Twilight Sparkle Lost Her Marbleby that decepticon ponyChaptersExpositionRising ActionClimaxFalling Action: Bonus Ending and Author's NotesExposition "It's so easy, you see To cross the fine line in front of me -Julien-K, "Systeme de Sexe" “The pedigree of the royal family of Equestria traces itself to the noble Alicorns, but very few Alicorns still exist—“ Luna, Celestia, and Cadence, basically, Twilight noted— “—due to the recessive nature of Alicorn traits and interbreeding with other kinds of ponies. The line of royals currently standing to inherit the throne, for example, have been unicorns for centuries, though genetic testing and phenotypic evidence suggest that most descendents of this line are heterozygous for the Alicorn mutation. Twilight shifted in her seat and continued reading, wondering what it was about Blueblood that signaled he might have some Alicorn in him. Twilight snickered at that. Alicorn in him. He did seem pretty gay, didn’t he? Not that there was anything wrong with that, but it made her chuckle to think of the haughty noble being mounted by another steed. Oh, but who would be funniest? Maybe a country bumpkin pony like Big Mac. Yeah, a big, strong stud like Big Mac… She shook her head. That was ridiculous. For one, Big Mac seemed to have a lot of interest in fillies. For two, so did Blueblood. For three, why the hay was she thinking about stallions having sex? She shifted in her seat again, trying to get comfortable, and settled back into reading. “Individuals who are heterozygous for the Alicorn mutation are thought to show extraordinary magical ability, even if they would not normally have access to magic. Some also show unusually diverse magic, magics unfamiliar to their race. For example, a large number of the allegedly precognitive earth pony miners of Fillydelphia have tested positive for the mutation relative to the rest of the population in the region.” Hey, isn’t Pinkie’s rock farm outside of Fillydelphia? She thought. And I’m probably heterozygous for the Alicorn mutation given my magical abilities. …wonder if there are any nice stallions out that way. Wait, what? Twilight stood up and shook her head. “What the hay is wrong with me? I can’t focus on anything!” Spike looked up from the comic book he was flipping through, and Twilight found herself a little embarrassed that she’d spoken out loud. “…Are you hungry?” he asked. “No. I just ate an hour ago.” “Thirsty?” Twilight glared slightly, levitating her cup of tea into view. “Went to the bathroom?” “I just went an hour ago, too!“ Despite her protests, Twilight searched her body for signs that maybe she needed to use the bathroom, and her search came up positive. Without saying anything more, she went off to take care of business. When she was done, she realized that the tense feeling hadn’t gone away. So she marched over to the phone, put in a call to the local clinic, and set up an appointment for the following afternoon, grumbling. Then she came back to her book. “I don’t know how you can forget your body like that,” the dragon quipped. Twilight snorted angrily, unsurprised he’d say something like that. “I didn’t forget my body; it really was just an hour!” Hearing the shrillness of her own voice, she noted more quietly, “I have an appointment at the clinic tomorrow.” Spike frowned sympathetically, his eyes going wide. “No wonder you’re so grumpy. I’ll run to the market and get you some cranberries…. But I’ll top off your tea first.” He hopped up from his seat and walked toward the kitchen. She couldn’t help but smile as he left the room. So generous, just like Rarity. When he’s older, Twilight realized, that’s going to be a heck of a pairing. That is, if Rarity doesn’t find some other stud first. At least she’s not interest in Blueblood. If he’s heterozygous for alicorn and I’m heterozygotic for alicorn, maybe we should have foals together for scie- Twilight bashed her head into the table, enjoying the clarity of the pain and allowing it to flow through her. It made her realize that her head wasn’t the only thing that hurt; her back was bothering her too. This was a horrible day to study. She should be in bed, but just the thought of being alone in her bedroom sent a chill through her. This was not a time to be alone. The very thought of being alone made tears start to well up in her eyes. “Twlight?” Something reached into her mane and she jumped, screaming. Spike started screaming too, falling backward. “What’s wrong? Twilight?” “I need to get some air. Come on, Spike. We’re going to market.” Twilight stomped out the door. It seemed to her like it took forever for Spike to finally follow, but as she heard rustling she realized he was grabbing their stockpile of bits. Very good. Why didn’t she think of that? “Oh, I would love buy some Fuji apples. I hate to bother you but… do you think that maybe you can grow them, or trade for some, or tell me how I can get ahold of them? Please?” Fluttershy lowered her head, looking up at her friend with wide blue eyes. Applejack frowned, lowering her head a little. “What? Are you saying that our apples ain’t good enough?” Big Mac gave his sister a warning glare. “Nope,” he noted, turning to smile at Fluttershy. “Not at all! It’s just that different kinds of apples have different flavors, and Angel really wants to eat some Fuji apples.” “Fluttershy, we’ve been through this before. You can’t just cater to yer bunny’s every whim!” “But he has a craving…” She dug at the ground. “We all got cravings, darlin’. Ya can’t always give in to ‘em.” “He’s a bunny.” Fluttershy looked at AJ intently, her gaze only short of a glare by the impassive, friendly expression of her face. While the girls argued, Big Mac raised his head, smiling. “Howdy, Twilight. Lookin’ for some apples?”Applejack raised an eyebrow at her brother’s speech, glancing at him. “No, not really… but they sound really good.” She smiled easily, approaching Mac’s side of the stand. “What are you offering today?” Spike ran up. “Uh, Twilight, shouldn’t we just get what we came for and go home?” “I don’t want to be cooped up in the house all day, Spike,” she noted sweetly, not taking her eyes off the red stallion. “Now why would you have to be cooped up in the house all day?” Mac asked, leaning forward a little. His sister’s eyebrow raised further before the eyes beneath them finally rolled. “I’m a little under the weather,” Twilight noted, stepping closer to the stand, her voice softening. “Hello, Twilight,” Fluttershy greeted. “Hi, Fluttershy,” she dismissed. “So what are you selling today, Big Mac?” “Oh, just our usual red delicious. You know what they say,” he said warmly, “An apple a day keeps the doctor away.” Applejack stomped suddenly. “Mac! You were supposed to pick Apple Bloom up from school!” The other ponies all turned to look at her, surprised. “Uh… nope?” “Yes, you were! Now git your tail over there before she wonders where ya are!” With a heavy sigh and just a hint of an eyeroll, Big Mac answered, “Yup,” before dashing off. “I could go with you?” Twilight offered ineffectually as he disappeared behind a corner. “Twilight,” Applejack commanded, exasperated, “go git whatever it is you came for, and I’ll drop some apples at your house once the market closes, ok?” She started to protest, but the little dragon started pulling her away. “Oh dear,” Fluttershy noted. “You’re tellin’ me. That coulda been bad.” “…well… I don’t really see how. I mean… Big Mac is very kind…” “He’s my brother!” Applejack shouted, shrinking down behind the table as the customers and keepers of the surrounding stalls turned to look. “I guess that would be a little weird. I’m going to go take care of some things, but first, I’ll take a bushel of apples. And if you could please just help me find out where to get the other apples some other day, I would really appreciate that.” Berryshine lifted the bucket out of the ice box. “That’ll be five bits. Can I ask what it’s for?” Twilight frowned, looking down and shuffling her hoof. “Medical reasons. They say it helps.” “Well then , that’ll be four bits,” the vendor corrected, smiling sympathetically. She tossed her hair out of her eyes. “I know how you feel.” “Thanks.” “Is that why your family got into growing cranberries, Berryshine?” Spike asked. Twilight cringed, mortified, but the unicorn just laughed, tossing her sleek, purple mane again. “I think it is!” She shook her head, chuckling. “Luckily that trait doesn’t seem to breed true, but I guess I had to get some bad luck in exchange for my good looks.” She lifted her chin up, posing. Spike snickered. “You look just like Twilight. Same colors and everything.” “Sure sure does,” the stallion next Berryshine said with an odd grin before making a horrified face, letting his white mane fall over his eyes. “Classy, bro,” Berryshine chided, snickering. “I don’t think he meant it badly, did you?” Twilight asked, stepping a little closer to the booth. Berrywhite looked up at her, a true, toothy smile breaking over his broad face. “Brother dear, why don’t you start loading up the cart to go home?” Berryshine ordered, voice dropping to pitches Twilight thought were reserved only for stallions. “Is it time to pack up yet?” “Yes, it is.” She glared. “It can’t be that late in the day already, can it?” Twilight asked, not taking her eyes off Berrywhite. “It seems early, but it isn’t. Twilight, it’s been a pleasure meeting someone who looks so much like myself, and I do hope you feel better soon. But we’ve got to pack up.” She turned to her brother. “Berrywhite. Cart. Now.” “Can we go home now, Twilight? We got the berries, and you’re acting really weird!” Twilight stopped in her tracks. “What do you mean, acting really weird?” Spike blinked, looking up at her. “Well, you ignored Fluttershy.” “I didn’t ignore Fluttershy! I said hello.” Twilight stomped angrily, snorting. “And then that was weird with the Berries.” Twilight rolled her eyes, “Spike, Berrywhite was the one who made that weird. Berryshine was obviously grossed out.” The little dragon put his head in his claws. “Twilight, I’m really worried about you. And I can tell you aren’t feeling well.” He looked back up at her and stepped closer. “I’m worried this is going to be like that time you were afraid of Magic Kindergarten.” Twilight scoffed. “It is not going to be like that time. I don’t even feel that bad and I don’t have anything I have to do! I’ll write a letter to Princess Celestia about how important it is to listen to my friends when they’re worried about me. Lesson for the week. Done!” She breathed in deeply, shuddering. “What’s wrong, Twilight?” Spike looked at her with those big eyes again. He took another step toward her, claw raised toward her foreleg, but then stopped suddenly, as if holding himself back. Twilight could still see his surprise when she jumped earlier in her mind’s eye. She wasn’t going to scare him again… “I don’t know.” She hung her head. “I really don’t know what my problem is. Let’s go home and we’ll invite one of the girls over.” She considered offering Spike a ride on her back to try and make him feel better, but the cramping made her think better of it. “Who should we ask? How about Rarity?” Spike’s little crush on Rarity. Just thinking about looking at that gushy crap and hearing her call him “Spikey Wikey” right now turned her stomach. “I think Rarity’s pretty busy with our dresses, Spike,” Twilight covered quickly. “How about Rainbow Dash? I can’t imagine she’s that busy right now…” Twilight was really not sure what she was doing. She’d arranged all the apples in the bowl, sorted them by color and size, put away all the books, and cleaned everything. It was the least she could do while waiting for Spike and Rainbow Dash to come home. It was the least she could do to keep her mind off the day’s events. Why