. The Princess tried to oppose this, but she found there were less scrupulous ponies running humans through Equestria to the Griffin Kingdom.”

“Equestria?”

“Our homeland. The Kingdom of the Royal Sisters, as the Griffins call it, and Ponyia to the Saddle Arabians.”

Kyle nodded. “So what did your princess do about the human smugglers?”

“At first she cracked down on them. The royal guards and local cops did whatever they could to stop them and return the humans back to their home. But soon it became too difficult. They got smarter and more devious, and after some pressure from Griffin and Saddle Arabian emissaries, she was forced to relent.” Swift took a deep breath. “After that, funding for human studies plummeted. I was kicked from the university where our lab was based, and forced to find work with these… degenerates.”

Kyle nodded. “I’m sorry for what happened.”

Swift smiled sadly. “Yeah. I try to make the best of it, but I miss my friends from the lab. My family hasn’t spoken to me much since I started doing this. We’re not exactly known for being caring and generous ponies.”

Kyle looked at the floor. “These Griffons, do they honestly eat us?”

Swift nodded. “Predators are predators, and to them your kind is just another source of meat. From what I hear they at least kill you first. Quick and painless if our customers are to be believed.”

“What about these, what did you call them? ‘Saddle-baggers?’”

Swift chuckled and leaned forward on her stool. “Saddle Arabians, though saddle-baggers is another term for them. They’re worse than the Griffons in my opinion. Humans in their home provinces have a low life expectancy. Gets lower the farther away you get from the border. Human slaves are used for manual labor and other dangerous work. Death there is slow with little food, no housing, and no one to help you.”

Kyle sighed and laid back on the floor just in time for another bump to rock the rail car he was in. “Neither place sounds promising, quite frankly.”

Swift shrugged. “Knowing Mr. Coin, you’ll probably be sold in Equestria. We usually reserve our best stock for them.”

Kyle scoffed at the term stock, as if he was some animal. Though here he supposed he was one. “What are my prospects like in Equestria, then?”

“Depends who you get,” Swift said bluntly. “Some mining companies use humans for dangerous work. The guards use them like watch dogs and replaceable training dummies. Private citizens use your kind for a number of different tasks. I know one mare who taught her human to read and respond to complex commands.”

Kyle chuckled morbidly. “Not much chance she’s in the market for a new slave, is there?”

Swift shrugged, smiling. “Wouldn’t know. If not we can just take you out into a nice, big field and put you out of your misery.”

“I’d almost welcome that.” Kyle said, letting his dark humor pass on from him as he curled his legs into his chest and wrapped his arms around them. He sighed into them and stared at the floor. “I guess there’s nothing to do now but wait this out and face what morbid fate life has for me.”

Swift cocked her head a bit as she stared down at him. “You really are an outlier, Mr. Kyle. I hope and fear there are more humans like you.”

“Oh? And why’s that?” Kyle asked morosely.

“Well, I hope there are more like you so I can see what a human civilization would look like. There are some theories, but most believe your kind isn’t capable of that kind of advanced thinking. As for fear...” Swift paused for a moment. “If there are more like you, and are as intelligent as you seem to be, then I dread to think what they would do when they discovered how we treat your kind.”

“It would be a righteous fury the likes of which will shake the very core of the earth as all you have built crumbles and fades to dust.” Kyle grinned to himself, thinking how proud his english professor would be at that line. They had both shared a penchant for the dramatic in his student days. Swift seemed to miss the smile though, as her ears flattened and her eyes went wide in response.

Kyle glanced at a nearby cage, inspecting the sleeping human who lay there. Another male, though he was noticeably more emaciated. Splotches of visible dirt covered his body and his hair was long and mangled. Visible along the whole of his back was a tapestry of long cuts and deep purple bruises that made Kyle’s stomach churn. He could see in his mind’s eye the systematic and terrible abuse this man must have faced, the blood and pain accompanied by screams of agony.

“He won’t be as lucky as you.” Swift said, following Kyle’s gaze. “There’s too much damage to sell him in Equestria, and the Saddle Arabians clearly didn’t want him. I’d have to check the registry, but by the look of the type of punishments they gave him, he might be a little slow on the uptake. We’ll probably end up selling him to the Griffons with the rest of the slow ones.”

Kyle sighed quietly. He couldn’t help but pity the man. Intelligent or not, this was no way to treat any form of life. To be sentenced to almost certain death because you were caught in a trap or couldn’t run as fast as your friends? It all seemed rather unfair.

“So,” Kyle said absently, “What’ll happen when we reach our stop? Will I be carted out and paraded for a crowd of horses to ogle at?”

“Essentially yes.” Swift answered. “We’ll bind your neck and arms, walk you on to a small platform and they’ll bid on each of you. Highest bidder wins. But with you I don’t know what will happen. Either we’ll sell you like the rest or we may have a buyer already lined up. Though to be fair, I’m usually left on the train.”

Kyle prepared another question only to feel himself start to tip to one side. The screeching of metal on metal became even louder through the walls. They were beginning to stop. Kyle waited for the train to stop entirely before he stood. Swift moved her stool back to the corner and stood by his cage. There was a long pause of silence before the door at the end of the car opened again. Rusted Coin, Cudgel, and a pink horse with a brown mane and what looked like a horn protruding from it’s head entered the car and walked to his cage.

