Princess Twilight Uses The Internet

by ThePinkedWonder

Rating: teen
Tags: Sex, Main 7 (EqG), Random, Twilight Sparkle (EqG), Twilight Sparkle, Comedy, Equestria Girls
Length: 4492

Princess Twilight learned how to use the internet. In related news, the human Twilight almost died from embarrassment.

During a visit to the human world, Princess Twilight Sparkle was taught some of the basics of how the internet works by her human counterpart. She planned to have a field day surfing the web to learn more about her human friends' world.

However, thanks to luck and previous activities, Princess Twilight was led to a "mature" website. Being born a pony and raised in Equestria, she didn't understand the true gravity of what she was seeing. Worse, none of that boded well for the human Twilight...

Published 2021-08-07 15:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2021-08-07 15:50:01 UTC

Sweet fancy moses!

“...and that is how I became an alicorn. It took a while to get used to my princess status and wings, but...hmm...” Princess Twilight Sparkle leaned her head toward a closed purple laptop resting on the human Twilight Sparkle’s lap. The girl and pony-girl sat beside each other on a bench outside.

The human-born Twilight’s engrossed smile wilted into a frown. “What is it?” She looked down at her laptop, its top glossing from the sunlight. It was as if the device was showing off shamelessly for its royal admirer. “Surely my little laptop isn’t more interesting than you becoming a different sub-species and princess!”

“Sorry, but I’m still amazed at some of this world’s technology,” Princess Twilight said, a bubbly smile of her own building. She could clarify that unicorns and alicorns aren’t different sub-species later. “Laptops and other computers contain a massive amount of information that you can access any time you want, right?”

“Hehe, that’s correct. I forgot Sunset said Equestria doesn’t have computers or internet.” Twilight pointed a finger at her laptop. “Did you try using any computers during your past visits here?”

The Princess swayed her head away and sat straight up. “I did when I first came to this world, but I couldn’t figure out how they operated.” She fidgeted her fingers. Due to a sudden rush of awkwardness, they instinctively balled into fists as pseudo-hooves. “Back then, I was worried no one would believe it if I told the truth about me and Equestria. Therefore, I was cautious about asking too many questions about this world, and tried to act like a normal human.”

Emphasis on “tried”.

“I see. I probably would have felt the same way, thoughI am you.”

Both Twilights giggled; Princess Twilight unballed her fists. After their laugh, the human Twilight pulled her smartphone from her purse and gazed at it. “5:35. Our friends should have been here by 5:15.”

“Odd. You didn’t receive any messages or ‘tests’ from them?”

“Tests?” Twilight gasped at the realization of what Princess Twilight intended to say. “Oh, you meant ‘texts’. Uh...my phone has no missed texts, messages, or calls, so the others shouldn’t be late because of anything serious. At any rate, I need to run home to feed Spike, but I won’t be gone long.“ She tucked her phone in her purse, then opened and powered on her laptop. “But if you like, I can teach you how to surf the web before I leave.”

“Huh?” Princess Twilight tilted her head in confusion. “Surf the what?”

Twilight facepalmed. The hand’s slap on skin echoed through the air. “Sorry, I forgot you’re not accustomed to computer terms or expressions. ‘Surf the web’ means to browse through websites on the internet. Uh, do you know what a ‘website’ is?”

“More or less.” Princess Twilight leaned closer to the laptop’s screen again, her violet eyes screaming curiosity. “I have wanted to finally learn how to work computers. If you really don't mind, I’ll love for you to teach me!”

“Then it’s settled! I’ll be your computer teacher!” Twilight declared with a joyful grin curling on her lips. “Okay, my first-ever student, after I open my browser, we can begin...there we go.” She motioned a finger close to her laptop’s screen. “Do you see that little white arrow?”

“I do.”

“That’s called a ‘cursor’. To move it, you slide your finger across the touchpad in the direction you want it to go, like this.”

Twilight pressed a finger against the laptop’s touchpad and slid it around. The cursor on the screen moved in unison with the finger’s movements.

“Did you see the cursor moving in the same directions I slid my finger?”

