There's a WHATquestria?!

by Tirimsil

Rating: mature
Tags: Alternate Universe, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Fetish, Comedy, Porn, Sex, Profanity, Random
Length: 28280

Twilight and Twilight switch bodies and Twilight couldn't be less happy.

Twilight wakes up one day to find that she's Twilight. So does Twilight.

This raunchy comedy with a bit of feels and a side of OWO features Prime Twilight switching bodies with... another Twilight, and the embarrassments dealt thereby, especially to Prime Twilight.

Characters frankly discuss sex in sometimes graphic terms. Some characters self-gratify. The most recurring content is the display, ogling, massaging, worship, and smacking of really big teats. Some "underage" characters like Spike are involved in the tame sexual content. No characters of any age suffer permanent harm or trauma in the course of this story.

A scary horror thing almost happens but it doesn't actually happen so it's okay.

Published 2022-03-29 16:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2022-04-09 16:15:40 UTC

Ch. 4 :: Bust Boasters

Much like her other self, Twilight had quickly realized that it wasn't going to be that easy to get back to Tittyquestria, and resigned herself to exploring the world around her in the meantime. She was baffled by the notion of a society existing without titty and desperately needed to understand it. Besides, maybe she'd pick up a lead.

She sat with Starlight by the front window of Sugarcube Corner, smiling around at the decor.

Pinkie and Mrs. Cake chattered about something at the counter. It was a slow, late afternoon, with no one else present. They could hear Mr. Cake checking the kitchen pantries and making sad whiny sounds, presumably whenever he found something to be lacking in stock.

"This place is just like home," Twilight sighed, biting into a grape danish.

"Really?" Starlight raised an eyebrow. "How so?"

"Everyone here looks exactly right," Twilight smiled, then lowered her voice to a whisper, leaning in. "We don't dare to cross Mrs. Cake in Tittyquestria..."

Starlight glanced at Mrs. Cake's tremendous undercarriage, wobbling obscenely with the slightest motion of her body, and wrinkled her nose, nodding and whispering back. "We shouldn't talk too much about this in the bakery."

"Why not?" Twilight blinked. "Should we not pay our respects?"

Starlight stared at her, opening her mouth to try to explain why not. She blinked a few times, and then Pinkie and Mrs. Cake stopped talking. The bigger lady smiled at them and walked towards them. Starlight drew herself up with a big smile.

"Is everything alright, dears?" Mrs. Cake fussed over them. "Will you be having anything else..?"

Twilight seemed to bow while still at the table. Mrs. Cake blinked at her with a confused pout. "We are always grateful to you and your bounties, Mrs. Cake --"

"Aaaaah, yeah, I could go for a slice of something," Starlight hastened to talk over Twilight, almost diving over the table to draw attention away from her. "Er, pumpkin pie sounds great." She produced a few bits and set them on the table, sitting back down.

"Oh, that's a very popular choice right now, since Nightmare Night is coming up," Mrs. Cake nodded, accepting the bits and counting them quickly with a giggle. "My, you've memorized our prices?"

"Yes," Starlight admitted with a blush. "You folks have the most important shop in the village, after all. I admit I have a bit of an appetite and might go broke... but I'll be damned if I go hungry with such lovely offers."

"Oh, you flatter us!" Mrs. Cake beamed, waving her off. "Please, dear, be frugal with your money, we're doing quite well. And Twilight, dear, will you be having anything more?"

Starlight stared intently at Twilight, as though trying to beam something into her head. Twilight stared back, uncomprehending, before looking back to Mrs. Cake. "I would not wish to dishonor your work by ordering more than I can eat right now... A blueberry muffin would be great," she settled on. Starlight sighed a hoo of apparent relief and added another few bits to the table with a big smile and nervous eyes.

Mrs. Cake momentarily furrowed her brows, then smiled and accepted. "Right away, dears," she smiled and turned, walking back to the counter. "Pinkie, sweetheart, the girls will need a slice of pumpkin pie and a blueberry muffin. If you'll pardon me, I'll be checking on the twins, be back down in a few minutes..." She headed back up the stairs.

Before her steps had faded away, Pinkie had set down a slice of pumpkin pie and a blueberry muffin on the table. Not having been told who was having what, she had set them down in front of the wrong ponies. She grimaced with a blush as they smiled at her and switched them. "Thanks, Pinkie," Starlight nodded.

"Aye-aye, cap'n," Pinkie saluted with her tongue out, and trotted back to the counter. She then sighed in boredom, leaning on the counter with one foreleg, looking around the inactive shop.

Starlight devoured her pumpkin pie slice with ruthless efficiency and sat patiently waiting for Twilight to finish her muffin. Twilight found it unnerving how Starlight was half-glaring at her. "H-hey, do ya mind?" Twilight mumbled. "I like to savor my muffins..."

"I bet you do," Starlight returned. "I just wanted to make sure I finished first, is all."

"Whhh?" Twilight mumbled through a mouthful of muffin, then swallowed. "Why? It's not a race." Seeing Starlight glancing nervously at the stairs, Twilight shrugged and popped the rest of the muffin into her mouth, carefully cleaning all around her teeth with her tongue and swallowing. "Okay, loons, I'm done. Little miss in-a-hurry over here..."

"Great!" Starlight leapt up, tugging Twilight out of her seat magically -- then froze as Mrs. Cake came back down the stairs.

"Oh, have I caught you leaving? Have a great day, dears," she smiled.

Twilight bowed, ignoring Starlight's face quickly turning blue. "We are satisfied and honored as always, o motherly one."

"No," Starlight hissed, "Out..!" She struggled to drag Twilight out the door with her magic as Mrs. Cake leaned back with a hoof to her chest.

"May your wide hips and glorious undercarriage forever swing and never sag," Twilight added, still bowing, her hooves grinding against the wood.

Starlight stopped dragging Twilight as soon as she heard the heavy slap of Mrs. Cake swooning onto her belly, her enormous tits spread to each side on the floor. Starlight roar-sighed, rearing up with both hooves on her forehead and her teeth clenched, and collapsed onto her back.

"Honey?" Mr. Cake called from the kitchen. "Are you okay?"

Thanks to this bizarre alternate Twilight's obsession with the things, Starlight was unusually aware that her teats were on full display and wobbling from the movement she'd just performed, and rolled over at once.

"O-oh," Twilight winced, wriggling her belly in sympathy pains. "D-did I say the blessing wrong..?"

"Ya knooooow I should proooobably have cut ya off before ya did that," Pinkie admitted with a blush, leaning next to Mrs. Cake in concern.

Starlight stomped back to her hooves and ripped Twilight out the door without another word.

Twilight wasn't sure what happened. She turned a corner and Starlight wasn't with her anymore. That was fine -- Ponyville was laid out the same as in her world, she could find her way back to the giant crystal castle. Right?

She waved to Vinyl and Octavia as they passed by, turning her head to stare after them as they passed. Huh, she thought. Octavia's ass is still huge, but her tits are even smaller than mine right now. Vinyl's not much, either. She pouted. How can these ponies protect themselves or do much of anything without Titty?!

How indeed? She frowned, thinking it over. They must have some kind of magic that... Her eyes widened in fear. ... isn't based on titty..? She squeezed her eyes shut and shook her head. That's impossible. She felt dirty even thinking about it. The Princess would be shocked I dared to think of such a thing. And even if that were true, I could never master such a power... But then what is this tittyless Twilight's magic..?

It didn't matter. Ponyville was safe - she wasn't in any danger here. The only reason she needed Starlight was to avoid getting lost, like she was now.

Her ears drooped as she realized the reason they got separated was because Starlight had refused to look at her. She hadn't said it outright, but Starlight was furious with her. She didn't understand. Surely a mare with such massive, hefty milkers commanded respect and admiration? What else could ponies structure their courtesy and honor system around?!

She turned back around and hesitated. She was standing too close to the houses and couldn't see the skyline to place the castle. Hmm, she fretted, The individual houses are slightly different, I'm lost without landmarks. I know the castle is west of the bakery, though. She turned and continued in that direction, glancing at the sky in the hopes of seeing the castle.

She stopped mid-step and blinked at a very conspicuous wooden box sitting in the middle of the road. What in the world? she pondered, leaning forward and tilting her head this way and that like a confused puppy.

"Twilight Sparkle!" came the sudden call after she had stared at it for a few seconds.

"W-what!" Twilight popped her head up and glanced all around in alarm. "Who's talking?!" And just after she'd realized she was powerless without titty, too. What were the odds!

"You have made a fatal misstep, and fallen into my trap!" As a strange mare's voice continued to speak, Twilight began to recognize her and relaxed. Oh not this bimbo, she thought, rolling her eyes. Well, let's get this over with...

Pssshh!!! Twilight began coughing on a smoke bomb and heard the sound of skedaddling hooves. "Ahahahaaack-cough-cough!" A powder blue mare rose above the mist, her starry cape and hat swirling in the night sky. "Behold, your nemesis! The daughter of the wind! The sister of the shadows! The Great... and Powerful... TrRrRrixie!!!"

This one hits the Rs too, huh? Twilight mentally sighed.

As the mist cleared, Twilight's eyes widened as she took her in, suddenly filled with horror. "Oh no," she began to shiver. No, that can't be. She took a step back, swallowing in panic. Trixie can't be stronger than this world's Twilight.

Trixie blinked at her in confusion. "Uh, are you okay..?" She cleared her throat. "Uh, Trixie means --" She threw out a hoof illustriously. "Yes! Shiver in terror, Twilight Sparkle! Your doom is at..." She pouted. "Hoof? Horn? Uh, your doom is really close!"

Even in her terror, Twilight found that strange. Why didn't she just say at boob like she always did?

"I... I cannot best you as I am!" Twilight objected, kneeling. "O Great and Powerful Trixie, I yield! Please allow me to pass!"

"Wha..." Trixie froze, blinking. "What?" After a few seconds, she lowered her raised hoof onto the box, tilting her head and scowling. "... Is this a trick?"

"Look between us! You clearly have the advantage..!" Twilight shuddered. I could get seriously hurt in this situation..! she panicked. There's no way I could possibly take her on!!

"You're making fun of me," Trixie scowled, stepping down off the box. "Can you at least try to take this seriously?!"

"T-Trixie," Twilight stammered, stumbling back and falling, "Y-y-you can't seriously expect me to fight such a well-endowed mare..!" She pointed a hoof at Trixie's bouncing undercarriage.

"Wh..!" Trixie's face lit up and she pulled her cloak around herself, stepping back. "What..!" she rasped in a ghostly wail.

"There you are!" Starlight came running, all out of breath. "Trixie, this isn't a good time -- whoa, are you okay? Did she hurt you?"

"N-no," Trixie stared dumbfounded and red-faced, shrunken under her hat and cape. "B-but..."

Starlight looked between the two, her eyes briefly glancing to about where Trixie's boobs would be, then her head jumped up and her eyes closed. She bit her lip. She dropped her head, nodded, and opened her eyes again. "Crossed daffodilling stars," Starlight sighed. "Twilight, come on, let's go, no need to fight, girls."

"Oh Starlight, save me," Twilight clung to her. "You didn't tell me Trixie's tits were still so huge! She'll destroy me! Heck, she'll destroy you too! Let's get out of here!"

"D-don't worry, we're friends," Starlight's face turned red. She glanced again at Trixie, who was basically just wild eyes over a red nose in a cloak and a hat, like Twilight was about to start monkey-howling and trying to bite her boobs off. "But yeah, she's, uh, a natural wonder, let's get you back home, Twilight! I am so sorry, Trixie."

"Trixie has received one compliment from Twilight Sparkle ever and does not feel proud at all," Trixie complained shakily.

"Try a dark bodysuit under the cloak," Starlight gave Trixie an apologetic smile and guided Twilight away in a hurry.

Ch. 5 :: Spilled Milk

A purple sky gently cradled the busy streets of Ponyville in its all-encompassing bosom. Gentle chatter murmured through the town like a bubbling river. Orange lights contrasted the hues of the night and made the entire city seem cozy and warm despite the cool night air.

Walking along on this joyous night, Twilight didn't know what was worse.

Maybe the countless pairs of big ol' boobs, painted like pumpkins, some like jack-o-lanterns, a few wisemares had watermelons or other fruits, all swinging and swaying giddily along the roads, hanging and jiggling candidly at the stalls.

Maybe the fact Rarity had insisted on, alongside a criminally adorable witch outfit, similarly painting Twilight's stupid jumbo jubblies, which were cemented near the forefront of her mind by the bite of the aforementioned cool night air. I am so naked, she blushed. I've never felt such a strong breeze on my boobs before and it's not even windy tonight.

Or maybe the fact she could feel Spike's rock-hard cock throbbing against her back, emphasized by his dedicated complete silence other than labored breathing. She could even feel his swelling knot, and the fur between her wings was quickly matting from moisture even through the fabric of her bodice. No, she figured it out, that was the worst part. Being informed of the disproportionate warmth of dragon genitals and dragon pre-ejaculate courtesy of the horndog (more so at least) doppelganger of her adoptive younger brother who may or may not have wanted to cram that monster in her super bad made her incredibly uncomfortable. She'd probably never be able to accept her own Spike on her back ever again, the big balls were embarrassing enough. Maybe she should have a saddle. That would give these vapid harlots in Tittyquestria completely the wrong idea, but it might be acceptable in the pony world that wasn't crazy.

Was less crazy.

"Wow, Princess Twilight!" Lyra called, passing by alongside Bon Bon. "Your hooters look amazing tonight!" Upon their large, pumpkin-y tatas were clumsily written, respectively, SHE'S MY TREAT 🡆 and 🡄 SHE'S MY TRICK, distorted considerably by the curvature and independent sway of each breast.

Twilight grimaced, her ears low in embarrassment. "Thanks-you-girls-too."

"Aaah!" Lyra squealed in delight. "She likes our boobs!! We have royally-sanctioned boobs!!"

I should royally condemn this entire daffodilling universe, Twilight thought to herself.

"Ponies of Ponyville!" came a familiar, low call from the plaza. "Bow down and worship the twin moons of thy goddess! Mine udders are eternal, and so too shall be the night! Come hither and be awed!"

Twilight's face paled as she realized what was going on. "Spike," she cleared her throat and asked to him. "What is the name of Luna's evil alterego in this world?"

"Nightmare Boob," Spike answered at once.

"I was afraid you'd say that," Twilight sighed. "And please don't thrust against my back."

"C-could you just drop me off in a bush somewhere, actually..."

"Oh? And who be this who standeth before us, her sizeable but inferior udders proudly displayed in defiance of our own?!"

Twilight, now free of Spike, jumped and looked both ways, realizing the crowd was turning to her. She turned beet red as everyone went silent, lowering her head and looking up at the speaker.

That was Nightmare Moon alright... a regular-Luna-sized one, anyway. There were some minor differences - she lacked the ridiculous glowing eyelashes, and she wasn't quite so bald, as Luna's more opaque mane flowed out from the gaps of the helm. Twilight glanced down at the enormous black udders. Oh right, Nightmare Boob, not Moon. One less thing for Luna to be jealous of, she wrinkled her nose. I wonder if she can take a kick like Applejack can.

"Might this be," Nightmare Boob crooned, "... the champion of the light herself, the hub of all that is motherly, the Bearer of Undercarriage?!"

Bearer of what?! Twilight stared at her in shock. Though, to be fair, it was literally true.

"... Twilight," Luna hissed to her in her regular whisper, "Please, just play along, say something heroic! Maybe we will wrestle a bit."

Wrestle?! With these?!

But that's right, she'd read about the Elements of Titty in Titty Twilight's stupid titty-library. Each of the Elements was... different, here. Instead of Magic, Generosity, Honesty, Cheer, Kindness, and Loyalty... uh, what were they again?

"YoUuU..!" Twilight stopped at her voice crack and cleared her throat. "You've made a terrible mistake showing your... face and other things, Nightmare Boob! You, uh, failed to, er, disarm us of the, uh, sacred and loving charms of Titty!"

"Impossible!" Nightmare Boob stomped. Wobble, wobble. "I hath destroyed the Elements! Without your sexy jewelry and lacy cloth emphasizing your heavy swingers, you are nothing!"

"That's were, we, where you're wrong!" Twilight improvised awkwardly. She could see Luna's face straining at her poor performance and the other five girls waiting patiently for her to summon them over. "The, uh, true power of, uh, titty is from within! Within your, uh,"

"Tempered spine," Pinkie whispered loudly.

"Within your tempered spine!" Twilight shouted, then double-took her. "Is that right..?" she whispered, then rolled her eyes and returned to shouting. "It is a sacred power that can't be removed! Titty is a beautiful thing shared between ponies who love one another and happen to have such anatomical features and the appropriate inclinations!"

"Is that so," Nightmare Boob dismissed. "Show me then, Twilight Sparkle, o Princess of Undercarriage!"

I think that title better fits your sister, Twilight silently objected. And I wasn't a princess when I fought Nightmare Moon, but I guess the story has to be doctored a bit for modern times...

"Show us this power you claim to possess!" Nightmare Boob lifted her chin and waited patiently.

Twilight glanced back and forth. "Oh, uh, yes! With gusto! A whole lot of gusto!" She paused. "Uh, the uh, the aspects that bring ponies together - the female ones anyway - are uh."

Moonshine, what were they again? She began to sweat. What order do they go in? Is there an order? I know I need to name mine last or it won't be cool. I'll just name them in whatever order I remember the awful, awful things.

"Perk!" she suddenly shouted, raising a hoof. Even Luna jumped at her exclamation.

She paused. "... Peeeerk?" she called again.

"Snrrk-hr-wha-huh? Oh!" Rainbow Dash snorted awake and leapt to her side, drawing herself up to her full, shorter-than-everyone-else-height. Her expression was strange, and Twilight realized that her tits were too big for her small body - her perky nipples indeed scraped against the ground whenever she landed. Twilight winced in sympathy.

"Uh," Twilight's eyes darted around. "... Heft!" she cried next.

She almost stumbled as Applejack galloped over. Twilight stared bug-eyed at her obscenely-swinging udders. Applejack skidded to a halt, her tits slapping heavily against her thighs, drew herself up with one hoof raised, and smacked herself on the tit, her confident smirk never faltering. Boobs of iron, Twilight blinked fearfully.

She shook her head. "Tenderness!" Twilight yelled next. The exact opposite of Applejack, clearly. After a few seconds, she looked around and jumped as Fluttershy had silently come to her side. If hers are more tender than mine the poor thing must live in torture, she sympathized.

"Um, uh... bounce..?" she said uncertainly. "Yeah, that must be one. Bounce!" she swirled a hoof in the air impatiently, as she was already done with this shine.

