It was on Monday that Buck realized the following Game Night was going to be insane. It was an otherwise totally normal Monday closing shift at Sugar Cube Corner, which is to say, it was dead once noon rolled around. Not even Mrs. Cake worked the kitchen past noon on Mondays. After all the donut buyers in the morning, the only customers that would roll in on a Monday was the very occasional office worker not on a diet and cops, once in a while.
The cop that came in today had snatched the donut out of Buck's hand and responded 'Have a good What!?' after Buck had wished him a good one.

Buck didn't like cops. The Cakes didn't like cops either, because cops didn't like Pinkie Pie, and they were about the only folks in Canterlot that didn't like Pinkie Pie.

It was about 5 o'clock; one hour to pre-close and Buck was doing his human scarecrow thing when Scoots looked up from the cups she was tastefully stacking and had an epiphany.

"Buck, holy shit, you never answered my question you doof!" Scoots said, flashing a familiar grin.

Buck rolled his eyes; apparently they were going to have this fucking conversation today, then.

"How come you wanna know so bad, Scoots?"

"I-I dunno, I mean you're all smiles when she's around and-"

"That's 'cause she's fun to be around, Scoots."

"Well, what's the big deal? I'm just curious is all..."

"Alright, well, if you wanna know so bad then ask her. That's her own damn business, okay?"

"Why are you so cagey about this stuff, Buck? Seriously, name me one other guy that wouldn't brag about-"

"Sunburst. Sunburst wouldn't."

"Okay, fair."

"Scoots...listen; 'dagio's been hiding out for a long-ass time, and she's already got a nasty reputation. I know for a fuckin' fact that you can't keep a secret, and if how she is during sex starts getting around, people're gonna talk. And then she'll only be known for two things; fuck shit and being a villain. D'ya really want that?"

"...no."

"Alright. Then I'm beggin' you to leave it at that. She's more than a hot fuck, okay? We all are."

"Okay, Buck."

An itchy, pregnant pause settled between the two co-workers.

"Hey, do you think if we T-pose up here at the counter, people will be too intimidated to come in for the rest of the day?" Buck said, spreading his arms.

"That's the dumbest thing I've heard all week." Scoots said, mimicking the pose immediately. The tension was shaken apart as the two shook their heads, chuckling.

"And ya know, Adagio's actually really sweet under all the bluster. You've seen her choke up during Beauty and the Beast. She's got more layers than just scary and horny."

*DING DONG*

Buck and Scoots' customer greeting came to a skidding stop as the clacking of Adagio's heels drowned out the 90th replay of "Coinky Dink World" for the day. She was off in a way Buck hadn't seen before. Her yellow skin was even paler than usual. Something about the way she was moving was slick and at the same time stuttering, like she was floating while only pretending that her feet touched the ground. She looked hungry, or maybe just a bit thinner. Adagio stood before the counter, her eyes drifting sluggishly from Scoots to Buck. For a nightmarish few seconds, Buck imagined Adagio's mouth opening far too wide, showing far too many rows of needle-like teeth. Instead, Adagio tilted her head slowly...and then spread her arms out in a T-pose just like Buck and Scoots were doing.

Buck's held breath exploded into a guffaw as Adagio stood before the counter, arms outstretched, whereas whatever Scoots was going to say next was thrown through the windshield as she crashed to the floor in hysterical laughter.

Buck caught himself wiping a tear from his eye, stifling his giggles as he saw the sheer cold menace on Adagio's face.

"...I thought you were doing some kind of bizarre human greeting ritual." Adagio said through clenched teeth. Her voice had a slight echo to it, Buck noticed. When she tilted her head, her curly orange hair took a while catching up, floating slightly around her skull as if she were underwater.

"No, no, it's just a dumb fad, babe, holy shit, that's the funniest thing I've seen all month." Buck failed to catch his wheezing as Adagio glared at him.

"A fad? A fad. Smiling in photographs was a fad! Wearing underwear was a fad--wearing hat pins was a fad! I miss hat pins...they were perfect for a modern lady on the go. They were also perfect for stabbing aggressive men in the street. Or obnoxious onlookers..." Adagio growled, slowly turning her gaze on Scootaloo. Buck had never seen Scoots move that fast outside of the track. She was on her feet in an instant, over at the espresso machine.

"How're you doing that thing with your hair...?" Buck said. Adagio slapped a wad of crumpled up stripper bills on the counter.

"Tart. Espresso. Sixteen ounce cup."

"Uh, how many shots...?" Scoots said, sheepishly, cup in her hand

"Put the cup under the spout. I'll tell you when." Adagio growled, standing behind Scoots. Buck counted the cash as the machine sputtered and whirred.

Scoots glanced back at Adagio, then turned her head quickly as the grinds were tamped.

A shot was poured.

Then a reload, and another.

Another.

Another.

Another.

Buck counted the seconds. He could imagine the cold sweat running down Scoot's brow. He could see an equally cold grin touch the corner of Adagio's eye from the back. He dared not let his gaze drift down Adagio's back; she might get offended. Or take it as an invitation.

"When." Adagio said. "And a bit of foam on top. And two pumps of vanilla, there's a good girl..."

"I uh, I got your tart over here." Buck said. Adagio spun on her heels with her cup of searing hot caffeine, took the tart in one hand, then maintained eye contact with Buck as she downed the entire abominable latte in one drag. She took her time with it. Buck watched, wide-eyed as a bit of black dripped slowly down her chin. "Hooooly shiiiit." He whispered.

Adagio licked her lips, then gave Buck that shark's grin of hers. She shivered and leaned toward Buck over the counter. She hadn't blinked yet.

"Buck...would you mind giving momma just a little bit of sugar?" Adagio said. Her dulled magenta eyes were shaking.

"Uhh...oof. Rough day, huh?" Buck said. Adagio gave a slow, and deliberate nod. Her orange mane glowed in the fluorescent lights, floating about her head like a halo. A terrible beauty, like a statue of medusa.

Buck looked over his shoulder. He knew that Mrs. Cake wasn't in, but he looked anyway almost on instinct. Instead of his boss, he saw Scoots duck her head behind the kitchen nook. Buck smiled, and came around the counter, holding his arms out to Adagio.

"C'mere, babe."

Buck was expecting a pounce, but instead, Adagio wrung her hands together and crept toward him like a self-conscious kitten. Then she wrapped her arms around him, lightly scratching his back with her nails. She took in a shuddering breath at his chest, and Buck saw her hair seem to deflate and begin adhering to gravity again.

"Hey...I'm up here." Buck whispered. Adagio looked up, and Buck saw her parched expression. Her face looked a little gaunt. She closed her eyes and puckered her lips. She tasted like coffee and vanilla. For a wonderful eternity of a few seconds, Adagio kissed Buck, clinging to him. His hand trailed through her hair and she pressed herself against him. Buck peeked at her and saw her eyes closed as she savored him. He couldn't believe she could be so gentle. But it didn't last.

Her nails dug in, and her tongue found his, and soon Buck found himself with his back to the counter, and Adagio's thumb in his waistband. Buck saw a little blinker of green light on the edges of his vision.

"Babe, babe, babe, babe! Hey!" Buck said, grabbing Adagio's hands. Even with his head turned away, Adagio began nibbling at his clavicle, giving off a shrill giggle as he pried her off. "Alright, alright, heel!" Buck grabbed Adagio's shoulders and roughly pushed her back.

Adagio blinked, and looked at him. A look of fleeting remorse crossed her face, followed immediately by a waving, bowing sort of grin. Adagio seemed like the type of girl that heard applause when she entered a room.
She was back. Buck gave her a bashful smile.

"Not at work, okay? Man, they must've put you through the wringer today."

"I...ughhhhh...!" Adagio groaned. Yeah, she was back. She pushed away from Buck, plopped down at her usual table and started picking at her tart in the manner of an especially dainty seagull. "You would not believe what they're making me do over there!" Adagio squawked.

"Uh, Excel spreadsheets?"

"YES! But it's not just that, Buck. There's a new hire on the floor. One that outranks me. A haughty, rusty rake of a woman named Harshwhinny. She's done nothing but harsh my mellow for the last three days. I've been wading through chest-high stacks of paperwork with no end in sight! Half of those sheets were from a completely different branch!"

"Was that 70's slang? ...And a pun?" Buck said. Adagio stuffed the rest of the tart in her mouth and crossed her arms. "Okay, so you've got a new shit boss, and that's on top of the shit boss you already had, so work is like a shit sandwich right now." Buck said. "There anything you can do about it?"

"I could quit." Adagio said, flatly.

"I mean, sure? Why'd you take that job anyway? I've seen your place; you're obviously loaded already."

"Sometimes, Buck, it's nice to have some spending money that doesn't come out of your savings. You wouldn't understand." Adagio said, laying her head on the table. She smiled as the cool metal touched her cheek.

"Yeah, no, I really wouldn't. I'm livin' just enough for the city over here." Buck said. Adagio didn't look up.

"You should get a little nest egg on the side, Buck. The bohemian life doesn't suit you." Adagio said.

"Pfft. Sounds like the kinda thing rich people like to say at cocktail parties. Let me just wave a wand and get myself a trust fund." Buck said. He wiggled his fingers and made a fart noise. "Oops! Looks like all I got is student debt!"
"You're adorable when you bitch like that, Buck..." Adagio hummed. Buck thought for a second to say something untoward, but in that moment Adagio's eye flicked open and managed to stare him down single-handed.
"You need anything else?" Buck said, back behind the counter.

"A cool bath and a glass of champagne...but no, no, I'm quite content right here, thank you..." Adagio yawned. Buck believed that she could have fallen asleep right there, but then her phone buzzed. Adagio groaned and sat up. "And there's the end of my brief break. Back to the trenches with me." She said.

"Ah well, it was good seeing you, 'dagio. You want one for the road?" Buck said. His arms were half open by the time Adagio got behind the counter to squeeze him. She felt warmer now.

"And Scootaloo, darling?" Adagio raised her voice.

"...yes ma'am?" Scootaloo squeaked from some corner of the kitchen.

"Thank you for the coffee. And keep Buck warm for me until tomorrow night, would you?" Adagio said. Buck, as usual, watched her leave with rapt attention.

"...oh shit that's right! She's playing with us, isn't she?"

"Yeah, Scoots. You know, for someone who's 'just curious' about Adagio, you sure do fucking run with your arms flailing when she enters the room." Buck said, dodging a punch to the shoulder. Scoots slumped over the counter in a way that looked uncomfortable; the kind of lounging you tend to get from cats in a tree.

"I don't get how you manage her. She's like...like a lot, man." Scoots said. Buck leaned over the counter next to her, his head supported by his hands. He sighed.

"She is a lot, yeah. And I don't 'manage' shit. She pretty much does as she pleases. She just needs hugs and an open ear and some big sloppy kisses from time to time, just like a lot of folks. We're about the same in that way, but she needs it to live." Buck said. He was staring at the construction site across the street. A whole-ass tent and a chain link fence to cover up a big fuck-off hole that stretched from the middle of the street to the edge of Center Park.

"Man, I could use some big sloppy kisses..." Scoots mused, distantly.

It was a shame. The bench that had been there was special to Buck. Well, it was now, anyway. He probably should've kissed Adagio when she opened up, then. He wanted to kiss her again right now. He could still taste a bit of the espresso from her lips. Bitter.

"Buck? Hey, earth to Buck? You in there?" Scoots was lightly kicking him with the side of her heel.

"Huh? Oh, uh, sorry Scoots. I was zonin' out there, I guess." Buck said. "Did you, uh...did you want some big sloppy kisses? Is that why you're all bummed out?" Scoots sighed and scratched her head. She rolled over on the counter and stared at the ceiling.

"I mean, yeah, sure, but that's not it. I just...I dunno, it's gonna sound stupid."

"Oh, mercy me, listenin' to Scoots say something stupid at work? Geez, is it Monday already? Oh look, it sure fucking is!" Buck said. He failed to dodge Scoot's elbow to his ribs, but that didn't stop him from laughing. "Alright, alright, no hitting! Look, what I'm sayin' is, nobody is about to come in here, so you might as well spill, Scoots. Go on. I'm listenin'." Scoots turned her head to Buck then, and he noticed, maybe for the first time that her eyes were a sort of royal purple color. Buck's favorite. Huh. She had a mole under her right eye. She had an imploring look in her eyes.

"You mean it?" She asked. Her humor had run off somewhere.

"Always, Scoots. Fess up." Buck said.

"...I'm bored! Sweetie is on tour and Applebloom is down at Appleloosa Tech doing whatever the heck undergrads do, and I'm here just..."

"Shattering school sprinting records?" Buck offered.

"Running around in circles." Scoots groaned.

"You miss your squad. I get that. I felt the same way when the Rainbooms split up, even though I wasn't really-"

"I miss going on adventures! I miss getting lost with them and having to find the way back! I miss...I miss the hugs and the fun and the weirdness of it all! I miss trying new things. You and Sunburst are like my only friends, now." Scoots said, gesturing broadly at the ceiling.

"...I hate to say this, but why don'cha get Dash on the line? Call her and see if she'll come and visit?" Buck saw Scoot's face turn sour.

"She's too busy doing 'olympian stuff' to pick up and...man, I'm pretty over the whole Rainbow Dash fan club thing."

"...okay, well what about family?" Scoots' uneasy silence was all Buck needed to hear. He'd made that silence before, though maybe not as intensely. "Well...you know, me and Sunburst go grocery shopping on Wednesday, and we usually hang out after. if you want, you're more'n welcome to come along and just chill out."

"...Really?"

"Sure, Scoots! You know we like hangin' out with you. I wish you would'a said somethin' sooner. Would could go hiking, or hit the beach or some shit. You know, when we've got the money for it."

"Well, that sounds kinda nice, but it's still...I dunno. You're lucky, Buck! Adagio is all over you and she's weird and scary and fun! I'm over here just training and working and working and training going in circles and circles and circles. It makes me feel boring, you know?"

"'kay, well, what it sounds like is you're burnt out, and you're in a rut and you need a shake up. It's funny, my life has gotten real complicated all of a sudden because of Adagio. In a way I'm glad for this job because there's structure to it. Keeps me at least a little sane, you know?"

"I just wanna get weird again! You know?" Scoots voice seemed to be shrinking a little. "I just...I just wanna feel needed again. You gotta understand what that's like, right...?" Scoots said. She had turned away. Buck stood, then, and saw how small Scoots really was. She was all curled up.

"Yeah...yeah, I really do, Scoots. I get it. You know what I think you need right now?" Buck said.

"What?"

"A hug. And you're in luck, 'cause I give real good ones. Bring it in, lil' sis. Right here." Buck said. For the third time that day, he held his arms out. Scoots sat up, looked excited for just a moment, then looked away, almost demurely.

"Are you sure? I know this's sappy stuff, and...you know, I don't wanna make you feel weird."

