Equestria Handyman

“You want to be…?”

“An honorable member, yeah.” Rain Shine repeats herself with a smile while she and Milky share a cup of tea in Trottingham.

“Ok, that sounds like wanting to be friends with benefits and I don’t have issues with that, Marky and I decided to keep things casual sometime ago. Honestly you didn’t have to go this far to visit me Queen Rain”

“Oh but I do, Ms. Way, you see, I understand the concept pretty well, and as much as it hurts me, my circumstances and position as Queen present a problem, so I’m afraid I can’t join your herd, but I don’t want to lose contact with either Mark...” She grabs Milky's hand “...Or the beautiful herd he is a part of, and manages to captivate his heart. Especially thanking you for sharing such an incredible stallion such as himself with the rest of the world. If allowed I would like to become friends with his whole herd, which is why I wanted to speak with his alpha directly.”

“Well I’m certainly flattered, but also a bit lost on words, this is the first I heard of friends with benefits with the whole herd.”

“If you prefer we can just leave it as merely friends.” Rain Shine offers. “No need to add any unnecessary pressure to things right?”

“Right.” Milky nods in agreement “Ah what the heck, I don’t mind making new friends.”

“Excellent, thank you so much Milky, know that all of you will always be more than welcome in our humble town. We might be small and still trying to get more attention from the rest of the world but we still have our charms.”

The comment gains the attention of Milky, who hums and places her hand under her chin. “Say Queen Rain Shine, since we are talking about friendship and wanting to keep contact with us. Would you like some help getting more attention for you and your citizens?”

“But of course!”

“Then my friend, do I have a proposition for you.”

A month later

Stretching a little and holding a yawn. Mark continued to read an instruction manual on how to start your own business while waiting at the front desk for any potential work coming his way.

Hearing his front door open he saw Twilight walking in with a muffin basket. “Hi Mark”

“Hi Twilight, what brings you here?”

“I mostly wanted to bring you this.” She offered the basket of muffins “And ask how you been doing?”

“Well as you can see, things have been a bit slow as of late. So far I have been keeping myself busy, offering an extra hand for clients visiting the hardware store” He points at a phone nearby on his counter “But even that has been going slow as if of late. I suppose ponyville doesn’t need anything fixed, constructed or removed at the moment.”

“Considering how each week there is a disaster that needs to be fixed, I find that hard to believe.” Twilight responded with a roll of her eyes “Maybe you just need to promote yourself better, tell me how exactly have you published your business so far?”

“Well I’m still having difficulties on knowing exactly how a freelancer office should even look like. I mean, my focus is mostly in manual labour but how do you promote, ‘I can help with almost any job?’

“So you haven’t even worked on a flier or something to promote yourself?”

“Oh I did work on some prototypes.” He passed her a yellow flyer he had under the counter that only read, “Mark Stars, manual labour expert.”

“Oh wow, Mark this is…” Twilight looks at the flyer nervously trying to come up with the right words until he shrugs.

“Don’t worry, I know it sucks and believe it, the best so far.” He showed her a pile of other fliers, with different words all missing the mark espectacular.
‘Can do any job’ ‘need help?’ ‘Force of a Bull, hands of a painter’ ‘The hand master’ and others.

The Princess could only flinch and recoil at what she was reading “Yep, my thoughts exactly. That is why I haven’t posted any flyers yet, I really don’t want to give the wrong impression on what I’m doing.” He picks up the one with the hands. “I mean look at this one…it sounds like I’m offering a brand new type of massage at ponyville spa, how much further from the point could I be right.”

He says with a chuckle as he crumbles the flyer and tosses it away before taking back the book once more “That is why I thought of standing back and trying to do some research, see if I could come up with a better idea.”

“Yeah that might be for the best.” Twilight agreed and helped him toss the other bad examples into a nearby trash can. “And what did Milky have to say about this?”

“Yeah right, as if I would just dump my problems on her like that.”

“Mark, you should really consider telling her how you have been having troubles starting your own company.”

“I understand what you are saying, but Twilight I’m JUST beginning to get on my feet, of course at first things will be nothing short of a disaster. That is part of the learning process, I can’t just go and seek help for each and every single issue that happens along the way. If this continues then I would tell her, and of course I will not lie if she asks me how things are starting but this is my career Twilight, not Milky’s pet project.”

“I still think you should at least tell her how you are having issues getting off the ground” She pressed in concern.

He hums and thinks about it before coming with an idea. “Tell you what, I will after I give this two more days, if this book and I can’t come up with anything then I will tell her.”

She sighs in defeat. “Well at least it’s not you being stubborn, that is a legitimate point you are saying there, but at the very least do you have an idea?”

“Not right now, though the book might help.” He confesses embarrassment, making her sigh and look down “You are gonna need more help than I thought then.” She turns and walks away.

“You might as well close early, no one is gonna a come for how things are at the moment I will go clear my schedule to see if I can help you out with a slogan”

“Wow, wait what? Twilight no! You don’t need to go out of your way too…”

“I insist, please I understand what you are trying to do, but wouldn’t you like at least one small push in the right direction?” She looked back at him over her shoulders.

“Well ok, but just that one push this isn’t your pet project either Twilight.”
“Of course, this is always YOUR career, you always will have the final word”

“That is right, and you better not forget it.” He nods in determination as Twilight rolls her eyes as she leaves.

‘Stallions!’