was everyone so keen to get away from her? Why was Big Mac so talkative? Why was Berrywhite such a creep? Such a handsome, strong-looking creep who smelled like cranberries. The sharp, astringent smell made her think… She shook her head. It was almost like she was in heat, but that had only happened once before, and she’d been following a perfectly regular schedule of glass marble IUD insertion since. She wasn’t due for a replacement until more than a month after the Gala, and that particular choice of birth control was practically side-effect free. She dismissed the thought and squirmed a bit where she stood, trying to stretch the cramp out of her back. Definitely a UTI, a pretty severe one if her back was bothering her. Probably fever, if her kidneys were involved. Would explain the listlessness, the silliness… Before the door was even open she was standing in front of it, listening to the hinge creak. The blue Pegasus behind it gasped, her blue wings flying up next to her in shock. Something in the back of Twilight’s mind wanted to giggle about wingboners, but instead she squeaked happily. “Rainbow Dash! How nice to see you! Come in! Applejack brought apples, would you like some?” Rainbow blinked, frowning as she made her way in. “You ok, Twilight?” “No. Not really.” Twilight drooped, smiling with embarrassment. “Hey, hey, no need to be embarrassed. Just park it somewhere and we can read some Daring Do together!” Dash’s frown disappeared as she trotted over to the fiction shelves. “Least I can do after you got me into this stupid egghead nonsense!” Twilight chuckled. “What one are you on?” “Number ten.” She plucked it off the shelf and sat down at the table. “Wow. Already?” Twilight sat down, eager for some distraction. “You’re really devouring them, Rainbow.” The Pegasus sat up tall. “Yeah, I don’t waste any time getting what I want.” She leaned forward a little, her eyelids fluttering. Twilight blinked, unsure of what her friend was trying to say. Spike ran from the room, snickering. “Rainbow… I think I missed the joke.” Twilight averted her eyes. The Pegasus looked down a bit, squirming uncomfortably. “Yeah, it was kinda a dumb one. Don’t mind me. So uh, Chapter One: The Holy Trough…” Dear Princess Celestia, Today I learned an important lesson about friendship from watching Twilight. When your friends are upset, they don’t always know what’s bugging them. Sometimes you just have to keep talking until they get it, and sometimes you’ll figure it out before they do. I know it sounds like I’m talking about feelings and stuff, but I think this can go into body stuff too. Wonder if that’s a pony thing or a girl thing. Maybe that’s why doctors make so many bits. Spike Rising ActionTwilight fidgeted on the table, waiting for the Doctor come. The nurse had done all the bloodwork, she’d peed into a cup, and everything had gone exactly as she expected. If he could just give her a prescription for an antibiotic so she could go home and rest in time for the Gala tomorrow, that would be great. Part of her wanted to out to market and apologize to Big Mac for all the weirdness yesterday, but she knew she needed to get some rest so she could help Princess Celestia manage the huge event. Her heart leaped in her chest as the door opened, the doctor came in. She didn’t remember him being this handsome. She certainly didn’t remember him looking at her quite so intently. “Well, Miss Sparkle, I don’t even need to look at your chart to figure out what the problem is.” “So… antibiotics?” He laughed. “You… you must realize you’re in the active part of your estrus cycle, right?” She stared at for a second, trying to process the words. No. Genital discomfort, back pain, listlessness… well, it could be both. But… “But I had a marble inserted.” “Well, you lost it.” “Well, I need a new one, then!” He shook his head. “Ok. The day after tomorrow.” “The Grand Galloping Gala is tomorrow!” “I’m sorry, Miss Sparkle, but no one who can do the procedure is in today or tomorrow.” He walked over to her, lowering his head to make eye contact. “I would recommend chasteberry or a hormonal supplement, but they take time to work and the risks of hormonal birth control are much higher than a glass marble IUD.” He shook his head. “You’re going to have to tough it out.” She stormed out. With a plop, she dropped herself into the tub. She knew in an instant that it was a mistake, with the way that Rarity looked over at her, water now dripping down the other unicorn’s carefully curled mane. Fortunately, her friend’s face contorted in sympathy, not in outrage. She was also relieved to find that the heat of the water was, at least, a distraction from her aching back. “Twilight! I would say it’s a pleasant surprise if you didn’t look so miserable. What on earth is the matter?” Fluttershy looked over at Rarity with wide eyes and a concerned expression. Twilight tried to suppress her anger, but it came spitting out instead. “You figured it out and you didn’t say anything, Fluttershy?!” Twilight glared. The Pegasus sunk in the bath. “I… I thought you knew what you were doing.” “No I didn’t! I thought I was sick!” Rarity blinked. “I lost my marble early!” Twilight snorted. Rarity blinked again. “… Don’t you realize how terrible this is?” Rarity chuckled. “Oh Twilight. Of course you would think this were terrible!” Twilight tried to ignore the pressure building in her chest, the urge to reach over and smack the other unicorn. “It is terrible! I’m not going to be able to focus on anything! Every stallion who passes me is going to be distracted! And maybe even some mares!” Twilight tried to banish Rainbow Dash’s odd behavior from her mind. “A little distraction might be enjoyable, Twilight.” “A foal wouldn’t be enjoyable! I have too much to do to worry about that kind of thing!” After a moment, Fluttershy covered her ears with her hoofs. “Sorry, Fluttershy.” Rarity cast an apologetic glance at the yellow pony before turning back to her fellow unicorn. “Listen, Twilight… we’re mares. We’re supposed to find a nice stallion, have a little fun, and maybe have a foal. It’s not natural to put that off. Now if you’re waiting on the right stallion, that’s one thing, but…” Twilight sighed, rolling her eyes in exasperation. “Rarity. I don’t want that. I’m not interested in that. I haven’t been able to get anything done because I can’t stop thinking about that kind of thing! I don’t know how I’m going to handle the Gala!” Rarity considered, looking up as she thought. “Maybe I can introduce you to Bruce Mane? He’s a friend of Fancy Pants.” Twilight screamed and stormed out of the tub, dripping as she went. She slammed the door behind her. “Applejack! Applejack! Are you here?” He knew who it was in an instant, and against his better judgment, he went to her voice. Twilight Sparkle was not particularly Big Mac’s type, and she was a little young for him, but for once his animal instincts and his sense of duty agreed with each other. He found her in front of the barn, tears streaming down her face. “Nope,” he said simply, walking into view. “Big Mac! I need to talk to Applejack right away!” He noticed her eyes flit ever so slightly down to look at his body, but then they came right back up, pleading. Something really was wrong. Usually when mares came to him like this, their eyes lingered. “She’s off at the market. But what’s the matter? You look like you’ve been crying…” “I can’t find any chasteberries! And I don’t want to ask every single vendor at the market and make a fool of myself.” He shook his head. “You gotta start those early. ‘Sides, they don’t really prevent much.” He smiled at her, bringing his shoulders up into the slightest shrug. “I don’t know what to do. The Gala’s tomorrow!” He weighed carefully his options as she looked at him. On one hand, he knew one thing that might help, and he was sure he could enjoy it. On the other hand, Applejack didn’t seem to like that idea very much, and he didn’t really relish the thought of doing that sort of thing with somepony that only wanted it on a physical level. “I don’t know what to tell ya, Twilight. I just wish I could help. Probably could, but I know that ain’t what you want. “ She smiled. “That’s very considerate of you, Big Mac. Thanks. I’ll try to find your sister.” And with one last glance at his flank, she was gone, running faster than he realized the unicorn could go. He shuddered and tried to remember if there was school today. Applejack had barely finished setting up the apple stand before her friend was upon her. Almost literally, Twilght’s face so close to hers she could feel her breath. “Applejack, oh thank goodness, I’ve been looking all over for you!” Applejack gasped. “Twilight, ya can’t go sneakin’ up on a pony that way!” She lowered her head, glaring. “What in tarnations is the matter?” “I need your help,” came the surprisingly quiet reply, barely above a whisper. Twilight’s purple eyes, out of focus due to the closeness of her face, looked down at the ground, sparkling with tears in the sunlight. “Well, first, have a seat. Take a deep breath.” “Why?” “’Cause you’re gettin’ all panicky again and that usually helps.” Applejack smiled at her friend. “Just give it a try. You explain better when ya breathe.” Twilight sat down, closed her eyes, and took a deep breath. Then she opened them. “I need chasteberries.” “Too late for chasteberries, sugarcube. You’re gonna have to live with it.” “But… distraction…” “I can’t help you with that Twilight. I reckon Rainbow Dash probably could, but I don’t know if that’s to your tastes, and that could get pretty weird anyway.” “No!” Twilight gasped. “That’s not to my tastes, and it’s not like doing that turns it off!” The earth pony sighed, looking up at the sky. “I know. I know, but you just work yerself up so gosh darned much. Maybe if ya give in a little now it won’t be so strong tomorrow.” “You really think so?” Twilight looked at her with wide eyes, more fear than fire behind them. “With you?” Applejack laughed. “You never let go of a problem until ya solve it. Why not… solve it? So ta speak.” Twilight stood up, turning her head so sharply her mane whipped in the wind. “I guess it’s worth a try! Thanks, Applejack.” She darted off. “DASH! Rainbow Dash!” Applejack slumped behind her table. “Celestia, what’ve I done?” The door slamming woke him from a dead sleep, and he was barely on the stairs before she was calling for him. “Spike! Rarity needs you at the boutique! And send Rainbow Dash here on your way!” He rushed down the stairs, whining. “What does Rarity need? Why do you need Dash? What did the doctor say?” Twilight closed her eyes, turning away from him. “There’s no time for that! Go to Rarity and get Rainbow Dash!” “Twilight! Please tell me, what’s wrong?” he whined. “It’s nothing. Just go.” She turned back to him, glaring, tears in her eyes despite her angry tone. Spike thought for a moment, recalling the letter he’d sent in the night. “Is this about how gay Rainbow Dash got with you last night?” Spike suppressed laughter, snickering. “Er… yes.” “Right. On my way. Have fun, Twilight.” He walked out the door, laughing. “SPIKE!" Rainbow Dash scowled as she walked in the door, wondering what the oblivious mare she called a friend could be up to now. Why would Spike send her over here after Twilight rejected what was obviously an advance yesterday? Why was she even showing up? Her scowl stopped when she spotted Twilight Sparkle… sprawled across the table, a safari hat askew on her head. “Hello… Rainbow Dash.” She winked. Rainbow Dash didn’t even try to suppress the rising of her wings even as she fell over laughing. Roaring, letting the tears of exertion well up in her eyes, she panted…. “You… Egghead..! Costume?!” She let out a braying laugh so loud it seemed to reverberate inside her head. “… Why