Author's Note

We got lucky. I lost too much weight so the doctors shuffled appointments to adjust meds etc. That created a free week for me with a somewhat improved physical/mental state. You get a chapter early.

The numerous scans and probes still await so there will be more delays but I'll slip chapters out as I can.

Jack's Journal (Chapter 4)

2/2
Dating in Ponyville was pleasant. Everypony was used to seeing us together so the big change was sitting close or the occasional pda. Some of our neighbors were openly joyous that Twilight was showing a sign of some new maturity. A few even told me privately that they admired my courage and wished us the very best of luck.

But dating in Ponyville could never be anything but entry level for a stallion wanting a relationship with a Princess. Canterlot and the rest of the world lay ahead of us.

It was my first time on a Pony train and it was interesting. We could have taken several faster and more comfortable means but our goal was to be seen so we went where the seeing public was. What we got was a chance to share a car with Miss Cheerilee and her class of foals. They were on their way to a museum tour and were quite pleased to find that their train ticket came with entertainment.

They lined up neatly and bowed or curtsied properly then the questions started, “Are you going to Canterlot to see Princess Celestia?”

Twilight smiled and answered, “No, we are going to meet some friends for lunch.”

A wide eyed Colt exclaimed, “Wow. You’re going all the way to Canterlot to eat lunch?”

Twilight chuckled and, “No, we are going all the way to Canterlot to meet two friends that flew in from Cloudsdale for business because Canterlot is a lot easier to get to than Cloudsdale.”

A safety yellow colored (the most appropriately hued Pony ever) Pegasus filly said, “It’s a date, Silly. Rainbow told me they were dating.”

Putting a finger to my lips, I said, “SHhh! It’s a secret.”

Sixteen pairs of juvenile eyes opened wide and focused on me, “Really?” they chorused.

I smiled and in a hushed tone, “Scootaloo is right and I bet Sweetie Belle knows too.”

Fifteen pairs of eyes took aim on the sixteenth. Sweetie Belle shouted, “Don’t blame me. All I know is that they ordered matching outfits for the Gala from Rarity.”

Even the three adults at the other end of the car sighed at that one. Eventually the gentle swaying and steady clickity clack had its way and all the foals found comfortable places to curl up and nap.

Twilight leaned on me and snuggled so I slid a little lower and her head fit nicely on my shoulder. It’s kinda strange how two so differently shaped bodies can fit together so comfortably. I’m taking that as an omen.

As we left the train station bound for downtown Canterlot I noticed that most Ponies were carefully ignoring us. It was a change from Ponyville where it could take hours to get across town for all of the greetings and conversations. Most of the Ponies that did acknowledge us made a short bow to Twilight and moved on. But there were a select few that apparently didn’t like one of us at all. In Ponyville fear and curiosity would battle it out when something as strange as me surprised a Pony but disgust never happened. In Canterlot it did.

The foals made up for it. To them, I was a one Human parade. They all had two things, questions and those big curious eyes. After a while we made it to an upscale district with hotels and numerous restaurants.

The signs in front of the restaurants all had little pictographs on them so I asked Twilight what they meant. She explained, “Those are the races they cater to, Pony, Hippogriff, and Griffon. If you want meat, ask for a Griffon menu or Hippogriff for fish.”

Twilight steered us to one of the largest and nicest places on the street, one with all three races on its sign. The maitre d’ bowed to Twilight and raised an eyebrow to me, “Welcome to the Silver Unicorn. How may we serve Your Majesty?”

Twilight replied, “We’re here to meet with Captain Spitfire.”

The maitre d’ said, “This way, Your Majesty,” and led us to a large table near the window where a pair of athletic Pegasi waited.

Twilight quickly pushed the two pads together then I held her hoof as she settled on one. I sat cross legged on the other close enough that she could lean on me if she wanted. She started to introduce me but I beat her to it, “I am absolutely sure that anypony with a mane like that must have ‘fire’ in their name so you are Spitfire.” Spitfire laughed and nodded her head so I continued, “And that would make that temporarily parked piece of sky over there Soarin’.”

Soarin’ chortled, “Got it in one! I’m impressed, almost nopony recognizes us without the uniforms.”

I grinned back at him, “I’m Jack, Ponyville’s resident Human and I cheated. I’m friends with Rainbow Dash so I know about half of your life story whether I planned to or not.” Everypony laughed at that.

Our server, a forest green Unicorn mare, approached followed by a cloud of menus. She dropped a menu each in front of Twilight, Spitfire, and Soarin’ then looked at me. I had to think for a second then said, “Hippogriff.”

