Ay, There's the Rub

by Implausible Deniability

Rating: mature
Tags: Rarity, Sex, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Romance, Spike
Length: 3306

Decades later, Spike is still looking after his beloved unicorns.

Spike the Dragon. Grand Ambassador of Equestria. The face of of the nation for much of the world. Since his appointment, he has prevented more than one war solely through his reputation for fairness, wisdom, and lightly incinerating creatures who don't respect either.

It would be hard for most who now know him to imagine him as a lovestruck hatchling fawning over a small-town seamstress. Of course, that seamstress is now the head of the largest fashion conglomerate in the world. But some things never really change...

Written for LtMajorDude as part of the Summer Sin Celebration. Contains, in no particular order: fellatio, cunnilingus, cornilingus, sensual massage, M/F intercourse, and post-timeskip headcanon. Cover image by Pia-sama, used with permission (and at their suggestion!)

Published 2021-07-25 14:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2021-07-25 14:30:01 UTC

Suffering Slings, Arrows, and Muscle Tension

The sunset painted Ponyville in gold as Luster Dawn trotted off with a group of creatures, already discussing their favorite books. Twilight Sparkle sniffled as she watched, the sun behind her hitching with her breath.

Applejack patted her fetlock. “Y’okay there, Twi?”

“Yeah.” Twilight manifested a hoofkerchief and dabbed at her eyes. “It’s just… while showing Luster around town, it struck me just how much we’ve been through since my first day in Ponyville. How much we’ve achieved, how much we’ve grown.” Between spread wings and telekinesis, she dragged in all of her oldest friends for a group hug.

Like so many before it, the moment lasted until Pinkie Pie opened her mouth. “Well, if you’re hoping to repeat that with Luster, I’m preeetty sure Luna won’t be on board with her defeating Nightmare Moon tonight.”

Everyone got a good laugh at that. “Not what I’m trying for,” said Twilight. “Luster just needs a few object lessons on the benefits of friendship, and where better?” She looked around and sighed. “I haven’t been here in too long. Everypony okay if we take a recess?”

Applejack raised an eyebrow and tilted her head to the sun, now almost completely below the horizon. “Ponyville ain’t as little as it used to be, Twi. Givin’ a filly the grand tour takes a spell.”

“Well yeah,” Pinkie said with a wider grin than usual. “Twilight teleported us all the way from Canterlot.”

She got a smirk in return before Applejack turned towards the Acres. “C’mon, Dash. You wanna help ‘round the farm so much, let’s see you pull yer weight in the kitchen.”

“But Sugar Belle always smacks me with a wooden spoon when I try.”

Pinkie watched the familiar argument fade into the distance before gasping. “I need to make sure Cheese remembered to walk Gummy! See you tomorrow, girls! And Spike!” She waved while galloping on three legs, leaving a dust trail as she sped back into town.

“I can make my own way home,” said Fluttershy. “I do hope Luster will like it here.”

Space tore open next to her, revealing a realm filled with beasts both familiar and very much otherwise. One of the largest, who qualified as both, slinked out to escort Fluttershy through. “Trust me, dearest, we’ll make sure the second verse is nothing like the first.” Discord turned to Twilight, doffing the top of his head to her. “In an entirely positive sense, of course.”

“Of course.” Twilight held back the eyeroll until the portal closed. “Rarity, Spike, did you want to get back to Canterlot?”

“I think I’m good,” said Spike, who’d been staring into Rarity’s eyes for much of the earlier conversation.

Of course, she had been returning the favor. Rarity looked away long enough to nod at Twilight. “Indeed. You aren’t the only one who hasn’t spent a decent amount of time in Ponyville. I think we’d both appreciate some more time to enjoy it.” With a smirk, she added, “If you’re looking for a way to pass the time, I’m fairly certain the local Hay Burger still has a table named after you.”

The sovereign of Equestria and author of a golden age stuck her tongue out at that. “You know what? I may just take you up on that.” She spread her wings, saying, “I’ll let you two have some privacy.”

Rarity flinched back in mock offense. “I can’t imagine what you might be suggesting.”

“Of course.” Twilight flew off with a giggle.

And so it was just the two of them. They turned to one another, and Spike smiled. “Lovely night for a stroll.”

“Indeed. I would love to have one with a handsome ambassador, if his busy schedule permits.”

He grinned as the two of them began to walk side by side. “I think he can find a few minutes.”

“Wonderful.” They moved in companionable silence for a brief time, but Spike knew it wouldn’t last for long given Rarity’s thirst for gossip. “So, something about cats and dogs, wasn’t it?”

