Chapters “Everypony everywhere has a special magical connection with her friends, maybe even before she's met them.”
Those words echoed painfully in Twilight’s mind. Reverberating relentlessly, they ricocheted off of the walls of her cranium. I never met them. Does that mean I can say I had a special connection before I met them, even though I never got to?
No. When I wrote, well, I didn’t write, back then, I meant there was some mutuality. We’re not looking at the same rainbow. I’m gazing longingly at what I thought was a rainbow, but I just was staring at the sun too long and my eyes began to deceive me.
But that doesn’t mean no one else is out there…
Do you feel comfortable abandoning your former friends? Find new ones that suit your tastes in tangibility?
Come on. As disgusting as it sounds, they won’t even notice. They don’t exist. They never existed as you knew them. If they were ever aware of your presence, they’d want you to find friends. They’d want you to stop sulking and get out there. There’s a whole world filled with wonderful ponies.
Not like them.
There will be somepony out there. Somepony who is looking out to that same fake world with repugnance, who wants to help you see the glimmer in the grime.
Twilight raised her head, her tired eyes shimmering ever so slightly with determination. I have to start anew. Twilight thought, still sprawled on her bed. She was unsure as to whether or not she was doing this because she felt the need for the company of others, or simply because she could not simply lie in her own perplexed sadness for the rest of her life. Her tears had long since dried on the pillows. The feeling of lying in this foreign bed, however, did nothing to sedate her. Did I ever even leave this bed before yesterday? What does my family think happened— Twilight gasped. Shining! She bolted for the door.
In moments Twilight found herself at the front steps of Shining Armor’s new home— the tower in the east wing of Canterlot Castle. She banged on the door with her hoof. A warped eye manifested itself from the other side of the peephole. Twilight could hear an excited gasp before the door quickly opened.
“Twily!” Shining Armor’s face was beaming with excitement. Joyful tears clouded his aqua eyes. He bounded forward and embraced Twilight. She shivered slightly at his touch and inched backwards, breaking his grip. Shining Armor relented, taking a step back and diverting the cascade from his eyes with a wipe of his hoof.
Millions of different responses raced through Twilight’s head. They all halted as she opened her mouth. “I’m awake.”
“I know, sis,” he wiped his face with his hoof again, “I know.”
Twilight shifted to the left, catching a glimpse of the inside of Shining Armor’s room. Presents littered the floor, and a few bouquets that were on the verge of wilting were scattered on various surfaces.
Shining Armor shook his head as if trying to jump-start his brain. “Oh, Twily, you won’t believe this, when you—”
“How’s Cadance?” Twilight interrupted.
Shining Armor’s face went blank. “How did you—”
Twilight tilted her head as she walked into the room, passing her motionless brother. “Is she not your—”
“Yes, she is, but how—”
Twilight began pacing around, her tail swishing back and forth impatiently. “And Mom and Dad, they’re still Night Light and Twilight Velvet?”
“What in the world are you—”
She spun around and walked up uncomfortably close to her brother’s face. “Everything was a lie, Shining Armor!”
“What?”
“I said,” Twilight inhaled deeply, “Everything was a lie!”
“I heard you; I don’t know what you—”
Twilight groaned histrionically. “Spike woke me up this morning!”
“I know, and that’s wonderful but—”
“He saved me!”
“Yes, I got that—”
“They never even existed! They never existed and he killed them and now I’m awake!”
“Who’s ‘they’?”
“My friends!”
“Your friends?”
Twilight nodded vigorously.
Shining Armor raised a hoof to his face and squinted. “What were your friends’ names?”
“Don’t you—” Twilight’s voice became somber. “Their names… they were…” She lowered her head and her tail finally stilled. To him, they all died nine hundred years ago…
Twilight mumbled their names. Shining Armor lowered his head and gave a low sigh. “Twily? Are you sure you’re okay? I know this must be really difficult for you—”
“Of course it’s difficult! I can’t explain it!” Twilight exhaled deeply. She could feel her muscles begin to relax slightly, having been incredibly tense ever since the previous morning’s happenings.
“Why don’t you and I both go out for some fresh air? We can go visit the Princess—”
Twilight’s eyes opened wide. Her entire body grew stiff. She felt her spine tingle, and her mane stand on end. She began to wobble to the side and tip over. Shining Armor dove to her aid, lifting her back onto her hooves.
New tears began to form in his eyes. “What’s wrong, Twily A-are you… alright?”
Alright? Am I alright? That witch… “Keep me away from her.”
“Why? She’s your mentor, don’t you remember? I’m sure she will be thrilled to see you again! She can shed some light on—”
“She’s a lie! I don’t even know if you’re not a lie! It’s all this twisted convoluted crazy weird nonsense I don’t even know if I’m still trapped in a fantasy I don’t know where anything began or ended or—”
Shining Armor placed a hoof on Twilight’s mouth. Tears were running down his face. “Please, Twilight,” He sniffled, “calm down. I can’t bear—”
Twilight pushed his strong foreleg out of her face. “‘You can’t bear to see me as I was’? Are you going to wake me up too?!”
Shining Armor whimpered weakly. “I don’t even know what you’re trying to say to me!”
“You want to kill off this reality so you don’t have to see me suffer?”
Shining Armor remained agonizingly silent. The look of dejectedness and hopelessness on her loving brother’s face cleared up Twilight's rage and confusion. She knelt on the ground. She could see him mouthing words, but could not recognize them.
“I’m sorry, Shining. I… don’t know—”
“I-it’s okay, Twily. I’m here for you. I can take whatever you say, because I know you don’t mean it.”
I do, though…
“Thank you, Shining.” Beneath a faint smile, Twilight grimaced slightly. I’ll never get him to understand. I’ll never get anypony to understand.
“If you need to collect your thoughts, you’re welcome to stay here. I don’t want you staying in your place alone.”
“Thank you, Shining,” Twilight repeated, “But there’s some place I need to be.”
“Where?”
“I need to go to Ponyville.”
“Why would you ever—”
“I need to make some friends.”
“That’s great, but—”
“Friendgic is maship! I gotta go!”
“Those aren’t even—”
Twilight’s tail was out the door before Shining Armor could finish his thought. He crumpled down on the floor, his lip quivering and eyes twitching.
Goodbye, Shining Armor.
No light penetrated the stained-glass windows of the Canterlot throne room. The moon had found its place in the sky at the hooves of Luna, but clouds shrouded it sheepishly, afraid to let its gaudy glowing light fill the night air.
Celestia sat in the corner of the throne room. Her flowing mane caught the night breeze from the open window she gazed out of. She was entirely tense and twitched occasionally. Luna slipped through the door, raised a hoof, and spoke quietly.
“Sister…”
“They’re dead again, Luna! I didn’t even get to see them grow together. It all ended so quickly.”
Luna instantly dropped the façade of comfort. Her voice became immensely harsh as she walked forward. “That is enough. You are hurting yourself and others. You may have ruined that mare’s life. The scars you created with your selfishness are never going to heal.”
“Do you think I do not know that?!” Celestia lifted herself from the floor, spun around and snarled. “Do you think I care?! What’s one mare to me? What’s this one feeble apprentice to a thousand-year-old demi-goddess?”
“You feel terrible and you know it. Your friends would have—”
Celestia smashed down a powerful hoof on the tiled floor. “Don’t you dare invoke their names. You do not deserve to even be in the same breath as them.”
“I am the princess of the night. Your sister and co-ruler. You have nothing above me. I am afraid I will invoke the names of your five little fantasies as I wish and—”
“You vile little— I—”
“I am speaking. As your equal I demand respect. I am abhorred that during my leave, the sole ruler of Equestria would conduct herself in such a manner. Regardless of the time you spent together with these five mares, no matter what magic you experienced with them, they are long dead and gone. But instead of moving on as a mature ruler would, and coming to terms with the nature of being a higher being, you paste the faces of your friends onto every blank surface you see.”
“You do not understand. You never knew them as I did.”
“Do you think friendship is a magic only you experienced? Do you think you are the only creature on the face of this planet that experienced the pain of outliving those she loves? I can assure you, sister, nopony else has ever done as you have. Do you not feel pain in forcing a mare to feel the same loss you did? If she was never awakened—”
“I am no monster, Luna. I don’t want them to have to feel the hurt I did, just as I do not want to watch them feeling it.”
“I am repulsed even to ask how many times you’ve done this before, just as I am repulsed by the idea that you assuage their potential mental pain by killing them before Fluttershy dies.”
“If each knew what loomed before her, she would greet death gladly before witnessing that.”
“So since you did not have the luxury to die before her—”
“I am the ruler of Equestria . There is only one me… Just as they cannot be replaced. But there are myriads of young, awkward mares unaware of friendship. And I show it to them, Luna. I give them the gift they could never have—”
“Silence!” Luna leapt forward, her tail slashing side to side furiously. “You know that is not what you are doing. You know there is no mutuality here. You’re a parasite, a succubus. You’re an entirely sordid creature! Look upon your subject, your ‘faithful student’! You may have shaped her into the same hallucinating, confused, depressed and self-destructive mare as you!”
“I am the sordid creature? You would have let the entirety of Equestria die before you out of spite.”
“Don’t make this about me. It’s not about you, either.” Luna sighed heavily. “It’s about how there is one mare in Equestria whom you irreparably damaged.”
“And what, pray tell, should I do about that, dear sister? ”
“Nothing different from what you were doing. I want you to watch her live out her days, her transient little life. But in this reality. I want you to witness what horrible pain you’ve inflicted on her.”
Chapter 3: Moving Forward
There’s nothing here for me anymore. Twilight thought, rustling through the piles of miscellaneous junk that littered her room. She came across tomes read ages ago, scratched picture frames, and various pieces of magical paraphernalia. She came upon the toy chest left untouched since she was a filly. She lifted the lid and its rusty hinges squealed and cracked.
Smarty Pants. Twilight gazed into its button eyes, which hung perilously from single strings. I remember you. You’ve gotten much more attention than you realize. The long-dead clamored to be in your presence. Yes, yes. I remember. I’m sure that was great for you. But your experiences were simply a byproduct of a conjuration. You’d wish it never ended, I’m sure.
‘What is it about reality that’s so special?’ I’m sure you’d ask. I don’t know. As far as I can tell, there’s nothing here to wake up for. Sleep in the chest, Smarty Pants. You can afford to do so. You may as well never awaken. You’re a sack of cloth and stuffing, nothing more.
Twilight shut the chest gently. She turned, swiped her empty saddlebag off of the floor, and headed for the door. As she opened it, she gave her room one final glance. Everything happened here. All of the memories were conceived here.
She slipped out of the door and into the crisp night air. She began walking, but occasionally stopped mid-stride, the weight of her thoughts encumbering her.
They weren’t conceived.
Did I not make the memories? Did I not decide my actions for myself?
The world was shaped around you, Twilight. They were all scripted. They acted as they did because Celestia created them to do so. It was a stage show. You just were not aware— the other actors cued you in on your lines as scenes presented themselves. Spike drew the curtain and you met the audience, director, and set designer.
So now I’m stepping off the stage.
No one saw the play. No one will get it. Keep the curtain closed.
Twilight came to a full stop. Shining Armor may understand if I try to talk to him again.
Keep the curtain closed, Twilight Sparkle. No one will understand. She hesitantly began to move forward again.
Twilight shivered. But can I ever put this behind me? Can I stand in front of that curtain and pretend nothing was ever behind it?
Move forward, Twilight Sparkle. You have a train to catch.
Twilight nodded resolutely. Yes, and a life ahead of me. New friends to make.
You can find a shred of meaning in this new world, free from the meddling of a deranged absolute goddess. There are no fabrications. Everything from now on is real. You’ve stepped in front of the curtain, now leave the theatre.
After minutes of confident strides through the streets of Canterlot, Twilight found herself at the train station. She ordered a ticket from the half-asleep stallion in the window. She snatched it and turned with a curt “thank you”. Ponyville, here I come.
The train was, for the most part, empty. A few tired-eyed mares and stallions occupied the front car, chatting idly over complicated beverages. Twilight walked down the aisle, carefully avoiding the hooves of other passengers, until she reached the very back of the train. She lied down on the velvet cushion, tucking her hooves beneath her head. She faced the window, watching the night-enveloped landscape as it slid by. The brush of moonlight had run dry, it seemed, as the rolling hills and snow-kissed mountaintops were engulfed in complete darkness.
Twilight concentrated on the silhouettes, trying to make out the shapes as they passed her by. This diversion kept her mind occupied. She felt the slightest bit of serenity. The scenery was still beautiful, she could be sure.
So this is where it starts. Twilight thought, her eyes still fixated on the window. I want this to be a start, not a reset. Nopony needs an encore. Twilight shifted slightly on the cushion, readjusting but unable to become completely comfortable. I wonder what Ponyville will be like. Heck, I wonder what all of Equestria is like.
The fire-fringed edges of the sun began to creep up from beneath the mountains. Twilight cringed a little as she saw it crawl upwards. It began to burn away the darkness, highlighting the hills and mountaintops. The blackness disseminated, leaving behind blues and grays and violets.
Doing your job, huh, she thought, grinding her teeth. Haven’t found another mare yet?
No, no. I really should just forget about her. I have nothing to do with her anymore.
With the sound of a whistle and the slowing of the train’s cadence, she had arrived at the station. There was some more tired babbling and the shifting of hooves as the train was emptied. Twilight walked out of the door and stepped off of the platform.
Her eyes swept across the image before her. Cloaked in the dim crepuscular light was an array of buildings, all thatched-roofed and exuding comfort and quaintness. Every shutter was closed, freshly blown-out lanterns were pouring out white smoke, and the streets were empty, all understandable at the current hour. Twilight began walking down the roughly paved road, examining the edifices before her.
Buildings were tightly packed together, with snug alleyways. The buildings carved a rotary around what was Sugarcube Corner. The building in its place featured a spiraled, pointed roof much like a seashell, and its front was covered in a mosaic of stars. The cottages were, for the most part, the same assembly of straw and oak that she had been accustomed to passing daily. The pathways snaked around differently, forming lanes and byways and boulevards. There was very little open space to be seen; an upward gaze revealed fields of straw.
Few standouts with differing architecture caught Twilight’s eye. What was once ‘Quills and Sofas’ now had a flag with an image of a vinyl record hanging from a metal pole over the door. The building was exceptionally larger than before, with what appeared to be an entire cottage as an addition.
Twilight found herself instinctively following the pathway to her home. A large part of her desired respite in the upper portion of the hollowed out tree, but at this point she fully realized this was not possible. The once wide pathway to the library was cluttered with identical homes, each with the same overhanging upper floors. Twilight soon came upon her former abode.
On the left-hand side, where the grand oak tree stood, was a granite-columned building with a short pyramidal roof. Planted in front were barren forsythia bushes and ferns. A set of stairs led to the front of the building, with a statue of an alicorn on each side.
The building reeked of tranquility, an unrelenting stillness and calm. Twilight could feel the thick silence enter her sinuses as she inhaled. The monument sucked in the noise of the night, the crickets chirping and the stirring of the tree branches in the wind. It gripped these noises and consumed them, dragging them into its vast open atrium.
Twilight felt the beginnings of sleep come upon her.
The musky smell of vinyl rushed outwards as Lavender opened the door. A small cloud of dust settled around the two unicorns as they entered the shop. Twilight slipped behind Lavender after stepping in.
Soothing orchestral music wafted towards them from the record player by the counter. The shelves were lined with albums, the colorful artwork creating a mosaic along each of the dozen-or-so aisles. There was a small shelf against the back wall with cassette tapes arranged meticulously. Mounted above the shelf was an ornately painted violin.
Behind the glass countertop was a pegasus mare. Her coat was sky blue, her lengthy mane a deeper cerulean. The pair of spectacles perched on her nose caught the overhead light, obscuring her eyes.
“It’s me!” Lavender said. “And I brought a friend!”
Kind of a strong word if you ask me.
No, no. I have to make this work. Lavender calls you a friend? You want Lavender to be a friend? You’re friends. Now, focus. First impressions are essential.
The pegasus swayed her head as she looked up, knocking a stray strand of hair out of her face. “Oh! Lavender!”
“It’s been too long.” Lavender smiled, approaching the counter. Twilight followed suit.
“I saw you yesterday.” The pegasus said, followed by a silent laugh. “Who’s your friend?”
Lavender opened her mouth to speak, but Twilight interjected. “I’m Twilight Sparkle. I’m visiting here from Canterlot. Pleasure to meet you.”
“Canterlot?” The pegasus adjusted her glasses, “how fascinating! I’m Bay Breeze, by the way.” Twilight noticed that she did not make any semblance of eye contact as she spoke, her head tilting slowly from side to side with the rhythm of her voice.
Strange.
No, concentrate. Just talk and be normal.
“Fascinating?" Twilight said, "It’s not really as interesting as it sounds.”
“Oh, you’re just being modest, I’m sure,” Bay Breeze said, “I’d love to hear about it.” She’s looking at Lavender.
“C’mon Twilight,” Lavender said, nudging Twilight with her foreleg, “I’m sure you’ve got some wonderful stories on your hooves.”
Okay, she’s looking at Lavender when she talks.
“I’d really rather hear about Ponyville, you know?” Twilight said, staring at Bay Breeze’s face. “Since I’ll be staying here.” Still looking at Lavender.
“Well, what do you want to hear?” Bay Breeze said, reaching out her hooves, “If you’ve got any questions about the wonderful sounds of Ponyville, I’m your mare! Many wonderful musicians have come out of here, and I have some of their earliest works…”
Bay Breeze continued to speak, but Twilight let her words roll over her completely. She was fixated on Bay Breeze’s line of vision.
Okay, I have to know now. But it would be really rude to ask, wouldn’t it? I don’t want to cause a scene. Twilight lightly poked at Lavender’s side with her hoof. She turned her head away from the counter and spoke in a hushed voice. “Um, hey? Is everything alright? Why won’t she—”
“Oh, I’m sorry,” Bay Breeze piped up. Twilight flinched upon hearing her. “I have major sight impairment.” She removed her glasses, revealing her wide golden irises. “I can only really see with these, but even then, it’s blurry. I must’ve seemed really rude to you, not even looking at you when I’m speaking.” Twilight wondered if she was imagining her voice being tinged with anger, as if trying to say ‘you could have just asked me, you tactless idiot’.
I am such a moron. How could I not tell? Twilight’s face turned bright red. “No, no. I’m really sorry for—”
“Please, Twilight. It’s quite alright. I’m aware of my impediment being the cause of a lot of awkward conversation, so I tend to state it outright. I apologize for the confusion.”
Twilight’s mouth hung slightly agape. Is she for real? Is she apologizing for me being incredibly rude and inconsiderate? No, no. She hates me already and is just trying to be nice so Lavender doesn’t seem like a total jerk for bringing a socially demented moron like me in. There’s no way anypony would take that indiscretion with a grain of salt.
Lavender placed a hoof on Twilight’s shoulder and gave her a reassuring glance. “So, Bay,” she started, “where’s Flare? I thought Twily here would get to meet the whole gang!”