is this funny?” Dash slapped the floor with her hoof, laughing. “I thought… oblivious! I thought... you didn’t even… but you! That’s so… dirty!” She squealed. “Didn’t think… you had it in you! Ahahaha!” She rolled onto her back, chortling, ignoring the slight pain in her wings. “I… I’m trying here, Rainbow,” Twilight responded, her voice going up in the slightest of whines, killing both Dash’s laughter and the tension in her back. She rolled to her feet and stood, smiling. “I’m laughing at me as much as you. And I’d be glad to take care of you if it won’t get weird. You’re my friend.” The unicorn seemed shocked, her little jaw dropping. “Weird? What do you mean, weird?” “Well...” Rainbow Dash dug absently at the floorboard with a hoof, looking away. After a moment, she took a step in that direction. “You’re a friend. Just that. I don’t… I don’t want anything more than that from you.” She sighed. “But they say if you do some extra friendly things with your friends, sometimes they get confused. Or you get confused.” With a jarring finality and calmness, Twilight replied, “And then that would jeopardize our connection to the Elements of Harmony.” It was the unicorn’s turn to sigh. “So we can’t. I’m sorry if I seemed to be teasing you, then.” Rainbow turned back, smiling, even as Twilight’s choice of words brought up a nagging concern. “Hey, I’m the best prankster in town. If I can’t take a little teasing, what can I do? It’ll just gear me up to talk to Spitfire at the Gala tomorrow.” Despite her plans for the Gala, she couldn’t help but think about the others. What if Applejack or Pinkie Pie were the ones that turned her fancy? Would Twilight disapprove enough to create a problem? She noted. “Wait, what do you mean about the Elements?” Twilight sighed sadly, averting her purple little eyes. “Even if one of us fell in love with one another, we could never date because of the Elements. Not that it’s likely to be a problem for me anyway, I guess. I keep on thinking about stallions.” Rainbow Dash quickly imagined the unicorn dropping into a dissertation on the proportion of intrusive thoughts about colts versus fillies, deciding that she couldn’t let that happen. She nuzzled her friend. “See? Nothing to worry about. Now why don’t we find you a nice stallion to play with?” Twilight growled even as she shuddered from the contact. “Stallions have consequences, Rainbow! Consequences I’m too busy and way too neurotic for!” She thought about that. “… Yeah, you’re right about that. Talk to Lyra and Bon Bon? Practice a little magic? I don’t know, Twilight.” Rainbow sighed, and nuzzled her friend again. “Just… whatever you do, stop tearing yourself up over it.” She pulled back and waited for Twilight to meet her eyes. “Everyone has to put up with this sometimes. No one’s going to get mad at you. And… it’s your life anyway. Who cares if they do? Your friends won’t, and those other ponies don’t matter.” Twilight nuzzled her back. “I’m so sorry, Rainbow. Thank you for being so very supportive.” “Can I tell everypony we did it?” For just a second she thought she was going to get shoved, but instead Twilight Sparkle backed away laughing. “Absolutely, though I’ll let Spike in on the joke. You can even say I… what can we say that will help your reputation?” Dash laughed back. “I’m not gonna rile you up more talking about that. I’ll tell them you said how glad you were I was experienced and you kept talking about things you read in the Pony Sutra.” She thought for a moment. “You have a copy, right?” “Of course I have a copy!” “Can I borrow it? … you know… Spitfire…” Rainbow Dash gave a sheepish grin. Twilight sighed. “It’s in the pile by my chair. Please, get it out of my sight.” Rainbow Dash walked over to the pile, scanning the books. “Cheer up, Twilight. You might just have fun.” Still, as she walked out, she couldn’t shake an uneasiness at what Twilight had said about the elements. Before she grabbed the book, she asked. “If you were in love with us… you would really give it up to maybe, possibly save the whole elements thing, even if it might never cause a problem?” She turned back to look at Twilight, who was smiling, broadly, and hoped her concerns weren’t written across her face. “Of course, Rainbow. What good would I be to my beloved if I were dead or turned gray or anything like that?” “But… but your dreams.” Rainbow tried hard not to think about what the conversation really meant, tried not to take her thoughts off some imaginary love between herself and Twilight… “What good would a dream of anything be if getting the dream destroyed it?” Twilight shook her head. “What would that kinda dream mean out of context of the friendships I have and the world we live in? It’s no different than the worth of one night of passion weighed against the potential consequences of having to bear and raise a foal. It’d take me away from my friends who need me. When other members of the team start having children, I’ll think about it as a common point of bonding to help preserve our friendship.” She took a breather from her rant. “No matter who I love or what I want, I’ll never be happy knowing I can’t protect them.” Rainbow turned away as the tears welled up in her eyes. “Thanks for the book, Twilight.” She snatched it off the shelf and walked out, as slowly and carefully as her legs could take her. Dear Princess Celestia, I know that honesty is kinda AJ’s thing, but I learned a lesson about it tonight. If you don’t know what’s going on with your friends, don’t make assumptions. Just ask. That way, nopony’s feelings get hurt later on when you want different things. I also realized that someponies who seem kinda uptight about themselves are waaaaaay more tolerant than you’d think. Oh, and my friends are more important than anything. I mean anything. I guess I already knew that, but it’s like I realized it all over again. And something else happened. Twilight made me think really hard about what our friendship is worth, and how much is at stake. I can’t join the Wonderbolts as long as I’m part of the Elements of Harmony, can I? That’s why I haven’t gotten an invitation. But it’s not because I’m not good. It’s because what I’m doing is more important. And I can’t be Loyalty if I can’t decide between them and my friends. So… can I get your blessing to start my own team here in town? Maybe I can whip Fluttershy into shape. So I guess I learned one more lesson from Twilight tonight. As the Rolling Ponies once said, “You can’t always get what you want… but if you try sometimes, you might find you get what you need.” Rainbow Dash Commander and Founder of the Rainbolts ClimaxRarity grunted as she tightened the saddle, and Twilight whined with pain as the stiff material pressed in on her tender flanks. “Darling, I don’t know why you want to wear something that’s this restrictive when you’re already hurting.” She loosened the lacing slightly, brushing Twilight’s flank on accident as she moved. It sent a shiver down Twilight’s spine. “Saddles are for the kind of pain that keeps one on ones toes… not for prolonging days of suffering.” “It’ll be too hard for me to get into trouble this way, Rarity.” Twilight looked at her friend from beneath her eyebrow, trying her hardest to look stern. “I can’t get rid of these feelings, so I may as well have fun with them… but I can’t risk a foal and I don’t like mares.” “There are other things you can do.” “They don’t help near enough to justify anything. So level with me: Does the saddle work with my dress?” Rarity bit her lip, looking at it up and down. “A little. But it would work far better if you still had that ridiculous getup from that time you thought there was going to be a disaster to wear underneath.” Twilight pranced in front of the mirror, watching the soft fabric drape her shapely flank, obscuring the source of her problems. The saddle looked almost right there, but something was missing. Still, the stealth gear. “Why would that help?” “Because it’d be just a little bit naughty on a pony so dignified.” Rarity grinned. “Ugh! No!” Twilight stormed away from the mirror, focusing on the heat in her chest instead of elsewhere. “I don’t want to be more attractive! I want to be pretty and nondescript!” Rarity walked up besides Twilight, her eyes wide with concern. “Twilight, dear, you can’t help being attractive. You’re confident and innocent, smart and foalish, all at once. You’re an intruiging contradiction with a daring manecut. Maybe you should stop trying to hide and just be who you are. You can always say no.” Twilight turned to face her head, getting so close they knocked horns, sending a shock through her body. “I don’t want to say no!” Rarity stepped back. “Then don’t.” “Great! Now you’re mad at me, too!” Twilight went to storm toward the door, telekinetically untying the saddle. “What?” Rarity ran in her way, bracing herself in front of the doorway. “Who could possibly be mad at you?” “Rainbow Dash! She was acting weird when she left my house last night!” Rarity giggled. “Oh, what did you do?” “... Why don’t you ask her about that.” Twilight looked away, frowning. “Whatever you did, she seemed extraordinarily happy, Twilight. She told me you inspired her to start her own team to rival the Wonderbolts. Can you believe that? She’s even talking about finding some way to incorporate us land-dwellers into the act!” Rarity sighed, looking up. “Oh, I might even consider the grit and dirt and exertion to keep her this happy.” “Oh.” Twilight Sparkle drooped. “Here I am all worked up about everything and it’s helping people.” “Well, there you go! Now let me finish lacing you up, a bit more loosely this time, you can help me zip up my dress.” Twilight rolled her eyes. “Rarity, I’m not going to try anything. You’re my friend.” “Tell that to Rainbow Dash!” Twilight laughed and braced for the lacing. It was maddening. She knew from the moment the first guest arrived—Prince Blueblood, with his Alicorn ancestry and gorgeous face—that she had made a mistake. Now as the ponies walked past, each one after another, turn after turn, Twilight Sparkle had to do everything in her power not to speak. With nearly each stallion that passed her, images of what she might want him to do danced before her eyes and the pressure built in her body. It had gotten bad enough that she had already once mistaken an urge to use the ladies room for her desire, and only realized the truth with moments to spare. All the ponies, desirable and not, came past her to greet the Princesses, and some even came to greet her. It was agonizing listening to Soarin’ ask about Applejack and her pies, especially knowing that Sweet Apple Acres had catered some of the evening’s deserts and Applejack was out soaking up the praise herself. She didn’t care for his flimsy excuse to chat. Fancy Pants complimented her dress, and she had no doubt that much was sincere, but she was certain he was older than her father. It didn’t stop her from imagining some rather disturbing scenarios with him. About the only male at the Gala who hadn’t stoked the fires in her was her brother, who seemed oblivious to her situation. She was just thinking about the rumors that Doctor Whooves had two hearts and what that would mean for his endurance as he discussed common acquaintances with the Princess when something lightly brushed down her flank from hip to tail, shielded from reaching further by the soft silk of her dress. She felt like something inside her might burst, and she gasped, shuddering and stumbling away from its source. Everyone in the immediate vicinity—thankfully not the entire party—turned to look at her, confused. Most seemed bewildered, though Doctor Whooves wore a knowing smile. The worry in Celestia’s eyes, however, struck at her more than any embarrassment could have. “Twilight, is something the