Pinkie Pie’s “Pinkie Sense” was ridiculous. It made no sense!
That is, according to a young, book-loving unicorn known as Twilight Sparkle, a rising star in friendship and Ponyville’s resident skeptic. She was obstinate in her attempts to debunk the Pinkie Sense and prove she was right.
Instead, Twilight was proven to be incorrect, repeatedly, and even painfully. Such as when a piano dropped on her head or a swarm of bees rained down vicious stings upon her, unprovoked. Who knew bees possessed a visceral hatred for unicorns?
But even worse than being trolled left, right, and up by the Pinkie Sense, a pony-eating hydra chased Twilight and her friends through a swamp, Froggy Bottom Bog, and to a chasm. Said friends, Pinkie, Fluttershy, Applejack, and Spike, were safe on the chasm’s other side.
Unfortunately for Twilight, the nearest stepping stone pillars her friends had used to cross the chasm were unavailable for her. They were knocked down after one of the hydra heads lunged toward to eat Twilight earlier, and the closest remaining pillars were too far to leap to. As if the pony and her pride weren’t suffering enough bad luck.
“Twilight, jump!” Pinkie shouted, not hearing what I just said about the pillars.
“But I’ll never make it!”
“You’ll be fine!” Pinkie assured. Her body abruptly convulsed from her Pinkie Sense’s effect on her. Apparently a “doozy” was imminent.
“I will not!”
With a fearful shudder quivering through her body, her hair and mane moist with sweat from the swamp’s humidity, Twilight stared down from the crevasse’s edge. It was a long fall. The odds of both surviving the fall and not suffocating in the viscous, bubbling water below were improbable.
However, If Twilight did nothing, the incoming hydra would feast on her as if she were a living unicorn meatball. She definitely wouldn’t survive that.
Her mind set on her next, last-ditch move, Twilight gulped, and ran backward to give herself some running room. Once enough space was cleared, she bolted forward, picking up more speed by the second, and leapt from the ledge with all her might! The unicorn shot through the air, her desperate eyes locked on the pillar ahead. It stood tall, like a safety jacket floating in the lonely ocean for a drowning non-swimmer, and she flew closer, closer, and closer still to that glorious pillar of hope.
But she came up short.
Welp, it looks like her show will need a new adorkable protagonist.
Twilight flailed her legs as she yelled, “No, no, no, no! Noooooo!!”
Being a rational pony, Twilight understood that continuing to scream “No!” wouldn't save her. She resolved herself to her fate like a grown mare and closed her eyes. “Spike, you’re–”
Spike gasped and asked, “Wait, Twilight, can’t you teleport?!”
Twilight’s eyes flew open. Her horn glowed magenta, followed by a poof of magic.
Another magenta poof flashed near Spike and the three already safe ponies; a grinning Twilight accompanied it. She would live to read more books!
As a bonus, she could keep learning friendship.
“I can’t believe teleporting slipped my mind! Thanks for reminding me...uh, guys?” Twilight’s smile waned.
Pinkie’s, Applejack’s, Fluttershy’s, and Spike’s mouths were agape.
“What’s wrong?”
*ROAR!!*
The five friends screamed at the top of their lungs, and then some. Twilight swung around to the source of the eardrum-shattering roar.
That hungry hydra was right behind her!
Twilight’s horn glowed again. The quintet teleported back deeper into the swamp, their legs deep in mud.
“Okay,” Twilight said, “I think we’re sa–”
*ROAR!!*
The friends screamed and swung their heads around. The hydra stood behind them.
“Or not,” Twilight meekly said. Her horn Illuminated yet again, and the group warped back near the crevasse. Including the hydra.
*ROAR!!*
*Scream*
“Twilight, are ya doin’ this on purpose?!” Applejack asked.
“I’m sorry, but I haven’t mastered teleportation yet! Attempting it when I’m too scared makes it unpredictable! Uh, I’ll keep trying!”
Twilight’s horn glowed yet, yet again. She, her friends, and the unplanned four-headed guest warped near a bubbling pond in the swamp.
*ROAR!!*
*Scream*
Okay, since Twilight couldn’t get her s**t together, I’ll just say that the roar/scream/teleport combination repeated another ten times.
“Uh, sweetie, maybe you should just try to run away like before,” one of the hydra’s heads suggested in a male voice.
