Asterix in Equestriaby 23LEvansChaptersPrologueChapter 1Chapter 2Chapter 3Chapter 4Chapter 5Chapter 6Chapter 7Prologueprologue In the year 50 BC all Gaul as well as most of the world was completely occupied by the Romans, Entirely? Well maybe not the best word to use because in the coast of Amorica now called Brittany, there was a village of indomitable gauls, surrounded by the roman camps of Compendium, Aquarium, Laudanum and Totorum. But the gaulish village would never surrender much to Julius Caesar, great chigrain. How has this village kept it’s hold against the roman invader? The incompetence of the Romans for one, but also the gauls themselves, Asterix the hero of these stories named after him. He was a small gaul with a yellow mustache, black shirt, red trousers and a winged helmet. He may have been small but what he lacked in size or strength he made up for in brains. The complete opposite of his best friend Obelix the menhir deliverer, no one knows what Menhirs were for but they were popular at the time, you can still see them today. Obelix was rather fat in all honesty, but don’t tell him I said that and definitely don’t say it to his face, he insisted his chest just slipped a bit, and he always considered that his striped breeches made him look slimmer but it didn’t again don’t tell him i said that and defiantly, defianalty don’t say it to his face, he never went anywhere without his little dog Dogmatix, Obelix fell into a magic cauldron when he was a baby and he gained superhuman strength. Speaking of which the same potion is also a reason the gauls in the indomitable village, made by the great druid getafix. The Potion gave anyone who drank it superhuman strength for a limited time, No one knows what was in it except Getafix himself and all he would say was that their was mistletoe, Lobster and beetroot in it, he us to use rock oil instead of beetroot but beetroot made the potion taste better, the lobster also helped improve the flavour. Everyone in the village got a good swig off the potion, except for Obelix because the potion had a permanent effect on him which he considered very unfair. The leader of this village was Chief Vitalstatistix, his namesake was a lot bigger than he would have liked, and as the chief he was held up on a shield held by 2 shieldbearers. He was respected by his men and feared by his enemies(most of the time), the only thing he did fear was his wife, Impedimenta, and the sky falling on his head tomorrow, like all of the gauls did, but of course tomorrow never comes. There was also Geriatrix the oldest inhabitant of the village and his young and beautiful wife, Mrs Geriatrix, Fulliautomatix the blacksmith and Unhygienix the fishmonger and their wives, Bacteria and Mrs Fulliautomatix and finally Cacofonix the bard, it was traditional to have a bard in a gaulish village back then, but Cacofinix’s ‘singing’ was perhaps the worst in all gaul. His singing even affected the weather, but as long as he didn’t sing everyone liked him. Author's Note Right so there’s the typical Asterix prologue hope I got it right and hope you enjoy the story Chapter 1Chapter 1 No one like him at the moment unfortunately, because he was singing very much out of tune on the balcony of his tree house and the rain came down like the wee of totatis itself, “OH and I, BrINg dowN the RaIn” he sang, “AND DOWNS THE WORD” Fulliautomatix shouted down below red in the face, sauntering up to the tree with a chisel and hammer, “hey i live up here you know” Cacofinix shouted back going red in the face himself as Fulliautomatix drilled into the tree, the rain stopped “well if your singing wasn’t as bad as the smell of Unhygenix’s fish i wouldn’t be-” Fulliautomatix began but something wet and sloping and smelled rotting hit the back of his head. “You best watch your mouth” Unhygenix shouted in retaliation for his trades verbal abuse, “or i might just-” and that was when Fulliautomatix’s hammer hit him square in his face, within minutes the two were having a massive punch up, “oh look a fight!, a fight!” one villager called and others said, “Bacteria got last year's stock of fish!” Unhygenix called Bacteria, “don’t go too far Geriatrix sweety” Geriatrix’s wife told her husband, “just going to stretch my legs” Geriatrix replied. Last years stock of fish made great melee weapons, Obelix joined in, Asterix, Dogmatix and Getafix just stood by and watched the whole thing, they had too much sense to join in, “fish again, it’s always fish that start the fight” Getafix sighed, “Flying fish at that” Asterix agreed as he ducked and a fish flew over his head. “Oh well it’s traditional” he sighed “Romans!” came a cry of joy from the gates, a villager at the gates had just spotted a platoon of romans outside the gates. The Chief came running out of his house on his shield, with his shield bears doing the running “alright get out the magic potion” he ordered. a minute later “Did everyone take a nice big swig!?” Vitalstatistics asked “YAAAHHH” the Gauls shouted, “no” Obelix pouted, “silence” Vitalstatistix ordered “it’s time for my-” but the gauls including his shield bearers “CHARGE BY TOUTATIS” they all shouted, Toutatis by the way was one of the gaulish gods. Outside the village the Romans were shaking in the sandals, “s-stay strong m-m-men” the centurion stammered, “Jupiter help us” one legionnaire said, “mummy” another begged. The Gauls then rammed right through their shields, Fulliautomatix smashed the legions into the ground, Dogmatix chased a group of three around the battlefield, Obelix used the centurion as a melee weapon, Geriatrix bounced on a legionnaires face multiple times “owowowowowowow” the same legionnaire exclaimed. Asterix sent Legionnaires flying in all directions “I'm not ready for skydiving” one remarked, Vitalstatistix picked another up bodily and repeatedly slapped his face, knocking out most of his teeth. Unhygienix used his fish as a melee weapon, “this doesn’t even out the scale '' one legionnaire said, “the only scale i see are the fish ones” another pointed out. “Good job lads we sent them packing” Vitalstatistix said in praise to his villagers, “is it over already? we just finished the warmup” Obelix moaned in disappointment, “thank juno it’s over then” one still conscious legionnaire said, “they promised that we would fight war, not Gauls” another mouthed, “i signed up to see the world not stars yet here i am going over the moon” a third said glumly, “ceasers not gonna be swimming in the sea of tranquillity when he hears about this” the centurion agreed, “one more pun like that and i jetisson myself out of the army right here” another legionary grumbled. “Well that was fun wasn’t it Obelix?” Asterix asked “not really these new romans are going soft” Obelix said disappointed, “well maybe they can send something new for us chubby chops” Asterix commented. “I do say what a smashing job you all did, quit a smashing hit” said a fancy voice, Asterix turned to see his british cousin twice removed, Anticlimax, his stiff upper lip was hard to see through the ginger mustache. “Why Anticlimax!Tell me the Romans are causing trouble?” Astrix asked concerned shaking his cousins hand in the traditional among the British “oh good heavens no old fruit i came here for a rather quick hello and stay” Anticlimax replied, “well then came on we just finished with the romans” Asterix said, “a smashing good finish at that” a stunned legionary remarked. Meanwhile in equestria “Not again” Twilight sparkle, a purple alicorn exclaimed for the millionth time as her spell failed, she couldn’t understand it, she had worked on it for a long time and yet nothing, well not strictly true, she had managed to send a magical gem to another dimension and now she was trying to bring it back with no result, except for the multiple craters in her home. “Twilight you have been practicing that spell since 5 in the morning” exclaimed her assistant, spike the dragon flying down with three more book, “take a break” that made Twilight's hair stand up on end very angrily she whirled around and yelled the following in Spikes face, “TAKE A BREAK!TAKE A BREAK!I have been working on THIS particular spell and I am NOT going to give up now SO DON’T TELL ME TO TAKE A BREAK!” Spike put on his custom armor after the outburst and did a very bold move. “At least have a sandwich” he squeaked, you could practically see her steam coming out of her ears as her face went red and she whirled around powering up her horn for a final go, the energy built up and she was lifted off the ground without the work of her wings, her eyes glowed white and there was a blinding flash that sent the crystal castle flying a good mile into the air before crashing down. Back at the indomitable gaulish village Asterix, Obelix and Anticlimax were having dinner in Asterix hut and talking about things in Brittany when they heard someone shouting very strong language outside, it was Getafix the druid, using gaulish swear words. He was clutching his toe and jumping up and down “Ow ow ow” he continued to mutter as everyone came outside to watch, “what kind of dance is that?” Fulliautomatix asked, “I stubbed my toe,” Getafix said back, still in pain, “that’s an unusual dance” Obelix said, “you’ll give cacofonix ideas”. Asterix bent down to look at what he stubbed his two on, it was a gem, “it’s gem” Asterix said, it was flashing pink light slightly, “well what do we have here” Vitalstatistix asked, “pass it here i’ll give it to my wife”, “hold up a minute” said geriatrix the oldest inhabitant of the village, why should you get all the bling?”, “cause i’m the chief and a Blinging one at that” Vitalstatistix shot back. “So just because your the chief, that means the rest of us get nothing fancy is that it” Fulliautomatix asked sarcastically, “at least i got my fish” Unhygenix bragged, “your fish are about as fancy as a chum bucket” Vitalstatistix snapped, Unhygenix threw a fish in the chief's face taking offence, “charge boys” Vitalstatix said to his shield bearers who ran at Unhygienix while the chief whirled the fish above his head. Within moments they had all forgotten about the gem and were brawling, including Obelix, except for Getafix, Asterix and Anticlimax, “I saw , is this how debates often go old fruit?” Anticlimax asked, “usually” Asterix admitted to his cousin. Then the gem began to glow steadily, the brightness increased to a small flashlight, no one noticed, until it became a blinding flash that blinded the villagers and went as far as the camps of Compendium, Aquarium, Laudanum and Totorum. Everyone in that area was blinded and when the light faded the village and the camps had disappeared completely from view from all eyes. Back in equestria Twilight had fallen unconscious and Spike was recovering from the magical overload his makeshift custom armor completely disintegrated, and he sat up, looked at twilight and sighed, “better get her friends” he sighed as he flapped into the air and out the door of the castle. Author's Note Hi yall I do so hope you enjoy the humour if not let me know I will be continuing with this story and I really hope you enjoy it Chapter 2Chapter 2 Twilight came to groggily and opened her eyes, and then she finds that her friends were looking around the place in awe and slight disgust as it had been left in a terrible state, and since it was a laboratory you can only imaging the state it was in, “oh your awake sugarcube” Applejack said happily, “what in tarnation went on here?” “Indeed this place is in a terrible state darling” Rarity said, Twilight looked around still upset at her failure. “I warned you” Spike said, Twilight had to admit her friends had a point about it being in a terrible state, “next time Twi take Spikes offer on a break” Rainbow Dash said, “okay so i may have overdone it” Twilight admitted, “you really overdid it” Rainbow dash said, “it’s nothing to be ashamed about twilight we all over do it sometime” Fluttershy said reassuringly. “Well come on guys, Spring Cleaning!” Pinkie pie said excitedly getting out a bunch of brooms and cleaning equipment, “thanks guys but-” Twilight began but then she felt a wave of sudden powerful energy flow through her then leave her, it was so powerful it made her stagger. “Oh darling, are you okay?” Rarity asked, concerned “yeah must be the after effect” Twilight said, chuckling nervously as she did not want to admit that she didn’t know. Canterlot castle Celestia was signing papers for reasons I have no idea about, when she also felt that wave of energy it was a powerful wave, she staggered on her throne a little bit, “princess are you okay?” a royal guard asked, “i’m-” Celestia began but then Luna burst in panicked, “Sister did you feel it?!” she exclaimed. “Yes Luna I did” Celestia said, standing up and trotting off her throne Luna trotting behind her“come Luna let’s track down the source and see if it is a threat”. East coast of equestria The village of the indomitable Gauls had been transported and was now an island slightly off the coast of equestria; the four Romans camps were somewhere in the nearby forest. The villagers had stopped fighting fish raised in mid swing and eyes wide in surprise, “I-I do say that was a blinding flash What” Anticlimax said, “yes a blinking bright one” Asterix agreed looking at the gem which disintegrated in his hand. “Um Getafix what just happened?” Vitalstatistix asked baffled, magic and spells were Getafix’s area, Getafix honestly had no clue, “I’m afraid I don’t know” he admitted, “piggiwiggi!” Called a voice from the gates of the village. It was Impedimenta, Vitalstatistix's wife. Vitalstatistix really wished his wife would stop using his pet name for him in public. “I think we need to find a way across,” Impedimenta said as the rest of the villagers went through the villages to see what she had seen. They all started in surprise to see the sea not where it was supposed to be, “by Totatis!” Many exclaimed, “Look” Obelix said, “why if it isn’t our old friends the pirates” Asterix said, indeed it was the pirates that roamed the waters around gaul and have the bad luck to somehow always meet asterix at sea, their ship had been beached some way down the shore and they were clinging to it despite some of the crew had been partially buried in the sand. “Well this is a fine beach they aint it” the captain said sarcastically “and i just stole this ship” “Male Parta Male Dilabuntar” said his old peg legged first mate who was always ready with a latin saying “What was wrongly gained is wrongly lost, don’t say i didn’t warn you”. “Oh shut up we stole it fair and square” the captain snapped, “um excuse us but can we reuse your ship for a better use” said a voice down by the beach, he looked and went slightly pale, “th-th-th-the gauls” he squeaked and jumped down and fell on his knees, “please spare us take our ship if you must but please don’t phrash us” the captain begged, “well then off you go obelix looks like he’s getting excited” Asteris said pointing behind him, Obelix was trying to run up to the pirates hands outstretched in front of him for a grab, Unhygienix, Anticlimax and Geriatrix were pushing Obelix stomach and Fulliautomatix and Cacofonix was pulling the back of his striped breached to hold him back. The pirates ran for it, “we’re sunk again” remarked the lookout man, “even beached i get that sinking feeling” another crew member said, “calm down do” the captain said despite being the one running the fastest, “we’ll just go find a port and get us a new ship follow me then it will be a beach day”, “and as usual I’ll have to be the lifeguard” the peg legged first mate grumbled. “Alright let's break this thing apart and build a bridge” Asterix said, “Obelix go find some rocks and build some pillars like this” he then drew the shape of a pillar in the sand with a stick. “Alright Asterix” Obelix, “come on dogmatix” he then walked of to a cluster of rocks nearby with his small dog not to far away “maybe we can even build two, one for walking and one for fishing,” Fulliatuomatix suggested, “why might I ask?” Unhygenix asked suspiciously, coming nose to nose with Fulliautomatix “because then your fish won’t stink so much” Fulliautomatix replied. “Well hop to it you two” Asterix said before the situation could grow as he took a swig of magic potion in a gord he always carried around, he then gave it to Anticlimax to take a swig who gave it to Geriatrix then to Cacofinix, then Unhygienix and Fulliautomatix. Now that they were all dosed up with magic potion they got to work, Asterix and Anticlimax pulled the boards apart with his bare hands and gave them to Geriatrix and who jogged them over with great speed to Unhygienix and Fulliautomatix who nailed the boards together. “Can I give a-?” Cacofonix started, “no” Asterix cut in sternly knowing what he was about to ask and not willing to get drenched, “awfully sorry old bean but the weather in Brittany can’t compare to the level you bring with your yapping What” Anticlimax agreed keeping his upper lip stiff, Cacofonix scowled. After about 5 minutes Obelix came back carrying 10 pillars, 5 balanced on each other in each hand, “are these good Asterix?” he asked, “why they are my old friend”, “a smashing good job What” Anticlimax agreed “come on then let’s put them in place” Unhygenix said. Together they placed the pillars in place in the water, it wasn’t that deep and they could place 2 on top of each other then nailed the platforms together with more boards of wood. The Chief had wanted to hammer the final nail into place so they finished placing the boards into place and allowed the chief to do so, “Friends, Gauls, Countrymen, lend me your ears!” Vitalstatistix began, “oh marvelous another long winded speech” Impedimenta said sarcastically, “may this bridge be a symbol that no matter what this village of Gaul remain indomitable to all, weather it be by invaders of natural causes”, “hardly natural being teleported to belenos knows where” Getafix whispered to Asterix, “what does Teleport mean?” Obelix asked, “teleport: moved from one place to another” Getafix enlightened. “Well why isn’t it natural i do it all the time with Menhirs'' Obelix pointed out, “SILENCE” Vitalstatistix shouted, “now as i was saying-” “AmOriCA, amORIca, TOtaTIs SaiNt’s FOR theE” Warbled the voice of Cacofonix, he was tied to a tree and gagged, or was supposed to be because the gag had slipped allowing him to sing, they all clapped their hands over their ears. Dark Clouds formed over the village, “AmORIca Oh ThaNKS FOr the GrEaT Gift OF THE lAnD” Cacofonix continued completely out of tune as the rain came down, the wind picked up, the waves in the ocean became very rough and lightning struck and they all got drenched. In the bushes of the forest a patrol of romans ran back to the camps also getting drenched, “this isn’t even the final drop” one said, “dripping miserable is what it is” another commented, “less dripping more fleeing” a third said. When they got back to the camp of Totorum they all had nasty colds and their sentimental centurion couldn’t tear them a new one, “report to the medical tent and get yourselves warm” he ordered. “Got cold feet did yah” the medic said teasingly, “better a cold then gauls” one of them said, “everytime i see one i freeze in fear” another agreed, “enough puns my patients is reaching below Zero” the third snapped, “oh stop being such drips” the medic snapped. Canterlot castle meantime 11:00 Celestia and Luna were addressing their Royal guards including shining armor, “alright brave guard, we had detected a large magical wave in the east we need you all to go scout the area, if there is a threat capture it and bring it to Canterlot” Celestia said, “use force if necessary” Luna added, “you heard her men” Shining armor spoke up, “keep your wits and be ready and don’t hold back”, “sir yes sir” they all said. They got into chariots pulled by Pegasus and soared into the air towards the east, an hour later they touched down half a kilometre away from the east coast. “Alright men spread out towards the east and cover ground leave no stone unturned” Shining Armor ordered, “and we shall show all the strict discipline and order of our ranks”. With that they all marched towards the east. Back at the Gaulish village It was lunchtime at the Gaulish village and Asterix, Anticlimax, Obelix and Dogmatix we're going hunting, as it turned out the boats had gotten, “okay Obelix let’s split up and see if we can’t find something for our village to eat” Asterix said. “Oh goody let’s make it a game” Obelix said, “whoever brings something to eat first wins”, the four went in opposite directions, “i say old fruit will good old Obelix be okay what?” Anticlimax asked, “worst case he runs into a roman patrol and we all know how that ends” They knew but the ponies weren't, the ponies that Obelix was heading towards. Another roman patrol was walking through the forest and mapping out the area, “i’ve came and saw a lot of places” one remarked, “but this place is new, i don’t think we’re in gaul anymore”, “impossible” dismissed the patrol leader, “how can the four camps and the village be moved just like that?”