If Words Left Scars

by Element of Malice

Rating: teen
Tags: Sad, Rainbow Dash, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Scootaloo, Fluttershy, Suicide / Self Harm, Tragedy, Slice of Life
Length: 8198

Scootaloo has always dreamed of flying alongside her idol. Today she plans to do just that at any cost.

Scootaloo is pushed to her limits and driven to achieve her goal of flying with Rainbow Dash. Due to the methods that are chosen, Rainbow Dash is left with some emotional scars.

This story was inspired by two videos I saw, which I will credit at the end. It’s also experimental seeing as I know they would work great together, so I’m challenging myself to do just that.

Published 2021-08-21 15:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2024-09-28 19:24:20 UTC

Alternate Ending

Author's Note

I want to extend my thanks to Kiernan for assisting me with edits on both this alternative ending and the original story.

Additionally, the inspiration for the writing of an alternate ending was inspired by this anime scene shown in an Instagram reel

Alternate Ending

Closing her mind to what happened after, Rainbow rolled to her side. She looked at the clock on her bed stand. It was now thirty-seven days, eleven hours, and twenty-three minutes. A golden bronze medal on a decorative red ribbon just under the clock caught her eye. An award given to her by the captain of the Wonder Bolts. It was meant to commemorate her act of valor for saving a filly who had attempted suicide. A filly that was in a comatose state until recently, but is now resting under the turf in the Ponyville Cemetery.

The longer she looked at the ribbon, the redder her vision became. Rainbow threw the bedsheets off her body and snatched up the ribbon.

It was a little after seven in the morning when Rainbow Dash’s house came into view. Luna had paid a visit to Fluttershy in a dream asking if she could talk to and hopefully console her friend. Apparently, the sheer volume of nightmares Rainbow seemed to be suffering from were difficult for Luna to deal with on her own, and she’d asked Fluttershy to lend a hoof. On her way there, she had racked her brain to figure out the best way to bring up this sensitive topic.

Fluttershy would be Equestria’s biggest feather-brained liar if she said she hadn't noticed something was wrong. The two hadn't had a proper conversation since the one and only visit to Scootaloo in the hospital. She had spent days convincing Rainbow to visit the filly while she was still in a comatose state to show Rainbow she was doing well, at least for the time being. Acting in a supportive role, Fluttershy watched as Rainbow Dash struggled for over an hour just to open the door to Scootaloo's room, and even threw up at one point. It hurt seeing her friend that way but eventually Rainbow had overcome her demons and entered the room. However, she only stayed for less than ten minutes before swiftly exiting, having suffered a major panic attack.

It was the very next morning that Scootaloo passed.

Over the recent weeks, Rainbow had become increasingly avoidant and was rarely ever seen outside her home. Even more so after Scootaloo's funeral. Rainbow may not have been present at the proceeding, but Fluttershy could have sworn that she had seen a cyan pegasus watching from inside of a cloud that day.

Fluttershy glided to a halt outside of Rainbow’s door. Not a moment after she placed her full weight on the cloud, she heard a blood-curdling scream coming from inside.

“Rainbow?!”

She threw open the door with such force that it slammed against the wall as Fluttershy bolted inside. Rainbow's screaming was coming from deep within; somewhere in the back. Fluttershy didn't hesitate, rushing towards the cacophony to find out what was wrong.

When Fluttershy found Rainbow, she was tearing posters and newspaper clippings off the wall, ripping them to bits. At the sight of it, the timid pegasus was motionless; too afraid to move and was too shocked to say anything.

In the midst of the bedlam, Tank took the opportunity to bolt over to the safety of Fluttershy with the help of his makeshift magical helicopter.

Rainbow's screams continued on, her outburst not even close to finished. After ripping every paper within reach, she grabbed a hockey stick and swung it at every trophy, every ribbon display, every gold medal, anything that showed her past victories.

Fluttershy kept back, acting partially in service as a shield to Tank, but mostly just avoiding the wooden implement.

The hockey stick broke after a few more swings. The head flew off and shattered a glass-doored cabinet that had just been displaying her most prized awards.