"Scoots, it's fine. I won't be weird about it, I promise." Buck said. He smiled at Scoots and saw the second guesses cross her mind and fly away. She leapt up into his arms and wrapped her legs around him and squeezed him like a saibaman. She had a strong grip for such a small woman. She was light as a feather, smaller even then Adagio. Buck supported her meager weight and hugged her right back. He could feel a very slight moistness on his shoulder, and it hit Buck that this wasn't all that different from when he had hugged Adagio. Scoots wasn't trying to get him out of his pants, of course, but she clung to him like she had been touched starved; probably because she was.

It felt like Scoots had been squeezing him for minutes at a time when she finally spoke up again.

"...Is this weird? This is weird, isn't it?" She mumbled.

"No Scoots, it's not weird. I've got you, okay? You're not alone on this one." Buck said. Scoots let out a deep breath.

"Okay...wow...wow, you were right. You do give good hugs."

"Yeah, see? I'm also good for head scritches. This hug is on the house, by the way." Buck said. Scoots pulled her head from his shoulder and frowned at him incredulously.

"What, you're going to charge me for hugs, now, cheapskate!?" Scoots laughed.

"Naw, I only charge for tongue." Buck laughed.

"Well, I do feel better. Man, Buck, I don't get why people talk about you like that. You're actually a really nice guy." Scoots said. Her smile had come back, and she hadn't let go. Her arms were around Buck's neck.

"Hey now, I'm a 'Good guy'. Not a nice guy. There's a difference." Buck smirked. "What...what are they sayin' about me now?" Buck said. Scoots looked away, then.

*DING DONG*

"Oh, Buck? I wanted to ask if you wanted to do that 'character generation' thing tonight or tomorrow before the game. I also wanted a nice tall glass of cider, if it's not-oh. Well. Well, well, well, what have we here~?" Adagio said. She had been digging in her purse, presumably for more cash, as she came back into Sugar Cube Corner. But then, she looked up and saw Scootaloo, her fingers laced behind Buck's neck, her legs around his waist, with Buck holding her up. Buck felt his blood run cold.

"Uhhhhh....this ain't what it looks like?" Buck said. He wondered if he got a running start, could he charge past Adagio and leap into the sinkhole across the street. The fact that he couldn't tell if Adagio was amused or enraged terrified him more than anything. Scoot's face was close to his, and he could see her pupils dilating. At least the two of them would be terrified together.

"And what exactly does it look like to you, Buck? Because to me, it looks like you're about to impale that poor little creature on your cock and then vigorously practice your squats." Adagio said. She was smiling. Was that good, or bad? He had seen that smile when she was chasing him around the hotel. Bad. It was bad.

"Uh...it, uh...look, Scoots is feeling down, so I wanted to give her some hugs, you know? Just a little bit of sugar, like...like with you, babe!" Buck stammered. He could feel Scoot's legs shaking around him.

Adagio was once more leaning over the counter. Her smile was turning as sharp as the look in her eyes.

"Oh? Like with me, you said? So, you've tasted her tongue, then? Am I interrupting your Monday routine, Buck? Or is this a brand new rendezvous?" Adagio said with wicked glee. Properly entering panic mode now, Buck leaned on a mantra he had developed back in high school. It had literally never worked even once, but it was always worth a try. Don't get a boner...don't get a boner...

"No, no, no tongue here, not even a little kissing, just normal, platonic huggin'!" Buck said. He couldn't seem to look away from Adagio's gaze, which was looking more and more like a dagger extending from behind a magenta curtain. "Look, Scoots is feeling lonely, so I was offering--"

"Offering to bend this sweet little birdie over the counter and make her sing, Buck?" Adagio slapped her hand on the counter. She leaned even closer. "It's funny, Buck, I knew that you were good at filling holes, but I had no clue you were so talented at digging them." Adagio said.

"No, well, that's not--Scoots help me out here!" Buck said, looking to Scoots. Buck was stricken with a jolt of terror as he saw that Scoot's own horrified visage had shifted. Instead of looking scared, Scoot's face had curled into that classic grin that means in no uncertain terms that she was about to make everything worse.

Scootaloo pulled Buck's face into her chest and put the back of her hand to her forehead in a fashion that was probably dramatic back when films were black and white and men dressed like Mr. Peanut. Buck noticed, not for the first time that Scoot's breasts were very small and very cute at about the same time he felt her thighs squeeze him.

"Oh no, Buck, your crazy girlfriend has found out about our affair! Whatever will we dooooo~?" Scoots proclaimed to a studio audience made up exclusively of herself. She shimmied slightly to keep her balance, then looked down at Buck with a shocked grin. "Dude, do you seriously have a boner right now?" It was at that point that Buck unceremoniously dropped Scootaloo to the floor. Her stack of cups on the counter collapsed like a house of cards. "Ow, hey!"

Buck held up a finger to Scoots, and placed his hand onto his forehead. He could feel the heat in his face. Through his fingers, he could see that Adagio's shark grin had been replaced with a more cattish one. It was no less predatory, but the slightest bit cuter.

"Adagio, babe, there ain't no funny business going on, I promise. And I'm more'n happy to come over to your place tonight and help you with chargen. Shouldn't take long, since you're good at math an' all." Buck said. He didn't want to smile, now, especially not with a boner in his place of work, but Adagio was making it hard.

"Ooh? Asking me out for the evening now, Buck? Wouldn't you rather have your precious little ingénue~?" Adagio sang. She had crossed her arms under her breasts now, and was displaying a cocky quirk of the hip.

"Uh-oh, look out Scoots, she's quoting Phantom at us, we're in it now!" Buck laughed, helping Scootaloo up. He saw her eyes slip down him for just a second as he hauled her to her feet. "She's just jokin' around, it's cool Scoots." Buck said.

"Uh, what's an...uh, ahn-gen-new?" Scootaloo said.

"A disgustingly innocent and often virginal maiden, typically used as a stock character in plays." Adagio rattled off, striding around the counter. "Sound familiar, little girl?"

"I'm 25, you old hag." Scoots spat. Oh shit. Buck thought.

"What? I thought you were in your earlies?"

"Buck, I was a Sophomore when you were a Senior! Come on, man, I'm not a baby!" Scootaloo said. Now it was her turn to cross her arms.

"Well, Buck, frankly I couldn't care less if you decided to break this little bitch. We've already set our rules, haven't we?" Adagio said, getting over her shock. She strode and talked past Scootaloo, lightly trailing a finger in her hair as she passed. Scootaloo shivered and briefly seemed to forget her offense.

"That...that we have, Adagio. So you're not feeling threatened then; you just like watchin' me squirm, don't you?" Buck said. Adagio beckoned him with a finger, and when he leaned down, she began lightly tracing his collarbone.

"Oh gods yes. Your fear is almost as delicious as your affection, Buck~" Adagio said. Then she yanked Buck's collar down and began nibbling and suckling on his collarbone. Her hands roamed to grab Buck's ass and pull him against her. Fuck, her grip was strong, Buck thought as he tried not to moan in front of Scootaloo. He failed.

"Nnngh...mm...babe...hey...c'mon, cut it...ahh!" Buck moaned, and as he finished his protest, Adagio's lips pulled off his collarbone with a little pop. She caressed the hicky she had just left and cupped Buck's chin with her fingers.

"You know well enough that I'm a peerless lover, and it's obvious that this little pixie wouldn't have the slightest idea of what to do with...all of this." Adagio's other hand trailed around the bulge in Buck's pants. "So no, I'm not in anyway feeling threatened. We aren't 'really dating', after all." Adagio said.

"Ohh man, she's got you whipped! That's just--hey wait, whaddya mean I wouldn't know what to do with him!? Buck's a big ol' creampuff; I can take him!" Scoots said, hooking a thumb at herself. Shit shit shit shit, Buck thought as Adagio's sweet and mocking smile turned murderous. As Adagio turned toward Scoots, Buck could see her hair starting to float and flow as if it were underwater again. Buck was certain that Adagio was making her voice echo on purpose.

"Was that a challenge, little birdie?" Hissed the Something that looked like Adagio. Buck skidded around and stood in front of the now freshly horrified Scootaloo.

"Nope, no it wasn't, absofuckinglutely not! I am vetoing this whole-ass conversation, you stop teasing Scootaloo and you stop encouraging Adagio!" Buck said, pointing. "We are not repeating yesterday!"

"Uh, what happened yesterday?" Scoots said.

"Nothing." Buck and Adagio said in unison. Buck saw that she was looking normal once again.

"Doesn't sound like nothing." Scoots huffed.

"Both of y'all can save your bickerin' for the table! 'dagio, do you want me to come over for chargen or not?"

"Hmph. Do as you please, Buck." Adagio said, looking away. Her hair slapped Buck in the face a little. Was that new conditioner? Buck pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Ooooohmygoood this is my life now..." He lamented under his breath. "I'm coming over tonight and we're going to set it up. Okay?"

"If you insist." Adagio said, over her shoulder.

"Can I come?" Scoots squeaked.

"Can you--wait, why? You already have Chillwing, who I know you're gonna play."

"No, I mean, can I just, sorta hang out with you guys?" Scootaloo said, hands behind her back. Buck looked at Adagio, who was looking at Scootaloo like a child seeing a kitten for the first time. Both of her hands were on her cheeks. That look seemed like every kind of trouble imaginable.

"I uhh...look, Scoots, it's gonna be just character stuff, and you'll probably get bored."

"Oh. Okay." Scoots said.

"And Buck is going to carry me around the apartment and call me 'Princess.'" Adagio said, halfway to the door.

"'scuse me?" Buck said.

"I demand it." Adagio said.

"Ah." Buck said.

"No, I get it, you guys want to be alone. Don't sweat it." Scootaloo murmured. She grabbed a broom and started knocking around the cups that were now on the floor. Buck wanted to say something, but then he saw Adagio open the door, then look at him over her shoulder and mouth out the words; "I like her."

It was at that precise moment that Buck understood that Game Night was going to be a shake up. A small part of himself that he had hated before Adagio came into his life made him smile. He also realized that he was standing in the middle of his workplace with a boner.

One evening, one morning and a lot of talking and basic math later, Buck and Adagio stood before Sunburst's suite.

"Can you promise me that you'll be on your best behavior tonight?" Buck said. His hand had touched the knob to Sunbursts' suite, but then he had frozen over and turned to Adagio with a severe look.

"And what exactly would my 'best behavior' entail, Buck?" Adagio said. Buck had to think about dirty deeds by degrees. Adagio's smile was distracting him, as was her trailing finger on his arm.

"...well, no fighting with Starlight Glimmer, for one. You know she's lookin' for an excuse to swing on ya, so don't give it to her." The both of them were wearing their Saturday night outfits, which were basically pyjamas. Adagio had uncharacteristically elected to wear a bra to this event, perhaps mostly for the sake of Buck's own focus at the table more than modesty.

"What if I insult her hair, instead?" Adagio tried.

"No. That's a bad. No sniping. If you feel like you gotta clap at her, just be nice, alright?" Buck said.

"Nice? I'd rather say nothing at all to her."

"That's fine. And could you lay off Scoots? She's kinda goin' through it right now."

"As long as she doesn't try to snatch you away from me, Buck."

"Adagio, come on, you know she isn't like that."

"So you say, Buck. She seems to have taken an interest in us. It would be foolish of me to ignore her completely."

"Just...just don't bitch at her, okay?"

"Agreed. Now, is there anything else?"

"Yeah. I wanted to thank you for coming out with me tonight. You didn't have to, and I promise we'll do your thing at the end of the week, okay?" Buck said. His hands were on Adagio's hips as he tenderly kissed her forehead. "I know tabletop games can be real weird to do for first-timers." He said.

"Oh, just try and stop me, Buck." Adagio was about to claim a ravenous kiss from Buck, but as she cupped his chin, the door clicked open.

"Oh, it's you two. Do you actually have to talk right outside the door? Again?" Starlight Glimmer said. She was wearing a set of simple blue pyjama pants, a black top with little constellations on it, and the same dark purple beanie that Buck had seen before. Her bangs were up in rollers.

"Hey Glimglam, nice seein' ya." Buck offered.

"Yes, it's good to see you finally putting some effort into your hair. I'm sure it will look divine after a few day's beauty sleep." Adagio said. She pushed past Starlight with little effort. She pulled Buck along by the hand, who whispered urgently in her ear.

"Babe. C'mon." Buck said, squeezing her hand. Adagio rolled her eyes.

"That is to say, even for pyjamas, that little starry top is adorable. The motif suits you very well, Starlight." Adagio said with a smile that mimicked jocularity quite well. Starlight's eyebrows flew up at that. then she squinted.

"Yes, well, uhm, thank you. I hope your...whatever this is tonight, goes well." Starlight said.

"Oh yes, the game is sure to be a ton of fun. Will you be joining us?" Adagio said.

"Nah, Glimglam just sorta hangs out while we do our thing." Buck said.

"Ah. Well then, I wish you luck with your slothful lounging, tonight! You deserve some rest. You look...tired." Adagio said.

"...right. And good luck with your riveting night of yelling at pieces of plastic!" Starlight said, with a fake laugh.

"Oh, I don't need luck. But I'll wish you some anyway. I sincerely hope that you find whatever you're looking for when you glare at my back." Adagio said.

"Babe." Buck said.

"Yeah? Well I hope you have a wonderful night." Starlight seethed. She took a step toward Adagio.

"And I hope your week goes swimmingly!" Adagio sneered.

"And I wish you the best in all of your evil little endeavors this year. Slut." Starlight growled.

"Starlight..." Sunburst warned, from the table.

"Yes, and I hope that you manage to finally fit the bags under your eyes into the trunk of your car, Bitch." Adagio smiled.

"Alright, alright, break it up!" Buck said. He took Adagio by the waist and guided her swiftly to the table, where the other players were waiting.

"So I says to him I says; Beholder!? I'm looking right at her, and she's barely a five! So anyways it starts shootin' disintegration beams and--WOAH! Check it out!"

It had been three weeks. That was way too damned long to be lost in a dank-ass place like this. Three weeks of sore feet and sore-rer fingers. He had bandages on his fingers, actually, and blisters under those, and that hadn't really slowed him down. No, what slowed Dangle down was the fact that he was running out of jokes. It was only a matter of time before it would be just him, his steel guitar and a little notebook with "Truly Heinous Yo Mama Jokes" on the front, and then where would he be? A party like this couldn't be kept alive with Vicious Mockery alone.

That still wasn't the worst part about being stuck in here. The worst part was that he, Dangle, bard among bards, he of the firm yet tender fingers, had already forgotten the name of that cute barmaid that had been jiggling and stomping her way around the tavern before they headed off. Minotaurs had to have spines of stone to carry a rack like that, he reasoned. Where was he? Right. The chamber.

