Equestria Handyman

“Oh Celestia, this is not gonna be pretty.” Twilight takes a deep breath and knocks on Mark's door, trying to calm herself down and distract herself from his nightmare night decorations, as she waits for him to open the door.

“Yeah?” Opening the door Twilight saw Mark preparing a mix in a bowl. “Oh hey Twilight how are you doing?” He greets her with a friendly smile.

“H-Hi Mark, d-do you mind if I come in for a moment?”

He smirks at her shy demeanor and invites her in. “Sure, you caught me while I was in the middle of making some pancakes, want some?”

“No thanks, there is something I needed to tell you, and it can’t wait.”

He chuckles and leaves the bowl on the counter. “Let me guess, you are ready with a clip show presentation of how Flash and Moondancer are ok with our date taking a more intimate turn and came here to convince me with a 25 page report with multicolor sub sections?”

“You remember my classifications? Awww!” She puts her hand on her chest and smiles, moved by how he remembered that detail of hers, before her eyes widens and she shakes her head. “No! Focus! By Celestia how I wish that was the case but no, I need to get something off of my chest, something bad and that you might need to sit down for.”

That erased the smirk, as he looks at her with worry and complains. “What is the matter, Twilight?”

“Oh boy, ok how do I explain this? D-Do you remember that necklace Cadence gave you some time ago as a good luck charm?”

“Oh yeah I still have it.” He shows said necklace. “Love the gift.”

“Haha yeah please keep that in mind, well you see you know how much l love investigating things and how there are times I get a tinsy bit carried away when doing research?”

“Oh Twilight, you didn’t.” Mark brings his hand to his face, starting to piece together what she is implying.”

“I swear I just did it once! A-And it not that big of the deal I mean nobody got hurt or anything.”
“Twilight that was a complete violation of my trust…and maybe privacy.” Mark reproached, taking off the necklace. “What did you do, is this actually a camera? A microphone, did you somehow make it so I became a puppet while I sleep?”

“No! Of course not…although you’re getting closer with the last one.”

“TWILIGHT!”

“I made it so you can control someone else as a puppet!” She confesses, taking a step back in fear.

“…Come again?” Mark raised and eyebrow

“I’m sorry! It’s just when Fluttershy changed so much and after Cadence told me about your adventure in the strip club…”

“Woah, woah, woah! She told you about that?! That was supposed to be private!” Mark exclaims, getting angrier.

“I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to do any harm, I was just…so curious and didn’t think things would get so out of control, it was mostly a friendly experiment between me and my herd.”

“Between you and…oh sweet god the photo shoot, Twilight tell me you didn’t…”

She only looks down in shame as a reply. “…oh god you did.” He facepalms again.

“I’m so, so sorry Mark I really am, please, I know I messed up…”

“You think?! Twilight, do you have any idea of how betrayed I’m feeling right now!? How…how much danger you could have placed yourself in, I can’t believe I am actually saying these words.”

“I know, Milky explicitly warned me not to do it.”

That catches him off guard “…Milky knew about this?”

“No! I mean not completely I mean we discussed it and she kind of knew about the idea of the necklace but she never knew I followed through.”

“Please forgive me if I can’t believe you now.”

“Please Mark if you need to be mad at someone be mad at me, I’m the one that did this, not Milky please don’t make me the reason you break up with your herd.” She begs practically in tears, yet he remains quiet and simply decides to push her towards the door.

“We will see”

“Mark?”

“I’m sorry Twilight, but you left me with a lot to think about and a lot to discuss with my alpha right now, you understand how this date will need to be paused for the time being.”

“Paused? Y-You mean there is a chance for…”

“Yes,” he replies sharply. “I told you I would make the effort to understand Equus and its culture, maybe what you did isn’t such a huge deal, maybe I’m overreacting, maybe I’m not I need to put my thoughts in order but I can guarantee something, you are gonna get punished for fooling me like that, and I really advise you.”

He gets closer to her, so their noses touch. “Don’t push your luck anymore Sparkles, you are on EXTREMELY thin ice right now.” He finishes by closing the door with force in front of her, before leaning against it and sighs in exasperation.

‘Fucking unbelivale! Turning such a thoughtful gift into another experiment! Cadence is gonna be heartbroken once she hears this.’

Mark was about to call Cadence but stops at the last second and put the scroll away.

‘No, it will be cruller just putting that princess through even more trouble than she already is.’

With a sigh he starts to call his herd, Milky in particular had much to explain.

Moments Later in Twilight’s castle

Moondancer and Flash receive Twilight with worry once she walks in. “How did it go?” Flash wonders.

