It was autumn, early in the school year. Senior year — things would be different soon. But not yet. For now, just for a few more months, things would stay the same. Some people — Dash, Twilight, all the ambitious students — were bored out of their minds waiting for the last year to end. In their eyes, life was about to begin.
But Fluttershy didn't have such lofty dreams. She kept a smile on her face for her friends, but she truly didn't know what her future held. Maybe she could be a veterinarian, or work at an animal shelter, or something. Her prospects weren't really what bothered her; it was her friends. Soon college would claim its due and split them apart. Twilight would go somewhere to study science; Rainbow would go somewhere else for sports; Rarity would certainly move to the big city as soon as she could; and who knew where Pinkie would end up.
She could hardly begrudge her friends for having lives of their own, and she didn't. But it would be sad to be alone. No friends — just like when she was little.
She was coming of age, and all she could feel was fear and sadness. The thoughts clung to her every time she spent time with friends; a stinging, pre-emptive loneliness.
So, when the bell rang and her last class ended — as all the familiar faces she'd grown up with flooded out of the school and dispersed — she didn't head home. Instead, she turned in the opposite direction and walked to the edge of town. The forest was dense; a lot of students were afraid of it. Timid Fluttershy, however, had begun to find it comforting. There were a lot of animals out there, after all. That's what she told Dash when the athlete asked about her little walks.
But there was more to it than that. Sure, the animals were nice. And the plants — the evergreens that surrounded and swaddled — were nice too. But the main draw of the forest was the way time seemed to stop whenever she let herself get lost in it. Mornings passed into afternoons that faded into evenings, all so nebulous and streamlined that it felt like no time had passed at all. Fluttershy could dwell in that space outside of life forever.
Today, however, she decided on another course; as the branches grew thick around her, she eventually found it — the burnt tree that marked the start of her trail. She'd found it only a month ago, while she was out wandering, and it had quickly become a favorite trail for her on her more contemplative days.
The terrain grew steeper as she followed her cairns, and she knew she was close to it. One last bend and she was there.
But when she rounded the corner she found someone she had not expected — Applejack.
The farm girl was sitting on a large rock, staring out at the view Fluttershy had hoped to claim. The hilly outcropping looked out over the forest; endless green spread in every direction, clarifying nature’s impossible vastness. If one looked closely, they could just make out the distant rooftops of Ponyville. Beyond it all the horizon slowly dimmed.
Not wanting to disturb the serene woman, Fluttershy considered turning around. But she had set her heart on coming here and the idea of heading back into town made her heart ache. She already knew her other friends would be busy — studying, sports, work — and the thought of sitting alone in her cottage just felt too lonely right now. Maybe Applejack wouldn't mind?
"U-uh, Jackie?" Fluttershy tried to alert Applejack to her presence as she stepped closer, but her voice was so quiet the other girl didn't seem to notice. She tried again. "A-applejack?"
"Oh! Hey Sugarcube. What are y'all doin' out here?" Applejack asked the timid girl.
"Oh, uh, just going for a walk..."
"Well y'all can sit down if you want." Applejack scooted to one side of the flat rock on which she rested, and patted the other half with a strong hand.
Fluttershy smiled and quickly accepted the offer, taking a seat next to Applejack. But the makeshift bench was a bit small for two people, and despite Fluttershy's best efforts her side pressed against Applejack's. She didn't mind at all, of course, but it was probably annoying for the farmer.
"Uh, I can go if you wanted to be alone. I don't want to bother you," Fluttershy quietly said.
"Naw, I don't mind the company none. I was feelin' a mite lonely anyway," Applejack replied.
"O—oh really?”
Applejack just nodded; casting her gaze out over the treetops – taking in the view. Fluttershy took it in as well; that was the reason she’d come out here, after all.
The sun was just beginning to set, tinting the horizon with the subtlest hues of evening – a beautiful yet melancholy gradient of soft pink and deep orange. The trees, all covered in autumn leaves, seemed to almost fade into the sky. Overhead, a flock of birds flitted through the air – quite possibly leaving for the winter.
It was one of the most beautiful evenings Fluttershy had ever experienced, and it did nothing to ease her heart.
Fluttershy took a deep breath of the crisp air, trying desperately to hold onto the moment – trying to absorb every sight and feeling before they faded away. Everything was fleeting – it was all going too fast. She sighed.
"What's got ya out here sugarcube? This is pretty far into the forest for jus' a walk.”
