The Long And Short Of It

With a newsie cap on his head and a saddlebag full of note taking supplies, Anonymous was nearing the castle. Frankly, he was still feeling rather iffy about answering the letter’s summons, but his normal fonts of information had been running dry. Plus, crazy things always seemed to happen when the castle was involved, and that usually meant more sales, which meant a fat bonus for him!

Even better, he didn’t have to sneak in this time. All he had to do was show that weird medallion to the mare on front gate duty and she’d take care of the rest. Much less of a hassle. Hopefully that was a sign it’d be much less of a hassle in the castle, too. The ponies of Canterlot all but sang hymns praising the patience of Celestia, but even she’d start getting testy if he caused two diplomatic incidents in a row.

He was almost at the castle walls now, and couldn’t help but notice that he was making pretty good time! Not that Anon hadn’t believed her, but Pike really was spot on when she called unicorns, “the tribe of the mountaintops.” Even with the foot of snow on the streets left by the recent fall earlier today, he was having no trouble at all keeping his footing.

‘Or would it be hoofing?’

Regardless, he was navigating the would-be difficult terrain with ease! It’s like his hooves were natural snowshoes. That, combined with his relatively long legs, made trotting through the snow on this sunny winter day feel like the most natural thing in the world.

‘Makes me want to start prancing around, kick up some snow, and neigh!’

‘...’

As soon as the thought hit his mind, he stopped dead in his tracks.

‘Okay, that’s a little too native for my liking. Let’s tone that back a bit, thoughts.’

He felt like he ought to think of something American to balance it out. Something like a... Fourth of July barbeque!

‘Ah, now those are some good memories. If only vegetables benefited from slow cooking…’

Feeling his natural zen restored, Anon set off once more. It only took a few more minutes of walking, and definitely not prancing, before he arrived at a familiar set of gates. But the gates weren’t the only familiar thing: there was a familiar face as well.

“Well, well, well,” a sly voice called out. “I thought you were banned.”

With a smile to match Astral Blade’s own, Anon corrected her. “Temporarily.”

Not long after, Anonymous found himself being led through the bustling halls of Canterlot castle by Astral Blade herself. Today, it seemed like everywhere he looked the halls were packed with ponies cleaning, guarding, and rushing about their day. A far cry from the nearly empty halls back when the orders were to keep the place locked down for visitors. He found it to be a much more welcoming sight.

“Hey, don’t space out too hard there, Anon,” Astral prodded. “Pike would kill me if she heard I’d lost you in here.”

The stallion made a show of rolling his eyes at her; she, of all ponies, knew very well that he knew his way around here. She’d even already told him the destination! It was just ‘in one of the Castle’s nice lounge rooms.’ Compared to the Kirin delegation’s suite, that’d be easy to find!

Probably.

Unfortunately though, while Astral knew where they were going, her orders hadn’t included who’d sent the invitation. But, if they were using official channels like that, it probably couldn’t be that shady, right? Plus, if they had clearance to use one of those lounges, they probably had to be on pretty good terms with the crown, if nothing else. But, either way, Anon was glad it was Astral escorting him. It was nice to both see a familiar face and to know that if something was up, she and Pike would be on it in an instant.

“Speaking of Pike,” Astral started, “did she ever mention she was going to set up a chance for the two of us to meet ‘n greet?”

Anon thought back to the past couple of months, but nothing came to mind. “No, I don’t think so.”

“I figured,” Astral grumbled. She abruptly took a corner, and he followed her. “She said she’d set something up forever ago and she never followed through.” The guardsmare looked back over her shoulder at him. “But I’m not letting her off the hook, we’re hanging out. Especially now that you’ve got that new mare with you.” Without even looking away from him, she smoothly maneuvered around a fallen bust that some maid was cleaning up.

‘Man, bat echolocation is kind of freaky sometimes.’

“How is she, by the way?”

Anon blinked. “What, Cut? She’s great.”

Astral looked like that was not what she expected to hear. “Really?”

He playfully scoffed at her. “Why do you sound so surprised?”

Astral laughed right back and apparently decided to fully commit to the bit. “Probably because I am.”

“Come on,” Anon chided. “What she did wasn’t that bad.”

