I’m fine!

by Betsy

Rating: teen
Tags: Sad, Main 6, Drama, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Tank, Windy Whistles, Tragedy, Profanity, Bow Hothoof, Death
Length: 4376

It’s so hard to loose a loved one.

I lost my pet about 5 or so months ago. Writing is very therapeutic for me and I thought the contest was a good way to do it. With that being said, here is my so unbelievably late (literally an hour past the deadline) that it shouldn’t even qualify, entry for the My Little Pony Renaissance Contest. Even if it doesn’t qualify that’s fine, I think I really needed to write this anyways. Sorry if it sucks, it was written in 4 days, that’s about how long I knew about the contest.

And a big thanks to my friend ARENNEK for being my editor! (She’s not a Brony so thanks for putting up with all this :rainbowlaugh:

Published 2021-08-01 04:20:00 UTC
Last updated 2021-08-01 04:20:00 UTC

Chapter 1

When Fluttershy told Dash she needed to take Tank to a vet all of her friends offered to come with her and Tank. Dash told them that she didn’t want a lot of ponies there, just one or two. Twilight didn’t say it but she had a bad feeling about what the vet would have to say. So she and Fluttershy decided to accompany Rainbow to the vet. Twilight went in with Rainbow and Fluttershy waited outside in case there was a need for a shoulder to cry on.

The vet walked in the room with a clipboard and looked at Rainbow and Twilight with a somber expression. “I’m so sorry Miss Dash, we ran scans and tests but there’s nothing we can do for him. The best thing you can do for Tank right now is to have him put down.”

Rainbow was speechless. All her composure had jumped out the window upon hearing the news. She looked at Twilight and saw tears escaping and running down her cheeks. Dash didn’t nod her head or speak but Twilight could see the answer behind those glossy magenta eyes.

She nodded to the vet who walked out of the room and closed the door behind her.

The room would have been silent if not for the sniffles escaping the two mares. Neither could believe it. Rainbow came in, certain that they’d have some answers and be able to help Tank get better. Twilight prepared herself for the worst but it still hurt to see how crushed Dash was and know that there was nothing they could do to help Tank.

“I remember this one time when you were out of town for your Wonderbolt show in Manehattan. Do you remember that, Rainbow?”

Nothing. Rainbow Dash didn’t even acknowledge the question.

“Well, you had asked me to watch Tank, and” Twilight snickered. “I followed the list that you wrote and when it was time for bed I put Tank in a little bed beside Spikes. I woke up and went to wake them up for breakfast, and he wasn’t there! Spike and I had no idea where he went and we looked all over the castle for him.”

Twilight smiled and chuckled. “We practically turned the castle upside down. I was so nervous when you came home because I was so scared you’d be mad at me for losing him. Do you remember what you did when I told you?”

Again. Nothing. Damnit Twi, stop talking. Please...

“You just looked at us and laughed. You asked which room he slept in and I showed you. You looked around and went for Spike’s closet. Tank was in there and had burrowed in Spikes extra blankets.”

Twilight stopped her reminiscing and looked at her friend with concern and sympathy. She was just standing there and looking at nothing in particular

Rainbow Dash was looking at the door. She was thinking, begging, wondering, wishing, just hoping. She was thinking about how as soon as that door opened she’d have to say goodbye to one of her best friends in all of Equestria. Begging for Twilight to stop talking about Tank. Rainbow knew her heart was in the right place. Twilight wanted to make her feel better but she was just making it worse. She was usually good at helping and making other ponies feel better but in this situation, what Dash really needed right now, was for Twilight to just shut up.

Rainbow was also wondering how the hell she got here. It just didn’t make sense, why now? Why him? Why her? She was praying and hoping with everything she had that the vet would come through the door and tell Dash that it was ok. Tell her that they messed up and there actually was something they could do about Tank. Even if the vet came through the door and said it was all a joke and that Tank was always fine! Rainbow didn’t care. She just wished it wasn’t true.

Unfortunately, none of that would happen. What did happen was something Rainbow Dash would remember and think about for the rest of her life. She would dream about it, have nightmares, cry about it. But we’re not there yet.

The vet came in the door carrying Tank, he wrapped up in a blanket with something on his little arm. He looked scared… like really scared, and it tore at Rainbow's heart. It felt like hours.

The vet handed Tank to Dash and she finally saw how much he was hurting. She knew this was best for him, it’d be unfair for Rainbow to keep Tank here just because she’d miss him.