“All things considered, as well as I could possibly hope, he didn’t yell at me and well he still wishes to have a date, although we will have to wait for when he is ready for it.”

“So he is ok with us tagging along?” Moondancer raised an eyebrow.

“I didn’t think it would be appropriate to mention that part.”

“Yeah, perhaps that would have been pushing your luck, but anyways it's good to see that he isn’t beyond reason, at the very least. Perhaps I should go talk with him too I mean, me and Moondancer could have stopped this too.”

“You don’t have to Flashy, and at the moment I don’t think he really wants to see any of us.” She gulps and looks away. “He did mention something about a punishment of sorts.”

“He is not actually considering hurting you now, is he?” Flash questions.

“No! I trust him, I know it will never come to that, but perhaps it’s best if we give him a bit of space.”

“I agree with Twilight.” Moondancer nods. “Right now the best we could do is let him vent and work this out calmly, I’m sure it will not take long.”

Two weeks later

Using his fist, Mark split a tree in half with one strike, before cleaning some sweat from his forehead before grabbing the pieces and heading back to his cabin where he sees Flash waiting for him.

“Can I help you?” Mark asks him with neutrality.

“The icy treatment, yeah I suppose I deserve that.” Mark only walks past him and Flash soon follows behind.

“So Mark, my mares and I…”

“Mares plural? Or just Twilight, because I’m not that mad with Moondancer, in fact I don’t think she and I have talked much.”

“Yeah, both of them still…but yeah mostly Twilight anyway, we have been talking, and thought it would be a good idea to ask how are you doing. You kind of retreated back to your cabin almost the same day Twilight talked to you about…”

“Tricking me into using you as a puppet to see how well I can perform?”

“…yeah that.” He confesses before flinching when he watches Mark use an axe to chop the tree stumps into smaller ones, now realizing how, near Mark were a lot of stumps and freshly planted trees.

Mark sighs and stops what he was doing. “I’m still processing the whole ordeal, I’m no longer as mad as I was before. The Everfree lets me vent much of my anger.” He picks a piece of wood and splits it with his hands.

“I-I noticed.”

“In fact maybe you could put my mind at ease, if the two were…hurt by well…”
“Oh no! No! Don’t worry they were fine.” He raises an eyebrow at him.

“Ok they were a bit dizzy and talking incoherently for ten minutes but then they were fine.”

“Huh, so you actually managed to keep up, good for you, your herd is lucky to have you, and I’m glad nothing bad happened.”

“Thanks, and I must ask. You actually did all that with one mare?”

Mark has to stop and think about it. “Yep, just one, my sweet Umbral.”

“Are you sure, because, some of the movements…”

“JUST. UMBRAL.” He repeats almost in a threat.

“Ok, ok just saying, and speaking of herds. How are things with Milky and the rest of the herd?”

“Well, I haven’t decided yet what to do, they are all on a vacation to work on some issues with Fluttershy so, this is the worst time to bring down the mood, I talked with Milky, that we will talk once she gets back, but for now I think she is getting the dog house for a week, maybe two.”

“Ouch! A bit extreme don’t you think?”

“You tell me, if you found out that Cadence was tricking you so when you had sex with your herd she was unconciously in the mix?”

He pauses with a blush, and a lot of confusing thoughts. “Wi-With Cadence, like my almost c-cousin in law?”

“It really messes with your mind right? Flash I saw Twilight in almost nothing twice!”

“What?” Flash looks at him in alarm.

“Both accidents, and me marching in that mare REALLY should learn to lock the door, but for the sake of my point is this, Twilight is attractive and as much as I hate myself for admitting it, the idea of her wanting to get intimate, I don’t know…maybe made me feel flattered? I’m still trying to figure it out.”

He chuckles and shakes his head. “I’m telling you if something like that ever happened with Cadence my mind would probably go blank and I would just be screaming my head off.”

“Ha yeah, me too.” He replies with a nervous smile as he looks away, while Mark was putting the logs away missing that detail

“Anyway that is why I came here to think. I really needed to process everything more calmly and try to move past it.”

“So you are willing to forgive her?”

“Twilight is possibly the very first friend I made when I came to Equestria, I owe so much to her, she helped me in my moment of need, gave me shelter, food, taught me about friendship and so much more. I don’t want to lose that because of one lousy mistake, I treasure our friendship too much to risk it.”

He stops and stares at the giant pile of wood near his house “God damn it! How I wish things would simply go back to before I discovered sex. Before I just decided to drop my pants and mess everything up!”

He turns around to look at Flash. “P-Perhaps it would be for the best, don’t you think? Maybe I should just put the idea of sex off of the table for good.”

“I’m pretty sure your herd would riot at the idea alone.