Astral stopped dead on her hooves, fully turning to face him with a very surprised look on her face. Giving him a confused once over, she kept searching his face, seeming to look for something in particular...

‘Oh, did she think I was joking?’

After a few more moments of not finding whatever she was looking for, Astral barked out a quick laugh. “Ha! Mare, I knew a lot of gals growing up who’d have killed for a coltfriend half as forgiving.” Turning on a dime, she resumed leading him down the hallway. As she did, Anon noticed that this particular hallway actually dead-ended in a large, gold-trimmed door.

‘Guess that must be my destination.’

Astral looked in his direction once more. “Did the Princesses ever establish a line to your homeland? It’d be nice to import some stallions for once.”

Anon paused before laughing at the mental image. Trains and trains of stallions pulling up to the station, all eager for a tomboy girlfriend. The influx of Kirin must be hitting the single mares hard. A part of him felt for her, but the rest of him was reveling in her misery. “Oh? And here a little batty had told me you weren’t into janefillies.”

The description of Pike as a ‘little batty’ nearly knocked Astral off her hooves. “HA! Surely you’ve got at least a few normal stallions.”

The particular emphasis she put on ‘normal’ told him it was a joke, but he opted to play along.

After all, it's not every day you get to crush someone’s dreams.

“Well, there’s a major emphasis on few.”

Astral sighed, with a look of despair on her face that might’ve been a touch genuine. “Damn.” Finally, the two of them reached the door, and Astral’s mood immediately did a one-eighty, dropping the (mostly) faux-despair. “Well, here we are!” Without a moment’s hesitation she unceremoniously shoved the door open. “Try not to cause too big of an international incident this time,” she wryly jabbed.

Anon just rolled his eyes. “Hey, you helped,” he snarked as he walked past her. Just as he was stepping across the threshold however, Astral stopped him with a hoof on his withers. “Hm?”

He was surprised to see she looked genuinely concerned about something. “Hey, before you go, has Pike mentioned anything about something bothering her?”

Anon’s mind immediately flashed back to this morning, and the reaction she’d had when he’d asked about her parents. That didn’t really seem worth bringing up though—at least not yet. “Nothing in particular. Why?”

Astral glanced back the way they’d come, almost as if to check that Pike wasn’t there. “She just seems... off. I don’t know, it’s hard to describe to somepony who hasn’t worked with her for years.”

‘Well that’s not very helpful.’

But at least now he knew something’s up. Probably.

“I’ll keep an eye out.”

Astral gave him an appreciative nod. “Thanks. Good luck in there.”

Returning the gesture, he stepped forward, and she closed the door behind him.

As Anon entered the chamber proper, he took in just what sort of spider’s parlor he’d wandered into. He had to say, if this was really just some elaborate ruse to kidnap him or something, they sure were rolling out the red carpet for it. Set before him was nothing less than a fancy lounge that seemed like it was taken straight out of a Victorian drama. Any wall space that wasn’t dedicated to a window with a view of the gardens was filled up with either massive pieces of artwork or bookshelves.

Taking a quick gander at the art, the unifying theme seemed to be unicorns doing important things. Fitting considering the accents on the envelope the fan had sent him. There were unicorns climbing mountains, weaving spells, and there was even a painting of a group of unicorns that looked eerily similar to the one of the Founding Fathers signing the Constitution! Really, similar in fact.

Really, really similar.

‘...How did that get here?’

Tearing his eyes away from the dimension-shattering painting, Anon took a look at what dominated the center of the room: namely, a collection of lounge sofas set around a large table. And said table was absolutely filled with silver platters and bottles of wine! He realized he must have been duped into attending some sort of fancy get-together, as there was seating for at least five and more than enough wine to go around. No one was there yet though, not even the host. He’d been admittedly expecting them to be there waiting for him. Where could they be?

As if on cue, Anon became cognizant of the one feature of the room he hadn’t noticed yet. There was a door directly across from him, muffling the sound of running water behind it. No sooner had he set his eyes upon it than the door flew open, sending a cloud of steam spilling into the lounge. He couldn’t see anything through the haze, but the stallion could hear someone’s hoofsteps moving through it. Anticipation and trepidation were having a no-rules cage throwdown inside of him, and it was only getting worse the closer the mystery pony came to being in sight.

