It was still Tuesday, but earlier on.

Before Sunburst and Adagio fought for their lives out in the summer snow, Buck and Starlight Glimmer fought for every inch of progress in the Everfree Caves below.

Starlight had a glowing spear of stone in her hand; the only thing between her and a squad of marauding changeling drones. They skittered across the walls, heedless of the disguises they took. At the moment, most of them were Sunburst, but some of them were Buck and Adagio.

“We need to punch through! If we don't keep moving, we'll be overrun!” Starlight said.

“Right!” Buck grunted, his back against Starlight’s as he struggled to hold their flank.

Starlight’s spear pierced a drone in the side, and it shifted from Sunburst’s placid smile to its dark grey-skinned, pale blue-eyed form, thrashing on the ground, trying to stop the slime oozing from the hole in its side. It was dead in seconds.

Good, Starlight thought. Serves it right for taking the face of her favorite person in the world.

“One good hit will take them down! As long as we stick together, we’ll make it through!” Starlight said.

“Right, right, that’s a good point! But why are you sayin’ that to him!?” Buck said.

Starlight turned and saw Buck on the ground several paces away, struggling to wrestle his way out of the grasp of three Sunbursts. Exclamations written red in the air orbited around his head as he thrashed.

The Buck at Starlight’s back hissed and lunged at her throat.

“GAAAH!” Starlight screamed. The drone's face squished like raw dough beneath her fist, splattering slime onto the cave wall as Starlight lowered her spear and charged.

Another changeling went down, then another, but they were each replaced by two more.

“Sorry bro! Sorry!” Buck said, punching and flailing with wild abandon.

His best friend backed away, holding his face and hissing in pain as Buck fought his way to his feet.

“We can’t get separated down here!” Starlight shouted through the din.

“I got it, I got it!” Buck said.

He scrambled through the crowd, trying to get back to Starlight, every punch knocking a changeling to the ground. His technique was clumsy, but he had strong arms and a desperate desire to avoid getting strung up in a cocoon. It would have to be enough.

A brush against his shoulder, another changeling grabbing at him. Buck’s flailing elbow connected with something squishy, then he spun on his heels. His fist stopped short.

It was Ditzy Doo, in the sexy blue dress she had worn on their date to the jazz club. Her eyes shone like yellow garnets in the pale blue light of Starlight’s thrusting spear. They were wonderfully, beautifully off-center, gleaming just above a small, fragile smile.

She was weeping, touching a welt that Buck must have left on her cheek just now.

“My Buck?” Ditzy Doo said.

Buck’s heart skipped a beat, and all the heat drained out of his chest. Words started falling out of his mouth before he could think.

“No, no, no, Muffin, I didn’t mean that!”

Ditzy Doo smiled through her tear and took a step forward.

Being high in a life-or-death situation wasn’t enough to distract him. Nothing could be enough. The ache of missing her and the shame of her fear of him dropped onto Buck’s shoulders and froze him on the spot.

Ditzy lifted her arms, ready to embrace Buck, then shuddered as Starlight’s spear punched through her chest.

“SSSSGAAAGH!” The changeling squealed in agony as it was tossed to the floor. It frantically kicked its hole-filled legs until its flailing slowed to a twitching, mucus-spraying stop.

Buck reached up slowly to wipe his face. His hand came away wet, but he couldn’t tell if it was slime or tears.

A howl shuddered him as another drone was felled.

“Buck, focus! We need attack spells! Tell me Adagio taught you something useful!” Starlight said.

“I don’t…I don’t think I can do this.” Buck said, but it wasn’t what he thought.

He thought, over and over, it’s not her. It’s not her, and neither is that one, or that one, or that one.

“Then give me some mana!” Starlight said.

Buck turned away, mumbling, only to see Ditzy Doo, with her shining candle eyes and her heavy breasts and that same incredibly sweet smile repeated all over the walls around him, rushing toward him. His fists felt like solid concrete. Too heavy to lift.

“I can’t do this.” Buck whimpered.

“Fine. Fine! I get it, just get down and close your eyes!” Starlight said.

In the darkness behind his eyelids, Buck felt a familiar, peculiar sensation, not unlike getting his blood drawn, but without the prick.

“What’re you doing?” Buck said.

“Don’t look; this could get messy!”

There was a blast of scorching heat. The changelings screamed, and then there was nothing but the sound of them scuttling away down the corridors.

Buck had dropped into a crouch, hands over his head. When he looked up, he saw death all around him.

Ashen, twitching changeling bodies lying in standing pools of their own mucus. In this light, they reminded Buck of another time he was surrounded by wet bodies, and he felt a familiar shudder twitch through him.

Starlight waved away the pink smoke coming off her hand, then checked the sensing stone in her pocket.

It pointed in a direction; Buck wasn’t sure which. His mind was racing, a confusion of pink questions and red traumas scribbling through the air around his head.

“Okay…can I be the first person to say that this shit is really disturbing?” Buck said.

“Obviously. Are you hurt at all?” Starlight said.

“I mean, not physically, no. But emotionally, I’m-”

“If you’re about to say anything other than ‘ready to get this done’, just save it.” Starlight snapped. Her breath was still coming out fast, but as she leaned on her spear, it seemed to slow down. “When I ask for your energy, I mean I need it now. I shouldn’t have to drag it out of you.”

“But no pressure,” Buck said, finally rising to his feet.

“This is a combat situation. That means if you stop to think; if you hesitate for even a second, you’re dead. So don’t think about it; just do what you have to do.”

“They’re like a buncha starving hyenas with human faces. We shouldn’t be fightin’ ‘em; we should be feedin’ ‘em. Something about all'a this seems real fucked up, philosophically speaking.”

“They’re evil, Buck. Don’t sympathize with them.” Starlight said.

Buck held up a finger.

“Don’t empathize with them either!”

“I mean, I’ll do what I gotta, for self-defense, right? But killin' them just doesn’t feel good in my guts.” Buck said.

“We can’t afford to go soft on them, and you especially can’t afford to sit around pontificating!” Starlight said.

“Damn, that’s like most of what I do as a writer.” Buck said.

“You’re not a writer today. Today, you’re a hero. You’re here to fight for people that can’t fight for themselves, no matter the cost.” Starlight said.

“That don’t sound like a hero to me,” Buck said.

“What?”

“Fighting for a cause? That’s not what heroes do. What you’re describin’ is a soldier.”

“How is that any different?”

“Well, my Dad–he fought back in ‘Nam–my Dad used to say that-”

“Nevermind, I don’t care! You’re a mercenary today. There. You have one job, and I need you to do it; otherwise, this whole mission is going to go up in flames.” Starlight said, holding her glowing spear like a walking stick.
The shadows in the cavern swiveled away, revealing a corridor that led north. She immediately started down it, not bothering to check if Buck was behind her.

“Do you think they eat? Food, I mean?” Buck said. He tried to bury the image of Ditzy Doo coughing up slime and keeling over from his mind. He failed, but that thought was being swarmed by a variety of questions about changelings and their circumstances.

“No! Whatever you’re about to say, forget it! We need to stay focused on getting to the hive!”

“Wait, but if the plan is to sneak in, how’re we supposed to do that if they already-”

“This isn’t a heist anymore; it’s a siege. The goal is the same, it’s just going to be harder than we thought.” Starlight grumbled.

“Okay, but how do we-”

“Changelings are frail, so with a strong enough offense, we can cut right through them and break into the hive. So, I know you’re having feelings right now, but I need you to get your act together.”

Buck clapped his hands in front of his chest, shut his eyes, and took a deep breath.

“It’s just a job, Buck. You’re playin’ a role. It's just customer service.” Buck muttered. He opened his eyes and saw the blue light receding into the darkness. Running to catch up, Buck came to a halt as Starlight stopped short. The tunnel she had picked ended at a wall, so she turned around and retraced her steps.

“If we’re on the right track already, what’s the rush?”

“We need to keep moving. Chances are, the plan is to wear us down little by little until we can’t fight anymore, which will be soon, because I just used my last quartz on Mold Earth and Light.”

“You sound pissed. You doin’ alright?”

“No, I am not ‘doin’ alright’, Buck. I am tired, out of components, and the person who was supposed to be our trump card has decided suddenly that he’s a pacifist!”

“Okay, well, I’m not a pacifist, I just don’t like to hurt folks if I can help it.”

“Changelings are not ‘folks’, Buck! They’re evil emotion draining vampires from another dimension.”

“Yeah, well, so’s Adagio, and even though she’s a fucking problem sometimes, she ain’t all bad.”