matter?” “No, I’m sorry, Princess.” Twilight looked down. “Something brushed my flank just now… and It’s very sore.” She hoped Celestia could forgive the slight lie. The Princess looked around, her mane waving and shaking as she looked. “I don’t see anything near you,” she commented, her tail swishing side to side. “Your highness,” Doctor Whooves volunteered. “Your tail.” Celestia moved it forward and looked at it. “What about.. oh! My tail. I’m so sorry, Twilight. But if your flank is sore, you should remove the saddle.” Celestia looked down, smiling with concern. “Spike can help you take it off, and you can retire to your room for the night.” Twilight shook her head. “Thank you, Princess, but I’ll be all right. I’ve lived through worse.” She looked up at the Princess, smiling and hoping it reached her eyes. “Nonsense, Twilight. There’s no need for you to suffer for my sake.” Celestia glanced out over the festivities, the sea of ponies before them. “I’ve managed the Gala by myself for years.” “I’ve been looking forward to this,” Twilight informed her teacher, trying not to let the whine slip too far into her voice. “I’ll excuse myself to remove the saddle and see how I feel then.” “Very well.” Celestia turned to the brown earth pony. “Doctor, your tie is askew.” He nodded. “Right. I shall go fix it. And since the Stallions and Mares rooms are so close… I’ll walk with Twilight Sparkle!” He grinned and sauntered off toward the restrooms. “Allons-y!” Twilight found herself looking between his back legs as they walked. “Thanks for walking with me,” she sighed. “I just need to get in there and get out, no interruptions…” She trailed off, trying to ignore the mental image that came from her choice of words. “Anything to help. You’ve seemed very harried about town recently… Derpy was talking about bringing you some muffins.” Twilight felt her muzzle grow warm with embarrassment. “It’s always busy before the Gala.” “Of course. Did you need help with that saddle? Could fetch Derpy, or one of your friends.” “No. I can use magic.” She looked up ahead at the stallion, trying to read his face and make sense of that manic smile he always seemed to wear. What was his game? Had he noticed what every other stallion had? “Ah right. Twilight Sparkle, student of Princess Celestia! Of course you can take yourself out of a saddle. You could probably even put it on in the first place by yourself.” She blinked. “Ever practical Twilight Sparkle putting on a saddle…” He stopped in front of the door to the fillies’ bathroom, grinning at her, an intense look in his eye. The next thing she knew she was on top of him in the entrance to the bathroom, nipping at his neck, and he was backing away, laughing. “Oh, what a relief! You really are Twilight Sparkle, just in estrus!” He laughed toward the door. “I’ll send Rarity or Spike back to help you with that.” As the door swung closed behind him, he muttered, “So then who is the Auton agent? Must be Pinkie Pie…” Twilight Sparkle stared at the door for a few moments before she began to weep. Through the sound of her sobs, she noticed the swinging of the bathroom’s inner door, but said nothing. “Oh, Twilight, what’s wrong?” Before she could protest, a soft muzzle was nuzzling her hair, the smell of grains and vegetables filling her nose. Twilight squirmed, trying to ignore all the feelings racing through her. “Fluttershy? Aren’t you busy with the bird choir?” “Oh, it’s late, and our performance is over. But you’re crying… What’s the matter, Twilight?”Fluttershy sat down next to her delicately, her thin dress draping lightly over her shapely flank. Even through her tears, Twilight couldn’t help a slight sense of amusement at her own desperation. “I can’t do this! I just came onto Doctor Whooves!” Fluttershy looked up at the ceiling, her blue eyes shining in the dim light of the corridor as she thought. “Oh, that could be bad. I don’t think Derpy would be very happy about it.” “I don’t know what I was thinking. He was just talking about how weird it was that I wore a saddle and he just seemed so smart and I just threw myself at him!” Fluttershy looked at her friend, nodding, her hair falling in her face. “Oh, I bet. He is sort of clever, and very handsome. But if you like him maybe you would like Written Script? You know Written Script, right?” Twilight facehoofed. “I’m not looking for a stallion, Fluttershy! I’m just looking for this all to end.” The soft-spoken Pegasus gave a soft little sigh. “But it’s only going to end when it’s over.” “I know that!” “So if you don’t want to make love to stallions, why spend all this time around them?” Fluttershy’s tone stayed even and steady, soft as ever. Twilight growled and stood up. “Because the Gala is today and Celestia needs me and I need to focus and I don’t want to be a slave to some animal instinct and,” Twilight shouted before finally ending it in a scream. Fluttershy cowered for a moment, before asking, “Does that feel better?” “A little.” “You know what I do when I get frustrated?” Twilight panted, looking at her companion from beneath her lowered eyebrows. “No. What do you do when you’re frustrated?” “Oh, well…” Fluttershy looked down, shuffling her hooves nervously. “I go somewhere quiet and play with my tits.” Twilight started to say a witty retort, but finding she had none, only a flat “what” escaped her lips. “I go somewhere quiet and I play with my tits?” The door to the restroom flew open, the white figure bursting through almost too tall for the doorframe. “Twilight!” the princess gasped. “I heard you scream! Is everything all right?” Twilight sighed with relief and smiled, glancing at Fluttershy. “Everything’s just fine, Princess. Sorry to bother you.” Fluttershy smiled back. Dear Princess Celestia, I’m so sorry about what happened tonight at the Gala. I promise it won’t happen again. Next time I’m not up to whatever you need me to do for whatever reason, I’ll keep you informed about it and we can prioritize together. That’s one of the lessons I learned today about friendship: always talk to your friends about their expectations. The bulk of what I learned today isn’t really a friendship problem, but friendship is the answer to it. Sometimes, you can’t solve your problems, and you can’t run away from them. Sometimes, they’re just there, and you have to wait for them to pass. When that happens… you have to let go of it, and dwell on them as little as possible. Which is easier said than done. That’s where friends come in. When friends can’t solve your problems, they can distract you from them, or at least feel better about being stuck with them. When you go to friends for help and they can’t fix things, it’s important not to give up on them and let them try to help, even if you know it won’t solve the root problem. It’s amazing what they can do, and what you can learn from them. I didn’t just learn how to redirect myself from Fluttershy tonight. I also learned that the Pegasi call chickadees “tits,” apparently. Never thought I would learn vocabulary from her. But going out and spending time with the birds, away from other ponies except for one trusted friend, made a big difference. I don’t know if you saw me, but I was even able to come back inside for a little while and enjoy the party. All I had to do was wait it out, and maybe not get so upset about things not going the way I wanted. I’m getting another marble inserted tomorrow, and I’m going to do a better job of keeping all my friends informed about my needs and responsibilities. I’m sorry for the trouble. Your faithful student, Twilight Sparkle Falling Action: Bonus Ending and Author's Notes Dear Princess Celestia, I’m so sorry about what happened tonight at the Gala. I promise it won’t happen again. Next time I’m not up to whatever you need me to do for whatever reason, I’ll keep you informed about it and we can prioritize together. That’s one of the lessons I learned today about friendship: always talk to your friends about their expectations. “The bulk of what I learned today isn’t really a friendship problem, but friendship is an answer to it. Sometimes, you can’t solve your problems, and you can’t run away from them. Sometimes, they’re just there, and you have to wait for them to pass. When that happens… you have to let go of it, and dwell on them as little as possible. Which is easier said than done. That’s where friends come in. “When friends can’t solve your problems, they can distract you from them, or at least feel better about being stuck with them. When you go to friends for help and they can’t fix things, it’s important not to give up on them and let them try to help, even if you know it won’t solve the root problem. It’s amazing what they can do, and what you can learn from the- “Twilight?” “Yes, Princess?” “That is not what I meant by an oral report.” Author's Notes On Horse Reproduction and the Title of this Story The inspiration from this story came from something I read about horse reproduction while researching some ideas for a potentially using Cadence foaling as a plot point in a Roleplaying is Magic campaign. While I was reading about horse estrus and how it normally works, I discovered two key pieces of information that turned into the inspiration for this story. One was the tenderness and pain of estrus, not unlike PMS, and the other was a form of birth control and estrus suppression commonly used in horses. Basically, horses get glass marble IUDs (intrauterine devices). Their body thinks that little glass ball is an embryo and chills out for a while. Then it passes and has to be reinserted, and apparently sometimes they don't pass in a predictable way. Now, if Twilight Sparkle thought friends were a waste of time, can you imagine how she thought about colts? I tried to the best of my ability to keep my portrayal of her in line with everything I've read about horses in heat. Not wanting to be alone, reacting to just about any stallion but being able to kind of pick and choose, the symptoms dropping off suddenly... Most of what's gong on here is close to my research. Where it varies from typical horse symptoms, it probably matches up very nicely with human PMS symptoms... specifically my own. Sorry. If you have an experience with horses that differs that you think I should know about, let me know! I might be able to make a minor edit, or a bonus chapter. I'd definitely be curious. I've never actually owned a horse before, only ridden them with someone else doing all the steering. Think fairground pony carousel. Gratitudes and Grammar First off, I'd like to thank the sweet gentlecolts of Reddit's Clop chat, #rclop on FreeNode, for their assistance, especially mathrick, who offered to proofread the story for me. Due to real life getting in the way and a published real author offering to look it over for me, I never did get to take him up on that, but I still appreciate it. I'd also like to thank everyone in the FIMfic chat for their help. You guys made me feel so much better about this whole thing! So... I said a real published author did my editing. My BBBFF from another mother, took time off from editing his magazine to look my story over and help me find some grammar and usage mistakes. He was also there for me when real life was getting in the way of getting anyone else (like maybe someone who wouldn't embarass me by reading something so sexual) reading the piece. And the whole ending with fluttershy's tits? His idea. I love ya, bro, and thanks for accepting your frustrated little sister as she is! Speaking of grammar and usage, if you find anything that you don't think is there for artistic reasons, feel free to let me know and I'll look for it. Embarrassing, given my real-life profession, but we all make mistakes. Imagery I'm not too impressed with the imagery I have for this here story. Any suggestions for better artwork I could ask someone if I could use?