"Yippie-yahoozies!" Pinkie cried, somersaulting over. Twilight watched her tits swinging every which way like big wobbly nunchuks in slow-motion and realized Pinkie's body moved with her tits, avoiding any sudden jerks. They never even slapped together. Twilight realized with horror that this Pinkie and her Pinkie were not any different from each other. Pinkie is a titty-ninja in every world, she accepted. Even the human world's Pinkie.

Twilight suddenly realized she'd completely forgotten what Titty Rarity's Element was. "Girls," she rasped. "What's Rarity's Element again."

"Smothering," they all whispered back at once.

It kerfuffling would be, the lash-batting gold-digger, Twilight condemned.

"Smothering," she deadpanned, not even lifting a hoof this time. In the corner of her eye she saw Rarity widen her eyes in surprise, then strut over with a pout, clearly slighted by being so casually presented.

Twilight paused and began audibly counting heads. "Right, okay," she finished and then raised her voice. "And of course, myself, the hub that combines these sultry traits together. The Element..." She charged her horn. I really hope Titty Twilight's magic doesn't screw up this simple light show spell.

She generated a completely harmless rainbow, scripted to spiral up, helix back down, and plop onto Luna's head, scattering apart like fireworks. To make sure it looked legitimate, she reached out and borrowed a bit - just a bit! - of the girls' essences, combining them with their own. Just enough so it would look like the real rainbow they really fried people with. Luna might feel a slight bop on the noggin but it should be fine.

"... of Undercarriage!!" she said much more proudly than she felt, firing it off.

A cartoonish bwoowoowoow and the sound of a cutesy woman giggling reverberated through the night sky as an incredibly unwelcome, extremely sexual warmth overwhelmed her breasts. The light that blasted into the sky wasn't neat, clean, and solid, like it would be in her world. It was watery and blurred, the colors mashing together, like watercolor.

Twilight's eyes widened in horror. Or like --

"Got milk, bitch?!" Rainbow Dash screamed rather inappropriately, but very Rainbow Dash-ly, as the sacrilegious excuse of a rainbow - a milkbow - fell onto Luna's head and exploded.

As rainbow-colored milk fell all over Ponyville like rain, Luna thrashed and bellowed, her armor popping off with the distinct sound of mechanical springs being triggered, until she was once again nude. She quickly adjusted her helmet-hair with magic to look more presentable, though still disheveled, and magically painted some fake bruises onto herself.

"Oh, woe is me!" Luna called in the rain. "I have seen the error of mine ways. The true beauty of the boob, that I had perverted..!"

You're damn right it's perverted! God-mom's twin suns! Twilight screamed in her head, a vein twitching just over her left eye. My beautiful rainbow! The loving, gentle rainbow of friendship that burns away evil and returns broken, abused creatures to the light! And you kerfuffling sluts have turned it into LEWD TITTY-JUICE!

"But though the dark took me, now the light has come for me," Luna pontificated, gesturing illustriously with her hooves. "And though I fear I am not worthy, I shall return to thee, if you would have me, and grant me thy milky forgiveness." She sank down, her eyes closed.

"Yeah sure," Twilight said too quickly, nodding. "Do you wanna, uh, head inside and talk this out over some tea? It's a bit of a downpour out here."

Luna blinked her eyes open, glaring at her, then sighed and returned to her downcast expression. "We shall sit together as bosom buddies, Twilight Sparkle... I thank thee..."

The crowd cheered.

Ch. 6 :: Stacking Up

"No, really, you're the only pony to ever make Trixie feel shy," Starlight rolled her eyes and popped a fry into her mouth in the most self-content possible way, closing her eyes in bliss. "Damn, these are good."

"Th-they're a big threat to my diet..." Fluttershy mumbled over her tomato salad.

Twilight had not been to Sugarcube Corner since her attempt to "honor" Mrs. Cake.

Between that and her embarrassing confrontation with Trixie, Starlight had called a meeting and furiously demanded that Twilight be accompanied by two friends at all times she was out of the house. She was also to be forbidden from initiating conversations or speaking to "anyone outside the group with bigger wahoogas than me 'n' Rarity" unless forced to.

Pinkie had assured them that Mrs. Cake would eventually convince herself it had never happened, but until then, Pinkie herself had unofficially and temporarily banned Twilight from Sugarcube Corner. To be fair, it was absolutely against restaurant policy to harass the staff, and surely that counted. Of course, anyone else could come in and order for Twilight just fine. Pinkie would never deprive someone of sweets, that was sacrilege.

Still, it was simpler and safer to just head down to HayBurger. None of the staff were stacked, Twilight would not bother any other customers, and no one would bother them unless they wanted to cause trouble. No one wanted to cause trouble with Applejack, Rarity, and Starlight Glimmer.

"I honestly thought..." Twilight wriggled, still very self-conscious about the whole thing, "... that she was way more powerful than me because of... that. That's how it works in Ti -- uh, in my world."

"Are you saying you think Fluttershy can whoop Applejack?" Rainbow Dash raised an eyebrow.

Applejack spat out a laugh, collecting herself. "S-sorry, sugarcube," she offered to Fluttershy.

"It's okay," Fluttershy assured her. "Um, please don't fight me..." she added fearfully.

"W-well, no," Twilight stammered. "Maybe? I don't know how it works for the innate magics. But it works that way for the active magic of unicorns, at least!"

"Ta be fair," Applejack reasoned, "Goin' after Fluttershy means ev'ry bear 'n' gator a good league hence comin' after me..."

"I wanna fight a gator," Rainbow Dash cut in, then shrunk under Fluttershy's shocked glare. "N-not for real! Hypothetically 'n' stuff!"

"Well, darling, our Twilight can absolutely demolish either Trixie or myself," Rarity blushed. "There are a few areas in which I might be able to best her, but none of them are confrontational in nature, and are... largely useless in combat, I'm afraid." She suddenly covered her mouth as though she'd said something she shouldn't.

"Really?" Twilight blinked, beaming. "Are you a particularly talented unicorn, Rarity?" Rarity had never been formally educated, so far as she knew, but she knew the right special talent could turn a self-educated unicorn into a savant. And besides, the more unicorns she could talk to about it, with Starlight and Rarity being the most accessible, the faster she could learn at least the basics of this world's weird, non-titty-based magic - though she was still not sure if it would be profane for her to dare to entertain such exotic powers, or if she was even capable of harnessing them beyond basic levitation and a few largely visual spells.

"Heck yes!" Pinkie chirped. "She was the best in town before Twilight showed up! She can make her whole house do this cute song-and-dance to clean itself up and sort out all her craftin' stuff!"

"Really?!" Twilight gasped.

"Q-quiet you!" Rarity blushed and gently papped Pinkie, who honked like a horn. "It's really nothing special..! There, there are no longterm enchantments, I do a lot of it myself, I just levitate things around and sing to myself a bit..."

"How many focal points can you maintain?" Twilight asked.

"Wha..?"

"Oh, uh, how many things can you levitate at once?" Twilight reworded. The terminology might be different between Equestrias, and Rarity might not have been told them in these words anyway.

"Erm," Rarity fidgeted. "Mm, a dozen or so?"

"What! That's amazing," Twilight blinked, then put a hoof to her mouth, thinking. "Gosh, has my Rarity been hiding this kind of skill from me too?"

"Oh dear!" Rarity blanched. "I, I wouldn't want to reveal her secrets if so --"

"Aw, c'mon, Rarity, bein' good ain't nothin' to be ashamed of," Applejack smiled.

"Well, it's just..." Rarity sighed. "Very well, I'll come clean." She looked down like she'd been caught raiding a pantry.

"Clean..?" Twilight blinked, pausing through a bite of her burger.

"I don't want my Twilight to look at my magic," Rarity rasped with apologetic eyes like she'd just revealed she was cheating on her spouse. "She means well, she would mean no harm, but she... well, you, you're a Canterlot graduate, personally trained by the finest mage alive, I..." Her eyes watered as she ran her hooves over each other and then closed her eyes. "I don't want her to tell me I'm doing everything wrong..."

The girls nodded in understanding. Twilight froze, taken aback. "... Y-you think I'd do that..?" she blinked. This wasn't even her Rarity and she felt kind of... really, really hurt and at the same time, really, really guilty. Their Twilight must have done something to make Rarity distrust her in this way, and something inside her warned that she'd done the same thing to her own Rarity.

"I think she'd do that," Rarity nodded, tears running down her face, "Which is an awful thing to feel about a good friend, but I'm sure your Rarity must have the same worries, and I can see I've dearly offended you by all this a-and that just proves to me that she would be devastated as well, a-and I shudder to think I may have betrayed my other self, even were you to approach her with the utmost grace, she might panic, I'm so, so very sorry..." she sniffed and covered her face.

Twilight smiled. "I understand," she soothed. "I'm sorry for nosing in and upsetting you. I promise I'll be good to my Rarity when I get back home, and I'm sure your Twilight will be kind to you if she knows you're anxious. But you know, it's funny."

"W-what's funny?" Rarity peeked out over anxious eyes.

"I can barely do a lick of magic in this body," Twilight explained. "Even talking with Starlight, I've got pretty much no idea how your magic works. There are some common bases, I can levitate stuff and I can shoot some harmless lights around, but everything beyond that is still not cooperating with me. So you'd be the expert out of the two of us, at least until I can wrap my head around it."

"That is funny," Rarity agreed, smiling.

"And another thing," Twilight pondered. "The fashion here must be different too, right?"

"It changes every week, I swear," Rarity shook her head. "Why did I have to have such a stressful calling in life? I could have been an actress or an engineer."

"An engineer?!" Applejack guffawed.

"Can I come over to the Boutique after we're done here?" Twilight requested. "I'd love to learn more about your sensibilities and maybe see some of your spells."

"Oh yeah," Starlight rolled her eyes, "The fashion's gotta be different where you come from."

The girls stared at her in mixtures of confusion and disapproval.

"Don't give me that look, you know it's true," Starlight shrugged, inelegantly snarfing the rest of her burger.

In Rarity's room, Twilight looked back in forth in wonder at the elegance of Rarity's magic despite the fact Rarity was on the other side of the room, facing away, contentedly feeding cloth through a sewing machine.

"Wow, how do you do that?" Twilight lived up to her name, her eyes sparkling in filly-ish wonder.

"D-do what?" Rarity grimaced, expertly stitching another bit of cloth as her magic assembled previous strips onto a mannequine.

"You're not even looking! You're working just by feel," Twilight examined. "That's amazing. Hey wait, what about the udders?"

Rarity froze, magic and all. "W... What?" She slowly turned to blink at her.

Twilight froze as well. "Um... don't you need something for the udders..?" she grimaced and shrank an inch or two. Oh darnit, I've put my boobs in my mouth again, she fretted. "At least to hold them in place?"

"Actually," Rarity thought that over, her magic resuming as though coming gradually out of a time-stop. However, at the sewing machine she was still facing Twilight, her eyes darting around in thought. "Restraints might help to minimize their presence and avoid unpleasant wardrobe malfunctions..." She frowned. "Mm, but no one's developed a standard to measure that area of the body, female clients would be rather reluctant to say the least..."

"We have!" Twilight perked. "I may not be a seamstress but I've had my measurements taken countless times, I know how to do it! It's pretty simple, even!"

"Really?!" Rarity blinked. "W-well..." She blushed. "Fine. Do it on me. You know where the tape measures are, yes?"

"You'll need to stand up and take a slightly longer stance than normal, like you're crossing a big gap," Twilight told her, examining the tape measure. "Ah, good, we seem to use the same units." She paused. "Isn't that weird? This alternate world thing is really uncanny, isn't it?"

She looked at Rarity, who cleared her throat and avoided her gaze with a blush, because she had her back and front legs a bit further out than normal and her tits were hanging candidly out for measurement. "Yes," she answered, "It is a bit surreal to think there's another world that is so similar to ours, yet so different in this one, very important way."

"I wonder how many other Tittyquestrias there are..." Twilight pondered. She floated the tape over and wrapped it around Rarity's body, over her tail on top, between her udders and legs on the bottom.

She jumped slightly as the tape brushed her knockers. "Er," Rarity considered, "Don't you need to measure my..?"

"It is impossible to directly measure only titty," Twilight explained with authority, "They're quite malleable and where they start and end is ambiguous. So we use a trick to approximate it. We measure the closest spot on your body without titty, and the fullest spot on your body with titty, and subtract. That should be pretty close to your titty size."

"Please stop saying that word," Rarity requested as Twilight wrote down the number and gently removed the tape.

"Besides," Twilight added, "We need two measurements anyway, one for the straps and one for the cups."

Rarity hissed as the cold plastic now wrapped around and slightly lifted her teats. "Oh dear, Fluttershy would hate this," she fretted.

"Unicorns can easily measure this themselves at home, but earth ponies and pegasians have to bite the bolt, yeah..." Twilight sympathized. "I'm gonna hold this here and I just need you to breathe comfortably a few times," she instructed. "Let me know when it feels comfortable - not too tight or too loose. It should feel like it's holding your boobs in place without smashing them against your gut. Well, as well as a tape measure can, anyway."

"Mm," Rarity nodded, breathing in and out slowly. After a few times, she swallowed. "Um, that feels about right..? I mean, it's the first time I've done it..."

"I'm sure you'll revise it over time," Twilight nodded, writing down the number. "And there you go. A bra is basically a band and some cups that hold up your boobs like a hanging fruit basket."

Rarity looked at the numbers and blushed again. "Th-they're a bit larger than I thought," she admitted.

"They're beautiful, Rarity, don't worry. And trust me, our Rarity's big number is like, twice that."

Twilight returned home close to sundown. "Spike?" she called.

"Y-yeah?" Spike answered nervously, peeking at her around the frame of an open door.

"Rarity gave me some good advice," Twilight announced. "Could you take a letter for me please?"

Spike quickly produced a paper and quill. "A letter? To who? You sure this is a good idea?"

"It'll be fine, Spike," she assured him, then cleared her throat. "To Her Most Bounteous Grace, Princess Celestia..."

"Oh loons," Spike grimaced. "I hope they don't shoot the messenger." He began writing, deciding to subtly alter the letter should Twilight say anything too objectionable.

Ch. 7 :: Don't Have a Cow

Twilight dutifully bowed, then yelped and jumped.

"Cold floor, isn't it," Celestia sympathized with a smile. Indeed, while she had been smacking her tits on every possible surface in Titty Twilight's castle, Twilight had never felt such a horrible and startling sensation in her life. Titty Twilight must have somehow kept her floors warm specifically to avoid such a thing.

Twilight took the opportunity to examine Celestia's peerless undercarriage. Supremely massive, incredibly full, and with large, perky nipples, the heavenly hangers almost obscured her view of the Princess's face, even so far down her body as they began. Well, at least that's the same, she grumbled to herself, dreading the inevitability that she would need to explain to her own Celestia that she was indistinct from her Tittyquestrian counterpart. What was different was that, in addition to Celestia's far more comfortable and exposing posture, Luna had a very similar pair, as she had seen just the other night. Twilight projected that, were they the same height - as they might have been when Luna was "Nightmare Boob" - their udders would probably be near-identical in all but color. Luna was, of course, quite confident in their display to say the least, if not outright competing with her sister in Hark, avast mine tits!

"Twilight Sparkle," Luna droned. "A few nights ago, you and I performed in the Night of the Dancing Pumpkins."

"We did, Your Grace," Twilight nodded.

"At the time, I admit I found your performance to be bizarrely lacking," Luna pouted, "But we have now heard tell that you are not of this world."

"That is correct, Your Graces," Twilight blushed, screwing up her face and trying very hard not to stare at their tits.

"In that context, your improvisation was impressive," Luna praised. "But I must presume from your difficulty then and your bashful gaze now," Luna considered, one hoof to her chin, "... that we are not so royally-endowed in your world as our own."

"Luna," Celestia gently chided, "We should not lord our undercarriages over the people any more than our height, our education, or any other fortunate circumstances of ours."

Are you kidding, Twilight internally rasped. If anyone mentioned my sweet teacher-god-mom's boobs she'd cry, and Luna'd tackle and physically beat up whatever poor bastard humiliated her.

"Of course, dear sister," Luna apologized, "But it is clear that she is disquieted by the magic of boobship, even among the female guards."

One might think Twilight would have a reaction to boobship, but no, she'd heard that phrase and many of its milk - er, ilk - over the course of the past few days.

"That is true," Celestia admitted, nodding with concerned eyes. "Twilight -- " she paused and covered her mouth. "Oh dear, I should not presume. Are you as close to your Celestia as my Twilight is with me?"

Twilight leaned back and wrinkled her nose. "... Define close, please."

Celestia and Luna glanced at one another. "Whatever do you mean?" Celestia fretted. "Is there... hostility?"

"It is my understanding that the Twilight of this world defeated Starlight Glimmer through a form of sexual domination," Twilight said with her eyes closed and her face red. "If that is how she treats her enemies, I shouldn't presume how she treats her friends and loved ones..."

"That is wise," Celestia laughed with a blush. "No, Twilight, we do not have that kind of relationship, and your counterpart's... subjugation... of Starlight Glimmer was an isolated incident."

"She was, however, caught up in the Haremization of Canterlot," Luna added with a pout.

"The what."

"Stupid sexy changelings..." Luna added, her hips squirming.

"Luna, that is besides the point," Celestia tutted, and shook her head. "Do not worry about it, dear Twilight. I can see that you are from a very different world than ours, and my heart goes out to you. Surely, you have come here to seek help in returning to your own world, and perhaps in returning our Twilight to ours. Is this correct?"

"That'd be great," Twilight sobbed with her sore, frozen-cold tits. "Your Twilight must be completely out of her depth, if she talks about boobs half as much as any of the rest of you she must have mortified our most voluptuous residents and... and I can't work under these conditioooons..!" she whined. Or with these conditions under her, for that matter.

"You have our permission to search the royal library," Celestia nodded, "... including the restricted section, though I must warn you --"

"You-have-a-restricted-section?" Twilight suddenly leapt back up and chirped brightly. Of course they would, she thought feverishly. Every library has a restricted section. She frowned, her mouth twitching. Every library. Then she smiled again. I should probably not be smiling at these prospects.

"-- I must warn you that, if what you have experienced so far in this world is at the limit of your tolerance, the candid obscenity of that library may break you," Celestia spoke gently.

"'tis a high price to pay for the off-chance it may aid thee in returning home," Luna judged.

Forbiiiiidden booooob-knooowleeeedge, her mind coaxed her. I mean - best shot hoooome.

"I understand, Your Majesties," Twilight bowed again, keeping her back arched and her tits off the floor. "I'll be careful. Thank you."

"Then go and be well," Celestia gestured with a wing, and Twilight headed off.

The princesses considered for a few seconds.

"Her tits could explode," Luna pointed out, curling up to cradle her boobs uncomfortably.

"Oh come now, Luna, you and I know better than anyone that doesn't happen," Celestia admonished, then furrowed her brows, her wings lowering to cup her undercarriage. "... but it is horribly unpleasant, and we ought to send someone to keep an eye on her."