“Strong disagree. Aren’t you two having a fight right now? Why are you defending her?”

“We’re not havin’ a fight, I’m just…keepin’ my distance. Either way, I’m sayin’ that maybe sometimes it’s okay to give folks a chance. Even mean ones, like Adagio.”

“Yes, and how is that working out for you?” Starlight turned to Buck, gritting her teeth. The cyan glow from her spear flickered and then went out completely.

“Oops. One sec.” Buck said.

A pair of fingers snapped in the darkness, and an orb of red light ignited, floating above Buck’s hand.

This cavern came to a stop as well, so the pair doubled back and chose a third route.

“Okay, follow-up question. Why don’t you pull some from the changelings?”

“Their mana is horrible and rotten. It makes me feel like I’ve been starving for weeks. I don’t trust it.”

“You think it’ll mess with your head?”

“...yes.”

“And you’re sure you can use mine and not go nuts? I heard that didn't go great at the ren faire.”

“That was different! I hadn’t had it before, and I was stressed and overwhelmed. I’m sure that if I had some now, I’d be able to handle it better. Arcana is what I’m best at, after all.”

“Alright. I trust you on that.”

“Good.”

“And that’s giving you a chance, despite what happened before. You see?”

“Ugh. That red light is grating. Can you change it to something a little less intense?”

Buck rubbed his temples for a moment.

“Here, lemmie see.”

The light flickered, then jumped between red and purple before vibrating violently and finally, with great effort, shifting to a soft light blue.

“Much better.” Starlight said.

“Ooh! I got an idea. Hold still.” Buck said with a sudden grin.

Buck prodded at Starlight’s forehead for a moment before she swatted his hand away. She thought this was some roundabout way of Buck’s to transfer mana. Instead, there was now a smiley face drawn in blue light on her forehead, and it was projecting onto the cave wall.

“There, maybe that’ll help you smile a bit more!” Buck chuckled. The fancies around his head faded away. This was easier, definitely. Just stick with this, he thought.

Starlight seethed, and the glowing emoji frowned right along with her.

“Eh, worth a shot.” Buck said. He tapped his own forehead with a thumb and left a red orb of light there. “But hey! Instant headlamps! Is that in your fancy magic books?”

“Yes. It is. It’s a spell for unicorns.”

“Nice!”

“They learn it in magic kindergarten.”

“Damn, tough crowd.” Buck snapped his fingers, and the ball of light morphed into the outline of a bobbing dick and balls on his forehead. “Hah, there, now I’m a unicorn too!”

“Ughhh…how long are you going to be like this?” Starlight said.

“A moderate high for a few hours.” Buck said.

“A few hours!?”

“Fun times, right? So don’t be down, Starlight; I’m gonna do the bard thing and keep our spirits up!” Buck said, taking a faux-heroic pose, illusory cock wobbling dramatically.

“A hate this. I hate everything about this.”

“Alright, spoilsport, here. Is this serious enough for you?” Buck said, snapping a finger. The dick folded into a glowing red ball, floating just above his finger.

“It’s a start.” Starlight said.

“Look, I know you’re frustrated that things aren’t goin’ our way right now, and I know you’re scared of gettin’ your brain sucked by changelings, but do ya know what Pinkie Pie would say at at a time like this?”

Starlight’s expression brightened. This might actually be a good time to pick Buck’s brain about the Rainboom’s strengths. She might even be able to improve on some of their techniques!

“When I was a little kiddie and the sun was goin’ doooown~!” Buck sang, and the plunking sound of a string quartet came from nowhere to accompany him.

“You have got to be kidding.” Starlight said.

“The darkness and the shadows; they would always make me froooown~!”

“No, absolutely not, I refuse.”

“I’d hide under my pillow,

From what I thought I saw,

But Granny Pie said that wasn’t the way to deal with fears at all!”

“Buck, I’m serious; you need to be quiet…!”

“SHE SAID, PINKIE-”

Buck’s song turned into a terrified shriek as the corridor filled with a chorus of hisses. The changelings had found them again, and they were coming from all directions.

A short while later, Starlight and Buck walked through the dark of the caves, scuffed, scratched up, and sweaty. Starlight’s persistent frown had deepened, while Buck’s customer service face was starting to slip.

“Okay, so, singing attracts them. Got it.” Buck huffed.

“Yes. Obviously, singing while we’re in enemy territory is a bad idea.”

“Well, excuse the fuck outta me for tryna cheer you up, sourpuss.”

Starlight held up a hand in Buck’s face.

“Snuff out the light…!” Starlight whispered.

Buck closed his fist, and the red light illuminating corridor petered out. In the complete darkness, Buck heard the squishy drumbeat of scuttling feet go by, then disappear into the shadows.

Buck counted to ten, then snapped his fingers and lit the cave again.

“This is ridiculous. Buck, give me some of your mana so I can fight. This spear isn’t enough for groups of them.”

“Sure, sure, lemmie see….” Buck held a hand out to Starlight’s head and received a puff of smoke and a fart noise for his troubles.

“Buck, stop kidding around!”

“Notta joke, actually. Nothin’s comin’ out.”

“Well why not!?”

“Sometimes, when guys’re really stressed out, they can’t-”

“Okay, shut up, nevermind. We’re not going to be safe until you get your magic sorted out.”

“Yeah, Ditzy said the same thing.” Buck said. He had meant for it to come out snarky, but the edge in his voice dulled as he spoke.

“...just take a moment to meditate or whatever you do to get your mana flowing.”

“I don’t think I can force it, GlimGlam. It’s gotta come from the heart; gotta be real real, you know?”

“Whatever. This is a life or death situation, so figure it out.” Starlight said. “Can’t believe how poorly this mission is going…” She grumbled as they started walking again.

“Eh, I’ve worked crummier gigs. Hell, one time I worked as an elevator attendant. Learned some valuable lessons on that job.” Buck said.

“...Like what?” Starlight said.

“Some days you have your ups and downs, and some days you really get the shaft!” Buck laughed, pointing a pair of finger guns.

“You’re not funny. You were never funny.” Starlight groaned.

“I’ll be here all week!”

“I really hope not.”

“You know, you’re bein’ awful cold for someone that asked me, again and again, to come and join you in the field.”

“I wasn’t expecting you to be so…” Starlight trailed off.

“What?”

“This isn’t the impression I got when you fought at the aquarium, or the burning building. For someone that’s associated with the Rainbooms, you’re…not what I expected.”

“Glimglam, just because we’re buds and they’re sort of superheroes, that doesn’t mean I’m Superman. I’m like a Jimmy Olsen, at best.”

“I guess I’m having a hard time understanding why they would want to hang out with someone like you.”

“The fuck is that supposed to mean? We were childhood friends; I just wasn’t really part of ‘the group’.”

“I guess not. When I imagined you joining us for a mission, I guess I was under the impression you’d approach it in the way one of them would.”

“Well, lemmie think. If the Rainbooms were here, they would’a probably gotten flustered by the crazy shit going down, gotten into an argument about it before splitting off to do their own cute little things. Then they’d put their differences aside to face the bigger threat, shoot some rainbow friendship lasers and try to rehabilitate whoever was screwin’ with them.”

“Wow. From what Sunset used to tell me, that’s right on the money.”

“Oh, and they’d sing some songs about it, probably to get their shit together.”

“Okay, can we skip to the part where you get your shit together and give me some mana so I can work?”

Buck frowned and wiggled his fingers. There was a sound like a duck quacking and a little red fizzle and nothing else.

“El zilcho.” Buck shrugged.

“I get that mana transference is hard for you, but you need to focus. Lives are at stake.” Starlight said.

“How does it work for you?” Buck said.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, if magic is driven by emotion….how the fuck do you do it?”

“I draw mana from somatic components and then use that. It’s basic arcana.”

“But how do you do it, though? What emotion do you use to fire it off?”

“I…don’t. I just decide the shape and purpose of the spell, and it goes. Usually arcana spells have a bit of wind-up to them, which gets longer the more powerful the spell, but since I work with limited components, I can whip them out fairly quickly.”

“And you can just do whatever spells you want?”

“No, for spells outside of the Order/Ethereal quadrant, I need to use specific components, like the clay effigy I used to make this spear.” Starlight said.

“And you don’t feel anything when you do the spells?”

“Well, I tend to focus on how what I’m doing is necessary. How if I fail, people will be hurt or worse, and what that would mean for Canterlot.”

“So, your spell focus is necessity?”

