Ironheart was a simple colt. His coat was a bright white, and his mane and tail were that of a bright blue. His color scheme had caused many of his friends to refer to him as the 'Shining Armor' of their group. The only thing missing was another streak of blue in his hair and a different cutie-mark, his cutie-mark being a heart coated in iron. He took this symbol very seriously, so seriously that he believed he was destined to join the Royal Guard since he was born. Without even realizing it the friend group he had chosen was made entirely out of ponies who wanted to do the same thing.
He didn't cry often, and told himself that it was simply not in his nature to cry. After all, he was Ironheart, a strong colt destined to be in the Royal Guard, with a cutie-mark telling him that he had to be the shining example of toughness. That nothing could crack that tough iron exterior. Yet this wasn't always the case, as much as he might've hoped. Some days he did cry, and sometimes his friends saw him cry.
They cheered him up, but it was only a temporary solution.
The fact of the matter was that Ironheart didn't have a normal life, or a normal family. When he was born, his wonderful mother and father taught him as much as they possibly could. His mother, Pearlescent Shine was a designer for homes, making them as beautiful as can be, whilst his father, who Ironheart only knew as 'Trident' was in the Royal Guard. Just after Ironheart's tenth birthday however, his father passed away.
That wasn't what made his life different however.
His father was a known drinker, always downing a bottle of whatever he could get his hooves on at the end of the day. Ironheart didn't blame him for drinking and assumed it was because his job was difficult. But when the arguments between his mother and father arose, he tried to step in to get them to see that it was nothing to argue over. Yet he was repeatedly told that he knew nothing since he was just a young colt.
Ironheart chalked life up to just that, him being a young colt and not understanding much. It was normal in other households, right? His friends never brought it up but he didn't blame them. He didn't want to bring it up either, it was too awkward to talk about and they were too young to understand. Yet he found it more and more difficult to go about his daily life without thinking about what would happen when he returned home.
His parents never touched him in any way that was violent, but they sure did yell. He hated coming home after a fun day of school or hanging out with his friends and open the door to a yelling-match. Yet he had a set time to be home, and if he disobeyed he knew he would be yelled at the both of them in their drunken stupor.
His father wasn't the only one who drank. After his father had started to abuse the bottle, his mother did too. It was a likely event, since mother hated having to deal with the drunken father every day. This only made the problems worse, and eventually his father became more and more ill. That didn't meant the arguments slowed. It only made them worse. Even when his father was bed-ridden for the last few weeks of his life, mother would barge into his room and yell at him.
Ironheart didn't know how to feel about the entire situation. On one hoof, he wanted his father to live and wanted to spend quality time with him and his mother, but that wasn't going to happen even if he did live. He would continue to abuse the bottle. And on the other hoof, he wanted his father to pass away so that the yelling would stop. So that he could finally invite his friends over to his house without being afraid of his parents fighting, which happened more than once.
Was it selfish to think that way? Ironheart didn't know.
When his father passed away it only made things worse for him and his mother. The lack of income impacted things more than he expected, and instead of eating full meals he was only getting half, or less than half of what he was used to. He chalked it up to being hard times, and he didn't blame his mother in the slightest.
That was until she started to abuse the bottle even worse. He found himself coming home to her being completely drunk, or asleep and drunk. Dinner was no longer being cooked, and he wasn't having lunches for school anymore. He knew why those things weren't happening, and it was because his mother was using their money to buy even more alcohol. She didn't go to work some days saying that she was sick when it was purely a lie in order to get drunk once again.
Ironheart, being at the age of fifteen was feeling quite weirded out by his mother. He would come home and sit on the chair next to the dining table, only to have his drunken mother come up next to him and talk to him, her words completely slurred and her hooves wandering in places they shouldn't be.
He had brought his friend over once and she did the same to him. That was one of the most embarrassing points in Ironheart's entire life. Yet when he would refuse or get mad at her for her touching him, she would shame him and say he didn't love her anymore. He knew it was just the alcohol talking.
Well, to be fair, he didn't know at all really. He simply thought that so he could feel a little better.
Day after day he would walk through the door and go straight to his room, his mother then invading his privacy and walking into his room and sitting on his bed with him, never leaving him alone for even a second. When he didn't come home on time, his mother in her drunken state would wander the streets looking for him which only caused him more embarrassment.
Yet today was different. Ironheart had a crush on a pony for quite some time and tried to confront them about it, letting his heart out and trying to win their affection, only to have them shut the door on his face. His friends had comforted him about it, but he didn't care. He walked home, sad about the current events that played out during the day. He jammed the keys into the lock with his mouth and twisted it, allowing him entry into his house.
His mother sat on the couch, her legs splayed out with a bottle between her legs. She let her neck swing lazily to his direction and she gave him a smile. "H-How's my... my babyy~?"
He hated her calling him that. "I'm not a baby mom, and I'm fine." He closed the door shut and began to walk right past her to his usual hiding place, his room, before she would definitely follow him and bother him some more. Yet something flew just behind him and crashed against the wall, the contents of whatever it was spilling out onto the floor. He looked at his mother with his ears perked up, his eyes wide as he saw her expression.
Her nose flared and her face was scrunched up. "How dare you! You will al..always be my- my baby!" She yelled, her voice cracking and her throat giving off a raspy sound that only showed when she had been drinking. He shook his head.
"Mom that's not what I said-"
"I knoww what you saaiiddd! You hate me!"
"What?!" Ironheart said, turning his body towards her and taking a step forward. "I don't hate you mom, I never said that."
