Who is Sunset Shimmer? Or, maybe “Who was Sunset,” would be a better question.
At a glance, both of those questions seemed easy. Sunset was Sunset, she was she and nobody else.
But, in reality, it was a much more complex concept. Which Sunset could be considered the “real” Sunset? Was it the mare in Equestria, the body that had been left on a dimensional shelf for her human skin-suit? Did that body even exist or was it irreparably destroyed when she crossed worlds?
And what about her human body? Was it “hers” or was it something she couldn’t own? Did she have the right to call herself human when she wasn’t even from their world? If she had decided to stay on Earth, would she ever be “Sunset” again without her unicorn body?
But if her body wasn’t her, then what about her memories? Could memories define her as a person or pony, and what were memories to a creature who constantly collected them? She had Rarity’s memories tucked away in her head, along with her other friends and complete strangers.
She saw a dozen sunrises through a hundred eyes and saw thousands of days with a glance. It was like her own memories were a raindrop in an ocean, lost to the depths of alien thoughts that filled her head.
So, if neither her memories or her body could define her, then what about her actions? Did they mean anything when they were stolen too?
Her new habits, good and bad, had been adopted from the sea of memories. Flash’s insistent habit of tapping his thumb against his fingers, Applejack’s brutal desire for honesty, and Vinyl’s urge to smoke had been only a few of her newly acquired traits.
Even as she paced around the Caterlot statue, tapping at her digits to match an imagined beat, she couldn’t help but mimic the motion of drawing a cigarette to her lips. Cold air rushed between the small parted lips, letting her take a long drag on the midnight air as she tried to relax.
Her new craving had been a minor nuisance at one point, but had since grown into a gnawing hunger.
Was it even right to call it “her” craving? Who was Her? Sunset? Vinyl? Some strange mashup of the two? All of her questions just lead to more questions, each one branching off from three simple words.
Who is Sunset?
If her thoughts, body, and actions couldn’t define her, then what about her past?
She almost felt like laughing at that particular question, a mirthless self-berating scoff as her past self. In the early days of her reformation, she had claimed that her past couldn’t define her, boldly in fact. She had sung a sung on the rooftop, as if proclaiming it to the world!
She was so arrogant back then, openly denying herself of something that could actually define her, cursing her memories instead of savoring them. Now they were lost in an ocean of thoughts, buried in other's joy and sorrow.
So, if her past couldn’t hold the answer, then what about her future? Did she have right to claim that her future was “her” when her past and present weren’t?
Would she be less than who she was today by tomorrow? Was she more of herself yesterday than that night? Was she losing or growing, becoming more or less, was she still Sunset?
Her thumb was rapping on her fingers quicker as her thoughts spiraled down a familiar path.
If only she had noticed sooner. A slip of the tongue was all it took for her to finally notice, a small word that naturally flew from her lips.
Darling, darling, darling. She shrugged it off at first, but it planted a seed inside her mind. It started to grow when someone asked her what she had done the prior week, and she recounted someone else’s week.
She couldn’t even remember whose week it was, it had just been the first one to come to mind. If Rainbow didn’t catch on then would Sunset have even noticed? How long would she keep slipping?
Would she have eventually become an entirely different person? Was she already a different person?
Who was Sunset?
Could she ever be Sunset, or was could she never be her again? Even if she had returned to her old body, would that make her Sunset Shimmer?
Twilight would probably… maybe… She’d know, Twilight would definitely know.
She was Twilight Sparkle, successor of Princess Celestia, Element of Magic, Princess of Friendship. If anyone could fix Sunset, it’d be Twilight.
So, she waited, pacing around the high school statue as she distracted herself with a small melody.
Rat-a-tat-tat-rat-a-tat-tat.
Her thumb struck her fingers to follow the notes, driving her thoughts away from every problem that plagued her. She didn’t know the tune, if it was something she heard herself or if someone else had remembered hearing it, all she knew was that it was a distraction.