She dropped a menu in front of me then started around again, “What would you like to drink, Your Majesty?”

When she got around to me, I pointed at Twilight and said, “I’ll have what she’s having.”

After the server left, Soarin’ started laughing. I grinned at him, “Hey, I haven’t learned all the Pony names for teas but I know I like the same teas she likes.” Spitfire laughed too.

We all studied our menus and I found what I wanted right away. The others quickly followed suit and small talk sprung up while we waited for our server to return.

Soarin’ asked, “So you’re a fish eater?”

“Not exactly. I’m just in a seafood mood today. I can be happy with most of what is on all three menus,” I explained.

“That must be useful,” Spitfire commented. “It’s not always easy to get the kind of high energy diet we need when we’re performing.”

“Yes,” I replied, “I’ve wondered about that. I know enough aerodynamics to be sure that it takes a lot of energy to do the kind of flying you guys do.”

“They have Pegasus magic and their talent to boost their strength too,” Twilight suggested.

Spitfire continued the list, “And technique. And training. Hey, I’m curious, Jack, what’s your talent?”

Twilight was suddenly interested in something on the other side of the room so I motioned Spitfire and Soarin’ to lean in as I explained in a conspiratorial tone, “Don’t tell anypony but the universal Human talent is adaptability. Just like I can eat almost anything, I can find a way to do almost anything if I just work at it.”

Spitfire was confused but Soarin’ was downright incredulous, “All right. What’s your cutie?”

I shouldn’t enjoy this so much but I did, “I don’t have one. Humans don’t have cutie marks because we’re universal.”

I was trying to make up my mind which Human aircraft I wanted to use as an example of how a race without wings could fly when Twilight nudged me lightly. The maitre d’ was approaching with a very concerned look on his face.

“I’m very sorry, Your Majesty, but there has been a complaint. The management requests that you take your whatever he is outside,” he spoke nervously.

I touched Twilight lightly to reassure her and she was so tense she felt like she was made of rock. Uh oh.

Leaning over, I whispered in her ear, “Let me handle it. I have to sooner or later anyway.” She gave the smallest of nods so I confronted the foolish Pony, “Sir, if you have a problem with me, address it to me.”

That was clearly not the response that he had expected but he soldiered on, “Please, sir, I have been instructed to bar all unrecognized races from the dining area.”

I smiled broadly at him, “Then we have no problem. You may not recognize me but I am a full citizen of Equestria, welcomed and granted that status by Princess Celestia Herself. Go inform the management and let us get on with ordering.”

He went but our server didn’t come back so we stewed and planned. Eventually I spotted him coming our way. There was a fairly dense lunch rush in progress and most of the diners seemed aware that something was going wrong at the Princess’s table. The normal background hum muted as he approached our table.

Sweating profusely, he addressed me, “Sir, I have been instructed to tell you that she does not believe you and the order stands.”

Speaking very softly, I asked, “And ‘she’ is the owner?” He nodded slowly. I continued, “And it’s your job if you don’t?” He nodded again. So I stood and trotted out my best public speaking voice, “Mares and stallions, a moment of your time please.”

The place got quiet and I swear that I could see a couple of Ponies taking notes. Continuing, “I am Jack and I am here on a date with Princess Twilight. I was welcomed to Equestria by Princess Celestia and granted full citizenship. The owner of this restaurant is aware of these facts and has still chosen to refuse me service as a sub-equine being. It doesn’t bother me personally because I wouldn’t trust food served by anypony like that but I am quite annoyed that they have chosen to gainsay some Ponies that I respect.

“So I am invoking a Human tradition. It’s called ‘voting with your feet’. I’m going to walk out and find a decent meal elsewhere and I request that every Pony who respects the Princesses come with me. And tell all of your friends.”

I offered my hand to Twilight to help her to her feet but by the time we were turning to go Spitfire had her front feet on the table and was speaking, “I’m Captain Spitfire of the Wonderbolts and I just want to say that this establishment has seen its last Wonderbolt.”

We had made it out the door and to the middle of the street when we hit a snag. There were restaurants everywhere we looked but none of them were the kind that took walk-ups during the lunch rush. Spitfire could do a little casual persuasion and get us into some of them but her chain of command was already going to be questioning her effect on the Wonderbolts’ image. Twilight could easily walk in and clear a restaurant so we could have a private party but that is simply not something that the Twilight we all know and love would ever do without a much better reason. The crowd from the restaurant we had left was beginning to pile up behind us when the solution walked up from an unexpected direction.

