A Thorn finds his Rose

Holy shit it's bright.

I sit up, rubbing my eyes and looking around, confused as to where in the hell I am. Apparently, I'm in the middle of a field of flowers, with a beautiful clear sky above me, and the slight sound of wind moving the grass back and forth. It would be a great sight for relaxing in, or frolicking like a five year old, but I was too busy freaking the fuck out.

'How in the hell am I alive? I took a shotgun straight to the body, at least that's what it felt like, and now I'm in some field in the middle of nowhere.', I stand up, noticing a river a ways off to my left, a forest to my back, and a path coming from said forest, to my right. Both river and path extend past the hills in the distance, but likely lead to some sort of civilization, so I head towards the path.

Funnily enough, I can only see small horse tracks, and nothing else. "Holy shit, did I go to Amish heaven?" I ask out loud, looking towards the rolling hills beyond. "Guess there's only one way to find out."

I begin walking the well trod (pun intended) path, really hoping I'm not in some crazy pre-death dream. 'I should probably check what I have on me', clearing my pockets, I find my phone, wallet, keys, pocket knife, and surprisingly, my gun in it's holster.

'If this is a dream, this isn't a promising sign.' I think to myself, continuing to walk along as I put my pistol back in it's place. I notice something off in the distance, and have to squint to get a good look. I can see what looks like houses made of straw, and a huge crystal...thing. I'm certainly nowhere near home, and my suspicion I'm in some form of the afterlife grows the closer I get to this town.

Once close enough to the town, I see small colorful....things milling about the place. I once again squint, trying to figure out what I'm walking into, when I finally get a good look at a group of them.

'What the hell? Are those ponies?' Sure enough, they are. Straight from a fucking cartoon, or an eight year old girls imagination. 'Welp, no turning back now. Hopefully, I don't get murked by a bunch of pretty pink unicorns.'

I walk closer to the town, before finally crossing over a small bridge, and coming into the town proper. Taking in the site around me, I see a multitude of ponies, ranging in color, and most around waist high. Somehow, none of them had noticed me, until one of them, with pink fur and yellow hair, finally noticed the elephant in the room, or the human in pony land.

"MONSTER! EVERYPONY RUN!"

'They fucking talk, of course they talk', I thought, as any ponies that were once there were now gone. Although, they did leave dust clouds in their wake. 'Damn, I really am in a cartoon.' I walk further into town, ending up in the middle of what I can only assume is a market. In the rush to find shelter, they'd left behind all of their goods. As a red blooded American, that really didn't sit right with me, making me wonder what would happen if an actual monster showed up here.

"hmrm"

I spin around, after hearing what I could only guess was the whimpering of a dog, but notice a patch of deep purple hair, and a point of a lighter shade of purple. 'You know, I was joking about the unicorn part' I thought, as I approached the stall.

"Hey, I'm real sorry for scaring everybody, I was just trying to figure out where I am. You see, I'm not exactly from around here, I woke up in the middle of a field about twenty minutes out of town. Can you tell me where I am?" I explain, hoping to appeal to the ponies...humanity? Not sure what the pony equivalent is. Anyway, the pony pokes their head out a bit, enough to peer over the counter, allowing me to see their purple eyes and long eyelashes. 'Guess it's a girl.'

"How do I know you're not tricking me?" She responds, her voice trembling, clearly terrified of me.

'I know people don't exactly find me to be the most approachable guy, but geez, way to make a guy feel welcome.' I think to myself. "If I was a monster, why would I try to trick you, when I already know where you are?"

"Oh, well, I guess that makes sense." She states, standing up with only a little apprehension in her movement. "This is Ponyville, we're south of Canterlot mountain. Now, if you're not a monster, what are you?"

"My name's Anon, but I'm a human. Where I come from, there's only more of my species, so seeing a talking pony is pretty strange." I answer, moving closer to the stall, which apparently doesn't sit well, with my new 'friend'.

"Don't come any closer! I don't trust you, and I know defensive magic!" She yells, as her horn begins to glow a deep purple to match her fur.

"Ok, I'll just stay right here." I reply calmly, standing still for the little pony that may be able to kill me. " Can I at least know the name of the pretty, purple pony about to blast me into a small scorch mark on the earth?"

She blushes a bit, likely flustered from my possible compliment, and her horn stops glowing. She takes a moment to look me up and down, then answers me. "I'm Amethyst Star, and it's a little weird to get compliments from a strange creature I've never heard of before. What did you say you are? A hooman?"

"Human, and I can kind of sympathize, never been called a monster before." I respond, noticing her ears flatten at my last statement, "Though I can understand why you would be wary of me, you've likely never seen anything like me."

"Well, if it's any consolation, you don't seem too bad to-"

In the middle of her sentence, I notice a fast shadow in the corner of my eye, and hit the deck, hearing a strong gust of wind rush by my head, followed by the sound of something hitting the ground pretty hard.

"Get away from her you monster!" I hear in a raspy, high-pitched voice. Getting back to my feet, I take in my would-be attacker, a blue pegasus with rainbow colored hair.

"What the hell! You almost murdered me skittles!" I yell at the small fiend who almost gave me a concussion to end all concussions.

"Hey, I don't even know what a skittle is, rude!" She yells back, flapping her wings, likely preparing to fly by again.

"What in tarnation' is goin' on 'round here?" I here in a southern drawl. Looking to my left, I see a bright orange pony with blonde hair and a worn Stetson. This pony has no wings, nor a horn, but given her whole country aesthetic, she's probably strong as fuck according to cartoon logic.

"What's going on, is blue blur right there almost knocked my head off like a golf ball!" I respond, gaining an even angrier glare from Skittles, and a confused look from Southern Comfort.

"Because you're a giant monster, who was probably about to eat that poor mare right there!"

"Actually, he was just complaining that he wasn't a monster, and that he doesn't know where he is." Amethyst responded, coming to my rescue. This caused Taste the Rainbow's ears to flatten against her head, and Country Sass to shoot a glare at her.

"So you just flew in, without thinkin', and almost hurt that poor fella'!?"

"Well, I mean, I thought she was in trouble!"

"Rainbow, this right here is exactly why you can't get a date."

"Oh, wow Applejack, real mature. Is that brutal honesty why you can't get laid!?"

"I'll make you eat them words, you short-sighted feather brain!"

The two ran at each other, and began to fight, mainly trying to pin the other to the dirt. I suddenly felt a little awkward, as I had indirectly caused this fight. I moved to seperate the two combatants, but felt a hoof on my arm. Looking back, I saw Amethyst, who had emerged from the stall, and wanted to stop me from intervening.

"I wouldn't get between them, once they get going, there's no stopping them, until they tire each other out." She informed me, "Do you see that big crystal castle over there? Go and ask for Princess Twilight, she can help you."

"Thanks Amethyst. I owe you one."

"No problem, just let her know about Rainbow Dash and Applejack, she might be able to stop them from fighting all day."

"Will do, and try to spread the word I won't eat anybody."

Amethyst gave me a nod, walking away in the opposite direction of the castle. I turned towards my target, and began to make my way to my new destination.

'Welp, let's hope the royalty isn't as aggresive as Little miss Need for Speed.'