. “Well, remember that light we saw before we came here?” the legionary said, “and don’t forget these gauls have magic powers”. The patrol leader couldn’t dismiss the idea, “well okay but-” “halt in the name of celestia” said a new voice, they all turned and their helmets jumped up in surprise entirely under their steam as they saw colorful horses wearing armor and holding spears and sword, the leader was wearing purple armor so the patrol leader assume he was the leader. “Who are you to dare oppose the might of Rome'' the patrol leader orders, “be silent monsters'' the purple armored horse said, unknown to him the roman patrol leader and his romans were trying very hard not to laugh, “surrender we have you outnumbered” that was the final straw. The romans fell about laughing, “don’t get on your high horses just yet” the roman patrol leader said mockingly, “oh stop it Thisisnthumorous Hahahahahaha” laughed another Roman rolling on the ground in fits of laughter. “I agree this is not humorous, you will surrender for questioning” Shining armor, who it really was, ordered angrily, “oh please you think you can stand against the roman legions with armor like that?” The Roman patrol leader asked, “That's gold, what will gold do against swords? I must say you don’t have much horse sense.”, “Be silent creatures,” the shining armor said, not liking being talked down to by someone he didn’t see as his superior. “*sigh* take me in then” the patrol leader said wearily “it’s better than-” “CRAZY GAULS” shouted the rest of his squad, “yes that”, “ROMANS” said a voice of happiness, the Patrol leader took a double take, and his eyes fell on a very happy Obelix with a very angry dogmatix jumping out of the bushes “EEK! help! It's him! retreat!” the roman patrol leader said, running away with Obelix hot in pursuit. Shining armor fired a shot at obelix’s helmet which bounced off of course, Obelix skidded to a halt and turned, “grrrrr”growlee dogmatix “halt creature or face our wrath” Shining armor said. “They’ll be hoarse in the morning” one of the running romans commented, “alright fatso” said a extremely cocky royal guard mockingly, “what are you gonna do nooooooooowwwww” he finished 250 feet in the air, the guards follow their companions crash course, “talk about taking liftoff” one quipped. “i am not fat” Obelix said, the guards began to shake fearfully as Obelix spun his fist in the air “stout maybe but not fat”. Meanwhile back at the village Cacofinix saw the ponies go flying, “Obelix must have run into a roman patrol, that means the romans are here” he called down, “the easiest way to take fliet” Fulliautomatix commented smugly. “Crash course is more like it” another villager remarked, “those guys are always living off when they see him” a third quipped, “it’s a crash course more like” Unhygienix said. Back at the pony guards they all landed back at the chariot, 25 of them all together along with some pegasus to guard the chariots, Shining armor and his men got up sporting impressive bruises and black eye’s. “Huh captain are you okay?” one of the chariot pegasus asked, “no we gotta warn the princess come on men” Shining Armor said. In truth his confidence had been rattled and he did not want to put himself or his men back up against that big fat Gaul he heard the Romans call it. Ponyville an hour later Twilight and her friends were having lunch in their throne room, there were six large thrones for the element barriers, and a seventh next to twilights for Spike and a makeshift extra large one for discord. Suddenly Spike held his mouth as if to throw up and burped out purple flame and a scroll appeared in the air, Twilight magically unrolled it and read it carefully “What does it say sugarcube?” Applejack asked, “It says we’re needed at Canterlot” Twilight said urgently, “it’s urgent Author's Note Right that’s another chapter done sorry for any spelling mistakes and comment on what you thought but be polit about it that way I respect everyone’s opinion Chapter 3Chapter 3 Asterix and Anticlimax were walking back to the village with dead strange chicken lizard creatures on their shoulders, “I say cousin, what do you think was with those statues?” Anticlimax asked, “well if we got transported by magic, then it’s safe to assume that these things petrified them” Asteris replied, “if not them then i don’t”, they arrived back at the village, crossing the wooden bridge while the others were setting up a banquet. Cacofinix was still bound and gagged, this time with a fish, “i’ll make you gag up those words” Unhygenix shouted back at Fulliautomatix throat, “if your fish weren’t already doing that i would be” Fulliautomatix shouted back. “Fish, fish and more fish that’s all that starts arguments, it’s hardly cricket” Anticlimax said, “yoohoo Asterix” called out Obelix as he ran back through the gate, “what on earth is that?” Asterix asked, pointing to the seemingly, Lion scorpion hybrid with bat wings on Obelix’s back. “Dogmatix found it, nothing like a wild boar but it might be just good” Obelix said, putting a set of helmets down, not roman helmets “goodness gracious where did you get those?” Anticlimax asked, the rest of the villagers came around and listened carefully “i got it from some strange new horses dressed in roman armor, they could talk, maybe their new” Obelix said excited, “straight from the horse's mouth if by the sounds of it” a villager commented, “straight into the horse's mouth you mean” his friend countered. “Don’t get on your high horses Obelix we may have just got involved in something we shouldn’t have” Asterix said, “i quite agree” Getafix said, having overheard the conversation “you see anymore obelix don’t attack unless they attack first”, “but they did attack first” obelix pointed out, “uh-well then good work Obelix” Asterix said. “Something smells fishy about this” Unhygenix said pointing to the helmet, “that would be you and your stores” Fulliautomatix said back, “that’s rubbish and you know it” Unhygenix retorted, “my stores are the best in gaul”, “Cod is what it is, if you were the best then you’d have a shoal in Lutitia”, the two were now having a good punch up. Canterlot Celestia and Luna paced in their throne room, when the door burst open and the element bearers including Spike ran in, “Princess’s we came as soon as we could” Twilight said, “i’m glad your all here follow me” Celestia said, the lot of them followed Celestia to the hospital for the royal guards, “why are we here?” Rainbow asked, “maybe someone needs help getting better” Fluttershy suggested. “Not exactly it’s a little more grave than that,” Celestia said, as they arrived at a certain room, “Cadence!” Twilight exclaimed as she spotted her ol foalsitter and sister-in-law, “Twilight!” Cadence exclaimed happily seeing her as well. “Sunshine sunshine ladybugs awake, clap your hooves and do a little shake” they sang in unison. “Twilight!” exclaimed her brother, Shining armor, Twilight’s face fell when he saw his front hoof in a cast and multiple bruises and grazes plagued his body, “oh faust what happened BBBFF” Twilight asked concerned, “this is why i called you here, they ran into creatures, new to equestria, and sent the royal guards flying, literally” Celestia explained concern very much audible in her voice. “If we were meant to fly I would've been born a pegasus” one of the earth pony guards commented, “there was a big fat creature, ape like that had us taking off” a unicorn commented, “Enuf wif tha puns you're giving me a headache” said another royal guard who was missing all his teeth. “I swear he didn’t even give us a countdown” a second unicorn added, “good heavens how could one ape do such devastation” Rarity said, “really?” Applejack and Rainbow deadpanned, “there was more than one apparently” Cadence said, “they called themselves romans but they called the fat one a Gaul” Shining armor said. “And we want you to go and capture one for us to interrogate” Luna said, “yes princess” Twilight said, “be careful my little pony’s” Celestia said as the Mane 6 departed. On the train sure enough The mane 6 were on the train towards the east coast and looking at the map we’re discussing their plan, “okay so these creatures were seen in the forest south of Baltimare” Twilight said, “oh I do hope nobody was hurt” Fluttershy said, “we also may need to be careful the forest their actually has Manticores and Cockatrice in it” Spike said, “so like the everfree no sweet” Rainbow said. “Applejack got your rope?” Twilight asked, Applejack showed her her rope with a smile, “Pinkis got your cannon?” Twilight asked the bouncing pinkie pie, Pinkie zipped away and zipped back holding her party cannon. “And we have the elements as a final resort so we are ready” Twilight said with confidence in her voice, “there are camps of royal guards stationed outside the forest Sure enough The mane 6 strode right into the camp, it looked more like a small castle made out of crystals, the crystals were from the crystal empire and were good for making building off in a matter of hours. The royal guards saluted and bowed in respect, but they met an unpleasant sight, prince Blueblood, the nephew of princess Celestia, going back to her distant relatives who weren’t alicorns and latest down the ages. “What are you doing here?” Twilight asked, “I'm personally inspecting the troops, not that I like being with the peasants,” Blueblood said. “Now to business we should take a battalion and personally whip these creatures of the face of equestria” none of the mane 6 were particularly surprised about blueblood making this suggestion instead they all gave their considered opinion and they got nowhere. Outside the camp “Well this is clearly interesting” said the leader of a roman patrol, “crystal clear at that” another legionnaire said, “come on quit looking glass yourselves and return to camp and report this to centurion Oleginuis” , back at the roman camps Oleginuis was elected incharge considering that he was the most disciplined off all the four centurion, within 5 month he went from legionnaire to centurion after the previous centurion of Laudanum retired. He was actually featured in asterix and the normans, and he was not afraid of the gauls no matter how much he was thumped, the others said that he had no sense, they might have been right. “Interesting” he said when he heard the news, “Decurion Thisisserious, ready a platoon and let us head for this camp and talk to the leader” he said to his second in command. “Are you sure what about the gauls?” asked the centurion of the camp of compendium, “peace is raining at the moment so no cause for alarm from an attack from them” Oleginuis said. However the walls had ears, Getafix had been sneaking around the camp and being a druid had good ears so heard the lot, with him was cacofonix, the two had ran into each other in the forest and had decided to spy on the camp. Cacofinix was originally going to practice his singing and Getafix had been collecting mistletoe in the forest among other ingredients for the magic potion, but when cacofonix had started singing, “SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP” Getafix had fummed bashing cacofinix with a branch per word to shut him up. However they had spotted the patrol heading towards the camp from the pony camps and were now on their way hurriedly to the village, “i say that’s a interesting development” Vitalstatistix said, “what do we do now piggywig” Impedimenta asked, “simple we teach them to leave us alone” Vitalstatistix said, “huh pigs might fly” Impedimenta huffed, “i quite agree chief if the romans and the locals meet up then we will have double trouble” Getafix said. “Oh come on let’s go get them it’ll be fun and we can all have a contest to see who will get the most helmets” Obelix begged eagerly, “why don’t we have a little bit of fun first” Asterix said as a plan formed, “now listen”. Meanwhile back at the pony camps Oleginius marched up with a cohort of legionnaires behind him the pony guards who must have been none to bright pointed their spears at them instead of raising the alarm, “terrible form i’ll have words with the formal about this” Oleginius thought, he and Decurion Thisisserious march briskly up to the gates, “Ave Unicorns” Oleginius said saluting, “i wish to speak with whoever is in charge” the two guards looked at each other than lowered their weapons, “follow us we’ll take you to blueblood and the princess”. Blueblood and the Mane 7 were still arguing about what to do about the Romans and Gauls, “well best introduce myself” Oleginius said as he, Decurion Thisisserious and the whole cohort of roman Legionaries, took off their helmets and saluted. “Ave Blueblood and Princess” Oleginius said giving both Twilight, Blueblood and the mane 7 a start, “Et conventu nostro primo salutant vos”. Blueblood squealed and hid behind one of the guards, “hey you can’t talk to us like that” Rainbow dash said getting right up in the Centurians face, “he said for our first meet i salute you” Thisisserious said, “oh well um pleasure” Rarity said speaking for the whole group. “As polite as you are, I'd appreciate talking to the Princess and Blueblood being the representations of this new country”. “Well then we welcome you” twilight said sweetly, Blueblood cowardly came out from behind one of the nearby guards, “yes i welcome you creatures to equestria” he forced out looking slightly pale. “I am Centurion Oleginius of the roman camp of Laudanum and this is my second in command Decurion Thisisserious “ Oleaginous said. “Princess twilight sparkles and these are my friends…” Twilight began but the Centurion interrupted, “no Civilians allowed in a military camp i’m afraid” he said “please remove them from the vascility and escort them home”. “Now listen here you we don’t abandon twilight just because you don’t approve...”, “if you are of high status then tell me now before i lose my temper by Neptune” Oleginius said going red in the face. “Yes we are the elements of harmony” Twilight said, the legionnaires fell over laughing, “ohohohoho” they laughed, “is this a joke hahaha, talking about raising the moral of the troops” one legionnaire laughed, “dressed to kill to hahaha” another said, “oh no Thisisn’t Humourus, stop it right now” a third laughed, “ATTENTION” Thisisserious shouted all the troops stopped laughing and stood to attention. “Anyway i am here on behalf of the four camps on Laudanum, Totorum, Compendium and Aquarium and representative of the might of rome and it’s ruler Julius caesar” Ocelginius continued “and…”, “oH fAREwEll anD AdiEU to YoU CElTic LaDies” a voice then warbled and rain began coming down intolerable, “FaREwelL and AdIEu To YOu LadIES of GuAL” “Help” the legionnaires shrieked, “i want my mommy!” “STOP IT WILL YOU!” one shouted into the forest as everyone dropped what they were doing and clamped their hands(and hooves) over their ears. “WHAT IS THAT MONSTROSITY?” Blueblood yelled, “it’s awful” Pinkie pie agreed, “absolutely horrid” rarity added, “oh the poor animals” Fluttershy said having to think of what the animals in the forest had to go through “STOP IT RIGHT BUCKING NOW” Rainbow Dash shouted to the skies “IT’S ONE OF THE GAULS BY JUPITER” Oleginius shouted, “RAINBOW CLEAR THE SKIES” Rainbow tried to clear the skies, she really did, but no matter how many clouds she cleared more filled in its place and the rain came down worse than before, but then the singing stopped and the rain followed, “hey it dried up” remarked Pinkie pie, “that means the bard has” Thisisserious said thankful, “the who?” Twilight asked, “the bard, sounds like he’s close to” a legionnaire said, “when we want your opinion we’ll ask” Oleginius said, the Legionnaire shut up and stood briskly to attention. “That monster shall pay for this” Blueblood said, “go and capture that thing and report back” he ordered two royal guards, “well your gonna need our help then” Oleginius said, “i personally volunteer to stay with my legionnaire to help you face the gauls”, “well then we agree and thank you for being so negotiable” Twilight said, “Alea Iacta Est” said Decurion Thisisserious said, “the die is cast”. Forest not far from the pony camp Fluttershy and Applejack had volunteered to capture the bard Cacofonix, “i don’t see what the problem is” Applejack admitted, “you just all attack a village and capture them what’s the big deal with these vermin?”, “what’s the deal she asks?” a legionnaire said, “the deal is that every time we do we are sold short of victory” another one explained, “halt i can see him” the captain said they all got low so as not to be seen. “Well he doesn't seem so bad” fluttershy said, “don’t be fooled we could be in an ll out beatdown at any moment” one legionnaire said, “Legionaire’s present parsley” the part leader said, they all got out parsley they had in their pouches, bringing them out in the great coordination belonging to the great roman legions, “in time place parsley in ears” they all except for Fluttershy and Aj, put the parsley in their ears. “Oh you're all over reacting it’s just one stallion” Applejack said, “pardon?” the patrol leader asked, “i said your over reacting” Applejack repeated, “applejack maybe there's a reason for this” Fluttershy said, “Madam i am the commanding officer and you by default are civilians and as the commanding officer all health and safety regulations must be acknowledged by me” the patrol leader said, “SO STUFF YOUR EARS OR BECOME STUFF ANIMALS PICK” “you’ll be stuffed and hung if you don’t” a legionnaire added, “pardon?” his friend next to him asked. “ALRIGHT MEN CHARGE” the roman patrol leader said as he and Applejack ran out of the bushes, “oh two fans how marvelous” Cacofinix said upon laying eyes on them, “two?” Applejack asked, looking around, “where are the others?” the patrol leader also looked around, “now what shall i sing for you two?”, “where is that cowardly lot they shall be thrown to the lions for this?” the roman patrol leader said, “lions? What lions?” Applejack exclaimed. “I shall now sing you a song” Cacofinix proclaimed twanging his lire out of tune, “pardon?” the patrol leader said “FaREWelL anD ADieU tO You FaIr CeLTIc LadIEs'' Cacofinix warbled, “farEWeLl and aDIEu to YOU LADies of GaUL” “STOP! SHUT UP! MERCY! MERCY!” the patrol leader begged as he grabbed Cacofonix and bashed him on the head multiple times before he fell to the ground unconscious. The Patrol leader panted in exhaustion while Applejack just stood there stunned by this, “uh i think i found the others'' she said, Fluttershy and a legionary poked their heads above the bush they were hiding in, the patrol leader tore them a new one “Well where were you by Juno, you cowardly lot, i should report your treason and insubordination for this and send you to rome to be with the lions in the circus maximus!!!” the Patrol leader said red in the face, “pardon?” the legionary asked, taking the parsley out of his ears. Soon enough “Mmmppphhh” Cacofinix mumbled as he was now bound and gagged and being carried by two legionnaires, “what did you say?” A legionnaire asked,cupping a hand behind his ear, “TAKE THAT PARSLEY OUT OF YOUR EARS” shouted his friend indignantly. Meanwhile Asterix, Obelix and Dogmatix who had seen it all and were sniggering at this, it had all been a joke, they had even forgotten the gord of magic potion on Cacofinix’s belt in their rush, the ponies were twice as incompetant, “shall we-?” Obelix asked hopefully, swinging his fist above his head “no obelix remembers the plan, we cause trouble for them and they leave us alone and take us seriously. plus why should we spoil Cacofinix’s fun now” Asterix said. Back at the pony camp “So this is the gaul?” Twilight asked studying Cacofinix who no longer had the gag on 2 but was still chained up, “total wimp could beat him 2 seconds flat” Rainbow dash bragged, “if only i wasn't restraining myself” Cacofinix thought, “hii’mpinkypiethegreatestpartyplannerinallofequestriaandwecanhaveawelcometoequestriaparty” Pinky pie blurted non of which Cacofinix got, “pardon?” he asked, “we’ll he does have a fine taste of cloths and mane style” Rarity said, “finally someone who has good tastes” Cacofinix thought smiling, “if only his singing weren't so terrible” Cacofinix’s face dropped into a scowl, “throw this peasant in the dungeon” Blueblood ordered. “Hang on i want to question-” Twilight began but their was a thud outside the camp, they all exited the camp and found that the Romans were using people of poor clothing and different cultures including espaniange, persians, Pheonicians, belgiums, goths and more all being whipped and were knowing hauling away a tree they had cut down. “What are those?” Fluttershy asked, “Slaves off course” Oleginius said, “WHAT!” the ponies even Blueblood exclaimed, “but why Slavery is illegal in equestia” Twilight said “but we aren’t of equestia and we have the duristinction of Ceaser to have slaves from the lands we conquered in the name of rome” Oleginius said. “Plus our legions are too busy readying for battle to do the hard labour” Thisisserious added, for someone with a tender heart like Cacofinix seeing the poor slaves whipped was too much, “stopped having those poor slaves whipped” he said defiantly, “release me and let me sing them a song to lighten them up” “Oh yes yes please do” Pinkie pie said, “they need cheering up” Pinkie said as she released Cocofinix, Cacofinix smiled then began Playing up, “MAYbe bEcauSe I’m AMmoriCaN tHAT I lovE AmMoRICa so” “STOP STOP PLEASE” Begged a slave, “MERCY HELP US MERCY” another begged, “This is worst singing i heard” a Goth slave commented, “Pardon” asked a legionnaire with parsley still in his ears, “MOTHER BUCKER” Swore Rainbow covering her ears, “GOOD HEAVENS” Rarity added, “THIS IS NOT FUN” Pinkie pie added as the rain became to come down. “Our work is not all fun and games” said the slave incharge, once Cacofinix had dried up along with the rain and everyone had calmed down “but this is just inhuman, please shut up the gaul, bring back the whips if you must but shut the gaul up and we promise to work our hardest”, “we don’t negotiate with slaves and peasants” Blueblood snapped, “no i agree take him away” Centurion Oleginius ordered “YOU VANDALS” Cacofinix yelled infuriated, as he was dragged away by two legionnaires and a unicorn to caste a muting spell “YOU VISIGOTHS, YOU BARBARIANS, THILASTIENS, BRUTES YOU WILL ALL END UP IN THE GALLERIES” “well already did” the slave incharge pointed out, “AND SERVE YOU RIGHT” Cacofinix yelled. Meanwhile in a tree overlooking the camp, Obelix, Asterix and Anticlimax were laughing heartily at the Ponies reaction to Cacofinix singing, “i say they are even less coordinated than the romans ohohohoho” Anticlimax commented laughing in the traditional british custom, “you got that right” Obelix said out of breath nearly falling off his branch, “alright remember the plan” Asterix said calming his friends and relation down to watch even more. After a little while Asterix thought it was time, “okay Obelix you and dogmatix stay here for backup while me and Anticlimax look around for clues to help us against our new enemy should the time come” Asterix told Obelix, “what that’s not fair” Obelix said, “oh don’t worry old chap you can demolish the base after where done say what?” Anticlimax told him. The two jumped down from their perch inside the camp, they were spotted but by 2 pony guards however but they were not at all bright, “AVE romans” they saluted getting quite used to the respectful roman greeting, “howda do” Asterix said cheerly, “good day gentlemen” Anticlimax added, “yes good thanks” one of them said as they walked past. Asterix then had a brain wave, “excuse me but do you happen to know which tent has all the information about this land?” Asterix asked, “just go to the library over there” one of the pony guards pointed to a large tent with bookshelves, “a Library!?” Anticlimax exclaimed, “just look for history of equestria old and new” the second pony added as they walked off. “Oh well that was easy” Asterix said perplexed, “a Library! A Library in a military camp, well that’s not cricket, oh i ask you” Anticlimax muttered still flummoxed by the library, what was even more puzzling was that the pony guards let them in without question as they began looking for the book, then Asterix had a good idea of a joke “oh and i why don’t you go shut the gate while your at it, Centurians orders” Asterix said. The pony guards saluted and ran off, Asterix and Anticlimax didn’t do a thing for a minute, then they began giggling then they began scoffing, then chortling and built up to a full on laugh at the foolery of the Pony guards. Back with Cacofonix he had been bound and gagged in a prison cell next to the wall of the camp, “okay so can i ask some questions about your history with this gaul?” Twilight asked, “well you see Ceaser is our emperor of the roman empire and we have successfully conquered all the known world except this little village in ammorica that this gaul lives in '' Decurion Thisisserious started. While they were Talking about the history of the world, Cacofinix waited and watched, it wasn’t until it came to the ‘indomitable gauls and how they have for years been holding out against