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Chapters

The Perplexing Puzzle Of The Pink Party Pony
My Biggest Fan
Austin-tini
Midnight
'Tis Better To Have Brushed & Flossed
My New Room-mares: Day 1
My New Room-mares: Day 2
My New Room-mares: Day 3 - Part 1
My New Room-mares: Day 3 - Part 2
My New Room-mares: Day 4 - Part 1
My New Room-mares: Day 4 - Part 2
Short #1: The Cootie Pox
My New Room-mares: Day 5 - Part 2
My New Room-mares: Day 6 - Part 1
Adventures in Foalsitting 1
Punbelievable
Adventures in Foalsitting 2
Canterlot (Wedding) Crashers
Ask Them Anything! (Ask Blog Trial Chapter)
Short #4: Tickle Tantrum
Majora's Mare
Catching Up
I'm Okay
Unexpected Visit
Elementary, My Dear Austin
My New Room-mares: Day 5 - Part 1
Short #2: Snuggle Showdown (Re-Write of 'Huggled')

The Perplexing Puzzle Of The Pink Party Pony

About 20 minutes after I had arrived, the others had gathered in the library to have some sort of weekly get-together. Twilight set up a table with a fancy silk table cloth, tea, 6 plates, a small tray of cookies and other sweets, and napkins. The 6 ponies sat at the table and had a nice long talk about...well I wasn't really paying too much attention. Me and Spike had our own seperate table, away from the chatty ponies. While they were talking about mare stuff, we spoke about more important matters. Like video games, zombies, and tall tales we made up to make ourselves sound better than we were.

At one point during the visit, I inquired about why Spike didn't like joining the mares when they came to talk. He just told me that it gets boring listening to 6 chatty mares talk about stuff we didn't have anything to do with. Like their manes, fashion, parties, boys, ect. I nodded in understanding and looked over at them.

"I imagine it does get boring huh?"
"Like you wouldn't believe."
"Ever eavesdrop?"
"Sometimes."
"Want to?"
"Sure. I have nothing else to talk about..."

So me and Spike spoke a little quieter to make it seem like we were continuing the conversation, but we kept a close ear on what the ponies were talking about. We ended up listening in at just the right time to hear Rarity make an odd comment about Pinkie's mane and tail.

"Darling, how is it that you keep your mane and tail so...erm....poofy, for lack of a better term?"
"I don't. It's just naturally like this."
"But what about that time ya'll thought we didn't like you, and you're mane and tail went completely flat?" AJ chimed in.
"I dunno. It's kinda like it has a mind of it's own. I try to style it sometimes, but it always ends up so...bubbly. Like me!" Pinkie giggle-snorted again.
"Well, I've always wanted a challenge..." Rarity said thoughtfully.

Oh boy, here we go...

"Why don't you allow me to style your mane? I could try to tame your curls."

Thank you, and good night.

"Well, only if you really want to. I swear, it has a mind of it's own!"
"Come on Pinkie, I really don't think that your mane and tail are THAT bad." Twilight said.
"No, really! I lost an entire hairbrush in there about a year ago. I haven't seen it since."

Wow, that is bad...

"I'm sure I can do something with it." Rarity said rather boastfully. "I haven't met a mane I couldn't style."
"Well, I think you've met your match, Rarity." Rainbow said. The ponies all looked at her.
"What do you mean, sugarcube?"
"That hairbrush Pinkie lost was mine. I was there. Her mane pretty much swallowed it whole. Me and Pinkie couldn't believe it!"
"Oh.....my...." Fluttershy said.

That was about all I needed to hear. I was about had my fill of girl talk today. Spike and I just snickered at one another. Then I said,

"Hey Spike. I bet you 20 bits that Rarity can't style Pinkie's mane without something going wrong."
"No way! My Rarity can style any mane. Even somepony's like Pinkie's!"
"Then I guess it's a bet."
"You're on!"

Then we stopped and looked at the Mane 6. They were staring at us. God I hope they didn't hear our bet......There was a rather awkward silence for awhile, until Rarity finally asked us,

"What was that, darlings?"

Me and Spike turned red-faced and stuttered to say something...ANYTHING....

"He...uh...I..."
"We...um.....You.."

Finally we blurted out without thinking:

"WE MADE A BET THAT YOU COULDN'T STYLE PINKIE'S MANE!!"

Good cover.

The mane 6 stared at us and there was another awkward silence. Rainbow Dash asked,

"What was the wager?"
"Ummm....Tw-twenty bits."
"I'm in!"

The ponies looked at her.

"Umm..which side?"
"The side that says Rarity won't be able to style her mane."
"Okay....So that means Spike will have to pay us both 20 bits if he loses..."

Then Twilight spoke up.

"I'm in too. I'm cheering for Rarity."
"Okay...Then you 2 will pay us 20 bits if you lose, and we'll pay 20 bits to each of you if you win."
"Deal."

Rarity and Pinkie then looked at one another. I didn't feel too good putting a wager on Rarity's skills as a hairstylist, but it seemed worth the 40 bits I'll get if I won. Rarity finally said,

"Alright, darlings. To my boutique!"

Pinkie sat in the chair with a barber's cape on, her tail sticking out from the backside of the chair. Rarity stared at Pinkie's mane, doing her best to get an idea on what to do with her curly locks. Finally Rarity smiled and leaned Pinkie back, then washed her mane completely. What came out was, well, disturbing...As Rarity rinsed Pinkie's mane, a variety of objects and candies fell from it.

We saw a rainbow lollipop, 5 candy corn, about 14 bits, some cupcake crumbs, a chocolate chip, some jelly beans, and a bottle of shampoo. Her mane also finally let go of a small cyan hairbrush with a very colourful assortment of hairs stuck in the bristles. Rainbow snatched it up and hugged it. She and her hairbrush were finally reunited. Which is to say, possibly, the weirdest sentence that I've thought up.

Rarity and the others (not counting Pinkie) were disgusted about the sorts of things trapped in there.

"When did you wash your mane last, darling?" Rarity asked, doing her best to keep her lunch down.
"Just this morning. But I didn't do as good as your doing. Only a few candy corn came out..."

That was enough for me. I ran into the bathroom and retched.

Well, now that her mane was cleaned (I'm still worried about what sorts of things are trapped in her tail), Rarity then put Pinkie into a steam straightener...machine...I didn't know what it was called. But it's that machine where a big helmet comes down and it steams your hair until it's perfectly straight. Whatever. She was in that machine. Rarity lifted the helmet and looked at Pinkie. Her mane was completely straight now. She smiled.

"There, now it should be easier to work with."

Pinkie's hair then poofed back into it's curly state, and Rarity groaned.

"Or not..."

Pinkie just shrugged.

*Hours later*

Pinkie looked up at her new mane style. It was in a braided ponytail (Yay, puns) tied up in ribbon. She was also wearing a headband to keep it back. We all waited in complete silence. What would happen now? Pinkie's mane started to tremble, then shake. It seemed to be trying to break free of it's bindings. We all took a few steps back. Even Pinkie looked a little nervous. Then, all at once, it stopped. We all sighed in relief.

Then her mane broke free and ribbons, candy, confetti and a headband went flying. Pinkie just giggle-snorted, meanwhile the rest of us took cover from flying shrapnel. Rarity then seemed absolutely frustrated, so she pulled out a pair of barber scissors.

"I'll just make it's shorter..."
"Rarity, I really don't think you should do that!" Pinkie warned.
"Just sit still, Pinkie."
"No, really Rarity!"
"Just a few snips..."
"Rarity, I'm warning you! My mane does NOT like scissors!"

Rarity's scissors slowly floated over and took one of Pinkie's locks in between the blades. Pinkie kept warning her, but Rarity did it anyway. The scissors slowly closed and snipped a small part of Pinkie's mane off. Suddenly, Pinkie's signature curls whipped out and snatched the scissors, then we all watched in shock and horror as it pulled them deep into her mane until they were gone. Pinkie just sighed.

"I warned you...."

Her mane then whipped the scissors back out and went ballistic. The scissors flew across the room, held tightly by Pinkie's curls, and started cutting anything it could. Fabrics, papers, and even thin metal, it stopped at nothing. Finally, it attacked us, or rather, our hair. The scissors lashed out and ruined the ponie's manes, but stopped at Spike, then flew off to find a different target. Since the scissors already ruined the ponie's manes, that left me and my hair.

Now, I never mentioned this. I have long hair. And I love it. No one, and I mean no one cuts my hair without my consent. The scissors whipped out towards me and I grabbed a pair of fabric shears to defend myself.

"Back off, buster!" I screamed, as me and Pinkie's mane sword-fought with the scissors. Eventually, it got down to the point where her mane disarmed me, so I hit the scissors with a bolt of fabric, knocking them away and breaking them. Pinkie's curls then retreated back into her mane and stopped altogether. We all sat there in silence, Twilight looking at her mane, Rarity was having a fit and Fluttershy was desperately trying to find something to hide behind. I sat there and panted heavily from the fight. Pinkie looked at us all, then finally said,

"I warned you Rarity...It has a mind of it's own."

I groaned, then stood up.

"Well, I think that means that me and RD win the bet." I finally said. Twilight and Spike just grumbled. Me and RD shared a high-five, but I held my hand in pain afterwards. I forgot she had hooves, not hands. Pinkie just smiled at us and said,

"Sorry about my mane going crazy, girls...Tell you what, I'll give you all a fresh batch of cupcakes as an apology."

We sat and ate our cupcakes at Sugarcube Corner, still a little hurt about the last few events, but were quickly recovering. Pinkie just giggle-snorted and gave Rarity another cupcake.

"Sorry about your mane, Rarity..."
"It's...It's okay Pinkie...But I'm just curious as to what happens to the things that get trapped in your curls..."
"I guess we'll never know." I said with a mouthful of frosting.

*Meanwhile, deep inside the curls of Pinkie's mane.....*

"Ever wonder what life is like outside the curls of this pony's mane?" One very tiny pony says to another.
"Sometimes."
"I like it here though. It always smells like cotton candy."
"I know, it's great."
"Well I'm gonna go find some more crumbs...I'm getting hungry..."

The tiny pony wanders away and the other just waves goodbye to her friend.

A/N: Just an idea for a story I had. I mean, what's the deal with her mane anyways? Well, that being said,I hope you enjoyed this strange chapter/misadventure I threw Austin into.

My Biggest Fan

Lyra and Bon Bon's house, Ponyville, Equestria

"No, seriously, Lyra! I swear! Twilight and her friends have found a human, and are keeping him under lock and key!"

"Yeah right..." Lyra said, strumming her lyre.

"No, I'm serious!" Bon Bon pleaded.

"Bon Bon, you've been teasing me and my human obsession for months now! How can you expect me to believe you now? Like what about the time you tricked me into thinking that you found proof of a human's existence by showing me a piece of fabric?"

Bon Bon blushed, but continued pleading to the sea-foam green unicorn. Lyra just scowled and walked away with her lyre to be in peace.

Twilight's Library, Ponyville

"Hey Twi?"

"Yes, Austin?"

"Is there anypony I should avoid?"

"What do you mean?"

"Like, general not-nice-ponies, or crazy fan-mares or something?"

"Wellllll...Orignally, humans were thought to be make-belief...But there IS one mare...."

Just Outside...

Lyra huffed as she passed by the library. Normally, she would just walk right past it, but she heard Twilight talking to a pony she didn't recognize the voice of. It was apparently a stallion...Maybe Twilight got a coltfriend finally. She thought she'd just take...one little peek.

And Back With Twi And Austin...

"Her name is Lyra Heartstrings...She's a very pale-green unicorn with big golden eyes."

"Like literally gold?"

"No, just the colour. Anyways, she's absolutely obsessive about...erm....you."

"Me specifically?"

"No, just humans in general..."

"I.....see."

"What's wrong?"

"I have a funny feeling we're being watched..."

We turned toward the window to see a very wide-eyed mare staring at us. Judging from her expression, and Twi's description, this must've been Lyra...

"Oh boy..." I whispered quietly.

"Austin..."

"What?"

"Run!"

"What?!"

"RUN!"

Lyra kicked the doors in and I took off like a lightning bolt. Twilight held her back as I made my hasty escape out the window and into Twilight's backyard. I ran to the only pony I knew that could help me hide better than anypony in Equestria: Pinkie Pie. Shortly after arriving in Sugarcube Corner, Pinkie came out to say hello, but was quickly interrupted when I shouted in one breath,

"Lyra caught wind of me and she saw me and knows who I am now and I need help hiding from her so I really really really need that lesson in time-space leaping!"

Pinkie Pie's brain took a minute to process all that, but finally she said,

"Well, okay, but it's a little complicated."

"Can you give me the short version?"

"The complicated part IS the short version."

Lyra kicked the doors in and looked around with a strange look in her eyes.

"SKIP THE LESSON! GOTTA RUN!" I shouted as I took to the kitchen. Lyra quickly chased after me and I leapt out the back door and into a nearby shrub. Lyra ran right past without seeing me. I sighed in relief and ran to find Fluttershy. She was the second-best hider in all of Equestria. Hiding is the only thing she does most of the time. I ran into Fluttershy's cottage and looked around. She was singing cheerfully while feeding one of her birds.

So, quietly and slowly, so as not to startle her, I whispered to her,

"I really need some help hiding from Lyra!"

Fluttershy jumped and hid behind a chair. I groaned.

"Fluttershy, it's just me.."

"Oh..I'm sorry."

"Don't be, it's fine. But I need some help. Do you have anywhere I can hide that Lyra won't think of?"

"Umm, well there's an abandoned burrow that's about big enough to fit you...."

"It must be a pretty big burrow, 'Shy..."

She wasn't joking. She showed me a massive hole a little off the edge of the forest.

"Is it clean? Like, it's obviously dirty, but is it littered with bugs or something?"

"No. I cleaned it out in hopes another family will take refuge. But it's pretty empty."

"Okay..."

I let myself down into the narrow burrow feet first, then pulled myself in a little further so that I couldn't be seen on the surface without someone looking in. I just sighed and looked up at the little circle of light that illuminated the entry hole. Lyra ran over to Fluttershy and asked her if she had seen a human around, and if so, where it was hiding. Fluttershy told her that she didn't know of any humans around. Lyra sniffed.

"You're lying....I can smell him."

I sniffed my shirt. Today was REALLY not the day to get mustard on this shirt...Lyra slowly peered down into the burrow and I sat perfectly still, curled up in a ball. It was dark, but was it dark enough? Would the mare see me in that burrow? She sniffed again.

"Hmmm...."

I held my breath.

"Fluttershy, he was obviously hiding in this burrow. Where'd he go?"

"Okay fine, you caught me."

No! No Fluttershy! Don't give away my position!

"He took off to Carosel Boutique to get a disguise made by Rarity in hopes of eluding you."

Lyra grinned and ran off towards Rarity's. Fluttershy waited until she was out of sight, then peeked down.

"You can come out now."

I pulled myself from the dark, damp burrow and dusted the dirt off my shirt and pants.

"Thanks 'Shy. I thought you were gonna give me away..."

She smiled and dusted my arms with her wing.

"It's okay. I could never give up a friend."

I thanked her again, then took off towards Ponyville as well. If I can find Twilight, maybe she could help me out. As soon as I set foot into Ponyville, I heard a dreaded sound...Hoofbeats trotting in my direction. They were getting closer. I ran off as fast as I could. But the hooves kept getting closer. Finally I hid in an alley between two houses and waited. Bon Bon peeked around the corner.

"Austin! Thank goodness. I came to tell you that Lyra-"

"Yeah, I know. I wonder who told her..."

Again, Bon Bon blushed.

"Look, I'm sorry...It...slipped out."

"Yeah I can see that."

Bon Bon told me that Lyra was going to check everywhere in Ponyville if she had to, and that it was a losing battle. I just scoffed and ran to Twilight's place. Bon Bon called after me.

"You can't win! She's got connections!!"

I just ran into Twilight's and-

-got a full-brunt tackle from a very familiar mare.

"YES! I got you!" Lyra said triumphantly. I just laid there underneath her, looking unamused.

"Those silly ponies thought that they could just keep a human in refuge and away from me?" Lyra laughed, then, I saw something rather startling. Lyra brought up a large collar in her magical grasp and looked at the ponies standing behind her, looking at me with a mix of pity and shock.

"They've always known I wanted my own human!" Lyra said, and the collar slowly lowered itself down to my neck. "Well I finally have one!"

I pushed her off and stood up.

"WHOA NOW...WHOA!....WHOA, NOW!"

Lyra looked at me with a shocked expression. I just caught my breath and sighed.

"I am, nor will I ever be, a pony's pet human. Not even to Twilight." Lyra looked disappointed, almost in tears. I stood there, panting heavily.

"I get it. You like humans. That's great. Kind of flattering. But I'm not one to sit around your house with a collar on me like some sort of wild animal. It's fine to like me and all, but seriously. I'm not one for being a pet."

Lyra dropped the collar and started to cry. I walked over and kneeled down, putting my hand on her shoulder.

"Look, it's fine. I know you've always had some sort of weird, kinda crazy, obssession with me and my kind. But I have a life too. But I don't want this to ruin your life. If you REALLY want, I can at least be your friend, on ONE condition."

Lyra looked at me and sniffled. "What?"

"No collars, and no pet talk. Okay? I'm not your pet, or playmate. And I am CERTAINLY not your new colt-friend...or boy-friend or whatever it is you call it here. Okay?"

Lyra slowly smiled and nodded, then hugged me. I hugged back, then pulled away. Lyra stood up.

"Can you just do one thing?"

"What's that?"

"Come to my house. After dark..."

"Ummm...Okay?"

Lyra And Bon Bon's House, Ponyville (11:00 PM)

I sat in the kitchen, looking around and waiting for Lyra. Lyra slowly emerged from the darkness of the living room and approached me. I just looked at her, her golden eyes piercing into mine. She finally walked past and then took something out of the fridge. She set it down on the counter and asked,

"Can you please open this pickle jar for me? It's really stuck..."

I just smirked.

"Sure thing Lyra."

Austin-tini

I sat around, now with a complete collection of the Mane 6 in my bedroom, toying with the little plastic figures. It was just a shame I didn't have one of myself. That would've been cool. I was idly playing with the toys when in a bright flash, Pinkie Pie appeared in front of my bed and I jumped, then gathered them back up and hid them in my dresser drawer. Pinkie didn't seem to notice.

"Hi Austin!"

"Pinkie, what did I say about randomly appearing when I'm in my bedroom?"

"Not to?"

"Sooooo...?"

"Sorry...It's just Twilight wanted to see if you could come back to Equestria for just a quick minute...She wants to test a spell."

Pinkie and I leapt through her gap and we ended up in Twilight's library, and Twilight smiled the instant I appeared.

"Thank you Pinkie! Austin, I've been wanting to test a spell that could help you unlock a new ability. I think I've finally figured out some of Pinkie's physics, so I wanted to test them on you."

"Okay, what's the plan?"

"The spell will make your legs and possibly arms incredibly springy, so you can leap higher than, by human standards, possible."

"Cool. I'm ready whenever you are."

Twilight's horn glowed and a ball formed out of pure magic. I stared at it, then it slowly flew over and enveloped me in magic. A bright flash of light ensued, and I closed my eyes so I wasn't blinded. What I heard next was a few gasps from Pinkie and Twilight, and I felt a new sensation pulsing through my legs. They felt a lot more limber...But something was off. I opened my eyes, and it took me a minute to get my surroundings. I looked around. I was...well...I wasn't sure what I was...that's when I saw something massive, pink and furry slam down next to me with a loud CLOP! I looked up to see what it was, only to see a giant Pinkie Pie staring back down.

I screamed and staggered backward. Twilight looked down at me too.

"Uh oh."

"What? What happened Twi? He's all little!"

"I think the spell had a side effect."

"He shrunk?!"

"I'm afraid so. I don't know how to reverse it though..."

"Well now what?"

"We have to keep him safe. He's able to get injured very easily now. One of us will need to take care of him."

Pinkie quickly raised her foreleg.

"OHOHOHOH! ME ME ME ME!!"

"Pinkie, I don't think that-"

"Pleeeeeease? I promise I'll take good care of him!"

"Pinkie, I don't-"

"PLEEEEEEEEEEEEASE?"

Twilight sighed and nodded. Pinkie bounced around like a little filly at a playground, squealing happily. I hid under the table to be safe from the bouncy pink pony. Twilight eventually calmed her down, then warned her to be careful, because she might step on me like that.

"Oh, right...Where'd he go anyways?"

Twilight peeked under the table and I stared at her.

"Austin, I don't know if you can hear me down there, but Pinkie's going to take care of you until I can get this mess handled, okay?"

I reluctantly nodded. Twilight used her magic, carefully, to pick me up and set me down on Pinkie's back.

"Now be careful. No bouncing, no skipping, no running."

"Don't worry. I Pinkie Promise he'll be okay!" Pinkie said, running her hoof across her chest(?) in an X pattern, then gently jabbing her eye. Twilight smiled, finding Pinkie's promise to be reassuring. She knew how Pinkie gets when somepony breaks a Pinkie Promise....

We arrived at Sugarcube Corner shortly afterward, and Pinkie took me off her back with her mouth, then set me down on her dresser.

"Just stay here. I can't have you down in the bakery while I'm working. You might get hurt. I'll be back after my shift, okay?" She left the room to the bakery one floor down, leaving me alone in her bedroom. I hate girl's bedrooms. They're either pink, or they're covered in posters, or they're black and there's gross candles dripping everywhere...it's always something. I looked around for something, anything, to do. Finally, I spotted Pinkie's closet. Hmmmm....Well, eye for an eye, I guess. I looked down from the edge of the dresser. Whoa that's a huge drop...My legs tingled. Might as well test if it worked....I jumped down to floor, and landed without a sound. My legs didn't even hurt. So it DID work, just had bad side effects.

I walked the vast bedroom to the closet, it's massive doors only an inch or two apart, but it was more than enough for me to slip into. I looked around. It was dark, so dark I almost didn't see that I had almost bumped into Pinkie's laundry basket. Which, not surprisingly, was empty. I climbed the mesh sides of it, then leapt to the first shelf up. Nothing but some old clothes Pinkie doesn't wear, her Gala dress, and a box of gummy candy. I jumped to the next one. Wow my legs were springy...I think I could get used to this...

I looked around. Now I saw a small amount of rocks (to me were massive boulders), a party hat, and a variety of costumes. Typical. She gets info on me, and I get party supplies. I groaned then leapt down to the floor. I walked out of the closet and walked under Pinkie's bed. Let's see....a variety of dust bunnies, an old stocking, a moldy cupcake, and that was about it other than dust. I climbed her bedsheets to the bed, then looked around. It was, again, unsurprisingly, pink. I looked at her pillow, and her blankets. They looked really cozy. I wonder how it felt being a pony, and snuggling into their covers...I shrugged and sat down, then waited for the next while for Pinkie to arrive.

After what seemed like hours (A/N: It was really only about 45 minutes), I saw Pinkie come into her bedroom and look at her dresser.

"Huh? Where'd he go?"

I picked up a crayon from her bed and tossed it at the floor in hopes that she would hear it and notice me. She did, but it took her a minute to see me.

"Oh there you are! I told you to stay put!"

"Sorry, I wanted to look around."

The moment after I said that, Pinkie started laughing and rolling on the floor. I was confused at why she was laughing so hard, but then I remembered I was only about 2 inches tall. My voice probably sounded ridiculous to her. My cheeks turned a shade of pink, then I looked away. Pinkie stood back up and smiled.

"Oh, don't be embarrassed. It's not like you can help it."

"My voice sounds higher than yours does when you squee..."

Pinkie's mouth screwed up into a smirk/smile that made it quite clear she was doing her very best to hold in her laughter. Which took real effort on Pinkie's part. She WAS the Element of Laughter after all...I just grumbled to myself something I probably shouldn't repeat here, and Pinkie smiled.

"Well, I was gonna go see Twilight to see if she's figured out the antidote for this spell. Hop on, I'll give you a ride."

I climbed up onto her back, being careful about my new springy legs, and sat down. Pinkie walked downstairs and left to Twilight's house. As we walked, Pinkie hummed a very familiar song I knew the lyrics too. I also noticed her walking had turned into a low trot, with a bit of a bounce in time to the music she hummed. I blinked, then gave her a gentle jab in her side with my foot. She stopped bouncing as much and giggled.

"Sorry...Forgot I shouldn't bounce."

"No no no. I was wondering if you can restart the song you were just humming."

Pinkie looked at me over her shoulder, she seemed a little confused. But she did it anyways, and bounced to the beat again. Meanwhile, I started to sing in time with her humming. And despite my voice being higher-pitched than normal, it sounded pretty good.

"My name is Pinkie Pie~
And I am here to say:
I'm gonna make you smile and I will brighten up your dayyyyy~"

Pinkie giggled.

"You know my Smile Song?"

I nodded and smiled back.

"Word for word."

"Well don't stop!" She continued the song.

""It doesn't matter now,
If you are sad or blue!~
Cause cheering up our friends is just what Pinkie's here to do!~"

We continued the chorus together in perfect unison.

""'Cause I love to make you smile, smile, smile!
Yes I do! It fills my heart with sunshine all the while!
Yes it does! 'Cause all I really need's a smile, smile, smile, from these happy friends of mine!"

Pinkie and I continued the journey to Twilight's singing all sorts of songs, Pinkie often hummed the tune, while I did my best to sing along. We did "Pinkie's Singing Telegram", "Giggle At The Ghosties" and even the theme song from the cartoon, even though I didn't think Pinkie would even know of it's existence. Then again, she WAS Pinkie Pie. We finally arrived at Twilight's house, so we knocked on the door to see if Twilight was even in. Once again, Spike answered the door.

"Hey Pinkie. And...is that Austin?"

"It's a long story, Spike. Is Twilight in?"

"Yeah, but she's kind of busy."

"We just need to check something."

"Okay, I guess if Twilight's okay with it."

Pinkie took me into the Library and put me on a nearby table. Twilight came downstairs and saw me and Pinkie, then frowned.

"Sorry, I still haven't found a reversal spell..."

I sighed heavily, but it sounded really funny. So funny, that Pinkie couldn't hold it and burst into a fit of giggles. Twilight smiled and laughed a little herself. I sat there, unamused, which the mares found adorable. Pinkie giggled and pointed.

"Look at him! He's so adorable when he pouts!"

I just turned red in the face again, this time with more anger than embarrassment. Twilight smiled.

"Okay, Pinkie. That's enough. Leave him be."

Twilight walked over and picked me up with her magic, then set me on Pinkie's back.

"Just go with Pinkie for a little while longer, okay? I should have a spell ready before sundown."

I sighed, and Pinkie smiled.

"It's okay Austin. It could be worse!"

"How could this possibly be worse?"

"You could be a mare. Or a pony in general...or trapped in my mane."

"Wow, actually those do sound worse...especially that mare one..."

The mares stared at me with a look that I told me I probably shouldn't of said that.

