Living History (Unfortunately)
Author's Note
Minor note on the calendar: the new year begins on the summer solstice and the months/moons (30 days each) follow this pattern:
- Summer: Rose Moon --> Hay Moon --> Grain Moon
- Autumn: Harvest Moon --> Pumpkin Moon --> Frosty Moon
- Winter: Long Night's Moon --> Ice Moon --> Storm Moon
- Spring: Sap Moon --> Seed Moon --> Flower Moon
Generally, episodes occur chronologically as they were released, except that "Fall Weather Friends" happens before "Winter Wrap-Up", "Hearth's Warming Eve" happens between them, and "Best Gift Ever" happens during the same holiday season as "The Hearth's Warming Club".
Look, the timeline is a mess, this is the best I can do.
Living History (Unfortunately)
Pumpkin Moon 14, 998
The Summer Sun Celebration turns one thousand in less than two years. Crazy, isn’t it? Celestia’s been raising the sun alone for almost a millennium. It’s one of those things that you always KNOW, but it’s kind of hard to UNDERSTAND. Seriously. A thousand years. Dang.
Which got me thinking: for a lot of ponies, a thousand years might as well be literally forever ago. They never think that there had to be a first year of the Celebration. And you know what? The average pony probably doesn’t know who Luna was. Which is weird; Celestia has a sun cutie mark, so naturally there ought to be a pony out there who has a moon cutie mark. But, no, they don’t know a thing. Not about Luna, not about Nightmare Moon, not about the Elements of Harmony, not about why the years are numbered the way they are, nothing.
So this is an opportunity. Round numbers have milestone celebrations, right? Time to celebrate one thousand years of celebrations by comparing Equestria of a thousand years ago to Equestria now! I’ll do a DEEP dive, as good as the sources allow (which probably isn’t very, since most of the sources that would REALLY interest me have been lost, but oh well). Let’s let the average pony breathe it in and highlight some of the lesser-known aspects of Equestrian history.
Like Princess Luna. Shame she was shunned like she was; I can only wonder what Equestria would be like if she were still here. I’ve heard she was a master oneiromancer; I don’t think even CSGU offers oneiromancy classes. Time for a deep dive into her. It’d be nice if I knew what I was looking for, but I didn’t become a researcher by having everything given to me.
Is the timing also a shameless marketing ploy? Well, kinda, if I can get it finished in time, ha ha. But history books don’t always sell well and a shameless marketing ploy is what I need! It’ll be dated in a few years, but so what? All history gets dated eventually.
Off to the library.
Pumpkin Moon 17, 998
Okay. Maybe the average pony not knowing much about history isn’t so terrible after all. I have a doctorate and I’m having trouble finding the right sources to trawl through. Everything’s so old and fragmented and references other sources we don’t have. I guess studying eras a mere 500 years ago has spoiled me. Still forging ahead. Let it never be said that I, Inky Quill, gave up easily!
Actively looking for certain information has shown me one thing, though: Celestia was DEFINITELY more revered than Luna. Celestia’s always the one given all the credit and most mentions of Luna boil down to “also there”. No wonder she lost it. And the worst part is that Celestia TRIED to accurately explain the… events as a failure on her part, but the public mostly just went, “Celestia made the big mean monster go away, yay!” And they just sort of… forgot about Luna. Dang, Celestia must’ve had it tough.
Which… huh, that’s an interesting angle for the book. Neglected parts of Equestrian history. Hmm. If I focus on that… Important pieces in the status quo that we don’t know are important… Tie it all together with a “those who don’t remember history are yadda yadda” message… Something about friendship and remembering those close to you… Yeah, that could work.
Unfortunately, I’ll need more information on Luna. If I had more information on Luna, she wouldn’t have been neglected, and so wouldn’t have anything to do with my thesis. I guess I could write Celestia a letter and ask for an interview about Luna. Ha, can you imagine?
Pumpkin Moon 26, 998
oh stars above i have an interview with celestia in a week what the fermented raspberry aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Frosty Moon 3, 998
Today, I saw Her Majesty Princess Celestia of Equestria, the Prime Mover, the Solar Lady, eat an entire cake in one sitting. A BIG cake. Not kidding.
Look, I know what it seems. She’s Princess Celestia! She’s too NOBLE for that. Except… she isn’t. She was grand and awe-inspiring and just what you’d expect when I first met her (I nearly hit my head from bowing too fast), but once we got some privacy, it was like she diminished, stopped putting on appearances. Oh, she was still graceful, don’t get me wrong, but this wasn’t a Celestia who needed to stand in front of the cameras and look nice.
She had us brought punch and cake.
I tried to ease into the Luna issue, but Celestia politely yet firmly broached it immediately. Thank her I didn’t need to dance around on eggshells, at least. Her only defense of herself was that she was thoughtless rather than actively malignant, but (as she pointed out) that kind of makes it all worse. Weirdly, she didn’t seem that morose. Melancholic, but also kind of expectant? I’m not sure. It was like she was thinking of something else every now and then. I let her have it; I got more information on Luna than I thought I’d ever get.
Before I left, Celestia gave me the titles for a nice collection of books I could read. Histories on old Equestria and Luna. I couldn’t thank her enough. Even if I don’t find much, it still doubled the size of my bibliography. What sort of princess knows what books to recommend? Celestia, I guess. Who knew?
Frosty Moon 28, 998
Wow. Did I bite off more than I could chew? There’s a LOT of stuff here to arrange. I like what I have so far, but with Celestia’s help, I have more information than I know what to do with. That’s not an exaggeration; including everything I’ve found would probably make the book two thousand pages long.