"Uh, well..." Fluttershy considered brushing Applejack off the same way she did the others — just say she was enjoying nature and leave it at that. She didn't want to burden anybody with her feelings. But out here — in the chilly autumn wind under a darkening sky, with Applejack pressed warmly against her — she felt like maybe the farmgirl would understand. At length Fluttershy finished her sentence, "I guess I've been feeling lonely, too."
Applejack paused for a moment, a look of concern on her face. Never particularly wordy – never too sure what to say – she instead opted to simply wrap an arm around Fluttershy as a comforting gesture. From the way the girl relaxed into her, it seemed to work. After a while, Fluttershy spoke again without needing any prompting.
"I-I'm just scared about the future. Everybody's leaving soon…”
Applejack turned towards Fluttershy and asked, “Ya mean fer college?”
Fluttershy nodded before continuing, “I know it’s selfish. But Rainbow Dash has been with me since I was a little girl, and now she's moving across the country. And Twilight's probably leaving, and Rarity, a-and I'm just gonna be left here."
“Ain’t nothing selfish about missing your friends, sugarcube. Ah’ve been feelin’ the same way, to be honest with you.”
Applejack wished she could offer a solution – some way to keep everyone happy and together. But there was nothing to be done for it. Life moved on and people drifted apart. So instead, she offered the only comfort she could be sure of.
"Ah don’t know what yer doin’ after school, Shy, but ah’ll always be here. Between the farm an’ my family, ah ain’t leaving anytime soon."
Fluttershy, a little teary-eyed after laying out her fears, found a weak smile. It was comforting to know that somebody would stay. At least she wouldn't be the only one left — all alone in the town she'd grown up in. But she was still worried.
“Will we still be f-friends if the others all leave? We don’t really hang out that much… j-just the two of us, I mean.”
“Well, maybe we should spend more time together – if ya’ll want to, a’course.”
“I’d like that, Jackie,” Fluttershy said, a sincere smile finally gracing her face. “Uh, if you don’t mind, I mean.”
“I wouldn’t’ve offered if I did, Shy,” Applejack said, and couldn’t help an amused smile from spreading across her face. Fluttershy was too cute sometimes.
Without another word, both girls turned their attention back to the sunset, Applejack’s arm still wrapped around Fluttershy, and their bodies still pressed together.
Finally feeling calmer, Fluttershy slowly inhaled and lazily exhaled the cool evening air. The day was gone – the year was dying and her youth was fleeting – and a certain sadness would always linger in her because of all that. But she wasn’t alone and she wouldn’t be alone. Applejack was by her side and that wouldn’t change.
As the sky darkened and the stars began to come out, Fluttershy began to feel sleepy. Letting out a quiet yawn, she laid her head on her friend’s shoulder. Briefly Fluttershy worried she might be overstepping some boundary. But a second later, Applejack leaned her head against Fluttershy’s, her cheek pressed into the timid girl’s soft, pink hair.
Wrapped in a strong embrace, breathing the scent of apples as a few stray blonde hairs tickled her face, Fluttershy found herself, for the first time in a long time, perfectly content. As the very last remnants of light faded from the sky, she felt completely and utterly at peace.
It was on a very similar evening two months later that Applejack realized she felt differently about Fluttershy.
Every friendship was different, of course. Her and Rainbow Dash had a friendly rivalry and spent most of their time engaged in athletic races. Meanwhile, her and Rarity usually stuck to casual conversation.
So it wasn't unusual that time spent with Fluttershy was different than time spent with the others. The two were both relatively quiet, and were both often content to just enjoy their environment. But it went deeper than that. She felt understood with Fluttershy, in a way she didn't with the others. She loved all her friends, but on quiet, blissful evenings like this — on cold, wintery nights huddled by the fire — she always wished Fluttershy was with her.
It felt... deeper, than any other relationship in her life. Not necessarily more important — but definitely more intense, somehow.
Over the last couple months, the two had only grown closer and closer. As the year drew to a close Applejack had less work on the farm, and many of Fluttershy's animal friends were hibernating. The pair had little else to do but spend time together, and they'd found that they could match each-other’s paces quite well. Applejack didn't mind slowing down to enjoy nature every once in a while, and she always made sure Fluttershy could keep up with her when she was feeling more active.
For example, the other day she'd engaged the girl in a snowball fight, but had been sure to keep it gentle. Applejack had found that Fluttershy could be coaxed into stuff like that, you just needed to approach her the right way. Sort of like an animal, really.
So yeah, their friendship was maybe a bit stronger than with the others, and there was nothing wrong with that. It was no secret Rainbow liked to hang out with Pinkie more than Rarity, but they were all still friends in the end. She wasn't worried about any sort of imbalance in the friend group.