the roman invaders’ bit that he saw Asterix and Anticlimax giving him the thumbs up behind a tent with a book under Anticlimax’s arm, it was the signal. “Mmmhhhppp” he tried to say, off course he was gagged, he tried again, yet again the pony’s didn’t hear him except for- “Hiimpinkiepiewouldyoulikeadrinkfromyourgordandthencanwebebestfriends?!” she said, Cacofinix only got the gord bit so nodded. Pinkie pie undid the gord with a gaulish drink(a drink with lobster and mistletoe) took the gag off and allowed him to drink it, but a roman spotted this and ran at them making a grab for the gord, “NO DON’T” he yelled desperately but too late. Cacofinix burst out of his chains, “well that fills so much better” he said as he punched the cell door open with his bare fists. The Pony’s stood mystified by this development, but Oleginius was not going to go down without a fight, “COHORTS INTO THREE LINES FORM” he shouted, “YES FORM YOU FILTHY GUARDS AS WELL” BLueblood added, “I WANT IN” Rainbow dash said hovering above the now formed cohorts with their shields pointed at the guard, the Mane 6 couldn’t help noticing that the romans were shaking in fear and pointed their pillums at him, “oh Obelix!” Cacofinix called, “CEASE THE GAUL SURROUND HIM!” Oleaginous shouted, “legions Maneuver” Decurion Thisisserious added but then Obelix ran straight through the closed gate and into the legions, “we can’t the gauls in the way” a legionnaire said reasonable. “Charge by George” Anticlimax shouted, whirling his fist in the air, “attack by Belonous” Asterix added as he did the same, “Retreat by Mars” a panicked Legion shouted as he ran from a pursuing Dogmatix. The battle was short but sharp with legionnaire and pony guards flying everywhere and being used as Melee weapons, “please don’t kill me,sorry we took your bard” Blueblood begged to Asterix sobbing, the Mane 6 backing away from asterix “and let it teach your bard from kidnapping our bard” Asterix said lifting him up by his collar with one finger, “you thought that we wouldn’t miss him with his awful singing gone with him but you were wrong. A Gaul knows how to make his enemy respect him”. And with that Asterix flung Blueblood onto the fence around the camp, the Mane 6 were lucky enough to avoid being hit(except for rainbow) and the camp was left in ruins, “i don’t believe it” Applejack finally said after staring at the devastation, “just a handful of them did this?” Spike said not believing it himself. Oleaginous limped up to them, “So how was your first gaulish experience?” He asked, “I thought it was fun.” Pinkie pie said with a smile never leaving her face, “it’s official! your friend may still be on her feet but she’s off her head!” a bashed up Legionary, “let’s face it we were all off our heads when we joined” another said glumly, “join the army they said it’s a man’s life they said” a third grumbled, “they also said that we would be easy” a fourth commented, “and yet they had to put the settings up to hard” a fifth moaned, by they he meant the gauls. “I’m setting my sights back to germany island the goths t’s to dangerous around these parts” a sixth added, “you lot were certainly on your high horses” This Serious said to a group of bashed up pony guards, “those gauls are trouble” the highest ranking soldier said, “ENOUGH” shouted Oleaginous slamming his helmet onto his head, “i want this camp back into tip top shape and then we shall head back to our camp and leave the pony’s until Celestia arrives SO GET MOVING YOU LAZY LOT!” he shouted, Twilight tried to object but decided against it to stay on good terms even if it was hard to watch the poor romans limp about on their broken spears. Pinkie pie however had an absolutely brilliant plan, “oh oh what about a joke?” she asked Legions jumping about smiling, “What do you call a bear with no teeth?” “Thump up like us” a Legionnaire said ruining the joke completely, “must have ran into a gaul” another agreed, “it must have gotten very grizzly” a third added, “and it didn’t have the luxury of armor” a fourth pointed out, “it was ‘bear’ naked” a fourth quipped to his friend, “enough of the stupid puns it just to much for me too overbear” his friend exclaimed pulling at his hair. Author's Note Okay that’s another chapter done as always like and leave comments Chapter 4Chapter 4 Getafix’s hut “Well done Asterix” Getafix congratulated as he turned the first page of the book of history in equestria, “did you save some ponies for the rest of the village?” Vitalstatistix asked while standing on his shield, “oh yes and the Romans are here” Obelix said joyfully as dogmatix barked sarcastically as he held his prize, a piece of purple mane. Outside “MY FISH DO NOT STINK” Shouted Unhygienix, another brawl had started, Vitalstatistix got hit in the face by a dead flying fish, knocking him off his shield, “Right to the brawl lads” he shouted getting back on his shield, the two shieldbearers set off out the door with Vitalstatistix being slammed into the low hanging arch and knocked off his shield for the second time. “Those shieldbearers are always getting me down” he grumbled, “you not the only one, this little bird hit the same place” Obelix said looking out the window, the others looked out and their helmets jumped off their heads in amazement, “oh i do say!” Anticlimax exclaimed, “A Pegasus how wonderful” Getafix said as he stepped out to greet the gray pegasus with strange eyes. “Hello there” she said, still a little dazed, “um hello madam what are you doing here?” Vitalstatistix asked unsure, “Mail” she said, handing the chief a letter, the rest of the villagers forgot their brawl and ran to Ditzi asking, “anything for me? anything for me?”, Ditzi flew off as quickly as she could. “Scaring the birds is such a great idea on your half” Impedimenta scoffed the other village woman backing her up, she snatched the letter out of the chief's hand a read it, “it’s a meeting for the chief and anyone he chooses to come with him” Impedimenta informed, “from the co-ruler of the land known as Celestia on behalf of equestria” the Chief forgot his own troubles and began barking orders in preparation. “Alright well then, getafix shall stay here to make magic potion incase the romans or more ponies attack” Vitalstatistix said getting back on his shield, “Asterix and Obelix shall come with me as brains and brawns, Impedimenta your incharge” this caused a little bit of confusion, “uh chief shouldn’t one of us be in charge until you get back?” Fulliautomatix asked nervously. “Oh and why can’t women be chief for a little bit after all I am the chief's wife!?” Impedimenta shouted back, “oh and i don’t see why you have to be nominated as chief” said her rival Mrs Geriatrix, “i’m just as capable of chief as she is”, “oh no your not!” Impedimenta yelled back, “as i already stated i am the chiefs wife”, “And do you know what i have to say to the chiefs wife?!” Mrs Geriatrix yelled back. Both ladies were nose to nose with each other. Fulliautmoatix chuckled lightly, getting the wrong idea. Geriatrix sprung to his wifes aid, “oh you think it’s funny do you?” he said, bringing his crutch down on the blacksmith's foot, “OUCH!” FUllautomatix exclaimed, swinging his fist at where he thought Geriatrix was but instead hit the face of Unhygenix who swung his fist back. “BACTERIA!” Unhygenix called as he was hit a second time, “GET LAST YEARS STALK OF FISH!” and within moments, as Asterix, Obelix, Dogmatix, Vitalstatistix and his shieldbearer walked out the village entrance and over the bridge, a full on brawl had started, and Cacofinix started up another song. “A great start to the journey” one shieldbearer said sarcastically, the other shieldbearer glared at his partner. At the train station “She can’t be serious” Rainbow dash exclaimed, she still had a black eye and a hoof in a sling after the beating the gauls had gave her, “apparently she is” Applejack said, Blueblood had fled on the train earlier to scared of the gauls to do anything else, “well in fairness to them we did kidnap their bard and you heard what they said” Fluttershy said always ready with a defense, and honestly she did have a point. “Well we should be on our best behavior, but be ready for anything” Twilight said, “i second that there here” Spike said pointing. The royal guards outside the station who had escorted the Mane 6 were shaking in their armor upon laying sight of the gauls, they had certainly learnt their lesson, Obelix whirled his fist, “shall we get them Asterix?” he asked as Dogmatix barked, “hold your horses we have a parley remember and we don’t want to put them hors de combat just yet” Asterix replied. “I am chief vitalstatistix of the Indomitable gauls” he introduced as the Mane 6 strolled up, some glaring at him, “i am Princess Twilight sparkle, Princess of friendship and these are my friends and fellow guardians of the elements of harmony” Twilight introduced, “a pleasure madam we bow to you” Vitalstastastix said, as he bowed. He then fell off as his shield bearers bowed to, “I said I bow not you two idiots” he snapped, the shieldbearers glared at him. “Um well why are you on a shield anyway?” Spike asked, “because it suits the dignity of a gaulish chief” Vitalstastix said, “well you're going to have to do the walking yourself on the train” Twilight informed, “we will be departing for Ponyville then Canterlot to meet the princesses”. “Well then what are we waiting for?” Vitalstatistix asked as he and the gauls walked away and down the tracks, “uh where are you going darling?” Rarity asked, “to ponyville aren’t you going to show us the way?” Obelix asked, “what is a train by the way?” Asterix asked. As it turned out a train was a mod of transportation, the gauls were introduced to it and explained to, “huh sorry your going to have to put that in the luggage car” said the conductor as she stared at the Menhir Obelix had brought along, “oh oh is that a present?” Pinkie pie asked excitedly. “Oh yes thought you could decorate your home with it” Obelix said, “oh that’s very thoughtful mister, I’m pinkie pie and my family owns a rock farm” Pinkie pie replied superfast, “well then perhaps you can add this to your farm” Obelix suggested, “that’s actually pretty thoughtful” Fluttershy said. On the train everypony was staring at the Gauls, the Gauls of course took no notice “good day” Asterix said to a couple, “don’t mind them they just get uneasy about new things” Twilight apologized. “Excuse me coming through” came a voice, they all looked, “Cacofonix?” the other gauls questioned, “yes i am here in order to sing infront of her highness” Cacofinix said, “alright but no practicing on the train” Vitalstatistix warned, “i agree we don’t need a storm today” Rainbow said. “How dare you, i would not sing for you ignorant lot” Cacofinix said, “good” Rainbow dash said, “that singing is enough to make birds drop dead”, “how dare you the birds love my singing” Caconifix retorted, “of course especially the crow’s” Asterix said making the remaining gauls burst into laughter, while Caconifix scowled. After a few hours They arrived at Ponyville the Gauls had to admire the beauty of it, “welcome to ponyville, what do you think” Twilight asked with pride, “not bad” Asterix admitted politely, but Twilight was slightly disappointed as was her friends, “what do yall mean not bad?” Applejack demanded, “it’s very nice, reminds me of our village” Vitalstatistix said back on his ceremonial shield, “yeah but we’ve seen plenty of great sights but i’m sure you have some wonderful sights of your own” Asterix agreed. “Well we are going to give you an official greeting to ponyville” Twilight said, “everypony will ask you questions and maybe you can make some new friends”, “and we can have a party!” Pinkie pie added throwing confetti in the air, “that sounds lovely when you introduce us?” Cacofinix asked. Sure enough The Gauls were behind the curtains of a stage, probably to introduce new visitor such as themselves, Cacofinix peeked through the curtains, “a good crowd out there” he said, “well no singing today or you’ll have a Menhir to deal with” Asterix warned pointing to Obelix who was holding his menhir behind his back. Cacofinix went pale, “d-don’t worry Asterix i-i won’t” he stammered. “Ponies of ponyville'' said Mayor mare to the crowd outside, “we have some ponies new in town, so without any further Ado i introduce the Gauls!” the curtains opened and the Gauls strode out, Ponies began showering them with questions and taking multiple photos of them with Cameras, “calm down will you” Asterix exclaimed covering his eyes, “if we can just-” Cacofinix added with little to no success “SHUT UP” Vitalstatistix bellowed red in the face, the Ponies backed off in fear. “Right, thank you now one at a time, ask your questions,” he added after calming down, “well so who’s first?”, “what are your names?” asked a pony at random, “i am Chief vitalstatistix of the village of the indomitable gauls” Vitalstatistix said, “i’m Asterix and this is Obelix and Dogmatix” Asterix introduced, “and i’m Cacofonix” Cacofinix said with a bow, “are their others like you?” another pony asked, “a whole village full and four camps of romans in the forest outside our village at the moment, that's it for now” Asterix replied. “Why are you so fat?” asked a particular smug pony named Diamond tiara hoping to tick off the gauls, there was a collective gasp from the other ponies and some nervous looks “i am not fat just nicely covered is all” Obelix said patiently, Obelix had a soft spot for children so he remained calm when his weight came up with them. If you were a Roman or grown man however, dead loss. “oh really?” Silver spoon said sarcastically, “yes and we’ll leave it at that it’s becoming a boar” Asterix said, “Speaking of which it’s lunch time” Obelix said, “no obelix not until i…” Cacofnix said, “one note out of you and I’ll bore you into the ground” Asterix threatened. But before anyone could get them any lunch they were interrupted by a platoon of royal guards marching up, “halt your coming with us” said the leader of the guards, it was Shining armor, “big brother what are you doing here?!” Twilight exclaimed, “we are here to arrest these Gauls and bring them to the Princess’” Shining armor replied. “Shall we get them?” Obelix asked hopefully, swimming his arm around him in the air, “no Obelix we shall go willingly under a few conditions” Vitalstatistix said, “and what are those?” Shining armor said through gritted teeth, “for one let the crowd have three more questions” Vitalstatistix said. The crowd in question perked up as they did have a few more questions to ask but were worried they would not get the chance to. “Oh fine but make it quick” Shining armor said, “okay so who’s next?” Asterix asked, “are you here to invade us?” a pony asked, “uh no we just keep out invaders” Asterix said taken aback, “are you here to probe us?” Another pony asked, “what does probe mean?” Obelix asked. “Are you going to dissect us?” A final pony asked and Vitalstatistix decided enough was enough, “Invade?, Probe?, dissect? Is that all you think of something new?!” He demanded. “That it for the questions their beginning to get me down worse then these two” he continued gesturing to his shield bearers who glared as they walked over to the guards, wobbling slightly under Vitalstatistix weight. “Take us away I’ve had it with this lot, and I thought pony’s were accepting I’ll have some strong words with your princess” Vitalstatistix ordered, the guard obeyed the order not that they hadn't already. They took another train, after the little outburst of Vitalstatistix the Mane 7 were not too sure about them, at least they weren’t out for invasion. “I still don’t like them” Rainbow dash said, “now rainbow you can’t judge them because they beat you at the camp”. “I still owe them a bashing” Rainbow Dash said pouting, Shining Armor echoed her words to the Gauls, “I still owe you for what you did to my men '' Shining Armor said. The Gauls were repentant, “well fair is fair is supposed” Obelix said standing up from his seat, Asterix wanted to make friends and be fair, so by his logic if he took a shot at them it was only fair that they took a shot at him. “Here, take a shot” he said gesturing to his belly, “what?!” Twilight said incredulously, was this Gaul really that Stupid, “a-are you serious?” She asked, Obelix nodded, a wolfish grin spread across her face. “Oh don’t worry. As Obelix said ``fair is fair” Asterix reassured them, “you're agreeing to this?” Twilight demanded even more incredulously, “well then can you go a bit further back?” Rainbow dash asked. Obelix backpedaled to the very end of the train car, the other ponies and guards watched slightly worried, Rainbow dash flew to the other end of the car, “don’t hurt him too badly Rainbow?” Fluttershy said. Rainbow ignored her and shot straight towards Obelix and shot straight towards Obelix CRASH “Hey where is she going?” Obelix asked, looking at the hole in the ceiling of the train where Rainbow shot in a rainbow trail up into the stratosphere. The Gauls burst out laughing, “she really ‘Comet’ you didn’t she” laughed one of the shieldbearers, that tipped off the guards and they burst out laughing, “she D-asteroid the ceiling” joked one of the guards. “Huh?” Obelix asked confused, “oh never mind Obelix” Asterix said with a sigh, “it isn’t ‘Earth’ it” he added, “in all seriousness though I hope she doesn’t cause the sky to fall on our heads” Vitalstatistix said. “Well serve her right to put herself between a Rocket and a hard place” Applejack commented. Author's Note Hi I’m back with a new chapter. Chapter 5Chapter 5 Canterlot was not as wonderful a sight as Rome or Greece, but it certainly was impressive in its own right, even Asterix a Seasoned traveler could not help but marvel at everything around them. Everything looked expressionistic and colorful. “What a marvelous place” Cacofinix, “it’s so inspiring, I could just…” Asterix gave him a warning glare, “j-just keep admiring it, quietly” Cacofinix finished feebly. “Good idea” Asterix agreed, “alright guard where do we go?” Asked Vitalstatistix, “this way” Shining armor said, leading the gauls through the city, when the pony laid eyes on them, some ran, some stared, some fainted, others ignored them. “Where can we get lunch?” Obelix asked about spotting a shop labeled as a Donut shop, whatever that was. but Asterix shushed him. However there was no need, “we friend can get lunch at the palace” Twilight explained, “good I could use a wild boar” Obelix said rubbing his hands together. Some of the ponies upon hearing this turned a slight green. Having an alliance with griffins and dragons, they knew of meat eating but it still made them a tad sickly. “Well we’ll have time because we are here” Twilight stated, and indeed they had, they had arrived at a large, colorful and luxurious looking castle, “nothing compared to Rome or Greece but it certainly is well done” Asterix said, “says you. you live in wooden shakes” Rarity said pompously, “wooden shakes that have held against rome for years” Vitalstatistix said raising his voice a little. He felt like the village's pride was being insulted, “so unless you want to get shaken straight upwards off the floor carry on”, Rarity wisely shut her mouth, “hold ya horses partner” Applejack said to keep galo-equestrian relationships steady, “no need for that. Trust me, just ignore Rarity, she doesn’t understand countryfolk”. “Huh” Rarity huffed indignantly, “well excuse me for having some class…”, “enough” snapped a new voice, walking up to the party was Princess luna herself, “grrr” dogmatic growled, “no dogmatic Sit” Obelix told his pet dogmatic day but still glared at the princess. “Princess Luna” the pony’s bowed, “hello ma’am” the gauls said politely, “you must bow” Twilight hissed, “she may be your princess but i’m a gaulish chief and don’t bow to anyone. Whether it be Caesar himself or the princess in front of me”. “Bellow you actually” Obelix pointed out referring to the shield, the royal guards however took offense, “how dare you?!” yelled one guard pointing his spear, the others followed suit, “Pax, i call Pax” said another new voice with a roman accent, Decurion Thisisserious followed by a small cohort of legions behind him, marched up and saluted on horseback with his legions “Ave Gauls, the princess and Centurion Oleaginous is waiting”. Forgetting the quarrel they all made their way towards the throne room, “if you try anything we’ll make you pay” Luna said to them, “Acta deos Numquam Mortalia Fallunt” Thisisserious said, of course this was in latin, one guard thought he got the idea, “yeah if you mortals act suspicious, you’ll have a fall that will leave you numb” he said. “Jupiter give me strength” muttered one of the roman horses, the Gauls stop dead and took a double take, “y-you just” Asterix began, “we always were, you lot were just to ignorant to listen” said another roman horse. “I miss rome it’s better than this dribbly place” muttered another roman horse, “yes much to bright for me” his rider agreed. “Join the army you said, see the world they said” moaned another legion, “not the mane event i was hoping for” agreed the legions mount. Still rather shell shocked by this the gauls continued on in silence. The roman horses were a lot taller then any regular pony, all almost as tall as celestia herself, and all wearing armor and with as much precision drilled into them as the Roman legion themselves. Not long after “Ave Centurion” said both Decurion Thisisserious and his horse as both saluted as they entered into the large throne room, “Ave” Thisisserious and his horse, a shining black stallion salluted back. “No remember obelix, no foaling around” Asterix said to his large friend, then he realized what he said, “oh sorry this place is getting to me”. Meanwhile Chief Vitalstatistix was carried by his shieldbearers to the queen, “good day princess” he said, lifting his helmet off his head, “Chieftain” Celestia said, “Bow” Twilight hissed even more urgently, these Gauls were being very rude in her opinion. “Would you stop? you're getting me down” Asterix responded, “well either get down or get knocked down” Rainbow threatened, “no no it’s alright. I don’t particularly like being bowed to anyway” Celestia said kindly. This surprised the Gauls and the Romans a tad, “well good” Vitalstatistix said recovering quickly, “this place is already getting me down and I won’t sink lower by having my grace sullied by bowing”. “Or lack there off” one shield bearer whispered, “I heard that” Vitalstatistix warned. “Onto other matter can you explain why you all are here in equestria in the first place?” Luna questioned. “Um actually we can’t” Asterix admitted, “it's rather hard to explain it”, “how so, I mean the Druid said we got moved from Gaul to equestria” Obelix said, “um yes that is what happened” Asterix admitted. “If anything I’d say it was the gods that brought us here in a flash of light” Vitalstatistix said, “I see so you were here on accident” Celestia said, “you can say that again” one Roman said to his horse. “So what do you want now?” Luna asked suspiciously, “oh just to have that area of the land where