“Any problems, Swifty?” The pink horse asked in a candy sweet tone. Her posterior mark was of a quill scrawling across a piece of paper.

“No, no problems. He’s talkative, but otherwise seems harmless.”

“They always seem harmless.” The pink horse countered. “But there’s a reason we bind them up.”

“Yes, I remember. Anyway, it takes a little getting used to, but he’s inquisitive and receptive. He’s certainly not a normal human.”

Kyle just leaned back against the wall. The two went back and forth for a few more moments before Rusted Coin interrupted with a cough.

“My little mares, we have more important business to attend to. First, we need to prepare our Equestrian stock, and we need to prepare our little discovery here for transport to the castle. The Royal Sisters want an audience with me.”

The two huffed but went about their duties. Cudgel waited by the door to Kyle’s cell. The pink pony’s horn began to glow and a pair of metal handcuffs and a larger neck cuff were floated into the air in a yellow-ish aura. Kyle stared a little wide-eyed at what appeared to be magic to him. Cudgel opened the cage with a ring of keys and stepped inside the cage, following after the floating restraints.

“Nice and easy now,” the pink horse cooed, “no fighting, no screaming.”

Kyle calmly put his arms out and felt the cuffs clasp tightly around his wrists. Then the neck cuff came and closed uncomfortably tight around his neck, restricting his breathing somewhat. A chain was floated between the handcuffs and neck cuff, which wrapped through small holes in each piece and then came together under a clasp, which in turn forced his hands to sit roughly at chest height. It wasn’t the most comfortable way for his arms to sit, but he wasn’t in any position to complain. Cudgel moved behind him and gave him a none-to-subtle nudge towards the door. Kyle moved quietly as Mr. Coin turned and made his way toward the door. Kyle followed, with the pink horse and Cudgel following close behind. Kyle noticed as they walked that Mr. Coin, while still keeping his head held high, walked with a slight limp which seemed to originate from his back left leg. They made their way down the line to a metal door with a large latch on it which was soon encased in that yellow glow Kyle had seen earlier. The latch was released and the door swung open to a blindingly bright realm, or so it seemed to Kyle. He shielded his eyes, with some difficulty, and followed Mr. Coin into the light. As his eyes adjusted Kyle noticed they were stopped at a trainyard teeming with more horses, or ponies as Swift had mentioned, dressed in various attire with a working class theme. But not a modern working class theme. The style was a lot of bandanas and old style train uniforms, along with a smattering of aprons for the workers coming from the front of the train. As Kyle followed Mr. Coin off the train, Kyle looked down the train and saw the long line of train cars resting behind the car that Kyle had just stepped out of. Each one probably filled with more humans, Kyle thought to himself. The group made their way across the yard to a small station building. Kyle was kept outside with Cudgel while Mr. Coin and the pink mare made their way inside.

Kyle stood in silence for a moment before speaking, “So what’s your story, Cudgel?”

Kyle looked over his shoulder to see Cudgel silently watching him, only moving his eyes away to watch any other movement that appeared in his periphery for a brief moment before returning to Kyle. But Kyle was not dissuaded.

“Come on, Cudgel, we have such a good relationship.” Kyle started with a hint of sarcasm. “You smacked my cage and discovered I could talk, we have history. Don’t give me the silent treatment, tell me why you haul humans for a living.”

Cudgel remained a silent, uninterested statue. Kyle, for want of something to do, decided to try a different track.

“So, Cudgel, your name seems out of place. Swift and Mr. Coin’s names are not nearly as violent sounding. And your hindemark looks painted on compared to other ponies marks. I wonder why that is. Not to mention what Ms. Swift called you. C.C. was it? What could tha-”

Kyle felt something hard smack him in the back of his knee, and he felt his leg buckle under him. He caught himself on his injured knee, which burned with pain, and chuckled a little to himself.

“Ok, sensitive subject, understood. You could have just said so.” Kyle remarked as he hauled himself up back onto two legs. “I wonder how Mr. Coin would respond if he knew you were damaging merchandise.”

Cudgel remained silent behind him, and Kyle resolved to give up on getting the pony to talk. Which was good because Mr Coin and the pink mare emerged from the station building not long after his decision. The four of them walked to the front of the building and stood beside a dirt road to wait for... something, Kyle wasn’t sure what. He looked left then right down the road, noticing some thin wheel tracks in the dirt. They were too thin to be car wheels, and too thick to be bicycle wheels. Maybe carts, Kyle thought, perhaps we’re waiting for a cart. He stood quietly waiting when Mr. Coin turned to him.

“So tell me, Mr. Kyle,” Mr. Coin started, “What do you remember of your capture? Surely you must have been a difficult catch?”

Kyle shrugged. “I don’t remember being captured. I was, uh, looking at something and then I woke up in your train. That’s all I remember about being pulled into your stock.”

Mr. Coin rubbed his chin. “That is rather odd. Perhaps you were struck on the head and it awakened some unknown intelligence in you.”

