“This, Prince Shining Armour,” Flim said with open glee, “Is why the crystal ponies require constant supervision.”
Shining Armour, a white unicorn dressed in ceremonial armour with a messy blue mane, stared forward with an unamused expression. Beside him was Flim—a tall beige unicorn with a mess of striped, curly red hair and dressed in a striped vest with matching hat—who smirked at Shining Armour with a smarmy grin.
Before them was what remained of the southern wing of the crystal castle. Previously it had been Sombra’s old laboratory, but once the figurative and literal skeletons had been removed, the wing had been repurposed into the Crystal Empire’s research division of technology and magic, with the purpose of bringing the time displaced crystal ponies up to modern times.
The division’s current project was a magic-run generator. Its goal was to power a grid of lamp posts throughout the Empire that would replace the candle based ones in current use, as they required a long, annoying, manual process to light that needed a number of frustrating tools to accomplish.
At least, it was, until the prototype generator overheated and melted the entire building into a superheated pile of colourful, worthless crystal.
Flim was feeling rather smug as he, one of two lead directors - his brother Flam being the second, much less important one - for the superior technology branch of the department had warned Shining Armour that without him present, total disaster would occur due to the chaos prone, somewhat incompetent crystal ponies.
At the time, Shining had laughed him off. He had said that one hour to catch up with a friend over non-alcoholic drinks would be fine. The crystal ponies couldn’t be that bad.
While absent and unable to stop the propagation of stupidity, one crystal pony remembered about popcorn from a recent visit to Canterlot. A second noted that the highly temperamental experimental magic generator produced heat. A third decided it couldn’t hurt to test out popping corn kernels over the engine.
Inevitably, several kernels popped into a rather important exhaust valve which thus overheated the engine. They had now a melted portion of the castle, and a royal treasury funded expense of several thousand bits for expert crystal construction workers to magic the whole thing back into shape within a day.
Shining clicked his tongue. “You know, Flim, your smugness is grating.”
“My beau insists that it’s endearing,” Flim replied.
“Your beau’s tastes are questionable at best.” Shining surveyed the damage again and shook his head. “You know, I had much more faith in the citizenry before this.”
“And now?”
“I’m trying to decide if I have enough magic to foal-proof everything in the Empire,” Shining deadpanned.
“An impossible task, Prince,” Flim said, “Or it would be if you didn't have me here. With my help-”
“No pitch.”
Flim tsked and brought a hoof to his chest in a wounded fashion worthy of Rarity. “None of you let me shine.”
Shining, feeling a need to burst some of Flim’s smugness, replied with, “Oh? Did you ‘shine’ when you shilled us that first generator almost a year ago?”
Flim flinched. “That-” He cleared his throat. “No, I did not. That was not our… my best laid scheme.”
“No, it wasn’t. What were the damage projections from that incident again?”
Flim could recall the numbers exactly down to the last decimal. “Who knows, Your Majesty. I’m not the kind of pony that would focus on my own failures. Better to move on and improve, I say.”
They both stood in silence. Shining mulled over his thoughts while Flim took the time to pack away his guilt.
“I’m happy to say you did. As much as I was against the initial decision, you’ve more than proved your worth to the Empire over the last year.”
Flim cleared his throat. “Well, of course. I am the Flim.” Flim flashed a confident grin in Shining’s direction. “As much as this disaster is frustrating, at least we now know that my patented safety measures work exactly as intended.” He rubbed a hoof against his jacket. “Did I not say they would work flawlessly?”
“That you did, Flim. Never thought somepony would be able to create a working in-building emergency teleport system.”
“A few thousand or so bits spent wisely for the research and creation of the devices and a bunker halfway across the Empire,” Flim stated.
Shining happily noticed a lack of any injured amongst the ponies gathered around the area. “Worked perfectly.”
Flim held his head high. “As intended, of course. You’ll never find a device more reliable than one designed and made by Flim and Flam.”
“I’m starting to believe you, funnily enough.” Shining grinned. “Never would have expected that popcorn kernels would be a major weakness to your machines.”
“I can’t proof against idiocy, Shining,” Flim grumbled.
“But you can certainly try.” Shining watched as a construction pony trotted along the rim of the melted building, attempting to restore the foundation, and tripped on the slippery surface. He released a heavy sigh when he saw a second construction pony trip over the first. “And I’m starting to see how impossible a task that would be.”
“Yes, idiocy is more resourceful than intelligence.”
Shining snorted. “Clearly. Well, since your place of work is currently a puddle, feel free to take the day off. Full pay.”