we are, just so that we can continue our conflict with the romans and do about our business as usual” Oleginius said, “that’s it?!” Luna exclaimed, “nothing more?” “Well at the moment that is all we can with our current position” Oleginius thought, “but once we find a way to get back we can bring the full might of roman to conquer this land and others beyond”. But what he said was “for now at any rate”. “Well i don’t see any problem with that” Fluttershy said, “what seriously, they could be plotting something” Rainbow dash said, “and shouting it out while they are in the room is the best way to stop them?” Spike deadpanned. The Gauls and Romans were indeed glowering at Rainbow, “why don’t you dash off before you hurt yourself” said Thisisserious, “get struck by lightning bud” Rainbow snapped back. *CRACK* The sky lit up as a lightning bolt really did strike, the windows shattered from the noise of it being so close, “what the BUCK” Rarity exclaimed so shocked she was, everyone couldn’t answer so shaken were they, “Grrrr” Dogmatix growled the. Lightning struck again and he gave a yelp of fright and jumped back into Obelix arms, “um i think you have a bit of a monsoon problem” Asterix said looking out of the shattered window. The rain came down terrenchally and the wind blew so fast that birds were blown away by it in mid air. “But we haven’t had weather this bad in centuries” Luna said just as baffled, “the Pegasus should be more than capable of getting rid of this”. “Wait the minute!” Asterix exclaimed In horror as he looked around, “Where’s our bard?!” Chapter 6Chapter 6 “I am going to bury that Bard in a hole in the ground!” Vitalstatistix yelled in a rage, “he’ll have to listen to his own voice echo back of those walls!”, “not that that will bother him” one shieldbearer said to the other. “This is your bards doing? surely you jest” Luna said, “i’m afraid not it is only our bard who can sing and cause the gods to get angry” “Is he that good at singing” Celestia wonders, “no he’s that bad” Asterix corrected, “we need to find him”, “then what are we waiting for” Rainbow said and before anyone could stop her she shot out of the window only to get blown away by the window, “Rainbow?!” the others exclaimed running and watching as she was blown away. Cloudsdale Rainbow landed with a Loud CRASH. She was stunned but unhurt, “Rainbow? Your here?” the voice of Soren, her fellow wonderbolt said, “yup i’m here” she confirmed as she recognised the Wonderbolt changing room, “well glad you are” Spitfire said, “we have tried getting to canterlot to clear the storm, but the wind just blows us back” “Hey don’t worry me and my friends got this” Rainbow said as shot back upn and towards Canterlot, only to return a second later with another CRASH! Canterlot “We need to stop this” Celestia said her horn glowing, there was a large flash of light and when it faded. The storm was still going, “my failsafe spell…failed?” she said in shock, “the only weather that a spell like that has failed to stop was the winds in the crystal empire” Luna said. “The only way to dry up this weather is to dry up cacofonix” Asterix said, “we’ll go look for him”, Asterix turned to the pony’s, “have you got anything to protect us from the sky falling on our heads?” he asked. The pony’s only gave him a quizzical look. Sure enough Twilight had put up a shield around them and they were now braving the wind, the shield kept the rain out but not the wind, not completely at least, Obelix had his menhir back as a last resort incase the bard wouldn’t shut up “um why are you so afraid of the sky falling on your heads?” Twilight asked just out of curiosity, it was nonsense of course but she was curious, “well how can it not?” Vitalstatistix said, “theres nothing holding it up” Suddenly Vitalstatistix felt rather light, “oh Belonous! Help!” he exclaimed as his shield was caught up the wind and he was blown off it, out of the magic barrier, and into the rain landing in the puddle. “W-we need to find cacofonix” Shivered the chief as he came back into the barrier, “do you have any amphitheaters or colosseums around here?” Asterix asked, “whats a colosseum?” Fluttershy asked, “you know where the circus is”. “The circus? Oh i love the circus” Pinkie said, “can we go, after we finish all this. Maybe i can ask to be in it…”, “we are wasting time. And i don’t think you’ll make a convincing Gladiator anyway” Asterix said leaving the pony’s looking shocked. Not at the fact that he shut down Pinkie but the fact that they had gladiators. Spike however was more focused on the current problem, “wait the theater” he said, “oh yes the theater. Come on” Twilight said snapping out of her shock. They Pony’s led the Gauls towards the theater, they couldn’t hear any singing but one pegasus who was holding onto a lamp post for dear life. She was dressed in fancy cloths, “um hello our bard wouldn’t happen to be in their singing horrible?” Asterix asked, “horrible doesn’t even begin to describe it!” the pegasus said indignantly, “he came on stage and took is all by storm. Next thing we knew we were in the rain trying to get away” “Thats our man” Asterix said, as he tried to open the door, “it’s stuck” he said, “allow me” Obelix said pressing a finger on the door, “Wait…” the pegasus exclaimed but to late. *CRASH* The door caved in and… “ThE RaAIIiNNn In GaUUUullLL!” Cacofinix voice blasted out from the inside along with more rain from the inside of the building, “FalLS MAInly DOwN wAllS!” “HOLY BUCK” the pegasus said loosing her grip and was swept away by the wind as she put her hooves over her ears, everyone else did and Twilights barrier disappeared, “the magic shields gone” Asterix said in panic as he fled towards the nearest inside open house, “Quick before the sky falls on our heads!” Seconds later they sat watching the flapping door of the theater as Cacofinix voice continued to warble, “we are never going to get anywhere at this rate” Applejack said, “if only we can block out the noise” Fluttershy said, “i don’t know any deafening spells. Never thought we would need one” Twilight said, “wait Twilight never studied a spell?!” Rarity exclaimed, “now that is a surprise” Applejack said in amusement, “can we focus?” Spike asked. “Woof” Dogmatix barked, but it sounded muffled, “what is it Dogmatix?” Obelix asked, Fluttershy fluttered over while the other huddled together “hey i think Dogmatix has something” Obelix said. “Yes obelix good to know” Asterix said as he thought, “magic potion is no good here”. “Magic potion?” Twilight asked, “later” Asterix said dismissively, “anything?” Spike asked, “oh oh me pick me” Pinkie said not grasping the situation and putting her hoof into the air, “um girls” Fluttershy tried to speak up, “go ahead sugarcube” Applejack said to pinkie. “What if we block our ears?” Pinkie said, “with what?” Asterix asked, “maybe with Parsley” Obelix said, “and where do you suppose we can get parsley?” Rarity asked sarcastically, the very idea was repugnant to her, “woof” Dogmatix pipped up presenting the parsley in his mouth. There was a awkward silence, “h-how?” Spike eventually asked, “from the shopkeeper over there, we’re in the grocery store” Fluttershy explained pointing to the counter, and the rows of food in the place, “h-hello?” the shopkeeper said nervously. “Obelix i really need to learn to listen to you in future” Asterix said apologetically. “I am not putting that stuff in my ears” Rarity said, as everyone began putting Parsley in their ears “suck it up Rares and get them in” Applejack snapped, “we need all hands on this”, Rarity cringed and put them in her ears with much complaining. “Alright” Asterix said, “Twilight get the shield up” he said, “pardon?” Twilight asked, “pardon?” Asterix repeated, “are we gonna sit here all day or are we gonna silence that bard?” Applejack demanded, “Pardon?” Rarity asked, “speak up girls?” Fluttershy said, “pardon?” Obelix asked, “we are going to be here until the sky falls on our heads” Dogmatix thought and he jumped down from Obelix hand and bit on Rarity’s Tail, “Yeowch!” she exclaimed, “you barbarian!” Dogmatix didn’t mind her reproaches and simple barked in front of everyone before shooting for the open entrance door, “oh right sorry” Twilight said getting the message as she put up her shield and the group walked, protected from the rain, partially protected from the wind and mercifully unable to hear the awful sound of cacofonix. Walking into the the theater they found Cacofonix on the main stage, as he plucked his Lyre most un-tunefully, as he began to Crushendo, “CACOFONIX SHUT UP?!” Asterix yelled at the top of his voice, so loudly it cracked and he got breathless, “No i won’t shut up, i will sing you ungrateful lot in front of the adoring crowd” or lack there off. “Pardon?” Pinkie asked taking the parsley out of one ear, “all together now!” Cacofinix said ad crescendoed “aaaAANNddD thE StOrm swEeEpS AwaYYY AAALLllLLL” “I got him” Obelix said as he readied his menhir like a javelin and took a running start, Asterix didn’t need to hear to know what his friend was thinking, “Wait Obelix DON’T!” he yelled but to late, and even if it wasn’t Obelix couldn’t hear him. Obelix threw the Menhir with precision and force as it soared threw the air and… *CRASH* Landed on top of cacofonix, squashing him and destroying the bit of stage he was standing on, that certain shut him up thought as inside the rain and wind stopped and outside the weather cleared. Everyone was relieved. Back at the palace “Oh thank goodness” Luna said relieved, all their weather spells had failed, and instead the two had put up a barrier over the windows to not let any rain or wind in, “praise Bellissima” Sniffled Vitalstatistix, he had caught a terrible cold, “t-that bard really leaves me feeling the cold.” Back at the theater Asterix was less than pleased with his big Friend, “when will you learn to not throw menhirs at the wrong time?!” Asterix exclaimed, keeping his temper, “i just hope the Bards okay” Fluttershy said looking at the Menhir with the bards limbs poking out from under it in some concern. “Oh don’t worry” Asterix said with a sigh, “he’s been hit with worse, he’ll be back up and wanting to sing again soon”, as it turned out Asterix would be wrong on both accounts, Twilight magically lifted the Menhir up off the bard who sat up looking and feeling like he had been hit with a Menhir. “Are you alright Cacofinix?” Asterix asked in concern, “w-why yes i-i’m feeling fine” he said. “Who are you?” Author's Note And that’s another chapter done. Hope your all enjoying Chapter 7“Oh very well done ” Vitalstatistix said sarcastically, to the mane 6, Asterix and Obelix “he may be on the right notes now but his brain’s out of tune''. It was true, it turned out Cacofinix had lost his memory completely, Obelix had said he could cure Caofinix by hitting him with a Menhir again but Asterix wasn’t having it. “The last time you hit someone over the head, our Druid lost his memory and we almost got conquered by the Romans,” Asterix had told his friend. So they had all taken him to the hospital wing of canterlot to be examined, unfortunately, Cacofinix had drunk his Gord of magic potion. So when they got to canterlot he immediately thumped a roman horse out of his horseshoes and into the air along with its rider and thus a new game had begun, when they had tried to restrain him he had run off and now there were orders to restrain him. A minute later, Cacofinix burst into song, only this time to everyone's amazement, it was in tune, there was no rain and it was a famous Gaulish sea shanty. “🎵Farewell and adieu to you good roman soldiers. Farewell and adieu to you soldiers of rome🎵” Though it wasn’t quite farewell and adieu as the Romans, their mounts and any canterlot guards who tried to help, hit the ceiling then came back down, armor clanging and very muchly battered and bruised. “We best get him to our druid, he can cure him, heck he cured himself last time” Asterix said. “First you’ll need to catch him,” Applejack said. She had a black eye from when she herself had tried to catch the bird and tie him up with her rope. She also had a hoof in a sling. “Easier said than done” muttered a royal guard to a roman, “i feel for you deeply my friend” replied the roman. Then there was a blur of motion and Rainbow dash reappeared, “sorry bout that guys” she said, “i was blown all the way to cloudsdale. So what did I miss”. “We’re facing the music that’s what” said a royal guard who was in a wheelchair, “we Crash-endo the ceiling” informed another. Asterix informed her of what was happening, “yesh he really has water on the brain now” she said, “but how did he lose his memory?” CRASH Obelix brought his menhir down onto her, “like that” he explained. “OBELIX!” Asterix bellowed in fury, jumping up and down on the spot “DO YOU NEVER LEARN YOUR LESSON, NOW WE HAVE TO DEAL WITH TWO MEMORY LOSES!” For more information on this please read Asterix and the big fight. Luckily Rainbow dash head was built like a crash helmet so she just had more stars and had her memory intact, “relax i can take a beating” she reassured them feeling very dizzy. “Right” Asterix said, getting a grip, “let's go get our bard, Obelix you stay here…” “What?” Obelix said, “but i want to join in” “No Obelix you’ve done enough already” Asterix told him. “It’s not fair” Obelix complained, as he went and sulked in a corner “it’s not fair, I missed out on all the fun”. “Right, let's go find that hard,” Asterix told Mane 6. “Good luck my little pony's,” Celestia said. “Cheerio lad and lasses” Vitalstatistix said. “The die is caste” Oleginius quotes And with that the lot of them made their way through the castle following the trail of thrashed up guards and romans and their mounts. Meanwhile Obelix sat sulking with his Dogmatix nuzzling him reassuringly. “It’s not fair,” he said, “it just isn’t fair.” But he pulled himself together, “i started this mess and so i’ll fix it” he thought to himself, “now how do i get Cacofonix memory back?” he wondered, then he remembered the big fight and remembered how he had got Getafix memory back, “i just need to hit him over the head again” Obelix realized. Of course this was not what really happened but if you want to find out go read Asterix and the Big fight. But as of now he raced out of the room carrying his menhir. “Where's he off to buy mercury?” Thisisserious wondered seeing him go. Meanwhile “Halt” said a royal guard pointing his spear at Cacofonix “No entryyyyyyyy!” he finished as he went up into the from Cacofinix swinging his fist up, “Farewell good roman soldier” he said giggling happily as he entered a room. “Hmm” Cacofinix wondered as he spotted a door, “wonder what's in here” and he pressed his finger against the door. CRASH The door caved in and inside was a small chest, Cacofinix broke the lock with ease and opened it. “Oh how lovely” Cacofinix said upon spotting large red diamond shaped gem in a alicorn shaped necklace, “i think i’m going to keep this” and he put it around his neck and he felt electrified, his hair stood on end, his mustache all fuzzed up. “WOAH” Cacofinix said so overcharged he 10 feet in jumping through the ceiling to the floor above. “EEK” Screamed a royal guard indignantly before he was sent right out of his armor with a swing of Cacofinix fist, “i feel fantastic!” Cacofinix triumphantly bellowed. Meanwhile The Mane 6 and asterix followed the path of battered Romans and Royal guards, “he’s heading for the vault” Spike noticed. “What exactly is in this Vault?” Asterix asked, concerned “oh nothing we should be concerned about…” Twilight began. “Twilight” Rainbow said, “don’t jinx it” They arrived at the vault to find the door crashed open, and the vault itself empty. “I was afraid of this” Asterix said, “Cacofonix has his hands on whatever was in the vault. And at the moment those hands are juiced up with magic potion, who knows what the effects will be” “Say wasn’t this the vault that had the Elements inside a while back?” Applejack said. “Oh so that’s why it looked familiar” Pinkie pie said, slapping her own forehead, “silly me, I'm terrible at guessing games”. Everyone ignored her, “and last i checked the Alicorn Amulet was inside” Twilight said in mounting horror. “The same amulet that Trixie used to take over ponyville back in season 3?” Pinkie asked. “Season what now” Asterix asked baffled “don’t mind that darling” Rarity advised “and yes pinkie dear it was”. “B-b-but-but ' Twilight stammered, “how did he even break down the door, that door was enchanted with the most powerful alicorn magic of me, the sisters and Cadence for extra security. How did Cacofonix break it so easily?” “The magic potion i beat” Asterix said, “it makes anyone who drinks it superhuman for a limited period of time.” “But potions aren’t even real magic, they're artificial.” Twilight protested, “I like your choice of words,” the royal guard that Cacofonix had thrashed muttered sarcastically. “Twilight let's just stop questioning it now, we have more important things” Spike pointed out. “Spikes right” Fluttershy said pointing up, to a large whole in the ceiling, “i think he might have gone up there” “What does this Alicorn amulet do?” Asterix asked, “it enhances any magic traits of anyone with magic” Twilight explained. “Oh dear” said Adterix growing even more concerned, “that means Cacofinix is going to be stronger now with the Magic potion and that Alicorn Amulet” Back up with Obelix Obelix was now on the same level as Cacofonix, his plan had been to fire his Menhir from above. But when Dogmatix caught a scent, Obelix knew how smart his dog was so thought he had found Cacofinix scent, “that's right Dogmatix seek” Obelix thought. “Hey Fatty” called a voice as he rounded a corner and found Cacofonix, rearing his fists in front of him and spoiling for a fight. “got him” Obelix thought, “i am not fat” Obelix Declared as he threw the Menhir at the bard, but the bard leap frogged over the Menhir and ran up and delivered a great punch to Obelix Stomach. “No fair!” Obelix wheezed the punch sent him across the hall and he landed with an almighty CRASH!. Not far away “What was that?” Rainbow dash wondered as she and her friends made their way upstairs nearing the top. “Cacofinix, I'd bet on my-MENHIR!” Asterix exclaimed as he jumped to the ground and a large Menhir sailed over head and collided with Rainbow dash sending both into the wall. “Why me?” Rainbow asked groggily as she crawled out of the hole in the wall and promptly collapsed unconscious. There was a long silence as everyone stared “Hey you won your bet” Pinkie said brightly pointing, there down the hall was Cacofinix picking Obelix up by his arm, swinging him overhead and slamming him down on the ground before repeating the action. “Holy bucking hay loads!” Applejack said, “he’s actually throwing around Obelix like he’s a sake of potato chips” “This means he’s practically unstoppable now” Twilight said, beginning to stress, “how do we beat him now?” They all watched and worried as Obelix tried and failed to bash Cacofonix. “The magic potion will take hours to wear off” Asterix said, then he had a brainwave. “I’ve got it” he exclaimed slamming his fist into his palm “What?” the girls asked urgently. Asterix gave them a sly look, “just watch and learn ladies. Watch and learn” Cacofinix was once again lifting Obelix overhead by his arm and slamming him down. “Well Caconifx, I must admit I have never seen anyone fight quite like this” Asterix said. “Why it is nothing my fellow Gaul” Cacofinix said, “i am just using his own strength and width against him” “So the bigger he is…” Asterix began. “The better for you” Cacofinix finished as he finally released Obelix and he sailed through the air and crashed into a statue of some famous pony or other and turned it into a rumble, and he lay there stunned. “You know…” Asterix said, thoughtfully, “I once had a dream about this. Me and my friend over there” he pointed to the still recovering Obelix, “were sent to do twelve tasks. At the end of it, we were finally masters of rome. But that’s beside the point. The 3rd task was to defeat a german wrestler who was fighting quite like you” “Really?” Cacofinix asked. “Yes and I wanted to see if it was a real fighting style. Can you show me how it’s done?” Asterix asked. “But of course my good fellow,” Cacofinix said, unaware of the fact that Asterix had been vague about how he had defeated the German wrestler. “First…” Cacofinix began and stretched out his arm, “you grab my arm” Asterix did so, “and since we are doing this from stand still, you are going to have to put your foot on my stomach. Asterix did so, “this is actually starting to look familiar” Asterix said, trying to hoist Cacofonix up, though due to the height difference it was a little difficult, “hang on'' and with one final heave he flipped Cacofinix overhead and onto the ground, “that’s it!” Cacofinix said as Asterix repeated the action again and again gaining more and more momentum with each swing. *BIFF* *BONG* *BING* *BAFF* *BOFF* Finally Asterix stopped letting go of a slightly dazed Cacofonix, “nostalgic much?” Cacofinix cracked dizzily, “yup and this belongs to the ponies” Asterix said, taking the Alicorn amulet from around Cacofinix neck and throwing it to the ponies. Spike caught it. “Hey, give that back!” Cacofonix exclaimed, trying to make a grab for it, when… *CRASH* A large menhir landed on top of him for the second time, narrowly missing Asterix. Everyone stared at the Menhir. “🤬👎&#☠️⚡️!” Asterix yelled in Gaulish swear words which I am not allowed to translate, “OBELIX!” Author's Note Yes I’m back but I have and still am suffering from Writting drought so chapters will be few and far between