Sigh. Time to prune. You know, I always hate this part. “Well, I can’t get rid of this, it’s too neat. But THIS whole section relates to this part, so what if it can be summarized in a few paragraphs! Oh, I looked too hard to just throw THIS away.” I think the novelist’s phrase is, “Kill your darlings.” I can never kill my darlings.
And yet, my darlings I must kill, for not all will survive the editing. It is a gruesome, heinous, yet ultimately necessary process.
Flower Moon 30, 999
The thousandth Summer Sun Celebration’s tomorrow and I only JUST BARELY didn’t finish my book in time. A few chapters need a little bit more polishing. Seriously, if I’d started two moons earlier, I’d’ve gotten it done. Ah, well. So the release date isn’t quite perfect. It’s not the end of the world. I’m happy with the book, anyway. It’s nice and punchy. I think my publisher will like it. I just need a title. Why do I suck at titles so much?
Speaking of whys, why isn’t the Celebration being held in Canterlot this year? Why a place so uncreative they call it Ponyville? It sounds like they’re WILLING the place to be as boring and unimportant as possible. Maybe Celestia knows some of the ponies there. They’re going to see a boost in tourism, that’s for sure.
Rose Moon 1, 1000
Um. Remember when I said the average pony didn’t know who Luna was?
Well, they do now.
The Mare in the Moon is gone; it was actually Nightmare Moon. Not a representation, THE ACTUAL NIGHTMARE MOON. She returned last night and the Mare in the Moon is gone now. She tried to capture Celestia and bring about nighttime eternal — you know, like last time. But just like last time, she was stopped by the Elements of Harmony. Well, not JUST like last time; Celestia could only use them to banish Luna into the moon, while a group of random Ponyvillians were able to use them to purify (?) Nightmare Moon and turn her back into Luna.
Sweet nutmeg, it sounds so weird when I write it all out. But it’s true! All of it! Probably. The stuff I just mentioned, anyway. New information’s coming in every minute and it’s kinda hard to sort it all out. I’ve heard everything from the Element bearers fighting an army of skeletons to them sweet-talking sea serpents. Whatever. They’re capable, they saved Celestia, and they redeemed Luna. They could all be clinically insane for all I care.
Luna. Luna, Luna, Luna. Whoof. THERE’S a source I could use. But it’ll be ages before she’s fully adjusted, and talking about Equestria in her days would be like going, “Hey! Remember that time you tried to take over the world? What was life like back then? What DROVE you to try and take over the world? Huh? Huh? Huh?” Come on. I’m not THAT tactless.
Still, though, I now have a clearer link between then and now. An awkward one, but one nonetheless. But I REALLY need to do some more in-depth research on Luna specifically. What was she like before that night? Probably won’t find much, but I’ll do my best.
Rose Moon 19, 1000
Okay! This is going nicely. Ish. I’m still working with a buttload of data, but I think I’m presenting it well. Once I knew what to look for, I could find better information on Luna. Plus, well, I’m not the only one looking anymore. Now that everypony and their mother’s trying to learn about Luna, they’re combing more libraries in a day than I could in a year. Hooray for the power of the multitudes! But it also means they’re taking out the more easily accessible books and the waitlist is like five years. Boo to the power of the multitudes!
Luckily, that still leaves me the less accessible books — you know, the ones historians would be more interested in. I’m still waiting for a while, but every now and then I luck out and get my hooves on one early. I read fast, take notes faster, and return it ASAP. Don’t want to make anypony else wait longer than they have to.
So yeah. Everything’s coming along. I changed my thesis a little; now it’s about big changes to the status quo — Luna getting banished vs Luna returning. I’ll need to rewrite a lot, but it’s already coming out much neater. Maybe not finishing my book in time was a good thing! Can you imagine writing a history book and having the country overturned the day of publication?
Sap Moon 15, 1000
Oh, Celestia, I added so much and it took so long. Practically a YEAR of researching and rewriting and reworking and- Hey. Research. Re-search. I guess that’s what it is, isn’t it? Maybe. Or maybe I’m just basing my etymology on puns because I’m tired.
ANYWAY! My book is a lot more substantial now. Hopefully still readable to the average pony; as was once said, “If you can’t explain it simply, you don’t understand it well enough.” But I have a good amount of info on Luna. A lot more books have come out about her, but the vast majority of them aren’t worth the processed pulp they’re printed on, and most of the rest are biographies with varying degrees of authorization. Mine puts her in a historical context a bit more. I hope.
Still, one way or another, the end is in sight. I’ve never worked this long on a book before. Maybe because I’ve never written about something as dynamic as the present before. The past of 500 years ago changes slowly; the past of yesterday changes daily. It’s an interesting experiment, if nothing else, but thank Celestia it’s almost over. Having to almost totally rewrite it because of Luna was a huge stressor.
Sap Moon 24, 1000
So.
Uh.
I have NO WAY to explain what just happened. Basically, reality got turned upside down for like an hour. And I am NOT exaggerating.
Seriously, there’s no other way to describe it. It’s… Why am I talking about this? The purpose of recording things in a journal is to remember them, and there’s no way I’ll be able to forget THIS.
What the shed.
But just an hour, thank Celestia. Twilight and her friends were on the case and… I don’t know what they did, but everything’s alright now. The specifics are still hazy, but I heard that they petrified a GOD? A god of chaos or something, Discord. Why would a god of CHAOS have such a predictable name? He just took the laws of physics and flipped them over because he wanted to, then Twilight and her friends marched in and… did something for which I am eternally grateful. Discord’s gone, and that’s all that matters.
Okay. Mmmmmaybe skimping out on interviewing Equestrian heroes WASN’T the greatest of ideas. That’s about to change. The Element of Magic was Twilight Sparkle. I’ll write her a letter, see if I can get one of those interviews. Hopefully she isn’t being deluged with fan mail right now. But hey, if I got one with Celestia, I can get one with a countrymare, right?