“Duty is a better word for it. I do what’s right, because if I don’t, people will get hurt.” Starlight said.

“That’s pretty wacky, man. I wouldn’t think that kinda cold logic would work for magic, unless you were like, like a fuckin’...like a Mathemagician.”

“Math is actually quite relevant when calculating spells, from a certain perspective. Arcana spells kind of operate like a waveform, so if you think of spellcasting as more like finding a wavelength, then it follows that your mana is the energy of it, and your will provides the frequency.”

“Oh god, don’t tell me that. Makes me feel bored and queasy at the same time, like a weirdly slow rollercoaster! Or eating too much cheese.”

“...you’re still high.”

“Oh, absolutely!” Buck said. “Would you believe it helps me focus?”

“No.”

“Well, it does!”

“I’m trying to explain to you how arcana spells work and it sounds like nothing is sinking in.”

“I’m tryna figure it out, it just doesn’t make any sense to me!”

“Maybe that’s too abstract. Let me think of a metaphor. It’s like…a laser.”

“Yeah. Obviously.”

“You need to put your…focus onto a singular point and just…pull the trigger.”

“I think my red spells are kinda like a dick.”

“What.”

“I mean, the red stuff needs stimulation and maybe some buildup, I think. It’s passion, right? So I need to care. And the pink stuff…I dunno. It only seems to work when I’m around Adagio or Ditzy, that one time.”

“Buck? Word to the wise.”

“Oh boy, here we go.”

"You shouldn’t use your pink energy. It’s been nothing but trouble so far, and if it gets out of control, it could be a disaster.”

“I know, alright? I know. I’m a walkin’ time bomb and if I pull too much of the pink stuff, I could go nuclear. I’m startin’ to develop kind of a complex about it.”

“I’m just saying that magic that depends on another person’s influence is a dangerous proposition. We’ve already seen how it can go wrong, and Adagio wants it, so it can’t be good.”

“I mean, it comes and goes as it pleases.”

“So it’s unreliable. That’s just another reason to make your red energy a priority. Look, if you’re having this much trouble, you’re probably overthinking it. Remember the equation?”

“Nope, no math! Do not make me do math, you’re makin’ me flash back to high school! I had this real fuckin’ douche for a math teacher. The cranky fuck made sophomore year hell for me.” Buck said, rubbing his temples.

“Okay, fine! What did Adagio teach you about projecting your mana!?” Starlight tried.

“Mostly that it’s real hard for me to do it since I’m in the Chaos/Telluric quadrant. The pink stuff is pretty much a fire hose when Adagio’s around, but the red stuff is different. It’s a lot more manageable.”

“So why can’t you manage it now?”

“I dunno! Maybe I’m just not in the right frame of mind! Why can’t you just pull it out of me?”

“Draining magic is tricky. The target has to be “manifesting” it before it can be drained.”

“What does that mean?”

“You have to be having an emotional response to something, or gathering your mana to cast a spell. If your mana isn’t near the surface, I can’t drain it.” Starlight said.

“Huh. So I have to be charged up with mana before you can draw on it? Oh, right, Sunburst said that, didn’t he? It’s how the cloaks are fuckin’ with people.”

“Great, so we’re on the same page. What do you do to manifest your red mana?”

“I…have to think about things that make me passionate, I guess. It’s kind of a long list.”

“Then just do that. I’ll wait.”

“Wait, I just had a thought. If I need to be charged up to have my mana drained, how the fuck is Adagio always feeding on me?”

“Buck, she’s an emotionally manipulative instigator. You do the math.”

Buck deflated. His shoulders drooped, and he slowly slid down to sit on the cold, stony floor.

“Oh.” Buck said. “Yeah. That makes sense.”

Starlight Glimmer stood there, arms crossed, trying to figure out how to salvage this situation. Her brain’s immediate answer was to panic. She pulled out her phone and found she had no signal.

“Okay, okay…what would Sunburst say in this situation? Uh…are you okay?” Starlight said.

“Whadda you think?” Buck said.

“Right. Okay.” Starlight said. “...do you want to talk about it?”

“With you? No.” Buck sighed.

Starlight counted the agonizingly awkward seconds spent in silence.

“So are you going to-”

“Yeah! I’m going to do the thing, alright? I’m doin’ the job. Give me a goddamn second.” Buck grumbled. He crossed his legs, sitting up straight. He remembered what seemed like countless sessions in which he sat across from Adagio, pooling mana into his hands.

Buck was always a failure at direct focus. Most of the time, he focused on…everything. But when he was with Adagio, it was all too easy to let it all fall away.

Buck could always focus on Adagio.

Burned and beaten as he was, Buck found his thoughts orbiting like constellations as he tried to find a spark of passion. His anxiety over controlling his mana, his hope that Ditzy would forgive him for having it, his earnest wish to have a genuine dialogue with Adagio, and the shame he felt for letting her get under his skin again. And behind all of that, the looming deadline of his payments at the end of the month, waiting to drop out of the sky like a grand piano in a Road Runner cartoon.

What a joke he was.

No. He couldn’t let himself fall apart here. Not in front of fucking GlimGlam and not while he still had a job to do. He could still make a difference here, he just had to try harder.

Think. Think about what gets you going. No, not Her!

Starlight watched with fascination as Buck tensed up, and then a fuzzy pink image faded into existence just above his head. At first, she saw a knight in shining plate mail, which removed its helmet to reveal a huffing, sweaty Ditzy Doo.

The image flickered, and then tendrils of flame licked from it, trailing downward to pool in Buck’s hands.

For a moment, Buck smiled, but then his hand came into frame, with a cartoon heart beating in its palm. Ditzy Doo recoiled, raising her shield.

“Buck?” Starlight said.

“I’m doin' it, I’m doin' it, don’t rush me.” Buck muttered.

And then Adagio was there, strutting like a cougar in the brush. The images wavered, the pink flames flickering red as Adagio boldly pushed past Ditzy and seemed to take Buck’s free hand. She kissed it, nuzzling her cheek against it like an affectionate kitten, all while staring at Buck with a lusty gaze.

The fireball in Buck’s hands expanded to the size of a softball. The cavern was growing warmer.

“Buck.” Starlight said, starting to sweat. A colorless aura slowly surrounded her hand.

“I’m doing it!” Buck said, shaking.

In the background, Ditzy seemed to rush forward, but she moved in slow motion as Adagio’s hands crept down to Buck’s lap. Her eyes closed, her lips getting closer.

The image blazed downward all at once, and instead of joining the fire in Buck’s hands, it reformed as a red flaming horn on the side of his head.

The ball of fire popped rapidly like a string of firecrackers.

“Buck!” Starlight said.

“WHAT!?” Buck snarled, his eye glowing like a hot coal.

“My Buck?” Said Ditzy Doo.

Buck and Starlight looked down the corridor, and there they saw Ditzy Doo once more. In this moment, Starlight remembered how Ditzy had faced down Chrysalis with nothing but a baseball bat in her hands. This was the same outfit from that night; a roomy t-shirt, pajama shorts, and messy bedhead.
Ditzy Doo’s serene smile was all Buck could focus on. It was the same smile he had seen right at the start of summer. It was incredibly tender and completely irresistible. She could have asked him to jump out a window, and he would have only thought about it on the way down to the ground.

That beautiful smile, the one Buck had fallen in love with, was joined by another and then another.

In a flashing flare, Buck’s fireball of aura erupted into a roman candle of pink and red sparks.

Starlight didn’t hesitate. She turned and caught the erupting pink energy out of the air, and in one fluid motion, she braced herself against her spear and extended a hand.

The cave rang with the sound of a cannon going off. A flash of pink flame turned the corridor hot. When Buck finally picked himself off the floor, there were spots in his eyes.

“You…really need to sort yourself out.” Starlight said. Her eye flashed with a bit of pink light, but she violently shook her head, and it went back to normal.

“Yeah, I definitely haven’t been thinking that all week and all month and all year and all my adult life.” Buck groaned. “Did you get ’em?”

“I think so.” Starlight said.

The words had barely come out of Starlight’s mouth when a strange twinkling sound came from the corridor ahead. The three Ditzy Doos were on their feet again, but something was off.

From deep within Ditzy’s chest, the pink light of Buck’s mana glowed and swelled, blazing along the disguised changeling’s bodies, and suddenly, pieces of them burned away like bits of paper in a bonfire.