What makes you presume you get to call me Twily?
“He was out shopping, last I heard,” Bay Breeze said.
“Who’s Flare?” Twilight asked.
“Solar Flare. He’s my living assistant,” Bay Breeze said.
“And our bestie!” Lavender added, beaming.
“Well, when he’s done, I’m sure he’d love to meet you, Twilight,” Bay Breeze gave a gentle smile.
I’m sure he would. I’ll screw it up, though.
“Anyway,” Bay Breeze started, “what brings you to Ponyville, Twilight?”
“I’m on break from grad school,” Twilight said, “so I thought I’d just go somewhere new for a change.”
Lavender looked at Twilight inquiringly. “I thought you said you’d been here before.”
Twilight laughed uncomfortably. Pony feathers, I talked myself into a corner.
“…But you said you ‘knew your way around’.” Lavender raised an eyebrow. “I don’t get it.”
“I… uh…” Visited briefly. No, had family here. No, poor memory. “I visited here a long time ago, but I don’t really remember it very well.”
“Then why would you say you knew your way around?” Bay Breeze asked.
Twilight froze. I can’t say it was because I was trying to avoid Lavender. I’m boxed in. Why can’t I be straight with them?
“Oh, let’s stop interrogating her, Bay.” Lavender said, clearly noticing Twilight’s discomfort. She turned to the recoiled unicorn. “You don’t have to tell us anything you don’t want to.”
Twilight sighed with relief. “Thanks.” But I’ve already ruined my chances with these two.
Keep at it. You’ve had worse first impressions.
“How about I show Twily here to her new place, and then all four of us will do lunch?” Lavender said.
Stop calling me Twily or I’ll magic you out of existence.
“Sounds great,” Bay Breeze said, adjusting her glasses and attempting to look at Twilight. “The usual place?”
“Sure!” Lavender nudged Twilight with her hoof, “You look like you need some fresh air. Come on.” She led Twilight out the door and closed it behind them gently.
Great. We walk in, I insult her friend, I lie to them, and we leave.
“Yes, Philomena. I’m fine.”
The phoenix lowered her head, pointing her sad yellow eyes at the floor of Celestia’s study. Celestia was splayed out on her mattress, her mane rolling over her cylindrical pillow. The fireplace was filled with ashes and the one of the pins holding the tapestry up on the wall had fallen, leaving a corner of it hanging loosely. Wind blew in from the large arched window, catching the tapestry’s edge and threatening to carry it away.
Celestia looked over to her pet. The fiery bird covered her dejected face with one wing. “Do not look like that. I just have to start over, is all.”
Philomena lowered her wing and glared at Celestia disapprovingly.
“I will not tolerate such insubordination, Philomena.” She flinched, almost falling off of her perch. “You are not to judge me. I am the ruler of Equestria. You are but a beast.”
Philomena cawed quietly.
“What do you mean, I have to keep telling myself that?” Celestia lifted herself from her prone position. “I am day. I am the sun . Even a phoenix would perish without my radiance .”
Philomena held silent.
“Just because I have had a little trouble over the disgraceful early deaths of my beloved friends does not mean I am not conducting myself as an honorable ruler would.”
Celestia began to pace around her bed. “And so what if I use my subjects for my own needs? It is more than a worthy sacrifice to retain the happiness of a ruler who could, with the twitch of her horn, drown this land in burning light or starve it from the energy it needs. She was a tribute , Philomena. They were all tributes.” Celestia stopped pacing. “And the next one will be as well.”
Philomena flapped her wings, sending a flurry of flaming feathers to the floor.
“How do you know that? Just because you have been around for nearly as long as I have does not mean that your miniscule, animalistic mind can hope to comprehend the depths of sorrow I have been through, nor could you grasp the necessity for the retention of such memories that shaped me into the mare I am.”
Philomena shifted on her perch and tucked her wings in.
“There is no other way. You have no place to speak to me in such a manner. You have no means of comprehension. Your perspective is clouded with your animalistic stupidity. I can comprehend your defiance in that you, as an animal, instinctively fall back on violence and fear.”
Philomena turned her head to the open window.
“Of course I am not observing her. Why should I? What force should compel a divinity to look upon one subject solely because she feels disadvantaged? I have duties to attend to, Philomena.”
Philomena motioned to the closet door.
“So what? What if I hold the treasures of my friends dear to my heart? Is that not natural?”
With a shimmer of her horn, Celestia opened the door. A pile of little tinted glass diamonds toppled out.
“Yes, Philomena. It has been that many. And it will be many more. And nothing you or Luna can say will change that.”
Philomena swooped down onto the floor and walked to the pile of glass diamonds. She snatched one in her talon and tossed it over to Celestia. Her horn glowed as the little trinket levitated over to her face.
“Yes, Philomena. This is Twilight’s. Why should I care? This one is done with.”
Philomena flew back over to her perch. Celestia squinted, looking carefully into the glass. Five of its six larger facets showed a mare. Each looked incredibly disconsolate. The other facet appeared to have been cloven out, leaving a scratched cavity behind.
“Yes, Twilight has left this world. I am aware of that.”
Philomena cawed.
“I understand what you are trying to say. That I am imprisoning myself within this world, and that those who care about me most certainly miss my presence. But let me inform you of something, Philomena. No one cares about me. They were the only ones who truly did. If I refused to raise the sun one morning, they would not curse my name. No one else in Equestria would ever do so.”
Philomena lowered her head.
“Leave me be. I must attend to another world. This one has need for me only one moment of the day.” Celestia cupped the diamond-shaped reality in her wing and stared at it.
Philomena fluttered down from her perch again and brushed up against Celestia consolingly.
“I said leave me be!” Celestia knocked the phoenix away with her wing. The bird staggered back and nearly fell over. “You should have been left with the dragons, you vile thing.”
“So the guest room is just down the hall, here,” Lavender said, pointing a hoof at the furthest door in the hallway, “it’s out of the way enough that classes won’t be bothering you early in the morning.”
“Thanks so much, Lavender,” Twilight said, “I can’t believe I almost turned you down.”
“Oh, it’s nothing!” Lavender said, waving her hoof, “and there’s a kitchen there, feel free to use anything in the icebox—”
“No, it’s not nothing,” Twilight said, smiling, “I really, really appreciate everything you’re doing.”
She’s so sweet. How could I have tried to brush her off? I was so rude...
Lavender blushed. “It’s fine, really. It gets a bit lonely here anyway.”
You teach here. If anything it has to be bustling.
Twilight took a good look around the interior of Star Swirl Academy. It seemed to be first and foremost a home, with just an adapted living room to serve as a teaching space. Two hallways branched off from the main room, one leading to the living quarters, the other to a lounging room.
In the central room, the walls were painted in violets and blues. Tapestries were hung from the walls, including some reproductions of famous magical scrolls and texts, and astronomical maps. The spiraling ceiling was dotted with glitter-painted wooden stars, which were affixed with sparkling mauve nails. Mahogany desks faced the front wall. Hanging on this wall was a large blackboard, next to it a teaching degree and a framed oil-painted portrait of the bubbly teacher herself.
“So, anything you wanna talk about before lunch?” Lavender asked.
Okay, the ball is in your court. Conversation starters. Uh… where she’s from? No, no she’s probably just from here, that can’t go anywhere. Favorite Wonderbolt? I don’t even know of those are around anymore. How she does her mane? No, those conversations just end with ‘it’s how it is when I wake up in the morning’. Oh! Cutie mark story! It’s corny, but it’ll show my investment in her life!
“Well,” Twilight started, tilting her head to in an attempt catch a glimpse at Lavender’s flank, “I know it’s really cliché, but how did you get your cutie mark?”
“You really want me to bore you with that old story?” Lavender smirked, “Okay, fine, if you insist. But this is a long one, so let me brew some tea and I’ll spill the deets.”
This’ll be interesting. I don’t think I even asked my old friends about this, it just sort of came up. I’m sure I can learn a lot about her.
After a few minutes of staring at her hooves, Twilight looked up to see Lavender return, levitating two cups that emanated a fruity odor. Lavender passed the cup to Twilight, its aura switching from lavender to a darker violet. Twilight took a sip, nearly scalding her mouth.
Lavender gestured to the fuchsia-colored sofa. Twilight sat down towards the edge of the couch, leaning her flank on the armrest. Lavender sat almost uncomfortably close to her. Twilight finally got a good glimpse at her cutie mark— the image of a light bulb with a few lines indicating the light radiating from it.
“I’m sure you’re thinking, ‘a light bulb, of all things?’” Lavender giggled, then cleared her throat. “So, when I was a filly, I lived in this town called San Palomino. It was a rainy, unpleasant little place surrounded by these rocky slopes.
“I was enrolled at the magic school there. Ironically, with what I do now, I was a very weak student. I had to do hours upon hours of independent study to avoid falling behind. I wasn’t really receptive to anything the teacher said. Mind you, this was school for nine-year-old fillies. Not much was expected of me. Ordinarily, the less talented would end up just passing and never using magic in their everyday lives.
“But no, despite how hard it was for me, I loved magic. I loved learning how to cast spells, even if I couldn’t manage them for the most part. There was something about that thrill of accomplishment, casting a spell that took days of study to perform properly. One spell in particular gave me difficulty.”
“Illumination?” Twilight took a shot in the dark.
Lavender smiled. “Precisely. I spent weeks perfecting it, forcing myself to concentrate harder than I ever had to before. One day, I finally managed to master it. I was so incredibly thrilled, I distinctly remember running down to my parents’ room in the middle of the night, horn ablaze, shouting ‘I got it! I got it!’”
Twilight grinned, envisioning the scene Lavender described.
“So, here’s where it gets good. I was having my first-ever slumber party with some of my friends from school. It was maybe a few minutes past midnight. We were just minding our own business when this terrible rumbling noise erupted. It was a landslide. Apparently those hadn’t occurred for a few decades, and this one was especially bad. Luckily, it missed us, but a great deal of the town was covered in rubble, and many ponies were unaccounted for.”
Twilight was nearly at the edge of her seat. Lavender took a sip of her tea and continued. “We woke up my parents, but they didn’t know what to do about it. It was pitch-black outside. So, I figured, why not teach these friends of mine the illumination spell I learned, and form a search-and-rescue team? And that’s exactly what I did. I found it incredibly easy to explain it to them, and even though none of them were inherently especially skilled at magic, they managed to cast the spell with ease.
“We set out to the oppressively dark night, horns glowing, calling out for anypony who needed assistance. We scoured the whole town, levitating rubble and answering distress signals from other unicorns who managed to send them out. We must’ve rescued a couple dozen ponies. When the mayor called for a meeting in the town square to do a head count, we were the beacons that led everypony there.
“But one pony, a colt, was unaccounted for. His parents begged us to help find him. They explained that while they managed to escape their home, he couldn’t. They figured, since we were small and could fit into tight places, that we could find him.
“So I led my little squad to the remains of the colt’s house. We slipped in under the wrecked rafter that blocked the door. We found him curled up in the bathroom, calling to his parents. We kept reassuring him, as best as we could. We explained the situation, asked for his name, et cetera. We managed to calm him down, and with some magic, we managed to open up the back door and lead him to safety.
“When we returned him to his parents, they apologized repeatedly to him, telling him that they’ll never leave him again. He rushed over to us and embraced us. I had never felt so fulfilled.
“I didn’t notice, through all of the panic and emotion, that this light bulb appeared on my flank. I say it symbolizes how I enlighten my students, helping them to shed their light on the world as well.”
“That’s amazing, Lavender,” Twilight said.
“Oh, come now,” Lavender said, “it’s old hat now.” Lavender paused for a moment. “So, would you like to tell me yours? I mean, if you’re not comfortable telling me, that’s fine.”
She’s being so considerate. I have to tell her.
But, the rainbow! It was fake! All of it was fake, Twilight!
No. I want to tell her.
“Oh, no, if you want to hear mine, I’ll gladly share.” Twilight took a sip of her tea, now thoroughly cooled. “It’s not quite so exciting, or as long, but I think you’ll get a kick out of it.
“So, I had been studying magic all of my life, ever since I saw the—”
Not the Summer Sun Celebration, Twilight. Think of something else.
“…Performance from the students of this private magic academy in Canterlot. So, my parents decided to enroll me in the school, but first I had to pass this entrance exam. It was to hatch this dragon egg. I tried as hard as I could, but I couldn’t manage to do anything but make a little spark that fizzled out immediately.
“I was totally blowing it, and there was nothing I could do. I felt so helpless. I felt as if all of the hard work I had been putting into my studies had been for nothing. I was about to give up, when this spectacular—”
The rainbow was a fabrication. Celestia modified your magical abilities in that moment and made the rainbow as an attempt to form a connection with your friends in your mind before you supposedly met them in your vision. It’s all fake. Your cutie mark is a lie, Twilight Sparkle. You’re a lie. She manufactures fillies like you. She finds one she likes and makes them her ‘faithful students’. Who knows how many others are like you? And they all probably have that pointed star on their flank. You are but a proxy for Celestia.
Stop! I’ll tell her. She just doesn’t need to know about… all that.
Lavender looked at Twilight, perplexed.
Twilight inhaled. “…This spectacular rainbow crossed the sky. Some force filled me with its power, or unlocked some power inside me. I hatched the dragon egg, and ended up nearly destroying the whole building. The head instructor saw my raw power and said that she wanted me to be her protégé. I was so excited at the time. But then, there was more. My cutie mark had appeared.”
Twilight’s voice trailed off. She began to choke up. “I’m sorry, it’s just—”
Lavender put a hoof on Twilight’s shoulder. “It’s fine, Twilight. You don’t need to say anything else.”
She must be so confused. I can’t explain it to her. There’s no way. But I need to. I feel like my heart will explode if I don’t.
Keep the curtain closed.
Maybe it can wait. But at some point, I have to.
Keep the curtain closed.
“I’m sorry if I brought up some bad memories,” Lavender said, “I should’ve known better.”
“No, no,” Twilight said, wiping a tear from her face, “it’s fine. When a foal gets his or her cutie mark, it’s supposed to be one of the happiest moments of their lives.”
“It’s different for all of us,” Lavender said, “not everypony is happy with the cards they’ve been dealt.”
Chapter 7: What Friends Do
The two unicorns walked, nearly silently, through the winding dirt roads of Ponyville. Lavender made no attempts to initiate conversation. Twilight felt a slight unease return to her.
This is normal. Going to lunch with some new friends. This is what friends do, right? They do the things they would do alone, but together. There’s no reason to be alone in Ponyville. Just go with it.
“So, where are we going?” Twilight broke the silence.
“Hm?” Lavender turned to Twilight, surprised at her interjection. “Well, there’s just this little café in the town square that we frequent. It’s a quaint little family-owned place. I think it’s probably been here a couple generations.”
“Oh, that sounds really nice.” ‘A couple generations’. Nothing’s lasted long enough here for me to remember it.
“Yeah, there’s a reason we keep coming back!” Lavender beamed.
This is what it’s like for everypony else, making new friends. I’m sure Lavender met Bay Breeze in some mundane way, too. Not everything is magical adventure, I assume. They probably just do things like this all the time. Twilight shook her head. No, no. This isn’t mundane. This consideration she’s been showing has been nothing short of magic.
“Okay Twily, we’re here!”
…And all that goes out the window.
The café was pressed between two larger buildings. An awning hung overhead, shading the unoccupied outdoor tables. It had caught a few of the colorful fallen leaves from the tree planted in front of it. An occasional breeze knocked a curled leaf off of the awning, letting it drift down and alight on the dirt road. A hand-painted wooden sign above the door read “The Hay Barrel: Est. 1924”.
The door opened with the cheerful jingle of bells. The lighting was dim, partially due to the aged dark brown wallpaper. No standing room was present— the tables and chairs formed an interlocking jigsaw puzzle to seat the maximum amount of ponies. There was no uniformity in the furnishings. One table was low to the ground and had cushions as seats; another was a coffee table with two loveseats on its sides. Nearly every seat was occupied, but the atmosphere was quiet and calm.
As Twilight examined her surroundings thoroughly, the waving of a hoof from the back of the café caught her eye.
“Over here!” A stallion’s voice exclaimed, with another wave of his hoof.
The two unicorns sidestepped through the obstacle course of chairs to reach the furthest table against the back wall. Seated at the table were Bay Breeze and the stallion to whom the waving hoof belonged. A mop of unkempt rusty hair was perched on his head. His short tail swayed excitedly beneath the table. A pair of overalls partially obscured his sienna coat. His sapphire eyes instantly focused on Twilight Sparkle.
“Hello,” Twilight said, walking over to the opposite side of the table. “You must be—”
The stallion swiftly got out of his chair and swung around the table. He gripped the head of the chair Twilight was headed to and in one swift motion pulled it out from beneath the table. He bowed his head respectfully and waited for Twilight to sit.
“Oh?” Twilight climbed onto the chair. The stallion gently pushed her in. That’s… nice. “Th-thank you. You are Solar Flare, correct?”
“That’s me,” He said, trotting back to his seat. Lavender pulled out her chair and sat next to Twilight.
“Oh, Flare,” Lavender giggled, “isn’t that a bit much?”
That was ‘much’? Oh no.
“N-not at all,” Twilight said, “you’re a… gentlecolt. ”
“Oh? Thanks… It's Twilight, right?” Solar Flare practically whispered, his voice trailing off. His face turned crimson and he slumped back into his chair, practically slipping beneath the table.
"Yes. Pleased to meet you." Not good. Change the subject, he’s getting uncomfortable.
“You two share the cottage attached to the record store, right?” Twilight said, glancing at Bay Breeze.
“Yeah,” Bay Breeze and Solar Flare said in unison.
“So…” Twilight could not think of anything to say.
The waiter arrived at the table with a pad of paper in hoof. Twilight gave a sigh of relief. He took a quick glance at her customers. “Oh, it’s you three. And somepony new!”
“The usual, for us, please,” Lavender said, “Twily, what do you want?”
“Oh! Um…” Twilight had failed to notice the menu before her. “Whatever this is.” She pointed to a random portion of the paper.
“That’s our address,” the waiter said.
“Oh, right. Of course. Hay fries, then?”
“Thank you. It’ll be out shortly.” The waiter rolled his eyes and trotted to another table.
“So, Twilight,” Bay Breeze said with a wave of her hoof, “I’ve been dying to know. As a Canterlot native, what did you think of the wedding?”
“The wedding?” Twilight blinked a few times.
“Omigosh!” Lavender exclaimed, putting her hooves on the table and leaning towards Twilight. “It’s felt like so long ago! Were you there?”
Well, sort of.
“Yes, I attended. It was a beautiful wedding, to say the least,” Twilight said, looking to the side.
Solar Flare had risen from his seat, and leaned into the center of the table. “Were you involved in the proceedings at all, or were you just a guest?” Solar Flare asked.
Strange question. Depends on your definition of ‘involved’. “Just a guest,” Twilight said, “I’m not really anywhere among the higher-ups in Canterlot.”
“Were you scared?” Bay Breeze asked.
“Of what?”