Rainbow stormed over to the now-broken cabinet, gripped the back of it and used all her strength to pull it away from the wall. It had been secured with straps to keep it from toppling over, but in her rage, these were ripped right out, with some leaving holes in the wall, and others leaving holes in the cabinet. It toppled over and landed with a dull thunk on the soft cloud floor.

The fact that it stayed mostly in one piece seemed to upset Rainbow even more, resulting in her screaming harder. Grabbing a busted piece of a trophy, she threw it into the connected bathroom. The sound of the mirror shattering echoed through the whole house. She then grabbed a baseball bat and began to beat the backside of the cabinet repeatedly until the handle of the bat snapped clean off.

Neither Fluttershy nor Tank could do anything but watch as Rainbow continued to scream. It wasn't a rage-filled scream; none of these so far had been. Fluttershy recognized that each languishing cry was bursting with more pain, anguish, grief, heartache, and sorrow than what any scream in history ever had.

Fluttershy managed to push Tank out of the room, and as Rainbow was frantically searching for something, anything, to use as a weapon against what few trophies remained, Fluttershy saw her chance. She leapt onto Rainbow’s back and wrapped herself around her legs and wings.

In any other case, it would be very odd that Fluttershy could overpower Rainbow Dash. Fluttershy was timid, weak, and didn’t like confrontation, and Rainbow Dash was a world-class athlete. Ten minutes ago, she’d even had the trophies to prove it. That Fluttershy could restrain her at all was unheard of.

“Rainbow! Stop!” Fluttershy tightened her grip around her friend and physically restrained her to the floor, preventing the imminent destruction of the trophy Rainbow Dash had set her sights on next.

“LET ME GO!! LET ME GO!! LET ME GO!!” Rainbow kicked, flailed, and screamed, but Fluttershy wouldn't fold. Even in Rainbow’s diminished state, Fluttershy was forced to use all of her strength to pin her in place.

The next few minutes passed like hours. Fluttershy was wondering if it would ever come to an end when her friend's shrieks and cries almost instantly died into an abrupt and haunting silence.

Feeling the sudden limpness of Rainbow’s body, Fluttershy risked releasing her hold and propped Rainbow up against the side of her bed. Fluttershy was about to ask if she was okay or what was wrong, but the words became lodged in her throat the moment she saw Rainbow's gaunt expression.

She had become rather skinny over the last month. Her once toned muscles had begun to noticeably start atrophying. When did she last exercise, or even eat?

What was the worst of all was that Rainbow appeared utterly oblivious to Fluttershy's presence. The only evidence that she was still alive was the slow, shallow and steady oscillation of her chest as she breathed. If not for that, Fluttershy would have been convinced that her friend was dead.

Anything she could possibly say in that moment in an effort to reach Rainbow Dash would ultimately fall on deaf ears. Instead, she quickly checked Rainbow’s bed for any shards of glass that may have found their way onto it. She picked up the bigger chunks and used her wings to brush it free of all the little ones.

Once she deemed it somewhat safe and relatively glass-free, Fluttershy hoisted Rainbow onto the mattress, laid her down, and waved Tank over. He was understandably hesitant, afraid of what might happen to him if he was too close, but regardless of his fear, he did love Rainbow Dash, so he hovered over, tentatively at first, and nestled in under her forehoof.

“Stay with her for the time being,” commanded Fluttershy. “If there's any change, come let me know immediately.”

Tank snuggled in as close as he could, knowing what his role was in this situation. With a slow, solemn nod, he took his place and held his position.

Rainbow was still as limp and as responsive as a ragdoll. After placing a comforter over her body, Fluttershy left in search of something to help clean up the wreckage in the bedroom.

That proved to be no easy task, as Rainbow's entire house was in a dire state of disarray. It used to be remarkably spotless and well-maintained, a source of pride for Rainbow, much like her trophies. Rainbow had decorated most of her rooms with gold medals, first-place trophies, plates, plaques, et cetera. The halls were lined with posters and newspaper articles about how awesome and amazing she was, and in her home gym, she kept a collection of second and third-place trophies, to remind her of where she needed to improve.