“I did. Are you sure this isn’t using magic to work?”

“Hehe, I’m sure. Next, you move the cursor to this long rectangle, called the ‘search box’, near the top of the screen, but not the box at the very top. Then press this button, known as the ‘main mouse' button, and type in something with the keyboard. If you make a mistake, press the backspace key to delete the last letter entered. After that, slide the cursor over to this symbol on the right end of the box that resembles a magnifying glass, called the ‘search’ icon, and press the main mouse again.”

Princess Twilight’s eyes metaphorically spun. “Uh...”

“Oops, sorry about that.” Twilight chuckled sheepishly. Her glasses shifted. “I got carried away and forgot to show you step-by-step, so let’s try that again. Watch me move the cursor to the rectangular box I told you about. As you saw, the cursor will change into a capital ‘I’ shape whenever it’s inside these boxes. Now I'll click the box and enter with the keyboard…uh...’popular cake recipes’.”

The enthusiastic student-teacher typed in “popular cake recipes”, then clicked the search icon. A list of websites appeared on the screen, each site having an introduction with information about its contents.

“See? All of these websites are about cake recipes or cakes in general. If you scroll down like this...you’ll see more.”

“That’s amazing!“ Princess Twilight pointed toward a button below the laptop’s touchpad. “I take it that’s the ‘main mouse’ you mentioned. That’s a strange name, because it looks nothing like a mouse.”

Twilight nodded. “Yes, and said that way, its name is kinda weird. But moving on; if I click the link of the website ‘wwww.cookingfordummies.com’ – which is meant to be far less insulting than it sounds – and...voila! We’re at its website! Oh, and pressing the main mouse with the cursor over something is how you select things.”

“Computers and the internet is even more incredible than I thought!” Princess Twilight tapped her feet in glee, letting out a just as gleeful giggle. The filly in her yearned to jump from the bench and hop in ecstatic circles. “There really is no limit to what I can find?”

“Pretty much, as long as it’s something we humans know or have thought about. One last thing: to return to the page where we started, click this left-pointing arrow on the upper left of the screen, which I’m about to do now...there we go. Clicking that arrow will eventually bring you to this page, so if it doesn’t happen on one click, repeat until you’re here. Did anything I say confuse you?”

She shook her head. “No. After seeing you do it and explaining as you went, I think I got it.”

“In that case, you’re ready! Everything I showed you is the main way to search for websites you might be interested in.” Twilight lifted her laptop and laid it on Princess Twilight’s lap, then stood up. “Have fun, my star student! You can keep playing with my laptop even after I’m back if you want. I doubt our friends would mind you messing with it once they’re here.”

“You sounded like Princess Celestia by calling me your ‘star student’. Hehe, I won’t let you down.” Princess Twilight bowed her head out of playful respect, sparking a titter from her second teacher. Afterward, she gazed at the laptop and beamed. Her body tangled with the excitement of sampling the internet's banquet of infinite knowledge. “I also might take you up on your offer, because this is like having unlimited books in my hands. Thank you so much for your help!”

After saying “you’re welcome” and giving a friendly wave goodbye, Twilight hurried down a sidewalk, heading toward her house in the distance.

Alone, Princess Twilight stared at the laptop’s screen, or rather the “search box”, tapping her chin. “Hmm. What topic should I explore first? Maybe I could look more into how the sun and moon work in this world? Or perhaps I could...”

Choice after choice raced through Princess Twilight’s mind. However, they resisted being pinned. With everything she might wish to learn about this world literally in her lap, how could she choose where to start?

Five minutes later, an idea was finally captured, and Twilight’s eyes sparkled, literally. “I know! I’ll research more of the history of humans and their culture! Let’s enter a ‘W’...wait, where is the ‘W’ on this thing?”

She surveyed the keyboard for the “W”, squinting her eyes as she hunted. “Ugh! As ingenious as computers are, I wish they had a better way to type things. Aha, there it is! Now–huh?”

Despite that she only entered one “W”, a full phrase appeared in the search bar. It wasn’t “What websites hold information on human history?”, which she had planned to enter.