Prologueprologue In the year 50 BC all Gaul as well as most of the world was completely occupied by the Romans, Entirely? Well maybe not the best word to use because in the coast of Amorica now called Brittany, there was a village of indomitable gauls, surrounded by the roman camps of Compendium, Aquarium, Laudanum and Totorum. But the gaulish village would never surrender much to Julius Caesar, great chigrain. How has this village kept it’s hold against the roman invader? The incompetence of the Romans for one, but also the gauls themselves, Asterix the hero of these stories named after him. He was a small gaul with a yellow mustache, black shirt, red trousers and a winged helmet. He may have been small but what he lacked in size or strength he made up for in brains. The complete opposite of his best friend Obelix the menhir deliverer, no one knows what Menhirs were for but they were popular at the time, you can still see them today. Obelix was rather fat in all honesty, but don’t tell him I said that and definitely don’t say it to his face, he insisted his chest just slipped a bit, and he always considered that his striped breeches made him look slimmer but it didn’t again don’t tell him i said that and defiantly, defianalty don’t say it to his face, he never went anywhere without his little dog Dogmatix, Obelix fell into a magic cauldron when he was a baby and he gained superhuman strength. Speaking of which the same potion is also a reason the gauls in the indomitable village, made by the great druid getafix. The Potion gave anyone who drank it superhuman strength for a limited time, No one knows what was in it except Getafix himself and all he would say was that their was mistletoe, Lobster and beetroot in it, he us to use rock oil instead of beetroot but beetroot made the potion taste better, the lobster also helped improve the flavour. Everyone in the village got a good swig off the potion, except for Obelix because the potion had a permanent effect on him which he considered very unfair. The leader of this village was Chief Vitalstatistix, his namesake was a lot bigger than he would have liked, and as the chief he was held up on a shield held by 2 shieldbearers. He was respected by his men and feared by his enemies(most of the time), the only thing he did fear was his wife, Impedimenta, and the sky falling on his head tomorrow, like all of the gauls did, but of course tomorrow never comes. There was also Geriatrix the oldest inhabitant of the village and his young and beautiful wife, Mrs Geriatrix, Fulliautomatix the blacksmith and Unhygienix the fishmonger and their wives, Bacteria and Mrs Fulliautomatix and finally Cacofonix the bard, it was traditional to have a bard in a gaulish village back then, but Cacofinix’s ‘singing’ was perhaps the worst in all gaul. His singing even affected the weather, but as long as he didn’t sing everyone liked him. Author's Note Right so there’s the typical Asterix prologue hope I got it right and hope you enjoy the story
Chapter 1Chapter 1 No one like him at the moment unfortunately, because he was singing very much out of tune on the balcony of his tree house and the rain came down like the wee of totatis itself, “OH and I, BrINg dowN the RaIn” he sang, “AND DOWNS THE WORD” Fulliautomatix shouted down below red in the face, sauntering up to the tree with a chisel and hammer, “hey i live up here you know” Cacofinix shouted back going red in the face himself as Fulliautomatix drilled into the tree, the rain stopped “well if your singing wasn’t as bad as the smell of Unhygenix’s fish i wouldn’t be-” Fulliautomatix began but something wet and sloping and smelled rotting hit the back of his head. “You best watch your mouth” Unhygenix shouted in retaliation for his trades verbal abuse, “or i might just-” and that was when Fulliautomatix’s hammer hit him square in his face, within minutes the two were having a massive punch up, “oh look a fight!, a fight!” one villager called and others said, “Bacteria got last year's stock of fish!” Unhygenix called Bacteria, “don’t go too far Geriatrix sweety” Geriatrix’s wife told her husband, “just going to stretch my legs” Geriatrix replied. Last years stock of fish made great melee weapons, Obelix joined in, Asterix, Dogmatix and Getafix just stood by and watched the whole thing, they had too much sense to join in, “fish again, it’s always fish that start the fight” Getafix sighed, “Flying fish at that” Asterix agreed as he ducked and a fish flew over his head. “Oh well it’s traditional” he sighed “Romans!” came a cry of joy from the gates, a villager at the gates had just spotted a platoon of romans outside the gates. The Chief came running out of his house on his shield, with his shield bears doing the running “alright get out the magic potion” he ordered. a minute later “Did everyone take a nice big swig!?” Vitalstatistics asked “YAAAHHH” the Gauls shouted, “no” Obelix pouted, “silence” Vitalstatistix ordered “it’s time for my-” but the gauls including his shield bearers “CHARGE BY TOUTATIS” they all shouted, Toutatis by the way was one of the gaulish gods. Outside the village the Romans were shaking in the sandals, “s-stay strong m-m-men” the centurion stammered, “Jupiter help us” one legionnaire said, “mummy” another begged. The Gauls then rammed right through their shields, Fulliautomatix smashed the legions into the ground, Dogmatix chased a group of three around the battlefield, Obelix used the centurion as a melee weapon, Geriatrix bounced on a legionnaires face multiple times “owowowowowowow” the same legionnaire exclaimed. Asterix sent Legionnaires flying in all directions “I'm not ready for skydiving” one remarked, Vitalstatistix picked another up bodily and repeatedly slapped his face, knocking out most of his teeth. Unhygienix used his fish as a melee weapon, “this doesn’t even out the scale '' one legionnaire said, “the only scale i see are the fish ones” another pointed out. “Good job lads we sent them packing” Vitalstatistix said in praise to his villagers, “is it over already? we just finished the warmup” Obelix moaned in disappointment, “thank juno it’s over then” one still conscious legionnaire said, “they promised that we would fight war, not Gauls” another mouthed, “i signed up to see the world not stars yet here i am going over the moon” a third said glumly, “ceasers not gonna be swimming in the sea of tranquillity when he hears about this” the centurion agreed, “one more pun like that and i jetisson myself out of the army right here” another legionary grumbled. “Well that was fun wasn’t it Obelix?” Asterix asked “not really these new romans are going soft” Obelix said disappointed, “well maybe they can send something new for us chubby chops” Asterix commented. “I do say what a smashing job you all did, quit a smashing hit” said a fancy voice, Asterix turned to see his british cousin twice removed, Anticlimax, his stiff upper lip was hard to see through the ginger mustache. “Why Anticlimax!Tell me the Romans are causing trouble?” Astrix asked concerned shaking his cousins hand in the traditional among the British “oh good heavens no old fruit i came here for a rather quick hello and stay” Anticlimax replied, “well then came on we just finished with the romans” Asterix said, “a smashing good finish at that” a stunned legionary remarked. Meanwhile in equestria “Not again” Twilight sparkle, a purple alicorn exclaimed for the millionth time as her spell failed, she couldn’t understand it, she had worked on it for a long time and yet nothing, well not strictly true, she had managed to send a magical gem to another dimension and now she was trying to bring it back with no result, except for the multiple craters in her home. “Twilight you have been practicing that spell since 5 in the morning” exclaimed her assistant, spike the dragon flying down with three more book, “take a break” that made Twilight's hair stand up on end very angrily she whirled around and yelled the following in Spikes face, “TAKE A BREAK!TAKE A BREAK!I have been working on THIS particular spell and I am NOT going to give up now SO DON’T TELL ME TO TAKE A BREAK!” Spike put on his custom armor after the outburst and did a very bold move. “At least have a sandwich” he squeaked, you could practically see her steam coming out of her ears as her face went red and she whirled around powering up her horn for a final go, the energy built up and she was lifted off the ground without the work of her wings, her eyes glowed white and there was a blinding flash that sent the crystal castle flying a good mile into the air before crashing down. Back at the indomitable gaulish village Asterix, Obelix and Anticlimax were having dinner in Asterix hut and talking about things in Brittany when they heard someone shouting very strong language outside, it was Getafix the druid, using gaulish swear words. He was clutching his toe and jumping up and down “Ow ow ow” he continued to mutter as everyone came outside to watch, “what kind of dance is that?” Fulliautomatix asked, “I stubbed my toe,” Getafix said back, still in pain, “that’s an unusual dance” Obelix said, “you’ll give cacofonix ideas”. Asterix bent down to look at what he stubbed his two on, it was a gem, “it’s gem” Asterix said, it was flashing pink light slightly, “well what do we have here” Vitalstatistix asked, “pass it here i’ll give it to my wife”, “hold up a minute” said geriatrix the oldest inhabitant of the village, why should you get all the bling?”, “cause i’m the chief and a Blinging one at that” Vitalstatistix shot back. “So just because your the chief, that means the rest of us get nothing fancy is that it” Fulliautomatix asked sarcastically, “at least i got my fish” Unhygenix bragged, “your fish are about as fancy as a chum bucket” Vitalstatistix snapped, Unhygenix threw a fish in the chief's face taking offence, “charge boys” Vitalstatix said to his shield bearers who ran at Unhygienix while the chief whirled the fish above his head. Within moments they had all forgotten about the gem and were brawling, including Obelix, except for Getafix, Asterix and Anticlimax, “I saw , is this how debates often go old fruit?” Anticlimax asked, “usually” Asterix admitted to his cousin. Then the gem began to glow steadily, the brightness increased to a small flashlight, no one noticed, until it became a blinding flash that blinded the villagers and went as far as the camps of Compendium, Aquarium, Laudanum and Totorum. Everyone in that area was blinded and when the light faded the village and the camps had disappeared completely from view from all eyes. Back in equestria Twilight had fallen unconscious and Spike was recovering from the magical overload his makeshift custom armor completely disintegrated, and he sat up, looked at twilight and sighed, “better get her friends” he sighed as he flapped into the air and out the door of the castle. Author's Note Hi yall I do so hope you enjoy the humour if not let me know I will be continuing with this story and I really hope you enjoy it
Chapter 2Chapter 2 Twilight came to groggily and opened her eyes, and then she finds that her friends were looking around the place in awe and slight disgust as it had been left in a terrible state, and since it was a laboratory you can only imaging the state it was in, “oh your awake sugarcube” Applejack said happily, “what in tarnation went on here?” “Indeed this place is in a terrible state darling” Rarity said, Twilight looked around still upset at her failure. “I warned you” Spike said, Twilight had to admit her friends had a point about it being in a terrible state, “next time Twi take Spikes offer on a break” Rainbow Dash said, “okay so i may have overdone it” Twilight admitted, “you really overdid it” Rainbow dash said, “it’s nothing to be ashamed about twilight we all over do it sometime” Fluttershy said reassuringly. “Well come on guys, Spring Cleaning!” Pinkie pie said excitedly getting out a bunch of brooms and cleaning equipment, “thanks guys but-” Twilight began but then she felt a wave of sudden powerful energy flow through her then leave her, it was so powerful it made her stagger. “Oh darling, are you okay?” Rarity asked, concerned “yeah must be the after effect” Twilight said, chuckling nervously as she did not want to admit that she didn’t know. Canterlot castle Celestia was signing papers for reasons I have no idea about, when she also felt that wave of energy it was a powerful wave, she staggered on her throne a little bit, “princess are you okay?” a royal guard asked, “i’m-” Celestia began but then Luna burst in panicked, “Sister did you feel it?!” she exclaimed. “Yes Luna I did” Celestia said, standing up and trotting off her throne Luna trotting behind her“come Luna let’s track down the source and see if it is a threat”. East coast of equestria The village of the indomitable Gauls had been transported and was now an island slightly off the coast of equestria; the four Romans camps were somewhere in the nearby forest. The villagers had stopped fighting fish raised in mid swing and eyes wide in surprise, “I-I do say that was a blinding flash What” Anticlimax said, “yes a blinking bright one” Asterix agreed looking at the gem which disintegrated in his hand. “Um Getafix what just happened?” Vitalstatistix asked baffled, magic and spells were Getafix’s area, Getafix honestly had no clue, “I’m afraid I don’t know” he admitted, “piggiwiggi!” Called a voice from the gates of the village. It was Impedimenta, Vitalstatistix's wife. Vitalstatistix really wished his wife would stop using his pet name for him in public. “I think we need to find a way across,” Impedimenta said as the rest of the villagers went through the villages to see what she had seen. They all started in surprise to see the sea not where it was supposed to be, “by Totatis!” Many exclaimed, “Look” Obelix said, “why if it isn’t our old friends the pirates” Asterix said, indeed it was the pirates that roamed the waters around gaul and have the bad luck to somehow always meet asterix at sea, their ship had been beached some way down the shore and they were clinging to it despite some of the crew had been partially buried in the sand. “Well this is a fine beach they aint it” the captain said sarcastically “and i just stole this ship” “Male Parta Male Dilabuntar” said his old peg legged first mate who was always ready with a latin saying “What was wrongly gained is wrongly lost, don’t say i didn’t warn you”. “Oh shut up we stole it fair and square” the captain snapped, “um excuse us but can we reuse your ship for a better use” said a voice down by the beach, he looked and went slightly pale, “th-th-th-the gauls” he squeaked and jumped down and fell on his knees, “please spare us take our ship if you must but please don’t phrash us” the captain begged, “well then off you go obelix looks like he’s getting excited” Asteris said pointing behind him, Obelix was trying to run up to the pirates hands outstretched in front of him for a grab, Unhygienix, Anticlimax and Geriatrix were pushing Obelix stomach and Fulliautomatix and Cacofonix was pulling the back of his striped breached to hold him back. The pirates ran for it, “we’re sunk again” remarked the lookout man, “even beached i get that sinking feeling” another crew member said, “calm down do” the captain said despite being the one running the fastest, “we’ll just go find a port and get us a new ship follow me then it will be a beach day”, “and as usual I’ll have to be the lifeguard” the peg legged first mate grumbled. “Alright let's break this thing apart and build a bridge” Asterix said, “Obelix go find some rocks and build some pillars like this” he then drew the shape of a pillar in the sand with a stick. “Alright Asterix” Obelix, “come on dogmatix” he then walked of to a cluster of rocks nearby with his small dog not to far away “maybe we can even build two, one for walking and one for fishing,” Fulliatuomatix suggested, “why might I ask?” Unhygenix asked suspiciously, coming nose to nose with Fulliautomatix “because then your fish won’t stink so much” Fulliautomatix replied. “Well hop to it you two” Asterix said before the situation could grow as he took a swig of magic potion in a gord he always carried around, he then gave it to Anticlimax to take a swig who gave it to Geriatrix then to Cacofinix, then Unhygienix and Fulliautomatix. Now that they were all dosed up with magic potion they got to work, Asterix and Anticlimax pulled the boards apart with his bare hands and gave them to Geriatrix and who jogged them over with great speed to Unhygienix and Fulliautomatix who nailed the boards together. “Can I give a-?” Cacofonix started, “no” Asterix cut in sternly knowing what he was about to ask and not willing to get drenched, “awfully sorry old bean but the weather in Brittany can’t compare to the level you bring with your yapping What” Anticlimax agreed keeping his upper lip stiff, Cacofonix scowled. After about 5 minutes Obelix came back carrying 10 pillars, 5 balanced on each other in each hand, “are these good Asterix?” he asked, “why they are my old friend”, “a smashing good job What” Anticlimax agreed “come on then let’s put them in place” Unhygenix said. Together they placed the pillars in place in the water, it wasn’t that deep and they could place 2 on top of each other then nailed the platforms together with more boards of wood. The Chief had wanted to hammer the final nail into place so they finished placing the boards into place and allowed the chief to do so, “Friends, Gauls, Countrymen, lend me your ears!” Vitalstatistix began, “oh marvelous another long winded speech” Impedimenta said sarcastically, “may this bridge be a symbol that no matter what this village of Gaul remain indomitable to all, weather it be by invaders of natural causes”, “hardly natural being teleported to belenos knows where” Getafix whispered to Asterix, “what does Teleport mean?” Obelix asked, “teleport: moved from one place to another” Getafix enlightened. “Well why isn’t it natural i do it all the time with Menhirs'' Obelix pointed out, “SILENCE” Vitalstatistix shouted, “now as i was saying-” “AmOriCA, amORIca, TOtaTIs SaiNt’s FOR theE” Warbled the voice of Cacofonix, he was tied to a tree and gagged, or was supposed to be because the gag had slipped allowing him to sing, they all clapped their hands over their ears. Dark Clouds formed over the village, “AmORIca Oh ThaNKS FOr the GrEaT Gift OF THE lAnD” Cacofonix continued completely out of tune as the rain came down, the wind picked up, the waves in the ocean became very rough and lightning struck and they all got drenched. In the bushes of the forest a patrol of romans ran back to the camps also getting drenched, “this isn’t even the final drop” one said, “dripping miserable is what it is” another commented, “less dripping more fleeing” a third said. When they got back to the camp of Totorum they all had nasty colds and their sentimental centurion couldn’t tear them a new one, “report to the medical tent and get yourselves warm” he ordered. “Got cold feet did yah” the medic said teasingly, “better a cold then gauls” one of them said, “everytime i see one i freeze in fear” another agreed, “enough puns my patients is reaching below Zero” the third snapped, “oh stop being such drips” the medic snapped. Canterlot castle meantime 11:00 Celestia and Luna were addressing their Royal guards including shining armor, “alright brave guard, we had detected a large magical wave in the east we need you all to go scout the area, if there is a threat capture it and bring it to Canterlot” Celestia said, “use force if necessary” Luna added, “you heard her men” Shining armor spoke up, “keep your wits and be ready and don’t hold back”, “sir yes sir” they all said. They got into chariots pulled by Pegasus and soared into the air towards the east, an hour later they touched down half a kilometre away from the east coast. “Alright men spread out towards the east and cover ground leave no stone unturned” Shining Armor ordered, “and we shall show all the strict discipline and order of our ranks”. With that they all marched towards the east. Back at the Gaulish village It was lunchtime at the Gaulish village and Asterix, Anticlimax, Obelix and Dogmatix we're going hunting, as it turned out the boats had gotten, “okay Obelix let’s split up and see if we can’t find something for our village to eat” Asterix said. “Oh goody let’s make it a game” Obelix said, “whoever brings something to eat first wins”, the four went in opposite directions, “i say old fruit will good old Obelix be okay what?” Anticlimax asked, “worst case he runs into a roman patrol and we all know how that ends” They knew but the ponies weren't, the ponies that Obelix was heading towards. Another roman patrol was walking through the forest and mapping out the area, “i’ve came and saw a lot of places” one remarked, “but this place is new, i don’t think we’re in gaul anymore”, “impossible” dismissed the patrol leader, “how can the four camps and the village be moved just like that?”. “Well, remember that light we saw before we came here?” the legionary said, “and don’t forget these gauls have magic powers”. The patrol leader couldn’t dismiss the idea, “well okay but-” “halt in the name of celestia” said a new voice, they all turned and their helmets jumped up in surprise entirely under their steam as they saw colorful horses wearing armor and holding spears and sword, the leader was wearing purple armor so the patrol leader assume he was the leader. “Who are you to dare oppose the might of Rome'' the patrol leader orders, “be silent monsters'' the purple armored horse said, unknown to him the roman patrol leader and his romans were trying very hard not to laugh, “surrender we have you outnumbered” that was the final straw. The romans fell about laughing, “don’t get on your high horses just yet” the roman patrol leader said mockingly, “oh stop it Thisisnthumorous Hahahahahaha” laughed another Roman rolling on the ground in fits of laughter. “I agree this is not humorous, you will surrender for questioning” Shining armor, who it really was, ordered angrily, “oh please you think you can stand against the roman legions with armor like that?” The Roman patrol leader asked, “That's gold, what will gold do against swords? I must say you don’t have much horse sense.”, “Be silent creatures,” the shining armor said, not liking being talked down to by someone he didn’t see as his superior. “*sigh* take me in then” the patrol leader said wearily “it’s better than-” “CRAZY GAULS” shouted the rest of his squad, “yes that”, “ROMANS” said a voice of happiness, the Patrol leader took a double take, and his eyes fell on a very happy Obelix with a very angry dogmatix jumping out of the bushes “EEK! help! It's him! retreat!” the roman patrol leader said, running away with Obelix hot in pursuit. Shining armor fired a shot at obelix’s helmet which bounced off of course, Obelix skidded to a halt and turned, “grrrrr”growlee dogmatix “halt creature or face our wrath” Shining armor said. “They’ll be hoarse in the morning” one of the running romans commented, “alright fatso” said a extremely cocky royal guard mockingly, “what are you gonna do nooooooooowwwww” he finished 250 feet in the air, the guards follow their companions crash course, “talk about taking liftoff” one quipped. “i am not fat” Obelix said, the guards began to shake fearfully as Obelix spun his fist in the air “stout maybe but not fat”. Meanwhile back at the village Cacofinix saw the ponies go flying, “Obelix must have run into a roman patrol, that means the romans are here” he called down, “the easiest way to take fliet” Fulliautomatix commented smugly. “Crash course is more like it” another villager remarked, “those guys are always living off when they see him” a third quipped, “it’s a crash course more like” Unhygienix said. Back at the pony guards they all landed back at the chariot, 25 of them all together along with some pegasus to guard the chariots, Shining armor and his men got up sporting impressive bruises and black eye’s. “Huh captain are you okay?” one of the chariot pegasus asked, “no we gotta warn the princess come on men” Shining Armor said. In truth his confidence had been rattled and he did not want to put himself or his men back up against that big fat Gaul he heard the Romans call it. Ponyville an hour later Twilight and her friends were having lunch in their throne room, there were six large thrones for the element barriers, and a seventh next to twilights for Spike and a makeshift extra large one for discord. Suddenly Spike held his mouth as if to throw up and burped out purple flame and a scroll appeared in the air, Twilight magically unrolled it and read it carefully “What does it say sugarcube?” Applejack asked, “It says we’re needed at Canterlot” Twilight said urgently, “it’s urgent Author's Note Right that’s another chapter done sorry for any spelling mistakes and comment on what you thought but be polit about it that way I respect everyone’s opinion