"What about her?" Luna suggested cryptically. "She would be unaffected by anything in the library."

"Her? ... Oh! Her! Hmm," Celestia considered. "She has been on very good behavior... But we do not know her nature in the other world, this exotic Twilight may take her as a threat..."

"It will be fine, dear sister. I doubt they will attack one another on sight, or anything. Besides, we've no other suitable agents."

"Very well..."

Knowing that the restricted section was both horribly dangerous and horribly fun, Twilight elected to save it for last, rapidly - but respectfully! - rifling through every book she could reach. As she physically tossed each aside, her magic automatically caught them, smoothed their pages, and returned them to their proper places. Had she consciously noticed this, Twilight might have been fascinated that this most base aspect of her and Titty Twilight's magic remained fully compatible, while their profound spells were wildly different. But alas, if Twilight were to warm to the charms of titty magic, it would be after she found a way to get herself back home and these big ol' things off her belly.

Twilight hissed, having attempted to step over a pile of somethings and smacked her enormous boobs, for the fifth time in the same library. She paused to wallow in her pain. "I should ask Fluttershy about those bras of hers," she concluded.

She inhaled, sighed slowly, and turned to the fireplace. "It's always the fireplace," she conjectured. Feeling in with her magic - ew, it made her horn feel slimy - she found a button and pressed it, causing the fireplace's back wall to open.

She leaned down - eeeYYiiIiYyyIiIi! Cold! - and looked into the fireplace. There's no way a fat princess and her fat tits could fit in there, that's for sure. Heck, she wasn't even sure she could get through there. Her body writhing from soreness and cold, she managed to slowly wriggle through, hissing in pain and discomfort, before rising.

She immediately noticed a shaft of light to her left, down a hallway, coming down from the belvedere of a high tower. It shone down upon a glass case, under which was a very suspect black choker with a blood-red cowbell. She should stay away from that thing.

It was otherwise quite dark. She was worried these old parchments may be damaged if she turned up the light, but she wouldn't be able to read them if she didn't, so she put her horn on a very low light-level and began to cautiously look around the library, her eyes pausing again on the necklace.

As she expected, almost all of the artifacts discussed within were mammary-themed. "What is all this awful stuff," Twilight shuddered. Many were written in a language she didn't know, or encoded in some obscure rune cypher.

One scroll showed a series of three mares. One resembling a mare like Twilight with a graduate cap and a petite undercarriage, another showing a mare similar in appearance to Rarity with a coquettish look and a moderate size, and one showing who may have been Fleur de Lis with a drunken expression and four enormous udders dragging on the floor. If Twilight had to guess, it was some kind of brains-to-boobs spell. Four..?! she questioned in her head.

Another showed a sequence of two mares, one of them apparently stealing the boobs of the other to increase her own size, chanting some eldritch evocation. Twilight could take a guess what the catch was, as the caprine demon floating behind the witch easily dwarfed her in stature and in endowment. FOUR?! she mentally cried again.

A final scroll showed a mare who gradually grew horns. Her undercarriage became progressively larger and her face grew more pained, until one image depicted her body blasting off like a rocket, her udders replaced with a cartoonish bomb explosion. Twilight felt a bit ill and closed it at once. Not four, she dimly accepted.

I'm probably only going to find gross things in the rest of this room, Twilight urped, and glanced over the room once more.

Her eyes fell on the necklace again. Gosh, the bell sure was a lovely ruby-steel color. Looking at it made her boobs feel funny. And her cooch. She shook her head and began going through the books on the far wall.

"The Dark Side of Boobship", she read. "Some mares seek to corrupt boobs for the sake of power and are made malafest, twisted in boob and mind." Well, that much is the same as friendship, anyway. Uh, except the boobs part... She glossed through the book quickly. Uzzauzzauzza... "For the boob is a beautiful thing, but the lust of it is a rickety bridge over the pit of wickedness"...

She paused with a start, her face turning red. I... Am I fondling myself? She realized her magic was massaging her udders. Oh my lest, I'm fondling the other Twilight's boobs. She looked both ways, confirming she was alone in the library. ... it does feel reeeaaaally good, though, they're so darn sore..~

She stopped at once and snapped that book shut, blushing deeply. What am I doing!! she thought. Th-they could probably use a rub-down but this is ridiculous! She swallowed, looking all around. W-well, no one's going to see... N-no! Absolutely not!

Her eyes landed on the necklace again. Its sleek obsidian ring, its pristine bell. Gosh, that's a pretty necklace, she thought to herself. Beautiful... something whispered back to her.

She moved closer to the hallway, glancing at the belled necklace now and again as she continued to look through books and parchments. She gasped in scandal, realizing she was reading a manual on how to finely manipulate the breasts of mares, griffons, and even dragons. Supposedly, by stroking, striking, or firing magic onto or into specific regions, they could be soothed, stimulated, dealt incredible pain with little damage, or turned to ash with barely any effort. Twilight wasn't certain if the book was accurate, but the fact that any creature might take the time to ponder such things in such depth was horrifying to her.

Breasts are nothing to be ashamed of, something whispered to her. Of course not, she answered. It's just... this level of fascination with them, this obsession is bizarre...

She was standing halfway down the hallway now, still reading scrolls. The udders of "cowlicorns" are more productive and more sensitive even at the same size, and the sex energy of their orgasms is a potent magical source, she noted. I really did not need to know that! Nice!

Aren't you fascinated? the something asked. Only a few days ago, you were bereft. You've been keenly aware of their presence since you came here. Why not indulge?

Twilight turned and jumped with a frightened gasp. When did she get this close to the necklace? She could reach out and touch the case! She backed away hastily. Her magic began massaging her boobs again, causing one of her back legs to raise and start trembling. ... a-aah, that feels so good..! she admitted bashfully. Her eyes rolled back and she began to pant, her marehood starting to twitch, wink, and drool.

Wouldn't it feel even better if they were bigger? Heftier? More sensitive, the necklace cooed to her. Big enough to smother a yak. Feel them bouncing and jiggling as you rub the perky nipples. Why not give it a try? Don't you want to hear the sound of the bells..?

Twilight paused, panting and sighing, anxious and ashamed, her heart pounding in her ears and lady areas. Even bigger? she considered. They, they already nearly touch the floor... But she was already walking towards it, her thighs wet. And I do want to hear how it sounds...

Twilight's magic let go of her boobs and reached out to feel at the dome, preparing to lift it.

She had only an instant to hear the sound of rushing wind before --

WHAM.

Twilight's mind broke as she collapsed to the floor. "OOUURRRGHHH..!!" Twilight cried and began sobbing again, cradling her tits in her wings. Despite being otherwise unable to think, the custodian of Twilight's mind - herself in an Italian suit and monocle - stoically, neatly dusted today off and, with it, replaced the previous occupant of the file cabinet in her head labeled WORST DAY OF MY LIFE.

"You dumb bimbo!" Whoever hit her began scolding her with an obnoxiously cute, albeit angry, voice. "Don't you recognize the Cowlicorn Carcanet when you see it, Princess?!" Little angry wing flaps informed her that whoever hit her was not very large and was now flittering over her. "Or is it true the bigger the boobs the smaller the brain?! Must be why us foals are the only smart ponies around this dump!" The little someone seized her by two hooves and, lifting her by said hooves so that her tits were not scraping on the floor, began to drag her away from the necklace. This was very slow and inefficient given the drastic difference in their body weights.

"W-wha..?" Twilight sniffled, blinking the flashing lights and tears out of her eyes, looking up at her captor. Her eyes widened. "Cozy Glow..?!"

"Aww -- ya do wemember -- widdle owe me," Cozy Glow huffed while dragging her. It was her, alright, just as Twilight remembered her. How did she escape? How did she make it all the way to..?

"W-what'd you do to your hair..?" Twilight chose to voice first. Cozy's mane, while still fluffy and curly, was swept to one side, like Pinkie when she was sad. A perfect, cute little schoolfilly... As if.

"What're you talkin' about?" Cozy grunted, having finally dragged her back down the hallway. "Get up! Now that you almost got your boobs exploded once, it can't get you as easy."

"A-a-a-almost got what?" Twilight stammered in shock, clumsily rising. "What, what happened?"

Cozy let out an exasperated sigh and dropped to the ground. "Somewhere in this room," she gestured widely with tired eyes, "Didja happen to see anything showing a cow-lady's boobs blowing up."

She had, to her immense displeasure. "U-um, on the center table," Twilight answered, feeling sick again. "Big rolled-up scroll."

Cozy trotted to the first table Twilight had examined, fished around briefly, and picked up the manuscript of the cow-mare whose udders exploded that had offended her so much. "Look what she's wearin'," she commanded, though thankfully she did not open it all the way to the last panel.

Twilight paled, having failed to notice the cow lady was wearing a black choker with a red cowbell. Her mind clearing from the pain, she vaguely remembered herself gradually approaching the necklace. She hadn't even realized she wasn't talking to herself. Obviously, it must have coaxed her into a submissive fugue state and subtly compelled her towards it. "I almost put that on..?!" she squeaked.

"Yup yup yup! You're lucky the Princesses sent me!" Cozy pouted up at her. "I'm immune to anything in this room, so I can keep you and that steaming swamp under your tail outta trouble."

Twilight dropped her tail, pressing her thighs together and going pigeon-hooved. "The Princess... sent you..?" Twilight blushed, until her mind cleared enough to accept the obvious. "... You're this world's Cozy?"

It made a lot more sense than Cozy escaping an impossible prison and crossing worlds to come kick her in the boobs, of course.

Cozy leaned back with a face like she'd just tasted something sour. "Whattya mean this world's Cozy?"

Twilight sighed. "I'm another world's Twilight. I woke up in your Twilight's body a couple days ago. I'm trying to find a way to fix it, or at least contact her so we can work on it together. I thought the library might have information to help me figure out how we've switched minds, but um..." Her face itched and she looked away. "... I've only found weird boob-related sex stuff..."

"Well you sure seem into it," Cozy scowled.

Frightened and totally out of her comfort zone, Twilight wasn't sure how to respond. She'd always been a rather chaste girl in her own world, and she'd found everything in this library very overwhelming. But she couldn't deny that she had basically begun masturbating in the forbidden section of the library full of potentially deadly boob-curses and that she'd been caught doing so by a filly. She hung her head in immense humiliation.

"So... your world's got another me?" the filly raised an eyebrow, but her eyes softened a bit. Clearly, as she was out and about, this Cozy wasn't as horrible as hers was.

"W-well, yeah," Twilight scratched at her neck uncomfortably, "You look just like her except the hair. But um, ours is kind of... indisposed..."

"Did you kill me?" Cozy gasped.

"What! No! No-no-no," Twilight raised a hoof defensively. "Um, the Princesses and Discord turned you to stone."

"So you killed me," Cozy let some steam out of her nose. "What a thing to do to a little filly! But I guess trying to destroy all the boobs in Tittyquestria is a pretty big offense."

Twilight was pretty sure most mares would be willing to kill someone who was trying to "destroy their boobs", yes.

"You can un-stone ponies," Twilight defended. "But our Cozy tried to destroy all of the magic, yes. We uh, our magic is... rather different in nature. You said you're immune? Is that because you're, um..."

"Not Sweetie Belle?" Cozy glared up at her, blinking once. She lifted one forehoof and waved it under her own body - quite unimpeded - then set it back down, still glaring evenly. Indeed, Sweetie Belle was an early bloomer, and pretty much a miniature, louder Rarity. Both Sweetie Belles had a habit of tripping on themselves - but this world's more so.

"I, I was gonna say a filly," Twilight grimaced. "But sure. Um, thanks for saving me." She paused and thought it over. She hadn't been told anyone would accompany her, but if Cozy was malicious, surely she would've let her put on the boobs-go-boom necklace. "Can you watch my tail while I keep looking?"

"Sure." Cozy smiled. "You know if anything happens I'm gonna kick you in the jugs again, right?"

"C-can you try calling out to me first..?!" she instinctively tensed up and lowered her wings to protect her assets.

"You get three heys before I go for the kill."

Ch. 8 :: The Biggest Boob

"Your Graces," the royal guard bowed. "We now present Her Mercy, Twilight Sparkle, Princess of the Magic of Friendship, She Who Has Returned the Moon, Tamer of Chaos --"

"Yes yes, let her in!" Celestia called impatiently, waving a hoof.

Luna gave her a worried look as the heavy doors opened. "Dear sister, I am telling you, something was wrong with her letter..." she whispered.

"I've had a horrible day, Luna, let me enjoy the bliss of Twilight's company, please," Celestia sighed in irritation, then softened her voice and nuzzled her sister. "But I am grateful to have you at my side to ease it."

"I shall be ever faithful," Luna promised, nuzzling back, and the two of them turned their heads forward to watch Twilight approach. Luna slightly furrowed her brows; the bookworm's gait was a bit different than usual, more careful, with heavier steps.

"Twilight," Celestia greeted warmly, though her exhaustion was clear in her voice, "To what do we owe the pleasure of your visit?"

They were surprised to see Twilight bow deeply to them - something she should no longer have felt obliged to do, as a fellow Princess. Stranger still, she bowed with her butt high up in the air, arcing her back like a cat.

"Your Milky Majesty," Twilight began, immediately causing both of them to freeze right down to their tails, "As always, I am honored and humbled to stand before you and your superior undercarriage, as encompassing and warm as the sun above. Your most glorious of mammaries have shone radiant and full for a thousand ages, and may they remain plump and bounteous for a thousand more, a soft haven for --"

Thunk.

"-- all... creatures of light... C-Celestia?" Twilight blinked, looking up to see her collapsed in Luna's forehooves, her tiara having fallen to the side of their thrones.

Luna stared at her in shock for several seconds before blinking and becoming very angry, though she kept her voice low. "Twilight Sparkle," the moon princess blushed with furious eyes, gently stroking her sister's ear, "What is the meaning of thy vulgar address."

"O-oh dear," Twilight meeped. Sensing the incredible danger she was now in, she cowered with her ears low, wisely keeping her volume down also. "I am so sorry..! Th-that's how I greet my Celestia..!"

"'Your Celestia'..?!" Luna repeated, confused and outraged. "My sister?"

"I... I didn't feel this was appropriate to discuss in writing and should have opened with this at once, I'm so sorry. I'm a Twilight of another world who has switched with yours..."

"Oh really." Luna huffed. "And my precious sister, who does no wrong to anyone, who has been the faithful servant of Equestria for, as you say, a thousand ages, who is exhausted after a tiring day faithfully seeing to many unthankful, contemptuous wretches, who is deathly self-conscious of her stature and her form as you know good and hell well -- in what world would the mare she holds in the highest of regards speak of her so boldly?" she gently hissed.

Perhaps only mine, Twilight thought with dread.

Had Luna been alone, she would be yelling at full volume at her for sure. Twilight knew the only thing keeping her quiet was her concern for further disturbing Celestia. That is, Twilight knew that, just as in her own world, this Luna was ready to whoop Twilight's ass for her sister's honor.

Twilight fully understood and accepted her doom in one regard: as she could not wield the magic of this Twilight, she could not hope to match even Rarity or Trixie, let alone Luna. But, naive to magic beyond titty, she failed to understand her doom in the second: that no magic available to a Twilight of any world could hope to overcome one sister's defense of or vengeance for the other, any more than she could defeat the love between Shining and Cadance (the flat one.) She had trespassed on sacred ground, and though she did not comprehend it in detail, her soul told her what she needed to know: she must now appeal to the gods not to strike her down at once.

But she did not know how; all she could do was tremble in terror, swallow fearfully, and offer the truth.

"I-in my world, Your Grace, you are, you are also admired as such," Twilight bowed deeply, which unfortunately prevented her from watching Luna's eyes widen dangerously. "I-in my world, as hers are as big as the sun, yours are as big as the moon..."

"Do you dare now, after what has been said and done, to mock me, Twilight Sparkle..?" Luna's voice was now a deathly whisper, her eyes as cold as a lonely winter night.

"N-no, Your Grace," Twilight stammered. "I would never..! I, I understand we are a world apart - literally - but I have nothing but respect for the two of you, this... this is the way things are in Tittyquestria!"

Twilight sighed, looking around at her cell. Well, that was a bust, she complained to herself, then paused and frowned. Pun unintended. She winced and rubbed at her chest, coughing.

She considered all of the firsts that she'd just accomplished within a few minutes of time. The first time she'd ever caused a Princess to faint. The first time she'd ever been tackled by a Princess who actually wanted to hurt her (or at least she got that distinct impression.) The first time she'd ever been in prison. The first time an active Princess had ever been in prison other than when a usurper had taken control of said prison. Well, a Tittyquestrian one, anyway. She had no clue about this Equestria.

If she was in here long enough, and the other Twilight found her way back, the list of firsts would go into some pretty insane territory. But she'd already explained everything to this Twilight's friends, and they'd surely hear what happened and come help her out. Right?

Her ears pricked up at the door opening and three sets of heavy hoofsteps entering. Two stopped, and one came closer. Her heart sank as she recognized the sound of Celestia's steps. She blushed and looked away. How could I have been so stupid as to presume this Celestia was as comfortable with her assets as my Celestia, she scolded herself, fidgeting with her hooves. She must be devastated! I'm lucky she didn't send me to boob kindergarten.

She squeezed her eyes shut, angry with herself. You dumb idiot, get with the program, there's no such thing as boob kindergarten --

"Twilight," came Celestia's voice, low and trembling. The pain in Celestia's voice made Twilight's wings shrink.

"U-um," she had to let her know she was listening, but she couldn't bring herself to look at her or try to say anything coherent.

"I don't know what in the world has gotten into you," Celestia continued. It would be scolding if her voice wasn't so... heartbroken. "But I am absolutely... shocked... you would say such repugnant and ridiculous things to me, especially within the court. I'm sorry that Luna attacked you.... and I believe she has judged you harshly for my sake... but I should have listened to her concerns over the content of your letter, and... I'm honestly considering letting you stay here for a... for a while, to... to think about what you've done."

"P-Princess..."

"Can you explain yourself?" Celestia asked unsteadily. Even in her state, she was willing to give her a chance.

"I'm telling you the truth," Twilight swore, still not looking at her. "I'm sorry I misspoke and hurt you..." She sniffled, her eyes wet. "And I understand if you don't believe me. But I'll stay right here until you do."

"That is ridiculous. This is completely unlike you a-and entirely beneath you," Celestia choked. Twilight's heart shattered. It didn't matter if it was "her" Celestia or not. There was nothing a Celestia could say to hurt a Twilight more while less meaning to.

"C-C-Celestia --" She finally turned to look at her.

"No," Celestia cut her off more firmly - she wasn't looking at her, either, and her face was wet with tears. "Not, not another word. I will make sure you're cared for well. I will not let anyone neglect or further abuse you on my behalf. But... we... we will speak again later." She turned and began to walk away, slowly, sadly, struggling to hold in her sobs.

