Book 1 Part 1: The Forest That Seemed Quite Nice But Actually Wasn't.
The moment Twilight Sparkle rose from her regal slumbers that morning, she must’ve realised something wasn’t quite right.
Unfortunately, as exhausted as she was from the previous evening’s coronation festivities, she wasn’t quite all there yet.
“Spike. Spike!! Where is that lazy dragon with my early morning coffee?! ‘Equestria’s number one assistant’ my…” A grumpy Twilight mumbled and grumbled in earnest, still caught somewhere between the waking world and the Land Of Nod. “Ooh, my poor head! Applejack better not have put anything ‘extra special’ in that cider last night. I know she wants me to loosen up a little, but being deceptive is no way to go about… huh?”
Strands of something yellow seemed to be blocking the drowsy alicorn’s vision, and halted her caffeine-deprived rant momentarily. Only for her tirade to be replaced by an annoyed internal monologue instead. Naturally.
Where did all this colour come from? I don’t recall going to bed in a haystack. I specifically remember wishing everypony a good evening… trotting upstairs… taking in a few chapters of ‘The Neophyte Ruler’s Complete Guide To Royal Protocol’... placing my bookmark in the section about fine dining… before drifting off into a peaceful nap. So what’s with all this brightly-coloured foliage around my head? I’ll just get rid of it, to see what the hoof is going on… “OW”.
Strangely enough though, the goldenish fibres seemed to be attached to the distressed princess somehow, and the pain she experienced whilst struggling with them further confirmed that this bizarre predicament wasn’t just any old dream.
After almost choking on the yellow strands which Twilight had now figured were follicles sprouting from her scalp for a good few minutes, she was finally able to push them aside… where another big shock awaited her already traumatised brain.
“Wha… the forest?! What In Celestia’s good name am I doing here?” The anxious alicorn spoke out loud to herself, disturbing a courting couple of birds gentling roosting nearby. “And this certainly isn’t the Everfree! It’s too peaceful, very serene… almost disturbingly so.”
Twilight’s quick deduction was based on the lack of the usual fierce denizens of the darkwood such as the Timberwolves, and the overabundance of cute critters scurrying about, like they didn’t have a care in the world.
“Those creatures wouldn’t be half as relaxed if there was anything dangerous lurking nearby… I don’t have to be a naturalist on par with Fluttershy to figure that out.” Twilight reasoned with the utmost confidence, trying to maintain a level head under these unusual circumstances. “Now, let’s see if I can’t find some townsponies who might shed some light on where exactly I am, and more importantly, how I get home… what the…”
In what’d been an unprecedented morning of unpleasant surprises for Twilight so far, the biggest one was about to be revealed.
For not only were her former lavender locks now apparently the colour of custard and cascading down her snout like hanging ivy, she also seemed to be wearing… a dress.
And not just any old hand-me-down frock. For you see, this was the frilliest fashion creation for fillies you could ever hope to be encased in. Almost any female foal in existence would just love to be its proud owner (sans Scootaloo, for obvious reasons).
The problem is, Twilight was just a little past that age now… so in her mind, as Rarity would no doubt whisper in her ear during a private moment: “My dear, no offence, but you look utterly, utterly ridiculous.”
“Argh! I don’t have time to worry about my appearance now. I have to find somecreature who can help return me to the castle ASAP. I can figure out the how’s and why’s of ending up here looking like an overgrown kid later…” Twilight said all the right things, but secretly wondered if this was karma for being so snappy with her friends, both last night and that morning.
N-no, it couldn’t be. I was just undergoing a lot of stress in my upcoming role as sole leader of Equestria, that’s all. All your friends understand that. Don’t overthink everything Twilight, just concentrate on the solution. That’s the ticket! So, to continue on in this spirit of spontaneity, think I’ll go this, no… this way.
Being a logical sort of pony, Twilight took what appeared to be the clearest path with the most amount of daylight shining down it.
After all, the more well-lit and used the way ahead, the more likely she was to stumble across some sentient being who could help her out of this eerily serene world, right?
Right?!