“That’s doubtful,” Kyle remarked, “Latent intelligence would require the brain to already be absorbing that knowledge, just without the person being aware of it. If I was... isolated with my people, then I would never be able to speak plain English like the rest of you, no matter how hard I was struck.”

“English?” The pink mare asked, “Is that your word for Equestrian?”

Kyle sighed, mostly to himself. “I would suppose so. Where I’m from English is the third most spoken language. I guess here the language is Equestrian, though it sounds very similar, if not the same, to English.”

“Fascinating~” The pink mare cooed, “Do many humans speak this English? Actually, do many humans speak at all? All the ones we capture just grunt and scream.”

Kyle scratched his chin, which was awkward because the cuffs were heavy and restricted his wrist movement. “Um, I wouldn’t honestly know. I was living in different conditions than these humans. My people are a bit more developed, more civilized.”

Mr. Coin gave Kyle a look, one that he wasn’t sure he was too comfortable with. It was one of greed, of someone who smelled an opportunity on the winds and aimed to take advantage of it. The pink horse, for her part, didn’t seem to notice and cocked her head to one side.

“Well, that’s certainly surprising. Granted the Saddle Arabians haven’t explored too deeply into that region of the world, but I’d be shocked to learn of a civilized human town. Maybe a group of huts or a cave system, but not anything like what we have.”

Kyle resolved to stop talking on this subject. He didn’t trust these ponies and he didn’t want to endanger any other humans that might still be free. He simply shrugged and stared off into space. The group stood in silence for a moment before all three ponies looked up into the sky. Kyle followed their gaze to see a sight he wasn’t entirely prepared for. It was a chariot, a gold and white chariot, and it was flying. Not only was it flying, but it was being pulled by two white ponies, more muscular than the ponies Kyle was with at present and with wings like Swift’s, who were dressed in golden, shining armor. The chariot landed in front of the group and one of the ponies pulling it turned his head to face them.

“Mr. Rusted Coin?” The chariot pony asked, to which Mr. Coin nodded. “Come with us, please.”

Mr. Coin and the pink pony boarded the chariot and stood near the front as Kyle approached with Cudgel at his heels. Kyle stopped just at the back of the chariot and hesitated. It was a sizable chariot, but the fact it could fly unsettled him. He seemed to hesitate a little too long for Cudgel as the pony pushed him none-to-gently into the chariot. Once the group was situated, the ponies pulling the chariot pulled forward a few steps before the chariot lurched into the air. Kyle felt himself lose his balance but Cudgel helped him stabilize, though not without a scowl.

As the chariot flew through the air Kyle looked down below to watch the speed at which they traveled. It was fairly fast, maybe the speed of a high speed train, but the force of air resistance didn’t seem to pull nearly as hard as it would have back home. Not even on his hair, which was billowing in the wind. Whatever world he was in the laws of physics seemed to be a vast departure from what he was used to. Though to be fair, that should’ve been obvious since he was standing in a flying chariot being pulled by white stallions with wings accompanied by horses that could talk. Still, Kyle wished he had his lab equipment along with a few interns to study this world, maybe learn the significant differences between his world and this one.

The ride was a silent one, for the most part. None of the three ponies accompanying Kyle seemed even a little bothered by the flight save the pink pony who watched with wonder at the passing scenery below. As they passed through a low hanging cloud it occurred to Kyle to actually look where the chariot was going. He looked in the direction the white ponies were pulling the chariot and saw a towering castle off in the distance. At its base and traveling down the softer side of the cliff it was perched on was a white city, bustling with activity. From his drastically higher position Kyle could see multiple colors of horses moving about below. Some looked up at the passing chariot, most just went about their day undisturbed. Mingled among the horses, very sporadically and few in number, were humans dressed in varying but clearly well maintained attire and clearly well groomed. They were accompanied by ponies in much more high-class attire. Most of the humans were on some form of leash, either with a collar and rope or wrapped around the waist. Some, though, walked freely, but they didn’t hold their heads as high. In fact most of the humans didn’t hold their heads high at all.

Kyle didn’t have long to ponder the sight. The chariot began to slow as they approached the castle. The chariot landed on the passing road leading to the front steps. Once the chariot stopped, Kyle was again pushed out onto the stone road followed closely by Cudgel. Kyle stared up at the tall castle and wondered at it’s clean walls and well maintained windows. Kyle looked down at ground level and saw a few guards passing by along with two guards standing at the front door, most of them white with a few grey colored ones and all of them stallions. Mr. Coin and the pink pony passed by Kyle toward the door and Kyle decided to predict Cudgel and followed dutifully behind the two. Cudgel followed quietly behind them watching the guards with a certain degree of loathing or distaste.

