I sit by the window, following the streaks of water flowing down the pane. The pitter-patter of rain hitting glass is usually soothing, but now it just sounds angry. The rain itself feels angry somehow. Almost like the weather is furious to be denied hitting me behind the glass.
Almost like it wants to get back at me for causing the storm in the first place.
A thunderclap rattles my new crystal-tree home, and I instinctively flinch back. Like nearly every pegasus, I have a natural respect for lightning, and it hasn't gotten any better now that the weather is so wild and unpredictable.
No pegasus is up there now to control it. The clouds and winds have been given free rein of Equestria ever since… Since I removed the magic from this world.
But it's definitely worth it! Now everypony is on equal footing. Nopony can lord their magic over anyone anymore. Finally ponies are forced to recognize my smarts, even if I don't have any magic.
I see a purple pony trudging towards the castle through the thunderstorm, even if she is nearly impossible to spot through the drenched glass and heavy rainfall. I stand up and stretch my legs, then I leave my post by the window. Another thunderclap roars behind me. It's the storm roaring in fury at me fleeing even further from its reach.
I go down the crystalline stairs. There is a clear nip in the air, making me fluff up my wings. Even if Cloudsdale won't be producing any winter for us this year, I have a sinking feeling it will come for us nonetheless. I wonder what is going to happen then. Equestria has not known a "real" winter for hundreds of moons. We used to rule over the seasons… now all we can do is huddle in our homes and hope the rain goes away.
It hasn't listened to us hoping so far. I guess the weather wants a little revenge on us ponies for thinking we could trap it. But that's okay. This is still worth it.
The large doors are imposing, and without my flying I can't even reach the handle. But this is hardly the first time I have to open the doors. I jump up on a stool, and from there to a chair, and then I can reach the key. I turn it and push the door open.
The cold, wet wind slaps me in my face, throwing me down from the chair. I tumble and land hard on my back. The thunder roars again, this time in triumph. It got me, after all. But only for a moment. Soon, a warm, soft nose nuzzles me and helps me stand up. Twilight kicks the door shut behind her.
"Cozy, did you hurt yourself?"
She smells of rain and mud, and her mane is completely flat against her face and neck. Her tail is not much better, dripping with water and forming a small puddle just by the door. I can see her shaking a little. She is freezing.
"N-no… I'm fine, Twilight," I say, trying not to be too interested in her saddlebags. At least they look full.
"Good." She smiles. I don't know how she manages to smile despite how cold and wet she must be… and she is looking at me too. How can she smile at me, when I took everything from her? Not that it matters, because I don't regret taking her magic from her, but... it's still a bit weird.
She trots a few steps and then shakes herself dry as best she can, even flapping her large, useless wings. Well, not entirely useless, I guess. They can still keep a pony warm, but nopony can fly without their magic.
"It's a bit chilly here, isn't it?" she says lightly. "Come on, let's get a fire going before you catch a cold."
I nod and trudge after her. I'm happy our living room is in the middle of the castle, because I can't hear the wind and the rain there. The thunder though, I still hear, faintly.
Our living room has a fireplace, and Professor Applejack was here with plenty of firewood. That's where we spend our nights, and I spend most of my days here too. I don't want to go out in this weather.
Twilight puts a few fresh logs in the fireplace and I work to get a match lit. It's a bit hard with hooves, but I have started to learn how to do it. I have had time to practice. I still hate it though. I must hold the match in my mouth, and I don't like to have the fire so close to my mane and eyes. But I hate freezing even more, so I drag the match against the side of the matchbox to light it. The flash makes me flick my ears backwards in displeasure, but I hold the match steady and carefully spit it towards a small bit of paper Twilight has placed under the logs.
Hope the fire catches… we don't have a lot of paper or matches left, and I don't want to waste any of it.
The paper burns strongly, but only a small ember actually catches the wood itself. I stare at it, hoping that maybe it will survive… but it doesn't. The small flame dims until just a little wisp of smoke rises from the wood.
I still freeze.
"We just have to try again," Twilight says gently. "Think you can light the match?" I just nod. This time Twilight uses a lot more paper, and the fire catches easily. My insides squirm a little at the thought of how I just wasted some of the precious things we have.
At least the fire burns now. We both huddle up close to it, trying to will some of the cold away. Twilight pulls out a pair of blankets. Rarity made them for us before she had to move in with Fluttershy.
Because even if everypony lost their magic, Fluttershy's animals still remembered her. They help her and many other ponies with living at the edge of the Everfree. They wanted Twilight to come with them, but she didn't. I don't know why.
