Equestria Handyman

“Oh Marky, Marky, Marky, how much fun are we gonna have?” Rarity grinned with close eyes as she stirs her teacup before taking a sip and looking at Mark as they enjoyed a small snack in her house.

“So it appears somepony has been very busy since we last talked, hmm?”

“Hah, yeah it has been crazy how things have developed since you set that blind date.” Mark replies with some embarrassment looking away, and chuckling nervously.

“I say, courting the hearts of a lovely earth pony, and then a pegasus, tell me, is there a unicorn on the horizon next?” She looks at him with a smirk and a raised eyebrow.

“Anything is possible I suppose I mean I had made quite a few friends recently, including two pegasus and a dragon”

“Is that so? Well now I’m wondering if avoiding unicorns is a preemptive act.”

“Nah I simply hadn’t met many mare unicorns that aren’t already in a relationship mostly.” He answered honestly while taking a sip of his tea.

“I see, would you like to meet one?” He chokes a bit, before putting the cup down. “Excuse me?”

“Oh nothing as serious I assure, I just thought a small field practice could be good for your very first lesson. Approaching mares.”

“I think I got that covered, Rarity.”

“Really? Then explain this to me of all those friends you have had before, did you really engage any of them or did you simply grant a blind date with them?”

“I…holy crap you are right”

“Language dear!” Rarity reprimanded him. “And you see now? Sure you know how to talk to mares, but you haven’t actually ENGAGED in any sort of conversation, when the intention was seeking romance from the start. And to do so, the approach needs to be delicaly careful and mindful of their respective tribe.”

“Is that really a factor?”

“And a particularly big one too I’m afraid” Rarity nods. “Which is why for our first lesson I will help you with a small crash course of approaching mares, in a personal favourite night club I like to assist.”

“You want us to go dancing for our first lesson? Like right now?”

“Well of course not silly, that would be ridiculous. We will go at night, and until then we will work on your wardrobe”

“What is wrong with what I’m wearing?” He asks wearing a simple green shirt, blue jeans, tennis shoes, and a red sweater.

“Well nothing…if you are going jogging.” She answered with neutrality. “And yes Mark the outfit influences. But don’t worry, dear Rarity here will help you select the perfect combination that will guarantee head turns. Trust me.”

“Is this by chance just an opportunity to show off a new clothes assembly to the public?”

“It can be two things! Now let's go, time to make you fabulous!” She grabs his wrist and drags him to her study, to start choosing options for their night out.

That night at Club Hot Feet

Making her way with confidence Rarity made her way to the entrance waving hello to the mares and stallions, captivated by her charms and chosen wardrobe. Wearing a light blue long sleeved halter top, white belt and purple skirt Rarity made sure to expose her outfit for everyone to see before turning around to see her partner.

“Mark, come here.”

“Rarity are you sure about this? I feel a bit ridiculous wearing this”

“You look incredible! Come on, trust me” She encouraged Mark as he made his way to her wearing a black vest on top of a button gray vest, a black belt, blue jeans, formal black boots, and a semi open formal white shirt as well as a chain necklace as he blush slightly at all the stares he was receiving.

“Are you sure this looks fine? I mean I’m wearing two vests here.”

“Why don’t you see for yourself?” She points at a group of mares that were waving at Mark with half lidded eyes making him chuckle slightly nervous at the attention, before following Rarity inside.

Once in the club, the two were blasted by the sound of dub techno music courtesy of Vinyl Scratch as she played another of her best records living things up on the dance floor.

“Hey, nice beat.” Mark could feel his head bobbing to the music as he approached the dance floor, until Rarity stopped him by hugging his arm. “Patience Marky, there will be time for that later, first we need to establish your game play.”

“My game?” He repeats confused as she guides them to the bar where she orders two light drinks.

“Well your moves, let's try some examples” She looks around until she spots one of the flower mares dancing alone. “Let's say you want to woo that mare, what do you do?”

“Ah I don’t know, just come closer and say hi?”

“Good, that is a good start, then what?”

“I…ask her if should like to dance and then ask her name or something?”

“Mark, are you looking for a date or a friend?”

“Is there a difference?”

“Yes there is, a date you show you are interested in pursuing a romantic road, a friend you are just pursuing someone to chat with, and tell her you are not interested. No mare here is interested in friends. So you start acting like that is the plan, and they will get past you after ten minutes.”

“Ok then…we might have a problem.”

“Mark…you actually don’t have anything?”

“I’m sorry I was always a disaster while dating back on Earth I…I never really had any sort of ‘game’, there I said it.”

“That is ok I can work with it.” Rarity calms him down with a reassuring smile “You don’t need to worry, this isn’t exactly that complicated either, there are only two things you need to know.” She lifted two fingers “Tease, and light dirty talk.”