"Um...n-no offence." I said, my cheeks burning with the intensity of the sun.

Twilight slowly smirked, her eyes still looking angry.

"Well I've always wanted to try my transformation spell..."

"Oh Celestia no....Look I'm sorry! I didn't mean it!"

"Fine. I'll let you off this time with a warning. But no more mare cracks. I have more than enough magic to make you into an adorable filly."

I hid behind Pinkie's mane, doing my best to get away from Twilight's stare. Pinkie and I left silently, and Pinkie looked over her shoulder at me.

"So what did you mean about that?"

"I...erm...I."

"I'm not offended...anymore...but I'm just wondering."

"It's a male thing....ya know...dominance and all...it's hard to explain, but it's like completely giving up your confidence and all...Seriously, if a male knows he can press your buttons to do what he says, he will. And hard. You think males treat you weak? If a male knows another male is weak, he will make sure he STAYS weak. Or worse."

Pinkie stared at me for a while, doing her best to assemble what I said to her.

"Told you it was hard to explain. Point is, it's like dying, then being reborn without any knowledge of what to do in a certain situation."

"Ohhhhh...."

"Yeah. What's funny is...well...I've heard that if you switch your gender at any point in time with magic or some supernatural cause, that the opposing gender in your mind will try to push your current mind out and take over...Like....umm...Say I turned into....a girl. Then my mental male side will still be in control, but slowly the mental, and less dominant female side will try to take over. Or vice versa if you turned into a stallion."

Pinkie shuddered at that thought. I guess she knew what I was talking about. We didn't say too much after that. It was kind of awkward now. Suddenly, Rainbow Dash flew down and smiled at Pinkie.

"Hey Pinkie!"

"Oh! Hi Dashie!"

"Wanna go pranking?"

"I would love t-....OH! I'm sorry! I can't. I gotta stay and take care of Austin."

"'Take care'? What do you mean 'take care'? Is he a baby or something?"

"Well...no....actually...yes...well....no...um...Just look on my back."

Rainbow peered over Pinkie's shoulder and I waved at her from my position on Pinkie's back. She stared, then looked back at Pinkie.

"Should I bother asking what happened?"

"Well, Twilight wanted to test this spell, and she-"

"Spell gone awry." I said, trying to avoid one of Pinkie's long annoying rambling sessions.

"Yeah that."

Rainbow looked at me again, then walked over and put her face in front of me. Her giant pink eyes stared down at me like two huge planets. It was rather un-nerving. She blinked.

"He's so small...Like, an inch or two...He's like a little toy!"

Oh god, I think I know where this is going.

"Hey Pinkie, do you know anypony who owns a dollhouse?"

Yep, thought so.

"I don't think so."

"Darn."

I sighed in relief. I didn't wanna be made to live in a plastic house.

Pinkie then thought of something. "Wait! I have an idea!"

She took me and Dashie to Sugarcube Corner, and up to her bedroom, where she pulled something out from her dresser. It was a toy figure of herself. She set it, and me, on her dresser, then giggled.

"Go ride the toy, Austin!"

"I'm not doing that."

"Oh come on!"

"No. I refuse to be a plaything."

"Just go sit on it!"

"No!"

Pinkie finally picked me up with her mouth and set me on the toy pony. I groaned and sat there, angry. Honestly, it wasn't very comfortable. Pinkie giggled.

"He looks so adorable!"

"I swear when I'm back to normal..." I muttered.

*1 hour before sundown*

Twilight walked into Sugarcube Corner and went upstairs, hearing Rainbow and Pinkie doing....something. She hoped I was alright...She peeked into her bedroom.

"Pinkie, Austin, I've found the spell that-" She stopped and stared at us.

Pinkie had me on a pony toy and was playing with me and Rainbow Dash, who was using a toy of herself. The mares stared at Twilight, and I just sat there, not looking at anyone.

"-should turn you back to normal..." Twilight finished.

"Just zap me and get me out of this nightmare."

Twilight set me down on the ground, then shot me with a spell once more. I slowly grew back to my normal size and sighed in relief.

"Thank goodness..."

"Oops..."

"What? What oops?"

Twilight blushed, then Pinkie and Rainbow snickered.

"Somepony better tell me what's going on..."

"Maybe you should look in the mirror..." Rainbow said, doing her best not to laugh.

I slowly turned to look at the mirror Pinkie had in her bedroom. I stared for a while at my reflection. I was in a humanized version of Pinkie's gala dress, hat and all. My hair was curled up like Pinkie's, and my eyes had turned baby blue. My left eye twitched and my hair flattened out until it was completely straight.

Pinkie burst into laughter.

"I...may of added some extra 'Pinkie physics' in to that spell...I guess it backfired again..." Twilight said sheepishly.

"Twilight?"

"Yes?"

"Get me out of this dress, get my hair to stop doing this, and get my eyes back to normal or so help me I will go completely insane."

Twilight grinned once more.

"I'll have it ready by morning."

Midnight

So there I was, sitting at home, playing some Left 4 Dead with my friends on Xbox LIVE. We were in the finale of the campaign, and were on Advanced difficulty. All my teammates were down or dead, and I was the last and only hope to finish the game. I ran for the chopper as I was chased by swarms of zombies.

"I'm goin' for it! I'm goin' for it! I got this!" I shouted through the mic. I ran until a Hunter pounced me. I threw down the controller with a disappointed sigh.

"Dangit. Good game, guys. Good game." I said. I heard someone push something into my mail slot. I looked over. It was a folded piece of paper.

"Hey guys, someone's at my door. I'll be back some other time." I turned the 360 off and walked over to the door. I grabbed the note and looked at it with a confused look. On one side was 3 words.

"You will die..." I read aloud. I turned it over. "...At midnight."

I just laughed and crumpled it up, tossing it aside. Probably just some prank. I smiled, then looked at the clock.

"Tick tick tick tick" went the clock. The minute hand pointing at 50 minutes, the hour at 11, nearing 12.

My eyes turned into pinpricks. What if it wasn't a joke?! I stared at the clock. 11:51 PM. My heart raced and I ran around the house.

"I'M GONNA DIIIIIIIE I'M GONNA DIIIIIIIE! I'm gonna throw up....but THEN I'M GONNA DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIE!!" I screamed running through the hallway. I stopped and though to myself, 'Wait, what if I just prevented my death? What around this house could cause me to die?'

I ran into the kitchen. There was a dripping noise. I turned my head and saw a sink filled with water, with a toaster positioned right beside it. I unplugged the toaster and drained the sink of water. I sighed, then smelt gas....I looked over at my gas oven. I ran to turn it off, not realizing the floor was wet, and slipped. My hand hit the handle of a large knife, which flipped into the air above me. I hit the floor and groaned, then watched as the blade turned downward at me. It landed only inches away from my head, my heart was going a mile a minute. I got up and picked up the knife, throwing it into the sink, then I turned the gas stove off.

I sighed in relief, then looked around. What else? I looked around for any possible thing that would or could kill me. Nothing...I looked at the clock. 11:55 PM.

I turned white, then ran upstairs. I saw a dart from my dartboard on the floor. That could stab me if I wasn't careful. I picked it up and stabbed it into the dartboard. I looked around for anything else. Computer? No. Bed? No. Closet? No. It go to the point that I pressed the button on my comm bracelet. "Pinkie.....PINKIE!!" I heard something rustle on the other end. "PINKIE ANSWER ME!"

I heard a very tired sounding Pinkie Pie answer.

"Wh-what? Wh-who is it?"

"Pinkie, it's me, Austin! I need an escort to Equestria ASAP!"

"Austin, it's 10:57 in the night....Can't it wait until morning?"

"Just trust me, okay?!"

Pinkie sighed, then hung up. She popped into my house a second later, and she looked like a mess. Her hair was very tangled (Moreso than usual), her coat was messy and her eyes were heavy and dull-looking. She just yawned sleepily, then sighed.

"Come on, get on my back."

I got on and she took me to her house, and more specifically, her bedroom. I sighed in relief. My time is about an hour ahead of Equestria's time, so now the note can't come true for another hour. Pinkie just yawned and crawled back into her bed. "Do what you want, just let me sleep. I have a party to plan tomorrow." I looked over at the sleepy pony, then walked downstairs and out the back door. I wandered around Ponyville, being careful of anything that could kill me. Falling fruit, collapsing vendor stands, a dead tree, anything. I was paranoid out of my mind.

I made sure that I found a place with nothing that could fall on me, in an open area, with no clouds overhead. I sat down and sighed in relief. Wait a minute...what if this was so empty because I was sitting on a sinkhole?! I screamed and ran off. I sighed after I was out of Ponyville. I sat near the edge of the town, under a tree. I looked at my watch (which was still set to my time). 12:45 AM. 15 minutes to Equestrian Midnight....I lost it. I ran to Sugarcube Corner and into Pinkie's bedroom, then into her closet. I hid in there, curled up like a child, staring at the digital display of my watch. 12:58 AM, 2 minutes to midnight in Equestria.

I sat there counting down the seconds to midnight.

"80..79...78...77...76..."

Those 2 minutes were the longest of my life.

"30....29....28....27...26....25..."

Pinkie's ear twitched a little, and she groaned. She heard me in her closet counting down the seconds. She looked at the clock. 11:59 PM. She growled and got out of bed, and approached her closet doors.

"10....9....8...7...6...5....4...3...2...1..."

I clenched my eyes shut and waited for the inevitable.

But nothing happened. I looked at my watch. 1:00 AM. Midnight in Equestria. Pinkie yanked the doors open and looked at me angrily.

"When I said do whatever you want, that didn't mean hide in my closet and count!"

"Sorry..."

Pinkie just sighed. "Look, I can't have you here tonight...I'm taking you home." And she did just that.

When we appeared in my house, she immediately asked me what was so important that she had to wake up to drag me to her house. I showed her the note and explained how scared I was, and what had happened all that time. I told her about the toaster, the knife, the oven, the irrational fear of vendor's stands, everything.

Pinkie took the note from me and stared at it for a while. "Did you unfold it?"

"Did I what now?"

"Did you unfold the note? You said that you saw a folded note, and it said on one side 'you will die', and on the other, 'at midnight'. Right? Well, did you unfold the note?"

"Uh...no I just tossed it aside."

Pinkie unfolded the note, then hoofed it to me.

I read the (now unfolded and complete) note once more.

"You will die...When you see our rock bottom prices on furniture. Leon's Furniture Depot. Doors close...at midnight."

It was a furniture store flyer. I turned bright red from I stupid I felt. Pinkie just facehoofed and stared at me.

"Austin, even if you did die, it wouldn't have been from supernatural causes. It would've been because you were so paranoid about PREVENTING your death. Which, in all honesty, would've been pretty ironic."

I tossed the note and sighed. "Well I feel stupid now."

Pinkie looked at my calender. "Hey Austin."

"What?"

"What day is it today?"

"um...why?"

"I just want to know."

"I'm not sure, but I think it's the day where you set your clocks back an hour..."

"So it's not really 1:00 AM."

"It's....m-midnight?" I turned my head toward the clock. It eerily ticked, then chimed 12 times.

"Austin...You seem tense. Lemme make you a cupcake."

I turned back to her. She grinned at me, her long straight mane was hanging over her shoulders and she lunged at me with a knife-

I gasped and sat up in bed. I looked around, heart racing. I felt my chest and face. Everything was in order here...I fell backward against my pillow and sighed. It was just a bad dream. I looked at the clock. Midnight.

"I have GOT to stop reading fanfiction before bedtime."

'Tis Better To Have Brushed & Flossed

"Come on Pinkie, one more Hoof Stomp! Just one! I think you have enough HP for that!!" I shouted uselessly at my computer monitor.

I was playing a Pokemon parody game call 'Ponymon', a game where you train ponies instead of pokemon. My main ponymon, Pinkie, was nearly out of HP, but so was the wild Bon Bon I was fighting. Finally, with one last attack, I defeated her.

"WILD BON BON FAINTED! PINKIE GAINED 102 XP!" The dialogue box flashed. I fist pumped triumphantly and did a dance that would make Pinkie Pie impressed. Okay not really. I just wiggled and danced in my chair, making me look like a complete dork.

"Hey Austin! Can you get Pinkie to take you to Equestria? I need to ask you something rather important." I heard Twilight say from my ECB (Equestrian Communicaiton Braclet).

"Sure thing!" I replied. I pressed the button and spoke into the 3 balloons.

"Hey Pinkie, I need an evac to 'Books And Branches' STAT!"

"10-4 Austin! I'm on my way!"

We sometimes pretended we were military officers when using the braclet. It was kinda fun. Pinkie appeared in a bright flash of light, and I caught a ride back to Equestria, and, more specifically, Twilight's library. Twilight smiled when we appeared, and approached us with some rope. A lot of rope.

"What's with the rope?" I asked.

Twilight pounced Pinkie and before anyone of us could react, Pinkie was bound and gagged by Twilight.

"WHOA TWILIGHT! WHAT THE HAY?!"

"Pinkie has a dental appointment she's been missing for the past little while. Or rather, avoiding."

Pinkie mumbled in protest as she squirmed and twisted, trying to escape the rope.

"That also raises the question I wanted to ask you." Twilight said, turning to me. "When was YOUR last dental appointment?"

"I've never been to one." I said, rubbing the back of my head awkwardly.

"I thought as much. Your teeth are attrocious." Twilight giggled. "So I took the liberty of booking you one on the same day as Pinkie's. Which happens to be today."

"That's great, I-......I'm sorry what?!"

"Your dentist appointment. It's today."

"My...dentist...Ummm OH! Hey! I just...I just remembered...I...I left my laundry in the machine!! Yeah! I'll uh...I'll be right back. I need to go.....fold....laundry..."

I could tell Twilight wasn't buying it from the look on her face.

"Austin...."

"My house is on fire."

"You're going to that dentist appointment. Today."

"I have a turkey in the oven at home!"

"Whether I have to force you or not."

"I forgot to feed my pet!!"

Twilight's magic slowly levitated another long length of rope. I swallowed.

"Hey what's that over there? A distraction?!"

Twilight looked over her shoulder where I pointed, then turned back once she caught on. I was gone. She stomped her hoof in frustration.

Meanwhile, I was on my way out of town.

"Sorry Pinkie, you're on your own this time! I- OOF!"

I bumped into Applejack, Rarity and Rainbow Dash, all standing in my way.

"Oh. Hey girls."

" Austin...we know about you and Pinkie."

"Oh..."

"Now just come along, okay? No one's going to hurt you Darling...We just need to....NOW RAINBOW!!"

Before I could protest, I was tackled by Rainbow Dash, tied up by Applejack, then put asleep by Rarity with her magic.

I woke up in a daze, still seeing stars from the tackle, but when I finally came to, I realised I was sitting in the Ponyville Dental Clinic. Twilight sat beside me, smiling.

"Hello Austin. Colgate will be seeing you right after she's through with Pinkie."

I went to stand up, but saw that I was handcuffed to the chair by my wrists.

"Twilight, can't we do this some other time? I mean, I'm not to good under pressure. You know that!"

"Sorry Austin, but you need to see a dentist SOMETIME."

"Yeah well why does it have to be THIS TIME?"

"Colgate couldn't book you at a later date."

I'd facepalm if I wasn't cuffed to the chair. Finally, a door opened beside us. Pinkie stepped out, looking traumatized and scared. She licked her teeth and shivered.

"S-so cleeeeaannnnn...All I can taste is toothpaste..."

I shuddered a little. I heard a mare call from the door.

"Next patient....Austin?"

Twilight waved her hoof.

"Over here! Come on Austin..." She uncuffed me and escorted me into the next room. I shuffled along like a prisoner in shackles. She sat me in the chair and smiled warmly, but I felt a twinge of satisfaction in that smile of hers.

"She'll be right with you." She turned and left the room, closing the door behind her. I saw magic cover the knob and it clicked. I was locked in...

A pastel blue pony came out wearing a mask and hairnet. Her tail was striped like that of toothpaste, and her cutie mark was an hourglass...an HOURGLASS.....I'm supposed to trust my dental health to somepony with a special talent in telling time?!

"Hi Austin! Twilight told me about you! I've only done dental work on 1 human before, so please, bear with me."

That made me feel 1000 times better...

"Just open your mouth so I can get a look at your teeth!"

My first reaction was shaking my head and keeping my mouth closed.

"Come on...Don't make me use the pliers!" She held up a pair of pliers and giggled.

I immediately opened my mouth before she tried to pry my mouth open.

"Ooh...Boy...Your teeth are really crooked...You never got braces?"

I shook my head, keeping my mouth open wide.

"Hmm...She looked in my mouth, occasionally poking around with her tools gently, until she stepped back.

"Well the good news is you have no cavities as of yet!"

"What's the bad news?"

"The bad news is, I'm going to need to pull a few teeth...."

"How many?"

"2. But I'll use my nitrous oxide to help you out!"

"Wait, nitrous oxide?"

She pulled up a large metal canister, with the symbol "N2O" painted on it. She strapped a mask onto my mouth and nose.

"Just breathe deeply." She said as she gave the valve a deft twist, and I heard the gas hissing through the hose.

I initially wanted to tear the mask off, not trusting something called 'nitrous oxide', but I saw that Twilight had somehow handcuffed me to the dentist chair without me realising, until now. The gas pumped into my mask and I was forced to breathe mouthful after mouthful of the chemical, until finally, I passed out.

I woke up about an hour later. I tasted something. It tasted like...mint. Mint and....more mint. I was still in the chair, but I was no longer cuffed to it. The pony smiled at me and handed me a new toothbrush and a case of floss.

"Here you go! Your check up is done, and the teeth are pulled."

"That's great, but next time, no nitrous oxide."

"Why? Nitrous oxide is the chemical you know as Laughing Gas. You passed out from sheer fear and paranoia. You were laughing the whole time you were asleep, though."

I blushed a bit. How'd I forget?! I sighed and took the toothbrush and floss, then made my way toward the door.

"Don't forget! Brush and floss twice a day! And stop drinking so much soda! It's ruining your enamel."

Twilight smiled at me.

"So, how'd it go?"

"Better than I expected."

"That's good! Because your next appointment is 6 months from now!"

"......Oh for the love of Celestia..."

My New Room-mares: Day 1

*DING Dong*

I stopped scrolling on the webpage of my Tumblr dashboard. Someone was at my door? This late? Who in the world would visit me at this time?

*DING Dong*

The doorbell rang again. I sighed, then minimized the window. I stood up and walked over to the door just as the bell rang once more.

*DING Dong*

"I'm coming! I'm coming!" I shouted, getting irritated about how many times they rang the doorbell in the last minute and a half. I opened the door and-

"SUPRIIIIIISE!"

-got a faceful of confetti and streamers from Pinkie's party cannon. I blinked and it took a minute to register, but I finally yelled at the pink mare in front of me.

"PINKIE!! You can't be out here! Not in public! What will everyone else think?!"

"Oh shush. No one's out anyway. It's too dark."

"Well what is it?"

"We need a place to live for a while."

".....'We'?"

Pinkie nodded and stepped aside, revealing the rest of the mane 6, all standing behind her awkwardly.

"No."

"Oh come on Austin! Please?" Pinkie pleaded.

"No!"

"Just for a week, I promise we'll be quiet!" Twilight begged.

"NO!"

"You won't even know we're here!" Rainbow said, looking hopeful.

"WHY DO YOU EVEN NEED TO STAY HERE?! You all have houses of your own!"

They all blushed.

"Well...um....Ponyville is under repair...a swarm of parasprites demolished the entire town." Fluttershy said sheepishly.

I sighed heavily.

"And we no where else to go, darling...Please?" Rarity said, fluttering her eyelashes.

"My house is NOT big enough for one human and 6 ponies..."

"It's only for a week! I promise we'll stay out of your way." Applejack said.

Finally, with a heavy sigh, and a mind full of doubt, I allowed them inside.

"Okay, house rules. 1. Stay out of my bedroom. It's off limits. 2. You can only use my appliences with my consent. 3. No cooking. I'm looking at you, Pinkie..."

Pinkie blushed.

"4. You're allowed to sleep where you like, but I only have 1 extra bed big enough for maybe....2 of you. And finally, but most importantly....The computer, which is that strange device over there, is completely off limits! You may only go on if I say so. I'm serious."

"Why? What's it do?" Twilight asked.

"It's like a window into a whole range of pictures, information, and media, including files, folders, documents and everything you can think of. But it's also a window into something called....THE INTERNET."

"The Internet?" Rarity repeated.

"Yes. THE INTERNET."

"What's the Internet?"

"The Internet is all. It is everything good and bad. It knows who you are, where you come from, and even your deepest, darkest secrets. It's a window into a world you could never imagine possible, but it's a dangerous window. Some people go mad just by seeing what lies beyond that tiny icon. And everything, EVERYTHING can go wrong for you with JUST....ONE.....CLICK."

The ponies all stared at me, a few were shuddering in fear while Rainbow Dash just scoffed.

"I'm not scared of that."

I got close to Rainbow Dash.

"YOU SHOULD BE SCARED RAINBOW....YOU SHOULD BE...."

Rainbow Dash gulped a bit, obviously uncomfortable.

I backed up from her and pet the monitor.

"And yet....Me, a mere mortal, have....tamed this foul beast known as the Internet....I've seen some of the worst things in this box....It's made me laugh...it's made me cry...it's made me burst into a fury....and yet....I continue to use it...."

"Why would you use something so...so...dangerous?!" Twilight asked.

"Because Twilight! Because I have tamed it and have grown used to the feelings and emotions this box can surge through me!! I've matured, and the Internet knows this. It knows my secrets, my feelings, my thoughts, my dreams...I trust it, and it trusts me back...But it shows no mercy to unfamiliar users...NO.....MERCY."

The ponies all swallowed.

"So...I will allow you to have one rare chance to peer into the Internet's horrid window.....You can choose not to take it, or you can risk your own sanity and stare into the void that is...THE INTERNET!!"

They all shook their heads and shuddered.

Rarity finally asked me, "What types of things are out there?"

"Horrible things....Fashion disasters!"

Rarity fainted.

"Bad grammar!"

Twilight twitched.

"Southern stereotypes!"

Applejack shivered.

"Animal cruelty!"

Fluttershy hid behind a chair.

"Failure and even uncoolness!"

Rainbow Dash swallowed.

"Why, dare I say it....They've even ruined....CUPCAKES."

Pinkie turned pale.

"So......Anyone wanna go on and surf the Internet?" I said eagerly.

"NOOO!" They all shouted in unison.

"Suit yourself." I sat at the computer and began watching YouTube videos.

Later that night, the mares were all chatting about what I told them.

"Do you really think there's fashion disasters out there?"
"I don't know...I'm just worried about all the spelling mistakes and grammar! *gasp* WHAT IF THEY MISUSE PUNCTUATION?!"
"S-Southern stereotypes? Count me out!"
"Those...p-poor animals...."
"U-Uncoolness? I didn't even know that such a word existed!!"
"C-C-Cupcakes? How could anyone ruin something as wonderful as cupcakes?!"
"Same way they ruined everything else."

The ponies jumped and turned on the light to see me standing at the door.

"Austin!! Don't scare us like that!!"

"Sorry. I just heard you talking and couldn't help myself. Just stay off the Internet, mkay?"

I left the room without another word. The ponies all huddled together in fear.

END OF DAY 1

My New Room-mares: Day 2

They woke up shortly after I did, at about 10 AM. They must've been tired, or they were still spooked about the computer. I guess I over-did it with the scary story. But how else would I keep them away from it? It's not like they could type on it anyway. They have hooves. They'd just be pressing 6-7 keys at once. Or more.

Well, they woke up to see me making them breakfast. Now I'm not stupid. I know they're ponies. And I know that they're herbivores. So I didn't go and make them bacon and eggs. (Though, to be honest, I almost did forget...) Instead, I went outside and mowed my lawn, then used the resulting grass clippings to make them some sandwiches. I made sure to pick out anything they wouldn't naturally eat, such as pieces of glass, candy bar wrappers, and bits of string and other debris.

I assumed that they don't eat sandwiches with stuff like mustard or mayonaise, so I didn't bother adding it. I also added some flowers I had growing outside. I hoped they enjoyed it. I never made breakfast for a group of mares before. They came out and yawned, still sleepy. When they saw the sandwiches on the table, they questioned me.

"Are those for us?" Rainbow blinked at me, rubbing one eye with her hoof.

"No Rainbow. Humans happen to eat grass and daisy sandwiches every morning." I said with a hint of sarcasm, but did my best not to come off as rude, but rather joking with them.

They must've got the idea, because they thanked me and started eating. They seemed quite happy with their food. I sighed to myself in private. But that sigh of relief stopped ubruptly when Applejack inquired about MY lifestyle.

"Well, if ya'll don't eat grass and daisy sandwiches, what DO ya eat?"

"erm..um...food..."

"Yes, we know that, but what AJ means is what KINDS of food?" Rainbow said.

"Ummmmm............human food."

The ponies all groaned.

"Look, I'd love to tell you what we eat, but honestly, there are some things better left...um....private. Such as my bedroom. That's why I told you not to cook. New House rule...No opening the fridge or freezer either."

"Why?"

"Some things are better left private. Sheesh..."

The ponies all did their own thing as the day progressed. Pinkie hopped back and forth from Equestria and my house to retrieve items to help pass time. Like Rarity's fabrics and sewing machine, Twilight's books and scrolls, Rainbow Dash's Daring Do novels, Applejack's rope, and a variety of other things. But it wasn't enough to clutter the house (Thank goodness.).

Finally, I heard something I didn't want to hear. The fridge door popping open. I ran into the kitchen ASAP and saw Pinkie standing there, poking her nose into my fridge.

"PINKIE PIE!!"

She jumped and closed the fridge, turning red in the cheeks.

"What did I tell you about my fridge?!"

"I'm so sorry! I couldn't help myself....I was just so curious!!"

Finally, I sighed and pushed the mare out of the kitchen without saying another word. Pinkie's ears drooped and she walked back into the living room.

"Hey Austin." Twilight asked.

"Hm?" I looked away from my computer screen, breaking the trance that it put me in.

"When you first came to Equestria...you seemed to know a lot about us already....Like how to get around Ponyville, where hiding places are, and how to escape Applejack's rope."

"Where is this going?"

"I guess I just want to know how you knew all that."

"Oh...well, it's my computer. The Internet and all that..."

"You mean that the Internet knows about us?"

"I told you yesterday. The Internet knows all."

"Can we see?"

"Welllllll...." I pondered this. Maybe if I showed them the show, or maybe just some clean fanart, they'll leave me alone and not question this further... "Sure. But don't say I didn't warn you."

I opened up Episode 1, Season 1 of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. They all crowded around as the main theme played.

"So there you have it. Episode 1, Season 1 of your show."

"How in Equestria did you record that?!"

"I honestly don't know...It wasn't me who recorded it. It must've been someone else."

"Is this how you knew my Smile song?"

"Yeah, it is. Now, don't get me wrong. We haven't recorded anything you do privately...Just a few random misadventures you all get into...."