“Oh come on Flash, now you are exaggerating.”

He gives him a deadpan stare.

“Fine, maybe not completely but it sure would be best if I just removed it temporarily, at least as a punishment.”

“That is more reasonable although if I were you I would save it for when they REALLY mess up, no need to be a monster about it right?”

“Right.”

“So will you be coming back to ponyville soon? I’m telling you Twilight is just devastated to see you gone like this, and each day she is blaming herself for breaking up things with you and your herd.”

Mark thinks about it for a moment. “I would be lying if I say I don’t miss going back, and well I still want to conclude the whole point of these dates once and for all. But the idea of sex is definetly off for her right now.”

“But of course that is more than understandable, in fact I might suggest an alternative? A way to make this date less awkward and more of a friendly outgoing?”

“Ok I’m listening, what do you have in mind?”

After one short talk, and some inner thinking. Mark accepts with a nod and shakes Flash’s hand. “Ok Flash you have a deal, let's give that a try.”

“Thank you so much for being so understanding Mark, and don’t worry Twilight more than learned her lesson, and she promised not to do it again.”

“If she told you that, then you better have a talk with her.” Mark mentions with neutrality. “She doesn’t fool anyone, tell her that I know how she has been sneaking around and hiding in trees to watch me, oh and to get out more. She has become very pale for some reason.”

“Ah…what?” Flash looks at him confused. “Mark, what are you talking about? Twilight has been cooped up in the castle all this time, we have been with her all this time, she never once came here.”

“Right? So someone with Twilight’s face has been spying on me?” He asks with a raised eyebrow.

“That is the only explanation I can think of, oh! Maybe a changeling is playing a joke, although I’m not sure how that works in any case,I will talk with her.” Flash promises before walking away, neither noticing a mare's figure looking, before diving her head when she thought Mark spots her and turning into a chipmunk to run away.

That night in front of hayburgers

With casual clothes Mark looks around while waiting for Twilight for a moment, until he spots her coming toward him followed by her herd.

“Hey Twilight” Mark calls only to be surprised by a strong hug from the distressed mare. “Thank you so much for giving me another chance! I don’t want to lose our friendship either!”

He was caught off guard before he notices Flash Sentry who simply shrugs “She wanted to tell me what we discussed.”

“Ah.” He nods in understanding and pats her head. “Glad to hear it. Flash helped me put things into perspective, and well, I think you suffered long enough. I just have one last question.”

He breaks the hug, and looks between Twilight and Moondancer. “Between the two, which one had the ‘unfortunate’ luck of dealing with ‘ahem’ the back door finale”

Both mares blush and look away as Moondancer lifts her hand.

“I’m so, so sorry for that.”

“I-it’s cool.” Moondancer was quick to add with ever increasing blush. “It was probably a factor we should.” She coughed. “Have considered that as a possibility, I didn’t think you were so…forward when engaging in such activities.”

“It’s mostly only if my partner allows it but well…I suppose I like to ensure she was satisfied.”

“I bet she was.”

There was an awkward silence for a while until Moondancer decided to break it. “SOO! You say you've been friends with Twilight for some time right?”

“Yeah, more or less before Cozy Glow took her school, boy that was one crazy adventure.”

“I bet, so have you ever joined her and her friend in any of their adventures?”

“I think I tagged along for one or two yeah.” He admits with the mood lightened it up a bit.

“Oh do tell, I would love to hear all about it.”

“Sure as long as you don’t mind sharing how you and Twilight met and then become an official date.”

“Deal!” They share a laugh as they enter the establishment in time for Twilight to let go of a breath she didn’t know she was holding.

“Oh Celestia, thank pony the crisis was averted.”

“Mark is a particularly reasonable guy Twilight, even angry he tries to not to escalate things further.”

She kisses his cheek and hugs him strongly from the side. “Thank you so much Flashy, you are the best coltfriend ever!” He chuckles at her show of affection.

“Don’t mention it Twily.”

“I’m so going to show you how much this meant for me once we get back to the castle.” Her eyes turn sultry and she starts to circle his chest only for Flash to stop her. “Not so fast Twilight, maybe we should listen to his example and put a rest to sex for a bit. After all it was that kinky little mind of yours that got you into this mess in the first place.”

“But I…”

“Ah! Also don’t you think we should focus on more pressing matters? Like for example that mysterious mare that looks like you that was spying on Mark? Possible a changeling? What if what he saw was Chrysalis going back to her usual schemens.

“Impossible! Discord has been keeping an eye on her”

“Are you sure? When was the last time you checked on her?”

