Wittyhooves Campfire Tales

" Hey everypony", said Wittyhooves to the group, some chatting and some roasting marshmallows, around the campfire." So whats the problem, I don't hear any stories", he said with a grin.

" Sorry bro", said a yellow pegasus" we were waiting for you".

" Ok well lets hear something, how about you Blacksash", he said to a white unicorn with his signature black sash around his head. " Tell them about one of the times you tried to teach me to be a ninja", said Witty with a grin" and make sure it's funny".

" Well ok give me a second", Blacksash said meditating" ok here is when we were working on stealth and discipline that one winter in the Everfree..."

" Ok Sash how are we going to do this", said Witty with his game face.

" Ok", said the unicorn completely expressionless" we are going to play a game".

" We will play hide and seek, and the goal is to not be noticeable at all" said the colt tightening his sash".

" What do you mean", said the grey earth pony, looking puzzled".

The small white pony replied," You must discipline yourself and hide in the snow, please take off your jacket"

Witty pulled the pine colored jacket off and laid it on the table under the umbrella.

" Ok Witty I will wait in the house and count to one hundred", Blacksash uttered" and you, my friend, will hide in the snow".

" Ok", said the earth pony as he galloped off.

" Ok" said Witty to nopony in particular" I have always favored the tree canopy as a place to hide", he pondered" and the shine from the small amount of sun peaking from the clouds should make this a little more bearable", he said still to nopony" now how do I get up", but as he said this he had an idea. He found a short but flexible pine tree and bent it down all the way to the forest floor. He then stepped on the pine and dis some last second checks. " Ok", he said looking into space" the tree should be limber enough to lift me not throw me". He jumped lightly enough to have the branch slowly lift him while he kept his balance. He made it to the top and hopped into the closest tree. He then proceeded to cover himself in snow and shivered.

Meanwhile

" Ninety-eight, ninety-nine, one hundred", the white unicorn galloped out the door and a quick pace.

It did not take long to find his companion. There in the snow covered floor were hoofprints and the limber tree had its snow removed by the action of bending it. Silently the unicorn scanned the trees and found his friends blond tail slightly sticking from the side of a tree. Blacksash ,using his honed vision, began to spot the rest of his quarry. He , still silent, magically gripped a ball of snow and compressed it. He then magically threw it at his friend and Witty fell from the tree with a thump.

Witty raised himself from the icy floor and nodded" your good but I could", he said with a smug grin" always do this", and he turned and bucked an overhanging tree. The tree shook and the sparkling snow fell from the branches and covered Sash in a glittering mess. " Tushe Witty", he said with snow in his mouth. Then they walked to the cabin blue faced and shivering.

" Oh I remember that now", said Witty, flickering in time with the flames" So any other stories". All the other ponies looked at each other and shrugged.

" Ok well what about the time Blossom Bud and I went to break up with his marefriend"?

All the ponies shrugged and murmured. The violet colt, known as Blossom Bud, gave a small grin.

" Ok", said Witty" here's how it started, we were going to the fast food joint she worked at and..."

" You sure about this man", said Witty with a comically confused look on his face" I mean why do you need me, not that I mind I just thought when you said we were going out to get burgers I didn't know that we would be breaking up with some mare".

The tall colt replied" Well I could use a quick thinker like you, besides Survivalof is a pretty unpredictable pony". Her full name was Survivalof Thefittest and she was a survival expert and could last in the middle of the Everfree with nothing more than a toothpick and a rope.

" Are you sure about this", Witty said , scared for his friend" The last stallion that broke up with her had to be pried from her magical grip, he had to go to therapy for a while too".

" No she may be strong but I have been through worse, and I am counting on you to make note of all possible defenses in that resturaunt", he said this with a fearful glance to the ground.

" Ok", said Witty enjoying that his wit could get him into some action" but your paying", he said with a forced laugh.

As they approached Chaos Burger, a Discord themed restaurant, their pace began to quicken like a mongoose with a snakes nest in sight.They walked in through the glass double doors and were rushed by cool air. With a shiver, of fear and cold, Bud asked for a table for two and requested his soon to be ex-marefriend as our waitress.

They sat at their table and waited in a tension filled silence. But Wittyhooves was unaware of the growing tension because he was busy looking for protection that my or may not be needed. He was so zoned out he almost didn't notice the aqua blue unicorn approaching their table with an angry expression on her face.

She hissed to the colts" What do you want, maybe your here to say your sorry for the argument the other day", she said in a low growl.

Bud slammed his hoof on the table and uttered with gusto" now I am not, actually i was hoping I could get an its over burger and a side of get out of my life", he said his gaze unwavering" and a number seven, with a large drink".

She looked like she would rip his head off right there but a coworker told here to get Buds food. She walked away but a voice called behind her.

" Oh yeah", said Witty with a smug grin, angry at the mare who would be so rude to his friend" could I get a number four with a side of get over it".

This comment pushed the mare over the edge. She grabbed discord horn shaped forks ,from surrounding tables, in here magical grip and hurled them at the pair of stallions. Witty hade seen this coming and flipped the table, pulling his friend down to the floor. The table was pierced by dozens of silverware.

" Bud", said Witty to his shocked friend" buck the table in three, two, one". Their hooves connected with the table and it slid across the tiled floor and pinned the mare to the wall with the four legs shoved into it. The furious mare struggled in a fruitless effort to escape her prison.

" Hey waitress", said Witty to the attacker with extreme gusto" check please".

He then galloped out of the restaurant leaving the occupants in full shock.

" Oh man", said Witty in the light of the fire" I felt like such a badflank".

" Yeah you save my plot back there, it was hoofing epic", uttered Blossom bud with a chuckle.

" Ok guys I am gonna get some tofudogs, I'll be right back", Witty said as he trotted away.