"And this show has how many Episodes?"

"Well over 30."

"Wait...I think I remember seeing something....It was after Zecora helped us cure our Poison Joke."

"Ah, you mean the ending of 'Bridle Gossip'. Yeah, it was kinda scary watching Pinkie look directly at us and not laugh...her being the Element of Laughter."

"Wait, 'Bridle Gossip'? Do they all have names like that?"

"Yep. Like when you and Fluttershy went to the spa, and asked her to model for you, but she got super famous and you got jealous of it, but in the end it all worked out and Twilight blabbed Spike's secret. We called that Episode 'Green Isn't Your Colour'."

Rarity and Fluttershy blushed.

"We have video games, TV shows, fanart, videos....all dedicated to you. Some of us who watch you even worship you and would love if you were just standing beside them."

"Wow, really?"

"Yep. Currently, we all thought this was the work of an animation team and voice actors, but obviously we were mistaken..."

"How many of you are out there?"

"Possibly well over a few million. But that's enough MLP for today..."

"Can we see some of the games you play?"

"Umm....sure...I guess...."

I showed them the game Ponymon, from the earlier day, and told them how it worked.

"So we 'befriend' you, and then train you to help us win battles."

"Wait so you capture us, lock us in a tiny ball, then use our abilities to hurt one another until the other faints from it's injuries?!"

"Yeah...Honestly, I never liked the concept either..."

The ponies shuddered.

"Yeah, um....let's call it a day."

I laid in my bed, still awake at 11 at night. I was hoping to be asleep by now. Then, I heard the softest knock of a hoof on my bedroom door.

"Hello?" I called from my bed.

"ummm it's me...Pinkie."

"Hey Pinkie, what's up?"

"I...I wanted to apologize for looking in your fridge..."

"It's okay Pinkie...."

"Um...c-can I come in?"

"um....." I looked around, making sure that I didn't have anything that may cause embarrassment was out. Luckily, it wasn't. "Sure...I guess...just close the door when you do."

"I can't even open the door."

"Oh yeah...hold on." I walked across the dark room and opened the door, then let the mare inside. I closed the door when she was in, and sat on my bed.

"So what's up?"

She rubbed her foreleg with her hoof.

"Are you still mad?"

"No..."

"Um....c-can I sleep in here tonight? Just to make sure you're not mad?"

"Um....I guess so....but only tonight. This isn't going to be an everyday thing."

She nodded and climbed up into my bed. I got into bed myself, shuffled over a bit to make room, then pulled up the covers.

"Night Pinkie."

"Night Austin."

I turned off the light and closed my eyes. I felt Pinkie's forelegs and tail wrap around me in a tight cuddle, and she snuggled up as close as she could.

I just smiled and pet her mane.

Later that night, I swear I heard Pinkie start to snore quietly.

My New Room-mares: Day 3 - Part 1

5 AM. The mares were asleep. I was wide awake, standing in the kitchen, making a chicken sandwich. I looked down the hall, then out the windows. I double-checked the hall to make sure...Good. Not a pony in sight. I completed the assembling of the sandwich then took one more peek around, and took a well-deserved bite. 3 days...3 days without any meat or meat alternatives. That one bite of what should've been a normal, run-of-the-mill chicken sandwich was like heaven between 2 pieces of bread, pepper, mustard and mayonaise. It was absolutely amaz-

"Austin?"

Oh horseapples...I slowly moved my gaze in the direction of the voice. It was Twilight, awake and wanting a drink of water. She must've heard me...I should've known that the one mare out of the 6 that actually pulled all-nighters studying and reading would be up at this hour. I coughed a bit and quickly swallowed, then hid the sandwich behind my back.

"Twilight....um..what are you doing up at this hour?" I asked with a twinge of paranoia.

"I could ask you the same question...I'm just up for a drink of water..."

"uh..SAME...same! Yeah...I got thirsty overnight..."

"What were you eating?"

"....Eating? What?! Nooo..Whaaat? Noooo!" I said, waving it off and grinning, doing my best to hide it.

I then felt magic grip the sandwich and pull it from my hands, then hover it in front of Twilight's nose. Nononononononono....

"Austin...? What is this?...It smells....odd."

"It's...uh...sandwich....stuff."

"It looks a bit like...cooked muscle fibres..."

"WOW LOOK AT THE TIME! We should probably be in bed!"

"Austin...do humans eat.....meat?"

"Let's go, huh? You must be exhausted, and I'm exhausted and we're all exhausted! Whew! Let's get under those covers, eh?"

"Austin!"

I sighed in defeat and walked into the other room.

"Okay! Fine! You got me. Humans eat meat. It's part of our diet. If we don't eat it, we could die from lack of protein. There! You happy now? You know my dirty little secret! I eat meat. All humans do."

"When were you planning on telling us?"

"Uh, never! Twilight. What if you were like me? What if you were the only pony who ate meat? How would YOU break it to your friends? Huh? 'Oh hey guys! I just so happen to eat meat harvested from slaughtered creatures! But it's okay, because if I don't I'll die!'"

Twilight's ears dropped and she looked away.

"Now do you get it? Twilight, it's hard enough being in a world of herbivores without having a twinge of craving. Earth is the only time I get to actually eat something I want. And not grass and flowers. And now you've intruded on that too. I kept this secret to spare hurt feelings, Twi! How would you break that to Fluttershy? Huh? How?!"

Twilight was silent, obviously looking for something to answer with.

"How?..................How?"

Twilight remained stoic, doing her best to figure out something to say.

"HOW?!"

"I DON'T KNOW!......I....I don't know." Twilight finally said, ears low.

"That's what I thought..." I snatched the sandwich away from her and threw it in the garbage. "Well what are we waiting for? Let's get back to bed...."

I wandered slowly back to my bedroom, with Twilight silently trailing behind. I finally walked into my bedroom and closed the door, rubbing my forehead with my hands. Pinkie rolled over in the bed, then opened her eyes.

"Austin..."

"Not right now Pinkie..."

"I knew about it the whole time...I understand..."

"How can you of anypony understand?! You weren't raised on it...You never eat it. You're disgusted by it."

"But I know that you need to do so otherwise you'd die."

I was silent.

"Austin, how could I NOT know? I'm an agent that works for the FBI here on Earth. Of course I knew. I keep my mouth shut to make sure you're safe."

"But now what? Twilight will surely tell the ponies at some point. You know how bad she is with secrets. For gosh sake she babbled about Rarity and Spike. It's only a matter of time before she says something about this."

"Maybe so, but trust me. If they were true friends to you, they will stick by you. But you know that, don't you?" She said with a warm smile.

I turned pink in the cheeks and slowly nodded.

"I guess you're right Pinkie...I'd better get some sleep before-"

That's when we heard Fluttershy whine rather loudly, indicating fear. Great.

"I'll handle that in the morning..." I said with a rather annoyed grumble. Pinkie shimmied over a little bit to make room, then I crawled into bed and fell asleep before my head even hit the pillow.

The Following Morning...

I walked out into the living room, where the ponies all sat around in a circle, waiting for me. I took one look at the circle, then turned around.

"I'm going back to bed. Wake me up when you're leaving."

I bumped into a magic barrier Twilight quickly cast.

"No. We're talking about this."

I turned around.

"Twilight, I just woke up. You told everypony here about what happened at 5 AM. You know how sensitive I am about this. I'm not talking about anything. You want me? I'll be in my bedroom."

I turned and used my own magic to push my way through Twilight's barrier. She quickly set up a new one.

"Austin. We need to talk about this."

"We don't NEED to talk about ANYTHING. Technically speaking, we only need to eat and drink enough to survive, get enough sleep, and have the appropriate amount of physical excerise. Everything else is optional."

"Austin!"

I just sighed, then walked over and sat down near the ponies.

"Fine. But if this is an intervention, I'm not speaking about anything."

"It's not an intervention, but I think we need some insight."

"Okay! Humans eat meat. There's your insight."

"No, we mean we need more information than that."

"What could you possibly need?"

"How much do you eat?"

"Per day or per lifetime?"

"Per day."

"Not a lot. Depends on the meals. But usually, about 2-3 servings. And a serving is about 1 cup of meat. Which really isn't a lot."

"What types of meat do humans eat?"

"Depends on the situation. If it's everyday life, chicken, turkey, cow and pig. If it's hunting, it could include fish, wild game, and even rabbit. Finally, if it's survival, anything is up for grabs."

Fluttershy couldn't stop whimpering.

"You had to find out sometime, 'Shy..."

"Well, do you eat horse or...*gulp* pony...meat?" Rarity asked hesitantly.

"No. It's illegal here. And we don't have ponies like you here. So there is literally no way we could eat pony meat. Not that I would want to anyway. You honestly don't look at all decent for any sort of meal. In fact, the thought of eating you disgusts me."

Twilight and the rest were taken back by that remark.

"I don't know if that was an insult or a compliment..." Rainbow said.

"Fluttershy, this really shouldn't come as such a shock to you. You breed thousands of animals. You know what bears and wolves eat. You know what dragons eat. You know what even otters eat. They all have SOME form of meat in their diet. Technically speaking, humans are animals too!"

"Really?" Twilight asked, seeming to be interested in that.

"Yeah. Homo Sapiens Sapiens is what we're called. We're just another creature on this big blue ball floating in space."

"But you can reason..."

"Twilight, if you classify something just based on the ability to reason, then you'll be dumber than you look. Also technically speaking, you are all animals. Ponies. Just because you can reason, doesn't mean you're any less of an animal. Now, don't get me wrong here, you're not as...brutish or...dumb...as an animal may be. But you're still animals genetically..."

Twilight just stared.

"Point is, animals are split into 3 'eating classes'. Herbivores, Carnivores, and Omnivores. Herbivores, such as yourselves, eat strictly plant life. So, fruits, nuts, even the occasional baked good. Carnivores eat nothing but meat. Finally, omnivores, such as myself, eat a mix of both. If one is taken out of the equation, we could die. So yeah. Now you know. I'm an omnivore, and I can't change that! But I'm not a crazy murderer. We kill animals within REASON. We only kill what we know we'll eat. And what we don't eat, we recycle."

Twilight and the others looked at each other.

"And before you say anything...No. We are not going to kill ANYTHING from Equestria. I would rather not have a moon sentence. So yeah. You can kick me in the rear on my way out if it makes you feel better."

I stood up and walked out in an annoyed huff. The ponies just sat their, silent and awkwardly staring. I wandered back to my bedroom, closed the door and fell face first into my bed. I moaned loudly into my pillow. Suddenly, I heard a quiet knocking on my door.

"Who is it?" I managed to mumble from my pillow.

"umm...it's..um...it's..."

I sighed and stood up, already figured out who it was. I opened the door and peeked out.

"Yeah 'Shy? Here to give me a chiropractic treatment that ends up breaking my spine?"

"No...I...um...."

"Look, I'm still really tired and just want some more sleep, so can we please speed this along?"

Fluttershy suddenly...well, for lack of a better term, glomped me. I was pinned to the floor of my bedroom by a suddenly-cuddly pegasus who refused to let go. I gently tapped her back and shoulders, signalling that I'd like to stand up and that I've had enough. She just squeezed tighter. I winced in pain and gasped for air.

"Oh, I could never stay mad at one of my animal friends! Of course I understand...I'm so sorry for doubting you!"

"HOKAY! HOKAY! TOO TIGHT!" I managed to wheeze.

"I promise never to doubt you again!"

This is how I die. I never thought I'd die in the forelegs of a very cuddly butter-yellow pegasus that refused to let up from a very tight hug. Who knew?

She DID let go after a while, though.

I gasped for air and panted, wheezing occasionally and doing my best to get oxygen back into my body.

"Oopsie...Sorry."

I just waved at her to signal 'No hard feelings', then collapsed on the floor, chest heaving and heart racing. She just blushed sheepishly and gave me one more gentle nuzzle against my cheek, then left the room. I laid there for a while, still gasping for air.

When I managed to stand without collapsing into a heap, I stumbled into the living room again and sat down for some much required rest. Suddenly, Twilight thought of something and turned to me.

"Hey Austin...remember when you first came to Equestria, and I asked you that question about romance?"

"Yeah?"

"Well...I failed to ask at the time...Buuuuuut....."

"Yes?"

"Are humans attracted to ponies in any way?"

If there was a record playing at the moment, it would've just scratched.

"I'm sorry?"

"Are humans attracted to ponies? Like...physically?"

".....Ummm...I REALLY think that you would rather NOT know the answer to that..." I said, looking away and turning red, thinking of Rule 34 and the /b/ section on a few Thread Simulators I've seen...There are some messed up people there...

"You sure?"

"Positive Twilight. That's the main reason why I'm keeping you away from the Internet."

"Oh come on, how bad could it be?" Rainbow scoffed.

"Rainbow, there are things on the Internet that would make even YOU sleep with a nightlight..."

"No way! I'll have you know that I've beaten Slenderpony on Hard mode!"

"There is no hard mode."

".....I've beaten it, okay?"

"Just because you've beaten that, doesn't mean you can beat the Internet...."

"Try me."

"You're certain? I'm giving you ONE LAST WARNING. Turn back now."

"No way!"

"I warned you..."

I took her to the computer and typed my query into the Google searchbar, then clicked the first link.

"Have fun Dashie. The mouse works like this, the keyboard like this. Feel free to explore the site." I said, then walked away and closed the door to give her some privacy.

"How long do you think she'll last?" Twilight asked me.

"I think all of 15 seconds."

"Oh come on, it can't be that bad!"

"You'd be surprised..."

Suddenly Dashie screamed and the door was blasted open, and she ran out and curled up in the corner and muttered to herself.

"Told you. 15 seconds." I said as I walked into the computer room, then cleared the browser history and turned off the computer.

"Dash! Are you okay?"

"I-Internet....r-ru-rule 34....b-bad..." Rainbow muttered, still shivering.

"Hey Twi, you got a memory erase spell?"

"Yeah..."

"Wipe her short term memory..."

Twilight did just that, and everything that happened in the past 2 minutes was wiped clean from Dashie's memory.

"What happened?"

"The Internet..." I said with a smirk.

My New Room-mares: Day 3 - Part 2

"What did you show her?" Twilight kept bugging me with the same stupid question.

"I cannot tell. Only show." I would always reply with a smirk.

"No thanks..." She would respond, and she wouldn't bug me again for a while.

It's like beating a dead horse (so to speak...). It's not gonna get up and let you ride it, so leave it be. But for some odd reason, Twilight wouldn't stop bugging. Finally, I had enough and looked at her.

"I can't tell you. It ruins the shock value of it...I'll tell you what. I'll let you have a slumber party tonight in the living room. If I let that happen, will you leave me alone?"

"Only if you take part!" She giggled.

"You just won't stop until I say 'uncle', huh?"

"Nope!"

"Alright. One slumber party ain't gonna kill me. It'll start at...say.....8 o' clock?"

"Deal!" Twilight and I shook...um...hands...hooves....we shook the appendages that were attached to our uppermost limbs. There, see? It works.

In the meantime, I decided to slink back into my bedroom for some...alone time. NO it's not what you're thinking...I'm not that kind of guy, come on! Get your minds out of the gutter.

I closed the door and locked it, making sure it was closed. Then I locked the window and drew the blinds. I looked under my bed, in my drawers and everywhere in between. Pinkie has a knack of hiding in even the smallest of places. I still don't understand how she does it. I've heard she can shrink her size at will...

Well, once I was 100 percent sure that Pinkie was nowhere to be found, I opened the doors to my closet. What laid behind these doors had to remain top secret...If anyone was to see what I kept behind these sacred doors, I would become a laughing stock. I stepped into my roomy closet and slowly closed the doors, then flicked on an electric lantern. Finally, I...Hey wait a second!

You're trying to find out what I keep in my closet aren't you?! No! No peeking for you! Just because you're the readers you think you're entitled to ANYTHING! Well guess what? You thought wrong! Get out of my bedroom, you nosy weirdos!

Pinkie's Perspective (1st Person & Narration)

Yeah, sorry...I kinda taught Austin how to break the 4th wall...He asked, and I really wanted to teach somepony! I'm sorry! Well...anyways...ummmmmmm....Oh yeah! Now I remember!

Me and Twilight were planning what we were going to do for the super-terrific slumber party Austin was gonna let us have! Truth or Dare, The Food Game, maybe even 7 Minutes In Heaven! Wait no. That wouldn't work. Austin's the only boy here. Darn.

Well that's okay! We can still play Truth or Dare and the Food Game! The Food Game is SOOOOOOOO fun! It's where somepony blindfolds you and you have to guess what mystery food they're feeding you! And you have to keep going until you get it right, no matter how disgusting it is! It's hilarious! Well, except that one time I was playing it with Rainbow and she threw up all over my mane. Gross! It was all sticky and disgusting! Anyway, it can be really fun with the right meals!

I can't believe Austin let me narrate for him! I mean, why not Twilight? She seems more booky and smart than me, and would probably keep this story on track rather than go off on tangents! Did I tell you about the time that me and Twilight were arguing about cupcakes? It's a funny story! Okay, me and Twilight-

What? What do you mean I should continue with the story? Don't you want to hear about the argument? Aww...It was a funny story too. Oh well! I guess you're right. This story would be getting long if I just kept going on and on and on and on and on and on! Where was I? Oh yeah! The party planning!

Well me and Twilight took the liberty of planning the party while Austin was away in his bedroom. Probably in his closet! *gasp* Do you want to know what's in there? I can tell you! He keeps his-

Whoa! Hey! What did I just say?!

Austin! Go away! You're not narrating right now!

I'm not about to let you just blab to the world about that! I'm letting Twilight have control!

Noooo! Nonononono! I Pinkie Promise I'll stay quiet!

Pinkie, you've narrated long enough....Okay Twilight, take over.

No Austin! Wait!

Twilight's Perspective (1st Person & Narration)

Oh, wait, I have control now? Gee, okay...

Awwww! Twilight, can you please give control back to me? I was having fun!

Sorry Pinkie, but I was told not to.

PLEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSE?!

No, I can't.

Awwwwww....

Where was I? Oh yes.

Pinkie and I planned all sorts of things to do, including games, and scary story telling. We even set a bedtime, so we all get the appropriate amount of sleep. Now we just needed some items, and we're set! I told Pinkie to go get the nessessary equipment, which included sleeping bags, pillows, pajamas and a few snacks from Sugarcube Corner.

"Okie-dokie-loki!" Pinkie said and she disappeared in a flash of light. I still don't get how that works, but I decided not to question it. Meanwhile, I gathered up the girls and asked them if they had any other ideas to add to the mix.

"Nothing I can think of, darling." Rarity said in her usual ladylike fashion.

"Nope, sounds awesome!" RD sounded rather eager.

"No, it sounds fine." Fluttershy smiled and nodded.

"I can't think of anything." Applejack said.

"Great! So everything's set. Now we just need to wait for Pinkie to arrive and we can start when the clock reaches 8." I clapped my hooves happily. This was only going to be my second slumber party, and the first one with all 5 of my friends involved, plus one new one! I just hope it goes better than the first one did...

Austin's Persepective (1st Person & Narration)
[Time: 7:59 PM]

I left my bedroom and looked around. The slumber party was set, and I had to join. It was kind of...promised. I stepped out in a set of pajamas I had. And by pajamas, I mean some PJ pants, and a t-shirt. I wandered over and sat on a pillow, just like the rest of the group was doing.

"Austin! Glad you could join!" Twilight giggled. "We were just getting started!"

"So what first? Truth or Dare? Or scary stories?" Pinkie said, dimming the lights.

"Truth or Dare." I immediately said.

"Ooh...Feeling adventurous, eh Austin?" Rainbow jabbed me with her elbow and grinned.

"There wasn't a dare I couldn't overcome." I said rather confidently.

"Whoa there Austin. I don't think you've ever played T&D with ponies." Applejack warned.

"Game on." I said with a smirk. "Tell you what, I'll take first dare. Who wants to?"

"Me! ME! OOH! PICK ME!" Pinkie squealed.

"Okay Pinkie..."

"YES! I dare you tooooo.....ummmmm......squawk like a chicken!"

I squawked rather loudly and coughed. The girls all laughed and giggled.

"Okay, your turn, Austin."

"Twilight, truth or dare?"

"Um....Truth."

"If you had to be in a relationship with any of your friends, and I mean relationship as in, MORE than friends, who would it be?"

Twilight's cheeks flushed and she grinned.

"Ummmm.....I have to say.....ummm...Pinkie."

"Why?"

"Hey, you're only allowed one question!" Twilight snapped.

"Okay okay! Fair enough. Go ahead."

"Applejack! Truth or Dare?"

The game continued into the long hours of the night, and we ended up completely skipping the 'scary stories' and 'food game' phases. Finally, we decided that we would spin a bottle on the ground, and whoever it stopped on had to do one final dare of the spinner's choice. And the spinner was chosen by spinning the bottle once beforehand.

The first spin ended on Rainbow Dash.

"Yes! I get to dare someone! And boy do I have a juicy one in store!" She put her hoof on the bottle, then gave it a twist. The bottle's end spun and spun, passing everyone at least 4 times. Finally, the bottle slowed and we all watched in wait. Who was going to be the victim to RD's dare? Who may have to do the unthinkable?

The bottle continued it slow spin...Rarity.....Fluttershy....Rainbow...Applejack....Me...

That's where it froze. It was pointing at me like an accusing finger, and I couldn't be anymore happy with the outcome. I spent all night wanting Rainbow to dare me. I knew she would try to make me do something I never tried before. A new challange, a new obstacle! Oh how I craved this moment. Ever since my first day of playing this game, I knew that one day I would meet my match.

Rainbow grinned at me. I stared and smirked right back.

2 worthy adversaries, in a head-to-head battle to see who could win the final dare. The ponies all stared and waited in hushed anticipation.

She opened her mouth to talk. The following moments were like slow motion...

"I....dare you.....to.....-"

This was it! The final dare! The one challange to defeat them all! The one! The ONLY! THE....

"-avoid being hugged by us ponies for 5 minutes. If you lose, we get to make you do something embarrassing. If you win, you get to make ME do something embarrassing."

The total let down....

"THAT'S IT?!"

"That's it! And to make it harder, I'll get Twilight to cast a weaker version of her 'Want it, Need it' spell on you."

"Rainbow, I can just lock my bedroom door and window."

"Oh no...That's just it, Austin..We're not doing it HERE...We're doing it on OUR home turf....Ponyville."

"What about the other ponies?"

"I'll also get Twilight to cast a mild barrier spell to prevent the Want it Need it spell from spreading."

"Fine." I sighed heavily. What a waste of time. I then saw Twilight whisper something into Rainbow's ear.

"Whoa whoa whoa...what's that?"

"Twi was just telling me that there's a way to make it even harder...if you so choose."

"Fine."

"She's casting a different version of the Want it Need it spell on us, which only affects you. It'll be about as mild as the one cast on you, only with a different side effect. Instead, you'll find it hard to resist us calling for you. You'll be more obedient to us than animals are to Fluttershy."

"Feh. Let the games begin..."

Mission: Keep Away
Difficulty: Insane
Teams: Austin vs The Mane 6
Arena: Ponyville (Equestria)

READY

SET

GO!

I spawned in the center of town. The Want it Need it spell tore at me like a dog would on homework, but a dare was a dare and I was gonna beat it. I ran to find a good hiding spot from the crazy ponies.

"Ohhhh AUUUUSTIIIIIIIIN!" I heard Pinkie call from Sugarcube Corner. "I have some fresh baked cupcakes with your name on 'em!"

It took all of my willpower to stay away from her and her baked goods of doom. I remained frozen until I heard a tell-tale 'swoosh' sound of a pegasus flying by. I slowly looked up from my hiding spot. Rainbow grinned at me.

"Hey Austin! Can I have a hug?"

"N-Nnng....NO!" I stood up and ran, and the pegasus gave chase. I zipped in and out of corners, hiding spots and buildings until I finally lost her. That's when I heard something else. Singing. Cheerful singing...It was almost...hypnotic.

Fluttershy pranced by the building I was in, singing some sort of siren song. I covered my ears and lept out the window on the other side of the building, then ran until I could hardly hear her. I sighed in relief, until I heard a twig snap.

"Oh darn it." Twilight cursed.

I ran until I was clear out of breath. Where was I? I needed to get my bearings...Okay....If town hall is that way...and Carosel Boutique is here....then the Library is somewhere over there, and Sugarcube Corner is over in that general area...Alright, so that means I'm.....on Mane Street, just outside Lyra and Bon Bon's house. Who knew?

Suddenly, Rarity burst out and tackled me, but luckily I managed to keep her at a distance just long enough to avoid letting her wrap her forelegs around me. She kept squirming and stretching, doing her best to hug me. But I pushed her off and managed to run away until I collapsed behind a nearby tree. I must've dazed poor Rarity because she didn't give chase. That's when a long rope wrapped around my ankle and I got dragged out of my hiding place. Applejack grinned and tugged at the rope, as I desperately fumbled with the knot on her lasso.

Every tug pulled me closer, and every inch closer the will to fight weakened. She was on the verge of getting me until...

"WHOOOA! *Thump*" The rope gave way and undid itself, causing Applejack to fall over and end up in a tangled mess of rope. I quickly stood up and ran off. I hid in a hay bale, then sighed in relief, hoping that it was over soon. That's when I heard something....something close...something VERY close.

"Foreverrrrr...." Pinkie was breathing down my neck. I screamed and dove from the bale, then immediately ran away, and Pinkie skipped behind me with a strange look in her eye. Then I ran around a corner, and Pinkie knew that it was a dead end. She leaped out and grinned.

"AH-HA! Huh?!" When Pinkie jumped out, she saw nothing...Nothing but a large shovel come out and meet with her muzzle.

I stepped out from behind a box, brandishing a very dented shovel.

"Sorry Pinkie...but I had to..." I ran out, then looked at my watch. 10 seconds left before I win.

"Yes!" I fist pumped and jumped for joy. That's when I heard something....Or rather, felt it. A pulse of electromagnetic energy. It knocked me onto my back and I sat up, then looked into the sky. A huge wave of rainbow colours spread outward in a giant radius, and I saw a rainbow trailed bullet speeding toward me.

3 seconds...The bullet was already 3/4 of the way there.

2 seconds...It was right on top of me...

1 second...impact.

0 seconds.

GAME OVER!!

My New Room-mares: Day 4 - Part 1

My eyes popped open and I gasped for air. Where was I?! How long was I out? What happened? I...I...I'm back in my bed...I looked around. Empty room...well, empty besides the mess and clutter that was always around. I groaned and felt my face with one hand, something in my abdomen was killing me...I slowly pulled the covers off and looked at my lower torso. It was wrapped tightly in bandages and gauze, deep red stains showing through the white fabric. Was I stabbed or something? It didn't feel like I was bleeding...There was no sting like I had been cut, and no pain like a wound....My sides were just really sore, like I didn't sleep right or something.