Before Dangle's eyes stretched a massive antechamber of stone, it's vaulted ceiling rising out of sight. Between the black void above and where Dangle stood were floating polyps of light that bathed the chamber in a dim, unearthly glow.

"Pyreflies, do you think?" Came a gruff voice to his right.

"Maybe Parasprites?" Came a high voice to his left.

"Doubt it. There's greenery in here; wouldn't be if they were Parasprites. Wouldn't be anything alive." The gruff voice said. He was right. There were leafy vines crawling up the walls, likely all the way up to sunlight, and much thicker ones leading down into the waters ahead of them. An underground lake.

"Chillwing, you hear any running water?" Dangle asked. To him, there was nothing but the dripping of the stalactites and his own voice. Somewhere far away, a bit of plastic hit a table.

Dangle looked to his left. Beside him hovered his truest partner in crime.

She was a Batpony, barely legal by Dangle's standards, but beautiful nonetheless. Her fur was such an abyssal midnight blue that it was nearly black, whereas her mane was blue, yellow, cyan and pink, like a reverse rainbow. Her hood had been pulled down for much of this lengthy expedition, and so her big fluffy ears twitched back and forth as she searched for sound. Dangling from her hips was a belt full of vicious stiletto knives, and below that on her tight flank was her cutie mark; an open eye above a cloak and dagger. To Dangle, that mark signaled that Chillwing was the best at something that was especially unpleasant, provocative and expensive.

So far, Chillwing had lived up to that mark. Never once had she failed to impress, nor get their little motley crew into heaps of trouble, often over loot.

"Yeah...this isn't a lake. It's a spring. The water is fresh, and it's coming from somewhere and goin' to somewhere else. Could be a way out?" The petite Batpony said. Her small, sturdy wings ceased their flapping and she landed soundlessly on the ground, her slitted ruby eye looking to and fro for any aggressors. Or perhaps coin. The other eye was long gone, with nothing but a crisscrossed scar to denote it's passing.

"We're not looking for a way out; we're looking for some kind of artifact. This room is already useless--let's double back round and find another. We need to keep moving." Gruffed the gravely voice to Dangle's right.

Hillbreaker was, by Dangle's estimate, a total tool, but by a fortuitous quirk of fate, the grizzled, plate mailed Earth Pony happened to be something of a multipurpose maul. He knew how to swing one, as well.

His muscles looked as if they were hewn of stone, likely because as Dangle understood, they partway were. Some slate furred variant of Earth Pony from a far off mountainous region, or an out of print splat book. He was sturdy and tough, and his name spoke of his monumentous strength. On his back he carried an arsenal of melee unpleasantries designed to pierce, slash, rake and crush everything in his path. On his flank was a cutie mark that showed a pickaxe shattering a boulder.

"Or at least let me get down there to see how useless this room is and get it over with."

The stallion was hell-bent on completing the party's mission, even if it meant sinking to his death in an underground spring. A dark part of Dangle would be content with that; at the very least he couldn't hear him grumbling under the water. Then again, he wasn't even sure if Hillbreaker could drown. Dangle was certain, however, that it would be a few day's work just trying to haul his silly ass out of there. Probably just make the big lug complain some more.

"Speak for yourself, man. My hooves have never been more sore." Chillwing whined, sitting on the craggy floor.

"That's because you didn't go for the iron horseshoes in town like I told you to. You can't fly forever in a place like this." Hillbreaker grumbled.

"Well, while we're here, we might as well see if we can't make some kind of progress. Chillwing, are there any structures down there? The water is too murky for me to see past the surface." Dangle said. He covered his ears and braced himself just in time for Chillwing to unleash a ghastly shriek that reverberated through the chamber and Dangle's bones. Through his wincing gaze he saw Chillwing lift an ear to follow the echo, eye closed in concentration.

"...there's like a whole uh...like a pyramid but sorta blocky, down there." Chillwing said, once the ringing stopped.

"You mean a ziggurat, hun?" Dangle said.

"If you say so!" Chillwing said, shrugging.

"Doesn't matter what it is if we can't reach it." Hillbreaker said.

"Aw, don't be such a pessimist, Hillby!" Dangle said.

"Are you ever going to stop calling me that?"

"It's either that or your real name." Dangle said.

Two men across a table from each other argued briefly about canon, and neither won save for the one that was smiling.

"This is the first source of clean-uh-cleanish water that we've found in this horrible place! At the very least we can boil some up and fill our water skins! Besides, this place smells a bit like magic. I'm sure if we put our heads together, we can find some way down there! Could even be treasure in it for us if we look hard enough." Dangle said, with a smirk.

Dangle heard Chillwing's hooves rapidly tapping on the stony floor; it was a little quirk of hers that came out whenever there was loot on the table.

"I'm in! I'm in!" Chillwing said.

"Right, well, it sounds like the 'yays' outweigh the 'neighs.'" Dangle said, to the groans of both his compatriots. "Let's have a look." Dangle peered into the water before him. He was struck, as he was every morning, by the beauty of his own reflection. He was an akita breed diamond dog, or should he say a diamond in the rough, because he had been blessed by looks that turned heads in every town he visited. His fluffy fur was light pink at the belly, legs and face with a red streak down the side, while on top it was cream colored. A shock of white mane adorned his head, giving him the appearance of an especially handsome strawberry shortcake. He wore a black dandy's vest with pink pinstripes, his ears and tail were always brushed to perfection and he carried a polished steel guitar that served as his spell focus.

At this very moment, after prevailing mightily against his own vanity, Dangle readied his guitar and plucked a few strings to get his mojo working. His emerald eyes glowed for a moment as he reached out to feel the magic in this room. There was magic in the lights above...magic in the vines...a great deal of magic emanating from the ziggurat, and something else. Something powerful and close by.

Dangle shrunk back from the spring, taking a defensive stance.

"Hey kiddies, ready yourselves to get wet and wild, because something's coming!" He said. Chillwing immediately took to the air; ready to let daggers fly, while Hillbreaker drew his pike into his teeth. Dangle, as always, was prepared to support, his fingers strumming in a manner he thought was menacing.

The spring water rippled and bubbled for a moment, then a splash burst from the surface, scattering glittering droplets all over. The form of the figure that landed before the party glowed so brightly that it was hard to make out. Well. Dangle could tell immediately that it was female. He had a sixth sense about these things.

There were long fins and a trailing fish fin that retracted into an elegant horses' tail which was no less long and magnificent. The dazzling light show dissipated as back fins spread into a pair of feathery wings, front fins morphed into the talons of a bird and an equestrian head was taken over by a small, sharp beak.

The face of the stacked minotaur barmaid took a dive off a cliff in Dangle's mind as the creature before him shook the water from her voluminous purple mane. Her fur was a bright green, speckled like a thrush with purple spots. Her eyes were a piercing orange color, and around her neck was a choker bedecked with pearls and sea glass. This majestic creature, somewhere between a betta fish and a griffon, spoke with a voice that sounded like the lead-up to a musical number.

"Finally, some travelers who look to have true mettle! Tell me, adventurers, will you hear of my plight?"

"A hippogriff, really?" Hillbreaker said.

"How do you know that?" Buck said.

"I said how do you know that? What's that piece of paper you got in your hand, is that the script?" Buck said in a dry and mumbling voice.

Adagio didn't understand it, but she was absolutely certain this was a reference to something she simply didn't know about. Buck did that a lot. What he didn't do much of was argue, and yet, here he was.

The man sitting across from him folded his arms and scowled. He was a paunchy thing, not entirely unlike Buck, but in the opposite direction. Whereas Buck was all barrel chest, Quibble Pants was more...gut. He had an orangey-brownish skin tone and black hair with what Adagio assumed was natural streaks of grey in a bit of a gradient. Stress, perhaps? He was wearing what Buck had explained to be a "Warhammer 40k" t-shirt. This was in apparent contrast to Buck's "Adventure Zone" shirt. The fact that they were wearing these shirts was "all anybody needed to know about their tastes" according to Buck. He had then elaborated, of course, calling Quibble Pants creative names like "My actual fucking nemesis" and "a dongly-bongly rules lawyer."

"Everybody knows what a hippogriff is, Buck." Quibble Pants said.

"Yeah, sure, everybody does. But does every creature? Dude, hippogriffs are supposed to be legendary. How in the blue fuck would a guy with no arcana check know what one even looks like?" Buck sneered.

"Because it's obvious."

"What ain't fuckin' obvious to me is whether or not you know when you're metagaming, of if you just don't care." Buck said. His energy tasted like an extra sour lemonade, and that tipped off Adagio that despite his frowning, the man was indeed having fun. What she tasted from Quibble Pants was a little bit more like stale tea with a cup of lemon mixed in. If you set those pitchers side by side, you probably couldn't tell the difference, but Adagio could taste that Quibble Pants seemed to genuinely despise Buck, a fact which so far had been a source of endless entertainment.

"So, what, I'm supposed to act all amazed because she's a weird alien creature, like 'oooh, ahhh!' when it's obvious what she is?"

"I mean, to be fair, that would probably be breaking character since Hillbreaker's only two emotions are 'Bitchin' about literally everything' and 'WAAAAAGH'!" Buck said, doing an impression that sounded more yak than pony. "But yeah, if you could do some roleplayin' today, that'd be pretty cool. No pressure though, man." Buck said. Adagio had never in her life seen a man passive-aggressively tune a guitar, but here she was, stifling a laugh. She hadn't known Buck could play guitar, and had yet to be convinced that this was true.

Adagio wondered idly if she had something that could make her character's entrance even more dazzling. Her eyes flitted and skipped over the sheet of small numbers and figures. When Adagio had compared it to a spreadsheet, Buck had hissed like a fruit bat.

The shocking thing about all this had been Buck's excitement. When he'd come over the previous night, he'd laid a stumpy, somewhat hefty tome on the table, and had taken a dramatically deep breath before introducing the concept.

Adagio noted that it was typical form for men to proselytize about sweatier men carrying a ball to and fro after taking that breath. To her dawning amusement, she found that Buck instead cashed out his enthusiastic rambling for the day on an activity which he described as being one third plastic dice, one third yelling out bad voice impressions and somehow an additional 80% pretending that you know how to fight. It sounded distressingly similar to a 5th grade production of Hamlet, but likely involving more doritos than any logical being would consider appropriate.

Then, Buck had opened the book and Adagio found herself with far more questions than Buck could answer. Ogres and Oubliettes was apparently filled with terminology, paraphernalia and imagery that came straight out of Equestria, with a few small changes for what Adagio assumed was the sake of legal distinctions. Here was a calendar-esque painting of the three primary species of pony, wielding weapons that were outdated by centuries and laws. The one in the center of the group, Adagio assumed he was a sorcerer, bore a striking resemblance to the pointy-hatted individual that Adagio despised more than any other in her home plane. Adagio came to a few conclusions then, none of which she liked, but that sort of speculation would have to wait. She was due to perform, after all.

Adagio had chosen a Sorcerer without hesitation, as well as the only player race that was appropriate to her particular majesty. Adagio was a bit troubled by Buck's seemingly encyclopedic knowledge of the spells of this game; obviously inspired by actual equestrian magic, and very amused when he insisted that she take a feat that would give her access to what he professed to be his favorite and most used cantrip of the entire list.

Adagio grinned at Sunburst from her spot at the table, strategically sitting between Buck and Scootaloo.

"I would like to cast Prestidigitation."
Sunburst seemed thankful from behind his painted cardboard barricade. Adagio had given him a reprieve from Buck and Quibbles' bickering.

"Sure thing. What do you want to do with it?" Sunburst said. The table went quiet as he spoke.

Adagio checked the list of features on this particular spell. She distantly detected Quibble Pants rolling his eyes.

"I would like to give my mane and tail a slight shimmering effect like sunlight through mist. And I would like to not turn this feature off under any circumstance."

Dangle grinned as he watched a cantrip flawlessly displayed before him. He'd learned it in Bard's college and made use of it in bars and...other circumstances enough times to understand its purpose. "Ah, Sparkly Bits! A classic cantrip!" Dangle said, paw to his chin as if he were appraising a painting. The hippogriffs' mane shimmered and dazzled with sparkling lights.

The hippogriff had settled into a dramatic pose, her glittering mane waving in an invisible breeze.

"Ah, so you know Prestidigitation! I must be in the gods' eyes to meet a man of culture in such a musty place!" The hippogriff said. An alternate universe over, the whole table sans Adagio started giggling; even Quibble. Buck slapped his hand on the table and wheezed for a moment before he could respond. Adagio gave him a patient frown.

"A man of culture...yes, I think I rather like that title. It's, ehm, very descriptive of my proclivities." Dangle said.

"I am Tidepool Toccata; sorceress of the shallows." The hippogriff said.

"Can we call you Tidy?" Dangle said.

"You may not." Tidepool said, fluttering her lashes at the Bard.

"I'm gonna." said Buck.

"You will not!" said Adagio.

"Nah, I will, otherwise I'mma call you Tiddy, an' I know you don't want that." said Buck.

"I came to this place, like any enterprising adventurer, to seek the treasure of the vile lich Skullgore. I made great progress, but regretfully found myself bound to this watery chamber without access to my offensive spells, unable to even escape on my own! Below these waters is a dread ziggurat with a monstrous guardian. If you brave heroes can shatter the jewel which lays in the heart of the temple, my curse will be lifted, and I would be happy to accompany you on your travels!" Tidy said. Adagio tossed away the cue card that Sunburst had given her. She would have to thank him later for giving her such a convincing buy-in to the adventure. Buck had called this excellent GMing. No one had yet explained what a 'GM' even was to Adagio, but she was catching on quick, as usual.

Dangle was in the middle of saying yes when Hillbreaker put a fore hoof out in front of him, standing between him and the glamorous hippogriff.

"Hold on there. How do we know we can trust this sea witch? She could be an agent of Skullgore; come to impede our mission." Hillbreaker growled.

"Wh-what? But we're so lost! And she's so hot! And we're SO LOST!" Chillwing whined.

"No, wait, you know what they say about broken clocks! Hilby is right." Dangle said.

"He is?" Scootaloo said.

"I am?" Quibble said.

"He is," said Dangle "at least right that we shouldn't trust every beautiful stranger we come across. That's how you met me after all and look at me! An absolute scoundrel!" He said. "I happen to know that sparkly bits is most often used by dastards and swindlers. What insurance do we have that you won't just run off the moment we free you and, oh, I don't know, steal our small change?" Dangle finished, his own claws sparkling and wiggling for dramatic effect.

Adagio asked Sunburst if she needed to roll for persuasion. Sunburst said yes, for HIllbreaker and Dangle. Adagio remembered the instructions that Buck had given her; ask, then roll, then play it out accordingly.

"Well, handsome, I can assure you that I'm neither foolish nor suicidal. Traipsing about this place on my own, even with my considerable arcane might, is what got me trapped here in the first place. Secondly, while you look a bit too...scruffy to have much in the way of pocket change, I can provide the map that I have created of this place. It can guide us to one of the treasure rooms that I have left untouched. Is that incentive enough?" Tidy said.