“Your Majesty? Sir? May I offer a small suggestion?” It was the maitre d’ from the restaurant, “I am no longer employed at that establishment so I am free to speak my mind. I think I know of a place where you could find a decent meal without the complications of the places around us.”

Twilight and I exchanged ‘you’ve got to be kidding me’ looks then she asked, “Let's start with, what’s your name?”

“Steward Big, Your Majesty,” And he bowed.

“I could tell that you weren’t entirely on board with your boss’s orders,” I noted, “but did you quit in protest?”

“Why don’t we go this way,” he pointed with his horn, “and I’ll explain as we walk.”

The crowd spilling out the door of the restaurant was beginning to overflow the sidewalk behind us so we took his suggestion.

Spitfire asked, “Where are we going?”

Steward explained, “My sister and brother-in-law have a small restaurant just around the first corner up there. They started out cooking for the banquet hall next door and have the keys to it if we need extra tables.”

I looked back and decided that this was an ideal solution because most of the crowd was following us.

“You still owe me an explanation,” I reminded him.

“It was a steady job and it paid well,” he began, “but, Noble Sneer, the owner, is a pain to work for. Her high society friends and family can do no wrong and even if they did, she would find somepony else to blame. With that in mind, the only way she could keep her place open after a blunder of that scale is to find a scapegoat to carry the blame for her. I’ll give you one guess who was first in line for that position.”

I nodded and he continued, “My sister has been begging me to come work with them and I don’t see any point in standing around taking Noble’s abuse just so she can keep her restaurant and I can be blackballed. Now I can honestly say that I quit in protest and have a good chance that Ponies will believe me, especially if I’m seen with the offended parties afterward.”

Soarin’ and I grinned at each other and I replied, “That’s a wee bit mercenary but I’ll take an honest mercenary over a closet bigot any day.”

He grinned back and said, “We need to take a right at this intersection.”

We did and I noticed that Twilight seemed to be brooding some. An inquisitive look brought me the answer, “Jack, Noble Sneer is Prince Blueblood’s aunt. He’s going to really hate you now.”

At the next corner we turned right again then a short walk later we stopped at a door with a picture of a blue Pegasus painted on the window. Opening the door, Steward strode in loudly announcing, “Wake up, Sis. I bring patrons.”

A yellowish green Unicorn shot up from behind a table in the back of the room and exclaimed, “Steward Big! What in Equestria are you doing here and in the middle of the lunch rush?”

“Your Majesty, this is Musa Verde, my little sister,” he made introductions, “If you see a blue streak fly by that will be my niece, Azure Comet. That’s her picture on the door. And hiding in the kitchen is my brother-in-law Silver Platter.

“Silver, get your substantial fundament out here and bring your keys. We need the big room.”

A bulky Unicorn colored shining gold walked in through a back door, did a double take, bowed to Twilight, and trotted over to a large double door in the side wall. As soon as it was opened Steward motioned the four of us toward the other side of the room we were in and began directing the crowd past us and into the large room next door.

A very bemused Silver inquired, “Steward, what have you done now?”

Steward was busy so I answered, “Actually, I started it. I’m Jack and I came to Canterlot with Princess Twilight to meet her friends. The owner of the Silver Unicorn refused to serve me saying that I am an ‘unrecognized race’. I replied that I had been granted full citizenship by Princess Celestia Herself and was here on a date with Princess Twilight which made me recognized. She called me a liar with Twilight sitting right there next to me. I kinda went off on her with poor Steward caught between us.”

When I stopped, Soarin’ took over, “It was impressive. He just stood up and announced that he wouldn’t want food from anypony that insulted a Princess like that and invited everypony in the place to walk out with him. Then she,” pointing at Spitfire with a wing, “stood up on the table and declared that the place would never see another Wonderbolt.

“That did it. When we walked out the entire place followed us. We were standing in the street trying to think of a place that would take walk-ups for lunch when Steward came from up the street and offered to show us a place. I guess he went out the back door instead of fighting the crowd.”

Silver was shocked, “Like, WOW! The old bag really called a Princess a liar to Her face? I see why Steward left. The Sneer might have enough money to keep the place open but it won’t see any patrons besides her family for the next century. I’ll bet most of the staff has already quit.”

Musa shouted, “Comet! Menus.” over her shoulder then guided the four of us over to a large table near the wall. A blue Pegasus filly with what looked like shelves strapped to her back came zipping out of the kitchen. Musa took a couple of menus off of one of the shelves and passed them to us. Comet quickly left a menu on each of the tables to either side of us and flew off to follow the crowd.

