It had all started out like seemingly every other encounter with The Mane-iac as far as Hum-Drum and the Power Ponies were concerned. A vague threat to the city and a fight with her many henchponies. Seemed like just another day in Maretropolis, really.
But things started to take a turn for the unusual when Hum-Drum suddenly felt something hit him from behind. One moment he felt a sharp sting in his neck, and the next he couldn't feel anything at all as he fell into the grip of unconsciousness.
When Hum-Drum came to, he found himself within the inner sanctum of The Mane-iac's headquarters. It was really just a hasty reconversion of the CEO's office of what had previously been just a plain old shampoo factory, but The Mane-Iac insisted on treating it as if it were this top secret place that only she could access. And just his luck, Hum-Drum found himself tied up, unable to move an inch from the wall he was now bound to. It was times like this that made him really regret having lost his superpowers.
The familiar voice of The Mane-iac could be heard before long, though something about it sounded off: It sounded ever so faintly raspy for some reason. What reason could there possibly be for it?
Hum-Drum would soon find out as The Mane-Iac approached him, looking noticeably worse for wear than usual. Her normally vibrant colors of purple and green had dulled considerably, it was even possible to see streaks of grey sticking out here and there. The way she carried herself seemed to be drastically different, almost as if she were limping and struggling just to make it a few inches across the floor. And she appeared to stop frequently to cough.
"Hello, Hum-Drum," The Mane-iac greeted through a raspy tone of voice. It now seemed like there were some bags under those green eyes of hers that would indicate a lack of good sleep. "Sorry we had to meet like this. But I would've expected a formal invitation to be... turned down."
Hum-Drum only snorted, wiggling in vain against his restraints. "You won't get away with... whatever it is it you have planned, Mane-iac," He valiantly declared. "The Power Ponies will save me like they always do. You're a fool if you think otherwise."
But The Mane-iac just replied with a cough. "Hum-Drum, you don't understand. I need your help."
The faithful sidekick of the Power Ponies simply turned his head and narrowed his eyes. "Why would I help you, Mane-iac? You're the reason I lost my superpowers all those years ago."
The super villain only responded. "Oh I know, but that's all water under the bridge is it not? You're the only one who knows what I used to be. What I was like before all of this. Which means you're the only one I can trust to carry out this important assignment."
"You think I'm just gonna help you?" Hum-Drum replied as he rolled his eyes. "I know that chemical bath made you crazy, but I didn't think it made you stupid on top of it. But I guess I should've expected that. Sooner or later it was bound to destroy what brain cells you had left," He then yawned. "You've gotten my attention. What kind of crazy, diabolic scheme do you have planned to take over the city this time? It's always something with you."
Yet The Mane-iac's response threw Hum-Drum for a loop as she pulled him close to her with the edge of her curly mane. "Hum-Drum, look at me," She firmly declared, her raspy tone of voice now unmistakable. "I'm not well. I'm not just sick, I'm dying."
"Dying?" Hum-Drum scoffed. "Yeah, right. You survived that freak accident that would've killed any normal mare. You don't really expect me to believe you could be dying now. This is all got to be some elaborate prank on your part, you want to see if I still care about the mare you used to be. But as far as I'm concerned, that mare died in that accident and you took her place!"
The mare with the curly mane growled, pulling Hum-Drum closer and wrapping more of her mane around his neck as she locked eyes firmly with him. "Hum-Drum, I'm not kidding. That chemical bath is finally catching up to me. Doctor said I only had a few weeks to live, so I gave him a few seconds. How's that for a second opinion?" She briefly laughed, only for it to be cut off by a raspy coughing fit that seemed to take forever to come to a stop. "Do you get it now? This is serious. And you are my only hope."
The sidekick only inquired. "And why in the wide world of Maretropolis and beyond would I ever want to help you? Give me one good reason why I shouldn't just leave you to your fate."
The sickened super villain responded with a sinister smirk that crept onto her face. "Why, to save that world and that city that you care so much about. That stinking cesspool of a city that you and those overgrown filly scouts still honestly believe you can save," Her smirk grew wider as she explained while pulling Hum-Drum to her. "Look around at my factory. See anything different?"