“Really? That is all?”

“Trust me, that is all you need to show any mare you are interested in them, and you can back down if they are not.” She nods a couple of times. “Just tease carefully and remain polite at all times, this advice is mainly for light hookups. After that it is about listening and springing slight flirtings, but that is for a letter lesson. Tonight is all about working on your teasing game.”

“Ok how do I start?”

“First...” She takes their drinks and gives him his, they take a sip before leaving it at the counter. “we go to the dance floor and dance a little while looking around, once you see a lonely mare then you approach slowly and talk with her.”

“Sounds good, anything in particular I should keep in mind?”

“2 things mostly, unless you want to get slapped don’t say that she has pretty wings or horn. That is like saying she has pretty breast”

“Duly noted!” He nods and then they go to the dance floor to enjoy the music while looking around any potential hook up. Eventually finding one in the form of a white Earth pony with light pink hair and mane. A pink short dress that reach her tight, black tight shorts and some small eye shadow

“Isn’t that Redheart?” Mark points out recognizing the mare.

“Oh my you are right! It is good for her! I always thought that poor lady deserves some love after all she does in Pony General.” She gives Mark a light push. “Why don't you see if you can make her night?”

“Well I suppose she wouldn’t mind the attention, she seems a bit lonely.” Mark nods with a smile and approaches her. “Remember the two things dear, keep it light!” Rarity calls before continuing dancing dealing with a pair of stallions having the same idea for her.

“May I have this dance?” Mark lightly joked approaching the mare in question that was startled and confused to see him here “Mark Star? What are you doing here?”

He chuckled as they continued dancing “Could ask you the same, didn’t think you like to go to nightclubs.”

“Oh really?” She smirks at him “And where exactly did you imagine I would spend my weekends?”

“A gentlemans club”

“WHAT?!” She asked him completely livid.

“I…I mean ah…a coffee shop with a nice book to read?”

She just keeps glaring at him and crosses her arms.

“Back away now?”

She nods a couple of times.

“Fair enough, have a good night.” He nods and slowly dances away from her so she could enjoy the rest of the night.

“Mark, what did you say?” Rarity asks, surprised at how fast he returns.

“I…think I went overboard with the teasing.”

“Oh Mark.” She shakes her head in disappointment. “Ok we will keep trying to remember LIGHT teasing.”

“Do you have some cards for me to use maybe?”

“Are you gonna read them while dancing?”

“Nevermind.”

Rarity nods and they continue trying to build his game, with other mares.

“So tell me, ponies call you the flower sisters, is that like a title or are you?”

They chuckle a little before answering, “Just a title, don't worry.” Daisy answers.

“Oh thank you, you have no idea how much I have been racking my brain trying to figure it out. I must say your flower shop is simply incredible, you really must love your jobs.”

“Thank you.” They all giggle at the compliment and start to have a good time right until someone by accident spills some beer on Lily while she looks at the spot in horror. “Oh no! My favourite dress!”

“The horror!” All of them look at it in horror before literally passing out, confusing Mark as he slowly backs away, rescued by Rarity that pushes both away, before an audience could form. “Ok that was on me, those three are a bit on the dramatic side, lets search something more your wheelhouse.” She laughed nervously.

“…then after paying our first loan we officially started our own spa business and have been happily earning a living doing what we love!” Lotus ends recalling their stories as he and the twins were sitting in a chair.

“That is incredible! I have never been to a spa before, but now I would be lying if I said I’m not intrigued to give it a chance.”

“We guarantee you, we will take good care of you and will leave with a satisfied smile on your face.” Aloe promotes the place.

“You know, my marefriend travels a lot and is the master when it comes to promotion. If you like I could talk with her and we could work something out.”

“Oh?” Aloe looked surprised and then slightly disappointed as she was preparing to leave “Wait, wait.” Lotus stops her sister “What do you have in mind?” She inquired about what they could arrange.

“Mark!” Rarity pulls him away in annoyance. “Ok new rule NO promoting business, you are now just focusing on relationships got it?”

“I thought I was doing fine and…”

“Ah!?”

He sighs in defeat. “Got it.”

“I just don’t know how to get to him, when we started he was so attentive and passionate, but now he is always working in that lab of his obsessing over time.” Derpy tells dejectevely drinking her beer

“You know what I think. That Time Turner guy sounds like a complete jerk for ignoring such a lovely girl like yourself.” Mark mentions with anger

“Really? You think I’m pretty?” She asks hopefully as he smiles while Rarity nods in approval thinking she finally got something going on.

“I don’t think, I KNOW you are beautiful, stallions are intimidated just because you are also an incredible mom, they can take a hike if they don’t see it too.”

He placed his hand on her knee making her shiver slightly “You know what I think you should do?”