Now, it was just a filthy, broken mess, with belongings scattered everywhere. Some rooms even had sections that were beginning to disperse and vanish, returning to their original cloud-like state. As a result, there were large cracks, gaping holes, and various other openings in either the ceiling, walls, or floor. The kitchen was the worst by far, even more so than the current state of Rainbow’s room. It was almost impossible to walk due to the amount of garbage.

Why didn't she reach out for help sooner?

Fluttershy didn't even know where to begin and was at a complete loss on how to proceed. Now having taken a closer look and actually seeing the state of her friend's living conditions, Fluttershy could not, in good conscience, leave Rainbow in such unfortunate circumstances. She took a deep breath, instantly regretting it because of the smell, and began the task of tidying up as much as she could.

By 9:00 A.M., the majority of the rooms had received a moderate level of attention and necessary repairs. The kitchen, in particular, demanded significant time and effort due to the accumulation of trash bags against the walls, not to mention the dishes. They were a sarcastically glorious sight to behold. It would have taken much longer, perhaps even all day, for Fluttershy to make it this far had she not received assistance provided by her animal companions, primarily birds.

In all that time, as Fluttershy had cleaned and cooked breakfast, Tank hadn't come to find her. That was probably a good thing, though at the same time, if Rainbow hadn't seen any changes, that meant she was most likely still as unresponsive as when Fluttershy had left her.

Fluttershy grabbed a clean plate out of the cupboard and added the pancakes she’d made to it, dressing them up with a lot of different fixings. Sliced bananas, whipped cream, cream cheese, walnuts and a big dose of syrup. With that all placed on a tray with a plastic fork, plastic butter knife and a ceramic mug of grapefruit juice, she made her way back to Rainbow’s room to check on her.

She knocked before entering, “Rainbow? I made you some apple cinnamon pancakes…”

As she pushed open the door to Rainbow's room, her suspicions were confirmed. Rainbow hadn't moved.

Fluttershy entered the room, gently placed the tray aside, and proceeded to carefully adjust Rainbow's position, ensuring she was in an upright posture that would allow her an easier way to eat her meal. There was still no response or reaction from Rainbow as her breakfast was placed on her lap.

Fluttershy was ready to reach for the fork and knife to cut the food and feed her friend even if she had to forcefully shove it down her throat if Rainbow refused. However, she paused mid-reach and decided that may not be the correct way to handle this situation.

“Rainbow, this is where I'm going to have to give you some tough love. I'm... not going to spoon-feed you.” Hearing herself say that felt like a piece of her soul was crushed. “If you don’t want to recover, that's your decision. And…” she couldn't finish what she was going to say as the corners of her eyes beaded up with tears. “I just... I can't watch you do this to yourself anymore.”

There was no response from Rainbow Dash outside of her slow, rhythmic breathing. Tank looked between the two of them and then returned to his shell, but there was nothing from Rainbow.

Fluttershy redirected her attention to cleaning the last remaining room that was in need of tidying: This very bedroom. She was twenty minutes into the cleaning when Tank bumped into her to grab her attention. She turned and briefly looked at the tortoise then immediately at Rainbow Dash just in time to see the fork fall from her mouth and a moment later, her half-heartedly chewing her food.

Fluttershy let out a small sigh of relief at this small improvement. There was still a long way to go if she wanted to help guide Rainbow back to her old self, but it had to start somewhere.

There was a small shift in Rainbow’s eyes. When Fluttershy followed her gaze, it led her to a clock that had surprisingly survived when Rainbow was destroying everything in her room. When Fluttershy looked back, she saw her friend mumbling something, but it was nearly impossible to hear. She only managed to hear a number or two.

“…7 …ys, … 14 … … …1 … utes…”

With all the energy of a wet paper bag, Rainbow gave herself another small nibble of pancake.