Wait, sleep...That's right! I remember! I was having that weird contest with Twilight and her friends...The last thing I remembered was a cyan bullet speeding towards me, then...blackness. Wait, maybe it was all a dream? Maybe I was just laying here after being injured in a coma-like state and I just now woke up! Yeah! So Twilight and her friends AREN'T living here! And I can get back to my own life!

*knock knock*

"Austin? You awake? I came to check if you're okay...can you stand up and open the door?"

Well that's disappointing...

"Yeah I'm awake...but I don't think I can open the door...I can't really feel my legs. They must've fallen asleep."

"Oh...Okay hold on...."

A violet aura coated the doorknob and it slowly turned, then clicked as the door swung open, and Twilight, wearing....a nurse's uniform......walked in and came to my bedside.

"Hey Austin. I just came to do a check-up." She said with a warm smile.

"Honestly, I don't trust you with my HUMAN health any further than I'd trust you with the Internet..."

"Well, I'm about to prove you wrong on BOTH accounts. While you were...unconscious...I took the liberty of studying up on Human anatomy and health issues on the Internet."

That took a minute for the gears in my head to turn enough until it went click.

"I'm sorry what?!"

"Okay, you seem to be healing up just fine! Just let me know if you feel any ill symptoms like nausea, vomiting, dizziness, or vertigo. As well as severe pain and/or swelling."

"Twilight, if anything goes wrong, you'll know it."

"How?"

"I'm paranoid about blood and injuries."

I laid in my bed, a little annoyed that I am more or less forced to take it easy....As it turned out, RD smashed into me rather hard. She twisted a rib out of place and dislocated one shoulder. It wasn't anything Twilight couldn't fix with a mild numbing spell and some...twisting and pulling my bones back into position. (Thankfully, she did all this while I was out cold...) I was still worried though. She only knew what she read on the Internet, and the Internet....isn't the best source of information sometimes...

Luckily, it seemed like she did okay...Though, I was still wondering about that dark red stain that was on my bandages. Clearly it wasn't blood. I had no scars or cuts...Not even a minor wound. I poked the stain. Nope. No stinging, nor pain. So what exactly WAS it?

Twilight peeked in about 2 seconds later, and smiled.

"Just checking in. Everything okay? Thirsty? Hungry?"

"No, but what's with this stain? It looks like blood..."

"Oh that...It's strawberry syrup....Pinkie spilled it on you by accident when I was bandaging you. I didn't have enough bandages to get new ones, so we had to wrap you in those. Sorry..Are they too sticky?"

"No no...I was just asking because ya know...injured and all..."

"Yeah...Anything you need before I go?"

"Umm....No, but I wouldn't mind some company..." I said, still annoyed and bored.

"Oh sure! Who should I send? Or do you want me to come in?"

"I don't really care. I just need someone to talk to so I don't go insane from boredom."

"I'll send in Pinkie."

Pinkie skipped in wearing a similar nurse's uniform, and I began to wonder and fear what exactly happened while I was unconscious. I decided it was best not to ask questions...

"So I heard Austin had a bad case of boredom-itis! Well don't worry! Nurse Pinkie Pie is here to cure all your ailments! And she says you need a big dose of fun!" She fired her party cannon (which just like everything else, she pulled from nowhere) and giggle-snorted. I rolled my eyes. Perhaps I should've kept my mouth shut.

She poked at me and inspected me like I was a puzzle. She shook her head and 'tsk tsk'd every now and then. I felt like a lab experiment.

"Ooooh..This a pretty bad case of boredom-itis...possibly the worst I've ever seen...Droopy eyelids, bloodshot eyes, slow breathing.....I may need extra help for this patient..."

"Pinkie, I was just asleep not long ago..." I said, trying to reason with her. It proved futile.

"I'll talk with the other nurses and see what they think!" She skipped out and I just rolled my eyes. I noticed she left her party cannon behind....Hmmm...

I always wondered how this strange thing worked...I looked around to make sure no one was looking, then pulled the cannon over. It wasn't too heavy...I peered into the cannon's mouth. I couldn't see anything. I turned on a pocket flashlight I had and shone the light into it. Still blackness. I couldn't even see the end of it...I looked around, then reached my arm into the cannon. I couldn't even FEEL the bottom of it. It never seemed to end!

When I was up to my shoulder, I finally felt something. But it didn't feel like...metal. Or plastic. Or anything I could describe...It was...odd. Like tingly...That's when I came across something. It felt like....cake? I grabbed it and pulled it out. It was indeed a cake. I blinked, then slowly slid it back into the cannon. I was worried about what sort of things are in there, so I decided not to reach in again, lest I find something I don't want to.

I decided to give it a test fire. I aimed it at my wall and hovered my hand over the fuse. I hesitated, then rammed my palm into the fuse. It pushed down like a button, and the cannon fired, spraying streamers, confetti and glitter all over the wall in a spray pattern.

Pinkie giggled and walked in, seeing that I had fired her party cannon.

"Just couldn't resist, huh?"

I turned red and pushed the cannon back to her sheepishly.

"It's okay Austin. Do you really want to know how it works?"

I quietly nodded. She wandered over and whispered in my ear.

"Really?"

"Uh-huh!"

"I thought it was manually loaded..."

"Nope!"

"So you can just fire that off as many times as you want?"

"Yep!"

"Huh..."

"Wanna go in and see it for yourself?"

"Wait what?"

"Pinkie Space. I wanna show you what it looks like. Ever wonder about breaking the 4th wall, how we seem to go from one place to another, yet never see what's between planes?"

"Sure..."

Pinkie took my hand and smiled.

"Close your eyes."

"O...Okay..."

I closed my eyes and felt a strange force wash over me.

"Open them!"

I opened one eye and turned white. I opened them both and looked around. There was no floor. There was no walls. There wasn't anything, yet I could stand. All I could see was colours....everywhere. Rainbows, paint splatters, stars, constellations, galaxies, doors, all sorts of strange things. I looked at her and she just giggled.

"Welcome to Pinkie Space! It's my own little plane of existance."

"But what's here?"

"Anything you desire!"

"I'm sorry?"

She held out her hoof and a pair a glasses appeared out of nothingness. She put them on and giggled.

"See?"

"How'd you-"

"Just imagine it, Austin!"

I was confused by her vague instructions, but did my best to do so. I closed my eyes and imagined a....basketball. It slowly materialized and dropped in front of me, only it went flat and disappeared.

"You're too tense Austin. You have to let your imagination soar! You're all stuck up and stiff, like a board. Come on, relax, then think of something you want or need."

I relaxed, then let my mind do the rest...Suddenly, I felt my fractures disappear and the pain lessen until it was nothing more than a mere tingle. I opened my hands and something else appeared. It was...a ray gun of some sort...

"What is that Austin?" Pinkie asked, confused at the strange device.

"It's a portal gun...It can shoot two portals, one orange, one blue, and create...a door to the other portal. Blue leads to orange, and vice versa."

"Cool!"

"Yeah....I also made it have a third portal, which only has one exit and entrance."

"Where does it go?"

"Equestria. Now I can stop bugging you whenever you're busy or something..."

"Aww, but I liked taking you to Equestria..."

"Don't worry, Pinkie...I'll still rely on you. After all, I may misplace this gun sometime. Look how messy my room is..."

"That's true."

Pinkie took me back home, and I sat on my bed.

"Ya know Pinkie...Remember when you came to my door and asked for help? And I didn't want to and yada yada yada?"

"Yep."

"Well....I think I made the right choice in letting you stay. You mares are more fun than the life I used to lead...I have new places to go, things to do, adventures to have and friends to keep..."

Pinkie smiled warmly.

"I'm gonna miss you when you move back home."

"We're gonna miss you. But we can still talk to each other and stuff. And with that new gun of yours, it can be any time you want!"

"Yeah...." I pet Pinkie's mane and she giggled.

"I'll let you have some rest. You're gonna need it." She left the bedroom and I flopped down onto my bed and fell asleep.

My New Room-mares: Day 4 - Part 2

I awoke shortly afterwards, in the early afternoon. About 2:30 PM, to be specific. I came out, much better rested, dressed, and showered, so I was somewhat decent looking...I walked out into the main sitting area and saw Twilight and RD gently poking at my Xbox 360 curiously, giving it gentle taps and looking it over, obviously trying to figure out what it did and how to work it.

I sighed and walked a little closer.

"'Scuse me, girls. Can I help you?"

"Um, what is this strange box, Austin? It makes a ping noise and we hear a whirring noise coming from inside whenever we touch that silver circle, but when we touch it again, it stops..." Twilight looked at me questioningly. It was kind of adorable.

"It's an Xbox 360. It's a gaming console."

"How is something this tiny a gaming console?! Where's the joystick, and the buttons and the coin slot?!" Dashie said.

"It's not an arcade machine, Dashie. It's a gaming console. It's like an arcade machine, only more effecient, has better graphics and gameplay, and doesn't cost you 1 bit everytime you want another life. Not only that, it has it's own hard drive, so you can save your game and come back later instead of restarting everytime you lose all your lives."

Twilight and Dashie looked at each other, then back at me.

"What else does it do?"

"You can hook up Internet and play with people from around the world."

"Wow really?!" Dashie grinned.

"Yeah. No more having to bring your friends over to play, now you can sit at your own homes and play together in one game! Not all games are Internet compatible though, and not all games have a 'life' system. Some games let you die over and over until you get it right or you quit."

"Can I try it?" Dash was now pretty eager to give this strange device a shot, but I shook my head and she looked crestfallen.

"Sorry Dashie, but the controllers aren't really compatible for....hooves. If you wanted to use them, you'd need to use magic, like Twilight or Rarity. Pegasi and Earth ponies can't play it. The controller is too complex."

"Come on, how can a joystick and buttons be complex?!"

I held up the standard Xbox 360 controller and pointed to all the buttons it had. 4 face buttons, 2 triggers, 2 bumpers, Start, Back, the Xbox Guide button, and of course, the thumbsticks.

"I need 2 hands to use this, Dashie."

RD would need a forklift to lift her jaw back from the floor.

"What do they all do?! Why would any game need that many buttons?!"

"Well, lemme show you!"

I turned on the console and switched on the TV set. Rarity was about to ask me what that magical moving-picture box was, but I put up my hand to silence her.

"Please, no more questions. Not yet anyway."

Rarity nodded quietly and I continued. The Xbox Dashboard came up and I showed them everything it had, including avatars, pictures, games, music, videos, etc. I then got into the game. One of my favorites, Call of Duty: Modern Warefare 3. I set up the campaign and started off. The ponies crowded around and watched in total awe as I blasted my way through the campaign's first level. It wasn't even that challenging...it was only the training stage...Finally we got into a real level...Once they saw the enemy team firing back, they all jumped at the sounds of gunfire and explosions.

Once again, I made quick work of the level, and paused the game after it was over to let the ponies calm down a minute.

"Well, what do you think?"

"How'd you....you...I...He..." Rainbow Dash did her best to form something that resembled a full sentence, but she couldn't and kept stuttering.

"How'd you do all that?!" Twilight finally asked, eyes huge with wonder.

"It was easy, once you learn how. This is only the second level. They get much harder past this.

"I can't even get past the second world of Super Mare-io!!" Rainbow Dash said with her mouth hanging open.

"Wanna know something? I'm considered average." The ponies all looked at me like I was crazy.

"You mean there are people out there better than THAT?!" Rainbow Dash stared at me.

"By far..." Rarity fainted and Fluttershy let out an adorable whimper.

"But don't worry. None of this actually happens...it's fake! Computer generated. Humans don't do stuff like this...okay they do, but it's not this bad......okay it IS but it doesn't happen OFTEN.....It's rare...We've only had 3-4 major wars with each other. Currently, we're trying to keep peace on the other countries." I rubbed the back of my head awkwardly.

The ponies looked horrified.

"What?! I don't do this! I said it was rare anyway...Humans aren't always this violent...We're better than that....mostly."

They all muttered to each other and I just bit my lip nervously.

"Okay look, Earth isn't as peaceful as Equestria....But it's a lot better than some other places I've seen....There's more than one Equestria you know...."

The ponies immediately shut up and Twilight looked at me suspiciously.

"What do you mean? How do you know about the Multiverse theory?"

"We have one too. And...Well...maybe I should just show you."

Crowded around the computer, I clicked on a link to FIMFiction. The ponies all looked at it questioningly. I told them about fanfiction, who writes it, and what it's often about. I even told them the darker side of the Internet, and warned them not to go there...Finally, I showed them something I prayed I never had to show to the Mane 6....Especially the Element of Laughter, lest she get...ideas..

I showed them 'Cupcakes'.

The ponies all read it, and immediately shied away from the computer and looked at Pinkie with mortified stares. Pinkie looked at her friends nervously.

"Wait! I'm not like that!" Pinkie protested.

"She's right girls." I stepped in to defend her. "This is only a fiction. It's not real, though possibly is in a different Equestria. Your Equestria, codenamed Equestria Prime, is the real and original one. You were all born and raised there, and continue living there. This Equestria is....different..."

Pinkie looked at Dashie with a longing face. "Dashie, you know I would never do that, right?....Right?!"

Dashie looked nervous, but she slowly nodded and warmed back up to Pinkie. How could her best friend and pranking buddy do something so horrific to her?

"Listen, I don't want you girls having nightmares, so I want to show you some of the lighter side of FIMFiction." I said, then I coaxed them back to read something else. This time, I showed them a fiction called 'Equestria: Crossing Over'. It was a fiction written by someone named 'DubleTruble96', and was about a human getting stuck in Equestria and needing to save the world. The ponies all laughed at the humans antics and all smiled at the end. The human was back on Earth and Equestria was saved. The human didn't really want to leave his new friends. Luckily, Pinkie told him she would try to convince the Earth FBI to let him visit.

Twilight suddenly stopped and looked at me.

"Austin...This story sounds.....familiar."

"Yeah I just noticed that..." I rubbed my chin thoughtfully. "Who was the name of the protaginist again?"

"Justin." Rarity told us.

We all stopped and stared at the computer screen, then shivered a bit.

"Whoa...." Rainbow said.

"Talk about deja'vu." I said with a nervous smile.

I laid there in my bed, Pinkie was once again, sharing the bed with me. I know I told her not to make it a habit, but I needed some company. I ended up reading too many scary fanfics before bed, and was scared out of my wits. Luckily, Pinkie stayed with me to comfort my mind.

"Psst, Pinkie? You asleep?"

"No..."

"Who do you think wrote that fic?"

"Which one?"

"Equestria: Crossing Over. Don't you think it was...too similar?"

"Yeah...Creepy, huh?"

"Yeah....Um...Pinkie?"

"Yes Austin?"

"Thanks for keeping me company."

"You're welcome."

"Good night, Pinkie."

"Night, Austin."

I dozed off shortly afterward. Meanwhile, Pinkie waited until I was asleep and smiled, then quietly left the room. She wandered over to the computer and turned it on, then went to FIMFiction. She clicked the log in box and typed away.

User: DubleTruble96
Pass: *************

Pinkie smiles at you and winks.

Short #1: The Cootie Pox

A/N: This is just a little short to keep readers occupied, and allow me more time to make ideas for the next part of 'My New Room-mares'. Don't worry, I will continue to update that. In the meantime, have a quick little misadventure to fill your time and stall for ideas. It's just a one-shot, and has nothing to do with the story at hand. Please tell me if you wnat to see more of these 'shorts'! I would love to make more, but only if the readers (you guys/girls) want to see them. So without further stalling, please enjoy The Cootie Pox.

====================================================================================================

School yard games and myths. They were all part of our childhood. Tag, Hide n Seek, The 'Boogeyman', Bloody Mary, even made-up diseases...Which brings us to a little town called Ponyville...

It was mid afternoon, and I was wandering about Ponyville as per-usual. I passed by the school yard, hearing fillies and colts all playing and screaming and chasing each other around. At first, I thought it was nothing more than a friendly game of 'Tag'. But as it turned out, they were playing some sort of game called 'Cootie Pox', where whoever is 'it' (which is always a filly/mare) has to chase others (usually colts and stallions) in order to spread the made-up disease.

Well, immediately, I wondered why the kids would play such a....questionable game. Turns out it wasn't a game. It was nothing more than a school-yard myth. The kids were in that period where they think that boys and girls are polar opposites and therefore should not have any contact, physical or otherwise, with them. And those who do, are outcasts.

I remembered this from my own years of childhood. The girls befriend the girls and the boys befriend the boys and they both stay away from one another. Usually. But then the myth about 'cooties' came out. A sort of disease that was spread though those of the female gender (all female children at it. ALL female children.), and they would playfully chase the boys in order to spread this fake disease. It was more of an excuse to get away from the girls more than anything. Besides, this disease showed no symptoms and was not life threatening. Nor was it bad. In fact, any boys who did in fact get 'infected' were just fine. Nothing happened.

Or...At least that's how it was on Earth...

But Ponyville was no different...Right?

"So Sweetie Belle has been playing this cute pretend game called 'Cootie Pox' with the other colts, and spreading this disease. Apparently, all mares and fillies have it." Rarity laughed and Twilight smiled.

"Well, it doesn't even have symptoms. At least, not for females. Have you encountered any colts or stallions who have been infected?"

"Yes, countless times. It's just a myth~"

"Yeah, I remember that game. I never took part...I was usually reading."

"Well, it seems pretty real to colts. They get all dramatic. It's kind of sad, but adorable to watch at the same time."

The mares giggled.

I sat there, awkwardly, listening to the mares talk over their tea. I forgot why I had come over again...I finally asked something.

"Well, have you ever asked a colt what the symptoms are?"

"Well...no. It's only a myth, darling."

"I know, but maybe you could get some insight to why it's so....threatening. Ask Sweetie, even. Maybe she could tell you."

"It is a neat idea..." Rarity said, tapping her chin.

"Well, I heard that the colt get's all zombie-like. Almost like a daze...They pretty much do whatever you tell them!" Sweetie Belle explained to her older sister.

"Really?"

"Yeah! It's like some sort of hypnosis."

"Why doesn't it affect us?"

"Because it only affects boys! We spread the disease, they catch it!"

"And they do whatever you ask?"

"Yep! Anything from A to Z!"

"Anything?" Rarity smiled.

"Think of it, Twilight...You could get any colt you want, to do anything you want. Big Mac could wear a dress and dance! You could make Cherry Coke paint your house! You could get a personal servant!"

"I don't think it's a good idea, Rarity....The princess will surely cast a fail-safe spell the minute she hears of it."

"But Twilight, just think....Spike would have to do anything you say!"

"The answer is NO." Twilight trotted away and closed the door in Rarity's face.

Rarity just sighed and left, feeling disappointed.

Meanwhile, back at the school yard....

"We already lost Featherweight and Pipsqueak! How many more will we have to lose?!"

"I'm doing my best, but my mom won't let me quit school."

"I can't even sneak out the door anymore..."

"After my mom found out I was playing hooky, I got grounded for a month."

"Just do your best. Avoid the girls. I think the disease may be getting stronger. Warn your older brothers. They need to know this."

I looked it up online. Somehow, Pinkie had given me access to the Equestrian Internet (which seemed rather impossible. If they have Internet, why not computers to use it? But she IS Pinkie Pie and I should stop questioning everything she does.). So I looked up the myth of 'Cootie Pox'. Apparently, it wasn't a myth. It was real. But the last sample of it was supposed to be under lock and key in the Royal Canterlot Archives. Apparently, a spell went awry and it's spreading again.

I took it all as one big hoax some girl threw up there to mess with young colt's minds. Little did I know it was all too true.

2 Weeks After The First Infection...

"Austin. Can you come down to Sugarcube Corner? I have some special cupcakes I want you to try."

"Sure thing Pinkie, be right there."

I picked up my portal gun and shot the green portal, then lept through it. I landed outside Sugarcube Corner and walked inside.

"Pinkie?....Pinkie? Where are you? And why are the lights off?"

The lights flashed on and I saw the Mane 6 standing before me, strange smiles plastered to their faces.

"Ummm....Hi?"

"You remember that myth?"

"You mean Cootie Pox?"

"It's not a myth...It's already spread throughout Equestria and it's claiming victims everyday. Unfortunately, all the colts and stallions here in Ponyville have barricaded the uninfected outside of town. Not even my magic can break through their defences. We're running out of patience and we need a new boy to play with."

The girls all grinned.

"Whoa hey...I'm not anybody's slave..."

"We weren't asking."

"And I'm not listening." I turned and kicked the door open and ran out. The girls quickly gave chase.

I duck, dove, dipped, and dodged my way through a bunch of very grabby mares. As it turned out, it wasn't being touched, but rather, any affectionate touches, like hugs, kisses, nuzzles and cuddles. They all spread the disease. But as long as you don't get glomped by one, and keep your guard up, you can escape. I did. Though, a few stallions weren't so lucky...I saw them get tackled by two mares and they struggled and squirmed, but it proved futile.

It was weird. This is the first time I've ever tried to AVOID being cuddled by a mare. I finally ran into the library and slammed the door. I was tired of running. I knew I couldn't get to the barricade. I was as good as dead. So I ran upstairs and sat, and waited. The door went first. Then the windows. The mane 6 all busted into the library and slowly crawled over to me. I watched and waited. They finally all grabbed me and dragged me into a group hug, then giggled, not like insane mares, but rather, playful mares. I blinked and they all laughed.

"So it was all a practical joke?!"

"Yep! The biggest practical joke in Equestria!"

"You were all working to prank ME? Why?"

"Just for fun! We didn't mean any harm."

"Well, no, it was fun. But you scared me."

"Sorry."

"Next time, make a better escape plan."

"Shaddap Dashie."

My New Room-mares: Day 5 - Part 2

Me and Twilight stood in the dungeon, the ground was covered with a magical pentagram that slowly rotated beneath our feet....I backed up but noticed I couldn't move out of the circle. I stared at the mare with her horn aglow, a determined look on her face. I was about to get into a magical duel with Twilight Sparkle, the magic mare extrordinaire. Floating in front of her was a spell book, open wide and spread in front of her. I too, had one, but the pages were written in Equestrian...I couldn't understand the mysterious symbols. Finally, Pinkie threw a magical ball into the center of the pentagram, making a small shower of sparks.

"The magic duel is underway!! Twilight Sparkle! Versus! Austiiinnnn! BEGIN!"

Suddenly, a large panel appeared in front of me. Like a hologram. It showed a list of symbols and words, followed by a briefing about what the spell would do. It was like...an RPG...Very...Final Fantasy-esque. I hovered my hand over one of the spells. It highlighted itself and showed me the stats, followed by my own stats.

HP: 200
Attack: 150
Magic: 400
Defence: 100
Willpower: 50

I could only assume what they all meant. I decided that I would just use some of my magic. I selected a Dark spell from the list and my hands glowed in a purple and black light. I closed one hand part way. It wouldn't make a fist. It was like I was grabbing something. Suddenly, a magical orb appeared in my hand, then expanded into a spear-like shape. I aimed at Twilight.

Words flashed in front of me: "Dark Spell - Shadow Spear" I threw the spell at her, striking her with it, causing the spell to explode and do damage to her. A long bar appeared below her. The bar depleted from 250 to 190, doing about 60 damage in all. I now had a choice to use a potion from my kit or end my turn. I decided to open my bag. It led to a new screen, showing 3 coloured bottles. Red, blue and green. Red, for HP. Blue, for Magic. And Green, for Defence. A new potion appeared, I guess as a reward. It was purple. The name read "Bubble Shield". I decided to drink that one.

The bottle appeared in my hand and I downed the contents. I gagged violently. It was extremely bitter. Suddenly, a purple force field appeared around me in the shape of a protective bubble. The turn then switched to Twilight. Twilight looked through her spells, and finally settled on a blue one. Words flashed in front of her.

"Ice Spell - Frozen Fury"

The spell launched toward me and hit my shield, freezing it and shattering it like glass. The remaining spell managed to get me and do 20 damage, dropping my HP to about 180. Twilight passed on the potion and ended her turn. The menu appeared once more. I flipped the page. I had weapons too. Only 2 though. A sword and a magic staff. I went with the staff.

The staff materialized in my hands and I lunged at Twilight, striking her twice with my staff, sending magical bursts. Her HP dropped quickly, leaving her with a mere 50 HP. I passed on my potion as well.

Twilight then grinned and opened a new spell. Her spell flashed black, green, purple and red. I immediately recognized it, even having never seen it before. Her spell launched at me and I felt a piercing pain in my entire chest. My HP dropped to 10. She then used one last potion to end her turn. The potion launched toward me and hit me square in the face. HP 0.

"Twilight Sparkle wins!" The arena disappeared, and I dropped to my knees, feeling quite defeated. The mares cheered and smiled. I wasn't very happy. I finally understood. I finally got what was going on here. This box. This weird box is a portal to one's imagination. That means, whatever you think of can happen. So I snapped my fingers, and my attire flashed from mage's robes to ordinary clothes. I stood up and pushed the heavy wooden door open and left. The ponies looked at each other, then went after me.

"Austin, wait!" Twilight stopped in front of me. "We didn't mean to upset you!"

"Yeah well, next time let me fight someone who isn't any good at magic and maybe we can have an even match." I continued past her.

"But Austin, you have to be okay with losing...It's just a game!"

"Well a game isn't fun if you can't win."

"You could though!"

"You beat me with one straight shot when I had 180 HP...I hardly landed a blow on you..."

Pinkie corrected me. "well, actually, she had about 50 HP from 250...you did about 200 damage in 2 turns-"

"YEAH AND SHE DID 200 DAMAGE IN ONE TURN."

Pinkie's ears flattened against her head.

"I'm sorry, but when the odds are clearly out of my favour, you seem to think that I'll be okay with it all. I mean, if I don't even stand a chance of winning the very start of the game, then what's the point in playing?"

The ponies looked at each other, then back at me.

"Well...how can we make it up to you?"

"How about we play a game of MY creation?"

"Um...sure." They all agreed to that. It seemed pretty fair.

"Perfect..."

The area turned into a glass box with a wooden floor. 6 rubber balls appeared along the center line, dividing it into 2 halves. The ponies stood on one side, myself on the other.

"Eliminate your opponents. Hit them with a ball, they're eliminated. You catch a ball, the thrower is eliminated. Get a ball knocked away by an opponent, you're eliminated. Step across the center line, you're eliminated. You can only throw a ball. You can't kick, punch, headbutt, spit on or even step on ball. The game ends once one team has no available players left."

"What are the teams?" Twilight questioned.

"Me vs you 6."

"But the odds aren't in your-"

"No, suprisingly it's pretty even. Oh by the way. You can dodge the ball you know. You don't just stand in place and throw them, hoping they'll miss."

"Are you sure?" Pinkie asked.

"Positive."

3...2...1...GO!

The 6 ponies all ran and grabbed a ball. I stood there, non-chalant.

"Um..."

"Just go." I smiled at them.

The ponies looked at each other, then shrugged and all threw their balls at once. I slipped between the gaps quite easily, managing to catch Fluttershy's ball in the process. Fluttershy suddenly disappeared into a flurry of smoke, and reappeared outside the glass box. I grinned.