Hum-Drum reluctantly obeyed, but all he could see was a bunch of giant canisters of what he assumed were just standard beauty products. "Really? You're going to use sprays to make me obey?" He rolled his eyes in disbelief. "Frankly, Mane-iac, I'm not impressed. Just let me go now so we can both spare you the agonizing humiliation of defeat by my friends, the Power Ponies."
Yet The Mane-iac only shook her head, laughing a bit before the coughing fit returned. "It's not just any spray, Hum-Drum. It's similar to what I once used on you, except this time there's no superpowers involved," She explained. "And I've rigged it to go off upon my untimely death. So when I draw my last breath, so too shall all of Maretropolis. Even your Power Pony friends will be powerless to stop the spray from forever immobilizing the city."
"So, is that why you've brought me here? Just to tell me this?" Hum-Drum questioned with concern. "I never imagined you could stoop so low."
The Mane-iac just shook her head, refusing to loosen her grip on Hum-Drum for even a second. "Come on, Hum-Drum. Don't be this dense. I contacted you in this fashion because it was the only way to get you to see me like this and understand the dire circumstances we're both under," She protested, before explaining herself further. "There's one way to save me and by extension the city. A rare and expensive beauty product that's a one of a kind is being delivered to the Maretropolis dockyards tonight."
"I fail to see how that's supposed to save you," The trapped sidekick remarked with a quirked brow. "But I guess I can pass word along to the Power Ponies and see what they think. Not sure if they'll take your word for it though."
But the seemingly sick super villain quickly replied. "Ah ah ah, no Power Ponies of any sort are to get involved," And she threatened. "If they do, I'll release the spray right on the spot! I'm not kidding, I've got ways to override any countdown," She promptly pulled out and displayed a rather ominous looking remote with an even more ominous big, red button on it. "One false move and I push the button! And that's it, it's lights out for Maretropolis forever!"
"But without superpowers, how am I supposed to get you that product you need?" Hum-Drum questioned anew. "You're not exactly making my life easier when you impose these restrictions."
The Mane-iac only answered. "Use that brain of yours, Hum-Drum. That's how you've always outwitted me in the past," And then she released her grip on Hum-Drum as she declared. "Remember, I'm counting on you. And by extension, so is all of Maretropolis."
The freed Hum-Drum reluctantly explained everything to the Power Ponies upon being reunited with them, many of them relieved to see that he was unharmed.
"Glad to see The Mane-iac didn't do anything to you this time." Masked Matterhorn declared.
Hum-Drum nodded before he sighed. "Yeah, but it doesn't do me a lot of good when she's asking me to do the impossible. I'm supposed to save her life by getting her this rare beauty product from the Maretropolis dock yards tonight."
Filli-Second eagerly declared with a grin. "No problem! I could be there and back before the rest of you even blink!"
"Except The Mane-iac clearly doesn't want any of you to get involved," Hum-Drum explained. "She's said that if you do, she'll release this powerful paralyzing spray that's similar to what she once used on me. You know, the same thing that took away my powers for good. There's no telling what it could do if it's released on an unsuspecting city."
Mistress Marevoulous only snorted and rolled her eyes as she grit her teeth. "I sincerely doubt that Mane-iac is actually dying. Give me five minutes alone with her and I know my trusty lasso will make her talk. This is all just a sick and twisted game of hers."
The sidekick answered. "I don't know. She seemed pretty darn sincere to me. It looks like it would be awfully hard to fake her sickly state of appearance. And I don't intend to call her bluff. Not with the city in possible peril."
Masked Matterhorn promptly inquired of her best friend. "So then, what are you going to do? You're not actually going to try and do this all by yourself, are you? With no superpowers of your own, you'll be in great danger."
"I'll... I'll think of something, I always do," Hum-Drum nervously insisted. "The rest of you need to fan out and look for any possible way to stop The Mane-iac from spraying the city if I fail. If she really intends to release it on all of Maretropolis, she's got to have extra canisters hidden somewhere."
Radiance nodded her head. "A decent plan, though are you absolutely sure you don't want any of us to stand by as possible back-up or recon? It wouldn't hurt to have it, just in case."
Hum-Drum shook his head. "Out of the question. The Mane-iac clearly didn't want any of you getting involved in this quest. Reluctantly, it's all up to me."