…………………
Funnily enough, this turned out to not quite be the case.
Oh, there was certainly plenty to admire in the beauteous outdoor environment, but Twilight wasn’t really there for sightseeing.
And judging by the amount of animal habitats she destroyed en route by treading on them and not even stopping to apologise, she didn’t ‘see’ much of anything else either.
“Darn stupid hair, blowing in my face. Wish I had something to tie it back with…” Twilight frowned whilst pushing her new mane back for what seemed the umpteeth time. She’d tripped over endless roots, been bitten by various insects and had furry mammals chatter angrily at her as she passed for no apparent reason(!)
“Hmm. Maybe this forest isn’t quite as peaceful as I first thought. The natives seem pretty restless all of a sudden.” Twilight mused to herself, blithely unaware it was her own clumsily destructive tendencies that had them so agitated. “Anyway, in terms of difficulty, this is even harder than that maze Discord sent me and the girls into when we first met him. He better not be behind this current insanity, especially after what happened between him and those three villains. Discord: if you’re listening to me now, take me back this instant, or I swear…”
Twilight was distracted from berating the draconequus by a ubiquitous bloom growing nearby. Hang on. I’ve been trotting now for what feels like miles, and this is the only purple-spotted flower I’ve seen. It’s always been sprouting by a knotted stump, too. Now correct me if I’m wrong, which is understandable considering how discombobulated I am right now, but I find it difficult to believe there are multiple combinations of purple-spotted flowers and knotted stumps knitted together out there. So, if my suspicions are correct and I’ve been going round in circles this entire time, this must mean I am ever-so-slightly los…
Twilight’s pride, and desperation to keep a calm, focused mind refused to let her finish that sentence. “No! I am not… that dreadful word I was just gonna think of. This is just a minor setback, that’s all. I’m sure if I turn left, instead of right this time, and then head forwards instead of backwards, I’ll soon find my way out of here. Though I must admit… I am starting to wish I was the Princess of Navigation along with Friendship. I really need to add some more skills to my resume.”
Twilight’s latest bold prediction betrayed a lack of faith in her ability to find an exit, and despite trying that new route (amongst others) the final result was the same: ending up back at that ubiquitous flower with the mutated stump. The nervous alicorn had by now long since given up any pretence of keeping her cool, particularly as a couple of other revelations since then had only added to her sense of hopelessness.
“S-so I tried using my magic, and it doesn’t seem to work here. I flew up to the treetops to try getting a better view, but all I could see for miles upon miles was more trees. I’m not even sure I am still in Equestria, it’s like I’ve been transported to a whole new world. A-And… a-and… this buckin’ dress was not made for travelling, and is chafing my hindquarters something awful!!”
Usually the verbose alicorn would never dream of speaking so coarsely, when she had thoroughly memorised the vocabulary of at least five other species. But quite frankly, as fed up as she felt right now, keeping up appearances was the last thing on her mind. She stopped suddenly to vent even more, unable to control her growing anger for a second longer.
“I-I’ll tell you something else! The tweeting… the chirping.. the squeaking… It's giving me a major migraine. I don’t know how Fluttershy deals with being around this racket all the time. It’s not a ‘wonderful calypso of nature at it’s finest’ like she says but a massive pain in the flank! Also, why do all the trees look the same? It’s impossible to design any kind of map for the region because of this! I can’t even find any wild berries to pick, or a simple stream to quench my thirst. How does the local wildlife here survive? Are they in on this elaborate trick too? Listen, Mr Squirrel! Yeah you, standing on that branch over there, clutching your nuts. I’m onto you!! Anyway, would you mind sharing one of your acorns with me… ouch.”
Alas, Twilight’s aforementioned new daywear did her a disservice yet again by impeding her movement, allowing the tiny furry mammal she addressed to make good his escape before she could snatch away his vital sustenance. All the alicorn ended up tasting was the cold, hard dirt ground… but at least it provided the means of breaking the delusional pony out of her temporary flight of insanity.