“The Changeling Army,” Bay Breeze said.
“How did you manage?” Solar Flare asked.
“Oh! That actually happened?” Twilight exclaimed.
Oh, horse apples. I shouldn’t have said that out loud. They must think I’m such a freak.
“It was pretty surreal,” Lavender said, “I’m still having a hard time believing it.” She smiled at Twilight. “I’m sure you could fend for yourself, though, being a student of magic.”
“I made it out, didn’t I?” Twilight returned the smile.
Thank goodness. I made it out of something just now, to be sure.
“I’m surprised we didn’t see you there,” Lavender said, “I would probably notice a unicorn tearing through mobs of changelings.”
“Oh, I’m not that good— wait.” Twilight stopped herself. “You were there?”
“All three of us attended, yes,” Bay Breeze said, adjusting her glasses.
“Pardon my asking, but how exactly did you get in?” Twilight said, perplexed.
“Oh, well, I don’t want to toot our collective horns, but, if you insist…” Lavender smirked. “I was asked by Princess Luna herself to have my students perform a show for the reception. Not bad for a small town teacher, I’d say.”
“I was asked to play for the wedding march alongside the Royal Orchestra,” Bay Breeze said. “I play violin. I suppose I’ve garnered somewhat of a reputation here in Ponyville.”
“I was just there to assist Bay Breeze,” Solar Flare said.
The table fell silent briefly. Lavender gave Solar Flare a disappointed look, then returned her gaze to Twilight.
“You must’ve been so honored,” Twilight said, “I can’t imagine what it would be like to be that close to the Canterlot royalty.” Twilight nearly choked on the irony of her statement.
“Well, aside from the interruption,” Bay Breeze said, “it was a great experience.”
“We got to meet the bride and groom, albeit briefly,” Solar Flare said.
“They were so sweet,” Lavender said, “like, you could tell they’re perfect for each other.”
Oh, Shining… I truly hope he's okay. He must be worried sick.
“I agree,” Twilight said, “it was clear that they’ll be happy together for a long time.”
“We all wish them the best,” Bay Breeze said, “it’s not every day you see such love and conviction between two ponies.”
The conversation paused, everypony waiting for Solar Flare to chime in.
I don’t get it. Why did Celestia include the Changeling Army incident in the fabrication? It never happened to her in her time in Ponyville. Why would she throw that in?
Oh, I see. It must have been to remind me of my past reality. I had not spoken and had hardly thought of Canterlot or Shining Armor until that event. She wanted to lull me back into believing the reality was complete, since I had gone so very long without seeing him.
But wait, if the Changeling Army did invade, who helped fend them off? Who discovered the real Cadance and helped her defeat Chrysalis? For that matter, who defeated Nightmare Moon and Discord? That must have happened. But the stained glass… I only remember seeing my friends and Celestia sealing away Luna. So who revived her? Could they have? But there are only—
“Your hay fries, ma’am,” the waiter said, dropping the plate before her. Twilight took a few seconds to snap back into reality and return eye contact and a ‘thank you.’
None of that even matters right now. I’m putting all of that behind me.
Twilight grabbed a fry and chewed it thoughtfully. She entered the conversation again.
“I’m sorry, Cadance. I just can’t think straight. I’m so worried about her."
Shining Armor sat in front of the flickering fireplace in the castle suite. The reddish light caught the cerulean highlights of his mane, streaking his hair with purple. Cadance sat behind him. She rested her head on his shoulder.
“I don’t want to say, ‘I’m sure she’s fine’. I know that will just eat away at you.” She looked her husband squarely in his tired eyes. “I’ll say that I’m genuinely worried, too. And that as soon as we can, we should try to find her.”
Cadance lifted her head up and stepped in front of Shining, blocking the glow of the fire. “I am sure I speak for both of us in that we refuse to let her just go on her own that way.” She stomped down her hoof, shaking the nearby table lightly. “I know she’s an adult now, but is she really in any condition to be running off?”
“You don’t have to drag yourself into this,” Shining Armor said, turning away from his bride and facing the wall, “I can find her myself.”
“I know I don’t have to, honey. I want to,” Cadance sighed, “even if I didn’t care about Twilight, I can see how much this is affecting you. That’s reason enough.”
“You didn’t hear what she said to me, Cadance,” Shining Armor said, “I’ve never been so perplexed and helpless. There was nothing I could do to stop her.”
“What sort of things did she say?”
“It was all incoherent. It was like she was trying to explain two years’ worth of dreams to me in one breath. And she sounded deeply hurt by it.”
“Why didn’t you tell me about any of this sooner?” Cadance said, her voice filled with the ire born of concern.
“I couldn’t even begin to collect my thoughts. All of this happened so suddenly. It was only a few days ago that I stood on that altar with you. In all of that chaos with the changelings, I was powerless. And now, my sister wakes up, shouts at me, and leaves, and once again, I can’t do anything.”
“You can do something,” Cadance started, “No, we can do something. We can go to Celestia. I’m sure she can figure something out.”
“You don’t think I’ve tried that?” Shining Armor said, anger tingeing his voice. “Every time I’ve tried to make contact with Celestia, I’ve gotten nothing. And with what Twilight said to me before she left, this is all too disturbing.”
“She said something about Celestia?”
“Well,” Shining Armor looked to Cadance, and his voice grew more dismal, “when I mentioned that she should go see the Princess, she nearly fainted. She acted as if Celestia had done something to her. She sounded terrified to her core.”
“Are you implying that my aunt somehow scarred her?”
“No!” Shining said, swinging his head, “Twilight obviously has had some issue, real or not, with Celestia. So it’s intuitive that if there’s any substance to it, Celestia would know about it.”
“True,” Cadance said, “I mean, I can see why you would be suspicious. Both teacher and student are exhibiting odd behavior.”
“It was beyond odd , Cadance,” he said, “there were countless bizarre things she said to me before she left. Some of them weren't even words; they were just thoughts that had been scrambled before they made it out of her mouth. And she made this wild accusation about Celestia, calling her a ‘lie’.”
“That is it, Shining Armor,” Cadance said, lifting herself up and facing the door. “We are speaking with Celestia, this instant. I don’t know what to think about any of this.”
“You’re right,” he said, quickly levitating over a poker and shovel to the fireplace. He separated the logs and covered the smoldering fire with ash. “There’s no reason she cannot speak to us.”
With a nod from Shining Armor, the two rushed out of the door and into the Canterlot evening. They wove through the frost-tinged verdant hedges of the garden. Cadance looked over to her husband as they trotted, seeing the dejection on his face. She lowered her head, her tail stilled and her gait slowed.
After a few minutes of walking, they had reached the front entrance. They dashed through the foyer. The foyer was once again nearly empty. When they walked up the carpeted stairway and up to the double-doors that led to the throne room, they were met with the stern faces of two guards, with wings crossed over the door.
“Let us through,” Shining said, “I have an important inquiry to make with the Princess.”
The guards remained silent, their wings unwavering.
Shining Armor snarled. “What sort of insubordination is this? I am your captain . You report to me, first and foremost. Stand down and let us through.”
One of the pegasi whipped out a scroll from his armor. He spoke in an atonal voice. “We have direct orders from the Princess to not permit any entrance. Your standing does not overrule this, captain .”
“Of all the—”
“Guards,” a muffled voice from behind the door called. The guards instantly diverted their attention to its source. “Let the stallion in. Please escort my niece back to her room.”
“What?!” Shining Armor scraped at the floor with his hoof. “She stays here. There’s no reason why she can’t—”
“Honey, I’ll be fine,” Cadance said, “if she doesn’t want to deal with me, that’s her decision. Don’t stay out too late, though.”
With that, the guards departed with Cadance in tow. Shining could not help but watch as she gave a reassuring parting glance before the front door of Canterlot castle shut behind them.
The large double-doors to the throne room creaked open as he slipped in. Celestia stood only about a yard away from the entrance. She gazed down upon him imposingly.
“What is this about?” Shining Armor said, looking directly into the Princess’s eyes. “Why are you commanding my guards? They are under my jurisdiction.”
“I apologize, Shining Armor,” Celestia said, “I assumed that, since you are newly married, that you would rather have time to spend with your bride, rather than writing out commands.”
“That doesn’t mean I want you to—”
“If I am not mistaken,” Celestia interrupted, “you didn’t come here to talk about your men. You came here to discuss Twilight Sparkle.”
“You are correct, Your Highness,” he said, “but why my bride cannot be present for such discourse is beyond me.”
“I do this only out of consideration for my niece, Shining Armor. Such discussions are not intended for the softer-hearted.”
“What could you possibly say that she could not handle?”
“We shall see, Shining Armor,” Celestia said.
Shining Armor shook off the confusion from Celestia’s vague statement. “What do you know about Twilight’s condition and the means by which she woke?”
“I know nothing but that her dragon companion was somehow responsible for her awakening.”
“She stated that to me. Do you know her motives for leaving, and in such a hurry?”
“No.”
“She did not tell you?”
“She did not.”
“I assumed she had met with you before she came to me,” he said, “am I right?”
“She did no such thing.”
“Then why, pray tell, did she come running to me in hysterics, accusing you of being a liar?” Shining Armor said, furrowing his brow.
“You honestly trust the judgment of a mare who believes—” Celestia stopped herself, covering her mouth with her wing and turning her head to the side.
“Who believes what?” Shining Armor said, taking a step to the side and staring angrily into Celestia’s quivering eyes. He pondered for a moment, rubbing a hoof beneath his chin. “You’re hiding something, aren’t you?”
Celestia remained silent. She averted her gaze from Shining Armor’s sharp eyes, looking around the throne room.
“I doubted my sister. Of course I did. But you’re doing an amazing job of affirming my suspicions.”
“And what are those suspicions?” Celestia asked, still refusing to make eye contact again.
“I’m unsure, at this point. But I’m certain that whatever happened before she came to me was shattering to her. And, forgive me, Your Highness , but I have no reason not to assume that you were the cause.”
“Stop right there, Shining Armor,” Celestia boomed. She flapped her massive white wings, blowing gusts of wind at his face. “Regardless of your standing in my family, you do not accuse me of such an act.”
“You are doing nothing but validating my accusations, Princess.”
“How dare you. I would never mistreat my protégé. I care for her more than nearly any other citizen of Equestria. She is like a daughter to me. I was devastated upon discovering her that one morning. And I was thrilled to hear that she had awoken. And you have the gall to state that I had done something to harm her?”
“You don’t care about her at all. You’ve been locked up in here ever since the news that she woke up had reached you. You’ve made no effort to pinpoint her location. You’ve been sending out royal orders to keep anyone from seeing you, but not to find your beloved protégé.”
Bolts of magic radiated from Celestia’s horn, sending sparks downward, singeing the carpet. “You spoiled little child! I generously offer my niece’s hoof in marriage to you. I entrust you with one of the most prestigious duties in all of Canterlot ! And one demented mare’s ramblings send you off in a fit of disrespect?”
“She is not demented . I am left to assume that whatever she was trying to say you did to her was entirely true, and was enough to completely shake her to the point of hysteria.” Shining Armor turned from the Princess and began walking towards the door, swishing his tail angrily. “You are of no use to me. I am going to find my sister, and she’s going to explain everything she couldn’t manage to before.”
“If you value your marriage to my niece, I advise that you refrain from doing that.”
Shining Armor stopped in his tracks.
“Take one step into Ponyville and you can consider Cadance to be out of your life forever.”
“You can’t! You have no—”
“I am the presiding ruler over this land. And I will not tolerate disobedience, especially from one to whom I have given so much, expecting only gratitude in return.”
Shining Armor held silent, lowering his head to the ground.
“I shall be merciful and allow you to maintain your position as captain of the guard, as well as the right to my niece, so long as you make no mention of this conversation, or of the unicorn known as Twilight Sparkle.”
Shining Armor crawled over to the door and exited. He walked down the stairwell, looking at his hooves as they made gentle contact with the carpeted stairs. He felt another body brush past him. He sluggishly lifted his head.
“What is troubling you, Shining Armor?” Luna asked. She stood towering over the hunched stallion. Shining Armor remained frozen. Luna’s gaze instantly darted to the throne room door, then back to the distressed unicorn. “Do not tell me that it was—”
He nodded slowly. Luna’s eyes seethed with fury. She threw her chest forward, tossing her hair behind her as she strutted up the stairs. With a powerful kick, the double-doors parted. Celestia had begun to make her way to the back of the throne room. Upon the percussive blast of Luna’s hoof, she spun around to face her.
“Him too , sister?!” Luna bellowed, sauntering forth until she was inches away from Celestia, “when will you cease with all of this destructiveness?!”
“Destructiveness ? I uprooted a weed that could have spread throughout all of Equestria,” Celestia said, raising her hoof between them, looking at her hooficure smugly.
“I thank you for the vague analogy,” Luna said, pushing Celestia’s hoof out of her face, “but I am speaking about Shining Armor. What did you do to him?”
“It was merely a discussion about the current state of his sister.”
“A discussion ? No creature leaves a discussion looking as if he had been broken entirely.”
“It is not my fault that he possesses a weak mental constitution,” Celestia said, turning from her sister and beginning to walk towards her throne again, “he should have expected the consequences once he developed the impudence to speak to me as he did.”
“I apologize if he scratched your fragile ego, Celestia,” Luna said, “but answer me. What did you do to him?”
“I gave him options,” Celestia stated curtly, looking back to her sister as she walked.
Luna pressed her hoof against her face. “What kind of options, sister?”
“He could either betray Equestria and face his rightful punishment for doing so, or return to his ordinary life with his loving bride.”
“Forgive me, sister,” Luna said, her voice deadpan, “but I have a sneaking suspicion that you are manipulating the truth.”
“He would gladly ruin all of the order I have established for the sake of his foolish whims, sister. I did what I had to.”
“And these ‘foolish whims’? What do they constitute?”
“He wished to abandon his post and seek out my old apprentice.”
“And you robbed him of that opportunity?!”
“I did no such thing. Just a little… coercion.”
“Coercion and threatening are two very different things.”
“Regardless of whatever methods I have used to keep him behaved, he approached me entirely on his own free will, acted in rebellion, and has the opportunity to face no consequence for his actions. Coercion indeed.”
“I believe I can assume what your debauched mind spawned for such a method of coercion.” Luna rolled her eyes.
“You don’t think I would kill him, do you?” Celestia chuckled.
“I am astonished that you claim you would not.”
“Those one thousand years did no good for your intellect,” Celestia ran a hoof through her mane. “I know that, upon the threat of death, Shining Armor would attempt to find his sister regardless.”
Luna held silent. Celestia began pacing around her as she spoke.
“No, it is not his life he values. I know that all he cares about is protecting his two loves: his bride, and his sister.”
“You sick creature. You forced him to choose?”
“To be fair, I did make one far more appealing than the other.”
“Why are you even doing this? What could he possibly do that warrants this treatment? There is no harm in allowing him to seek out his sister and give her the comfort no other pony could possibly offer.”
“You are far too simple to understand. If he were to learn of the happenings, I am certain logic would leave him entirely. He is not the type to keep this information to himself. Unrest would wash over Equestria.”
“You would kill him then?”
“I have done enough damage control as it is.”
“You are that confident in your ‘coercion’?”
“I most certainly am.”
“And confident in your management of any other ‘loose ends’?”
“I assume you speak of that green-and-purple little hellspawn.”
“The courageous savior of a horribly tortured innocent? That is the one of which I speak.”
“I have no worries concerning the actions of Shining Armor or Twilight’s little companion.”
“I most certainly do. Just as I am concerned for the other lives you have ruined. Twilight Sparkle is admirable in her attempts to reconstruct her life, while you wallow in your festering self-pity that rots the mind of everypony it touches.”
“Give me reason to care about that Twilight Sparkle, beyond that she carries a truth none will believe.”
“I think you are jealous of her.”
“What ?!”
“You wish you could muster the immense amount of courage it takes to step outside of your door in a world you are wholly unfamiliar with and accept the affection of those whom you have never met.”
“I do not wish to be that frail and weak thing. I am the—”
“Restating your position will do nothing to convince me, let alone yourself.”
“She is useless. She is absolutely dead to me. There is no reason for me to covet her petty little life.”
“With that petty little life she has made far more of an effort to improve.”
Celestia scoffed, flipping her mane at Luna’s face. She began unhurriedly walking away.
“Nothing of worth to say, sister?” Luna said as Celestia headed to the back of the throne room. “You call her ‘useless’, but you and I both know that you see so much of yourself in her. But her behavior lately seems to be out of the character you have given her to play. And that terrifies you.”
Celestia sat on the step before her throne. She waved her tail impatiently.
“You thought you had control over her. You thought everything you two would ever say or do would match up in perfect little scripts, so you can look them over to your heart’s content. You wanted to reread the same words, regardless of whether or not your world is collapsing around you and every single being who would try to show you affection is pushed away and left to eternal torment.”
Celestia’s mane covered her eyes. Luna heard muffled sobbing and saw a few glittering tears speckle the red carpet. Luna stepped forth and pushed Celestia’s hair aside, and looked deeply into her fogged eyes.
“Please, sister,” Luna said softly, “I implore you. Lift the weighty dilemma you have imposed on Shining Armor. Allow him to meet with his sister. Make him swear to silence after that, I do not care. I know you are afraid of your subjects hearing of your actions, and I do not intend on making that my goal. Not that you do not deserve it, but because I feel it would not solve anything.”
Celestia said nothing.
Luna took a few steps forward and stood by Celestia’s side. Luna nestled up against her sister. Celestia jerked and twitched, but remained sitting, facing forward. Luna could feel Celestia’s heart pulsing rapidly and irregularly. Her entire body was quivering, and her feathery wings shuttered, shaking loose a few feathers. Her breaths were short and far-between. Luna took a meditative breath.
“Be strong, and look upon Twilight Sparkle. All I ask is that you look. If you still feel that you must recreate your world after seeing her actions, then I will do nothing to stop you.”
The sun had begun to slide behind early evening clouds. The air was crisp and brisk. With each of the two ponies’ breaths arose a little puff of ice-tinged air that would soon be caught by the wind and dissipated behind them. The buildings tightly hugged the dirt road, their shadows nullifying the evening light.
Solar Flare walked closely beside Bay Breeze. When she occasionally stepped off of the narrow path, Solar Flare would gently nudge her in the proper direction with his head. Every few steps she stretched out her meager wings to feel her surroundings or maintain balance. She held her face forward, while Solar Flare concentrated on her movements.
“Well, that was nice,” Bay Breeze said, with a hesitant step.
“Yeah,” Solar Flare replied, giving a gentle smile. “It’s nice meeting somepony new.”
“I’m surprised, though. A Canterlot native wasting her time in little old Ponyville,” Bay Breeze said, smiling.
“Oh, come on, Bay,” he said. “You and I both know that you love it here and wouldn’t live anywhere else.”
“Yes, but I’m delusional,” she said, chuckling. “Why an upper-crust unicorn would spend her holiday here of all places is beyond me.”
“‘Upper-crust’?” Solar Flare said, raising an eyebrow. “I didn’t get that from her at all.”