Twilight asked, “Wait, you can talk?”
“Well, duh!” a second head answered in a male voice. He gave a small, somewhat crazed smile, along with a crazed giggle. “Why wouldn’t we be able to? Sure, my brothers are a tad slow if you know what I mean–”
“Says the head that missed his cue to roar,” a third head deadpanned in a male voice.
Applejack suggested, “Uh, how about we don’t ask questions and just take the first head’s advice to run?!”
The gang whirled around, but instantly willed their hooves/feet to not take a single step. They were at the edge of the chasm from before, and there were no pillars even remotely nearby to jump to.
“Yeah...I said you could try to run. I never said there was anywhere to go. Oh, before I forget, my name is Muddy. The head that was late to roar when we first met is Bubbly, the one that called out Bubbly is Dampy, and the last one is Boo.”
Boo bowed his head.
“Boo does not talk much,” Muddy said.
“Sounds like my older brother. Most of the time he only says ‘eeyup’ or ‘nope’.”
“Well, my name is Twilight Sparkle, this is Spike, she’s Pinkie Pie, that’s Applejack, and finally Fluttershy–wait, what am I doing?” Twilight pointed a hoof at the hydra. “If you are sapient and polite enough to tell us your names, then surely you can comprehend why we don’t want to be eaten!”
“Sorry. It is nothing personal, but a hydra has gotta eat,” Muddy explained. “Ponies have to eat too, so you understand, right?”
“I suppose, but I wouldn’t eat something that’s still alive and has feelings, even if ponies did eat meat.” Twilight turned toward her friends. “Well, a bit of good news is that there are five of us and the hydra only has four heads, so one of us may be able to escape.”
“Uh, about that–” Muddy looked down at his body “–hey, Leafy, wake up! Lunch is here!”
A fifth head and neck sprouted from the hydra’s body.
“Lunch?! What are we having?!”
Muddy answered, “Four ponies and a baby dragon.”
A deep growl rumbled up Twilight’s throat; this was an awful day for her pride. “I’m getting tired of being proven wrong all day. Is it so bad that I want things to make sense?!”
All five hydra heads roared.
The four ponies and baby dragon screamed, again.
“Hold on, why did we do that?” Leafy asked. “Scaring them too much will ruin some of their taste!”
Muddy leaned his head toward Leafy and whispered, “The unicorn, whose name is ‘Twilight Sparkle’, can teleport, but she can not fully control her teleportation when she is too scared.”
“Oh,” Leafy whispered back. “In that case, we gotta keep the pressure on.”
*ROAR!!*
*Scream*
“Okay, brothers,” Muddy said, ”we need to decide who will eat whom. I will eat Twilight, Dampy can–”
“Aw, I wanted Twilight!” Bubbly whined. “Unicorns are tastier than earth ponies and pegasi! Uh, why don’t you eat Spike, because you love spicy food, right?”
Muddy sighed. “Fine, I will eat Spike.”
Leafy started, “And I’ll take Twi–”
Twilight protectively pulled Spike to her with a foreleg. “Hey, I’m warning you, if you want Spike, you will have to go through–”
*ROAR!!*
*Scream*
“Twilight, sweetie, it was rude to interrupt,” Muddy said in a calm, yet scolding voice. “We are trying to decide which of my brothers will eat you.”
“Seriously?!” The “rude” unicorn motioned the hoof wrapped around Spike to herself. “I’m being rude?!”
“Yes. However, it happens, so we will forgive you.”
“Before one of you butt in again, let’s settle this quickly,” Bubbly said. “I’ll chow on Twilight, Boo can–”
“Not so fast!“ Dampy countered. “You ate the tastiest parts from yesterday's lunch, so let me have her!”
“But you ate the prime cuts from the two lunches before that!”
Leafy groaned. “There they go again.”
“Come on, you two can not just go one day–”
“Oh, and you’re the laziest of us!” Bubbly yelled. “If Dad didn’t tell you to stay out here, you would be snoozing right now! I know I’m the smart one of us–”
“You? The smart one? Worm poop has more brains than you, and don’t even get me started on the time–”
The quiet Boo asked, “Uh, sorry to interrupt, but did we order our lunch to go?”
“No,” Leafy answered. “Why?”
“Because there it goes!”
