What do you think that he says?
No.
"What?! Why not?!"
Anon didn't bother to turn around and look at him."You know why."
"No, I don't! That's why i'm asking you!"
"Were gonna do this shit again? seriously?" He replied
Anon put down the box of paints he was carrying and turned to look at the draconequus. "How did you get to my house?"
"That is important?"
"Yes." Anon confirmed
Discord sighed and began to speak.
"I started the day organizing all the details for our wonderful and perfect date and decided that it was time to ask you out."
"And why didn't you knock on the door?"
"What?"
"Manners are important Discord. Never forget" the human said.
In that house on the outskirts of ponyville, Anon, the human had one of the most unexpected conversations with the lord of chaos although, if he is the lord of chaos, shouldn't this be predictable? Anyway, let's get back to the point.
We can see that live in other world after you get fired of your job is not very easy.
F*ck you Mike
"And where did the suit come from?"
Oh yeah, I almost forgot. Discord was wearing a very elegant tuxedos with a blue cape behind him and what appeared to be poison joke flowers in the bouquet he was offering to Anon.
The mentioned took the bouquet without any concern.
"If you think I don't know what this is" he said pointing the flowers " you are wrong; it was one of the first things that Twilight experimented with me when I arrived. I made her take seven baths of it in revenge. It's a good joke actually when you're immune to it."
Discord took down the ridiculous little hat he was wearing hanging over his horns, pink in color. "It's not really a joke, it's just a way in the draconequus culture to show affection to someone, and they are still magically enchanted so they don't hurt you. And the suit was given to me by Rarity. Of course, with me adding a few details of course. -He returned to his normal charisma but calmed down-although of course if you don't like it ..."
"No no no!" Anon stopped him "Of course I like it! You actually look handsome with it!"
"Wonderful!" he encouraged again "So with my previous proposal ..."
"No," he denied immediately.
Discord deflated (literally) to a simple rubber-Discord version on the ground looking pathetically making Anon laugh.
"Don't give up so easily Dissy! Common! All the mens have the same book of flirtation?"
Discord began to inflate himself and returned his gaze to Anon.
"So, what do you want me to do?"
Anon stopped himself for a moment while mixing the ingredients of the food he was making to think for a moment and then he started again and asked his question.
"How much time have you been dating Celestia?"
"What that's ridiculous! Why do you think that?!"
Anon gave him a stare while he was cutting a carrot.
Never a cut of a carrot have been so intimidating.
Discord just give up.
"Fair point....?"Discord doubt to continue with his explanation "If I'm gonna be honest (that's what it looks like you want) I dated her like.."
Discord started counting with his fingers it took like ten minutes and a lot of hands helping Discord to say.
"Like two thousand years."
Anon spits out her drink and coughs in surprise. The robotic helmet that appeared randomly on his side slapped him.
"Auch! That hurts!"
Anon look to Discord and mumble to himself.
It looks like you are a suggar daddy.
"What?"
"Nothing!"
Anon drink his coffee and breathe heavily, for some reason unknown even by himself, he wanted to extend this talk as long as possible. Which wasn't because an author was lazy and just looking for a way to make over a thousand words without seeming lazy.
"You know, I don't think you've ever formally apologized to me." He started
Discord was taken back by the sudden change of subject.
"For What?" he still answered.
Anon make eye of "You know what im talking about". Discord backed off a bit dramatically at the silent accusation.
"I didnt bring you here If you are talking about that. You were bringed by a space-time collapse when Nightmare Moon was released and separated from her container totem. Was not me. But it wouldn't have been a bad idea......"
Anon saw Discord stroking his goatee like he always do when he is thinking on a big idiocy that probably was gonna affect all the multiverse getting more humans from other dimensions or something worse.
Ha, as if I hadn't done it already.
Putting that aside, Anon made the most logical decision when it came to Discord.
he slapped him
Now, you normally you will say, But why? He cant only just throw a bucket of cold water on him? Well, Is Discord, You Idiot. Probably he would subvert that into some sort of visual pun and blow it in your face. So, what happened when Anon slapped him?
He moaned.
Very loudly
And was sexy too....
Anon was caught off guard by this and Discord had the decency of blushing as he became aware of what had happened.The human just pinched his nose and ignored Discord's weirdness again like he always had done.
"Look, I'm just going straight to the point, Okey? You've put me through a lot of shit while I've been in Equestria.And that's not easy to leave it behind." Discord moaned, this time from frustation. (And not the sexual type)
"But I didn't make you came here, it had nothing to do with me!! It was an interdimensional error from other universe!"
"Aja, and what happen when you break free the first time?"
Discord began to drop his gaze in remembrance of his guilty conscience. "You were petrified with me because i was playing with you.."
"And I stayed like that for two months!! I don't know for you Equestrian's but being trapped inside your own mind is not very good for mental stability!" Anon almost screamed
"That was the elements of Harmony..."
"No, that was you fucking with me."
"That's rude."
"But am I right?" questioned Anon
"But you're right." confirmed Discord.
Anon finished cutting the ingredients for the salad and put it in a container. He kept moving around the kitchen as he watched a 3-D printer in the other side of the house, that he had created, go on, building what looked like a weird Chinese toy.