Great, Twilight rued, her tears flowing freely as the door opened and closed again. Let's add the first time I've made Celestia cry to the list. Even though they would eventually realize she was telling the truth, she couldn't blame them for how ridiculous it must have sounded, and she doubted that confirming her story would make them feel any better. It wouldn't help her feel any better, that's for sure. What will their Twilight think when she finds out what happened? Her chest tightened. Will my Celestia be disappointed in me too? She broke and started choking on her sobs, burying her face in her wings.

Ever since she'd come here, she'd done nothing but upset everyone. Even the girls who still had big boobs weren't so comfortable talking about it as in her world. But Twilight Sparkle was the dumbest smarty who'd ever lived, her brain was fast but her mouth was faster, and she was a bit of a dunce even in her own world. In this one? She was a fiend. A monster. Was their Twilight as foolish as her? Was any?

She glanced up at her horn. Ha, she smiled sadly. They forgot to block my magic. Either that or they consciously didn't bother. Either scenario would only happen because they trusted Twilight - their Twilight - and so the thought that she might be dangerous never crossed their minds.

Could she teleport out of prison? The local Twilight could, she was sure of it, and she'd be able to do it with her proper body. But even with Starlight's and Rarity's help, she couldn't rely on more than basic levitation to work. Would she teleport out of prison? No way. She never meant to disrespect the Princesses, and she wasn't about to start. She promised Celestia that she would stay here - and so she would. She sighed and resolved to serve her penance.

I hope it doesn't take too long to clear this up. She blinked through her tears. I don't want to hurt anyone for one second longer. Especially not Celestia.

Ch. 9 :: Equestria or Bust

Twilight sighed, surrounded by books. She glanced at one of the titles. Funne Trickes to Pox Ye Fellowes. Ah, they'd caught her reading that one. One of the "trickes" was to palm some leaves and animal droppings and then offer a shake. Your hoof would be protected by the leaves, but they would get poop-hoof. She'd have to teach Rainbow Dash that one.

She wriggled, tied around a pole in the middle of all these books. Poop-hoof would be a lot funnier if she wasn't currently in a peasant world that didn't know bad hygiene caused illness and not whatever they were burning her at the stake for. She looked down at her huge tits, held up in pretty pink with white hearts. At least the bra Titty Fluttershy made for her was comfy. Her tatas felt a biiiit warm, though, since a fire was starting directly underneath her and all.

"Burn th' Dark Meh's 'aaahlot!" their Bonbon cried in what might pass as a Trottingham accent in Applewood. "The fat of 'er tits shall fuel th' floimes!"

Twilight wrinkled her nose. "Am I really the sicko here?" she objected.

"Listen nout to 'er tongue o' looiiiis!"

Twilight sighed, looking out at the crowd who had come to see her humiliation. She smiled, seeing the spitting image of herself in a friar's tunic and pilgrim hat staring at her pale-faced, the other five peeking from behind her like a peacock's tail. Lest, we all look like Applejack, she thought. Wait a minute... Surely... She had an idea. A mean idea, but it was better than burning. "There you are, Twilight!" she called brightly.

The crowd backed away, gasping and hissing, staring at the other Twilight. She balked, leaning back. "By wot sorcery do you know my name and take this... this caricature of my form, demon?!"

Hmm, they haven't met changelings yet, she inferred. She frowned at her and tilted her head. "Whattya mean? Don't I take your form as part of our contract?" Twilight was very happy that she was not the Element of Honesty.

The crowd gasped again, and the other Twilight's eyes widened. She raised a shaking hoof, clearly panicking. "D-dare not to accuse me of consorting with you and your devils, witch..!"

"Need I remind you..." Twilight continued coolly - seductively - "... that if I burn here, you die too?"

The crowd roared, she saw a flash of light, and suddenly she was on her back in a dark, wooden room.

"Tell me what you are," the other Twilight demanded, and Prime Twilight opened her eyes to see she was leaning over her, magically holding a silver dagger ready to stab into her heart. Not that she needed to, as Prime Twilight almost suffered a heart attack right there. She froze, trembling in terror.

"Hold!" Applejack cried, seizing the dagger. "Are y'all quite mad?! Did she not jess say if she dies, you die too?!" She managed to mix her Equestrian accent with this goofy old-timer one.

Stabby Twilight stepped back at her anger. "I, I've made no contract --"

"So?!" Applejack continued. "She could've entrapped ya!"

"Oh ho ho!" Rarity giggled. "You two are but babes, easily fooled by a sorry trick. This mare is no demon, though I shudder to ponder what force has granted her such spacious tracts of land." Rarity enjoyed, of course, the most foppish accent out of all of them so far, fanning herself with a bat wing fan.

"Not a demon?!" Applejack cried.

"'twere she, would a little fire evoke her alarm?" Rarity rolled her eyes. "She used us to escape." She batted her lashes at Prime Twilight. "Now tell us, dear, why do you look and sound like our own Twilight, though of a quaint, whorish persuasion?"

Prime Twilight rose, sighing. "It turns out there are a bunch of parallel worlds each with their own Twilights."

"You lie," Twilight With a Hat accused, staying as far away from her as the tiny room would allow.

"Let her speak," Fluttershy commanded gently, and Pilgrim Twilight was silenced.

"I woke up to find myself in the body and the world of another Twilight," Prime Twilight explained. "I'm trying to get back home and swap back with her."

"And even were we to aid you," Colonial Twilight spat, "What makes you think we know of such eldritch vulgarities?"

"Because you're all witches?" Prime Twilight deadpanned.

They flinched, their faces pale. Their Twilight tried to defend, though she was clearly already defeated. "A... and what, pray tell --"

"My friends and I bear the most powerful magic in my world," Prime Twilight continued. "And the mare whose body I now possess has the most powerful in hers. So surely, you must bear the same in yours, thus there is no way you girls are not witches. I simply have to hope that witchcraft is not evil in this world, as the public seem to think it is."

They sighed, dejected. "You win, o shade of mine," Witch-Twilight conceded.

The girls erupted briefly into flames before their outfits changed to resemble what Twilight had worn during the Night of the Dancing Pumpkins, with their smart little cloaks and pointy witch hats. She smiled. "Wow, cute," she praised.

"Isn't it?" Rarity beamed, fanning herself giddily.

Twilight ran across the glowing laser bridge as fast as her stubby legs and big swinging tiddies would allow. "This is the worst anime!" she gasped, ducking behind a panel that mysteriously stuck up out of the side of the bridge.

"ORGANIC UNIT TT-ELE-001," came Celestia's voice in a monotone from the massive, vaguely-equine copterbot running its searchlight over the bridge to find her. "YOUR BEHAVIOR IS ILLOGICAL. SUBMIT TO ROBOTOMY AT ONCE FOR SURGICAL IMPROVEMENT."

"Nay," came Luna's autotune as her digitized, cybernetic face appeared on a massive wall monitor, separated from the bridge by a dark abyss. "Submit to DreamCloud installation at once."

"BACK - OFF - LUNA." Celestia warned, her copter turning and opening fire on the monitor with a minigun, shattering its glass and destroying the image. Twilight dashed out of cover at once, running to the end of the bridge and into a hallway as Luna blew a raspberry at her sister.

Twilight stopped, panting, and looked wild-eyed down the three paths at the intersection. It's all gleaming white panels, she fretted. And Starlight's never gonna find me and get me out of here. If I could hide and stay still, she could lock onto me. She dashed forward, praying she wouldn't run into a wall of those awful little turrets.

She ducked into the shadows under the stairs leading to a raised platform.

"Sister," came Luna's croon from a screen above the platform, "I have concluded that we are capable of satisfying both of our prerogatives."

"EXPLAIN." Celestia's voice came into the room alongside heavy steps. Probably one of those pony robots. Who did that one used to be?

"Pinkie Senses triggered!" came another voice from the robot. "Incoming doozy in fifty seconds!" Oh, well, that answered that. Twilight fought down her urge to find where they were keeping the information that allowed them to reverse-engineer the Pinkie Sense. She also fought down the urge to throw up, realizing she and all her friends had been mutiliated and turned into... those.

"The organic unit could be robotomized and consequently connected to DreamCloud wirelessly," Luna offered. "You would then be free to command her body while I utilize her cerebral processing. In fact, this could be done with all robotomized units. As their lingering consciousness would be distracted and soothed by DreamCloud, you would no longer suffer lapses in control."

There was a pause filled only with little beeps and ticks.

"THIS IS ACCEPTABLE." Celestia agreed. "I SHALL ROBOTOMIZE THE UNIT AND BRING IT TO A CLOUDDREAM TERMINAL. RETURN THE UNIT WHEN CONNECTION IS COMPLETE. IF I AM SATISFIED I SHALL SUBMIT EXISTING UNITS FOR SIMILAR TREATMENT."

"Thank you, sister. I will await your delivery." Luna droned emotionlessly, and the crackle of her monitor clicked off.

Are you for real! Twilight complained. The one time they agree on something and it's how to turn me into a metal zombie!

"UNIT 0-ELE-004," Celestia's voice sounded. "REPORT STATUS."

"Awaiting doozy," Pinkie's voice chirped brightly, if a bit tinny. "T-minus 20 seconds!"

"UNIT 0-ELE-004, CLEAR ROOM. NOW." Celestia commanded.

"A... Await... A..." Twilight winced as she heard Pinkie trying to resist the movement. Twilight heard her stumbling and then, with a crash, Pinkie tumbled off of the ledge and right in front of Twilight, looking away and not moving. Twilight repressed a gasp at the horrible dents she suffered and sparks that flew from her, an entire panel opening in the back of her neck.

"UNIT 0-ELE-004, RISE," Celestia commanded. "RETURN AT ONCE FOR REPAIRS." There was a static-laden sigh. "AGAIN."

"Doozy in five seconds," Pinkie insisted. "Four... Three... Two..."

Suddenly inspired, Twilight rushed forward and seized the black chip with the golden sun, pushing in the little lever thing and pulling with all her might.

"One..." The card came out with a cork pop and Twilight stumbled, falling onto her back. The card flew off and shattered against the wall like glass.

Pinkie slowly, unsteadily stood up as Twilight stared up at her in fright. She slowly turned, her eyes now black, with fiery blue-and-red rings where her pupils once were, staring dead at Twilight, who rolled over and prepared to run.

"... Thank you!!" Pinkie cried giddily, her pupils changing to show delight, and hugged her.

Six upright figures in cloaks stomped up the snowy mountainside towards a modest gazebo.

"Are we there yet," Rainbow Dash complained, hands on her hips, her wings buzzing like a hummingbird's and her tail and ears twitching impatiently.

"Rainbow Dash, does this look like the top of Feedback Mountain?" Anthro Twilight shook her staff at her. "We can take a break in this gazebo." Upon stepping inside, she turned and looked around. "Headcount. Who's got the feral?"

"Me," Applejack wrinkled her snoot, looking down at her, then pointedly away. "Them unrealistically-sized crotchboobs-a-hers're really gettin' ta me. Don't like 'em one bit, no sir..."

"Stop calling them that!" Prime Twilight complained, cradled in her arms. "I'm not rubbing them all over your body like you're doing to me with your spaghetti-arm-toes... by which I mean fingers. Gosh, can't you just call 'em what they are? Boobs? Lyra would do unspeakable things to you."

"Oh, let's not speak of Lyra," Rarity laughed. "And let's stop talking about things we don't like to talk about, hmm, Applejack?" She batted her lashes at her. "Set her down for a moment, you silly thing."

Applejack growled, but lowered Prime Twilight gently. She stepped out like a baby deer and stretched out her legs. Applejack sighed. "Why've I gotta carry her, anyhow?"

"Because she's too heavy for the rest of us, and Pinkie and Fluttershy have their own 'unrealistically-sized' problems to worry about?" Rainbow Dash sassed, jabbing a thumb over her shoulder in the direction of Pinkie's boobs.

"H-hey!" Pinkie slapped her hand away.

"I mean they would prevent you from carrying that big-crotchboobed horse," Rainbow Dash tilted her head and raised her hands.

"It's true..." Fluttershy admitted, then jumped in alarm at the sound of heavy wings.

"Dragon..!" Anthro Twilight gasped. "Twilight, stay down! Girls, let's go!" Prime Twilight ducked her head and hid within the gazebo as the Anthro Six headed out onto the plateau. Oh dear, was that Ember they were fighting?

She poked her head out once or twice to watch the fight. As she sort of expected, Rainbow Dash favored hit and run tactics with daggers, which were probably not effective against dragons unless she could get the eyes or softer spots. Applejack relied only on her fists and hooves, to avoid risking shooting the girls with her revolvers. Pinkie had a box on her back from which she pulled cymbals, trombones, etc. to attack. Rarity had a simple fencing sword. And Fluttershy had these strange, stringed weapons she kept hidden in her long sleeves. Spinning, bladed things she could throw out to a distance and pull back without harming herself.

But Twilight? Twilight had a magic staff with a sword in it. She'd cast a few spells when she had the time, then pull the sword out and cut at the dragon's face a bunch until she got another opening.

Prime Twilight's eyes shone brightly. I gotta get me one of those.

Aaaah, Twilight sighed. So nice to let 'em breathe in a quiet moment. She set the bra aside and took a look around. Now where the heck am I.

She was in a large, dark room full of boxes, crates, and shelves - like the storage room of a department store, though stacked nowhere near so high. The only light was from the windows, and several doors led off to parts unknown.

She approached an open box and peeked inside, furrowing her brows. Dolls, she shuddered. I don't like dolls. Glancing at the wood blocks elsewhere in the box, she stepped away quickly.

She looked out the window and frowned. Surrounded by skyscrapers, she looked to be in the middle of a big city - Manehattan, probably - on the second or third story of a commercial building. I hope I don't get in trouble for trespassing, she worried. The crime rate here must be huge.

She spun around at the sound of a commotion outside one of the far doors, looking around rapidly for a place to hide - but before she could, the door burst open, and a green foal hopped in, mid-karate kick, freezing the instant he saw her.

He had a fluffy yellow mane, weightless, with spikes running up the back of his head like Scootaloo. A black domino mask graced his face, and a red cloak like a vampire's rested on his shoulders.

She stared at him, he stared at her. At her boobs. "Holy twin suns of Balus VII," he critiqued in Spike's voice.

"... Hum Drum..?" Twilight blinked.

"Girls!" Hum Drum yelled, reaching for his belt and leaping aside of the door.

"Wait-wait-wait --"

She yelped and jumped back, glancing nervously at the window, as a pea-green mare in an abhorrent skintight suit, white with purple arrows flattering her monolithic curves and pointing forwards, suddenly appeared in front of her face, leaving aftertrails between her and the door. Her amber hair and tail, both thin and lightning-bolt shaped, wobbled like a doorstopper. Her massive tits wobbled more-so. She looked her up and down, stayed looking down, and blinked. "Toysheep needs ta get laid," she said in Pinkie's voice but a mobster accent. "Did dat goomba really put her face on my body..." Twilight recognized her as Fili-Second.

Five more costumed heroes made their way rapidly into the room, quickly fanning out into what she presumed were tactical positions, and Twilight could hear what sounded like Applejack and Rarity arguing as two of them got stuck in the door together. Finally, they popped through together, and both stopped mid-step to stare at Twilight. They looked between her and the unicorn standing just a few feet away from Fili-Second.

She wore a velvet bodysuit with white boots, bearing the picture of glowing yellow hills. A white mantle hung over her shoulders, and her velvet face mask was capped with yellow goggles.

This mare, the Masked Matter-Horn, was a unicorn, not an alicorn, and shared what Prime Twilight's regular dimensions would be, most notably the extravagant size of her behind. In fact, while their colors and hairstyles were different, the bodies and faces of these figures perfectly matched those of Twilight and her friends in the other world. Unfortunately, Twilight was not quite clever enough to connect the dots and understand what this meant for her, as she was about to regret bitterly.

"U-um," Twilight offered nervously. "Y-you lovely ladies wouldn't happen to be the Power Ponies, would y--"

She didn't even feel it at first - she just suddenly lost her breath, her body jumping, and the entire world around her went dim, her mind numb and eyes wide and bloodshot. Looking down and to her right, she realized that Mistress Mare-velous was now standing next to her. She watched Mare-velous pull one of her hooves back and regain her balance in slow motion. Though she was the aggressor, Mare-velous's eyes slowly widened with surprise.

Too late, Twilight realized what Fili-Second had said. While the Power Ponies' most recurring nemesis was the Mane-iac, they had an entire rogues' gallery - including a creative fellow named Toysheep. In the kids' stories, he made little tanks and soldiers from wooden blocks who weren't much threat and acted like a spoiled child, but in the more "mature" stories he would make robots coated in painted wood, in the images of beautiful mares, using them as bodyguards, thieves, and even assassins. At least once, he'd attempted to replace one of the Power Ponies with such a machine. The Masked Matter-Horn, specifically.

Oh shine, Twilight internally whimpered in realization as the intense agony blossomed in her tits, nausea filled her entire body, and the world darkened further.

Then she stopped thinking and threw up.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!" Twilight shrieked, luckily collapsing away from her throw-up, rolling into a ball, writhing and jerking in pain like a rattling skeleton. "AAAAAAAAAAH! AAAAAAAAAAAH! AAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

Someone muffled her with some kind of cloth. She struggled to breathe through her nose when all she could do was exhale tormented roars through her mouth.

Twilight continued to scream into the cloth for she didn't know how long. Though her screams were muffled, her broken mind didn't hear the Power Ponies frantically talking to one another. She didn't notice Mare-velous sobbing into her hooves in horror and shame. She didn't even notice the cream mare with the green suit and the golden swirls becoming several times larger and, in a scary orc voice, gently scolding Mare-velous for what had just happened and instructing the others on how to treat Twilight.

Finally, after an eternity of mind-bending torture, she stopped screaming, struggling for breath, crying and in pain, the cloth - seemed to be some kind of giant cotton ball - still in her mouth. She was on her back now, on a rather nice cushion, and had the distinct feeling of coolness in her undercarriage. Looking down, she saw there was some kind of giant ice pack over her boobs. Of everything she had ever borrowed, she was returning this body or at least those boobs in the worst possible condition. Finally, her brain working, she was able to once again update her WORST DAY OF MY LIFE cabinet. The little Twilight in her head shook her head and tutted, leaving the cabinet unlocked as she walked off.

"Are you okay..?" she heard Fluttershy's gentle tones. She turned left and looked at her - she was back to normal - with wild, agonized eyes, biting on her cotton thingy. Do I daffodilling look okay, Saddle Rager? she thought.

"I believe thee not, Thoroscira," the blue-suited pegasus, Zapp, scowled at Mare-velous.

"I'm sorrryyyyy..." Mare-velous wailed into her hooves. "Sh-she looks jess like Trot! I kicked 'er right away, but they weren't made outta wood, they were soft, I, I'm hangin' it up, I'll never fight again..."