"Please be careful," Saddle Ranger pleaded with her friend. "You know you're not just our sidekick, right?"
Storm reluctantly added. "Yeah, what Saddle Ranger said. Normally, I don't like admitting to that but this time I think it's important to let you know how we feel."
The sidekick nodded, hugging all of his friends. "I appreciate your concern, girls. Under different circumstances I wouldn't hesitate to bring you along. But given what we're dealing with, I don't wanna take any chances. If I fail, at least hopefully you'll all be able to find a way to ensure Maretropolis stays safe. And if not, you'll be needed to help evacuate as many ponies as you can before it's too late."
Hours slowly passed as Hum-Drum had to wait for nightfall to be able to even "attempt" to retrieve that rare beauty product The Mane-iac wanted him to obtain.
Meanwhile, the Power Ponies had spread out all over Maretropolis to look for any possible leads on giant spray canisters or anything else that might be used by The Mane-iac as part of her final plan.
Hum-Drum maintained an uneasy vigil around the docks as the time ticked away, keeping in touch with his friends via a special communication device built into his right ear. "I really don't like this. I have a bad feeling about it at all," He thought to himself while pacing back and forth on a roof top that looked out to sea. Something about it all just didn't sit right with him.
Why would The Mane-iac go to such lengths to recruit the one individual she knew had no powers? If her life really was at stake, why make Hum-Drum the one to go into danger to retrieve what she needed instead of risking it herself?
Those thoughts and many others plagued the tormented sidekick until at last nightfall came, and with it came his window of opportunity. He could see from his vantage point that a container at the far end of the dock yards was being unloaded. And it was being accompanied by a security force that had black uniforms and plain logos on them, obviously hoping to blend in with the night time sky.
That had to be it! There wasn't anything else being unloaded on the docks tonight. Whatever that shipment was that being unloaded, it had to be what The Mane-iac needed to save her life. It must contain something that would counteract the chemicals she'd absorbed into her body long ago.
Hum-Drum made his way down to street level, careful to avoid making noise and thus drawing attention to himself. He briefly paused once on the ground to call the Power Ponies. "I'm making my approach to the docks now. I think I've got a good view of what The Mane-iac wants me to get." He spoke into the device.
"Good," The voice of Masked Matterhorn declared on the other end. "So far we haven't found anything related to what you said The Mane-iac has planned. We've been combing over the city block by block, but even with Filli-Second it's gonna take a long time."
Hum-Drum answered. "Just keep searching. The Mane-iac must've stepped up her game and hid them really well for a change. I don't know if I can retrieve that beauty product, but I'm sure as hay gonna try! I owe it to the city of Maretropolis and everyone who inhabits it, superpowers or not!"
"Just please be careful!" The voice of Masked Matterhorn cautioned. "Masked Matterhorn out." And her voice faded out with a faint crackle. That was it, Hum-Drum was now all on his own.
The powerless sidekick approached the dockyards, taking advantage of every unlit alley or street to conceal his presence. Stealth would be his greatest ally tonight.
As Hum-Drum drew close, he could hear some of the ponies in the security force talking amongst themselves as others were moving the crate. "How much do you suppose this one of a kind spray is going to fetch?" One of the ponies asked a co-worker in what sounded like an obviously male voice.
"Heck if I know," Another male voice could be heard saying in reply. "All I know is, the boss wants this to be kept under lock and key. And she's threatened to have our heads if we let it get swiped. Now keep your eyes peeled! We've gotta be on guard against anything or anyone suspicious!"
The pony attached to the first male voice nodded ever so slowly in response. "Right, I gotcha. No way are we letting anyone get their hooves or whatever they got on this shipment!"
Realizing that a frontal assault would be out of the question, Hum-Drum quickly recalculated his decisions in his mind and settled on a new conclusion. So he quickly re-routed himself, opting to sneak around the back way where he would have a greater chance of fighting favorable odds. At least the spray hadn't taken away the self-defense lessons he'd taught himself on the side.
It wasn't too difficult to take down what few goons in the security force he encountered by approaching from the other end of the docks. Hum-Drum could clearly see that these members of the force had not been expecting to be ambushed after the product had already been unloaded. A few swift kicks and punches were enough to knock them out cold. "Nighty nighty, fellows." He couldn't resist taunting.