“‘What are the best X-rated websites?’ Why did this appear, and what is ‘X-rated’? Only one way to find out.”

Twilight clicked the search icon. As it did during her training, a bunch of websites showed on the screen. “I’ll try ‘wwww.hotandsteamypictures.com’. I wonder what the four ‘W’s’ and ‘com’ stand for? I’ll ask Twilight when she comes back.”

She clicked “wwww.hotandsteamypictures.com” and was taken to its website. The new site was filled with pictures of curvy girls posing on beds or standing with big, seductive smiles. Each girl gave just as seductive a wink.

They were also...uh...very lightly dressed, if at all.

Twilight rubbed her cheek. “Odd. My friends here said human girls always wear shirts, but these girls seem to love not wearing them. Hmm...their smiles remind me of how the Raritys sometimes look at me.”

She scrolled through the website’s pictures. After a minute of curious browsing, she discovered a link saying "smoking hot dudes’ photos" and clicked it. On a different part of the website, pictures of posing guys, all with 6-pack or the fabled 8-pack abs. Some of them wore no...do I need to say it?

At the view presented before her eyes, Princess Twilight's lips quivered. Butterflies buzzed in her stomach. “Ooh, those three guys there are really cute–wait, no! Not these feelings again!” She facepalmed, fighting the butterflies inside her. “It’d creep human males out if they knew a mare thinks that way about them! I already made Flash start to keep his distance!”

The pony-turned-human glanced at her chest, then held up her hands and stared at them. “What is happening to me? Is it because of hormones this body is producing? How my brain is wired when I’m in this form? Are pony and human brains even the same size?”

As Twilight pondered her previous questions, a couple of teenage boys walked in her direction.

One of the boys, a green-haired one, commented, “No glasses or ponytail, so you gotta be Princess Twilight, right? I see you’re…*chuckle*...used to computers now.”

‘At least I’m not attracted to these two, although the one with the red hair is kinda–no! Stop thinking that way, Twilight!’ She quickly shook her head to knock herself from her thoughts. “I-I’m getting there. The other me told me all about the internet and how you can search for anything. You know, I think my friends might have been wrong about some of you.”

“Huh? What you mean?” The red-haired boy asked. He gave a quick glance at the other boy, who shrugged his shoulders.

“They said that humans feel it’s taboo to not wear clothes in public, yet the guys in these pictures don’t seem to feel that way.”

Twilight flipped the computer's screen toward the unluckily male students.

One covered his eyes. “My eyes, my eyes! Why did you show us that?!”

At the same time, the other student swung his head away. “We’re not girls!”

“I don’t understand.” Princess Twilight scratched her head. “Is it only those guys that like showing–”

“D-don’t say it! Just point your laptop back to you, please!”

“Okay, okay, I’m about to turn it. Sorry if I upset you.” Twilight spun the laptop around so its screen faced her. Immediately afterward, the boys either slowly turned toward her or opened their eyes.

“I’m still not fully used to human traditions, but was seeing those pictures really that hard on you?”

“Y-yeah, it’s a...guy thing.” The red-haired boy stroked his hair. His lips curled into a flirtatious smirk. “But, if you want to see us like that, I wouldn’t mind–”

The other boy yanked him backward. He swirled them both around and whispered, “Dude, don’t embarrass yourself. She’s hot, but Princess Twilight is a pony from that magical pony world, remember? If she could get crushes on humans, she would have drooled over those pictures!”

“Right, right, and she looked freaked out when we saw her. Thanks for the save,” he whispered back. He spun to face Princess Twilight, more aware of her true form. “T-that is, I...find posing like that weird. Uh, see you later!”

The poor sap who missed out on potentially becoming more than friends with a hot princess sped off, followed by the second teen. As they fled, Princess Twilight watched them with a bewildered frown.

”What was that about? Did I say something wrong?”

A teenage girl approached the baffled Princess. Her cheeks glowed red and she was smiling. “Uh...could I see the pictures that you showed those boys?”

“Sure, if they won’t disturb you too.”

“Hee hee, don’t worry. They will not disturb me!” The girl's smile grew bigger and creepier.

