What Could Possibly Go Wrong
Twilight Sparkle had been looking forward to many things as part of her reign over Equestria. Opening ceremonies, for instance--she'd grown to love preparing for them, to the point that actually having one was bearable. And logistics! She had found a new love for logistics, now that it had become so much more than the simple approximations in her favorite boardgames. You truly have not lived until you've had to make plans for redundancy in highways after Trixie's attempts to use the Mirror Pool for a magic show ended in several hundred Trixies collectively making the Bucklyn Bridge disappear.
However, there were also many things that came out of left field, such as the aforementioned disappearing bridge incident, or the weddings she'd had to attend unofficially in order to prevent riots, or her godchild excitedly talking about the ins and outs of Alicorn genetics.
"...so I figure, why not give it a try?" Flurry Heart said, grinning innocently. Twilight had to mentally rewind the conversation a bit, as she hadn't been paying attention; the results she got back from her short-term memory were so utterly baffling that she had to ask for verification.
"You want," she said, "to have sex with Discord."
"I want to have a kid with Discord."
"Why in My green Equestria would you want that?"
"Because it'd confirm the theories," Flurry said, and that got Twilight's attention. Damn that troublemaker--she must have known that Twilight can't let a theory stay untested.
"What theories," Twilight groaned, because she just knew she would regret asking.
"Well, your Smartness," Flurry said, pacing across the throne room. "Some ponies have argued that a Draconequus is just what happens when a male pony ascends."
"To Alicornhood, you mean?"
"Yes!" Flurry said, doing a quick little twirl in place as she turned to pace in the other direction. "They say the Draconequus is the chaotic male counterpart to the orderly female Alicorn."
"If they'd seen you, they'd know that Alicorns can be more than chaotic enough. I still remember your antics with that Changeling half-sibling of yours--"
"That's in the past!" Flurry yelped. "This time I'm serious. If Discord is genetically close enough to an Alicorn, that could drastically increase the chances that I give birth to an Alicorn. Imagine an Equestria with a dozen Alicorns in it!"
"I don't want to imagine that."
"Good! You won't have to imagine it for long!"
"That's not what I--"
"Glad you agree. Now I just need to go find Discord and ask him if I can sleep with him."
"I'm sorry, did you say you haven't asked him yet?"
The mood in the cottage was, for lack of a better word, awkward. Fluttershy had just set out the tea tray, and Discord was trying his best not to do anything too exciting. He and Fluttershy had been together for years, now, and he'd gotten used to living with a mare who truly loved the effect Discord had on the average day, but other ponies generally didn't like it when their chair suddenly became sentient.
Neither of them were quite sure why Flurry was here. Discord was waiting for Fluttershy to ask, since Fluttershy simply knew more about pony etiquette. Fluttershy was waiting for Discord to ask, since Discord was generally better at blunt questions.
Finally, Flurry--after taking a sip of the delightful green tea, which was a very literal shade of emerald--stood up and broke the silence.
"I want to have a foal with Discord."
Discord blinked. "Is this what it feels like when I try to tell jokes?" he asked Fluttershy. Fluttershy shook her head.
"It's purely for experimental purposes," Flurry said, trying her best to maintain a calm and level-headed attitude about it.
"he's...he's my husband," Fluttershy said quietly.
"While we are technically in an open relationship," Discord explained, "I really just--how do I put this--I only really want Fluttershy. Open monogamy! Hah! I do surprise myself sometimes."
"I mean, surely you wouldn't mind one time. Just to see what happens," Flurry said, quietly sipping her tea.
"w-well...if discord is okay with it, i'm okay with it."
"Now, Fluttershy, you don't have to--"
"yes, i do. i knew what i was doing when i married you, discord, and i've never wanted to put you on a leash, not even once." Fluttershy reached across the couch, and gently laid her hoof on Discord's hindleg. "it's okay. you're discord! you're allowed to experiment."
Discord blushed a little. "We-ell, there's just...how do I...look, I just feel kind of awkward, seeing as--"
"What is it?" Flurry said, smiling innocently.
"Well, I just--I've known you since you were a foal! I'm the manifestation of Chaos, for goodness sakes, the age gap alone is--"
"Not stoppin' you from banging Fluttershy every night," Flurry muttered over her tea. Fluttershy went bright pink. So did Discord, with purple polka-dots for good measure.
"N-now see here--"
"Look, you're the manifestation of Chaos, I'm a natural-born God, we're both consenting adults, and I'm just as old now as Fluttershy was when you and her got together. What's the problem?"
"It's the principle of the thing!" Discord shouted.
"You're tellin' me Discord has principles?"
"Sometimes! It's extremely unpredictable to be a predictable Chaos god!" he yelled. "And besides, I am not getting involved with the daughter of Twilight Sparkle's brother. You might as well ask me to go on a date with her checklists." To accentuate his point, the calendar leaped off the wall, and began reciting Twilight's Guide To Dating For Successful And Emotionally Healthy People in a very tiny voice.
Flurry sighed and rolled her eyes, setting her teacup back on the tea tray (sideways, as the tray had decided that gravity should pull to the left). "Look, if you're not comfortable actually doing it with me, we could go with artificial insemination..."
"why do you sound so disappointed?" Fluttershy whispered.
Now it was Flurry's turn to turn bright pink. "I was...okay, I was looking forward to it."
"are you sure you'd be able to handle it? he does get very...well, he's discord," Fluttershy muttered.
"...is it true that he's secretly into being tied up?" Flurry whispered back.
"oh, that's practically vanilla for him."
"Yeah, figured. But, like--look, my talent is about feelings, and I can't count the number of times a pony's gotten excited about something that scares them."
"mmm. there is one thing..."
Fluttershy quietly flapped across the room, sitting next to Flurry and whispering into her ear.
"...with a yo-yo?"
"mhm!"
"And--but where does the mongoose fit in?"
More whispering.
"Okay, but there's not that many kinds of cheese, are there?"
"you'd be surprised."
"And what about the anvil?"
"discord says it's because of car-tunes fizziks. i've learned not to question it."
"Ya know, fair enough."
"Erm, girls?" Discord said. "I feel rather left out."
Flurry's eyes lit up with a mischievous gleam. "Hey, Fluttershy. Maybe you can help with this."
"...i know what a threesome is, flurry."
Discord stared at the ceiling, his wife in one arm, his new mistress in the other, a roll of Smarties dangling off his lips like a lit cigarette.
"You know," he muttered, "somehow I'd never thought to try that with the yo-yo..."