What she was worried about was how strongly she felt for Fluttershy. She'd never really put much thought into romance before. She had her own affairs to tend to, and if the right man came along then that was great, but she wasn't terribly concerned about it. She'd never really crushed on anyone before. So she didn't recognize the feeling she felt when Fluttershy sometimes looked at her so lovingly. She didn't understand exactly why she felt so light when the shy girl laughed, or why she kept daydreaming about her.
She knew a lot of other mares were pretty, and she could appreciate the aesthetic beauty of someone like Rarity, even if it wasn't her style. But the way her mind stuck on Fluttershy was different. It was more intense than just appreciation — she didn't just like how Fluttershy looked, she actively enjoyed seeing her. It was tangibly satisfying and she didn't know why.
And she missed the girl. She missed her friends when they went away on trips and she didn't see them for a few days, but she'd miss Fluttershy when they'd been hanging out just a few hours ago. When she saw something amazing, or interesting, or beautiful, she wished Fluttershy was there to see it too. When she warmed up by the fire, she wished Fluttershy was there. When she fell asleep at night, she wished Fluttershy was there.
Fluttershy was just different than her other friends. She hadn't wanted to say quite why that was, but she’d had a suspicion in the back of her head all along. The other day had confirmed it, without any doubt. After a little snowball fight, they were laying together in the snow. Fluttershy's hair — it always looked so soft and warm — had been dotted with snowflakes, which only served to accentuate her radiant skin. And her pale lips just looked so pretty and warm and Applejack knew she wanted to kiss her. She couldn't lie — not even to herself; she wanted to kiss Fluttershy.
She couldn't deny it anymore, and that meant accepting what that meant. She was gay. It wasn't that she had a problem with that — no way Dash didn't swing that way and they still got on fine. Her family would probably be alright with it for the most part. It just wasn't something she'd really considered before. It would definitely take a little getting used to, but it wasn't a big deal.
What concerned her more was how Fluttershy would feel. She probably wouldn't be offended — it took quite a bit to get her angry, after all; but if she didn't feel the same, would it ruin how close they'd gotten? There was no way it wouldn't be awkward if Applejack brought it up and Fluttershy had to turn her down. While Applejack was sure their friendship would survive, it would probably be damaged; and that was about as heartbreaking as an outright rejection. She didn't want to lose what she had with Fluttershy, but at the same time she wanted more.
Applejack was a woman of action — or she liked to think she was, at least. And more than that, she was honest. It just wouldn't be right to keep a secret; she would tell Fluttershy how she felt. And what better time than a cozy evening like this?
The shy girl was usually pretty lonely over winter, what with most of her animal friends hibernating. A simple invite over for the night shouldn't be too scary, right?
Applejack pulled out her phone and sent Fluttershy a message.
"Hey Shy, what's up?" Standard opener — shouldn't have left her anxious, but it did. She tried to make herself comfortable on the couch as she awaited a reply. Mercifully, Fluttershy responded within a minute.
"Not much. How are you Jackie?" Applejack's heart fluttered just a little at the nickname. Nobody else called her that — and that was good, honestly; it was special, coming from Fluttershy.
"I'm fine. Was wonderin' if ya wanted to come over for the night?" Again, Applejack found herself far more nervous than was typical for her. The heat of the crackling fireplace had at some point become a source of further agitation. A few beads of perspiration formed on her forehead, the result of fear and flame. Maybe this wasn't a good idea.
"Unless you don't want to," Applejack sheepishly added. God damnit — this wasn’t like her all! It was just Fluttershy; she wouldn’t bite.
"I'd like that, if you're sure I won't be a bother."
Applejack sighed, and she was entirely unsure if it was out of relief or fear. This was happening — no chickening out now.
"Of course not. I'll walk you over."
Applejack cursed herself under her breath as she texted that last sentence. Much as she cared for the girl, she really wanted to put this off as long as possible. But she couldn't very well let Fluttershy walk across town all alone on a cold winter night. Manners won out over nerves, unfortunately for her.
With a deep breath, Applejack stood up from the couch. She collected her hat from the coffee table and put it on; there was something final about it. Donning her hat was the confirmation she needed. She was Applejack. She was brave, and strong, and she would tell Fluttershy how she felt. She was doing this.
The walk to Fluttershy's cottage proved therapeutic, the blustery evening air somewhat sobering. Applejack tried not to get her hopes up, but it would be wonderful to spend the night cuddled up with Fluttershy. It felt dangerous to even entertain the possibility, but she couldn't help it. The snow coming down brought memories of that day; snowflakes in pink hair and winter sun reflected in teal eyes.