The doors opened as they approached, seemingly of their own accord, and the group walked inside. The hall they entered was an immaculately clean and shining room as if it was kept permanently prepared for guests. Moving about the hall were more ponies though not nearly as many as were at the train station. Some were clearly cleaning staff, a few looked to be butlers, one walked by in a well designed suit carrying papers in a light blue glow. But none were busy enough to not stare at Kyle as if his mere presence was an unexpected, and to some unwelcome, event for the castle. Kyle heard the doors close behind the group and he turned to see two attendants, dressed similarly to the staff he had seen in the hall, stepping from the doors and taking seated positions on either side of the entrance. Kyle also noticed, floating down from higher up the massive window situated over the doors, was a flying pony dressed in the gold armor of the guards. They touched down and it occurred to Kyle that these ponies were sexually dimorphic, similar to some species back home. The males could be either buff like the guards or round in the belly like Rusted Coin but they had a similarly longer and broader snout than the females had. Also, every pony he had encountered may have been beneath head height for him, but the females were slightly to noticeably shorter than the males. Which is what made this guard stand out to him. Unlike the other guards he had seen, this one was a generic female. Kyle was sure that under closer inspection she would be different to some of the female staff here, most likely in muscle tone and growth, but from where he was standing a solid 20 feet away she looked positively normal.

Cudgel gave Kyle a solid kick in the leg causing Kyle to stumble before regaining his footing. Apparently he had been slowing down and now Mr. Coin and the pink pony were noticeably ahead of the two of them. Kyle picked up his pace to catch up to the other two just as they ascended to stairs at the back of the hall. What followed was a bewildering affair of navigating hallways and corridors before arriving at another set of large, well decorated doors. The guards at the door simply stared at the party as they approached. When they got to the door Mr. Coin began adjusting his hair, or perhaps mane would be more appropriate Kyle thought to himself.

Once he was satisfied his mane was in good order he looked to one of the guards and spoke with a confident and professional tone, “Her Majesty is expecting us, please allow us inside.”

The two guards looked at each other, then back at Mr. Coin. The one to the right of the door, a grey horned pony, responded, “I assume you are Mr. Rusted Coin?”

“I see my name precedes me.” Mr. Coin said with a smile. But the guard simply shook his head.

“It’s more that we were informed you’d have a captive human with you.” The guard said plainly. “Please keep a close eye on him and keep him from defecating anywhere but outside. Also, don’t let him wander and make sure he doesn’t touch anything.”

A little deflated Mr. Coin nodded. “My employees will keep him in check.”

The guard nodded and the two opened the doors which led to a massive marble room. Pillars stood on either side of a long carpet that stretched from the throne at the back of the room. Sitting on the throne, wearing a small smile and looking up at who was approaching, was what Kyle would have called a horse and would be much more accurate. Sitting a good deal taller than the ponies he was around now, the thing at the end of the room was pure white with a flowing rainbow mane that cascaded from her head and neck with a matching tail which both seemed to shift magically around her. Her hooves were covered by golden shoes and around her neck was what Kyle would call a breastplate with a simple jewel in the center. Atop the horse’s head was a tall crown, only adding to how much she towered over other ponies. As the group approached, Kyle found himself immediately uncomfortable. Wearing nothing, bound by chains, and being paraded as merchandise Kyle was being presented to a horse that was clearly important, if not royalty, and he feared that the horse at the end of the room was his prospective buyer. This and the fact he was not nearly well dressed enough for such an occasion filled him with an uneasy feeling.

When the group reached the throne the ponies bowed low before the horse, and Kyle felt another solid kick from behind, causing him to fall on his knee in a pseudo kneeling position. The horse stood and descended the steps that sat before her throne and spoke in a calming, motherly voice, “I am grateful that you came to see me on such short notice, Mr. Rusted Coin.”

“It was no trouble at all, Your Highness. No invitation from you should be left waiting.” Mr. Coin kept his head low. “And please, Your Majesty, just call me Rusty.”

She kept her smile as she looked at Kyle, her pink eyes lighting up. “This human is the one you wrote about? The one that can speak Equestrian?”

Mr. Coin stood up and smiled. “Yes, Your Highness. We discovered him just as we reached the station. He’s an odd specimen, intelligent and able to speak competently. He’s certainly quite the catch.”

The royal horse’s smile tightened at the word catch, but the smile remained all the same. “How much, Mr. Coin?”

“Hm?” Mr. Coin looked up at the royal horse, not so much in confusion but more with greed in his eyes.

“How much would it cost in bits to afford this human? Surely you have a price in mind already, being such a shrewd business stallion.” The compliment was laced heavily with such a saccharin sweet tone that Kyle had to hold back a grimace. Surely Mr. Coin could see right through this attempt to play on his pride and would highball this royal horse for the most profit he could manage.

Mr. Coin smiled wide and slicked back his already slicked back mane. “Well, you see, there’s a great deal that goes into buying and transporting a human this far from Saddle Arabia. There’s the initial cost of the human, which can vary greatly depending on the quality of the stock, then there’s the transportation costs, there’s food and bedding...” He paused for a moment. “Medical care is another fair amount of bits invested. You know how savage those Saddle Arabians can be with humans. It all goes into the cost of the merchandise. But, I’m sure we can cut a deal.”

