The tragedy of all this, really, was that Buck had just gotten clean less than an hour ago and now he was soggy and dirty and miserable. And sweaty. From running. He had spent most of the trip home running like he stole something, earning concerned looks from the pedestrians he passed on the way to his crummy apartment. Didn't matter, he thought, he was alive and thoroughly un-lobotomized, and that was an overall victory for the day. After three or four blocks and the threat of an imminent athsma attack passed him by, he slunk down onto a bus station bench to catch his breath. He looked around.

She wasn't following him. That's good! But she could easily find him, probably by scent. That's bad. But she didn't know where he lived! That's good! But she knew where Sunburst lived now, and she could rip his dick off and force him to tell her where Buck lived. That's bad. But she hadn't killed him! She wasn't even going to! That's good! But she was also an emotion draining vampire fish lady who had just admitted she might drink his brain with a fucking bendy straw.

"That's bad. This is fucked. Everything about this is Fucked...!" By now Buck had begun shuffling away again, and soon his shaky hands were rattling his keys in the lock to his apartment. "I fucking knew things were going too well, too fucking good to be true. Why in the mother of fuckety FUCK did I think a chick like her would be into me? Use your fucking brain, Buck, for ONCE!" He was pacing the floor of his apartment now, hand on his forehead. Sweat was rolling down his face.

"Alright, alright, alright so you managed to play it cool through all of that, but what do you do now, smart guy? What the fuck're you going to do now!? She's a monster and you know that now so she probably can't let you live...but no, she did let you live. Why? What the fuck is she planning now? What if she comes after my friends, or, or she finds me on social media and goes after my folks!? Fuck, fuck, I can't be responsible for this, this is bullshit, I thought I was done with magic and now...fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck!"

Buck was sitting against the wall of his living room now, head in his hands. Catastrophic imagery was running through his head. His family lobotomized, his friends killed, him chained up and being used for whatever Adagio wanted. His sweat was starting to soak his shirt. He was shaking.
What was he going to do?
What Could he do?

The morning was quietly shuffling forward as it does on the weekdays. It was a warm sort of morning, the kind that warned of a day that made you glad for shade and for fans and ice cubes and water over everything else. It was going to be a hot one.

One had to be very careful with weekday mornings. It was easy for one to stop and relax and try and take advantage, but then lose track of time and be late for their responsibilities.

This had been the case with Ditzy Doo so often that she always planned to give herself an extra hour during the morning, just for transit time in the worst case, or some time to dilly-dally in the best. Dinky had already gone off to school by now, and Ditzy's shift was set to start at noon. She had time.

This was Ditzy Doo's time.

She decided this morning to get a jump on her latest craft project. She lounged in her bed on top of her little mountain of pillows and pulled her yarn and she worked. Here in her own space, she felt like a beautiful countess in a Jane Austen novel, or something. She was graceful and still and in control.

This was how she cleared her head for the day; if she could get out her silliest thoughts and urge to create, she'd have little trouble getting through her monotonous deliveries.

Well, they were usually monotonous, sometimes they were really confusing. It was amazing how people waiting for a package lost all of their patience when it was being delivered, she thought. Her needles moved meticulously, automatically.
A woman had to have her hobbies, or in this case, a side hustle, if she wanted to survive single-motherhood. Her etsy store was doing pretty decent this month. She might be able to afford a surprise for Dinky if it kept up.
Maybe even something for Buck. She didn't want to think about him, right now. He was invading her space. The thoughts of him, anyway.

Ditzy Doo sighed and bit her lip. She balled up her fists for a moment and set her needles down.

This was not the first time Ditzy Doo had been depressed over Buck. Their shared apartment complex had disgustingly thin walls; some folks had joked that a good right hook was all you needed to make a peephole. Ditzy Doo happened to be Buck's next door neighbor, which meant that there was a thin wall between their bedrooms. As Ditzy Doo sat on her bed, knitting to get her mind off things, she laid her head against that wall. It wasn't the only wall separating her and Buck.

Knitting usually helped. Ditzy Doo wasn't one for pride, but she was good with her hands. She was excellent at knitting. Her most popular product was yarn dolls of various characters. Stuff from cartoons, video games, what-have-you.
That had been Buck's idea.