"I-it's my fault," Hum Drum sniffled, "I yelped, you all came running."

"Now, now, dear, we all thought she must be some kind of evil clone or another," Radiance soothed. "I've an idea. Trot, Thoroscira, you and I will stay here to care for the mare. The rest of you, move on and confront Toysheep. And don't kick anyone who doesn't attack you first! Especially not in the tits. Please."

"Agreed," Matter-Horn nodded. The others nodded and left the room. Matter-Horn sighed. "I'm terribly sorry about all this," she fidgeted. "But if you're not one of Toysheep's, what are you doing here? Who are you?"

Twilight spat out the cotton ball. "You're a superhero... so this should sound totally sane..." she began between sobs.

Prime Twilight sighed in complete relaxation. Sure, everything in this world was liable to try to kick her in the shins and/or tits. But she wouldn't feel a damn thing. The nerves in her tatas were on a long cooldown after that last world. Funny thing, they didn't show any bruising - they were just a bit swollen.

Her good mood suddenly vanished as the sky turned black and thunder began to strike, followed by a light drizzle. Protective instincts triggered at once; she needed to get the fillies indoors. They might get rained on. Or maybe a dark wizard was attacking this darling place...

"Oh dear," came the crooning voice of an older filly - but not a filly, for a little blue goat was standing at the top of the hill they were walking around. "Have I rained on your..." she had a bit of trouble trying to hop up onto a rock, getting halfway there with her back legs flailing, then eventually scrambled up. "Have I rained on your picnic?!"

Twilight glanced around. Her heart sank at the looks of fear and horror on the faces of the Filly Six. She furrowed her brows. "Girls," she stepped forward, "Maybe you should me handle --"

"No adults!" the goat whined, stamping her feet, and Twilight froze. W-what the..? Some strange force was preventing her from taking any further action. How powerful was this little goat..?

Tons of cute cartoon skeletons burst forth out of the ground. Little bitty ones whose heads barely came up to her chest. "Bother bother bother," the skeletons chanted, waving their limbs around indiscriminately, but ignoring Prime Twilight. "Bother bother bother."

"Eeeek!" Filly Rarity shrieked as the skeletons half-heartedly poked her. "Skeletons are icky! Make them go away! I'm going to get cooties!"

"Ah ha ha ha ha!" laughed the little blue goat, raising her bearded chin with a big proud smile. "Tremble in fear, o Elements of Everything Nice, as I cover your world in cooties! You'll never know peace again! Every tea party! Every slumber party! Every dance party! All will be full of skellingtons!" She blushed, covering her mouth. "U-uh, I mean, skeletons."

"You're gross, Gina!" Filly Twilight accused with a straight face, pointing at her past the skeletons. "You won't cover Fillyquestria in your gross nasty boyishness!"

"B-boyishness?!" Gina leaned back, self-consciously touching her beard.

"That's right! Boyishness!" Filly Twilight repeated, jabbing the hoof again. "You don't like bright happy things and you don't take baths and you dig up gross dead ponies!"

"Excuse you!" Gina protested. "Just because they're skeletons doesn't mean they're dead ponies' skeletons!"

"Wha," Filly Twilight blinked, confused. "That doesn't make any sense. You don't make any sense."

"I don't care," Gina huffed. "And I do too take baths. I'm just not afraid of a little dirt like you losers are!"

"L-l-l-losers..?" Fluttershy's eyes watered.

"I dig rocks," Rarity pouted.

"I dig fields," Applejack pouted.

"I dig Gina's cool bell," Pinkie smiled.

Prime Twilight watched all this with fascination. The girls didn't seem to really be in trouble. Gina's skeletons weren't really attacking them, and it seemed all she was doing was crashing their parties to be a jerk. Heck, they were squabbling like siblings while they were at it. Also, while she was perfectly able to back away, she found herself unable to come any closer than where she was standing. I hope they don't hurt each other, she fretted.

Then she saw the fillies line themselves up in an all-too-familiar way. Oh! She thought, her full attention on them. I wonder... Do they actually have a power..?

"Sugar! Spice! Bunnies! Ribbons! Dolls!" Filly Twilight called, respectively getting the attention and the glowing of Pinkie, Applejack, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, and Rarity. "And... Prettiness!" She finished, rising up with them and glowing.

"Why do you get to float and glow and stuff," Gina frowned. "Eep!" She looked around for something to dive under as the girls fired a rainbow up into the sky that spiraled back down towards her head. WHOMP.

The sky became clear again and Gina was now flat on the ground, scowling and grumpy, but dressed in a frilly white and pink gown.

"I'll take that," Rainbow Dash chirped, swiping the bell off her neck. "Yoink!"

"H-hey! That's mine!" Gina complained. "Give it back, Rainbow Dash!" She attempted to hit Rainbow Dash with her head, but the pegasus flew up into the air and blew a raspberry at her. "Mooooom!" Gina whined, stamping.

Suddenly, the barrier blocking Twilight broke, and she stumbled forward. As she did, Rainbow Dash froze, slowly dropping to the ground and looking sheepish.

"Girls," Twilight recovered and looked them over, "Is anyone hurt?"

They all shook their heads and looked away.

"Rainbow Dash, give Gina back her bell, please. Gina, please don't summon any more skeletons."

Gina swiped back her bell as Rainbow Dash hoofed it over, then pouted. "B-but I like skeletons--"

"Thank you, Rainbow Dash. Gina, not around the other girls, alright?" Twilight compromised gently. "You can have fun with your skeletons, but the other girls don't think they're fun."

"Okay..." Gina sniffled. "... nobody has fun around me..."

"That's because you're gross," Filly Twilight sneered.

"Twilight," Prime Twilight said firmly, making the filly jump and freeze. "That's not nice. Please apologize to Gina."

"B-but --"

"Twilight." she repeated.

"... I'm sorry," Filly Twilight relented with her head low.

"Thank you, Twilight," Prime Twilight smiled. "Let's head back to Canterlot."

"Awww," Gina protested, "But Celestia hates me."

"Celestia hates skeletons," Filly Twilight corrected. "But Luna loves 'em... I think."

"She does?"

"Uh-huh," Filly Twilight nodded.

"Should I show her my skeletons?" Gina asked, her head down and her hooves pigeon-toed.

"I think you should ask her first," Prime Twilight reasoned. "Let's head back home."

"Yes, mom," the fillies and goat sighed, and began to follow her back.

"Do you really think my bell is cool?" Gina shyly asked Pinkie.

"Yuppers! It makes a nice noise!" Pinkie answered.

Ch. 10 :: Tit For Tat

BEEELCH. "Haaack cough cough cough..!"

Everyone bounced on their hooves, waiting impatiently for Spike to recover from gagging out another letter. Perhaps because of his nerves, perhaps because of the size of the letter, and perhaps because he had spent a week or two listening to Twilight frequently discuss his sexual fertility and "alone time" schedule, this time he looked like he might actually throw up.

"C'mon Spike!" Rainbow Dash pressed, then paused. "Geez, you okay?"

"Just dying," Spike croaked between coughs. "Done this for ten years, I'll be fine."

"You haven't choked this hard since the Equestria Games Anthem," Dash tilted her head with what passed for worry for her but looked more like indignant deadpanning to anyone else.

"Thanks for your concern, Rainbow Crash," Spike coughed, looking over the letter and regaining his breath. "So. Girls." He took a deep breath and sighed. "I told you so."

"Crap," Starlight smacked the Cutie Map with one hoof. "We can't let her go anywhere by herself! What'd she do."

"It's a little hard to understand Princess Luna's Ye Olde Mad-ish, but... I think Twilight's in jail," Spike summarized.

"What?!" the girls cried.

"Jail?! What'd she do?! Grope somepony?!" Applejack objected, both hooves to her head in frustration.

"... grope the Princess?" Rainbow Dash ventured warily. She would normally have been clocked in the head for such a comment, but under the circumstances, she was given only a panicked glance, after which everyone turned to Spike, silently begging him to deny that this was the charge.

"Um," Spike blinked. "Give me a minute to translate... She gave Celestia a very lengthy greeting that repeatedly called out certain features of hers."

"Oh no," Fluttershy breathed in horror, hiding her face.

"Do you girls think we shoulda seen this coming?" Pinkie asked the ceiling with a hoof on her chin. "Because she 'honors' girls with big boobs and no one has bigger boobs than Princess Celestia who is also our Twilight's most revered figure in the whole darnaroony world? I think we shoulda called this one," she frowned.

"Oh shut up, Pinkie," Rarity scoffed. "You let her bless Mrs. Cake so her udders wouldn't sag."

"I totally did," Pinkie looked away with pigeon-hooves and a grimace.

Fluttershy's eyes brightened with hope. "B-but wait! Can't we --"

"Before you ask," Spike cut her offf, "If any of us try to back up her story, she'll toss us in prison too, and we'll all have to undergo something called 'dowsing'... some kind of examination for hexes?" Starlight paled and began shaking.

"But once we're clear," Rainbow Dash pointed out, "She'll know we're telling the truth. Right?"

"Do you want a metal rod the size of your leg up your ass, Rainbow Dash?!" Starlight suddenly shrieked.

"E-excuse you," Applejack paled.

"N-n-no?" Rainbow Dash leaned away from her, terrified.

Spike quietly retrieved a quill from a nearby table and ignored the goings-on.

"Because that's what a dowsing is!" Starlight continued raving madly, waving her hooves. "They stick it in you! BZZZZT!" She shuddered. "Still buzzes," she ranted to the wall, cradling herself and rocking. "My butt still buzzes when I poop."

"Wait, what?!" Rainbow Dash squealed. "That's what they -- when did you --" her eyes widened in shock. "Did we do that to you?!"

"When you took me in, yes," Starlight confirmed, still cradled up. "They ruled me mentally unsound and I got dowsed for hexes. Us redeemed villains are very reluctant to go evil again and that's a big, big reason that goes in your ass why. Cozy Glow is so lucky she got on-the-spot justice, the dowsing rod is as thick as her body. and I know that that little bitch is 'mentally unsound'."

"Mm-hmm," Spike nodded absently, scritching away at parchment.

"Can't they at least use the coochie?" Dash wrapped her wings around herself. "The coochie's not as tight, right?"

"Oh not this again," Fluttershy growl-mumbled, hiding her face in her wings.

"Fer you, Rainbow Dash, I doubt it makes a diff'rence," Applejack scowled. "How tall're you aginn? Four hands?"

"Four-and-a-half." Dash pouted back.

"Can't hardly fit a caterpillar's dinger in there."

"What!" Dash objected. "Do caterpillars even have dingers?!"

"Letter's done," Spike called. "I want you all to look it over so you can't blame me if we get dowsed."

They crowded around him at once.

To the royal sisters,

We are horrified and appalled to hear what has happened and wish only the best for the two of you and for Twilight. We assure you that we are not affected by the conditions that have conduced her to behave this way.

When Spike told us about the previous letter she dictated, we were mildly concerned, but we did not detect anything obviously wrong with her besides nervousness and excitement. We regret not accompanying her in order to possibly mitigate or avoid this gross violation of your dignity.

We believe we know what caused this to occur and may be able to solve Twilight's situation within the next few days. Please be gentle with her, she is not her normal self. We hope you can forgive her for this tragic incident.

Always yours,
~The Girls and Spike

The girls looked between one another, considering.

"If she thinks we know what's goin' on, Twi won't git doused," Applejack reasoned.

"It definitely ought to look to the Princesses like we are denying everything," Rarity approved.

"So we won't get doused," Rainbow Dash sighed with relief.

"But will Twilight know we've got her back?" Fluttershy fretted. "She must be devastated. She needs all the support she can get."

Rainbow Dash snorted in laughter and refused to elaborate on why.

"Fuff it," Starlight sighed, her legs shaking. "Fuff it." She paused, breathed in and out, and gave it a third go. "Fuff it, I lived through it once, I can survive it again. Fire away."

The others nodded. Spike saluted and delivered the letter.

"If nobody wants to get hurt, none of you accidentally touch my tail until this is over," Starlight warned.

Ch. 11 :: Making A Clean Breast

"Tia..." Luna nuzzled her sister, not sure what to say.

Celestia sighed out her nose, limp and quietly crying. "She must be hexed," she concluded. "Twilight would never treat me like this if she was in her right mind..."

"Her friends believe her story," Luna pointed out. "Do you believe they are hexed as well?"

"No," Celestia denied. "They are merely entertaining her delusion. We will give them their few days."

Luna hesitated. "Dear sister," she blinked at the ground uncertainly, "Is it possible she speaks the truth?"

"Don't be ridiculous, Luna, I'll dowse you too." Celestia sighed. "Parallel worlds eerily identical to ours, specific people with specific names and all, except themed on such... stupid things? Those are for comic books."

"I understand it is quite far-fetched, but --"

The two of them jumped as a swirling pink portal opened in the room and a familiar voice called out, alongside a series of terrifying roars. "Run-run-run-run-run --" and then Twilight Sparkle dove and tumbled out of the portal, scrambling to put herself right-side-up. "Close it, close it, close it!" she screamed at the portal, which vanished.

She sighed, got up unsteadily, and began to dust herself off, her eyes closed. "Sun and moon do my tits hurt," she said to no one in particular, then opened her eyes.

She froze, taking in Celestia's blank, tear-stained face and Luna's dumbfounded, wide-eyed stare, both focused on her colossal, still-wobbling tits, in their pretty pink bra with white hearts, the nipples poking slightly through the fabric.

"You two look normal!" Twilight sighed in relief. "Please tell me I'm in regular Equestria, that whoever is inhabiting my proper body is still in regular Equestria, and ideally, that she has already mentioned the enormous boobs she's lent me..."

Then her eyes went wide in realization. "C-Celestia! What happened?!"

Twilight descended down the many staircases of Canterlot, towards the jail cells, accompanied by the princesses and the wide-eyed stares of every single guard they passed.

When one of the most precious ponies in her world had started yelling at her in pain and rage, she'd been startled, scared to death, and then her heart burst in grief.

But then it all clicked together, and while she still felt horrible for her beloved teacher-god-mom, for the first time in days she felt completely at ease, especially with one of Fluttershy's bras holding her megaton bombs in some vague semblance of good behavior. Because finally, Twilight knew she was home, and she knew exactly what was going on, and she knew exactly how to fix it, if only she could make it past a confused, pained, angry sky-goddess.

She had already tried to explain to them that she'd just hopped through another six Equestrias trying to get to them - the last of these being Dragonstria, where everyone was a dragon, not just the dragons. The one she'd just escaped was Chrysalis.

Twilight was distinctly aware of Celestia's sorrow turning to a more fiery rage with each of these worlds she attempted to attest she had been in. Fortunately, Luna seemed convinced that there was, at least, a Tittyquestria; she couldn't remove her eyes from Twilight's bonkhonagahoogs.

"Tia, please --" Luna tried to soothe the big lady.

"I don't know what you're playing at here, Twilight," Celestia huffed, "Or how you've managed to... do that to yourself, but I've had enough of your mockery and your insolence. I didn't want to do this to you, but I'm going to have to put a magic inhibitor on you."

"I understand, Princess." Twilight sighed, only scowling slightly and shuddering as it was put on.

"Dear sister, please, if you'd just listen --"

"Quiet, Luna!" Celestia commanded. Luna paused in her step and leaned back, looking rather hurt.

"Luna, it's okay," Twilight assured her. "I'm not surprised that my counterpart upset her, I had a horrible experience in her world."

"Stop with these crude fantasies!" Celestia huffed. "Do you think I'm stupid?!"

"Never." Twilight smiled warmly at her, causing Celestia to hesitate. "We'll just go down to the prison and you two will see that there are two of me," Twilight reasoned gently. "There's no need to fight, I'll cooperate."

They opened the doors and walked in with her. "Oh wow, you put her in these cells..?" Twilight gasped.

"Wait, who's there?" came a second Twilight's voice from around the corner.

"There you are!" She chirped. Adjusting herself in her bra, she cantered around the bend, sighing with relief at the sight of her proper body. "What'd you do to get me thrown in jail?"

"... I greeted Celestia, um, in the Tittyquestrian fashion..." the prisoner meeped, twiddling her hooves and grimacing. "Oh, did Fluttershy make that for you?"

"You didn't!!" the burdened one sighed. "And yes, she did. I'm guessing you were going to check the royal library? I did the same. Your Princesses were practically competing to shove their udders the most boldly in my face..." She wrinkled her nose and put a wing over her face in distaste.

"That sounds like them..!" Inside Twilight giggled.

"I..." Celestia approached, looking between the two. "... I'm so sorry..." she managed, looking down in shame.

"Don't be," Outside Twilight walked over and nuzzled her. "If you'd gotten switched I'd think you'd lost your mind, too."

"I'm sorry I hurt you, Princess..." Inside Twilight warbled sincerely.

"I forgive you." Celestia returned awkwardly, looking away and fidgeting with her wings.

"I am lost on the details of what has happened..." Luna added.

Twilight walked back to the far side of the cell, discarding her bra as she turned back to them. "Need to let 'em breathe," she explained with a relieved sigh. Inside-Twilight nodded.

"You are... our Twilight in her body, yes?" Luna gestured between the two of them, blinking.

"Yes," Outside Twilight confirmed. "I woke up in her body, and she woke up in mine at the same time."

"And I still have no idea how that happened," Inside Twilight frowned. "I'm all ears."

"Half of you is tits." Outside Twilight snarked. "Anyway..." she grimaced. "I wouldn't believe a lick of this myself if I didn't just have to live through it, and in a week I'm gonna pretend this was a bad dream brought on by trying one of Pinkie Pie's experimental recipes too close to bed."

"Me too." Inside Twilight agreed.

"But," Outside Twilight continued, "I know what happened, and I know how to fix it, and..." She drooped and grimaced between Celestia and Luna. "And I'm sorry, girls."

"Sorry?" Celestia blinked. "Sorry for what?"

Twilight shrunk, lowering her head with a grimace. "Um, you two are not going to like this explanation. Especially you, Luna..."

"Especially..?" Luna blinked. "Why is that?"

"It's your fault." Outside Twilight grimaced.

"What!" Luna barked. "My fault..?!" She leaned back with a pale face.

Celestia smirked. "Oh? Tell us more..." she jabbed.

"Celestia," Twilight smiled apologetically at her and bowed her head, killing that smirk at once, "I'm so very sorry to drop this on you after what you've been through, but..." She looked at the corner and blushed. "Um, you and your counterpart are a dead ringer for one another..."

"Wha..?" Celestia blushed. "... Oh bother." she mumbled, hiding her face in her wings.

"... which is why I said those things..." Inside Twilight fidgeted with her hooves.

"Is she, now." Luna raised her chin warily, scowling. "And this is relevant because..?"