Fluttershy felt that this may be an opportunity for her to convince Rainbow to open up a little more. “If it's alright with you… not that you have to… That is, I won’t be troubled if you don't, but… Could you maybe say that again, please? I didn't quite catch that… Of course, if you want to talk about something else… or anything really… you're free to do that, too, if it makes you feel any better…”

Rainbow appeared to chew at a slower pace than even Tank could ever manage, even if he made an effort, and then she eventually swallowed again. At that moment, tears began to well up in her eyes.

"Two seconds..." she uttered softly as her body shook and tears fell like rain.

Her words sounded as if they were too big to escape her throat; hurting with every letter that came out, as she continued.

"All I… needed,” she sniffled, ”was to be two more… stupid… measly seconds faster a-and..." That was all she could say before she cupped her hooves over her head wept and wailed harder than she ever had in her life.

Fluttershy set aside the whisk broom and dustpan and walked over to Rainbow Dash, embracing her in a big, warm, comforting hug. "I can see how much you're hurting because of what happened to Scootaloo. It hurts me as well. But I assure you that I will not abandon you.”

Rainbow didn’t answer back. Not with words, anyway. Her hooves flopped down by her sides, but her wings crept up and clung to Fluttershy’s elbows. It wasn’t quite a hug, but it wasn’t nothing, either.

"Shhh... It's okay. I'm right here," Fluttershy whispered, stroking Rainbow's mane. The gentle touch seemed to offer a lifeline in the storm of Rainbow's emotions.

Nearly ten minutes passed as Rainbow's sobs gradually subsided, replaced by deep, ragged breaths. Fluttershy held her tightly the entire time, offering silent comfort. Finally, Rainbow gave her a gentle nudge, signaling that she had calmed down a bit.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, her raspy voice barely audible. "I must look pathetic, don't I?"

Fluttershy shook her head and rubbed her back. "Don't apologize, Rainbow. None of this is your fault. You're allowed to feel everything you're feeling. It's okay to not be okay."

Rainbow sniffed, her face hot and wet with snot and tears.

"Are you feeling any better yet?" Fluttershy asked softly, pulling her head back to look Rainbow in the eye. Her eyes were red and puffy.

Wiping a hoof across her eyes, Rainbow shook her head, a heavy weight settling on her expression. "No..." she admitted, her voice barely above a whisper. "But I'm cool with that." Another wave of sorrow washed over her face, threatening to bring more tears.

Fluttershy placed a comforting hoof on Rainbow's shoulder. "Well, I'm not. What else can I do for you?"

Rainbow's stomach rumbled unexpectedly, interrupting the heavy silence. She blushed, embarrassed.

"Do you want to finish your breakfast?" Fluttershy suggested.

Rainbow only nodded in silence.

"I'll make you some more. And while you finish eating, I can finish cleaning your room."

Rainbow looked around at what remained of the destruction she had caused, and then she shrunk with shame. "I'm so sorry to make you do this," she mumbled. “If you don’t want to–”

Fluttershy squeezed her shoulder reassuringly. "Don't worry about it. Let's focus on taking care of you right now."

Fluttershy left to make another batch of pancakes, leaving Rainbow in her own thoughts. As she scanned the condition of the partially-cleaned room, she saw the trophy Fluttershy had prevented her from destroying.

The base was slanted and made of discarded wood she’d picked up for free. To compensate for the crooked appearance, the cup on top was a little lopsided, giving the cup an oblong opening. In the end, it was an overall nightmarish banana-shaped monstrosity. It was no surprise that Rainbow had never received an award in the art of trophy making, but it wasn’t for her, as she’d been the one to pick the words for the plaque.

Scootaloo

Ponyville’s Bravest Filly

It hurt for Rainbow to even look at, but differently than when she laid her eyes on any of her other trophies or awards. However, at this moment, she now had more trouble finding the strength to pull her eyes away from it.

Rainbow rolled out of bed and walked over to the trophy, kicking aside debris as she walked. She just stood there, staring at it, reading the words over and over until Fluttershy came back. Ponyville’s Bravest Filly. No truer words had ever been engraved on a plaque than these.

When Fluttershy walked in, Rainbow reached out and grabbed it. Even though Rainbow couldn't see her, she could feel her friend tensing up from across the room. Rainbow figured that Fluttershy must have thought she was going to try to break it again.

