The Long And Short Of It

Anonymous found the rest of the party to be relatively uneventful. Cut got to cut the cake, he and Pike got to chat with Cut’s parents a little more, and Anon only got perved on by one of Cut’s sisters once! That mare wouldn't be trying to sneak another peek at a stallion's balls anytime soon; Pike seemed just about ready to bite her head off! Literally!

But as the three of them made ready to leave though, Cut’s parents revealed that the surprises weren’t all done yet. They’d gifted the herd an all expenses paid dinner at some super fancy restaurant, and had promised to come by the apartment tomorrow night with a scrapbook full of Cut’s foalhood photos. So of course, as the three of them sat at a VIP booth at “Ne Me Blesse Pas, Je Ne Parle Pas Poney,” Cut had already responded to her imminent embarrassment by ordering a bottle of wine.

And was already most of the way through it.

Anon saw Pike raise an eyebrow as she glanced over the menu. “Are you sure they meant anything we want? Some of this stuff would be a sizable portion of my paycheck.”

Cut downed another glass of wine like a champ before answering. “Urp, Yep. Even if they weren’t already swimming in bits, Dad just got a new movie deal so they’ve officially got more bits than they know what to do with.”

Since the booth was circular, and Anon was sitting in the middle, again, Cut was able to drunkenly drape herself over him. “You can get anything your cute butt desires...”

She obviously must’ve been saying that to him, but...

‘Pike was the one who asked…’

“So was that to me, or Pike?”

Cut instantly shot upright, seemingly sobering up a little bit. “Ahem, you of course!” Anon and Pike chuckled at the fear in her voice—a chuckling that prompted her to sigh and push the bottle away. “M-maybe I should lay off the wine a little.”

“I don’t know,” Pike began as she grabbed the bottle and poured herself a glass, “if I knew my parents were coming with a scrapbook, I’d want to get trashed A.S.A.P. too.”

That, surprisingly, didn’t lift Cut’s spirits. Instead, she started slowly nudging her wine glass, spinning it in a circle while looking quite melancholy. “No you wouldn’t...”

A confused glance passed between Anon and Pike.

Pike fidgeted uncomfortably for a moment before asking. “Whaaaat do you mean?”

Cut sighed. “You wouldn’t need alcohol to deal with anxiety about your herdmates, who’ve been nothing but understanding, seeing your embarrassing foalhood photos. It wouldn’t even faze you.”

Anon tried to come up with something he could say to the contrary of that, but he couldn’t; she was right. As he turned to Pike, he could see she was clearly thinking the exact same thing.

‘Oh God, Cut’s looking really sad now. Quick! Come up with something comforting!’

Pulling his inner confidence out, Anon began. “And there’s nothing wrong with you being different!”

But she remained unconvinced, still quietly turning her glass, as his inner confidence deflated.

‘I gotta find a way to salvage this.’

‘Maybe I can—’

Breaking the awkward silence, Cut quietly, haltingly piped up. “P-Pike, can I ask you something?”

Pike didn’t hesitate to answer. “Of course.”

Cut took a deep breath, likely trying to steel her nerves. Then, with a great deal of effort, she spoke. “Can you teach me to be more confident? More... marely?”

‘Oh, that’s a great idea!’

‘If anyone could do it, it’d be Pike.’

But as enthusiastic as Anon was at the idea, Pike looked like she disagreed. In fact, she was looking about as down as Cut did. “Are you sure? I-I’m not sure I’m the best pony for the job...”

‘Excuse me? Where’s this coming from?’

It was a question Anon wanted to vocalize, but whatever spell had a hold on Pike was one she quickly snapped out of.

“Wait, what am I saying? Oh course I can help! I’m the mareliest mare in Canterlot!” In a classic Pike move, she puffed out her tuft. “Just leave it to me, Cut! I’ll have you bold and brash in no time!”

Cut didn’t seem to register what Pike had said before she started talking, still keeping her head lowered in depression. “Okay, I underst—” Then her head shot upright so violently it knocked her empty glass aside. “Wait, really!?”

Pike also rocketed up, propping her forehooves on the table in an attempt to look as tall as Cut before shouting “Buck yeah!”

Cut, lost in elation, threw her hooves in the air. “WOO!”

“Ahem.”

All at once, the appearance of a fourth pony brought their celebration to an abrupt end. That fourth pony being their waitress, who served a keen reminder that they were in fact, still in a fancy restaurant. Settling back down into their seats, Cut immediately hid behind a menu while Pike adopted a stone cold look to pretend she hadn’t just shouted in a five-star restaurant.

The waitress just ignored them. “Have you all come to a decision?”

As dessert was placed in front of Nocturnal Pike, she took a glance at the collection of empty wine bottles that Anon and Cut had accrued. The batpony didn’t want to get trashed because being hungover during breakfast with her mom would be a nightmare. Cut and Anon however, had no such commitments, and were, therefore, completely wrecked.