That night just as promised Twilight came back with a mountain of books for the two to read and come up with ideas on how to promote himself better with a better slogan, something that soon Milky joined in to when she gave Mark a call, and after telling how things have been going, and how Twilight volunteer to help. She virtually demanded to join, putting herself on speaker.

“Ok I think I have the perfect slogan for you dear.” Milky replies after a pause for thought. “‘ From attics to basements, and everything in between. Mark Stars handyman extraordinaire at your service, day or night!’

“Not bad, a good rhyme and jingle to go with it, will help it remember faster”

“Yeah I also liked it, let's go with that.” Mark wrote it down after asking her to repeat again to make sure he got it.

“Perfect, then now we just need to make the posters and spread the word.”

“That is a start but I think I might have had a better idea Twilight.” Milky suggested earning the attention of both. “Marky dear, do you remember Queen Rain?”

“Oh yeah the leader of the Kirin, a very nice lady, has an incredible set of lungs.”

“I bet.” She replies sarcastically as Twilight smirks and looks at Mark with a knowing smile making him blush. “W…well yeah I remember her, why do you bring her up?”

“Well you see, some time ago dear Rain was telling me how much she would love to bring her people more into the spotlight and into society, wanting nothing more than to end the exile they all had to endure for so long.”

“Yeah we briefly talked about the subject.”

“So, I came up with an idea to help her and you!” She says holding her excitement.

“Really? How?”

“Easy, just promoting their town as a tourist attraction and then help them improve their homes”
“Wait what? How exactly?”

“Surprise is already there looking at the place and seeing what they could do. She and her company actually have been working real hard this past month preparing everything, up. They just need someone to promote the place.”

“Ah ok I think I’m following but I’m not sure how a simple handyman can do much to spread the word honey.”

“True, a handyman couldn’t, but a model?”

“A model? What do you mean? I’m not a…oh no.” He realized what she was implying.

“Please dear! It will be a huge help and Photo Finish herself said you had what it takes.”

“But that is different! Milky back then I was mostly a glorified mannequin for Rarity, her clothes were the stars of the show not me.”

“…do you actually believe that?” Milky asks sarcastically.

“No.” Mark replies dejectevely before sighing in defeat. “Fine for Rain Shine and you I will do it.”

“Yay! Sweetie, thank you so much! You will see,, after that session you will be swimming in work, The Human Handyman Extraordinaire will be placed on the map.”

“But I’m putting my foot down with this, no swimsuits.”

“Aww but Marky your fans…”

“Sorry but I have to draw the line there.”

“Fine, no swimsuits section.”

“Thanks.” He pulls the card Photo Finish gave him and starts to memorize the number. “Honey I have to call Finish now talk to you later”

“Sure! You can tell me after you are done.” Mark ends the call, and goes to another room to call Photo Finish while Milky calls Twilight. “There is gonna be a swimsuit.”

“What?” Twilight tells holding her excitement

“Don’t worry I have a friend that might convince him, consider it a gift. For helping us out Twily.”
“Oh Milky, thank you so much!” Twilight whispers as to not alert Mark.

“Don’t mention it oh and Twilight, I’m not gonna say don’t do it, but just remember what happened to Cadence if you try.”

The comment froze the Princess in place. “S-she told you?”

“She offered me the necklace after explaining what happened. Have to say I was a bit unsure on how to react to him screwing 2 mares literally at the same time. But will not deny the pride that came from it. So I’m just gonna warn you. It’s not worth it.”

“Milky…do YOU actually believe that too?”

“Not really, but isn’t Flash Sentry enough?”

“Oh yeah he is, but that doesn’t mean we don’t like to explore, and we kind of have a special arrangement.” She giggled with a blush. “One pass per birthday.”

Milky sighs dejectedly. “Such is the curse of being a royal lover then. Ok just know you were warned oh and Twilight, My Marky is the king of stamina so Flash better have a dozen vitality potions on hand.”

“Oh don’t worry Flashy has stamina to spare too!” Twilight says in confidence before whispering again. “Me and Moondancer are kind of horn squirters. He has so much infused magic he can last as long as a dragon!”

“How long is that?”

“4 hours”

“Yeah that will not be enough, my Marky can last double or even more, especially if someone makes the mistake of taunting him. I’m telling you Twilight you are tangling with an ursa major here.”

She is shocked at the revelation and starts to piece together why Fluttershy was unable to stop giggling the day of her new fashion choice.

“H-how hard can he get?”

“Twilight let me tell you a story of a certain dragoness called Blue Nova that thought Mark was easy prey.”

“Ok everything ready, Photo Finish says she can squish me in for the next session in Las Pegasus and…” Mark returns to the room only to find Twilight now turned beet red and her wings stretched out.

“Ah…Twilight?”

“H-H-Havetogo Good luck Mark bye!” She yelps at the speed of light and virtually bolts out of the house.

“How far did you say her tongue reached?”

“It pierced the cervix.” Milky continued as she entered her castle. “Flash! Moondancer!”

8 hours later

Both pegasus and unicorn were staring at the wall in complete shock and blushes on their faces as Twilight kept hugging their naked forms with a content smile plastered on her face.

“Twilly…what was that?” Flash asks her, still trying to recover from their session.

“A preview.” Twilight tells, kissing his nose. “My birthday is coming up soon, and I needed to test something.”

“What exactly? And can it be repeated?” Moondancer asks equally confused and surprised about what happened.

“In that order, an extrasensorial experience, and yes. But we might need the clone casting, stamina boost, a safeword, and a dull sensation spell ready just in case.”