Rat-a-tat-tat-rat-a-tat-tat.
Maybe it was something Vinyl made, or maybe it was something Sunset did? Who knew. Not Sunset, that’s for sure.
Rat-a-tatat-tat-rat-a-tatat-tat.
What did Sunset know? Nothing, of course she didn’t. She was just a constant failure.
Rat-a-tatat-tat-tat. Rat-a-tat-tat.
She failed to notice the changes. Failed as Princess Celestia’s student. Failed again and again.
Rat-tat-a-tat-ta-
Failed to keep a damn beat!
Sunset huffed as she clenched her fingers, pacing around the statue with a longer strides as she hugged herself.
Deep breaths filled her lungs as she tried to keep her thoughts in order, whatever constituted as “hers” anyway since nothing really belonged to her, she was practically a patchwork of sweaty hormonal teens in a mutated body that didn’t even belong on their magic-less world. She was just a freak, something that always made mistakes, a constant failure. That’s who Sunset was, who she’d always be, and could never change.
Even with a thousand memories and a hundred new talents, she’d always be the same worthless pony, the greatest failure, Sun—
“Sunset!” Twilight called out, grabbing Sunset’s wrist with a violent yank, pulling her out of her own thoughts and straight into Twilight’s.
A flash of visions played before her, swirling around in her mind like a storm. Friends, family, strangers who felt terrifyingly familiar and… and she didn’t hate it.
It was a life she had only dreamed of, the life of Princess Celestia’s favorite pupil. She had everything and more inside Twilight’s memories.
Crowds cheered for her, the princess adored her, and her friends, not Twilight’s friends, hers. Rainbow Dash, Applejack, Rarity, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, they were all there all… They were Twilight’s friends.
Sunset wretched her wrist out of Twilight’s grip, stepping farther away from her supposed “friend.” A dozen thoughts and feelings raced through her, but none of them were hers. Anger, betrayal, love, understanding, so many feelings flared up as she stared into Twilight's eyes.
“Sunset, what’s wrong, you said there was an emergency and I came here as soon as I could, and—” Twilight rattled on, falling into a familiar mess of panicked gibberish as Sunset recalled a few of her new memories.
It was so strange to see Twilight through her old eyes, listening to her words tumble out as she tried to help her friend…
But was Sunset really her friend? What about the Rainbooms? From the very beginning they had been Twilight’s friends, her possession. Sunset didn’t earn her friends, they were just given to her, letting her fill in for the spot Twilight left behind.
Twilight had already been molding her early on by giving Sunset her friends’ doppelgangers. Even before her powers, she was becoming someone else. She was just a worse version of Twilight, the failed student, the one nopony even remembers.
Maybe… Maybe Sunset was already gone… Maybe she could really be someone else. Somepony else.
Yes. Sunset could never reclaim what was lost, so she’d just need to start again… She’d be her own version.
“Hey, it’s okay Twi, calm down,” Sunset said, gently placing a hand on Twilight’s shoulder to brush a thumb against her neck. “It’s… A friendship problem. Let’s go over to my place, we can talk more there.”
“But your message said it was urgent, and I couldn’t read the rest—”
“Relax, Twi, it’s not the end of the world. I might have just… Overreacted a little, you know how it can be to get stuck in your own head sometimes, right?” She reassured her, all the while holding the bespectacled teen closer as she guided her away from the statue.
“Well, yeah, I guess. But are you sure you’re okay, Sunset? I was really worried when you weren’t responding earlier.”
“Sorry, I have a lot on my mind. I just need to decompress a little. Hey, here's an idea, how about we go out to Buffalo Burger and get something to eat. We could both use a treat.”
“Oh, that actually sounds nice. But I thought you hated fried food?”
“What can I say, Twi? People change,” she smiled.
They would both end up changing a lot that night, and ~~Twilight~~ Sunset would feel like a completely new pony.
It was very nice of Twilight to memorize the alicorn spell, it made everything else so much easier.