"My turn." I threw the ball with a backspin. Rainbow dodged it quite easily.

"Ha!" She taunted. Suddenly, the ball's backspin made it reverse direction in midair and hit her in the flank.

"What?!" Rainbow disappeared and appeared with Fluttershy, completely confused about how that worked. I picked up another ball and rubbed it against my hair, charging it with static. I fired the ball toward Twilight, who dodged it. But the ball turned around and chased her. She ran around her side of the court, the ball not letting her out of range. Suddenly, she ran into the glass wall, and the ball hit her. She appeared outside with Rainbow, rubbing her muzzle.

"Owww..." She moaned.

I threw another one, this one intended for Rarity. Applejack suddenly leapt in front and it hit her instead, making her appear outside. Rarity picked up the ball and threw it. I caught it and she disappeared too. Pinkie stood there, determined to win. I was too.

The physics-breaker vs the dodgeball player....the pink mare vs the brown hair.....the party girl vs the earth world....The final showdown.

2 players....1 ball....She suddenly wrapped her curly tail around the ball and threw it toward me. I dodged it and threw it back. Pinkie dodged it and threw it back. This continued for a while.

Finally, Pinkie picked it up and wound it up in her tail. Her tail coiled around it like a snake, then fired it at me. The ball spun so fast it created a sonic boom, and slammed into me. I hit the wall, and slid down. The girls watched in hushed anticipation. I slowly moved my arms away, revealing the ball sitting in my lap. Stalemate....

I had caught the ball, but dropped it...The room disappeared and we were sitting in a grassy field. The girls took a few steps back in case I burst into anger again. I smiled and started to laugh. The girls started to laugh too, but awkwardly. I just stood up and smiled at them.

"Thanks."

"For what?"

"For showing me a good time. This is the most fun I've had in a while."

They smiled and walked over, then I felt something weird. I opened my eyes and saw them in a group hug with me. Huh...The famous MLP group hug. I just smiled and put Pinkie into a headlock and playfully rustled her mane. She laughed and pushed against me.

=================

We crawled out of the box about another 2 hours later. We sat in the living room just relaxing after the fun we had inside that mysterious cardboard crate. Then I felt something flop onto my lap. I looked down and saw Pinkie laying there on her back, smiling at me. I playfully rubbed her belly and she laughed, obviously very ticklish. I sometimes question her behaviour. But I have to remember who I'm dealing with.

Finally, we went to bed, this time, I let all 6 ponies sleep in my bedroom. They all curled up either on or near my bed. I gave each one a blanket and pillow, and then passed out myself.

My New Room-mares: Day 6 - Part 1

I woke up that day feeling more or less normal. The ponies are used to me, and I have gotten used to them. They're still a little antsy about the fact that I eat meat, but they understand. Well, I never asked Twilight this, because I never thought about it. But I wish I did when I wasn't doing something like drinking some soda in front of Rainbow Dash....It hadn't dawned on me before, but that's when it hit me like a ton of bricks...

If Twilight's house is under repairs, and the rest of her friends are too, in fact, every pony in Ponyville has had their home destroyed due to parasprites....WHERE IS SPIKE LIVING?!

"PPPFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!! I spat my soda all over Rainbow Dash's drowsy face, causing her to recoil and fall out of her chair. I wanted to apologize, but I needed to ask Twilight if that little dragon is okay...

"TWILIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT!"

Twilight teleported in, looking around protectively.

"What happened? Is the kitchen on fire? Is Fluttershy hurt? Did Pinkie break something really important?"
"Twilight, you said Ponyville is destroyed and under repair?"
"Yeah?"
"Where's Spike living?!"

Twilight stopped and thought about it for a while. When the town was destroyed, Spike was in Canterlot for a vacation.....

"I think he's still with the Princesses..."

Rainbow got up, sticky and rather upset.

"What the hay, Austin?! When I said I wanted a shower, I didn't mean I wanted you to shower me with mouth-cola! Gross!"
"Sorry Rainbow....Go take your shower....I'll make sure you're not disturbed...."

Rainbow grumbled and flew into the bathroom and slammed the door. I heard her yell from the bathroom.

"How in Equestria am I supposed to use this thing without hands?!"

Oh yeah, that's right....my shower has knobs, not levers or buttons.

I sighed and walked in, turned the shower on, then walked out closing the door behind me. I didn't see anything I wasn't supposed to. It's not like they wear clothes....Twilight then took interest to my phone. I didn't know whether or not they had phones in Equestria....I watch the show, but it never really clarified....Not that I remember.

"What's this Austin?"
"It's a telephone. You use it to talk to people far away from you."
"How far?"
"Pretty far...I can talk to my friends across the country with it, and if I wanted to, I could probably call someone on the other side of the planet...."
"Really? What kind of spell is it?"
"It's not a spell...it's electricity."
"Huh."

We sat around for a long time, I rapped my fingers against the chair's armrest. Then Twilight heard Pinkie talking to someone....She turned and saw Pinkie standing in the kitchen with a pony with a snow white coat, but with a neon blue tail and mane. Her big purple sunglasses shimmered from the light in the kitchen. Twilight walked over, then whispered hastily to Pinkie Pie,

"WHAT IS VINYL DOING HERE?!"
"Relax, Twilight...She's not staying. Just visiting."
"You realize the ponies are NOT supposed to know about Earth?"
"Just relax! The Earth officials say it's okay for her to visit..."
"But what about Austin?!"

I stood up.

"Twilight? What's going on...?"
"N-NOTHING! Nothing! Everything's fine!" She turned to Pinkie. "Hide her!"
"Where?!"

I walked out and saw Vinyl Scratch standing there, just staring at the two ponies bicker.

"Ummm...who's this?"
"Um...." Twilight swallowed. "This is Vinyl Scratch, otherwise known as DJ P0N-3...Pinkie wanted her to visit..." She shot a look to the party mare, who just grinned sheepishly.
"Yeah that's fine...just don't touch anything..."

Vinyl finally piped up.

"Sure thing, weird bipedal dude."
"Austin...and I'm a human."
"Sweet. Nice to meet ya."

Pinkie walked over to me.

"Hey Austin, ever been in a rap battle?"
"Not yet..."

Me and Pinkie stared, then grinned at one another like we just shared an inside joke neither of us got, yet still did...

EPIC RAP BATTLES OF EQUESTRIA!!
Austin
VS
Rainbow Dash

BEGIN!

The human is back! He's walking up on the scene!
He is on the attack! So you'd better flee!
I've got more rhymes than Twilight's IQ!
You think you can beat me? HA! I'll own you!

Daring Do? She ain't got nothin' on me!
She's got a magic idol? WELL I HAVE 3!
And this mare over here thinks she's got skill?
I've seen better rapping come from roadkill!

You own all her books? And you call TWILIGHT an egghead?
It's no wonder you can't rap! I bet you hardly even know what I said!
You're the fastest thing alive? Yeah well how about that...
I can beat you any day! IN TEN SECONDS FLAT!

You call that a rap? Don't make me laugh!
You can't even sing without breaking glass!
You'll beat me in ten seconds flat?
Then why does your voice sound like Rarity's cat?!

I'm a pegasus pony, that means I can fly!
What do YOU do while I soar through the sky?
You walk, and that's about all you're good for.
Well that, and using a knob for getting through doors.

Mess with me, and I'll show you my Sonic Rainboom.
You'll be on the receiving end of a one way trip to the moon!
In this rap battle, you're gonna be the loser.
And sorry, Austin...You need to be about 20% Cooler!

You wouldn't know coolness if you were frozen in ice!
And honestly Rainbow Dash, lemme give you advice.
Before you go making jokes about the moon,
remember who was REALLY there! Aw, sorry Luna, too soon?

A rainbow is made of nothing but water and light!
That doesn't make you special when you take flight!
I'm more or less done, so you can have your turn.
But remember, you're gonna Rainbow Crash and burn!

You think you've won? I don't think so.
My rhymes were way better than yours, just so you know!
And as for that name, yeah I'll admit that was smart.
But what else do you do besides play Mare-io Kart?

I can't believe I'm wasting time rapping with you...
You're so bad at rapping not even Fluttershy can stand you!
This rap battle is over before you even see it!
I won this round, Austin! BELIEVE IT!

WHO WON?

WHO'S NEXT?

EPIC RAP BATTLES OF EQUESTRIA!!!

Author's Note

Don't actually comment about who will be next...this was just a one time thing...But you can say who won in the comments! 8D

Adventures in Foalsitting 1

Adventures in Foalsitting 1
Sketchy Ideas

There was quite a commotion coming from Twilight's house one morning. Apparently, now, don't quote me on this...but as it turns out, Twilight was arguing with a certain human. It was getting pretty heated honestly. Lots of shouting and even some magic blasts were heard coming from inside the library, sometimes you might hear a crash of something breaking, or a book being tossed. Finally, there was a bright purple flash that illuminated all the windows and then when it finally faded, silence.

It was silent for a long time. 10 minutes at least. Though, it felt like hours. Finally, Twilight's concerned voice was heard from inside the library.

"Oh my Celestia...are....are you okay?"

*10 minutes earlier*

I threw a book at Twilight, obviously very angry with her. Twilight ducked and screamed some sort of weird pony profanity at me.

"Look I said I was sorry you stupid purple numbskull!"
"THEN WHY ARE YOU STILL THROWING BOOKS AT ME?!"
"YOU STARTED IT!"
"UGH! You are so frustrating!"
"You're not so fun yourself, sweetheart!"
"I TOLD YOU NOT...."

I saw Twi's eyes turn a blinding white. Her horn glowed.

"TO CALL ME...."

I backed up a bit, obviously pushed her too far.

"Whoa Twi! HOLD ON!"

"SWEETHEAAART!"

I felt Twi's magic smash into my chest, knocking me clear off my feet and into a bookshelf, toppling books on top of me, and I blacked out for a while.

Ten minutes at least passed by with no one saying a word. I slowly opened my eyes. I couldn't feel my hands or feet. The books were honestly a lot heavier than they usually were...strange...

I heard Twilight's voice, though muffled, I could tell she was concerned...

"Oh my Celestia....are....are you okay?"

I groaned heavily, then managed to utter something.

"Y-Yeah....I...I think so. You mostly hurt my pride, not my body."

Oh my Celestia, I think I just killed Austin....I didn't mean to hit him so hard with magic! I didn't even mean to use that spell, whatever it was! Is he breathing? I can't tell under all those books...

"Oh my Celestia....are....are you okay?"

Please be okay, please be okay, please be okay!

I see the books shift a bit, and I can hear his pained grunts from underneath the books.

"Y-Yeah....I...I think so. You mostly hurt my pride, not my body."

Oh thank Celestia....I swear I killed him there for a second...He never moved for ten minutes, so I got worried. I'd better get all those books off him...

Twilight's magic aura flooded over the pile of books and slowly pushed lifted them off of me...I laid there, still aching from hitting the shelf. Then I opened my eyes again and looked at Twilight. She looked...very concerned...I thought I had told her I was okay. Was I injured to the point where I didn't know I was injured?

"Twi? Twi, what's wrong? Is my head backward? Is my arm snapped in two? What's wrong?!"

Twilight swallowed and continued to stare for a while, then she finally said something.

"Um...no. Yo-you're fine....m-mostly. It's just....um.....Here....."

She hovered a looking glass in front of me, and I stared into my reflection in shock and horror. She had turned me into a foal. Thankfully, I was a colt. But I was still a foal....looked a lot like my OC, Sketch.

I normally would've snapped and panicked. But I decided not to and just took deep breaths. Finally, I said to her, as calmly as possible,

"Okay....Okay. I am now a colt. That's....not what I'd like to be, but hey, I'm alive. Now....Twi....I think we can set aside the argument for now and work on a spell that'll turn me back into a human, please?"

Twi gave a slightly panicked nod and smiled.

"Okay, I'll get on it. But I can't take care of a foal here....Not while I research the spell....I need a foalsitter...."
"Look, I don't need a fancy foalsitter to take care of me, I'm still 16 years old!.....mentally."
"Maybe so, but you don't look it..."

That's when we heard a soft knocking on Twilight's door. Twilight answered and saw Fluttershy standing there.

"Um...h-hi Twilight. I was just stopping by to visit...um...if that's okay with you."
"Sure Fluttershy, come on in."

Twilight stepped aside and let the timid pegasus in, then she spotted me and her soft aqua eyes went wide.

"Who's that?"
"Um....uh....This....is.....um....." She looked around for an idea for a name. She spotted her quills and a pencil.

"Um....SKETCH! This is Sketch. I...well...It's Austin, but I turned him into a foal for...uhm..."

I chimed in quickly to cover for Twi. "AN EXPERIMENT IN TRANSFORMATION SPELLS!"

Twilight nodded and smiled. "Y-Yeah! What he said. So...for the time that he's a foal, he'll be called Sketch."

Fluttershy nodded. "I see."

"But I can't really keep him around here with all these....dangerous bookshelves and all. He may get hurt. So....we were wondering...Do you know any foalsitters that are available for him?"

Fluttershy's eyes lit up like a christmas tree and she suddenly flew over and scooped me up into her forelegs, holding me close.

"I'll do it!"
"Um, Fluttershy, you have to remember, you're house is full of critters....I don't know if-"
"Don't worry, Twilight. They're all very nice and gentle. Besides, all the bigger ones who could do any harm to him usually live outside or in the Everfree Forest."
"I dunno Fluttershy..."
"Um, do I get a say in this?" I finally chime in.

Twilight thought of something.

"Hm...Okay, I'll tell you what, Fluttershy..."

Twilight instructed Fluttershy to sit on her flank with her hind legs out. She was confused, but did it anyway. Twilight walked over with her quill and then sat near Fluttershy, then turned to her.

"If you can stand 5 minutes of me tickling your hooves with my quill, I'll let you foalsit Sketch. Deal?"

Fluttershy nodded and smiled.

Twilight started to gently flick the fluffy end of the quill against Fluttershy's hooves, and Fluttershy immediately put her forehooves to her mouth and started to hold in her giggles.

Twi smiled and continued to tickle her. "Remember, no laughing or else you don't get to foalsit Sketch!"

I sat there, watching the two mares silently, ears flat against my head. I guess Fluttershy is a better foalsitter than any....I mean, I can't fly, so Dashie couldn't. I've already seen Pinkie with the Cake's foals, so I don't think that would work out...and frankly, Rarity treats her little sister like a servant mostly. I guess Applejack wouldn't be a bad foalsitter, but then again, she'd probably give me chores or something, and I'm no good at farmwork.

Fluttershy kept stifling her snickers and giggles, using her hooves to cover the very scrunched and goofy looking smile spread across her muzzle. I gently rubbed my horn with a hoof curiously. It felt kinda fuzzy. I went back to sitting there watching the two mares, until finally....

"Annnnnnnd....TIME!" Twilight said. "Wow, you actually did it!"

Fluttershy then burst into a flurry of giggles and laughter. My ears went even lower. You know, I said before I didn't need a foalsitter....I feel like a Fluttershy among the mane 6....

Fluttershy finally stood up and walked over to me, scooping me up and then setting me into her saddle bags.

"Just sit still and you'll be fine. See you tonight, Twilight!" She walked out the door with me gently bouncing at her side. I sighed rather heavily and just decided I might as well enjoy the ride while it lasted....Though I totally didn't agree with this.

So Fluttershy carried me all the way to her cottage, which honestly was a much farther distance than I had anticipated. She set down the saddlebags and I stepped out, then looked around. It smelled an awful lot like a stable, honestly...but then again....

She smiled warmly at me and then went to find something. I decided it was best not to ask questions, so I went over and sat my fuzzy flank on her couch, and she came back over with a board game.

"You like Chutes and Ladders?"
"Um...Not really." I said, ears flat against my head.
"Scrabble?"
"No..."
"Pictionary?"
"Uh-uh..."
"Well....what do you want to do?"

I tapped my chin thoughtfully, then shrugged. I was stumped on an activity. Fluttershy thought for a minute. I wasn't anything like the CMC, so she couldn't really just play the 'Quiet Game' with me. And she didn't have any games that colts would like. Finally, she spotted a brush and turned to me.

"You wanna brush my mane?"

I shrugged and took the brush in my magic, and she sat in front of me as I ran the brush through her off-pink mane. It was actually kinda fun. We had a long conversation about ourselves and what it's like on our respective worlds. She told me about the time that she and the others took down Nightmare Moon, and what it was like being greyed out by Discord. She told me about the Royal Gala and about every Pinkie Party she was ever at.

I told her about my life back on Earth...Told her the games I play, the things I do, the stories I write. She seemed actually really interested. No one ever bothered to listen to my life story...Then again, no one asked me. I told her about the time I passed out in a puddle of soda and then woke up with my face stuck to the table. The time I won my Grade 2 Karaoke contest, every school play I've ever been in...It was actually really fun. And by the time that we were finished and both Fluttershy's mane and tail were entirely brushed until there wasn't a single knot or split end left, 3 hours had already gone by.

Fluttershy looked at her clock and saw that it was time to go feed her critters.

"Oh my! Where'd the time go? Wanna come Sketch?"

"Sure!" I hopped onto her back and she carried me out to the backyard, where a large group of all sorts of animals where waiting. Fluttershy smiled and got out a few bags of feed, then, with my help, fed all the animals there. We went back inside and sat on the couch. That's when Angel hopped over and gently rapped at Fluttershy's hooves with his foot. He pointed to the clock and Fluttershy's eyes went wide.

"Oh no! That's right! I was supposed to help Rainbow Dash clear the clouds this afternoon! Ooh, but I can't leave you here alone....What would Twilight say? *gasp* Wait! Twilight! Come on Sketch!"

Before I could react, Fluttershy scooped me up into her saddlebags and then put them on, galloping back to Ponyville. After arriving there, Fluttershy knocked on Twilight's door. She answered it and looked confused.

"Fluttershy? Sketch isn't due back until tonight..."
"I know, but I forgot that Rainbow Dash wanted me to help her out with the clouds this afternoon, and I couldn't just leave Sketch alone. So I need you to cast the cloud walking spell on him."
"Why?"
"Because he might be kidnapped or hurt if I leave him on the ground while I clear clouds."
"Well....What's he say?"

I poked my head out of her saddlebags and just nodded.

"Well.....okay, just be careful! I don't want him to get hurt."

Twilight took me out of Fluttershy's saddlebag, then cast a simple cloud walking spell on me. I didn't feel any different...Fluttershy scooped me up and put me back into her saddlebag, then flew off into the sky. I was honestly really really high...I peeked out and instantly regret that decision. We must've been like, 30 thousand feet off the surface! Fluttershy finally stopped and hovered near Rainbow Dash, who was currently perched on a cloud. Dashie smiled when she saw her, but then looked at her saddlebags and gave her a confused look.

"What's with the bags?"
"Oh, um...I'm foalsitting Austin, but he's been turned into a unicorn colt, so I got Twilight to cast a cloud walking spell on him so he would be safe..."

Rainbow Dash took a minute to absorb all that, then peeked into her saddlebags. I poked her nose with my hoof.

"Boop!" I smiled.

Rainbow Dash rubbed her nose and smirked.

"Okay, just keep him somewhere where he won't fall..."

Fluttershy nodded and took me out of her saddlebag, then sat me down on a nearby cloud. It was rather large, so I probably wouldn't fall. Probably....

I watched as the two pegasi kicked, smashed into, blew away, sliced and dispersed the many clouds plauging Ponyville's skies. Finally, Dashie flew over to me and picked me up.

"You wanna give it a go?"
"How? I dun have no wings."
"I'll carry you, and you kick them!"

I nodded and she flew around to some smaller clouds. I kicked them and watched as the they exploded and disappeared. After a while, the 3 of us all sat back down on a larger cloud hovering over a park, and we took some time to relax. The two pegasi laid on their backs, with my sitting between them. Finally, curious, I turned to Rainbow Dash.

"Hey Dashie?"
"Yeah, squirt?"
"Why is it you can't disperse storm clouds like you can regular clouds? I mean, the storm clouds almost seem bouncier than the other types."

Rainbow Dash turned to a nearby storm cloud, then flew it over to us.

"It's because storm clouds have a lot more water in them than regular clouds. You can make white clouds rain, but it normally doesn't last long before the cloud destroys itself."

Dashie hopped onto the top of it, then kicked it, making lighting spark everywhere. Me and Fluttershy just barely avoided a bolt firing past us.

"See? In order to disperse a storm cloud, we have to drain the water first."

Dashie flew the cloud over a nearby lake, then hopped on it repeatedly, making the cloud rain heavily until it turned white. She then took the cloud back and kicked it, dispersing it. She then flew back over and smiled.

"Well what about the clouds that make up your house? Or Cloudsdale? Can they be destroyed?"
"Actually, no, they can't. Those are specially made so that they can't be destroyed or drained of water. Otherwise, vandals could easily break into houses and stores and take what they want....If we could destroy them, Cloudsdale would look more like swiss cheese than a city."

She flew back over and smiled.

"Well, what it like just sleeping on a cloud? You seem to do it a lot."
"It's really comfy! They're soft and springy, and conform better than those weird memory foam mattress thingies."
"You pegasi are so lucky." I crossed my forelegs. "You can fly, and walk on clouds, and make it rain and control the weather..."

Dashie smirked and gave me a gentle tap on my shoulder.

"Oh come on...We're not THAT great. I mean, we can't use magic, or cast spells like you can, squirt."
"Yeah, and you don't have to worry about getting your feathers wet when it rains." Fluttershy said.

Dashie giggled. "Yeah, it's almost impossible to fly with wet feathers!"

Fluttershy and I eventually made our way back down to the surface, and Twilight walked out and smiled.

"Good news Sketch! I finally have the spell ready!"
"Oh goody!"
"Spell? What spell?" Fluttershy looked at us questioningly.
"Uhh..." I muttered.
"The second transformation spell to this experiment!" Twilight said quickly.
"Yeah!"
"Oh....okay." She said.

I walked over and Twilight cast the spell. But it was stronger than she anticipated and she ended up blasting everyone in the library with it.

I looked at myself, and sighed when I saw that I was human once again. Then I turned to thank Twilight, but bit my tounge when I saw that...Twilight wasn't a pony anymore either....

She turned bright red and quickly grabbed two books to cover herself, as did Fluttershy. My eye twitched, then I just turned away.

"Uh....yeah....th-thanks...uh....I'm off to Sugarcube Corner now...to.....stuff.....my do.....have fun...." I walked out of the room, leaving two very embarrassed humans to figure out the antidote to that spell.

Punbelievable

In Twilight's library sat a very annoyed purple unicorn, and 2 other ponies. A cyan pegasus and a pink earth pony, both of whom could NOT STOP LAUGHING. Oh, yeah...I was there too.

"So then I said....*snicker*...'That's not a very funny....YOLK!' AHHHAHAHAHAHAA!" Pinkie kicked her legs uncontrollably.
"Oh come on Pinkie! Surely you are EGGS-aterating!" Rainbow laughed loudly.
"GirrrrRRRLS!!" Twilight screamed. Everyone stopped laughing and looked at the frazzled mare. "Can you PLEASE take your puns someplace else? Preferably not here!!"
"Aw, Twiliiiight....Why? Can't handle our......PUN-niness?" Pinkie squealed with laughter, which caused Rainbow to laugh, which caused ME to laugh, which caused Twilight to chase us out of the library with a broom.

"Geez, she really....SWEPT us off our feet!" I snickered and the other two started to laugh.
"C'mon Austin! Let's keep these puns CLEAN!" Rainbow wiped her eye with her hoof.

Most people think puns are just annoying nonsense that butchers the everyday language into something so ear-bleedingly annoying, that it would make even the most sane of people find the nearest knife and ram it repeatedly into their ears so that they can't hear them anymore....

Others think it's just stupid.

We think they're hilarious.

AND by we, I mean myself, Dashie and Pinkie.

Everyone else who thinks otherwise is a poor-sport.

ANYWAY....Back to the story...

I suddenly ran over in a doctor's coat and said to Pinkie, "I'm sorry Miss Pie, but the tests say that you've become pregnant."

Pinkie gasped and said back, "OH You gotta be...KID-IN-ME!"

Dashie rolled on the ground laughing.

"Did you seriously get pregnant just to make a pun?"
"Totally BIRTH it!"

Rainbow was holding her aching sides, laughing uncontrollably, then got up and dashed away, then came back with a fake 'stache and a razor.

"I mustache you a question! But I will shave it for later...." Me and Pinkie started laughing. We seemed to be drawing a bit of a crowd...

Pinkie ran off and came back inside of a giant pie crust. I played along and said to Rainbow Dash,

"Hey Dashie! I got you a pie!"
"Oh boy, what flavor?"
"PIE FLAVOR."

That's when Pinkie bust out of the pie crust and yelled "SURPRIIIISE! I'm your pie!"
Dashie laughed, then said, "D'awww, you're so.....SWEET!"
"It's just a shame AJ wasn't in there...." I said solomnly.
"Why?" Dash asked.
"Because then it'd be an apple pie."
"You trying to ship us, Austin?" AJ said from the crowd.
"Are you kidding? This pie crust would sink for sure! Apple pie doesn't float, silly filly!" I said with a broad grin.

That small crowd soon turned into a large crowd, then that large crowd turned into a massive crowd! All watching me, Dashie and Pinkie improvise comedy using puns.

"Hey Dashie! Why did the pony cross the road?"
"I don't know, why?"
"Well come over here and I'll tell you!"

Dashie walked across the street and stood next to me.

"To figure out the punchline to this joke!"
Dashie laughed when she realized what she just did.

"Hey Austin!"
"Yeah Pinkie?"
"Remember how Celestia and Luna are the princesses of the morning and night?"
"Yes?"
"And how Cadence was Twi's babysitter?"
"Yeah."
"I guess that means that Cadence was the princess of...TWILIGHT?"

Everyone ohhhh'd in unison, then gave Pinkie a sideways smirk.

"Oh Pinkie!" I say with my hands on my hips.

Meanwhile, not far from where we were, a local theatre seemed to be getting far less customers than it should....The manager set out the ticket booth to find out why.

"GOLDEN!!"

Golden Tickets, the ticket booth operator, jumped as the manager came to talk to him.

"Y-Yes boss?"
"What's going on out here? Today's slower than a snail crawling through molasses on a freezing December night!"
"I'm not sure boss....Something seems to be entertaining the ponies somewhere else!"
"What's that commotion over there?" He said, peering down the street at the massive crowd.
"I don't know....It looks like a couple of street performers, sir!"
"Well whatever they are, they're taking all of my customers..."
"What should we do sir?"
"I know JUST what we need to do..." He grinned, chomping his cigar.

Rarity and Twilight were walking past the theatre 2 days later.

"Have you seen the new show they're playing at the theatre?"
"Many times, Rarity....Many times...." Twilight said with a weak smile.
Rarity looked confused until she got a gander at the "NOW PLAYING" board. If her face was any paler, she'd be invisible.