Exposition "It's so easy, you see To cross the fine line in front of me -Julien-K, "Systeme de Sexe" “The pedigree of the royal family of Equestria traces itself to the noble Alicorns, but very few Alicorns still exist—“ Luna, Celestia, and Cadence, basically, Twilight noted— “—due to the recessive nature of Alicorn traits and interbreeding with other kinds of ponies. The line of royals currently standing to inherit the throne, for example, have been unicorns for centuries, though genetic testing and phenotypic evidence suggest that most descendents of this line are heterozygous for the Alicorn mutation. Twilight shifted in her seat and continued reading, wondering what it was about Blueblood that signaled he might have some Alicorn in him. Twilight snickered at that. Alicorn in him. He did seem pretty gay, didn’t he? Not that there was anything wrong with that, but it made her chuckle to think of the haughty noble being mounted by another steed. Oh, but who would be funniest? Maybe a country bumpkin pony like Big Mac. Yeah, a big, strong stud like Big Mac… She shook her head. That was ridiculous. For one, Big Mac seemed to have a lot of interest in fillies. For two, so did Blueblood. For three, why the hay was she thinking about stallions having sex? She shifted in her seat again, trying to get comfortable, and settled back into reading. “Individuals who are heterozygous for the Alicorn mutation are thought to show extraordinary magical ability, even if they would not normally have access to magic. Some also show unusually diverse magic, magics unfamiliar to their race. For example, a large number of the allegedly precognitive earth pony miners of Fillydelphia have tested positive for the mutation relative to the rest of the population in the region.” Hey, isn’t Pinkie’s rock farm outside of Fillydelphia? She thought. And I’m probably heterozygous for the Alicorn mutation given my magical abilities. …wonder if there are any nice stallions out that way. Wait, what? Twilight stood up and shook her head. “What the hay is wrong with me? I can’t focus on anything!” Spike looked up from the comic book he was flipping through, and Twilight found herself a little embarrassed that she’d spoken out loud. “…Are you hungry?” he asked. “No. I just ate an hour ago.” “Thirsty?” Twilight glared slightly, levitating her cup of tea into view. “Went to the bathroom?” “I just went an hour ago, too!“ Despite her protests, Twilight searched her body for signs that maybe she needed to use the bathroom, and her search came up positive. Without saying anything more, she went off to take care of business. When she was done, she realized that the tense feeling hadn’t gone away. So she marched over to the phone, put in a call to the local clinic, and set up an appointment for the following afternoon, grumbling. Then she came back to her book. “I don’t know how you can forget your body like that,” the dragon quipped. Twilight snorted angrily, unsurprised he’d say something like that. “I didn’t forget my body; it really was just an hour!” Hearing the shrillness of her own voice, she noted more quietly, “I have an appointment at the clinic tomorrow.” Spike frowned sympathetically, his eyes going wide. “No wonder you’re so grumpy. I’ll run to the market and get you some cranberries…. But I’ll top off your tea first.” He hopped up from his seat and walked toward the kitchen. She couldn’t help but smile as he left the room. So generous, just like Rarity. When he’s older, Twilight realized, that’s going to be a heck of a pairing. That is, if Rarity doesn’t find some other stud first. At least she’s not interest in Blueblood. If he’s heterozygous for alicorn and I’m heterozygotic for alicorn, maybe we should have foals together for scie- Twilight bashed her head into the table, enjoying the clarity of the pain and allowing it to flow through her. It made her realize that her head wasn’t the only thing that hurt; her back was bothering her too. This was a horrible day to study. She should be in bed, but just the thought of being alone in her bedroom sent a chill through her. This was not a time to be alone. The very thought of being alone made tears start to well up in her eyes. “Twlight?” Something reached into her mane and she jumped, screaming. Spike started screaming too, falling backward. “What’s wrong? Twilight?” “I need to get some air. Come on, Spike. We’re going to market.” Twilight stomped out the door. It seemed to her like it took forever for Spike to finally follow, but as she heard rustling she realized he was grabbing their stockpile of bits. Very good. Why didn’t she think of that? “Oh, I would love buy some Fuji apples. I hate to bother you but… do you think that maybe you can grow them, or trade for some, or tell me how I can get ahold of them? Please?” Fluttershy lowered her head, looking up at her friend with wide blue eyes. Applejack frowned, lowering her head a little. “What? Are you saying that our apples ain’t good enough?” Big Mac gave his sister a warning glare. “Nope,” he noted, turning to smile at Fluttershy. “Not at all! It’s just that different kinds of apples have different flavors, and Angel really wants to eat some Fuji apples.” “Fluttershy, we’ve been through this before. You can’t just cater to yer bunny’s every whim!” “But he has a craving…” She dug at the ground. “We all got cravings, darlin’. Ya can’t always give in to ‘em.” “He’s a bunny.” Fluttershy looked at AJ intently, her gaze only short of a glare by the impassive, friendly expression of her face. While the girls argued, Big Mac raised his head, smiling. “Howdy, Twilight. Lookin’ for some apples?”Applejack raised an eyebrow at her brother’s speech, glancing at him. “No, not really… but they sound really good.” She smiled easily, approaching Mac’s side of the stand. “What are you offering today?” Spike ran up. “Uh, Twilight, shouldn’t we just get what we came for and go home?” “I don’t want to be cooped up in the house all day, Spike,” she noted sweetly, not taking her eyes off the red stallion. “Now why would you have to be cooped up in the house all day?” Mac asked, leaning forward a little. His sister’s eyebrow raised further before the eyes beneath them finally rolled. “I’m a little under the weather,” Twilight noted, stepping closer to the stand, her voice softening. “Hello, Twilight,” Fluttershy greeted. “Hi, Fluttershy,” she dismissed. “So what are you selling today, Big Mac?” “Oh, just our usual red delicious. You know what they say,” he said warmly, “An apple a day keeps the doctor away.” Applejack stomped suddenly. “Mac! You were supposed to pick Apple Bloom up from school!” The other ponies all turned to look at her, surprised. “Uh… nope?” “Yes, you were! Now git your tail over there before she wonders where ya are!” With a heavy sigh and just a hint of an eyeroll, Big Mac answered, “Yup,” before dashing off. “I could go with you?” Twilight offered ineffectually as he disappeared behind a corner. “Twilight,” Applejack commanded, exasperated, “go git whatever it is you came for, and I’ll drop some apples at your house once the market closes, ok?” She started to protest, but the little dragon started pulling her away. “Oh dear,” Fluttershy noted. “You’re tellin’ me. That coulda been bad.” “…well… I don’t really see how. I mean… Big Mac is very kind…” “He’s my brother!” Applejack shouted, shrinking down behind the table as the customers and keepers of the surrounding stalls turned to look. “I guess that would be a little weird. I’m going to go take care of some things, but first, I’ll take a bushel of apples. And if you could please just help me find out where to get the other apples some other day, I would really appreciate that.” Berryshine lifted the bucket out of the ice box. “That’ll be five bits. Can I ask what it’s for?” Twilight frowned, looking down and shuffling her hoof. “Medical reasons. They say it helps.” “Well then , that’ll be four bits,” the vendor corrected, smiling sympathetically. She tossed her hair out of her eyes. “I know how you feel.” “Thanks.” “Is that why your family got into growing cranberries, Berryshine?” Spike asked. Twilight cringed, mortified, but the unicorn just laughed, tossing her sleek, purple mane again. “I think it is!” She shook her head, chuckling. “Luckily that trait doesn’t seem to breed true, but I guess I had to get some bad luck in exchange for my good looks.” She lifted her chin up, posing. Spike snickered. “You look just like Twilight. Same colors and everything.” “Sure sure does,” the stallion next Berryshine said with an odd grin before making a horrified face, letting his white mane fall over his eyes. “Classy, bro,” Berryshine chided, snickering. “I don’t think he meant it badly, did you?” Twilight asked, stepping a little closer to the booth. Berrywhite looked up at her, a true, toothy smile breaking over his broad face. “Brother dear, why don’t you start loading up the cart to go home?” Berryshine ordered, voice dropping to pitches Twilight thought were reserved only for stallions. “Is it time to pack up yet?” “Yes, it is.” She glared. “It can’t be that late in the day already, can it?” Twilight asked, not taking her eyes off Berrywhite. “It seems early, but it isn’t. Twilight, it’s been a pleasure meeting someone who looks so much like myself, and I do hope you feel better soon. But we’ve got to pack up.” She turned to her brother. “Berrywhite. Cart. Now.” “Can we go home now, Twilight? We got the berries, and you’re acting really weird!” Twilight stopped in her tracks. “What do you mean, acting really weird?” Spike blinked, looking up at her. “Well, you ignored Fluttershy.” “I didn’t ignore Fluttershy! I said hello.” Twilight stomped angrily, snorting. “And then that was weird with the Berries.” Twilight rolled her eyes, “Spike, Berrywhite was the one who made that weird. Berryshine was obviously grossed out.” The little dragon put his head in his claws. “Twilight, I’m really worried about you. And I can tell you aren’t feeling well.” He looked back up at her and stepped closer. “I’m worried this is going to be like that time you were afraid of Magic Kindergarten.” Twilight scoffed. “It is not going to be like that time. I don’t even feel that bad and I don’t have anything I have to do! I’ll write a letter to Princess Celestia about how important it is to listen to my friends when they’re worried about me. Lesson for the week. Done!” She breathed in deeply, shuddering. “What’s wrong, Twilight?” Spike looked at her with those big eyes again. He took another step toward her, claw raised toward her foreleg, but then stopped suddenly, as if holding himself back. Twilight could still see his surprise when she jumped earlier in her mind’s eye. She wasn’t going to scare him again… “I don’t know.” She hung her head. “I really don’t know what my problem is. Let’s go home and we’ll invite one of the girls over.” She considered offering Spike a ride on her back to try and make him feel better, but the cramping made her think better of it. “Who should we ask? How about Rarity?” Spike’s little crush on Rarity. Just thinking about looking at that gushy crap and hearing her call him “Spikey Wikey” right now turned her stomach. “I think Rarity’s pretty busy with our dresses, Spike,” Twilight covered quickly. “How about Rainbow Dash? I can’t imagine she’s that busy right now…” Twilight was really not sure what she was doing. She’d arranged all the apples in the bowl, sorted them by color and size, put away all the books, and cleaned everything. It was the least she could do while waiting for Spike and Rainbow Dash to come home. It was the least she could do to keep her mind off the day’s events. Why was everyone so keen to get away from her? Why was Big Mac so talkative? Why