“There I go again, Twilighting like a mad mare.” The displaced princess sighed in defeat, dusting herself off as best she could. “Now I’m even threatening innocent woodland creatures who are only stocking up for winter, and accusing them of being part of some vast conspiracy. That’s it. I give up. Congratulations, whoever dumped me here with this awful, babyish outfit and this restrictive, garish hair. You’ve completely worn me out. I will now sit here and wait for help to arrive, because clearly looking for it isn’t getting me anywhere. Apart from a one-way ticket to a padded cell, that is… ooh, what’s that?”
Twilight let out yet another exclamation of surprise, one of many since arriving here. For a change though, this wasn’t one of shock.
For you see, she’d just spotted something a few yards away she hadn’t seen before, which was automatically a plus in this endlessly repetitive world. But it wasn’t just any old ‘thing’ like a new animal or unfamiliar flora.
It was… a house.
A charming little rustic one, at that. It had four windows, a thatched roof… and there was even a small plume of smoke coming from the chimney.
Twilight, needless to say, was equally puzzled and delighted in equal measure. How could I have not spotted this structure before? Especially when I must’ve passed this location a dozen times already, and even took to the air? I guess the trees around here are so dense they provide cover from the sky. Smart idea building it here then: at least the rain won’t drench the straw roof causing it to leak. Let’s hope the occupants inside are equally keen to assist me as they are at keeping their property safe and secure…
Twilight hesitated not a second longer, and flew over to the door to simultaneously bang on the frame and hit the ornate knocker repeatedly. No response, huh? They must be out gathering wood for the fireplace inside to cook breakfast on. Or lunch, I kind of lost track of time since waking up here. No matter. A meal is a meal, and if they’re willing to offer one I’ll more than happily take them up on it. Now, I don’t wanna break in, but I wonder if I might be in luck. After all, this doesn’t strike me as a high crime area, so it could be possible that… “Yes!”
Twilight made a little squeak of joy upon discovering the front door was open, and she darted inside to escape the monotony of the sounds and sights of the forest behind her. “At last! Now I can finally take a load off. I hope the owners don’t mind me entering without permission, but I needed to find shelter somewhere, and here is the only place I could find available. I’m sure that once I explain everything they’ll get it.... hang on. Where is that wonderful smell coming from…?”
Twilight’s pressing moral dilemma was swiftly diverted by her ever-increasing hunger, and the starving alicorn was led by her nose through cozy rooms full of homemade furniture and lovingly-crafted ornaments to the kitchen, where what did her ravenous eyes aspy on the side table cooling off?
Three bowls of steaming hot porridge, that’s what. One small, one medium, one large.
And this is where our story properly begins.
Author's Note
Not sure if this idea has ever been done with MLP in mind before, but here's my take on the idea of 'individual from TV show gets stuck inside various popular fairytales and has to find a way out of them while roleplaying as the main character'. 
Honestly, this should be a lot of fun to write... and with a few cameos of MLP regulars playing parts you would not expect them to be in a million years, full of surprises too. 
Hope you enjoy what's to come... and if it does well, hopefully it'll rekindle my interest in my other fics I keep promising to update, but never do. Aargh! 
Hauling of chains can be heard in the background as Dear Author desperately attempts to add to four year old stories. 
Book 1 Part 2: Self Catering At It's Finest
Now, as you all may know already, Twilight could always be relied on for upholding the law.
Aside from being hardworking, trustworthy and just a gosh-darn-nice pony all around, it’s one of the main reasons she was chosen to be Princess Of Friendship in the first place.
...And the fact she managed to finish off a forbidden spell that everypony thought was impossible to do, but let’s not split hairs here.
The point is: How did she ever find herself in a position where she’d feel ‘stealing’ food was a viable option?
Then again, it’s not every day you wake up in an enchanted forest with a permanently dyed yellow mane, an outfit that makes you look like an overgrown kindergartener and an appetite so ravished you could probably eat a horse and still have room for leftovers...
...Oops. Considering the subject of our cautionary tale, maybe a bad comparison. Let’s just say that Twilight has never indulged in any cannibalistic tendencies and swiftly move on, shall we?