Buck was...sweet. He was helpful, and he was kind to her and Dinky. Ever since he showed up a couple of years ago, he'd been nothing but helpful and kind, and in time, Buck and Ditzy Doo had become the best of friends. Friends. Ditzy Doo knew this was a lie, of course, they were far more than friends. Buck had occasionally supported Ditzy Doo financially, or fixed something she broke, or covered for her at work or...well, he'd also been a missing masculine presence in Dinky's life.

Ditzy was very glad for this. She was happy that Dinky knew a man like Buck instead of her biological father. Buck and the Doo's were almost family, honestly. But then, if she and Buck had been family, then Ditzy Doo's feelings for him would be wrong.

It had felt just a little wrong the first time she pressed her ear to the wall and listened in on Buck's ramblings. He had been stuck in the middle of a chapter of some light novel project he'd been pounding away at for weeks, and he was at just about his wit's end. Ditzy had remembered then the time Buck had shown her how to hang her laundry up when the coin op downstairs broke. His solution had been to stretch a line from the bike hook on Ditzy's patio all the way to the one on his own, and tie it with a special knot.

Buck was one for creative solutions, but Ditzy, she liked things to be neat. She didn't like being put on the spot, it made her nervous and when she got nervous she just couldn't shut up and then people would tell her to shut up. She had heard Buck pacing back and forth, mumbling about some kind of worldbuilding tidbit or somesuch, and was getting frustrated because it conflicted with the...something. Buck had explained it later, but Ditzy hadn't been totally paying attention. She liked the way his voice sounded when he ranted like that. It was almost rythmic, like light but intense rain.

Buck always seemed like he was building up to something, and that something was usually a manuscript that would later get rejected. And just when Buck started to feel dejected, Ditzy Doo would swoop in there to cheer him up! Sometimes bearing half a muffin from work, or a story about her deliveries, or just someone to talk to and bounce ideas off of.
That was always Ditzy's favorite; brainstorming. Buck would always suggest the strangest ideas for craft projects to sell, and Ditzy would open up on some of the creative things that Dinky came up with, or some ideas of her own.

Buck would take every idea, no matter how asinine with the utmost seriousness, and try to turn it over and take it apart. Ditzy loved to see him stroke his chin and pace around as they ping-ponged thoughts back and forth. Buck was a genius; Ditzy genuinely believed that. He had so many incredible ideas that sounded like they would make a great book or a movie or a pattern on a scarf. The world just didn't know, yet. But when they did, look out!

That thought saddened Ditzy a bit. If Buck was Discovered, then he would probably have to move away. And that would be a tragedy. Regardless, Buck's creative energy was infectuous. Unfornately, that wasn't the only type of energy he put out.

Ditzy Doo's love language was Acts of Service. She showed her love for people by caring for them, and she figured Buck was the same way, because he always put everyone else first. Buck always seemed to be finding new ways to help Ditzy and Dinky out, and to repay him, Ditzy Doo would sometimes take his trash out when he wasn't home, or dust his bookshelves or some such.

Buck trusted Ditzy Doo. That was a rare thing, Trust. He had given her two copies of his apartment's keys so that she and Dinky could come and go as they pleased. He simply said to always knock. "You never know what I could be getting up to in here!" He'd say.
Ditzy knew, of course, what he got up to.

It was a little ways into Buck's first year in that apartment when Ditzy Doo first heard him. She wasn't sure at first what it was. A soft, rhythmic hum that she heard while in bed. She had looked around her room for the source of the noise. Eventually she realized it was coming from Buck's room; it had to be. She didn't want to spy; she really didn't, but what if Buck was in trouble? Maybe he had a medical condition and Ditzy should be on the lookout! So she pressed her ear to the wall and then tried not to squeak too loud when she realized what she was hearing.

Ditzy could hear Buck moaning softly, facing the wall. "Ah..ah...ah...mm..." It was muffled, but Ditzy knew that Buck wasn't even a foot away from her at the moment. She could almost feel his hot breath on her face. He started grunting, and he murmured a name that Ditzy couldn't make out. She heard him gasp and swear under his breath. Something about getting It on the wall. Then he'd gotten out of bed, presumably for some tissues. Ditzy was, of course, beet red. She wondered what she should do. Tell him that she could hear him so maybe be a little quieter? No, he'd hate her if he found out she was spying! Maybe, maybe make a joke about it? Buck liked jokes. But no, Ditzy didn't want to make fun of him. What if that made him think she's a prude?