Flim grinned and tipped his hat in Shining’s direction using the green glow of his magic. “Much obliged, Your Majesty. I even already know what I’m going to do today.”
Shining gave Flim a mischievous grin. “Since I know Flash has the day off today as well, I presume you’re going to do my best friend?”
Flim smirked. “Shining, you know I would never go for such a basic deal. I’ll be attempting to convince Flash of an outing of the grandest proportions first.”
“And you’ll do that while Flash absolutely lavishes you with attention?”
“Yes. It will be a challenge.”
Shining rolled his eyes good-naturedly. “You’re an odd pair, Flim. Enjoy your day off, and give Wards my regards.”
Flim stared blankly at Shining.
“What? Offended that I called you both odd.” Shining smirked.
“Why did you say ‘Wards’?” Flim questioned. “Don’t you mean ‘Sent’”
Shining stood stiff and looked at Flim with a panicked expression. He laughed uncomfortably. “Uh, yeah I did mean Sent. Wards just slipped out. Old nickname from back in our rogue mage hunting days in the Royal Guard. The doofus always kept tripping all the traps. You know how he is.”
Flim regarded Shining with open confusion. “I thought you had told me that Flash was one of the most paranoid and cautious members of your group back then?”
Sweat trickled down Shining’s forehead. “Did I? Must have been mistaken.”
Flim squinted his eyes at Shining trying to find the play. Shining shifted his eyes back and forth refusing to look him in the eyes. After some scrutiny, Flim decided to let it go.
“Alrighty then, Shining. I’ll tell Flash you said hi.”
Flim waved a hoof and began his trot home. He noticed as he turned away that Shining breathed a visible sigh of relief.
Something to follow up on at a later date.
Flim opened the door to his shared home with Flash Sentry. He took in the scent of sea salt and engine grease. The prior caused by Flash whenever he stayed anywhere for an extended period of time, and the latter by various in-progress machines littered throughout the house.
The front of the house opened to a large living area with several doors leading to other rooms. In the centre of the room were several worn-in sofas laid out on thick rugs. The walls were dominated by crystal bookshelves laden with various parts and unfinished gadgets. Most of them were spillovers from Flim’s con days and would hopefully find new life as machines that wouldn’t break purposely after a few months.
Flash, who had previously been napping on one of the sofas closest to the front door, lifted his head with his ears perked up. He was an orange pegasus of earth pony portions - read; massive - with a swept back dark blue mane that continued past his ears and ended in a chin strap along his jawline.
His mane and beard were always a mess of coarse curls that made Flash look less like a guard and more like a delinquent. If Flim had still been a con pony, he would have given anything to have Flash as his bodyguard to dissuade ‘customers’ from coming to Flim for ‘refunds’.
He came off as intimidating, but Flash was more of a cross between a surfer stud and wild pony. It worked for him, and his appearance would have been perfect if not for the large patches of lighter orange fur along his right side that Flim made a point of ignoring.
“You’re home!” Flash called out as he fluttered his wings excitedly.
“Yes, I got to leave early today as the research lab is currently a solidified puddle of crystal.” Flim smirked. “I even got to tell Shining ‘I told you so’. I’ll never understand why ponies don’t listen to me from the start as I am always-”
Flim was interrupted as Flash leapt off the couch, barrelled towards him and knocked him to the ground with a full body tackle with Flash on top.
“Right!” Flash finished as he booped Flim’s nose with his own.
Flim’s face flushed as he sunk into the exceptionally thick rugs on the floor that were specifically placed there for this exact situation. “Well, yes, because I always know best.”
“You do!” Flash said excitedly as he wiggled his rump and nuzzled Flim just under his chin.
Flim felt his brain becoming overloaded by Flash’s affections. “Flash, come on. I got stuff to say.”
Flash pouted. “But you’ve been gone a whole three hours.”
Flim attempted a stern frown and only managed a mildly peeved pout. “Yes, I know that’s… not a long time at all, but this is a bit much.”
Flash’s ears pinned back to his head. “Oh, I’m being overbearing again aren’t I?”
“No, you’re not, Flash,” Flim corrected, “I’d just prefer not to impact with the floor every time I walk through the front door.”
“Oh, yeah.” Flash giggled awkwardly. “Probably should have toned that one down.”
Flash stepped back away from Flim. He grabbed Flim with both his hooves and pulled him into an upright position. Once Flash was certain he was stable, he leaned in and kissed Flim along his neck.
“Flash!” Flim called out, beet red in the face.
“What?” Flash asked innocently as he nibbled on Flim’s ear next.
“Let me talk, too, before you jump right into the public affections!”