“Hey, Moonbright! There you are!”

“Eep! On second thought, maybe I’ll check them later. I can’t let my boyfriend catch me seeing those pictures!” Moonbright whirled around and hurried to the teenage boy who called out to her.

Princess Twilight blinked twice in rapid succession. She repeated the quick-fire blinking.

“Humans are weird.” She faced the screen, fighting her rising tendency to feel physical attraction to a different species. Perhaps she should just give in. “I better go to another website, fast. How did Twilight say to–”

The human Twilight ran to Princess Twilight; Spike ran with her. “I’m back. Spike said he wasn’t hungry, so I brought him with me.”

“The other me didn’t come with you, huh?” Spike’s head sagged.

His saddened voice pinched Princess Twilight’s heart. Staring at the puppy, it sunk in that he wasn’t her Spike, but her kind heart nevertheless felt a slice to it. “I’m sorry, but Spike, uh, that is, the other you, was taking a nap when I left. I’ll tell him you wanted to see him and ask him to come with me next time. I might even let him come visit by himself.”

Spike perked up his head and wagged his tail. “You will?! Sweet!”

“That’ll be great for the Spikes because they seldom get to hang out by themselves. Oh, Princess Twilight, did you find any interesting websites?”

Princess Twilight peeked toward the laptop, but quickly turned her attention from it; she struggled to resist the warm fuzziness triggered by its screen. “S-sorta.”

“Sorta?” Twilight straighten her glasses. “What did you find?”

“I entered ‘W’ in the search box, but when I did, it suggested something on its own.”

“It did? I guess it was saved from my–” Twilight’s pupils shrank. “Wait, did you say you entered a ‘W’ first?”

“That’s right. One of the results from the search was a website called ‘wwww.hotandsteamypictures.com’ which I’m at now. I received some strange reactions from a few of your classmates when I showed them the pictures on the website.”

It was even worse than she feared. Twilight’s pupils narrowed even further and her mouth widened. ‘You what?! No! How could I have forgotten to clear my search history just in case?!’

“Is something wrong?” Spike asked, staring up to Twilight.

Twilight’s pupils puffed back to normal size. She crept forward and stood in front of the still-sitting Princess Twilight. She knelt on her knees and cupped her hands together. “Princess Twilight, if you would do only one thing for me, let this be it: please don’t tell–”

“Hey, Twilights, Spike,” a female voice called out.

Princess Twilight turned her head toward the voice. It belonged to Sunset Shimmer; Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, Rarity, and Applejack accompanied her.

Twilight’s pupils contracted to pinpricks as her stomach collapsed. ‘Oh no! Now they show up!’

Princess Twilight turned toward the human Twilight and said, “You can ask what you need me to do later.” She turned back toward her approaching friends and waved. “Hi, guys. We've been waiting for you.”

“Hi, hi, hi!” Pinkie greeted with her typical joyous smile.

“I’m sorry we are so late,” Fluttershy said, shyly tugging on her hair.

Rainbow glared at Rarity. “Blame Rarity. She just had to take a ‘few’ more measurements for some new dresses.”

Rarity fiddled her fingers while stuttering, “W-well, I thought I-I would have finished sooner, but one little mismeasurement l-led to another, and...well...”

“At least we’re here now.” Applejack stared serially at the Twilights. “What the heck is goin’ on here? One of you two looks like yer about to propose to yourself.”

Pinkie hopped to the Twilights and asked, “The you on your knees are supposed to get on one knee, remember? You get on both knees when you’re begging to have a baby.”

Twilight sprang to her feet. Sweat rolled down her forehead. “I-I-I wasn’t, that is, we w-were–”

“I was, as Twilight called it, ‘surfing the web’ trying to learn more about humans, and I found this website. I should warn you: it made some of your classmates act...odd.” Princess Twilight faced the laptop’s screen toward the girls.

The six girls’ eyes and mouths flew open. Spike watched on nonchalantly.

“Sweet fancy moses!” Pinkie pushed her lower lip up to close her mouth.

Rainbow slowly pointed a finger toward Pinkie. “Uh...what Pinkie said."