was Berrywhite such a creep? Such a handsome, strong-looking creep who smelled like cranberries. The sharp, astringent smell made her think… She shook her head. It was almost like she was in heat, but that had only happened once before, and she’d been following a perfectly regular schedule of glass marble IUD insertion since. She wasn’t due for a replacement until more than a month after the Gala, and that particular choice of birth control was practically side-effect free. She dismissed the thought and squirmed a bit where she stood, trying to stretch the cramp out of her back. Definitely a UTI, a pretty severe one if her back was bothering her. Probably fever, if her kidneys were involved. Would explain the listlessness, the silliness… Before the door was even open she was standing in front of it, listening to the hinge creak. The blue Pegasus behind it gasped, her blue wings flying up next to her in shock. Something in the back of Twilight’s mind wanted to giggle about wingboners, but instead she squeaked happily. “Rainbow Dash! How nice to see you! Come in! Applejack brought apples, would you like some?” Rainbow blinked, frowning as she made her way in. “You ok, Twilight?” “No. Not really.” Twilight drooped, smiling with embarrassment. “Hey, hey, no need to be embarrassed. Just park it somewhere and we can read some Daring Do together!” Dash’s frown disappeared as she trotted over to the fiction shelves. “Least I can do after you got me into this stupid egghead nonsense!” Twilight chuckled. “What one are you on?” “Number ten.” She plucked it off the shelf and sat down at the table. “Wow. Already?” Twilight sat down, eager for some distraction. “You’re really devouring them, Rainbow.” The Pegasus sat up tall. “Yeah, I don’t waste any time getting what I want.” She leaned forward a little, her eyelids fluttering. Twilight blinked, unsure of what her friend was trying to say. Spike ran from the room, snickering. “Rainbow… I think I missed the joke.” Twilight averted her eyes. The Pegasus looked down a bit, squirming uncomfortably. “Yeah, it was kinda a dumb one. Don’t mind me. So uh, Chapter One: The Holy Trough…” Dear Princess Celestia, Today I learned an important lesson about friendship from watching Twilight. When your friends are upset, they don’t always know what’s bugging them. Sometimes you just have to keep talking until they get it, and sometimes you’ll figure it out before they do. I know it sounds like I’m talking about feelings and stuff, but I think this can go into body stuff too. Wonder if that’s a pony thing or a girl thing. Maybe that’s why doctors make so many bits. Spike
Rising ActionTwilight fidgeted on the table, waiting for the Doctor come. The nurse had done all the bloodwork, she’d peed into a cup, and everything had gone exactly as she expected. If he could just give her a prescription for an antibiotic so she could go home and rest in time for the Gala tomorrow, that would be great. Part of her wanted to out to market and apologize to Big Mac for all the weirdness yesterday, but she knew she needed to get some rest so she could help Princess Celestia manage the huge event. Her heart leaped in her chest as the door opened, the doctor came in. She didn’t remember him being this handsome. She certainly didn’t remember him looking at her quite so intently. “Well, Miss Sparkle, I don’t even need to look at your chart to figure out what the problem is.” “So… antibiotics?” He laughed. “You… you must realize you’re in the active part of your estrus cycle, right?” She stared at for a second, trying to process the words. No. Genital discomfort, back pain, listlessness… well, it could be both. But… “But I had a marble inserted.” “Well, you lost it.” “Well, I need a new one, then!” He shook his head. “Ok. The day after tomorrow.” “The Grand Galloping Gala is tomorrow!” “I’m sorry, Miss Sparkle, but no one who can do the procedure is in today or tomorrow.” He walked over to her, lowering his head to make eye contact. “I would recommend chasteberry or a hormonal supplement, but they take time to work and the risks of hormonal birth control are much higher than a glass marble IUD.” He shook his head. “You’re going to have to tough it out.” She stormed out. With a plop, she dropped herself into the tub. She knew in an instant that it was a mistake, with the way that Rarity looked over at her, water now dripping down the other unicorn’s carefully curled mane. Fortunately, her friend’s face contorted in sympathy, not in outrage. She was also relieved to find that the heat of the water was, at least, a distraction from her aching back. “Twilight! I would say it’s a pleasant surprise if you didn’t look so miserable. What on earth is the matter?” Fluttershy looked over at Rarity with wide eyes and a concerned expression. Twilight tried to suppress her anger, but it came spitting out instead. “You figured it out and you didn’t say anything, Fluttershy?!” Twilight glared. The Pegasus sunk in the bath. “I… I thought you knew what you were doing.” “No I didn’t! I thought I was sick!” Rarity blinked. “I lost my marble early!” Twilight snorted. Rarity blinked again. “… Don’t you realize how terrible this is?” Rarity chuckled. “Oh Twilight. Of course you would think this were terrible!” Twilight tried to ignore the pressure building in her chest, the urge to reach over and smack the other unicorn. “It is terrible! I’m not going to be able to focus on anything! Every stallion who passes me is going to be distracted! And maybe even some mares!” Twilight tried to banish Rainbow Dash’s odd behavior from her mind. “A little distraction might be enjoyable, Twilight.” “A foal wouldn’t be enjoyable! I have too much to do to worry about that kind of thing!” After a moment, Fluttershy covered her ears with her hoofs. “Sorry, Fluttershy.” Rarity cast an apologetic glance at the yellow pony before turning back to her fellow unicorn. “Listen, Twilight… we’re mares. We’re supposed to find a nice stallion, have a little fun, and maybe have a foal. It’s not natural to put that off. Now if you’re waiting on the right stallion, that’s one thing, but…” Twilight sighed, rolling her eyes in exasperation. “Rarity. I don’t want that. I’m not interested in that. I haven’t been able to get anything done because I can’t stop thinking about that kind of thing! I don’t know how I’m going to handle the Gala!” Rarity considered, looking up as she thought. “Maybe I can introduce you to Bruce Mane? He’s a friend of Fancy Pants.” Twilight screamed and stormed out of the tub, dripping as she went. She slammed the door behind her. “Applejack! Applejack! Are you here?” He knew who it was in an instant, and against his better judgment, he went to her voice. Twilight Sparkle was not particularly Big Mac’s type, and she was a little young for him, but for once his animal instincts and his sense of duty agreed with each other. He found her in front of the barn, tears streaming down her face. “Nope,” he said simply, walking into view. “Big Mac! I need to talk to Applejack right away!” He noticed her eyes flit ever so slightly down to look at his body, but then they came right back up, pleading. Something really was wrong. Usually when mares came to him like this, their eyes lingered. “She’s off at the market. But what’s the matter? You look like you’ve been crying…” “I can’t find any chasteberries! And I don’t want to ask every single vendor at the market and make a fool of myself.” He shook his head. “You gotta start those early. ‘Sides, they don’t really prevent much.” He smiled at her, bringing his shoulders up into the slightest shrug. “I don’t know what to do. The Gala’s tomorrow!” He weighed carefully his options as she looked at him. On one hand, he knew one thing that might help, and he was sure he could enjoy it. On the other hand, Applejack didn’t seem to like that idea very much, and he didn’t really relish the thought of doing that sort of thing with somepony that only wanted it on a physical level. “I don’t know what to tell ya, Twilight. I just wish I could help. Probably could, but I know that ain’t what you want. “ She smiled. “That’s very considerate of you, Big Mac. Thanks. I’ll try to find your sister.” And with one last glance at his flank, she was gone, running faster than he realized the unicorn could go. He shuddered and tried to remember if there was school today. Applejack had barely finished setting up the apple stand before her friend was upon her. Almost literally, Twilght’s face so close to hers she could feel her breath. “Applejack, oh thank goodness, I’ve been looking all over for you!” Applejack gasped. “Twilight, ya can’t go sneakin’ up on a pony that way!” She lowered her head, glaring. “What in tarnations is the matter?” “I need your help,” came the surprisingly quiet reply, barely above a whisper. Twilight’s purple eyes, out of focus due to the closeness of her face, looked down at the ground, sparkling with tears in the sunlight. “Well, first, have a seat. Take a deep breath.” “Why?” “’Cause you’re gettin’ all panicky again and that usually helps.” Applejack smiled at her friend. “Just give it a try. You explain better when ya breathe.” Twilight sat down, closed her eyes, and took a deep breath. Then she opened them. “I need chasteberries.” “Too late for chasteberries, sugarcube. You’re gonna have to live with it.” “But… distraction…” “I can’t help you with that Twilight. I reckon Rainbow Dash probably could, but I don’t know if that’s to your tastes, and that could get pretty weird anyway.” “No!” Twilight gasped. “That’s not to my tastes, and it’s not like doing that turns it off!” The earth pony sighed, looking up at the sky. “I know. I know, but you just work yerself up so gosh darned much. Maybe if ya give in a little now it won’t be so strong tomorrow.” “You really think so?” Twilight looked at her with wide eyes, more fear than fire behind them. “With you?” Applejack laughed. “You never let go of a problem until ya solve it. Why not… solve it? So ta speak.” Twilight stood up, turning her head so sharply her mane whipped in the wind. “I guess it’s worth a try! Thanks, Applejack.” She darted off. “DASH! Rainbow Dash!” Applejack slumped behind her table. “Celestia, what’ve I done?” The door slamming woke him from a dead sleep, and he was barely on the stairs before she was calling for him. “Spike! Rarity needs you at the boutique! And send Rainbow Dash here on your way!” He rushed down the stairs, whining. “What does Rarity need? Why do you need Dash? What did the doctor say?” Twilight closed her eyes, turning away from him. “There’s no time for that! Go to Rarity and get Rainbow Dash!” “Twilight! Please tell me, what’s wrong?” he whined. “It’s nothing. Just go.” She turned back to him, glaring, tears in her eyes despite her angry tone. Spike thought for a moment, recalling the letter he’d sent in the night. “Is this about how gay Rainbow Dash got with you last night?” Spike suppressed laughter, snickering. “Er… yes.” “Right. On my way. Have fun, Twilight.” He walked out the door, laughing. “SPIKE!" Rainbow Dash scowled as she walked in the door, wondering what the oblivious mare she called a friend could be up to now. Why would Spike send her over here after Twilight rejected what was obviously an advance yesterday? Why was she even showing up? Her scowl stopped when she spotted Twilight Sparkle… sprawled across the table, a safari hat askew on her head. “Hello… Rainbow Dash.” She winked. Rainbow Dash didn’t even try to suppress the rising of her wings even as she fell over laughing. Roaring, letting the tears of exertion well up in her eyes, she panted…. “You… Egghead..! Costume?!” She let out a braying laugh so loud it seemed to reverberate inside her head. “… Why is this funny?” Dash slapped the floor with her hoof, laughing. “I