Musa was apologizing to us for having to share menus as a pair of athletic stallions stationed themselves at each of the tables beside us. Musa was confused, Twilight was annoyed, and Spitfire, Soarin’, and I were amused.

Spitfire laughed, “Wait until the paparazzi start bidding for the remaining tables.”

“Wait a minute,” I asked, “Are they really that bad?”

Soarin’ exclaimed, “Jack, they’re that bad for us. It’s got to be worse for a Princess.”

I glanced at the menu and quickly found what I was looking for. Passing it to Twilight, I noted, “They seem to have most of the same things but are not divided into separate pages.”

Spitfire agreed, “Yes, and I like it better this way. I can order a fish entree and a veggie side without juggling menus.”

“What would you like to drink, Your Majesty?” Musa asked.

Twilight was still lost in the menu so I answered, “We’ll both have a light, sweet tea.”

Soarin’ and Spitfire chorused, “Same.”

Musa was looking expectantly at Twilight but she was still lost in the menu so I ordered, “I’ll have the shrimp spaghetti with garlic sauce and cheese. Extra garlic sauce and cheese on the side and a small veggie salad with no hay or dressing.”

Spitfire and Soarin’ exchanged glances then Spitfire ordered, “A large tuna salad with oat dressing for each of us, please.”

Now we’re all looking at Twilight and she’s still looking at the menu so I leaned toward her and said, “You know, I bet this is why they break the menus into individual pages. There are Ponies that can’t make a decision until they have carefully considered every possible alternative.”

Some part of that must have made it through because Twilight scowled at me and ordered, “I want a large special salad with cream dressing and a light, sweet tea.”

Musa rushed for the kitchen while Spitfire and Soarin’ openly laughed.

Twilight switched her scowl to them and asked, “Did I miss something?

Spitfire replied, “I think we missed a ceremony. You two are acting married already.”

I explained, “We’ve been living in very close proximity in the library for a while now. We decided to go ahead with this when we realized how intertwined our lives were and well we meshed. That’s why I can order tea for her and would have ordered the salad too if she hadn't come out of it.”

Twilight blushed and smiled up at me, “He just naturally takes care of me. I’m thinking about hiring him full time.”

I smiled back then leaned over and kissed her lightly on the nose, “And I’m holding out for a lifetime contract.”

I think about half of the restaurant let out a big sigh at that point. Twilight just blushed deeper and I just smiled wider.

About then the small blue Pegasus came flying out of the kitchen door, banked hard right, and made a perfect landing next to our table. She set four cups and a pitcher full of tea on the table and zipped back toward the kitchen.

While Twilight poured the tea, I grinned and suggested, “Hey, Soarin’. You need to keep an eye on that one. She’s flying all day wearing a pack saddle with tiers and carrying liquids in tight quarters at speed. She’s got some potential.”

Spitfire spoke up, “Recruiting is my job. He’ll recruit her alright but not for a Wonderbolt.”

Soarin’ smiled and the rest of us laughed but I had a question nagging me, “Is it me or are most Pegasi blue? If anypony would know it would be you guys.”

Soarin’ grinned and nodded it off to Spitfire who replied. “Think about it. If you were a warrior that mostly worked in or from the sky, what color would you want to be? And that goes all the way back to fighting off Griffons and Dragons to keep them from eating us.”

“That makes sense,” I responded.

Twilight added, “There is also some linkage between a blue coat and stronger Pegasus magic. Look at Rainbow.”

“Interesting,” I responded. “The more I learn about Ponies, the more I want to learn.”

Spitfire baited me, “Come on, Jack. Surely there must be as many strange and exciting things about humans.”

“Of course,” I answered, “But that is old news to me. Ponies are new and exciting.”

“Okay, let's make a deal, a question for a question,” Spitfire returned. “We’ll answer a Pony question for every Human question you answer.”

“Certainly. Full truth, absolutely any question. And since you’ve answered a Pony question, it’s your turn to ask,” I agreed.

Soarin’ jumped right in with all four feet, “Are there any Human tribes that fly?”

“First, here’s a free background answer,” I detailed, “By Pony standards there is only one tribe and one race of Humans. The only difference between any of us is color and that’s across a much smaller spectrum than Ponies. On your question, all humans fly. They just use technology to do it instead of magic.”

I expected some confusion and Soarin’ didn’t disappoint me. He stretched out a wing slightly and looked pointedly at it then craned his neck like he was looking at my back.