Seed Moon 2, 1000
HERO OF EQUESTRIA TWILIGHT SPARKLE READ MY BOOKS.
HERO OF EQUESTRIA TWILIGHT SPARKLE LIKED MY BOOKS.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Seriously! The second I entered her treebrary (not making that up), she asked if I was the same Inky Quill who wrote A Natural History of Manehattan Island. I was, and she began honest-to-Celestia geeking out. Very enthusiastically. And she was… She was…
There’s no way around it. Twilight is a MASSIVE DWEEB. She gushed about my BIBLIOGRAPHY, of all things! I love it. I’m proud of that bibliography, but still. And she asked me some questions that were too specific or thoughtful for her to have just skimmed the book, so I’m pretty sure she understood ALL of it. Then she started grilling me about one of my articles in The Equestrian Historical Review, and we got sidetracked for like fifteen minutes.
Once we actually got settled down, she was kinda… lackadaisical? Like saving Equestria was no big deal. Good on her, I guess, but SWEET CELESTIA. Maybe it’s because she graduated from CSGU. Doing the impossible is part of the entrance exam there. Still, aside from being super casual about saving Equestria, she was actually super relatable, even without her dweebiness. It’s just something in the way she talks and moves. It’s like she doesn’t know how important she is.
At least it made her pretty open. I’ve got plenty of new data from her alone. I also got brief interviews with the other Elements, and… Well, to be honest, they’re so bonkers I could probably get a book series out of them alone. I don’t need to go into detail here; it’s all in my notes.
Speaking of which! SIX different primary sources from TWO separate savings of Equestria! It’s like a dream come true. Or at least, it would be if I wasn’t basing my book on the status quo that just got shaken up. Ah, well. This’ll make a good capstone for the book. Just a few more chapters to go!
Flower Moon 18, 1000
Hey hey hey! Princess ~~Cadence~~ Cadance is actually doing something! That “something” is just getting married, but still. It’s probably a stepping stone to bigger things. Her husband’s Twilight’s brother, and I might have something to say about nepotism if I’d had any idea they were siblings before now.
Pretty minor, as far as cultural events go, but it’s still something. Probably don’t need to mention it in the book beyond a footnote; I don’t even know what ~~Cadence~~ Cadance’s plans are. Just thought I’d mention it here. Also, I know “Mi Amore Cadenza” is a mouthful, but sun blast it, why is the shortening of her name “Cadance” instead of “Cadence”? The latter makes more sense in pretty much every way!
Flower Moon 25, 1000
Well, I guess worrying that ~~Cadence~~ Cadance and her husband won’t amount to much was pointless. They just banished an entire species with a magical love explosion. (Why does that sound dirty?)
Seriously.
So those shapeshifting horse fly things, the changelings? Their queen decided to invade Canterlot, and she was somehow able to kidnap and replace Cadance to feed on Shining’s love. Changelings poured into Canterlot, but the real Cadance was able to get free and, with Shining’s help, blast them away with the power of love. I never knew love was an urban defense weapon, but there you go. To be honest, I’m more surprised the Elements of Harmony weren’t involved.
It’s funny, but this is the sort of thing my book needs. An invasion of a major city is more newsworthy nowadays than a thousand years ago because it’s a lot less common. Equestria’s just more secure overall. And yet, in spite of that, including it meaningfully would require a lot of work: figuring out the specific timeline, seeing how ponies react, seeing if there’s going to be any military retaliation, all that jazz. I mean, this is history in the making, I can’t skimp on reporting it.
Oh, well. Whoever said chronicling history was supposed to be easy? I’ve got family in Canterlot; I’ll swing by them and ask around to get a feel for what ponies are thinking now.
Rose Moon 5, 1001
How in the motherducking fricker-fracking cloudpunch do you lose an entire EMPIRE?
Seriously, HOW?!
So the Crystal Empire thing way up north is suddenly back and Cadance is going to be its princess. Not empress? Why’s it even called an empire, anyway? It’s really more like a city-state. There’s an entire TRIBE of ponies that’s been living up there and are time-displaced and crap because of an evil overlord named Sombra who’s been destroyed by a super special artifact and they’re only in that one city and WHAT THE BOOGER.
I… should read more history outside my specialties. I remember reading bits and pieces about it but I never bothered to, y’know, actually LEARN about it. I just thought it got completely destroyed and Sombra was killed. Why didn’t they kill him, anyway? Was he an immortal necromancer? At this rate, every single thing I glance over once in my work is going to come back and blindside Equestria with a plot for world domination. At least, if it’s over a thousand years old. Did Celestia start getting super thorough a thousand years ago?
I tried to look through history books for more detail on the Empire and… Well, there wasn’t much. I know that the past was less literate, but SHEESH Equestria is insular. I only found a whole bunch of vague mentions of the Empire that didn’t amount to much until after its disappearance. Wlah. I really hope we’re doing better nowadays.
Should I include the Empire in my book? Maybe. It’d be kinda… I don’t know, gratuitous? “Yeah, you know the Empire that only just appeared? Toooooootally relevant to this book!” I mean, it kinda IS, it happened a thousand years ago. Maybe the loss of the Empire drove Celestia and Luna to be more proactive and that’s why Equestria doesn’t have many enemies nearby anymore. I don’t know. More research is required.
I’ll think about it. See where it leads. And I need an interview with Cadance.
Rose Moon 29, 1001
I managed to get some time with Cadance. She seemed frazzled, but looked happy to see me.
