Somewhere Less Important

by PrinceRedblood

Rating: everyone
Tags: Other, Rainbow Dash, Comedy, Rarity, Big Macintosh, Fluttershy, Random, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 1938

The following is a translation into script of a story the members of the podcast known as BroNEcast

What do you get when you cross a half a dozen bronies, skype, and sleep deprivation? A story anyone truly bored enough would read. Join us in an adventure that will most likely get out of hand. The script is written, and now the story proceeds. Witness the hillarity that spawns from a simple lawn sale. Who knows? Maybe Batmare will make an appearance...

Published 2012-09-07 22:34:02 UTC
Last updated 2012-09-07 22:34:02 UTC

Rarity's Lawn Sale

It was another beautiful day in Ponyville; the sun was shining, the birds were chirping, and a gentle breeze swept through the town, cooling all of its residents. One of these residents happened to be a unicorn fashionista known as Rarity.

Rarity had spent the better half of the morning setting up an elaborate lawn sale, or "demonstration of last year's incredible yet worn out fashion!" as she put it. All forms of clothing, be it a simple used pair of slippers or an incredibly designed dress that nopony had the opportunity to wear, were arranged into neat and tidy aisles on multiple racks and tables in the front yard of her home, the Carousel Boutique.

Of the many ponies that had gathered at the lawn sale, a rather loud pair stood out more than the rest.

"Oooh! How about this one Dashie? It reminds me of the super duper amazing display of colorful cupcakes we have back at Sugarcube Corner!" blurted one particular pink earth pony.

"How many times do I have to tell you Pinkie? I am NOT into fashion. Everything here is just too...frilly." a cyan pegasus with a rainbow mane and tail retorted sharply.

"I'm sure there's something here that is as incredibly awesome and cool as you Rainbow Dash! I mean, sure, Rarity is a bit of a freaky fashionista, but that doesn't mean she isn't selling something totally cool!" Pinkie Pie continued to search frantically through various ballroom outfits and suits in hopes of finding something to impress Dash.

"I doubt that. Rarity, just like Twilight, can't tell the difference between radicalness and awesomeness. It must be some kind of unicorn trait or something." Dash trailed off, idly watching the clouds float by in the sky and judging which ones would be the best to take an afternoon nap on.

Just then, Pinkie emerged from a sea of clothing with a conspicuous blue uniform draped over her nose.

"How about this one Dashie? Does this look familiar?" she asked with a coy smile growing across her muzzle.

"Pinkie. How in Equestria did you get a Wonderbolts outfit from a rack labeled 'Last Year's Gala Dresses?'" Dash asked, pulling the uniform off of Pinkie's nose and studying it in her hooves.

"Are you really going to question Ponyville's Premier Pink Party Pony?" Pinkie responded, as if it explained her reasoning for everything.

"Pinkie, that doesn't make sense. But right now, I don't care. I'll go see how much Rarity wants for this." Dash then disappeared, leaving nothing but a rainbow trail behind her as she bolted towards said unicorn.

Rarity was currently busying herself with yet another customer, working a cash register that had neatly been set upon a table just outside of the boutique. She had just made a different sale of a certain elegant green dress perfectly suited for the body of a filly.

"Thanks for coming Dinky, please give my regards to your mother!" Rarity said in an upbeat manner.

"You’re welcome!" the unicorn filly squeaked before trotting off towards her home.

Rainbow Dash then appeared inches from Rarity's face with a strong gust of wind following behind her, knocking over a majority of the display racks as well as few unsuspecting ponies.

"RARITY, HOW MUCH FOR THE WONDERBOLTS OUTFIT?!" Dash all but screamed, her eyes sparkling with the knowledge that this unicorn was the only thing standing between her and a day as a Wonderbolt. Or at least a pegasus dressed like one.

However, Rarity returned her pegasus friend's enthusiasm with little more than a few croaks of her throat and a strong blush. Dash doesn't know where that suit has been, or why I have it, she thought to herself. Just play it cool, as they say, and I can rid myself of this...evidence.

"Rarity, you feeling alright? You're red as Big Macintosh right now, and you sound like one of those frogs out of Fluttershy's cottage."

"Why uhm...Yes! I'm positively alright darling! Why wouldn't I be? I'm just selling all my old things and making ponies all around Ponyville positively happy!"

"If you say so. How much would you like for the Wonderb-MMPH." Dash couldn't finish her sentence before Rarity shoved a hoof into her mouth, temporarily muting her. Rarity's voice then became unnaturally low and serious.

"Promise to take that...thing...as far away from me as possible, as quickly as possible, and you can have it for no charge."

"For FREE?! Rarity, are you nuts??!"

"GO!" Rarity shouted, and the pegasus complied with incredible haste. On her furious flight out, she managed to sweep Pinkie Pie completely off of her hooves, carrying her as far away from the Carousel Boutique as possible.

"Phew, that was close." Rarity let out a sigh, which was taken back almost instantly in a gasp of shock as a gruff, low voice spoke.

"What was close?" a well-built, chestnut earth pony with a goatee and orange tinted aviators asked.

"Oh, nothing LeTrotsky! It's, it's nothing. Anyways, how may I help you on this fine day?"

"If you say so. I'm here to buy a new pair of bowling shoes. You got any of those?"

"Bowling shoes? Well, I don't have much, but I do have this pair right here for sale." Rarity lifted a never-used, glistening pair of white bowling shoes with an orange metallic stripe down the outsides of each shoe. "How do these look?"