“You can still talk like this. I’m just pecking.” Flash giggled as he kissed Flim on the side of his face. “You know I can’t keep my snout to myself.”
Flim remembered several long nights in which Flash had dined to back that statement up, and coughed to clear the errant thoughts from his brain.
“Yes, well, that may be true, but I got a pitch for you.”
Flash pulled back and mulled over the idea. “I’m not sure about that. I would have to stop showering you with affection and that doesn’t seem conducive to my plans.”
“I promise I’ll make it worth your while,” Flim said in a singsong voice, “And if you’re dissatisfied with my offer, I’ll let you have your way with me for the rest of the day.”
Flash beamed a wide grin. “Oh, that sounds promising.” Flash sat back on his rump and gave Flim his undivided attention. “So what’s the shill, Rose Bush?”
Flim felt himself heat up again at Flash’s silly nickname for him. Flash had come up with it in honour of Flim’s tangled mess of a striped mane that apparently was similar to a rose bush in full bloom.
Flim cleared his throat to ready the setup. “Well, my fine gentlecolt, we both have the day off and it is a fine summer day.” Flim made a wide sweep of his hoof. “I offer you a day out on the town.”
“That sounds great,” Flash chirped, “Let’s do that.”
Flim frowned. “Flash, you have to let me finish the pitch before you agree. I have to build it up.”
“But I already like the pitch as it is.” Flash tilted his head to one side. “Besides, you always sound so convincing. I have total faith that you could have convinced anypony with whatever it was you were going to say.”
“I hadn’t even got to the main selling points,” Flim whined.
“But I’m already sold on the idea.” Flim pouted. “Okay, fine,” Flash relented, “What’s the rest of your pitch?”
Flim gave his best sales pony smile. “Well, fine gentlecolt. Firstly, I offer a beautiful vista at the finest dining establishment in the Crystal Empire: the Emerald Skyline.” Flash scooted closer to Flim as he nodded his head in agreement. “Afterwards, an after-meal trot through the gorgeous Ruby Glen park on our way to our final stop.” Flash scooted closer and nodded his head again. “An all expense paid trip to the local fairground where-” Flim noticed how close Flash was. “Flash, what are you doing?”
“Being sneaky.” Flash scooted forward the remaining distance and kissed Flim on the lips. “That sounds great, by the way. I’m sold. You, uh-” Flash tried to think of the phrase. “Closed the deal!”
Flim leaned away with a slightly peeved expression. “You’re not even going to bargain with me, Flash?”
Flash looked at Flim quizzically. “You always ask me to do that, but I never understood why.”
“It’s for the thrill of the sale, Flash!” Flim exclaimed, “The chase! The victory! A battle of wills between two ponies!”
Flash blinked in incomprehension at Flim. “But you’ve already won since I already agreed, right?”
“You’re too easy. I need a challenge.” Flim looked at Flash pleadingly. “Come on, one counter offer at least?”
Flash smiled warmly at him. “Okay, I don’t get it, but I’ll try.” He rubbed the bottom of his snout with a wing thinking of a potential bargain. “So, um, I’ll only agree to go on your planned date if you… agree to wear stockings tonight in bed.”
Flim gave Flash a smug smirk. “A hard offer, Flash. Mighty inconvenient to be wearing stockings in the middle of summer. I could be persuaded to agree if you pay for both of our meals.”
“But I was going to pay for it anyway since I get a discount as a soldier of the Empire.”
“Flash...”
“Oh, right, bargaining.” Flash faked mulling over Flim’s offer. “Hm, well it’s a hard sell, but I agree to your terms.”
Flim nodded in satisfaction and raised his right hoof forward. Flash raised his left and firmly shook it once. Both dropped their hooves back to the floor. Flash snuck in another kiss on Flim’s snout before he trotted to the hallway closet to fetch his saddlebags.
“You really enjoy kissing me that much?” Flim said as he rubbed his snout with a hoof.
“Yes, I do,” Flash replied cheerily, “Your lips taste like- Pony feathers!”
Flash cursed as his right saddlebag opened, spilling its contents onto the floor. An unfortunate accident that would have been prevented if Flash had instead gently placed them on his back instead of throwing them over.
Flash attempted to collect the errant items but stopped when Flim raised a hoof in his direction.
“Don’t worry about it, Flash. I got it.” Flim’s horn lit with a green glow that encompassed all the spilled items. He lifted them off the ground and packed each item one by one back into their previous location. “Always good to have a unicorn on hoof when-”
Flim stopped as he brought up a slim black case. He popped open the case in his magic and was greeted by several circles of various colours of what appeared to be eye shadow.