"I say we help her!" Chillwing said.

"Why would you just leave treasure laying around?" Hillbreaker grumbled.

"Oh yes, let me just fill a sack with loud, clanking bits of heavy metal and ferry it about in a wheelbarrow! Perhaps if it has a squeaky enough wheel, I can use it as a diversion for the hordes of monsters that stalk these halls!" Tidy said, grinning at Hillbreaker. "I travel light, and I'm charting these halls for a reason; once Skullgore is gone, I can make as many trips as I need to loot this place."

"Damn. Damn, does sarcasm count as diplomacy or intimidation?" Buck said.

"She knows how to loot! I say we help her!" Chillwing said.

"I'm with Chillwing." Dangle said. "That means you're outvoted, Hillby."

"Well, there is a bit of a wrinkle. I can't break the artifact that holds me here. It is immune to magical damage, and I'm not one for physical might. I assume this mountain on four hooves could assist with that? I can cast an enchantment that will allow you to walk along the bottom of this spring without getting your hair wet. You'll also be able to breathe." Tidy said. Hillbreaker snorted in answer.

"I say we help her!" Chillwing said.

"Right, right, it's coming together. Now, we just need someone vigilant and focused to help Tidy's cause here..." Dangle said, closing his eyes in concentration.

"I'll do it!" Chillwing said.

"Yes, someone with a perceptive eye and the speed to react with all swiftness..." Dangle continued.

"I volunteer!" Chillwing cheered.

"Right, so you agree! You'll go down with Hillbreaker and make sure nothing happens to him while he breaks the thingy, and I'll stay up here and protect Tidy while she casts her spell!" Dangle said. Chillwing flopped onto the ground next to Hillbreaker and began crying loud, ugly tears. Hillbreaker gave Chillwing a pat on the back that was meant to be comforting, but was more like getting butted by a chunk of rebar at a construction site.

"Yes, the puppy here has the right of it. This will be a ritual that requires concentration, and I must not be interrupted if you value the dryness of your lungs." Tidy said. She snapped her claw and a resplendent staff of coral and pearls appeared floating in her palm.

"Bat and pony, swift and savage, let me grant you Watery Passage!" As she breathed out the last of the incantations, Tidepool nearly sung the name.

A soft breeze arose in the chamber. Tidepool Toccata's svelte form was enveloped in a quivering rainbow pattern like the surface of a soap bubble. Then it floated off her and surrounded Hillbreaker and Chillwing, who looked on in amazement.

"Impressive rhyming. But 'puppy'? Really? No one has called me puppy since my mother!" Dangle said.

"Oh, is she the last woman you had sex with?" Tidy snapped back.

"Shots fired!" Chillwing said as she and Hillbreaker leapt into the murky pool, surrounded by a bubble of arcane energy.

"No, actually I'm quite certain it was your mother." Dangle said. "Regrettable that she's a flounder."

"And why is that? Do you have an issue with flounders?" Tidy said.

"Flat as a board." Dangle said, waving his hand in front of his chest. Everyone around the table laughed, aside from Scoots.

"Take care that you watch over me, puppy. Tell me, why did you send the little birdie away? Did you just want to get me alone?" Tidy said. Her eyes were closed in concentration as she mocked maintaining the spell, but Buck could see the smirk on Adagio's face.

"Perhaps...I didn't want them to see me stumble over my words as I composed a sonnet." Dangle said. He backed up toward Tidy, looking left and right, guitar at the ready.

"Oh? A sonnet? Whatever for, mister puppy bard?"

"For your beauty, of course." Buck said. His hand slid over to touch Adagio's thigh. She peaked at him sharply. Her grin widened.

"Ahhh...well. I suppose I'm in good hands, with you?" Tidy said.

"Ah yes, we haven't been introduced. I'm Dangle, man of culture, plucker of strings, he of the firm yet tender fingers! If you're looking to be handled properly, I am the exact bard for the job." Dangle said. Buck accentuated this speech with a quick and silly guitar riff.

"Well, Mr. Dangle Puppycakes, feel free to finger away as you please, just don't do it right near me. I need to concentrate." Tidy said.

"I can finger in whatever location you want, love." Dangle said, prancing away. "But in exchange, would you show me how you polish the knob on that wizard's staff of yours?" Dangle said.

"Oh, I'd be happy to demonstrate, if we get out of this mess." Tidy purred.

"Can we get on with it!?" Quibble said to the whole room.

"Is your last name really 'Puppycakes'?" Scootaloo snickered.

"Naw, but that's a better name than what I came up with!" Buck laughed.

"Well, congratulations Buck, because now that's canon!" Sunburst chimed in. Buck erased a line on his character sheet and then filled it back in.

"Ohh, you've done it now, Buck. I am going to call you 'Puppycakes' until the end of time!" Adagio said.

"Go ahead, that sounds adorable!" Buck said, calling her bluff. His grin widened as Adagio frowned.

"So we jumped into the spring. What do we see down there?" Quibble said.

"Yeah, is there any loot?" Scootaloo said.

"Beneath the murky waters of the underground spring, your vision is impaired by floating algae and the like. The water is opaque, and you can only see a bit around you, but you can make out a couple of closed storm drains recessed into the eastern and western walls of the spring. Ahead of you is that pyramidal structure that Chillwing pointed out earlier. It has a clearly open entrance." Sunburst said.

Hillbreaker drew his trident into his teeth as he and Chillwing marched forward. The bubble of energy around them formed a protective barrier that let no water seep through. It was disturbingly quiet inside the bubble; so quiet in fact that they could hear their own heartbeats.

"Uhm...I wanna use Sonar to check the environment again!" Scootaloo said.

"No, wait--" Quibble said, but Sunburst cut him off.

"Your screech bounces around inside the bubble, hammering into you both. You need to make a constitution saving throw or risk taking damage from the sound." Scootaloo's dice hit the table. A seven. Quibbles' dice, scooped into his hand the second it hit, had rolled 15.

The loud buffeting sound tore into Chillwing's sensitive ears and dazed her. Hillbreaker rolled his eyes and carried on.

"Don't do that in here, rogue! This thing is insulated so your scream has nowhere to go but back in our ears!" Hillbreaker rumbled.

"Riiiight, riiiight..." Chillwing mumbled, her eye spinning in it's socket. She trundled after Hillbreaker as he stepped up to the foot of the ziggurat. From here, it was clear that it had an open top, but some shimmering force field was blocking it off.

"Hrrm. More blasted magic. Right, well, I suppose we're taking the front door." Hillbreaker grumbled.

"What!?" Chillwing shouted, dazing herself all over again as it bounced back.

"Just follow me! Do you see anything strange around here?" Hillbreaker said. A d20 hit the table.

"Uh yeah, those big thick vines going across the floor and up the wall look like they're coming outta here! That's pretty weird."

"Is that useful to us?"

"I dunno."

"Well then, it doesn't matter. Are you going to take point?" Hillbreaker said.

"Right." Chillwing said. She shook her head and moved past Hillbreaker. As they entered the interior of the ziggurat, they looked up and saw that at the top of the lengthy staircase, a bright green light was shining down. Chillwing's ears twitched in the direction of some distant and incredibly soft sound.

Another dice was rolled. 8. No good.

Meanwhile up on the edge of the spring, Tidy maintained her spell as Dangle kept watch.

"So are you at any point going to tell me why you're really here, Tidy?" Dangle said.

"It's Tidepool Toccata, and I've already told you what I'm doing here." The hippogriff sneered.

"Yes, and what I'm saying is that I don't buy it. I can tell that you're a fishy filly of breeding by the way you carry yourself, and your jewelry and focus indicate a certain degree of generational wealth. What in the world would you want with gold and diamonds when you have them at home?" Dangle said.

"For your information, my family estate is currently locked inside a time curse that was cast by Skullgore when they refused to serve him. I need to defeat him to set them free. And, to be perfectly frank, I'm not keen on marching around this dungeon any more than I have to, when I know a safe and swift way to get back out into daylight and then the nearest inn. This place is more of a bolero than a ballade, if you catch my meaning." Tidy said.

"That's funny; Chillwing and I were just outnumbering Hillby about that. We'd love to add your vote to the pile, I assure you. I could use a hot bath and a warm bed." Dangle said.

"Well, that may be a bit of a problem, Mr. Puppycakes." Tidy said.

"Is that so?"

"Oh, it is. You see, all of the beds in that inn are twin-sized. We'll have to squeeze together in order to fit. It might be a little too tight for you." Tidy purred.

"Man, if I had a shilling for every time I've heard that!" Dangle laughed.

The flirting between the two magicians was so intense that they failed to notice the peril above them.

A bundle of ghostly light struck Dangle in the chest like a gutter ball from the gods. As he looked up, barely staying upright, he saw more of the blazing spheres floating down toward Tidy and himself. Menacingly.

There was a searing pain in his chest from where he'd been hit. His vest was singed. A dice was rolled, and in response to the attack, Dangle underhanded a secreted dagger at the offending glowing blue ball. It passed harmlessly through the mass and then splashed into the spring.

"Ah, piss! They're incorporeal!?" Dangle said. To his player's left, a dice was tossed.

"They are wisps, bard! Non-magical attacks won't even tickle them! Take care they don't come after me; I can't concentrate and shrug off blows at the same time!"

"Is that right? Why didn't you say so!?" Dangle said. He ripped a great splanging chord on his steel guitar, and with a boom of sound before him, he scattered a group of the ghostly flames apart. More still were drifting down from the top of the chamber.

Down in the sunken ziggurat, Hillbreaker and Chillwing crept up and along the lengthy stone staircase. They followed the green glow, for there was nowhere else to go.

"Huh. I was seriously expecting us to get attacked down here." Chillwing said, idly flipping a dagger around.

"We're at the bottom of a lake. I wouldn't tempt fate." Hillbreaker said. Another dice hit the table. Chillwing stopped short for just a moment. There it was again. It sounded slow, and almost rhythmic.

"Where are they even coming from!?" Dangle said, blasting another grouping with Thunderwave. Buck knew how it could be with lengthy rituals, so he tried to prompt Adagio with something to do. Arcana checks. Her sparkly purple dice hit the table.

"They're just motes of magical essence; a byproduct of the artifact inside the ziggurat!" Tidy said. Buck raised a middle finger at one of the wisps in a half-hearted attempt at vicious mockery. Buck's dice failed him and so the wisp smacked into Dangle's arm, leaving what would surely become a welt given time. "They are also mindless, so insulting them isn't going to get you anywhere." Tidy said. Dangle raised an inquisitive finger. "Flattery won't get you anywhere, either." Tidy said.

Dangle put his finger down. He kept moving to intercept and catch as many wisps with his thunderwave as he could, but eventually, his luck ran out. Dangle failed to knock a wisp out of the air, and it zoomed out of his reach and smacked Tidy right in the ribs. Dangle heard a sickening crack as she fell. A critical hit. The shimmering glow around her staff dissipated instantly.

Down in the ziggurat, Chillwing and Hillbreaker suddenly found themselves paddling upwards for dear life. Well, Chillwing was swimming up toward the green light. Hillbreaker was sinking like the stone that he was. Chillwing sped up to the surface as quick as a tuna, took a great and gasping breath, then dove back down.

Her form was small and frail, but with the reduced weight thanks to the water, she thought she might be able to push Hillbreaker back up. The stony colt seemed to get the picture, and he pointed wordlessly to the stairs that they had been walking on. With a great deal of effort, the two adventurers breached the water inside the ziggurat. They were coughing and panting, but this was a good sign because it meant that they were indeed alive. "Last time I trust a sea witch..." Hillbreaker grumbled.

"No, it's the last time we let you anywhere near water without a rope around you! You weigh like ten anvils!" Chillwing spluttered. Her nagging ceased as her eyes fell on the largest emerald she had ever seen. It itself was like a ziggurat in shape; angular and well cut, floating in mid-air above a pedestal of stone. Chillwing licked her lips and crept toward it, just in time for Hillbreaker to lift her by the scruff of the hood and pull her back.

"We came here to destroy that thing, not steal it. Stay focused." Hillbreaker said. He drew his signature maul, which thumped onto the stony floor. It appeared that there was an air pocket right at the top of this altar, albeit one powered by magic of some sort.

"Hmph. Fiiine. It looks weird anyway." Chillwing said. The resplendent emerald was set in a golden base that looked something like a spider or an octopus with trailing legs. "So what's the plan? You gonna analyze it for it's breaking point, or some other miner sorta thing?"

"I was thinking more the traditional approach." Hillbreaker said, raising his maul. As he brought it down, Chillwing heard that distant hammering sound once again, like the beating of a massive drum. It sped up to a breakneck beat as Hillbreaker's hammer fell. The shimmering bubble of force surrounding the pair burst, and in an instant, Chillwing and Hillbreaker were sent careening into the walls of the ziggurat as the water all around them rushed into the empty space.

"Woah! Can I use Uncanny Dodge to half up the damage?" Scoots said.

"...the damage from the water smacking you against the walls?" Sunburst said.

"No way, that only works on attacks from attackers you can see!" Quibble quibbled.

"Isn't there water all around you? Surely the batpony could see the water before it fell in." Adagio helped.

"I'll allow it." Sunburst said. "You both take six points of bludgeoning damage as you are knocked against the walls, half for Chillwing. The emerald stays floating in it's position above the dais. What do you do?"

"Chillwing, go and grab the jewel and bring it here so I can smash it!" Hillbreaker said.

"How do you say that with a mouth full of water?" Sunburst said.

"I gesture at the gem with my spear and then nod at Chillwing!" Quibble retconned.

Chillwing got her hooves behind her as the wave carried her away, allowing her to bend her knees and blunt some of the impact as she hit the wall. She saw Hillby gurgle something, then point with his spear, then finally tap something out in morse code, maybe? After a moment, Chillwing kicked off the wall, using her leathery wings to guide herself, then in one elegant and arcing motion, she came back to Hillbreaker with the gem in hand. The ziggurat began to rumble.

"Shit. Shit. Shit! Fucking hell, not the face!" Dangle said. He had taken a total of five or six wisps to the chest and one to the face at this point. He was standing over Tidy's prone form, protecting her both with spells and his body. It seemed like there was no end to the wisps.

"'dagio, that was one hit. Did you dump Con?" Buck said.

"I maximized the exact stats that you said a caster needs, Buck!" Adagio said.

"Min-maxing, of course."

"What's wrong with that, Mr. fourteens across the board?" Quibble said.

"Oh, you wanna get in on this? You wanna explain how you rolled eighteens in Strength, Con and Dex?"

"I got lucky, what do you want?"

"How about you roll on the fucking table instead of into your hand?" Buck said. The two men glared at each other across the table. For a singular second there was a slight flash of green in their eyes.

