Author's Note

This chapter is officially too hot for Offprint (it's interesting that the previous three weren't).

T

The Day of the Yeet has come.

After all, you painted the logo of some pest control company on the van and put some bumper stickers on it, hiding some of the damage from a recent explosion. You put the tanks full of sarin in the back. For this occasion, Wallflower got new duct tape for your tyvek suits – this time with Sonic the Hedgehog and Kermit the Frog. Where does she even get those? She also used it to fix the magazines of your Tavor together, jungle style.

Her obsession with cartoons shows in other ways as well. Sunset, as usual, is unashamedly naked under her tyvek suit, aside from tape covering her nipples. Wallflower, on the other hand, settled for a pull-up diaper with Mickey Mouse. You really have questions, but you’re not sure if you’d want the answers, especially since your dick really wants to rub against the diaper while she’s wearing it and then cum in it.

“I already cleansed myself with laxatives,” Wallflower says. “So when I die, I won’t shit myself like Fluttershy. And when they find my body, it won’t be immediately obvious that I peed.”

“No diapers, we die like men,” Sunset says, rolling her eyes. “Right, Anon?”

You only nod. While you generally prefer Wallflower to be alive, your dick doesn’t seem to notice the difference. Also, it’s getting really obvious since you’re wearing a t-shirt and boxers.

“Ready for the action, huh?” Sunset pokes your dick. “Almost like that one time the guys who thought I was Anon-a-Miss gangbanged me in the toilet while I mocked their tiny penises.”

“This never happened,” Wallflower says.

“But it could.” Sunset shrugs. “Can I borrow him? Last occasion to fuck before we take everyone for a ride to hell.”

“Go fuck yourself, he’s mine,” Wallflower replies.

“Yeah, guess I’ll do that.” Sunset looks into her bag, grabs a diamond-studded Beretta, looks at its barrel and sighs. Then she looks into the bag again and produces a Hitachi Magic Wand. “You two can fuck. Don’t mind me.”

Well, what else can you do? You do get to cum in Wallflower’s diaper, at least, hoping that it’ll stop you from getting a boner from seeing everyone die while shitting themselves. It’d make running kinda difficult, after all.

Sunset looks kinda satisfied by your show. Well, she also thoroughly fucked herself with the Magic Wand, so it’s no wonder she’s happy. She also smeared her whole body in lube, possibly to make it easier to get into the suit. Or maybe she’s just fucking nuts. But then, it’s time to don tyveks and do your job.

Which in your case involves driving the van to school, all while suited up, wearing goggles and masks, not to mention the tanks full of sarin in the back. If you get pulled over, it’s gonna get weird. Like, what would come first? Cops shooting you for your suspicious outfit or cops getting a face full of sarin because Sunset Shimmer has no chill?

Would the cop have time to shoot you before he was too busy shitting his pants full of fascism and donuts?

You never find that out as you drive to school without any problems. Even the guards let you in as for once this van looks like it belongs to a legit company. Who’d say that it’s full of sarin and explosives?

You don’t have nukes, though. You took uranium from Sunset and told her that you couldn’t make anything out of it, but you actually did manage to create something that should produce the yield of a few kilotons of TNT if it ever explodes. You keep it safely under Sunset’s bed; it’s not like she ever looks there.

You park the van in the faculty’s parking lot. As if on cue, Vice-Principal Luna runs to it.

“Who are you?” she asks. “What are you doing here?”

“Pest control,” you reply, while Wallflower puts the tanks with sarin on her back. “I’ve heard you had cockroaches here.”

“I’d know about it,” Luna replies. “I’m the Vice-Principal.”

“Well, cockroaches are good at hiding,” Sunset says. “Even the ones the size of kids. They actually masquerade as humans.”

“Okay.” Luna furrows her eyebrows. “I know it’s you, Sunset Shimmer. What were you doing for the last month? You missed all the lessons.”

“I was doing some chemistry project,” Sunset replies, grabbing the nozzle and spraying sarin on Luna, who starts coughing.

“Hey, now you’re taking credit for my sarin,” you say, when Luna drops to her knees, throwing up.

