Brains and Bunker Buddies

by CicadaChangeling

Rating: teen
Tags: Pinkie Pie, Twilight Sparkle, Gore, Dark, Death, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy
Length: 1699

Twilight is prepared for anything, even a zombie apocalypse. But there's one pony she is not prepared for...

Twilight Sparkle foresaw the zombie apocalypse and built a bunker. She has near-endless supplies, fortified walls, and equipment to research the cure. She was prepared.

Until Pinkie Pie showed up.

At least she has a non-zombie friend with her now, right?

Loosely inspired by the song Re: Your Brains by Jonathan Coultan, for a Quills and Sofas Speedwriting Contest.

Picture is Creative Commons licensed, from Flickr user skpy

Published 2021-07-14 00:40:00 UTC
Last updated 2021-07-14 00:40:00 UTC

Braaaiiins

Twilight Sparkle was prepared. She’d like to think she was always prepared; in most cases she was over-prepared which often led her to being unprepared.

In this case, however, she was prepared. The thing she was prepared for, the thing she always hoped she did not need to be prepared for, was the zombie apocalypse. Everypony told her it was an irrational fear, like snakes or quesadillas (which she is NOT afraid of, thankyouverymuch). However, Twilight knew better. In fact, she knew of at least twelve different scenarios that could lead to the creation of shambling, flesh-hungry, mindless hordes spreading their magical or biological disease and-

Twilight finally stopped hyperventilating. She motioned as if she was grabbing the stress in her heart and throwing it away, a trick her babysitter once taught her. “I’m fine, everything’s fine, so what that ponies are getting bit out there, ponies that I’ve known for a while are getting eaten or becoming zombies?” She chuckled maniacally. “I’m safe, perfectly safe, I built this bunker for this purpose and my friends know about it so they should be here any minute if they aren’t already… well I’m sure they’re fine! If not, I just have to isolate which cause led to all this and fix it. Right Applejack?”

The cold grey bunker was empty - not of supplies, of which there were magically-compressed and preserved foods and objects needed for survival - but of other survivors. However, noises behind a large metal door told a different story. Banging, scraping, and unnatural groaning were muffled but still reverberated through the vault-like door.

Twilight gave a lopsided smile towards that door. “Well-said, AJ! You ponies just sit tight while I discover the cure! I’m so glad zombies don’t eat each other, or containment would be such a hassle!”

Another knocking sound came from the other side of the bunker, and from above. It was the entrance hatch! Had the zombies found the bunker? But… it was a soft, rhythmic knock, like somepony politely knocking at a door. At first, anyways. It then morphed into an impromptu drum solo. “Wait…” Twilight pondered, glaring at the hatch with a hoof on her chin. “Zombies don’t have rhythm…”

“Twiiii! Are you home?” The voice was familiar. “You said to meet you here if things went all crazy and not the good kind of crazy!”

“... Pinkie Pie? Is that you?” Twilight beamed! Another one of her friends had made it!

“Yep! It’s me! I think. I’m pretty sure it is, anyways!”

Hope brightened Twilight’s smile and filled her heart… but she had to be sure. “Pinkie… were you bitten?”

“Yeppers peppers, I was! A lot!” Pinkie seemed happy about it! Doesn’t she know? Twilight didn’t want to give the bad news but she had to.

“Then… I’m sorry… you can come in, but… I’m going to have to isolate you with the others.”

“There are others down here? Did Gummy bite them all too? He is such a little rascal!”

Gummy? Wait… Gummy doesn’t have teeth! That means she was safe! Twilight extended the ladder and opened the hatch with her magic. In a flash, a pink bundle of excitement in pony form zoomed down the ladder and squeezed her tightly.

That hug was immediately returned full force. “I’m… I’m so glad you’re okay, Pinkie! I didn’t know if you made it when we all got scattered!”

“Where is everypony, anyways? You said there were others, did our friends beat me here?”

The hug quickly ended. Twilight backed away, tears in her eyes. “I… haven’t seen Fluttershy. I searched meticulously through Ponyville but she is just… knowing her, she’s just hiding really well. Rainbow Dash went to get help, but she hasn’t returned yet. Applejack-” A groan emanated from the zombie confinement room. “She wouldn’t run. She was too stubborn, and wanted to protect me. She fought hard but was bitten, so I brought her in there where she - and the other zombies I can… I can and will cure… they’re safe in there.”

“What about Rarity? And your number one super assistant Spike?”

Twilight’s ears and tail drooped, and her tears multiplied. “They...th… they’re at a fancy dinner party,” she lied. Well, it was almost the truth, except they weren’t the ones who were eating.

“Oh, that’s good! Speaking of food, I’m starving! Can I have something, pretty please with a cupcake on top?” Leave it to Pinkie to completely derail the conversation. At least it was something less depressing.

“Sure Pinkie! What would you like? I have all sorts of foods stored with a spell I found, Fresh Seal’s Indefinite Preservation.”