Instinctively, her arm moved to slam it into the floor. However, she successfully stopped herself from doing that, if only barely. Rainbow wasn't going to do it. No, she couldn’t go through with it, not like she had when she tried earlier that morning.

Rainbow held the trophy in a way so that she could see her own distorted reflection, her grip tightening around it. She then turned to look at Fluttershy, her eyes pleading for help. "I-I think… it's time I… visit Scoots and… and give her this… Right?" she asked softly. A storm of emotions was raging within Rainbow.

Fluttershy relaxed, understanding the situation. "You… want to do that today?" she asked gently, her voice filled with concern.

The thought of visiting Scootaloo's grave was a crushing psychosomatic pain, akin to a heavy weight settling in Rainbow’s chest. She hesitated to answer, her eyes filled with a mix of fear, determination, and a deep-seated guilt. It felt as if she were being torn apart from within.

Eventually, Rainbow nodded, the decision a heavy burden. The thought of facing the reality of Scootaloo's death was terrifying, made even more so by her inability to reach her in time. She had built walls around herself, a fortress against the pain, but now she was being forced to dismantle them, brick by excruciating brick. She felt like a failure; a protector who had failed to protect.

Fluttershy set down the plate on the dresser, one of the flattest pieces of furniture that hadn’t been overturned. When she reached the bed, she rubbed Rainbow's back reassuringly. "I'm here with you, Rainbow. We'll face this together," she promised.

A minute flicker of hope sparked within Rainbow. With Fluttershy by her side, perhaps she could find the strength to move forward. But first, there was something she needed to do to prepare. "I need to take a shower before we go," she said, her voice barely a whisper as she anxiously rubbed her shoulder.

37 days, 14 hours and 45 minutes.

If Words Left Scars

The tranquil silence was slowly interrupted by a set of tiny hooves belonging to a young pegasus filly. The dreary, foggy weather was ideal for what she had planned that day. It was so crucial that, had it not been this way, Scootaloo would have put off her plan until another time.

While walking through the mist, her mind played the desired outcome of events over and over in her head. Rainbow Dash would be showing up in a few minutes, or so she hoped. Once she did, they would be flying through the trees together, just the two of them. She had put a lot of effort into making this possible; something she had dreamed of doing since the first time she laid her eyes on her idol.

Scootaloo came to a stop as she reached her destination. Looking down, not more than an inch in front of her, there was a sheer, steep drop. Beyond that, rows and rows of trees disappeared into the thick hazy wall.

Under normal circumstances, this would have caused Scootaloo to go weak-kneed and feel butterflies in her stomach. But that was the old filly. This one closed her eyes, drew in a slow breath, smelling the damp, mossy air, then let it out. Rainbow was still nowhere to be seen, and for a brief moment, Scootaloo considered waiting a bit longer, but shook the thought from her head. “It’s Rainbow Dash,” she reasoned. “She’ll catch up in no time…”

Unfurling her wings, she had another moment of hesitation, wondering if this really was the right thing to do. She then recalled what drove her to go to such great lengths, a thought that covered her nerves in yet another layer of ice, more chilly than the surrounding atmosphere. With it came a numbness that has been steadily increasing over the last couple of days.

And with that, she stepped over the cliff's edge.

Scootaloo felt the gravity take hold of her, and in no time, she was zooming through the trees. The wind rushed past her ears and blew through her mane. It was unlike anything she’d ever felt before. Minor tweaks of her wings caused her to maneuver around, darting through the trees. At this rate, she could go above them, but where would be the fun in that?

Who’s the chicken now? The filly thought with resentment.

If only she could see her here. What would her expression be? Scootaloo was now picturing the bubblegum pink filly with the look between shock and bitterness staring back at her as she wove around the tree trunks. This’ll show her. I’m not a chicken, and I can too fly!

That entitled brat just loved playing pranks. Like the time she’d told Snips and Snails that she’d pay them a bit for every spitball they landed on me and my friends during lunch. Or that other time when she stained the seats at my and my friends’ desks the same color so we wouldn’t notice and when we sat down it stained our fur to ‘give us cutie marks.’