The royal horse looked down at him for the first time since he entered the room. “And how much of a deal can you afford for us, Mr. Coin?” Her sweet voice changed to a more serious, authoritative tone. “Don’t forget on who’s good graces you continue to operate this venture. And don’t forget who you report your best finds to.” She leaned her head down to be level with his, her smile still there but it was not one of kindness. “We make bulk purchases from you and you alone, Mr. Coin. None of your competition has the same access to resources, staff and my favor that you do. You would be another snake oil salesman on the road if we hadn’t taken a chance on you. And all I’ve ever asked for in return is information on interesting humans from Saddle Arabia that you came across. Now there is such a human among your stock, in Equestria, in my presence, and all you can see is bits raining before your eyes.” Mr. Coin’s smile had long since faded to the look of a brow beaten child caught stealing from his parents. The royal horse raised her head to tower over Mr. Coin, her own smile gone to be replaced by the stern look of a disciplining mother. “So, Mr. Coin, I ask you again, what would it cost to afford this human?”

Mr. Coin shuffled his hooves and turned his gaze away from the royal horse’s eyes. “N-normally it would be quite the sum to afford a specimen such as this, but since it’s you who is asking after him, Your Highness, I would be willing and grateful to donate him to your home, free of charge.”

The royal horse’s smile returned and she lowered her head to be level with Mr. Coin’s gaze, who for the life of him couldn’t meet her eyes. “We would very much appreciate the gift, Mr. Coin. The Royal Family of Equestria is humbled by your generosity. Truly you are a loyal and upstanding citizen.” She raised her head again. “And to show my gratitude, we’ll be buying your entire stock of humans that you have set aside for Equestrian Markets. Surely that will make up for the gift you so generously gave us?”

Mr. Coin looked like he was about to faint. “All of them? As in my entire Equestrian stock? As in hundreds of thousands of bits worth of humans?”

“But of course.” The royal horse said with a smile. “And for such a large order, I’m sure you could afford a bulk rate. After all, how often do you sell your entire stock in Equestria?”

His look of bewilderment gave way to a crushed, business-first look. “Of course, Your Highness. We can negotiate a bulk rate for my Equestrian stock. Should I speak with the requisitions lieutenant per usual?”

“No, speak with my Head of Staff. She’ll be negotiating this deal. After all, these aren’t just for the guards to train with. Now, you may unshackle this human and leave us to attend to your business.”

Mr. Coin opened his mouth, as if he planned to say something or perhaps even object, but after a moment he instead turned to the pink horse and said quietly, “Unshackle the human for me please, Miss Bubblegum.”

Miss Bubblegum, who for the whole conversation had a look of fascination, then bewilderment on her face, opened her own mouth as if to object but decided that it was in everyone’s best interest if she simply did as she was told. At least that’s what Kyle assumed as the yellow glow from her horn engulfed the chains and shackles around his wrists and neck. The latches were opened and the equipment gently flew from Kyle’s body to float beside Miss Bubblegum. Then, with one last bow from the three ponies, the group turned and left the room leaving Kyle alone with the royal horse. The horse sat with a silent smile, watching Mr. Coin and his entourage until the doors were closed firmly behind them. She then turned to Kyle and gave him a warm, gentle smile.

“What is your name?” She asked slightly slower than she probably would have addressed anyone else.

Kyle cleared his throat and bowed his head, still sitting in that kneeling position Cudgel had sent him into. “I’m Kyle Williams, Your Highness.” He said in the most humble tone he could manage.

The horse placed a hoof on his shoulder. “You’re not from the lands beyond Saddle Arabia, are you Mr. Williams?”

“No, Your Highness.” Kyle kept his head bowed but felt an odd comfort from the physical contact.

“Yet you are decidedly human, and you’ve clearly groomed before. Perhaps we could work out how to send you home while you are in my care.”

Kyle decided to look up and noticed the royal horse’s kind, reassuring smile. He swallowed the lump in his throat. This was the first pony-horse-thing that recognized him as not from this world and even the vague possibility of a chance at going home was at least something he could latch on to. The royal horse spoke again, “However, we can only do that if you allow me and my servants to examine you and compare you to other humans. I hope you are not opposed to it.”

Kyle was concerned about what comparisons she could be referring to, but decided not to rock the boat and simply brought his head back to a lowered position. “No, Your Highness, you are free to do with me as you wish,” With a sigh, Kyle added, “I’m only human after all.”

The horse removed the hoof from his shoulder, and the voice she spoke with was one of a matron speaking of the real world to an impertinent daughter. “Mr. Williams, you may not have realized it, but I care much more about humans than some of my ponies do. I see you as living creatures worthy of respect, even if the average human is feral.” Kyle felt her hoof under his chin and his head was slowly lifted to face hers, and what he saw was a stern, sad expression crying out for understanding. “No creature, no matter their disposition or level of intelligence, deserves to be chattelled against their will. I would never allow for ponies to be captured and sold in foreign lands, I would not stand for griffins to be subjugated and sold into servitude, and I would fight against any species, be they alien or even my own ponies, that would imprison and sell another species for profit against their will. The only thing that would change is the manner in which I fight them. An alien I would fight with force, Saddle Arabians with guile, Griffins with division, and my own ponies with subtlety.” She removed her hoof from Kyle’s chin and smiled sadly down at him. “I hope you will join me in that fight, Mr. Williams. I’d hate to lose what I hope becomes my most valuable resource.”

