Whatcha Got There Cozy Glow

by ShadowblazeCR

Rating: teen
Tags: Profanity, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Cozy Glow
Length: 1222

Cozy Glow has opened a lemonade stand by suggestion of Twilight. Her techniques for reformation are gonna need some work.

Cozy Glow has opened a lemonade stand by suggestion of Twilight. Her techniques for reformation are gonna need some work.

Featured on 4/23/22

Published 2022-04-23 16:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2022-04-23 16:10:01 UTC

Some Lemonade

Cozy Glow knew karma was a bitch. But she never thought that her current disposition would result in her 'reforming' any better. Seriously, Twilight Sparkle had all the power in the world and was likely literally the smartest pony on the planet, and what would help stop Cozy Glow seeing that it wasn't a war crime the first time; selling lemonade. So, if that was the case, she would do it her way. Could she concede that she had lost the motivation to take over the world? Yes. Would she ever stop creating mischief? Hell no.

Ah, the first customer. A light grey pony with a black mane, a dignified walk to her irritated Cozy more than she would have liked to admit. A simple purple bow around the pony's neck lightly bounced as she made her way to the stand. Stopping a respectful distance away from the shoddily constructed place of shop for the tart drink, she looked expectedly at Cozy Glow.

"Whatcha want fucko."

The grey pony recoiled at the greeting, "Ah, well, I was hoping to peruse your selection."

"We've got some Touch Grass here." Cozy replied, pushing forward a lime colored clear cup of liquid.

"Well I would never!" The mare gasped, raising a hoof to her chest. "What kind of service are you providing around here."

Cozy Glow made a face and sighed, "No you neophyte, its one of the drinks. You asked for the selection, and I gave you a suggestion. Sweet Celestia are ponies head in the clouds nowadays."

"...I see." The pony in front of her seemed to accept the reasoning, "Um, do you have any pink lemonade? I would like a couple for my marefriend and I."

After a peek under her stand, checking her stock, Cozy looked up and back at her customer. "Yeah sorry I couldn't find any Fucks To Give.

"Ugh! I cannot stand here and get berated like some measly helot." The grey mare slammed her hoof down, "Seriously, what kind of Ponyville resident treats their fellow pony as such? This is precisely why I left Canterlot with Vinyl, because of rude ponies like you!"

"No lady, I was just saying we don't have what you're looking for. " Cozy Glow placed a couple cups on the wood, pouring a simple yellow liquid into them. "Or would you rather have Me Put A Pipe Bomb In Your Mailbox."

The pony screeched in terror and ran away, yelling something about insanity and terrorist threats. Sheesh, it looked like no one liked the personal branding Cozy Glow had created around her lemonade stand. It seemed pretty easy to understand the difference between some pink lemonade and regular lemonade. Nonetheless, at least it meant she didn't have to interact with that stuck up pony. Who did she think she was, acting like Cozy Glow would really threaten her so openly. That wasn't her style.

It was another hour or so until another pony came by to quench their thirst. Cozy was supposed to be there for at least six to eight hours each day for the next few weeks while Twilight enacted her Reformation for Dummies guidebook for the ex-villians of Equestria. And with this pony she almost considered cutting her fourth hour to be her last. The scrawny, unimpressive yellow coated, blue maned unicorn came up to the lemonade stand hopefully not looking for any lemonade. That would be annoying.

"Hello there! I saw your stand while I was walking by." The stallion shook his head, "Oh apologies, the name's Colt Meadow, nice to meet you!"

"Yeah, sure." Cozy said, hoping to get the interaction over with faster. "What do you want?"

Colt tapped his chin in thought. "I can't say I'm sure. To be honest I'm a little surprised you have anything but regular lemonade. Might there be more that you offer than I expected?"

"Oh hundred percent," Cozy Glow reached under the table and place a .45 on the counter. The distinct sound of metal hitting wood causing the stallion to flinch. "We've got some good munitions too, this one'll split a pony's head from a hundred meters easy."

The stallion's eyes looked like they were going to pop out of his head, "Uh-uh, um...hm, echem, no-n-no thank you. I am just looking for some lemonade right now. I-I um, appreciate the sentiment."

Cozy Glow perked up, "Course! See I knew you would appreciate a Colt .45, classic what I tell ya. I'm glad you saw my business sense to give a Colt to somepony named Colt, heh. Man, maybe Twilight was right, I just gotta find the right niche and I'll be able to get this spreading joy thing down pat in no time." She looked back at the shaking customer, "Oh, shit, sorry. Let's see, I've got To Mutilate You So Disgustingly You'll Have A Closed Casket if you have to ask. How about that?"

Colt Meadows back legs gave out and his ass plopped on the dirt, "Hic-I don't under-hic-stand, what hav-hic I d-done?"

"Look dude, if you don't choose some sort of lemonade I'm gonna have to ask you to leave. I've got reformation to distribute and it doesn't wait for nopony. So, get something or I will have a new law in Equestria banning what I'm about to do to you. And no that isn't the name of a drink, that is a threat."

Tears flowed freely and no end in sight down the cheeks of Colt Meadows, "I'll have one of those, please. Just don't hurt me, I beg you. I have a family, two fillies and a wife, I promise I'll do anything you say.

"Yeah, well don't be a shithead and litter with these cups. They're not biodegradable and Twilight'll get her panties in a twist if she sees a buncha red plastic 'round the town." Cozy Glow slid the lemonade across to the stallion. "Well, crape denim and all that."

"T-Thank you, thank you so much." Colt levitated the cup from its resting place, running off into the distance after tossing the listed amount of bits on the two by four above Cozy's head.

After tossing the bits into her personal chest, Cozy Glow took note of the feeling from making her first sale. It was an interesting feeling to say the least, but not an unwelcome one. Maybe she had a bit of a knack for the salespony thing. She could probably make some solid bank if she branched out to some sweet tea. Yeah, that would be next on the docket. Things were looking up for sure, Cozy would begrudgingly admit that Twilight might have had the right idea. It wasn't too bad interacting with the ponies of Ponyville if Cozy Glow had something to gain at the end of the day, monetarily especially.

Author's Note

Had to write something to dust off the writer's block. Hopefully this was entertaining for everyone, I had been sitting on this idea since I saw the cover art. My main focus is still writing OctaScratch, but it is pretty nice to branch out every once in awhile to take a break from writing Deadly Love. Please feel free to comment and review, I know it's short but I appreciate anything and everything a reader can give.