She wasn't. A prude, she, she could get dirty every once in a while like any other pony. She understood. She had needs. There was nothing to be ashamed of, after all, he was a grown man and he had needs, too. Maybe it was better she not say anything. Just keep it secret. What was the harm in that?

It didn't end there, of course. Ditzy's ears perked up as Buck lay back on his bed. And the red on her face only deepened as she realized he was going for a second round. It took him longer that time to...to fire off. Ditzy noticed that his voice turned squeaky when he finished. It was cute.

What wasn't cute, though, was when Ditzy heard Buck start to whimper, and then weep. This was so private, she thought. He was quieter when he wept than when he came. Like he was trying to hide it from the world, he sobbed so quietly. Ditzy didn't know why he was sad, but she knew that the next day she would ask him if he was okay. This began a trend that started off alarming, then became routine.

At bed time, Ditzy Doo would sit up in bed after knitting and just wait for Buck. And like clockwork, every day, he would lay down in his bed and he would masturbate. Sometimes he would do it to pornography, and sometimes he would forget to put on headphones. It sounded like he preferred porn where the sex was rough. Ditzy didn't understand this. Buck had always been so sweet and kind to her, he didn't seem like a brute. Even though he had those...muscles, Buck had always been gentle around Ditzy and Dinky. But then...it was his fantasy, so it was better not to judge. If that's how he...how he liked to do it, that was fine. It was his business. It was around this time that Ditzy Doo would occasionally masturbate while Buck did the same.

It had started simple. Innocent. A wandering hand here or there, wandering while Ditzy focused on listening to Buck, and then it drifted to some places and, well, Ditzy Doo wasn't a prude, after all. She wondered what Buck would think if he knew. Would he think she was a bad girl? Would...would he like that? Would he call her a bad girl while he...

Ditzy Doo wanted to know, so badly. She would try everything to get Buck to notice her. She had strong features in the front, she knew that, boys had always been interested in those, but Buck, he was sweet.

Ditzy had noticed Buck hastily looking away from her chest whenever they talked, or biting his lip when she turned, or smiling when she touched him. He saw her as a woman, at the very least. She wondered if he ever noticed her noticing him.

She would come to his apartment sometimes and wear the top two buttons open on her blouse, or wear some especially shiny shoes. Or she would sit next to Buck, close enough that he could smell her nice new shampoo. He'd commented on that, said sea spray was a good smell, and she'd never stopped using that shampoo since.

She liked it when he complimented her. He would always say the sweetest things, notice when she put more effort into her hair, or comment that she was wearing a nice color. He was patient, too. On a particularly bold evening, Ditzy had come to Buck's apartment in a cute little black skirt. She wasn't wearing panties underneath. Buck had been in a musical mood that day, so he and Ditzy sang to each other. Ditzy wasn't any good at it, she was practically tone deaf. But, hearing Buck croon and purr at her so sweetly with his dark honey voice had...it had excited her, and she had to excuse herself to the bathroom to get it together.

Buck had waited for her, sitting patiently for almost twelve minutes while she furiously took care of her concern in the bathroom. When she came out, Buck had smiled and asked her if she was feeling sick. He cared. Ditzy had said she was fine, but she was getting a little hoarse so she was going to make them some tea. Buck had said "That's okay, Ditzy, just take a seat. I'll handle it. Ya like two sugars in chamomile, right?" He remembered.

Ditzy had stood up and confessed to him, then.

She balled up her fists to emotionally brace herself and told him. "Buck, I really appreciate everything you do for me and Dinky! You're a really, Really good guy and I don't know what I would do without you!" It hadn't come out right, exactly, but she'd hoped her feelings got through. They didn't.

"That's...that's really sweet, Ditzy. I'm glad that out of all the crummy people in this complex, I somehow ended up living next to a really wonderful family. Things've been hard on me and...well, thanks for being here. You make everything better, just by showing up."