The cottage door, always so inviting, loomed before her. She took one more deep breath before knocking — sealing her fate.
The door opened gently, the beautiful girl in question peeking out. It wasn't fair how beautiful she was, even in the same canary yellow cardigan and blue jeans she usually wore.
"Hello Jackie," Fluttershy said.
"H-howdy 'Shy," Applejack replied, finding herself at a loss for any further words. She'd tell her later; it wouldn't do to lay everything out right at her front door. Of course, it also wouldn't do to leave Fluttershy no easy escape route if this went poorly.
Shit, she hadn't considered that. She didn't want to get Fluttershy back to her place just to send her home alone after a stupid confession. This was a bad idea. Maybe she shouldn't—
"Um, did you want to head out?" Fluttershy's voice, soft as ever, startled Applejack from her thoughts.
"Uh... actually, sugarcube, do ya'll mind if we talk real quick? Inside?" Applejack's heart raced. Why was she doing this?
"Oh, sure Applejack," Fluttershy said, stepping aside to let Applejack in. The farm girl walked slowly to the couch, feeling as though she were approaching her demise, as Fluttershy shut the door behind them. Applejack looked up as she felt Fluttershy sit down beside her, but quickly looked away. She couldn't look her in the eye.
"What's wrong Jackie?" Fluttershy asked, the concern in her voice breaking Applejack's heart. This was a bad idea. Why couldn't she just be happy with the friendship they already had? Why didn’t she plan a more romantic confession? This was a bad idea.
"Ah, uh... Ah need to talk to ya about somethin'. Ah mean, uh... ah gosh this is kinda awkward but uh..." Applejack trailed off as Fluttershy’s hand gently took hold of hers. She couldn’t help looking up again, and falling into those stupid, beautiful eyes; they shined with so much support.
“Ah love you.” The words tumbled out, before she had a chance to think even once about what she was saying. It was way too much, and now things were gonna be weird, and poor Fluttershy would have to deal with it, and it was all so stupid. She wanted to run, but she couldn’t. Some awful mixture of fragile hope and shame kept her frozen, her gaze fixed on the floor.
After an eternity of silence, Fluttershy’s hand moved. She was pulling away. She was weirded out and Applejack had really ruined their entire friendship because she was greedy and couldn’t leave well enough alone. This was all the confirmation she needed; it had been a bad idea. The tears she’d been blinking back finally fell. They streaked down her cheek.
And then they were wiped away by a gentle hand on her face.
Her heart burned with rekindled hope as she looked up, restoring eye contact with Fluttershy. She was lightheaded, her limbs felt cold even as her stomach churned with heat, uncertainty surging through her as she stared into the shy girl’s eyes, trying to discern any emotion she could.
And then, with a smile and all the confidence in the world, the timid girl leaned in and kissed her. It was quick, but as gentle as Fluttershy herself. It was simple, but it dispelled every last worry in Applejack’s body. It was perfect.
Overcome with relief – feeling perhaps the happiest she’d ever felt in her life – all Applejack could do was laugh. It wasn’t even a laugh. It was a giggle, airy and giddy and just so wonderfully relieved. It was okay. She wasn’t going to lose Fluttershy. Everything was going to be okay.
“Oh no, d-did I do it wrong? I’m sorry,” Fluttershy blushed and hid behind her hair, but Applejack was quick to reassure her.
“Nah, Shy, it was perfect. Ah’m just happy,” Applejack said, and now Fluttershy returned her sincere smile. The sheer lightness Applejack felt – the weightlessness – was such stark contrast to the tension she’d been holding mere moments ago. Everything seemed almost to glow now – every dim corner of the cottage seemed resplendent, and just moments ago it had all seemed so hopelessly dark. “Ah got mahself all worked up thinkin’ I was gonna ruin our friendship. Reckon I was worried over nothin’.”
“E-even if I didn’t love you, we’ll always be friends,” Fluttershy said, once again holding Applejack’s hand in her own. Then, awkwardly, she added, “O-oh and I l-love you too, Jackie. Um, if that’s alright.”
Applejack couldn’t help a chuckle, and this time it was because of Fluttershy.
“Ya’ll are too darn cute, y’know that?”
Fluttershy blushed, but didn’t hide or move away. Neither one of them knew what to say next, and that was perfect. Silence suited them just fine as they sat together, staring into each other’s eyes with new understanding.
The future, uncertain and boundless, stretched before them. Together, they were ready to see where it led.