Beneath Ditzy’s soft grey skin, Buck saw that each of the drones had a vibrant green or orange or turquoise. In the place of one of Ditzy’s yellow eyes was a shining purple or pink or blue. Their ears extended with a sylvan curl, and on each of their heads grew an elegant curving horn. It would have all been very wondrous if the other half of their forms weren’t melting like heated gelatin, with bits of the woman that Buck loved fading in and out of the flickering pink light.

“What in the blue fuck?” Buck whimpered.

The drones launched through the air like a trio of flung arrows. Starlight’s spear came up to intercept and was knocked away so hard that it clattered against the wall.

“Buck! Red mana, now! Right now!” Starlight said. A not-Ditzy thing was scrambling for her throat.

Starlight was kicking with her free leg, barring the way with her spear, struggling to wrestle with the creatures, all while Buck held his hands out and tried to remember what Adagio said about mana transference. It was so easy with her, probably because she met him in the middle, but Starlight Glimmer was different.

Buck ducked around a Ditzy Doo, which failed to slow its charge, and smacked into the wall.

Starlight blasted another one away with a jolt of pink light, but it just sprung up from the floor, grinning as it started to charge again.

Buck looked at Starlight, and all he could think was how much of a hardass she was and how tired he was. Even now, he was lost in a chaotic mix of emotions, all while staring into the hungry eyes of creatures that wanted nothing more than to drink him dry.

Another Ditzy-like creature tried to scoop Buck up in her arms, sighing softly as he scrambled away from her grasp.

“Buck, more mana, now!”

Buck’s hands sparked with pink and red and fizzled with smoke, but nothing of substance came out.

“I’m tryin’, I’m tryin’!” Buck said.

“My Buck! My Buck!” The drone howled, then yelped as Starlight punched it in the jaw.

It stumbled away, touching its cheek, just as another one came barreling past. Starlight held out a hand wreathed in a blank aura, and a small stream of pink energy went from the Ditzy to her before Starlight stabbed it in the side.

“Oh, forget it, just run!” Starlight shouted, grabbing Buck by the wrist.

Buck’s heart screeched in his chest like a rock tumbler firing up as he sprinted through the darkness. His shoulder bumped against the rocky wall as Starlight pulled him along.

The little orb of mana at his head was flickering through a confusion of different colors. Buck tried to center himself, but his dread was taking over.

Buck knew they would catch them. Starlight was hobbling as fast as she could, he knew, but she had a limit, and she didn’t have any mana, and it was all his fault; this whole crazy situation was all his fault.

The flickering, pink-glowing things that were some sort of cross between Ditzy Doo and hungry fey creatures were on their heels, calling out senselessly in her voice, and behind them were yet more drones looking to feed and capture. He could hear their excited chittering joining in with the noise.

Buck was led around a left turn, then a right, then another left. His vision was filled with red light coming from the horn on the side of his head.

The sounds of Ditzy Doo calling out in triplicate became screams, drowning in the hissing of yet more changelings.

“Turn off your light! Turn it off now!” Starlight said.

Buck was panting too hard to rebuttal. He grimaced and tried to throw a bucket of water over the flame in his head, but the mana kept pulsing and raging.

Calming down just wouldn’t cut it. Buck tried to think of his least favorite things.

The smell of the refrigerator leaking at work. The stuffy cigarette and piss smell of the bus. A hundred sneers from a hundred memorably terrible customers. A thousand little unpleasantries, all stacked up into a pile called “city living.”
The flame of Buck’s mana snuffed out, and then the wind was knocked out of him as Starlight arm-barred him against the cave wall.

In the dark of the caves, what seemed like a stampede of wet footsteps skittered by. Buck didn’t see the pink glow of his mana; otherwise, he and Starlight would’ve been spotted. What happened to the ones that had turned?

Buck and Starlight Glimmer waited in the dark of the cave. Buck counted the seconds, holding his wind until finally, Starlight’s bracing arm fell away, and he could breathe again.

A red orb of light illuminated the slime trails the changelings had left behind. The light pulsed quickly, unsteadily, and Buck recognized after a second that it was mimicking his heartbeat.

“That was fuckin’ close,” Buck said.

Starlight looked left and right, grasping her spear, ready to strike at anything that moved. Then she breathed out, and her ubiquitous frown returned.

“We could have taken them.” She said. And something else, certainly, but Buck was too caught up in the hypocrisy. She was the one that had said to run. Buck tried to reason at that side, explain that they were outgunned either way, but Starlight wasn’t having it.

At that point, Buck was pretty much done, too. So much so that when Starlight laid the blame on him once again, he finally gritted his teeth and remembered his Dad’s words.

A man stands his ground.

“Know what? Maybe you are the problem.”

And a few words were said, some unflattering ones, and with less swearing than what Buck said in his head, but it didn’t matter. In no time at all, Buck and Starlight Glimmer were making their feelings known as loudly as possible.

“Fuck you!” Buck shouted.

“FUCK YOU!” Starlight screamed.

When the changelings came again, or maybe it was another squad, Buck couldn’t be bothered to feel surprised. Despite his medicated state, in the back of his head, he could feel it.

He was fed up with everything.

Queen Chrysalis relished the solitude of the Everfree Mountain Range. Until today, it had made for an excellent base of operations. It was sunny, warm, and filled with natural resources, and as luck would have it, it had a veritable labyrinth beneath it.

Truly, her current hive in the making was on track to become the seat of her new empire, but only if she could eliminate the meddlesome little obstacles that popped up both inside and out.

As the crisp mountain air rushed through her hair, Chrysalis schemed.

She would have looked very menacing if she were doing anything besides zipping through the air above the dense canopy like a drunken gnat.

After several minutes of flying in circles, a drone came to the Queen. They relayed fresh news about the invaders scuttling around in the caves, then flew off, leaving Chrysalis to engage in one of her classic pastimes. Namely, sitting around talking to herself.

“They’re not getting along, hm? And my prey is just as foolishly sentimental as ever. You think he’d learn. With the right bait, he might just run into my arms on his own.” Chrysalis said, lounging on a small cliff above the canopy.

“Me!? He’s the one pretending I barely exist!” Came a familiar voice from below.

Queen Chrysalis froze in place and slowed down her breathing, putting all her brain power into suppressing any emotional response.

She squinted down through the trees, an irritated frown on her face.

It was the Queen’s least favorite person in this world and one of the sniveling little lackeys she liked to travel with.

That wiry male-type human was going on and on about first dates and special bonds and blah, blah, blah. Chrysalis rolled her eyes.

“He must have been a unicorn on the other side. All pretense and lectures. It would be so easy to drop rocks on them from here,” Chrysalis sighed. “At least then they would both stop their rambling and posturing.”

Adagio Dazzle was indeed doing those two things, spitting bile at the orange dullard to her side, gesturing as if her lunch had been delivered late.

“What is she so worked up about?”

As the Queen leaned her head down to hear, she picked up on the meat of the conversation. A sinister grin took over as Chrysalis decided on a plan of attack.

This plan also involved flying in circles, but not for much longer.

“The bonds of their petty kinship are already fraying at the edges. Soon enough, I’ll sever them completely.”

Back in the caves, Buck and Starlight stood among puddles of green slime.

They had come to another somewhat open space, but the ceiling was low, and the air was muggy and stale. They were deep in the earth now, or maybe not; Buck certainly couldn’t tell. As he looked around the cavern, lit by the red glow of the improvised headlamp floating in front of his forehead, all he could see was the same confusing collection of tunnels he’d be walking through all day.

The changelings had come in force again, but despite several scrapes and bruises and a frantic off-screen fight for their lives, the pair’s focus was settled squarely on one another.

“Okay, so screaming ‘fuck you’ at each other also attracts them. Got it, got it.” Buck said.

“Fuck you.” Starlight said. She was splattered by changeling viscera, leaning on her spear to stop from falling over.

“No thanks.”

“Shut up.”

“Like a multiverse away from being my type, like holy shit.”

“Just stop talking.”

“Nope, cain’t do that, chief. If I stop talking, I’ll start thinking.”

“Well, that would be a nice change of pace.”

“Hah, gottem. No, but seriously, where do we go next?” Buck said.

Starlight glared at him, then pulled out her sensing stone. The beam by which they had been tracking Queen Chrysalis was flipping all over the place like a compass needle in the Bermuda Triangle.

“Oh shit,” Buck said.

“...somehow, this is your fault.” Starlight said.

“I dunno. Seems a lil’ silly to think the queen would just sit around waiting for us to come after her.”

“They’re probably sending scouts back and forth, telling her exactly where we are!”

“And that’s my fault how…?”

“All we had to do was deal with any changelings that came our way. Then there would be no one to report on us.”