Discord noticed his movement and resumed the conversation. "But besides that, what have I done to you?"
Anon snorted like a horse before moving to a closet where he took out what appeared to be a photo album. He took the album and with some difficulty dropped it on the table between them doing a great sound effect that the author could not decide what it could be.
Anon opened the book.
"First, Twilight ascension." He pointed a photo of Twilight in the air with wings and a purple area surrounding her "You don't help. Hell!! A squirrel was more helpful than you! And because by some weird twist of destiny I had to repair all the damage done to the city that day!!"
"I wasn't related at all with-"
"Tirek! " Anon advanced a few pages forward "I have to risk my own ass for you and have an argument with the bio-weapons of this country about letting you go or not! And you don't even say thanks!"
"Well..... thanks?"
Anon heard the beep of the machine at the end of the impression and went to where it is to take out the impression and extend it and close it to distract himself to punch Discord on the face for being so idiot. He passed the toy to Discord and him took it in his hands.
"Well, I understand that I have made a few hundred mistakes in our day-to-day relationship. But I promise if you accept my proposal I- Ugh hell." Discord exclaimed
Anon turned to see how Discord had shaved off his fingers on the game in the last few seconds and now he couldn't get them out. The younger sighed heavily at the older's antics and approached his hands taking them in his own to undo the finger knot in front of him.
"I'm not asking you to change your way of being, Discord. I only ask that you become more aware of your actions and how they affect others."
Anon retracted his hands and looked at his work.
"There, solved."
Discord no longer had a whole ball of fingers and the toy rested between the palms of his hands/claws having been freed from Discord's metamorphic clutches. Discord put the toy aside and gently stroked his hands where Anon had touched him. "You are one of the few beings that I have felt attracted to during all these millennia and the only one that has accepted me for who I am in my true form. Wouldn't it be nice if you and I, you know, went out as a couple?"
Discord said this in a tone so soft that it just couldn't be ignored. A small smile grew on Anon's face as he looked up at Discord with his face tilted on one shoulder.
"I promise not to turn into a big yellow slime and eat all the food while playing with a vacuum cleaner to hunt ghosts if you don't want to." he added
Did he just?...
.
.
.
Yeah of course he did.
Anon burst into giggles at the ridiculous sentence raised and Discord also smiled at his melodious laugh (at least in his brain in love) and approached him.
"So that could be a yes?"
He continued to laughing for another minute before regaining his composure and was able to answer correctly.
"Sorry Discord. But the answer is still no."
This hit Discord hard emotionally and made him withdraw a bit causing him to lose his always characteristic smile.
EMOTIONAL DAMAGE!! -99998 HP
Discord went to reach the exit with his look down
"I-i understand i will leave now. I hope that we can still be friends tough after this..."
Discord walked to the door but was stopped by Anon.
"Wait! So... You didn't tell me where the date would be."
Discord broke the literally gray cloud above him with confusion.
"Huh? But didn't you just say no?"
Anon had still this amused smile while he shake his head
"Discord you asked me if you can fuck me until my brains doesn't worked anymore and then marriage to have five kids and one hamster, and I'm paraphrasing: 'Then we can rule all the world and do our darkest wishes come true' Obviously I had to say no, silly. I don't want to see the world go up in flames. Or at least not yet... But!" he raised his voice "I never said I didn't want to go out on a date with you."
Discord's eyes turned heart-shaped and his voice went several notes higher.
"So that would be...?"
Anon interrupted what he was going to say giving him a short, brave but sweet kiss on the lips that made Discord's face whistle like a kettle.
"Yes i would be pleased to go an a date with you."
Discord screamed like a fangirl and scooped Anon up in his arms giving him an assault of kisses on his face which made Anon turn very red.
"Okey Okey! Stop! But first of all, who told you to ask that question that you asked me?"
Discord calmed down a bit and said honestly: "It was Rainbow Dash"
Anon laughed, again. "Of course it was her... She was just playing a joke on you Discord. She was barely able to conquer Soarin without my help. She doesn't know nothing really about being romantic or dates."
Discord gave a bleat of indignation at the revelation "Of course... It's obvious, I'll take revenge on this Skittles." he say to himself
Anon took Discord's face in his hands.
"I don't have a problem with that but don't be too hard on her, did you hear? Also, don't you have something more important to do?"
Discord seemed puzzled for a second after remembering and realization hit him.
"The date! Of course! I almost forget it! Thanks sweetie!"
Anon got red again and Discord left him on the floor.
"I have thing to do my marshmallow! I will see you at 7 pm in the flag mare okey? Come with your most original clothes honey! Because I will!!"
Discord headed out of the house whistling a happy tone with Anos was left still stunned by all the nicknames given so fast.
"How much time he had waited for that?" He ask to no one in particular
Anon caressed his cheek absently as he blushed even deeper.
"This shit is gonna be so crazy..."
Author's Note
Little Spoiler
Anon ate his steak while different ponies screamed in panic and the whole place burned around him.
He wiped his mouth and put the cutlery on the table while he took the glass and took a drink.
-This is fine.
So, thanks for having read all this written bad text and its stupid story of a frustrated (and horny) lover that that couldn't have their husbando