“Do you have some kind of cake? Like birthday cake, or ice cream cake, or cupcakes, or pancakes, or brain cakes, or…”

“What was that last one…?” Twilight stared down Pinkie Pie. “Did you say… brain cakes?”

“Uh…. no?”

“That’s… not funny. That joke was in poor taste.”

Pinkie Pie tried to stifle a giggle, but it ended up exploding out of her. “HA! Poor taste! I get it!”

One facehoof later, and Twilight managed to compose herself. “Ugh… okay. I don’t know if we have a lot of baked goods here, but I do have pancakes! Let me see…” She perused her shelves, eventually finding a tiny, completely flat disc. “Here we are!” She levitated them over to a table, and zapped them. In a flash, the small disc was now a large stack of pancakes, complete with melted butter and syrup. Steam even came off of them. “Bon appetit!”

Pinkie circled the table intently. “Ooooh! That’s amazing! Do it again! Are these whole grain pancakes? Funny how grain sounds like brains. Are you sure you don’t have any brain cakes?”

“Would you stop it about the brain cakes,” Twilight snapped, pounding the table with her front hooves. “It wasn’t funny the… first…”

Pinkie wasn’t crying. She wasn’t frowning. She was even smiling, sort of. But it was a shaky, nervous, apprehensive smile, and her eyes held no joy.

“I’m… I’m sorry Pinkie. I didn’t mean to get angry. It’s just… our friends… and Equestria… possibly the whole world…” Her head dropped onto the table with exhaustion.

“Oh. I understand. You seem so tired. Have you been sleeping? Maybe it is all that weight from your brain! I know how I can help with that…”

It was at that moment, oddly enough, that Twilight finally paid attention to the blue party hat on Pinkie’s head. “Uh… why are you wearing that?” She had a bad feeling as to why.

“For… an end of the world party?”

Twilight did not bother asking Pinkie to remove the hat. Unicorn magic was much faster than arguing. As she was afraid of, there was a large chunk of mane missing, and a large bite on Pinkie Pie’s head that was hidden under the hat. And somehow, the hat blocked the horrible stench that now wafted from her exposed head. Pinkie wasn’t just bitten. She was somehow already a zombie.

“Nope nope no no nuh-uh not doing this get in there go on shoo!” Twilight’s eye twitched as she opened the vault-like door. Before Applejack and some other zombified ponies could leap out, a flickering purple force wall appeared, which she shoved Pinkie Pie through. The rest of the zombies slam into the force wall, only to be bounced backwards. “...sorry guys… Wonderwall’s One Way Wall…”

Twilight sighed as she slammed the door closed on them. “I thought… I thought you were okay. You are talking, thinking… but I just learned not that long ago that I can’t explain you. You make no sense.”

The horrible din from behind the door ended, except for a steady knock from Pinkie Pie. “Can you please let us back out? I talked to them and they said we’d be good. We won’t make a mess, we’ll be quiet, and we’ll only eat your brains a little bit!”

“The brain-eating is the problem, Pinkie! I can’t let you out, and I can’t let you eat my brain! I’m using it to find a way to cure you.”

“Oh, a cure? I know the cure, easy-peasy!”

Twilight’s ears perked up. It was unlikely that Pinkie did, but… it was Pinkie. She does the impossible all the time; this was merely improbable. “You do? What is it?”

“Twilight Sparkle brains of course! So if you’ll just…”’

“NO!” Of course. It was too much to hope for. She’ll just have to work on a cure. But… what if Pinkie is the cure, or at least part of it? She still retained her intellect and personality, after all, even though that bite looked like it might have even touched her brain.

“Pinkamena Diane Pie,” Twilight slowly, sternly said. “If you promise not to try to eat my brains, I can let you out so you can assist me with finding a cure to your… condition. Do you understand?”

“Okie Dokie Lokie, I understand!”

“Good.” The vault door slowly opened…

And Pinkie Pie immediately jumped forward, gnashing her teeth and slobbering. Twilight quickly put up the barrier, causing Pinkie to bounce off of it. “No fair… meanie! Let me out!”

“You tried to eat my brains… again! Why would I let you out?”

“Because I’m cute?”

“Ugh… I will see you tomorrow, Pinkie, when I’m more prepared for your… shenanigans.”

Twilight sighed as the door closed once again. As the door closed, Pinkie frantically begged and waved. “Wait… come back! All we want to do is eat your brains! You got so many of them in your head, you won’t miss them! I promise we won’t eat your eyes… Twilight…! Let’s compromise. You let me out… and we’ll eat HALF of your brains!”

Twilight slowly walked back to the table. By now, the pancakes should have cooled off a little, and maybe she could drown her sorrows and frustrations in them.

At least, that was the plan. Another knock at the hatch - a soft, gentle rapping - destroyed that plan.

“Um…” came a tiny voice from above. “Could we come in and maybe… eat your brains… just a little? It’s okay if you say no.”