Kyle was so swept up by her words it only now occurred to him that he was filled with defiance. He would join her fight, he thought to himself, no matter what she requires of me. He nodded in understanding, and the horse quietly stood. “Rise, Mr. Williams. We have some business elsewhere in the castle.” Kyle rose from his kneeling position and followed after the horse, now motivated and hopeful. Motivated for whatever work the horse had for him, and hopeful that his station in life had gotten better. Whatever life had in store for him, he was ready to face it.

Meeting The Family

Kyle was decidedly not ready for what he had to sit through. After the sweeping speech and long walk through the hallways, the horse led him to what he had to assume was the medical wing of the castle. It was a humble place, with a small array of white beds and a modest amount of recognizable medical supplies. He was then led to a curtained area, where a collection of different colored ponies in lab coats waited. As if on cue, as soon as the horse stepped back, the mob of coated ponies swarmed, poking, prodding and manipulating various joints and portions of his body while notebooks, either floating in magical light or being held by assistants, were filled with notes from their examinations. The examination of his body, which was none too gentle, was considerably uncomfortable for Kyle. It lasted only a few dozen minutes then they all took a step back, almost in unison to Kyle’s suspicion, and started barraging him with medically inclined questions. The cacophony of overlapping, enthusiastic questions began giving Kyle a headache. A loud, authoritative cough from nearby silenced the small crowd immediately. Kyle turned to see the white horse, standing by the edge of the screening curtain the assembled group were situated behind, smiling patiently.

“Perhaps we should do these questions in a more organized fashion.” She remarked, feigning a casual demeanor that everyone probably saw right through and that Kyle suspected was meant to be transparent. After all, a suggestion from someone of authority carries more weight than a suggestion from an equal.

So the medically inclined ponies resorted to another style of asking questions, one probably learned in their early days of education. They all, collectively, raised their hooves in the air and waited patiently for Kyle to choose one to ask a question. After a moment, Kyle selected a short, yellow, pot bellied pony with a gaudy haircut who seemed particularly enthusiastic about his question.

The pony cleared his throat, “Well, what can you tell us about the interpersonal relationships between humans? Can they be friends? Enemies? Are there tribes or do you live in wild collective packs like wolves?”

Kyle thought for a moment before answering. “I don’t know about the humans you know, the feral ones, but the humans I grew up around were quite tribalistic, but we didn’t live expressly as tribes. There was your immediate family, your close family, your extended family, your lovers, friends, neighborhood, town, etcetera etcetera all the way up, to some, to the entire human race being one tribe.” The ponies starred in fascination as Kyle continued, “Ultimately, we are members of a number of tribes, some we create ourselves, others we join though not always of our own volition, but we are free to leave tribes as we wish in most cases. Our whole history is fraught with tribalism. In the past we had expansive kingdoms and mighty empires. These days modern states prefer pseudo vassalization to outright conquering territory.” He saw a few puzzled looks in the mixed crowd, and decided to brush the point aside. “In any case, yes, to answer your question we have friends, enemies, and tribes just like any other sapient species.”

The hooves immediately went up again when he stopped talking and Kyle selected a tall, slender, light blue pony who wore a pair of thick glasses on the tip of her nose. “What is the approximate lifespan of a human where you’re from?”

“We can live for quite a long time. Some humans can live well past 100 years of age while others get to their 60’s and don’t make it much further. There’s a multitude of reasons for a human’s life span like diet, exercise, sleep variances. Then there’s other factors like the stress they put their body through, damage from injuries, alcoholism and drug use, etcetera.” Kyle rubbed the back of his neck. “I’m not the greatest expert on everything that goes into a human’s lifespan, I was more of a historical and cultural bent.”

More hooves went into the air, and this pattern continued on a variety of topics, like a human’s typical diet, physical ability, how susceptible to diseases they are, and other medically inclined questions. After about an hour of questions and scribbling notes, most of the ponies seemed satisfied and began comparing notes, leaving Kyle a moment of pause. He turned to the horse, still sitting patiently by the edge of the screen, and she smiled at him.

“Thank you for enduring this, Mr. Williams.” The horse said politely. “I’m sure this isn’t what you expected when I asked for your assistance.”

“It’s no trouble, I’ve been through worse.” Kyle remarked with a casual wave of the hand. “By the way, you know my name but I never got yours. I take it you’re some form of royalty?”

“I am Princess Celestia,” The horse said in a regal tone. “Ruler of the land of Equestria alongside my sister, Princess Luna.” She bowed her head slightly. “A pleasure, Mr. Williams.”

“T-The pleasure is mine, Your Highness.” Kyle stammered out as he bowed his head to her. He had guessed at royalty, but he hadn’t guessed she was in fact the ruler of the land. “And please, call me Kyle.”

Princess Celestia giggled slightly, but even that small sound felt like the soft chime of gentle music. “Very well, if it will make you more comfortable, I will call you Kyle.” She paused for a moment. “If you don’t mind, I have some questions of my own.”

“Of course. Whatever you need.” Kyle responded, trying his best to sound relaxed.

“What was your profession before you arrived here?” The Princess asked calmly.