Chapter 3Chapter 3 Asterix and Anticlimax were walking back to the village with dead strange chicken lizard creatures on their shoulders, “I say cousin, what do you think was with those statues?” Anticlimax asked, “well if we got transported by magic, then it’s safe to assume that these things petrified them” Asteris replied, “if not them then i don’t”, they arrived back at the village, crossing the wooden bridge while the others were setting up a banquet. Cacofinix was still bound and gagged, this time with a fish, “i’ll make you gag up those words” Unhygenix shouted back at Fulliautomatix throat, “if your fish weren’t already doing that i would be” Fulliautomatix shouted back. “Fish, fish and more fish that’s all that starts arguments, it’s hardly cricket” Anticlimax said, “yoohoo Asterix” called out Obelix as he ran back through the gate, “what on earth is that?” Asterix asked, pointing to the seemingly, Lion scorpion hybrid with bat wings on Obelix’s back. “Dogmatix found it, nothing like a wild boar but it might be just good” Obelix said, putting a set of helmets down, not roman helmets “goodness gracious where did you get those?” Anticlimax asked, the rest of the villagers came around and listened carefully “i got it from some strange new horses dressed in roman armor, they could talk, maybe their new” Obelix said excited, “straight from the horse's mouth if by the sounds of it” a villager commented, “straight into the horse's mouth you mean” his friend countered. “Don’t get on your high horses Obelix we may have just got involved in something we shouldn’t have” Asterix said, “i quite agree” Getafix said, having overheard the conversation “you see anymore obelix don’t attack unless they attack first”, “but they did attack first” obelix pointed out, “uh-well then good work Obelix” Asterix said. “Something smells fishy about this” Unhygenix said pointing to the helmet, “that would be you and your stores” Fulliautomatix said back, “that’s rubbish and you know it” Unhygenix retorted, “my stores are the best in gaul”, “Cod is what it is, if you were the best then you’d have a shoal in Lutitia”, the two were now having a good punch up. Canterlot Celestia and Luna paced in their throne room, when the door burst open and the element bearers including Spike ran in, “Princess’s we came as soon as we could” Twilight said, “i’m glad your all here follow me” Celestia said, the lot of them followed Celestia to the hospital for the royal guards, “why are we here?” Rainbow asked, “maybe someone needs help getting better” Fluttershy suggested. “Not exactly it’s a little more grave than that,” Celestia said, as they arrived at a certain room, “Cadence!” Twilight exclaimed as she spotted her ol foalsitter and sister-in-law, “Twilight!” Cadence exclaimed happily seeing her as well. “Sunshine sunshine ladybugs awake, clap your hooves and do a little shake” they sang in unison. “Twilight!” exclaimed her brother, Shining armor, Twilight’s face fell when he saw his front hoof in a cast and multiple bruises and grazes plagued his body, “oh faust what happened BBBFF” Twilight asked concerned, “this is why i called you here, they ran into creatures, new to equestria, and sent the royal guards flying, literally” Celestia explained concern very much audible in her voice. “If we were meant to fly I would've been born a pegasus” one of the earth pony guards commented, “there was a big fat creature, ape like that had us taking off” a unicorn commented, “Enuf wif tha puns you're giving me a headache” said another royal guard who was missing all his teeth. “I swear he didn’t even give us a countdown” a second unicorn added, “good heavens how could one ape do such devastation” Rarity said, “really?” Applejack and Rainbow deadpanned, “there was more than one apparently” Cadence said, “they called themselves romans but they called the fat one a Gaul” Shining armor said. “And we want you to go and capture one for us to interrogate” Luna said, “yes princess” Twilight said, “be careful my little pony’s” Celestia said as the Mane 6 departed. On the train sure enough The mane 6 were on the train towards the east coast and looking at the map we’re discussing their plan, “okay so these creatures were seen in the forest south of Baltimare” Twilight said, “oh I do hope nobody was hurt” Fluttershy said, “we also may need to be careful the forest their actually has Manticores and Cockatrice in it” Spike said, “so like the everfree no sweet” Rainbow said. “Applejack got your rope?” Twilight asked, Applejack showed her her rope with a smile, “Pinkis got your cannon?” Twilight asked the bouncing pinkie pie, Pinkie zipped away and zipped back holding her party cannon. “And we have the elements as a final resort so we are ready” Twilight said with confidence in her voice, “there are camps of royal guards stationed outside the forest Sure enough The mane 6 strode right into the camp, it looked more like a small castle made out of crystals, the crystals were from the crystal empire and were good for making building off in a matter of hours. The royal guards saluted and bowed in respect, but they met an unpleasant sight, prince Blueblood, the nephew of princess Celestia, going back to her distant relatives who weren’t alicorns and latest down the ages. “What are you doing here?” Twilight asked, “I'm personally inspecting the troops, not that I like being with the peasants,” Blueblood said. “Now to business we should take a battalion and personally whip these creatures of the face of equestria” none of the mane 6 were particularly surprised about blueblood making this suggestion instead they all gave their considered opinion and they got nowhere. Outside the camp “Well this is clearly interesting” said the leader of a roman patrol, “crystal clear at that” another legionnaire said, “come on quit looking glass yourselves and return to camp and report this to centurion Oleginuis” , back at the roman camps Oleginuis was elected incharge considering that he was the most disciplined off all the four centurion, within 5 month he went from legionnaire to centurion after the previous centurion of Laudanum retired. He was actually featured in asterix and the normans, and he was not afraid of the gauls no matter how much he was thumped, the others said that he had no sense, they might have been right. “Interesting” he said when he heard the news, “Decurion Thisisserious, ready a platoon and let us head for this camp and talk to the leader” he said to his second in command. “Are you sure what about the gauls?” asked the centurion of the camp of compendium, “peace is raining at the moment so no cause for alarm from an attack from them” Oleginuis said. However the walls had ears, Getafix had been sneaking around the camp and being a druid had good ears so heard the lot, with him was cacofonix, the two had ran into each other in the forest and had decided to spy on the camp. Cacofinix was originally going to practice his singing and Getafix had been collecting mistletoe in the forest among other ingredients for the magic potion, but when cacofonix had started singing, “SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP” Getafix had fummed bashing cacofinix with a branch per word to shut him up. However they had spotted the patrol heading towards the camp from the pony camps and were now on their way hurriedly to the village, “i say that’s a interesting development” Vitalstatistix said, “what do we do now piggywig” Impedimenta asked, “simple we teach them to leave us alone” Vitalstatistix said, “huh pigs might fly” Impedimenta huffed, “i quite agree chief if the romans and the locals meet up then we will have double trouble” Getafix said. “Oh come on let’s go get them it’ll be fun and we can all have a contest to see who will get the most helmets” Obelix begged eagerly, “why don’t we have a little bit of fun first” Asterix said as a plan formed, “now listen”. Meanwhile back at the pony camps Oleginius marched up with a cohort of legionnaires behind him the pony guards who must have been none to bright pointed their spears at them instead of raising the alarm, “terrible form i’ll have words with the formal about this” Oleginius thought, he and Decurion Thisisserious march briskly up to the gates, “Ave Unicorns” Oleginius said saluting, “i wish to speak with whoever is in charge” the two guards looked at each other than lowered their weapons, “follow us we’ll take you to blueblood and the princess”. Blueblood and the Mane 7 were still arguing about what to do about the Romans and Gauls, “well best introduce myself” Oleginius said as he, Decurion Thisisserious and the whole cohort of roman Legionaries, took off their helmets and saluted. “Ave Blueblood and Princess” Oleginius said giving both Twilight, Blueblood and the mane 7 a start, “Et conventu nostro primo salutant vos”. Blueblood squealed and hid behind one of the guards, “hey you can’t talk to us like that” Rainbow dash said getting right up in the Centurians face, “he said for our first meet i salute you” Thisisserious said, “oh well um pleasure” Rarity said speaking for the whole group. “As polite as you are, I'd appreciate talking to the Princess and Blueblood being the representations of this new country”. “Well then we welcome you” twilight said sweetly, Blueblood cowardly came out from behind one of the nearby guards, “yes i welcome you creatures to equestria” he forced out looking slightly pale. “I am Centurion Oleginius of the roman camp of Laudanum and this is my second in command Decurion Thisisserious “ Oleaginous said. “Princess twilight sparkles and these are my friends…” Twilight began but the Centurion interrupted, “no Civilians allowed in a military camp i’m afraid” he said “please remove them from the vascility and escort them home”. “Now listen here you we don’t abandon twilight just because you don’t approve...”, “if you are of high status then tell me now before i lose my temper by Neptune” Oleginius said going red in the face. “Yes we are the elements of harmony” Twilight said, the legionnaires fell over laughing, “ohohohoho” they laughed, “is this a joke hahaha, talking about raising the moral of the troops” one legionnaire laughed, “dressed to kill to hahaha” another said, “oh no Thisisn’t Humourus, stop it right now” a third laughed, “ATTENTION” Thisisserious shouted all the troops stopped laughing and stood to attention. “Anyway i am here on behalf of the four camps on Laudanum, Totorum, Compendium and Aquarium and representative of the might of rome and it’s ruler Julius caesar” Ocelginius continued “and…”, “oH fAREwEll anD AdiEU to YoU CElTic LaDies” a voice then warbled and rain began coming down intolerable, “FaREwelL and AdIEu To YOu LadIES of GuAL” “Help” the legionnaires shrieked, “i want my mommy!” “STOP IT WILL YOU!” one shouted into the forest as everyone dropped what they were doing and clamped their hands(and hooves) over their ears. “WHAT IS THAT MONSTROSITY?” Blueblood yelled, “it’s awful” Pinkie pie agreed, “absolutely horrid” rarity added, “oh the poor animals” Fluttershy said having to think of what the animals in the forest had to go through “STOP IT RIGHT BUCKING NOW” Rainbow Dash shouted to the skies “IT’S ONE OF THE GAULS BY JUPITER” Oleginius shouted, “RAINBOW CLEAR THE SKIES” Rainbow tried to clear the skies, she really did, but no matter how many clouds she cleared more filled in its place and the rain came down worse than before, but then the singing stopped and the rain followed, “hey it dried up” remarked Pinkie pie, “that means the bard has” Thisisserious said thankful, “the who?” Twilight asked, “the bard, sounds like he’s close to” a legionnaire said, “when we want your opinion we’ll ask” Oleginius said, the Legionnaire shut up and stood briskly to attention. “That monster shall pay for this” Blueblood said, “go and capture that thing and report back” he ordered two royal guards, “well your gonna need our help then” Oleginius said, “i personally volunteer to stay with my legionnaire to help you face the gauls”, “well then we agree and thank you for being so negotiable” Twilight said, “Alea Iacta Est” said Decurion Thisisserious said, “the die is cast”. Forest not far from the pony camp Fluttershy and Applejack had volunteered to capture the bard Cacofonix, “i don’t see what the problem is” Applejack admitted, “you just all attack a village and capture them what’s the big deal with these vermin?”, “what’s the deal she asks?” a legionnaire said, “the deal is that every time we do we are sold short of victory” another one explained, “halt i can see him” the captain said they all got low so as not to be seen. “Well he doesn't seem so bad” fluttershy said, “don’t be fooled we could be in an ll out beatdown at any moment” one legionnaire said, “Legionaire’s present parsley” the part leader said, they all got out parsley they had in their pouches, bringing them out in the great coordination belonging to the great roman legions, “in time place parsley in ears” they all except for Fluttershy and Aj, put the parsley in their ears. “Oh you're all over reacting it’s just one stallion” Applejack said, “pardon?” the patrol leader asked, “i said your over reacting” Applejack repeated, “applejack maybe there's a reason for this” Fluttershy said, “Madam i am the commanding officer and you by default are civilians and as the commanding officer all health and safety regulations must be acknowledged by me” the patrol leader said, “SO STUFF YOUR EARS OR BECOME STUFF ANIMALS PICK” “you’ll be stuffed and hung if you don’t” a legionnaire added, “pardon?” his friend next to him asked. “ALRIGHT MEN CHARGE” the roman patrol leader said as he and Applejack ran out of the bushes, “oh two fans how marvelous” Cacofinix said upon laying eyes on them, “two?” Applejack asked, looking around, “where are the others?” the patrol leader also looked around, “now what shall i sing for you two?”, “where is that cowardly lot they shall be thrown to the lions for this?” the roman patrol leader said, “lions? What lions?” Applejack exclaimed. “I shall now sing you a song” Cacofinix proclaimed twanging his lire out of tune, “pardon?” the patrol leader said “FaREWelL anD ADieU tO You FaIr CeLTIc LadIEs'' Cacofinix warbled, “farEWeLl and aDIEu to YOU LADies of GaUL” “STOP! SHUT UP! MERCY! MERCY!” the patrol leader begged as he grabbed Cacofonix and bashed him on the head multiple times before he fell to the ground unconscious. The Patrol leader panted in exhaustion while Applejack just stood there stunned by this, “uh i think i found the others'' she said, Fluttershy and a legionary poked their heads above the bush they were hiding in, the patrol leader tore them a new one “Well where were you by Juno, you cowardly lot, i should report your treason and insubordination for this and send you to rome to be with the lions in the circus maximus!!!” the Patrol leader said red in the face, “pardon?” the legionary asked, taking the parsley out of his ears. Soon enough “Mmmppphhh” Cacofinix mumbled as he was now bound and gagged and being carried by two legionnaires, “what did you say?” A legionnaire asked,cupping a hand behind his ear, “TAKE THAT PARSLEY OUT OF YOUR EARS” shouted his friend indignantly. Meanwhile Asterix, Obelix and Dogmatix who had seen it all and were sniggering at this, it had all been a joke, they had even forgotten the gord of magic potion on Cacofinix’s belt in their rush, the ponies were twice as incompetant, “shall we-?” Obelix asked hopefully, swinging his fist above his head “no obelix remembers the plan, we cause trouble for them and they leave us alone and take us seriously. plus why should we spoil Cacofinix’s fun now” Asterix said. Back at the pony camp “So this is the gaul?” Twilight asked studying Cacofinix who no longer had the gag on 2 but was still chained up, “total wimp could beat him 2 seconds flat” Rainbow dash bragged, “if only i wasn't restraining myself” Cacofinix thought, “hii’mpinkypiethegreatestpartyplannerinallofequestriaandwecanhaveawelcometoequestriaparty” Pinky pie blurted non of which Cacofinix got, “pardon?” he asked, “we’ll he does have a fine taste of cloths and mane style” Rarity said, “finally someone who has good tastes” Cacofinix thought smiling, “if only his singing weren't so terrible” Cacofinix’s face dropped into a scowl, “throw this peasant in the dungeon” Blueblood ordered. “Hang on i want to question-” Twilight began but their was a thud outside the camp, they all exited the camp and found that the Romans were using people of poor clothing and different cultures including espaniange, persians, Pheonicians, belgiums, goths and more all being whipped and were knowing hauling away a tree they had cut down. “What are those?” Fluttershy asked, “Slaves off course” Oleginius said, “WHAT!” the ponies even Blueblood exclaimed, “but why Slavery is illegal in equestia” Twilight said “but we aren’t of equestia and we have the duristinction of Ceaser to have slaves from the lands we conquered in the name of rome” Oleginius said. “Plus our legions are too busy readying for battle to do the hard labour” Thisisserious added, for someone with a tender heart like Cacofinix seeing the poor slaves whipped was too much, “stopped having those poor slaves whipped” he said defiantly, “release me and let me sing them a song to lighten them up” “Oh yes yes please do” Pinkie pie said, “they need cheering up” Pinkie said as she released Cocofinix, Cacofinix smiled then began Playing up, “MAYbe bEcauSe I’m AMmoriCaN tHAT I lovE AmMoRICa so” “STOP STOP PLEASE” Begged a slave, “MERCY HELP US MERCY” another begged, “This is worst singing i heard” a Goth slave commented, “Pardon” asked a legionnaire with parsley still in his ears, “MOTHER BUCKER” Swore Rainbow covering her ears, “GOOD HEAVENS” Rarity added, “THIS IS NOT FUN” Pinkie pie added as the rain became to come down. “Our work is not all fun and games” said the slave incharge, once Cacofinix had dried up along with the rain and everyone had calmed down “but this is just inhuman, please shut up the gaul, bring back the whips if you must but shut the gaul up and we promise to work our hardest”, “we don’t negotiate with slaves and peasants” Blueblood snapped, “no i agree take him away” Centurion Oleginius ordered “YOU VANDALS” Cacofinix yelled infuriated, as he was dragged away by two legionnaires and a unicorn to caste a muting spell “YOU VISIGOTHS, YOU BARBARIANS, THILASTIENS, BRUTES YOU WILL ALL END UP IN THE GALLERIES” “well already did” the slave incharge pointed out, “AND SERVE YOU RIGHT” Cacofinix yelled. Meanwhile in a tree overlooking the camp, Obelix, Asterix and Anticlimax were laughing heartily at the Ponies reaction to Cacofinix singing, “i say they are even less coordinated than the romans ohohohoho” Anticlimax commented laughing in the traditional british custom, “you got that right” Obelix said out of breath nearly falling off his branch, “alright remember the plan” Asterix said calming his friends and relation down to watch even more. After a little while Asterix thought it was time, “okay Obelix you and dogmatix stay here for backup while me and Anticlimax look around for clues to help us against our new enemy should the time come” Asterix told Obelix, “what that’s not fair” Obelix said, “oh don’t worry old chap you can demolish the base after where done say what?” Anticlimax told him. The two jumped down from their perch inside the camp, they were spotted but by 2 pony guards however but they were not at all bright, “AVE romans” they saluted getting quite used to the respectful roman greeting, “howda do” Asterix said cheerly, “good day gentlemen” Anticlimax added, “yes good thanks” one of them said as they walked past. Asterix then had a brain wave, “excuse me but do you happen to know which tent has all the information about this land?” Asterix asked, “just go to the library over there” one of the pony guards pointed to a large tent with bookshelves, “a Library!?” Anticlimax exclaimed, “just look for history of equestria old and new” the second pony added as they walked off. “Oh well that was easy” Asterix said perplexed, “a Library! A Library in a military camp, well that’s not cricket, oh i ask you” Anticlimax muttered still flummoxed by the library, what was even more puzzling was that the pony guards let them in without question as they began looking for the book, then Asterix had a good idea of a joke “oh and i why don’t you go shut the gate while your at it, Centurians orders” Asterix said. The pony guards saluted and ran off, Asterix and Anticlimax didn’t do a thing for a minute, then they began giggling then they began scoffing, then chortling and built up to a full on laugh at the foolery of the Pony guards. Back with Cacofonix he had been bound and gagged in a prison cell next to the wall of the camp, “okay so can i ask some questions about your history with this gaul?” Twilight asked, “well you see Ceaser is our emperor of the roman empire and we have successfully conquered all the known world except this little village in ammorica that this gaul lives in '' Decurion Thisisserious started. While they were Talking about the history of the world, Cacofinix waited and watched, it wasn’t until it came to the ‘indomitable gauls and how they have for years been holding out against the roman invaders’ bit that he saw Asterix and Anticlimax giving him the thumbs up behind a tent with a book under Anticlimax’s arm, it was the signal. “Mmmhhhppp” he tried to say, off course he was gagged, he tried again, yet again the pony’s didn’t hear him except for- “Hiimpinkiepiewouldyoulikeadrinkfromyourgordandthencanwebebestfriends?!” she said, Cacofinix only got the gord bit so nodded. Pinkie pie undid the gord with a gaulish drink(a drink with lobster and mistletoe) took the gag off and allowed him to drink it, but a roman spotted this and ran at them making a grab for the gord, “NO DON’T” he yelled desperately but too late. Cacofinix burst out of his chains, “well that fills so much better” he said as he punched the cell door open with his bare fists. The Pony’s stood mystified by this development, but Oleginius was not going to go down without a fight, “COHORTS INTO THREE LINES FORM” he shouted, “YES FORM YOU FILTHY GUARDS AS WELL” BLueblood added, “I WANT IN” Rainbow dash said hovering above the now formed cohorts with their shields pointed at the guard, the Mane 6 couldn’t help noticing that the romans were shaking in fear and pointed their pillums at him, “oh Obelix!” Cacofinix called, “CEASE THE GAUL SURROUND HIM!” Oleaginous shouted, “legions Maneuver” Decurion Thisisserious added but then Obelix ran straight through the closed gate and into the legions, “we can’t the gauls in the way” a legionnaire said reasonable. “Charge by George” Anticlimax shouted, whirling his fist in the air, “attack by Belonous” Asterix added as he did the same, “Retreat by Mars” a panicked Legion shouted as he ran from a pursuing Dogmatix. The battle was short but sharp with legionnaire and pony guards flying everywhere and being used as Melee weapons, “please don’t kill me,sorry we took your bard” Blueblood begged to Asterix sobbing, the Mane 6 backing away from asterix “and let it teach your bard from kidnapping our bard” Asterix said lifting him up by his collar with one finger, “you thought that we wouldn’t miss him with his awful singing gone with him but you were wrong. A Gaul knows how to make his enemy respect him”. And with that Asterix flung Blueblood onto the fence around the camp, the Mane 6 were lucky enough to avoid being hit(except for rainbow) and the camp was left in ruins, “i don’t believe it” Applejack finally said after staring at the devastation, “just a handful of them did this?” Spike said not believing it himself. Oleaginous limped up to them, “So how was your first gaulish experience?” He asked, “I thought it was fun.” Pinkie pie said with a smile never leaving her face, “it’s official! your friend may still be on her feet but she’s off her head!” a bashed up Legionary, “let’s face it we were all off our heads when we joined” another said glumly, “join the army they said it’s a man’s life they said” a third grumbled, “they also said that we would be easy” a fourth commented, “and yet they had to put the settings up to hard” a fifth moaned, by they he meant the gauls. “I’m setting my sights back to germany island the goths t’s to dangerous around these parts” a sixth added, “you lot were certainly on your high horses” This Serious said to a group of bashed up pony guards, “those gauls are trouble” the highest ranking soldier said, “ENOUGH” shouted Oleaginous slamming his helmet onto his head, “i want this camp back into tip top shape and then we shall head back to our camp and leave the pony’s until Celestia arrives SO GET MOVING YOU LAZY LOT!” he shouted, Twilight tried to object but decided against it to stay on good terms even if it was hard to watch the poor romans limp about on their broken spears. Pinkie pie however had an absolutely brilliant plan, “oh oh what about a joke?” she asked Legions jumping about smiling, “What do you call a bear with no teeth?” “Thump up like us” a Legionnaire said ruining the joke completely, “must have ran into a gaul” another agreed, “it must have gotten very grizzly” a third added, “and it didn’t have the luxury of armor” a fourth pointed out, “it was ‘bear’ naked” a fourth quipped to his friend, “enough of the stupid puns it just to much for me too overbear” his friend exclaimed pulling at his hair. Author's Note Okay that’s another chapter done as always like and leave comments