Some time after her eighth glass, Cut had draped herself over Anon and started stroking his chest. He’d then proceeded to drape himself over her, creating a sort of snuggle triangle. For a while, Anon had seemed content to just sit there and enjoy her ministrations, but after a while, he started doing something rather odd.

“Are you sure you don’t want in on this?” he asked.

Something that was starting to both annoy and worry Pike in equal measures. “Anon, this is the tenth time you’ve asked. I’m fine. I’m not drunk enough for sloppy PDA.”

He looked completely unconvinced. “Are you sure sure?”

‘Alright, he’s clearly hung up on this for some reason.’

Heaving a sigh, she decided she might as well humor him if it was bothering him so much. “Okay fine.”

Her answer brought him visible relief, and Anon opened up a space in between him and Cut for Pike to slide in.

‘Oh come on, is he really going to make me sit in the middle?’

‘I just wanted to hug him from the side, this’ll make me look so small!’

Seemingly sensing her hesitation, he started giving her that pleading look that stallions did.

‘Augh! Alright, fine.’

Slipping past him, she settled in between him and Cut. As she did, the triangle collapsed, leaving it more like a sandwich, with Pike in the middle. Cut seemed surprised by her sudden appearance at first, but quickly adjusted. As she settled in, she ended up with her head in a position that looked suspiciously like she was staring at the batpony’s tuft. Actually, she might’ve just been staring at her tuft.

“How do you get one so big...”

‘She’s definitely staring at my tuft!’

‘Well, far be it from me to turn down an opportunity to show off!’

“Superior Thestral genes!” Pike said with more than a little bit of pride.

Suddenly, Cut’s forehoof that wasn’t stroking Anon found its way into Pike’s tuft. “No t-tuft enhancers?”

‘Tuft enhancers? Ha! As if!’

Pike gave a wry grin. “You know those things don’t work.”

“Yeah...” Judging by the way Cut’s face fell, she really knew. Pulling her hoof away from the batpony, she ran it through her own, admittedly pretty pathetic, chest fluff before sighing. “So many kinds of snake oil...”

‘Aw, poor mare.’

As stupid as it was to fall for those things, Pike couldn’t really fault her. If her fluff was that small, she’d probably be pretty desperate too.

As Cut sighed again, in a shocking twist, Anon reached over and ran his hoof through her tuft. “Well, it's a good thing Pike’s got more than enough tuft for the both of you!”

Cut’s expression shifted, becoming something more akin to awe as she drifted further and further away from sobriety. “Wow, she does, doesn’t she?”

‘Okay, now this is starting to get uncomfortable.’

Pike tried to extract herself, but Anon had other plans. She felt him press her tighter against Cut, making it harder for the batpony to escape. Looking over to him, Pike saw him drunkenly smile his scheming smile.

“Anon what are you—”

“Hey, Cut,” he said, cutting her off, “Is Pike looking awfully cute down there or what?”

Cut, now clearly lost in a drunken haze, drawled out, “Y-yeah... n-no dyke though...”

Pike’s muzzle scrunched at being called cute. Even if it does make her feel kind of nice....

She still was NOT cute!

The stallion’s expression and voice became downright conspiratorial. “Do you know what she’s missing?”

Cut lazily shook her head. “Nuh uh.”

‘Oh no, what’s Anon going to do?’

With lightning speed, he leaned down and kissed Pike on the cheek.

‘Oh, that wasn’t so bad.’

She’d been expecting something much more emareculating.

Surprisingly, Cut followed his lead and did the same.

‘Aw, th-this is kind of nice.’

Anon went in for another kiss, putting a blush on Pike’s cheeks. In all of her prior relationships before meeting Anon, she was almost always the one who did the kissing—but he seemed much more keen than the average stallion on being the kisser instead of the kissee. Another strange quirk of his homeland, she supposed.

Suddenly they both kissed her at the same time, and despite herself, her blush deepened. She was really starting to enjo—

‘Ack!’

All at once, they started both kissing at the same time, and without any pause between them! Just kiss after kiss after kiss!

Pike started trying to escape again, but they both held onto her in an iron grip as they peppered her face with smooches. “Arg! Stop! Too many!”

Her pleading seemed to only make them redouble their efforts. The air began to fill with a mix of the sounds, mwah, mwah, and ack.

At least until Pike heard a stallion’s voice from a nearby table speak up. “Honey, look at the couple with that bat filly! They’re so cute! Quick, get a picture!”

That stopped the both of them in their tracks. All three of them were clearly thinking the same thing, and as all of them simultaneously turned to the voice, Pike’s suspicions were confirmed.

There was a middle aged stallion seated at a table across from them, with a camera aimed right at her. “No no, please don’t stop on my account. The three of you look so precious!”

‘...’

“eeeeeeeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE”

After all the time Anonymous had known her, Pike’s rage was wholly expected.

Cut’s, on the other hand, was a little less so.

“REEEEEEEE! How dare you! She’s twice the mare you are!”

“Cut, he’s a stallion! That doesn’t even make sense!”