“Why do you have eye shadow?” Flim asked.
Flash stared at Flim with a wide eyed look of shock on his face. “I-It’s for theater productions,” Flash nervously explained, “Specifically, the annual Guard’s stage musical we do for charity. Helps highlight my eyes.”
“The one in Winter, right?” Flash nodded. Flim closed the case and noted the brand written in an elegant script on the bottom right corner. “This is for mares.”
“You can tell?” Flash said in a panicked voice.
“My brother and I tried to sell a ‘lifestyle brand’ of cosmetics using poison joke as the base ingredient.” Flim raised a hoof to stop Flash’s questions. “It went poorly. One of our worst schemes. Regardless, why didn’t you get the stallion brand? With how coarse your fur is I can’t imagine this is very comfortable.”
“I was low on funds, so I borrowed the eye shadow from my elder sister.” Flash chuckled nervously. “Forgot to return it after the play was done.”
“I suppose that makes sense.” Flim floated the case back in with the rest of the spilled items in Flash’s saddlebag. “You should try to remember to return it when we visit your family later this month.”
“Yeah, I should give First Rate my- her makeup… back.” Flash trotted past Flim hurriedly and threw the door open. “The Emerald Skyline, right?”
“Best place for pa-Nee-nis.” Flim stressed the ‘ni’ in ‘paninis’.
“I think you mean pasta,” Flash replied with a rakish grin.
“Okay, now listen here you uncultured charlatan,” Flim replied as he started their old argument.
“And that’s how I got the parts for the prototype engine at half the market price.” Flim grinned smugly. “That minotaur had no idea who he was dealing with.”
Flash giggled as he took the last bite of his pasta with a fork. “No one ever expects my Rose Bush’s thorns.”
Flim repressed his usual flustered reaction at Flash’s use of ‘my’ and observed their surroundings. They were sitting on the crystal patio of the Emerald Skyline, a restaurant located on the west end of the city and five floors above ground level. Its namesake stretched across the horizon: an expanse of rolling green hills that shimmered in the sun.
Flash was finishing up his inferior tomato and pesto pasta, and Flim was mostly done with his superior five cheese spinach panini.
“Well, that’s their mistake. I don’t even know how the Empire could have managed its modernization plans without the expertise of my brother and I.”
“Poorly, I imagine,” Flash said. “It took a lot of pestering with Shining, but I’m glad he gave you and Flam a chance.”
Flim felt a familiar cold feeling grip his insides. He tried to laugh through it. “That guy might be an Emperor, but he doesn’t notice quality until it has to be shoved into his face. Why, I can’t even understand why he wouldn’t have been jumping at...” Flim trailed off.
Flash looked directly at Flim and Flim was loath to admit that he knew Flash saw right through him.
“The first generator is still eating away at you, huh?” Flash asked gently.
The generator, he says. That horrible, awful generator. He brings it up casually as if it hadn’t been the worst thing to ever happen in Flim’s life. A scheme cooked up by just Flim as he was on the outs with his brother Flam.
A brand spanking new magic powered generator to power a new grid of electrical lamp posts in the Empire. Built to malfunction and require continuous expensive repair from the one and only Flim.
The generator was supposed to cause the lights to flicker every week or so. That was all it was supposed to do.
How could he have known the continuous shut downs would cause a build up of magic that would eventually lead to a catastrophic explosion?
If he hadn’t happened to be visiting the Empire at the time. If he hadn’t happened to be taking a trip to the engine room for some privacy. If he hadn’t happened to be there exactly when he needed to be.
Shining had long since cooled and declared the two friends - hard not to, when Flim showed up to all the dinners alongside his best friend - but he was running red hot when Flim had been thrown into a cell.
Flim, and by extension his brother who kept him in check, had never harmed anypony before. Embarrassed? Sure. Angered? Every time.
But killed?
Shining had been thorough in ensuring that Flim had an accurate and exact idea of how many would have died from that resulting explosion.
Flim would remember that number for a long time.
“Flash, I don’t let failure-” Flim faltered. “Yes, it still bothers me.”
“You stopped the explosion from happening,” Flash said.
“That I caused,” Flim snapped, “For a get rich quick scheme that quite literally exploded in my face.”
“Well, it didn’t literally explode in your face. I heard from some horny pegasus stallion you were with at the time that it actually went off somewhere roughly around your barrel.”
“You should check your source as he was clearly occupied when he made that observation as I’m certain it exploded at head level.”
Flash scoffed. “No, this source is very reliable. Are you really going to tell me that the pegasus’ self evaluation of hella hot is incorrect?”