Ditzy hadn't said any of the words she had meant to. Buck, I want to go on a date with you. Buck, I think you're handsome and smart and I want to...Buck, you're so sweet and I really like you and would you maybe consider taking me to dinner sometime? Buck, I hope you don't think this is too forward, but I really, really want to kiss you right now. Buck, I've been masturbating to you for months, and I really think you should take a peek under here. Please?

In the space of Ditzy standing there, blinking and regretting, Buck had crossed the room and pulled her into a hug. Buck gave Really good hugs. The whole world seemed solid and warm and content when Ditzy was in Buck's arms. He squeezed her firmly and gently, and Ditzy took in his unique scent. Buck always smelled a little like sweat and a little like cologne and he was so warm. She liked him, so much. She wanted him.

Ditzy had been shattered for an entire week the first time she heard Buck having sex. It was Berry Punch. She knew Berry Punch, sorta. She had a reputation. Buck had apparently heard of it. He was sweet talking her in his room. Well, sweet in the way that crushed oreos are sweet. It was dirty. He growled at her about how she'd been all over him on the dance floor. How her tongue tasted like licorice. How he liked how direct she was.

No! He liked it direct! Ditzy was so stupid! Berry Punch had said something dumb about liquid courage, and then Ditzy heard her lips on his. She sounded like she kissed sloppily. Gross. There was the jingling of belts or jewelry, and then Berry Punch had started moaning up a storm. Buck's muffled moans told Ditzy that he was eating Berry Punch out, and he was apparently pretty good at it, because Berry Punch would not shut up.

She moaned loud and she probably threw her head back because there was a bonk on the wall that made Ditzy Doo jump. Buck came up for air and said: "Hey, could you turn it down a little? My neighbor's room is on the other side of that wall. She could be in there." Berry Punch had laughed and said; "Whatever, man. Let me get on that big ol' sausage dick."

Ditzy Doo gasped quietly. She had always suspected that Buck was big down there...not that it would change her mind if he wasn't so big, but, well, she had just heard Berry Punch appraise it and...Ditzy felt a little happy about that. She began touching herself as Buck's grunts and Berry's husky moans started coming from the other side.

Buck had said something about Berry Punch looking a little winded, and if she wanted to switch up. There was a moment of silence, and then Ditzy heard shuffling. Now it was Berry Punch's voice against the wall, and Buck's huffing and grunting just over her. Ditzy could imagine Buck, all covered in sweat, thursting, and groaning, and...but then something happened. Berry Punch coughed, and then she wretched and...well, Buck's groaning stopped and there was a patter of feet and Berry Punch was apoligizing, sorta, about the sheets and the pillow and she was also laughing a little and Buck was muttering that it was fine, just go have some water, please, just have some water.

Ditzy would answer the door half dressed in pyjamas as a rosy cheeked Buck asked her if he could borrow some bleach for his laundry. Said he had spilled something and he was sorry to bother her so late. Ditzy Doo had given it to him of course. He needed her, so she was there. Ditzy would hear Buck seeing Berry Punch another time after that, but it was more brief and awkward.

Ditzy didn't like Berry Punch. She didn't really seem to care about much of anything, let alone Buck's feelings. She would insult him from time to time in a way that was shockingly mean, and then laugh it off when he asked her to lay off. Her presence in Buck's life was mercifully brief. That made Ditzy breathe a little easier. There were others, of course, even briefer relationships more salacious than Buck cared to mention and too numerous for Ditzy Doo to count. Buck had kept trying, it seemed, and then he just stopped.

Then there was...well, there was a night when Buck was horribly depressed and he'd started drinking and he hadn't stopped. Ditzy Doo had come home to her apartment to hear Buck turn some music up, and when she went to ask him to dial it down some, she found him curled up in a ball on top of his bed, weeping and shaking like a lost child.

Buck was falling apart, that night. The way he talked it sounded like he was carrying the whole world on his shoulders. He kept apoligizing, saying that Ditzy shouldn't have to see him this way. Ditzy held him tight to her chest. She had never been so intimate with him. She told him that it was fine, she was here for him, even in times like this. Buck wailed that he didn't want to be a burden, but Ditzy wouldn't hear of it.

She just rocked him gently and said that she would be here when Buck needed her, and that time was now. She said she didn't think any less of Buck for crying, said it was brave.