“Isn’t it possible that she just, I dunno, figured out how we’re tracking her?”

“No, this is definitely your fault. Now we’re going to have to retrace our steps through all this slime and try to find our way out the old-fashioned way.”

“Okay, but here’s another idea-”

“I’ve had enough of you second-guessing me! We need to get to the hive as soon as possible, which means we need to move, so march!”

“Alright, fuck this,” Buck said. He smiled, turned away, and started walking down the corridor, the orb of mana floating above his head.

“Where are you going? What are you doing?” Starlight said, scrambling after him.

“I’m done listenin’ to you. They wanna capture me, and we wanna get to the base. You can fuck off and find your own way, but I’m done hangin’ around with you. It’s bad for the soul.”

“So what, you’re just going to let them take you!?”

“I’m gonna draw ‘em here, so you might wanna get outta dodge, huh?”

“You can’t be serious.”

“The Krusty Krab pizza! Is the pizza! For you and me~!” Buck sang.

“You can’t just ignore me!”

“The Krusty Krab pizza, is the pizza! Absutive-uhly!” Buck sang louder, his voice echoing down through the tunnels.

He started walking faster, and even though Starlight’s stride was technically longer, she struggled to keep up with her bad leg.

“No no no no no, you can’t do this! Buck! Stop it right now!”

But of course, Buck refused to listen. Starlight, for a split second, looked to the spear in her hand. Then she pulled her phone from her pocket, hoping for a miracle.

For once, she got one.

“Starlight?” Sunburst said.

“Sunburst! Oh, thank goodness. Can you talk?” Starlight said, hobbling after Buck.

“You managed to find some wifi in there? That’s amazing!” Sunburst said.

“Yes, but I probably won’t have it for long. We’re on the move. Is Adagio there?” Starlight said.

While Starlight asked Adagio for help and got basically none, Buck skipped ahead, taking in the scenery.

He noticed something a bit odd. This stretch of tunnel was actually developed. He wasn’t sure if that was the word. The corridor was being held up by old wooden beams, which sent his thoughts wandering down a few different lines of inquiry.
Mining? No, it would be more obvious. There would be tracks for a cart, tools, and stuff. Must’ve been cut off from the touristy part of the caves, and the changelings opened it to have more routes. Did they pass by some broken boards earlier or some brickwork? God, it's stuffy down here. Still, I wonder what kinda wood they use and how they got it so far down here. If this part of the cave is developed, maybe it connects to something important. Buck rambled in his own head.

Meanwhile, outside of it, he kept singing and doing everything he could to ignore Starlight Glimmer and her haughty bullshit. He figured that maybe if he showed her what it was like without him here, she’d get off his back.

Hell, maybe these beams would lead somewhere interesting.

“KRUSTY KRAYAYAAAB-” Buck started when suddenly a cacophonous crash overtook his voice. Buck turned around, expecting to find that there was a cave-in, which was somehow his fault.

Instead, he saw Starlight Glimmer, her hand held out to a small crater in the wall next to her.

“That’s enough, Buck! I’m not going to let you get captured! You have no idea what you’re doing!”

“And you do?”

“Better than you! Now cut it out!” Starlight said, raising her spear.

“...are you gonna shank me with that thing?”

Starlight didn’t answer. Her eyes darted to the spear, then to Buck.

“Yeah, okay. I’m out.” Buck turned away again. Maybe he was wrong. Maybe it was better he keep his distance before shit got worst.

“I thought when we came out here, you were already done being stupid for the month, but I guess I was wrong!” Starlight said.

Buck stopped, tried to catch himself, and failed.

“Oh wow. I guess it’s true what they say: Money can't buy class.” Buck said.

“Yeah, well maybe you should think about taking some.” Starlight said.

Buck turned, chuckling.

“Ooh, almost a good one, but me and Sunburst went to the same college. Hell, we took some of the same humanities courses.”

“You didn’t finish.”

“Well, neither did Sunburst.”

“He’s an undergrad!”

“And he’s also at a different school now.”

“That’s different. He left because he wanted to study at CCU, not because he’s lazy.”

“You think I’m lazy?”

“I know you are.” Starlight hissed, glaring at Buck.

“Yeah, pull the other one.” Buck said.

Starlight pulled the sensing stone from her pocket. Its beam was still flipping all over the place like a malfunctioning compass needle.

“Do you see this!? This is your fault!” Starlight seethed. “If you had just followed my instructions and given me enough mana to fight through the drones, we would have been at the hive already, but no, you had to mull it over and take your time and hold back your mana, and now we’re lost!” Starlight said.

“I’m not holding back my mana from you, it just doesn’t fuckin’...ugh, nevermind! Fuck you!” Buck said.

“I am so sick and tired of having to rely on you!” Starlight said, stamping a foot.

“And I’m fuckin’ sick of you talkin’ shit even though I’m doin’ my best out here!” Buck said.

With every word, the ball of light floating above his hand flickered like a candle’s flame.

“It’s not my fault you’re the best at being a useless screw up!”

“Bitch, I’m the only reason you can see right now! Tell me somethin’; do you try to act like a judgemental cunt all the time, or is it hereditary?”

“You did not just call me a c-word, you, you…!”

“What? What’re you gonna say?”

“You lazy, moronic, overly-trusting…horny bastard!” Starlight shouted, poking Buck in the chest. He slapped her hand away.

“Okay, I’ll take those last two, but lazy? Are you out of your fuckin’ mind? What the fuck about me is lazy!?” The flame bloomed into a fist-sized fireball.

“You barely paid attention during your basic magic lessons, and now all you can do is useless parlor tricks! You work a shitty part-time job and then complain about how you can’t meet your rent! As far as I’m concerned, the only thing you’re really good for is being a sex toy for Adagio!”

“Okay, first of all, I work a part time and articles to pay for my rent, food and loan debt!”

“So what?”

“So what!? So you lay around on my best friend’s couch doin’ fuck all for a job!”

“My job is to protect Canterlot!”

“Do you pay rent!?”

“...no.”

“So what the fuck do you know about what I have to do to make ends meet!?”

“I know from Sunburst that you’ve spent half of your magic training napping in Adagio’s bed! If that’s not lazy, I don’t know what is!”

“Okay, you know what, Starlight, you been talkin’ shit since the moment we met, and I’ve been reeeeeal patient an’ sugary, ‘cause I thought; well, you know, Sunburst likes her, so she can’t be all bad,” Buck said, turning away, making expansive gestures. “I thought if I gave it some time, I could peel back the bitch layers and find a pretty chill girl under all’a that. Come to find out, if you peel back the bitch, there’s just more bitch underneath!”

“My job is to get things done, not to be nice!”

“Yeah, ‘cause if your job was to be nice, you’d get shitcanned on day one.” Buck laughed.

“Oh, what, you think I should be like you? Letting anybody and everybody get into your orbit and then your bed?”

“I’m warnin’ you, GlimGlam. Don’t slutshame me.” Buck’s golden eyes smoldered, as did the ball of red flame over his closed fist. Despite his evident anger, Starlight Glimmer kept talking, stepping up to him, getting in his face.

“You slept with Adagio!”

“I didn’t fuckin’ know it was her the first time!”

“You kept sleeping with Adagio!”

“Yeah, well-”

“You kept playing with fire, even after you were warned what could happen; you caused a tentacled horror to attack the Canterlot boardwalk, you empowered the very changeling we’re here to stop, your friend turned into a fire-breathing menace because Adagio followed you to the ren faire, and even though you have two perfectly good magic teachers on hand, you chose to lock yourself in a room with a siren who wants to FUCK YOU TO DEATH because you refuse to learn anything the easy way!” Starlight shouted.

“Okay, wait. It’s not like I wanted any of that bad shit to happen!” Buck said.

“Ever since the moment I met you, you have done nothing but make my job more difficult, and even though you swear up and down you want nothing to do with magic and monsters, you keep getting tangled up in these situations, which someone else has to bail you out of! You want to know why I’m hard on you, Buck? It’s because I can’t tell if you actually care about protecting Canterlot, or if you’re determined to make everything harder than it has to be!”

“Giggity.” The flame diminished.

Starlight Glimmer covered her face and screamed into her hands.

“And then there’s that! When you’re not being pointlessly difficult, you refuse to take anything seriously!”

“Oh, fuck off! Silly is how I get through the work day! Why the fuck did you call me in if you didn’t want silly?”

“I called you in because I needed a hero! Like me! Like Sunset Shimmer!”