thought… oblivious! I thought... you didn’t even… but you! That’s so… dirty!” She squealed. “Didn’t think… you had it in you! Ahahaha!” She rolled onto her back, chortling, ignoring the slight pain in her wings. “I… I’m trying here, Rainbow,” Twilight responded, her voice going up in the slightest of whines, killing both Dash’s laughter and the tension in her back. She rolled to her feet and stood, smiling. “I’m laughing at me as much as you. And I’d be glad to take care of you if it won’t get weird. You’re my friend.” The unicorn seemed shocked, her little jaw dropping. “Weird? What do you mean, weird?” “Well...” Rainbow Dash dug absently at the floorboard with a hoof, looking away. After a moment, she took a step in that direction. “You’re a friend. Just that. I don’t… I don’t want anything more than that from you.” She sighed. “But they say if you do some extra friendly things with your friends, sometimes they get confused. Or you get confused.” With a jarring finality and calmness, Twilight replied, “And then that would jeopardize our connection to the Elements of Harmony.” It was the unicorn’s turn to sigh. “So we can’t. I’m sorry if I seemed to be teasing you, then.” Rainbow turned back, smiling, even as Twilight’s choice of words brought up a nagging concern. “Hey, I’m the best prankster in town. If I can’t take a little teasing, what can I do? It’ll just gear me up to talk to Spitfire at the Gala tomorrow.” Despite her plans for the Gala, she couldn’t help but think about the others. What if Applejack or Pinkie Pie were the ones that turned her fancy? Would Twilight disapprove enough to create a problem? She noted. “Wait, what do you mean about the Elements?” Twilight sighed sadly, averting her purple little eyes. “Even if one of us fell in love with one another, we could never date because of the Elements. Not that it’s likely to be a problem for me anyway, I guess. I keep on thinking about stallions.” Rainbow Dash quickly imagined the unicorn dropping into a dissertation on the proportion of intrusive thoughts about colts versus fillies, deciding that she couldn’t let that happen. She nuzzled her friend. “See? Nothing to worry about. Now why don’t we find you a nice stallion to play with?” Twilight growled even as she shuddered from the contact. “Stallions have consequences, Rainbow! Consequences I’m too busy and way too neurotic for!” She thought about that. “… Yeah, you’re right about that. Talk to Lyra and Bon Bon? Practice a little magic? I don’t know, Twilight.” Rainbow sighed, and nuzzled her friend again. “Just… whatever you do, stop tearing yourself up over it.” She pulled back and waited for Twilight to meet her eyes. “Everyone has to put up with this sometimes. No one’s going to get mad at you. And… it’s your life anyway. Who cares if they do? Your friends won’t, and those other ponies don’t matter.” Twilight nuzzled her back. “I’m so sorry, Rainbow. Thank you for being so very supportive.” “Can I tell everypony we did it?” For just a second she thought she was going to get shoved, but instead Twilight Sparkle backed away laughing. “Absolutely, though I’ll let Spike in on the joke. You can even say I… what can we say that will help your reputation?” Dash laughed back. “I’m not gonna rile you up more talking about that. I’ll tell them you said how glad you were I was experienced and you kept talking about things you read in the Pony Sutra.” She thought for a moment. “You have a copy, right?” “Of course I have a copy!” “Can I borrow it? … you know… Spitfire…” Rainbow Dash gave a sheepish grin. Twilight sighed. “It’s in the pile by my chair. Please, get it out of my sight.” Rainbow Dash walked over to the pile, scanning the books. “Cheer up, Twilight. You might just have fun.” Still, as she walked out, she couldn’t shake an uneasiness at what Twilight had said about the elements. Before she grabbed the book, she asked. “If you were in love with us… you would really give it up to maybe, possibly save the whole elements thing, even if it might never cause a problem?” She turned back to look at Twilight, who was smiling, broadly, and hoped her concerns weren’t written across her face. “Of course, Rainbow. What good would I be to my beloved if I were dead or turned gray or anything like that?” “But… but your dreams.” Rainbow tried hard not to think about what the conversation really meant, tried not to take her thoughts off some imaginary love between herself and Twilight… “What good would a dream of anything be if getting the dream destroyed it?” Twilight shook her head. “What would that kinda dream mean out of context of the friendships I have and the world we live in? It’s no different than the worth of one night of passion weighed against the potential consequences of having to bear and raise a foal. It’d take me away from my friends who need me. When other members of the team start having children, I’ll think about it as a common point of bonding to help preserve our friendship.” She took a breather from her rant. “No matter who I love or what I want, I’ll never be happy knowing I can’t protect them.” Rainbow turned away as the tears welled up in her eyes. “Thanks for the book, Twilight.” She snatched it off the shelf and walked out, as slowly and carefully as her legs could take her. Dear Princess Celestia, I know that honesty is kinda AJ’s thing, but I learned a lesson about it tonight. If you don’t know what’s going on with your friends, don’t make assumptions. Just ask. That way, nopony’s feelings get hurt later on when you want different things. I also realized that someponies who seem kinda uptight about themselves are waaaaaay more tolerant than you’d think. Oh, and my friends are more important than anything. I mean anything. I guess I already knew that, but it’s like I realized it all over again. And something else happened. Twilight made me think really hard about what our friendship is worth, and how much is at stake. I can’t join the Wonderbolts as long as I’m part of the Elements of Harmony, can I? That’s why I haven’t gotten an invitation. But it’s not because I’m not good. It’s because what I’m doing is more important. And I can’t be Loyalty if I can’t decide between them and my friends. So… can I get your blessing to start my own team here in town? Maybe I can whip Fluttershy into shape. So I guess I learned one more lesson from Twilight tonight. As the Rolling Ponies once said, “You can’t always get what you want… but if you try sometimes, you might find you get what you need.” Rainbow Dash Commander and Founder of the Rainbolts
ClimaxRarity grunted as she tightened the saddle, and Twilight whined with pain as the stiff material pressed in on her tender flanks. “Darling, I don’t know why you want to wear something that’s this restrictive when you’re already hurting.” She loosened the lacing slightly, brushing Twilight’s flank on accident as she moved. It sent a shiver down Twilight’s spine. “Saddles are for the kind of pain that keeps one on ones toes… not for prolonging days of suffering.” “It’ll be too hard for me to get into trouble this way, Rarity.” Twilight looked at her friend from beneath her eyebrow, trying her hardest to look stern. “I can’t get rid of these feelings, so I may as well have fun with them… but I can’t risk a foal and I don’t like mares.” “There are other things you can do.” “They don’t help near enough to justify anything. So level with me: Does the saddle work with my dress?” Rarity bit her lip, looking at it up and down. “A little. But it would work far better if you still had that ridiculous getup from that time you thought there was going to be a disaster to wear underneath.” Twilight pranced in front of the mirror, watching the soft fabric drape her shapely flank, obscuring the source of her problems. The saddle looked almost right there, but something was missing. Still, the stealth gear. “Why would that help?” “Because it’d be just a little bit naughty on a pony so dignified.” Rarity grinned. “Ugh! No!” Twilight stormed away from the mirror, focusing on the heat in her chest instead of elsewhere. “I don’t want to be more attractive! I want to be pretty and nondescript!” Rarity walked up besides Twilight, her eyes wide with concern. “Twilight, dear, you can’t help being attractive. You’re confident and innocent, smart and foalish, all at once. You’re an intruiging contradiction with a daring manecut. Maybe you should stop trying to hide and just be who you are. You can always say no.” Twilight turned to face her head, getting so close they knocked horns, sending a shock through her body. “I don’t want to say no!” Rarity stepped back. “Then don’t.” “Great! Now you’re mad at me, too!” Twilight went to storm toward the door, telekinetically untying the saddle. “What?” Rarity ran in her way, bracing herself in front of the doorway. “Who could possibly be mad at you?” “Rainbow Dash! She was acting weird when she left my house last night!” Rarity giggled. “Oh, what did you do?” “... Why don’t you ask her about that.” Twilight looked away, frowning. “Whatever you did, she seemed extraordinarily happy, Twilight. She told me you inspired her to start her own team to rival the Wonderbolts. Can you believe that? She’s even talking about finding some way to incorporate us land-dwellers into the act!” Rarity sighed, looking up. “Oh, I might even consider the grit and dirt and exertion to keep her this happy.” “Oh.” Twilight Sparkle drooped. “Here I am all worked up about everything and it’s helping people.” “Well, there you go! Now let me finish lacing you up, a bit more loosely this time, you can help me zip up my dress.” Twilight rolled her eyes. “Rarity, I’m not going to try anything. You’re my friend.” “Tell that to Rainbow Dash!” Twilight laughed and braced for the lacing. It was maddening. She knew from the moment the first guest arrived—Prince Blueblood, with his Alicorn ancestry and gorgeous face—that she had made a mistake. Now as the ponies walked past, each one after another, turn after turn, Twilight Sparkle had to do everything in her power not to speak. With nearly each stallion that passed her, images of what she might want him to do danced before her eyes and the pressure built in her body. It had gotten bad enough that she had already once mistaken an urge to use the ladies room for her desire, and only realized the truth with moments to spare. All the ponies, desirable and not, came past her to greet the Princesses, and some even came to greet her. It was agonizing listening to Soarin’ ask about Applejack and her pies, especially knowing that Sweet Apple Acres had catered some of the evening’s deserts and Applejack was out soaking up the praise herself. She didn’t care for his flimsy excuse to chat. Fancy Pants complimented her dress, and she had no doubt that much was sincere, but she was certain he was older than her father. It didn’t stop her from imagining some rather disturbing scenarios with him. About the only male at the Gala who hadn’t stoked the fires in her was her brother, who seemed oblivious to her situation. She was just thinking about the rumors that Doctor Whooves had two hearts and what that would mean for his endurance as he discussed common acquaintances with the Princess when something lightly brushed down her flank from hip to tail, shielded from reaching further by the soft silk of her dress. She felt like something inside her might burst, and she gasped, shuddering and stumbling away from its source. Everyone in the immediate vicinity—thankfully not the entire party—turned to look at her, confused. Most seemed bewildered, though Doctor Whooves wore a knowing smile. The worry in Celestia’s eyes, however, struck at her more than any embarrassment could have. “Twilight, is something the matter?” “No, I’m sorry, Princess.” Twilight looked down. “Something