Dash whispered to Tank “Hey Tank.” She wanted to act tough for him. “I’m gonna miss you so much, buddy.” But her voice started cracking. “But you’re doing so good.”. She just loved him so much, and seeing him here, like this… was almost too much for her.

“Are we ready?’ The Vet asked.

Dash wanted to respond but she was frozen. She just needed one more second with him, she wanted to say something else to him. Anything else!

“Yes, we’re ready,” Twilight responded.

Wait no, I still have more to say to him!

“Ok, but just so you know, their eyes don’t actually close. They’ll stay open” The vet said all of this and moved as if she’d done this thousand of times before. She probably had but this was Rainbow’s first time.

She had lost a pet before but that was when she was just a filly. It was sudden and had still hurt, but she was young and didn’t remember all of the earlier parts of their relationship. But within the past week, she saw Tank get worse. If she was honest she’d seen it in the past years.

The vet injected the medication. Rainbow was holding Tank and had his foot in her hoof. Tank was shaking and looked back at Rainbow. It was agonizingly slow, but at the same time so quick. His head went back, and then his chest stopped moving, and he went limp.

She couldn’t hold it back anymore. Dash cried and so did Twilight. The vet left them. Rainbow cried so much it gave her a headache. He was gone. Tank was really gone, and he couldn’t come back. It had always been sad when he went into hibernation for the winter but he had always come back.

When the vet came back she had a box ready for them. She gave the two her condolences but it seemed rehearsed.

Can’t you just try? Just pretend that you care! I just lost one of my best friends and you act like you’re just waiting for your shift to be over!

All of a sudden Dash found herself outside of the vet clinic with Twilight beside her, levitating the box with her magic. She was still crying but she couldn’t feel it, or anything else for that matter. Everything that just happened was a blur and Rainbow felt empty.

They had decided that Tank would be buried behind Fluttershy’s house. She was the one who Took care of Tank before Rainbow and she was the one who suggested he be Dash’s pet. How had she known that they'd be such a perfect fit for each other?

A few minutes after arriving at Fluttershy's Cottage Twilight left. She felt that at this point Fluttershy would be a better comfort to Rainbow. Fluttershy had that effect on ponies, she always made them feel comfortable and welcome.

Rainbow was sitting on the couch bride Fluttershy. The quiet yellow mare poured some tea for her grieving friend. Having been around animals most of her life, Fluttershy knew how much it hurt to lose one and what Dash was going through right now. They hadn't spoken a word but it was ok. The two sat and cried together, It was exactly what Rainbow needed, some good catharsis. After about 40 minutes they were dried out and Fluttershy made tea.

Applejack came in from the back door and walked over to the pair on the couch. She took off her hat and held it to her chest.

“I finished diggin’ the hole.” She leaned and gave Dash a hug which she could barely return. “Do yall need an’thing else? I can stay to help lower the box in.”

Fluttershy put her hoof on Applejack’s and spoke softly, “We can manage from here. Thank you Applejack.

AJ nodded and looked at Rainbow one more time, wondering whether or not to say anything to her. She decided against it and left.

Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash sat in silence for a few more minutes.

“Are you ready or do you want to wait a bit longer?”

Rainbow said nothing again but Fluttershy had years of practice reading Rainbows’ silences. She got up off the couch and Dash followed. They walked out back and stood at the hole Applejack had dug. It was a few inches wider and deeper than the box. There was a shovel and pile of dirt off to the side so they could cover it back up.

Fluttershy lowered Tank’s box into the hole and stood beside Rainbow Dash.

“Goodbye, buddy.” Rainbow began. “I’m gonna miss you so so much. You were the best flying buddy and you were always there for me.” as Rainbow spoke, other animals came to pay their respects. “Thanks for putting up with me for all these years. You were always so cool about listening to me go on and on about Daring Do and wearing our matching robes and slippers. Although I know you grew to love them. Just like I love you.” Rainbow stopped and spoke to Fluttershy. “Ok. I’m ready.”

Fluttershy and Rainbow filled in the hole and sat down. Rainbow leaned on Fluttershy and softly, they began to cry again.

Chapter 2

It was the start of a new week which meant Rainbow Dash had cloud-busting duty. She woke up to a cool fall breeze. Rainbow moved her back hooves so she wouldn’t kick Tank while rolling out of bed. It was only a few seconds before she remembered. It’s been two months and it still didn’t feel real.