With Spike riding on Twilight’s back, the friends were sprinting away and toward the deeper trenches of Froggy Bottom Bog. Clever.
“That was close,” Fluttershy said. “I’m glad you noticed the heads were distracted, Twilight.”
“Ah was never so happy to see brothers fightin’.”
*ROAR!!*
Spike peeked behind him. His eyes bulged. “Uh-oh! They're after us!”
“With the luck I've been having, I better not risk teleporting again. However, with the distance between us and them, we will be fine.” Twilight smiled and continued, “Once we're in the densest areas of Froggy Bottom Bog, the trees and logs should slow them down, then when we’re far enough–what the?”
The group tilted their heads down. Their hooves sunk in thick, gooey mud. The mares grunted and moaned from effort, but their attempts only made their hooves dip in deeper, until the glutinous mud enveloped their legs’ lower half.
“Oh, come on!” the sufferer from Acute Wrong Syndrome shouted. “Can’t I be right just once today?!”
“Not now, sugarcube. We got worse things to worry about than you bein’ wrong again.”
Twilight’s ears and corners of her lips drooped. “You’re right, Applejack. Sorry.”
The brothers stomped closer, forcing increasingly stronger tremors with each step. Twilight, Pinkie, Fluttershy, and Applejack fought to free their hooves with more gusto than they did previously; still on Twilight's back, Spike cheered them on.
“At least there are no frogs in danger this time.” Fluttershy let out another effort-filled grunt.
Pinkie’s body convulsed for five seconds, though even that didn’t make an impact on her hooves’ zero-progress from the mud. “The ‘doozy’ must still be coming. Uh, mud, I’ll make a deal with you: let us go, and I’ll throw you a big party later!”
“Pinkie, I know I...*grunt*... shouldn’t be ’that’ mare right now, but mud isn’t even sentient. You...*grunt*...can’t bribe it!”
A squeak eked from Fluttershy’s mouth.
Pinkie glared at Twilight and asked, “Well, do you have any better ideas, Miss Pinkie Sense Non-believer?!”
Twilight glared back. “No, but–”
*ahem*
Pinkie and Twilight swung their heads at where the sound came from; their pals were already cowering.
The hydra towered over them! Its (Or their?) feet stood on harder ground, just outside of the mud gripping Twilight’s, Pinkie’s, Applejack’s, and Fluttershy’s hooves.
“Well, you all are in a ‘sticky’ situation. Ha!” Bubbly hoisted his head with a boastful smile.
*Crickets chirping*
Bubbly’s smile flagged and he shrank away. “Please, I bet all of you were thinking that pun too.”
Pinkie erupted in hearty laughter. “I thought it was funny! I was just too scared to laugh right away. Ha ha, ‘sticky situation’, that’s a good one.”
Applejack rolled her eyes. “You think every joke or pun is a ‘good one’, Pinkie.”
“Overused puns aside, where were we?” Muddy asked. “Oh, yes, we were trying to decide who would eat Twilight.”
“I vote for myself and second it,” Bubbly said.
“I vote for myself and third it,” Leafy said.
Twilight tittered, pushing out an uneasy grin. “Oh, n-none of you want to eat me, or any of us. I only exercise my brain and magic, and my friends–”
“Aw, you should not sell yourself short, sweetie. The flavor from your inmate magic will more than compensate for any lack of muscle.”
Spike rubbed his cheek. “You know, that raises a question, Twi. You almost never worked out, yet you always stayed in good shape. Why didn’t you ever get fat?”
Twilight gasped in realization. “That’s...a good question, Spike, and I never thought about it. Due to my overall lack of physical activity before we moved to Ponyville, I should have become overweight years ago.”
Fluttershy raised her head at the sky with pleading eyes. “Princess Celestia, please come save us, if it’s okay with you. Amen!”
Spike asked, “What was that about, Fluttershy?”
“She was praying,” Pinkie answered. “None of you ever prayed to Princess Celestia?”
*Crash!*
A white alicorn slammed onto the ground. She pulled herself to her hooves and rubbed her head as she muttered, “I really must remind my little ponies that I am their princess, not their God–” Her eyes spotted the crisis before her, coaxing her jaw to drop. “Sweet Faust!”
“Princess Celestia, I don’t know how you got here, but help!” Twilight called out. “Our hooves are stuck, and that hydra wants to eat us!”