But I'm happy Rarity gave us the blankets. The season will only get colder, so they will be of great help. At least we will have plenty of firewood. It's painful for Professor Applejack, but there is no chance she can use all the trees on her farm anymore. Not only will she only get a few harvests every year now without her earth pony magic, but harvesting and maintaining such a huge orchard will be impossible too.
Most of her trees serve us better as firewood. I don't think I've ever seen a pony look as sad as Applejack was when Twilight told her that. Or so hateful… it was just for a moment, but when Twilight told her, she glanced at me. I think that if we had been alone, she would have tried to hurt me then and there. I know how to read ponies. And she really wanted to see me hurt.
I can understand it though. I was the one who removed all magic, and made her chop down her apple trees. I'd hate me too for that. Actually, if it had been me, I probably would have tried to kill the pony who did this to me.
Even if I don't regret what I did. Not at all.
"Cozy?" Twilight whispered and nudged me gently with her muzzle. "You must be hungry. I got some things from Fluttershy."
She carries over on her back a bowl of mushrooms and dried apples, balancing it on her outstretched wings. I never knew there were so many kinds of mushrooms in the world, and even less that so many were edible. But it seems Fluttershy and the zebra in the forest did know that. Everypony is picking as much as they can now. Twilight says it has been weeks since she saw Fluttershy in person, since she is scouring the forest together with her animal friends to pick and store as many mushrooms and edible plants as she can for the winter.
I don't really like mushrooms, but I'm not stupid. Wishing for real food isn't gonna help, so I put on a brave face and eat. The yellow ones aren't that bad. The thick, white ones with brown caps can be okay too, but they often have worms in them. Not that it matters. I force them down anyway. Many ponies don't get even that much. I've heard that the big cities are horrible now. They don't have any orchards or forests to get food from. Instead they turn to looting. Or worse things. I find myself shuddering. I know that ponies will do desperate things to stay alive. Even if we speak so much about friendship, when backed against a wall we still devolve into the animals we are.
At least the dried apples are still sweet. I wonder if Applejack knows that Fluttershy gave them away to Twilight and me. She can't be happy that I got her apples. But I don't care about that, obviously. I eat each of the thin slices of dried apples slowly. They are good for washing away the taste of maggots too.
Twilight has already finished her meal when I'm done. She eats fast so I don't get to see that she often splits our meals evenly, even if she needs more than me to be full. But maybe she grazes outside too. I think she must be. Nopony, not even the "Princess of Friendship" would be willing to starve for my sake.
I glance at her.
She lies on her stomach and stares into the fire with a pensive type of look. Is she asking herself why she allows me to stay with her? Maybe she is thinking about what would have happened if she just expelled me from her school when she found out the... mess I made with my first friendship test?
"What are you thinking about?"
I don't really know why I'm asking. I don't really care, and it's not like we usually talk after eating. Oftentimes we don't say a word to each other all day. But I will admit I don't like the isolation.
"Just thinking about what I've seen outside. How ponies struggle, how they fight to stay alive and help one another. And… and how to bring magic back to Equestria," Twilight admits. "I don't really know what your ritual did, but I do know a thing or two about magic. And magic can't be destroyed, only moved. Our magic… Equestria's magic must still be somewhere. If I can just figure out a way to bring it back, then…"
I smile, but I feel empty when I do. "Golly, Professor, you really don't know when to quit. I won! I got rid of all magic and now the world is better than ever!"
My words flow from my mouth like venom, even if I didn't really intend to make them sound like that. What I say is true, after all, even if it's painful for her. I half expected her to slap me for saying that. It's what I would have done. But she doesn't. Instead she just gives me a tired type of smile. "You're right in one thing, Cozy. I never knew when to quit…" She glances at me with a tender look in her eyes. It makes me feel uneasy. Why is she still so kind to me? Does she have some ulterior motive? "I never knew when to give up…" She turns away from me, and instead returns her attention to the depths of the fireplace.
I look away from her too, and join her in looking at the fire. I wish I had some hot cocoa and s'mores. I used to do that before. Sometimes in class, Professor Pinkie Pie made hot cocoa and s'mores for everypony. Her cocoa was the best I've ever had.
Actually, I wouldn't be surprised if she still gives out cookies and cocoa to the fillies and colts in the Everfree. I don't know how, but she always seemed to have extra sweets hidden somewhere. Or maybe they have run out?