"Sure, when you stop bullshitting for Inspiration! Sunburst lets you get away with everything!" Quibble said.

"You wanna see some bullshit? You wanna see that patented Purple Prose bullshit? You wanna fuckin' pvp after this? We can pop it off right here." Buck said.

"Guys, guys, there's no need to escalate. Dangle, the wisps are still swarming around you and Toccata. What do you do?"

Dangle weighed his options and came to the quick conclusion that he would just have to take the assault and heal Tidy. After all, this was far from the first time he'd had to take balls to the face. He bent over Tidy's prone form, and while the wisps rained down on him, he whispered in Tidepool's ear.

"Hey, hey Tidy, why do wizards like fireball so much?"

"Whuuh...what?" Tidy mumbled.

"It's a well-rounded spell!" Dangle said. A brief strumming of the lute to accentuate the joke, and Tidy's welt blinkered out of existence. A wisp crashed once more into Dangle's face, and while he picked one of his teeth up from the floor, Tidy rose to her feet. Behind her, the ziggurat breached the murky surface of the water. Hillbreaker's maul fell in a headsman's chop, a tinkling crash filled the chamber, and then Tidy's staff began to float before her.

"That was terrible, firstly. Secondly, I'm flattered that you would let your smile get ruined for my sake." Tidy said, smiling radiantly.

"Ahm still missin' like three teef!" Dangle mumbled.

"Thirdly; duck. Vicious burning floating fey, brace yourself for my Color Spray!" The staff spun and the pearls glowed with rainbow lights and a strobing spectacle blasted forth and annihilated the swarm of wisps surrounding the duo.

"Do you actually need to rhyme when you cast spells or are you just being extra?" Dangle said, picking himself up off the floor.

"Do you actually need to make dad jokes when you cast Healing Word?" Scoots said.

"The fact that you complain is the reason I will never stop." Buck said, flatly.

The wisps over their heads puttered out of existence with a sound not unlike a wind chime falling down. The ziggurat rumbled and shook and seemed to drift as it lifted above the water. Dangle ducked a grumbling boulder which crumbled to the ground in a pile of weapons, then held his arms out to catch Chillwing.

"The hell was that!? Did you guys break the thingy!?" Dangle said, setting the lithe batpony down.

"Uhh..." Chillwing pointed with a hoof in the direction from which she had been thrown. There was a horrible tearing sound as the thick vines rent themselves from the wall and began to haul the ziggurat in the direction of the bewildered party. The vines, each as thick around as an oak tree slammed the ground before the spring, then reared up to reveal six or seven crocodilian heads made partly of plant matter and mostly of gnashing teeth. In an instant Chillwing understood.

"Oooh, it's like a swampy, snakey sorta..." Chillwing said.

"The ziggurat is a fucking hydra!" Dangle shouted.

"And with that, we're going to take our mid-session break. When we get back, we'll roll initiative!" Sunburst said. He rolled his neck and stood up from behind his screen.

"Ah, good. I need to stretch my legs." Buck said. He was half a stride to the door when Quibble spoke up.

"Where're you going? We've got to think of a strategy to deal with the boss!" Quibble Pants said.

"Don't worry, I've already got somethin' in mind for that. A classic." Buck said.

"Yeah? Do you want to share your brilliant strategy with the rest of the class?" Quibble said.

"Sure. In character. When we get back from the break. The break that we should be taking right now." Buck said. He was back at the table.

"Actually, I think we should--" Scoots piped up. Adagio clotheslined her sentence with her own thought.

"I think Buck has the right of it. We should keep the strategy inside the scene. We don't know what that thing is capable of, or what its weaknesses might be. It's pointless to speculate." Adagio said.

"It's a hydra. You crush them or light their stumps on fire when you cut their heads off, or hit them in the heart enough and they go down." Quibble huffed.

"Sure, except for the part where there's nothing to crush it with, if we light it up it'll just go underwater, and their heart is covered by a whole-ass stone pyramid." Scoots said.

"Ziggurat, dear." Adagio corrected.

"Whatever. Point is, we won't know what to do until we get an arcana check on it or somethin' so why bother making a plan right now?" Scoots finished. Adagio smiled as she heard the irritation creeping into the little cherub's voice.

"Of course you'd side with Buck." Quibble said.

"Yeah, it's 'cause I'm right. Lighten up and take a break, man. I'm gonna take a stroll. Y'all want anything from the store?" Buck said. Adagio frowned. There were footsteps behind them, then the sound of the suite's front door clicking.

"No." Quibble said, popping a soda open.

"Cranberry juice? And, uh, gummy worms!" Scoots said.

"Sure. 'dagio? Snacks?" Buck said.

"Nothing for me, Buck. I'm built for comfort, but I'd like to keep my speed." Adagio's eyes lingered on Scootaloo for a second as she stood. "Actually, Buck, you can put me down for some grape juice." She said. Adagio slipped her arms loosely around Buck's waist from behind and gave him a little squeeze.

"Uh...cut the gummy worms, I guess..." Scoots said under her breath.

"Feelin' thirsty?" Buck said.

"For something tall and sharp and sweet~." Adagio said.

"And purple, I'm guessin'." Buck said. He caught Adagio's hands before they could slip downward.

"Always, Buck." Adagio said. Buck felt Adagio's fingers glide surreptitiously over his backside as she turned for the kitchen.

"Don't you guys ever turn that off? Sheesh." Quibble said, looking up from his notes.

"Hah, nope, not really. Is that making you uncomfortable? Because I can dial it back." Buck said. Quibble Pants swatted at Buck's hand as he went to pat the man's back.

"I don't care, as long as it doesn't hold up the game." Quibble grumbled. Buck's shrug left the suite. A pair of crossed arms was waiting down the hall and around a corner for him.

"Buck." Starlight Glimmer said. It was a few miles off course from amicable, but it was fine, because Buck could give directions.

"Hey Starlight. I'm doin' a store run. You want anything?" Buck said, passing her by. Starlight simply stepped around in front of him. He had almost forgotten that she was taller than him. He had to look up to raise an eyebrow at her.

"Are you blind, or just stupid?" Starlight said. Wow. Deja vu, Buck thought.

"I'm cravin' gummy sharks. Get outta the way, Glimglam." Buck said.

"Don't call me that. Buck, can't you see that Adagio is using you?"

"Walk and talk, Starbright. How d'ya figure?" Buck said, stepping around her.

"You're doing this on purpose."

"Yeah, I am, because you won't lay off," Buck began.

"..." Starlight frowned.

"Heather." Buck finished.

"Look, Adagio is an actual monster. She's a siren, Buck. A legendary creature that sings to lure in hapless morons and hypnotize them, or drain them of their emotions." Starlight said, following.

"Yeah, you can take that and file it under 'shit I already know'." Buck said.

"Well if you know what she is, why are you dating her!?" Starlight said.

"We ain't dating yet. We're just figuring things out. She does act out sometimes, but I think she's just testing the waters. That's normal." Buck said.

"Yes, so she can figure out how to manipulate you better! You have to see that. She is draining your emotions so she can store up her energy and do...something, I don't know!"

"I don't think so. She...she's always thirsty for it. I don't think she can actually hold it all in for very long. It's like me and sugar. Enough of it will make my serotonin level out for a bit, but it don't last." The elevator dinged, and Starlight still wouldn't leave him alone.

"I see...but that doesn't make her any less dangerous, Buck! She could kill you whenever she wants!"

"But she won't."

"You can't know that."

"I do, though. We have a deal. She won't hurt me, because she agreed not to. She likes me." Buck smiled.

"Yeah, sure, Buck. She likes you, just like the girls at hooters like you, and strippers too."

"No, the girls at hooters like me because I tip well, and the girls at the Saucy Saddle like me because I was a bouncer there for a little while." Buck said.

"I'm trying to help you." Starlight said through clenched teeth. "Adagio is up to something. Every time I've put feelers out, her readings have been showing a massive amount of equestrian magic just leaking out of her. Do you have any idea where she's getting it from? You've spent a lot of time with her, right? What is she doing with it?"

"You can sense magic?"

"With the right tools, yes."

"Okay, well if Adagio does something apocalyptic, you let me know and I'll say that you were right from under the rubble. But until then, lay off. I can see you glarin' at her over the couch, and so can she. She's tryin' to act normal. Give her a fucking chance."

"She's just manipulating you, Buck! That's what sirens do! She's a monster!"

"Will you STOP FUCKING CALLING HER THAT!?" Buck shouted. Buck looked hastily around the lobby for a second before he quickly began walking again. Starlight waved and smiled to the guests and followed right after Buck.

"What exactly is your problem, Buck!? What do I have to do to get you to listen to me?" Starlight hissed. Buck clenched his fists and turned to her. He honestly looked like he was going to throw a punch, but then he let out a breath.

"You can stop calling her a monster, for starters. You think I'm dumb as hell, and maybe I am, but I know people well enough to know that if you call someone a monster their whole life, they'll start believin' it...look, Adagio is mean, yeah. And scary. But she's also thoughtful. When I set boundaries, she respects them. She actually enjoys spending time with me. I mean, fuck, she's up here playing O&O because I asked her to. She, she fucking apologized when she screwed up, and, we've fucking cried in front of each other. She is trying so hard to understand me, even though I'm...a lot."

"She's grooming you, Buck. She just wants your love."

"And what's so bad about wanting to be loved, huh!? I get that she's done some bad shit, but at the end of the day, Starlight, Adagio is just tryin' to get over all of that and build somethin' new. And she picked me, of all fucking people, because I've got a lot of love to give and that's all the woman wants; to be loved! Is that so wrong?"

"It is when you drink people. At least let me give you something to protect yourself. Sunburst is worried about you." Starlight said. She had one hand on Buck's shoulder, the other in her pocket.

"Now who's being fucking manipulative? Don't you try and use Sunburst as a cudgel against Adagio. Sunburst trusts me to make my own damn decisions." Buck shrugged his shoulder roughly away from Starlight.

"You're making a mistake."

"Well, it's my mistake to make. "

"Ughh! Why do you have to be so obstinate about this!?"

"'dagio called me 'incorrigible'. I like that more."

"Buck, she is gaining a lot of magical power from somewhere. I don't know where, but if you take a charm home with you and stick with her, we can find out and-"

"I'm gonna haveta stop you right there. You are not using me to spy on Adagio, and this conversation is over. You can get back at me when you wanna apologize. Now leave me the fuck alone. Only reason I tolerate you is you're datin' my best friend." Buck said.

So far, this little experiment had been half a success. Adagio had been surreptitiously prodding at the table to rouse their ire. It had been slow going. Sunburst may have been new to running a game, but he was an expert mediator. Buck had been easier; all Adagio had to do was weave a subtle enchantment and point him at Quibble. She hadn't bothered with Scootaloo quite yet. The poor thing wasn't quite herself tonight, and Adagio wanted to wait for the right moment to poke her. This was a strategy that the Dazzlings had made use of very often in the last few decades. Weaving a simple spell in a public place and watching the puppets dance. All they had to do then was sit back and sip at their energy. Humans were irritable things by nature, and so a minor enchantment was all it took to get them to bicker. She'd had to reapply the enchantment on Buck a few times; it seemed that he tended to deflect anger with humor; even his own.

Buck. Every time she turned the man over, there was another side to him, like the d20s they were rolling. Adagio knew that Buck was something of a savant when it came to a verbal duel, but she had no clue until tonight that he could throw barbs. The man had an unprecedented mean streak, and it tasted like...oh, like a cherry vodka sour. Sweet and sour and quick and punchy. Delicious. Adagio would have to try provoking him like this in the future.

On the other hand, Buck's opponent Quibble Pants had proven a bottomless source of salty dissatisfaction. She wondered if the women in his life came away feeling the same.

Regardless, Adagio had been slowly getting her fill over the course of the evening, and it seemed like she wouldn't need to push much to get a fist fight going. That would be a bit too much, she thought. Better to ease off now before the watchful eye of Starlight fell upon her. Adagio had tried tasting her before, and there was little more to be gleaned besides the fact that she had zero magical power outside of the usual emotional trickles, and she was angry all the time. What would the lanky bitch even do? Yell at her? Call her mean names? Adagio wondered why she ever considered Starlight a threat.

After exactly one trip around the corner, two elevator rides and an armful of treats, Buck returned to the suite just as everyone was sitting back down at the table. Well, everyone save for Quibble Pants, who hadn't moved an inch.

Adagio gave Buck a tender kiss on the cheek as she plucked the little bottle of juice from his hand. She noticed Scootaloo roll her eyes. Interesting.

With the snacks dispensed, Sunburst set the scene from behind his screen.

"You've broken the curse on Tidepool Toccata, but the ziggurat has revealed itself to be the guardian of this chamber! It's many fanged mouths dribble a caustic red fluid that hisses and pops as it touches the stone floor. The beast unleashes a ghastly shriek; declaring wordlessly that it is the final challenge of this room. Let's roll for initiative!" Dice hit the table one after the other in an excited clatter. Quibble showed the dice he scooped up had rolled an 16. Scoots had a 13. Adagio was an 8, and Buck a measly 3.

"Shit! Guys, I've got a strat; I think I can finish this with one spell, but I need to heal first, otherwise Dangle won't live to cast it."

"Need me to run interference, big guy?" Scootaloo said, smiling.

"Yeah, you know it, Scoots. 'dagio?"

"As if you need to ask, Buck. Tidepool owes the group a debt of gratitude; Dangle especially. She'll defend him better than either of the others." Adagio said, flipping her hair.

"I attack the closest head with my battle axe." Quibble said. Once again, the man was giving off traces of barely restrained frustration, but also, a familiar devious glee.

Dangle was just about to say something charming and clever, but before the words could leave his lips, the boulder covered in weapons that he had dodged before happened to pick himself up, and in a great galumphing stampeding motion, he dove for the nearest reptilian head and lopped it clean off at the neck. The offending head hit the floor with a sound like a pumpkin that fell from a second story window, it's acrid red fluid splashing up and hissing into the floor.

"Action Surge! I use my second attack to go for another head!" Quibble said.

"The hell are you doing? We have no idea what that thing is!" Dangle said.

"Yeah, so Hillbreaker has no reason not to start swinging, right!?" Quibble said, smirking.

Hillbreaker roared, and the scooped dice showed a roll of 16. Another hit, and another fanged head hitting the ground.

"Am I remembering right, that talking is a free action, Sunburst?" Adagio asked.

"It is!" Sunburst said.

"Fool! At least let me try to identify this creature before you hack into it like a deranged landscaper!" Tidy said.

"The party watches in horror as the green stumps left over from Hillbreaker's assault slowly twist and quiver and bloom into two smaller reptile heads each, while the two on the ground charge at you, dragging themselves along with their ragged, viney tendrils! Hillbreaker and Chillwing, they're attacking the both of you!" Sunburst said.

