Figuring Yourself Out
A Dream Is…
Load Full Story“Can I get a chocolate chip muffin, please?” Scootaloo asked, tapping her hoof against the shop's floor.
“Why sure you can, little missy.” Mrs. Cake smiled, failing to notice the frown Scootaloo wore at the word ‘missy.’
What was it about that particular word that had suddenly put her on edge? However, rather than dwell on it too long, she simply put it to the side as Mrs. Cake pulled out her muffin.
“Here you go, girl.”
Scootaloo’s stomach churned. “Um, thanks.” she said, placing the money on the counter and walking away, only to bump into somepony.
“Oops! Sorry!” Scootaloo cried out.
“Oh it’s okay, young filly.” a grey pegasus mare assured with a smile.
Scootaloo blinked but said nothing as she walked away. As she left, she kept running into ponies who, for some reason, felt were going out of their way to call her a mare. Each time it made her feel more and more uncomfortable.
“Pardon me, miss.” A mare said.
“Well hey, there, pretty girl! Beautiful day!” a stallion beamed.
“Hey, young filly, which way to town hall?” somepony asked.
Scootaloo acknowledged them at first, until she started to get very uncomfortable. She tried to ignore them.
“Hey, wait, girl, where are you going?” somepony called out.
“Wait, filly, you dropped your muffin!”
Scootaloo tried her best to ignore them and kept walking.
“Hey, you! Yeah, you, missy!” Diamond Tiara called out, causing Scootaloo to come to a halt.
“Oh, hey, Diamond, um, and Silver…” Scootaloo gulped. While they were no longer enemies, the fact they had been long ago did little to ease the pegasus.
“What’s the hurry?” Diamond Tiara asked.
“I… don't know.” Scootaloo said with a breath.
“Oh? Scared of being a filly or something?” Silver Spoon asked out of nowhere.
“What?” Scootaloo said with alarm.
“Come now, Scootaloo,” to her surprise, Apple Bloom said, appearing right behind her. “Being a filly isn’t so bad. You get to wear pretty bows in your mane.”
“Huh?” Scootaloo started, only to look up to see the pinkest bow she could possibly imagine on her head. “What the?”
“And you get to dress up in the most beautiful dresses!” Sweetie Belle added cheerfully.
Scootaloo looked down in horror to see she was now wearing a big, fru fru dress.
“No!” Scootaloo screamed, trying to wiggle her way out of the clothes.
“Ah, don’t fight it,” Apple Bloom encouraged. “It’s all natural in the end.”
“Oh, oh!” Diamond Tiara waved. “You know what would make her the prettiest mare in all of Equestria? Pink horseshoes!”
With that, a pair of glittery pink horseshoes appeared on each of Scootaloo’s hooves.
“And you can’t forget about the makeup for that gorgeous, womanly, face!” Silver Spoon giggled.
A mirror appeared in front of Scootaloo, but she looked away and booked it, tossing off her clothes as she did so.
“Where are you going, miss?” She heard someone ask.
“Come back here, filly!” Another said.
“What? You that afraid of being a mare?” another teased.
“No, I, I just…” Scootaloo came to a stop, breathing heavily, her chest feeling as if it was on fire. When she opened her eyes, she saw silhouettes of ponies and dresses circled all around her, asking what was wrong.
“Stop it,” Scootaloo pleaded, “just-
“STOP!” A majestic voice cried out, pushing all the figures away.
Peering up, Scootaloo saw Princess Luna descend from the now starry sky.
“Prin… Princess Luna?”
“Indeed,” Luna nodded. “Although, it has been awhile, child.”
Scootaloo started for a moment, before it all clicked. “Oh, I was just having a nightmare.”
“Yes,” Luna confirmed. “And a most unique one at that.” She reached out a hoof and patted Scootaloo’s back. “Care to talk about it?”
Scootaloo pawed at the ground. “I suppose.” She sat on her rear. “Guess it has been a bit of a week for me. Anyways…” She took in a breath. “I think it started when I had to fill in a health form for class. I got to the question of if I was a colt or filly, and…I don’t know.” She squinted her eyes and glared at a front hoof. “After that, well,” she shuffled her hooves. “I suppose it’s always been in the back of my mind before. The fact I’m not really into ‘girly’ things like dress up. So I suppose all that did was make me feel…wrong about myself?” She shook her head. “I know, it sounds silly, but for the past week whenever someone calls me a filly, I just,” she took in a breath.