And like that, Ditzy gently lifted Buck out of his funk and they had talked about it. Buck had said that everything had just sort of piled on him. His failures. The struggle with the rent. The rejected projects. Berry Punch. Her, the one before. He was just so tired, he said, tired of feeling miserable for trying.

Ditzy had said then that trying is the only way to make things happen. He had told her that. Ditzy said to Buck that Berry Punch just been a mistake, that's all, and that things would be better next time. Buck said he wasn't sure he Wanted there to be a next time. He wanted desperately to learn to be okay with himself without hanging his emotions on someone else, he said. He was tired of getting hurt, too.

Ditzy had felt almost insulted by that. Wasn't he hanging his emotions on her, right now? Hadn't they been supporting each other emotionally since shortly after Buck came to this place? No, but, this wasn't about Her feelings. She was here to help Buck.

So, Ditzy Doo had Buck run her through a muffin recipe she had found, and the two warmed up with some cocoa and chatted in the kitchen and then the living room couch. She had fallen asleep with her head in his lap. He was warm, and firm, but soft, down there. He was pure comfort. He felt Right.

It had been some time since then. Just a day ago, Ditzy had recommended Buck try a speed dating event nearby at the last minute. She was going to surprise him by showing up dressed all nice, and she would have confessed to him and really given it her best shot. But that's not what happened. Instead, Buck had talked to Her, first. The woman with the red hair. She was bad. It was obvious to Ditzy, she had that look in her eyes. Like a cat burglar. She was beautiful, and vicious. And she had caught BUCK.

Ditzy could see how nervous she made him, and she was a flirt. She petted him up and purred at him and fluttered her eyelashes and then Buck, poor Buck had gone off with her before he even Saw Ditzy Doo. This was not the first time some...some loose woman had sunk her claws into Buck, and Ditzy could guess how things would go. It would take a little time, but it wouldn't work out. She'd be mean to him, and he would get hurt, and then he'd come home and be down about it and Ditzy would be there.

Like always.

That's why, when Buck came home the next morning before Ditzy Doo had gone to work, she was surprised. She heard his door open and shut with a creak, and then his feet pacing the floor. He sounded frantic. He was mumbling.

What happened?

Ditzy stepped outside and placed her hand on Buck's door. Like always, she knocked twice, waited. He didn't call for her to come in. He didn't say anything at all.

Like always, Ditzy Doo stepped into Buck's cozy little apartment to check in on him. She heard something glass hit the floor and shatter. He was in the kitchen. Something was wrong.

"Buck? Buck, are you okay?" Ditzy crossed the living room quickly, to the kitchen, and she gasped as she saw Buck. He was crouched on the floor in front of the sink. His shoulders were shaking. He was trying to pick up the pieces of a broken glass with his bare hands. He was bleeding.

"Buck?" Ditzy stepped over to him carefully. "Buck?" Buck wasn't listening. He was mumbling to himself. His hand was bleeding. He was shaking. "Buck!" Ditzy said. Buck stopped and looked at her. He was a mess. He looked terrified, like he'd seen a ghost. "Ditzy? Oh, oh, hey. I'm just trying to clean this up, I...listen I'm...I'm okay, Ditzy, I-"

"No you are NOT, Purple Prose, you are having a panic attack!" Ditzy said. She used her Mom voice for times like this. It was important. Buck blinked and looked around. He was hyperventilating. Ditzy reached out to touch him, and he flinched away from her.

"No, no, no, wait, WAIT!" Buck shouted. Ditzy Doo shook and shuddered.

He was scary when he yelled. Ditzy took in a deep breath. He was frightened. He wasn't lashing out, he was backing away. Something had scared him.

"Buck, you're bleeding. Listen, it's going to be okay. I'm here." Ditzy folded her hands over her lap. She made sure Buck saw that she wasn't going to touch him. She spoke carefully, but with authority. "Buck, I'm not going to hurt you. I'm helping, okay? I'm helping. Where are you standing right now, Buck?"

"In-in my kitchen." Buck's eyes were wild.

"That's right, Buck. What does it smell like in here?"

"It...like, like soap because I cleaned in here the other day." He was shaking.

"Right, right! What color are the dish towels?"

"They're...they're blue." He took a shuddering breath.

"Mhm, mhm. What color is my hair?"