There was a moment every morning, just as Dash woke up. Where there was a split second of peace and everything felt right. But then it all came back. She’d be reading on the couch and try to pet Tank, go to fill up his food, panic if she was outside and couldn’t hear his magic-propelled helicopter rotor.

The house was a different kind of quiet now. Before it was a quiet that Dash was ok with, Tank didn’t make much noise unless he was flying around. But now it was an empty quiet, now it was quiet because Tank was gone. As Rainbow made her way downstairs the only noise she heard was her hooves on the floor. Even with the cloud floor, her walking was almost deafening.

Rainbow still kept Tank’s water and food bowls out. His slippers and robe were exactly where he left them last. She just didn’t have the heart to move them and no way in Tartarus was she getting rid of them. Each day as she went to the kitchen to make herself a meal, she’d see the spot where he used to eat. She used to stop to look at it but lately, she’d turn away and try to look at something else.

“Hello, Darlings!” Rarity trotted over to a table and sat down with four of her friends. They were at an outdoor restaurant in Canterlot. Twilight picked the place and told them that they all needed to talk. “Sorry, I’m a tad late. I just had to stop by the boutique and check on Sassy..”

“Don’t worry about it Rare,” Applejack responded with a smile. “So Twilight, why did ya want us all here?”

“It’s about Rainbow Dash, I wanted to help her but I have no idea how.”

“Same!.” Pinkie Pie chimed in. “She’s been reeeaalllly bummed since Tank-” She cleared her throat. “I invited her to a buckballl game in Baltimare a week ago. She seemed to have a good enough time but I know smiles and Dashies wasn’t at 120%!”

“Hello ladies, Princess,” the waiter had come to the table to take their orders. “What will we be having today?”

Pinkie got a chocolate milkshake, tea for Fluttershy and Rarity, water for Twilight, and apple juice for Applejack.

“I could throw that going away party for Tank that I was gone throw for his first hibernation.”

“Girls.”

“Oh come now, wouldn’t that just make Rainbow Dash sad all over again?” Rarity pointed out.

“I didn't say it would be a pity party” Pinkie mumbled.

“Girls.”

“Ooo yay! Drinks are here!” The girls thanked the waiter and continued in with their conversation.

“Maybe I could make her another Tank plushie- er no. I suppose it’s too early.”

“You could make a blanket or a

“Girls!” They all stopped and looked at Fluttershy who blushed slightly. “Thank you.” Fluttershy took a breath and spoke. “We just need a way to help her feel better without pushing it too far. I saw how hard she took it. Rainbow had a routine, a life that she was comfortable and happy with. All of that was just disrupted for what? So she could have Tank taken away from her?”

The girls all looked at eachother and took what Fluttershy said into consideration.

“No big gestures. One of us should just try to sit and talk with her.”

Rarity finished taking a sip of her tea and said “I think it should be Twilight or Applejack. It just makes the most sense. I’ve been known to be a bit dramatic at times-”

Applejack snorted and muttered to herself. “A bit?”

Rarity shot her a look, “what was that darling?”

“Nothin’, ah didn’t say nothin’. Continue.”

Rarity directed a sigh and eye roll to Applejack and continued. “As I was saying, I might not be the best pony to comfort her. Pinkie, well I love you darling but you’re just not what Rainbow needs right now.”

Pinkie gasped “Whaddya mean!?”

“You two have a tendency to get distracted easily. Remember when we sent you to talk her out of pranking and you congratulated her on her pranks!”

“I tried to stop her from doing the cookie prank! But yeah I see your point.”

“I’ve been trying with Rainbow for weeks but I haven’t really gotten anywhere. Every time I go to ask how she’s doing, she changes the subject, ignores it, or acts like she doesn’t know what I’m talking about.”

“I figured as much. So what do you say? Twilight, Applejack?”

“Eehh. I don’t know. I don’t think it’s a good idea for me to talk to her. I was with her when they put him down. When we were waiting in that room, for the vet to come back, she was so quiet and I knew she was only focusing on the bad. So to break the silence and help Dash remember the good times, I started talking about fond memories I had of Tank. I don’t think it really helped any. Truth is, I don’t know what she needs right now.”

“Aww Twilight. Ya gotta know that she’s not mad at you. She’s just really fragile right now, and you know how Dashie is. She doesn’t always think before doing something.”

Twilight has actually been feeling that she was partly to blame for Rainbow feeling bad. All of the girls had, that’s why they wanted to help her so bad.