But it wasn't long before the powerless sidekick found himself facing down noticeably tougher odds. The remaining members of the force started to become aware of their ranks being thinned, and one of them even shouted to two goons! "Hurry up and get out of here with the goods! Don't let it leave your sight! The rest of us will take care of this pest!"
Hum-Drum knew he had to move fast to not risk losing his only lead! He quickly rushed up to grab a nearby streetlight, frantically climbing up it. "Sorry, boys," He apologized in a mostly sarcastic tone. "But I guess you never heard that crime doesn't pay. I'm gonna personally see to that!" And after using a few kicks and blocks to hold off the goons that did try to attack him, he climbed up to the top of the pole and swung out towards the next, determined to get back on the rooftops! It was the only way he'd ever get the drop on the ponies trying to make off with what he needed.
Hum-Drum eventually started to frantically leap from rooftop to rooftop while thinking in his mind. "I can't lose 'em! I can't!" But all the while he kept thinking about how easy it seemed to be. If this product could cure whatever was afflicting The Mane-iac, why was security for it so light? And why would The Mane-iac want him of all ponies to go out and retrieve it? Even if she hated the Power Ponies, why wouldn't she wanna use them for a chance to save her life?
The more he thought about it, the more the sidekick began to suspect that something was going on. There was something about all of this that didn't sit right with him. Someone wasn't telling him the whole truth. And he had a good idea who that someone was.
At last, the sidekick jumped down and landed in front of the goons trying to carry away the crate that housed the product he needed to retrieve. "Hold it right there, evildoers!" He declared in his best heroic voice! "You will go no further! Hum-Drum shall personally see to that."
"Really? You think you scare us?" The first goon laughed. "You've got no superpowers whatsoever! You're out of your league, boy!"
Hum-Drum simply adopted a fighting stance. "You think so? Well, just try your luck with me if you dare!"
"Your funeral, Hum-Drum." The first goon replied as he rushed forward, ready to deliver a powerful overhead smash to bring the sidekick to his knees.
Hum-Drum leaped to the side, dodging the attack and turning the goon's weight against him by slamming as hard as he could into said goon's back.
The second goon was frightened with quite a rightful fright! And so in desperation, he hurriedly ran to try and scoop up the crate! "You don't understand, the boss needs this!" He protested. "If we don't get it to her, she's gonna kill us!"
"Yeah? Well your boss' plans are going to have to be put on indefinite hold!" Hum-Drum dramatically declared! "I need that product and I'm not taking no for an answer!" Then he proceeded to kick the second goon hard in the stomach when he tried to make a run for it.
The goon groaned and grunted, losing his already flimsy grip on the crate and dropping it. There was a loud crash as the back of the crate broke open, and something tumbled out! In the pale moonlight, it was difficult to make out at first but it eventually turned out to be nothing more than a small hairspray canister.
Hum-Drum inspected the canister, only to find nothing out of the ordinary on it. And nothing on any of the canisters he found inside the crate indicated that they were at all special or otherwise worthwhile. "Wait a minute," He commented as he turned to look at the goon. "This was all a set up, wasn't it?!"
"I don't know! I swear!" The goon nervously protested as Hum-Drum stared him down. "The boss just told us to show up here tonight and dress like this. She didn't say why, she just said she'd pay us well if we made sure this got to her desk intact. Now, thanks to you, that's not gonna happen!"
Before the sidekick could press for further details, he heard the faint crackling and ringing in his ear that informed him that one of the Power Ponies was trying to get in touch with him. "Hum-Drum here," He spoke into the device. "I just found out that this product The Mane-iac sent me after doesn't exist. It was just a set-up, there's no cure."
"That's odd," The voice of Masked Matterhorn could be heard saying on the other end. "We just got down sweeping over the city for a second time. We've checked everywhere, and there's no sign of any kind of spray canisters or anything of the sort. We've searched high and low and found nothing."
"You're absolutely sure? You even checked underground and between buildings?" Hum-Drum asked.
The voice of Mistress Marevolus could be heard growling on the other end. "Yeah, we did that ten times already! The Mane-iac must've been bluffing all along! But of course, no one ever listens to me. They always gotta take the villain at her word no matter what."