"They look amazing, but how much do they cost?"

"20 bits."

"20 bits?"

"20 bits."

"No thanks," LeTrotsky responded, "that's a little too much for me. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go buy a new rug."

"Very well then, my most magnificent rugs are located right over there." Rarity said, pointing a hoof towards one of the few still-standing racks off to the side of the lawn, but her expression turned to one of disappointment as the would-be customer simply trotted off back into the city.

"Oh Drat! Almost had that one too." Rarity lamented, putting her head down on her hooves in contemplation.

Rarity then caught a glimpse of a butter colored pegasus and a large, red stallion browsing through some of her items on sale. The former, Fluttershy, was currently trying on a magnificent blue gown, although something about the dress seemed a tad off to Rarity. With the dress on, Fluttershy's flank seemed to be much, much larger than usual, but the unicorn just did not have to courage to alert her of this detail.

Putting on the best fake smile she could muster, Rarity greeted Fluttershy as she trotted up to the register, donning her plot-inflating dress.

"Hello Fluttershy! Nice to see you! Great day we are having!”, the unicorn exclaimed, hoping that her exaggerative tone would keep the topic optimistic and away from any questions regarding the pegasus in any kind of dress that makes her flanks look chubby.

"Uhm, hello Rarity. I uhm...wanted your opinion...on something...that is, if you don't mind." For a pegasus that stared down both a fully grown dragon and a cockatrice and lived to tell the tale, Fluttershy wasn't very confident when it came to conversation. Still, Rarity knew that although Fluttershy's request may have been a little weak, deep down inside something was troubling her, and as one of her closest friends it was Rarity's job to find out what that was.

"Well of course darling! What is it that I can help you with?"

"Uhm...does this dress...makemyflanklookfat?" she stuttered, releasing a small eep shortly after.

The pegasus did have a tendency to slur her words when an uncomfortable subject was touched on, and Rarity assumed that anything having to do with the shape of Fluttershy's posterior was definitely “uncomfortable”. Although the unicorn did not want to harm the pegasus's feelings, perhaps it was for the best if she told Fluttershy exactly what she thought about the large hump that was protruding from the dress.

"It makes you look beautiful!"

Rarity's rapid fire mouth had other ideas.

"Oh...my...you really think so? Because I...uhm...I saw myself in the mirror at...it just...it made me look...Big Mac? What do you think?"

The large red farm pony had caught up to Fluttershy and was now sitting just a few feet behind her. "Eeyup" was all he had to say. Fortunately for him, it was impossible to tell just how badly the stallion was blushing due to his excessively scarlet coat.

"Oh...do you think I should buy it?"

"Eeyup." As soon as Fluttershy turned back around to Rarity, Big Macintosh bit his lower lip and performed a perfect "Dat Flank" impression.

"Okay, I would like to by this dress please! Uhm, that is if you don't mind..."

"Of course Fluttershy!" Rarity said, letting out a sigh of relief, thankful that Big Mac's persistence could reassure the pegasus of her decision. "That will be 10 bits."

"Thanks Rarity! I'll see you again soon!" Fluttershy seemed to be in a happier mood after that interaction, much to the unicorn's liking. Big Macintosh chose this moment to stand back up on all fours and walk Fluttershy back to the cottage.

"Eeyup."

Back at Fluttershy's cottage, the butter pegasus was staring at herself in the mirror, still adorning the large blue dress. While looking in the mirror she was able to get a good look at just how the gown curved upwards right above her cutie mark.

"Oh...my. I've got a little...uhm...junk in my...trunk..." commented Fluttershy, borrowing a phrase that she once heard Rainbow Dash use to describe a certain grey pegasus with a blonde mane and a slightly bubbly butt. Fluttershy continued to stare at the pegasus in the mirror, but rather than giving a look of disgust, she stared into the mirror for a bit longer. She was starting to actually like the mound of flank bulging from her dress. It made her look...more mature! Of course! That must have been what Big Mac had seen in the dress...and in her.

"Eeyup", came a slightly delayed response from the stallion who had been sitting on one of Fluttershy's futons.

"Oh Big Mac! I can see why you love the dress! It's so..."

"Eeyup", Big Mac decided to finish that thought for her.

"Oh, I wish we could be together more, but Sweet Apple Acres is too far away sometimes. I just...I have to be close to my animals in case they need me, and you have to buck those apples and stuff. But I really wanna talk more...If only there was something I could do..."

"Eeyup."

"Big Macintosh Apple! You're a genius! I will create something that allows us to talk over long distances!" Fluttershy abruptly flew upstairs and into her closet, scrambling to put together something to solve her issue. She emerged from her room, soaring down to the main level where Big Mac was still sitting on the couch. She was holding something that resembled a crude wooden cell phone.

"Here you go Big Mac! If you ever want to talk to me, just press the button that says 'Flutters'. I uh...ran out of room to write my full name so...uhm...this will have to do! I know that Applejack wants you to go back to the farm now and buck apples...like a uhm...strong...burly...stallion..." Fluttershy broke out in a sweat at her own attempt at flirting. Did I forget to turn the AC on? she wondered to herself.

"Eeyup."

"Oh Big Mac! You always know exactly what to say!"

With that, Big Macintosh got up from the couch and walked out of the cottage, a brand new cellular phone hanging from his yoke.