"Ohhohhohhh... ohhh I feel it. I feel you hati...ng me!" She pouted as if she was a foal who was denied her carrots. He shook his head even more violently this time, more upset than he usually would be in a situation like this, and watching her stumbling trying to get up off the couch only made him more angry. He hated seeing her stumble about. Once she was on her hooves, she walked right up to him and put a hoof on the back of his neck, letting it slowly fall off. "Jus' like yer' father!"
She brought her hoof back and swung it at his face.
Ironheart quickly ducked and pushed her back defensively, his eyes darting between her face and her hoof. "What the.. Mom! What are you doing?!"
"You jus' hit your mother! W-Why would you... do that?!"
"What?!"
She began to cry, allowing herself to fall to the floor. She sniffled, snot coming out of her nose and her eyes darting up at him a few times to see if he was actually watching her. Ironheart didn't know what to say, but a burning sensation in his chest began to form. His own nose flared and his hooves shook, before he slammed his right front hoof onto the floor with anger. "Why are you always like this?! You're always drunk- drinking and touching ponies and being... weird!"
"Don't you yell a' yer' mom!" His mother said, her sniffling stopping as she propped herself up against the bottom of the couch.
"You aren't my mom, Pearl!"
"Wha'... did you jus' say?!" She said angrily, trying her best to get up once again but failing.
"I said you aren't my mom! You're a drunken idiot who doesn't know how to take care of anything in her life! Look at what's happening and yet all you care about is your damn bottle! Our house is a mess- You are a mess- everything is a mess! I'm tired of living like this with someone who always yells at me and shames me!"
"How a...m I bein' mean to you?! Tell me Ihronnn- Ironheart! Tell me! Tell me! Tell me! Tell-"
"SHUTUP! For the love of Celestia SHUT UP! I'm so tired of this! I'm tired of you- I'm tired of this pointless life! You drove dad to death and now you're going to do the same thing to me! I'm... done with this. That's it- I'm done. You can live your life the way you want but I can't get you to change. You wouldn't even listen to Berry Pun-"
"That whorse deserved the slap 'ah gave her!"
Ironheart kicked with both of his back legs, causing the chair behind him to fly at the wall and break into pieces. His mother smiled at him. "Awhh... does-does that make you feel betteh? I'hm always wrong huh?!"
"Yeah, mom. You are. You always think you know what's best for me. You sit me down and touch me- you're a grown mare mom! You touched my friends in ways that made them uncomfortable and then you yelled at ME for it!"
"M-Mother al...always knows her son best... don't you know that?" She said with a smile, waving a drunken hoof in the hair with no direction. "Ahmm... 'Ah know you hate me. 'is okay... hate you too.."
"What?" Ironheart slowly questioned.
"'Ah HATE YOU TOO!" She said with a laugh before giving him a pouted face. "Awhh... you don' like hearin' thatt... too bad~"
Ironheart stomped his hooves onto the floor again. "You're acting like a filly. That's what drinking does to you. I wish that was poison instead of alcohol so I don't have to deal with this anymore. But the way your using it, it is poison." Ironheart began walking to the front door, causing his mother to reach out with a hoof and sniffle.
"Where' ya.. goin?!" She said with a grunt, trying to get up.
"I'm living with my friends. I'm done living here. I'll be here sometime to pick up my stuff, but I'm living with my friends. You can come looking for me and demand that I come back but I'll tell the police everything if you do. Think of it this way mom, you get to have your drink and I don't bother you. Sounds like a good deal doesn't it?"
Ironheart kicked the door open. "Mom, just because you birthed me doesn't mean you know me best. You don't even know yourself best. I can't be here anymore. I can't change you. I've tried- I've tried for so long, trying to get you to go to AA meetings and to stop drinking and you do good for a couple days before you relapse. I can't drag myself down with you. I know what I can change, and it's not you. It's me."
He walked out of the doorway, his mother yelling incoherently before he shut the door and walked down the road. He saw one of his friends down the way and trotted up to him, yelling out his name. "Phoenix! Phoenix- hey, wait up!" That caused Phoenix to turn around and spot him. Phoenix was a dark blue Pegasus, his hair streaking between white and grey.
"Hey bro, what's up?"
"Do you think I could stay with you?"
Phoenix shrugged. "Always man. How long?"
"How long will you let me?"
With a closer look at Ironheart, Phoenix could tell he was a little shaken up. "How 'bout you come sit down with me and my mom. You tell her everything and I'm sure she'll let you stay as long as you need to, I can promise you that. I'm assuming..."
"Yeah." Ironheart nodded slowly, swallowing hard causing his eyes to wince from the pain in his throat. "Yeah, it was bad. But I'm done with it. After what she did to me, and even you, I'm just... I can't deal with that no more."
Phoenix extended a wing and draped it over him. "House isn't too far, c'mon. You know the way."
"Thanks."
Author's Note
Thank you all for reading the story.
Due to recent events in my life and my own life story I wanted to write this story from a perspective of someone who has had these conversations with their own mother. This is not a 'self insert' in any way, but I felt that this was a way for me to get my own thoughts out of my head and to hopefully give a good story while doing it.
I might continue this if this has good feedback, but I might not.
If you're dealing with a similar situation, or you drink yourself, just know you aren't alone and to try to take a step back from everything that happens. To many times have I thought within the moment and caused myself and others much more pain than there needed to be.
There will probably be many writing mistakes since I've been writing this under plenty of emotion, and I wouldn't mind hearing anyone else's story in the comment section regarding this topic.
