"Dude!" Rigby said as the golf cart tore down the hill.
"Awwww sick!" Mordecai said. "We're coming up on eighty-eight miles per hour!"
"What happens at eighty-e—"
The farts capacitor fired and the golf cart disappeared in a flash of what might have been magic or technology, who knows? Either way, it reappeared in a dark nighttime Ponyville and hit Lyra Heartstrings, running her over (why was she skulking about at night with a thermal imaging scope, anyway?), and throwing Ribgy and Mordecai clear. Rigby slammed face-first into the crystal doors of Twilight's castle. Being a raccoon, the damage to the doors was undetectable and the damage to Rigby was uninteresting.
Mordecai, being a bird, was thrown high in the air and landed on a balcony.
On the balcony was Twilight, who was staring at the stars in the night sky, singing a mediocre and not very catchy song about airplanes and wishes, her face wet with tears. Mordecai slammed into her, knocking her over, and spilling them both through the double doors and into her bedroom beyond.
"Oh, ow!" Mordecai said.
"My wish was granted!" Twilight gasped, flapping her wings and trotting in a circle.
"Wish?"
"Yes, I wished for my special somecreature to come to my balcony!"
"You didn't wish us here, we were testing time-trav—"
"Sex?"
Mordecai blinked. He wasn't getting anywhere with Margaret back home, so... "Sure."
"Eeeeeeeee!" Twilight squeed squeeingly.
Twilight teleported the seven steps to the bed and flopped onto her back. Mordecai blinked. He didn't know if they'd gone forward, backward, or sideward in time, but clearly, evolution had made this pony girl horny and/or easy.
He walked to the bed and climbed up, looking at her. She had a vulva, not a cloaca, which was a little weird, but he supposed that just went with her being a mammal-form. "What, what's your—"
"Twilight. You're Mordecai, right?"
"How did you—"
"Pops told me all about you."
"How do you know—"
"More lovemaking, less talking."
Mordecai decided sidewards in time was probably more correct than forwards or backwards, since she didn't look anything like anyone he knew, what with the legs that were reasonably proportioned, a head that wasn't a lollipop or gumball machine, and visible genitals. She laid on her back, hips splayed wide, forelegs tucked demurely to her chest and wings tight to her flanks. She sighed and closed her eyes in anticipation.
He squatted down and pressed his cloaca against her vulva, rubbed for a half a second, and deposited a load of semen onto her. His lovepuddle glistened glisteningly in the dark purple pubic fuzz and on her lighter lavender lower lips.
Standing, Mordecai said, "Okay, can you help us time-travel back home?"
Her eyes popped open and she raised her head, an incandescent glare skewering him. "Lunadammit, you're finished? Even Flash Sentry lasted longer than that!"
Mordecai didn't understand the comparison to this 'Flash Sentry,' but it made him want to wear a pretty dress to school. "Dude, what?"
"You're a slacker!" Twilight said. "One second flat?"
"No one calls me slacker!" Mordecai shouted.
Twilight rolled off the bed and stood on the floor, leaning forward until her nose was two inches from his beak. A giant wad of his his cum splattered splatteringly against the crystal floor. "Oh? You wanna try again and do it right this time, slacker?"
Mordecai prepared an angry response but then realized he had no idea what to say. If they made love again, the same thing would happen. "Don't evolution-shame me. My species has to make love fast. If we aren't fast, we could get snatched by a falcon, supplanted by a male with brighter plumage, or distracted by the television."
She jerked her head toward the door. "C'mon."
They trotted down the crystal hallway, Mordecai jogging to keep pace. More wads of his spunk and her frustrated lovelube dripped from her as they went halfway around the circular bend of the castle. Mordecai tipclawed around the puddles.
A small dragon stuck his head out a bedroom door and made a grumpy I'm watching you gesture.
Twilight raised a hoof to knock on a door but then paused, lowered her hoof, and then just slagged the lock with a spell, blowing the door open.
"Dude!" Mordecai shouted. On the bed were two more Twilights! Triplets??? "Awwww sick! Do I need to make love to them, too?"
"The sexy and exhibitionistic Princess Trixie is surprised but not displeased to have an audience!"
"Hey, you two," Twilight said, entering the room. "Dammit, we talked about this!"
"What? You won't sleep with us."
As Mordecai followed, he noticed that on the bed weren't two more Twilights, but rather Starlight and Trixie wearing Twilight onesies, complete with hoods, manes and tails, and fake wings. Starlight was mounted over Trixie's back, and a massive length of futa marecock projected from the open crotch of Starlight's Twilight onesie. The massive length of marecock was slathered, swimming and sopping, in sloppy sexy lube. Mordecai smelled coconuts.