“Shut up.” Sunset grabs the bag full of explosives and the tanks with sarin. “Let’s get to the building before someone notices there’s something wrong with her.”

“Right.” You and Wallflower grab your tanks as well; you also take the Tavor in case someone tries to overpower you. Before leaving, you arm the bomb in the van; you’re not planning to use it as a getaway vehicle, so it may as well blow up with everything else.

It’s the recess and the halls are crowded when you storm inside, firing into the ceiling. At first the students don’t notice you, too busy talking or looking at their phones. Bunch of idiots, to be honest; they always make you feel like a boomer, just wasting all the time on social media.

It’s much funnier wasting time on watching porn.

You lower the rifle and shoot Pixel Pizazz in the head, mainly because she’s standing right next to you. The bits of her brain hit Photo Finish, who lowers her glasses and stares at you in pure horror. Next to her, Violet Blurr looks at Pixel’s body and throws up. Off to a great start.

“Wer sind sie?!” Photo Finish yells. “Nicht schiessen!”

Wallflower aims the nozzle of her sarin tank at Photo Finish and sprays her with sarin. “Just like home, right, bitch?”

Photo coughs, staggering, while Wallflower takes the time to gas Violet Blurr as well. “Das ist nicht Zyklon, Dummkopf,” she whispers, gasping for air. The mask blocks the smell, but you can see the front of her pants getting wet as she drops to her knees. Wallflower kicks her in the face, breaking her glasses and joins Sunset, who’s just spraying everyone who didn’t manage to run away.

You lock the school door and join them in the chase. Soon, the air is permeated with sarin, so even those who didn’t get a direct hit, soon drop on the floor. Valhallen tries to tackle Wallflower, but she just shoots him with her uzi. It’s probably still better than sarin poisoning.

Suddenly, you almost trip over something. You look down and notice Vinyl, struggling to take a breath and trembling as shit pours out of her tights. She tries to catch your leg as you’re walking by.

You realise that she may be dying like this for the next ten minutes or so. Quite a painful death and you don’t even see Octavia around; in fact, no one is there to comfort the poor DJ, everyone is either dying or running for their life.

You set the gun to full auto and shoot at Vinyl, ripping her body apart. Torn innards spill to the floor along with a torrent of blood. She twitches one more time and dies with what seems like a small smile of relief on her face.

You’re gonna see this smile in your dreams forever.

You leave Vinyl’s body, pondering about the stupidity of some of the people from school. You’d get if they ran for the back door, but for some reason, a lot of them run upstairs. What are they gonna do, jump off the roof?

On a second thought, you have to admit that people dying left and right don’t exactly help with rational thinking.

You spot Flash Sentry standing by the window. It seems that Sunset and Wallflower missed him, but still, he may get contact buzz and there goes the most fabulous guy at school.

“Sentry!” you yell at him. To your horror, you realise that he’s wearing a dress. Great timing: to come out right on the day when everyone who could appreciate it is very distracted by their lungs shutting down.

Flash looks at you as you run to him, shooting at the window. The glass pane breaks, showering him in shards, but he seems fine. You run to him, stabbing him with your only atropine injector; it’s not like you’re gonna need it, with the suit and all. He looks at you unsurely, so you just shove him out of the window. It’s the second floor, so it shouldn’t be that bad, especially since, judging by the sound of the alarm going off, he landed on some car.

You look through the window – Flash is running away, limping across the parking lot. Apparently he lost one of his high heels.

Suddenly, you feel something ripping a hole in your tyvek suit. You tape it over and turn to see Applejack with a shotgun, aiming at you. You try to grab the rifle, but she just reloads and aims the shotgun at your head.

“Hold on, partner,” she says. “What do ya think y’all are doing? School shooting? Now on mah watch!” She smirks. “Don’t bring the gun to school, huh? Well, who’s laughing no–” Her voice turns into a horrible gurgle when her chest explodes into gore, blood, and cracked ribs. Some of it sprays on you; at least nothing gets in your mouth. She drops on the ground, revealing one of the school guards behind her. He’s barely standing, poisoned with sarin, but he still smiles, looking at Applejack’s body.