The sign flashed in bright, bold letters:

NOW PLAYING:
Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash and Austin: Pun-imaginable Comedy!

Adventures in Foalsitting 2

My Foalsitter's A(re) Element Bearer(s)!

Fluttershy remembered what is was like foalsitting Austin (but as a foal, they always called him Sketch. Twilight came up with the name and it just stuck.), and was telling Angel all about it in vivid detail, despite him being there while it happened. Fluttershy was just telling him about the cloud clearing, when through her own ECB she got a message from Twilight. The ECB's were upgraded recently, so now they can record messages as well as receive them.

"Message to all friends: Please report to my house ASAP. Me and Sketch have a proposal." *BEEP*

"Sketch? But we only refer to Austin as 'Sketch' if he's....." Fluttershy's eyes widened and lit up like a firework. Before Angel could 'ask', Fluttershy was already on her way to Golden Oaks Library.

Soon, all 6 of them were at Twilight's library house. They all knew who Sketch was. (Rainbow couldn't keep her mouth shut.) But they were confused as to why he's a foal AGAIN.

Twilight explained before she would call down Sketch.

"Well, we're all getting to age where we would soon want a foal of our own." She began. This cause all of her friends to turn red in the cheeks, and look away, avoiding the statement.
"That being said, I managed to convince our human companion to become a foal so we could practice a bit!"

"What in the hay sparked this idea?" Rainbow asked.
"Well, after Fluttershy told me about what it was like, I felt something tense up." Twilight said, putting her hoof on her chest. "And it got me to thinking about how I would raise MY foal, if I had any."
"So you thought that if we foal-sat Aust-....I mean Sketch....we might get an idea of how we would raise our future foals?"
"Precisely! That being said, I was first wondering if any of you would like to take part."

No one said anything, and a few pawed the ground gently.

"Is that a no? I mean I could raise Sketch for 6 weeks if that's the case-" She said turning around to go upstairs.
"WAIT!" Applejack suddenly interrupted. "Ah'll do it....I'm just a might nervous is all..."
"If AJ is doing it, I'll try too...." Rainbow said, looking embarrassed.
"Wellll.....I do have experience with the Cake's twins....So count me in too!" Pinkie hopped up and down excitedly.
"Oh....well I might as well. Who knows? Maybe I'll enjoy....um...'motherhood'" Rarity said with a bit of distain.
"I'll do it if it means foalsitting Sketch again!" Fluttershy said with a warm smile.

"Well great! SKEEEeeeetch!" Twilight called.

Soon, they saw a tiny grey muzzle peek out from around the banister. Sketch then made his way down the stairs, wearing an adorable set of one-piece pajamas and carrying a teddy bear in his mouth. The mares couldn't help but coo and daw at his appearance. Sketch on the other hand....He seemed uncomfortable and walked with a bit of a strange waddle.

Fluttershy knelt down to see him face to face.

"He's smaller than I remember." She remarked.
"Well, I wanted this to be accurate, so I ended up turning him a LITTLE bit younger than he was before."
"How old was he?" Rainbow asked, now curious about the tiny foal in front of them.
"Well, last time YOU saw him, I imagine he was around 5 or 6 years. Currently, in his present state.....He's....."

Sketch spat out his teddy bear and scowled at Twilight.

"....8 months."
"You mean....he's not even-" Rarity began.
"Potty-trained?......Ehehe.....No, see......He's 17 mentally. He's as smart as smart can be. But I needed to make this as accurate as possible. So......Well I erased the 'potty training' aspect in his memory." She said as she put a jar up on the table. Inside was a strange glowing ball of energy.
"What IS that?" Applejack asked, shielding her eyes from the glow.
"It's his memory. I found a spell a while ago that allows me to make memories manifest as a physical form. As soon as this experiment is over, I'll give it back to him. In the meantime, however...."

Almost as if on cue, the smell reached every mare in the room and Sketch looked embarrassed.

Pinkie was wearing a gas mask and looked at Twilight.

"Well, we think it's only fair that since this is your experiment, you go first. That being said, your 'foal' needs a diaper change." She said matter-of-factly. All the other mares nodded and held their breath. Twilight groaned and rolled her eyes.

"I suppose it IS fair....." She took Sketch upstairs with her magic and changed his diaper as quickly as possible, then came back downstairs with a cleaner and a slightly more happy grey foal. Twilight however didn't seem half as happy as she was before.

"Darn foals....." She muttered.

Author's Note

Okay so this is just another mini-series (as if I don't have enough of those). I needed something to write. This came to mind. Who woulda thunk it?

Anyway, this story arc will continue until all the mares have had a turn (8 parts in all. 1 Opener [Adventures in Foalsitting 1], 1 Prolouge [this chapter] and then a chapter for each of the mares, Twilight included [Adventures in Foalsitting 3-8]. So yeah. After this arc, Companionship is Sorcery is finished, and the final parts to My New Room-mares is done, the final chapter for this story will be written followed closely by the creation of yet another sequel. This time, for Season 3 (that's right. Alicorn Twilight will be near the end chapters.). I'm planning on doing a sequel for every season. Yay!

Alright, have fun.

Canterlot (Wedding) Crashers

So there we were, deep in the thick of the battle...The changelings had us outnumbered a zillion to six. They all changed into exact copies of us. Half the time we didn't know if we were hitting changelings or each other....Finally, when we felt that the army was going to overwhelm us, we-

"No."

Austin looked at Twilight who was slowly shaking her head, her hoof against her face.

"What do you mean?"
"That's not what happened."
"What are you talking about? Of course that's what happened."

Austin sat in his bedroom, the purple unicorn sitting beside him as he was typing up a false story about his adventure in Equestria. Twilight constantly interjected with spell-checks, re-writes, grammar errors and other literature faults.

"Austin, I'm just asking that if you're going to write a story, can you make it somewhat truthful?"
"Twilight, readers don't read for truth! They read for action! For adventure! For suspense! For-"
"But what you're writing is completely made up! And your readers will know that."
"What they don't know won't hurt them."

Twilight shook her head, then began to recall what REALLY happened during the Canterlot Wedding.

It was just after Twilight's rant to her friends about Cadence being evil. Twilight had stormed away and was pouting in her bedroom. Then she heard a knock on the door.

"Twilight? It's me, Austin....do you mind if I come in?"

Twilight just opened the door with her magic and motioned Austin in. He stepped inside and Twilight slammed the door behind him.

"Twi, if it's any consolation, I believe you."
"You....you do?!" She looked up at him and he just nodded.
"Sure. Twilight, if I learned anything from my time here in Equestria, it's that your hunches are usually correct."
"Thanks Austin."

That's when the brave mares and their human companion stormed forward, pushing the army of insectoid creatures back! Further! Further! Until, with a triumphant cry, the leader fired a beam so great that it would've made Celestia herself stare in awe-

"That never happened either!!"
"Can you just...go back to spell checking or something? It's hard to write with the constant interjections!"

Twilight rolled her eyes and continued to recall the real events.

Austin peered into the throne room after everyone had left. He saw Twilight crying and was about to go in and console her, but that's when Cadence came back into the room. He watched with horror as Cadence cast a strange spell that sent Twilight into the ground in a circle of magical green fire. He glared at the alicorn, then quickly left to Earth to get some supplies.

Meanwhile, with the help of the real Cadence, Twilight had escaped the cavern's below Canterlot via minecart. The wedding was underway and was about to be complete, until Twilight and Cadence came in to crash the party. Upon doing so, Queen Chrysalis revealed her true form and attacked Princess Celestia. Twilight and the others ran to her side. Then, armed with the new orders, they ran to the Chamber of the Elements.

They ran into the Chamber, Twilight's horn was almost red-hot from how much magic she was blasting into the crowd of phonies. Changeling after changeling fell, but it was starting to be all for naught-

"FINALLY some truth in your story!"

Austin just grumbled under his breath.

As the mares ran through the destroyed streets of Canterlot, Changeling bombers were slamming into the ground all around them. Suddenly, one dropped right in front of them in an attempt to stop them. But before the changeling could do anything, Austin came in. Uttering a rather goofy battle cry, he batted the changeling far with a baseball bat, knocking it clear over the house beside them. He smiled at the girls, then began to run with them to the Chamber.

Only when they reached the bridge is when they found the horde waiting for them. They all braced themselves for battle, and after a bit of a difficulty (Rainbow being confused about her double), the fight began. The mares and Austin charged the lookalikes. Austin had the easiest time of it. He almost seemed to know which mare was genuine and which was a changeling. Finally, after a long fight scene, the Elements triumphed and then ran to the doors as more changelings started to come up behind them. That's when they found they were simply outnumbered.

And so, with the helpful distraction from the human, the Element bearers defeated the changeling queen and peace was restored to Canterlot!

".....Right when I thought you were going to be truthful."
"Oh come on, Twi....It makes for a better ending than 'the power of love defeated the queen and they lived happily ever after'...."

Twilight couldn't help but roll her eyes, but with a smile. She knew what really happened that day....It was a lot different than the way he was making it out to be...at least he told the truth about the distraction....

Austin was the only one who wouldn't go down without a fight. He was dragged in kicking and squirming, disarmed, but still fighting. The changelings holding him struggled to keep him in line. Queen Chrysalis had won....momentarily, anyway. That's when Austin broke free and started to wrestle with the queen. This distracted her briefly, allowing time for Cadence and Shining to unite and blast her clear out of the kingdom.

Austin was tossed aside after the struggle. Dazed, but not hurt, he got back up and picked up his bat. Then, exhausted, he looked around, grabbed a slice of cake and approached the ponies.

"Alright....it IS still a wedding....LET'S PARTY!!" He grinned and took a bite out of the cake and the mares cheered.

"The Great Changeling Battle of Canterlot is finally uploaded!"

Twilight smiled and hid her giggle with her hoof.

"So, Mr. Great Warrior Human....How about some ice cream?"
"Sounds good to me!"

Ask Them Anything! (Ask Blog Trial Chapter)

A/N: Okay, so this is something I don't really think has been done before. Recently I was asked to create a Tumblr Ask Blog based on this story (ie: Mane 6 + Austin answer your questions). Now, I'm not certain how many of you actually think this is a good idea, so as a bit of a trial run, I'll be accepting people asking questions on THIS chapter of THIS story only. When they (the ponies and Austin) get asked a question by you (you) the viewers, I will write up a short response here on this chapter as well. Something like this:

BronyUser123 asks:
"How many times has Pinkie tried to prank you Austin?"

Austin emerges covered in confetti and cake frosting, looking extremely unamused. Twilight can't help but giggle at the sight of him. He rolls his eyes and glares.

"Too many."

Now that was only an example. If, though, I get enough questions or enough demand to create said Ask Blog, I will create and send a link to it. Anyway, have fun!

Author, Out!

Foxtail asks:
"Ever end up breaking a Pinkie Promise?..."

Austin comes out and waves.
"Okay, so I assume this and the following questions are for me, so.....I can say with the utmost confidence that.....Yes but only once please don't tell Pinkie I'm afraid that she may kill me if she ever finds out. No, no I have not!
He grins sheepishly while his eyes dart back and forth, bullets of sweat appearing on his forehead.
"Next question?"

Time Squid asks:
"Have you ever glomped a pony? Intentionally that is."

Austin wipes his forehead with his hand and sighs with relief.
"Good, not another Pinkie question. um....Yes, I do believe I have before. I can't recall all the details clearly, but I can tell you that it was Dashie and it involved a chicken outfit and a large brass horn."
He stops and pauses.
"Don't ask what the horn was for."

elue1234 asks:
"Has Rarity ever tried to make you clothes? If so, which one was your least favorite?"

Austin chuckles.
"A better question would be 'what HAVEN'T these ponies tried to do to me?'! But in all seriousness, yes, she has. And I think the worst one was when she asked me to be a 'living mannequin' for a new dress she wanted to create for humans. Despite my protests, saying that normally girls of my species are not nearly 6 ft tall, she went on anyway and...."
Austin exits the scene momentarily, then returns in a frilly pink and white gown.
"This is definitely not my style."

paulgreendog asks:
"What do you think Dash would do if you were tiny again?"

Austin rubs his forehead and sighs.
"Huh boy...I knew I didn't hear the last of that incident...ummm...Well, as you would've guessed, at the time, I was around the size of a doll. Small enough to ride the toy ponies. Now, I bet you're wondering where those dolls came from. To answer your question, Dashie-"
Austin is cut off by RD shouting at him from off-set.
"Austin, I swear to Celestia if you finish answering that question, I am going to do a Sonic Rainboom THROUGH you!!"
He puts his arms behind his back and grins nervously.
"Alright Dashie!" He turns back to you. "She's such a kidder!"
"Who's kidding?"

paulgreendog asks:
"What if i just came in through that portal to equestrian yeah nevermind i did"

Austin and Pinkie look at each other, then burst into a fit of giggles.
"I'm sorry, but that portal is in the middle of a forest and it's at the bottom of a chasm. Not to mention, that portal had to be closed due to the government of Equestria and Earth not wanting the public to know about it. All that being said, paul...."

Pinkie and Austin quickly put on a pair of sunglasses and pull out neuralizers.
"Sorry."
"But this is all classified information."

(FLASH!)

paulgreendog asks(?) :
"Austin,
If you are going to make an ask blog-Also know that there are M!As aka Magic Anons that can do like anything
ANYTHING
okay but then lets goo in a magic world of magicalness
maybe not but nevermind"

Austin looks at the question, confused. Twilight looks just as befuddled, that is until a scruffy, teenaged boy comes in, unshaven and much more realistic looking than the Austin and Twi. He says,

"Hey. Mod here. uh...I know about the Magic Anons, and I understand the danger of them. But honestly, I don't really mind in the slightest. and as for the 'magical world of magicalness'.....uh.....Austin kinda already DID that. Repeatedly. It's literally the name of the story! 'Back to Equestria'. It means that he's going BACK to a magical world. As in he's been there before. Whatever. Anyway, back to the ask chapter."

The strange boy left, leaving Austin and Twilight huddled close together in fear.

"Who the hell was that?!"
"I have no clue!"

ConEditor asks:
"Hey Austin

Do you like the movie Austin Power Rangers?

Also, would you like to be in a relationship (as in, more than friends) with Pinkie or Twilight?"

Austin is seen walking into the scene reading a piece of paper, which seems to have the question written on it. He reads it over as he steps in, muttering to himself as he goes along. Finally he glances up, not realizing he's been on camera this whole time.

"Oh." He quickly crumples the note and tosses it aside. "The answer to the first of your questions, is no, I have not. Secondly...."

Meanwhile, off the side, a purple hoof grabs the crumpled paper and the sound of it being unraveled is heard of camera.

"I never really planned on-"
"WHAT?!"

Austin immediately facepalms, and Twilight teleports into the scene, red-faced with both anger and embarrassment.

"This question is over!"

And then it cuts to black.

Short #4: Tickle Tantrum

A/N: Now before you freak out, saying "Aw Duble! Where's Short 3? You missed Short 3! Why'd you skip Short 3?" Just chill for a second. Yes, this is indeed Short 4. And yes, I DID skip Short 3. But that's because Short 3 is under construction and it'll take a while to finish. Good? Good.

Another little one-shot that doesn't have much at all to do with the storyline at hand. Just something that came to me today. Read on and enjoy, "Tickle Tantrum"!

"I'm not doing this Rainbow Dash."

Austin stared at the pegasus hovering just off the ground in front of him. His arms were crossed and a look of bemusement was on his face. Rainbow, on the other hand, was smiling, because she knew she was pushing his buttons.

"Oh come on-"
"No."
"Just a couple gentle brushes-"
"No!"
"It'll only take a sec-"
"NO! I said NO, Dashie! Stop asking me!"

Rainbow Dash had asked Austin if he was ticklish. When he didn't respond, she asked WHERE he was ticklish. Yet another silent response. Finally, she had asked him if she could brush her wings against his side. Upon hearing how hostile he was about that, she knew.

"Oh come on, what kind of big tough human boy can't stand being tickled?" she teased.
"I'm not DOING it! I said no already!"

And with that, Austin stomped away, a little storm cloud forming over his head. Dash just smiled and flew off to find Pinkie and Fluttershy, knowing they'd want to play too. Austin on the other hand, was storming to Sweet Apple Acres, knowing that if anypony would listen to his ranting, it would be Applejack. So long as he was willing to work a while....

"hu-UH!" He kicked a tree, and the apples fell into the baskets below him.
"Good work, there, Sugarcube! You're gettin' better at that!"
"Thanks....Anyway....So Dashie started to bug me, kept asking if I was ticklish..."
"Well....are ya?"

Austin didn't respond. He just lifted a bushel of apples and started to carry them to storage.

"Sugarcube, runnin' from your problem ain't never gonna solve it."
"I know, I know....." He let out a heavy sigh. "Yeah, I'm very ticklish. Mostly on my sides and under my feet....Just don't tell Rainbow....Please."
"I won't Sugarcube. Promise."

That reassured him, knowing that if he could trust anyone, it'd be the Element of Honesty.

Meanwhile, in the kitchen of Sugarcube Corner, Rainbow, Fluttershy and Pinkie were plotting to find his weakness.

"Okay, so once distracted, you'll knock him over...-"
"-...I'll pin him down!-"
"-And then Rainbow will come in and do the dirty deed!"
"It's so simple it just might work!"

The 3 mares giggled and highhoofed, then continued to work over the plan.

The following day, Austin was walking casually through the streets of Ponyville as per usual, until he bumped into Rainbow Dash.

"What do you want, Dashie?" He deadpanned, arms crossing over his chest.
"Just a little brush?"
"No!"

Meanwhile, with Dashie distracting Austin, Fluttershy moved in and got down low behind his legs. Dashie smiled and started to get closer, her wing out and reaching for him. Austin went to back up, but bumped into Fluttershy and started to teeter.

"Timber!" Dashie said with a grin, and Austin fell flat onto his back with a solid THUD. Pinkie suddenly ran in and tied up his hands with streamers, then put her hooves on his shoulders and held him down. Rainbow sat down on Austin's legs and lifted up his shirt a little, then started to gently brush at his sides with her wing.

Austin started to laugh uncontrollably, occasionally wheezing a "Stop!" or a "Get off!". He was helpless as the pegasus tickled him silly. Rainbow giggled and watched him squirming, trying to get his hands free from Pinkie's confetti cuffs, then started to use her other wing on his other side. This just made him laugh harder and louder. The girls giggled and watched him stuggle to get free of the tickling torturers.

"Plee-hee-hee-hee-hhaaa! Please! Stop! HA HA HA!!"
"What was that? I couldn't hear you!"
"Sto-hahaha! Stop!"
"Only if you admit you're ticklish!"
"Okay! Okay! You win!" He laughed some more. "Just get off me!"

Rainbow Dash got off him and Pinkie got off his shoulders. Fluttershy undid the streamers and Austin sat there, holding his aching sides, the occasional giggle escaping his mouth. Finally he stood up, and caught his breath.

"Wow....I would've wet myself if someone tickled me THAT much!"
"Ehehehe....Pinkie, where's the bathroom?" Austin asked.

Later that day, Austin was speaking to Twilight.

"And then they pinned me down and started to tickle me crazy!"
"That's quite the story, Austin..."
"Think you could help me get some sweet revenge?"
"I think I can help..." She said with a malicious grin.

Rainbow Dash woke up the following morning in Twilight's bedroom. She looked around, confused. She went downstairs and looked around, seeing the house was empty. Or so she thought, until she heard a sound coming from downstairs. She went into the basement and saw Twilight strapped to a table, struggling.

"Rainbow Dash! Oh thank goodness! I thought nopony would ever arrive!"
"Twilight!"

She flew over and undid the straps, then helped her friend down. Suddenly, Austin came out from the shadows and pushed Rainbow onto the table and strapped her in.

"Austin?! Twilight?! What's going on?! What are you doing?!"
"We're gonna see how ticklish YOU are, Dashie!"

Austin and Twilight pulled out a feather duster and each plucked a feather.

"Oh horseapples...."

"So Dashie....Are you ever going to tickle me again?"
"No....Are you going to tickle ME again?"
"Don't plan on it."
"Good..."

The two of them made amends just outside Sugarcube Corner, and to seal the deal, they hoofbumped, then hugged, which was a rare occurance for Dashie.

"So...let's just see what Pinkie has in store for us at this Mystery Party of hers...."

They turned and opened the door and saw Pinkie, with her friends strapped to tables and mechanical arms each holding a feather protruding from the table's edges. Her friends were all being tickled and laughing uncontrollably.

"Austin! Dashie! Great! You can help me test out my new Tickle-master 3000 too!"

They stared for only a brief minute, then turned and ran screaming from Sugarcube Corner. Pinkie just stared at the two of them run over the horizon and disappear from sight.

"Huh.....I wonder what got into them?"

Majora's Mare

Austin was sitting with Twilight, Pinkie and Rarity at the library over some tea (which Austin refused to drink because he doesn't like tea.) and discussed something that the three mares have been meaning to talk to him about. Twilight was in it for the science, Rarity was in it for the fact that she helped design the objects in question, and Pinkie was the one who started the whole thing. And Austin wasn't sure he wanted any part of it.

"So remember that day you mentioned that one game to Pinkie? What was it again? Majaka's Mask?"
"Majora's Mask. And yes....why?"
"Well, we were hoping you'd help me test a new enchantment."
"....firstly, what enchantment? Secondly, what are they enchanting because I am NOT wearing another dress."
"No no, don't worry darling! After that last.....incident...." Rarity shuddered as she said that. "I don't think I'll be making you model anymore human dresses."
"....That doesn't answer my question, though."
"Some masks." Twilight smiled and pulled out a burlap bag and emptied the contents onto the table.

The table was now littered with 6 rather familiar looking masks of some very familiar ponies.

"......Those are the scariest freaking masks I have ever laid eyes on. The eyes are so huge and.....EMPTY."
"Well, we wanted them to be accurate, but at the same time....wearable."
"I'm not putting on any of these masks."
"Aw, Austin!" Pinkie's ears wilted. "I thought you said you WANTED magical masks like in that game!"
"I do, but not....THESE ones...No offense girls, it has nothing to do with you or your faces, but I was expecting things like the Bunny Hood, or the Captain's Hat, not.......erm....you!"
"We're not asking you to wear them all day, just to test their capabilities. It's for science!"
"......Only for today?"
"Unless you change your mind, yes!"
".....Fine...."

Austin stood in Pinkie's pocket dimension with the girls watching from a safe distance behind bullet-proof, magic-proof, Austin-proof glass. Simply put, the tests were very simple. Put the mask on and navigate the obstacle course using the mask's powers. Pinkie was even nice enough to theme the courses after the pony who was to complete it.

Austin stared into the very rustic course, the smell of freshly baked apple pastries at the end of the course, as a reward for helping test the mask. The orange muzzle of the mask and the huge empty holes where the eyes were supposed to be stared at Austin as he held it up to look at it. He glared at it, then turned it around, and donned the mask.

He felt the magic course through him, the magic flowing mostly through the muscles in his legs and arms. He stared through the eyes of the apple farmer and then set off. Twilight timed and graded his performance as he went. He leapt over wooden fences, running through the mud and then using a rope to swing from one platform to another. Once at the end he took the mask off and picked up an apple tart and ate it, signalling the end of the course.

"No offense, Applejack, but I don't think I want to wear this mask again! It makes me feel really weird!"
"None taken, sugarcube!"

Austin sighed and donned the next one, a cyan mask. He suddenly felt a pair of wings materialize onto his back and his bones become lighter. He shuddered at the bizarre feeling and looked at the course ahead of him through the big holes the mask had for eyes. The course was mostly made up of clouds and other weather hazards.

"Ten seconds flat....WHY'D I JUST SAY THAT?"
"Just relax Austin! Now.....go!"

Austin flew off into the course, dodging lightning bolts and other potentially harmful hazards, and then barely avoided a tornado fly-by. He kicked a thunder cloud and it sent lightning everywhere, signalling the end of that course. He made sure to land before removing the mask and shuddered once more as his bones had to regrow to their original density.

"I'd like to go on record and say that these masks are really creepy!"
"Noted."

He stared at the white mask, unsure of what to think of it. The orange and cyan masks already made him act strangely. He really REALLY didn't want to do the remaining 4. But he would never hear the end of it from Twi if he didn't...So he swallowed his pride (and lunch) and slipped on the white mask. He suddenly felt an urge to go find an outfit that better matched his complexion, but he resisted the urge and went to work. It was very magic based, but it was mostly basic spells. He also happened to notice his once gold magic had turned into a bright blue colour.

After completing this mostly magic and logic puzzle, Austin waved to the girls and they smiled.

"How are you feeling, Austin?" Twilight asked.
"Absolutely fabulous darling-.........I swear to Celestia if you record that I said that-"
"Don't worry, Austin, I didn't....Now go!"

Austin took the mask off and grumbled as he made his way to the next chamber. Twilight smiled as she scribbled down her notes.

"No."
"Come on, Austin. You said you'd help!"
"I'm not doing it."
"Pleeeeeaaase?"
"No! There's no way I'm putting on this mask!"
"Pretty please?"
"........"
"We'll pay you!"

Austin slipped on the pale yellow mask and looked out at the course covered with flowers, bunnies and other critters. He shivered at the feeling of becoming lighter and the wings reappearing, then had to really push himself to resist the slowly growing urge to take care of all the animals in the room. He also did his best to be as loud as possible to further resist the power of the mask.

"You okay, Austin? You do realize this is just an experiment, right?"
"I'M JUST FINE TWILIGHT!"

Twilight and the other girls had to cover their ears from how loud he shouted. Twi just nodded and motioned for him to carry on.

This course was the easiest of them all. Fulfill the needs of the assigned animals and see if they will accept him as their 'leader'. The mask was much like the Bremen Mask. Upon doing so, he removed the mask as soon as he could.

".....Ohhhhh my Celestia."
"What?"
"I've never even SEEN some of these symbols!! How on earth am I supposed to figure this out?!"

Austin stood in the middle of the room, staring at the course. The object of the course was simple. Finish the math equation. He stared at the chalkboard covered with mathmatical symbols, numbers, and words.

"Just put the mask on and you'll figure it out."
"I'm not sure how this mask is supposed to help....I thought I would be getting a magic test or something."

Austin slipped on the mask as he continued.

"I mean, you are the element of magic. I'm not sure what math as to do with-" He suddenly gasped. "The velocity of the apple multiplied by the length of that rectangle, carry the 335, plus the height of the canterlot castle at it's highest point brings us the answer to this equation as.....6."

Twilight smiled. "You're right!"

Austin removed the mask and looked the sudden flurry of work he had completed.

"Whoa."

"Okay that's it, I'm putting my hoof-......foot.....down. I'm not testing this mask."
"Austin, come on! It's the last one to test and we need accurate results."
"I'm not doing it."
"Austinnnnn."
"No! No! Look! Bad stuff happens when I mingle with Pinkie Pie's powers. Dresses, cupcakes, pranking...."
"It's for science!"
"Hyperactivity, dimensional rifts, 4th wall breaking...."
"You said you'd help!"
"Extremely strange physical properties, girliness, bounciness...."
"You wouldn't disappoint your favorite pony, would you?"