“What?”

“I think you should tell that Time Turner how good he has it and start appreciating you for the gorgeous mare you are!”

“What?” Both mares look at him in shock.
“Yeah, remind him how beautiful you are, and why he fell so strongly for you.”

“But how?”

“Ok this is what you can do, next time he excuses himself to his lab, lock the door, and make sure he knows you have the key, and if he wants it back he is gonna have to look for it”

“And where would I hide it?”

He smiles and issues for her to come closer so he can whisper it in her ear, making her blush and her wings sprung to attention. “Oh my”

“Let's see if he wants to spend time in the lab after getting the key.” He tells her with a mischievous smile.

“Yeah…yeah! I shouldn’t just mop around and feel sorry for myself! Thank you so much Mark! You are incredible” She brings him into a hug which he chuckles, accepts and reciprocates.

“Don’t mention it, now go reignite that flame girl!”

“I will! Time Turner here I come!” She says determinedly heading to the exit hitting some other ponies on their way out.

Mark smiles and looks back at Rarity before giving her a thumbs up as she shakes her head and holds her mane.

“By Celestia he is as thick as a brick!” She laments looking at the counter.

“Ok by far that one was the best” Rarity heard someone sitting next to her and looking up to see Pon3 with a beer bottle chuckling lightly while looking at Mark who went and talked with some other mares.

“Never in my life have I seen a stallion fail so many times and still come out on top.” She looked back at Rarity.

“If it helps anything, you are on the right track, but maybe the approach is what is wrong.”

“Please Vinyl right now I’m not exactly in the best of moods.” Rarity confesses massaging her head.

“Nah don’t sweat it Rares, we all had bad days and hey look at your boy, sure he is failing but he is also having fun, and isn’t that what matters?”

“Not when you are supposed to teach him how to flirt.”

“Huh, so that is what it was, though you were having a sort of bet going on” Vinyl chuckles before taking a sip of her drink “Seems like you need a breather, want me to take it from here while you take five?”

“You want to help him flirt with mares?”

“Eh why not sounds like fun, and it's not like I don’t know what I’m doing. I helped my sis get her stallion didn’t I?” She point at Octavia who was currently dancing with Thunderlane, slightly provocatively even, much to the pleasure of poor Thunderlane who could only chuckle and smile with a terrible blush, as Octavia giggles and give him a esquimo kiss.

“You did that?” Rarity ask in astonishment at the revelation

“Oh yeah, and believe me Octi was just as much of a disaster at dating as your boy over there, so what do you say? Would you mind if I give it a go?”

Rarity eventually shrugs and nods. “Sure, why not? I don’t know how else I could help him at this point.”

“Nice!” She cracks her knuckles and neck before approaching Mark. “Now watch and learn”

Vinyl watches as the ladies that Mark was talking to, just lose interest and march away without saying anything leaving him down and dejected.

“Tough night eh big boy?”

He was slightly startled by her arrival but when he saw her he simply nodded and sat on the counter. “I always sucked when it comes to flirting, and was extremely dense to notice it too.” He confessed, staring at the table. “Worse of all, Rarity is probably mad at me right now.”

“Hey enough with the pity party this is a night club not a sumber bar” Vinyl pat his back “Cheer up, dude you were doing fine even with the failures”

“What do you mean?” He asked her with a raised eyebrow.

“What I mean is sure you miss all the marks but you know what else you did, made those mares feel special” She points at the previous failures he had and sees them happily chatting among other mares or stallions even the latest rejected seem to almost glow.

“More than having fun, a night club’s whole thing is to help a mare feel sexy, feel wanted. And overall tease stallions into choosing them, you know what was your problem? You hand over the price way too soon.”

“The price?”

“The flirting, the teasing, and compliments. Oh sure any mare loves to hear them, but you know what they love even more? Work for them.”

“Really?”

“Trust me, it is the law of the jungle here, a mare leaves her stallion for too long and 5 more mares will try to take a crack at him, especially if he is in a herd. And if he is single, well...it’s fair game for the first alpha.”

“Ok you are making that up”

“Am I? Look over your shoulder briefly, the spa twins have been taking shots at you ever since I sat down.”

He was surprised but when he looked, indeed he saw the twins looking at him intrigued before looking down when they thought he spotted them looking.

“Ok what is happening?”

“Eh simply completion, mares are not the only prize dude. Present yourself a bit as a catch and it will be like blood in a shark tank”

“That is something I didn’t consider…not sure how to apply it though.”

“Easy, just need the right push. Tell you what, since I find it moving how you wanted to help old Derpy and her marriage this one on the house.” Vinyl giggled with some volume to catch some of the mare's attention before leaning in and kissing his cheek. “Oh Mark, you are so funny! Say why don’t we take this back to my house? Just give me a moment.” She says with a sultry tune before walking back to Rarity, who saw the whole thing confused.