"Luna isn't," Twilight coughed delicately, "Yet both harbor feelings of resentment over the matter."

"Indeed?!" Luna abruptly stomped. "And how in the world does that cause this!" she huffed, gesturing between them again.

"Because..!" Inside Twilight suddenly piped up, catching on. "Luna is master of the World of Dreams, which is one across all worlds!"

"Yes." Outside Twilight nodded.

Luna blinked in shock, dropped her head, and nodded in resignation.

"Of course, visiting another world through the dream world is normally only temporary," Outside Twilight reminded everyone. "But there were... special circumstances." She yawned. "Oh, excuse me. Ahem. While our Luna dreams of being much larger, the other Luna sees it as futile and dreams of being more petite - if she is not going to exceed her sister, she may as well be a bit more mobile."

"I was quite spry myself before these grew in..." Celestia mumbled bashfully from behind her wings.

"But my Luna would be sacrificing her magic!" Inside Twilight pouted.

"Ponies don't always consider the downsides of their dreams." Outside Twilight reminded her.

She thought it over. "That's true, but..." Inside Twilight continued, "Are you saying this created a two-way-vacuum scenario? Shouldn't this have made Luna switch bodies?"

"I'm getting to that!" Outside Twilight stamped impatiently.

Inside Twilight's eyes spun to follow her wobbling tits. "Oh wow, is that what it looks like..." she blushed.

"I know we all know this, but sufficiently-in-tune dreamweavers unwittingly create a Tantabus when they are ashamed or afraid of something," Outside Twilight reminded. Luna nodded with an uncomfortable swallow. "And when two dreamweavers share regret or shame or fear over the same thing, they share a Tantabus Tandem, which is much more powerful and thankfully much more rare. But this was even beyond that power."

"Because the weavers were from different worlds..." Luna conjectured.

"Not just that," Outside Twilight raised a hoof. "If that was all, countless Lunas should have stirred every Equestria together with a super-Tantabus because of countless Nightmare Moons. But," she paused, her mouth fidgeting.

"But what." Luna narrowed her eyes. "Go on, Twilight Sparkle, tear my black heart right out why don't you."

"... that only happens with Titty Luna."

Luna shied back with a whinny. "I do not care for this moniker!"

"You're about to be furious!" Outside Twilight apologized, bowing her head, then sighed. "Are you ready for the stupidest part of this very stupid explanation..."

"No," Celestia admitted, peeking through her feathers. "But tell us anyway."

There was a pause heavier than the tits of a pregnant mare.

"... Titty Luna is the strongest Luna." Outside Twilight said to the ground.

"You dare!" Luna cried. "And how doth you figureth thatthth?!"

"Because Luna is the Princess of Dreams..." Outside Twilight sighed.

"And there are no stronger dreams than dreams of titty..!" Inside Twilight finished, hopping on her hooves in excitement to be connecting dots.

"That," Luna began blinking at the far wall. "That is fallen true and fresh from the back end of an ursa." She continued blinking.

"Hey, it's what it says in their royal library," Outside Twilight nodded with a scowl. "Titty Luna's unresolved Tantabus reached into another world - which, apparently, only hers can do - happened to pick our Luna's Tantabus to link with as opposed to any other's, and the Titty-powered Two-world Tantabus Tandem trolled around and traded two Twilights."

"Now I remember!" Inside Twilight perked up. "I had that weird dream! A big shadowy pony-thing sucked me up, I saw another me - I saw you! I forgot all about it as soon as I woke up..! Aw loons, I would totally have figured out that was a Tantabus if I'd friggin' remembered!"

"Yep," Outside Twilight nodded. "I forgot all about it too, until I started looking into..." She wrinkled her nose. "Uh, titty-dreams."

"But why us?" Inside Twilight tilted her head.

"I'm honestly not sure, but..." Outside Twilight reached down and awkwardly poked at her jugs, "I think the fact we both match our Lunas is a factor. Maybe it could've been Applejack. But not Celestia, or anyone else who wasn't vastly incongruent between the worlds."

Luna stomped, making everyone jump. "My frustration with my tits is more powerful than my grief over betraying Equestria and breaking my sister's heeeaaaart?!" she roared.

"Yep!" Outside Twilight nodded with a grimace. "Stupid, isn't it? But I have good news!"

"Well, by all means," Luna growled to the floor. "Could daffodilling use some."

"I've talked with Titty Luna about it, and she realizes that it's silly for her to feel inadequate. The only mares in Tittyquestria bigger than her are Celestia, Chrysalis, and Cadance."

"Cadance..?!" Celestia choked out a laugh, then covered her mouth, ashamed. "E-excuse me."

"So Titty Luna is working on her self-esteem," Outside Twilight continued, "... and dissolving her Tantabus, which should stop any more swaps, even if every other Luna in every Equestria stays insecure about her boob size."

Luna groaned and hid her face.

"And," Twilight continued, "So long as Titty Starlight is able to make another portal so Titty Twilight can go back, the swap itself is super easy to fix!"

"... Oh!" Inside Twilight gasped after a second. "Yes, of course! Now that you're here, it should be easy!"

"Let her out, please." Outside Twilight smiled. "And um, take this off my head, or her head, if you would..."

"Of course," Celestia mumbled, and briefly suffocated Twilight with her wings, popping the inhibitor off after a few seconds. Luna gave a control phrase with her magic to open the cell door, and the imprisoned Twilight walked out.

She immediately reached over and touched the big purple boobs. Their bodies suddenly lurched upwards, and then the two of them collapsed onto their bellies.

Slap.

"OOOUUGGHH..!!" Titty Twilight groaned. "O-oooh there's that old familiar feeeliiingg..!" She cradled her boobs with her wings and cried. Celestia hissed, her own wings lowering to protect herself.

Prime Twilight got to her feet and sighed. "Oh gosh, that feels so much betterHACK!" She clutched at her chest and coughed. "Why does breathing hurt."

"Forgive me," Luna grimaced, "I was enraged by her treatment of Celestia... S-so, you only needed physical contact?" She blinked, awkwardly brushing at her hair with a hoof.

"All boob-stealing magic is reversed if the rightful owner can touch the stolen boobs," Prime Twilight explained, regaining control of her breath. "Stealing her entire body is stealing her boobs, so it was canceled on touch."

"So if I ever offload these onto someone, I need to stay far away..." Celestia sighed.

"And be sure she treats 'em nice," Titty Twilight cut in from the floor. "Unless you swap your whole body, you'll feel any pain inflicted on them, not her."

Celestia said nothing, but her open mouth and furrowed brows said Can I catch a break here?!

"I think," Prime Twilight suggested hesitantly, "We should get Titty Fluttershy to make our Celestia a bra."

This got everyone to laugh, even Celestia, hiding her face again. "I would honestly give it a shot," she conceded.

"I've actually taught your Rarity the basics, she'll likely start a trend," Titty Twilight pointed out, then winced. "I'm so glad to have you back, girls," she sobbed. "You hurt so good." She winced up at Prime Twilight. "Did you let someone use me as boxing practice or something..? They ache a lot..."

"Um," Prime Twilight grimaced. "Theeeey almost exploded..?"

Celestia paled and swayed on the spot, reaching one wing up to her forehead unsteadily.

"Oh!" Titty Twilight laughed, getting back to her hooves. "Are you talking about the Cowlicorn Carcanet? Loons, do you think we'd just keep that sitting around if it did that? It's completely psychoactive. It doesn't change your boobs or give you any new power at all, but you perceive, uh, well, your tits exploding horribly." She cleared her throat. "Right, uh, it punishes mares for their pride and gluttony and makes them appreciate what they have. The Princesses have both worn it before, and so has Trixie."

"Trixie went through that..?" Prime Twilight furrowed her brows. So it really is their Alicorn Amulet...

"Oh yeah, Trixie was traumatized..." Titty Twilight frowned in sympathy. "But physically, she was fine. All the rest of us saw was an even worse attitude, we had no idea why she started freaking out."

"That's a relief!" Prime Twilight and Celestia sighed together.

But then Celestia frowned. "The other me was foolish enough to don such a thing?"

"Fortunately 'twas only an illusion," Luna grumbled, "Else would have rendered all of Canterlot a ground zero."

Celestia gave her an uncomfortable sidelong glare.

"Thy tits are weapons of mass destruction," Luna spat as Celestia's face reddened, "Even as blunt instruments they can seat giants and topple fortresses. You knocked a whole tower down in our old castle! If thy milk was ord'nance we could drop thee from an airship to annihilate a country and its neighbor, one per boob as the wind spread them out!"

"Oh!!" Prime Twilight remembered. "Titty Starlight should have that portal open again any minute now... I'm not sure where exactly she'll open it... but I need to tell you one last thing." She put a hoof gently on Titty Twilight's shoulder.

"What is it..?" she tilted her head.

"Please be good to Spike," Prime Twilight requested with a sad smile. "He's going through some tough times. Adolescent boy surrounded by beautiful, very coquettish mares. He never spoke bad of you, but I think he feels like you don't respect him. He's not just some pervert, okay? He's your little brother. Please treat him kindly and try not to make things uncomfortable and awkward for him."

Titty Twilight's eyes widened, then she looked down and sniffed. "You're right," she nodded. "We've been really inconsiderate. Thank you. I will. Oh, and I have a message for you, too!"

"What's that?" Prime Twilight blinked.

"Please be gentle if you ever critique Rarity's spellwork," Titty Twilight grimaced. "She's terrified you'll rip her apart."

"Oh!" Prime Twilight blanched. "Gosh, that explains everything! I was wondering if she was suddenly cutting off her magic when she knew I was around... Oh, and uh, your Spike's already fuffed Applejack..."

Starlight's portal swirled into existence.

"... not Rarity?" Titty Twilight asked after a moment, her head tilted in doubt.

Ch. 12 :: A Load Off Our Backs

Twilight sat contentedly at the Map, her eyes closed, smiling sleepily out at her friends, gently stroking her shiny new swordstaff like a mastermind's pet cat. "Girls, and Spike," she began, "I would like to express my deepest condolences for what you've all gone through as a result of the Great Switchaboob."

"Th' great wut," Applejack blinked.

"Roll with it, Applejack," Rarity hushed her.

"While I admit I may have lost my temper a few times, in hindsight, it was really quite funny," Starlight grinned. "By the way, have you considered putting a heating spell on the floor?"

"A great idea, I'll write that down at once," Twilight agreed, magically lifting a notepad and quill to record it without opening her eyes. Fluttershy and Pinkie sighed in relief.

"While I was in the other world," Twilight announced, "I was overwhelmed by the constant, constant presence of, and forefront thinking about," she spread her hooves out wide, "... enormous boobs."

Fluttershy was already hiding her face.

"Most of the males in that world, while otherwise identical to our familiar friends, were... overstimulated, and very aware of it. Big Macintosh and Spike were particularly stressed by the unique magics of the land to the point they were unable to function in society."

"... You mean they were always jackin' off," Rainbow Dash wrinkled her nose.

"Really, Rainbow Dash, must you be so blunt!" Rarity scolded, hugging the red-faced little dragon.

Twilight nodded. "Vulgar, but accurate. But my point is!" She slapped the table, then paled, her eyes opening, and looked down. She sighed with relief and relaxed. "And I don't intend to dwell too long on this, because I know you girls are really bashful about this... Fluttershy. Pinkie. And you too, Rarity."

"Oh no," Fluttershy mumbled.

"Yeah," Pinkie responded, blushing and looking away.

"M-muh-muh-meeee?!" Rarity blushed. She squeezed her eyes shut and hugged Spike a little closer, hiding the lower half of her face.

"I have so much appreciation for you girls," Twilight put her hooves together, "And I'm so sorry if I've ever made you self-conscious or dare I say ashamed about your bodies, or especially - and I mean especially - if I have ever, directly or indirectly, inflicted even one-tenth of the agony onto your boobs as I went through within just a few days as Titty Twilight. And, if I may be so bold," Twilight crooned, "Please share with us your stories of boob pain."

The girls glanced at one another and looked away awkwardly.

Pinkie inhaled slowly and sighed. "Do you all remember," she began listlessly with her eyes closed, "When I tried to do a somersault over a carriage but I landed on the carriage."

"Yep, mm-hmm," came the chorus.

"Do you remember the incredibly loud wham sound and the dent I put in the carriage roof," Pinkie continued.

A few ponies cleared their throats.

"My balloons made that sound and that dent," Pinkie admitted in a morose tone. "Which is why I yelled really, really loud and then passed out. I know I made it look like I was acting. But no, that was legit. That hurt like hecksies. I died from that pain. I'm a zombie now."

"I remember, about a, a moon or two before Twilight came to Ponyville," Rainbow Dash mumbled, fidgeting with her hooves. "Applejack 'n' I," she gestured to the freckled mare, whose eyes darted around in thought before she nodded in recognition, "We were supposed to hold a young tree down while Fluttershy... uh, I don't remember what she was doing up there." Dash scratched her head. "But one of us slipped, probably me, and the tree flipped back up, got her right in the jugs and she dropped onto the ground and wailed. I thought we'd killed her, we got the doctor, doctor laughed and said she'd be fine... I swear her boobs turned red, blue, and black for like a week."

"Eep," Fluttershy winced and shuddered, remembering.

There was a pause before Rarity sighed. "Oh, very well," she conceded, blushing. "First off, I've had a few accidents in my work, pricked myself with a needle in every possible place - yes, even there." Everyone at the table jumped and shifted uncomfortably. "But on a more concussive note, when Sweetie Belle was very young - and I was still mid-bloom myself, mind you - I took her out to the park and attempted to teach her how to use a see-saw. And well, she saw, quite fit, to hop on the one side before I was quite ready, and ram the other directly into my undercarriage..!"

"Thank you, girls. Now allow me to share with you my story that may put all of yours to shame," Twilight shuddered.

And so she told them how Mistress Mare-velous kicked her in the boobs.

It took a second for it to sink in. "Mistress Mare-v'lous kicked you in th'..." Applejack blanched.

"Yeah," Twilight urped. Thinking about it gave her phantom pains and made her nauseous.

"Mistress Mare-velous can kick through three hands of concrete," Rainbow Dash pointed out in a dead voice. "She makes Applejack look like Sweetie Belle."

"Mm-hmm," Twilight nodded. "Did you know that alicorns - which are called 'cowlicorns' in Tittyquestria - have extra-sensitive udders?"

"Yer one of those," Applejack reminded everyone, doffing her hat.

"As is Titty Twilight, of course. And to top it all off," Twilight grimaced, "Just as my Element of Magic allows me to tap into all of your Elements, Titty Twilight's body continued to tap into all of the Elements of Titty. Fluttershy's is Tenderness."

The girls all made the sign of the sun, looking miles away with pale faces.

"Fortunately, I also benefited from Applejack's Element, Heft, a.k.a. Boobs of Iron," Twilight sighed. "So I wasn't seriously injured. But Applejack doesn't have Tenderness. I did. So where Applejack would've groaned and taken one or two seconds to recover, I shrieked, fell to the ground clutching my boobs and writhing, and was a crippled, puking, screaming mess on the floor for - I am told - ten or fifteen minutes. Fortunately, this convinced them that I couldn't have been designed with fighting them in mind."

"Ol' Mare-velous musta been real sorry," Applejack hiccuped.

"Oh, she was mortified," Twilight grimaced. "All set to hang up her outfit, just like you. They were so sweet to me when I got through to them, though. And it is my deepest hope that none of you girls ever experience anything close to the exquisite, brain-destroying agony that is getting kicked in your magically-enhanced super-tits by a super-mare." She inhaled and sighed.

"Thanks," Dash mumbled uncomfortably.

"Obliged," Applejack added.

"No kidding," Starlight added.

"Mm-hmm," Rarity clucked.

Fluttershy and Pinkie merely nodded.

Then Twilight leapt up and slammed the table. "But one more thing!" She brandished her sword-staff at all of them like she was casting a hex.

The girls and Spike jumped, staring at her in a sudden panic.

"This came up in Tittyquestria and none of you will be leaving until I am satisfied with your answer." Twilight looked them all over for signs of weakness.

Since none of them knew what the question was, they stared at her fearfully.

She breathed in.

She breathed out.

She drew the sword about halfway out of the staff.

"I need to know if any of you Applejack have fuffed Spike."

Ch. 1 :: Rack and Ruin

In the calm, quiet town of Ponyville, for once in a long, long time, nothing horrible was happening. No monsters were assaulting the village, trampling the people and the buildings. No dark wizards had usurped the powers over the sun and the moon. Pinkie Pie hadn't even offended any dignitaries by pointing out embarrassing truths such as balding patterns or marital disputes.

The sun, just as big as it should be, just as round as it should be, just as hot as it should be, looked calmly over the sprawling land of Equestria and shone through the stained-glass windows of a gaudy crystal palace towering over the meager thatched-roof cottages and occasional villas of Ponyville.

And deep within, Twilight Sparkle lay on her back in bed, sleepily whinnying, her mouth wide in a drooly grin, as the sun gently attempted to coax her awake through her curtains.

But it would have to try a bit harder, for Twilight Sparkle never had a lazy day - she wouldn't stand for it - and had tired herself out by the previous evening.

She had spent that lovely, free day giving herself and everyone she knew all kinds of things to do. She'd exhaustively measured every room in the castle to better plan out room decor in the future. She'd sent Pinkie Pie on an experimental food lab binge. She and Fluttershy had taught each other some new words they'd never use, like "verecund" and "borborygmi".

"Mmm," she mumbled, shifting uncomfortably. "Rrrgh," she winced, rolling in her sleep. Deep inside her sleepy little pony brain, her dreams of transforming Equestria into a gleaming white future-utopia were cast aside by a massive equid shadow, like a circus stilts pony. The buildings crumbled silently on touch as it slowly, steadily crept after her, even as she fled. It gradually sped up in pursuit. Soon enough, it reached her, and at its touch, she was sucked tumbling into its shadows.

She saw herself falling towards her. Was it a mirror? She crashed through it silently and was startled awake with a gasp, staring at her ceiling.

She blinked, sweating, catching her breath. What the heck is that noise..?! she thought in a panic. Something was... mooing? Making some strange noise from somewhere in the house.

It was distant and at once familiar and unfamiliar. It must have been a living thing. Ghosts weren't real, so that couldn't be it. Oh, she realized with relief, Oh it's just Spike. Was he trying to carry something heavy? That might be it, he often gave it a shot when packages arrived early in the morning or otherwise no one was around to help him. She'd have to go save him from hurting himself.

She stretched and attempted to get out of bed. "Urk," she huffed, having some trouble rising. Her butt felt heavier than usual. After a few attempts, she sighed, then, sweeping the covers off herself magically, forced herself to roll clumsily out, falling off the bed and onto her face with an uncharacteristically deep slap.