“I was an anthropologist, specifically a cultural anthropologist.” The cocking of the Princess’s head told him these words were not familiar. “I studied human culture, past and present. I hold a doctorate in anthropology, the study of humans, and a bachelors linguistic degree, specializing in native american and meso-american languages.”

“And these ‘americans’ are different types of humans?” She asked with genuine curiosity.

“Well, yes and no.” Kyle responded, unsure the best way to describe it. “It’d be like… the difference between a normal pony from far to the east and a normal pony from far to the west. They are both decidedly ponies but over time their cultures, traditions, values and such would change in different directions depending on their environment and the other ponies around them.”

“I see.” The Princess said, nodding her head. “So, if you have a doctorate, I guess I should have been calling you Dr. Williams.” She laughed quietly. “I suppose you must have been rather insulted.”

“Not at all, Your Grace.” Kyle said quickly. “To be honest, I’ve been so overwhelmed by this new world that I hardly cared what you called me, as long as it was respectful.”

“That was my next question.” The Princess said carefully. “How exactly did you get into our world? You’re certainly not a native human.”

Kyle pondered the question, trying to best remember how exactly he got himself there to begin with. “I was in my office, reading some letters from some associates of mine, when my assistant brought a curious artifact someone found in storage. She asked me if I could identify it.” He scratched his chin. “I took it from her, held it up to the light to get a better look at it, and then I woke up in a cage, in a train car, bound for who knew where.” He shrugged. “Honestly, how I got here doesn’t seem nearly as important as how I’ll get back.”

“What if you can’t go back?”

The question rang in his ears, and for a moment a very real and tangible fear overcame him. What if he was stuck here, in this world where humans were still feral and were barely respected by the various intelligent species that occupied it? What if he was left here to make a life for himself? What if he was the lone intelligent human?

He looked away from the Princess and sighed to himself outwardly, trying his best to appear calm. “I guess I just have to not consider that right now.”

He couldn’t see it, but he felt a pitying look coming from Princess Celestia’s general direction. He also noticed the assembled medical ponies had stopped comparing notes and were staring intently at Kyle. After a tense silence, one medical pony stepped forward and bowed low to the Princess.

“Thank you for this opportunity, Your Highness.” The male pony said in a humble tone. “We’ll compare our findings here with records on human behavior and anatomy and get a report to you as soon as we can.”

“Thank you, Dr. Swab.” She then addressed the assembled group. “Thank you all for your diligent work and professional demeanor. I hope to see your findings in the near future. If you have any questions regarding our human guest, send them to your point of contact and we will get an answer to you as soon as we possibly can.”

The group of medical ponies bowed as the Princess moved aside, and the group shuffled out of the curtained area in murmured but excited discussion. Once the two were alone, Kyle sat on the only bed and rubbed his head.

“Don’t rest too long, Kyle.” Princess Celestia smiled at him again, and Kyle got the feeling he’d be seeing that smile a lot regardless of how genuine it was. “We still have other business to attend to.”

“Such as?” Kyle asked, more than a little curious.

“Well, at the very minimum we need to prepare a place for you to sleep.” The Princess remarked. “It wouldn’t do to have you sleep with the other humans of the castle.”

Kyle looked up, his curiosity piqued. He remembered some discussion of humans being used by the guards but not much else. “There are other humans here?”

The Princess nodded. “They are not as amenable as you are but we have quite a few. We have a small pack dedicated to guard duties, a group for combat practice, and a small handful meant as a way of feigning support for trading humans. They are kept more or less as pets by myself and my sister, though my sister is far more fond of treating them as pets than I am.”

Kyle sighed and lay down on the slightly too small bed. “I guess that’s my lot here, as a pet to royalty.”

The Princess walked over and stood by his bed. “I hardly think of you as such. You’re considerably more aware than these humans are. I like to think I gave them an opportunity to present themselves as more than just labor fodder to the dignitaries that visit my castle, but you are my ace in the hole. You are my proof that humans can be intelligent.”

Kyle sat up on his elbows and faced the Princess. “But I’m not a human from this world. Maybe it’s possible that humans here will never gain my level of intelligence.”

“There are signs.” Princess Celestia clarified. “Humans learn at a shockingly quick rate when given proper training, they’ve been shown to be able to organize into groups and follow commands as well if not better than other animals, and they can even learn to follow complex routines, like escorting a pony or ponies on an erratic path or carrying a variety of objects to constantly changing destinations.” She gave an enthusiastic grin. “In my mind, humans are just as intelligent as ponies, they just haven’t been given the correct education.”

Kyle pondered the idea. If these humans were indeed like the humans back home, then their ability to grasp ideas and grow as a species would be more than adequate to becoming similar to himself in general intelligence, though probably not on the same level in specific matters and only after literal generations of education on top of education. Still, if the possibility was there, it should be explored.

Kyle sat properly now, an idea growing in his head. He looked to the Princess and asked, “Would it be possible for me to meet these other humans?”

“Certainly.” She replied, “It was on the agenda, regardless. I’m hoping to see if our humans will have a different reaction to you than they do to other new humans we bring in.”

Kyle nodded to himself. “It’s possible the reactions will be different, but to what degree remains to be seen.”