I elaborated, “You couldn’t fly on Earth if you had Celestia’s wings. The undeniable laws of physics on Earth say so. It takes a lot of wing and a lot of brute force to get off the ground there. A human with that much wing couldn’t fit through any door smaller than warehouse sized. So we use technology that we can wear or ride and leave it behind when we want to do anything but fly.”

Soarin’ nodded so I moved on, “I have a flying question, do Pegasi have a ‘mile high club’?” That was met with bafflement so I added, “High altitude love.”

They both laughed and Spitfire answered, “Of course, it’s the best kind. Clouds are pretty nice too.”

Soarin’ added, “Griffons are the same but be careful around them. When they get excited they sometimes forget if they are loving or fighting.”

“I’ve known some Humans like that,” I acknowledged. “They got married so they wouldn’t have to look for sparring partners.”

The little blue filly swooped in about then and deposited napkins and silverware in front of everyone but me. “What style, sir?” she asked.

I smiled and replied, “Unicorn.” Wiggling my fingers I added, “At close range these are as good as magic.”

She left me the same kind as Twilight and zipped off to see to our security team.

Spitfire was still curious, “How fast can Humans go with this technology?”

“Weeeeellll, it depends,” I began. “The small wearable devices I mentioned earlier are pure gliders and designed to go slow. Their main purpose is to get from altitude to ground without injury for fun or for places where the larger flying machine can’t land like in the woods or on water. The powered machines come in sizes from chariot to theater. A lot of the smaller ones can easily break the sound barrier and so can a few of the big ones.”

Soarin’ was looking at me like I’d gone a little mad, “Theater sized?”

I nodded, “Seats nearly a thousand with food and entertainment as they fly literally around the world.”

Comet came sailing out of the kitchen flying a little slower than usual. Landing gently beside our table, she took a large spatula looking tool off the side of her saddle and carefully placed our food in front of each of us and zipped back to the kitchen.

I poured the extra cheese and garlic sauce over my salad and got busy.

Taking a short break between courses, I poured myself another cup of tea and regarded the two Pegasi across the table, “This isn’t part of the game but I have a personal question for you two. I want to know what is the best preening balm and where do you get it?”

Twilight coughed and choked briefly while Spitfire and Soarin’ gave each other ‘significant looks’ then burst out laughing. Twilight grabbed me and, “Jaaaack!”

“Whaaat?” I parroted. “If I’m going to be part of Team Twilight and keep you in tip top shape, I need every tool that I can find and if anypony in Equestria has the right answer it’s these two.”

Spitfire sobered and addressed Twilight, “You should be thankful. Do you have any idea how hard it is to find a non-feathered stallion willing to preen? And you have one that’s not only willing but eager to do it right.

“And Jack, the best brand is ‘Five Feathers’. It should be available at any apothecary or beauty supply. Be careful not to use too much. The goal is just enough to put a light sheen on the feathers so that they slide together easily and seal into a flexible aerodynamic surface.”

Soarin’ had a contribution too, “The best ‘preening oil’ is sitting right in front of us. It’s why the fish menu is named after the most feathered of all the tribes. Her body will use the oil from fish to make her own natural oil. See to it that she eats enough fish and she’ll stay shiny and happy. And just in case, while you’re at the apothecary get some fish oil capsules. A few of them will fix a dull wing in a day.”

I’d got what I wanted but Twilight was quietly grumbling, “I. Don’t. Like. Fish. I. Don’t. Like. Fish.”

The shrimp and spaghetti was magnificent and all the more impressive because it was made during a surprise rush of epic proportions.

“I am coming back here,” I announced.

Soarin’ added, “Me too.”

Spitfire nodded, “Oh hell yes. With the extra room this place is ideal. We could fit all the ‘bolts, and auxiliaries, and staff at the same time while maintaining security. I see a contract in somepony’s future.

“Hey, what are you guys doing with the rest of today? We plan to shop then check out what’s going on at the Pony Stone. There’s a rumor that somepony big is going to try out a new piece tonight. We’d love to have you two along.”

Twilight turned to me, “How about it, Jack. It’s a great chance to see Canterlot.”

“Sure,” I enthused, “As soon as somepony tells me what a ‘Pony Stone’ is.”

Soarin’ explained, “It’s a natural rock stage that was discovered when they were building Canterlot. It has some kind of innate magic that gives it perfect acoustics. They built a park with a grass amphitheater around it and it’s become the place for performing Ponies to go to try out new acts or compositions. There’s no schedule or charge but sometimes wonderful things happen there.”