“I got one of them,” he says, the gun dropping out of his hand. He looks at his bodycam. “Got one of those terrorists! Tell my wife that I got one of them!”

You nod as the guard collapses to the floor, coughing. You walk to him and put the gun in his hand. The guy definitely deserved to go straight to Valhalla.

You catch up with Wallflower and Sunset and it seems that they weren’t wasting time. The whole floor is littered with corpses of both the students and the teachers. Looks like some guys decided to make the best of the situation and cum in Rainbow Dash. There’s like, five of them lying around her corpse; her legs are spread apart and her creampied vagina is on display, although she got her revenge. They all got sarin on their dicks and died in horrible pain which they totally deserved.

Disgusting savages, all of them. And you’re saying that as someone, who fucked a headless corpse of a social media thot.

Sunset walks out of the toilet. “Wanna know something funny?” she asks. “The rumors were true.”

“What rumors?” you ask.

“Trixie did have a penis.” Sunset chuckles. “I caught them when her bandmates were sucking her off.”

“Oh no,” Wallflower mutters, rushing to the toilet. You follow her, partially because you don’t want her to do something stupid and that ‘oh no’ didn’t sound right. Also, you’d really want to see the trick up Trixie’s sleeve, so to speak.

“Watch out,” Sunset says. “I put a bomb in one of the stalls.”

“Duly noted,” you mutter, entering the toilet.

Trixie is dead, there’s no doubt about that. She probably bled out before suffocating, as Sunset shot Lavender Lace in the back of the head when she was blowing Trixie off, shooting a part of her dick off. What remained is still bigger than your dick. How did she manage to hide it for so long?

Well, she was a magician, after all.

Lavender Lace’s brain is all over the place, its bits mixed with Trixie’s blood and cum. Your own dick twitches. Just great. From now on, you’ll have to deal with a raging boner in the middle of the pile of corpses.

You hear someone weeping. When you turn to look in that direction, you see that Fuchsia Blush is still alive. Her eyes are bloodshot and she clearly can’t breathe, her face slowly turning blue. She’s lying in the puddle of her vomit, shitting herself. Wallflower is standing above her, her hands trembling as she grabs her atropine injector.

“Anon, help me!” she screams. “I can’t get it out!”

You grab the injector and look at Wallflower, unsure what to do. She points at Fuchsia so, without thinking twice, you inject her with atropine. Fuchsia stops trembling, taking a deep breath, sucking some of her vomit back into her mouth.

“You okay?” Wallflower asks.

Fuchsia is pale, staring at the bodies of Trixie and Lavender with her eyes wide. “You fucking monsters!” she yells. “You… You killed them! What the fuck–”

“Fuchsia, it’s me,” Wallflower says. “Run away! This whole place will blow up soon!”

“R-run away?” Fuchsia asks. “After all this– Do you think I want to fucking live after seeing this?!”

“Please,” Wallflower replies. “There’s a broken window near the toilet, you should escape easily.”

“I can’t walk.” Fuchsia tries to get up, but suddenly she collapses, clutching to her chest. “Oh shit. No, not now...” She falls limply on the floor, her eyes open wide.

“Damn…” Wallflower’s voice trembles. “I forgot she had a heart condition.”

“Sarin didn’t help it,” you say, embracing Wallflower. “Did you know her?”

Wallflower sobs. “She was kinda my cousin.”

Right. Wallflower Blush, Fuchsia Blush. You realise that you’re a total imbecile. Guess asking Wallflower if she couldn’t just tell Fuchsia not to come to school would be in bad taste, given that her cousin just got a heart attack in front of her.

You leave the bathroom and check the nearest class. You still have some sarin in your tanks, but this one is empty, so you just plant a bomb in there and move on.

The next one, however, has four people hiding in there. Wallflower starts blindly shooting at them, killing two of them before she runs out of ammo. The other girl jumps out of the window, and the third one gets a nice dose of sarin from your tank. When you’re done, you realise that it’s no one else but Twilight Sparkle.