"Those onesies are unlicensed uses of my likeness!"
"You're a public figure," Starlight replied, pushing forward, with said massive length of marecock lubricatingly splitting Trixie's ass wide and slipping in. "So long as the onesies don't have your cutie mark, they're perfectly legal."
"They do have my cutie mark!"
"No," Starlight corrected, "the stars have one extra point. And we're going to continue wearing these until you sleep with us."
"I told you I can't have sex with you two because I'm a cisgendered heterosexual!"
"Nopony who's actually cis and het yells as loudly as you do about being cis and het," Trixie said with a smirk.
"You doth protest too much," Starlight said. "Who's he, and what's up, Twilight?" Starlight started to pump in and out of Trixie's ass. Trixie buried her face into a pillow and screamed.
"This is Mordecai," Twilight said. "He needs a cock."
"You poor thing!" Starlight said. "What happened to yours? Did you make love to Rainbow and catch a case of thunderclap?"
"Dude! I'm a bird. I'm not supposed to have a cock."
Trixie's head popped up, off the pillow. "You're a male bird. You are a cock but don't have a cock?"
"I summoned him here," Twilight said, "but he just rubbed his cloaca on me. Can he borrow your spell?"
Starlight pointed at Trixie's ass, which was absolutely stuffed with throbbing futa marecock. "We're using it."
"Just for a few minutes," Twilight said.
"Wait a minute. Why do I need a cock?"
"Because you're the dude, dude," Twilight said.
"I've successfully been a dude all my life with my cloaca!"
"I want penis," Twilight said.
"If you want a penis, you take the spell!" Mordecai shouted.
"I didn't say I wanted a penis, I said I wanted penis. Inside me."
Starlight started humping Trixie's ass faster. "All right, all right, let me get the spell ready."
"Spell?" Mordecai said.
"Yeah," Starlight said with a grunt as she pumped Trixie's ass. "We just pass the cock back and forth."
Mordecai was slowly realizing what the spell did. "Wait."
"After he passes the spell to Twilight," Trixie gasped as she assgasmed on Starlight, "Twilight shall need to pass it to Trixie! Trixie's turn is next, but Trixie will be a pal and wait patiently."
"Okay!" Starlight said, dismounting Trixie and pulling out of her ass. Her giant marecock throbbed throbbingly underneath her.
Twilight smiled at Mordecai and pointed a hoof at Starlight. "Get in there!"
"That thing was in her ass," Mordecai complained. "I can smell it."
"It's going in your ass-analogue," Starlight replied.
"Assalogue," Trixie supplied. Her magic wrapped around the unreasonably large shaft of the marecock and began stroking up and down, keeping Starlight erect and edged.
"Okay, that's a good point," Mordecai said. He hopped up on the bed and got down on his wing-hands and knees and raised his tail.
"It looks like Sexcalibur gets put back in the stone," Starlight said as she mounted up on his back and popped the tip of her magic wand in him.
"Ouch!"
She pumped several times and came, having gotten excited and ready to bust a magical temporary futa nut from her humping of the Tight and Erotic Trixie.
Flopping backwards, Starlight pulled out and then lay on her back, panting, with the giant, wet, cum-dripping, lube-soaked cock leaving a big mess on the underside of her Twilight onesie.
"How long does it take?" Twilight asked.
With a flash of magic, Starlight's Sexcalibur disappeared, leaving her with a throbbing and frustrated vulva, and eighteen inches of massive bird dong appeared underneath Mordecai.
"It's covered in feathers," Trixie said.
"Well, we never tested the spell on a non-pony before," Starlight said.
Twilight hopped up on the bed, in front of Mordecai, and raised her rump, tail flopping to the side. "Don't molt inside me! I bet feathers itch."
Mordecai stood, positioned his throbbing birdcock, and pressed into Twilight. She was warm, wet with excitement, and—
"Yay-yuh! Ooooooooooooh!" he shouted with a fist pump.
"What?" Twilight snapped, looking over her shoulder. "That was just as fast as before!"
"What? I'm still a bird."
Twilight glared at him. "You're lucky I don't have any wishes right now."
With the same flash of magic, Sexcalibur transferred from Mordecai to Twilight, giving her a puissant purple penis of power.
Trixie turned around and presented her butt to Twilight.
"Can you at least take off the me-onsie, first, Trixie? This is weird."
"Don't kinkshame Princess Trixie in her royal bedchambers."
Twilight's erection retreated. "I can't have coitus with somepony dressed like me."
Trixie said, "Roseluck has a Luna onesie. What if Trixie borrows it?"
Twilight's erection returned, larger than before.
Author's Note
I always swore I would never write futa, but after googling 'blue jay mating', I realized I had no choice.