"It's probably time to rest," Twilight states silently after a while. She lies still for a few moments, then rises and awkwardly drags the blanket over her. I know why she was still for those moments. She was trying to use her magic to get the blanket like she always have, only to find out she couldn't anymore. You could see just a small, very small change in her expression, a tiny frown of sadness when it failed again.
I see it clearly. Her motions with the mouth are not nearly as good as mine. She has relied on magic her whole life, and only recently had to learn to manipulate things with her mouth and hooves the way I do. It's very obvious when she is eating, especially. Without her magic, she is as messy as a yearling foal.
I smile a little at her clumsiness and pull my own blanket over me, then lie on my side with my belly towards the fire. Hopefully it will continue to burn over the night so I can put some more wood on it tomorrow. I don't want it going out more than necessary, since we only have so many matches to light it with.
The floor is hard and cold, but this is still the warmest place in the castle. Without the magic, the usually warm, glowing crystal walls are as cold as ice. The bedrooms are too cold for me to sleep well in, so I stay here. Eventually I drift off to sleep.
Applejack's granny died last night.
This information, for some reason, hit me like a train. I didn't know Applejack even had a granny. But she came by this morning and has been sitting with Twilight for hours. I'm lucky she didn't see me. It's not hard to guess who she would blame for her granny's death. I heard her say it many times when I listened by the door.
She is right though. Earth ponies are… were tough because their magic was so in tune with life forces. It wasn't only for plant life. But her granny must have been really old, so when I took away her magic, she started declining… and this cold did her in. The cold, and having to cut down the trees she has spent a lifetime tending to.
I can't leave. I sit behind the door, listening for… for a long time. Somepony have died because of me. Somepony suffered and died, leaving behind a grieving family. Apple Bloom's family…
I didn't hear what Twilight said to Applejack, because I sat outside the room. But I did hear her… defend me, at one point. She said it wasn't my fault. I don't know why she'd say that. It was absolutely me who did it, even if this wasn't at all what I wanted! But no matter my intentions… If I hadn't removed the magic from the world, then Applejack's granny would still be alive. That's just simple logic.
I don't want to think about that. So I decide to go out. I haven't been outside for a really long time. Not since Twilight took me in all those months ago, when the pony way of life began breaking down. She found me, lost and scared in the streets outside her school and took me back to her castle for the night. She never threw me back out, so I have just stayed inside with her. At least there I know nopony will hurt me.
It still drizzles when I step outside, and the road is filled with puddles of mud. The ground smells sour, waterlogged and slippery. The plants around the houses have started to sag. They are not made for this much water. I don't know how this place was before Ponyville was founded, but if this rain keeps up I wouldn't be surprised if it turns into a swamp before long.
I trudge out in the rain. In just a few minutes I feel heavier. Without my magic, my coat has lost some of its ability to keep water out, and now it's absorbing it, weighing me down and chilling me to the bone. Also my curly mane is getting in my eyes all the time, and brushing it away just helps for a few seconds before its back, heavy with water. I have just made it to the market; barely a ten minute walk on a normal day, but it feels like I have been outside for much longer than that. At least there are still a few hardy trees standing. I duck under the branches of an aspen. The rain is so violent it's just marginally better, but I'm freezing and I want to get the water out before I go back.
I look over the deserted stalls. Nopony is selling anything anymore. Everypony in Ponyville has either left for somewhere not near the Everfree Forest and it's unpredictable weather, or they have pooled their resources and are trying to make the best of the situation. Then they are either holed up with Applejack, Carrot Top, or Fluttershy. But nopony is thinking of profits now; they are just thinking of their lives.
But this world is perfect now. Magic is gone, and this is worth it… It'll just take some adapting to, and then everypony will see.
"Hey, you?"
I look away from the deserted market stalls. Another foal is coming towards me through the drizzle. She had proper clothes though. High quality rubber boots and a waterproof blanket with a hood over her withers and head. Under the hood she has a small crown. I think those are called tiaras.
"I didn't see anypony else go into town. Who are you?" She comes closer.
I see her eyes widen and mouth settle in a furious line when she recognizes me.
"YOU!"
I frown. I don't feel like butting heads with anypony right now. I turn away, not responding to that filly.
"HOW DARE YOU EVEN SHOW YOURSELF HERE?" The other foal shouts after me. "YOU RUINED EVERYTHING!"
I stop. I know it's not smart, but… I have to say it. Because it's true.
"I didn't ruin anything. Everything is better now, without magic."