“Whoa,” she says. “You just caused a bad interdimensional paradox.”

Of all the things you could hear from someone who, due to your sarininining, is now a dead girl walking, this one is the most unexpected. “What do you mean?” you ask.

“Look.” Twilight points at the bodies on the floor. It’s Microchips and Pinkie Pie. Microchips took a few bullets to the chest, but Pinkie was nearly cut in half by a burst from an uzi. A lot of things that should be inside of her are now outside.

“Well, what’s paradoxical about that?” you ask.

Twilight chuckles. “This is Pinkie from Equestria. The one that escaped is the human Pinkie from our world.” She sighs. “Hope that she’s wise enough to run to Equestria and pretend she’s the pony one. I mean, what future does she have here?”

“Are you nuts?” Wallflower asks. “Maybe it’s sarin?”

“No, no,” Twilight replies, rubbing her eyes. “The first symptom is narrowing of the pupils, then the eyes start to hurt, which I’m experiencing right now. That’s an interesting feeling, you know?”

“Do you want us to shoot you?” you ask. “The next symptoms won’t be pretty.”

“No, it’s really interesting.” Twilight fixes her glasses and spits on the floor. “Salivation already started. I can feel acetylcholine flooding my synapses.” She wipes her eyes and nose. “Interesting feeling.”

You and Wallflower look at each other. Wallflower shrugs and looks back at Twilight.

“So, we have salivation, lacrimation…” Twilight takes a deep breath. “It’s getting really difficult to breathe.” She shudders and rests herself against the desk, clutching to her stomach. “Excuse me.” She throws up on the floor, wipes her mouth, and looks at the resulting puddle. “I knew I shouldn’t have eaten that.”

“Twilight, you’re about to die,” you say. “Could you be, like, less cheerful? It’s unnerving.”

“Why would I be less cheerful?” Twilight asks. “It’s pure science.” Suddenly, she farts loudly, blushing as she looks down and notices the stream of urine running down her legs. “I’m sorry. I think I just went to the toilet in my panties. It’s to be expected, but not a great feeling nevertheless.” She turns her back to you and lifts her skirt. “Can you help me take those off? It’ll make things much more convenient.”

That’s enough for your dick. You cum in your boxers hard; some of it probably landed on your suit. Wallflower gives you a mean look, shakes her head, and grabs Twilight.

“No shitting on the floor,” she says. “Shit your panties and die like a man.”

“Do you think men statistically shit their panties more than women?” Twilight’s voice is barely above a whisper. “I’d have to–” She tries to take a breath. Wallflower moves back right in time before she throws up again, this time losing balance and falling face-first into the puddle.

You turn her on her back. Twilight twitches, trying to take a breath, but to no success. At least she stopped talking. Soon, she also stops breathing, shits herself one more time, and finally lies limply on the floor.

Wallflower turns to you. “What is your problem, Anon?”

“I’ve been planning to see a doctor about that,” you reply. “Let’s go back to Sunset before she kills someone she shouldn’t.”

“Whom?” Wallflower asks. “There are no people who shouldn’t be killed here. We just murdered Twilight Sparkle and she’s probably pissing off the Grim Reaper right now with taking notes about afterlife for science. Everybody gets a ride to hell.”

“You tried to save Fuchsia, though,” you say.

Wallflower shrugs. “Family ties. Besides, I’ll join her soon.” She plants a bomb next to Twilight’s body. “Let’s go.”

You walk out of the classroom and navigate through a narrow corridor filled with dead bodies and sarin. It looks like Diamond Tiara is gonna be happy – not only she missed the massacre due to being in the hospital after Sunset fucked her up, but also her mother chose this fateful day to talk about her homework to Principal Celestia. You know that because in her death throes, she wrote “I want to talk to the Principal” on the wall, using her own shit.

You have the most absurd thought. What is Mrs. Rich's first name? You hope it's Karen, but you don't care enough to dig through the shit to find her driver's license.