Or that time, she swapped her school lunches with ours. They were so spicy inside that we set off the fire alarm after only one bite. When we were questioned about it, she said her lunches were being stolen, and she wanted to see who was responsible. Who brings three lunches with them to school?!

That was just the start of a long list of acts that seemed endless. But it was nothing compared to the time she had arrived at school to find her desk shoved full of straw with chicken eggs nestled right in the center. The memory of that incident, even over a week ago, was still as vivid as if it was happening that very moment.

Behind her, two fillies began to make clucking noises. Scootaloo didn’t have to turn to know who they were; Diamond Tiara and her lackey, Silver Spoon. If Cheerilee were present, they wouldn’t have had the confidence to go that far vocally. To top it off, the note it came with was an even bigger kick to the ribs. And the very reason why Scootaloo was doing what she was.

Just like a chicken, you’ll always be a flightless blank flank.

“Scoots!” A distant voice called out to her, throwing the filly back into the here and now. The mist and rushing wind muffled out most of the raspy voice, but it was definitely unmistakable.

The filly turned around and saw a blotchy shadow just past the fog. She could recognize that mane no matter how much the wind or rain beat it around.

“Rainbow! You actually made it!” Scootaloo cried, her voice cracking. Overjoyed that her setup had yielded the results she desired, her cheeks forcefully tugged her mouth to give a shaky smile.

“Hang on, kid! I’m coming for ya! Don’t worry, I’m almost there!”

Still smiling, an egg-sized lump formed in Scootaloo’s throat as she contorted into her flying position, matching that of Rainbow’s form. “Look at me! I’m keeping up with the fastest flyer in all of Equestria!” Tears welled up in her eyes and streamed across her face as her lifelong dream had finally been achieved. She closed her eyes, sobbing, and pretended that the howling wind was instead a roaring crowd, cheering her on.

Rainbow finally burst through the fog, making her way to Scootaloo with a great sense of urgency. But just as she made her appearance, so did the ground, breaking the filly’s phantasmal environment, appearing like a cliff wall.

“SCOOTALOO! NOOO~!!”

“NOOO~!!” Rainbow Dash bolted upright, trembling and drenched in a cold sweat. As the shakiness left and her breathing and heart rate evened out, she evaluated her surroundings. She was in her room. Of course she was; that’s where she’d fallen asleep last night. Looking at the clock, it was three twenty-four in the morning, or how she saw it, thirty-seven days, seven hours, and fifty-four minutes since the incident.

Tank slowly poked his head out from his shell and gave her a mournful look. “Oh, hey, bud…” She repositioned herself to look right at Tank. “Sorry about that; waking you up and all…”

In response, the tortoise extended his neck out a little farther and rubbed his cheek up against hers.

“Aah, thanks. I needed that.” Rainbow returned his act of compassion with one of her own; wrapping her hooves around his warm shell and giving him a firm but comforting hug. She took this precious opportunity to let her mask fall, expressing the feeling that dwelt deep in the empty pit of her gut.

There was no point in going back to sleep. Rainbow Dash was already wide awake. Lying down and closing her eyes was not going to change that.

She made her way to the bathroom to take a shower. In the hall, she passed by several plaques displaying first-place awards, newspaper clippings of her greatest accomplishments, and posters of the Wonderbolts, including one of herself in uniform. She slightly angled her head the other direction to avoid looking at them. Once she made it to the bathroom, she ran her tongue over her teeth and felt the buildup of plaque. Maybe she should brush first?

Her shower took longer than she thought it should have. Once she stepped out, Rainbow went to the sink, grabbed her toothbrush, put toothpaste on it, and started brushing. Oddly, it felt warm and wet, as though it had just been used. Only then did she remember that she had brushed her teeth before hopping into the shower.

After rinsing her brush under the faucet, Rainbow went down the hall to the kitchen. Pulling out a bowl, she grabbed a box of cereal and poured it in. While adding the milk, she felt as though she had forgotten to do something. Unable to remember what, she reached into her silverware drawer and pulled out a… fork. There were no spoons. The only available options were this fork, an ice cream scoop that was slightly dirty and not as practical, or a whisk.