The splashing of her hoof steps in the puddles is all the warning I get. She rushes at me with hatred in her eyes and tackles me hard. I'm a small pony, and even without her earth pony strength it's enough to send me tumbling through the air. I fall on the muddy ground. The water and the dirt clings to my coat like glue. She is standing in front of me, bellowing her heart out.
I feel both numb and shocked, if it's even possible. I look up at her face and it looks so full of fury and despair. I don't think the wetness on her cheeks is from the rain.
"YOU KILLED GRANNY SMITH! I DIDN'T EVEN SAY I'M SORRY FOR LAUGHING AT HER! FOR ALL I PUT APPLE BLOOM THROUGH! I FORGOT TO SAY IT! AND NOW I NEVER WILL, BECAUSE YOU KILLED HER!"
I don't know what she is shouting about, but it still hurts. I didn't kill anypony. Applejack said she got pneumonia from the cold and bad weather. But I didn't… I didn't want her to die; I didn't want anypony to die. I just wanted to make the world a better place, for everypony.
And I did.
She has stopped screaming. She is just staring at me, disdain clear in her eyes. "I hate you… I wish you hadn't been born." Then she trudges away. She disappears in the rain after just a few steps.
I get back on my hooves, but nearly stumble again. My coat is much heavier from having laid in a puddle. And I'm really freezing now from the water. My body shakes violently and I can't stop it, even if I focus every part of my mind on it. And I know it's not only from the cold that's seeping through my drenched coat. That pink filly, her last words, so steeped in anger… I didn't… kill anypony. It was her age and the weather.
Why can't ponies see that everything is much more fair now than when we had magic? Now everypony has the same chance to become whatever they want. You don't have to be an earth pony to be strong anymore. You don't have to be a unicorn to be powerful anymore. You don't have to be an alicorn to be a Princess anymore. This is fair, and that prissy foal doesn't know what she is talking about.
That's right. I've just got to remember that. It… won't be easy, but I must stick to it.
The castle-tree gradually appears in the downpour like a gray silhouette. I need to dry myself before I get sick from the cold.
I see another pony on the road, leaving the castle. My breath catches in my throat. I recognize her hat, and while it's hard to see in the gloom, her coat appears orange.
Should I run? If she blames me for her granny's death then it won't be impossible she tries to hurt me. She must have already hated me before since I am the reason she has to cut down her trees, and now this? Ponies have been hurt for less than what I have done to her. But I can't find it in me to move. I stop on the road, and she approaches.
She glances at me, but other than that she just hasten her steps.
"Professor Applejack, I-"
"Leave, Cozy… leave before I do something I'll regret…" I can barely make out her hushed words. She breaks into a fast trot.
She did not sound angry, though. It was more fearful of what might happen if she stayed near me for too long. I know that feeling. She is hiding her feelings behind cold rationality. She is just thinking of taking the next step forward, or breathing the next breath of air. Because if she starts to think of what has happened because of me… she will want to harm me.
I continue back to the castle. I have to knock on the door for Twilight to let me in. Without my flying I can't reach the handle from the outside. While I wait for Twilight to open, I take the opportunity to wring the water out of my tail. It looks listless and sad. Its color has dimmed lately since I don't have any shampoo, and the eternal moisture dampens the fluffiness. And it's muddy now too. I realize all of me must look the same. Muddy and faded, like a miserable shadow of the filly I once was.
I used to smile every day. I used to play with my friends and help them study for their friendship tests. I was really good at the classes… I really was. Now I can't even remember the last time I smiled with my heart. None of my friends would even let me near them anymore. They'd probably like what that filly in the market did to me. Say I deserved it, and worse. I hope they adapt to this world soon.
"Cozy? I didn't know you were out." I didn't hear her open the door, but now she is standing next to me. I just shrug and walk inside. I'm not really in the mood to talk. "I'll get some towels. Just a moment, please."
I sit down.
Is Apple Bloom okay? She is Applejack's sister, so Applejack's granny must have been hers as well. I fidget a little where I sit. Apple Bloom was one of my first ever friends. She gave a crying, lonely pegasus filly the benefit of the doubt and even pitched in to help me get into the friendship school in the first place
And thanks to that, her grandmother is dead and the farm she grew up on is being chopped up. The clubhouse where I met her too. Even if my changes made the world better… I must have made her world a lot worse. But it can't be helped. It isn't fair to her, but the world was never fair.
Hooves on the crystal floor tells me Twilight is on her way back. She is carrying a small pile of towels on her back.