Suddenly, you see something moving in the cloud of sarin. Wallflower raises one of her uzis and fires a short burst, even though anything walking there should be dead or dying. Well, unless it’s Sunset, in which case you can even join the shooting.

However, the person who emerges from the cloud is no one else but Derpy. She walks through a pile of gore with a somewhat bemused expression, and shoots you a mean look as she passes by. Wallflower looks at her gun unsurely and fires a few shots in her back. All of them miss, but you could swear at least one bullet hit her butt and bounced. Wallflower tries to shoot the other uzi, but it jams immediately. You raise the Tavor and fire as well, just to see what’d happen. Derpy turns to you and lifts her hand like some goddamn Neo.

To your surprise, it works. An incoming burst of 5.56x40 mm NATO just stops in mid-air in front of her and falls to the floor, bouncing a few times. Derpy shakes her head, salutes you with her middle finger and disappears, as if phasing through the wall.

“Have you seen this?” you ask.

“Yes,” Wallflower replies. “Do you think we have hallucinations from sarin?”

“I don’t think that’s possible,” you say.

“I think it does.” Wallflower shudders. “Guess we forced her to use ten percent of her power.”

“At least fifteen,” you say. “She’s not that powerful.”

“If it was fifteen, we’d wake up in the forest with no clothes on before the very thought of sarinininininining the school crossed our minds,” Wallflower says.

You don’t feel this is right. “Wait, are you telling me that the whole school died because someone who can stop bullets and walk through walls couldn’t be arsed to stop us before we did that?”

Wallflower just reloads her uzis. “Well, religions exist.”

That’s just too much for you.

“Are we seriously gonna discuss theology in the middle of this mess?” you ask, kicking Snips’ body and shoving him aside.

“Theodicy,” Wallflower replies. “The question of why a good God permits the manifestation of evil, thus resolving the issue of the problem of evil. We could as well do that. Gottfried Wilhelm Leibniz is my soulmate.”

“I always thought Schopenhauer was your soulmate,” you reply.

“That too.” Wallflower smirks. You can somehow tell she does despite the mask. “I also liked Jacques the Fatalist. I mean, the idea of cultivating my own garden–”

“That was Candide, you evergreen moron.” You sigh and roll your eyes. “Also, you cultivated your own garden until you dropped three bodies in the compost heap and then went on and sarinininininined the whole school.”

You have to pause for a moment. The situation is not quite something you see every day. You just start to wonder why are you even discussing theodicy with Wallflower Blush right after you just left Twilight Sparkle’s body in an empty classroom.

It all started some six weeks ago...

When you got a call from Wallflower Blush, asking you to come to her house, you expected another anime marathon. Also, you just realised you’ve already remembered everything that brought you to this particular point in your life.

In retrospect, you’re a complete retard. But you’re used to this thought.

You walk upstairs. Even less students reached this floor, with just four bodies lying there. Instead, Sunset Shimmer just dropped quite a lot of explosives there and now she’s busy beating the crap of someone whose face has already been mangled into an unrecognisable pulp and whose limbs are bent at angles that are not possible in someone who’s alive. Nevertheless, Sunset still kicks them. Severed jawbone flies across the corridor and hits the wall.

“Who’s this?” you ask.

“Mystery Mint,” Sunset replies. “She asked me why I was doing this, so I made a pinata out of her.” She shrugs. “Unfortunately, there’s no candy inside, just guts and shit.”

You look at the other bodies. A short, green-skinned girl known as Starlight is still twitching, but one look into her eyes tells you she’s already too far gone. Drama Letter’s bodily fluids on the floor kinda seem like modern art, but you guess she wouldn’t be proud of it. She was always a perfectionist. Mystery Mint… Well, she deserved a better end than to be trampled under Sunset’s boots. And then, there’s Blueberry Cake. She had, uhh… ridiculously big sunglasses. That’s about all you know about her, sadly. Still, her death is yet another brick in the wall.

Sunset pulls out a detonator from God knows where. She primes it and looks at you and Wallflower. “Okay, it’s over, I guess. Do you want to shoot yourselves before I blow us all up?”

Wallflower pulls out the uzi and lifts it to her temple.