Chillwing just barely managed to flit out of the way of the gnashing jaws that had come bearing down on her, but a few red droplets managed to fleck onto her exposed arms, hissing and popping and earning a shriek from the batpony. Hillbreaker was far less lucky. The jaws closed around his whole form and snapped him up, the severed head thrashing and rolling him like a ghastly crocodile. Hillbreaker's reaction was little more than a grunt as he struggled to break free.

"Hillbreaker is caught in the gnashing fangs of the head! He takes...thirteen points of piercing damage, and six acid damage!" Sunburst said.

"Jesus Christ how terrifying." Buck said.

"What the hell!? That's not what hydras do!" Quibble said.

"Uh, trying to tear you apart and melt you with acid kinda sounds like exactly what hydras do?" Scootaloo said. Adagio snickered right along with Buck.

"No, I mean the severed head thing! How was I supposed to know that would happen!" Quibble demanded.

"You weren't. Surprise!" Sunburst said.

"That's why you should have waited for just a moment so that I could attempt to identify it." Adagio said.

"That would've taken too much time!" Quibble said.

"Well, now you're gonna be a stone for this thing's gizzard, so I think you oughta check your watch while you're in there." Buck chuckled. Quibble's already sour energy bubbled up and nearly made Adagio's eyes water. Mixing that with Buck's humor was a strange combination of sour and sweet.

"Well, the rest of the heads are going to attack, and there's enough of them to target the whole party. I'm going to roll those." Sunburst said.

"Tidepool is going to use the Shield spell as a reaction, and she is going to use her Expanded Spell feature to make it encompass the whole party!" Adagio interjected.

Dangle considered becoming a cleric if his hasty prayers could stop him from being digested in an instant. He closed his eyes and cringed as the heads of the guardian beast came hissing down at his little motley crew.

"Gnashing teeth will break and yield when struck against my mighty Shield!" Tidy said, hastily.

When Dangle opened his eyes, he saw that the creature's many strikes were being turned away by a set of shimmering shields of energy. Each of the party members had their own private bubble to shrug off blows.

"Woah-ho-ho! I thought Sorcerers were all attack all the time! You're a utility caster!?" Dangle guffawed.

"What can I say? The sea holds many secrets and surprises, Mr. Puppcakes." Tidy winked.

"You guys, I think I heard something sus down in the ziggurat. I wanna check it out, but there's no way I can dodge all of those heads!"

"What are you talking about? You're protected by my magic! Are you doubting my arcane powers?" Tidy said. Adagio sounded genuinely offended.

"Yeah, sure, but it's a numbers game! The bubble can shrug off maybe one or two hits, but they're all gonna get a turn if I fly through them! One of them is gonna get lucky, and I can't take hits like that! But look, I betcha these things don't like fire, I mean they're made of plants, right? Do you think you could light my knives on fire or something so I can put the hurt on them?" Chillwing said.

"Hmph. And why should I do that instead of incinerating them all with a fireball?" Tidy pouted.

"At this range!? You'll fry us all, woman!" Said Hillbreaker, who was currently preoccupied with bench pressing the jaws open around him.

"I hate to say this, but Hillby is right. This is your show, Chillwing. I trust you." Dangle said. "Will you help her, Tidy? If you do, we can call it square for my missing teeth, huh?" He offered.

"If you insist." Tidy said.

In the meantime, Chillwing flew to the aid of Hillbreaker. She stabbed and slashed and sneak attacked the head that was trying to tear into him, but it was like cutting through a thick curtain of kudzu; there was some damage, but not much.

"Your knives deserve a swift upgrade! Try again with a Flaming Blade!" Tidy incanted, and one of Chillwing's daggers ignited into a blazing scimitar of fire. "Now be quick, little birdie! Every moment I maintain that spell is a moment that I'm not defending Dangle!" Tidy said.

"That one was almost a stretch! Not very used to casting helpful buffs on other people, huh?" Dangle teased.

"I am obviously the most helpful party member of this outfit by far! When will you start pulling your weight, oh mighty bard?" Tidy huffed.

"Yeah, you know, that's fair. Hey, let me ask you something. What did the ettin say to the bard with the broken lute?" Dangle said, through a shit-eating grin.

"Oh no." Chillwing said.

"One head said; 'Hey, I thought bards were supposed to be useful!' and the other one said; 'Yeah? I thought they were supposed to be instrumental!'" Dangle's bruises and burns evaporated in a puff of smoke and the sound of someone in the audience coughing. Buck had rolled low on the heal, but it would have to do.

"Uggghhh!" Hillbreaker groaned in disapproval at the world.

"That's it! That's the worst one yet!" Chillwing said.

The table turned to look at Adagio, who after trying desperately to wipe the tears in her eyes, very nearly fell out of her chair from laughing too hard. Buck's mouth dropped open, then curled into a gaping smile.

"Holy shit, holy shit you guys I got her with that one! Ayyy!" Buck said, spraying the table with a round of finger guns.

"You're not getting inspiration for that." Sunburst said with a smile.

"Hah!" Quibble cackled.

"Aww man!" Buck said.

"Back to the top of the round. Quibble, Hillbreaker is restrained by the head that's biting down on him. I'm going to need an athletics or an acrobatics check for him to get out. What will it be?"

"Oooh, acrobatics! I wanna see Hillby cartwheel out of there!" Scootaloo laughed.

"Yeah, yeah, definitely! Now that's what I call a 'Rolling Stone'!" Buck said. The elbow that he nudged Adagio with seemed to knock over some dominoes that eventually smacked into her funny bone, because she immediately started laughing again, almost spitting out her grape juice.

"Stop, stop, Sonata, these are terrible!" Adagio coughed. She covered her mouth and blushed.

"Uh..." Buck said.

"It's going to be Athletics." Quibble said. A roll and a scoop showed a positive result, once again.

Hillbreaker's stony hide was pockmarked both with bite marks and acid splashes. He managed to pry the fanged maw off and push it aside with considerable effort.

"I'm going to smash it with my maul!" Quibble said.

"Wait, friend! That isn't doing much! How about you take out that shield of yours and go on the defensive? The more attacks we draw, the less of the heads will go for Chillwing!" Dangle said.

"Don't tell me what to do, you little red haired runt!" Hillbreaker grumbled.

"Do you want us all to die? If not, listen to the idiot bard!" Tidy said.

"I attack the head." Quibble said. A roll and a scoop. "I use Action Surge, and I do it again." Another roll and a scoop. Two hits.

Hillbreaker's maul came down with two earth-shattering strikes. The guardian's severed head was splattered across the ground like a watermelon under a steam roller. It twitched once, then gave off a death rattle and accepted its fate as a pile of mulch. Hillbreaker hefted the weapon over his shoulder and turned to the other heads, only to remember that two more had grown from the stump that he had severed before.

"Is face-palming a free action?" Buck grumbled.

The beast reared back all of it's heads, and made a sound akin to a clogged sink, a horrible retching gurgle that became a watery screech as each head vomited a stream of boiling red acid in unison. The horrid, sizzling fluid washed over the arcane bubbles that were shielding the party, but a few drops dripped onto Hillbreaker, Dangle and Tidy, making them all cry out in pain.

Chillwing charged through the air, and with a slash of her flaming blade, the beast howled in agony as one of it's heads was instantly reduced to a shower of ashen plant matter.

"Action surge. I'm going for another one!" Scoots said.

"What the hell?" Quibble said.

"I multiclassed into Fighter, remember!?" Scoots said.

Chillwing's blade came to bear through a swooping pirouette that bisected and immolated another head in an instant.

"I charge for the chamber at the top of the ziggurat!" Scoots said.

"Yeah, fuck 'em up!" Buck cheered. Sunburst made some rolls.

Chillwing valiantly dives toward the ziggurat, just barely managing to avoid the snapping fangs of the guardian before disappearing into the darkness!" Sunburst said.

"Awesome! What do I see?" Scoots said.

"We'll get to that on your next turn. Adagio?" Sunburst said.

"Tidepool Toccata is going to cast Blink." Adagio said. She quickly jotted a note down on a slip of paper and passed it to Sunburst. Sunburst inspected it in a blink, then nodded.

Dangle, finally patting off his vest and hair as they sizzled, had only taken his eyes off Tidy's rear for a brief second, and now it was gone.

"Easy come, easy go, I guess." Dangle said.

"I told you! I told you not to trust that hippogriff!" Hillbreaker roared.

"Yeah, yeah, you were right. Drinks're on me when we get back to the tavern for that."

"We are not going back to the tavern! We've barely made any progress in this place as it is!" Hillbreaker said.

"Hillby, honey, we'll have plenty of time to argue about this when we're dead. Can I count on you to prevent that from happening!?" Dangle said, hastily tuning his lute.

"Fine, fine, but whatever you're going to do, bard, you had better do it quickly!" Hillbreaker said.

"Right." Dangle said, sitting cross legged on the stony floor.

"Alright, Buck. What've you got?" Sunburst said.

"Oh yes, I'm sure we're all dying to see your ace in the hole, Buck." Adagio said.

"I'm going to cast Sleep. If I perform it right now, will I get inspiration?" Buck said, taking the beat up old guitar in his hands.

"What, seriously?" Scoots said.

"...I'll allow it. Do you want to burn that inspiration right now?" Sunburst said.

"Nah, I'm gonna keep it in my back pocket." Buck said, tapping his nose.

"Are you seriously about to sing, right now? I've never heard you sing!" Scoots said, clapping and bouncing in her seat.

"What, seriously? How does that even happen? Man, you're right, we do gotta hang more, Scoots." Buck smiled.

"Do you know how to play that thing, Buck?" Adagio said, gently.

"I can play a few songs! Like...like three or four." Buck said.

"Well, Buck, how about this. If you perform the song, then Dangle will play it out, and it will take a turn to cast the spell. But, if you do it like that, you'll get to roll with advantage!" Sunburst said.

"What? Oh, come on! How is that fair!?" Quibble shouted.

"Same team! So I guess I'm gonna sing it on my next turn then?" Buck said.

"Yep. Top of the round! Hillbreaker, what have you got?" Sunburst said.

"Total defense, Action Surge, Second Wind." Quibble said.

"How many Action Surges do you even have?" Buck asked.

"That was my last one for the day." Quibble said.

Almost every time a head struck, it was turned away by Tidepool's bubbles of force, or Hillbreaker's intercepting shield, but the acid was splashing over the earth pony and steadily wearing him down. It was only a matter of time before his defenses would buckle. "Bard, if you're sitting down for a nap, I swear I'll kill you myself!" Hillbreaker grumbled.

"I'm warming up! Don't break my focus, Hillby!" Dangle hummed. His eyes were closed as his fingers wandered over the familiar strings of his guitar. "Don't listen to him, baby, we've got this..." Dangle cooed at the frets. Concerned looks from around the table surrounded Buck as he kissed the top of the old guitar.

Meanwhile, Chillwing was flying down into a dark green abyss. There had been a series of slots near the top of the ziggurat's staircase from which the viney heads of the guardian were coming from. Chillwing followed her ears, eye closed until she was confronted with a frantic beat that reverberated in her skull. Before the curious batpony there was a closed off chamber filled with vines, all emanating from a beating heart that looked more rosebud than flesh. She brandished her flame blade and charged forward, but the thrashing of the beast caused the chamber to rock and rumble, and Chillwing was sent careening into the wall instead of striking true. Every time the batpony got to her hooves, she was thrown straight off them again by the thrashing chamber, all the while the thin vines around the heart began to stir and hiss like cobras. "Damn! Dangle, whatever you're going to do out there, you had better do it fast!" Chillwing said, to no one in particular.

Adagio passed another note to Sunburst, who nodded and spoke up. "Tidepool is nowhere to be found, meanwhile the heads of the guardian continue to come after Dangle and Hillbreaker out at the side of the spring. So far, Hillbreaker has managed to keep you alive, Buck, but he's taking a heavy beating. It's now or never; you've got the stage." Sunburst said.

"'dagio, can I borrow a hankie?" Buck said, eyes sparkling with mischief.

"Whatever for, Buck?" Adagio said, passing him a handkerchief.

"Oh, you know; drama." Buck said.

"Remember, you've got advantage!" Sunburst said.

"Right." Buck rolled the two dice at once, and as they came to rest just in front of the GM's screen, Buck quickly placed the handkerchief over them. "I'm gonna play it, now. And Scoots, when I finish, I want you to reveal the rolls, alright?" Buck said.

"You got it, Buck!" Scoots said, stars in her eyes. Adagio crossed her arms and raised an eyebrow to Buck. She would remember this.

"Here we go." Buck said.

*PLUNK*

"Shit! Hold on."

*SPLANG*

"Hold on."

*SPLANG*

"Fucking...hold on, hold on..." Buck said.

Buck's fingers fumbled blindly in the dark as they searched desperately for the chords they were looking for. After a few tries, by some miracle of fate, Buck found those chords, and let out a breath.

https://soundcloud.com/user-172575235/dream-a-little-dream-of-me-bucks-cover

"Got it. Alright, here we go." He strummed out a sweet and steady old tune. He sang.

"Stars shining bright above you.

Night breezes seem to whisper, I love you.

Birds singing in the sycamore tree,

Dream a little dream of me..."

This was different. Buck's voice was sweet and playful as Adagio expected, but it was also tender and gentle. Adagio had marked Buck as a baritone during karaoke, but now she wasn't sure. His range was higher and wider than she thought. The song sounded like a soft hand stroking a cat's back at sunset, or a first kiss on the last night of summer.

"Say nighty-night and kiss me.

Just hold me tight and tell me, you'll miss me.

When I'm alone and blue as can be...

Dream a little dream of me."

Or a lullaby. Of course it would be. Why would Adagio think otherwise? Buck's eyelashes fluttered as he crooned, caught in the musician's trance. The world seemed to sway and rock to the melody.

"Stars fading but I'll linger on, dear!

Just craving your kiss.

I'm longing to linger til' dawn, dear.

Just saying this..."

Scootaloo was absolutely enraptured; hands clasped over her mouth. Sunburst bounced his head slowly to the song, while Quibble Pants blinked groggily. Adagio looked over to the couch where Starlight Glimmer had been pretending to ignore them all evening, and couldn't see her peeking. Adagio's own eyelids grew heavy.

"Sweet dreams til' sunbeams find you.

Sweet dreams that leave all worries behind you.

But in your dreams; whatever they be,

dream a little dream of me..."

Time seemed to get caught in a haze of distant stars for just a moment, then Adagio blinked, and Buck had already finished the refrain. His voice trailed away, and his head drooped into about a quarter of a bow, then he smiled at Scootaloo. "Alright Scoots! Show us what I rolled!" Buck said.

"You got it!" Scoots pulled the curtain up to reveal...a seven.

And an 18!

"HOLY SHIT! That would'a been real embarrassin' if I ballsed up the roll!" Buck said, wiping his brow. Adagio clapped incredulously, while Scootaloo clapped with twice the enthusiasm.