"Do you want to talk about it, Cozy?" she asks lightly. Her tone is gentle and pleasant, like she was asking if I wanted to talk about a new friendship problem in class. "You were listening in on me and Applejack, right?"
I do want to talk about it. Ponies may say I'm coldhearted and evil, but… I'm not. Not really. I'm just a filly who wants to make the world a better place. I don't want ponies to die, I don't want ponies to suffer and I don't want my friends to hate me. I don't deserve to be hated for wanting things to be better... do I?
I just nod.
Twilight nods back. She reaches back and takes a towel in her mouth. Then she sits down next to me and rubs my soaking wet coat. I don't know what to think about that… Most days we don't speak at all, and considering what I did to Twilight, I can't for the life of me understand why she would even tolerate me living here. But she does. And she's always so gentle and kind to me, even if I would just beat such a pony with my bare hooves for what they did. Her home keeps me warm and dry, and the food she gets from her friends keeps my belly full. And now she is helping me get cleaned up from the rainstorm.
I'm a smart pony, but I can't understand what she is thinking or what she can hope to gain from helping me. It has to be something, a favor or something. But I don't have anything her other friends don't have. I'm just a filly.
"Do you think Apple Bloom hates me now?" I ask quietly. I don't know why I ask, and I don't know if I want the answer.
"You were really friends before, right?" Twilight asks with a small, knowing smile.
I nod. She definitely was my friend before. She would not have taken so much time to help me study if she didn't care about me. And, even if it wasn't my best plan in hindsight, I really did want to help her get into Twilight's school by failing my friendship test. I did try to help her.
Twilight puts a hoof under my chin and gently cocks my head up so I meet her eyes. "Apple Bloom must be hurting now. I don't know what she is going through or how she grieves. But she will have her sister and brother with her. She will find her way through this, and when she does, I am sure she will miss her friend. Because you never meant for this to happen, right? You never even understood that something like this could happen when you removed the magic from our world, did you?"
I silently stare at her for a few seconds, then I feel my ears dropping, as I shake my head. It's true, even if it sounds so very silly. I just wanted the world to be a bit more fair to little ponies like me. Ponies who could never hope to compete with the almighty unicorns and alicorns. That was all I could see at the time. I wanted to humble them. I wanted all those magic-users to acknowledge little Cozy Glow as an almighty Empress. I didn't think about what I would lose by removing magic. I don't think I even understood I'd lose anything.
But I'd still do it again. Absolutely. Because this world is fair. This is better.
Twilight nods with a sad type of smile. "I believe that as long as you had good intentions, Apple Bloom will see past this too. Not today, not tomorrow... but some day, I think she will remember the filly she made friends with. True friendship is stronger than grief."
"Golly… how can you be so sure?"
Twilight looks at me. Her stare seems so… vast, all of a sudden. It's like her eyes are drilling into my soul, like she wants to read my thoughts.
"I think it's time I let you in on a little secret, Cozy," Twilight said silently. "I still don't understand what your ritual did, but I know that it didn't take away all our magic."
"It did," I say flatly. "Because even if you don't get it, I do. And I designed it to take away all magic."
Twilight chuckles. It's a soft, almost melodic sound.
It is enough to stun me. How can she laugh about this? I took away all her magic! She was the Element of Magic! I must have taken part of her soul, and she is laughing!?
"No, Cozy. I am positive you left a little bit of magic. But don't worry; you are not the only one who made the same mistake. In fact… it's natural you made this particular mistake."
"What do you mean? I didn't make any mistakes." I have never doubted that. I just have to flap my wings and feel gravity chain me to the ground to be sure magic is gone from the world. But still… her lighthearted look seems so carefree. She almost looks… happy?
How can she be happy if magic is gone? Is it possible after all that I did make a mistake? That there was something I did not account for? Or is she deluding herself to make this new world bearable?
"This is not the place, Cozy. We are both cold, and the fire is still burning. Will you come and sit with me? I'd love to hear what you think about my theory." I think Twilight must have seen me shivering, and that's why she wanted to move. Not that I have any complaints.
We walk to the living room, and I lay down by the fire, a little bit away from her. Then I wait, expectantly.
"Do you know why Tirek got jailed in the first place?"
I nod. "He is a centaur, right? He wrote in his letters that he tried to steal all magic in the world and use it as his own."
Twilight nodded. "That's right. He might also have told you that he succeeded. When he was at the height of his power, he held the combined magic of Celestia, Luna, Cadance, Discord and my own power."