“No!” you cry.

“Right.” Wallflower aims at you. “I shoot you, you shoot me?”

“You’re the worst shot in history,” you reply. “Would you kindly reconsider this?”

“Why?” Wallflower asks. “We just killed everyone we ever liked. I’m just like Fuchsia. Who’d want to live after that?”

“She had a heart attack, for fuck’s sake!” you yell. “Guess if she had a choice, she’d reconsider it.”

“Okay, I’m blowing us up,” Sunset says. “I’m done with you two retards.” She raises her hand with the detonator.

“Stop!” You aim the Tavor at Sunset. “Finger off the button or I’ll shoot you.”

Sunset chuckles. “You lack stopping power for that. What is it, 5.56 mm NATO?”

“Well, the magazine holds thirty bullets and at point blank range all of them will have enough power to gut you like a fish,” you reply.

“Don’t shoot her!” Wallflower exclaims. “Or I’ll shoot, uh…”

“Me?” you ask.

“Myself.” Wallflower aims the gun at her head.

Great. She’s somehow holding herself hostage.

“Wait, that’s a clusterfuck.” You shrug. “I want to shoot Sunset so she doesn’t get us all killed, you want to shoot yourself to stop me from shooting Sunset who wants to get us all killed. Either way, at least one of us dies, but why does it have to be you, of all people?”

“I made my choice,” Wallflower replies. “Six weeks ago when we started this. You know this was the plan all along.”

“Can we change the plan?”

“What is your alternative?” Sunset asks. In the background, you can hear police sirens and helicopters flying above the school. “We’re surrounded. This is where the story ends. There’s no escape.”

“We may first run and then blow the school up to cover our tracks. Then we’ll go to Mexico or somewhere…”

After first dumping Sunset in the ocean, that is.

“We’ll forever be wanted criminals,” Sunset says. “Okay, Wally, shoot yourself if you wish, while I’m gonna blow this pathetic loser up.”

You raise the rifle but before Sunset gets to push the button on the detonator, two shots ring out. You look at Wallflower, but she’s still standing there, with the uzi in her hand. She’s not aiming at herself, though.

Sunset drops the detonator, staring in horror at two gaping holes in her chest. Blood erupts out of them, staining her tyvek, the floor, and the bodies of her last victims.

Wallflower walks to Sunset without a word, raises the gun, and fires a single shot at Sunset’s forehead. The back of Sunset’s tyvek’s hood explodes in bits of skin, hair, bones, and brain which lands on the wall right above Drama Letter’s dead body, like another macabre painting. Sunset drops on the floor next to Mystery Mint and finally fucking dies.

“Wallflower?” you ask.

“I couldn’t,” Wallflower replies. “I really wanted to, but I couldn’t shoot myself.”

You furrow your eyebrows, watching Sunset’s blood slowly dripping off the wall. “But why?”

Wallflower shrugs. “Dunno. Maybe I always wanted to know how a wanted criminal feels like? Or maybe I don’t like when someone tells me what to do. And I don’t think you’re a pathetic loser.” She drops the uzi. “But above all, I think I finally realised that life is like a grave.”

“That is?”

“I dig it,” Wallflower says.

“You’re a fucking nutjob,” you reply. “I love you, Wally.”

“I know.” Wallflower smirks, and picks up the detonator. “Guess we’ll have to blow this place up, after all.”

“There’s one problem,” you say. “How will we blow it up without blowing up ourselves as well?”

Wallflower points at the nearby window. “A few days ago I installed a zipline here. It leads to the garden. There, I have a camping shower full of chlorox to neutralize sarin. Oh, and some spare clothes as well.”

“Were you even planning to kill yourself at this point?” you ask. Seriously, you married a genetic fuckup, but you just love her more and more.

“Yes, but it didn’t require any planning whatsoever.” Wallflower shrugs. “So I started to make plans in case of not yeeting myself.” She picks up the detonator. “Let’s go before the cops storm the place.”