“Well, just because she doesn’t act it doesn’t mean she isn’t higher-class than anypony else here.”
“She seemed down-to-earth, to me, if anything. I wouldn’t’ve known she was from Canterlot if you didn’t tell me.”
“Yeah, I guess she was feeling humbled, what with how much hospitality Lavender’s been showing her. She’s acting like she’s known her for years.”
“Yeah, I’m not surprised, though. It’s Lavender we’re talking about.”
There was a silence between them. Bay Breeze had slowed her gait, and her shoulders were slightly slumped. Solar Flare yawned and stretched his neck, as if attempting to elicit a new statement from Bay Breeze. Bay Breeze took a look in his direction and squinted.
She broke the silence with a heavy sigh. She pointed her head at the ground as she spoke. “Okay, Flare, this will sound odd to you.”
“Oh?” Solar Flare looked at her, perplexed.
“But it’s something that’s been bothering me considerably and I don’t want to keep it from you and let it get worse.” Bay Breeze’s stern face matched the intensity in her voice.
“Of course. What is it?”
“Do you think there’s anything… strange about Twilight Sparkle?” She adjusted her glasses with a slight shake of her head.
Solar Flare rubbed his hoof against the top of his head. “She seemed nervous to me, for sure, but that’s nothing strange.”
“No, it was something beyond that, I think.”
“Like what?”
“She just seemed like she was hiding something. Like there was something she really did not want to let us know about.” The pathway’s slope made Bay Breeze falter in her step, nearly falling onto Solar Flare. Solar Flare lifted her up softly with a nudge of his head.
“I don’t think so, Bay. I think you’re looking too far into this. She just had nerves, is all.”
“You’d know that better than anypony, yes. But I don’t know, some of her reactions were just too strange to toss up to nervousness. Seemed like textbook skeletons-in-the-closet to me.”
“Well, maybe it was something she didn’t feel ready to talk about with us. She just met us, Bay.” Solar Flare took a step in front of her to ensure that she turned a corner. “And she was all spacey and unaware because she’s in a new place with nopony she knows, and she’s still getting her bearings.”
“I truly hope you’re right.”
“Why are you getting so intense about this? Even if she were hiding something, or lying to us, does that really affect anything? If we become good enough friends the truth will come out naturally.”
“I’m intense because you and I both know what lies can do to a friendship, and frankly, we don’t need that.” Bay Breeze turned towards Solar Flare’s general direction. “And you are in no place to talk about the truth—” Bay Breeze gasped and put a hoof over her mouth.
Both ponies had stopped moving. Solar Flare’s face was grim, his brow casting a shadow over his blue eyes. His breath was stuttering. Bay Breeze had cringed slightly and had backed up from Solar Flare’s side.
Solar Flare inhaled shakily, preparing to speak. Bay Breeze flinched upon hearing him. “I thought we all had an understanding,” Solar Flare said, “we don’t talk about that.”
Bay Breeze waved her forelegs nervously while backing up, nearly into the center of the road. “I’m really sorry, it’s just—”
“No, it’s fine, Bay. Just… please… be more careful about—”
“No, I shouldn’t’ve—”
“Think about it this way. I felt terrible all of the time I kept… that … a secret from you two. And when I told you two about it, I felt so relieved and happy that I could get it off of my chest.”
Bay Breeze had relaxed her stiff posture and approached Solar Flare again. “So, you’re saying she’ll tell us whatever’s on her mind once it becomes too much for her to handle?”
“Well, if you put it that way—”
“I swear, if she doesn’t start to loosen up, somepony’s going to get hurt.”
“Is there a reason you’re getting so worked up over this?”
“I’m just concerned. I’m worried for Twilight’s sake, too.”
“Geez, Bay, you’ve spent maybe three hours with her. Give her time. Maybe you should loosen up a bit, too.”
Bay Breeze sighed again. “You’re right.”
“She just was nervous. I’m sure with time she’ll open up.”
“Yes, yes. I know.”
“She was just afraid of making a bad first impression.”
“We all know what that’s like, right?”
“I know I do.”
“I was being silly. How could I jump to conclusions like that? I’m sure I didn’t bear my soul to you two when I met you, why should I expect her to do so?”
“Exactly. I think Twilight’s really sweet, and I’m excited to spend more time with her.”
“Well, I could tell that , Mr. Casanova.”
Solar Flare blushed. “Hey! It’s common courtesy—”
“I know, Flare,” Bay Breeze giggled.
“Was it too much?”
“Flare, if it were possible to be too polite, you’d have passed the threshold long ago.”
“Aw, Bay…”
The two unicorns sat across from each other at a small square table. The waning moon was clearly visible through the window. The room was lit with a candelabrum in the center of the table. The light was bright enough to allow for visibility, but not enough to neither strain the eyes nor envelop the thin rays of moonlight that entered through the window.
“Thanks so much for dinner, Lavender,” Twilight said, placing the knife and fork crossed on the plate. She levitated a napkin over to her mouth.
“Oh, it’s no trouble,” Lavender said. Her horn glowed and the two plates were lifted off of the table. She began to walk to the kitchen as she called back to Twilight. “We’ve got all night. What do you want to do?”
Twilight shrugged. “I’m up for anything.”
Amidst the sounds of a sink running and dishes clanging, Lavender's voice came from the kitchen. “Please, you’re my guest.”
Okay, this is getting excessive. How much is she going to give me for nothing in return? “Lavender, I have a question for you.”
A muffled “shoot” could be heard from the kitchen.
“How long are you going to let me stay here?”
Lavender slipped back into the dining room, smiling. “Why, as long as you need!”
“Well, I don’t want to impose. I could find my own place—”
“Oh, come now. I don’t know why it’s so hard to convince you that this is no trouble at all.”
“Well, frankly, I feel kind of like a freeloader.”
“A freeloader , huh?” Lavender sat at the table and rested her head on her hoof. She looked around the room pensively. “So, you don’t like how you’re getting the room and board and meals without giving me anything, right?”
“Well, yes.”
“So, you want to do something to pay me back, even though I’m not asking it of you?”
Twilight nodded.
“That’s so sweet of you. Tell me, something, Twilight. Are you good with kids?”
“I suppose so,” Twilight said, “I don’t really have any experience, though.”
“But the idea of being in a room with two dozen foals doesn’t fill you with terror?”
Twilight chuckled. “No, not at all.”
“And you would say that your magic skill level is…?”
“Well,” Twilight said, giving an aside glance, “I’d like to say expert.”
“You see where I’m going here, right?” Lavender said, making a rolling motion with her hoof.
“Forty bits a night?” Twilight said with a wry smile.
Lavender giggled. “Just help me out with my classes and we’ll call it even. Is that okay?”
“Of course!” Twilight said, “I’d love to help.”
Ugh. I was actually hoping she’d take the money. But that’s okay. I mean, they’re going to be smart, ambitious little kids, anyway.
“Great!” Lavender said, “Class starts tomorrow at nine. I hope that’s not too early.”
Twilight flipped her mane. “Early? Please. If you really get into your studies, nine in the morning is late .”
“I guess so,” Lavender said with a chuckle, “I remember pulling some pretty hardcore all-nighters back in my school days.”
“I’d imagine you’d’ve had to,” Twilight said, “since you managed to get a teaching degree so young.”
Lavender blushed. “See, your compliments are reward enough for a place to stay.”
Twilight smiled. “Thanks, but that doesn’t mean I don’t still want to help.”
“You know what would really help, Twilight?”
“What?”
“If you, uh, took a shower. You really, really stink.”
“Oh?” Twilight laughed nervously. “Where’s the—”
“Down the hall and to the right,” Lavender said, covering her nose.
Twilight slipped out of the room, and followed Lavender’s instructions. She walked into the bathroom, whose tiles were, to no surprise, violet and blue. She pulled the shower curtain open with her magic, then twisted the knob embedded in the tiled wall. Cool water began to cascade from the showerhead above. Twilight stepped in and pulled the curtain closed.
The nearly chilling water first made her spine tingle. Icy beads pulled away whatever grime had found its way on her coat. She shivered and stretched, feeling her joints crack and her muscles relax. The water cut through her matted purple mane, letting it run straight against her neck.
She stood in the shower perfectly still for over twenty minutes. No thoughts ran through her head. She concentrated on the sound of the water running, the feeling of its icy downpour, and the smell of the shampoo she rubbed into her mane. Thoughts joined the dirt and soap in the drain.
She stepped out, grasping a towel and wrapping it around her body. She vigorously rubbed her coat and mane and wringed out her tail. She walkedout of the bathroom, a shroud of cool mist surrounding her. She poked her head into the living room. Lavender was sitting comfortably on the couch, reading.
“I think I’m just going to turn in,” Twilight said.
“Alrighty then,” Lavender replied, “goodnight!”
Twilight cupped her mouth with her hoof as she yawned. She slugged down the hallway, her tired eyes distorting the purple and blue hues of the walls. With the glow of her horn, the door to her new room opened. She stepped in and became enveloped in darkness. She rubbed her hoof against the sides of the door, looking for a switch. She bumped against what she assumed was a picture frame.
Oh, how silly of me . She concentrated, holding a stiff stance. Her horn began to form a spark, and, with a swelling twinkling sound, the room was filled with dim violet light.
Aha! She spotted the switch on the wall. She flicked it with her hoof and relaxed her stance. The violet glow diffused, allowing for the yellowish tungsten light to illuminate the room.
The walls were plain, painted in the dullest of beige. Within the picture frame Twilight had brushed her hoof against was a monochrome photograph of a smiling Lavender with a group of unicorn foals. Twilight noticed that Lavender’s hair was not black-streaked as it is now. The first class she taught, maybe? And she does dye.
The mattress was cradled in a detailed maple frame. At the foot of the bed was a neatly folded black comforter. It had a star pattern printed on it. Upon closer inspection, the arrangement appeared to be astronomically accurate. Twilight laughed internally. She must’ve known I was coming.
Next to the bed was a nightstand. On its wooden top was an incense holder. It consisted of two alicorn sculptures, one white and one black, with their horns crossed. Beneath it was a bamboo plate. Twilight assumed one was to lay the stick across their horns, holding it in place. Beside it was a small cassette player, presumably intended to be hoof-held.
On wall opposite to the bed was a shelf lined with ancient-looking tomes, which overlooked a writing desk. She has a guest bookshelf? A cursory glance at the spines revealed a few old favorites: The Astronomical Astronomer's Almanac to All Things Astronomy, Supernaturals, and even All You Ever Wanted to Know About Slumber Parties (But Were Afraid to Ask). In the bottom corner of the bookshelf, standing out in its advanced age, was the book Elements of Harmony. Twilight gazed at its spine, reading those three words repeatedly.
No. You don’t want to read that. It has nothing to do with you.
But I could maybe find something out! I could make something clearer.
You have no reason to read that book. If anything, it will make adjusting harder for you. Ignore it.
No. One day I’m cracking that book open.
Twilight crawled into the bed. She pulled the comforter over herself and faced the wall, wrapping it around her tired body. She rested her head on the plush pillow, her wet mane pressing against the back of her head.
Something’s still got me bothered, though.
Just go to sleep.
I know! Shining!
Twilight slid out from under the covers. She hobbled over to the writing desk. She took a piece of parchment from the rather impressive stack, and dipped a quill in ink, and began to move the quill over the parchment.
“Dearest Shining Armor,
I wanted to let you know that I’m fine. I’m staying with a new friend in Ponyville. I don’t know when, or if, I’ll be back, but you’re welcome to visit anytime. I’m staying at Star Swirl Academy. I’ll be working as a teaching assistant.
If what I said was confusing or weird to you, please don’t worry. Whatever it was, I’m over it. I’m really happy here. I’ve met lots of new friends. Please relay this to Mom and Dad; I’m sure they’re worried too.
Also, I know it’s a little late, but congratulations! I’m so happy for you and Cadance. How’d you manage to get a mare as wonderful as her to marry you of all stallions? Be sure to bring her along if you come to visit!
-Twilight Sparkle”
Shining Armor slunk through the doorway to his suite. He could barely make out the form of Cadance, who lay with her head pressed up against the headboard of their canopied bed. A dying candle stood beside her on the nightstand. She blinked a few times, making out the form of Shining Armor. “Come to bed, sweetie,” she said.
Shining Armor lifted his limp body into the bed and slipped under the comforter. Cadance lowered herself beneath the covers. He shifted over to Cadance and wrapped his hooves around her. She curled up within his strong limbs. Cadance gave a contented sigh. “So, how did it go?”
Shining Armor squinted. His eyes strained as a tear rolled down his face. He turned his head, preventing it from falling upon his bride. His voice quivered as he spoke, though he tried his hardest to keep it steady. “It was… fine.”
“Did she ever say why I couldn’t stick around?” Cadance said, shifting closer to him.
“She just didn’t want you to get worried,” he replied, shuttering a bit at the feeling of her body against his.
“Worried about what?”
“We don’t know where Twilight is right now.”
“Oh,” Cadance said, dismayed. “But we are doing something about that, right?”
Shining Armor’s breathing was slightly labored. “Celestia is… doing everything within her power to find her. She’s… deeply concerned. As much as we are.”
“Oh, honey,” Cadance reached back and rubbed Shining Armor’s flank with her hoof, “I knew she had her best interests at heart. She must’ve been near unapproachable when she heard what happened.”
Shining Armor trembled. “I… think she was.”
“But you can rest easy now, right?”
He swallowed hard, but the massive lump in his throat would not leave him. “…Yeah.” He wiped a few tears off of his face.
“I know you’re still worried,” Cadance said sternly, “but we’ll find her. She couldn’t have gone very far.”
“You’re right,” he said, “I… shouldn’t worry too much.”
“It’s most certainly within Celestia’s power to locate just one unicorn,” she said, “I mean, what isn’t within her power?”
“You’re… right about that.”
“It’s a good thing she sees the issue as important as we do. Twilight was her student after all.”
“Yeah, she seems to be really concerned about all of this.”
“What did she say?”
“The Princess…” Shining Armor coughed, “she said she didn’t want us to worry, and… apologized that her student’s actions are ruining the first couple days of our wedded life.”
“See? I knew she was a sweetheart.”
Shining Armor shuttered at this notion. “Yeah, she sure is.”
“Honey, are you sure you’re okay? You’re shaking.”
He tensed up, curling around Cadance’s body. “Yes, I’m fine.”
“Are you sure there’s nothing I can do to help you relax?”
“I think I’ll be okay,” Shining Armor gave an unsteady sigh, “I mean, you’re here with me, that’s all I need.”
“I’m glad I can be of some help,” she said, nuzzling her head against Shining Armor’s upper chest.
“You’re all the help I need, Cadance,” Shining Armor pressed his head against the pillow, allowing it to absorb a few tears that ran down his cheek.
Cadance outstretched a wing and lightly brushed his mane with a pink feather. She felt that it was damp with tears. She said nothing. She leaned over to the nightstand and blew out the candle. She could hear the movement of Shining Armor’s body, the light rattling of the bed frame. She returned to her husband’s embrace.
The sound of children’s voices awoke Twilight from her slumber. She groaned as she rolled over the edge of the bed, pulling the comforter down with her. She struggled to remove herself from her entanglement, her horn caught on a tag. After a moment of writhing and muttered frustration, she managed to free herself.
Oh, yeah. Nine A.M.
Twilight held a hoof above her head. She could feel stray hairs sticking up. With a few swipes she attempted to straighten it, and then headed out the door and into the main room.
“Oh, good! You’re up! I was just going to come and get you, sleepyhead.”
Lavender stood in front of the blackboard with a piece of chalk floating beside her. The seats were occupied by young unicorns, whom Twilight estimated to be eight years old or so. They chatted with each other, exchanging smiles or bickering. Each had a small notebook and pencil before them, resting on each mahogany desk.
Lavender motioned to Twilight to stand with her. Twilight walked through the sea of colorful little students. Lavender tapped the chalk on the board and their chattering stopped. The children faced forward, and Twilight was met with expectant oval eyes.
“Okay, now, little learners!” Lavender smiled, and outstretched a hoof pointing to Twilight. “This is Twilight Sparkle. She’s going to be helping me for a while.”
“Hi, Twilight Sparkle!” The class said in unison. Twilight shuttered at the sudden noise. She put a hoof behind her head and blushed slightly.
“Hi,” she said, “I’m really happy to get to share some of what I’ve learned over the past few years with all of you.”
“Do you want to tell them about yourself at all?” Lavender said, passing the chalk to Twilight.
“Oh?” Twilight faced the board. “Sure, I’d love to.” She wrote “Twilight Sparkle” on the board. “So, I’m from this city called Canterlot. You all know where that is, right?”
The class replied mostly with nods as Twilight wrote “Canterlot”.
“So, does that mean you’re a snob?” One colt’s voice piped up.
Twilight dropped the chalk, and her jaw hung loose.
“Crescent Moon, see me after class,” Lavender said, with a sternness Twilight had never heard before. The colt sighed and leaned back in his chair. Lavender leaned over to Twilight and whispered in her ear. “Sorry, Twilight. They can be a bit… much. You were saying?”
“Oh, right,” Twilight said, and faced the class, “so, I’m currently a student of magic under a private instructor. Kind of like what you all have with Lavender. So, really, I’m in the same boat you are.” She gave a slight chuckle.
“Why are you here, then?” A filly called out.
“Oh, I’m on vacation right now.”
“What’re you doing this for if you’re on vacation?” Another interjected.
“I wanted to help out.”
“Why does Miss Lavender need your help?”
“Well, she doesn’t need me, but—”
“Why’s your mane all messed up?”
“Okay, students,” Lavender interrupted, “that’s enough.” Twilight was nearly backed into a corner. Lavender gave her a reassuring glance and she stepped forward.
“We’re going to be performing some basic transformation spells today,” Lavender said, writing “transformation” on the board. “First, let me go over a brief history of the discovery of the transformative arts…”
Twilight stood still as Lavender spoke, going over information she had last heard a decade ago. She surveyed the class. Most were writing notes or staring off into space with their heads propped up on their hooves. One, however, was slumped over her desk, her hooves drooping over the edge. Her long mint-colored mane nearly covered her eyes. Her tail hung flaccid beneath her, trailing on the floor.
What’s with her?
“…And if you did everything correctly, the subject should have turned into a cactus,” Lavender finished. Twilight shook her head, averting her gaze from the filly. “So, what we’re going to do now is a one-on-one. This half of the class will work with Twilight, the other with me. While each is performing, the rest of you can look over your notes or practice.”
Lavender opened a drawer in her desk and removed two apples. She levitated one over to the leftmost desk and the other opposite it. Lavender stepped to the left, and motioned to Twilight to stand by the other apple.
The foals got out of their seats and formed two lines at each side of the room. Twilight attempted her best smile as the dozen foals stepped up before her. The first took her place beside the desk.
“Hi, what’s your name?” Twilight asked, looking down on the petite filly.
“Gold Leaf,” she replied. She faced the apple with determination-filled eyes.