Dishes. That’s what I forgot. No spoons until dishes are done. She sighed and scooped up some cereal with a fork. At least it was something. She picked up a forkful and brought it to her mouth. That was when she encountered the minty taste of toothpaste in her mouth, having lost its flavor and turning bitter from the saliva buildup.

Rainbow briskly trotted to the kitchen sink and spat out the contents of her mouth. She was about to stick her head under the faucet to rinse her tongue clean, but the sink was so full of dishes it was impossible to do that.

Today. I have to do these stupid dishes today!

She had told herself that yesterday, as well as the day before, but had completely spaced it. If she was going to remember, she had to do it now. She grabbed a washcloth, turned on the hot water, and began scrubbing at the pile of dishes. There was a lot that had been dried-on, and that would take some soaking, but there was more at the bottom that had taken on water over time and was already becoming noticeably moldy.

Halfway through washing, drying, and putting them away, she remembered that her cereal was still untouched on the table… no, it was still on the counter. She hadn’t made it as far as the table. One look at it, and all she saw left of her morning meal was the warm, sad, limp, soggy mess.

Nothing a few raisins couldn’t fix. She found the box of raisins in the cabinet, and on her way back, swatted at a fly buzzing around her ear, slapping her neck as it landed on her, but missing. Her mane still felt wet, and when she pulled her hoof away, she saw that it was still covered in suds. She hadn’t rinsed the shampoo out when she was in the shower.

She decided to throw away her breakfast before going to wash the shampoo out. Grabbing the bowl, Rainbow took it to the trash can, only to find it overflowing. She would need a new trash bag. Going to the sink, she opened the cabinet doors and grabbed a dry towel, and began drying her mane with it.

No! What am I thinking! I need to first take care of the garbage bags, then deal with the shampoo!

She grabbed a new bag and removed the overflowing one from the can. Putting the new one in, she left the full bag by the back door with the others, all of which she planned to take care of when she next went out. The pile was high enough now that one of the bags just rolled off the stack into the middle of the floor.

Back in the bathroom, Rainbow ended up taking yet another cleansing shower. This time, she made sure that she was thoroughly rinsed off. But once again, she had put toothpaste on her brush, ready to brush her teeth for the third time.

Sighing, Rainbow looked up, staring at her reflection as if it held all of life’s answers but had chosen to keep them from her. She wondered to herself, what’s wrong with me? Why can't I keep my focus straight? Infuriated with herself, she threw her toothbrush at the mirror, leaving a smear of toothpaste on the surface.

Back in the kitchen, Rainbow grabbed a bowl from the cabinet to pour cereal into, but it felt sticky. She looked at it and saw the bottom side covered in toothpaste. That meant the inside of the next bowl in the stack was also full of toothpaste.

In fact, only just over half the dishes had been washed. Of that half, less than half had been dried. Even then, all the dishes were mixed together, with dirty dishes sitting with the ones she’d just washed. The dried, the wet, the cleaned and dirty dishes; all were in the sink, on the counter, and in the cupboards, all mixed together.

She didn’t feel hungry anymore. In truth, she wasn’t sure if she was ever hungry in the first place, or if she was just eating out of habit. Looking up at the clock, she saw that well over two hours had passed.

I’m just tired. That has to be it! Nothing a little sleep won’t fix!

Going back out of the kitchen, she knocked over the garbage bag left in the middle of the room. Looking at the contents now spilled all over the floor, she told herself she’d clean it up later.

Eventually, Rainbow made her way back to her room. She took after her pet, who had long since retreated back into his shell, and slid under her covers. She lay there, staring at the ceiling, her mentality spiraling into deep thought.

Why can’t I do anything? She thought to herself. I haven’t been able to perform even the most basic tasks since…

She swallowed hard. She didn’t want to remember, but she could feel her mind forcing her back to that very evening. She was going to see it all again.

“Scootaloo? You up here?”