Flim snorted. “Yes, since his self evaluation should have returned hella narcissistic.” He sighed. “I know you’re just trying to make me feel better.”
“Is it working?” Flash asked hopefully.
“No.” Flim found himself glancing towards the lighter patches of fur along Flash’s side.
Flash caught his glance. “I don’t regret taking the hit or begging Shining to give you early parole.”
“Thus I get off with nary a consequence,” Flim stated. “Normally, that would have me ecstatic, but now I wish I at least had gotten burned.”
“Eh, they weren’t that bad.” Flim recalled Flash’s agonized screams. “Only thing that was bad was how I had a good rhythm going before the engine decided to shoot flames at me,” Flash said nonchalantly.
Flim recalled that Flash had been halfway across the room when he had dived in front of Flim to take the brunt of the damage.
“That’s not funny.” Flim glared.
“Really, I think it’s hilarious.” Flash grinned widely. “Remember when we first met?”
“Your transitionals need some work, but yeah I do. You were assigned to supervise me as I installed the generator. You stared at me the entire time we were there with this weirdly intense look.” Flim snorted. “What was your sales pitch to me after that first day?”
“Hey, I like your hat, let’s go on a date to this restaurant I know.” Flash chuckle snorted. “You made me haggle with you to pay for both our meals and treat you to dessert afterwards.”
“I let you off easy.” Flim grinned. “You were lucky I’m attracted to big goofy stallions. I was honestly trying so hard not to laugh with that kind of pitch and only agreed because I’d been having a dry season due to my, shall we say, off putting occupation.”
“Yeah, not too many ponies up for dating grifters.” Flash leaned forward and rested a wing on Flim’s thigh under the table. “Though, if I’m the goofy stallion here, what does that make the pony who kept coming back to see me everytime they needed to ‘check up on the generator’?”
“Keeping up the con, obviously. A guard with the ear of the Prince Consort of the Empire ends a first date with the most embarrassingly sincere hope of seeing me again. Why would I not keep hooking up with you? Plus I already expected I was stuck with you with how excited you got every time I visited.”
“You always blush at physical affection and I thought it was cute,” Flash whined, “How could I not?”
“You’re an embarrassment.”
“But I’m your embarrassment.” Flash rubbed Flim’s leg affectionately which caused Flim to look away, his face flushed. “You know, for somepony that’s always complaining about how open I am with my affection, you sure seem to enjoy it.”
“I’m just used to your craziness,” Flim said, “Don’t read too much into it.”
A crystal pony mare dressed in a standard waitress uniform came to the table and smiled pleasantly.
“Hello, gentlecolts. How are my favourite customers?”
“Fine, Parsley,” Flash replied, “Also, I’m sure we aren’t your favourite customers.”
“Considering the amount of money you both spend here, yeah you are.” Parsley grinned. “Now, I hate to be a bother Flash, but our logs got cleared this morning so we’ll need your guard card again.”
“Oh, yeah no worries.” Flash reached into his saddlebags and retrieved a pink and blue striped card. “Here you go.”
“Shouldn’t your card be blue?” Flim asked.
Both Flash and Parsley froze as Flash was in mid pass of his card to Parsley.
“I, uh, well.” Flim was confused to see sweat fall down Flash’s forehead.
“It’s a misprint,” Parsley stated forcibly, “Canterlot uses the wrong card stock so they come out coloured wrong all the time.”
Flash gave Parsley a grateful smile. Flim frowned. “Don’t the cards have magically encoded medical information? Wouldn’t that be a problem if a physician couldn’t find immediate correct information about a patient in an emergency?”
“The information is correct, Flim,” Flash said reassuringly, “I just haven't gotten around to fixing the card colour since it's such a minor thing.”
Flim was about to protest as confusing a pony’s gender when working with some spells caused massive problematic side effects, but he held his tongue. Flash clearly thought it was fine, so Flim would just have to let it go.
“Okay, as long as everything is fine,” Flim said, “With you being a guard, it makes me nervous thinking you might have incorrect medical information.”
“I understand that, Flim. Don’t worry, a doctor would be able to know everything important.”
Flim mulled it over before relenting. “Alright, I trust you. Head to the park next?”
Flash visibly relaxed. “Yeah, definitely.” He turned to Parsley. “Can you ring us up?”
“Sure thing, Flash.” She placed a gentle hoof on Flash’s shoulder. “Let me know if you need anything else.”
Flim repressed his frown.