“Well, when one relies on airships for their trade and the other mostly lives underground, there’s some bad blood.” Spike waved at a few passing familiar faces before chuckling and adding, “You know, besides the obvious.”

Rarity nodded. “It all comes back to business in the end, doesn’t it?”

“Friendship is powerful, but money gives it a run for its…” Spike paused and cleared his throat. “Yeah.”

“Best not let Mayor Tiara hear you say that.” Rarity tossed her mane. “I’m pretty sure I’m carrying a few of Twilight’s gray hairs from her latest budget requests.”

“Heh. Yeah, I’ve heard plenty about…” Spike trailed off as he turned to confirm what he’d seen in the corner of his eye. “You okay?”

Rarity sighed and nodded. “I’ve long since accepted that I’m the first of our group to lose her mane color, darling. Though I still suspect Rainbow Dash knows far more about that sort of thing than she lets on.”

“That’s not what I meant.” Spike knelt, spreading one wing to stop Rarity’s progress. “You’re favoring your left hind leg.”

“Am I?” She tittered in that artificial way she had when she was caught out. “I hadn’t noticed.”

“Rarity.”

She gave what would be an unladylike snort from anypony else. “Well, in a few centuries, you may notice a few aches here and there.”

Spike raised an eyeridge. “You’d get that exact sort of hitch in your step after an all-night sewing session twenty-odd years ago.”

“And? What of i—“ Rarity’s question gave way to a sharp yelp as Spike scooped her up in his arms. “What do you think you’re doing?”

He just gave her a kiss below the horn, right between her scowling eyes to make them blink in surprise. “Giving you the help you didn’t know you were asking for.” With that, he took off, Rarity in tow.

“Dear, this is very gallant of you but I…” Rarity trailed off as she saw where they were headed. “The castle? Spike, we can’t disturb Starlight and Sunburst like this!”

“They keep a room for me. Take it from the guy who used to dust that place, they can spare it.”

“Hmmph.” Rarity crossed her forelegs and pouted in a way that also hadn’t changed in twenty-odd years. “Well, I suppose I have no choice in the matter.”

Spike dipped in the air, trailing back towards Merchant Square, even if it was getting to be more of an octagon these days. “I’ll happily leave you with Sandbar and Yona if you’d prefer.”

“Oh I wouldn’t dream of imposing on them like that.”

He smirked down at her. “You’re impossible, you know that?”

“And tremendously proud of it,” she said with a grin.

Both laughed as Spike alighted on one of the castle’s smaller balconies. The Prench doors opened for him, possibly magic, possibly something stranger. Even after all these years, no one quite knew what to make of the place, but he liked to think they’d established a good rapport.

If nothing else, the room still suited him well. There were more histories and novels than comic books on the shelves, and the bed was a lot bigger, but the place was still cozy with nostalgia.

Rarity seemed rather focused on the bed, a four-poster not unlike the one Twilight had had. “Goodness me… That isn’t solid gold, is it?”

“Plated. I hope milady finds it suitable.” Spike set her down on the mattress with delicacy belying his size.

She hummed contentedly and ran a hoof over the duvet cover. “Oh, undoubtedly. So glad to see you using everything I taught you about thread count. It’s just…” Rarity looked up at Spike, and he could tell from the distant look in her eye that she wasn’t seeing him in the present. “Goodness, being where we are, I remember when you’d sleep in a basket by Twilight’s bed.”

He nodded. “Yeah, say what you will about losing the old library, this place came with a welcome upgrade.” He sat by her side and smirked. “And early one day, I woke up to see a very eager young mare looming over me…”

“Oh, for goodness sake, you’re really going to bring that up?” Rarity smiled despite her disbelieving tone.

“I wasn’t sure if it was a dream or a nightmare.” Spike brought his hands to his temples and flung his claws out. “My poor, innocent young mind!”

Rarity sighed. “I was simply beastly back then, wasn’t I? I am glad you and Gabby were able to move past it.”

“Well, we’d better be able to. It’s hard to do my job when the other ambassador resents me personally.”

“Garble?”

“You said it, not me.” Spike shook his head as he stood back up. “He’s mellowed a little, but I have to keep an eye on the best sellers list before talks in the Dragonlands. If his latest poems aren’t doing well…” He shuddered as he eased off her stole.

Under most circumstances, Rarity would be mortified to have ponies see the wiry build and small scars that a life of adventure and high fashion had left her with. Here, alone with Spike, she just moved the duvet aside as he lifted her, then stretched out on the sheets. “It must be difficult. Seems like you have a girl in every town, many of them working for their respective diplomatic corps.”

He shook his head, even if she couldn’t see it, then settled his claws on her withers. “I’ve only had eyes for one.”

“Ohhhhhh, Spikey-Wikey.” Rarity cleared her throat as he started working out the first knots. “I said ‘girl,’ not ‘dried-up wreck.’ Look at me.”

“Happily.” He leaned down and gave her a kiss on the tip of an ear.

It flicked reflexively. “You don’t need to turn on the charm, darling.” Rarity sighed, not entirely out of relaxation. “You’re not on the clock.”

Spike grinned as he worked his way down her spine. “When I am, I pretend I’m talking to you.”

Rarity tilted her head enough to look up at him. “Even with Garble?” She gave her own impish smile. “I can only imagine what he thinks of such negotiations.”

That got a chuckle, at least until Spike got to the rock-hard muscles at her hips. “You are carrying an incredible amount of tension back here.”

“Well, a fashion empire doesn’t look after itself, much as I’d like it to. I have stores to manage, employees to handle, expansions to consider…”

“Entire fall lines to sew by hoof? Again?”

Rarity wriggled beneath Spike. Her tail flicked and brushed the inside of his thigh. “Mmm, a little lower…”

“Rarity.” Spike still moved down her stifles, working out the soreness from hours of rearing up before a sewing machine. Her tail now beat against his abdominals, a piquant fragrance beginning to fill the room.

“Old habits do die hard. If you could move higher when you’re through there? It’s where the worst ache is.”

Spike shook his head. “I’ve already had this talk with Twilight too many times. Delegation is your friend, Rarity. And so are your actual friends.”

“Employees, darling. Very deliberate word choice there.” Rarity’s tail slowed as she sighed, even as Spike worked his way back up her rump. “Much as I’d love to personally know everycreature working under the Carousel label, long gone are the days when Coco, Sassy, and I could trade gossip over tea. Or even better, when it was just me, a sewing machine, a dream…” She hummed contentedly, her tail doing its best to wrap around Spike’s leg. “And a very capable number-one assistant I borrowed from the library.”

Spike raised an eyeridge, even as other things were starting to rise as well. “I seem to recall you spent a lot of that time dreaming of making it big.”

“Well, they do say the grass is always tastier on the other side of the fence. More towards the back?”

“Rarity, I’m at your cutie marks.” He squeezed them to make the point.

She looked back, amusement in every line on her face. It was different from the one he’d seen before that fateful Summer Sun Celebration, but no less awe-inspiring. “And? We both knew where this was going.”

“I always try to make sure, milady.”

A rear hoof traced a line up across his knee. And that tail. That damned, delightful tail. “You’re the impressive specimen these days, Spike. Given how young you were, I always thought you’d grow out of the crush. Find a nice creature your own age, or species, or both.”

Spike gave one last pass over Rarity’s rear, then knelt before it. Her tail was already flagging to one side, letting him see just how much she wanted him. Her clitoris peeked out in a wink. “Ember is still making marriage demands,” he said, leaning close to let her feel his breath.

“Ah yes. ‘Dragonlords don’t propose.’” Another wink, one Spike swore was intentional. “Well, she’ll just have to make do with second best.”

He leaned in and began lapping at her depths, already soaking. The scent and taste, heady and indescribable as anything but “Rarity,” filled his world. His claws moved to stroke her cutie marks, her legs, the frogs of her hooves, wherever he could reach.

“Oh, Spike. Oh, you’re too good to me. More than I ever deserved. So blind, so childish, so foolish for so long…”

The degree to which Rarity babbled was always a good gauge of how much she enjoyed an oral session. She hated getting without giving, but loved being doted on. With a huffed chuckle, Spike extended his tongue farther than any stallion could hope to, brushing against every one of her favorite spots.

“Oh!” Rarity yelped out a pitch high enough that the walls sang like wineglasses. “Oh Spike, stop. Stop, please, I’m close. Come up on the bed already.”

He pulled away, a line of their mingled fluids dangling from his lips. “Are you—”

“Yes, I’m sure. For goodness sake, it’s your bed. And I need to focus for this spell; we’re not all Twilight.”

Spike winced as he sat next to her. “We agreed not to mention family when we’re doing this.” That said, his penis still stood tall, tapered, ridged, and vivid red.

“It’s one of the few ways I know to get you to stop,” Rarity said, horn glowing bright enough to paint everything periwinkle. “You always have loved to gobble your gems.”