You open the window and look at the zipline. It looks alright, as long as you don’t think who installed it. Wallflower holds on to you and you slide down towards the garden, right behind the attack helicopter slowly encircling the school. Wallflower pushes the detonator. A roar of explosion deafens you as flames shoot from the building, breaking the windows and showering everything around in glass. The helicopter gets caught in the blast and crashes in the middle of the parking lot while you safely land in the garden, leaving the mayhem behind.

It’s a nice and quiet place, especially compared to the school building right now. Wallflower whips out the camping shower and soon you’re decontaminated and out of your suits. You also drop your cum-stained boxers and throw them on the pile of clothes. It’s not like Wallflower really cares.

She’s too busy pouring gasoline on the clothes. Better to get rid of the evidence.

While waiting for her to be done with burning, you spot another nice surprise. It seems that Angel found the compost heap in Wallflower’s garden, but in the meantime he got eaten by a bobcat or some other shit. All that’s left is his head and some bits of fur. You kick the head onto the compost pile. Fluttershy may have this son of a bitch back.

“What are you, a nudist?” Wallflower asks. “Spare clothes are in the shed.”

You go to the shed and find quite an interesting set of clothes. Wallflower must’ve stolen it from the funeral parlor. It’s a nice black suit, a white shirt, and a red tie. You find it oddly fitting. When you put it on, you feel that you don’t want to wear anything else for the rest of your life.

Wallflower soon joins you, putting on a pair of jeans, a t-shirt with Powerpuff Girls, and yet another striped sweater. You’ve already been in her basement, but if you weren’t, you’d think she keeps a bunch of Asian kids there, forcing them to make striped sweaters.

Something else explodes behind you. Maybe it’s your van or maybe a helicopter. The police sirens are getting louder. You’re pretty sure the firefighters also arrived at the scene.

You walk out of the garden and see the 1955 hearse Cadillac parked in front of it. “You planned this too?” you ask.

Wallflower smirks. “Of course. Guess we can borrow it for a while, even if my parents come back from the Bahamas.” She looks at the school. “What a good time to have a funeral parlour.”

“Yeah.” You shudder. “How about we try to reach Vegas this time?”

Wallflower nods. “Better go fast. The roads may get crowded soon…”

***

Cleaning up the whole mess took a while. Just enough time for you to make your own preparations. After all, you and Wallflower have a few unfinished businesses.

Despite a rather spectacular outcome, your mission kinda failed. Scootaloo, Sweetie Belle, and Apple Bloom are still alive, although they’re still hospitalized. Apple Bloom lost her sister, but her grandmother apparently survived without a scratch – the legend goes that she became impervious to gas in the trenches of World War I.

Sweetie Belle is one lucky little shit. Not only she survived the sarinininining, but Rarity is alive as well, learning to walk on her new, stainless steel legs. Apparently she already ordered prosthetics for all the occasions. Meanwhile, Scootaloo is still in denial about Rainbow Dash’s death. Apparently she has brain damage, but you haven’t noticed any difference when, dressed as a FedEx guy, you dropped a package at their room.

Immediately afterwards, you hid in the hospital toilet and changed your clothes. Now you look like a pretty ugly male nurse, but it’s necessary – you have one more room to visit.

In what was dubbed as the greatest miracle of the whole attack, it turned out that Fuchsia Blush survived. They dug her out of the charred ruins, covered in blood, shit, soot, and plaster, but before they tossed her in the plastic bag, someone noticed that she was breathing. After being rushed to the ER and the fastest heart surgery in the world, she was recovering surprisingly quickly.

You take a wheelchair from the corridor and walk to Fuchsia’s room. The whole nightstand is littered with flowers and cards from all around the world.

Thoughts and prayers got surprisingly cheap, these days.

“You okay there?” you ask. “We have to go.”

“Yeah, now I’m okay,” Fuchsia replies. “By the way, are those pacemakers only for old people or what? I wanted to rub one off and it got crazy. I thought I’d have to steal batteries from the TV remote for it, but I don’t think they fit. Also, where are we going?”

“To your cousin,” you reply.

