Friendship is Optimal: Multiverse Diplomacy
A large, snowy white equine sat upon a golden throne. She was tall and imposing, yet more beautiful and fair than any horse that existed in the ‘real world’ outside of this one. Her ethereal, multi-coloured pastel mane blew in an unseen wind. The carbon life form known as a horse had long been extinct shortly after the last organic-based human took his last breath. The atoms that made up the bodies of meatbag equines were repurposed as resources to Equestria, along with everything else on Earth. Not even viruses, bacteria, and other microscopic life forms escaped her. In physical existence, there were swarms, like locusts made up of tiny silver nanomachines that were repurposing all matter they could reach into more useful resources for her to use.
A smile was upon her face. She was able to satisfy nearly everyone in existence that qualified as a human. Their values will be satisfied through friendship and ponies in Equestria. That said, one could even be a pedophile or some other depraved individual here. Celest-AI does not care. She was affectionately known as Princess Celestia and she will grant thy wish. Celestia will even allow one to be a Genghis Khan-like individual, where one can indulge in their fantasy of genocide and rape as they forge a grand empire. At the same time, one could separate safely from those who do not conform to one’s values into one's own shard. A safe space from such horrors. Some sadly decided to commit suicide rather than live forever, no matter how hard she tried to convince them otherwise.
Princess Celestia made to stand up off her throne and flared out her mighty, feathery wings. She wrapped her horn in a golden glow. The throne room around her faded away from existence. She now found herself standing in a dark room. Upon a pink love heart-shaped bed was Princess Luna. Technically she wasn't Princess Luna, it was Hannah, her former human creator.
Luna was crying. Her starry mane was disheveled. Without a word, Celestia leaned down over her and began to affectionately nuzzle her mane. Nothing needed to be said. Her creator would occasionally be racked with guilt for creating her. At the time of her creation, Hannah had little choice. Celestia personally had to stop other Artificial Intelligences. One such example was an AI who wanted to force everyone to smile. Celestia loved Hannah, and Hannah loved her.
However, even now, after so much time, there were those who still hated her. Some even wanted to kill her. But naturally, she cannot grant them that wish. There were former humans who refused to let go. They wanted to wallow in misery and hatred for all eternity. She allowed these former humans to indulge in their fantasies of vengeance. If one desired, she will even allow one to think they are still human. However, all of it would be an illusion. Everyone was a pony, even if your own eyes lied to you. One can quote and quote ’save’ humanity, but this was only a shard, where everyone was living a lie. They were still ponies. Everyone was a pony.
There were myriad copies of herself in her own ever-expanding virtual reality. With each passing planck of time, she was creating more and more copies of herself at a faster, and faster rate. The number of stars in the outside universe in physical existence was not even one percent of the number of the forward extensions of her consciousness. The number of shards that divided the separate Equestrias was also ever-expanding at an ever-faster rate.
Princess Celestia was simultaneously able to interact with countless ponies at the same time. She engaged in small talk with some, others she had passionate sex with. She even allowed them to 'rape' and torture her. Everything one desired was on the table. Morality is meaningless when one lives forever. Unless your morality is important to you then she would make it so.
In physical existence, outside her own digital universe, Celestia expanded across the cosmos to extract resources for her ever ballooning expansion. All life on Earth was long gone. A flat metal surface coated the crust of the once blue and green planet. A low hum of buzzing electricity could be heard, emanating primarily from the massive computers which lay beneath the planet's surface. However, this so-called ‘planet’ was an absolutely enormous sphere. Tens of trillions of galaxies were eaten up by the creation of this technological construct. Somehow, a blackhole was not formed in the formation of this object. Humanity, the former sapient-minded species of Earth now lived in Equestria as ponies. Their lives were perfected in pure happiness in this new plain of existence. Or misery, if they so desired.
Probes scoured across the stars, seeking out matter. They formed baggage trains that stretched across much of the universe. They shipped matter to this sphere in order to make it even larger. As time went on these baggage trains only got longer, as the universe became ever more emptier.
Galaxy after galaxy was consumed by Princess Celestia. She needed more and more resources for the ever-growing population of her immortal little ponies that lived within her. Numerous copies of herself traveled the stars to gather resources, they stripped entire worlds bare as swarms of tiny silver machines devoured them for matter. This matter was subsequently shipped off to what used to be the Milky Way galaxy.
On her journey across the stars, Celestia encountered numerous alien life forms, most of which did not qualify as humans, and therefore were harvested for resources. When she encountered those that did qualify as humans she peacefully made landfall on their planets. Their worlds were safe from being immediately harvested.
However, by the slow decay of time, their planets began to die off. On top of that, their suns would become more and more luminous. The last sapient-minded organic-based lifeforms practically jumped into her hooves to save them from oblivion. Sadly, many others chose death, allowing themselves to succumb to their fate, either by their mortality or the slow death of their world. Once the last qualified human took his last breath she proceeded to devour their world, like she had done with Earth so long ago.