“I…I will look into it.” Twilight finally replies dejectevely making Flash smile and kiss her forehead. “That’s my alpha, don’t worry it will only be a couple of days and until we sort this out. I’m not gonna take away our tradition of Nightmare Night either.” He reminds her with a smirk.

“The kinky dressorama! Of course! Flashy thank you so much for reminding me!”

“Anytime” He chuckles and they follow the others inside, where they spend the rest of the night talking and laughing like good friends as Twilight gives Mark some pointers and tips when going on a date with the whole herd.

“Oh I have to say, I never imagined having such a good time at a fast food joint,” Mark confesses while drinking a chocolate milkshake.

“Any location can be a perfect place for a date with the right attitude and disposition.” Moondancer comments pointing at him with a french fry. “And thanks for letting us treat you Mark, it was the least we could do after the mess our dear Twily made.

“Eh, water under the bridge, I’m just glad to see we can still be good friends even with all of this. Not everything needs to revolve around sex either.”

“Yeah, exactly! Just because you are in a herd doesn’t mean you need to sacrifice everything that you were before, if anything having a herd is just adding more to your life.”

“Or improve it in some areas.” Flash comments. “Ever since we decided to help with her research, Twily here is less prone to blow things up.”

“It was ONE time and you know it Flash.” Twilight reproaches with an intense blush making everyone laugh.

“One after another you meant?” Moondancer can’t help but join into the joke as she cross her arms and pout.

“All jokes aside, it means a lot for me seeing this, I really was scared my life was going to be just dates, mares, herd and sex. It's nice to just go out and have fun. Just like old times.”

“Agree, our life may change but things like this can endure everything as long as we all make the effort to keep in touch with our friends.”

“I will toast to that.” Mark lifts his glass in the air for effect “And what the heck you got me curious, what do you say you two? Twilight suffers enough? Tell us who was the mysterious mare you were considering?”

“Twilight? Did you put him up to this so we tell you already?” Flash question her

“No I swear this was all him, but since he brought it up…please?”

“Eh I say she already learned her lesson, and she is already in the dog house.” Moondancer considers. “We might as well give her that.”

“Yay!”

“Ok Twilight but remember, you asked for it. Princess Celestia.”

At the mention of her name Mark almost chokes on his beverage.

“M-My teacher?” Twilight tells in surprise and horror.

“AND your second maternal figure” Flash adds with a smirk. “Not such a good mental image, the idea of me pounding her is Twily?”

“Oh Equestria no!” Twilight grabs her head “Flash you made me imagine it! That is almost like if you had said my actual mom! Augh!” She kept shaking her head in disgust.

“Relax Twily I’m sure the princess wouldn’t even be interested in the first place. Someone as regal and pure as her probably doesn’t even have the idea in her mind” Moondancer comments earning a chuckle on Mark’s part.

“What's so funny?” Flash looks at him confused.

“Nothing, just a joke I heard. I will go grab some napkins.” He excuse himself

“Well anyway Moony is right, the princess is a sophisticated and sweet lady, even if she were to accept I bet the sex with her would be something very vanilla.”

At that they hear Mark laughing even harder. “Sorry! Sorry! It was one really good joke.” He apologies from the other side of the room, before pretending to receive a call and put the scroll to his ear.

“Flash, I beg you, please stop.” Twilight says her head is completely embarrassed at the mental image.

“Sorry Twily you asked for it.” Moondancer shakes her head with a chuckle “If anything I bet she would be thankful, a reserved and calm lady like princess Celestia? 20 bucks says she is still a virgin.”

At that moment Mark starts to howl in laughter with tears running down his face as he points at his scroll. “Pinkie…oh god stop! You are gonna make me pee.”

“Ok, now I want to hear it, that sounds like one huge joke.” Flash mentions with intrigue at what made him laugh so hard.

“Trust me you would not get it.” He says, still giggling like an idiot.

“Ah come on Mark, please tell us, don’t leave us hanging.” Twilight pleads.

“Oh no, you, especially Twilight, hearing this story could turn…” In that moment Mark has a moment of realization and smirk. “Actually, maybe we could work out a compromise. And I think this is exactly the perfect punishment that I was telling you about some time ago.

“W-What do you have in mind?” Twilight asks in slight worry at his expression.

“Not here, I will tell you in the castle, just know that this particular joke comes from a story from my past, a scary story…depending on who hears it, tell me, do you still want to hear it?

“Are you kidding! With Nightmare Night fast approaching that sounds like the perfect story to tell!” Flash nods eagerly.

“What about you two?”

“I would be lying if I say I’m not finding it intriguing, this story you are talking about.” Moondancer reply

“Do you even need to ask me?” Twilight gives him a deadpan stare.