"Buck! That was crazy, how'd you learn to sing like that? Can you teach me? Can you teach me how to sing!?" Scootaloo said, bouncing in her seat.

"...didn't you do lead vocals for the crusaders back in the day, Scoots?"

"Can we focus?" Quibble Pants yawned.

Dangle rose as his song trailed up to the ceiling. Before his eyes, to the shock of Hillbreaker, the guardian of the underground spring's many heads had settled on the edge of the water. They were snoring their way through a blissful slumber.

"...I can't believe that worked." Hillbreaker grumbled.

"Well, anyway, here's Wonderwall." Dangle said, but Hillbreaker put a hoof to the guitar strings before the bard could start strumming again. "Hah! Sorry, couldn't resist." Dangle flopped onto his back, chuckling.

"Where in the hell did that coward witch blinker off to? She and I need to have some words." Hillbreaker said. His shield was partway dissolved, as was his armor. The shielding bubbles that had protected Hillbreaker and Dangle were gone, and somehow, Dangle had come through the battle relatively unscathed.

"Actually, yeah, where the hell did Tidy go?" Buck said to Adagio. He looked to his left and saw a vicious grin.

The ziggurat had finally finished bouncing and crashing around. The vines in the heart chamber lashed out at Chillwing, but the batpony was far too swift and dexterous to be touched by them. She brought the blazing scimitar; her new best friend, around in a sweeping arc, and just as it was about to slash the great glowing bud cleanly in twain, it puttered out of existence. Chillwing peeled herself off the wall, looking around.

"Hey, what gives!?" Scoots said.

"Tidepool broke her concentration and let the spell peter out." Sunburst shrugged, putting the note down.

The table went silent.

"Well, well, well, little birdie, I must commend you for your performance!" Chillwing blinked, and suddenly Tidepool Toccata was standing across from her in the chamber of crawling vines. She had a knife drawn, and seemed to be shaving some plant matter off the pulsating bud in the center.

"Wait, you teleported in here...? You could have done that at any time!?" Chillwing balked.

"Oh, of course, but I would have had a much harder time getting in without all of you to draw the guardian's attention, let alone the vines in here. I must say, I underestimated you, little birdie~" Tidepool said. She collected the petals that she had shaven off the great pink bud. Vines came hissing toward the hippogriff, but purely by reaction, Chillwing slashed them to ribbons as they passed her by. "You've been extremely useful. I think I might be growing fond of you..." Tidepool purred. She took the phial in her wing and secreted it into her saddle bag, backing up to the edge of the chamber. "And besides, I didn't want to lose every living trace of this magnificent creature after it was immolated."

"Immo...im...you mean burnt up? But you just got rid of my sick flaming sword!" Chillwing said.

"Well, yes, of course I did! After all, I wanted to make sure." Tidepool said. She took her staff in claw and pointed it toward the bud. A white hot orb of light gathered at the tip, expanding into a rictus, fanged face with two blazing eyes. Tidepool smirked at Chillwing.

"Make sure of what?" Chillwing said, shrinking back.

"I wanted to make sure there was nothing left but ash. You might want to get clear, darling." Tidepool said.

"Hey, hey, wait, let's not be too hasty! You didn't even rhyme this time!" Chillwing said, frantically flapping toward the way she came in.

"Sue me." Tidepool shrugged.

Adagio threw a handful of dice at the table.

The sound of a miniature apocalypse quaked the entire chamber. Hillbreaker raised his thoroughly ruined shield to protect from whatever high explosive had just detonated, and took a few pebbles in the face for his trouble.

Dangle rolled over onto his belly and covered his head. A small, charred form came screaming like a literal bat out of hell and landed on his back. Chillwing rolled off Dangle and onto the floor, coughing up black soot.

"Chillwing? Chillwing, what the hell happened in there? Are you okay!?" Dangle said. Hillbreaker, for his part, was lamenting the fact that the fanged head made of vegetation that he was to claim as a trophy was now a smoldering pile of burned leaves and singed stone. And so were the other heads...and so was the ziggurat. The rattling of ancient and rusted chains broke through the ringing in Dangle's ears, and he looked over the side of the spring to see the water rapidly running out of it and into a set of grates on either side of the pool. It looked like they were tunnels. The quick way out that Tidepool had mentioned? Where the hell was Tidy's sweet ass? There was no way in the Nine Hells that Chillwing had caused that explosion.

As if summoned by the bard's own dirty thoughts, Tidepool Toccata appeared between Dangle and Hillbreaker, entirely unharmed and unsinged.

"Oh, there you are. Say, uh, what in the name of Celestia's shiny codpiece was that fucking explosion!?" Dangle said.

"Oh, that was a little known spell called "Fireball." I had to make sure the guardian was dead. And it is! Reduced to dry kindling, and oh, would you look at that! I've secured our exit as well, how very kind of me, wouldn't you say?" Tidy smiled.

"But you crispified Chillwing in the process! She looks like a batpony briquette!" Dangle gestured.

"I'm okaaaaay....I dodged it...only took half of all those d6's..." Chillwing groaned. Dangle had never seen someone do a shaky thumbs up with a bat wing before, but there was a first time for everything. Tidy shrugged.

"Occupational hazard. She's a rogue! She's used to things exploding when she touches them!"

"Gi....giggity..." Chillwing mumbled.

"Okay...well...well shit, I guess that's a job well done, then. Come on, team! Let's have Tidy guide us out of this musty place so we can go back to town and get some drinks! And burn cream! But mostly drinks. And a bed. Gods, I could use a bed."

"Yes, we could. I'm glad you agree." Tidy said, turning toward the stream at the bottom of the hole that took up half the room.

"Ah, grade 'A' flirtation. Goes down smooth." Dangle said. "Oh, hang on." Dangle plucked a few strings, then a floating disk of force elevated Chillwing and followed behind Dangle like a balloon on a string.

"Mm, I hope that you do as well, Mr. Puppycakes." Tidy said.

"Hold it right there! Have you people gone crazy!? We just made our first real progress in this place in the last two weeks and you want to just turn around and go back to the inn!?" Hillbreaker said. He stamped a hoof, and Dangle could swear the room shook just a little bit.

"Yeah. I got blisters on these fingers, Chillwing is a fucking yule log, your shield and armor are all banjaxed, and I just became sober! We need to get some rest that's not on a stony floor or a tiled hallway! Beds! Drinks! Women! Did you forget what the outside world is like? It's only been a little while."

"That's my point; we need to keep moving on. We can rest and you can heal. Think; the more we wait, the more powerful Skullgore gets! Lives are at stake, man!" Hillbreaker said.

"Perhaps the stone pony has a point..." Tidy slid in.

"Yeah, lives are definitely at stake. Ours. We're all exhausted." Dangle said.

"Oooh, but then again; soft pillows and tight squeezes..." Tidy instigated.

"No. We need to get this done. With that insane sea witch, we can fast track our way to Skullgore and finish him off already!" Hillbreaker said.

"Or we could kick his door in and then collapse from exhaustion! You wanna do the skeleton dance for the rest of your un-life? No? Then let's get the hells out of here and regroup!" Dangle said. He turned away from Hillbreaker, and the head of a maul thumped to the ground next to him. "You...don't want to do this, honey." Dangle said.

"No, I think I do. I've been listening to your fluffy, smarmy ass blow hot air through every step of this trip, and I'm sick of it. If I break your legs, you can at least still play the lute. I'll just have to drag you." Hillbreaker rumbled.

"I'm telling you, Hillby. You don't want to dance this dance with me. I'm a bard, for fuck's sake." Dangle said, motionless.

"Yeah? So what? What are you going to do, seduce my maul? What can a bard really do, runt?"

"Well, I can spout interesting trivia for one thing." Dangle sighed. "For instance; did you know that my steel guitar counts as a heavy club? EL KABONG!" Dangle screamed.

"Do I get a surprise round on him?" Buck said.

"No, I think it's fair to say he was expecting cartoonish retaliation." Sunburst said. Buck tossed his d20 at the table.

"Doesn't matter, 'cause I got an 19 total!" Buck said.

"Hah! My AC is 21!"

"Your AC is 21 with your shield." Sunburst said.

"Yeah, so?" Quibble said.

"So, your shield is destroyed, Boulderbro." Buck said.

*SPLANG*

Dangle's steel guitar collided with the side of Hillbreaker's head and actually sent the stony earth pony stumbling a bit. It had been a hard battle, after all, and he was already under half HP when it started. Dangle disengaged, then. He knew better than to be in the splash zone when Hillbreaker started swinging. This was a mistake.

"I charge at him!" Quibble shouted, throwing his dice at the table. He didn't bother scooping, this time. "I want to bash him into the dry spring!" Quibble said.

"Wha-you're going to take the fall damage too you fucking idiot!" Buck said.

"Yeah, but I can take it!" Quibble said. "16! I hit!"

And off the cliff Dangle and Hillbreaker went. An acrobatics roll was thrown and scooped. Hillbreaker managed to leave only a small crater in the base of the spring. He was clearly worse for wear, but he picked himself up and readied his maul once more. Hillbreaker looked up to see Dangle floating down at about a 4th of the speed with which Hillbreaker had hit the ground.

"I have Feather Fall, you silly bitch!" Dangle said.

"Oh for the love of-sea witch! Support!" Hillbreaker barked.

At the top of the cliff, Tidy reached into her saddle bag and produced the healing potion she had started the game with. She gave it a limp-wristed toss into the dry spring, in Dangle's direction. There was the sound of a cork being popped, then Dangle saying "Thanks, babe!" followed by Hillbreaker shouting a string of especially obscene words in the language of giants.

"Aren't you going to stop this...?" Chillwing said from her floaty disc.

"And put an end to all the fun? " Tidy said, sitting on the edge of the cliff.

"...can you at least turn the disc so I can watch too?" Chillwing whined. Tidy grabbed the edge of the floating disc and gave it a pull. Chillwing frowned while the disk spun around like a rolling chair.

"You are the absolute worst." Chillwing grumbled, while at the table, Adagio tried not to laugh.

A foursome of magical darts that were very definitely in the shape of erect pony penises smacked Hillbreaker about the face. "Hah! Magic Missile!" Dangle said as he got close to the ground. The round reset.

"Oh, nuts to this." Hillbreaker grumbled. He hurled a javelin at Dangle. A toss. A scoop. Another 16.

"Is anyone else seeing this? For real?" Buck said, gesturing at Quibble.

The javelin struck Dangle in the shoulder, pinning him to the stone wall behind him.

"Oh come on!" Dangle shouted. He coughed up blood. Hillbreaker trotted up to Dangle, a smug look on his face.

"Do you surrender, bard?" Hillbreaker said.

"Oh yeah, sure, let me think about it, uh-EL KABONG AGAIN, BITCH!" Dangle screamed.

"I'm gonna use that Inspiration, now." Buck said. A d20 was rolled, as was a d4.

"Oof, you needed that!" Scootaloo said. She was munching on the gummy worms that Buck had gotten her, despite her previous protest.

"That's a 19 on the dot, Buck. Well done!" Adagio said.

*SPLANG*

Dangle's steel guitar sang it's song of fury as it went right upside Hillbreaker's head.

"Hah! Not bad for a one armed runt, huh!? I knew those years of jerking it in Bard school would come in handy!" Dangle said. This time, Hillbreaker nearly keeled over entirely, but he caught himself mid-fall, snarling at Dangle.

"I HAVE HAD ENOUGH!" Hillbreaker roared.

"I take my maul and I smash that fucking guitar!" Quibble shouted.

"Oh, you bitch!" Buck screamed, rising from his seat, teeth gritted. Adagio had to duck her head out of the way to not get smacked by the arm of the guitar that was hanging from Buck's shoulder.

Quibble lifted his dice. "What's the AC on a non-magical small object?" Quibble growled.

"It's, uh...well, it's hollow, but it's made of steel, so I'm going to say you'll need to hit a 14 and do about 10 damage to smash it."

"Easy." Quibble said. He tossed the hit and damage dice for his maul, then when he went to scoop them, Buck snatched the man's wrist with a speed that shocked Adagio.

"Let them sit on the fucking table, Quibble." Buck said. Quibble looked terrified for a half second, then his eyes snapped down and he smiled. It was a 15 for the hit, and the damage was a full 12.

The maul crashed into the guitar like a meteorite and shattered Dangle's lighthearted countenance. Dangle screamed like his leg had been chopped off and let his head drop, a tear rolling down his cheek.

"There. I killed your stupid fucking guitar. Now, do you yield, bard? Or do I have to break something else?" Hillbreaker was just as bloodied and twice as exhausted. He dropped his maul to the side, it's work done.

"That was my father's guitar, you limp dicked chunk of talc...!"

"Ooooh...are you gonna cry, now?" Hillbreaker laughed.

"I AM GOING TO RUIN YOUR FUCKING LIFE!" Dangle screamed.

The table was silent. Cringing. It was a fair guess that none of them save for maybe Sunburst had heard Buck yell so loud before. Starlight startled out of her slumber and rolled off the couch. Everyone looked shocked, even Adagio. Everyone but Scoots. Scoot's eyes were wide, but behind the hands in front of her face, she had a small smile.

Buck reached into the backpack next to his chair, and produced a bag made of chainmail, sealed with a purple ribbon. He plonked it onto the table and started rattling around in it with his hand. He didn't break eye contact with Quibble. He produced a d20 that looked smoky and dark blue like a storm cloud.

"Oh, wow. I know this one. That's Buck's lucky d20." Sunburst said. Buck nodded, kissed the d20, then closed his eyes. He tossed the dice onto the table. Surreptitiously, Adagio twirled a glowing finger behind her back. The dice landed and came to a stop. Buck opened his eyes, and Adagio saw an epic tale play out behind them. Finally, for this moment, Adagio could see Buck. Who he truly was. The smarmiest smirk that Adagio had ever seen outside of a mirror curled up on Buck's face, and the thirst in his eyes was unspeakable. Adagio rose. She didn't know why. Perhaps it was deference, perhaps she simply thought it appropriate.

"Sunburst. You wanna confirm that, for me?" Buck said.

The dice had landed on 20. Adagio's hand touched the small of Buck's back. He didn't react. Even Starlight Glimmer was watching, now.

"That's a natural 20. But what are you going to do with it, Buck?" Sunburst said. Adagio could see that he already knew the answer. Here was a familiar smile. A private message between siblings. Buck's grin spread triumphantly across his face.

"Vicious Mockery." Buck said.

Dangle's eyes spoke a tale of conquest and blood. Of destruction and turmoil and trauma. And endless victories. He reached, one-handed into the front pocket of his dandy vest. And produced a little notebook.

At the table, Buck pulled from his backpack a small, nondescript notebook with a leather cover. As he raised it up and undid the little latch, Adagio could see that there were words written on the front in white paint, in a careful, calligraphic cursive. The notebook read; "Truly Heinous Yo Mama Jokes."