Finally, a white hoof stepped out before him, revealing the pony to be...

“Oh come on, you again!?”

The beaming smile that was on Blueblood’s face was gone in a flash. “Wha- what’s that supposed to mean!?”

‘Oh I said that out loud. That’s a little awkward.’

“You just, ya’ know, got me hyped for the mystery! I was expecting some new mystery patron! Not someone I’d seen just a few days ago.” It seemed that Anon had successfully wormed his way out of that, because Blueblood’s smile came right back. Although now it was much more smug.

“I knew there was some stallion in there somewhere!” Happily trotting past him, Blueblood continued. “Sorry Anon, but you’re not living in some tantalizing serial, as exhilarating as that would be.”

‘Says the guy who invited me via mysterious medallion and unsigned letter!’

‘Guess that’s just how this world’s nobles get their sick kicks. Could be a lot worse, honestly.’

The Prince, oblivious to Anon’s internal monologue, came to a stop at the table and started giving its contents a once-over. “But I’m glad I was right! I figured this was the best way to get you to my bi-weekly wine and cheese hour, and here you are!”

‘Oh! Well, that explains all the wine, but…’

“So uh,” Anon began, “why the sudden interest in having me around again?”

Blueblood paused, with what Anon sincerely hoped was an embarrassed blush on his face. “Well, it's a little embarrassing to admit...”

‘Oh thank God.’

“...but you’re here to settle a wager for me.”

Anon cocked an eyebrow. “What kind of wager?”

Turning around to look at him, Blueblood waved a hoof dismissively. “Oh, just a friendly one of course. One of my newer acquaintances believes ‘Anonymous’ to be a group of stallions who publish their articles anonymously.”

‘Interesting.’

He supposed he could see where that mix-up could’ve come from, but Jargon had made it pretty clear it was Anon writing them when he first started. It seems she wasn’t exaggerating back then: most stallions really didn’t read newspapers! Which, apparently, included the edition that had featured a front page article about hiring him. And that only really changed once he'd started writing in earnest.

“I better get a cut of those winnings.”

Blueblood smiled at him with the most shit-eating grin Anon had ever seen on a pony. “Of course, though I doubt you’ve the required interest in foreign cosmetics to claim it.”

‘THAT’S what they’re betting with!? Lame! Where’s the cash?’

Anon felt a sudden urge to pout that he, forcefully, buried. “What is it, eyeliner made of gold?”

“Well if I win, Golden has to give me a case of the Prench Morceau de Merde foundation that he got from his most recent trip to Prance. If you really wa—”

“No, that's okay, I’m good.”

Anon watched as Blueblood’s face scrunched in annoyance at being cut off, but instead of lashing out, he turned away and busied himself inspecting the bottles of wine. “Suit yourself.”

‘Indeed I will!’

But, Anon was feeling a little sore about things; this whole venture stood at a net loss. Blueblood didn’t seem to have an actual scoop for him, and he couldn’t even make money off that bet! He decided he’d probably just dip out after Blueblood’s friends saw he was real. No reason to stick around and listen to a bunch of rich socialites yammer drunkenly about the most recent gossip.

‘...’

‘Wait a second.’

“Hey, Blueblood, your friends won’t mind if I take some notes about our conversations, will they?”

Anon’s question caught him in the middle of grimacing at a wine bottle like it had insulted his family. “Hm? Oh, of course. Fancy would undoubtedly love the opportunity to gush about his upcoming spring fashion line to another member of high society. Especially to one as knowledgeable as you.”

‘Alright! Now that’s something I can... report on…’

After the initial excitement at having such a scoop faded, the implications of Blueblood’s words put a deep, deep pit in Anon’s gut. The ponies at this little get together will be his readers personified.

Almost literally.

If he made a joke of himself here, not only would he not get the scoop, but his reputation could be toast. No one would read his stupid articles about fashion if a group of major socialites started spreading around to everyone that he didn’t actually know anything about fashion! He’d be fucked!

‘Is it really worth it to stick around and risk it for the biscuit?’

‘Well, as far as I know no pony’s complained thus far, AND I really could use the story…’

‘Aw what the heck, how hard could it be?’

Ponies seemed incapable of assuming anything but the best in others, so he was sure everything would turn out totally fine!