“Okay, Gold Leaf, first, assume your stance,” Twilight said, “I don’t know what Miss Lavender says, but from my experience, this is probably the most important step.”
The filly nodded, placing her hooves far apart and stiffening her body. “Okay, now concentrate,” Twilight said, “most spells go haywire due to distraction.” The filly squinted. She gave a confident smile. A golden glow surrounded her tiny horn, and sparks began to form around the apple. Some faint chatter arose. Twilight turned to the rest of the line and made a zipper motion over her mouth with her hoof. They quieted almost immediately. The filly maintained her focus. The apple was enveloped in a puff of shimmering smoke, and when it cleared, a small potted cactus was in its place.
Twilight clapped her hooves gently. “Very good, especially for a first attempt.” The filly grinned and trotted happily back to her seat.
Twilight flicked her head, and with a quick flash of violet light and a puff of smoke, the cactus reverted into an apple. “Okay, next?”
The next ten fared the same, each performing well, with a few hiccups. The colt who had called out earlier made no eye contact with Twilight, but performed the spell on the first try. They had all returned to their seats except one. Standing alone was the mint-green filly. She walked up slowly, her head pointed at the ground.
What do I do with this one?
“Um, hi,” Twilight said, “what’s your name?”
“Amaranth,” she said quietly, refusing to raise her head.
“So… can you assume the stance?”
She let out an unsure mumble, and then spread her forelegs apart. She raised her head, revealing her raspberry-red eyes. Her irises quivered with nervousness, and her pale body shook.
Oh, this cannot end well.
C’mon, she needs encouragement!
“It’s okay, Amaranth. You can do this. Just concentrate and tighten your stance.”
She nodded weakly. Her unsteady legs straightened, and a ruby glow began to envelop her horn. The beginnings of sparkles and smoke began to form around the apple. Twilight leaned forward with anticipation.
The little unicorn fell flat on her stomach. The glow of her horn diffused, and the apple remained as-is. She gave a barely audible disappointed sigh. Twilight reached a hoof down to help her up. “That’s alright,” she said, “you can just try again.” The filly grasped onto Twilight’s foreleg and she lifted her back onto her hooves.
But after a half-dozen attempts and a half-dozen fizzles, the class was nearly over. Lavender’s half of the class was finished; twenty-three students occupied the desks, looking at Amaranth expectantly. Amaranth shot a gaze at the class and whimpered.
“Don’t look at them,” Twilight said, gently turning her head towards her, “look at me. You’ve got this.”
The filly nodded and faced the apple again. “Remember,” Twilight said, “stiff stance. Maintain your composure. Concentrate.”
She assumed the same stance, her legs entirely still. Her eyes were aflame with resolve. The glow surrounded her horn once again. It started to become almost eye-straining in its brightness. The room filled with the ruby light. In a massive puff of smoke, the light faded away and in the place of the apple was a massive saguaro that nearly reached the spiraling ceiling. It swayed back and forth and tipped over, thankfully falling away from the rest of the students. It landed on the floor with a heavy thud.
The room fell silent for a moment. Amaranth panted and nearly fell over, but Twilight supported her with her body. There were some faint gasps from the students, followed by uproarious applause.
She’s really, really powerful. That level of transformation spell would leave me exhausted, and this was her first try?
Lavender walked over to the two of them. “Excellent job, Amaranth,” she whispered. Twilight lifted the fatigued filly onto her back and carried her back to her seat. She gingerly placed her on the chair, leaning her backwards so she did not smack her face against the desk.
Twilight’s face became grim. Think about it. If she were born in Canterlot. She’s your age when you became… her… protégé. She’s not confident, but filled with raw power. She could’ve been one. She’s just like you. She could suffer too. She is you, Twilight. And if she were here, she’d harvest her and mold her just like she did to you.
Twilight caught a glimpse of the filly’s side. No, nothing. But that doesn’t matter. She’s safe here. Lavender will take care of her. There’s nothing I could ever do to stop her from doing what she does. But I can help foals like Amaranth. I can be a part of something.
“Great work, class! You’re free to go!” Lavender said. The class began exchanging excited conversation as they exited Star Swirl Academy. Crescent Moon remained sulking in his seat. Lavender walked over to Twilight. She practically whispered to her over the sleeping unicorn. “Put her on the couch until her parents get here. I’ve gotta go give that colt a little talking-to.”
Twilight gently lifted Amaranth onto her back and walked into the living room. She laid the sleeping filly down on the couch. Poor thing. Her body’s not used to that much exertion… She’s so precious. To think I didn’t want to do this. I could’ve missed out on something so beautiful.
Lavender reentered the room, beaming. “I can’t believe it,” she whispered. “Amaranth hasn’t even cast a levitation spell before. Honestly, I was wondering if she’d ever manage to utilize her magic.” Her voice loudened, “look what you’ve done, Twilight! You’re a natural!”
Twilight blushed. A satisfied grin spanned her face. “Thanks. I’m really glad I could help her out. It’s cheesy, but I kind of see a bit of myself in her.”
Lavender’s smile widened. “I’m so glad you could get something out of this. I was worried it was going to be a chore.”
“Oh, not at all! This was a wonderful experience. I’m so happy to be a part of this.”
There came a knocking at the door. “That must be her parents,” Lavender said, “I’ll go bring them in.”
The filly stirred, giving a quiet groan. “Hey, Miss Twilight?” She said, weakly.
“Yes, Amaranth?”
“Why are you sad?”
Twilight took a step back. “What? I’m really happy that you—”
“I tried super-hard because you seemed so sad.”
“But I wasn’t sad—”
"And I wanted to cheer you up."
"That's wonderful, but—”
“And you still seem sad.”
“But I’m not—”
“What’s wrong? Did something happen?”
“No, Amaranth. I’m really genuinely happy right now.”
Is this ‘happy’? What is it, then?
“She’s right here, Mr. and Mrs. Blossom.” Lavender led a unicorn mare and stallion into the living room. The filly had fallen back to sleep. “Please be careful not to wake her; she’s more than likely very, very tired. She performed wonderfully today.” They fawned over their child briefly, then scooped her up and left.
No! I wanted to hear what she had to say! Am I not happy? Has everypony looked at me thinking I wasn’t? But I thought I was. What is this if it’s not happiness?
Coping.
No! I shouldn’t think that way. I’ve done a wonderful thing today. And that makes me happy. And I’m living with a gracious, wonderful unicorn. That makes me happy, too. It should, shouldn’t it?
“Twilight?” Lavender waved a hoof in front of her face.
Twilight snapped to attention. “Yes?”
“If it’s not too much to ask, could you help me get rid of the massive cactus in the classroom?”
Twilight blushed. “Oh, yeah. That.”
“Oh, I just remembered,” Twilight said as the smoke cleared around the former saguaro, leaving the same little red apple. “Where’s the nearest mailbox? I have a letter to send.”
“A mailbox?” Lavender said, as she levitated the apple over to her face. She grabbed it and brushed off whatever dust was on it with her hoof. “There should be one on the way to the record shop.” She took a bite, a little juice dribbling down her face.
“Okay. We can drop by for a visit, then?”
“Mm-hm” Lavender mumbled whilst chewing. She swallowed. “I was thinking we could plan to do something tonight, if that’s okay.”
“Oh, sure.”
“Oh, and there are stamps and envelopes in the second desk drawer. I assume you need those.”
“Thanks, Lavender,” Twilight said, as she began to walk towards the hallway.
“No problem.”
Twilight trotted back to her room and grabbed the letter from off of the desk. She opened the second desk drawer as instructed, and prepared the letter for mailing. She returned to the living room, envelope floating before her. “Shall we?”
They began walking down the same route they took the previous day. Lavender pointed out a mailbox on the side of the road. Twilight tossed the letter in, with a well-wish for Shining Armor in mind. Eventually they arrived at the doorstep of the record shop. Lavender trotted in, Twilight following closely behind. “Hi, Bay!” Lavender exclaimed, waving her hoof as she walked forward.
“Oh, back again, Lav?” Bay Breeze said, leaning over the counter. “And Twilight too, I see.”
Solar Flare was at the summit of a stepladder, returning an album to the top shelf. “Oh, hi girls!” Solar Flare turned to see the two mares. He nearly lost his balance, but placed his hoof on a lower step and caught himself. He blushed and scratched the back of his head with his hoof. “How was class?”
“Oh, it went great!” Lavender clapped her hooves together. She wrapped a hoof around Twilight and dragged her close to her, pressing her against her flank. “Twily here is my new T.A.!”
“Really, now?” Bay Breeze brushed her hair out of her face. “You’re a magic enthusiast, then?”
“Enthusiast? Yeah, I guess I am.”
“You two were meant for each other,” Solar Flare said with a small chuckle, stepping down from the ladder. “So, what are you up to?”
“Well, we were in the area,” Twilight said.
“I thought we could maybe have a get-together sometime today. Any thoughts?” Lavender said.
“The weatherpony said clear skies tonight,” Bay Breeze said, “are you into stargazing at all, Twilight?”
I forgot I liked that. “Oh, yeah. I love astronomy.”
Lavender bounced a little. “Me too! Although, you probably could tell.”
“I could pack a light dinner for us,” Solar Flare said, sticking a hoof in the pocket of his overalls, “any preferences?”
“Anything’s fine by me,” Twilight said. This’ll be fun. A night under the stars. Maybe I’ll get a chance to talk to Solar Flare and Bay Breeze without acting like a total spaz.
“Ooh!” Lavender exclaimed. “Flare, do you remember those tartlets you made last fall?”
“Yeah. They’re my grandmother’s recipe.”
“That would be exquisite,” Bay Breeze said. “Seven-ish?”
“Sounds like a plan!” Lavender said.
“I better get started, then,” Solar Flare said, as he began to walk towards the back wall.
Lavender leapt forward. “Can I help? I want to see how you do it.”
“Oh, sure,” Solar Flare said, “Bay, you can handle the storefront yourself?”
“Yeah,” she said, putting her hooves on the counter. “It’s early anyway. I doubt anypony’s in need of a record at ten in the morning.”
"Okay, then. Let me know if you need my help. I'll only be a couple rooms away." He opened the door and slipped into what Twilight assumed was the cottage attached to the store. Lavender followed with a spring in her step.
Twilight and Bay Breeze were left to themselves. Twilight pawed at the ground with her hoof and looked around the room, occasionally opening her mouth to initiate conversation, but exhaling with nothing to say.
The silence between them was filled by music. The particular piece was far different from the light classical of the previous visit. There were no instruments playing, just a filly’s voice. She sung words Twilight could not identify, but in a tone and vivacity that she could. Her energetic voice floated joyously from high to low. There’s something familiar about that singer.
“Hey, Bay Breeze?” Twilight said, stepping up to the counter. Bay Breeze raised her head and adjusted her glasses with her hoof, almost achieving eye contact. “I wanted to know: what’s that music you’re playing?”
“Oh, it’s just some oldies,” Bay Breeze said, grabbing the tape player from beneath the counter and propping it up on the counter. “Why?”
“Well, I could be wrong, but I swear I’ve heard this before.”
Bay Breeze chuckled. “I doubt that, Twilight. You may have heard this artist, but not when she was this age.”
Twilight cocked her head. “What do you mean?”
“This was her first demo tape. Fans of hers have been copying it, tape to tape, ever since it was discovered. Tapes only last so long, you know.”
“Who is it, then?”
“Have you heard of Sweetie Belle?”
Twilight nearly gasped, but placed a hoof over her mouth. Sweetie Belle? Like, Rarity’s sister Sweetie Belle? She listened closer, and the color drained from her face. It does sound just like her. She managed to succeed at music? How could she have this tape? She must’ve died ages ago.
Say something, you dolt.
Twilight snapped to attention. “Um, yeah, actually. I have heard of her.”
“You must’ve just recognized her voice. She’s pretty distinct, even at this age.”
“Yeah. Must be why.”
“Isn’t it amazing? She started out just recording this, by herself. I’m pretty sure she improvised the whole thing.”
It’s amazingly coincidental, if anything.
“Yeah, it’s astounding. How did you find this?” Twilight asked, leaning in to observe the rotating tape.
“You wouldn’t believe it. A distant relative of hers was having a tag sale here in Ponyville, and I just happened upon a box of old tapes. They asked for ten bits for it. I listened through them, and ended up finding this little gem.”
“What a lucky find,” Twilight said, still staring at the glossy black tape rotating about.
“Oh, it’s not just special because of the music,” Bay Breeze said, winking, “listen, at the end of this track. She thought she pushed the ‘stop record’ button.”
There was a little click, then a relaxed sigh from the filly. “Well, that’s over with,” the squeaky voice said. Twilight nearly put her ear to the tape player. She could hear the faint sound of hoofsteps.
“Sweetie Belle? Was that you?” A voice could be heard faintly. Rarity…?
“What?” Her voice cracked. “Well—”
“You sound incredible! How could you keep that from us?” A chill ran down Twilight’s spine. That’s definitely her. That’s… her voice.
“Us? Who else is—”
A loud flurry of greetings played from the tape recorder.
“What?! How did you—”
“Oh, sugarcube, it’s nothing to be embarrassed about.” And Applejack too?
“Yeah! Your voice is super-fantastic!” Pinkie…
“Why didn’t you do this sooner?” Rainbow…
There was a near-inaudible mumbling. Twilight nearly cracked a smile. Fluttershy must’ve talked then.
“Oh, girls, you’re embarrassing her.”
Wait. Is that—
“But, really, Sweetie. You’ve got an amazing talent there.” It is her.
“Hey, wait, is the tape still recording?” There was another click.
Twilight pulled her head back away from the tape. Her lower lip quivered. Tears began to well in her eyes. She turned away from Bay Breeze. I can hear them. They’re talking. They’re here with me, on that tape. I’m really hearing them for the first time. They sound exactly as they did. They’re saying exactly what they should be saying. They’re in there, inside that cassette.
But Celestia was with them. Celestia was the one who spent those joyous days with them, and more than that. You never witnessed this.
That could’ve been me. That was my place to interject and say how wonderful Sweetie Belle’s singing was. But she took it.
That wasn’t you and that shouldn’t be you. You are the pony standing in front of the counter. You’re Lavender’s new friend. And Lavender’s friends are your friends.
“Isn’t that something?” Bay Breeze said, pushing the stop button with her hoof. “Did you know who those voices were?”
I didn’t know them, per se. “No, who were they?”
“Well, first was Sweetie Belle’s older sister, Rarity. Then the rest of the Elements of Harmony, including Princess Celestia herself!” Bay Breeze bounced with excitement.
So regular ponies do know about the Elements of Harmony now. I remember when I discovered them, how obscure they were to everypony. But, I guess that was all part of the ruse.
“I thought I recognized that last voice,” Twilight said. Oh, horse apples. Should not have said that. Why would I know how the Princess sounds?
“Oh, yeah. From the wedding,” Bay Breeze said, “I was almost tearing up when she—”
A deafening crash came from the kitchen. Lavender shouted “I’m sorry!” repeatedly.
Bay Breeze giggled. “So, anyway, you really like this tape, don’t you?”
Like it? It’s past the point of 'like'. “Um, yes. It’s really unbelievable.”
“I’ve really heard quite a bit of it lately. What say I lend it to you?”
Twilight jumped with excitement. “Really?!”
“Oh, it’s nothing, really. I’d like you to get some enjoyment out of it.”
“Thank you so much!” Twilight grabbed Bay Breeze’s hoof and shook it vigorously. Bay Breeze released her hoof from her grip and ejected the cassette.
“Just be careful with it, and give it back to me when you’re done.” Bay Breeze said, her voice adopting an incredible firmness.
“Of course,” Twilight levitated the tape in front of her face. She smiled, seeing that its label was scrawled in marker as if it were an attempt to recreate the filly's penmanship. Is this an olive branch, of sorts? I better not mess this up. I still have a chance with them.
The four ponies lay prone on a checkerboard blanket in a grassy field just beyond the river that surrounds the city. A picnic basket full of tartlets was to Solar Flare’s side. The rich navy night sky was perfectly immaculate, with a sliver of a moon barely illuminating the world below. A light breeze occasionally shook the edges of the blanket. Twilight shivered a little from the cold autumn air. The other ponies were wrapped in scarves and wore knitted caps. Twilight constantly wished she had packed some warm clothes.
“So, what’s that one?” Lavender asked, nudging Twilight and pointing her hoof into the sky.
Twilight groaned. “Orion,” she said, rolling her eyes a bit, “what kind of student do you take me for?”
Lavender sighed. “Alright, fine then, smarty pants,” Lavender pointed to a particularly bright star, “what’s that one?”
“The star or the whole constellation?”
Lavender grinned. “Both.”
Twilight inhaled deeply. “The constellation is Perseus. The star you’re pointing to is Algol. It represents the head of Medusa. It’s often called the Devil Star because of it being an eclipsing binary.” Twilight said, in her most matter-of-fact tone. She shot a glance at Lavender, awaiting her response.
“I think you mean the Demon Star, Twily,” Lavender said, smirking.
Twilight touched her face with her hoof pensively. Curses. She’s right. Twilight blushed and put her hoof behind her head. “I guess you got me there.”
“Aha!” She clapped her hooves together. “What’s the score, Flare?”
“There’s a score?” Solar Flare asked, perplexed.
“Twilight’s stumped you twice, you’ve stumped her once, Lav,” Bay Breeze said, taking in a deep breath of the brisk night air. “I didn’t realize you two were competing.”
“Me neither,” Twilight said, raising an eyebrow to Lavender. “But, if so, you’re on.”
“You’re going down,” Lavender rubbed her hooves together.
“Star and constellation, right there,” Twilight pointed.
“Cetus is the constellation, and I think you’re pointing to Mira. Such an obvious choice.” Lavender rolled her eyes dramatically and gave an aside glance. “How about right over there?”
“Those are the Pleiades.”
“Name them.”
Twilight scratched her head with her hoof. Come on, you know this. Think back to the almanac. It was the third chapter… "Sterope, Merope, Electra, Maia, Taygeta, Celaeno, and…” She paused. What was that last one? “Oh! Alcyone.”
“Wow, impressive,” Lavender said, “well, for a newbie.”
“Really now?” Twilight gave a wry smile.
The exchange continued for about a half-hour in this manner. They each excitedly pointed out obscure celestial bodies, then reveled in their intellectual conquests. With each answer, success or failure, Lavender could see Twilight’s smile widen a bit and see her eyes flicker with determination and confidence. Their banter and giggling were cut short by a voice.
“Hey, girls?” Solar Flare piped up, “I’m sorry, but is anypony else, like, starving?”
“I could go for a bite now,” Bay Breeze said.
“I guess the duel can wait,” Lavender said. “The genius requires sustenance.”
“Yes, she most certainly does,” Twilight grinned.
The four of them arose from their prone positions. Solar Flare grabbed the handle of the basket in his mouth and placed it in the center of the cloth. From it he produced four plates, which he passed to Lavender, who distributed them. Lavender levitated a tartlet over to Bay Breeze, then to herself. She motioned for Twilight to grab one, and she did so. Solar Flare removed a lantern from the basket, placed it on the blanket and lit it.