"Are you being fucking serious right now!?" Quibble said.

Buck looked a Quibble, unblinking. He flipped through a few pages, then read one, smiled, and ripped it out. As he spoke, he tossed the page to the ground.

Dangle cleared his throat. The page he had torn out began to smolder and catch flame.

"Yo mama's so fat she brought a sleeping bag to pizza hut!" Dangle said.

A chunk of the ruined ziggurat nearby suddenly burst as if detonated from the inside.

"What in the world...?" Hillbreaker said, incredulously.

"Yo mama's so ugly, when she was born yo grandmama was arrested for bestiality!"

It was like a whip crack. A sonic boom that crashed into the side of Hillbreaker's face. A tooth went flying.

"Hey, wait, keep it in character, Buck! This is O&O!" Sunburst said.

"Right, right, my bad. Here." Buck said.

Dangle tore the javelin from his shoulder and took a stomp toward Hillbreaker.

"Yo mama's so dirty they called her taint Tartarus!" Dangle said. The ground cracked beneath his feet. Hillbreaker was belted again, in the opposite direction.

"Yo mama's so fucking stupid she made a Mind Flayer starve!"

A burst of force knocked Hillbreaker on his ass. A chunk of his breastplate disintegrated.

"Yo mama's so ratchet a changeling won't impersonate her!" Another page torn out, set ablaze as it was used. Dangle delicately stepped over his ruined guitar to scream at Hillbreaker.

"Yo mama's so lazy she got a negative initiative score!" Now it was like Hillbreaker was being lifted by invisible hands and just as quickly getting dunked directly into the stony ground. A new crater was forming under him.

"Yo mama's so fat she beat the tarrasque at a pie eating contest!"

"Why does he have so many of these...?" Adagio mumbled. This spectacle was beginning to feel like something between a standup routine and a slaughterhouse. She felt a hand on her arm, and saw Scootaloo slowly shaking her head. She was right. They dared not stop Buck now.

"Yo mama's so fat she needs to cast Feather Fall when she rolls outta bed!" Dangle screamed. Hillbreaker was barely conscious, looking like he had gotten into a fist fight with his own maul, but Dangle was holding him by the edge of his ruined gorget, yelling directly into his face.

"Yo mama's so ugly she turned a beholder into a don't-look-at-her!" An invisible strike like that of a giant's club. Hillbreaker's armor was starting to look like crushed aluminum.

"Yo mama so old, liches keep askin' for her number!" Dangle dropped Hillbreaker then walked a few paces before turning around. "IT'S FUCKING SEVEN!" Another titanic crash. Dangle walked away from Hillbreaker, who at this point was groaning and writhing in pain in a small crater that was starting to fill with his own blood and tears.

Dangle tore one last page from his notebook, tossing it over his shoulder. It landed on Hillbreaker's quivering chest, slowly being reduced to embers.

"Your mother has a job and is a contributing member of the kingdom." Buck said.

"What?" Quibble said.

"As a CR0 NPC." Buck finished.

Another explosion sound rocked the chamber, but it was accented by honking horns, confetti cannons going off, and an obnoxiously deep voice saying "OH DAMN". The crater that Hillbreaker was laying in was pounded into a burning impression of a giant hand flashing a giant middle finger.

"You take 20 psychic damage, Hillbreaker." Sunburst said.

"Non-lethal." Buck said, sitting down.

"Hey, hey Tidy! You wanna help me scrape Hilby off the ground and load him onto the disc!?" Dangle shouted up at the rim of the spring. Tidy pushed the disc over the edge, and as Dangle watched it gently float down with Chillwing, the sorcerous hippogriff appeared at his side. She was about to speak, probably to flirt or exult the bard, but his doggy ears were down at his skull and there was no wag in his tail. He lifted the pieces of his broken guitar and gingerly wrapped them in a bit of cloth from his bag, then he stood.

"I need a flagon of mead." Dangle said.

"WAAAAAAGH!" Hillbreaker came screeching at Dangle, spear in hoof, ready to pierce the diamond dog's heart from behind.

A dice was rolled.

Hillbreaker clattered to the ground in a heap. Behind him, holding a now bloodied brick from the ziggurat, was Chillwing, who gave Dangle a thumbs up before collapsing in the other direction.

"Sneak attack." Chillwing mumbled.

Several hours and several more flagons later, Hillbreaker awoke at a table in the Inn that this whole adventure had started at. By the lack of light from outside, it looked like it was around the time that the bar usually closes.

"And I says; Didja hear about the windigo that stood up her date? I guess you could say she got...cold feet!" Dangle said, from across the table. The table groaned as he put his feet up, as did the other party members.

"They don't even have feet!" Tidy seethed.

"And what's the deal with Griffon food!?" Dangle started.

"STOP." Chillwing blurbled from the bowl of stew she was trying to drown herself in.

Dangle's ruined spell focus sat in the middle of the table on a tarp, it's strings splayed out like a dead spider, it's body cracked in half. Hillbreaker winced. Not because of the guitar, but because he had just recently suffered through about four more concussions than was recommended by his local cleric.

"Ughhh...I feel like I got stepped on by a hill giant..." Hillbreaker groaned.

"More like stepped on by yo mama, Hillby." Dangle said.

"Four points of psychic damage." Sunburst said.

"We're at the Inn, which is where the party agreed to go. We were waiting for you to wake up so we can go over the plan for the next run at the dungeon." Tidy said. She looked no different from before, her mane waving and sparkling in an constant invisible breeze.

"Yeah, and taking baths and getting healed, and eating food and stuff!" Chillwing said, coming up for air. She was no longer covered in soot.

"Healed? Well...why am I still beaten up?" Hillbreaker grumbled through his aching head, ribs, and everything else.

"Because we haven't decided what to do with you, and I didn't want to take any chances on you turning on us again. Look, Hillby." Dangle said.

"Hillbreaker."

"Magnus. Listen. I'm not going to apologize for beating your asshole inside out, but I will apologize for throwing your ideas out. I get it. You have a legacy to uphold as a pony who gets things done, and it is important that we take down the douchebag lich Skellebrimbor, or whatever." Dangle said.

"You are definitely doing that on purpose!" Starlight shouted from the couch.

"Point is, I don't disagree with your bottom line, but you're out of your damn pebble filled mind if you think we're going to try and shotgun an entire fucking liches' lair in one go. If you want to kill yourself like that, I've heard of worse ways to do it, involving gelatinous cubes. Or parasprites. But none of us want to die in there, so we're going to take breaks and space out our expeditions like sensible grave robbers!" Dangle said. "We're not made of fucking stone, Hillby."

Hillbreaker gave Dangle a flat look. Tidy giggled.

"So are you down to be a team player? Even if you say no, we'll heal you up as long as you sign this restraining order." Chillwing said.

"I personally couldn't care less. You seemed competent until you turned traitor. You have a lot to prove." Tidy said, crossing her arms.

"...If you swear that we're going to get this mission finished, then I'll play along." Hillbreaker said, finally. The group voiced their approval. "Now will you heal me, already? Several things are bleeding inside of me."

"Nope." Dangle said.

"What do you mean 'nope'!?" Hillbreaker thundered.

"What is sounds like. Nope. There's one order of business to attend to, first." Dangle gestured to his destroyed focus in the middle of the table. "You're footing the bill for this." Dangle said.

"Eeargh, fine, fine, just grab a few gold pieces out of my pack, alright?" Hillbreaker said. Dangle reached in and grabbed a small handful of golden bits.

"And what do we say?" Tidy hummed.

"I'm sorry for breaking your spell focus..." Hillby mumbled.

"Good boy." Tidy said, patting his head.

"There we go. All's well that ends well, I always say!" Dangle said. He rose from the table and stretched his arms.

"You've literally never said that until today. Chillwing said.

"And Hillby?" Dangle said, leaning over the earth pony as Tidy began casting a healing spell.

"What." Hillbreaker said.

"If you ever fuck with me like that again, I will erase your name from fucking history. I will write a children's rhyme called 'Hillby The Traitor' and children will sing of your stubborn idiocy for long after your bones have turned to dust. Your children's children will be known as the descendants of Hillby the fucking traitor and I will make sure you understand the full, abominable weight of that state of being before I allow you, finally, to die of despair." Dangle said. Tidy and Chillwing and Hillbreaker all looked at him as if his head had sprouted wings.

"That's what a bard can do." Dangle said, winking. Then he put the coins away, wiggled his fingers over his steel guitar, and cast Mending.

Back at the table, Buck was standing over Quibble Pants. The two men were glaring daggers at each other, and Adagio was sitting there, biting her lip, just the same as Scootaloo was, wondering what would happen next. She hadn't had to cast a spell at all after the break. The two men looked ready to start trading blows.

"Uh...guys?" Sunburst said.

Buck and Quibble pants shook hands and smiled. Then their handshake became harder and more violent, and the two of them threw their heads back and started laughing hysterically.

"I told you! Didn't I tell you guys? Adagio is great at this! She fucking came in here and shook everything up! Holy shit what a good fucking game!" Buck said. He slumped back into his chair, patted Adagio on the shoulder. He tasted like sweet lemonade and taffy and perhaps a bit of whisky. All of his hostility had evaporated into the ether.

"And that's tonight's game! Everyone levels up, and everyone gets a point of inspiration to carry into the next session!" Buck and Quibble Pants high fived, Adagio grinned and Scoots quietly began working on her character sheet.

The rest of the table talk passed amicably, and after thanking Sunburst for hosting, Adagio and Buck took their leave.

"You're bein' extra clingy tonight. Any particular reason why?" Buck smiled. Adagio had been holding his hand under the table since the end of the fight and now she was hanging off his arm.

"Oh, I'm just surprised at you, that's all. But more to the point, I'm waiting." Adagio said.

"Yeah?" Buck said.

"Wouldn't you say I've been on my 'best behaviour', Buck?" Adagio said.

"Hmm...yeah, mostly. You done good, 'dagio." Buck smiled. The elevator dinged. They waited.

"And...?" Adagio said. Her finger traced little circles on Buck's ass as she pressed her breasts against his arm.

"Well...what do you want for a reward, Adagio? You still haven't told me what you want to do for our other date." Buck said. Adagio frowned.

"Hmm..." Adagio hummed. This again. She had to have a hobby to present to Buck, she just didn't know what it could be. Something they could both enjoy that she could easily fake for a day.

"I want in!" Scootaloo said. Her arm was stopping the elevator door. With some difficulty, she squeezed inside.

"What? What are you doing here?" Adagio said.

"How did you catch up so fast?" Buck mumbled.

"Sprinter, Buck. She's a sprinter. Try to keep up. What do you want, Scootaloo?" Adagio said.

"Look, it's obvious you guys are getting up to something, and I wanna be part of it!" Scoots panted.

"We're not-" Buck started, but Adagio pinched his lips together and smiled.

"And why exactly should we let you play with the grownups , little birdie~?" Adagio said.

"Because I'm booooored!" Scootaloo whined. "And, and because if you don't, you'll be proving that you really are intimidated by me! So there!" Adagio turned slowly to Buck, and he saw the eyes of a god of mischief. And blood. She smiled at him sweetly all the same.

"So it's a challenge, then. Buck, I've decided on what my reward will be." Adagio said. Wickedness dripped from the tip of her tongue. She licked her lips.

"Oh no." Buck said.

"For my reward, I would like you to break her. With your cock." Adagio said. Buck's jaw dropped. Scootaloo covered her face, which was now far more red than orange. Buck put his hands before his face in a prayer position. He looked down at Adagio's gleeful smile.

"Woman." Buck grumbled.

"Yes, Buck?" Adagio purred.

"...what in the Name of CHICKEN FRIED TARNATION-"

In Sunburst's suite, a small object in Starlight Glimmer's back pocket began to vibrate and glow. The sensing talisman she had planted on Buck during their little talk was working.

"A spike of magical energy around Buck's location. Adagio is up to something." Starlight said.

"Are you sure she's not just letting off some steam? She was very restrained tonight." Sunburst yawned.

"She's up to something, Sunburst. And I'm going to find out what. Come on. I bugged her bedroom so we can monitor what's going on." Starlight said. She opened a door marked "Study Room" in Sunbursts' suite.

"You did what!?" Sunburst said.

"Whatever she's got going on, I'm going to get to the bottom of it. I have reason to believe that she's keeping a spell source in her bedroom, but I couldn't find it when I checked around. It wouldn't be at her work, and it wouldn't be at Sugar Cube Corner, or Buck's apartment." Starlight said. She stepped into a room that was primarily dominated by books that had little in common with one another. On the far wall was a writing desk covered in notes, and just above it was a corkboard covered in pins and connecting strings.

"Starlight, this is getting out of hand. I think Buck is right; Adagio isn't trying to do anything nefarious. She's mean, sure, but she's just drinking in Buck's emotions because she needs them to live. If you would just give her a chance, you might see eye to eye." Sunburst said. Starlight sat heavily in her rolling chair and set out a few trinkets. She began writing symbols and runes on the table in chalk.

"Sunburst, she's a monster from another dimension. We can't afford to sleep on her, because if she gets out of control, it's the city that's going to suffer." Starlight said. She set a cup of coffee down on the desk.

"I just don't like all this cloak and dagger. We're not spies, Starlight, and I'm not going to spy on Buck." Sunburst said.

"...I understand, Sunburst. I get it, but we're the only defenders that Canterlot has right now. Buck didn't want to play ball, so I'm doing what I need to. Every piece of information I can get about Adagio is a potential weapon we can use against her." Starlight said.

"Well, didn't you say you heard Buck asking Adagio to behave? She was restrained and almost respectful at the table. You have to at least note that she's making progress. She was genuinely good all night." Sunburst said. He draped a blanket around Starlight's shoulders, kissing her forehead. As he closed the door behind him, he heard Starlight mumble.

"The night is still young."

Author's Note

Song Review: The Bard's Song is about the enduring nature of stories. It extols the virtues of storytelling for the sake of it, how tales have a place in our lives and how it doesn't matter who tells the tale, so long as the story is told. Like the introduction of a Shakespearean play, the last lines invite the listener to close their eyes and let the story take them.
To me, that's the essence of tabletop gaming. As the forever GM of my real-life friend group, I have a big pool of role-play experiences that range from heartfelt to completely absurd, and I tried to pour some of that spirit into this chapter.
It was also my first time writing a fight scene...and my first time intentionally writing comedy with set-up and payoff. Big, challenging chapter for me, but I think the effort paid off. While writing it, I kept thinking I'd love to do a whole-ass side series of just Equestria Girls characters playing Ogres and Oubliettes, but there just aren't enough hours in the day.
The Bard's Song is a song to be sung in good company over drinks, among lovers of stories, and that's the exact mood that a person should carry when they roll their dice.