The mares put their heads together and began laying out a detailed shopping itinerary while Soarin’ and I debated the possibilities of powered flight. I think he wants a motor he can hitch himself to and fly cross country without burning his own energy.

When the mares were satisfied with their plan, it was time to leave. I reached in my pocket and left a single gold coin in the center of the table. Twilight looked at me curiously so I explained, “I called this mess down on them and they met it with grace and style. I owe them at least that.”

Soarin’ grinned and added a gold coin of his own, “We helped. And you are right.”

Twilight and Spitfire moved with a purpose, leading Soarin’ and I out the door. Just as we reached the street, a teenage ‘whoop!’ sounded behind us. Soarin’ grinned at me and pointed back with a wingtip, “And that is what makes it all worthwhile.”

We marched across Canterlot in a large arc with zigzag variations. Every kind and size of store imaginable was somewhere on our route but what made it really interesting was seeing the Princess in Twilight come out for the first time. Ponyville is home and everypony is family. Formalities only happen on official occasions or with lost strangers. In Canterlot there are clear class divisions and penalties for failing to observe them.

Spitfire was having fun. Technically she’s a military officer and a commoner but out of uniform all anypony sees is a strong mare with an air of authority and a Princess treating her as an equal. When in doubt, bow.

Then Twilight started pulling me into the game. Clever mare, before then I was just an escort, now she’s asking my approval and the salesponies are getting nervous. When she called me ‘darling’, they all snapped to attention. It was fun to watch so I played along and investigated the many strange offerings in a Pony boutique.

Lo and behold, I found something I could use, socks. Of course they came in quads instead of pairs but that’s just two pairs in one color to me. I had picked out four colors for variety when I discovered the plaids. And they even had some with heavy purple themes and fancy decorations so I got two quads of them. The filly waiting on me developed a sly grin when I told her I wanted the socks paid for and wrapped separately. She took me to a counter away from everypony else and took my cash then fairly pranced over to the pile that Twilight was accumulating and placed my wrapped bundle in the middle of it.

Twilight gave me a questioning look but kept examining cloaks. The salesfilly that had waited on me had a whispered conversation with one of the fillies waiting on Twilight then we had two bouncing grinning salesfillies. Then three. Then four. Shortly all of them were grinning and looking back and forth between me and Twilight. Twilight was trying not to laugh herself, “What have you done, Jack?”

I shrugged, “I dunno. I just found something I like and want to surprise you with tonight so I bought it and had it wrapped.”

That set all the salesfillies to twittering and giggling.

Soarin’ stepped over to me and whispered, “Don’t tell me you bought her socks?”

When I nodded, he stepped back and saluted me, “You’re a brave stallion, Jack”

The package quietly floated over to Twilight and disappeared into her personal hiding place. “We’ll open it together, Jack,” and she smiled happily at me.

By then I had figured out that I had tripped over some cultural thing but the results were not what I expected. Some salesstallions spouted out from nowhere and escorted me to the stallion’s department and started showing me formal wear. Soarin’ just stood there watching and snickering. After about ten minutes I managed to communicate to them that I had a source of formal wear at home that would already fit me and did not need to be re-tailored. I did find a Minotaur bathrobe that suited me.

We surveyed a broad selection of stallion accessories that I didn’t even recognize but Soarin’ found a gold chain that he liked. I took his advice on a cologne that he said Twilight would like. And Soarin’ did ask about preening balm.

“It’s not like you could get any more notorious after buying socks, but,” he relayed, “they don’t have it.”

The mares caught up with us, my robe and cologne disappeared wherever Twilight’s stuff had gone, and we were off to the next store. It was a jewelry store and it had a ring that would be perfect for what I had in mind but there was no way that I was buying it with Twilight in the store after what I was beginning to call ‘the socks incident’. There seemed to be some sort of backdoor telegraph going on anyway. I was getting bowed to and addressed as ‘Sire’ with an occasional ‘Your Majesty’ wherever we went and Soarin’ was adding to it every chance he found. I had my revenge, though. Every time there was a Pegasus in the store I would ask him Wonderbolt questions loudly.

In other words, we were having a lot of fun and I was getting a lot of education on Pony society while Pony society was left with no doubts that Jack and Twilight were an item. But the sun was getting low and we had another appointment so we changed course.