“Well, dig in, everypony!” Solar Flare said, smiling.
Twilight looked down on the pastry before her. Slivers of pear covered in syrup glistened in the lantern light. A pale, freeform crust surrounded the fruit. Large crystals of sugar were sprinkled on the dough. “Wow, they look delightful,” Twilight said.
“Thanks!” Lavender and Solar Flare said simultaneously.
Lavender kept speaking. “Although, to be honest, I was more trouble than I was worth.”
Solar Flare blushed a bit and waved his hooves back and forth. “No, no! You were a big help, Lav! I mean, you helped form the crust— oh wait, you over-kneaded it. Oh! You helped make the filling… but it did take you three tries and we wasted four pounds of pears…” Solar Flare’s voice trailed off as he solemnly looked down at the blanket beneath his hooves.
“It’s fine, Flare. Cooking’s not my thing. But it was fun helping.”
Solar Flare mumbled a 'yeah', still looking down. He lifted up the tartlet with his hoof and took a sheepish little bite. He chewed pensively and barely lifted his head. “It’s still pretty good, though.” Solar Flare left his plate behind as he inched over to Bay Breeze. He placed the tartlet in her hooves for her. She gave him a nod of thanks and a little playful nudge with her head.
Twilight lifted her tartlet and plate with a glow of her horn. She held it suspended in front of her face and took a respectably large bite. She felt the warmness of cinnamon fill her mouth. The syrup coated her tongue with almost cloying sweetness, masked by the acidic fruit. She stared down at her plate, trying to place the flavor. She swallowed and looked up to see Lavender’s bright excited eyes a few inches from her face.
“What do you think?”
Twilight inched back a little, lowering her plate. “Oh? It’s… It’s good.”
Lavender furrowed her brow. “Just good?”
“No,” Twilight cleared her throat, “it’s great.”
“You don’t have to lie to me, Twilight,” Solar Flare said, not turning his attention away from Bay Breeze.
“If you don’t tell him what’s wrong, there’s no way he’ll improve,” Bay Breeze interjected.
“It’s not that!” Twilight shook her head back and forth. “It’s great, really.”
“Don’t sugarcoat it, Twilight. Just tell him,” Bay Breeze said with a austerity not normally applied to the criticism of baked goods.
Lavender glanced over to Twilight. Her horn glowed slightly, illuminating the other unicorn’s facial features. Her cheeks shivered and twitched. She was arched back as if cornered by a predator. She stepped in front of Twilight, placing herself between the panicked unicorn and the other two. “There’s no need to make a huge fuss about this, guys.”
Twilight heaved a sigh of relief. She returned to her pastry during the brief silence that fell amongst the four. Bay Breeze eventually spoke up, asking Lavender of the specifics of her first collaborative teaching effort. Lavender spoke a mile-a-minute, describing every detail of Twilight’s work with the troubled filly. Twilight nodded occasionally and interjected a correction or a confirmation, but kept mostly silent.
Twilight let their ensuing conversation wash over her. She caught a couple key words, but brushed off what remained. She lay prone, having finished her tartlet, and stared at the sky. The sound around her was muffled in her mind. A single mumbling voice echoed.
“Why are you sad?”
I don’t know, Amaranth. I thought this was happiness. What is it that I’m doing with these three, then? If this isn’t where happiness is to be found, where is it? Isn’t this how I found happiness with my old friends? Just things like this?
The happiness was fake. You heard the voices. The tape is the only real evidence that the beings you thought you knew even existed. And you were never amongst those voices.
No! No, I’m happy.
Even a child could see through your façade. Everypony else is just too polite to point it out.
Why would I fake to be happy?
You’re trying to convince yourself that this reboot is still possible.
It is!
You are damaged goods, Twilight Sparkle.
What?
You have to keep the scars.
But I—
You’re trying to cover them up. You’re painting over the wounds of your tragedy with a false smile, and you know it.
I want to be happy!
You cannot. The tape proved that. You will never forget. You will never be happy if you grip onto these fabrications.
“Twilight, are you okay?”
Twilight flinched and brushed her mane out of her face. She looked up to see Solar Flare looming over her.
“You’re shivering. I knew I should have brought something for you,” he said, removing his scarf from around his neck.
“Oh, no,” Twilight said, finally managing to concentrate. “You don’t need to, I’m fine.”
“I’m wearing more than you as it is,” Solar Flare said as he passed the scarf over to her with his mouth. “Please, it’ll make me feel warmer if you’re not so cold.”
Twilight blushed a little as he wrapped the scarf around her neck. He pulled it a little tightly and Twilight felt the soft fleece press against her chin. She sighed a little, already feeling a little color return to her face. She began to relax her eyelids, but with a thought they shot open.
Wait, is he just being courteous or he trying to—
“Thanks, Solar Flare,” she said, stuttering.
“It’s no trouble, really,” he said, blushing a bit as well. He scratched the back of his head with his hoof and turned around. He returned his attention to Bay Breeze.
“Did you not bring any winter clothes, Twilight?” Bay Breeze said, turning towards Twilight’s general direction.
“No,” Twilight said, her face reddening, “slipped my mind, I guess.”
“You can name the Pleiades but you can’t remember to bring a scarf in November?” Lavender laughed. “You silly thing, you.”
Twilight chuckled uncomfortably. She shrunk into her scarf, covering her eyes with the fleece. Lavender gave a loud yawn.
“Well, I guess that’s enough for me for one night,” she said, tapping Twilight lightly on the shoulder. “You wanna head back?”
Twilight relaxed her shoulders and stuck her head out from its fleecy shell. “Okay, I guess I’m done for the night too.”
Chapter 15: Celestia Alone
A gentle nightly glow graced the edges of the elegant curtains of Celestia’s study. The fireplace was filled with a few smoldering cinders. The birdcage that stood in the corner was covered in a black cloth. The Princess was lying sprawled on her cushion, her head propped up on the cylindrical pillow, her flowing mane spread out on the floor.
“I’m jealous of her?” She rolled to her other side and snarled. “That Luna. How dare she? Where did she get the audacity to say such things to me?” She rolled over to her previous position. She sighed. “But maybe there’s a hint of truth to what she says…”
Celestia continued to flop back and forth as she spoke to herself. “So what if there is? Why should I care? Maybe a deity can envy. No matter.”
“What’s odd is, she didn’t do as I expected, though. She is trying to pick up the pieces, unlike—”
She flipped her body over, almost slamming herself into the pillow with a muffled smack. “But why do I even care? She’s an insignificant speck. She’s just another confused, awkward filly.”
She shook her head, waving her massive mane before her eyes. “No, no. There must be something to her that makes me so fixated on her. I haven’t gotten the thought of that one out of my mind.”
She brushed her mane out of her face. “She’s just a special case. That’s the only reason you care, Celestia. You’ve never failed to this degree before.”
She groaned. “That’s oversimplifying it. She’s a special one.”
“She’s only special because this one’s companion decided enough was enough. If I had only locked that accursed door, none of this would have happened. That dragon has ruined everything.”
“What would have happened with the others if their dragons had done the same? Would they all have tried to rebuild? Are these fillies more complicated than I had thought?”
“No, they are not. They’re temperamental, transitory little creatures. The fact I bother with them to the extent I do is baffling.”
“They’re the life of the nation you rule, Celestia, and you’ve been just playing with them and wallowing in your pity.”
She flipped around and slammed her hoof weakly against the tile before her. “No! It’s not pity. I need to do this.” She lowered her head onto the floor, stretching out her neck and resting her chin on the cold tile. She swayed her tail angrily. A glimmer caught her eye.
She turned her head, seeing the pile of crystals that had poured out of the closet. Beside her was the cracked specimen. With a flick of her horn she levitated it over towards her face. Within the shattered facet she saw a broken reflection of her face. The soft features, the dejection, the powerful aura all pointed to the desperate unicorn she saw so much of herself in.
She stared deeply at the glimmer in her eyes. The crushed image of the sun herself looked back with a quivering, distorted face. She saw its lips tremble as she opened her mouth to speak.
“No. She’s not the same as I am,” she said as she gingerly dropped the crystal before her hooves. “She’s proven that already. I chose poorly, it seems.”
“Yes, I most certainly did. What of this one? If word gets out… there is a risk of some turbulence at this point. And that is why Shining Armor must not know of this.”
“But what advantage would Twilight even get out of telling him?”
“Nothing, of course. But how could she see that? I’m certain she will. She’s an impetuous idiot, just as I was.”
She grumbled to herself. “Just as I am, more like it. Why did I tell her about it? What compelled me to tell her anything That, at least, is my fault alone.”
“This is just an accident waiting to happen, isn’t it? And maybe I have made a further mess of things. But Twilight has done the opposite. She’s trying to get something out of it, by Luna’s words. Maybe her example could provide me with some help.”
“No, no. That’s preposterous. What could the ruler of Equestria benefit from watching the actions of some useless little creature? She’s more of a danger than a help to me. No, she’s a danger to all of Equestria.”
“Which means she requires some overseeing. Not that I need to watch her, just for… these security reasons.” She squinted and took a look around the room. She looked over to ensure that the door was shut securely. “Yes, security reasons.”
Her horn glowed slightly as she took one last glance around the room. The shifting of the tapestry on the wall caught her eye. She shot a panicked glance, saw the source of the motion and relaxed. Her horn shone brightly, and a ring of sparkles formed in front of her face. An ethereal fog condensed within it. An image focused.
Four ponies were lying beneath a clear night sky. Celestia’s eyes opened wide at the sight. Twilight Sparkle appeared to be exchanging banter with another one. Celestia squinted and the image zoomed in. There was a look of confidence that she had seen in the unicorn during her studies many times before. The look of accomplishment and gratification she had not seen for two years had returned.
“Stargazing ?” Celestia leaned in as she stared deeply at Twilight. “She’s just sitting there. Having a picnic. With those three? And she looks…” she leaned in closer, “happy ?” Celestia looked down and mumbled to herself. “She is trying to move on.”
“Who’s to say she’s not just projecting her old friends on these ones, though?”
“She’s done more than I have.”
“You’ve witnessed seconds of her life, Celestia. Who’s to say that smile isn’t fake?”
“No, no. I have lived in this land for over a thousand years. I know what a true smile looks like.”
“Do I not wish the same for myself? Maybe I—”
A knock came at the door. Celestia gasped and the glow on her horn dissipated. The window into Ponyville shut with a cloud of sparkling smoke.
Her voice regained its decorum. “Yes?”
A muffled male voice came from the other side of the door. “Excuse me, your majesty. An important piece of mail has arrived, as per your request I am referring it to you firsthoof.”
“Oh?” Celestia raised herself up from her cushion. She trotted over to the door. “No need to open the door. You may slide it beneath.”
An envelope slipped beneath the tiny crack and tapped the tip of the princess’s hoof. She levitated it before her face. She scanned the front of the envelope. “Thank you. You may take your leave.”
She examined the envelope closely as she walked back to her cushion and sat down. She huffed a little upon seeing the name on the return address. It read ‘Twilight Sparkle. Star Swirl Academy. 14 Star Swirl Plaza’. “So that is where Twilight is staying.”
“I knew this would happen. There was no way she’d keep her mouth shut. I was right. I need to keep an eye on this one. If I hadn’t had the foresight, I cannot imagine what would have happened.”
She began to tear open the envelope. “So what is this, then? An exposé implicating me for my actions, I’m sure." She pulled out the sheet of paper and scrutinized it.
She murmured to herself as she read. She looked it over multiple times, scanning to see her name appear, or for a mention of the condition.
“She didn’t even mention what happened…” Her voice quieted.
“What is she playing? Is she messing with me? Did she know I would intercept this? Why would she tell Shining Armor nothing? Why would she claim that nothing is wrong? There is no way she is over it. Has she completely lost her mind?”
“Or she just doesn’t want him to worry. That must be it. She’s putting on a façade. She’s trying to put it behind her. No, I see. There’s hurt behind that smile.” She dropped the letter. She buried her face in her pillow and mumbled to herself. “She’s braver than I am, it seems. Regardless of how hasty and stupid she is being, Luna is right. She is trying.”
“What good can come of it, though? She’s hurting herself. She’s hiding away the pain.”
“It’s better than inflicting it on others, I suppose.” She choked up a little.
“Do not doubt yourself now, Celestia.” Her voice was shaking, an attempt at grim reassurance.
She nearly smothered herself with the pillow. Her body quivered as she spoke, her voice cold. “There’s nothing to doubt. I have chosen poorly.”
A gentle knock on the door caught Celestia’s attention. “Not again ,” she groaned. She remained in her seat and covered her ears with a pillow. “I am in no mood for guests.”
“Your Majesty? May I come in? It’s Cadance.”
Chapter 16: Security or Sympathy
A bead of sweat dripped down Celestia’s brow and fell to the cushion beneath her. Another knock came at the door, and a quiet “hello?” sounded.
“Cadance…” Celestia whispered to herself, “I can’t have this information compromised. No. She mustn’t know.”
“But there’s really nothing here that could possibly do any harm,” she whispered, turning towards the door. She took a couple steps. “Doesn’t Shining Armor need to know about this?”
She stopped short, lowering her hoof and turning back. “If you allow them to meet, the information of what you did will spread, and that’s a problem.”
“But does Twilight have any intention of revealing it to Shining Armor?” She leaned towards the door.
“We can’t take that risk.” She shrunk back. “Think about it, Celestia. Imagine what would happen if word got out of what you have been doing for the past centuries. Unrest, distrust, rebellion, they all would occur. We’d look like a despot to them.”
“You make some sense…”
“We have to dispose of this letter, posthaste.” Celestia stretched out her legs and stood tall. “But how…” Celestia took a frantic look around the room.
“The fireplace!” Celestia whispered to herself. She turned to the left wall. She shut her eyes tightly and her horn glowed with flame. She waved her head and sent a ball of flames towards the kindling piled behind the mesh screen. It hopped over the screen and lit the wood, burning brightly.
“Your Majesty? Are you in there?”
Celestia remained silent as she walked over to the fireplace, the letter floating beside her. She glanced at it again, the glowing flames illuminating its cursive text. “It’s entirely harmless. Why am I doing this?” She held the letter a few inches above the fire. A flame nearly licked its edge as she lowered it gradually.
The sound of the door creaking open made Celestia jump. She spun around, lifting the letter out from the fireplace and passing it behind her. She beheld Cadance standing in front of the door with a perplexed look. Her eyes instantly darted to the letter, then to the floor.
Her perplexity became meekness as she lowered her head before the massive alicorn. “I-I apologize, Your Majesty,” Cadance said, stammering. “I didn’t want to barge in, but I smelled burning and got no response from you.”
“It is quite alright, Cadance,” Celestia said, forcing a smile across her face.
Cadance turned towards the open door behind her. “If this is a bad time, I can speak with you later, and next time I’ll make sure you know of it first.”
“Oh, no need. No one deserves my attention more than you do this very moment.” Celestia blinked slowly and grinned wider. She tucked the letter discreetly behind her wing and pressed it against her side. She approached Cadance and tapped the side of her head with a hoof. Cadance turned to face her.
“Alright then, I’ll gladly stay,” Cadance said, inching her head away from Celestia’s hoof and stepping into the room. “It’s clear I came for something other than firefighting. I’m sure you’re wondering why I’m here.”
“Very much so, though an unannounced visit for just a chat is fine by me.” Celestia said, stepping back while still facing Cadance. Her flowing tail slowly swished behind her as she spoke. “What, pray tell, are you here for, Cadance?”
Cadance spoke quietly, her voice maintaining its meekness. “I came here on the subject of Shining Armor.”
“Oh?” Celestia cocked her head. A sickened frown appeared on her face for an instant and quickly twitched back to a smile. “What about him?”
“Well, Celestia,” Cadance tilted her face to level the plane of their eyes, “the truth is I’m immensely worried about him.”
“I imagine so,” Celestia said, averting her gaze and making a weak motion with her hoof, “The situation with Twilight Sparkle has affected all of us.”
Cadance leaned forward and crooked her neck to meet Celestia face-to-face, “I was wondering, do you have any information about her? Anything at all?”
Celestia paused briefly. The long white feather of one of her wings brushed circles on the carpeted floor. She held her head down despondently. “No, I’m afraid.”
Cadance imitated the gesture, heaving a sigh. Her voice was filled with disappointment. “Is that so?” She raised her head, “there must be something you can do.”
“I’m afraid not,” Celestia said, and her eyes pointed towards the floor, then ceiling. “A survey of Ponyville by both land and air by my guards has turned up nothing.”
“Maybe she’s not in Ponyville,” Cadance said, “she may have misspoken, or lied.”
“Something tells me she is in Ponyville, Cadance," Celestia said, her feathers twitching and tapping against the letter beneath.
Cadance turned and muttered to herself. Celestia’s ears perked up, but caught none of her words. Her brow furrowed. Cadance turned back around. Celestia’s frown wiped off and her face returned to its gentle sternness once again.
“So, how is Shining Armor taking this? I have not spoken to him since our last meeting.”
Cadance lowered her head even further, as if lying prostrate before the Princess. “He’s not doing well, Your Highness. The news that even you could do nothing to help find her hit him very hard.”
Celestia raised a hoof over her head dramatically. “It pains me so that I can do nothing but sit here and hope, Cadance. I am supposed to be the kind overseer of this land, but when one unicorn, of immense importance, mind you, leaves my sight, all I can do is wait.”
“I’m sorry we’ve both been asking a lot of you, Your Highness,” Cadance said, raising her head up to her aunt’s neck. “I know it must be hard on you, as well.”
Celestia lowered her head, resting her chin on Cadance’s ear. “You have no idea,” she said, nearly whispering. She whimpered slightly, her lip quivering for a moment before she drew her head back.
“Did Shining Armor tell you what she had said before she left?” Cadance asked.
“No, why?” Celestia tilted her head.
“Well, she said some strange things, and neither of us could decipher what they could have meant.”
“Oh?” Celestia’s eyebrow raised.
“Well, this was heard second-hoof, but I hope you could make sense of it.” Cadance put a hoof under her chin and looked at the Princess pensively. “She said she needed to make friends. That’s why she’s going to Ponyville, at least, what she claimed.”
“That’s a strange statement, to be sure,” Celestia said, imitating Cadance’s gesture. "I can't say why she would say such a thing, or feel the need to leave without giving any more information than that."
“That's exactly what is bothering both of us. Why would someone wake up from a coma and instantly resolve to go make friends? I know she did not have the most friends beforehand, she pretty much only spoke with her dragon companion according to my husband. But why, on the moment of awakening?”
Cadance nearly fell face-first onto the floor and sobbed slightly. “So, then, I thought, what if she doesn’t want to see any of us again? What if she was hurt that I married her brother while she was in an unconscious state? What if she thought that, maybe it was our fault she had so much difficulty connecting with others? And what if that’s true? I don’t know, auntie. I just don’t know what to do about her. She’s tearing us all apart. She’s not here, she’s not there, she’s fallen off the face of the earth and I want to pull her back up so we can be a happy family, but I don’t think that’ll ever happen anymore.”