I guess that qualified as downtime for her, because she IMMEDIATELY started rambling about how much work she was doing and how tired she was and everything like that. I don’t think she noticed; she did look pretty out of it. Apparently, she and Shining Armor were just supposed to keep the crystal ponies safe for a little while until they got back on their hooves, but after her display against Sombra, they all got super excited and declared her their princess (they think she’s the old princess’s reincarnation or something?). Something Celestia supported! So now she’s running back and forth, taking messages from Canterlot and a time-displaced population trying to figure leadership out when she didn’t know she was going to be a leader to begin with. Celestia, no wonder she thought an interview would be a break.
But she seems to be handling it. She was tired, but not nodding-off tired, and the ramble was more “I need to complain to SOMEPONY” rather than a vicious declaration of hatred or despair or anything. And when the interview was over, she didn’t look resigned at getting back to work, but determined. If anything, she seems like a new parent, getting run ragged by the foal but not wanting to change anything.
I’ll send her something nice in a few moons, just to keep her spirits up. Maybe I can get my hooves on some Sweet Apple Cider.
The crystal ponies themselves are… Well, they’re ponies, just like me. Okay, not JUST like me, they don’t have wings and their coats are shinier, but you know what I mean. Are they just sparkly earth ponies? But apparently, the mood of the Crystal Empire can affect the mood of Equestria, so maybe they have magic related to emotional tweaking and oh Celestia now I’m terrified of them.
Now I just need to figure out where to put it all. Or am I suffering from content bloat? I’ll just need to rejigger the book a little. Put the focus on heroes and villains. Well, some focus. There’s a lot of research that’d fall by the wayside if I did that, and… Maybe it needs to fall. I’ll write, see what pops out.
Hay Moon 4, 1001
Looking at my notes and trying to fit the Crystal Empire into my book got me thinking: maybe we’re entering a new golden age. Existential threats to Equestria are getting defeated within the hour, formerly-banished peoples are returning and being reintegrated, and we’ve got something like a dedicated order of protectors for the country. It’s like problems are getting solved before I even know they’re there. Everything’s going… pretty great, honestly.
Well. As long as you ignore my book having to keep getting reworked. But what else can happen, right?
Hay Moon 7, 1001
Sun blast it sun blast it sun blast it. Why did I write that?
We’ve got a new princess. A brand new alicorn princess. Twilight Sparkle.
Princess of Friendship Twilight Sparkle. Celestia made her an alicorn for… reasons. Personal reasons, probably.
What’s this going to do for my book NOW? How am I supposed to compare the old status quo with the new status quo if the new status is anything but “quo”? Hay, forget comparing now to a thousand years ago; now barely resembles FIVE years ago.
Do I need to include this? I kinda have to. I can compare it with Luna vanishing, I guess. Big shift in the status quo. I’ll need to do a lot of work to keep it from overtaking everything else, though. Time to do some reorganizing. Again. Again. How often have I changed the focus of my book? What even IS the focus now?
Interview! Maybe I can get an interview with Twilight. Another one. It’ll be harder now that she’s an alicorn, but since we’re acquainted, maybe I’ll get through more easily? Dunno. Time to find out.
Hay Moon 25, 1001
I actually got a response! Twilight’s still adjusting and has a lot of work to do, but she somehow managed to get me pencilled in for an interview in just a week. She’d be happy to talk to me, or so she said. Wonder how she managed to pull it off. Is she an organizational wizard? Maybe! If so, I could learn a thing or two from her. NO, not regarding my book, I’m always looking for ways to squeeze a few more minutes out of the day.
Grain Moon 2, 1001
Even if you didn’t know Twilight had recently been alicorned, you could tell. The way she holds her wings is weird; she obviously doesn’t know what to do with them. It’s impossible to describe, but if you’re a pegasus, you know. Personality-wise, she’s still totally a dweeb and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I wonder if Celestia did that on purpose, princessing a commoner (for a given definition of “common”, anyway) to avoid getting too distant from the laypony. I mean, she COULD’VE chosen a personal student from some long, noble bloodline, but she didn’t.
Anyway, Twilight was pretty open about becoming an alicorn where she could be. She says it’s overwhelming, but it somehow feels right. Like she was meant to do it? I kind of know the feeling. It’s where everything just clicks. She’s going to try to keep the position from changing her TOO much — no power going to her head or anything. Based on what I’ve seen of her, “going power mad” is going to involve inventing a royal prerogative to always get to the front of the line at bookstores, lucky. Seriously, she’s a princess and she STILL voluntarily lives in a library! I don’t think she has anything to worry about.
I, on the other hoof, have plenty to worry about. Low-key worry, fortunately; it’s all just editing and rewriting and all that tedious stuff. Sigh. Seriously, four princesses now compared to two a thousand years ago. Compared to ONE a thousand years ago. I’m not sure which is weirder: the past or the present.
Grain Moon 21, 1001
So if alicorns are immortal, are Cadance and Twilight the only ponies Celestia has ascended or whatever? You’d think we’d have more running around if they lived forever. Which, in turn, implies that there’s something SPECIAL about now for two ponies to be alicorned, but I only need to look at my notes to know THAT.
Editing’s coming along. Slowly.
Harvest Moon 5, 1001
And now it’s time for some good old existential terror! AS IF MY BOOK WASN’T GOING THROUGH ENOUGH ALREADY.
There was this… really weird-looking guy, I think he was called a centaur? Named Tirac or Tirek or something. And SWEET SASSAFRAS ON A STICK, he EATS magic! It’s… ugh, I’ve never felt so… empty. It’s… Not thinking about it. Shutting up. Now.