“Oh? Conflicted about your gender by chance?” Luna questioned.
“What?” Scootaloo blew at a strand of hair. “Like I’m not supposed to be a filly or something?”
Luna nodded.
Scootaloo blinked. “Wait, you’re not telling me I could be a colt instead?”
“I am, actually,” Luna affirmed to Scootaloo’s bewilderment. “I suppose you’ve never heard of transgenderism before?”
“Tran…trans…” Scootaloo ran the word through her mind before something clicked to it. “Aren’t those ponies stallions who like to dress up as mares?”
Luna’s lip twitched. “Eh, sort of,” she answered gently. “It is actually more when, because our creators were not that intelligent, a filly ends up in the body of a colt, or—“ She pointed at Scootaloo. “A colt ends up in a filly’s body.”
Scootaloo’s pupils dilated. “You can do that? You can change genders?”
Luna chuckled. “Well, if you are a trans colt, you would have always been a colt. I know,” Luna said, raising a hoof. “It’s a lot to get one's head around, so don’t feel afraid to ask questions.”
Scootaloo thought about it and everything she had felt that week. Could it be as simple as, this whole time, she was actually a he?
“I don’t know,” Scootaloo honestly answered, cocking an eyebrow. “I mean, maybe I’m just not into filly things!” She cringed. “Or rather, say that was the case,” she shuffled her back hooves. “What would I do about it?”
“Well, there sadly wouldn’t be a lot you could do right now at your age,” Luna said with a sigh. “While there are such ways to transition into your correct gender, it is a long process that requires time and effort from your side for that very reason.”
“Oh…” Scootaloo frowned, ears folding back.
“But,” Luna smiled, lifting Scootaloo’s chin up. “That doesn't mean we can’t see what it would feel like now.”
“Um…” Scootaloo said, cautiously. “How?”
“Well,” Luna said, looking around. “In real life, among other things, the simplest would be to have ponies call you a he and see how you like it. But, seeing how this is a dream, I can do one better, and actually make you a colt.”
Scootaloo frowned, then perked up. “I mean…You know what? That sounds like an awesome idea!”
Luna nodded, and with a wave of her horn, the world around them shifted. Scootaloo felt different.
“Hey, dude!” some colts called out to her—No! They just called Scootaloo a dude in a very clear way.
Looking around, Scootaloo happened upon a mirror and, sure enough, found himself now as a colt.
“Hey, man, excuse me,” somepony said, walking past him.
Scootaloo shook his head.
“Aren't you a handsome young stallion!” some mare complimented.
The sinking feeling in his stomach suddenly returned with a vengeance.
“Scootaloo!” someone else said. “Looking good today, man.”
“Excuse me, sir,” somepony else said. “Is this your scooter?”
Scootaloo’s head started to pound.
“Hey, Apple Bloom?” Sweetie Belle said. “You hear about Scootaloo’s crush? He’s got it bad!”
“Oh yeah,” Applebloom smirked. “I heard he’s—
“That’s enough!” Scootaloo screamed. “Make it stop, Princess Luna, make it stop!”
The square evaporated, and a perplexed Luna stood above her. “I’m terribly sorry, Scootaloo! Are you okay?”
“No, it’s okay,” Scootaloo said with a shake of her head. “Guess I’m not a stallion either.” She laughed. “Nope. Figures, with my luck I’d end up some freak who's neither.”
Luna blinked. “Wait, perhaps…
“Huh?”
She gave a light chuckle. “Perhaps if you are, in fact, you are neither a he, or a she.”
Scootaloo started. “What? Like, I’m actually genderless or something?”
“Precisely,” Luna smiled. “Although this is the first time I’ve come across such a pony, the term for that would be called ‘non-binary’.”
Scootaloo narrowed her eyes. “Are you just making things up now?”
“No.”
On the outside, Scootaloo went crossed eyed. On the inside, she, well…
“Okay, so, if, maybe, that was the case, now what?” Scootaloo questioned. “How does that even work?” She gave her rump a shake. “And here I was just starting to get this whole ‘wrong gender’ trans thing.”
“It’s confusing, I’ll admit.” Luna took a break and sat down. “But nothing that can’t be helped when you take the time to learn and understand.”