"It's blonde, Ditzy." Buck's breathing was starting to level out.

"How does your hand feel?"

"...It hurts."

"Would you mind if I took care of it, Buck?"

"I wouldn't...Thank you." Ditzy Doo took Buck's other hand tenderly. She cupped her hand in his, like they were school kids. She pulled him to the living room and sat him down, then ran to the bathroom and came back with bandages.

"It's okay, Buck. I'm right here with you, okay? I'm here." Ditzy soothed, gently using tweezers and bandages to tend to him. She cleaned him up, made sure the bandages were good and flat to the skin. She'd done this for Dinky more times than she could count. She and Buck had that in common; they were always on the move, and so they were always getting little nicks and scrapes. His hands were sturdy and strong. He was still shaking.

"Breathe, Buck. Count to eight. In. One, two, three..." Ditzy directed. Buck followed and he began to come down.

"Thank you, Ditzy...I don't know what I'd do without you. I-I dropped a glass."

"Because your hands are shaking. Why are your hands shaking, Buck?" Ditzy said, slowly.

"Because I'm freaking out, Ditzy, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you, you must be going to work right now and I'm over here being-"

"Shhh...I'm here right now, Buck. I'm here for you." Ditzy said. She patted the hand she was holding. She laid her head on his shoulder. He was warm. "Buck, what happened? Did the speed dating thing not work out? You didn't come home last night."

"Oh, that's right, I was supposed to come over after! I'm sorry Ditzy, I didn't mean to bail on you, I just got a little caught up and..." Buck stammered. Ditzy could feel his heart hammering in his chest.

"It's okay, Buck. I'm not mad at you. I just want to know what happened."

"I met a girl, Ditzy."

"Mhm." Ditzy closed her eyes and nodded. She sucked her lips into her mouth. She was practicing patience.

"And she...she's...well, she scared the hell out of me, Ditzy. Really freaked me right the fuck out, and she's, she's a mean one, and I don't think I was ready for that, and it was just...things got weird and I'm freaking out, Ditzy, I'm freaking out!"

"It's okay, Buck. She's not here. I'm here. I've got you, Buck." Ditzy squeezed Buck's hand, nuzzling her cheek against his shoulder. He wasn't telling her something. He smelled a bit like an unfamiliar perfume. He was wet with cold sweat. Oh no.

"Did she hurt you, Buck?"

"No, Ditzy, I'm okay."

"You're shaking, Buck. Did she hurt your feelings?"

"No...no, things were just...just off. Strange. Things got really really strange. Freaked me out."

"Okay." Ditzy didn't want to ask the obvious question. This was Buck. He had a weakness for bad girls, she was discovering. That woman had plucked him up from speed dating and did something to him and now he was a nervous wreck. Buck's eyes were darting around the room, like he was looking for an exit. That was the look he got when he was thinking really hard. Ditzy frowned. He was thinking about That Woman.

"Buck, you're alright. It's over, you're safe, and I'm here. Do you want me to get you some water?" Ditzy reached up and looked into Buck's golden eyes. She touched his cheek. It was as light a touch as she could make. A question.

"Sure, Ditzy. I'd like that. But the glass, you have to be careful, you might get hurt. Because, because I dropped a glass in there...I'm so fucking clumsy, I'm sorry Ditzy."

"Hush. We can clean that up, it's okay. Accidents happen, Buck, you always tell me that. Let me take care of you." Ditzy said. It was matter-of-fact. Distant and matronly. He was almost like a child right now. She stroked his cheek, wiped the tears away with her thumb. She smiled at him. His smile was beautiful.

Ditzy got up and came back with a glass of water. With ice. She sat down next to Buck, scooched a little closer so that their hips were touching. "Small sips, Buck." She said, handing him the glass.

"Alright." Buck said. His hands were still shaking a little, but he was calming down, Ditzy could see that. Good.

"Buck, would you do me a favor?"

"Anything, Ditzy, anything."

"Take one of those ice cubes and chew on it."

"Huh?"

"It'll help, I promise. It's, it's like...tactile and it'll get your mind off of things." Ditzy had practiced the ice cube trick when she was spinning out, and it had always helped to ground her. Buck needed some grounding about now. "Here. Say 'ah'."