“What the fuck does Sunset have to do with anything!?”

“I’m her apprentice!”

“Yeah, and that’s somethin’ I just can’t figure out. Sunnybun’s got a temper, sure, but not like you. You were nasty from the jump. How come she didn’t teach you how to be nice?”

“She taught me how to protect people!”

“Or maybe she tried to teach you the rest, and you just wouldn’t learn?”

“Shut up! Stop talking!” Starlight snarled.

“Or what? You’ll stab me with your spear? Maybe hit me some some anime-ass beam shit? No, no, wait, I got it, you’re gonna fuck with my head using that rock you keep in your pocket! Yeah, real fuckin’ heroic there, GlimGlam.” Buck said.
Starlight paused for one horrible second, thinking that he’d figured it out, but then she caught herself.

“You…Stop calling me that!”

“Sure, when you stop callin’ me an idiot!”

“You ARE an idiot!”

The flame reignited. It was floating next to Buck’s head now.

“You’re an idiot for letting Adagio into your life, and you’re an idiot for letting her lead you on when you have someone like Ditzy Doo waiting for you at home! She is everything you could ever need in a woman, and yet you keep letting Adagio slink into your arms, expecting her to change! She’s a manipulator, and if you don’t wise up and stop letting her in, all you’re ever going to be is a FUCKING SCREW UP that lets monsters and villains walk all over you because you’re too stupid to think with anything else besides your DICK!”

The word ‘dick’ echoed through the caverns.

Buck’s fists shook, but he refused to look away as Starlight Glimmer screamed in his face, and then there was nothing but a weighty, seething silence between them.

“You’re nothing like her.” Buck said it quietly.

“Excuse me?”

“You ain’t nothin’ like Sunset Shimmer. Sunset is my friend. She ain’t perfect; nobody is, but she is the closest thing I’ve ever known to the complete package. She’s kind, and she’s passionate and she truly, deeply cares about everyone around her.”

“I don’t have time to be a saint!”

“She ain’t a saint. Dad used to say that a hero is somebody who inspires and uplifts everyone around them. That’s Sunset Shimmer. Took her some time, hell; she bullied the fuck outta me for a bit, but she’s as kind and caring as they come, and every place she goes is a lil’ bit better by the time she’s gone. Because of her, I try not to write people off, because they can surprise you with their decency.”

“Adagio Dazzle doesn’t have any decency.”

“You don’t even know her.”

“I know a monster when I see it!” Starlight snarled.

“Adagio was right about you. Everything in your world has to fit into a tiny little box, because you’re too small-minded to think anything can surprise you.”

The red flame bloomed. The horn returned to the side of Buck’s face. He was seething with raw hatred.

Starlight Glimmer took a step back. She saw hell screaming silently at her from behind Buck’s right eye.

“Hold on, Buck.”

“But you’re full of shit, Starlight!" The demon snarled, flaring with fury.

The cave shook. Something in the wall cracked.

Starlight took another step back. She gripped her spear with both hands.

“I want to think that Sunset saw something in you, and that Sunburst saw the same thing, but all I see when I listen to you is a self-righteous, judgemental, intolerant little pissant excuse for an urban fantasy protagonist!”

“Buck, I get that you’re upset, but you’re saying things you don’t mean, and we need to-”

“No. No, fuck you! Don’t you fuckin’ gaslight me! I meant every word I said!” Buck said, his aura flaring red again.

Another subtle crack echoed through the cavern.

“You’re not a fuckin’ hero, Starlight! Every time there’s any kinda crisis, you spend the whole time bitchin’ about how you gotta do this and that, and you take everyone for granted! You take Sunburst for granted and you take me for granted, and when somebody doesn’t let you have your way, you get all pissy like a spoiled brat!” Buck shouted. The cave shook.

“Well, at least I’m not the idiot that shacked up with a soul-sucking monster!” Starlight said.

“STOP FUCKING CALLING HER THAT!” Buck bellowed. His face was consumed by hell’s red flames, and Starlight Glimmer felt the whole mountain shake beneath her feet.

Starlight hid her free hand behind her back. A pale gray glow slowly surrounded it, ready to catch Buck’s energy.

“That’s what she is, and that’s what I’ll call her! Just like I’m going to call you a screw-up until you get your act together!” Starlight goaded, tensing like a coiled spring.

Buck blinked.

“Are you…? Are you fucking baiting me right now? That’s what this is, isn’t it? You’ve been baiting me the whole time!” Buck said.

“Now hold on a minute…!” Starlight flinched.

“And you have the gall–-the rakish fuckin’ audacity--to call Adagio manipulative!? When you’re down here tryna get a rise outta me to suck out my mana?”

Starlight Glimmer’s plan shattered into pieces. Her focus suddenly shifted toward the inference in Buck’s voice.

“What are you implying!?”

“I’m not implyin’ nothin’. I’m sayin’ to your face that the only difference between you and ‘dagio is that she knows how to play nice.”

*WHACK*

Suddenly Buck was down on the ground, covering his face from Starlight’s desperate flurry of blows.

“I’M NOT LIKE HER! I’M NOTHING LIKE HER!” Starlight screamed.

“Yeah, you’re way more of a BITCH!” Buck shouted.

A burning, invisible blow whacked Starlight in the face like a blazing right hook, but she just kept swinging.

There was a low rumble through the stones. Then a much louder one. Buck and Starlight froze mid-brawl and looked at each other.

The earthen floor groaned, cracked, and finally caved in.

Two screams suddenly stopped, and then there was nothing but the rumble of shifting stones.

When people talk about falling from a height, one thing that doesn’t often get brought up is the sensation of hitting the ground. No matter how far it is to the ground, it feels like you're falling forever, and then there's a heavy blow that rattles your teeth and shakes your skull.

You feel the breath leave you, and everything just seems to shut off all at once.

It wasn’t the first time Buck had been thrown down a story or two, and it certainly wouldn’t be the last, but for the space of a dream, Buck was sure that he had died.

He was also sure, despite all the debasement he’d experienced in the public sector, that this was easily the shittiest gig he’d ever worked in Canterlot.

Suddenly, a tiny, shocking coldness on his forehead snapped him awake. Water on his forehead. Or blood?

Then he felt the dull pain of fresh bruises forming on his back and side.

“Okay…bad news, that hurt like fuck. Good news? Not dead, so that’s pretty okay…man I wish I could go work at the spa again. Those twins would have a field day with the knots in my back.” Buck mumbled.

Buck’s eyes fluttered open and saw only darkness.

“Right. Cave.” Buck groaned, trying to gather his mana. “Shazam.”

Nothing happened. Buck shut his eyes and tried to remember his training.

“Uh…uh…fuckin’, the smell of baked bread. No? Uh, finding really weird, really specific porn. God, I need to get laid.” Buck said.

A red spark blinked.

“Uh, uh, cheap dimestore novellas! Actually good standup comedy! The soundtrack to Diamond is Unbreakable!”

The light popped like a firecracker, bigger this time, but then it faded.

“A handful of titties!” Buck said.

The light bloomed into a crimson fireball and floated, burning in the air.

“Oh thank fuck.” Buck said.

Then the flame drifted across the shadowy space and floated into Starlight Glimmer’s hand.

“Oh, come on!” Buck said, shaking as he struggled to sit up. “You stole my titty energy!”

“The whole reason you’re here is to provide mana. That’s it. I don’t understand why you’ve got to be a clown about it.” Starlight said.

Her hand glowed with red light, and Buck could briefly see the blood dripping from her arm as she patched herself up with a healing spell.

A few pieces of her stony spear were crumbled at her feet.

“Are you still talkin’ shit over there?” Buck said.

Buck touched his back and felt what he was sure would turn into one very large, very painful bruise in the very near future.

The light faded.

Buck cupped his hands and tried to visualize his and Ditzy’s first night together at the jazz club. How she laughed as he talked about his time in the Bay, how she blushed when he caught her around the waist. Her squeaky little moans in his ear.

A red flame blazed to life in Buck’s hands, lighting the space like a torch. Now he could see where they were. It was some lost chamber deep in the earth, but from what he could see, there were no exits.

There was a hole in a corner of the ceiling, about ten or twelve feet up and inaccessible due to a truckload of loose boulders that had fallen in after Starlight and Buck.

Through some miracle, neither of them were broken anywhere as far as Buck could see, but that was far from the problem here.

They were trapped.

“I can’t believe I thought this would be easy. I can’t believe that I thought having you here would make this easy.” Starlight said, getting to her feet.