"That doesn't make sense," I say. Tirek never told me exactly how much power he had when he was jailed, but I had figured he never got that far. If he did, then he should not have been locked up. So how was it possible that he lost with all that power?
"I'm sure he would agree," Twilight said. "But you see, he made a grave mistake. He forgot one type of magic. And you have too, with your own plan."
I frowned and I felt the frustration raising in my heart. It still didn't make any sense! "What magic is that? My ritual should have taken all magic away! What did I miss?"
"The Magic of Friendship," Twilight smiled warmly, looking at me with kindness. "It is the strongest force in Equestria. Stronger than the combined magical might of all four princesses and Discord put together."
I mull that over. "Well… the magic of friendship doesn't let me fly, or you levitate stuff. So then it doesn't matter."
Twilight cocks her head to the side. "It doesn't matter? Thanks to that magic, nearly all of Ponyville still stands. All the town has banded together, gathering food, building shelters, looking out for each other. Without the magic of friendship, do you think anypony would still be alive? Would you still be?”
I feel a shiver run through me at the last comment. Without Twilight taking me in, where would I have gone? I don't know. Would I still even be alive? With so many ponies and other creatures wishing me the worst?
I look away from her. Even without me talking, she knows the answer to her questions. "Tirek failed to see that friendship is not some abstract concept to us ponies. In Equestria, it has a very real, very tangible power. I am certain that it will prove to work just as our old magic did. Eventually, I believe our friendship will bring magic back to Equestria. And I mean that in the most literal sense."
"Is… my perfect world going to disappear?" I ask quietly, more to myself.
Twilight looks at me, long and hard. "I think that's for you to decide, Cozy."
Now it is my turn to cock my head to the side. "Huh?"
Twilight nods. "Do you know why I tell you this now, rather than yesterday, or a week ago, or when I first found you outside my school?"
I shake my head.
"When I first took you in, I realized that you are a special little filly. You have an incredible ability to make ponies listen to you and trust you. I may be called the Princess of Friendship… but I don't doubt that your ability in friendship far surpasses mine. You brought every student in my school together against me in mere months. If you want, that ability could make you a powerful catalyst for friendships in the world. You used your gift to sow spite and paranoia in the ponies around you… but you could just as well make ponies feel sympathy and respect for one another."
"If I wanted to, I guess I could. Maybe," I admit. I have never really considered it before. I always thought that even if they listened for a little while, eventually they would just see a weak, silly little pegasus foal, and they'd abandon me. "But what does that have to do with if my world remains like this?"
"Because if you put your mind to it… then you could also prevent friendships from prospering. You did it once in my school, in a place designed to make friendships happen. And now… with all the fear and despair outside… it wouldn't be hard for you, would it?"
Twilight's tone is cold and distant… afraid. I didn't even notice when it changed. "In that way, you are more dangerous than Tirek ever could be, because if there ever was a pony who could destroy the Magic of Friendship if she wanted… then she is sitting next to me. I chose to tell you this today, because this is the first time you showed sympathy for another pony. Your friend, Apple Bloom. I hope that means you will make the right choice when I ask you to help me bring magic back to this world."
…What? Did I… hear that right?
"You want my help? My help?" I feel my jaw go slack. "After I caused this whole thing, you want my help?"
"Yes, I do," Twilight said firmly. "If there is one thing the two of us have always agreed on, it's that there is power to be found in Friendship. Now I ask you to draw on that power for the good of us all. You can see it as making up for your mistake, if you want."
I look for a longer while on the purple alicorn sitting next to me. I look at her determined, yet friendly face, in disbelief. But then my mind catches up to what is happening. I shake my head. "I didn't… make a mistake. This is a perfect world… and I don't want to bring magic back."
I thought she would scream at me, tell me that I am fooling myself, or that I just don't dare to admit that I hate this new world. Which I don't, by the way. But she doesn't do any of that. "Why do you think this world is perfect?"
"Well… it doesn't have magic," I say flatly. "So you don't need to be an alicorn to be a Princess any more. Even somepony like me could be a Princess now. Even if I never had magic… even if nopony cared about me before. Now, things are fair for everypony."
I try to make my words sound as simple and reasonable as possible, like I was explaining it to a little foal. But even I can hear something dissonant in my voice. I quash that little seed of doubt and glare defiantly back at Twilight.
"But I always did care, Cozy," she says carefully. "I care about all my students. It doesn't matter if you have magic or wings or none of them- I care! I even relied on you to help me run the school, remember? And…" She hesitates.