“And now we wait.”

“Are you serious? Just like that? A kiss and a pep talk, how is that gonna…?”

“Ah…” She lifts her fingers and starts snapping “In 5, 4, 3, 2.…” Pointing at him again Rarity saw how both Redheart and the twins came back to see him, and they started to chat more openly. Mark was initially surprised, but then just went through the motion before inviting them over and started to flirt slightly.

“H-how…? What…?”

“Like I told your boy…this place is a shark tank” She replied with a smirk “A mare shows some slight interest in a stallion and if she leaves, he will swarm in no time. So…is this just a flirting lesson or are you planning to take the winners home? Because I could clean my basement if you know what I mean.”

“Oh no this extrictly flirting lesson, to help him when looking to extend his herd, nothing else.” Rarity clarifies.

“Are you sure? Because Redheart seems to want to give him a check up” Vinyl points out seeing how the nurse seems to be getting more touchy than the other mares.

“Oh ho, better jump in before those mares get the wrong impression.” Rarity says in alarm.

“I would be more worried about what those mares are poking at, Rares I heard what he did to Fluttershy.”

Vinyl call as Rarity goes to jump in and break anything up before things escalate.

“Oh sweetie there you are! I was looking for you.” Rarity calls with a chuckle getting very close to Mark “I see you made some friends” She keeps chuckling as she slaps Redheart's hand away as she was starting to venture south.

“Yeah…I was just chatting with these lovely ladies, just like you…”

“…ask you to do it,oh but of course, of course.” She kisses his cheeks lovely. “I just love to see you tease them, to work up an appetite” She giggled like a schoolfilly before looking at the mares. “You can join too if you wish ladies, you don’t mind just watching while you’re tied up right?”

That seems to do the trick as the mares back away, confusing Mark, as he looks back at Rarity.

“What was that?”

“Sorry to surprise you dear, I forgot the final lesson, learn to reject softly so you don’t get pounced. Trust me, it's important to let everyone know you are not gonna just take every skirt in your field of vision, for their and YOUR sake.”

“I wouldn’t have gone that far.” He defended himself.

“And THAT is why it will be for your sake, if you work a mare up too much they could have some difficulties dealing with rejection. But don’t worry about how you handle yourself tonight I’m sure you will get the hang of it.” She yawns in exhaustion. “For now, it's growing late, so we should head home now.”

He nods and stands up catching Rarity who trips and almost falls as she was feeling a bit tipsy at the moment. “Thank you dear, I might have drank a bit more than I should have.” She confessed with some embarrassment.

“Say no more” Mark nods and before she could say anything he picked her up bridal style and carried her to the exit.

“What?! No Mark, that is not what I mean, I can walk perfectly fine!” She tells in embarrassment from being carried like that.

“Ah come on Rares, you two look adorable.” Vinyl jokes “Let him spoil you a little, I can take your place if you don’t like it.” She wiggles her eyebrows at the two and Rarity just hugs his frame in defiance. “On second thought I wouldn’t mind some attention, thank you Marky.”

“Sure.” He can’t help but chuckle at her antics as he carried her home like that, luckily the streets were empty so no one saw the display, and soon they both arrived at Carousel Boutique.

“Here you go, safe and sound.”

Rarity giggles a little as he gently places her down. “My hero, I must say this is the first time I have been carried across town like that, a lady could get used to it.” She tells Mark with a wink as she fishes for her keys.
“I imagine you might like it, so will you be fine from here on out?”

“But Mark, why so attentive? Aren’t you gonna help me change into my nightgown next?” She tease him a little making him chuckle

“Ok message received, I will tone it down with the help.”

They share a small laugh as she grabs her kiss and opens the door to her house. “For what it was worth, even with the mistakes and the rocky start, tonight was really fun.”

“Yeah I agree, hope we can repeat it someday, not as a lesson but well just hanging out and dancing. Oh and don’t worry about the clothes, once I clean them up I will bring them…”

“Keep them, you earned it.” Rarity dismissed his concern. “Besides you look radiant with them, and I will not take no for an answer.”

“Well if you insist.” He goes and gives her a hug. “Thanks for a lovely evening Rarity.”

“My pleasure…Mark you are not putting a bag of bits in my purse right?”

“Of course not” He tells with a chuckle, putting a small check he made beforehand.

“Good, because I wouldn’t take your money for the clothes either, consider them as your one wardrobe friend discount.”

“Understood” They break apart and look at each other's eyes. “I had a blast too, goodnight Mark.” Rarity then surprises the human when she plants a short yet passionate kiss on his lips before going inside and closing the door. Leaving the human confused, and not even sure if she knew what she did.”