“What?!” Celestia flapped her wings and flew to and hovered over Twilight and the others, like a majestic angel. “Hey, hydra! Leave my student, ponies, and dragon alone, or else!”
All of the hydra heads’ lips wilted, except Muddy’s.
Leafy asked, “Oh, uh, those are your ponies, dragon, and student?”
Spike answered, “And Twilight, the one you all were arguing over to eat, isn’t just Princess Celestia’s student: she’s her number one student!”
Leafy’s mouth widened.“We’re a dead hydra.”
Boo ducked his head behind his brothers’ heads.
Bubbly’s lips rose into a big, frightened curl. “Uh...see, I told you all that we shouldn’t try to eat Twilight! She’s such a nice, cuteunicorn!”
“Liar!” Dampy shouted. “You tried to claim that wonderful, beautiful mare as lunch before I did!”
“Yeah, but you were drooling for best pony!” Bubbly looked toward Celestia. “Yeah, I even had to hold Dampy back, or he would have already gobbled her up!”
“That’s it!” Dampy growled. “I’m going to ‘best pony’ you!”
Dampy lunged at Bubbly. A flurry of headbutts, bites, and banging of necks between the two brothers ensued, complete with yells of battle shouts and insults.
“Guys, is that how Rainbow and me look when we’re at each other’s throats?”
“Kinda, except you and Rainbow have your own bodies and give better insults,” Pinkie answered.
Leafy disapprovingly shook his head. “Muddy, it’s your turn to be referee.”
Muddy lifted his head over his two battling siblings, who were locked in a literal head-to-head stalemate. With a grunt, he slammed down on them.
“Ow!” both Bubbly and Dampy exclaimed.
“Knock it off, you two, and we do not have to fear that alicorn! They are overrated, so I am sure we can take whatever she tries to do!”
A bulge passed down Leafy’s long neck. “Glad you got those two pain in the necks to stop fighting, but we better not test an alicorn. You forgot Mom said they're nigh-omnipotent?”
“She believes everyconspiracy theory, like how alicorns are hiding a portal to some weird world. However, I only believe something when I see it.” Muddy tipped his head, wearing a proud smile. “Give us your best shot, big sweetie!”
“So be it. You have been warned.” Celestia’s scowl sharpened, her horn glowing gold.
Leafy leaned away. “Okay, Miss Princess Celestia, if you must, hit Muddy. He’s the one that–”
A mighty blast of magic fired from Celestia’s horn as she released a fierce shout that sliced through the air. The beam smashed into the hydra’s belly, knocking them backward, and they crashed onto the ground.
Her point proven, the Princess huffed, lowered onto the mud in victory, and gloated, “There! Do you still believe alicorns are ‘overrated’?”
The hydra sprang up. Muddy glanced at his brothers with a smug smirk.
“I love telling you ‘I told you so’. All she did was knock us over, and even that was because most of you failed to brace yourselves.”
“Or we’re just that tough!” Dampy raised his head in pride. “I knew dragging us to the gym every day would pay off!”
Boo blew a short, seemingly relieved exhale.
“Oh, dear. Luna was right: I have got to lay off the cakes and resume training myself.” Celestia glanced down at her hooves, her eyes widening.
Her royal hooves had sunk into the mud!
“Oops.” Celestia grunted as she struggled to lift her hooves, but the adhering mud held fast its grip. “This is bad. My hooves are stuck.” She gazed up toward the hydra, smiling as if her life depended on it – which it did. “Um, hehe, we are all adults, right? Let’s talk about this over some tea. Or cake? Or five cakes?”
“No thank you. We hate tea, and our mom hates us eating cake or other so-called ‘pony food’.” Muddy let out an exasperated sigh. “She still views us as her baby hydra.”
“But while our mom is annoying, she said alicorns are supposed to be even tastier than unicorns, and just look at you!” Dampy smacked his lips. “Mmm-mmm! You’re a big pony!”
“Wait, didn’t y’all say yer mom believes even wacky stuff?”
Leafy nodded. “She does, but she’s always right when it comes to food. Don’t ask why, because we don’t know either.”
“Yeah, so one of my brothers can eat Twilight.” A drop of drool ran from Bubbly’s mouth. “I call dibs on that alicorn!”
“No, I should get her!” Dampy popped Bubbly’s head. “You already claimed Twilight, remember?”