"And?" I ask sharply. Whatever she means to say, I want to shut it down. I want her to understand that this world is perfect! This is fair! Just because she got to ride on Celestia's coattail all her life doesn't mean the rest of us are so lucky! She could never understand the perfection of my new world on her own!
"And… now too," Twilight mumbles. "I still care about you, you know? I care about all my students, and that, I will never stop doing."
I giggle at that. Such a silly thing to say now, when she already revealed why she takes care of me! "Good golly, Twilight. But you just said that you need my help to fix this mess, didn't you? Well then clearly that's why you let me stay here! Without me, you don't have a chance, do you?"
She looks at me. Her eyes are filled with sadness. Filled with pity. "Is that… really what you think?" I can hear despair lurking in the edge of her voice. "Do you think that… if I hadn't needed your help, I'd have… left you out there? Is that the sort of pony you think I am?"
"It's what everypony would have done," I say simply, looking her straight in the eyes. "Why wouldn't you? Friendship is power, and power lets you decide what ponies to help and which ones to cast aside."
Twilight shakes her head. "Oh Cozy… if only you understood how sad it makes me to hear you speak like that… Did you learn nothing in my school? Did you not learn what friendship is all about?"
"Yes I did! Better than you ever did!" I snap. Her stupid naïveté fills me with searing rage. She could have been the mightiest pony in history if she had bothered to look out into the world and see it for what it is! She could have been everything I wanted to be, but she was too weak and cowardly to grasp it! "Friendship is power! That's what it is at its core! You are the only one who doesn't understand that! If you had, you could have stopped me easily! You could have stopped any bad pony from doing the wrong things! You wouldn't have had to beg to a little filly! With your school, you could have been the most powerful pony ever! But you threw it away!"
Twilight smiles sadly. Tears glitter in her eyes. "But I never wanted power, Cozy. All I wanted was for ponies and others… fillies like you, to experience the friendships I got to have with my friends. I have only known them for a few years, but that part of my life is so much richer than any other. That was all I wanted with my school, and that's what friendship means to me. It's not power."
Something changes in me at that moment. I have always held Twilight Sparkle in utmost respect, actually. She was the pony I looked up to. The pony who embodied all I hoped to become. A symbol of friendship, and all the wonders it represents. A symbol of power.
But at that moment… I lost all respect for her.
She never understood what she had. She had just stumbled upon the power which is friendship by accident. She had nothing to teach me… and she never did.
She was not a pony to look up to.
I cast one disappointed look on her, before I gather up my blanket and leave her there. I have nothing more to say to her.
I sit by the window, following the streaks of water flowing down the pane. The pitter-patter of rain hitting glass is usually soothing, but now it just sounds angry. The rain itself feels angry somehow. Almost like the weather is furious to be denied hitting me behind the glass.
Almost like it wants to get back at me for causing the storm in the first place.
A thunderclap rattles my new crystal-tree home, and I instinctively flinch back. Like nearly every pegasus, I have a natural respect for lightning, and it hasn't gotten any better now that the weather is so wild and unpredictable.
Twilight is sitting behind me by the door. She hasn't said a word since yesterday. She has just been sitting there with a small bowl of apples and mushrooms for me. She looks so pathetic. She, an alicorn, the envy of countless ponies… and all she can produce is a miserly bowl of mushrooms.
The dampness from the storm makes her mane droop, and this far from the warmth of the fire she must be freezing just as much as I am. But I'm not going to go closer to her. I don't want anything to do with such disappointment.
"You'd have fall break now," Twilight finally says. "From my school, I mean. And the Running of the Leaves would be happening next weekend. Soon after we'd have the fall market and Nightmare Night. Luna herself would have come this year."
I don't answer that. None of that is relevant anymore.
"Do you remember any of those things, Cozy? You have celebrated Nightmare Night, haven't you?"
I nod curtly, mostly to get her to shut up.
"I remember my first Nightmare Night in Ponyville. It was the first time I even bothered to celebrate it, actually. Luna needed our help to get accustomed to the modern world."
"I don't care," I mumble, fixing my stare on the fuzzy tree line of the Everfree Forest. It's hard to make out in the rainstorm.
"But I do," Twilight says from behind me. "Because when I watch you like this… I think you are lying."
I don't bother to take the obvious bait. I remain silent instead, willing her away.
She doesn't leave. "I don't think you consider this a perfect world. I think you'd rather have the old one back too."