"Ooouugghh..!" She felt an immense impact against the area of her waist and a deep, dull pain as she rose slowly and awkwardly to her hooves. Why do I feel so heavy..? she thought. I can't be that tired... She yawned and shambled past her mirror, giving a drowsy nod to her reflection and turning away.

She froze halfway to the door, her dopey smile falling.

She stumbled back to the mirror and stared. Her mouth fell open and her face burned pink.

Ringringring! went five butts somewhere in Ponyville.

Twilight sat uncomfortably at the table, her face itching, looking around at her friends and herself. Specifically, at all of their enormous tits flopped out on top of the Map. Is this what Celestia feels like, she blushed. When I figure out what's going on I'll never ogle your massive boobs again, teacher-god-mom.

She blinked. Okay, that's a lie, I totally will.

Finally, Applejack coughed, her giant udders wobbling in response. "Do ya mind," she blinked with a pout and crossed forelegs.

"I -- s-sorry..." Twilight cleared her throat, tearing her gaze away from Applejack's undercarriage and closing her eyes. Then she opened them again, remembering something else. "... Where's Spike?" she asked, looking pointedly away from the girls and to the corners of the room.

"Where do ya think," Rainbow Dash scoffed. "The same place he always is when you call us all over, hiding somewhere and pawing off. Usually one of the bathrooms."

"What!!" Twilight yelped. "My little Spike?! My sweet little innocent baby boy?!" Oh dear, that wasn't mooing was it, she realized. The heavy thing he was lifting was his oh no.

"Well he can hardly go without for very long with such ample assets, now can he, darling," Rarity crooned absently, focusing her half-lidded eyes on her magic needlework. "He'd explode within a weekEYYAAIIE!" she shrieked as she poked her udders with the needle.

"I find it helps to put some kind of tray over my boobs," Fluttershy advised comfortably.

Twilight swayed back and forth on her seat, a hoof to her temple, summarizing what she had learned today. One, my boobs are huge, she began. Two, all our boobs are huge. She started to feel ill. Three, Spike jerks off to our huge boobs and everyone is totally cool with that. She forced down her gag reflex.

"Twilight, what's this all about," Dash scowled. "You're being even more Twilighty than usual."

"Am I the only one who sees a problem here!" Twilight cried, attempting to slap the table. "Ouuugghh..!" she groaned, having smacked her giant tits instead, and began sobbing from the exquisite pain. I am not a big boob kind of mare, she bemoaned. I'm totally lost on what to do with these things, they're like big round kick me signs.

"No tray can help against doing that," Fluttershy gently scolded. "I thought you usually got up and pulled them back first so that that doesn't happen..."

"Good idea thank you," Twilight gasped through the boob-pain. "But please explain to me what strange force has given enormous mammaries to every mare in Equestria."

"Tittyquestria," Pinkie corrected at once, tilting her head and staring seriously.

"... Whatquestria?" Twilight blanched.

"Tittyquestria, dear, of course, and the Elements of Titty have given us these lovely, full undercarriages," Rarity drawled, now holding her sewing well above her industrial-sized black mams. She paused to give Twilight a concerned look. "Did you hit your head? Are you quite alright?"

Twilight fought to keep her consciousness as dots swam in front of her eyes. Pinkie would never say something like that, she reasoned. And if she did, Rarity would have been outraged. Rarity's always been shy about it because her boobs are pretty big and their dark color against her pale coat is really candid. But they're acting like these gigantoboobs are totally normal for them - even Fluttershy is completely at ease just havin' 'em out.

Her eyes widened in sudden realization. This is totally normal for them, she concluded. I'm in another Equestria. A T... A T-T-T... A "Tittyquestria"..!

She rapidly extrapolated, which was her favorite way to cope with unpleasant information. Given the name, this version of Equestria probably features gigantic, grass-tickling mammary organs on literally everyone applicable. That's what the "Elements of Titty" are, the boobs are built into the magic just as deeply as friendship is. She slowly breathed in and then out. Not just Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, Princess Celestia, Chrysalis, Gilda, Mrs. Cake, Fleur de Lis, and... She stopped and blinked. Alright so maybe I already live in a THATquestria, but oh my gosh I can feel them smashing against the table just from their own weight, I feel the air change against my wobbling skin when I breathe, it's so bizarre, is this why Fluttershy - my Fluttershy - is so self-conscious?

"Okay, listen," Twilight started again, more slowly. "Applejack. What did you and I do yesterday?"

"Uh, well, lessee," Applejack put a hoof to her chin to think. "I believe I tole you ta kick my bigguns hard as ya could."

Twilight gaped at her, lost for words.

"But you can't hardly kick fer beans," Applejack continued, "So's we had ta git Rainbow Dash, 'n' I reckon that hurt a fair bit more, but I were satisfied I could take a hit from any threats ta Tittyquestria." She nodded, beaming and proud of herself.

"You have us kick you... there..." Twilight repeated in disbelief, gesturing in the vague direction of Applejack's boobs without looking, "So you can develop boobs of iron?"

"We been at it fer years!" Applejack insisted like Twilight was nuts. "You girls oughta git inta it, you all go down with one lil' tap, 'n' big as we are it's easy as knockin' a barn down..."

"Now let me tell you what I remember doing with you yesterday," Twilight countered. "We worked on the framework for an Oob Portal."

"A Boob Portal??" Applejack tilted her head.

"What -- no!!" Twilight honked. "No, why would you -- As in for Ogres and Oubliettes? Spike plays it, I wanted to make him a dedicated playing space. An Oob Portal!"

The girls furrowed their brows in worry, glancing at one another. Great, that's probably called something stupid and booberiffic in this place, Twilight conjectured.

"And let me tell you something else," Twilight continued, "When I went to bed yesterday, Rainbow Dash was flat, Applejack and I were petite, Rarity was kinda big but not that darn big, Pinkie and Fluttershy were... pretty much just as they are now, and while Spike has always been supremely well-endowed for what is ostensibly a 'baby dragon', I was not aware of him gratifying himself to our bodies!" she summarized, forcing herself to keep a straight, but very red face.

"Twilight," Applejack fretted softly. "Are you okay? We should git you to a doctor..."

"Pinkie," Twilight tried. "Has your Pinkie Sense gone off recently?"

"My biggy piggy jigglies felt real funny on the way over here," Pinkie chirped brightly, causing Twilight to cringe. "And not just because the Mayor has been skimping on keeping the grass trimmed! You know that feeling ya get when it's gonna rain and your tooters feel funny?"

The girls all groaned and nodded in apparent understanding. I will die before I ask my Pinkie if her piggy-whatevers feel funny when it's going to rain, Twilight vowed.

"I got that like times five!" Pinkie put both hooves to her face in horror. "I thought I was gonna need to go milk myself!"

Twilight began to choke and cough. Note to self, don't eat any baked goods in this entire place.

"Also my butthole itched," Pinkie added, a hoof to her chin in thought. "That only happens when interdimensional stuff happens or I have too much pepper."

"Oh my, I always get a terrible itch when I feel something's amiss," Rarity tutted. "What is it about our derrieres and premonitions? Even the boys have it!"

"None-a-y'all believe me when I tell you my ass is tellin' me ta stay out some haunted-ass house 'fer my tits start talkin' ta me," Applejack protested. "You drag me in there and m' butthole seals up like th' Canterlot treasury."

"Did you say interdimensional," Twilight managed. She had changed her position to not have her boobs on the table, giving her room to bury her face in her forelegs.

"Yep!" Pinkie beamed.

"Then this explains everything," Twilight sighed, looking back up. She was relieved that she had probably confirmed what had just happened. She was horrified that she had probably confirmed what had just happened. "I'm not your Twilight."

"Whaa--" came the chorus of confused bimbos.

"I'm a Twilight from a different Equestria," she concluded. "Somehow, my consciousness has been put here in your Twilight's body. I'm now trapped in, um."

"Tittyquestria." The doors opened, and the local version of Starlight sashayed in, big ass and huge tits swaying, magically holding a very embarrassed Spike wrapped up in a towel like a cocooning bug. "And this pervert was watching me shower... again... oughta geld his ass..."

"Please don't," Spike begged. "You tempt me so, it's not my fault."

"Starlight!" Twilight chirped, almost crying with hope. "You've come back to the light in this world, too?" And you threaten Spike with castration in this world, too, she considered with less enthusiasm.

"Yeah..?" she blinked, leaning back.

"Listen, I need your help," Twilight begged. "I'm not the Twilight from this world! I need to figure out what happened and how to fix it! Please tell me you're as good at dark magic as my Starlight is!"

"What kinda shine does she get into?" Starlight asked.

"She once mind-controlled the other girls to be her slaves for an entire day."

"Ooh loons, kinky," Starlight blushed. "I'd never have the courage to just --"

"It wasn't sex!" Twilight huffed.

"Oh," Starlight sighed, disappointed. "Oh, then yeah, I can totally compete with that."

An hour later, Twilight gave one of her trademark frustrated groan-sighs and attempted to flop down onto the floor of the library, in front of the impromptu mirror they were working on.

Slap.

"OUUUUGGHHH..." Twilight withered, curling up and holding her mams with her wings. "How do you girls get anything done with these..!" she sobbed.

"Practice," Starlight responded at once without looking up from her grimoire. It was softly glowing with purple flames. "If it helps you feel any better, our Twilight does exactly what you just did when she's tired enough. You'd think she'd have boobs of iron like Applejack by now, but uh, no. As you can tell, nowhere close."

"I don't understand," Twilight grumbled. "This body has a slightly different magic signature from my own, this implies all Twilights are unique, and I know my own magic signature, we should be able to lock the mirror onto it without a problem!"

"... but that's nothing compared to how our Twilight tortured my super-sensitive tits with black ice for about an hour until I gushed all over her face oh! Uh, maybe there's some kind of interference," Starlight offered. "I mean, you have no idea how you suddenly woke up in this body, right?"

"Right, and I'm presuming that this must be a different universe and not just a bizarre retcon of the one I was already in," Twilight fretted, trying and failing to mentally block whatever that other thing was Starlight said. "If it's the latter I guess I'm screwed."

"No way, why would you be the only one who noticed the change?" Starlight countered. "Our Twilight's gotta be in your world, lookin' for a way back herself. We'll meet her in the middle like building a railroad."

"I hope so," Twilight sighed, carefully getting to her hooves, wincing from her sore boobs. "I'll never understand why Rainbow Dash is so jealous of these things."

"Rainbow Dash is jealous..?" Starlight asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Ours is flat, but Fluttershy and Pinkie are just as big as your versions."

"That makes much more sense, the whole faster than sound thing. Wait, Fluttershy too?"

"Yeah. Is that weird..?" Twilight tilted her head.

"Pinkie I can understand, but shouldn't all pegasians be as... javelin-shaped as they can get away with?" Starlight blinked.

"Well, most of them are pretty slender..." Twilight admitted. "But the mares in Fluttershy's family, uh, aren't. She's always been really self-conscious about it, because it affects her flying and she was bullied a lot in flight school. She doesn't like when ponies stare or make comments about it."

"Fluttershy doesn't want you to notice her tits?" Starlight doubted. "But she's like, the boob guru of Ponyville!"

"The what."

"All the mares and older fillies look to her for advice," Starlight clarified. "She knows proper gaits, common obstacles, massage techniques, and even makes bras! Well, mostly for the older mares."

"Don't tell me Granny Smith has --" Twilight started with a hoof raised, then stopped, nodded, and put her hoof back down. "Forget it. Blindfold me whenever we leave the castle. But since big boobs are... uh... not as common in my world, the mares who have them are more bashful about it."

"What about me?" Starlight raised her chin primly. "How do I stack up in your world of titty inequity?"

"You're... okay," Twilight offered uncomfortably. "Above average."

"I'll take it," Starlight nodded, and continued to consult the grimoire.

Ch. 2 :: The Flat Truth

In the calm, quiet town of Ponyville, for once in a long, long time, nothing horrible was happening. No cat-eyed dragonesses were smothering the people and breaking down the buildings with their mountainous mammaries. No witches had brought a curse of eternally swollen milky udders to Equestria. Pinkie Pie hadn't even accidentally sat on some random bystanders' face during her acrobatic antics and had to make any embarrassed, hour-long apologies, nor pay any hospital bills.

The sun, just as big as it should be, just as round as it should be, just as jiggly as it should be, which is to say not really at all, looked calmly over the sprawling land of Tittyquestria and shone through the stained-glass windows of a gaudy crystal palace towering over the meager thatched-roof cottages and occasional villas of Ponyville.

And deep within, Twilight Sparkle lay on her back in bed, sleepily whinnying, her mouth wide in a drooly grin, as the sun gently attempted to coax her awake through her curtains.

But it would have to try a bit harder, for Twilight Sparkle never had a lazy day - she wouldn't stand for it - and had tired herself out by the previous evening.

She had spent that lovely, free day giving herself and everyone she knew all kinds of things to do. She'd enchanted every inch of her floor with a warmth spell. She'd helped Pinkie Pie root out a kitchen that used mares' milk instead of cows' milk. She and Fluttershy had taught each other some new words they'd never use, like "planate".

"Mmm," she mumbled, shifting uncomfortably. "Rrrgh," she winced, rolling in her sleep. Deep inside her sleepy little pony brain, her dreams of transforming Equestria into a milky white future-tit-topia were cast aside by a massive equid shadow, like a circus stilts pony. The buildings crumbled silently on touch as it slowly, steadily crept after her, even as she fled. It gradually sped up in pursuit. Soon enough, it reached her, and at its touch, she was sucked tumbling into its shadows.

She saw herself falling towards her. Was it a mirror? She crashed through it silently and was startled awake with a gasp, staring at her ceiling.

She blinked, sweating, catching her breath. Just a bad dream, she assured herself, and rapidly began to take in her bedroom to wipe it from her memory. Spike must not be up yet, she considered. I don't hear him fapping in the bathroom. Either that or he's already done. What time is it? She stretched and hopped out of bed, overdoing it and stumbling, falling onto her face.

"Oof!" She rose unsteadily to her hooves. That's weird, she thought. I feel light as a feather for some reason. And my tits don't even hurt from that fall. She yawned and walked past her mirror, giving a drowsy nod to her reflection and turning away.

She froze halfway to the door, her dopey smile falling.

She ran back to the mirror and stared. Her mouth fell open and her face paled.

Ringringring! went five butts somewhere in Ponyville.

Twilight sat flummoxed at the table, looking around at her friends. Specifically, at their undercarriages of varying size, with Fluttershy and Pinkie bashfully trying to hide theirs behind the edge of the Map. This can't be good, she fretted. There must be some kind of boob-stealing demon. Maybe Luna became Nightmare Boob again.

"Do you mind?!" Pinkie shrieked, leaning her front half onto the table with a red face to obscure her modesty.

"Rude, Twilight," Spike admonished, standing at her side with an eyebrow raised. Hm, he clearly hasn't blown recently, Twilight critiqued, a hoof to her chin as she very clearly and openly examined his enormous balls. But then he should be in the next room over stroking himself like crazy. He's fully sheathed and everything. She blinked in confusion as Spike gave her a super uncomfortable look and moved closer to the Map to obscure himself from around the neck down.

"I see Fluttershy, Pinkie, and Spike haven't been affected anatomically," Twilight failed to explain. "Rarity seems to be partially-intact. But three of us have obviously been... adulterated!"

"Adulterwut," Applejack furrowed her brows like Twilight had just started speaking in fancy.

"What're you talking about, Twi," Rainbow Dash scoffed with a scowl, her forelegs crossed.

"Applejack, Rainbow Dash!" Twilight retorted, incredulous. "Do you mean you haven't noticed that you're flat as a board down there?!"

Applejack's face blossomed into a furious blush. "P-pardon you..?!"

Dash's face paled and she wilted. "W-wow, way to rub it in..!" she sniffled. "I-I mean we can't all be Uddershy and Pinkcow Pie..."

The named mares' eyes went wide and they adjusted their positions to try to minimize the presence of their undercarriages.

"But that's just it, Rainbow Dash!" Twilight cried. She leapt up, shoved her butt backwards, and slapped the table with both hooves. "You're supposed to be as huge as Fluttershy and Pinkie! We all are! Rarity should have poked herself with one of her needles by now like a pair of big jiggly black pincushions! Spike's still got his fat low-hanging cantaloupes but even though his nuts should be ready to burst he's clearly not hiding somewhere pawing off to us, in fact his cock isn't even peeking out of his sheath and that must be because four of us have lost our giant boobs!!"

Five mares and a dragon stared at her white-faced and absolutely appalled. She facehoofed in sudden realization and dawning embarrassment.

"... The name of this country isn't 'Tittyquestria', is it..." she realized, sinking back into her chair and planting her face on the Map.

"Th-th-they're not that b-b-black," Rarity objected, blushing bright red and sewing rapidly.

"Whatquestria?!" Applejack bellowed. "Are you outta yer mind?!"

"I-I'm feelin' a d-d-dooozy comin' on," Pinkie warned, her body shuddering.

"J-just the opposite! I can explain," Twilight thought she could. She opened her mouth and then paused. Applejack, did you ask me to kick you in the tits a bunch yesterday? would not have been a good direction to take the topic. "Pinkie!" she pointed. "Tell me the truth! Did your titties feel funny on the way over here?"

"E-e-e-excusey-yoosey-that-was-the-doozy?!" Pinkie shrieked, her hair exploding out like lightning bolts and then deflating into Pinkamena hair as she retained her shocked, hooves-on-face pose.

Twilight closed her eyes, sighed, and tried again. "Pinkie, sweetheart, did your Pinkie Sense warn you of anything on the way here."

"Y... well yes," Pinkie glanced all around in embarrassment, "And well... maybe it might've... warned me of interdimensional stuff..." She lowered her voice to a bashful whisper. "... in my boobs 'n' poopin' parts..."

"Right! Interdimensional!" Twilight slapped the table again without getting up. She hissed with wide eyes, looked down for a few beats, sighed in relief, then glared out at them again. "I'm not your Twilight!"

"W-well I'll say," Applejack condemned, her forelegs crossed and her hat tugged over her eyes. "I ain't never felt so disrespected by a pony I cared so much 'bout, even when you were fresh outta Canterlot."

Twilight couldn't help but feel terrible for upsetting them, but her anxiety won out. "No, I mean, I've switched bodies with your Twilight!" she insisted. "And I gotta say, while her tits are kinda pathetic, I like the mobility," Twilight finished, twisting herself around and stretching. "You girls must have no idea how frustrating it is to carry big ol' water-balloons under your belly all day. Well, except Pinkie and Fluttershy, I guess."

"It's fine when no one calls it out," Pinkie rasped, having somehow compressed herself into a ball like a hedgehog, glaring at Twilight with angry hedgehog eyes.

"Yes..." Fluttershy mumbled, attempting to do the same with much less success and a far gentler expression.

"Rrrr-a-hem-hem, Twilight, darling," Rarity awkwardly cleared her throat. "Do you mean to tell me... That our Twilight has... switched bodies with another Twilight... that of course being you... and you are from this... Er, as you said..."