“Hmm. Should I, or shouldn’t I?” Twilight observed the trio of delicious-smelling oaty concoctions in front of her with growing temptation. “On the one hoof, I could always wait for the occupants to return. But then again, who knows how long that’ll be? And in the meantime, my stomach is giving me serious hunger pangs. Would it really be right, to put them through that kind of guilt trip when they come back, when I could’ve solved the problem of my suffering by myself? I’m sure they would’ve fed me anyway, so why bother hanging on? So it’s settled then: I’ll eat as much as I need now, then offer to wash up as recompense for my ‘free’ meal. Or, something. Oh, what the heck. Let me at that porridge!!”
Having completed the formality of talking her way into breakfast, Twilight wasted no more time in finding somewhere to sit down. After all, just because I’m far from home, it doesn’t mean to say I shouldn’t effect some of the etiquette I learned from my newly royal status. Just like I’ve been learning from the latest chapter of the book I’m reading now ‘manners maketh the pony’. I’m not sure what the extra ‘th’ was for there in that sentence, but never mind.
“Hmm. Let’s see: three chairs. That must mean: three residents!” Twilight exclaimed loudly, as if the amount of food bowls there wasn’t clue enough. “I’ll try this chair first… yikes! That’s way too big! I can’t even reach the spoon! Let’s go for the middle one… nope, this won’t do either. It’s much too wide… I don’t even think I can squeeze my hips around the edges! The last one better be an improvement… and it is! In fact, it’s like it was custom-made for me! This is even more comfortable than my throne at the Castle Of Friendship. I wonder if the owner would accept an offer to let me import it back to Equestria… growl.”
Realising that her tummy was protesting at the highly edible substances right in front of her being ignored for more aimless chatter, Twilight abruptly dropped any talk of future furniture deals to concentrate on satisfying her growing need for nourishment. My apologies, stomach. I’ll get on it right away. Now, which dish should I try first? Why, the large one of course! After all, I’ve already probably skipped at least two meals, so I’m going to need the extra helping to carry me through ‘til I’m out of this picturesque madness. I’ll just take a portion from around the edge, and… “Aaaahhh!”
Despite following all the usual guidelines to avoid having a burnt mouth, it wasn’t too long before Twilight was seen frantically gulping out of a nearby bucket of cold water to remove the painful sensation from her tongue.
At least, she hoped it was water. In such a desperate situation, she hadn’t really stopped to check.
“Ow, that smarts.” Twilight rubbed her still scalded tongue with a long wince. “Still, it doesn’t put me off trying again, such is my need to fill my empty belly. I know! Let’s try the middle one! There’s not so much food on that plate, but at least I won’t run the risk of my tongue being burned to a crisp!”
Twilight’s speculation there was based on the fact there was noticeably less steam emitting from the bowl, and she was right in that the porridge contained within was easily more lukewarm than the previous one. There was sadly, another unseen difficulty that no amount of keen powers of observation could’ve spotted.
“Ugh!” Twilight spat out the spoonful she’d just deposited in her mouth, rather uncouthly straight back into the bowl whence it came. “Who puts that amount of sugar in their oats?! Are they trying to get diabetes? I have no idea… but one thing I can tell you is, I can’t eat another bite of that oversweet mush. Back to the bucket I go!”
After thoroughly swilling her mouth with what she sincerely hoped was water (on reflection, it did have rather a musty aftertaste to it) she returned to the table with a growing sense of apprehension. “Let’s see. Big bowl, too boiling. Medium bowl, too saccharine. I guess that leaves the small bowl, in which there’s barely enough porridge to feed a filly. Oh well: let’s see what pleasant ‘surprise’ is in store for me this time. ‘Down the hatch’, as they say.”
Fearing the worst, Twilight closed her eyes and thought of all her friends back home to get through the pending ordeal…
But strangely enough, no horrible sensation greeted her taste buds upon insertion of the item of cutlery.
This was, wonder of wonders, good.
Really good. As in: Pinkie Pie’s Very-Special-First-Anniversary-Of-Them-All-Meeting-Cake good.