Ruby Glen Park was named after the naturally grown formations of solid rubies that grew from the soil in the area. Trees filled with red blossoms wrapped around pillars of gemstone alongside bushels of colourful flowers and overgrown shrubberies. Over time, the area had been designated a park and various amenities such as benches and fountains were added.
Both Flim and Flash trotted along the park’s well worn paths side by side with Flash’s wing wrapped around Flim’s barrel much to Flim’s chagrin. Flim had made a show of complaining about the clinginess of his coltfriend, but made no move to remove his wing. Flash had just grinned through the whole affair.
As they walked, they spoke of various topics and events that had happened. Every time Flash thought Flim wasn’t paying enough attention, Flash would stealthily nip or kiss him on the face. Flim would protest, but never do anything to stop him.
It was a romantic walk and enjoyed by both stallions.
Then the idiot showed up.
“Ditch’im,” The idiot said to Flim, “Come be with a real stud.”
Flim felt Flash bristle against him. His fur and feathers stood on edge and he had a furious glare on his face. Flim could feel the beginnings of a growl rumble in Flash’s chest.
Flim was confused. The Crystal Empire, despite being displaced from time, was fairly progressive and this massive onyx crystal stallion was getting in their way because they were… gay? But that didn’t really explain why he wanted to be with Flim.
Flim did a quick estimate of both the stallion’s and Flash’s size. They were roughly the same and, with knowledge of how much combat training Flash had, Flim was certain that Flash could deck the stallion out cold.
However, Flim saw an opportunity. It was always a treat to trick a mook as dumb as this lug.
Time to set up the play.
“Now, now gentlecolts, simmer down,” Flim started, “No point getting into a brawl in a place like this.”
On Flim’s word, Flash, reluctantly, settled down. Flash did keep his glare fixed on Flim’s newest mark. The Stallidiot, as Flim decided to call him, just smirked at Flash.
“That’s a good mare,” the Stallidiot said.
Flash snorted angrily, but made no move. He wouldn’t go against Flim, which suited Flim just fine as he was getting ready to chase this stallion off in a fun way. Besides, Flim couldn’t understand why Flash was even getting so worked up by this stallion’s words. They were worth, at best, half a bit each.
It was time to show Flash what words worth a hundred bits each were like.
“Now, say here big fella. What’s your name?” Flim said in his salespony voice.
“Bullpen Onyx.” the Stallidiot stated. He flexed his pecs back and forth as if that was somehow impressive.
“Well, Bullpen, I have a great offer for you.” Flim grinned conspiratorially. “My beau and I happen to be in an open relationship and I’m looking for a lay tonight with a real stud."
Flash snorted to cover up his laughter.
“Oh, yeah? You are?” The Stallidiot grinned.
Flim nodded and made a show of winking at the Stallidiot. The Stallidiot snorted excitedly. Flash rolled his eyes.
“Oh, cool.” The Stallidiot’s face flushed as he awkwardly flexed and strutted in place. “Well, I’m looking for a good pound tonight too.”
Flim suppressed his unamused look and reaffirmed his tastes in big lovable goofballs.
“Well, that’s just swell my fine gentlecolt. Since we’re both looking for the same thing, I got a real deal to offer you for one night only.” Flim trotted closer to the Stallion making sure to swish his tail just so. “Us two tonight in the bed I share with him.” Flim jerked his head towards Flash. “We’ll make him watch. Let you show him what a real stud can do.”
The Stallidiot bit his lower lip and seemed to be trying not to appear overly eager. “In your bed? With him watching?” He visibly shuddered. “Yeah, yeah, let’s do it. Get to show how a real stud like me does it.”
Moron. “Yeah, you can give’em a good show, but there’s a small catch.” Flim allowed his grin to turn predatory. “It’s really just a small thing. Nothing that would scare off a stud like you.”
The Stallidiot held his head high with a cocksure grin. “Of course not. Nothing scares off Bullpen.”
“Oh how spectacular, sir.” The Stallidiot stood even taller at that. “So, I have your word that you’re in even with the small condition I have?”
“Yeah,” The Stallidiot nearly shouted.
“And you’ll agree to that now, right? Wouldn’t want you to go back on your word.”
“Yeah.” The Stallidiot repeated as his doom approached.
“Oh good, well then I just need to tell you what it is, but I’ll tell it to you as a whisper since we don’t want any fake studs to hear, right?”
Flim saw Flash grin out of the corner of his eye. The Stallidiot, ever oblivious, leaned in close with his ear perked to better hear Flim.
Flim told him the condition.
The stallion turned practically opal in colour.
“You have- You, uh- That’s-” Flim watched the exact moment the Stalliot’s brain shorted out.