“No kidding,” Scootaloo huffed. “So, what, do I just stop being a filly?” She felt an itch in her backside. “I suppose to just, er, not use the bathroom for the rest of my life? Get rid of those parts?”
Luna laughed. “Well, no, you are still a filly.”
Scootaloo raised an eyebrow.
“By that I mean, that is your sex,” Luna corrected. “Not your gender.”
“Now my head hurts,” Scootaloo said, even with the tiniest of smiles showing.
“So I’m just some…they, even if on the outside I’m still a filly?”
“Indeed.” Luna nodded.
“I… okay.” Scootaloo gave in with a shake of her head before addressing Luna again. “Thank you, Luna. Still a lot for me to think about.”
Indeed. Still, the idea that, maybe the best explanation for everything was simply the fact she was non-binary. Now knowing what it meant, they had a glimmer of hope in their confusing times. Scootaloo then walked up to Luna to give her a hug, which the princess was happy to return.
“I do have one other question,” Scootaloo stated as they pulled back. “Where did you learn all this stuff anyways?”
Luna gave a nervous chuckle. “Ah, yes, well, er,” she let out a breath. “Let’s just say, with how long I was gone for, coming back, I happened to get caught up in some chatter about how stallions were saying they were mares to cheat at sports and stalk around the filly’s room.”
Scootaloo gawked.
“I know.” Luna cringed. “Although from how often I heard about it from worried ponies who’d brought it up, I looked into the matter. Even…” she gulped. “I, um, entered into such stallion mares to see what was wrong with them. However, rather than the heartless mind of an athlete wanting to win at all costs, or a bathroom prevert, I was met with minds that were hurt, damaged, and depressed. Either because they were not sure of who they were, or they were trapped in the wrong gender because of the same ponies who filled my own head with silly ideas. So rather than accuse, I approached more with curiosity, which eventually led to understanding and compassion. Now, here I am, helping foals such as yourself, Scootaloo, figure out who you are as an ally, rather than a foe.”
“That’s—“ Scootaloo took a moment to process. “But, what if I chose wrong?”
“I guess at the end of the day,” Luna spoke. “It truly comes down to this; What do you feel? Knowing what you know now, no one but you can decide who you are. Don’t think otherwise.”
“Well,” Scootaloo took in a breath. “I guess I don’t want to be either a stallion, or a mare. Even if it means I don't feel like I’ve got to get rid of the bits that make me a filly.” They blushed. “By that I, er, you know…
Luna held out a reassuring hoof in understanding.
“Thanks,” Scootaloo nervously chuckled. “Still, you haven’t quite told me what to do about it now. I just tell ponies to call me a they/them?” At best, they found ponies being confused by that, at worst, well, they tried not to think about it.
“Maybe we can try one last experiment before you have to wake up?” Luna offered. “I can direct you with a letter to someone who would be more qualified in helping you figure yourself out and what to do next, but for now, why don’t I let you see what being called non-binary would be like.”
“Um, alright.” Scootaloo nodded.
With a wave of her horn, Scootaloo found themselves in Ponyville once more.
“Hey, you!” somepony called out. “You know where town hall is?”
“Yeah, that way,” Scootaloo pointed.
“Thanks, kid,” the pony nodded before walking off.
“Morning, you!” another pony called out as they passed.
“You hear about that awesome stunt Scootaloo pulled off?” Scootaloo heard some foals whisper.
“Yeah! They were awesome!”
“Oh yeah!” In the distance, Rainbow Dash grinned at a few ponies, floating in the air. “The squirts like a little sis-I mean, sibling to me! Taught them everything they know!”
For the first time that week, Scootaloo felt good about themselves.
Author's Note
This story was written on behalf of Quirky Craft, who didn’t have time with senior year finals to write something, but had enough to brainstorm with me an idea for me to write myself, as well help me understand what being non-binary is all about.
Id also like to thank another close friend, who wishes to remain anonymous, but who has been a huge help as well in understanding and inspired me to want to know more about lgtb topics 💜
Although back to the co-author of this story, if you enjoyed this collaborative piece, be sure to check out their Pride & Positivy story from last year, and keep an eye on my own YouTube channel for a, late 😅😖, Pride month reading (will be posted her when published, but have my pride video last year so you can find my channel)
Scootaloo looks to Rainbow Dash for advice on coming out to her friends
Quirky Craft · 3k words · 87 30 · 1.7k views