Oh, and that Discord thing? He’s also back. WHEN DID HE GET BACK? He helped Tirek steal the magic from at least my town. All of Equestria, if the rumors are true. And then, Twilight, and everything was right again. Seriously, a day after losing my magic, I was despairing, then I got hit in the face by a rainbow wave blasting over the horizon, and I felt WAY better. Was it related to the Elements of Harmony? I guess if they can cure an alicorn of a millennium of madness and NOT have her need to be institutionalized from the shock of the change, giving a pick-me-up to some random schmuck in the heartland isn’t that big a leap.
No idea what happened. Probably never will have an idea. Just, “things and magic and Twilight happened”. Which is GREAT for my book. This is, what, the third major nationwide disaster that’s happened in two years? With barely anything in the THOUSAND years before. No relating the present to the past anymore. I mean, maybe with some work, I could relate this to the first Nightmare Moon incident, but…
You know, some day, somepony’s going to look in here and go, “Wow, Inky Quill was super whiny about her history book.” And yeah, I am. But I’m a historian. Studying history and writing books about it is what I do. And I wanted to do some fun pop history for the average pony, get them more interested in the past of a thousand years ago. But today is now way more interesting than then, and any links between then and now are growing thinner and thinner as the events of last week are more momentous than any that happened before.
I just want to write a history book. Is that too much to ask?
Pumpkin Moon 18, 1001
Is it done? Is it over? No villains or anything? No scheming megalomaniacs with their sights on the world? No cutie-mark-stealing cults? No mutant plants? Hallelujah!
Sweet mother of the stars. I thought things would never quiet down. I’ve been gathering notes faster than I can organize them. Ever since Luna returned, I’ve practically got enough information for a whole new book on its own. But, thank goodness, I can sit down and get some serious editing done. It’ll be… quite the task.
WOW things have been hectic. Still hard to believe, looking back. I wonder what it’ll look like ten years from now?
Long Night’s Moon 6, 1001
Okay. Still working on the book. I had to do some more research (about half of it on what just happened with Tirek), reorganize some chapters, and rewrite several from the ground up. That took up a lot of time, but it’s all coming along. Slowly. But nicely! Slowly but NICELY.
I don’t have a title. I need a title. Should I start brainstorming a title? Hmm. Boring working title: Equestria: Then and Now. Although the “now” of five years ago looks more like the “then” of a thousand years ago than the “now” of now. Should I rework the entire book?
No. I did plenty of research, I can’t just throw it away! It’s important! I’ll just need to work harder to get it to fit together properly. And the hard work will make completion all the sweeter.
It BETTER.
Storm Moon 18, 1001
Still chugging along. Still no big changes! Yay! I heard Princess Twilight got an apprentice or something, but it’s not like THAT’S gonna cause any big, dramatic changes, right?
Sap Moon 6, 1001
Okay. So there’s ANOTHER alicorn out there now. But, thank Celestia, this one’s just a baby and won’t interfere with my book that much (a footnote at most). She’s Cadance and Shining’s baby, to be specific. Flurry Heart. I saw a picture of her, and while I admit I don’t know much about alicorn anatomy, I’m PRETTY sure wings aren’t supposed to be that big.
This is a portent, isn’t it? The universe hasn’t made any book-disruptingly BIG changes, but they’re coming. OOOHHH BOY are they coming. They’re coming with a vengeance. Because what other way could they come? With a ticker-tape parade? I want to say something like, “I’m ready for you, universe! Bring it on!”, but I know that’s just going to make the universe throw me a curveball so curvy it hits me in the back of the head. At least I’m getting my book organized.
Seed Moon 23, 1001
Changelings are good now.
COME ON.
Overnight! Literally overnight, apropos of nothing! They had a coup and threw Chrysalis out. And apparently that’s all the public gets to know. Celestia and Luna and Twilight and even Cadance are going, “Yep! They’re good. So good. Totally good. Don’t worry about it.” It can’t be THAT easy, right? But, I mean, they haven’t been wrong before, so…
Sigh. I don’t NEED to have every single diplomatic solution spelled out for me, but something like THIS? I want to KNOW WHAT HAPPENED, darnit! I’m a historian! Knowing what happened is my ENTIRE JOB!
And my book. My book my book my book. I know I keep coming back to it, but how in the royal shiggy kajiggy-wiggy am I supposed to do cultural comparisons when I don’t know what our culture is going to be like next week?
Okay. Stay calm. You can do this.
Rose Moon 3, 1002
Been a few weeks, nothing out-of-place from the changelings. I’m inclined to believe the princesses. There haven’t even been any military actions, like sending the Royal Guard out for security. Just nice, quiet peace.
Except for the cultural upheaval in “HOLY BANANAS changelings are good now!” in that part of the country, I guess. But other than that…
You know what? What’s another interview? I’ll write to the Court, see what they say about me traveling to the hive. And if they’re okay with it, maybe I can get an interview with one of them. I mean… they all LIKE this, right? It’s not just a few people in power that made their entire species change course. Otherwise, it’d be a lot more volatile. And I… This feels safe. Like I’m not going to be in any danger.
Just in case, though, I’ll leave a letter with Loose Leaf. Some coded questions or something. If he asks them when I get back and the creature that looks like me doesn’t answer correctly, stuff’s going DOWN.
Rose Moon 22, 1002
Oh Celestia the changelings’ new king is an even bigger dork than Twilight.
His name’s Thorax and he’s like really tall and he has these MASSIVE pointy horns, but he’s got this high-pitched nerdy voice and he spent the first five minutes gushing about how the changelings were finally getting visitors and he’s got the energy of a foal hopped up on sugar. I don’t know why, but I get the feeling he doesn’t know what he’s doing, but none of the changelings know what they’re doing, so that’s okay I guess?