“I can’t believe my best friend decided to shack up with someone who’s got zero listening skills. Holy shit.” Buck said.

Starlight turned to glare at Buck again, but she saw the placid look on his face and lost steam immediately.

“Shut up.”

“Absolutely not. I’m not gonna stop talkin’, because that’s what you want. But I’m also not gonna let you bait me into a fight, neither. Great plan, by the way. Worked out real well. Super heroic.” Buck said.

“I was desperate.”

“Yeah, no shit.”

“You were being obstinate.”

“Not hearing a “sorry” in there.”

Buck groaned, leaning down. He placed the ball of red flame on the cave floor. It popped and danced, but somehow, it stayed lit.

“There are cracks in the ceiling. We should still have air down here, but we won’t be able to get out without your mana.”

“Right. You’ve got that mold earth spell. Could probably turn all these rocks into a staircase or somethin’.” Buck said. He moved over to the pile of stones, calmly picked a large one, and rolled it across the floor, placing it a few feet away from the ball of mana.

Starlight watched with rising confusion as he did the same with another one on the other side of the flame.

“...well?” Starlight said.

“Well, what?” Buck said.

“I’m going to need more mana than that little bonfire to do it.”

“So what?” Buck said.

“So, meditate, or whatever you have to do to give me that mana!” Starlight said.

Buck could not believe she was still giving orders. He shook his head.

“I am.” Buck said. He sat on one of the small boulders in front of the red flame and looked at Starlight expectantly.

“You’re not doing anything.”

“No, I am. Take a seat.”

“We don’t have time for this!”

“Far as I can tell, times’ the only thing we’ve got down here. I figured it out. Why I can’t give you my mana.”

“Why is that?”

“Because you’re a bitch.” Buck said.

Starlight closed a fist.

“And before you start screamin’ again, just hear me out. My red mana needs passion, but when I’m around you, you suck all the energy outta the room. I don’t fuckin’ like you, Starlight Glimmer. And I know you don’t like me. But in all my time workin’ customer service, I’ve learned one important thing; no matter what a customer gets mad about; the shakes, the food, the bathroom, or whatever, even if they scream in my face about it, it’s never really about me. It’s about them.”

“What’s your point?” Starlight snarled.

“My point is, we’re not gonna get outta here unless I can give your some mana; more than what I’ve got here. And to do that, I’ve gotta give a shit.”

Starlight looked like a volcano about to erupt. She was obviously angry and tired, but then, so was Buck.

“...you’re being weirdly nonchalant about this; being trapped underground in enemy territory.” Starlight sighed.

“It’s not even the shittiest thing to happen to me this week. I mean, half of my job is to take abuse from behind a register. But I’m not doin’ that today, so why don’t you sit down and tell me what the fuck your beef is with me? And hell, while we’re at it, what your beef is with Adagio.”

Starlight said nothing.

"Okay, how about this? I'm sorry that things aren't workin' out today. I'm sorry my magic is actin' up, and I'm sorry for how I've been actin'. This's a shitty situation for both of us, and we both reacted to it in a bad way. So I'm sorry."

“And you’re going to let me talk?”

Buck heard the voice of his father. A man listens before he speaks.

“I’ll listen. I can promise you that.” Buck said, gesturing at the rock on the floor across from him.
Starlight remembered a time when she was younger and far more traumatized, and a kind woman with red and yellow hair and a leather jacket sat across a fire from her and said the same thing.

I’ll listen.

Buck waved a hand, and the little mana flame shifted to a soft cyan light. Starlight stared at her feet and frowned. And then, slowly, she sat down on the boulder.

“Do you see this leg? How I have to drag it around?”

“Yeah, I’ve seen it.”

“You wouldn’t be able to see them now, but I have metal bits in my leg. They had to be surgically implanted after Aria Blaze broke my tibia in seven places, and my fibula in four.”

“Holy shit.”

“Sonata Dusk kept healing it, but Aria kept breaking it over and over again. They were having some sort of juvenile argument.”

“Where was Adagio?”

“She came and stopped them.”

“Ah, okay.”

“And then she decided to terrorize me in order to drain my mana. It was hours of her saying the vilest, most horrific things, scaring me out of my mind and tormenting me until I passed out. When I woke up, I was with Sunset Shimmer, who said that the sirens delivered me to her. As a warning.”

“Mother of fucking mercy. They did all that for no reason?”

“No…I was spying on them. Sunset told me to monitor them from a distance. This was years ago; when they were on tour. They seemed on the level, but I wanted to make sure, so I went to their van at night with a warding talisman so I wouldn’t be detected. But they found me anyway. I got to see their true colors, and I tried to get Sunset to go after them, but she refused. Told me to leave them alone, that they were reforming in their own way, and as long as they weren’t hurting anyone it was fine.”

“That’s Sunset for ya. Big picture’n all that.”

“I didn’t see it that way. After my leg healed…as much as it could, I left to go work for The Pillars, to hunt monsters. I swore if I ever saw the Dazzlings again, I would take them down and turn them into The Pillars without a second thought. If I ever needed a reminder of what they were capable of, all I had to do was take a single step.”

“Okay.”

“And then you showed up. With Adagio. And I knew everything was about to get complicated.”

“Okay. So you hate Adagio for what she did to you. I understand that. I know what it is to suddenly get trapped in a fucked up situation, where the only thing you can do is survive.”

“You couldn’t possibly understand what I’ve been through.”

“You’d be surprised.”

“Hmph.”

“That still doesn’t explain why you’re so pissed at me.”

“If I could do this alone, I would. I hate having to rely on you.”

“Yeah, you’re a regular Buffy. I get it.”

“No, you don’t. You have…all this power, right at your fingertips. If you had half an idea of what you’re doing, you could incinerate Chrysalis on the spot. Do you understand that?”

“I’m not doin’ that. I’m not killin’ nobody.” Buck said.

“You have all this power, and instead of using it to protect people, you use it to make fart noises and turn things pink. And then when I try to use it to do good, you refuse to give me even a tiny bit of it, so I have to take it. Do you understand how frustrating that is?”

“Oh yeah, I get it. Let me guess; you've got rich parents.”

“What?”

“You grew up in the suburbs, and you didn’t want for nothin’. Rich parents, nice neighborhood, maybe even gated. Expensive school. Am I in the ballpark?”

“...yes.”

“And now you’re doing this thing where everyone is running around with this resource that for whatever reason, you don’t have, so you have to scrape and scrimp to make anything happen. And then some asshole is walking around, and this stuff is just leakin’ outta his ears, and that pisses you off, because in your head, he should be sharing, but instead, he’s just throwin’ it around and usin’ it on bullshit. Right?”

“Right.”

“Well, congratulations, GlimGlam, you know what its like to be poor. Sucks, don’t it?”

“I never thought of it like that.”

“Seems pretty unfair when you put it in perspective, huh? You wouldn’t believe the kinds of things people will do when they’re hungry and desperate…I’ve done more’n my fair share of shit I’m not proud of, definitely.” Buck said.

His hands came up, seemingly on instinct, and grabbed at his arms like he was holding himself against a cold wind.

“So you need mana, but you don’t have any mana, so you bust your ass to get it so you can do what you need to do. And you hate that you have to hustle to get your hands on the tiniest drop of it, while I’ve got so much of it that I don’t know what to do with it.” Buck said.

“Yes.” Starlight said.

“Now, imagine what it would be like if not havin’ enough mana would kill you. How do you think you’d get by?” Buck said. He watched as Starlight Glimmer narrowed her eyes.

“I would find some way to get it…ethically.”

“Contemporary evidence indicates otherwise, fam.”

“Ugh. Okay, so maybe I was a little pushy.”

“Right, sure, pushy. We’ll call it that. Now imagine that your whole family is born without mana, and your Mom says the only way to get it is to steal. What would you do then?”

“...I see what you’re trying to do.”

“They’re starvin’ kids, like the ones you see all over Canterlot. Doin’ whatever they have to just to get by. Just like me. They need mana. There ain’t no mana around, so they’ve gotta get it from someone else. Just like you. Except when they do it, you call them monsters, and when you do it, you call yourself a hero.”

“It’s not that simple!” Starlight said. “They invaded this place from another dimension!”

“Did they?”

“What?”

“Didn’t you guys say they were young? Pretty sure if a whole army of them buggers came over from the other side, we would’a known about it a lot earlier.”

Starlight said nothing in response.

“So chances are, the changelings we’ve seen today were born in this world. Like me and you.”

“Well, Chrysalis is a soul-sucking monster from Equestria! She's an alien!”