Chapter 4Chapter 4 Getafix’s hut “Well done Asterix” Getafix congratulated as he turned the first page of the book of history in equestria, “did you save some ponies for the rest of the village?” Vitalstatistix asked while standing on his shield, “oh yes and the Romans are here” Obelix said joyfully as dogmatix barked sarcastically as he held his prize, a piece of purple mane. Outside “MY FISH DO NOT STINK” Shouted Unhygienix, another brawl had started, Vitalstatistix got hit in the face by a dead flying fish, knocking him off his shield, “Right to the brawl lads” he shouted getting back on his shield, the two shieldbearers set off out the door with Vitalstatistix being slammed into the low hanging arch and knocked off his shield for the second time. “Those shieldbearers are always getting me down” he grumbled, “you not the only one, this little bird hit the same place” Obelix said looking out the window, the others looked out and their helmets jumped off their heads in amazement, “oh i do say!” Anticlimax exclaimed, “A Pegasus how wonderful” Getafix said as he stepped out to greet the gray pegasus with strange eyes. “Hello there” she said, still a little dazed, “um hello madam what are you doing here?” Vitalstatistix asked unsure, “Mail” she said, handing the chief a letter, the rest of the villagers forgot their brawl and ran to Ditzi asking, “anything for me? anything for me?”, Ditzi flew off as quickly as she could. “Scaring the birds is such a great idea on your half” Impedimenta scoffed the other village woman backing her up, she snatched the letter out of the chief's hand a read it, “it’s a meeting for the chief and anyone he chooses to come with him” Impedimenta informed, “from the co-ruler of the land known as Celestia on behalf of equestria” the Chief forgot his own troubles and began barking orders in preparation. “Alright well then, getafix shall stay here to make magic potion incase the romans or more ponies attack” Vitalstatistix said getting back on his shield, “Asterix and Obelix shall come with me as brains and brawns, Impedimenta your incharge” this caused a little bit of confusion, “uh chief shouldn’t one of us be in charge until you get back?” Fulliautomatix asked nervously. “Oh and why can’t women be chief for a little bit after all I am the chief's wife!?” Impedimenta shouted back, “oh and i don’t see why you have to be nominated as chief” said her rival Mrs Geriatrix, “i’m just as capable of chief as she is”, “oh no your not!” Impedimenta yelled back, “as i already stated i am the chiefs wife”, “And do you know what i have to say to the chiefs wife?!” Mrs Geriatrix yelled back. Both ladies were nose to nose with each other. Fulliautmoatix chuckled lightly, getting the wrong idea. Geriatrix sprung to his wifes aid, “oh you think it’s funny do you?” he said, bringing his crutch down on the blacksmith's foot, “OUCH!” FUllautomatix exclaimed, swinging his fist at where he thought Geriatrix was but instead hit the face of Unhygenix who swung his fist back. “BACTERIA!” Unhygenix called as he was hit a second time, “GET LAST YEARS STALK OF FISH!” and within moments, as Asterix, Obelix, Dogmatix, Vitalstatistix and his shieldbearer walked out the village entrance and over the bridge, a full on brawl had started, and Cacofinix started up another song. “A great start to the journey” one shieldbearer said sarcastically, the other shieldbearer glared at his partner. At the train station “She can’t be serious” Rainbow dash exclaimed, she still had a black eye and a hoof in a sling after the beating the gauls had gave her, “apparently she is” Applejack said, Blueblood had fled on the train earlier to scared of the gauls to do anything else, “well in fairness to them we did kidnap their bard and you heard what they said” Fluttershy said always ready with a defense, and honestly she did have a point. “Well we should be on our best behavior, but be ready for anything” Twilight said, “i second that there here” Spike said pointing. The royal guards outside the station who had escorted the Mane 6 were shaking in their armor upon laying sight of the gauls, they had certainly learnt their lesson, Obelix whirled his fist, “shall we get them Asterix?” he asked as Dogmatix barked, “hold your horses we have a parley remember and we don’t want to put them hors de combat just yet” Asterix replied. “I am chief vitalstatistix of the Indomitable gauls” he introduced as the Mane 6 strolled up, some glaring at him, “i am Princess Twilight sparkle, Princess of friendship and these are my friends and fellow guardians of the elements of harmony” Twilight introduced, “a pleasure madam we bow to you” Vitalstastastix said, as he bowed. He then fell off as his shield bearers bowed to, “I said I bow not you two idiots” he snapped, the shieldbearers glared at him. “Um well why are you on a shield anyway?” Spike asked, “because it suits the dignity of a gaulish chief” Vitalstastix said, “well you're going to have to do the walking yourself on the train” Twilight informed, “we will be departing for Ponyville then Canterlot to meet the princesses”. “Well then what are we waiting for?” Vitalstatistix asked as he and the gauls walked away and down the tracks, “uh where are you going darling?” Rarity asked, “to ponyville aren’t you going to show us the way?” Obelix asked, “what is a train by the way?” Asterix asked. As it turned out a train was a mod of transportation, the gauls were introduced to it and explained to, “huh sorry your going to have to put that in the luggage car” said the conductor as she stared at the Menhir Obelix had brought along, “oh oh is that a present?” Pinkie pie asked excitedly. “Oh yes thought you could decorate your home with it” Obelix said, “oh that’s very thoughtful mister, I’m pinkie pie and my family owns a rock farm” Pinkie pie replied superfast, “well then perhaps you can add this to your farm” Obelix suggested, “that’s actually pretty thoughtful” Fluttershy said. On the train everypony was staring at the Gauls, the Gauls of course took no notice “good day” Asterix said to a couple, “don’t mind them they just get uneasy about new things” Twilight apologized. “Excuse me coming through” came a voice, they all looked, “Cacofonix?” the other gauls questioned, “yes i am here in order to sing infront of her highness” Cacofinix said, “alright but no practicing on the train” Vitalstatistix warned, “i agree we don’t need a storm today” Rainbow said. “How dare you, i would not sing for you ignorant lot” Cacofinix said, “good” Rainbow dash said, “that singing is enough to make birds drop dead”, “how dare you the birds love my singing” Caconifix retorted, “of course especially the crow’s” Asterix said making the remaining gauls burst into laughter, while Caconifix scowled. After a few hours They arrived at Ponyville the Gauls had to admire the beauty of it, “welcome to ponyville, what do you think” Twilight asked with pride, “not bad” Asterix admitted politely, but Twilight was slightly disappointed as was her friends, “what do yall mean not bad?” Applejack demanded, “it’s very nice, reminds me of our village” Vitalstatistix said back on his ceremonial shield, “yeah but we’ve seen plenty of great sights but i’m sure you have some wonderful sights of your own” Asterix agreed. “Well we are going to give you an official greeting to ponyville” Twilight said, “everypony will ask you questions and maybe you can make some new friends”, “and we can have a party!” Pinkie pie added throwing confetti in the air, “that sounds lovely when you introduce us?” Cacofinix asked. Sure enough The Gauls were behind the curtains of a stage, probably to introduce new visitor such as themselves, Cacofinix peeked through the curtains, “a good crowd out there” he said, “well no singing today or you’ll have a Menhir to deal with” Asterix warned pointing to Obelix who was holding his menhir behind his back. Cacofinix went pale, “d-don’t worry Asterix i-i won’t” he stammered. “Ponies of ponyville'' said Mayor mare to the crowd outside, “we have some ponies new in town, so without any further Ado i introduce the Gauls!” the curtains opened and the Gauls strode out, Ponies began showering them with questions and taking multiple photos of them with Cameras, “calm down will you” Asterix exclaimed covering his eyes, “if we can just-” Cacofinix added with little to no success “SHUT UP” Vitalstatistix bellowed red in the face, the Ponies backed off in fear. “Right, thank you now one at a time, ask your questions,” he added after calming down, “well so who’s first?”, “what are your names?” asked a pony at random, “i am Chief vitalstatistix of the village of the indomitable gauls” Vitalstatistix said, “i’m Asterix and this is Obelix and Dogmatix” Asterix introduced, “and i’m Cacofonix” Cacofinix said with a bow, “are their others like you?” another pony asked, “a whole village full and four camps of romans in the forest outside our village at the moment, that's it for now” Asterix replied. “Why are you so fat?” asked a particular smug pony named Diamond tiara hoping to tick off the gauls, there was a collective gasp from the other ponies and some nervous looks “i am not fat just nicely covered is all” Obelix said patiently, Obelix had a soft spot for children so he remained calm when his weight came up with them. If you were a Roman or grown man however, dead loss. “oh really?” Silver spoon said sarcastically, “yes and we’ll leave it at that it’s becoming a boar” Asterix said, “Speaking of which it’s lunch time” Obelix said, “no obelix not until i…” Cacofnix said, “one note out of you and I’ll bore you into the ground” Asterix threatened. But before anyone could get them any lunch they were interrupted by a platoon of royal guards marching up, “halt your coming with us” said the leader of the guards, it was Shining armor, “big brother what are you doing here?!” Twilight exclaimed, “we are here to arrest these Gauls and bring them to the Princess’” Shining armor replied. “Shall we get them?” Obelix asked hopefully, swimming his arm around him in the air, “no Obelix we shall go willingly under a few conditions” Vitalstatistix said, “and what are those?” Shining armor said through gritted teeth, “for one let the crowd have three more questions” Vitalstatistix said. The crowd in question perked up as they did have a few more questions to ask but were worried they would not get the chance to. “Oh fine but make it quick” Shining armor said, “okay so who’s next?” Asterix asked, “are you here to invade us?” a pony asked, “uh no we just keep out invaders” Asterix said taken aback, “are you here to probe us?” Another pony asked, “what does probe mean?” Obelix asked. “Are you going to dissect us?” A final pony asked and Vitalstatistix decided enough was enough, “Invade?, Probe?, dissect? Is that all you think of something new?!” He demanded. “That it for the questions their beginning to get me down worse then these two” he continued gesturing to his shield bearers who glared as they walked over to the guards, wobbling slightly under Vitalstatistix weight. “Take us away I’ve had it with this lot, and I thought pony’s were accepting I’ll have some strong words with your princess” Vitalstatistix ordered, the guard obeyed the order not that they hadn't already. They took another train, after the little outburst of Vitalstatistix the Mane 7 were not too sure about them, at least they weren’t out for invasion. “I still don’t like them” Rainbow dash said, “now rainbow you can’t judge them because they beat you at the camp”. “I still owe them a bashing” Rainbow Dash said pouting, Shining Armor echoed her words to the Gauls, “I still owe you for what you did to my men '' Shining Armor said. The Gauls were repentant, “well fair is fair is supposed” Obelix said standing up from his seat, Asterix wanted to make friends and be fair, so by his logic if he took a shot at them it was only fair that they took a shot at him. “Here, take a shot” he said gesturing to his belly, “what?!” Twilight said incredulously, was this Gaul really that Stupid, “a-are you serious?” She asked, Obelix nodded, a wolfish grin spread across her face. “Oh don’t worry. As Obelix said ``fair is fair” Asterix reassured them, “you're agreeing to this?” Twilight demanded even more incredulously, “well then can you go a bit further back?” Rainbow dash asked. Obelix backpedaled to the very end of the train car, the other ponies and guards watched slightly worried, Rainbow dash flew to the other end of the car, “don’t hurt him too badly Rainbow?” Fluttershy said. Rainbow ignored her and shot straight towards Obelix and shot straight towards Obelix CRASH “Hey where is she going?” Obelix asked, looking at the hole in the ceiling of the train where Rainbow shot in a rainbow trail up into the stratosphere. The Gauls burst out laughing, “she really ‘Comet’ you didn’t she” laughed one of the shieldbearers, that tipped off the guards and they burst out laughing, “she D-asteroid the ceiling” joked one of the guards. “Huh?” Obelix asked confused, “oh never mind Obelix” Asterix said with a sigh, “it isn’t ‘Earth’ it” he added, “in all seriousness though I hope she doesn’t cause the sky to fall on our heads” Vitalstatistix said. “Well serve her right to put herself between a Rocket and a hard place” Applejack commented. Author's Note Hi I’m back with a new chapter.
Chapter 5Chapter 5 Canterlot was not as wonderful a sight as Rome or Greece, but it certainly was impressive in its own right, even Asterix a Seasoned traveler could not help but marvel at everything around them. Everything looked expressionistic and colorful. “What a marvelous place” Cacofinix, “it’s so inspiring, I could just…” Asterix gave him a warning glare, “j-just keep admiring it, quietly” Cacofinix finished feebly. “Good idea” Asterix agreed, “alright guard where do we go?” Asked Vitalstatistix, “this way” Shining armor said, leading the gauls through the city, when the pony laid eyes on them, some ran, some stared, some fainted, others ignored them. “Where can we get lunch?” Obelix asked about spotting a shop labeled as a Donut shop, whatever that was. but Asterix shushed him. However there was no need, “we friend can get lunch at the palace” Twilight explained, “good I could use a wild boar” Obelix said rubbing his hands together. Some of the ponies upon hearing this turned a slight green. Having an alliance with griffins and dragons, they knew of meat eating but it still made them a tad sickly. “Well we’ll have time because we are here” Twilight stated, and indeed they had, they had arrived at a large, colorful and luxurious looking castle, “nothing compared to Rome or Greece but it certainly is well done” Asterix said, “says you. you live in wooden shakes” Rarity said pompously, “wooden shakes that have held against rome for years” Vitalstatistix said raising his voice a little. He felt like the village's pride was being insulted, “so unless you want to get shaken straight upwards off the floor carry on”, Rarity wisely shut her mouth, “hold ya horses partner” Applejack said to keep galo-equestrian relationships steady, “no need for that. Trust me, just ignore Rarity, she doesn’t understand countryfolk”. “Huh” Rarity huffed indignantly, “well excuse me for having some class…”, “enough” snapped a new voice, walking up to the party was Princess luna herself, “grrr” dogmatic growled, “no dogmatic Sit” Obelix told his pet dogmatic day but still glared at the princess. “Princess Luna” the pony’s bowed, “hello ma’am” the gauls said politely, “you must bow” Twilight hissed, “she may be your princess but i’m a gaulish chief and don’t bow to anyone. Whether it be Caesar himself or the princess in front of me”. “Bellow you actually” Obelix pointed out referring to the shield, the royal guards however took offense, “how dare you?!” yelled one guard pointing his spear, the others followed suit, “Pax, i call Pax” said another new voice with a roman accent, Decurion Thisisserious followed by a small cohort of legions behind him, marched up and saluted on horseback with his legions “Ave Gauls, the princess and Centurion Oleaginous is waiting”. Forgetting the quarrel they all made their way towards the throne room, “if you try anything we’ll make you pay” Luna said to them, “Acta deos Numquam Mortalia Fallunt” Thisisserious said, of course this was in latin, one guard thought he got the idea, “yeah if you mortals act suspicious, you’ll have a fall that will leave you numb” he said. “Jupiter give me strength” muttered one of the roman horses, the Gauls stop dead and took a double take, “y-you just” Asterix began, “we always were, you lot were just to ignorant to listen” said another roman horse. “I miss rome it’s better than this dribbly place” muttered another roman horse, “yes much to bright for me” his rider agreed. “Join the army you said, see the world they said” moaned another legion, “not the mane event i was hoping for” agreed the legions mount. Still rather shell shocked by this the gauls continued on in silence. The roman horses were a lot taller then any regular pony, all almost as tall as celestia herself, and all wearing armor and with as much precision drilled into them as the Roman legion themselves. Not long after “Ave Centurion” said both Decurion Thisisserious and his horse as both saluted as they entered into the large throne room, “Ave” Thisisserious and his horse, a shining black stallion salluted back. “No remember obelix, no foaling around” Asterix said to his large friend, then he realized what he said, “oh sorry this place is getting to me”. Meanwhile Chief Vitalstatistix was carried by his shieldbearers to the queen, “good day princess” he said, lifting his helmet off his head, “Chieftain” Celestia said, “Bow” Twilight hissed even more urgently, these Gauls were being very rude in her opinion. “Would you stop? you're getting me down” Asterix responded, “well either get down or get knocked down” Rainbow threatened, “no no it’s alright. I don’t particularly like being bowed to anyway” Celestia said kindly. This surprised the Gauls and the Romans a tad, “well good” Vitalstatistix said recovering quickly, “this place is already getting me down and I won’t sink lower by having my grace sullied by bowing”. “Or lack there off” one shield bearer whispered, “I heard that” Vitalstatistix warned. “Onto other matter can you explain why you all are here in equestria in the first place?” Luna questioned. “Um actually we can’t” Asterix admitted, “it's rather hard to explain it”, “how so, I mean the Druid said we got moved from Gaul to equestria” Obelix said, “um yes that is what happened” Asterix admitted. “If anything I’d say it was the gods that brought us here in a flash of light” Vitalstatistix said, “I see so you were here on accident” Celestia said, “you can say that again” one Roman said to his horse. “So what do you want now?” Luna asked suspiciously, “oh just to have that area of the land where we are, just so that we can continue our conflict with the romans and do about our business as usual” Oleginius said, “that’s it?!” Luna exclaimed, “nothing more?” “Well at the moment that is all we can with our current position” Oleginius thought, “but once we find a way to get back we can bring the full might of roman to conquer this land and others beyond”. But what he said was “for now at any rate”. “Well i don’t see any problem with that” Fluttershy said, “what seriously, they could be plotting something” Rainbow dash said, “and shouting it out while they are in the room is the best way to stop them?” Spike deadpanned. The Gauls and Romans were indeed glowering at Rainbow, “why don’t you dash off before you hurt yourself” said Thisisserious, “get struck by lightning bud” Rainbow snapped back. *CRACK* The sky lit up as a lightning bolt really did strike, the windows shattered from the noise of it being so close, “what the BUCK” Rarity exclaimed so shocked she was, everyone couldn’t answer so shaken were they, “Grrrr” Dogmatix growled the. Lightning struck again and he gave a yelp of fright and jumped back into Obelix arms, “um i think you have a bit of a monsoon problem” Asterix said looking out of the shattered window. The rain came down terrenchally and the wind blew so fast that birds were blown away by it in mid air. “But we haven’t had weather this bad in centuries” Luna said just as baffled, “the Pegasus should be more than capable of getting rid of this”. “Wait the minute!” Asterix exclaimed In horror as he looked around, “Where’s our bard?!”