Mmmmmmmmm! was Twilight’s only elongated thought, and it wasn’t long before her infatuation for this culinary masterpiece forced her to down her spoon to pour the contents straight down her gullet.
The teensy amounts she could put within the confines of her mouth with that metallic implement were clearly insufficient. Not that this depravity would be something she’d impart to any impressionable youngsters, naturally.
“Wait. I-I think I dropped a bit on the hem of this dress, somewhere. O-or maybe my long hair got dipped in the bowl by mistake…” Twilight said optimistically to herself once the heavenly dish had been sucked dry, as she searched everywhere in vain for stray porridge globules. “No such luck. That’s it, I’m afraid. Sorry belly, I can’t give you what isn’t here. I wonder if the cook would accept a trade-in if they gave me the formula. If they throw in the chair, maybe I can make them a duke, or a duchess maybe…”
Ever since she’d begun wandering around this new world on the first morning she was supposed to be ruling Equestria, Twilight had become more neurotic than ever. The stress and strains of being stranded here without magic and anyone she knew had really taken it out of her, both mentally and physically…
She was about to discover the latter point for herself.
Wow. Why do I feel so tired all of a sudden… Twilight felt herself stretch as far as she could, before letting out a yawn that must’ve exposed her impressive range of plaque-free teeth. Was there something in that porridge that made me drowsy? Or, perhaps all that strolling around the wooded landscape outside has made me feel this exhausted? In any case, I feel fit to drop any second. I hate to take any more liberties from the fine creatures that live here, but I can’t have a nap outside. Not with all the obnoxious ‘sounds of nature’ going on. Let’s see what my new friends have to offer in terms of comfort… I can make the expected apologies later.
Having made her mind up to further break her personal code of conduct by squatting (this was yet another occurrence which would not be making it into her next book) Twilight staggered upstairs to what looked like the bedrooms, and as was becoming familiar now the exhausted alicorn was presented with not one, not two, but three possible options.
I shouldn’t be this fussy, considering how tired I am… but let’s go with the big bed first. Ouch! It’s so hard, it’s like stone! I can’t possibly rest there, I’ll wake up with the most horrible lumbago ever! What about the one in the middle room? Nope, no good. It’s so soft, it feels like I’m sinking in quicksand! I’ll suffocate in that if I’m not careful. Well then. Once more it looks like I’m relying on that old adage: ‘Third time’s the charm’. Here we go.... “Zzzzzz.”
If Twilight could’ve said something there, it would’ve been something along the lines of: ‘Incredible! This is amazing. The bed in Canterlot has goose-down feathers inside the plump mattress, and yet doesn’t feel one-hundredth as comfy as this! I’m a simple pony. I don’t require much. But I would crawl through broken glass and lava to have this bed, the chair and the recipe for that porridge. There must be some way I can convince those that live here to hoof them over. Free friendship lessons for life, perhaps…?’
There was no time for any of that though, for as soon as Twilight’s worn-out noggin hit that pillow, she was away with the Breezies.
Night-night Twilight. Sleep tight.
Hey, that rhymes! Pretty impressive, no?
Well, given our main character is currently snoring up a storm (pretty loudly, might I add: makes it pretty difficult for this author to type) I better wrap things up here.
So nice of you to join me, see you next chapter, sorry this one wasn’t as long as the first instalment, etc...
...But hold on a moment! Who’s coming this way now?! I see one, no two… make that three silhouettes in the distance outside heading in this direction.
Let’s go in a closer look: Their shapes are unmistakably ursine, and they’re quite large in size (compared to a little pony, anyway).
They even have handy dandy name tags attached to their thick fur. And here they are in ascending order of height: Diamond Bear, Spoiled Bear, Filthy Bear.
Watch out Twilight! I think you’re about to discover the meaning of the phrase ‘like a bear with a sore head’ first hoof...
Author's Note
Pretty fast update (by my slow-as-molasses standards). Maybe a sign of how much I'm enjoying writing this story, or just an indication of how sad and lonely my life is right now. Especially on such a glorious day. Oh well, back to staring at the wall fo me. Ladeda... 