As the brothers resumed their debate – and occasional refereeing – Twilight lowered her head and closed her eyes in a second round of acceptance. However, a thought tempted an encouraged smile to creep on her lips, and she opened her eyes. “Maybe there’s still hope. Now that there are six of us, one of us may be able to escape if they free themselves in time, or at least Spike cou–”
A sixth, grumbling head popped from the hydra’s body.
“What the f**k is going on out here?! Can’t a brother–wait, lunch is here? Why didn’t anyhydra wake me up?!”
“First, Moisty, a minor is present, so cool it on the swearing. Two, there were only five of them, but that alicorn just showed up. And three, we just confirmed that alicorns are overrated, and I told you so!”
“Wow, Twi,” Spike remarked. “You are setting records for most times being wrong in a day. We should call you Twi-wrong Sparkle.”
“At this point, I can’t even get annoyed at that.” Twilight’s ears woefully flopped. “I don’t want to spend my last moments complaining anyway.”
“Oh, I have an idea.” Muddy stared down at the ponies and dragon. “While we decide who gets to eat whom once and for all, you should all close your eyes. It may make being eaten easier and not as frightening.”
The lunch closed their eyes.
Fluttershy said, “I guess this is it, so I should give a confession. I never said what my job is, because it’s–”
“No, no, Fluttershy. Somethin’ tells me that should stay a secret. Pinkie, while ya might drive me up a wall sometimes, yer cheerfulness, friendliness, and energy inspire me every day. Sorry if it wasn't always shown.”
“It’s okay, and I’m sorry for keeping a secret of my own. The Pie family are descendants of Discord, and that’s why I can use Pinkie Sense. The writers won’t let me use my chaotic magic unless it’s for laughs, or I would use it to save us.”
“Despite how ludicrous some of that sounds, I won’t question a word you said, Pinkie, and I’m sorry for not doing it sooner.” Twilight turned her head to Spike. Her eyes stayed closed, but a warm, maternal smile eased on her lips. “Spike, you aren't just my '#1 assistant', but the son I never had, and I love you. I’m sorry if I was too bossy or didn’t always show how much you mean to me.”
“It’s okay, and I love you too, Twi. Though, I thought you saw me as your little brother?”
“I do, but we are going to be devoured before the writers can commit to what our relationship is, if they even would. Since they won’t have time, I will decide for them and die as your mother, if you don’t think it's too weird.”
“I don’t.” Spike leaned toward and affectionately clutched his arms around his mother’s neck. “Also, I didn’t tell you, but I burned one of your books and buried it, and I’m sorry. Bye, Mom.”
“At a time like this, I can’t get mad. Bye, Son.”
“Twilight,” Celestia began, “I have some confessions of my own. You are like the daughter I never had, I love you, and in time you would have–”
“Wait. Muddy, why y’all so quiet? Still haven’t decided who eats who?”
“I have great news!” Muddy declared. “We smelt you and talked things over quietly, so we would not interrupt your confessions. We just changed our minds about eating you.”
The saved ponies and dragon’s eyes flew open; Twilight and Spike broke their embrace.
“Really? Why?” Pinkie tilted her head in confusion. “You don’t think we’re tasty anymore?”
Fluttershy clarified, “N-not that we mind being spared.”
Muddy chuckled sheepishly. “Oh, you do not want to know.”
“Y’all had us thinkin’ we were gonna be hydra food! What can be worse than that?”
Moisty let out a sharp sigh. “Fine. We’re not eating you because you smelt too shy, you smelt too applely, you smelt way too random, you smelt too neurotic, and you smelt too useless.”
“Hey! I’m not useless!” Spike yelled.
"Because my son is far from–"
“Wasn’t talking about him.” Moisty leaned his head to point at Princess Celestia. “I was talking about her.”
The owned alicorn scowled, her blood raging in fire. A glance at Twilight chilled her into inhaling a deep, flame-quelling breath. ‘For your daughter’s sake, let him have that one, Celestia.’
“You can’t talk about my mo–I mean, Princess Celestia that way!”
“Twilight? It’s okay, but thank you for standing up for me.”
“I...*sigh*...okay. If you say so, I’ll let it go,” the protective daughter said in a pout.
Spike pointed at himself. “Then what do you all think about me?”
