My Little Pornie

by deadpansnarker

Rating: mature
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Porn, Spike, Comedy, Sex, Twilight Sparkle
Length: 1926

Spike is cleaning the castle library in anticipation of a visit from Twilight's friends, not knowing he is about to discover something which will rock his tiny world forever. As well as lead to a lot of future therapy bills.

Spike is cleaning the castle library in anticipation of a visit from Twilight's friends, not knowing he is about to discover something which will rock his tiny world forever. As well as lead to a lot of future therapy bills.

Published 2021-07-05 03:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2021-07-05 03:50:01 UTC

An Unexpected Find.

“ ‘Clean every bookshelf in the library’ Twi says, like it’s the easiest task in the world… does she even know how much literature she has… there’s enough pages down here to have once been a forest the size of the Everfree… and once again it’s up to good ol’ dutiful, uncomplaining Spike to do the dirty work… literally. It wouldn’t be so bad if I had a feather duster smaller than my coffee cup to use... and has she seen how high some of these volumes are? It’s like ascending a mountain every time I climb up… why did this have to be the week the stepladder got woodworm?! I tell you, the day I grow wings can’t come soon enough… ‘delayed puberty’ my scaly, purple-and-green…”

Spike instinctively paused his profanity with a side glance, used as he was by now to the disapproving gaze and disappointed tuts of his employer and bestest bud, Ms Twilight Sparkle. But due to the fact he was currently on his lonesome in the ground floor of the Castle Of Friendship removing dust bunnies from her astronomical book depository, it suddenly occurred to him he might be able to…

“...Butt!!” The forbidden word rang out clear as a bell, and the nervous dragon winced as if preparing himself for the slightest possibility his fussy alicorn friend might’ve been secretly spying on him all this time. After all, she had the means, even without the motive.

Fortunately, this appeared to be the lucky dragon’s day. No note of chastisement interrupted his impulsive act of defiance, and a small impish grin decorated the rebellious reptile’s features. The tiny amount of light cast by the candle by his side reflected off his sharp fangs, giving him an almost demonic appearance as he plotted his next move.

Let’s see now, what other naughty stuff can I do whilst down here? The suddenly vengeful drake rubbed his claws gleefully. “I know, I’ll swap the entire ‘A’ section with ‘B’! Then, when Twi is looking for ‘Advanced Calculus’ later, she’ll find ‘Basic Mathematics’ instead! She’ll never be able to bore me with one of her overelaborate statistical charts ever again! The only ‘pi’ I’ll see from this day forth will have diamonds and rubies in it! Ain’t I a stinker? But it’s all for a good cause. Now, let me just put down this pathetic duster and then…”

Sadly, before Spike could embark on his newfound life of disruption and mischief, the poor amount of lumination cast by his candle failed to shine on a small crack in the floor. The dragon’s outstretched foot seemed almost drawn to this miniature chasm, and it wasn’t too long before a single talon got caught inside, sending the surprised scaled one toppling head-over-tail to the ground.

“Ouch! Ow! Yowch!” Spike winced in agony as he picked himself up off the dirty, murky floor. “Well, there goes my short-lived conversion to the ‘dark’ side. It’s dark enough already in here, without me adding to it. Better finish up quickly, before this place gives me any more weird thoughts. Ooo, my snout! I must have banged it on something on the way down… it smarts! Anyway, where did I put my duste… wait, what’s that?”

It was only as Spike rubbed his nose in pain that he noticed something had changed in the room, and not just the departure of nearby creepy-crawlies scared away by his impromptu fall.

You see, when the plotting drake had unexpectedly tripped over, his snout had pressed a very special and secret button on the wall, which had in turn revealed a very special and secret panel to a nearby alcove, and inside was something…

‘Special’ and ‘secret’, you might ask? How did you know(!)

Regardless, Spike’s initial thoughts of great, not another thing for me to clean before I can enjoy the latest issue of Power Ponies with a nice mug of steaming hot cocoa were quickly overridden by the dragon’s innate curiosity. He grabbed his candle in his left claw to peer in this new void, prodding inside with interest to see what he could discover.

...Nothing. Just what I expected. The most exciting thing to happen here all year, and it turns out to be a false alarm. Oh well, at least I’ve found somewhere I hide my life savings… that’s if I ever get paid of course… h-huh…?

Just as the defeatist drake was about to give up and put his sore nose back to the grindstone, a flurry of papers responded to his poking by dislodging themselves from somewhere in the gloom. They scattered themselves all over the floor without prejudice, conveniently face-down so Spike had no idea what was on them at first.

“Um. Should I really be looking at these? I mean, considering Twilight went to a lot of trouble to keep them hidden, they’re obviously very important and extremely private…” Being a conscientious dragon at heart, Spike’s first reaction was to place the papers back into the panel and walk away, no further questions asked.

The corruptive influence of the underground library had other ideas however, and like a little devil on Spike’s shoulder an imaginary figure of Twilight appeared there to give him strict orders as usual. “Spike, carry my bag! Spike, lay the table! Spike, fold my underwear...!”