‘Not bad, but I prefer girls,’ Rarity thought, her eyes returning to normal size with her interest in the pictures waning.

Fluttershy remained still and quiet, but her eyes remained locked onto the “sight” Princess Twilight presented her with. A blush glowed on her cheeks.

‘Just when I finally got those feelings for humans under control, she had to show me the f**king jackpot!’ Sunset thought. Her mouth shivered, and a drop of sweat ran down her face. ‘Those guys are so smoking hot...wish they were mine...oh no, I’m worse than ever...I’m going to kill you for this, (Princess) Twilight!’

The human Twilight’s cheeks ignited bright red, sweat raining down harder. Her glasses fogged up. Out of desperation to not die of pure, raw, unbridled embarrassment, she thought, ‘Midnight Sparkle, are you still in there? You hate me and I hate you, but you can come out for a while.’

‘I’m sick in bed right now, so I’ll take a rain check,’ the sickly voice of Midnight Sparkle responded from within Twilight’s mind. ‘Besides, you got yourself into this, get yourself out! Achoo!’

‘Gesundheit–wait, how is it possible for you to be sick or in a bed?’

‘Don’t you have an oblivious princess to worry about?’

“How did ya come across that kind of website?!” Applejack asked Princess Twilight.

‘The clock is ticking, my weaker self. Clock is ticking.’

“I found it while following directions Twilight gave me. I entered ‘W’ and the phrase–”

Twilight zipped to her laptop in a purple blur and slammed it shut, her face heavy in perspiration. “H-how about we talk about something else, anything else? We can’t risk little kids seeing...those photos.”

“Good call.” Applejack scanned the immediate area around them. The only people visible were too far to know what was going on. “We don’t want to get ya in hot water.”

“Yeah, but I wonder how Princess Twilight found that website,” Rainbow leered at human Twilight, a sly smirk building on her lips.

“W-well, I guess she was lucky–uh, unlucky.” Twilight wrapped her ponytail around her face. The poor sweet girl.

“Maybe it’s the pony in me, but I am so confused about all this,” the poor sweet clueless Princess admitted. “Was there something wrong with those pictures that only humans can understand?”

Sunset shrugged her hands. “Something like that, I guess. I still don’t understand it myself, but the girls said that if I were born a human, I’d get it.” ‘But I get the attraction part too well again, thanks to you and your endless curiosity.’

“How about we mosey on and grab some slushies or something, y’all?” Applejack glanced at Fluttershy, who was still motionless and blushing. “Ah think we need to cool Fluttershy down.”

The turned-on girl gasped, her cheeks burning hotter, and sagged her head. "I-I guess I'm in the mood for slushies." ‘And excuse me for being a girl. Just because I'm shy doesn't mean I don't have needs.’

The rest of the friends agreed with Applejack's idea, and headed toward the nearest shop that sells slushies, known as "Smoothies, Slushies, Ice Cream, Oh My!" Rainbow Dash leered toward the human Twilight for a second time, but with a bigger sly smirk than before, complete with painless biting of her lower lip. The questionable website watcher flinched away and again wrapped her ponytail around her face, but left her eyes uncovered.

As they walked, Princess Twilight leaned her head toward Sunset and whispered, “Not that I think something is wrong with them, but humans can be weird.”

Spike’s ears flapped. “Tell me about it.”

“Tell you what, Spike?” Twilight asked, uncovering her face and looking down toward Spike.

“Nothing. I was just thinking about something I heard, but you probably didn’t hear it.”

Later…

In the human Twilight’s living room, Princess Twilight sat on a brown sofa. The laptop that showed too much was again on her lap, and a sleeping Spike lay peacefully curved into a ball in a dog bed.

“I may not understand why you felt so embarrassed about...earlier, but I’m still sorry for causing it.” Princess Twilight said with eyes and a frown leaking guilt. “You’re really nice to let me try out your laptop again, even after the trouble my ignorance caused.”

Rubbing her temples to soothe her headache, the human Twilight assured, “Thanks, and it’s okay. If it were the other way around, you would let me use it, right?”