Fuchsia furrows her eyebrows. “Didn’t she die in the terrorist attack or something? I recall some crazy bitch shooting Trixie and then Wallflower tried to save me.”

“The crazy bitch is dead,” you reply. Until Fuchsia’s heart condition stabilizes, you’d rather not tell her about Wallflower’s part in the sarin attack. “Wallflower is fine and she’s waiting for you.”

“Fine.” Fuchsia gets off the bed and sits in the wheelchair. “It’s not like I’m afraid of anything. I must be destined to do great things.”

“How so?” you ask.

“I got poisoned with sarin, had a heart attack, and then the building exploded, but I survived.” Fuchsia shrugs. “Logically, I should be dead three times. I believe He has great plans for me.”

“Who, Jesus?”

“No, Skrillex.”

You decide not to question this logic. A while ago, you noticed that everyone in Wallflower’s family is nuts. Also, you don't feel like telling her that before the first death, she was sucking off a chick with dick.

You vaguely wonder if she has a dick. The hospital shirt doesn’t leave much to imagination, but Fuchsia also put on a Trixie and the Illusions bathrobe. Well, now that there’s only one Illusion left, the bathrobe is probably priceless.

You wonder if threesome is a possibility and whether cousins are as hot as sisters. Well, with Fuchsia you’d probably have to put an AED near the bed, but the details will be ironed out.

You remember about the package you left at Sweetie’s, Scootaloo’s, and Apple Bloom’s doorstep and rush to the elevator. You go downstairs and walk to the hearse with Fuchsia.

“You came in that thing?” Fuchsia chuckles.

“It’s not a thing, it’s your cousin,” you mutter.

Fuchsia laughs. “I meant this ride, but whatever. It’s pretty topical, isn’t it?”

“Yes, we know it’s a goddamn hearse.” You sigh. “Get inside, we have to leave this town.”

You sit at the wheel. Apparently Wallflower managed to fix the radio because for once you can hear the news.

...The mayor plans to demolish the remains of the school building and turn the site into a memorial garden. In other news, we know from a trusted source in the FBI that the sarin attack was carried out by Asian Dawn Movement. In the official statement, the leaders of Asian Dawn Movement called for release of nine of their members, kept in–

You change the station to some classical music. Wallflower furrows her eyebrows, but says nothing.

“So, where are we going?” Fuchsia asks.

“To Mexico, I guess,” Wallflower says. “By the way, I think Diamond Tiara knows we did it.”

“How so?” you ask.

“She passed by the hearse and gave me a briefcase full of money.” Wallflower pulls the briefcase from under her seat. “There was a photo from Spoiled Rich’s funeral inside with ‘thank you’ written on the other side.”

“Well, either she thanks us for killing her or for a good job your parents did,” you say. “Didn’t you say that they had to scrape her off the wall after the explosion, but after your parents fixed her, she looked good enough for an open casket funeral?”

“Kind of. She needed a bit of work.” Wallflower smiles sheepishly. “If someone tells you Spoiled Rich had legs like a teenager, it’s because it’s true.” She opens the briefcase and looks at the photo. “I’d say ‘ding dong, the witch is dead’ written under the coffin is a dead giveaway.”

You shake your head. This town is crazy. Good thing you’re leaving it.

You’re almost in the suburbs, when you hear a roar of a distant explosion. You look back and see a mushroom cloud slowly forming above the place you’ve just left recently.

It seems the Crusaders opened their package.

You stick up your thumb and point your hand towards the mushroom cloud to see if the distance is safe. If you go fast, you should probably escape the fallout, even though you apparently underestimated the yield. But do you really want it? You’ve murdered most of your school and just nuked the town. Sure, most of the attack survivors were transferred to hospitals in other cities, Rarity is undergoing rehabilitation elsewhere, and Diamond Tiara probably has her own fallout shelter but still. Do you want to live with that?

Fuchsia and Wallflower look at you. Right, Wallflower and you are kinda married and you went to the hospital to save Fuchsia specifically, but then, what if your love fades? Is it better to run and live, remembering the people you killed or to die here and make your love to Wallflower eternal?

It’s only up to you.