Taking the final sip of her apple juice, Applejack said “Yeah I’ll do it”

“Hey AJ!” Rainbow Dash landed next to Applejack. Applejack had seen Dash at the market a few days earlier and they made plans for her to stop by the farm.

“I was flying over the orchard for like 5 minutes before I found you. What’s this place? I don’t think I’ve ever seen this part of Sweet Apple Acres.”

“Heh, sorry sugar cube. Here, come sit next t’ me.” Applejack patted the grass right of her. Rainbow Dash took at seat and looked in the direction AJ was.

“I wanna tell y’all about this place. Ya see that there free in front of us?”

“Mhm.” Rainbow nodded.

“Well this is where mah parents got married. They sealed their vows by planting two seeds.” She paused in thought. “This is what they left for us, ah don’t have much from ‘em but I have this and the memories.”

Oh. Rainbow Dash knew what this was. Oh. So this is what we’re doing. “Yeah? Well memories suck, they’re just reminders. What the hell is this AJ? I thought you wanted me to come over so we could hang out, maybe play some buckball or whatever.”

“Rainbow. You know exactly what this is.” Applejack gave Rainbow one of her stern looks that only she could challenge. “We need to talk.”

“No we don’t.” Rainbow didn’t fall to her gaze. Instead she stood up and opened her wings. “This was completely unfair. I’m outta here.”

“Woah there Nelly!”

Rainbow Dash began to fly off but not before Applejack grabbed her tail in her mouth, preventing her from escaping.

“Let go AJ!”

“No!” Applejack pulled the pegasus back down and put her hoof oh her chest so she couldn’t get back up. Rainbow struggled but was ultimately no match for the orange earth pony and her strength.

“UGH FINE! Ya wanna talk!? You’ve got me trapped so talk!”

“Rainbow.” Applejack looked at Rainbow and sighed. “Now I know ya don’t wanna talk about it but you’ve gotta. It’ll help.”

Rainbow was still fuming and looked away from Applejack. “Why can’t you just let me be?”

“Cause I care about ya too damn much. Me an’ the rest of the girls are worried. Yer not ok and we want to help ya.”

“Then Butt.Out.”

“Dash. Why don’t you want to think about it? Ignoring the fact ain’t gonna make it go away or never have happened. Trust me, you can’t pretend forever.”

Rainbow mumbled, “Watch me.”

“Hon, I know you don’t want to talk about it but it’ll make you feel so much better. If y’all just remember the good times you and Ta-“

“APPLEJACK! I get… that you want to help or whatever but I don’t want it.”

“But ya need it. Just listen, I know loosin’ a loved ones hard but just think about all the great times ya had with ‘em. Think about every time he made ya laugh or smile and every time he cuddled up next to ya. Those are the things worth thinkin’ about, isn’t that what Tank would want?”

Rainbow shook her head, “You just done get it Applejack.”

“I do get it. When I lost Winona a while back I was just as upset. But I knew she wouldn’t want me moping around, she’d want me to move on and enjoy the time we had together, not be sad that it was gone.”

Applejack loosened her hold on Rainbow and let her up, confident that she wouldn’t fly away.

“We deal with things differently. You cry on the inside because you had to learn how and I’m sorry for that. But like you said, you made peace with that a long time ago. When it was Winona's turn a few years back, I saw how you handled that. Even now, me mentioning her, you didn’t wince or back away. Because when you lose something you handle it so well because ‘that’s just life on the farm. Things change and that’s life.’ Well I don’t have that luxury. I can’t just go along with change and accept it. I HATE change. That’s just who I am! Amd who I am right now can’t stop thinking about it. Winona went peacefully in her sleep, you didn’t have to watch her leave you. I did. And now that picture is in my mind forever. I can’t just accept it and talk about all the fond memories I have like you.”

Again Rainbow Dash readied to take off in flight.

“I don’t know when I’ll be able to, but until then, leave it the hell alone.” Dash was about 5 feet into the air before she stopped and looked back at her friend. Applejack was speechless and kind of shocked, “Sorry AJ.”

Chapter 3

After Applejack's failed attempt at talking with Rainbow Dash, the girls tried a few more times and tried to be discreet. Every single time they tried they got shot down, after another two weeks of trying they reluctantly decided to just let her come to them if and when she was ready. It has been a few months since then and even though they decided to lay off, they would still let Rainbow know they were there for her.

Rainbow felt bad about loosing it on Applejack, after all she was just trying to help. But then again whose business is it how she’s doing? Heh,
I’m FINE. JUST GREAT! Why wouldn’t I be? There is NOTHING wrong. At least that’s what Rainbow Dash told herself constantly.