"Tittyquestria," Twilight nodded.

"I don't think Twilight could make this up, Rarity," Rainbow Dash offered uncomfortably. "This is pretty far out of her comfort zone."

"Ya think!" Applejack squirmed. "Twi shies inta a corner ev'ry time a passin' stallion glances at 'er 'n' now all-a-the sudden she's talkin' all this titty moonshine!"

"Hey, wait a minute!!" Dash suddenly jumped up, outraged. "Didn't you say we were all supposed to be gigantic? Like, even me?!" Rainbow Dash roared. "My tits're big as Fluttershy's giant friggin' goat udders?!"

Fluttershy meeped and made a much better effort of the hedgehog thing.

"Yes!" Twilight confirmed. "You're a little shorter than us, though, so you almost never touch ground, because you chafe your nipples on the dirt..."

"Wha --" Dash sat back down and blushed. "Daffodil, that's huge... Can I still do a Rainboom, though," Dash asked, now scowling with one eyebrow raised. "I'd think with that kind of extra appendage I'd have a little trouble doing a Rainboom..."

"A Rainboob, you mean?" Twilight clarified casually.

"Yeah, that's what I --" Dash started choking. "What! Did you just say 'Rainboob'?!"

"Yes! A Rainboob!" Twilight blinked, like Dash was the unreasonable one. "Honestly, I've no idea how you manage to make it up to Mach 1 without your tits coming off, let alone smacking the sound barrier with them to break it..."

"I do -- I -- what," Rainbow Dash rasped. "That's amazing and horrible." She hid her face and stopped talking.

"And Applejack --"

"Shut it!" Applejack commanded from behind her hat. "You finish that sentence, yer mouth 'bout to be on th' back o' yer head afer you can say 'hot diggity dog'."

"Yo," Starlight opened the door and walked into the room, "What's this about all of us having big ol' honkers? I wouldn't mind an upgrade myself." Twilight took the time to check her undercarriage. Huh, she considered. Around Rarity's level. Well, at least four of us are armed...

Spike inhaled and sighed, his face red. "Twilight has switched consciousnesses with another Twilight from an Equestria where all the girls are... blessed."

"Oh don't sound so unenthused," Twilight waved him off. "You can't go two days without painting the bathroom white over us." Spike fled around the table to stand next to Rarity, covering his face with both hands as she winced in sympathy.

"Did you just --" Starlight blinked several times, then nodded with a grimace. "... Yep, definitely not our Twilight," she accepted. "Our Twilight told me every time Rarity bats her lashes she looks like a scarlet mare."

Rarity spun her head around. "She said what --"

"So what's this place called, again," Starlight continued. "Sexquestria? Hornyquestria? Spike's-harem-questria?"

"Tittyquestria," came the deadpan drone from the others and informative chirp from Twilight.

"Lest, a bit on the nose, isn't it? But I have an excellent idea," Starlight nodded, smiling. "How about we get you back home as soon as possible." She was now scowling.

"Oh my, would you?" Twilight asked hopefully, not catching onto her tone. "Are you as familiar with dark magic as my Starlight?"

Starlight leaned back warily. "... that depends," she ventured. "What kind of shine does she get into?"

"She found a way to hot-swap our tits. Like, if I had Rarity's, and I... I dunno, I burned 'em on a hot oven, Rarity would shriek, not me."

Rarity fainted on the spot, falling directly between Applejack and Spike and onto the floor with a clunk. "... why didn't anyone catch me..." she complained after a pause.

"Oh, yeah, yeah, I can totally match that," Starlight waved off with eyes that said Luna's cunt hairs, no. "And if you can stop talking about him jerking off for two seconds, Spike can probably help, too."

"What? Your Spike's useful?!"

An hour later, Twilight gave one of her trademark frustrated groan-sighs and flopped down onto the floor of the library, in front of the impromptu mirror they were working on.

There was an awkward pause. "Hey," Twilight chirped brightly. "My tits don't hurt!"

"... Uh, should they?" Starlight blinked, looking up from a grimoire. "Do, um, do they even touch the ground when you drop like that?"

"Mine do," Twilight bristled indignantly. "Heck, they touch the ground when I'm standing up! Normally when I collapse like that you hear a super loud slap and then me screaming... Leaves a crack in the floor, even. Does this floor feel a little cold to you?"

Starlight stared with her mouth open for a few seconds, then nodded with a grimace and returned to her grimoire. "Yeah, pretty cold," she managed.

"Lean down, put your boobs on it," Twilight suggested, getting to her feet with a bit of a hop. "Holy smokes, this girl is so limber..!" She started hopping around in circles.

"Twilight? Limber?" Spike doubted, his face green with discomfort.

"You want me to press my boobs onto the floor," Starlight repeated. "Why."

Twilight stopped hopping to smile back at her. "Humor me!"

"Fine," Starlight sighed, awkwardly lowering herself with a blush. Immediately upon pressing her body against the floor, she hissed and jumped up. "Celestia's wobblers, that is so cold! Why did I let you make me do that!"

"I know, right?!" Twilight gestured with a hoof. "She should really put a warming spell on the place."

"We'll pass it on to her," Spike promised.

Starlight nodded, her nose wrinkled, and returned to her grimoire.

Ch. 3 :: Keeping Abreast

Having been unable to quickly get a lock on her home world, Twilight had resigned herself to having to spend a few days in "Tittyquestria", and elected to explore the local version of Ponyville in order to determine the full set of consequences from every mare in the world having built-in wrecking balls, and possibly uncover a lead to solve the Puzzle of the Great Switchaboob.

And so she stood in the middle of Ponyville market, red as a tomato. A tomott, Spike used to say when he was learning to talk.

"E-e-e-everyone's stariiiing," Twilight hissed in a scandalized whisper.

"Of course they are, dear, your tits are gorgeous, possibly the biggest in town, I'm quite jealous," Rarity flattered her. "Just act normal! They're just appreciating your beauty, they'll look away soon if you don't make it obvious something is wrong. Do you need me to strut? I'm no Pinkie but I can make them swing."

"N-no, no, that's fine." Her Rarity could make them swing, too, and she'd rather not see the supercharged version.

As Apple Bloom passed by, waving cheerfully, Twilight was relieved to remember that most fillies were spared. She was unable to pinpoint the age range at which a filly would become a mare, but she presumed once it happened, they would fwoomp on out within seconds, probably about as fast as manifesting a cutie mark, probably with a cartoon bwooong sound. Though clearly, earning a cutie mark was not simultaneous with getting shackled with monster milkers, as Apple Bloom already bore a birdhouse in the shape of an apple on her...

Twilight blinked and stopped herself from staring. Apple Bloom's ass was massive. Was it possible that not every mare was a boob golem? Was Apple Bloom old enough to count? She certainly had the hips for it. Twilight needed to find a definite adult mare who wasn't tripping over her tits every 3 seconds to be sure. And was Apple Bloom's butt that big in her home world, too? Twilight had never been so conscious of everyone's naughty parts before she ended up in this uncanny whorehouse of an Equestria.

"Uwaah!" came the familiar call of the Postmaster as she tumbled through the sky tits-over-head into a bush. Now there's a mare who doesn't need any extra complications, Twilight sympathized.

"There you girls are," Rainbow Dash flittered over. Twilight's eyes followed the hypnotic bounce of her oversized, overround breasts - as big as they were on her small body, if she touched the ground, they'd touch the ground. "We've gotta show Twilight what Boners and Booblins is."

Twilight continued to watch her jubblies, feeling dizzy, before shaking her head. "Wait, what?"

"Oh! What she referred to as Hors d'oeuvres and Omelettes?" Rarity misquoted. "Twilight, darling, are you from some kind of... Foodquestria, that venerates food instead of our big beautiful titties?"

"What, no -- aah!" Twilight cried. Rainbow Dash was now behind her, shoving her by the butt.

"C'mon, it's a convention in town." Dash whined, still pushing. "Spike's probably already there."

"I roll to seduce," they heard a gentle voice call as they entered. "If no one has an objection."

Twilight double-took. "W-what the... Is that Fluttershy?"

Fluttershy, reclining back comfortably in a black stone throne with one limp-wristed hoof near her chin like a barbarian queen, was painted green from head to toe, her mane a pale lime. She wore an elaborate leather cuirass with her belly implausibly exposed. She had a prosthetic nose on, like a bat's or a pig's, and had little clips on her ears to make them look bigger and more pointed. Her tits, already quite big and gently pointed, were held up by what appeared to be faux-leather cups, drastically enhancing her cleavage. And, Twilight was alarmed to see, they looked much bigger than they did just the other day.

"Wait." Spike, wearing a fish-like helmet, tights, and lederhosen, all in black, wiggled his butt at his modest sit-pillow and furrowed his brows. "You're gonna seduce a Boner?" he confirmed.

"... Oh!" Fluttershy blinked, suddenly abashed, dropping her character briefly and covering her mouth with one hoof. "I suppose I can't really do much with a skeleton, can I..."

"Under edition 4.5," began a beautiful doe with a white-spotted butt, droopy ears, flowing pale-blonde hair and a pair of large, but reasonably so tits, completely covered (reasonably so) in faux leather, "Only mampires can seduce the undead, except for thirsty souls, who will change their target to attack the largest boobs in the party." Twilight found something strange about her strained, bouncy voice, as though her natural tone was a little deeper.

"Right, thanks Snails," Spike nodded. Twilight blinked and looked at the doe again.

"My name is Florinzi Fawnbags," Snails complained.

"That," Starlight droned, trotting up to Twilight and pointing at Fluttershy, "... is a Booblin. Fluttershy is quite popular for her character, Midoriko Milkstone. Everybody loves buster neutrals, and she's the only one to ever sexually exhaust a Priapic God in a documented game. "

"B-buster?" Twilight repeated.

"Yeah. You know, bra, neutral, buster. Bras follow the rules, busters break 'em. Like bra straps."

Twilight blinked with her mouth open, then closed her mouth, still blinking, and changed the topic. "Why do her boobs look even bigger than normal," she settled on.

"It's a trick of the costume," Rarity tutted, tossing her mane, her nose high. "The natural curvature of her undercarriage is disguised as a squish from the point at which they meet the brassiere - which continues at a tangent. Her teats only fill at most two-thirds of each cup - the rest is padded full."

"... Why does she need them to look bigger," Twilight fished.

"You see anyone else here with tits like those?" Starlight countered. "She's the star of the show whenever there are public games. Sometimes she even makes appearances. She fought Lactiria once."

Twilight gasped. "Did you say Lactiria! From GalactaStick?"

"Of course," Rarity waved off, then widened her eyes as though she'd just sat on something. "Er, wait, did you say... ga... LactaStick?"

Twilight facehoofed. "Oh dammit, I should've known." GalactaStick was horny enough in her world, she really didn't need it to be any more boobish.

"So wait," Starlight furrowed her brows. "What does your world call The Boulder Queen?"

"Describe it," Twilight deadpanned, against her best interests.

"The ancient earth-queen Lavan gathers magic rocks to give herself super big rock boobs."

Twilight stared aghast. "... Lordstone..."

"Huh, that rolls off the tongue a lot better..." Starlight admitted, looking up with a hoof to her chin.

"I can't seduce a Boner but you can absorb the boobs off of a corpse?!" Fluttershy squeaked in outrage.

Twilight shambled back home and into the kitchen. Spike, sitting at the table eating a sandwich, looked up at her and then away. He still had on most of his armor, though the fish helmet was resting on one of the counters.

"Hey Spike," Twilight sighed. "Loons, I never want to see another dumb costume ever again. No offense. Yours was the least objectionable one there." His testicles were clearly outlined in the pants, but there wasn't much he could really do about that at his size.

"Mm," Spike objected, then swallowed. "The Night of the Dancing Pumpkins is comin' up soon, though, you'll be seeing a lot of awful costumes then." His face reddened.

Twilight froze and racked her brain to remember. "... You mean Nightmare Night?" That's right, she'd been looking forward to that before all this happened. Guess she was getting screwed out of it...

"Well, it is a commemoration of Luna's return to Tittyquestria now," Spike blinked. "But we call it the Night of the Dancing Pumpkins. Always have, since way back in the day."

"Huh," Twilight blinked. "I guess that's cute." She imagined little jack-o-lanterns dancing around and singing spooky songs. That might be fun.

"It's great," Spike concurred, nodding. "Though, um, usually, our Twilight makes me stay home."

"Really?" Twilight tilted her head in worry. "... does she mistreat you?"

"No, no," Spike denied. "No, I wouldn't say so. Just... I guess... she doesn't really, um, trust me." he awkwardly returned to chewing his sandwich.

"What?" Twilight put a wing to her heart. "That's terrible." she sympathized softly.

He sighed. "L-look," he rubbed at his forehead nervously. "You girls are hot as heck, okay? You're not even a little bit shy about it. And you're always swinging those things around in my face and they're like a forbidden fruit I can't eat."

Twilight froze, not realizing this was the conversation topic.

"Even you! My own sister! You and Rarity have butts I could take a bite out of! But it'll never happen and it shouldn't happen and it's gross and..." Spike put his face on the table. "Can I tell you a secret," he mumbled into the table.

"You, uh, you're telling me a lot already," Twilight stammered. "As in, something you don't want the girls to know?"

He pulled his face back up, looking at the table. "I've been meaning to talk to Twilight about it... my Twilight, but um..."

"... What is it?"

"Applejack and I, uh... We've had sex," Spike admitted, fidgeting with his hands and looking away.

Twilight blinked. She was honestly expecting to feel more shocked about that one. Come to think of it, she'd be more shocked to hear one of them hadn't had sex with him. Twilight sat down across from him and spoke gently. "Like... sex sex?"

"Y-yeah," Spike clarified, staring at the wall red-faced. "On the inside..." he mumbled.

Penetrative sex... Great. She tried not to visualize it. "When did that happen?" she asked, honestly curious to know.

"It wasn't that long ago," he fidgeted. "Or was it? I don't really remember. Just... one night, she noticed I was really upset, and we ended up in The Barn. Er," he paused awkwardly, "Do you have 'The Barn' in your world? Capitalized?"

Twilight nodded, smiling. "If she doesn't have The Barn, she isn't Applejack," she answered.

"Yeah... well, we had a talk about it, and it was a real sweet talk about how... uh... growing up around all these... beautiful girls I cared about a lot... I was getting these weird feelings, and... things got a little affectionate, and she just sort of, asked if I wanted to, um..." He looked down, teary-eyed.

Alarm bells went off in Twilight's head as she realized that it was entirely possible something similar could have happened with her Spike as well. As soon as she got back she was going to do some interrogations. Boobs or no boobs, Applejack was a bad mamma-jamma and a peerless keeper of intimate secrets such as humping her little brother, the harlot, the golden temptess. In fact, all of her friends were quite eligible bachelorettes. Ooooooh when she got back she was about to swab Spike's peepee for DNA traces.

"Do you regret it?" she asked sincerely.

"I don't know," Spike said. "We're still friends... I just feel like, like a pervert, is all. And the girls treat me like one."

Twilight swallowed uncomfortably. "In my world, where us girls aren't quite so over-endowed, and especially we're much shyer about sex, our Spike doesn't seem to have that issue," she started. "I'm sure he must... y'know, now and again... every boy does that at your age, and well, so do most of the girls too, I'm pretty sure..."

"Is it their fault?" Spike wondered, his hands over his face. "Or is it my fault?"

"Is it anyone's 'fault'?" Twilight shook her head. "I mean, is it even that bad by the standards of this place? I was just at a convention where Fluttershy - Fluttershy - was a 'Booblin' casually discussing whether or not she could get a skeleton to, uh..." She cleared her throat. "The Fluttershy I know avoids everyone's line of sight, treats her tits like Rarity treats zits, and would blush as soon as she heard 'roll to seduce'."

"I always figured, her being an animal sage and all, she's seen a lot of freaky stuff," Spike sighed. "A lot of sex, at least."

"Well, yes," Twilight nodded. "My Fluttershy is comfortable talking about animal droppings, courtship, reproduction - but as an outsider, a scholar. Does your Fluttershy casually talk about pony poop?"

Spike snorted. "No way. She's disgusted when she sees a typical public bathroom."

"Right, same as ours," Twilight laughed. "And ours is way more bashful about pony sex. Even seeing folks kiss sends her into an episode. But this place, everyone seems to be really open about sex."

"It's the Elements of Titty," Spike pointed out. "This entire country is founded on boob worship. So they're super comfortable with their bodies... a little too comfortable, actually..."

"I highly doubt," Twilight soothed, "I highly doubt that you're the only boy in Ponyville, let alone Tittyquestria, who's overwhelmed by all these fertility goddesses parading their goods around."

"W-well," Spike considered, still red-faced. "I know Rumble gets in trouble for peeking in mares' windows..."

Twilight nodded. She'd witnessed Sweetie Belle catching Rumble looking in on Rarity and giving him a very audible slap to the scrotum. "Your Rumble is a boobs-and-butt addict. Honestly, every colt in town probably wants to hop on Rarity."

"And Big Macintosh takes a lot of bathroom breaks," Spike chuckled bashfully. "I mean, have you seen Big Macintosh?"

Twilight blushed. "I didn't know a stallion's testicles could get that large."

"Sure you did," Spike grimaced. "Unless you're telling me your Shining Armor isn't the physical embodiment of male virility..."

"Spike..!" Twilight blushed, laughing and covering her face. "I have to act like I don't know my brother is hung like Grogar, or ponies get the wrong idea."

"How do you think I feel?" Spike laughed. "I was head-high to those things for years, wasn't looking where I was going and got clobbered in the face with 'em once..."

Twilight snorted and buried her face in her hooves in second-hoof embarrassment. "Oh my gosh, that happened with Pinkie and Discord once."

"Discord?!" Spike guffawed. "Oh that's terrible."

"I've never seen him so bashful before," Twilight giggled. "For the first time in his life he was a perfect gentlecolt, apologizing over and over. And Pinkie was..." she dissolved into snorts, "She was just going 'Pfft! Bleh! Ew! Plflflt!' She jumped in the river. Oh gosh, all of us were so embarrassed."

The two of them laughed together before Spike sniffled and looked back at her. "Thanks, Twilight," he wavered with watery eyes. "I wish my Twilight was a bit more level-headed like you."

"I'm level-headed?" Twilight blinked. "I've been freaking out every second I've been here... If I meet up with yours, I'll let her know you need --" she paused, making a distasteful face. "-- you need more platonic, familial love."

"Yeah," Spike grimaced. "Yeah, that'd be nice..."

"And hell, you know what," Twilight scoffed, rising. "Bone Rarity too, she needs to get laid bigtime and not a soul will be surprised to hear you two did it."

She headed up the stairs, yawning, leaving Spike bashfully silent behind her.