Celestia stood up gently. “If you’ll follow me, we’ll start with what the staff term the ‘House Humans.’ They are our more docile and agreeable humans.”

Kyle got up off the bed and followed behind Princess Celestia. As the two left the room, Kyle couldn’t help but remember a certain other “house” race from his own world. He didn’t like the history of that term then, and he didn’t believe this term for humans had any more kind of a history.

The two walked once again through the hallways of the castle, though now Kyle felt he was beginning to understand the system of rooms and hallways a little better. While most doors were identical to others, there were a few with signs or plates with names or descriptions on them. As far as Kyle could tell, everything was divided up into wings. There was the medical wing, where they had just been, a guest wing, a general quarters for staff, and a smattering of broom closets between the different rooms and at corners. At least that was as much as he could determine by the rooms they passed. After a moment the pair arrived at a room far off the normal path for the servants and guests, and on the door was a plate which read, “Human Room.”

‘At least they get an entire room,’ Kyle thought to himself. ‘Beats a pen out in a stable somewhere.’

Princess Celestia opened the door and stepped inside with Kyle following curiously behind her. The sight he saw was, well, not what he had expected. It was a clean, well lit room, stocked with ground level beds and painted with calming colors. A few ponies, mares by Kyle’s estimation, turned and then subsequently bowed to the princess. The humans in the room also turned, but none bowed. They were all female, dressed in light, colorful cloth that covered their upper bodies. Their hair was kept in a practical style and their skin was cleaner than the humans Kyle had seen on the train. There was a moment of silence as the mares rose from their bowing positions, and the humans seemed to be anxious. One approached Kyle, a tall black haired woman. She looked Kyle up and down, sniffed his hair, and ran a hand along his arm. She then turned to the other human women, and the whole group descended on Kyle, sniffing and running their hands on him.

Kyle, not wanting a second helping of unwanted touching, fought his way out of the group with as little violence as possible. The human women continued to stare, and one tried to pet his head in what some would assume was a comforting motion. He brushed her hand away and the humans seemed more confused than anxious after the initial mobbing. The mares also stared, confused at what Kyle, a male human, could possibly be doing there.

The Princess cleared her throat. “Kyle, these are our humans meant for life inside the castle. These five are the ones we found most agreeable to their routine here.” She raised a hoof and began gently pointing to each human. “That one is Shade, then there is Vanilla, Flame, Hummer, and that last one is Gorgeous.”

Kyle looked up at the Princess. “Hummer?”

“Yes.” The Princess said confidently. “We taught her how to hum basic musical pieces, ranging from children’s rhymes to simple melodies.” The Princess turned to one of the mares. “If you’d please, Mrs. Ways?”

Mrs. Ways, a grey, blond maned, portly mare bowed and moved to Hummer, motioning her to lower her head. Hummer responded dutifully and the mare gently whispered into Hummer’s ear. Then, the human raised her head and cleared her throat, then hummed a simple repetitive melody, her voice a velvet smoothness that was clearly a result of practice. The show was short lived, as Hummer wrapped up her song with a simple vocal flourish. She bowed her head and the small assembly of mares stomped their hooves repeatedly in what Kyle assumed was an applause. Hummer seemed to smile a little, and the other humans began to pet her head and hair, also smiling. Kyle smiled despite himself. It was a good performance, but his initial meeting with humans from this world was a little depressing. Not without hope, however, as there was some intelligence there even as basic and childlike as it was. He could work with that.

The princess leaned her head a bit too close to Kyle’s for his comfort. “What do you think?” She asked expectantly.

“It was a nice performance.” Kyle responded casually, though not without making the mares stare dumbfoundedly. “You were telling the truth, they can learn fairly well, and there are other signs that there is some intelligence underneath the simplicity.”

“Told ya.” The Princess said softly, winking at him. She raised her head and turned to the mares. “This human is named Kyle. He is the first intelligent human we’ve ever discovered, and he will be treated as any other intelligent creature is to be treated. Please address him accordingly.”

The mares hesitated, looking at Kyle again, before turning to the Princess and bowing low. “We’ll treat ‘im fair, your Highness, don’t you worry.” Mrs. Ways said politely. Her distinctive accent was a bit jarring to Kyle, but he supposed if Equestria was an approximation of the English speaking world, there would be a range of accents just like any other language base.

The Princess turned to Kyle and nodded toward the door. “If you would, Kyle, we have a few more humans to visit.”

Kyle nodded in turn, before turning and bowing his head to the mares. Hesitantly, the mares bowed their heads in turn. Satisfied, Kyle turned and followed the Princess out of the room. It hadn’t really occurred to Kyle how the staff of the castle would react to an intelligent human. Given the mares’ reaction to him speaking, it was going to be a rocky road, but he was confident he could manage. Afterall, these are civilized creatures. They would have their biases but they could be worked past. He put that concern to the back of his mind and pondered what the next group of humans would be like.

Author's Note

Apologies about not getting this chapter out sooner for everyone. I had some job difficulties and some other dramatic things happen IRL, so I didn't have time to work on the chapter. But I got it out. I'll try to be a bit speedier getting these out, and again I apologize to those who were looking forward to another chapter for having to wait so long.