“Well, that shouldn’t be something a real stud like you can’t handle, right?”
“Buh.”
“And you’re going through with it since you already agreed to it, right?”
“Buh buh.”
“So when the time comes you’ll be ready to take it?” Flim leaned forward once more to whisper the last words. “Like a real stud?”
The Stallidiot stared at Flim, pale. Flim wiggled both of his eyebrows suggestively with a menacing grin on his face. The Stallidiot ran, tripped over a stone on the way, scrambled to his hooves and continued running long past the point where he was out of sight.
“They never see it coming,” Flash commented as he trotted back up to Flim.
“Nope,” Flim agreed.
“How do you even know a Griffon’s anatomy that well?” Flash slung a wing over Flim’s back. Flim chose to let it happen.
“Old swindle in Griffonstone. I don’t recommend doing it and I definitely won’t tell you about it.”
“Hmhm, so we have an ‘open relationship’ then?” Flash smirked. “I thought somepony made a clear point that they do not ever share with anypony.”
“It was for the con, Flash. Anything goes in the name of the game.”
“I suppose that’s fair. On a related note, is your brother back in the Empire this weekend?”
“He is,” Flim answered, “Why?”
“Well, I was just thinking that I wanted to take another ride on Flam’s wild ‘stache coaster when he visits next.” Flash gave a suggestive wiggle of his eyebrows. “I never knew dating twins could be so fun until I started dating you.”
“As long as you remember the rules, Flash.” Flim glared playfully at him. “No kissing between the twins and one Flash between at all times.”
“I remember. Those rules are what makes it so fun.”
After the park, Flim and Flash made their way to the local fair. It was the standard traveling type that toured Equestria and set up several carnival games and rides for ponies to enjoy over the course of a few weeks. Mini coasters, boardwalk games, deep fried food stands, the works.
Flash dictated their route first. They started by eating at every food stall and clearing through the menu. Or Flash did. Film sampled a few of his favourites and was content to watch Flash let loose and eat his calorie intake for the week.
Afterwards, in an order that baffled Flim, they rode every thrill ride. Three times. Miraculously, despite the amount of food Flash ate, he didn't get sick.
Flim noticed Flash got dirty looks as they toured the fair, but Flim just presumed they had happened upon the minority of ponies that weren’t fond of gay couples.
After finishing Flash’s wants, they spent the rest of the afternoon doing what Flim did best; cleaning house on all the game stalls. Flim cleared the games in record time and took the biggest prizes, knowing it would mean the con ponies would take a massive profit loss.
Flash had spent the entire time trying to figure out how Flim was so good at the games. The con ponies running the games were busy trying to find out how he cheated. The trick of course was that Flim knew all of their cons and exactly how to break them.
He and his brother invented most of them after all.
After a long afternoon of fun, and being banned from every game stall at the fair as well as having to send all of Flim’s prizes via courier back to their home, Flim and Flash happened upon one last ride.
It was a very pink ride with a rather obvious heart motif. A small river ran through a dark tunnel framed with a massive arch in the shape of a heart. The seats were double seaters and, shockingly, shaped like a heart.
In big letters above the entrance to the dark tunnel was the name of the ride: Tunnel of Love.
It was cheesy, corny, and one of the dumbest things anypony could possibly create.
So of course Flash insisted they both go on it.
“Please, Flim?” Flash begged.
Flim groaned, “Fine, but only because I can’t stand another five minutes of you whining to me about going on it. Honestly, your begging is on par with my brother’s and that is not a compliment.”
Flash squealed in excitement, and hopped in place on his hooves. Flim rolled his eyes good-naturedly.
They trotted over to the ride side by side. The operator, a plain crystal pony with a bored expression on their face, glanced at both of them from their position at the operating booth. The pony pushed a button on the console to open the gate and allow Flim and Flash to pass through.
As they walked through the gate, Flim noticed out of the corner of his eye the operator sneered at Flash.
“You have a problem with my coltfriend, good sir?” Flim said indignantly.
The operator snorted. “Coltfriend he says.”
Flim threw on his sales pony face and readied to cut into the operator with a brutal retort, but was stopped by a solitary wing grabbing his withers. He turned to look at Flash who gave him a weak smile.
“Let’s just enjoy the ride,” Flash said.
With reluctance, Flim huffed and followed Flash past the gate. They boarded, Flash then Flim, and brought the steel bar down on top of them. It was surprisingly roomy despite Flash’s size.
Once secure, and without a safety check from the ride operator to Flim’s annoyance, the operator hit another button and they began their journey into the tunnel of love.