I have no idea what changelings were like beforehoof, but they’re definitely happy now. Like a friend who goes out of their way to make you feel welcome. Thorax gave me a tour of the hive and all the changelings kept getting in my face to show me this or that neat project they were working on. (Also, they look like a pastel factory exploded now. Huh.) It does SEEM like they’re trying to get away from whatever their old life was; I definitely can’t picture the changelings that attacked Canterlot working on mosaics. Or making me grilled cheese sandwiches. (GOOD grilled cheese, too!)
When I finally managed to start interviewing Thorax, he sobered up a little. Apparently, changelings just didn’t question Chrysalis’s rule for the longest time and didn’t know there were other ways to get love, but now they can share it with each other or something. I guess they’re perpetual motion machines now, then? (Come to think of it, why would a species that eats emotions have cheese around to make grilled cheese anyway?) When I asked him what the hay happened a few weeks ago, he started saying something about Celestia and Luna, only to suddenly clam up, freak out, and yelp, “CLASSIFIED!” And that was it.
Anyhoo, unless they’re REALLY good at putting on a show, I don’t think the new changelings mean Equestria any harm. They didn’t even try to pull any pranks with shapeshifting on me, which… Come on, guys, THAT I’d be okay with. For the first two or three times. I guess they’re so worried about their history that they’re overcompensating at being nice.
Still. New material. UNIQUE new material. Do I need it? I mean, kinda? What sort of history book is going to talk about this period of history at all and NOT mention the changelings changing? (Hardy har har.)
I feel like these “big” events are escalating. Nothing like this has happened in Equestrian history and it’s going to have a huge impact on the country going forward, totally unlike everything else that’s happened. If I’m right, I shudder to think of what the next big thing is going to be.
Hay Moon 4, 1002
HOW IN THE MIGHTY RUM TUM TUGGER CRAPBALLS IS STAR SWIRL THE BEARDED STILL ALIVE?!
Guess who it involved? Twilight and her friends, OF COURSE. I swear, they could sneeze and it’d cause a city-destroying earthquake on the other side of the country. Apparently, Star Swirl (and the rest of the Pillars of Equestria!) sealed himself up fighting a villain, so Twilight and her magical friendship chums unsealed the villain, then re-sealed it without sealing up Star Swirl and the others.
Do they get those card stamp thingies? They need those card stamp thingies. “Each time you save Equestria, we’ll punch a hole. Get all nine holes and you get a free sundae!” It’s the least we can do. Our gratitude can only get them so far. And, I’ll admit, it’s hard to be gracious about stopping a villain when I didn’t even know he was out in the first place.
You know, this somehow makes things EVEN WORSE for me, because now I need to interview AT LEAST one of the Pillars to get a firsthoof account of what Equestria was like a thousand years ago. Probably more than one. But which one?
Rockhoof. I like his beard. I’ll send a letter tomorrow.
Hay Moon 22, 1002
You know, you’d think an army that took over Canterlot in a blitzkrieg-y frontal assault while expertly skirting the outlying provinces to avoid detection would have the decency to stick around for more than half a week. Or even hold more places than just Canterlot. The army just steamrolled into Canterlot, then sat there playing tiddlywinks. I think the leader’s name was the Storm King or something? The news is confusing. How full of yourself do you have to be to get rid of your name entirely and just use your title? They made a few token raids on the surrounding towns, but not much. It was like they wanted something in Canterlot specifically. Then Twilight happened and everything was peachy-keen again. Seriously, just three days. This isn’t even the most disruptive event of the past few years.
Equestria is getting WEIRD.
Where would I even put this in my book? I know it seems like a big deal now, but in some ways, it’s barely a historical event and more a thing that happened at some point. Maybe if it disrupted the economy or something, but… I’ll think about it. Probably not. I shouldn’t force things.
“Yeah, I skipped over including an invasion of my nation’s capital because it didn’t fit.” What is going ON?
Hay Moon 23, 1002
Oh, by the way, I forgot: there’s another nation way down south, Seaquestria. (Did they steal our name?) Twilight and her friends found them while looking for help with the Storm King. It’s populated by… Let me check.
They’re called hippogriffs. Pictures look weird, like they’re half-griffon and half-pony. Apparently, the Storm King tried to conquer them in the past and they had to turn themselves into seaponies to escape.
HOW DID AN ENTIRE SPECIES COME OUT OF HIDING AND I SOMEHOW JUST FORGOT TO MENTION IT? YOU SEE WHAT LIVING IN EQUESTRIA THESE DAYS IS LIKE?!
Grain Moon 20, 1002
So Twilight’s first dramatic change is opening a school for friendship. How do you teach friendship? I guess if I knew, I’d be the Princess of Friendship. And it’s not just ponies; she wants to reach out to other species, as well. Can’t remember which ones, specifically. At the very least, I know there’s a hippogriff there. Queen Novo (or whatever her name was) sent her niece.
I’ll admit, I’m kind of surprised she’s actually managed to get other species to join so early. I guess they probably feel they owe her something, what with all the world-saving she and her friends have been doing. Is it part of a requirement of something? “Hey, send your kids to this school, and I’ll do this.” Maybe. I have no idea how Twilight does politics. Maybe they’re trying to get into her good graces and she’s just clueless. Maybe she’s NOT clueless and that was her plan all along. Maybe she’s trying to make friends with everybody and has no ulterior motives whatsoever. Yeah, that last one.
Also, I heard there was some scuffle with the EEA but that’s been smoothed over. Details are slim, but I’ll keep checking the news and see if anything gets drip-fed down to us plebs. If not, the school’s still running.
Gotta see if I can snag an interview about the school with Twilight.