The illusory nature of this strange vision should’ve been clear then, as obviously his favourite alicorn had never worn panties, bloomers or any other form of starchy undergarment ever in her studious life. A resentful Spike was too deeply involved now to resist temptation though, and he wasted no more time in grabbing a single parchment from the ground to see what all the fuss was about.

“Ah, let’s have a quick look then… why, it’s just Fluttershy! There she is, giving her friend Rainbow Dash a peck on the cheek! How cute! Why did Twi feel the need to hide innocent pictures like this? I’ll go upstairs this very second to apologise for disturbing her photo collection, and we can laugh off this whole silly affair… wwhhhaaatttt?!

Spike dropped the image on the floor again, but this time it was no accident.

“N-no. N-nnooo. This can’t be. No.” The traumatised drake’s loose claws were shaking like a leaf, but as much as didn’t want to, he had to take another peek.

And as much as he didn’t want to accept what his bloodshot slit eyes were telling him though, the evidence was right there.

In front of him.

In quality, A4 colour snaps.

(Naturally. Only the best for a princess.)

“W-What’s Fluttershy’s tongue doing to R-Rainbow’s…” Spike could barely finish the sentence, as what the dragon had mistaken for the blue pegasus’s frontal cheek was more located around the rear end of her anatomy. “W-What’s the sticky stuff around Flutter’s mouth? I-I’ve had caramel apples before, a-and my teeth don’t look anything like that. A-Also, how in Equestria did they manage to squeeze Tank all the way up there…”

Spike swiftly dropped the offending image before he was violently sick, unintentionally kicking over a few other images located around his shocked self whilst doing so.

And if the gasping drake had hoped for a break from the borderline-illegal pornographic parathenalia all around him, things were about to get a lot worse.

No simple snaps of a vase of flowers or bowls of fruit here, that was for sure.

...There was Rarity and Opalescence, bringing new meaning to the phrase ‘lick my pussy’... Applejack and Big Mac, indulging in a very different kind of ‘bucking’... Gummy sucking on something of Pinkie Pie’s even softer than his usual favourite marshmallows... and even something for the older audience, with Mayor Mare, Granny Smith and Cranky Doodle Donkey getting up to all kinds of unspeakable acts in the back of the mayor’s private office.

“W-Wow. Incest, beastiality and political scandals everywhere… especially when you see what Celestia and Luna are doing in the palace bedroom!” Spike gulped, trying to shield his eyes from the worst of the depravity. “I suppose I should think myself fortunate there’s nothing underage here: that truly would cause my delicate brain to explode. But, wait… isn’t that S-Shining…”

Just when Spike thought he’d seen it all and desensitisation was beginning to settle in, up popped a picture in his periphery of Twilight Sparkle and Shining Armour affectionately kissing each other goodnight…

Only, they weren’t exactly ‘kissing’.

At least Cadence seemed okay with it, considering how lasciviously positioned between the pair the aptly-named Princess Of Love was…

“Spike, what are you doing down there?!” A harsh but familiar voice could be heard coming from the top of the stairs. “You know my sister-in-law and brother are coming to visit later, and I wanted the library to look spick-and-span for when they arrived! If you didn't want to do these jobs, all you had to do is say! Honestly, what would Celestia and Luna say if they could see you now…”

“I-I think they have more important things on their minds, like each other.” Spike stammered in reply, not quite sure what to say to a pony he could never look at in the same way again. “A-And if it’s all the same to you, please don’t involve me in any ‘family fun' you might have planned for this evening. N-Now I need a lie down, because I fear I may faint any second. W-Well, ciao!”

Without bothering to tidy up behind him, Spike scooted past Twilight as fast as his little legs could carry him, snuffing the candle out en route. He left behind a vast array of naughty images and a very confused alicorn.

“What is he talking about? He’s barely made a start on the mess…” Twilight grumbled with annoyance, after casting a brief peer down into the darkness. “Oh, hi there Starlight! If you’re here to volunteer to clear up in Spike’s place, don’t bother. He has to learn that if he promises to do something, he should follow through on it!”

“W-What? Volunteer? O-Oh really, it’s no big deal!” The passing unicorn reacted in surprise at first, before sheepishly agreeing to assist. “You just go back to your room, and I’ll finish up down here! After all, who else is going to organise the welcoming committee for our visiting royals?!”

“Well… you have a point there, I suppose,” Twilight wavered, after remembering how much she still had to do that morning. “Alright then… but don’t think I’m going to let Spike off scot-free for this. He can fold napkins before the big feast later, or something. I’ll be having words with that lazy dragon, you just mark my words. Anyway, good luck! Let me know as soon as you’re finished!”

“Yes, yes. It shouldn’t take too long…” Starlight Glimmer said half to herself, and as soon as Twilight departed she added “Phew, that was a close one. Hopefully, Spike will think my exotic collection of imitation artwork was just a hallucination brought on by too much dust and grime in here. Still, better find a new hiding place for them just in case. After all, even with my amazing powers, Ponyshopping those photos together was such hard work…”

Author's Note

After being away for a couple of months, what better way to return than with this purposefully smutty one shot. Not something I usually do, but it helps to get out of your comfort zone once in a while. :twilightsheepish:

Hope you enjoyed reading it. :scootangel: