Zesty Gourmand was absolutely furious. "Those ponies must be insane! They don't know what they need! I provde that!"
The critical hypocrite blustered on as she walked away. "Those ponies will learn soon enough who they're dealing with." she said as she entered her home.
A voice rang out behind her. "And just who do you think requires the lesson, miss 'Gourmand'?"
Zesty quickly spun around and before her stood a noble-looking unicorn stallion, wearing a blue blazer with a red tie tucked into it(1). Around his throat was a pendant that bore a symbol stating that he was from the Equestrian Cutie Mark Inspection Agency (ECMIA).
"And just who might you be, sir?" she snootily replied. "And what are you doing in my house at this time of day?"
"Firstly, I am Tabula Rasa, AKA Bronze Banner, Esquire." the stallion introduced himself. "And secondly, I -you may have noticed- am not "in" your house, as such."
The stallion was indeed correct. He was standing on her doorstep at the moment, but was indeed not 'in' her home. With her keen eyes, she took in the full measure of the stallion before her swiftly. His coat was a golden brown, tending more toward the brown side of the equation. His eyes were a bright periwinkle, like a summer morninng sky. His horn was a cool eight inches long, possibly more. It clearly was recently filed and was shining in the light of the day. Upon his flank was indeed a bronze banner superimposed over an otherwise blank slate. On the banner was the same symbol he wore around his neck.
As if just then remembering something, he turned to the side and said, "Inventory; files; G." Before a hole in space and time opened in front of him. A long drawer full of manilla folders jutted out as he leafed through them. "Gaspar; Ginger; Gladius; Ah! Gourmand. Here we are." reaching in, he pulled out an official-looking piece of parchment.
It was clear to her eyes and nose that the parchment was made of... "Papyrus. That must be a rather important document."
"Indeed." he said. "I keep papyrus scrolls on all of my... clients." Turning the scroll around, it was clear that this was also a warrant of sorts. Ergo, he had every right to enter her home as he pleased. "You aren't an easy mare to keep track of, miss Gourmand. However, it is high time that we have a chat, you and I."
Settling over by her living room table, his horn lit with that same periwinkle light, moving several things in her kitchen. He removed a teapot, two cups, a teabag from his jacket pocket... he looked at her briefly, with a questioning look. She waved one hoof in a negative gesture.
Shrugging, he went back to what he was doing. He added water to the pot, added the teabag and his horn shone more brightly as he heated the concoction and poured it into one cup, not forgetting to add two cubes of sugar.
With his cup of tea before him, he took a sip, nodded in satisfaction and said, "Miss Gourmand, It has been brought to our attention that you haven't been living up to your name or title. Or your cutie mark, I believe."
Looking over to her flank -still covered by her coat- she remembered that there was a mark of a basket of fruit, exotic and common alike: Pineapple, cherry, orange, Cote d'Ivorian cacao, pommegranate, the list goes on. Having quickly scanned
her mark with his magic, Bronze Banner thought to himself, 'I'll eat my tie if she's eaten even one of those.'
Showing no other emotion, he resumed his speech. "Allow me to put this simply, miss Gourmand; If you can't live up to those, they will be given to somepony who deserves them. You've been approving flat tasting fare, been limiting yourself and others to a sparse diet and slandering any other restaurants that don't live up to your "expectations.""
She glared at him and said, "Those at those restaurants have no IDEA-"
Bronze interrupted "No, Madam. YOU have no idea what quality is." he said, taking another sip of his tea.
"It takes true skill to make food with a smidgen of taste." she returned.
"A skill that I doubt any in town would want to have for long."
"I did my job!" she fairly shouted.
Bronze slammed one hoof on the table, immediately shutting his client up. "DO NOT test my patience, miss Gourmand. It is clear to me that you have no intention of changing your ways." he finished, quickly calming down. "And I think I know just how to rectify that." he added, much more calmly.
Lifting her into the air with his magic, he incanted, "Zesty Gourmand, by the powers vested in me by the ECMIA, you are hereby cycled. Normally this would result in your death, but I have a better idea."
Her coat started to turn from dull gray to a vibrant peach, her mane starting to gain colour as well. Then the process escalated. Her legs started plumping up somewhat, gaining muscle mass, as well as a bit of fat to them. Then the same started happening to most of the rest of her.
Zesty was trying to fight off the waves of pleasure that were coming with the change. "What... What are you... doing to me!? You... y-you can't possibly have.... the right-"
Reaching into the dimensional hole that was still present, he pulled out another piece of parchment, stating that he was entitled to do just that, if absolutely necessary.
Her expression flattened as her rear and back legs began to pack on supple layers. "D-Damnit."
Her having given up on resisting, the changes escalated within her again. By this time, her mane and tail were in a ponytail style, fully red. Her muzzle curled slightly, also shortening a bit. From her side, wings started to grow in, strong and purposeful, her horn vanishing just as quickly.
Zesty began to feel her mind fading slowly.
Almost as quickly as it had begun, her changes finished, ending with her falling asleep. "I'm sorry that I had to do that, but I couldn't just let potential such as yours just vanish, and all the same, I must do what I'm paid to." he said. Then, as his hornshine intensified, he started adding details to her much faded memory. "*Ahem.* Anything of your previous life is gone and forgotten. By everypony. As an aspiring food critic, you have decided to travel the world, seeking adventure and hoping to develop your unique full-course menu- appetizer, soup, fish, meat, main course, salad, dessert and drink.-(2) You'll find that everything you feel the need to buy will be available to you. Within reason, of course. Who knows? You might find love, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll have foals, maybe you won't. -but if you do, delivery will be relatively painless.- You'll try a bit of everything and find that aside from critique of food and such, you'll find a love for... "
Here he paused a moment. What should she become good at? Would that be too cruel, to decide that for her?
"You'll figure it out for yourself." he finished.
With that done, she curled up, fully asleep.
Bronze Banner set Zesty on her bed carefully, so as not to wake her.
"I'm not sure that the princess will be pleased when I report this, but I think she'll understand."
The last things he did before leaving was summoning luggage for the new Pegasus mare to take along, and ensuring that any past she had was gone forever. Then he went to report his success, and to let his horn cool -It was burnt at the first three rings-.
(Months later)
"Mmm! Delicious!" Zesty said, finishing her soup. "Aaaand with that, I'll say this about your restaurant. The environment is good, the food is great; flavorful, aromatic and made with care, -and high-quality ingredients- the service is fantastic! I'll give you my five hoof seal of approval."
Saffron Masala paused. "That sounds familiar, somehow. Have we met before?"
"I'm Zesty Gourmand. I don't think we've met before."
Saffron said, "Perhaps it was in another life." before she continued cooking.
Author's Note
1: Think Phoenix Wright.
2: Reference to Toriko, where the main character and his three... peers seek to do just that.