“Of course! Especially if it was because of an honest mistake!”

“And there you go. Anyway, I’m going to take some aspirin and lie down for a while, but feel free to have as much fun as you want with my laptop. You’ll probably need to head back to Equestria before its battery needs to be recharged.”

Twilight stumbled out of the living room and into her bedroom. ‘What a day. I never thought my first extended one-on-one time with her would end like THIS.’

Now alone, save for the snoozing Spike, Princess Twilight surveyed the living room. ‘She only has about fifty or so books on her bookshelf, so she must not read nearly as much as I do. That’s an odd device on the table with the cords sticking out of it. Wait, is that a poster of Starswirl the Bearded as a human?! I wonder what he’s like in this world?’

She looked down at the laptop. That was enough studying of her counterpart’s room, for now. ‘I should play it safe and not try to research anything about humans this time, not even Starswirl the Bearded. Uh...got it! I could study how ponies are like in this world!’

Not wanting to start with a word that begins with a “W”, just in case, she entered “information on ponies”. Due to the battle to find the letters on the keyboard as she typed, it took Twilight about a minute to enter the words. After clicking the “search” icon, websites about ponies and horses showed on the screen. The results forced out a scowl and groan.

‘Don’t tell me they get ponies and horses mixed up! We are quite different from horses! How could–’ Her scowl wilted as a ping of guilt struck her chest, coaxing out a remorse-filled sigh. ‘That was mean of me. Humans are a very different species from ponies and horses, so it’s understandable that we might look similar to them. I guess.’

With her annoyance calmed about how humans might struggle to tell horses and ponies apart, Twilight scrolled through the list of websites.

However, in addition to website names, she came across the thumbnail of a video.

‘Is that...a video about ponies? This I have to see, but how do I get it to play? Do I click it?’

She tested her theory by clicking the video. It enlarged on the screen, and the ponies in the video walked about and grazed.

‘Aha, I did it, and completely on my own! Wow, Sunset was right about how ponies here don’t have Cutie Marks. This IS a strange world.’

Twilight watched on, hoping something more interesting would happen than grazing. After two minutes of patient observing, one of the stallions strode behind a mare.

‘Oh, we’re finally going to have some interaction between them! This feels like watching the dragon migration all over aga–’

The stallion in the video climbed onto the mare’s back. Heated activities followed.

A shrill scream sliced through the house.

Spike sprang off his bed, eyes bloodshot. “I-I didn’t eat your burger this time, Twilight, I prom–”

The human Twilight darted back into the living room, without her glasses, and saw Princess Twilight covering her hands over her eyes.

“Princess Twilight?! What happened?! Are you okay?!”

The Princess harshly shook her head, keeping her eyes covered. “Not really! On your laptop, ponies are...are...are...”

Twilight dashed to the laptop and turned its screen to her. Her panicked frown deflated. “I don’t get it. What’s so bad?”

“You don’t get it?! You don’t even know those ponies! Doesn't seeing that bother you?!”

“No.” Twilight scratched her forehead. “Mating is a natural part of nature, and now I’m the confused Twilight. Why did that make you scr–” Twilight gasped deeply, her eyes widening. Princess Twilight is sapient and capable of speaking and understanding the human language, but she was still a pony in human form. “Ohhhh. Now I get it.”

Twilight wanted to comfort Princess Twilight and apologize for what she just saw, even if it wasn’t her (human Twilight’s) fault. However, despite not holding any resentment toward her royal self, she couldn’t help but first think, ‘Well, at least we’re even.’.

Spike lay back in bed. ‘And she said humans are weird. At least my Twilight can watch her own species bang without screaming.’

Author's Note

Maybe it's how humans are turning her on more and more is why Princess Twilight (at least on-screen) stopped going to the EQG world. Or if not that, it's the images of ponies in the EQG world f**king each other that's keeping her away! :rainbowlaugh:

Also, when I was writing Rainbow teasing Sci-Twi about her "search history", I couldn't get this face out of my head. It was perfect for how Rainbow was feeling!

Lastly, this story was written for Twilight Sparkle Day, but it took me an extra day to proofread it.