Cadance gripped onto Celestia’s hooves, tears rolling down her face. “So, please, Celestia, there must be something you haven’t thought of, some way to find her, just to see that she’s alright. I don’t care if I don’t get to hold her in my hooves again if that’s not what she wants. But just to know that she’s safe and secure, please, there must be something.”
Celestia’s body shook madly. She turned her head, shooting glances all around the unchanging room. She clenched the letter tightly beneath her wing. Her feathers quivered and trembled. She looked down on the desperate alicorn that lay groveling before her. Cadance muttered some words to herself, what appeared to Celestia to be a nursery rhyme.
"Sunshine, sunshine, ladybugs awake. Clap your hooves and do a little shake."
Her mind raced. Cadance's words echoed in her mind in an endless loop. She darted a glance to the fireplace. The flames seemed so inviting, as if they would consume the root of a problem before its branches could reach out and strangle her and ensnare her livelihood. But beneath her, the dejection on Cadance’s countenance, the ease of simply dropping a scrap of paper as salve for her wounds, also tempted her.
Celestia stood, her body rigid and shaking heavily. She glanced over to the fire, then down to Cadance. She did this repeatedly, sweat forming on her brow. She muttered incoherent babblings quietly to herself. She took one last long glance at the flames, then at Cadance.
She released the letter from her wing and shook Cadance off from her hooves. She began to walk towards the door.
“This is for Shining Armor. Bring it to him at once.”
The cacophony of pans clanging awoke Twilight Sparkle. She lifted her head from the tear-soaked pillow and rolled over onto her side. She stared at the door. Why even bother getting up? If I stay in here all day, I can’t screw myself up even more than I already have.
No, no, I have to get up. Twilight’s eyes clenched closed at the sound of metal striking the ground. I would only arouse more suspicion if I seclude myself in Lavender’s home. I suppose I will have to get up at some point. Might as well just be now.
She lowered one hoof onto the floor and shifted her body over. She stepped off of the bed and walked towards the door. She walked out, down the hallway and turned around the corner to see Lavender working in the kitchen. Lavender’s attention was on the cookware before her.
Twilight attempted to sneak past her unnoticed, but Lavender turned from the stove and glanced over to her. Twilight stopped mid-stride.
“Good morning!” Lavender grinned, giving a pan a shake with her magic. “Did you sleep well?”
Twilight stared down at her hooves. She murmured to herself briefly, then managed to squeeze out a “yes.”
At the sound of her weak voice, the pans ceased their shaking. Lavender faced Twilight, cocking her head slightly. “Is something wrong?”
“What?” Twilight stepped back. “No, nothing’s wrong.”
“Let me know if there’s anything I can do for you,” Lavender said, her gaze fixated on the shrinking unicorn.
Twilight nodded slowly. “Alright, but it’s really not necessary…” Her voice trailed off.
“Any designs on today?” Lavender changed the subject, turning back to her pots and pans.
“Not really,” Twilight shrugged and looked down at her hooves. “It’s all up to you. I don’t know what you do for fun around here.”
“Oh, I see how it is. Ponyville’s too much of a hick town for this Canterlot native, huh?” Lavender grinned.
“No, it’s not that. It’s just—”
“I know, I know, Twilight. I was just teasing.”
Twilight heaved an inaudible sigh of relief. She looked over to the pots. “So, what are you making?”
“Hm?” Lavender raised her head. “I’m not even sure. Just sort of throwing things together, I suppose.”
Twilight forced a smile. “Sounds… good?” I'm in for it, I suppose.
A light tapping sound broke the welling awkward silence between them.
“Someone’s at the door?” Lavender turned. “But it’s my off day…” She whined.
“I’ll get it,” Twilight mumbled, walking over to the front door. It’s probably Bay Breeze and Solar Flare anyway.
She twisted the doorknob with a twitch of her horn. The door pulled open. Twilight caught glimpse of a sliver of the ponies’ visages. She gasped and stepped back. Tears welled in her eyes.
They got the letter.
“Twily!” Shining Armor exclaimed, lunging forward and embracing his sister. “I’m so glad you’re alright!” Cadance stepped over to face Twilight. Twilight nuzzled against the side of her brother’s neck, then looked at the ground. Her eyes opened wide and grew even cloudier.
Oh no. I didn’t think this through at all.
“It’s so nice to see you, Twilight,” Cadance said, lightly stroking Twilight’s hair with her hoof.
I shouldn’t have done this. I’m dead. How can I possibly explain this to any of them? “It’s so nice to see you two,” she said, coughing slightly. “I’m so sorry for running off like I did. I don’t know what came over—”
“Don’t worry about it, Twily,” Shining Armor said, finally releasing his sister. “What matters is that you’re safe. We couldn’t be happier that you are finally alright.” Tears welled in his eyes. Cadance rested her head on his shoulder. Twilight’s eyes darted about the room, as if trying to find an escape hatch in the walls of Star Swirl Academy.
Beads of sweat formed on her brow. Her breathing became rapid and heavy. Shining Armor and Cadance spoke to her but the words were absorbed by the panicked noise in her mind. I’m so dead. Lavender will be here in seconds. How can I get out of this?
But look! They’re your family! They came all this way to see you.
I have to get them out. Now.
Own up to your mistake.
They won’t understand—
Cadance gave Twilight a faint smile. “It’s been so long, Twilight."
"You could say that again," Twilight smiled, "what happened between you two while I was... gone? I mean, besides the obvious?"
"Yeah, I caught that little shot at me in your letter, Twily," Shining grinned, "at least somepony got a chuckle out of it." He turned to Cadance, who was repressing a giggle.
"So, Twilight," Cadance said, "I doubt you remember this, but there was this little thing that we used to do..."
Of course I do.
Twilight shook her head. She wiped away the sweat from her brow and sighed deeply. I still love these two. They’re my family. They care so much about me. They don’t deserve to get wrapped up in this. She spoke faintly and began to trot in place. Cadance joined in instantaneously, beaming.
"Sunshine, sunshine, ladybugs awake. Clap your hooves and do a little shake."
As the two shook their rumps in the air, Lavender’s voice came from the kitchen. “Twilight, who is it?” She appeared from around the corner, two plates levitating in front of her face. “Breakfast is ready, by the wa—”
The plates dropped and shattered on the ground. “Y-your Highness…es…” Lavender knelt down.
Twilight’s face reddened. She tried to sound out words, but her jaw fell leaden. No… I screwed this all up. How can I explain withholding this? She’s my friend, right? Didn’t she deserve to know this?
“No need for that,” Cadance said, approaching Lavender.
Lavender raised her head and tilted it slightly.
“This must be the friend you mentioned in the letter,” Shining Armor said. “I don’t think we got your name, Miss…”
“Lavender,” she said with a smile. “So, pardon me for asking, but what brings you two here?”
“Just visiting,” Cadance said, “I’m sure Twilight has told you all about us.”
Lavender looked at Twilight, perplexed. Twilight averted her gaze. Twilight could feel the air around her grow thin. She pressed a hoof against her face.
You know I have done no such thing, Lavender. Here’s your chance to say so. Because I can’t tell the truth around anyone. Because I screwed up royally and need to face the consequences. Because I deserve to be left by the wayside. Go ahead. Say it. Say you never want to see me again. Say that friends don’t lie to each other. Say that you thought better of me. But you were wrong.
“Of course,” Lavender said, turning back to the royal couple.
Chapter 19: Falling Apart
How could she say that? She knows I lied to her. Does she not remember? No, no, she does. She most certainly does. She wouldn't think I just casually forgot such an important detail— being directly related to royalty is not really a tiny factoid. No, I said “I’m not really anywhere among the higher-ups in Canterlot”. In front of all of them. She knows I’m hiding something. She probably knew before, and was just dealing with this dishonest wreck of a pony out of kindness. What is she getting out of not stopping everything, pointing a hoof at me and calling me the perjurer that I am? Is it that she doesn’t want to embarrass Shining and Cadance? Is she just waiting for them to leave and will kick me to the curb for being so dishonest? Is she going to spare my family from having to see me break down, or from seeing her call me out on my lies? Go on. I can’t deal with the anticipation. Just mercy-kill this torturous failure of a friendship right now so I can go lie in a corner and die.
“Twilight? Are you coming?”
Twilight shook her head until her eyes rattled. She turned to see an expectant Lavender, with one hoof out the door.
“To what?”
“Lunch. We were just saying—”
“Oh?” Twilight interrupted. “Of course.” Twilight stepped out the door with her. Just say it already. You’re being crueler than you could imagine by holding back like this.
She lagged behind the three of them as they headed down the road to the café. Lavender exchanged little quips with the royal couple, and occasionally chuckles would arise. Twilight’s eyes darted back and forth. No, maybe she is trying to spare me the embarrassment. Just going to save the talk for later. Once those two leave she’ll give me that talking-to, and maybe we could come to an understanding?
You were already treading on thin ice, Twilight Sparkle. This is the misstep that breaks it.
Twilight tripped on a stone and stumbled. She struggled to regain her footing.
“Twilight?” Lavender looked back, slowing her pace “are you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m fine,” Twilight trotted up to the rest of the group, “just sort of zoning out.”
Twilight paid no heed to the movements of her body as she followed them. Their words and laughter droned out and became incomprehensible babble. Her mind raced back and forth.
The four entered the café. Twilight stumbled through the crowded eatery, bumping against chairs and brushing against servers as she walked to their chosen table.
“So, Twily,” Shining Armor said as he pulled out a chair, “how’s the new job?”
“Oh, the teaching?” Twilight looked at her hooves. “I have only been at it for a week, but things have been going well, I suppose.”
“You suppose?” Lavender tilted her head, “you’re doing excellently! You’re a huge help.” Lavender tapped Twilight lightly on the back.
“That’s great to hear,” Cadance smiled, “I always knew you had a gift, Twilight,” she ran her hoof through Twilight’s mane.
Twilight blushed and buried her face in her hooves. “I guess I have a knack for it, then,” she mumbled.
“It would be wonderful to have you around full-time,” Lavender said, “but I understand if family comes first.”
Twilight’s eyes opened wide. What? Full-time? Why would she—
“I don’t know about that just yet,” Twilight stuttered, “I mean, I can’t just leave Canterlot behind, can I?”
Shining Armor and Cadance exchanged glances. “Well…” Shining Armor rubbed a hoof under his chin.
“It seems you’ve found your calling here, Twilight,” Cadance said.
“We wouldn’t want to take that from you,” Shining Armor patted Twilight on the shoulder. “If you want to stay, we can handle it.”
“So long as we get to visit once and a while,” Cadance smiled.
Please no. Take me back. I’m not home here. I’m not home anywhere. Let me out. Let me restart this. I’ll find another town. Try to make friends again. This hasn’t worked out. I can’t say no at this point. Why would I? To them I’m perfectly fine and dandy here. I can’t say how miserable I am.
There’s no point anymore. Everywhere I go I’ll end up doing this to those around me.
“Oh, I shouldn’t pressure you,” Lavender said, frowning slightly. “We’ll see how it works out; it’s only been a week so far.”
“I’ll think about it,” Twilight said. What other choices do I have? I either stay here to watch this all fall apart or try, and fail, again.
No. I can fix this. I can start being truthful with them. I can tell them everything. It would explain my behavior. We could all restart and be friends.
They’re either not going to believe you or just kick you to the curb for lying to them. Your whole ‘friendship’ is based in your lies. They’re not going to offer you a reset because you proved that you don’t deserve it.
Shouldn’t I have faith in them? Lavender picked me off of the streets and showed me her kindness. Can’t that kindness extend to this? Can’t she help me?
Twilight looked at Lavender, who was exchanging jokes with the royal couple. No, she has no reason to. She has better friends.
Twilight watched the conversations go by as she left herself to her thoughts. Eventually the lunch came to a close. The four headed out of the café. They reached a crossroads, one path leading to the train station, the other to the academy. They exchanged goodbyes. Twilight kept nearly silent and limply waved her hoof as the two slipped away from her sight.
The two mares kept silent as they walked back to the academy. Lavender wore a surprisingly solemn countenance. She trotted nearly hurriedly, forcing Twilight to keep her pace. She opened the door to the academy and stepped in. Twilight took a hesitant glance inside and followed.
Lavender took a few steps into the foyer and turned back to Twilight. Silence fell between them. Twilight refused to lift her head. Lavender’s tail swayed slowly. Lavender inhaled soberly.
Oh, here it is. I better pack my things. I better just become that hobopony. There’s no one for me anymore.
“So, is there anything you would like to talk about?”
Twilight lifted her head. “Talk about?”
“Is there something on your mind?”
“I’m not sure what you mean,” Twilight turned her head away.
“Well, all day, you’ve seemed sort of, I don’t know, out of it.” Lavender brushed at the ground with her hoof. “Did something happen?”
“N-no,” Twilight stuttered, “I just wasn’t ready for a surprise visit...”
Lavender tilted her head. “Is there something you aren’t telling me?”
Now’s your chance. You can explain it to her. She’ll understand, just give her the chance to reach out to you.
“No… everything’s fine. I just think I need to lie down for a while.”
Chapter 20: Between Friends
Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter. “How can you do this to her?! You said she was—”
“Yes, Spike. And that’s exactly why I’m doing it.”
Twilight Sparkle stirred, lifting her violet-shrouded head from her pillow. She gave a weary glance around the room. Bookshelves, as expected, but instead of the oaken interior she was greeted by cool, blue walls and a massive bay window pouring in shreds of early-morning light. Shifting from her downy blanket, she rubbed a hoof against her forehead in confusion. Why am I in Canterlot?
Instinctively, she shot a glance at the foot of the bed. The diminutive doggy-bed was empty. She squinted, her vision still clouded with tiredness. The pillow and blanket were both on the floor, at least a foot away from the bed. Spike is messy as usual…
After stretching, Twilight managed to lift herself from the bed. Once getting her balance, she half-trotted to the door. She opened the door and began to walk down the street, slowly and aimlessly, pondering what may have occurred. There had to be an explanation for this. None she could think of in her morning stupor, though.
She shot glances at the sides of the road. The streets were bustling as always for a Sunday morning, the café, as always, was the epicenter of conversation. But, Canterlot felt foreign and strange and empty and dead. She felt as if she was flowing through the motions of another pony’s life. This isn’t Twilight Sparkle. Twilight Sparkle lives in Ponyville. She wakes up every morning and undoubtedly sees a half-dozen faces she recognizes. The only thing that reminded Twilight of the tactile reality she was in was the occasional icy November zephyr that caught Twilight’s streaked mane and blew it in front of her face. You can’t let this get to you, Twilight, she thought, It’s probably nothing. But it was a “nothing” she could not explain.
I need to get back to Ponyville… Twilight stopped in her tracks. But something tells me I should see the Princess before I do anything…
She began to walk down the winding road to the castle. At this point, her morning stupor had completely left her. Her mind was racing. She had no doubts the Princess would not mind having her visit uninvited. No, it was everything else about the situation that had her worried.
Spike is a late sleeper. It can’t be later than 6 A.M. Where could he possibly be? He must have slept here last night— I took the bed with me to Ponyville the first day I went there. I distinctly remember going to sleep in my bed after Pinkie’s party. I remember promising to go to Carousel Boutique to help Rarity reorganize inventory today. She’s probably started without me. She must think I’ve forgotten or I don’t even care. I wanted to help! I’ve got to get back. The train isn’t even running on Sundays— I’ll have to get an escort. There’s no way I’m teleporting that far. What if they’re all wondering where I am and they’re searching for me and there’s no way to find me I can’t even send them a letter since Spike’s gone and Fluttershy’s probably in a panic and Applejack’s must have the whole family turning Ponyville upside-down and—
No. Stay sane. This is a nothing.
But I can’t possibly—
You’ll get through this. Just keep up your pace, you’ll be at the castle in no time.
But what if Rainbow—
She’s fine and you’re fine. You’ve been awake for maybe ten minutes. Don’t kill yourself over this. The castle’s only 15 yards away.
The buildings cleared and the splendorous Canterlot Garden came into view. Twilight slowed her trot, lifted her head and walked beneath the archway. She passed by a few Royal Guards, whom she greeted as jovially as she could in her current state. For the most part they returned the greeting with a tilted head and a confused look. Did I mix up my words? Did “good morning” not come out?
The gate was thankfully open, and Twilight slipped through it in as respectful a manner as she could. The foyer was nearly empty. A few guards were scattered, holding side conversations, but nopony else. Twilight walked up the stairwell, attempting to make as little of a sound as possible. She felt strangely unwelcome, despite having had frequent visits before her time in Ponyville.
Twilight stopped mid-stair. Wait. Applejack’s blanket. Why wouldn’t Spike take it with him if he brought the bed to Canterlot?
Stop it. Talk to the Princess.
And where’s Peewee and Owlowiscious?
Stop it.
And what about—
She shook her head furiously, her slightly unkempt mane now a complete mess. Stay on target. Talk to the Princess. You’re only making it worse.
She twitched a little as she moved forward, walking through the massive open door and into the throne room. Celestia was not present. She must be in her study. It won’t be an intrusion of I go in. The walls were lined with glorious stained glass, as always. Twilight always loved to see the two of her and her friends, defeating Nightmare Moon and Discord.
She walked over to the wall. She gave them a quick glance. Loyalty, Honesty, Laughter, Kindness, Generosity. Everything is in order.
Squinting, Twilight noticed that in her place appeared to be a white mare.
Wait. Why am I white?
Stop it.
No, really. This is weird.
STOP! Twilight bashed her head against the wall. She reeled back, and dizzily spun around. She fell flat on her face. She lied prone on the carpet, her head spinning. She shut her eyes and drifted off.
Twilight awoke again to green flames. Ashes materialized before her eyes, forming together into a tattered scroll. Spike? The letter fell into her hooves. As she read it her face contorted into indescribable expressions.
“Dear Twilight,
I am so sorry to wake you. I couldn’t bear to see you as you were. I know you will hate me for this, but it is out of my deepest friendship that I did what I did. Don’t worry; you won’t have to see me again. It is going to hurt a lot, but please, please go to the gallery. You have to understand.
With love,
Spike.”
Twilight crumpled the letter in her hooves. She knew sadness was the reaction. Tears found their way to her eyes. No… What do you even… Why? The gallery? Gone forever? Why would I ever hate you? Bear to see me as I was? What was wrong? What is happening? Wake me? How did you know I was unconscious? What? Where have you gone?! I need you now! Do you know what’s going on?!
Twilight could not bear to move. The momentous weight of the few words she read tied her hooves to the carpet. Her head was spinning more than ever. Spike’s cryptic words, her strange situation. Nothing was coming together. Not a shred of sense. Everything was wrong. She had fallen in an abyss of confusion, and nopony was there to help her.
The Princess…
No, go to the gallery. Spike said nothing about Celestia. Just do as he says.
Wiping tears from her face, she managed to lift her body off of the carpet. She walked out of the throne room, her gait somber, her face pointed at the ground. The foyer was empty. She took a turn to the left wing. The gallery, as she remembered, had only a few paintings of Equestrian founders. What purpose could it possibly serve?