Buck followed her instructions, and Ditzy gingerly popped an ice cube into his mouth. His lips closed briefly around her fingers. His lips were thick, and soft. Ditzy wanted to reach up and just run her fingers along them.

Ditzy watched Buck chew slowly. His eyes closed as he rolled the ice cube around in his mouth. His shoulders dropped. Ditzy rubbed his back in big, gentle circles. "You're okay. You're okay." She said it like a mantra.

Buck sighed. Ditzy smiled up at him. Here was the hard part.

"Buck...did you spend the night at that woman's place?"

"Y...Yeah, Ditzy, I did." He hesitated. He was ashamed. It wasn't his fault, she wanted to say, but another part of her was furious. Of course he had, of course.

"Well, did you leave anything there, Buck?"

"...No. I've got everything."

"Okay. Buck, you have work tonight. Do you want me to call in and say that you can't come?"

"No, no, I'm not going to do that to you guys. I'll be okay to work."

"Are you sure, Buck?" Ditzy couldn't remember the amount of times she'd asked Buck if he was sure about something, and then he'd cracked. Buck shook his head.

"I'm sure. I'll be okay, I promise."

"You're going to be okay, Buck?" Ditzy said. He still wouldn't look in her eyes. He looked so frightened, and vulnerable, but he sniffed and nodded.

"I'm going to be okay, Ditzy. Thank you for this." He said. He smiled. Ditzy felt her heart flutter.

"It's okay, Buck. I'm here, you know that! We look out for each other, don't we?" Ditzy said, smiling.

"That we do, Ditzy. That we do." Buck said. Ditzy booped his nose. He chuckled.

"And don't you be afraid to come to me when you get like this, okay?" She chided him. She knew him. He would never admit it, but he liked it when she was overbearing. He wanted so badly for someone to take care of him, she knew.

"Okay, Ditzy. I won't. I mean, I will. Yeah." Buck said, stumbling over his words.

"Well...I still have to go to work, but if you want, I can sit with you for just a little bit longer. Would you like that, Buck?"

"You don't have to do that, Ditzy. I don't want to make you late."

"No, no, I always show up early anyway. You'd just make me late to being early! It'll be fine."

"I...okay, Ditzy. Yeah, I'd really like to just sit here with you for a little while. It's okay, right?"

"Yeah Buck, it is. I'm here." Ditzy was gently wiping away the tears on his other cheek. He wasn't touching her; he almost looked like he was afraid to touch anything. Poor thing.

"...Buck, come here." After a moment of sitting in silence, looking away, Ditzy turned to Buck once more. He tilted his head, finally looked at her. He was so close. She could feel his breath on her face. "Buck..." Ditzy said, eyes half lidded. She reached up to touch his cheek.

"Yeah, Ditzy?" His lips were so soft. His eyes were bright and beautiful. His shoulders were so wide. He was so vulnerable. Ditzy pulled him close.

Then, she leaned back and away, pulled his head into her lap. He shuddered, in the way a cat shudders when you surprise it with a pet to the back. He went stiff for a second, then sighed and relaxed. She pet his hair, scratched his scalp, gently. This was enough for right now. It had to be. He needed to feel secure. This wasn't the time for...

"You're safe with me, Buck. It's okay." Buck and Ditzy would stay like that for a little while. He had finally stopped shaking. Ditzy's thighs were small, but she hoped they were soft enough for him. He didn't complain. The room was filled with a sweet, contented silence between them.

And then, like always. Ditzy had to go, and leave Buck alone.

Author's Note

Song Review: Close To You by the Carpenters is one of those quintessential love songs that you always hear in old wedding videos. The lyrics are so simple and pure, they somehow manage to tug at my heart every time I listen to them.
It's a loving sigh in musical form; a gentle ballad that describes how the singer views the love of their life. For Buck, a man who doesn't see any value in himself, who's hooked up with a woman who only sees his physical value, it's critical to have someone like Ditzy Doo who sees his personality and finds a lot to love in it.
In my experience, when big tough guys have panic attacks, everyone gets scared; especially the girls. Therefore I thought showing Ditzy's bravery in helping Buck to navigate his emotions was not just a change of pace, but a strong indicator of her personal strength and Buck's fragility.
Even when he's falling apart, she longs to be close to him. Ah.