“Right, right. And that’s pretty fucked up. From what I understand, she got me pretty good, too. She needs to be stopped, I got no objections to that. But those drones that’re tryin’ to get to me, the best source of mana around? They’re innocents, Starlight. They’re only doin’ what they’re told and what they know on instinct, and they’re desperate. You saw ‘em. They’re fallin’ apart. So why do they deserve to die for the wheels that their Mom set in motion?” Buck said.

“...I understand where you’re coming from, but you’re delusional. You can’t save everyone.” Starlight said.

“No, but we can try. Far as I can see, all the changelings really need is a lil’ bit of kindness.” Buck said.

“Did you take that line from Fluttershy?” Starlight said.

“Kinda,” Buck said.

“...What’s she like? I haven’t actually met her. Or really any of the Rainbooms, besides Sunset.” Starlight said.

“Flutterbutter? Girl’s a bona fide saint. Sweetest woman you’ll ever meet in your life.”

“That’s what I heard.”

“Also; biggest fucking rack I’ve ever seen. She really grew out at the end of senior year. Like, you think Ditzy’s got back problems? You ain’t seen nothin’.”

“Alright, Buck.”

“Like I’m talkin’ coke can crushin’, honka donka bazonkas. Like, her bra shoulda had side mirrors on it, kinda headlights. Could probably hide a few squirrels and some change in there if she wanted.”

“Alright, Buck.”

“Really great friend though. Great taste in music, too. Never understood why she always talks like she just got outta bed.”

Starlight made a sound then, somewhere between a sharp exhale and a cough. It was the closest Buck had heard her come to laughing.

“But we’re gettin’ off track. This’s about you. So you hate Adagio. What’s that got to do with me?” Buck said.

“You keep feeding her, interacting with her, making her stronger and giving her ammunition. She’s dangerous enough without a well of mana to draw on, but with you, she’s a Nightmare level threat.”

“What’s that mean?”

“It’s a classification that the Pillars use. Nightmare level creatures are monsters with power enough to pose an existential threat to civilization as we know it. The only grade higher are Cosmic level creatures, which have the potential to destroy planets or planes of existence.”

“The Pillars have her marked?”

“No. They’re too…distracted to take the threat she poses seriously. And so are you. She’s a walking disaster, Buck. And knowing the kind of power you have, you have spent way too long letting her use you.”

“She’s not using me, anymore. We had a deal; her lessons for my mana. Now, we’re not really on speaking terms, so much, but I’m willing to work with her despite my feelings, just like I’m willing to work with you.”

“Why?”

“Because I need the money. If I don’t get this bread, I’m gonna be out on the street again.”

“And what about your mana? What are you going to do about your powers?”

“I was gonna have Sunburst teach me.”

“I see.”

Starlight and Buck sat in awkward silence for a while.

“So you think I’m stupid for hangin’ around Adagio, then? Is that why you’re so pissy at me?”

“No. I’m ‘pissy’ because you keep defending her.”

“Huh.”

“What? What is it?”

“Just deja vu. I’ve had to go to bat for you with Adagio, go to bat for her with you, go to bat for Ditzy with Adagio, and then the same thing in reverse. This’d be so much easier if we could settle it over a game of beer pong.”

“You can joke all you want, but you know how dangerous she is, and yet you still talk about her like she’s just a normal person. You keep letting her get close, and you keep trying to…”

“Level with her?”

“Yes! And I don’t get it! She’s playing you! You have to know that!”

“I know that. I know. But I also know that Adagio is…she’s really set in her ways. Like an old lady, you know? All the scheming and the politicking around me…I think that may just be the way she works through things.She’s just as scared of me as I am of her, and maybe if we just took each other at our word, we’d be able to meet in the middle.”

“That doesn’t make any sense. Adagio is-”

Buck glared at Starlight.

“She’s a problem. If you give her an inch, she’ll take a mile. People that use and abuse others don’t deserve a second chance.” Starlight said.

“Okay, then I guess we should stop talkin’ since you’ve been usin’ and abusin’ me all day.” Buck said.

“Don’t compare me to her.”

“Hey, a man is honest.”

“What?”

“I’m sayin’ if the beanie fits, wear it.”

“We are nothing alike! What I do, I do for the greater good. Adagio is out for exactly one person; herself. She’s the worst kind of monster; a manipulator.”

“You tried to manipulate me so my mana would be easier to take. Don’t that make you a manipulator?”

“I’m! I’m sorry. It’s just, this mission is extremely important, and if we don’t catch the Queen now, she’ll just fly off again, and she’s almost as much of a threat as Adagio is! And, you’re just so obstinate, and annoying, and I didn’t know what to do, and…!”

“And?” Buck frowned.

“...And my excuses don’t matter. What I did there was wrong, and…I’m sorry.”

“Alright, cool. I forgive you.”

“Just like that?”

“Just like that. That’s another thing I learned from the Rainbooms.” Buck smiled.

Starlight Glimmer, for the first time in years, outside of Sunburst’s presence, cracked a smile. It was brief, and it was small, but the genuine relief on her face warmed Buck’s heart for just a moment.

“So can I have some mana so I can get us out of here?”

“Nope.”

“Why!?”

“‘Cause we’re not done. You bein’ pissed at me because of what Adagio did is some victim-blaming horseshit, and you know it. Which means, like I said before, you’re not actually pissed at me. So why don’t you tell me what you are pissed at, and why I’m catchin’ hell for it?”

“I just…I can’t stand to see the weak get used by the powerful. It’s wrong.”

“Yeah, capitalism’s a bitch.”

“No, I mean in regards to magic.”

“Of course.” Buck sighed.

“I’ve seen what a person with power and influence can do when they have magic. I’ve seen horrible things, Buck. I’ve seen monsters get created; seen people turn into them. I never want to see it again. And when you fraternize with Adagio, I see monsters in the making. You with your power, and Adagio with her…”

“Thirst?”

“I know what can happen when someone gets drunk on power and there’s no one around that can stop them. Lives get destroyed.”

“...is this about what happened in Fillydelphia?” Buck said.

Starlight looked at him in shock, then stared at the red flame for a while.

“You know about the Fillydelphia incident?”

“Only a little bit. I know that some horrible magic accident happened on the outskirts of the city. I know people died, and I found out recently that Ditzy was there, and I’m guessing you were, too. Hell, even my-”

“It wasn’t an accident! What happened there wasn’t an accident. There was a monster, and it was stopped, but not before everything went to hell.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” Buck said.

“Are you going to give me mana if I don’t?” Starlight said.

Buck extended a hand toward Starlight. She flinched, but all that came out was a slight red fizzle.

“Guess not,” Buck said.

Starlight put her head in her hands and groaned.

“I haven’t even talked to Sunburst about this.” Starlight said.

There was a little crinkling sound. Starlight looked up and saw Buck offering his little baggie of trail mix. Her stomach growled.

“Alright, fine. I’ll tell you what happened in Fillydelphia, but you don’t speak a word of this to anyone else, understand? I don’t want to give Adagio any ammunition to use against me.” Starlight said, holding out a hand. Buck shook some nuts and raisins into her palm.

“Fine by me,” Buck said.

Starlight fidgeted uncomfortably, her eyes shifting around like a kid in a dentist’s office, waiting to get their tooth pulled.

“Do you need a few minutes?”

“No. I’m just gathering my thoughts.”

“It's a doozy, I'm sure. Take your time.”

“I guess it’s easier if I start from the beginning. I’m not from Canterlot, and I’m not from Fillydelphia either. I was born in a little town called Sire’s Hollow.”

Author's Note

Well, that one took a while. This confrontation has been a long-ass time coming, and so has this chapter. Life never fails to get in the way, but fiction always finds a means to surmount it. During the drafting period of this piece, I took a screenwriting class. Another cobblestone on the path to improving my writing. Hopefully, that's evident here. since this chapter actually has a beginning, middle, and end if you squint.
Next time, we finally find out just what Starlight's problem is.

Song Review: Fuck You by Lily Allen is the British pop version of writing an angry tweet. It's one of the few songs about an argument or rebuttal that isn't also about love.
You might recognize it less for its original music video from 2009 and more from a delightful animation by Daria Cohen. It's a silly little toe-tapper meant to twirl a middle finger like a conductor's baton at loud bigots. If you listen to its lyrics, you might get a tiny hint of Starlight's past, which we're going to explore next chapter, but the song itself is charmingly simple and easily carries that vaunted earworm status that everything on the radio is trying to be.