The tunnel was exactly as Flim expected. Cheesy pop music ballads played in the background and the whole interior was more pink than Cadance in the middle of a shipping frenzy.
Flim had walked in on Cadance in the middle of one said frenzy a few months prior and had genuinely wished that he had instead walked in on the Empress having sex with her Prince Consort.
Less traumatizing.
Flim leaned over the edge of the boat in a huff. He was mad at how the operator had treated Flash. He glanced towards Flash to see him slumped miserable in his seat which only served to set off Flim even more.
That operator was such an uncultured rube.
It wasn’t even the first pony that had acted like that. The fair ponies, and the Stallidiot from earlier were all like that. Flim didn’t usually care, but that was because he at least knew the root cause of their ire. In this case, it all seemed random.
And to top it off, all of those ponies' behaviour were just compounding with the weirdness of the day. Flim honestly felt like the unpopular foal in school where everypony but him knew of some joke and refused to let him in on the punchline. It was driving Flim a touch mad.
Shining’s weird nickname for Flash.
The makeup for mares in Flash’s saddlebags.
The blue and pink card.
The Stallidiot’s comments on Flash being a ‘fake’ stud.
The operator’s weird stress on the… word… colt.
Flim felt his eyes go wide in realization. Flash had been in the Crystal Empire for at least a year before Flim had met him. All the ponies who had glared at Flash were locals, even the fair ponies were most likely hired temps. Shining had been best friends with Flash for years. Everypony knew Flash.
Even back when ‘he’ could have been ‘she’.
Flim looked at Flash incredulously. He was born a mare. The more Flim thought about it, the more it made sense. He was only surprised that he hadn’t caught on sooner. Pony technology was… behind and tended to not be on par with what other nations were capable of. Flim would presume between the multiple times they had hooked up, he would have noticed something.
Of course, there was the magical transition. Immediate, effective, and extremely expensive. Flash could never afford it normally.
Except he had a guard card.
A piece of laminated paper that would cover any medical expense using the royal treasury. Including cosmetic surgery if it was proven to have a psychological benefit to the patient.
It would explain the colouring of the card. It was intentional. The card indicated that Flash was a mare who had transitioned into a stallion. Any medical professional would need to know that so as not to interfere with any residual magic from the prior transformation.
He should ask Flash. He deserved to know. They were dating. It was only right that Flash came clean to him.
Flash looked up from where he had been staring at the water. He perked up and smiled as he saw Flim. Flim could only stare back as he tried to formulate how he wanted to ask his question.
As Flim struggled for the right words, Flash’s smile faltered and he shrunk in on himself.
“Sorry, Flim,” Flash said quietly, “I didn’t mean to screw up our date.”
Flim felt his thoughts screech to a halt. He looked at his stallion. Stallion. Not mare. Functionally the same as any other with no differences. Even if he was different in some way physically, it didn’t mean Flash was a different pony or that he was any less a stallion than any other.
He combed over his previous thoughts and found that a new one had entered.
Did it really matter?
Those idiots from earlier had tried to belittle him because they knew, but it didn’t matter since it changed nothing about Flim’s relationship to Flash. They tried to embarrass Flash and make him feel like he was lying. Faking it.
Those ponies were wrong.
As Flim thought harder about it, he realized Flash probably hadn’t told him because he didn’t want Flim to do the same. To think that Flash wasn’t who he said he was.
Flim came to the hard realization that he was doing exactly what Flash feared he would do. Question his legitimacy.
He could ask. Flash would tell him. Flim knew he would.
But what would it change?
Flash was Flash. He was a stallion. He was dating Flim.
“Flash,” Flim said.
It didn’t matter what he was. It mattered who he was now.
“Yeah, Flim?” Flash replied.
If Flash told him, he told him. If he didn’t, then who cared? Flim was still with this wonderfully silly goofball that made him happy.
Flim scooted closer to Flash and leaned across the boat. He nuzzled Flash just under his chin under his coarse beard. Flim pulled away and kissed Flash on the side of his muzzle.
“Love you, Flash,” Flim said.
And wasn’t that all that really mattered in the end?
Flash beamed. His ears perked and he looked at Flim with the most loving expression Flim had ever seen.
“Love you too, Flim.”
Author's Note
Hello! For those who may be wondering, my goal for this story was to write simply about love and acceptance between two partners who love each other. Hopefully, I succeeded.
If anyone finds something that I have written that they feel is offensive or misrepresents the trans community, please PM me directly so I can address it.
Otherwise, I hope you enjoyed the fic and all of you have a wonderful day!