Upon hearing this, a realization began to settle in inside of Hum-Drum's mind. And as it did, a fury that he had only known once before (upon first encountering The Mane-iac and learning how she had once been) boiled over inside of him. He proceeded to grab the goon he had tussled with earlier and pressed him up against an alley wall, angrily demanding of him! "Who's your boss?! Who are you working for?! I wanna see her!"
"O-okay, okay! Just don't hurt me, please!" The goon pleaded. "I'll tell you what you wanna know. I'll even take you to her if you want."
To Hum-Drum's complete lack of a surprise (he'd long since worked it out for himself), the "boss" for the goons at the dockyard was none other than The Mane-iac herself.
"So it was all just another sick and twisted game from you, huh?" Hum-Drum remarked as he confronted The Mane-iac in the factory's headquarters. "You weren't even really sick. You just wanted to see if I cared. Well, congratulations, you got your wish. I should've known there was nothing wrong with you."
However, The Mane-iac just replied in the same raspy tone of voice as before. "That's very touching of you to say, Hum-Drum. But you especially should know that there's lots wrong with me," And she soon revealed herself in that same sickly appearance from earlier. "I mean, take my blood for example. Kind of wish somepony would, I could use some fresh blood."
Hum-Drum only rolled his eyes in disbelief. "You can drop the act, Mane-iac. You're not fooling me. You sent me and the Power Ponies on a wild goose chase tonight just for the fun of it. You're not sick at all."
But the supervillain stumbled forward, almost collapsing to the ground right then and there. "This is no trick, I assure you. Believe me, I'm just as surprised as you are. And for once, I've found a situation where I can't really laugh," She confessed, coughing yet again. "And the worst part for me is, there really is no cure. This is it: The final curtain, the big sleep, whatever you wanna call it."
The powerless sidekick blinked in confusion. "But then, why go through all this trouble? Why do what you did? Why send me to retrieve something that didn't exist, and make me send the Power Ponies to look for something that wasn't there?"
The Mane-iac laughed, but it quickly devolved into a raspy coughing fit once again. "Isn't it obvious? If I'm going to go I want to go out with a bang. I wanna make sure you and those pesky Power Ponies have something to remember me by. One last encounter."
Hum-Drum scoffed, snorted and stood up. "All you did was waste our time. Time we could've spent defending the city. Any innocents who suffer tonight will suffer because of your sick and twisted idea of a good time."
"Wait!" The Mane-iac weakly called as she tried to stand up, only for her strength to fail her and her voice to become so raspy it was hard to understand. "Please, you must understand. The real reason I wanted you here tonight... is because you're the only one I can trust to be with me when the end comes. I just... didn't know of any other way to get you to be alone with me."
Try as he might, Hum-Drum couldn't ignore such a plea. It tugged at something deep down inside of him, something he just couldn't resist. And that was because it reminded him of a different time, a time when he knew someone who'd cared. And tonight, that someone had come back for the last time. With a sigh of regret, he turned back to face the obviously frightened mare, sitting down as he cradled her neck lovingly in his lap. "I'm... so sorry." Was all he could bring himself to say.
"Don't be," The Mane-iac weakly croaked. "It was too late for me. The inevitable just finally caught up to me. I'm only sorry we always had to do the same song and dance. That I did things to you that I can't take back. But at least... we're here now, at the end."
Hum-Drum nodded as a single tear escaped his eyes and fell to the ground. "Close your eyes," He instructed to the super villain. "Relax and rest. You've earned it." And he watched as The Mane-iac breathed her last right in front of him. Just like that it was over, she was dead.
Hum-Drum wished more than anything that he could pick her up and cradle her, carry her to her final resting place. But alas, he knew he lacked the power to do so. All he could do was sit there and wait. It wouldn't be long before the Power Ponies would call to check on him, and he would be sure to tell them what had happened.
Author's Note
Inspiration for this partially comes from Batmam: Arkham City, particularly the ending of the game with what happens to The Joker (which The Mane-iac loosely resembles).
If you're curious about the history that Hum-Drum and The Mane-iac seem to have, you can check out the indirect prequel "The Power Ponies: Birth of a Mane-iac".
This fic, like the prequel is taking place within the Power Ponies' own separate universe established by the IDW comics 2014 annual.