Harvest Moon 15, 1002
Well, it took a LONG time, but my interview with Twilight went well. Got a nice, thick stack of questions and answers to work with. How is she STILL so dweeby? (And when did she get a castle? I KNOW Ponyville didn’t have a castle last time I was there.)
First things first: apparently, “School of Friendship” focus-tested better than “Cultural Exchange Center for the Betterment of Harmony Throughout All Lands and for a More Complete Understanding of Every Species From All Angles”. She sounded like she was ready to break into tears when she told me how she needed to cut down the name. I know, right? Stupid focus groups. I know the name’s a mouthful, but it’s clear and explains everything! Maybe it could be the full name and most of the time it just gets called the Cultural Exchange Center.
Anyway, as of right now, I can’t tell what sort of an effect it’s going to have on Equestria, but I get the feeling it’s a long-haul sort of deal. Equestria’s always been a bit, ah, INSULAR, so reaching out to other species like this is good for everybody, the first steps towards more comprehensive diplomacy. It seems right up Twilight’s alley, too: friendship plus organization equals happy Princess of Nerdery.
Didn’t get much of a chance to interview the students, but they all seemed happy. Students! Happy! At school! Twilight’s either doing something right or very, very wrong. Let’s hope it’s the former and this all works out.
Ice Moon 27, 1002
Took ages, but I’ve finally gotten an interview with Rockhoof. Should’ve known that getting chronally transplanted a thousand years does a number on your permanent living arrangements, and Rockhoof’s been moving a lot, anyway. It was like chasing a fish down a river; whenever I found where he’d been, I had to hear that he just left yesterday.
Once I got past his accent, he seemed a little… melancholic? He was doing his best to hide it, but he seemed a little out of it. I pretended not to notice; might’ve been a bad idea. Oh well. He got animated when we got to the questions, though. He’s got a dang good memory and a real way with words (assuming you can understand him). I felt like I could walk into his favorite tavern and know the place immediately. It’s the difference between “There’s a bar on the corner there.” and “There’s a bar on the corner there where you get a free drink if your coin sticks in the jukebox. The bartender’ll check it, though, so don’t think you can just wrap a bit in gum and force it in. But ponies always give it a shot — free stuff, right? — so I think he gets like twenty extra bits a day from that deal.” It’s a very personal description, one I never got from the history books. Score! EXACTLY what I needed.
He got more and more bombastic as we talked, and eventually he declared that he was going to visit his old village to help with excavation. I guess nostalgia got to him. He asked if I wanted to come along, but I had to turn him down. I’m a historian, not an archaeologist, and I’d be missing my work if I went with him. Plus, well, my book. I’ll try to contact the other Pillars, but I wouldn’t be surprised if my letter gets lost in the deluge of fan mail. (I’m STILL surprised I got that interview with Celestia.)
Time for editing. Again. Ten bits says the honeymoon phase of this new info goes away tomorrow. I swear, I’ve been pushed back to editing so many times, I feel like Sisypparius with her boulder.
Seed Moon 5, 1002
AS IF ONE BOUT OF EQUESTRIA LOSING ITS MAGIC WASN’T ENOUGH. TIME FOR ROUND TWO!
What the FRIGGERNAFFY.
It just STARTED one day with spells failing. Like, all of them. Unicorns couldn’t even levitate stuff. We tried writing letters and waiting for notices from Canterlot because, well, what else could we do? Except we sent our letters by pegasus courier, and pegasi stopped being able to fly on the second day, so… It was more of a trickle than having it get forcibly ripped from us like Tirek, so at least it wasn’t THAT traumatic (oh celestia listen to me what am i saying aaaaaaa).
Then, suddenly, on the evening of the third day, all magic just came back. Just like that. And it didn’t involve Twilight this time! It involved some kids from her school, though. (Why can’t Equestria’s problems ever get solved without Twilight being nearby?) I’m hearing that a FILLY was responsible for magic getting drained, Cozy Glow or something. I know it sounds crazy, but after the past few years, I’ll believe anything. No point in trying to be rational when rationality still hasn’t returned from the vacation Discord sent it on. Don’t know what she hoped to accomplish by draining magic, but she’s clearly a megalomaniac in the making. And a stupid one, at that.
Come to think of it, how did Celestia and Luna move the sun and moon if they’d also lost their magic? Or did they just have SO MUCH magic that they were still getting drained right up to the end? You know what, the planet didn’t get tidally locked, so I’M NOT COMPLAINING.
Celestia, what am I going to say in my book now? “One thousand years ago, the potential end of the world was far less common than today…” Except it isn’t really, is it? Discord happened a thousand years ago, Nightmare Moon happened a thousand years ago, I think I heard that Tirek happened a thousand years ago… Holy schlamoly, what happened then, what happened now, what’s LINKING everything?
I’ll gloss over this. Maybe I can make a joke about it. It’s just too much right now and I’m almost done. Please, may nothing major happen soon.
Flower Moon 13, 1002
This is it. This is my life now. A perpetual treadmill of polishing my book only to have history render it nigh-irrelevant overnight.
I mean, so what if I chronicled Princess Luna’s return? So what if I chronicled Princess Twilight’s ascendance? Celestia and Luna just announced that they’re abdicating and Twilight is taking over. Equestria is having a transfer of power. First time in over a millennium. Right as I was done with my book.