“You’re one to talk. That one time on Mount Aris, yoooooh...” Spike’s jaw dropped as a chill started in his penis then flowed right up his spine. “Don’t think I’ll ever get used to that.”

“You know you love it.” Rarity kissed his tip, lapping up the drop of pre the spell had coaxed out without scalding herself on a dragon’s internal fluids. “Besides, it’s that or burning myself as I return the favor.”

With that, she took his length in her mouth and bobbed down, tongue lovingly caressing every bump and bulb as soft forelegs caressed his scales.

“Rarity…” Spike trailed off, gazing up in wonder as he stroked the back of her neck. (Never her mane.) The tongue that had brokered peace dozens of times found itself speechless once more.

Her head bobbed up and down at an increasing clip. The words “gag reflex” drifted through Spike’s mind and he decided they were the punchline to a joke he couldn’t remember.

His hips jerked once or twice. He gritted his teeth, claws clenching at the sheets and nearly shredding them. “Rrrarity…” It was half-gasp, half-growl, and her shiver as she heard it did wonderful things to her throat.

She pulled back, almost dainty were it not for the string of drool dangling off her lips. “Ready, darling?”

He lunged, kissing her with as much ferocity as he dared, tasting himself on her.

Without pulling away, he lifted her in his arms, one claw plunging into her welcoming depths. After a few moments of that, Spike slid Rarity onto his dick, savoring every moment even as his tongue did its best to constrict hers.

Rarity began to move her hips, the wonderful heat of her depths mingling with the slightest hint of friction. The two lovers finally pulled away for breath, leaving both flushed and glassy-eyed as she kept going.

“Spikey,” Rarity panted. “I think… I…”

He kissed the tip of her snout. “Yes, love?”

“I think I’m going to need another massage after this.” She grinned and picked up the pace, hindquarters working furiously.

Spike threw his head back and laughed, mind awash in endorphins until he felt like he knew what it was to be Pinkie Pie.

Rarity laughed with him, leaning forward and wrapping her forelegs around his chest as best she could. “Oh, dearest. Oh, we need to do this more often. I missed you so in Yakyakistan.”

He began to shift his own hips along with her. “We’ll have to see what we can do. Maybe say we’re checking in on Luster?”

“It would be lovely to spend more time in Ponyville. Ah!” Rarity arched her spine.

Spike embraced her in turn, letting her pepper his chest with kisses. “Twilight will know,” he said, unable to keep the smile off his face. “All the girls will, really.”

Rarity tittered at that. “It’s an open secret, dearest. We’ve hardly been subtle, not to ponies who’ve known us for so long.” She gasped. “I’m getting close again.”

“Same,” he grunted. “Suck your horn?”

“Ah! Please!”

Spike took the glowing length into his mouth. The taste was Rarity distilled, sapphire and amethyst and that indescribable flavor from when he’d licked the Element of Generosity the week before Twilight got her wings. And above all else, something he’d only experienced in the Badlands, at Thorax’s insistence.

More than anything, Spike tasted love.

“Spikey!” Rarity cried, a gush of her fluids soaking his crotch and a burst of energy filling his mouth. A few moments later, he erupted into her, holding back the twitches that could crush his delicate love.

Spike fell back onto the mattress and gave a sigh that flowed out of his mouth like a cloud of glitter. “I love you, Rarity.”

He could hear the hum of her magic as she cleaned up before anything could stain the sheets. “I love you, Spike. Dearly and truly, I love you.” She wriggled up next to him, smiling sleepily.

Spike took her in his arms and held her, savoring her warmth and scent and the beating of her heart.

“I fear I was serious about that massage, dearest,” she said. “I’m not as young as I used to be.”

“In a minute,” said Spike, nuzzling her cheek.

“Spike, if you fall asleep, I will be most cross.”

“Mmhmm.”

“I brought needles.”

His eyes snapped open. “Right. Sorry.”

Fortunately, they snapped open such that he could stare directly into hers, which crinkled at the edges with amusement. “If you’ll still have me as I am, dearest, I can hardly begrudge you.”

Spike pecked her muzzle before getting back up. “Dragons are patient, milady. And I never asked for more than you would give me.” After a moment, he said, “Is it really an open secret?”

And Rarity laughed harder than she had all night.

Author's Note

That’s right, I used a Hamlet quote for a clopfic title.

In all seriousness, this was outside of my usual comfort zone in terms of species preference, but hey, I welcome the chance to branch out. Occasionally. If you’re reading my stuff for the first time, I usually work on the other side of the mirror portal. Still, here’s hoping you enjoyed this, especially if you’re Lt. Major Dude.