There was a crowd gathering at the park. Our ‘discreet’ security suddenly materialized around us and the crowd parted. I spotted a well placed tree near the top of the hill overlooking the stage and we all settled in there. I leaned back against the tree while Twilight curled up with her shoulder against my thigh. Spitfire and Soarin’ lined up on the other side of me and our Guardsponies took the points of the compass around us. There were several pleasant but not spectacular performers for us to enjoy then the street lights came on. In the new illumination I spotted a familiar Pony with a familiar burden.

“Hey, Twilight, look there,” I pointed, “is that who I think it is?”

She craned her neck but, “I can’t see. Who do you think it is?”

So I lifted her and set her front legs across my legs so her head was close to mine and pointed, “Right there, in the line of performers.”

“That’s Octavia Melody,”she exclaimed, “with her cello.”

“That’s what I thought,” I said. “I believe the night’s special event has arrived,” to the rest of our group.

Spitfire stood up and put her head next to the other side of mine and asked, “Where?”

I pointed and said, “Right there in the line. See the Earth Pony with the big case? That’s Octavia Melody. If she’s here, we are about to be treated to something beautiful.”

“Okay, I see her,” Spitfire replied. “Now who is she?”

“She’s one of our neighbors in Ponyville,” I explained. “That big case is her cello. She plays for fun in the Ponyville park and professionally with the Royal Orchestra. She’s what good wants to be when it grows up.”

Twilight showed no inclination at all to get back down off of me and Spitfire was still leaning against my other side so I was trapped, pinned in place by two strong mares. I was forced to endure this indignity while Soarin’ chuckled in the background, “I’m taking you bar hopping some night soon. You look like an ideal wingpony to me.” Twilight growled at him and we all laughed, even some of the security Ponies.

A few fairly talented Ponies crossed the stage in front of us until finally it was Octavia’s turn. The park grew silent as she checked over her cello. Then she began. I knew that song. I couldn’t put a name to it and the words were at the edge of my memory but it had a meaning that I recognized. It was about young lovers and things that conspired against them. I felt a vibration in my chest and realized that I was humming along. On the next stanza Twilight joined in.

Too soon it was over but this feeling that it had a special meaning for me and Twilight persisted. Octavia was putting her cello away and I had no chance of dragging Twilight’s entourage through the crowd fast enough to catch her but it didn’t matter. I’d catch her in Ponyville soon enough.

But I had to ask, “Twilight, do you know the name or lyrics for that song?”

Twilight blinked, “Don’t you? You were the one singing it. It was too low for me to understand the words but you were definitely right in time with Octavia.”

“Now I’m really confused,” I replied. “I was just humming but you were singing real low. . . I think? We’ll have to ask Octavia about it after we get back to Ponyville. Speaking of which, how late does that train run?”

Spitfire stood up, stretched, and pronounced, “Oh no, you’re coming with us. We have a large room reserved and Twilight has agreed.”

“Oh?” I questioned, “Are you sure you want to sleep in the same room as the big scary interdimensional alien?”

Laughing, Spitfire said, “If Twilight can control you, I know I can.”

Smiling, I remarked, “Twilight whipped Discord and Nightmare Moon both. Could you do that?”

Twilight was shaking so hard trying not to laugh that she was making my voice tremble and Soarin’ wasn’t even trying to keep quiet.

“Twilight will be there to keep you under control,” Spitfire declared, “Let’s go.”

So we lined our parade up and struck out for the hotel. It turned out to be the J W Mareiott just a block from the castle. Spitfire had reserved a suite on the top floor and I got some entertainment out of watching the winged Ponies walk up the stairs because I couldn’t just fly to the balcony. And it was a really nice suite with a bar, kitchenette, and a huge bedroom. With just one huge bed.

I sat on the couch and thought about that for a bit. Twilight has dumped a lot of culture shock on me for one day. And the day wasn’t over yet.

“Come on, Jack,” Spitfire piped up, “get comfortable. I want to see what Twilight‘s claiming for herself. I might even want to give her a little competition.”

I looked at Twilight sitting on the other end of the couch and she nodded so I started pulling my shoes and socks off.

“You’re wearing socks!” Spitfire squeaked.

I finished pulling them off and set my shoes off to the side before explaining, “I wear socks and shoes all the time when I’m outside.” holding a foot up and wiggling my toes, “Take note. No hoof and no fur. Soft naked feet need protection. Now could somepony tell me why socks are such a big deal?”

Twilight was just sitting there smiling. That sneaky mare knew this was coming, she’s watched me put on shoes and socks since I got here. Spitfire was still sputtering but Soarin’ was ready, “Jack, socks are what a stallion or mare buys when they want to spice up their sex life. If they really want to go for maximum effect, they get stockings with garters, though some say that it gives her a whorsey look.”