At this point, I can assume they’re only doing it to spite me. Because otherwise, what a coincidence, right? I just need to write an afterword about looking to the future, only to open up the newspaper the next morning and BAM. They’ve probably got some kind of scrying spell on me. “Look, sister! Look, student! Inky Quill just finished writing! How should we mess with her this time?” “Let’s split Equestria between us for ‘purposes of friendship’!” “No, let’s annex Griffonstone to begin the Equestrian Empire!” “We should annex Seaquestria!” “Let’s invade Zebrabwe!” “No, you two should abdicate and give the nation to me!” “Oh, excellent idea, Twilight! We’ll get on that as soon as possible. How sudden should it be?” “Oh, VERY. If it’s gradual, Quill might see it coming.” “Very well. In a few days, we’ll announce that we’re retiring ASAP.” “WOO! Up top!” And then they all high-one each other because OF COURSE THEY WOULD.
But I’m okay with it! I am SO okay with it. It’s just a stupid pop history book. It’s not like it GREW at all, got more ambitious as stuff happened around me and I got more information, mutated several times over as the world got overturned weekly. NOOOOOOOOOOO. Nothing like that! It’s fine. It’s fine. I’m fine. It’s fine. This is fine! Totally fine. SO FINE. I will never not be fine! Everything is fine! EVERYTHING IS FINE FOREVER!
Flower Moon 14, 1002
I can’t remember writing any of that. How drunk was I?
Oh, mother duck, I can still smell alcohol on the page. VERY. How did I write legibly, let alone with proper spelling and grammar?
I kind of want to say I understand, but… am I obsessing over this? It was never supposed to be a major work to begin with. Just a silly (but well-researched!) little thing to entertain the laymare and get me a few extra bits every day. It’s not like I poured my heart and soul into it. I guess I liked the research? And I don’t like having to just throw it all away. It’s like throwing away a kitten; it doesn’t do much, but it’s so cute, and darnit, how could you get angry at THAT, you heartless expletive?
You know what? Screw it. I’m polishing up the millennium-old stuff, focusing almost entirely on that, and publishing it. Luna’s Equestria for a stupid placeholder title. No connection to the present. Just because things are changing a lot today doesn’t mean looking to the past is irrelevant. It just means the present-day comparisons I made are irrelevant, and who needs those, anyway? It’ll date the entire book in a few years.
Books published less than a decade ago are now super dated. Huh. No mention of Luna or Twilight or the Elements of Harmony or any of that. I guess that’s the problem with history: it always gets dated.
Maybe I can do something about the stuff since Luna’s return, but what’s the point? Everypony’s lived through it, they know what’s up. I dunno. I’ll keep it around, anyway. No sense in throwing it out entirely.
Also, Sombra took over the Crystal Empire AND Canterlot on the SAME DAY. And lost both. STILL ON THE SAME DAY. I’m not sure whether he’s the best or worst evil overlord of all time. Maybe both. That bit was only a footnote at best, at any rate.
Rose Moon 1, 1003
Today was Celestia’s and Luna’s last Summer Sun Celebration. I held my breath. Did anything happen? Nope. Thank goodness, I guess. Even though it finally doesn’t matter since I started putting my book together differently. Maybe everything’ll be peaceful from here on, ha ha.
Rose Moon 23, 1003
Tirek, Cozy Glow, and Chrysalis came back. Stole magic from Canterlot. Destroyed Canterlot Castle. Got defeated before the day was up. Twilight was there. Ho-hum. Funnies on page 18.
Holy alicorns, why did I have to start writing my book right when I did?
Rose Moon 29, 1003
Welp. Tomorrow, Twilight’s getting coronated. Again. And Celestia and Luna are abdicating.
I’m excited that I get to live through history like this, really, I am. But by now, I’m also kind of just… I dunno, tired? I wake up every morning expecting a headline like, “The World Almost Ended Yesterday, but Princess Twilight Stopped it Again!” Just because I don’t get hurt doesn’t mean I’m not sick of it. I just… want the status quo to ACTUALLY BE the status quo for a little while, you know? Who invoked the “may you live in interesting times” curse? Was it Rainbow Dash? I bet it was Rainbow Dash.
I guess now that Twilight’s in charge, she can be the one assigning herself to go out and solve whatever’s threatening Equestria this week without waiting for commands from Celestia. And who knows? Maybe she’s as sick of it all as I am and is going to be more proactive to get it all to stop. Oh, well. Happy princessing, Twilight Sparkle. Let’s hope we don’t keep experiencing these biannual turnovers or whatever. Maybe now I can get my book done.
Rose Moon 30, 1003
Holy crow, what am I thinking? This is PERFECT.
I’ve been closely chronicling the biggest paradigm shift in Equestria in… ever. I had an interview with Celestia barely a year before Luna returned. I had a talk with Twilight before she became a princess. I traveled to the Changeling Hive to get an insight on Equestrian diplomacy. The world was turned upside-down in a few years, and I was taking notes on minutiae the entire time. I have snapshots of every season of the upheaval, including before it even began. And I’m just throwing it away because it wasn’t what I originally set out to publish? What kind of loser idiot am I?
This changes everything. I’ll need to start from scratch, but now my book finally has a focus: all the change Equestria went through over just half a decade after a millennium of staying static. I have notes before, notes during, and notes after. My general overview will be good, but I’ll need something more personal. Interviews. Some of the other professors at the university. What do they think about all this? What changes have they seen? All the usual stuff. And then I’ll have a perfect illustration of just what the hay happened.
This book will be unique. I can already feel it. I know I just got lucky, but dang. A once-in-multiple-lifetimes shift and I managed to keep notes every step of the way. Which god did I do good by? Thank you, whoever you are!
No content creep. I’ll give everything six moons to settle down and cut off my writing there. This book needs to end somewhere, and settling into a new status quo is a perfect stop. No ifs, ands, or buts, that’s where I’m ending it. And if something huge happens the day after I finish anyway? SEQUEL TIME, BABY!
…Sweet Celestia, I hope I don’t turn so super famous that future generations will go digging around in here.