She took a few turns, navigating the complicated corridors with ease. Wake me… from what? The words still plagued her mind. She wished she could just get an explanation, no matter how grim the realization would be. She wanted this transitional hurt to end.
After what felt like a century of wandering, she made it to the gallery. The room was hexagonal and windowless. The walls were perfectly white. She remembered oil paintings of Chancellor Puddinghead, Smart Cookie, Princess Platinum… Each was given their own respective wall, behind thick panes of glass. But even upon walking into the room, it was clear that they were different.
She walked up to the leftmost wall. In the place of a nouveau-style painting of Princess Platinum in full regalia, there was a much different portrait. It was a white unicorn, much like the historical figure, but wearing an artfully crafted maroon dress. Beneath it, in hand-painted script, was “Rarity: Generosity. 1012-1083”.
Twilight took a jump back. 1083 was over nine centuries ago. She felt pressure in her forehead, as if the capillaries in her brain were about to explode. She rushed to the other paintings, the results were the same: Rarity, Applejack, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, and Rainbow Dash. 1012-1083. 1013-1070. 1012-1056. 1013-1080. 1013-1074.
“I couldn’t stay by them… I wanted you to in my stead.”
Twilight spun around, tears pouring from her face. In her midst was the most despondent-looking alicorn eyes ever beheld. Celestia’s eyes nervously swept the floor. Her front hooves were crosses awkwardly. Her head was tilted downwards. Her massive, trailing, colorful mane was tied back. Her eyes were veiled with tears.
“What do you mean?! Where are they?!” Twilight shouted, her voice reverberating and shaking the glass panels.
“I’m afraid they’re gone…” Her voice trailed, as she choked on her words. “I couldn’t— you…”
“Tell me!”
Celestia coughed again. She struggled to make her face stern. “Silence your tongue, Twilight Sparkle. Listen to me.”
Twilight restrained every muscle in her body. She was ready to throw herself forward and tackle Celestia. Weakly, she replied. “Yes, Princess”.
“I was born over a thousand years ago, as you know. I was a member of the Royal Family, of course. When I was eighteen years of age, I visited the town of Ponyville. The town of Ponyville as you saw it.
“I met Pinkie Pie first, as you did. I found her insufferable, as you did. I tried to avoid her, and Applejack, and Rarity, and Rainbow, and Fluttershy. As you did.
“It was then that the entire “Nightmare Moon” incident occurred. We managed to banish my sister into the moon… I still am unsure how to feel about our actions.”
Twilight raised her head. “But what about Luna?”
“Luna is here. I will not draw your attention to the new carriers of the Elements of Harmony. Please allow me to keep on topic.”
Twilight struggled to silence herself. Celestia continued. “In our efforts to stop her, we built up a relationship. I could feel for them, I felt their passions, talents, wonderful qualities but also their flaws and issues. I wanted to be with them forever. I lived the greater part of my early years in Ponyville. I witnessed all of my best friends perish, Twilight Sparkle. One after the other. I realized the reality of my situation with Fluttershy.” Celestia choked again. “So young…” Her voice returned to sternness. “And here I am, mulling over their deaths, nine centuries later.”
Twilight interrupted. The signs of sadness had left her. A combination of confusion, pity and anger filled its place. “But where do I come into all of this?”
“I once said to you that I see a lot of myself in you.”
“You don’t mean—”
“Have you heard of the idea of ‘living vicariously’ through someone?”
“You—”
Her voice turned penitent. “I am sorry, Twilight Sparkle. For me to take a piece of your short life for my own needs is horrible.”
“That’s not the point! You had me befriend these… illusions!”
“They’re not just illusions. Their actions are set based on the personality traits I witnessed, firsthand. You were a beneficiary to the love of my friends. I shared the magic of friendship with you and you attack me?”
“They weren’t real! Everything they’ve ever done, nothing came out of it !”
“I watched every winking moment of this ‘illusion’. I wanted to see them again. I wanted to see the wonderful friends I had, acting out of solely love and care for another. They made you who you are. They sculpted the socially demented little student of mine into one of the greatest friends anypony can have. But now that you’ve been awakened, that’s all gone. And that is of no fault of mine, nor yours, but of an oversight.”
“Spike is not an oversight. Apparently he was the only actual friend of mine.”
“He broke the lovely dream you were in.”
“He made me stop being your stand-in.”
“Were you not happy when you were with them? Did you not have the best moments of your life, living out my memories?”
“I want my own memories. I want my own friends!”
“You will never find friends as perfect as them. I know. I’ve lived a thousand years, and I’ve never found friends quite like them.”
“Then make your own little pipe-dream! Make your little dream-puppets and experience this ‘magic of friendship’ that I apparently never really got!”
“Let me ask you something, Twilight. Do you still think that friendship is magic?”
Twilight paused. Everything. Ever. Was a lie. Friendship isn’t magic. “…What I experienced wasn’t friendship.”
“You experienced my friendships. The epitome of love, care and happiness from five other mares. You do not think that that feeling you got when you were with them was magic?”
“I was never with them. I never had friends.” Twilight stopped again. Everything up to this point, the indeterminably long and glorious stretch of time, was fake. But it was the only thing in my life that felt like it had any semblance of a purpose. And it was fake. But it was purpose. “You… you gave me meaning. Your life’s meaning. Not mine. And then it was taken from me…”
Celestia raised an eyebrow. “You miss them, now?”
“Maybe I do. Real or not… they were the only friends I’ll ever have…”
“I’m so sorry, Twilight Sparkle. I have nothing to justify my actions. For the years you have been asleep, whenever I was not seeing my friends, I felt like the most repulsive creature in Equestria.”
“I’ll never forgive you for tantalizing me. For showing me this magic of friendship, dangling a carrot in front of my eyes. Friendship is magic, Princess. But I’ll never have it.”
Twilight turned and walked out of the gallery. Celestia slumped over, sobbing. She gazed at the portraits. “I miss you all…”
Twilight returned to her home. She lay there on the bed, her thoughts still processing. I haven’t lost anything, because I never had anything. Meaning showed itself only to shirk away. What am I supposed to do with myself?
“Hey! Hey!” An animated voice exclaimed.
Twilight groaned. The caffeinated tone scratched against her inner ears and made her spine shiver. She opened her eyelids slowly, revealing a face cloaked in morning light.
“Are you okay?”
Twilight’s vision began to stabilize. Before her was a pale violet unicorn, with a wispy black-and-mauve streaked mane. Her wide eyes gazed at Twilight curiously, darting over her disheveled features. Twilight’s eyelids refused to remain open for longer than a few seconds.
“Hey!”
Twilight groaned again, forcing her eyes open. “What?”
“I was asking you if you were okay.”
“If I’m okay?”
“Well, yeah,” Twilight noticed the unicorn’s eyes roll, “It’s not every day you walk down the street and some hobopony is sleeping in front of the monument!”
“Hobopony?”
“Can you believe I just thought of that?” She said, proudly.
“Clever,” Twilight said, her voice completely deadpan.
“Well, I thought so,” the unicorn said, huffing a little.
“Is there a particular reason you’re bothering me?” Twilight snarled, turning her face away.
She puffed up her chest slightly. “Well, I’m sorry to wake you. I would have just taken you somewhere to rest, but I guess I can report you to the authorities for trespassing after hours.”
Twilight leapt onto her hooves. She cracked massive fake smile. “No need to do that! I’d gladly accept your offer, uh—”
“Lavender.”
“Lavender! Lovely name.”
“Thank you.” Lavender cracked a friendly grin. “And you are?”
“Twilight Sparkle.”
“Charmed.” Lavender gave an aside glance. “What say I forget about this little transgression,” She smirked mischievously, “on one condition.”
Twilight sighed, but then immediately returned to her excessive simpering. “Of course!” The sound of her teeth gritting together amplified her developing migraine.
“You let me show you around town, and then you could stay at my place!” She said, both her body and her voice bouncing excitedly.
Twilight shook her head. “No thank you. I’m pretty familiar with this area.”
Lavender cocked her head. “Really? Where’s your place? I’ve never seen you around before, and I know nearly every unicorn within a five-mile radius.”
“Uh, I’m not—”
“So, you aren’t from here?”
“Well, no.”
“So, you need a tour!” She clapped her hooves together.
“No need. I know my way around.”
“But do you have a place to stay?”
“Well, not really.”
Lavender gasped. “So, you really are a hobopony then!”
“Please never use that word again.” Twilight scowled.
Lavender flipped her streaky mane. An aptly-colored glow surrounded her horn, and a scrap of paper and quill materialized before her in a puff of smoke and sparkles. The quill began to move across the paper. “Let’s see here, ‘Dear Mr. Chief of Police…’”
Twilight smiled so largely and falsely it hurt her jaw. “There’s no need for that! I was just about to say how much I’d love a tour and how much I appreciate your hospitality, Miss… uh—”
“It’s Lavender.”
“Right, right. Of course.” She’s clearly not buying it.
“So, no time to waste! There’s a whole lot of Ponyville to see!” She pointed a hoof forward, directing Twilight to walk beside her. Really? This is what I’m stuck doing? She thought, still holding the jaw-breaking smile. Lavender’s gait was dignified; she held her head up high and swung her tail from side to side with each step. Twilight stared at the pavement beneath her and her tail swished impatiently.
They wove through the crowded streets, which were cluttered with Ponyville citizens, push-carts, vendors, and foals at play. After a woefully brief silence, Lavender piped up: “So, where are you from, Twilight?”
She sure starts a lot of sentences with ‘so’. “I’m from Canterlot.”
“Wow, really? So you must be all high-class and stuff!”
Twilight sighed. “Sure.”
“Did you like it there?”
“I’ve never known anywhere else. Don’t know what to compare it to.” Liar.
“What brings you here?”
Twilight paused for a moment. “I wanted a fresh start. A change of scenery.”
Lavender looked at her, perplexed. “Didn’t you have a job or anything in Canterlot?”
“Well, no. I was somewhat of a graduate student, I guess. Private apprenticeship.”
“Oh, do they have good magic education there?”
“How would you—”
“I’m just curious. I teach magic.”
“Really, now?” Twilight raised an eyebrow.
“Yep!” Lavender’s smile grew wider, clearly noticing an ounce of sincerity from Twilight. “Did you see the blue spiral-y building in front of the train station?”
“Yeah, why?”
“That’s where I work. It’s the Star Swirl Academy for Talented Unicorns.”
Twilight’s eyes widened. “Star Swirl? As in, the Bearded?”
“Yes!” Lavender practically jumped, “You wouldn’t believe it, but you’re the first pony I’ve met who got that!”
“Really? He’s just so important! How could nopony have gotten that?”
“I know ! I have to tell my students all the time! I dedicate a semester to his contributions!”
Twilight could not think of anything to add. There was a brief silence.
“So, I can assume you were a student of magic, right?”
“Well, yeah.”
“Who was your teacher? Maybe I’ve heard of them!”
“Um, probably not. She’s pretty obscure.” Stop lying.
“Try me.”
Come on Twilight think of something think of something think of something “Cheerilee.”
“Huh, you’re right. No idea who in the hay that is.”
Twilight wiped a bead of sweat from her brow. “Well, uh, she’s let me off for winter break, so I figured I would visit here.”
“You picked no better place, Miss Sparkle. Ponyville’s the most beautiful city in all of Equestria.”
I know. “Prove it,” Twilight smirked.
“You’re on, Twilight Sparkle.” Lavender’s eyes glimmered with resolve, “Follow me.”
She hurried her pace, leading Twilight to a tower in a plaza wholly unfamiliar to her. She led Twilight up the corkscrew-like staircase, up to the very pinnacle of the momentous tower. Twilight took in the view.
Compared to the view she had gotten from overhead on multiple occasions, Ponyville was massive. A great deal of the Everfree Forest was cleared— a whole second village, practically, where Fluttershy’s cottage was. There were multiple watermills placed on the river that encircled the city. Sweet Apple Acres occupied a far greater space, with a great deal of what was the Everfree Forest to Twilight now speckled with red. Carousel Boutique, if present, was blocked by an array of other buildings. The same town hall occupied the square, and the bustle was clearly visible even from their height.
What did Celestia even do? Did she really match the current architecture so it wouldn’t look archaic, but kept the key points, like the size, and Sugarcube Corner and the library, from when she was here? She really just re-skinned her Ponyville? How much thought went into this? What did the Ponyville my friends lived in really look like? She’s messing with me. She’s up there still screwing with my head. She’s probably still watching me. This is all a game to her.
“Hey, Twilight?”
Twilight shook her head. “Yeah?”
“You okay?”
“Of course! I’m just admiring the view, is all.”
Lavender pointed out to the southwest. “See that?” Lavender said, “That’s Sweet Apple Acres.”
“Oh, I’ve heard of that!” Twilight said. I’ve probably spent more time there than you have.
“That’s where the vast majority of the apples everypony eats are harvested. It’s been owned and operated by the Honeycrisp family for generations.”
Twilight swiftly turned to Lavender. “Don’t you mean—”
Stop. You’re an idiot if you think the same family will run the place for a thousand years.
“What was that?” Lavender looked at Twilight quizzically.
“Hm?” Twilight turned back to the view. “Nothing, just admiring the scenery.”
“It is indeed gorgeous,” Lavender said, “but I’m sure it’s nothing you couldn’t get see Canterlot, I’m sure.”
You couldn’t be more wrong. “Yeah, where’s this ‘most beautiful city in all of Equestria’ you promised?”
“It’s not just beautiful because of the scenery,” Lavender said, “it’s the ponies who live here that make it so!”
Twilight gagged a little. “That’s… wonderful . But all this sightseeing’s made me exhausted. If you could just show me where I’d be staying that’d be—”
Lavender grabbed Twilight by the hoof and began dragging her towards the stairs. “C’mon Twilight! You’ve gotta meet my friends first!”
You can get through this, Twilight. She’s just a little excitable. Nothing you can’t get past. She loves magic, you love magic. You need a friend in this town, and she’s most certainly offering that. This can work.
“Oh, you’re right!” Twilight exclaimed, releasing her hoof from the mare’s grasp, “I’d love to. Where are we headed?”
“My friend owns a record shop by Star Swirl Plaza. You probably passed it.”
Quills and Sofas . “Yeah, I did.”
“Great! They’re probably just opening up now, so let’s go drop by!”
The door to the guest room of Star Swirl Academy opened slowly. Twilight Sparkle slipped in, her body shambling over to the bed with her head held back. Twilight collapsed onto the starry bedspread, her limbs outstretched, the scarf falling on her face and covering her eyes. She groaned slightly, staring through the fibers of the cloth and up to the ceiling. The tape had been placed beside the cassette player, inches away from her reach.
Can’t I do anything right? She rubbed the cloth against her face with a hoof. I probably either confused or offended them beyond all reason. And this is the second time Lavender’s had to bail me out from my awkwardness!
Twilight sighed, shaking her head from beneath the scarf. Every time I’m with them I end up talking myself into a corner. They probably think I’m totally crazy.
Twilight pulled the scarf off from her face and looked at it in her hooves. Maybe you’re overthinking this.
She pulled it back over her face. I never overthink things.
There are countless occasions in which you’ve overthought to the point of creating a new problem entirely.
No, that’s not true—
You’re not fooling anyone, Twilight Sparkle. Overthinking has been your job, practically. And this time, you don’t have your friends to talk you down.
My friends… Twilight turned over and buried her face in her pillow. You’re right. Every time they’d try to stop me from hurting myself with my self-destructive craziness, I’d shove them off. Spike, especially, would have—
Spike is gone. He’s made it his goal to never see you again. It doesn’t matter what he would do if he were here.
That’s not true at all! Spike, and all of my friends, would want me to heed everything they’ve told me, whether or not it was in reality or not. Isn’t there some value to what they’ve said?
All of them, including Spike, only said what the Princess forced them to say. The Spike you knew and the Spike that sent you that letter are two completely different entities.
But I knew the real Spike ever since he was born. I know what he would say to me. Twilight sat up and looked forward. He’d say. ‘Twilight, you’re overthinking this, and you’re only hurting yourself with how you’re behaving.’
Twilight lowered her head. And do you believe what this theoretical Spike says?
She nodded vigorously. Yes, yes I do.
She paused for a moment. Thoughts of the fabricated world, the illusory Ponyville and the mare responsible flooded in. She shook her head. You need to forget about them. You’re confusing the fabrication with reality. The Spike you knew was impulsive, childish, and of no help to you. Whoever you had as your companion in the fabrication was some analogous creature Celestia must have had, just in the form and voice of Spike.
She shook her head wildly and pressed her hooves against the comforter beneath her. Regardless of whether or not he was true, I know what he said, no, what all of them said to me has some value.
It is difficult to let go of all of this, but for your own sake, you must.
I don’t need to let go of everything to move on.
You need to forget.
But there’s no way I could possibly forget, and I don’t think that I even should.
You are causing yourself far more pain than is necessary.
It would hurt me more if I forced myself to forget them.
There is nothing worth remembering, Twilight Sparkle.
Did I learn absolutely nothing from my time in Celestia’s Ponyville?
If you keep holding onto them, you’ll end up the same wreck of a mare as she is.
Perhaps you’re right. Twilight flopped over onto the bed and looked at the ceiling. Maybe the best course of action really is letting go.
She turned her body over. She pressed her face against the pillow. But I don’t want to lose them… She felt a lump well in her throat. She coughed as tears seeped into the pillowcase.
But I have to. Having their long-decayed corpses held above me for the rest of my life cannot possibly do me any good.
But holding onto those thoughts, the good times and the lessons I’ve learned surely would do me some good, right?
I know, it’s really difficult.
I miss them all so much.
But what about Lavender, Solar Flare and Bay Breeze? Aren’t they here for you? They’ve shown you so much kindness, having only known you for a few days! Isn’t that something?
I’m sure those three are just tolerating me at this point.
Lavender clearly cares about you, and so do her friends.
But I have to keep lying to them?
They won’t understand. It is best for the four of you for that to completely disappear.
But I still love them…
You have to either choose between the friends you never had in the past, or the friends generously outstretching their hooves to you, asking only that you accept them.
Why can’t I just have both?
Every time you think of them, or what had happened to you, you end up only confusing yourself and others.
I know I’m trying to hold on to an unreciprocated, falsified friendship. But those fake memories are still the most precious things I have. And I can never let go. And I’m hurting myself, I know. I may never get better. But I’m not sure if I even want to.
You have to get better. You don’t want to be feeling like this forever. You have to release these toxic memories.
I want them to still be here. I don’t want them to go. If I can’t have them here by my side, can’t I still hold onto them in my mind? She raised her hind legs and kicked down at the mattress. Why can’t I have them here? Why was that not real? Why do I have to be left here confused and alone?
Twilight pushed her face as far as she could into the pillowcase, but its plush form did little to muffle the sound of her sobbing.
Her ear pressed to the door, Lavender looked down at the floor in dismay. She shuffled out of the hallway, looking at her hooves as they dragged on the hardwood.