I laugh at that, but I can't quite manage the cute giggle that usually comes so easily. It sounds hollow, even to me. "Well, it wouldn't be the first time you misjudged me, would it?"
"You wanted power. That's why you did all this. Magic is power, so you removed it, and friendship is power too, and you excel in that. You hoped to gain power by removing magic, didn't you?"
I bite back my answer. She doesn't know me! She has no idea what she is talking about! She doesn't… have a clue about how the old world was for me!
"But you aren't powerful, Cozy." The mildness… the endless and pity in her voice hits me like a sledgehammer. "And… you never will be. Not like this."
Her words feel like icicles stabbing through my heart. It's not true! She has no idea! She's just trying to manipulate me into helping her! It's not true! I will be powerful! I'm a natural at friendship! I am not worthless! I am not weak! I am not! Not anymore! I have changed the whole world!
I whirl around to shout that to her, but the words get stuck in my throat. There is so much I want to say I don't know where to start. I want to tell her that she is wrong. I want to tell her that I know more about friendship than she does. I want to tell her that I will punish her for saying things like that to me. But in the end I just sit quietly, staring at her. She stares back without anger. All I see in her is pity. I don't think there is any emotion she could have shown me that could have caused me greater pain than that. I don't want her pity. I don't want a failure's pity, because what does that make me?
I fight down my fury and take a deep breath, just to regain my center. "I will, ex-Professor Twilight. I will become more powerful than you ever were."
Twilight just shakes her head and whispers gently. "Don't do this to yourself Cozy."
I bark out a laugh. "Do what?! Win?! Oh, but I will!"
"Waste your life because of stubbornness and pride," Twilight corrects. "Perhaps you can become powerful in this world… or perhaps not. But I know you won't be happy even if you do. Because this is a world you don't want, and all the power in it still won't make you a happy pony."
"You're wrong!" I shout before I can catch myself. The suppressed ache in my chest suddenly burst free and I can't stop it. It's like something sharp is tearing my heart. "This is MY PERFECT WORLD! ! SO WHAT IF I CAN'T FLY, OR ALL MY FRIENDS HATE ME, O-OR APPLE BLOOM'S GRANNY IS D-DEAD BECAUSE OF ME!? THIS! IS! PERFECT! IT HAS TO BE!"
I don't care that I screamed on top of my lungs, making Twilight pull her ear down. I don't care about the words that I had to spit out, choking on my breath. I don't care about the coldness filling my lungs with dread and despair, like ice cold water. I just need her to understand.
The taste is what tips me off and makes me stop screaming.
I taste… salt.
Only then do I feel my eyes sting, and the wetness on my cheeks comes from burning tears that I can not stop anymore. Angrily I try to wipe them off, but quickly I realize my forehooves are shaking too much. I try to speak, to continue my protest, but my voice comes out of my lips ragged, short of breath. I felt like suffocating under the weight of what I have done, but there is no other option. I have to hold on to my world for dear life. This world simply has to be perfect. It has to be. Because if it isn't, then what else do I have?
"I will… win." My voice is thick when I say it. "I… I w-will."
Wordlessly, Twilight walks up and sits down next to me. I try to push her away, but she is still bigger than me. And… and when she take me in a hug, I don't want her to leave anymore. She is warm. I clench my jaw to try and hide my sobs, but I can't. I bury my face in her chest instead.
I couldn't even explain it to myself. I want to hate her. I really do. For being such a disappointment, for seeing me so weak. For pitying me. But my tears don't stop… and she is so warm and soft. And when she wordlessly wraps her big wings around me too, I stop trying.
"It's not too late, Cozy," she whispers. Her lilac coat seems to shimmer in the odd light of the overcast sky. "Don't you see? Ponyville is still here, isn't it? All your friends are still here, just waiting to forgive you. You can still be their friend, Cozy, and you can still be powerful, if that's what you want. I know you have it in you."
Before I could collect my thoughts, for denial or apology, I noticed Twilight's hoof lowering slightly. "Please, Cozy… for your friends sake. Please… help me make things right."
I look up, deep into her lilac, sparkling eyes… still filled with hope, still full of kindness, even for a pony like me. I reach forward with my much smaller, shaking hoof and bump it with hers.
"It takes a strong pony to recognize that they are wrong, Cozy," she whispers, with a look filled with gratitude. "Thank you, from the bottom of my heart."
I look again, deep into Twilight's eyes.
Her eyes… they are filled with friendship.
Filled with magic.