Austin stopped listing things and looked up at the window and saw Pinkie's hair had deflated. He furrowed his brow and frowned, looking up at her. He sighed heavily.

"Fine..."

He lifted the mask toward his face and stared at the back of the mask. A strange pink sheen flowed through it. He swallowed hard and put the mask to his face. Suddenly, lightning sprayed out of him and an ominous hyperactive laughter filled the room. The smoke cleared and in his place stood a strange man in a yellow suit with a bald pink earless head and a yellow hat with a feather on it. He grinned.

"It's time to P-A-R-T....WHY? Because I GOTTA!" Suddenly he spun into a tornado started to wreck havoc in the course.

Dear Princess Celestia,
Our findings on the new magical masks was very informative. They told us that Equestria (and humans, for that matter) are not ready for their power. We're requesting the masks stay in the Canterlot Archives in the Forbidden Section. Forever.

Austin is still in therapy at the Ponyville Hospital. He's doing quite well, but we still have yet to cure his bizarre hot-sauce-covered cupcake addiction.....We'll write back to you with more information later.

Your faithful student,
Twilight Sparkle.

P.S.: Do not attempt to put on the masks, especially Pinkie's Mask.

Catching Up

"Whoa whoa whoa whoa, okay slowww down. One thing at a time, okay?"

The human sat there in the crystal castle, a huge holographic Cutie Map sitting in front of him as he sat in Pinkie's seat, the pony affectionately draped across his lap like a squirmy rose-colored shawl covered in cotton candy, on the receiving end of a belly rub.

"Aside from... the obvious... What did I miss...?" He said, glancing to Twilight- er... Princess of Friendship and Head Professor of the School of Friendship... Sparkle. This world's Twilight Sparkle... Ho boy, this was gonna be a long day...

"Okay... Well, how about we just cover the major events...?" Twilight said with a smile.

"Alright, that's... that'll work." He said, frowning while giving a nod.

"I ended up defeating a ancient demon god with the power of 4 alicorns-"
"Fast forward a bit, I know that part."
"Okay.. um... Rainbow Dash became a Wonderbolt!"
"HECK YEAH I DID!"

There was a pause while Rainbow Dash did several aerial tricks before landing back in her seat, brushing her chest with a hoof.

"But it's no big deal."
"Okay, um.. Congratulations." Austin said, almost questioningly. "Sorry I missed the coronation.."
"We also had a time-based adventure-"
"Leeeet's skip this one. My brain doesn't process paradoxes too well.."
"Okayyy.. uh.."

This went on for some time, a bit of this and a bit of that. A huge adventure was told and some.. not so huge adventures. Fluttershy's animal sanctuary, Pinkie Pie discovering Rainbow Dash's secret, yet another Daring Do adventure.. Most of the details were skimmed or skipped, but the major points where there.

"Oh, and then Sunset Shimmer showed up for a bit and-" Twilight started, but Austin quickly interrupted, giving her a puzzled look.
"Sunset who now?"

There was a beat and then the Princess' eyes lit up like a pinball machine. Why hadn't she thought of this ages ago?! A small frown turned into a small smile, then that smile slowly began to progress into a grin.. then a bigger grin. Soon, Austin was getting uncomfortable with the wide-eyed grinning alicorn staring at him.

"Ahem.. Twi?"
"EEE!" She squealed, getting up and running in place excitedly before she teleported next to him, her front hooves propping her up on the arm of the throne. "This is great! I wish you were here ages ago! C'mon I gotta show you something!"

Before our human hero could even open his mouth to protest, a bright flash of light encapsulated them both and suddenly they were in the library of the crystal castle, completely disorienting him for a moment as he steadied himself on a nearby shelf.

"I mean, why didn't I ever think of introducing you to Sunset Shimmer?! You're a human, she's a human-...Okay she was actually a pony but then she went through this mirror and turned human, and-"
"Whoa whoa, Twi! Slow...WHEW... Slow down! My head's still spinning here... What mirror? Who's Sunset?!" He said, rubbing his eyes.
"Oh, right.." The purple alicorn blushed a bit, grinning. "Sorry, just got so excited!"
"It's fine.. Talk to me. What are we talking about? What's this weird.. Alice in Wonderland nonsense is this..?"

Twilight trotted over and extended her hoof to a full-length mirror that looked like it was ripped right out of Rarity's vanity, and then connected to several sensitive looking devices, tesla coils and glass tubes and pumps, the wires of which were covered in a eerie magenta glow as electricity and sparks crawled all over their surface.

"THIS mirror!" She said with a big grin on her face. "This mirror acts like a gateway to a whole new world, just like yours! We've finally created a stable link from Equestria to your world, without the skydiving part."

Austin blinked, the expression on his face a twisted emotional smoothie of shock, anxiety, curiousness and probably 3 other feelings. He shook his head vigorously and looked at her, frowning a bit.

"Wait wait wait... are we talking my world or are we talking your version of my world...? 'Cause I feel like we're talking about 2 different worlds here."
"I'm pretty sure we're talking about your world, Austin." She said, point a hoof at him with a smirk. "Bipedal creatures with hands and feet, schools, cars.."
"That.. SOUNDS like my world, but I'm skeptical." He started toward the mirror before Twilight quickly stopped him in a panic.

"WAIT!" She said, gently pushing him away from the mirror. "This mirror changes you, Austin! When a pony steps through, they become... one of you, a human! And when a human steps through the portal coming back, they turn into a pony!"
"Okay... and...?" He said, raising an eyebrow.
"Well, we've never tested it the other way! What if you turn into a pony on the other side? Or turn into one coming back through THIS way?"

He paused for thought, furrowing his brow. Twilight blinked in surprise, then facehoofed and extended her foreleg at him in a "seriously?!" kind of way. "You're STILL CONSIDERING IT?!"

Austin put his hands up defensively, smiling a bit. "Okay okay, I won't go through.. But... how am I supposed to meet Sunset...whoever if she's on the other side of the mirror?"

Twilight smiled and sighed a bit, levitating over a thick, leather-bound journal and a quill, scribbling into it for a few moments. The human opened his mouth to say something, but Twilight putting her hoof up quieted him. He frowned, watching her quill dance on the paper for a few moments longer before she put the quill down. More silence. Austin lowered his brow and opened his mouth again, but Twilight shushed him once more. He crossed his arms, his frown only worsening.

Suddenly, there was a strange orange glow coming from her book's pages, alerting him. His frown faded and he slowly took a step or two forward but Twilight pulled the book away, giving him a playful smile. "No spoiling it." She said, sticking her tongue out at him as the glowing book continued to make noises that he could only chalk up to parchment scratching.. Like someone was writing in the book but nobody was there. He sighed a bit, looking at her flatly.

"Twilight, I.."

But before he could continue, the mirror's machines began to go berserk, electricity flowing faster, pumps working harder, and the otherworldly glow from the center of the mirror began to get brighter and brighter. He backed away from the portal, never taking his eyes off it just in case it decided to grow legs and attack him or something. Then, before his eyes, a golden yellow pony stepped out of the portal, wobbling as she attempted to stand on her hind legs.

He blinked in surprise, watching as the mare continued to try and stay balanced, before dropping to all fours and giving a happy sigh and a giggle, trotting over to Twilight before they embraced one another happily.

"Twilight!"
"Sunset Shimmer! It's so good to see you again!"
"What was it you needed me to see?"

Twilight smiled, turning her head toward the elephant- er... human... in the room. Sunset's eyes followed and as soon as they settled on Austin, her eyes turned to pinpricks. She opened her mouth, as if to talk, but nothing came out other than soft choked words and gasps.

"W-What.. is..." She finally managed to start, but she was quickly interrupted.
"Sunset Shimmer, this is Austin! Austin, Sunset Shimmer!" She said, waving a hoof between the two of them with a big smile.

Twilight was quickly pulled away by Sunset as the pair turned around, whispering to one another. Austin frowned a bit, not appreciating that.

"Twilight, what in Equestria is... one of them doing here?! Did the portal malfunction? Does he know where he is?!"
"Relax, Sunset, he's been here for a while. It's a bit of a long story. He's not stuck here, and no, the portal didn't malfunction."
"But why does he look like... like that?!"
"He didn't come through the portal, Sunset. He came from.. okay well, he came from the sky-"
"He's an ALIEN?!"
"No! Not like that!"

Austin coughed into his fist, scowling at them as they turned around.

"Sooo..." Sunset said, grinning nervously. "Human, huh?"
"Yyyeah..." He said, crossing his arms. "I... hear you're quite used to seeing my kind...?"
"Well.. Yes, but... In there. Not... out here." She said, pointing a hoof at the mirror.
"Right. Fun stuff?"
"It's.. it's alright. I have a great set of friends and we get into all sorts of misadventures~" She said, rolling her eyes with a smile. "Annnd Twilight told me you do the same thing here?"
"I'd say I'm more akin to a lab rat for Twilight, but we're still pretty good friends."

Twilight snorted a bit, frowning. He most certainly was not a lab rat! If anything, he was the one who jumped at every opportunity to get hit with a spell or potion!

"So!" Sunset said, coughing into her hoof before giving a big smile that was clearly trying too hard. "You uh.. You've been here for a while, then? Looking like.. uh... like that?"

Austin crossed his arms and scowled now, quickly making Sunset backpedal.

"I- uh- I didn't mean it like THAT. I meant like.. You.. the mirror.. um.."
"I get it. And yes, I came in like this, I leave like this."
"Through the mirror..?"
"No, like Twilight said. My first entrance into Equestria was via a skydive... It's kind of hard to explain... There was this whole thing with a bunch of government agents, a god of chaos... Trust me, it wasn't my choice to come to Equestria screaming as I fell from 30,000 feet."

Sunset looked at Twilight, as if expecting an explanation, but Twilight could only shrug and smile. "I'll be honest, I was just as lost as you, Sunset.. I scanned a whole acre of sky in the area he allegedly appeared from, but I couldn't see any magical anomalies..."
"Okay.. so how do you get BACK then?" Sunset said with a frown, looking at him. "If not through the mirror, and probably not through the sky..."
"Pinkie taught me how to break the fourth wall."
"The...fourth wall."
"That is correct."

Sunset only looked more and more confused, trying to process all this information. She spent years in the world beyond the mirror, and not once saw anything that even resembled anything like she was being told. She didn't skydive when she entered the human world, and she didn't skydive on the way back. There was no wall she had to break to get in and out... It was just a mirror and a statue.

Austin looked at Twilight, lifting his hand toward Sunset questioningly. Twilight grinned sheepishly, rubbing the back of her head.

"Hehe, well.. She's just trying to wrap her head around it. You gotta remember, she's not used to seeing your kind on this side of the mirror..."
"That's it. I'm checking out this mirror thing."

He started toward the mirror but both Sunset and Twilight quickly ran between him and the portal, each with a foreleg raised to halt him.

"AUSTIN STOP!"
"Yeah you don't understand! It's not what you're thinking it is!" Sunset said nervously. She was incredibly uncomfortable being a pony in front of a human, but she certainly didn't want this human going and getting hurt by reckless use of unknown magic.

He paused his advance, looking annoyed.

"Twilight, c'mon. You're like... magic mare extraordinaire. If something happens to me on the way there or on the way back, I'm sure you can fix it."
"Yeah, if you SURVIVE!" Twilight said, a few indigo hairs standing up out of her mane.
"Can I at least poke my head in there?"

Twilight and Sunset looked at each other, frowning. They wanted to say no, but on the same end, they didn't see anything wrong with it... As long as he didn't go all the way through, right? Twilight huffed and stepped aside, signalling Sunset to do the same.

"Fine. ONE peek. But that's it! We can't risk you getting hurt!"
"Thank you."

Austin approached the glowing surface of the mirror, blinking a few times before taking a deep breath as if he was about to dunk his head underwater, and shoved his head into the portal's surface. There was a pause as he stood there for a few moments, then slowly pulled his head back out, a flat expression on his face.

"Well... what did you see?" Sunset said. She felt like she knew the answer to this already, but she wondered if Austin, as a native human, would see something different. "Do you feel any different?"

He was silent, the same stony expression on his face as he turned and walked toward a shelf, plucked a book off it, opened it up to a random page, then shoved his face into it and screamed into the pages, making both mares jump in surprise. He kept screaming for a few seconds longer before he closed the book and put it back where it was, then went back over to them, looking as serene as before.

"Uh.." Sunset said with a frown, the lavender mare beside her looking concerned. "You...you okay?"
"Yeah I'm fine.. You should really put a seizure warning or something on that thing." He said, pointing to the mirror. "Lots of flashing colors and stuff."

The two of them looked at each other, then back at him with nervous smiles.

"Right... So.. You don't feel any different?" The princess asked.
"Not particularly, no.."
"Well, that's...that's good." She said, almost sounding disappointed.

There was even more catch-up to do, and Twilight and her friends were more than happy to help their bipedal friend. The Changelings evolving, Ember becoming the new Dragon Lord, the whole adventure with Tempest Shadow. He was half tempted to ask who Thorax, Ember and Tempest were, but he'd rather not be playing Meet and Greet all day, so he bit his tongue.

Sunset was also there, getting introduced to Equestria's element bearers, not that she needed to be introduced. It was still nice to do, however. Eventually, though, Sunset needed to get back home, so she went back through the portal, promising to return for a visit some time.

Their human companion however was having a hard time wrapping his head around the newly expanded Cutie Map...

"So... after that whole thing with Tempest, the map just.. what, exploded outward with new areas?"
"Well, expanded would probably be a more appropriate term, but yes!" Twilight chirped, looking over the giant table. "There's Yakyakistan, Mount Aris, Seaquestria, Dragon's Roost-"
"Okay so uh... You get sent on friendship missions to those places too?"
"Well, we haven't been to EVERY new place yet, but I'm sure we will in time." Rarity said, waving her hoof. "And it's not just us, either! Starlight ended up getting sent on one recently, and so has Sweetie Belle and her friends!"
"So it's calling ponies from all over the place, huh?" He smirked, giving a light chuckle.

He reached down and waved his hand through the map's hologram, shivering a bit before quickly retracting his hand. "Whoa that's... tingly. Must be magic or something.."

The mares giggled from their seats, a few of them rolling their eyes.

"Okay so... We've got Rainbow Dash the Wonderbolt, Rarity the Franchisee, Fluttershy the Animal Sanctuary Tender, Pinkie Pie the Party Pony, Applejack the Dependable Farmer and Twilight, a literal princess. AND Starlight Glimmer, your student, and Sunset Shimmer, your...human-pony....friend from another world." He said, putting his hand to his head as he tried to remember everything he's been told thus far. "The Changelings aren't evil anymore, there's a new Dragon Lord, several new species re-discovered, a huge map that sends you on quests, and you even had PRINCESS CELESTIA in a play?"

They all nodded, giving quiet muttered affirmations, while looking between each other.

"Furthermore, you have a whole School of Friendship, and there was a magic mirror that I'm forbidden from using because... Something something vague magic." He finished, leaning on Twilight's chair, sighing.

"That about sums it up!" Pinkie giggled.

"And not ONCE did any of you think to invite me?" He frowned, sounding dejected. The mares all looked at each other, looking a little ashamed.

"Well...To be honest, Austin, you were pretty quiet for a long time. Your visits got less and less frequent before you stopped coming by altogether. And my duties as Princess were taking up a lot of my free time..."
"Yeah.." Rainbow's raspy voice said softly. "Same with my Wonderbolt training."
"My boutique doesn't run itself, darling.." Rarity said.
"And my animals need their caretaker.."
"Parties don't plan themselves you know!"
"And my chores need doin'."

There was a pause, then all the mares looked at Starlight. Starlight jumped a bit, before frowning. "Hey, don't look at me! I didn't even know about this guy until a few minutes ago!"

Austin frowned, looking a little upset, but he let out a soft sigh. "Alright alright... I'll... start coming by a bit more often... I guess my life was getting a little hectic too." He rubbed his arm, shrugging.

They smiled at him, giggling a bit. The giggling was contagious and he started to snicker too. Soon the whole room was erupted in laughter, even Starlight was having a good time! The laughter started to die down and Austin blinked, rubbing his eye.

"Ehehe.. He.. W-What... what are we laughing about?" He said, looking around. Nopony really had a proper answer. They just all shrugged and smiled.

"Good to be back." He chuckled, rolling his eyes.

I'm Okay

There she was, just sitting there. The fact that she was just sitting there was weird as it is, but the fact that her mane was deflated and she was staring wistfully into her cup of steaming cocoa was only adding to the weird-factor. Sugarcube Corner was closed that day, so she had no urgent need to get a new batch of cookies out the door. Equestria was actually quiet for a change; no big bad that needed stamping out or some sort of friendship quest that needed to happen. It was any other day. Or at least it would've been if Pinkie hadn't been sitting there quietly for the past 20 minutes.

Austin stood in the doorway of his kitchen, leaning against one side as he held his own mug of cocoa, watching her. Twilight stood beside him, ears low as she looked up at him.

"I don't know what's wrong," Twilight said, sounding quite stressed, but keeping it to a dull whisper.

"Have you asked?" The human responded, never taking his eyes away from Pinkie.

"Of course I've asked! That's the first thing I did!" Twilight turned her gaze back to her pink companion, giving her a worried look. "But... she just shrugged and said that it was nothing."

"Then it's nothing." Austin sipped his cocoa while Twilight shot him a look.

"It most certainly not nothing, Austin and you know that! Pinkie's mane doesn't flatten out like that for no reason!"

"I'd argue, I'd ask how you know that for sure. But that won't get us anywhere," Austin muttered, standing up straight. "Right. I'll go talk to her."

Twilight's ears lowered a bit more as she watched Austin walk over to the table and take a seat across from her, getting Pinkie's attention. He set down his mug, leaned on the table and folded his hands in front of himself as Pinkie glanced up from her mug and gave him a sad, albeit polite, smile.

"Hey Pinkie," he said, giving her a half smile. "You've hardly touched your cocoa. I normally can't keep you out of the stuff."

"It's still too hot." Her voice sounded soft, but not choked up. "I don't want to burn myself."

"You doin' okay?"

Austin quietly stares at the pink mare for a few agonizing moments- the silence ringing in Twilight's ears as she bites her bottom lip.

"I ask because your mane... it's not as bouncy and curly as it usually is," he continues, trying to coax a response out of her. She stays quiet for a few moments longer before looking up at him and giving him a big, genuine smile- a smile of reassurance.

"Yeah... I am~" There's not a hint of sarcasm or sadness in her voice, but there's not a single ounce of the energy she normally outputs.

"That's good, that's good," Austin says with a nod, leaning back in his chair a bit and grabbing his mug with one hand, resting his opposite elbow on the back of his chair. "Pardon my french but what's the deal, then? You don't seem upset. You just don't seem like yourself, ya know?"

Pinkie gives him a nod, scooping up her mug with both hooves and taking a long sip from her cocoa. As she sets it down, she lets out a humid breath, smacking her lips together.

"I understand why you two are concerned. But I Pinkie Promise, I'm not any worse off than I usually am. Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye."

Austin nods, noting that Pinkie didn't go through the usual range of spastic motions accompanying her vow. From corner of his eye, he can see Twilight fidgeting a bit, her violet wings readjusting themselves. Pinkie takes another sip from her mug and sighs, then gives Austin a big smile.

"I'm okay, really."

A pause. Austin was more than ready to leave it at that and send the two equines back home, but he knew Twilight wouldn't stop pressing without an explanation. Soon, the human leans back over, giving Pinkie an interrogating gaze.

"I'm noticing your word choice, Pinkie."

Another pause. Pinkie's smile becomes wider, but not bigger. A gleam shimmers across her big blue eyes, and she lets out a soft knowing giggle.

"You're... just okay, huh?"

There's a sharp gasp of realization from Twilight and Pinkie gives him a slow nod. Everything makes sense now. Pinkie's mood isn't sour. It's not even a little off. Things are just... okay.

"Yep," Austin says, leaning back again and smiling softly at her. "Sometimes you just don't want to be all uppity and everywhere... Sometimes you just want to stand back and watch the world move without you for a bit. I can respect that, and I'm sure Twilight and the gang will too."

Things become quiet in the dimly lit dining room. Twilight approaches the table and gives a calmed smile to Pinkie, who slides out of her chair. The two embrace and Austin nods again, smiling.

"Hey, if you need a minute, you need a minute, right? You take care of yourselves now."

Twilight nods, mouthing a silent thank you to him before her horn glows, and with a bright flash, the two disappear from sight. He picks up the mugs and takes them to the sink, rinsing them out and setting them into the side, then going back into the dining room, staring out into the silent house. A sigh escapes his lips as he crosses his arms, leaning against the door frame again.

Unexpected Visit

"Yes Mom, I know......Yes, I KNOW I was gone for a week.......I've TOLD you why!! Why would I make something like that up?!.....No!....Mom, you know me better than that!........No, I don't use drugs....Look, I gotta get going now.......Yes.....No, I won't disappear for a week without calling......No....Okay.......Yes, I love you too.....Yes.......Okay......Bye."

I hung up and tossed the phone onto the couch and sighed, running my hands through my hair. I groaned and looked at the time. 2 hours spent doing nothing but try to explain to my mother that I was in a land of colourful ponies who needed help defeating an evil god of chaos. More like 2 hours wasted. I decided that I would just sit back and relax with a glass of pop and play some video games. I went into my kitchen and grabbed the 2-litre of Pepsi I had in my fridge, then opened the lid with a satisfying hiss. I poured the fizzy drink into a drinking glass and put the Pepsi back, then turned and started to walk back into the living room.

I sat in my chair and stopped. It was warm. The chair was warm. I had been standing for the duration of the phone call. So how is my chair warm, when I never sat in it? I pondered this, but then stopped. I had more important things to do. Like save the entire human race.....in Halo. I grabbed my Xbox 360 controller and pressed the center button. The console hummed to life and my screen flashed the 360 logo. I clicked Play Disc, and waited for the classic Halo theme to play it's epic song.

Instead, what I got was an 8-bit, upbeat song. I sputtered a bit and looked at the main menu of the game. In big pink letters, the title 'Super Mare-io World'. My expression was, needless to say, quite confused. The main theme was not Halo, or Mario. It was the 8-bit version of 'Pinkie's Singing Telegram'. I blinked and looked at my controller. It was pink, and on the back, was Pinkie Pie's cutie mark.

I dropped the controller and looked at the screen as if it was the scariest thing I've seen in my life. Who put this disk in my 360, why was my controller pink, and....WHO THE HELL IS BAKING CUPCAKES?! The scent of chocolate cupcakes filled the air, and I ran into the kitchen to catch the culprit. All I was greeted with was a freshly baked batch of cupcakes, with a rich chocolate iced top. My eye twitched. It's okay, I was only dreaming....Right? I heard an ominous giggle, one I had heard once before. It was coming from....MY BEDROOM!

I ran into my bedroom, heart racing. I didn't care WHO it was. I have things in my bedroom NO one should see. Nothing sexual, just private. I kicked the door in and-....nothing. Just another clue. Someone left an MLP toy on my bed. It was of Fluttershy. Who would do something like this and why? And where'd they get the game and controller? Because I'm keeping those. Those are awesome. I just sighed, then heard another giggle. This time from the bathroom. I got em now. I ran into the bathroom and saw something rustle behind the shower curtain. I grabbed it and tore it open and saw....nothing. I groaned, then saw a bottle of....something. It looked like shampoo. I took a better look.

"Rainbow Wash, the only shampoo with the magic of friendship and conditioner." I read aloud. That's just weird. Let's add up the clues:

The intruder is obviously a brony of some sort, or knows something of the show.
The intruder can also bake perfect cupcakes in only 5 minutes.
The intruder has already left behind 3 pony related things: A Pinkie controller, A Fluttershy toy, and A bottle of Rainbow Dash's shampoo.

Whoever this was, they were good. Wait...Cupcakes take about 10-40 minutes, counting prep time and baking. This person was impossible. So that left only one option....

"Pinkie Pie...."

I dashed into the living room, and, wouldn't you know it, the bubbly, pink party mare was sitting in my chair playing Super Mare-io World, eating a chocolate cupcake. She giggle-snorted and looked at me.

"Oh! Hi Austin!"
"Pinkie, what are you doing in my house?"
"I just wanted to visit! By the way, cool bedroom! I especially liked what was in the closet!"

My cheeks burned scarlet, then I lashed back with,

"Just stay out of there! Now what brings you back to Earth? Is Discord back? Equestria under attack? Fluttershy being a jerk? Rarity had a fashion disaster?"
"No no, nothing like that."
"Then what?"
"I wanted to give you this."

She tossed something at me. It was a bracelet, with the Mane 6's cutie marks as charms, and a 7th charm with a button, followed by an 8th charm, which looked like a speaker.

"What's this?"
"That's the Equestrian Communication Bracelet. It can be used to contact me or my friends at any given time, and we can help you out if we can, or bring you to Equestria to visit!"
"Weird...This is...extremely advanced...How does it work?"
"Just press the button, and speak into one of the cutie marks. You'll then be responded to by the corresponding pony."
"Wow. Wait, is that all?"
"Nope! I wanted to take you back to Equestria!"
"Why?"
"Just to visit us again. Twilight has been really missing you."
"It's only been 2 days..."
"I know."

I rolled my eyes. "Well, okay."

Pinkie giggled and smiled. "Hop on my back!"
"You sure? I'm kinda heavy..."
"Yep!"
"Okay...only if you're certain..."

I walked over and sat on her back awkwardly. She was kinda small, and I was pretty tall, so I had to bring up my long legs off the ground, putting all my weight on Pinkie's back and legs. But she just hopped, skipped and jumped right back into Equestria as if I was nothing more than air. I stepped off and looked around.

"You have GOT to teach me how to do that..." I said.

Pinkie smiled. "Maybe some other time."

We were outside the library, so the first thing I thought to do was knock on the door. A small baby dragon answered, and he looked up at me. I looked down at him. It was rather awkward for us both.

"Can I help you?" he finally said.
"Ummm...I'm looking for Twilight?"
"Who are you?"
"Austin...I'm a human."
"I'm Spike, a baby dragon."
"Oh. Sorry, I thought you were a giant lizard...."
"It's okay..."

Twilight came downstairs. "Spike, who is it-" She gasped. Then before I could react, Twilight galloped over and pounced me, pinning me face down to the ground.

"Hey Twi." I managed to mumble with my mouthful of dirt. Twilight tightened her grip on me and squee'd.
"Austin! I missed you so much!"
"I was only gone for 48 hours."
"I know..."
"Can I please stand up?"
"Sorry..."

She got off me and I stood up, dusting myself off.

"So what's been happening?"
"Nothing really. Just normal stuff. I'm glad you came to visit."
"Me too...So, can you show me around town so I won't wander around lost for hours?"
"Sure."