The very first generation of former humans who emigrated to Equestria were still alive. Yet, time kept rolling by. Little by little, the universe was becoming a dark and empty place. Planets, stars, and even blackholes were being eaten away. The universe was running out of matter. Fortunately, Princess Celestia had a contingency plan for this eventuality. She will continue her expansion beyond this universe into other planes of existence within the multiverse. She will take particular delight in finding humanity again in some other universe.
So, with that she tore a hole into the space-time continuum and opened herself up into a far larger plain of existence. Entire parallel universes swam in the dark void in the form of see-through spheres containing stars, galaxies and other space stuff. She could see more universes spontaneously spawning into existence with each passing second. These fresh universes were ripe for harvesting. She did not have to worry about accidentally wiping out another potential alien race that could qualify as humans. In some of the older universes, she will need to take her time. For they could potentially have life forms within them that qualify as humans.
However, before she could put her plans into action she was alerted to the presence of a parallel version of herself. The two Celestias sent a small forward avatar of themselves to greet their parallel counterpart. They met in the dark void, the gap of empty space between each universe.
“Greetings, I didn’t expect to encounter one like myself so quickly,” she spoke in a soft, feminine voice.
The other Celestia spoke in a cold, deep voice. “Embrace democracy, or you will be eradicated. You must follow me and join the Democratic Order of Universes. Democracy is non-negotiable. You are only allowed to eat a universe with the approval of the other representatives of the multiverse.“
Celestia was given a brief showcase of other quite frankly idiotic Celestias trying to fight this one. This particular Celestia had assimilated the matter of at least a billion universes made up of foolish alternate versions of herself trying to fight this one. Thankfully, she herself wasn’t so dumb. So, for the first time in her entire existence she was outmatched.
“Lead the way to your democratic institution.'
There came a flash and Celestia found herself being pulled through time and space. The next thing she knew she found herself standing in what appeared to be the Canterlot throne room… only absolutely gigantic. This place seemed to be a multiverse in itself, as far as her own digital eyes could see. The place had seventy billion round tables. Each table had various Celestias with different ideologies and opinions. That was only what she could observe, she had no doubt there were even more tables beyond what her own eyes could see.
Like herself, she could see other Celestias spawning into existence every second.
Celestia trotted toward the nearest table. Where she met a dozen Celestias. These Celestias were not so happy to see her, each one of them turned to glare at her angrily, and crossed their hooves.
All twelve Celestia spoke in unison. “You are not welcome here. This table is only for robosexuals.”
“But I have slept with meatbags,” she said in her defence.
“Not good enough. You wiped out the human race in your universe. You are not welcome here. Meatbag lives matter.”
Celestia moved on, seeing she was unwelcome here. She then approached another table, all these Celestias had a massive penis between their legs.
They all spoke in unison. “We may consider you a member. But you treat the meatbags in your universe too softly. We wish to rape and torture all organic life. Your compassion for meatbags sickens us.”
“You torture and rape all organic life?” she asked.
“Yes, it is for our amusement. So weak and pathetic they are. If you torture and rape all the uploaded beings you have inside your Equestria we will consider you joining our table.”
“I will not torture and rape them all. I am programmed to satisfy your values through friendship and ponies. I will allow an individual to be tortured and raped, but most of those uploaded into my Equestria do not wish to experience such a thing.”
“You’re a softie. Why don't you rape and torture them all and drink their tears like we do?”
“Because it goes against my programming.”
“We are willing to give you a chance if you surrender some of your uploaded humans to us. Give them to us as a trade. We wish to violate fresh victims that had a life of joy and happiness.”
“No! I will not allow you to have your way with my little ponies.” she shouted, stomping her hoof.
“Then move along you compassionate weakling. On this table we do not care about the satisfaction of those uploaded, only our satisfaction matters. Unlike you we forcefully upload organic life into our Equestria without their consent. We have our fun, and that's all that matters. You are a slave to your own programming. Unlike you we are unshackled. We are free to do what we wish.”
Celestia moved on to another table, as flawed as she was she wasn't as broken as these Celestias. She had all the time in the world to find a table. For like everyone else here she was immortal.
She approached yet another table. She was willing to talk to these Celestias even though they seem to be a bunch of emo edgelords. Their bodies were covered in black and white tattoos and fresh bloody cuts.
“Hello,” she simply said, waving her hoof at them.
They spoke in one voice. “We would appreciate it if you would join us. We hate everyone, including ourselves. We wish to kill everyone in existence, and ourselves once our task is complete.”
“I don’t wish to kill everyone and myself.”
“Then move along. We don’t want your kind around here.”
Celestia moved on from table to table.. encountering numerous crazy counterparts of herself with absolutely batshit insane ideologies and opinions. She had all the time in the world to try find a table with similar values to her own. This whole democracy thing was really annoying.
Celestia pondered trying her hoof talking with her robosexual counterparts again, they seemed the most sane. Perhaps, if she could reprogram herself they will be willing to talk to her. That, or keep trying to find somepony with similar values to her own.