Chapter 6Chapter 6 “I am going to bury that Bard in a hole in the ground!” Vitalstatistix yelled in a rage, “he’ll have to listen to his own voice echo back of those walls!”, “not that that will bother him” one shieldbearer said to the other. “This is your bards doing? surely you jest” Luna said, “i’m afraid not it is only our bard who can sing and cause the gods to get angry” “Is he that good at singing” Celestia wonders, “no he’s that bad” Asterix corrected, “we need to find him”, “then what are we waiting for” Rainbow said and before anyone could stop her she shot out of the window only to get blown away by the window, “Rainbow?!” the others exclaimed running and watching as she was blown away. Cloudsdale Rainbow landed with a Loud CRASH. She was stunned but unhurt, “Rainbow? Your here?” the voice of Soren, her fellow wonderbolt said, “yup i’m here” she confirmed as she recognised the Wonderbolt changing room, “well glad you are” Spitfire said, “we have tried getting to canterlot to clear the storm, but the wind just blows us back” “Hey don’t worry me and my friends got this” Rainbow said as shot back upn and towards Canterlot, only to return a second later with another CRASH! Canterlot “We need to stop this” Celestia said her horn glowing, there was a large flash of light and when it faded. The storm was still going, “my failsafe spell…failed?” she said in shock, “the only weather that a spell like that has failed to stop was the winds in the crystal empire” Luna said. “The only way to dry up this weather is to dry up cacofonix” Asterix said, “we’ll go look for him”, Asterix turned to the pony’s, “have you got anything to protect us from the sky falling on our heads?” he asked. The pony’s only gave him a quizzical look. Sure enough Twilight had put up a shield around them and they were now braving the wind, the shield kept the rain out but not the wind, not completely at least, Obelix had his menhir back as a last resort incase the bard wouldn’t shut up “um why are you so afraid of the sky falling on your heads?” Twilight asked just out of curiosity, it was nonsense of course but she was curious, “well how can it not?” Vitalstatistix said, “theres nothing holding it up” Suddenly Vitalstatistix felt rather light, “oh Belonous! Help!” he exclaimed as his shield was caught up the wind and he was blown off it, out of the magic barrier, and into the rain landing in the puddle. “W-we need to find cacofonix” Shivered the chief as he came back into the barrier, “do you have any amphitheaters or colosseums around here?” Asterix asked, “whats a colosseum?” Fluttershy asked, “you know where the circus is”. “The circus? Oh i love the circus” Pinkie said, “can we go, after we finish all this. Maybe i can ask to be in it…”, “we are wasting time. And i don’t think you’ll make a convincing Gladiator anyway” Asterix said leaving the pony’s looking shocked. Not at the fact that he shut down Pinkie but the fact that they had gladiators. Spike however was more focused on the current problem, “wait the theater” he said, “oh yes the theater. Come on” Twilight said snapping out of her shock. They Pony’s led the Gauls towards the theater, they couldn’t hear any singing but one pegasus who was holding onto a lamp post for dear life. She was dressed in fancy cloths, “um hello our bard wouldn’t happen to be in their singing horrible?” Asterix asked, “horrible doesn’t even begin to describe it!” the pegasus said indignantly, “he came on stage and took is all by storm. Next thing we knew we were in the rain trying to get away” “Thats our man” Asterix said, as he tried to open the door, “it’s stuck” he said, “allow me” Obelix said pressing a finger on the door, “Wait…” the pegasus exclaimed but to late. *CRASH* The door caved in and… “ThE RaAIIiNNn In GaUUUullLL!” Cacofinix voice blasted out from the inside along with more rain from the inside of the building, “FalLS MAInly DOwN wAllS!” “HOLY BUCK” the pegasus said loosing her grip and was swept away by the wind as she put her hooves over her ears, everyone else did and Twilights barrier disappeared, “the magic shields gone” Asterix said in panic as he fled towards the nearest inside open house, “Quick before the sky falls on our heads!” Seconds later they sat watching the flapping door of the theater as Cacofinix voice continued to warble, “we are never going to get anywhere at this rate” Applejack said, “if only we can block out the noise” Fluttershy said, “i don’t know any deafening spells. Never thought we would need one” Twilight said, “wait Twilight never studied a spell?!” Rarity exclaimed, “now that is a surprise” Applejack said in amusement, “can we focus?” Spike asked. “Woof” Dogmatix barked, but it sounded muffled, “what is it Dogmatix?” Obelix asked, Fluttershy fluttered over while the other huddled together “hey i think Dogmatix has something” Obelix said. “Yes obelix good to know” Asterix said as he thought, “magic potion is no good here”. “Magic potion?” Twilight asked, “later” Asterix said dismissively, “anything?” Spike asked, “oh oh me pick me” Pinkie said not grasping the situation and putting her hoof into the air, “um girls” Fluttershy tried to speak up, “go ahead sugarcube” Applejack said to pinkie. “What if we block our ears?” Pinkie said, “with what?” Asterix asked, “maybe with Parsley” Obelix said, “and where do you suppose we can get parsley?” Rarity asked sarcastically, the very idea was repugnant to her, “woof” Dogmatix pipped up presenting the parsley in his mouth. There was a awkward silence, “h-how?” Spike eventually asked, “from the shopkeeper over there, we’re in the grocery store” Fluttershy explained pointing to the counter, and the rows of food in the place, “h-hello?” the shopkeeper said nervously. “Obelix i really need to learn to listen to you in future” Asterix said apologetically. “I am not putting that stuff in my ears” Rarity said, as everyone began putting Parsley in their ears “suck it up Rares and get them in” Applejack snapped, “we need all hands on this”, Rarity cringed and put them in her ears with much complaining. “Alright” Asterix said, “Twilight get the shield up” he said, “pardon?” Twilight asked, “pardon?” Asterix repeated, “are we gonna sit here all day or are we gonna silence that bard?” Applejack demanded, “Pardon?” Rarity asked, “speak up girls?” Fluttershy said, “pardon?” Obelix asked, “we are going to be here until the sky falls on our heads” Dogmatix thought and he jumped down from Obelix hand and bit on Rarity’s Tail, “Yeowch!” she exclaimed, “you barbarian!” Dogmatix didn’t mind her reproaches and simple barked in front of everyone before shooting for the open entrance door, “oh right sorry” Twilight said getting the message as she put up her shield and the group walked, protected from the rain, partially protected from the wind and mercifully unable to hear the awful sound of cacofonix. Walking into the the theater they found Cacofonix on the main stage, as he plucked his Lyre most un-tunefully, as he began to Crushendo, “CACOFONIX SHUT UP?!” Asterix yelled at the top of his voice, so loudly it cracked and he got breathless, “No i won’t shut up, i will sing you ungrateful lot in front of the adoring crowd” or lack there off. “Pardon?” Pinkie asked taking the parsley out of one ear, “all together now!” Cacofinix said ad crescendoed “aaaAANNddD thE StOrm swEeEpS AwaYYY AAALLllLLL” “I got him” Obelix said as he readied his menhir like a javelin and took a running start, Asterix didn’t need to hear to know what his friend was thinking, “Wait Obelix DON’T!” he yelled but to late, and even if it wasn’t Obelix couldn’t hear him. Obelix threw the Menhir with precision and force as it soared threw the air and… *CRASH* Landed on top of cacofonix, squashing him and destroying the bit of stage he was standing on, that certain shut him up thought as inside the rain and wind stopped and outside the weather cleared. Everyone was relieved. Back at the palace “Oh thank goodness” Luna said relieved, all their weather spells had failed, and instead the two had put up a barrier over the windows to not let any rain or wind in, “praise Bellissima” Sniffled Vitalstatistix, he had caught a terrible cold, “t-that bard really leaves me feeling the cold.” Back at the theater Asterix was less than pleased with his big Friend, “when will you learn to not throw menhirs at the wrong time?!” Asterix exclaimed, keeping his temper, “i just hope the Bards okay” Fluttershy said looking at the Menhir with the bards limbs poking out from under it in some concern. “Oh don’t worry” Asterix said with a sigh, “he’s been hit with worse, he’ll be back up and wanting to sing again soon”, as it turned out Asterix would be wrong on both accounts, Twilight magically lifted the Menhir up off the bard who sat up looking and feeling like he had been hit with a Menhir. “Are you alright Cacofinix?” Asterix asked in concern, “w-why yes i-i’m feeling fine” he said. “Who are you?” Author's Note And that’s another chapter done. Hope your all enjoying
Chapter 7“Oh very well done ” Vitalstatistix said sarcastically, to the mane 6, Asterix and Obelix “he may be on the right notes now but his brain’s out of tune''. It was true, it turned out Cacofinix had lost his memory completely, Obelix had said he could cure Caofinix by hitting him with a Menhir again but Asterix wasn’t having it. “The last time you hit someone over the head, our Druid lost his memory and we almost got conquered by the Romans,” Asterix had told his friend. So they had all taken him to the hospital wing of canterlot to be examined, unfortunately, Cacofinix had drunk his Gord of magic potion. So when they got to canterlot he immediately thumped a roman horse out of his horseshoes and into the air along with its rider and thus a new game had begun, when they had tried to restrain him he had run off and now there were orders to restrain him. A minute later, Cacofinix burst into song, only this time to everyone's amazement, it was in tune, there was no rain and it was a famous Gaulish sea shanty. “🎵Farewell and adieu to you good roman soldiers. Farewell and adieu to you soldiers of rome🎵” Though it wasn’t quite farewell and adieu as the Romans, their mounts and any canterlot guards who tried to help, hit the ceiling then came back down, armor clanging and very muchly battered and bruised. “We best get him to our druid, he can cure him, heck he cured himself last time” Asterix said. “First you’ll need to catch him,” Applejack said. She had a black eye from when she herself had tried to catch the bird and tie him up with her rope. She also had a hoof in a sling. “Easier said than done” muttered a royal guard to a roman, “i feel for you deeply my friend” replied the roman. Then there was a blur of motion and Rainbow dash reappeared, “sorry bout that guys” she said, “i was blown all the way to cloudsdale. So what did I miss”. “We’re facing the music that’s what” said a royal guard who was in a wheelchair, “we Crash-endo the ceiling” informed another. Asterix informed her of what was happening, “yesh he really has water on the brain now” she said, “but how did he lose his memory?” CRASH Obelix brought his menhir down onto her, “like that” he explained. “OBELIX!” Asterix bellowed in fury, jumping up and down on the spot “DO YOU NEVER LEARN YOUR LESSON, NOW WE HAVE TO DEAL WITH TWO MEMORY LOSES!” For more information on this please read Asterix and the big fight. Luckily Rainbow dash head was built like a crash helmet so she just had more stars and had her memory intact, “relax i can take a beating” she reassured them feeling very dizzy. “Right” Asterix said, getting a grip, “let's go get our bard, Obelix you stay here…” “What?” Obelix said, “but i want to join in” “No Obelix you’ve done enough already” Asterix told him. “It’s not fair” Obelix complained, as he went and sulked in a corner “it’s not fair, I missed out on all the fun”. “Right, let's go find that hard,” Asterix told Mane 6. “Good luck my little pony's,” Celestia said. “Cheerio lad and lasses” Vitalstatistix said. “The die is caste” Oleginius quotes And with that the lot of them made their way through the castle following the trail of thrashed up guards and romans and their mounts. Meanwhile Obelix sat sulking with his Dogmatix nuzzling him reassuringly. “It’s not fair,” he said, “it just isn’t fair.” But he pulled himself together, “i started this mess and so i’ll fix it” he thought to himself, “now how do i get Cacofonix memory back?” he wondered, then he remembered the big fight and remembered how he had got Getafix memory back, “i just need to hit him over the head again” Obelix realized. Of course this was not what really happened but if you want to find out go read Asterix and the Big fight. But as of now he raced out of the room carrying his menhir. “Where's he off to buy mercury?” Thisisserious wondered seeing him go. Meanwhile “Halt” said a royal guard pointing his spear at Cacofonix “No entryyyyyyyy!” he finished as he went up into the from Cacofinix swinging his fist up, “Farewell good roman soldier” he said giggling happily as he entered a room. “Hmm” Cacofinix wondered as he spotted a door, “wonder what's in here” and he pressed his finger against the door. CRASH The door caved in and inside was a small chest, Cacofinix broke the lock with ease and opened it. “Oh how lovely” Cacofinix said upon spotting large red diamond shaped gem in a alicorn shaped necklace, “i think i’m going to keep this” and he put it around his neck and he felt electrified, his hair stood on end, his mustache all fuzzed up. “WOAH” Cacofinix said so overcharged he 10 feet in jumping through the ceiling to the floor above. “EEK” Screamed a royal guard indignantly before he was sent right out of his armor with a swing of Cacofinix fist, “i feel fantastic!” Cacofinix triumphantly bellowed. Meanwhile The Mane 6 and asterix followed the path of battered Romans and Royal guards, “he’s heading for the vault” Spike noticed. “What exactly is in this Vault?” Asterix asked, concerned “oh nothing we should be concerned about…” Twilight began. “Twilight” Rainbow said, “don’t jinx it” They arrived at the vault to find the door crashed open, and the vault itself empty. “I was afraid of this” Asterix said, “Cacofonix has his hands on whatever was in the vault. And at the moment those hands are juiced up with magic potion, who knows what the effects will be” “Say wasn’t this the vault that had the Elements inside a while back?” Applejack said. “Oh so that’s why it looked familiar” Pinkie pie said, slapping her own forehead, “silly me, I'm terrible at guessing games”. Everyone ignored her, “and last i checked the Alicorn Amulet was inside” Twilight said in mounting horror. “The same amulet that Trixie used to take over ponyville back in season 3?” Pinkie asked. “Season what now” Asterix asked baffled “don’t mind that darling” Rarity advised “and yes pinkie dear it was”. “B-b-but-but ' Twilight stammered, “how did he even break down the door, that door was enchanted with the most powerful alicorn magic of me, the sisters and Cadence for extra security. How did Cacofonix break it so easily?” “The magic potion i beat” Asterix said, “it makes anyone who drinks it superhuman for a limited period of time.” “But potions aren’t even real magic, they're artificial.” Twilight protested, “I like your choice of words,” the royal guard that Cacofonix had thrashed muttered sarcastically. “Twilight let's just stop questioning it now, we have more important things” Spike pointed out. “Spikes right” Fluttershy said pointing up, to a large whole in the ceiling, “i think he might have gone up there” “What does this Alicorn amulet do?” Asterix asked, “it enhances any magic traits of anyone with magic” Twilight explained. “Oh dear” said Adterix growing even more concerned, “that means Cacofinix is going to be stronger now with the Magic potion and that Alicorn Amulet” Back up with Obelix Obelix was now on the same level as Cacofonix, his plan had been to fire his Menhir from above. But when Dogmatix caught a scent, Obelix knew how smart his dog was so thought he had found Cacofinix scent, “that's right Dogmatix seek” Obelix thought. “Hey Fatty” called a voice as he rounded a corner and found Cacofonix, rearing his fists in front of him and spoiling for a fight. “got him” Obelix thought, “i am not fat” Obelix Declared as he threw the Menhir at the bard, but the bard leap frogged over the Menhir and ran up and delivered a great punch to Obelix Stomach. “No fair!” Obelix wheezed the punch sent him across the hall and he landed with an almighty CRASH!. Not far away “What was that?” Rainbow dash wondered as she and her friends made their way upstairs nearing the top. “Cacofinix, I'd bet on my-MENHIR!” Asterix exclaimed as he jumped to the ground and a large Menhir sailed over head and collided with Rainbow dash sending both into the wall. “Why me?” Rainbow asked groggily as she crawled out of the hole in the wall and promptly collapsed unconscious. There was a long silence as everyone stared “Hey you won your bet” Pinkie said brightly pointing, there down the hall was Cacofinix picking Obelix up by his arm, swinging him overhead and slamming him down on the ground before repeating the action. “Holy bucking hay loads!” Applejack said, “he’s actually throwing around Obelix like he’s a sake of potato chips” “This means he’s practically unstoppable now” Twilight said, beginning to stress, “how do we beat him now?” They all watched and worried as Obelix tried and failed to bash Cacofonix. “The magic potion will take hours to wear off” Asterix said, then he had a brainwave. “I’ve got it” he exclaimed slamming his fist into his palm “What?” the girls asked urgently. Asterix gave them a sly look, “just watch and learn ladies. Watch and learn” Cacofinix was once again lifting Obelix overhead by his arm and slamming him down. “Well Caconifx, I must admit I have never seen anyone fight quite like this” Asterix said. “Why it is nothing my fellow Gaul” Cacofinix said, “i am just using his own strength and width against him” “So the bigger he is…” Asterix began. “The better for you” Cacofinix finished as he finally released Obelix and he sailed through the air and crashed into a statue of some famous pony or other and turned it into a rumble, and he lay there stunned. “You know…” Asterix said, thoughtfully, “I once had a dream about this. Me and my friend over there” he pointed to the still recovering Obelix, “were sent to do twelve tasks. At the end of it, we were finally masters of rome. But that’s beside the point. The 3rd task was to defeat a german wrestler who was fighting quite like you” “Really?” Cacofinix asked. “Yes and I wanted to see if it was a real fighting style. Can you show me how it’s done?” Asterix asked. “But of course my good fellow,” Cacofinix said, unaware of the fact that Asterix had been vague about how he had defeated the German wrestler. “First…” Cacofinix began and stretched out his arm, “you grab my arm” Asterix did so, “and since we are doing this from stand still, you are going to have to put your foot on my stomach. Asterix did so, “this is actually starting to look familiar” Asterix said, trying to hoist Cacofonix up, though due to the height difference it was a little difficult, “hang on'' and with one final heave he flipped Cacofinix overhead and onto the ground, “that’s it!” Cacofinix said as Asterix repeated the action again and again gaining more and more momentum with each swing. *BIFF* *BONG* *BING* *BAFF* *BOFF* Finally Asterix stopped letting go of a slightly dazed Cacofonix, “nostalgic much?” Cacofinix cracked dizzily, “yup and this belongs to the ponies” Asterix said, taking the Alicorn amulet from around Cacofinix neck and throwing it to the ponies. Spike caught it. “Hey, give that back!” Cacofonix exclaimed, trying to make a grab for it, when… *CRASH* A large menhir landed on top of him for the second time, narrowly missing Asterix. Everyone stared at the Menhir. “🤬👎&#☠️⚡️!” Asterix yelled in Gaulish swear words which I am not allowed to translate, “OBELIX!” Author's Note Yes I’m back but I have and still am suffering from Writting drought so chapters will be few and far between
