"Interview"

by Heroic412227

Rating: everyone
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Original Character, Fancypants, Comedy, Slice of Life
Length: 1139

Doesn't actually contain very much interviewing.

Gold Digger is a (totally not) lonely mare working a job she's about to be fired from. Her boss asks her to get one interview, or else she's fired. She... kinda does?

A collaboration with ya boi Tonkus, who also made the cover art that honestly wouldn't look out of place in a third-grade classroom.

An idea yoinked out of Bad Dragon's giant list of story ideas!

Published 2021-07-13 21:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2021-07-13 21:00:00 UTC

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Gold Digger shuffled into Dirty Work’s office, keeping her head bowed the entire way.

“You wanted to see me, sir?”

Dirty Work nodded. “Do you know what kind of business we run here, Gold?”

“A… newspaper?”

He nodded again. “Yes, a newspaper. And what is the position that I hired you for?”

“A financial journalist.”

“Mm-hm. So you must know what you’ve been called into here for, then, yes?”

“I need to actually interview some ponies.” Gold squeaked. “Three weeks of nothing and I’m fired, right?”

“Eyup.”

“Rich guy… rich guy…” Gold Digger paced the streets of Canterlot, staring up and down the long roads spidering out in every direction. “Rich girl, maybe? It can’t be that hard to find some rich nobody around here...”

She rounded the corner, spotting a rich-looking pony strolling down the sidewalk. Maybe he would like to be interviewed? A sly smirk spread across her face. Maybe he’d even be open to going out on a date sometime... She sprinted up to the rich-looking pony.

“Excuse me, sir. Can I have a moment of your time--?”

“If you’re about to tell me about our lord and savior, Princess Celestia, then no. I am a busy stallion, and I have no time for such ridiculousness.”

“Actually, no. I was wondering if you would be interested in--”

“No dieting plans, either.”

Gold Digger groaned at the repeated interruption. “It’s not that, either. You see, the company I work for is looking for potential investors, and I believe you may be interested.”

The stallion raised a brow.

“So… Are you interested?”

“I’ll think about it. You got a number I should call or something?”

Gold Digger gave a quick nod, pulling a slip of paper from her saddlebag. She gave it to the stallion.

“Thank you.” The stallion walked away. “I’ll let you know if I’ve made my decision, alright?”

“Yes, sir, and thank you for your…” She watched him toss the scrap into a nearby trash bin as he wandered off. “...time.”

Gold Digger stared daggers at his back.

“Fine, then,” Gold muttered as she trudged away from him. “I didn’t want to ask him out, anyway.”

She let out a huff, continuing on down the street. Another pony caught her eye-- a mare.

Maybe she would be interested. “Ma’am?” Gold rushed after the mare, narrowly dodging a few carts along the way. “Ma’am, I have an absolutely stunning investment opportunity for you!”

“Ugh! A peasant. What is it?”

“I’m glad you asked.” Gold smirked, “I am looking for potential interviewees for the Equestrian Finance publication. There’s no risk to you, and better yet—” her smirk grew wider. “We give royalties to the ponies we interview.”

“Feh.” The mare walked away. “If you’re trying that hard, surely your venture will fail before long.”

“Oh.”

“Sirs!” Gold pressed her face against the window of a nearby Ponybucks. “Sirs! Would you be interested in a brilliant business partnership opportunity?”

She shrunk away as her enthusiasm was met with overwhelming disgust, and a roll of the eyes from the janitor who had just cleaned that window.

“C’mon, it’s basically free moneyyyy!” Gold groaned, shouting to the sky. “Everypony likes free money, right???”

Hoofsteps approached from behind her.

“Oh! Pardon me, ma’am.”

Gold Digger swung around.

“Sorry to bother you, but do you know where I can find Restaurant Row?”

“Two streets that way, on your left,” Gold pointed a hoof down the street. “You can’t miss i—holy Celestia you’re Fancy Pants!”

“Indubitably, madam.” Fancy Pants replied.

The smirk from before returned, wider than ever now on Gold’s face. “Before you go, though, would you be interested in an absolutely stunning investment opportunity?”

“Hm? Oh, yes, yes, I suppose so,” Fancy Pants looked past Gold. “Is there a designated time or place for a meeting, or—”

“No, no! We can meet anytime! It’s… kinda just me for now.” Gold pawed the ground. “See, the newspaper I’m supposed to report for is still very new to the business, and I’m the only actual journalist. If you want to meet, I could join you wherever it is you’re going.”

“Why, that sounds positively delightful. Alright, it’s a deal.” Fancy Pants shook Gold’s hoof.

Gold Digger fidgeted in her seat. That worked? All she did was spew about how ridiculously understaffed they were!

“So,” Fancy Pants sipped his tea. “About this proposal?”

“Whoa whoa--proposal?” Gold slammed her hooves onto the table in panic. Fancy Pants looked up from his drink.

“...Yes? The business opportunity.”

“Oh-oh—” Gold gasped. “Y-yeah, the proposal. The proposal for business. The… business proposal. Yes. Totally.”

Fancy Pants raised a brow. “Are you oka—”

“Yes!” Gold blurted, shaking the table again. “Sorry. It’s just that… I’ve been trying over and over to get an interview done, but… well, everypony I’ve asked until now has been…” She chuckled for a moment. “Well, for lack of a better word, stuffy. I'm so, so lonely.”

“Excuse me?” Fancy Pants blinked, leaning closer. “Could you repeat that last part for me?”

“Nothinggg~” Gold picked up her mug and plunged her muzzle into it. Serves her right for saying that out loud.

“Gold!” Fancy Pants shouted, tipping his own cup over as he raised a napkin to her face. “Don’t do that, you’ll burn yourself!”

Gold lowered her cup again, her muzzle dripping-wet. “Don’t worry, it’s lukewarm.”

Fancy Pants chuckled, wiping her face anyway. “Still, I don’t believe that drowning your sorrows in tea of all things can be healthy.”

“You’re right.” Gold Digger breathed. She stared down into her mug. “I don’t know what came over me.”

“It’s… quite alright, Gold. Now, shall we get started on this interview?”

“Huh?? Oh, y-yeah. Um…” Gold stared blankly at the wall behind Fancy Pants. “Yeah. Uh…”

“You aren’t prepared for this, are you?”

Gold shook her head. “Not really, no. Ya see, the thing is… I’ve been very lonely at home and—”

Fancy Pants smiled. “No need to worry, we can try again another time. Do you have a number that I may call? Or perhaps a date and location for our next meeting?”

“Yeah, you can have my nu—the company’s number.” Gold took a napkin from the dispenser on the table, scribbling for a moment before passing it back to Fancy Pants. “Here you go.”

The stallion cocked his head. “You didn’t have a pencil before. Where did it come from?”

A notepad dropped from Gold’s mane with a quiet thud.

“...Nevermind.” Fancy Pants tucked the napkin into his pocket, standing up from his seat. “I suppose I should get going now. Until next time, Gold!”

“Thank you for your time!” Gold Digger gushed. “I’ll call when I’m ready!”

It took a full hour of back-and-forth argument later that day to prevent Gold Digger from being fired.