Boo answered, “I don’t want to be mean, but if Twilight is your mom or big sister, or whatever, then we think your sanity is in trouble. Sorry.”
With the unexpected yet non-mean-spirited burn delivered, the hydra walked away and disappeared deep into the swamp.
The friends and Princess gawked at the retreating predator. They all blinked twice in unison.
Applejack finally asked, “‘Too applely’?”
“If Queen Chrysalis ever tries to attack us, I’m defeating her myself! A princess shouldn’t speak in this manner, but ‘useless’ my flank!”
Twilight turned her head and glowered at Spike. “When I get you back home, Spike, we are going to have a long talk about that book you said you ruined and hid from me.”
Spike gulped.
“However, be honest with me about something else first.” The sternness from Twilight’s eyes wilted. “Have my stressing gotten so bad that I’m becoming neurotic?”
“Uh...”
“At least we are still alive, and they definitely weren't wrong about me. I am too shy.”
“Hold on, Twi,” Applejack said. “Couldn’t you or Princess Celestia have used yer magic to free our hooves?”
Twilight’s and Celestia’s ears flopped sideways. Twilight grinned sheepishly while Celestia inconspicuously whistled.
Applejack cocked an eyelid, her signature move. “Really?”
Celestia impelled out an awkward smile. “Um, n-now that we are safe, tell me what happened before I...got here.”
Twilight explained the events that transpired prior to Celestia literally dropping in. As she did, she and Celestia used their magic to poof away the mud holding their hooves.
Nopony ever claimed Twilight Sparkle or her second mother was perfect.
“I see.” Celestia gazed toward where the hydra siblings departed. “I am amazed that you could teleport that hydra even by accident, because–”
Twilight glowed in a sudden white light.
Spike immediately pounced off Twilight’s back and asked, “Twilight?! What are you doing?!”
“I’m not doing anything!” Twilight stared down at herself with her eyes understandingly huge. “My body is doing this on its own!”
Celestia zipped to Twilight and wrapped her forelegs around her sides. “No, no, no, don’t come out! It’s too soon!”
Fluttershy asked, “Princess Celestia, do you know what is happening to her?”
“Long story short: Twilight did something that not even Starswirl the Bearded ever did, so destiny got confused and is turning her into an alicorn prematurely.”
Everyone shouted, “WHAT?!”
“Yes, but she’s not ready, so help me stop the alicornication–ugh!”
A burst of magic knocked Celestia backward and onto her flank, simultaneously concealing the lavender unicorn trapped in its luminosity. The light formed a huge image of a six-pointed pink star with six smaller, six-pointed white stars, AKA a super-sized version of Twilight's Cutie Mark.
After five seconds, the light and stars faded. It left behind a bewildered lavender alicorn, who proceeded to goggle at her new wings.
“Ain’t this a kick in the head?” Applejack asked, staring at Equestria’s newest alicorn. “If not for what we went through with that hydra, Ah would be more dumbfounded right now.”
Celestia sighed. “I didn’t even get to sing the song I wrote for this moment.”
“I hope our fan base wasn’t too attached to Twilight as a unicorn, or we just lost half of it,” Spike said.
Fluttershy mused, “Maybe we can win that lost half back someday?”
Still gawking at herself, Twilight said, “I have so many questions, I can’t even choose which one to ask first. That has never happened to me before.”
“On the bright side, Twilight, I mean, Princess Twilight, at least you were finally right: my Pinkie Sense was wrong after all.”
“It was?” Everything was right in the world, from Princess Twilight and her pride’s point of view. Her eyes sparkled as she flared her new wings in raw jubilation. “Yes! It’s about time!”
“Ooh, that last sentence could make a good name for an episode centering you. Anywho, my Pinkie Sense was warning of a doozy.” Pinkie dashed to Princess Twilight and leaned in one angle after another, looking her over. “But you transforming into an alicorn princess in just our first season is a doozy of a doozy!”
Author's Note
So, you can become an alicorn by teleporting a hydra. Sunset Shimmer had a way to become an alicorn after all, but she never knew it!
In all, I think three words can sum up what we just saw: Well, that happened.
Lastly, in case you're thinking about how Twilight was able to teleport fine in the season 1 premiere & "The Ticket Master" episode, besides this story not meant to be taken too seriously, Twilight was more stressed than outright scared in those episodes.