“Now it makes sense,” I exclaimed, “That’s why those fillies went all giggly. Soarin’! You could have said something, you know.”

“And miss the show?” Soarin’ snickered.

That’s when I became aware of the sound of paper tearing. Looking back toward Twilight, I saw my wrapped purchase coming apart in the grasp of Twilight’s magic.

“Twilight! Don’t you think that would be better opened in Ponyville?” I blurted out.

Smiling sweetly, Twilight said, “But Jack, you said you wanted to surprise me with it tonight.”

The paper parted and my solid color socks came into view.

“Those are mine. I bought them so I’d have plenty of spares.” I testified.

One. . . Two. . . Three. . . Four quad floated out of the wrapping and over to sit by me on the couch, then, “Oh, Jack! They’re lovely!” as a lacy purple quad floated out and hung in front of Twilight. One of the socks separated from the rest and draped itself down Twilight’s hind leg as Twilight twisted her head to admire it.

“Oh Darling,” Twilight breathed a throaty endearment, “I would never dare to buy something like this for myself but from you it’s perfect!”

“I don’t place quite the same significance on them that you do but do I pass the test anyway?” I inquired.

Twilight chuckled, “When did you figure out it was a test?”

“Well,” I speculated, “I don’t think the mess in the first restaurant was planned but dragging me in front of all the salesponies and confirming me as a decision maker was pretty obvious.”

Twilight nodded, “I thought Noble Sneer would order the staff to ignore you or mess up your order. I never dreamed that she would insult me too. If Prince Blueblood ever had a chance, she ended it. I’m very happy with the way you resolved that. A whole bunch of Noble Ponies are going to respect you now.”

Soarin’ had drifted to the far side of the room and was standing behind a chair. Spitfire was just grinning and giggling, “Soarin’, you should come watch this. He buys her some of the hottest lingerie I’ve ever seen, she models it for him, and now they’re analyzing their date. These two are destined for each other.”

Soarin’ seemed concerned about something else, “I think I’ll stay over here for a while. In fact, I may just go take a shower.”

Spitfire let out a loud guffaw, “So you like them too?”

Soarin’ replied simply, “Yes.”

About then the exact nature of Soarin’s ‘issue’ penetrated my thick skull. It shouldn’t have taken that long but I was distracted by a similar problem of my own. Luckily, I was wearing pants.

Spitfire, on the other hand, was thoroughly enjoying the whole event, “Come on, guys. Line up over here and let's have a contest,” with not very well concealed laughter.

Twilight, meanwhile, was shading from violet toward cherry red, “Jack, is she talking about what I think she’s talking about?”

So I leaned toward her and whispered, “Yes. What else should ‘the most desirable mare in Equestria’ expect when she teases her stallion?”

“But? But? But? Soarin’?” Twilight stuttered.

“Why not?” I asked. “He’s young, single, and healthy. Right now he’s wondering how much cold water it will take to wash one of his best fantasies out of his brain so he doesn’t embarrass a friend.”

However, Spitfire had no such qualms, “Come on, Jack. At least give me a look at something exotic.”

I answered seriously, “Spitfire, I’ve made a promise to Twilight so it’s her permission you have to ask.”

Spitfire teased, “Come on, Twilight, show us what’s so good that a Princess would keep it for herself.”

Twilight looked at me and I just shrugged so she said, “Take off your shirt, Jack, just your shirt.” When I did she continued, “Look at those muscles. He works out with Big Mac for fun. Show her, Jack.”

So I did my best Chippendales poses for her and gave Spitfire a case of the wing flutters. Twilight was loving it. I guess that it’s the first time the librarian walked away with the beefcake in a competition with a Wonderbolt. Anyway, we got progressively sillier until I was attempting Twilight curls and we all broke down into giggles.

We gave Soarin’ first bite in the shower and after we had all had our turn, we made ourselves comfortable on the big bed. Spitfire was disappointed that I kept my shorts on but it wouldn’t have mattered anyway. Twilight claimed my lap and seemed ready to defend it from all comers. The conversation was very educational along the lines of our earlier Human versus Pony swaps but more intimate. Spitfire was having a lot of fun but Twilight was intensely analyzing every word.

Soarin nodded as Spitfire explained, “Get used to it, Jack. At least half of Equestria is going to want to know what makes you worthy of a Princess and the other half is going to expect you to prove it.”

Eventually we drifted into our sleeping positions. Twilight wrapped a wing around me to keep me safe. It was a pretty nice place to be.