Truthfully, Rainbow wasn’t fine, and deep down she knew it. She just couldn’t bring herself to tell her or her friends. Every since that horrible day, Dash had slowly been distancing herself from her friends and family.

A week ago Rainbow Dash, reluctantly, went to Cloudsdale to visit her family. Her parents mentioned her aunt was visiting. She had been meaning to go see her parents but with the news of her aunt she was thinking about what excuse would work best. She loved her aunt but she was pushy and didn’t always think of others. In the end she decided it was worth it to get to visit her parents.

Fluttershy had told Rainbow Dash’s parents about Tank and Rainbow knew she had, she was a little annoyed but didn’t mind. She knew they knew and they knew she knew. Windy and Bow also knew that Rainbow Dash didn’t want to talk about it. Fluttershy had told them about their failed attempts to help her. Dash and her parents silently agreed to not talk about it, Bow and Windy just wanted to make their daughter feel comfortable and happy with them.

They were in the middle of dinner when, “Rainbow dearie I heard about your Turtle.”

Rainbow Dash froze. Her parents looked at her Aunt and back at their daughter. Rainbow Dash looked down at her food and angrily stuffed broccoli into her mouth to avoid having the conversation.

Rainbow's aunt didn’t take the hint. “So I was talking to one of my friends who works with animals. She told me about some animal called a Trionyx and I think you’d just love him. I know it’s a different turtle than-“

“Tortoise.” Bow Hothoof inturruoted his sister. “He was a Tortoise, and if Rainbow Dash wanted a new pet then I’m sure she would get one. Jesabel can I see you in the kitchen real quick?”

After Rainbows dad took her aunt away, Windy put her hoof on her daughters.

“Honey. I’m so sorry, we should have told her-“

“It’s…fine Mom. That’s just Aunt Jesie.”

“It looks like you’ve pretty much finished your dinner. Do you wanna get out of here?”

“Uhh. Yeah. Thanks Mom.” Rainbow and her mom left the table and Windy walked her outside. Rainbow Dash gave her mom a tight hug which she returned. “Thanks Mom. I love you, and tell Dad thanks too.”

“Will do sweetie.”

“Rainbow Dash! Are you in there? It’s Twilight and Fluttershy.”

Rainbow Dash opened the door and welcomed her friends inside. “Hey guys! You both ready for the most epic Daring Do marathon EVER?”

“Of course! We’ve planned this for at least a year!”

“The last book is finally out! Not to mention it being a collaboration between A.K Yearling, Dr. Caballeron, and Ahuizotl!”

“I know right! And do think. Rainbow Dash used to think that only eggheads read. Now she’s the one who planned this whole marathon to celebrate the last Daring Do book!”

“Heh Yeah.” Rainbow Dash scratched the back of her head with her hoof. “Thank Celestia Twilight showed me just how wrong I was! Anyways. Let’s get reading!”

As the night went on, the girls made their way through all the Daring Do books. Each taking their turn to read their favorite book. When it got to the very last book, Rainbow Dash realized something. This is it. Daring Do is over. Theres never gonna be another book. This series helped me through so much, It can’t just be over, it just isn’t right. Why can’t there be more adventures?

Rainbow Dash started to tear up. Why am I getting so worked up about a book series? I know A.K. personally, if I want to hear about any adventures then I’ll just ask her to tell me some stories.

“Rainbow Dash, what’s wrong?”

“Rainbow! Are you ok?”

“It’s over. This is it. This is the last book and once this chapter is finished then it’ll never come back!”

“Uhm. Rainbow Dash?”

“ITS NOT FAIR! IT CANT JUST BE OVER!” Now she was fully crying. “I’m gonna miss him so much. Why did he have to leave?”

“Oh Dashie…”

Fluttershy and Twilight quickly figured out of this wasn’t about Daring Do.

“It’s ok to say you need help.” Fluttershy said softly.

“Ok, yeah. I need help”

“Not like that,” Twilight said as she let Dash lean on her. “It’s not supposed to be a punishment. It’s supposed to make you feel better. It’s not healthy to keep this all bottled up. If you say it I promise you’ll tell better!”

“Alright. I need help. I’ve been so sad and I’ve been keeping it in for so long. Please. What do I do?”

“It’ll be ok Rainbow.”

“It’ll be ok. Just let it all out.”

Author's Note

Did you spot the Friendship is for Adults Reference?