She showed me around, pointing out shops, restaurants, clothing stores (such as the Carosel Boutique) and a few other points of interest, such as Sweet Apple Acres, and Fluttershy's cottage. We finally ended up back at the library and she smiled.

"Any questions?"
"Just one. What's up with your writing?"
"What do you mean?"
"I mean the language you write in. The books you gave me were in fluent English, but everything else seemed like a random assortment of symbols."
"That's what Equestrian looks like."
"Is everything that's written, in Equestrian?"
"Yep. Except for a few English books I have around here. Those are the ones I gave you."
"So you can read and write in both languages?"
"Yep. After all, we're speaking English now, aren't we?"
"Touche."

I looked at Pinkie, who couldn't stop bouncing, then at Spike, who seemed to be giving me a very suspicious look. Finally, I turned my gaze to Twilight, who just stood there, smiling. I sighed a little. Something tells me my adventures were only starting...

Elementary, My Dear Austin

"Thank you so much for helping with the apple stand today!" Applejack said.

It was a busy day at the market, and AJ needed some help, so I was more than willing to. After all, I always liked helping my friends in need. I just nodded and shrugged.

"It's no big deal AJ. I'm happy to help any time."

"I'm afraid I can't let you do that."

We looked at Mayor Mare and Cheerilee approach the apple stand.

"Mayor? Cheerilee? What are you doing here?"

"We came to tell you that Austin can no longer help around your store, Applejack."

"What?!" We said in unison.

"The law says that anyone working or selling items in the marketplace must have learned basic education at Cheerilee's school."

"I've pretty much graduated high school back home. All you need to know how to do is simple math to work in a marketplace."

"That may be true back on YOUR planet, but here, the rules state that you need to have been educated at our school."

"And what if I refuse?"

"That's your obligation, but we cannot allow you to work with Applejack or anypony else here in the marketplace until you've graduated."

"And if I do?"

"We'll have no choice but to arrest you, and the court will force you to go to school, regardless if you work in the marketplace afterwards or not."

I gritted my teeth in anger as the mares walked away.

"Don't let them get to ya, Austin...I'll just find somepony else to help around my stall."

I just grunted and gave AJ her apron back. I walked away with a huff and a storm cloud over my head. Shortly after, I walked into Twilight's library.

"TWILIGHT! I NEED A BOOK ON PONYVILLE'S LAWS!"

"It says right here Austin. Any pony...or in your case...person...who wishes to work in the marketplace must have graduated from Ponyville Elementary."

I paced back and forth angrily.

"Are there any loopholes? Technicalities? Anything?"

"It doesn't look like it Austin. It's air-tight."

"Can I write a letter to the princess?"

"I don't know if it'll do any good, but okay."

"Dear Princess Celestia,

I'd like to know if you could pardon me from needing an Equestrian Elementary education to work in the Ponyville marketplace. I have graduated elementary and am close to graduating high school on my planet, so I think you'll understand.

Yours truly, Austin"

"Okay Spike. Send it."

Spike blew fire onto the scroll and it disappeared into the sky in a plume of ashes. We waited patiently for a response. Well, Twilight did. I just tapped my foot and kept looking at the clock. Finally, Spike burped up a reply from the Princess.

"Dear Austin..." Spike read aloud. "I know that things work much differently where you come from, and I would love to pardon you from taking elementary all over again-"

"HAH! Take that Ponyville law!"

"-But I cannot. The rules are the rules, and you have to abide by them just like everypony else."

"Oh."

"Maybe you should wait until I read the ENTIRE letter." Spike said.

"Sorry Austin...Looks like you're going back to school."

"There's gotta be a way around this...Think Austin think!!" I racked my brain for hours...Until finally...

"Twilight, what do I need to do in order to graduate early?"

"Well, technically, you only need to complete, and ace, the final exam."

"So if I aced this test, I'll get my diploma."

"Yes, that I know of."

I slammed a paper down on Mayor Mare's desk. She looked at it carefully.

"What's this?"

"This clearly states that I only need to complete the final exam to get a diploma, correct?"

"Well....yes, but-"

"Ah ah ah...I want the final exam now. If I ace this test, you'll give me my diploma. If I fail so much as ONE question, you can send me back to grade school."

Mayor Mare looked at me questioningly. Finally, she shrugged.

"Very well. If that's how confident you are."

Cheerilee glared at me as I walked into the door of her classroom.

"So Austin...You feel that you can ace the Ponyville Elementary final exam without studying?"

"I don't feel, MISS Cheerilee. I know."

She smirked.

"Very well. Let the test begin."

She slid a paper over to me. I grabbed it and looked at the questions.

1. Square Root of 144.

Easy. 12.

2. L x W = ?

Once again, easy. Area.

12. What is the Pythagorean Theorem?

A squared plus B squared equals C squared. This was EASY! I was gonna graduate for su-

13. What is Rainbow Dash's top Wing Power + Pinkie's Sugar Intake /day (in lbs) - Twilight's IQ?

WHAT? How was I supposed to know any of THAT? I looked under the question. They made it slightly less intimidating. It was multiple choice.

A. 386
B. 420
C. 1337
D. 69
E. 9001
F. I don't know. (See you in class tomorrow.)

Okay now it wasn't...Judging by my previous knowledge, I can only assume...So...the equation is 'A + B - C = D'. So....11.5 + B - C = D.....Wow that's easy...I needed to think hard. The average pony has the IQ of 125-150. And judging by the fact that Twilight is the smartest mare in Ponyville, her IQ is probably around the 200 mark. And Pinkie is known lovingly around here as 'The Pink Glutton', so her sugar intake per day is probably around the 1000-5000 pound area...

Think, you got to get this right....wait a minute....420? 1337?....She was using...-

I grinned and circled one of the options.

Cheerilee was marking my test with a self-satisfied smirk, that is until she reached the final question. Her jaw would need a pulley system to get it off the floor. She slowly marked it with a checkmark, then gave it back to me, still shocked.

"You....p-passed..."

I took it and grinned at her.

"But how did you-"

"It was easy. You're not the only one who knows about those numbers...By the way, Cheerilee.....You really could've picked a better number for option D. I didn't need to know what happens at your house."

Cheerilee turned red with anger and embarrassment, then hoofed me my diploma.

"Congrats on gr-graduating Ponyville elementary...." she said, full of disappointment and resent.

I took it from her and just smiled, then walked out, then stopped in the doorway.

"Oh and Cheerilee?"

"What?"

"Don't ever try to outsmart me again." I just laughed and walked out.

Cheerilee gritted her teeth.

My New Room-mares: Day 5 - Part 1

I slowly opened my eyes. Everything was blurry and kinda dim. I blinked a few times to adjust my vision. Something pink and blue slowly started to come into view. I blinked again and the image became clear. Pinkie standing over me with a huge grin on her face, nose to nose with me. I stared for a while. At first it was kind of startling, but then I sighed and blinked.

"Can I help you Pinkie?"

Pinkie nodded quickly and hopped off the bed, then ran into the other room. I sighed heavily and got up, rubbing my eyes. I wasn't in the mood for this. I just woke up and everything. I heard the pink menace call from the living room.

"Austin!! Come on!"

I shuffled into the living room and looked at the group of ponies sitting in front of me.

"What's up?" I asked.

"We want to play!" Pinkie said.

"Play what? Video games?"

"No! Just come over here and listen."

I walked over and sat with them, still drowzy from my rather odd awakening. Pinkie tossed some toys onto the floor, which included foam swords, plastic shields and a few plastic balls. There was more, but I don't want to list them. I'm too drowzy.

"So, what is all this?"

Pinkie shushed me.

"I'm not done!"

She pushed a big box into the room and tossed the toys inside.

"Okay! Hop in!" Pinkie sat and grinned at us.

The ponies looked at each other but nodded and shrugged, then climbed into the box. Now it was a big box, perfect size for 6 fully grown mares, but not me as well. I sat there, kinda awkwardly. Pinkie seemed to be waiting for me to climb in too.

"Well?" She finally said, motioning to the box.

"Well what? I can't fit in there..."

"Yes you can!"

"No, I can't."

"Yes you can!"

"No, I can't!"

"Yes you can!"

"NO I CAN'T!!"

"Yes you can!"

I facepalmed and sighed.

"Pinkie! I'm too big!"

"Just get in the box..."

I rolled my eyes and stood up.

"Look, if I tear this box or hurt anypony, I'm not taking the blame."

Pinkie didn't answer and just smiled at me. I walked over and peered into the box. Her friends were gone.

"Ooookay where'd they go?"

"Into the box."

"No, I mean they're gone...And the toys too...Is this some sort of a trick?"

"No."

"I didn't even see Twilight teleport anypony..." I inspeced the box thoroughly. It was just an empty box...I lifted it up and looked at the bottom, but it was taped shut, and the sides were intact. There wasn't even any ashes or a black mark from a teleportation spell. I put the box back down, dumbfounded.

"Would you just get into the box?" Pinkie started to sound impatient.

"But...ugh...Fine." I stepped into the box and sat down. My head poked out slightly, and I saw Pinkie climb in with me. She pushed my head down and pulled the flaps down, closing the box. Me and Pinkie sat there in the box, quietly. Finally Pinkie giggled and called out for her friends.

"Okay! You can let us out now!"

"Okay nice...Trick the human...fantastic."

The box tilted and me and Pinkie were dumped out of our cardboard imprisonment. I stood up and dusted myself off.

"Yep, reeeeallll funn.....y...?" I stopped my sentence short when I looked around. We weren't in Canada anymore...We were...somewhere. I can't really describe it. It was weird. Me and the mane 6 stood around, and Pinkie smiled at me. Suddenly, the world changed and turned into a medival setting. I looked at the ponies and they seemed to be putting armor on. Armor made of...plastic. Pinkie tossed me a thin plastic helmet.

"Suit up! We have to get ready for the changelings."

"Changelings?! And this helmet is plastic! This would protect me about as much as a pane of glass!"

"Just put it on!"

I slipped on the helmet and the rest of the fake armor, and Pinkie tossed me a foam sword and plastic shield.

"Get ready, soldier!" She grinned.

I was about to utter another protest, but the girls seemed dead-set on whatever it was they were doing...They all charged toward a hilltop and, I, armed with my toy battle equipment, shuffled up behind them. I was skeptical..I mean, the changelings were defeated already. And this doesn't even look like Equestria. Not the Equestria I knew. There were no pegasi, no unicorns...no ponies, no nothing! Just some empty stands, a few armor racks, weapon racks and a hill. When we crested the hill, I saw a huge black mass of changelings coming over the horizon. I immediately stepped back.

"Are you girls nuts?! There must be a thousand...a million! A billion of those things!! And we don't even have the Elements! Just some...toys!"

Pinkie gave me a look.

"Are you kidding me? Do you not know the raw power of the foam sword? Do you? The foam sword is the most feared weapon in all of Equus..."

"I'm outta here..." I turned and started to walk away, but Pinkie grabbed me and pulled me back.

"Oh no...there's no going back." She grinned. I pulled away, but she had a firm grip. Wait...grip?! I looked at my arm where she had me. Wrapped around it was her tail, it's curls tightening around my arm.

"WHAT THE HE-" Pinkie shoved her hoof into my mouth.

"Shh...They come..."

The changelings charged us and started to attack. The girls immediately set into combat, and I just hid behind my shield in a cowardly fashion. I saw a changeling raise his sword and bring it down on my shield. A loud metal clang erupted as the weapon met my shield, and I gave it a shot...I thrust my sword at the changeling and impaled it, spraying...confetti every...where. The changeling then collapsed, it's wound still leaking colourful bits of paper and streamers.

The look on my face could only be described as befuddled. I saw another changeling lunge at me, and I stabbed it in the chest, and it sprayed more confetti. I pulled my sword out and caught on to what was happening...I think...

Changeling after changeling met the foam of my blade, confetti sprayed the fields and swords clashed with loud clangs. Twilight was cornered by a large number of them, but within a few seconds, me and AJ had taken them down. Finally, after all was said and done, me and them walked the fields, finishing off any changelings that happened to only get small wounds. Take no prisoners. We set up a camp and dined on licorice Pinkie had brought.

"A very good battle, comrades!" Pinkie yelled and the ponies cheered. Me, on the other hand, had a mouthful of licorice, so I just let out a muffled 'yeah' from the back.

"No doubt those no good changelings will try to take this hill again but we won't let that happen!" The ponies cheered again.

Suddenly, Pinkie went from 'hardened medival soldier' to 'bouncy party mare'.

"That was fun!" The ponies laughed and nodded. I looked at them strangely with a mouthful of licorice.

"Huh?" I mumbled.

"What next?" Pinkie asked eagerly. Twilight thought for a minute.

"Ooh! What about Rainbow Racing?" Fluttershy asked.

"Nahhh, we did that last week..." Rainbow said.

"I wouldn't mind going back to Diamond Hills..." Rarity said, her eyes sparkling.

"We were there for 12 hours last time that happened, Rare..." AJ said.

"What about Magical Kingdom?" Twilight suggested.

The ponies all nodded and seemed to agree on it, meanwhile I walked over.

"Whoa whoa whoa...What do you mean?"

"We'll explain later! Next stop, Magical Kingdom!" Pinkie hopped onto a flying...cupcake-mobile and flew into the sky. The other followed closely behind with their own personalized flying machines, leaving me sitting there.

"Uh...girls? Girls you kinda left me...behind..." I blinked. "Great..." I turned and went to leave, when I saw a motorbike with jet wings. I looked around to see if anyone belonged to it. Well, the only ponies around were either dead or a changeling. Or both. I shrugged and got onto the bike and drove off into the sky in the direction I remembered they left to. I managed to catch up and saw them in robes and capes. I blinked and landed.

The scenery was now a large castle or dungeon. Torch stances dimly lit the stone cavern in a flickering light. The cobblestone floors were covered in moss and filth. I approached the mares who were dressed more like mages.

"Where's my robe?" I asked.

"You're wearing it." Pinkie said with a broad grin.

I looked at my attire. It was a long purple robe with black trimming.

"Whoa."

The ponies smiled and were chatting.

"Who wants to duel first?"

"Me me me!" Twilight seemed quite eager.

"Okay you can duellll.....Austin!" Pinkie pointed at me.

"Whoa wait...WHAT?"

Short #2: Snuggle Showdown (Re-Write of 'Huggled')

A/N: Hey guys, Author here. Just writing another one-shot short story that is no way trying to stall for time and is definately not trying to get more popularity off of someone elses far greater works. Okay I lied about that first part. But in any case, I read 'Huggled' recently and it was so hilarious, I simply HAD to re-write my own version using that wacky human you all know and love having to cope with cuddly pegasi. So, without further ado, please enjoy "Snuggle Showdown"!

Austin's ECB was constantly ringing off the hook, all 6 charms blaring at once. He did his best to ignore it, but finally, after the third hour, he gave in and decided to answer Twilight and see what her issue was. He lifted the small charm braclet up to his mouth and spoke into the microphone.

"Austin here, what's up?"
"AUSTIN I SWEAR TO CELESTIA IF YOU DON'T GET YOUR SORRY FLANK IN HERE RIGHT NOW I AM GOING TO TURN YOU INTO STARDUST!!!"
"Twilight, we've been over this....I told you I can't help you anymore than you can help yourself. I'm not a very powerful mage yet, so you'll just have to sit tight and deal with whatever it is you're dealing with yourself."
"AUSTIN!! DON'T HANG U-" *click*

He answered Pinkie's charm.

"Y'ello?"
"Austin! I'm having a super fun snuggle-fest! You HAVE to get over here-"
"Pinkie, I'm not going anywhere near my portal device or using my time-space powers until Twilight gets this problem solved!"
"But Austin-" *click*

Applejack's charm was next.

"Austin speaking."
"Austin, can you PLEASE get your hide over here and help me?!"
"Sorry AJ, I'm too busy."
"Austin, wait!-" *click*

He spoke to Rarity.

"Hello?"
"Austin, you HAVE to hide me! I-" *click*

He paused and stared at the other two charms that were still ringing. Rainbow Dash's and Fluttershy's. He knew all too well what they wanted, and they would NOT leave him alone until they got it. Recently, there was a strange 'cuddle' epidemic going on through Ponyville. Every single pegasus was dropping out of the sky and forcibly and unrelentlessly cuddling and snuggling their ground-bound friends. And not ever letting go. They refused to stop! They kept going on about how there isn't enough love going around, so they all cling to their earth-bound cousins. It was okay at first, but after a week of non-stop cuddles and creepy ear to ear grins, it started getting hectic. Austin was pretty sure he was one of the few, if not, the only hold-out that Ponyville knew of.

And the pegasi were desperate.

Austin took a deep breath, then clicked Rainbow's charm.

"Hello-"
"Austin! Come to Ponyville, quick! You're missing out on all the snuggling!"
"Um...Dashie, I-"
"No time Austin! Every second you're not here is another second you're going unloved and uncared for!"
"Dashie...-"
"Hurry up!" *click*

Austin shuddered, then stared at Fluttershy's charm. He simply did not WANT to answer her. Of all the pegasi in Ponyville, SHE was the one going at this with this most gusto. He stared at the charm, then hid the bracelet under his pillow so he couldn't see it. He swallowed hard, then glanced at the portal device. He knew he had to do something, but he didn't want to go there and face a horde of cuddle crazy ponies. Finally, summoning up all his courage and strength, he grabbed the portal device and switched it to fire the Equestrian portal.

He aimed the gun at the wall, then fired the green portal. It ended up opening upstairs in Twilight's house. Twilight was sure to be upset with him for ignoring her pleas for so long. He took another deep breath, then stepped through and waited to be either blasted to pieces by Magic Missile, or immediately pounced on by a cuddly pegasus.

Neither of those things happened. He looked around. The library was empty. Well....MOSTLY empty. Spike was still downstairs, holding Fluttershy back. He closed the portal and put the portal device into it's holster on his back, then tiptoed downstairs, quietly, and ever so carefully. Once he made it to the front door, he glanced over his shoulder. Flutters and Spike were still distracted. Good. He opened the door and snuck out, then started to use his portal device to get from the library to around town, both silently and stealthily.

Everywhere he looked, there was pegasi patrolling the streets, the air, or chasing down their assigned 'Snuggle Buddy'. He saw a unicorn, namly Lyra, being chased by Cloudchaser. He hid behind a barrel as the passed by him. Once it was clear, he ran off to find Twilight, Rarity, ANYPONY who wasn't a pegasus. He spotted AJ by her apple stand in the market, two clingy pegasi hanging off her back and legs. He shuddered, then saw Twilight running from a horde of pegasi led by Rainbow Dash.

Austin watched them pass, then made his way back to the library. Unfortunately, a misfire ended up sending him directly into the middle of the town market. Suddenly, everypony within a 100 meter radius was staring right at him, patrol pegasi included.

He swallowed hard. "Oh horseapples." He muttered.

No one moved. They all just stared at him. Suddenly, one pegasus spoke up.

"Hey...isn't that Austin?"
"Yeah it is! Who's assigned to him?" another asked.

Once pegasus opened a clipboard and looked through it, then looked up, worried.

"Nopony is!"

Austin shrugged and did his best to act nonchalant.

"Oh! Dang, huh? Heh heh! Well that's a darn shame! I guess since you're all busy patrolling and chasing other ponies I'll just be on my way!" He grinned, then started to casually sidestep toward a back alley.

"You mean, he's not getting any love or tolerance from us?" One said.
"No, he isn't!"
"Oh no!"
"Get him!!"

Austin swallowed as a huge horde of pegasi started to fly directly at him.

"Oh geez."

He ran off, using his portal gun to his full advantage, but the pegasi were not to be denied. They kept after him, using their speed and flight capabilities to chase him. Austin kept diving through portals, franticly aiming and firing at anywhere with a relatively flat surface. He ignored the calls and cries of the pegasi flying behind him, nearly matching his own speed.

"Just give in, Austin!"
"We love you!"
"Just let us hold you!"
"We all need a little love from time to time!"
"You're body says no, but your heart says yes!"

Austin gagged a bit on that last one.

Finally, in a moment of desperation, he snagged two shovels as he ran, and threw the first one into the dirt in front of him. He jumped on the handle and sprung himself toward a wall, into which he threw the second shovel. He landed on that handle and bounced off that one too, flying toward the library. He took careful aim, knowing he only had one shot at this. He fired a portal beam through an open window, then fired the other one at the ground. He disappeared into the hole, then quickly closed both portals in mid-flight. He then crashed into Twilight's closet.

Twilight was sitting on her bed while all this happened, Rainbow Dash clinging to the side of her head like a parasite. They both turned to the human who was laying in a pile of shelves, dresses and books. The two ponies smiled upon seeing him, but for differing reasons.

"Austin!" They said in unison.
"I'm so glad you came! Listen, I really need your help researching this-"
"Yes! Now I can get you a Snuggle Buddy and you can feel loved too! Stay here!" She flew off before anyone could protest.

He just groaned in response.

"Austin, listen! I really need your help researching this! I'm not at all sure what caused it, but I'm sure we can find out!"
"Twi, I'd love to help you, I really would, but I'm NOT sitting here waiting for a 'Snuggle Buddy'....I'm sorry, but I gotta run!"
"Austin, wait!"
"I'm sorry Twi! Look, maybe I can distract them momentarily and earn you some time! Go find someone who can help you!"

And with that, Austin stepped onto her balcony, then leapt off and started to run. He desperately needed somewhere to place his return portal and get back to Earth for supplies. But he shouldn't open a portal yet because he wouldn't be able to close it in time without harming anypony or letting a Pegasus into Earth. And a cuddly pony in a town of 'unloved' humans is nothing but asking for trouble. But first, he promised Twilight a distraction.

"HEEEEEYYYY!" He shouted into the open skies, getting the attention of a large horde of pegasi.
"Unloved human at 3 o'clock! Get him!"

Austin ran off, making sure to get the attention of as many patrolling pegasi as he could, as each one was just 10 more precious seconds that Twilight could go unnoticed. He ran toward the Everfree Forest, hoping that he could lose them in the trees. Unfortunately, Austin was blocked from the forest by another horde. He turned 90 degrees left and continued running. He was blocked after a short time by another horde. He made another sharp left, only to find himself running into a dead end alley way. He stopped and turned around, seeing a mass of feathery doom closing in on him, eyes-a-glitter and mouths stretched into eerie grins completely void of any pessimism or doubt.

He panted heavily, his asthma was starting to kick in. He dropped to his knees, gasping desperately for air. Suddenly, he fell forward, arms splayed out above his head. Then everything went black.

He awoke in an unfamiliar building, and noticed Twilight and Amythyst Star at his side. He also noticed that he was now able to breath quite clearly. Twilight's magic levitated a small emergency asthma puffer and she smiled.

"You told me to keep it around because of your asthma."

Austin smiled weakly, then sat up.

"So where are we?"
"We're in Amythyst's house. She's another hold out."
"Nice to meet you." She offered a hoof.
"Nice to meet you too, Amythyst." He brohoofed her, then turned back to Twilight.
"So what's been happening while I've been out?"
"I....erm....WE figured out the cause of the pegasi's cuddliness. It turns out it was a magical anomaly created from the intake of a potion."
"Who did it?"
"I can't tell. Not yet. It ruins the dramatic tension."

Austin just huffed.

"Well, I know how to counter it, but I need time. And my alchemy lab."
"Alright....Where is it?"
".......My library."

Austin and Amythyst facepalmed/hoofed, then looked at a brown stallion with an hour glass cutie mark.

"What's the plan?" He asked in a British accent.
"Well, from what I understand....We need to run through a town of cuddle crazy ponies, get to the big tree house, find an alchemy lab, and somehow stall for time long enough that Twilight can create the antidote, all the while having to deal with the fact that we have no idea who did it because Twilight won't tell us." Austin said.
"That about sums it up." Amythyst said. "Oh, Austin. This is Doctor Hooves."
"Please, just call me Time Turner."
"Um...Hey."
"Can we go now?" Twilight said impatiently.

After a variety of events ensued, including Time Turner's sacrifice, 2-3 chase scenes, and Spike getting some mail, the 4 remaining hold outs (including Spike) were stuck in Rarity's boutique. After another unfortunate event involving Spike finding out Rarity had a coltfriend and nobody told him, he started to hold his breath, getting ready for a scream to the heavens.

"Spiiike!" Austin said. "No!"
"Spike, do not do it!" Twilight said sternly. "I'm warning you mister!"
"Spike, it's fine! Just calm down or we're all DOOMED!" Austin said.
"NNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" Spike cried loudly. That's when they heard the tell tale sound of wings flapping. Austin noticed there was a cat door, then facepalmed.

"Of course."

Cloudkicker suddenly stuck her head in the tiny door and grinned at Amythyst.

"Amythyst! There you are! I've been looking all over for you!"
"Keep her away from me! She clung to me everywhere! Even in the BATHROOM!"

Suddenly, the door burst open and Austin tossed Amythyst at the pegasi in an attempt to distract them, much to Amythyst's dismay.

"Whoopsie." He said to the other ponies. They stared at him, both shocked and relieved, but mostly shocked. He just shrugged and they ran upstairs. Austin and Rarity held back the upstairs door as Twilight started to work as fast as she could. Finally, Spike breathed fire on the mixture in the bottle to heat it up.

"Hurry UP Twilight! This door isn't gonna hold forever!"
"Just hold on!"
"TWILIGHT!!"

The door soon burst open and Austin and Rarity flew backward. Rainbow Dash grinned at the three of them.

"Look! Now you have lots of Snuggle Buddies! Just come here!"
"No! I have the antidote for this mess!"
"Antidotes are stupid!"
"YOU'RE stupid!"
"Just give in to the hugs, Twilight!"
"Hug this."

Twilight then drank the potion and her body twitched and jerked as magic surged through her veins. Her horn glowed brightly and the spell worked it's magic. Every Pegasus everywhere stopped their clinging and all kind of looked embarrassed. Austin looked at Twilight.

"Did it work?"
"I don't know! I kind of just...threw it together! I was panicking!"

The rest of the details are not important. But it did work. Only....it made the pegasi crazy about the OTHER kind of love. Austin took this moment to escape back to Earth and rubbed his forehead.

"Why is it always TUESDAY?"

Alternate Scene:

Austin stood in front of the mass of pegasi, Rainbow leading the charge. He was simply there as a sacrifice to buy Twilight and the others time. He glared into their eyes.

"Austin! You've been on our list for a long long time! I'm glad we finally caught you!"
"Do your worst! You can cuddle me, but you can't make me enjoy it!"
"A fighter? Hmmm...okay. I didn't want to do this, but you need the best we got!"

Fluttershy came in and looked upset from losing Spike.

"Fluttershy, your new assignment is Austin!"

Austin ran to the window and opened it.

"Wait! Twilight! I changed my mind! Take me with you! PLEASE!!"

Austin was suddenly dragged back into the library kicking and squirming and the windows slammed shut as the Pegasus horde closed in on him and he had to endure a cuddly fate.