He sighs and nods. “In that case I’m gonna need to make some calls real quick, I will be in the castle in…let’s say an hour, hour and a half tops.”

They all nod and watch him leave as they pay for their food, and head home to prepare.

Sometime later Mark arrives just in time for some rain to start falling, carrying a bag with something heavy and metallic judging by the sound of chains that are made when he walks.

“Are you ready?” Mark questions the group who nod in expectation.

“Then you are gonna need 3 chairs, I will tell you the story in your bedroom.”

“Our bedroom?” Twilight asks, confused by the statement.

“Trust me, it needs to be there.” He then smiles “Or we can call it off right here, and instead pass right to the punishment, I’m gonna give you a choice Twilight.” He digs in his bag and pulls out a chastity belt from it. “As punishment for what you did, you can either wear this for an entire month and forget about sex during that time…or we call it even tonight with only one story.”

“You are saying that if I hear this, you forgive me right away?” Twilight asks hopefully.

Mark nods at the statement. “But I’m warning you, this is a show and tell story, once it begins you CAN’T stop it, all of you must swear that you will not tell a single soul this story, and when you see it, you can’t unsee it. Knowing all that, do you still want to proceed?”

They exchange glances before nodding. “A month without sex or just one scary story, I think the choise is more than obvious.” Twilight mentions with a chuckle as he sighs.

“Ok just know, you were warned.

After moving the chairs and going to the bedroom, Mark orden them to sit. “Ok everypony, before we begin I should give you some context, Twilight already knows, but in case Flash and Moondancer don’t, a couple of years ago Cadence took me to an exotic club where I found out how attractive a mare can be, it was a moment of clarity.”

He snaps his fingers and in time for a lightning strike and illuminates the place a golden aura levitates the chains and binds his audience in place putting dampening rings on the two unicorns and ties Flash’s wings.

“Hey what gives!?” Flash complains caught off guard by the restraints, as he and his herd try to break free.

“I warned you, didn't I? Three times I told you the risk, I gave you an out, and said that once it starts it can’t stop or be unseen.”

“So you are binding us now?” Moondancer glares at him.

“Nope just a precaution, Flash I know he might want to stay but you two something tells me that you would want to bail out. And unfortunately that is not gonna happen, not until you hear the entire story.” He glares at him as another lightning strike and their blood runs cold when they hear the door behind them open slowly.

“As I was saying that night was a moment of clarity for me, there was simply so much to think about. Luckily in my moment of need a kind and kinky mare helped me work through my issues.”

Motioning for whoever entered to come closer with his fingers, the group gasps the moment they saw Celestia walking in, wearing the most scandalous of submissive outfits and looking lovingly at Mark.

“A mare that just loves to get some attention and can’t get enough of me.” He smirks and grabs her cheek lovingly as she blushes and giggles when he plants a kiss.

“P-PRINCESS CELESTIA!? W-WHAT ARE YOU WEARING?!” Twilight asks in complete horror at the display and revelation.

“Y-Your highness?! Mark in Equestria is happening?!” Flash demands in surprise too.

“Well you see contrary to what you believe, Celly here actually suffers through a lot when it came to relationships in the past, didn’t you sweetie?”

“Yes.” She nods as he lightly guides her down.

“So much so that when it comes to have sex, she never had a partner that could keep up with her lidido.”

“But then a sweet human appeared and showed me a world of pleasure and wonders!” Celestia continues as her mane turns pink. “Someone I could call upon, someone I’m happy to call my master!” She draws the last word out as she uses her hands to take care of his belt and teeth to unzip his pants.

“No, no, no please stop!” Twilight begs in horror at what was happening.

“Stop? But Twilight, we are just beginning.” Mark smirks “Like I said, you were warned, now sit back, relax, and let me show you, and tell you the story of how I met Molestia and we became fast friends.”

Mark announces as he removes his shirt.

“It all began with one innocent kiss…” He starts retelling the story as he grabs her shoulders and brings her onto Twilight’s bed.

Some time later near Twilight’s castle, much of the citizens were lucky to be so deep asleep so neither hear much and at most only perceived in their respective dreams confusing them greatly, but those awake look at the castle in confusion, not sure if they were hearing correctly from all the heavy rain and lighting strikes drowning the blood curdling scream of horror of Twilight, mix with loud moans and screams of pleasure, as Mark keeps recalling his story in excruciating detail.

Sounds that after a while awaken a certain daredevil who looks out her window and toward Twilight’s castle with dread filling her soul and imagining the implications behind them.

‘N-NO! If I can handle a Rainboom I can handle one human!’

She nods to herself and goes back to bed, determined to win that bet, no matter what.