brushed my flank just now… and It’s very sore.” She hoped Celestia could forgive the slight lie. The Princess looked around, her mane waving and shaking as she looked. “I don’t see anything near you,” she commented, her tail swishing side to side. “Your highness,” Doctor Whooves volunteered. “Your tail.” Celestia moved it forward and looked at it. “What about.. oh! My tail. I’m so sorry, Twilight. But if your flank is sore, you should remove the saddle.” Celestia looked down, smiling with concern. “Spike can help you take it off, and you can retire to your room for the night.” Twilight shook her head. “Thank you, Princess, but I’ll be all right. I’ve lived through worse.” She looked up at the Princess, smiling and hoping it reached her eyes. “Nonsense, Twilight. There’s no need for you to suffer for my sake.” Celestia glanced out over the festivities, the sea of ponies before them. “I’ve managed the Gala by myself for years.” “I’ve been looking forward to this,” Twilight informed her teacher, trying not to let the whine slip too far into her voice. “I’ll excuse myself to remove the saddle and see how I feel then.” “Very well.” Celestia turned to the brown earth pony. “Doctor, your tie is askew.” He nodded. “Right. I shall go fix it. And since the Stallions and Mares rooms are so close… I’ll walk with Twilight Sparkle!” He grinned and sauntered off toward the restrooms. “Allons-y!” Twilight found herself looking between his back legs as they walked. “Thanks for walking with me,” she sighed. “I just need to get in there and get out, no interruptions…” She trailed off, trying to ignore the mental image that came from her choice of words. “Anything to help. You’ve seemed very harried about town recently… Derpy was talking about bringing you some muffins.” Twilight felt her muzzle grow warm with embarrassment. “It’s always busy before the Gala.” “Of course. Did you need help with that saddle? Could fetch Derpy, or one of your friends.” “No. I can use magic.” She looked up ahead at the stallion, trying to read his face and make sense of that manic smile he always seemed to wear. What was his game? Had he noticed what every other stallion had? “Ah right. Twilight Sparkle, student of Princess Celestia! Of course you can take yourself out of a saddle. You could probably even put it on in the first place by yourself.” She blinked. “Ever practical Twilight Sparkle putting on a saddle…” He stopped in front of the door to the fillies’ bathroom, grinning at her, an intense look in his eye. The next thing she knew she was on top of him in the entrance to the bathroom, nipping at his neck, and he was backing away, laughing. “Oh, what a relief! You really are Twilight Sparkle, just in estrus!” He laughed toward the door. “I’ll send Rarity or Spike back to help you with that.” As the door swung closed behind him, he muttered, “So then who is the Auton agent? Must be Pinkie Pie…” Twilight Sparkle stared at the door for a few moments before she began to weep. Through the sound of her sobs, she noticed the swinging of the bathroom’s inner door, but said nothing. “Oh, Twilight, what’s wrong?” Before she could protest, a soft muzzle was nuzzling her hair, the smell of grains and vegetables filling her nose. Twilight squirmed, trying to ignore all the feelings racing through her. “Fluttershy? Aren’t you busy with the bird choir?” “Oh, it’s late, and our performance is over. But you’re crying… What’s the matter, Twilight?”Fluttershy sat down next to her delicately, her thin dress draping lightly over her shapely flank. Even through her tears, Twilight couldn’t help a slight sense of amusement at her own desperation. “I can’t do this! I just came onto Doctor Whooves!” Fluttershy looked up at the ceiling, her blue eyes shining in the dim light of the corridor as she thought. “Oh, that could be bad. I don’t think Derpy would be very happy about it.” “I don’t know what I was thinking. He was just talking about how weird it was that I wore a saddle and he just seemed so smart and I just threw myself at him!” Fluttershy looked at her friend, nodding, her hair falling in her face. “Oh, I bet. He is sort of clever, and very handsome. But if you like him maybe you would like Written Script? You know Written Script, right?” Twilight facehoofed. “I’m not looking for a stallion, Fluttershy! I’m just looking for this all to end.” The soft-spoken Pegasus gave a soft little sigh. “But it’s only going to end when it’s over.” “I know that!” “So if you don’t want to make love to stallions, why spend all this time around them?” Fluttershy’s tone stayed even and steady, soft as ever. Twilight growled and stood up. “Because the Gala is today and Celestia needs me and I need to focus and I don’t want to be a slave to some animal instinct and,” Twilight shouted before finally ending it in a scream. Fluttershy cowered for a moment, before asking, “Does that feel better?” “A little.” “You know what I do when I get frustrated?” Twilight panted, looking at her companion from beneath her lowered eyebrows. “No. What do you do when you’re frustrated?” “Oh, well…” Fluttershy looked down, shuffling her hooves nervously. “I go somewhere quiet and play with my tits.” Twilight started to say a witty retort, but finding she had none, only a flat “what” escaped her lips. “I go somewhere quiet and I play with my tits?” The door to the restroom flew open, the white figure bursting through almost too tall for the doorframe. “Twilight!” the princess gasped. “I heard you scream! Is everything all right?” Twilight sighed with relief and smiled, glancing at Fluttershy. “Everything’s just fine, Princess. Sorry to bother you.” Fluttershy smiled back. Dear Princess Celestia, I’m so sorry about what happened tonight at the Gala. I promise it won’t happen again. Next time I’m not up to whatever you need me to do for whatever reason, I’ll keep you informed about it and we can prioritize together. That’s one of the lessons I learned today about friendship: always talk to your friends about their expectations. The bulk of what I learned today isn’t really a friendship problem, but friendship is the answer to it. Sometimes, you can’t solve your problems, and you can’t run away from them. Sometimes, they’re just there, and you have to wait for them to pass. When that happens… you have to let go of it, and dwell on them as little as possible. Which is easier said than done. That’s where friends come in. When friends can’t solve your problems, they can distract you from them, or at least feel better about being stuck with them. When you go to friends for help and they can’t fix things, it’s important not to give up on them and let them try to help, even if you know it won’t solve the root problem. It’s amazing what they can do, and what you can learn from them. I didn’t just learn how to redirect myself from Fluttershy tonight. I also learned that the Pegasi call chickadees “tits,” apparently. Never thought I would learn vocabulary from her. But going out and spending time with the birds, away from other ponies except for one trusted friend, made a big difference. I don’t know if you saw me, but I was even able to come back inside for a little while and enjoy the party. All I had to do was wait it out, and maybe not get so upset about things not going the way I wanted. I’m getting another marble inserted tomorrow, and I’m going to do a better job of keeping all my friends informed about my needs and responsibilities. I’m sorry for the trouble. Your faithful student, Twilight Sparkle
Falling Action: Bonus Ending and Author's Notes Dear Princess Celestia, I’m so sorry about what happened tonight at the Gala. I promise it won’t happen again. Next time I’m not up to whatever you need me to do for whatever reason, I’ll keep you informed about it and we can prioritize together. That’s one of the lessons I learned today about friendship: always talk to your friends about their expectations. “The bulk of what I learned today isn’t really a friendship problem, but friendship is an answer to it. Sometimes, you can’t solve your problems, and you can’t run away from them. Sometimes, they’re just there, and you have to wait for them to pass. When that happens… you have to let go of it, and dwell on them as little as possible. Which is easier said than done. That’s where friends come in. “When friends can’t solve your problems, they can distract you from them, or at least feel better about being stuck with them. When you go to friends for help and they can’t fix things, it’s important not to give up on them and let them try to help, even if you know it won’t solve the root problem. It’s amazing what they can do, and what you can learn from the- “Twilight?” “Yes, Princess?” “That is not what I meant by an oral report.” Author's Notes On Horse Reproduction and the Title of this Story The inspiration from this story came from something I read about horse reproduction while researching some ideas for a potentially using Cadence foaling as a plot point in a Roleplaying is Magic campaign. While I was reading about horse estrus and how it normally works, I discovered two key pieces of information that turned into the inspiration for this story. One was the tenderness and pain of estrus, not unlike PMS, and the other was a form of birth control and estrus suppression commonly used in horses. Basically, horses get glass marble IUDs (intrauterine devices). Their body thinks that little glass ball is an embryo and chills out for a while. Then it passes and has to be reinserted, and apparently sometimes they don't pass in a predictable way. Now, if Twilight Sparkle thought friends were a waste of time, can you imagine how she thought about colts? I tried to the best of my ability to keep my portrayal of her in line with everything I've read about horses in heat. Not wanting to be alone, reacting to just about any stallion but being able to kind of pick and choose, the symptoms dropping off suddenly... Most of what's gong on here is close to my research. Where it varies from typical horse symptoms, it probably matches up very nicely with human PMS symptoms... specifically my own. Sorry. If you have an experience with horses that differs that you think I should know about, let me know! I might be able to make a minor edit, or a bonus chapter. I'd definitely be curious. I've never actually owned a horse before, only ridden them with someone else doing all the steering. Think fairground pony carousel. Gratitudes and Grammar First off, I'd like to thank the sweet gentlecolts of Reddit's Clop chat, #rclop on FreeNode, for their assistance, especially mathrick, who offered to proofread the story for me. Due to real life getting in the way and a published real author offering to look it over for me, I never did get to take him up on that, but I still appreciate it. I'd also like to thank everyone in the FIMfic chat for their help. You guys made me feel so much better about this whole thing! So... I said a real published author did my editing. My BBBFF from another mother, took time off from editing his magazine to look my story over and help me find some grammar and usage mistakes. He was also there for me when real life was getting in the way of getting anyone else (like maybe someone who wouldn't embarass me by reading something so sexual) reading the piece. And the whole ending with fluttershy's tits? His idea. I love ya, bro, and thanks for accepting your frustrated little sister as she is! Speaking of grammar and usage, if you find anything that you don't think is there for artistic reasons, feel free to let me know and I'll look for it. Embarrassing, given my real-life profession, but we all make mistakes. Imagery I'm not too impressed with the imagery I have for this here story. Any suggestions for better artwork I could ask someone if I could use?