Rainbow came to the top of the stairs. Scootaloo had asked her to come over to her aunt's house for something important. The filly wouldn’t tell her what it was, but it was clear that she wouldn’t give up asking until Rainbow agreed.

“Yo! Scoots! I’m here!”

Rainbow reached forward to knock on the door, but as soon as her hoof made contact, it swung aside, as if inviting her in. An open door was almost the same as an invitation, right?

Right away, Rainbow could tell that something was off. Scootaloo wasn’t here, for one, and having been asked to come over, Rainbow found herself a little bit insulted. But there was more to it than that. Scoots’s walls, usually plastered with Rainbow Dash posters, were cleared off.

In their place was a room-sized diagram. There were sideways drawings on three walls with X’s and O’s peppered throughout the sketches. A long, winding trail weaved through them. On the fourth wall were formulas, equations, and timetables. Understanding these kinds of structures wasn’t Rainbow’s forté, but she recognised a game plan when she saw it, and some of the equations she knew on instinct; in particular, the speed coefficient of a pegasus in a vertical dive.

On a map on the desk, Equestria’s biggest known cliff was circled, and four others were crossed out. Next to the map was a potion recipe titled “Insta-Grow” and four empty bottles. It was a decently common potion, generally used for large events that would last a few days, as that was all it was suitable for. However, after a couple of days, the trees would wither and die, mainly because the speed in their growth also caused them to age rapidly.

What drew her attention the most was a crayon drawing of her and Scootaloo flying through the trees sitting sideways on the desk. They had happy smiles.

“Go figure,” chuckled Rainbow, smirking at the image. “I should take her out flying again sometime soon.”

Just then, everything began to click into place. Why Scoots wasn’t here, despite calling for Rainbow to visit. Why the cliff was circled. Why the potion recipe was there, and no bottle to put it in. Why the picture was sideways, and why Scootaloo had thought the speed of a falling pony was important enough to write down. She was going to jump off the cliff and ‘pretend’ to be flying through the trees, and she wanted Rainbow to join her.

“SCOOTS!!!” Rainbow had never dashed out of a room so fast. She had to be there, now.

Why was I so slow? Why was I so stupid? If I’d just figured it out a few seconds sooner…

Closing her mind to what happened after, Rainbow rolled to her side. She looked at the clock on her nightstand. It was now thirty-seven days, eleven hours, and twenty-three minutes.

She shook her head, trying to shake the memories from existence. She was tired of seeing it happen over and over every time she closed her eyes. She hadn’t figured it out fast enough. She hadn’t made it there fast enough. She hadn’t gone to check in on her often enough.

If I’d just been better, if I’d been faster, if I’d been smarter, if I’d been more attentive…

She rolled again, trying to find a comfortable spot on her cloud bed, but there were none. Every place felt bad until she rolled herself out of bed and spotted a newspaper clipping on the ground.

“Local hero saves falling filly.”

It wasn’t about Scootaloo. It was some other little girl that had fallen out of a tree. Rainbow had saved her, and her kite.

But I’m not a hero anymore, she thought to herself. A real hero would have saved Scootaloo. A real hero would have brought her back safely. A real hero wouldn’t have let her go there in the first place.

The longer she looked at the newspaper, the redder her vision became. Finally, it was settled. She threw the bedsheets off her body, snatched up the paper, tore it in half and went hunting down the biggest box she could find.

It was a little after seven in the morning when Fluttershy approached Rainbow Dash’s house, just in time to see her unload the last boxload of trophies, ribbons, plaques, and pictures. She watched as her friend mercilessly threw the box onto the pile, then zipped back up to her home. Rainbow returned with a container of liquid, and as she doused the pile, the morning breeze wafted the scent of kerosene into Fluttershy’s nostrils.

Hurling the empty container at the pile, Rainbow darted away, coming back with a stormcloud. Placing it over the trophies, she bucked it. Lightning struck her awards and posters, now ground zero to an erupting ball of flames.

“R-Rainbow?! What are you doing?!”

“Fluttershy?! Why are you here this early in the morning?”

Rainbow seemed genuinely surprised to see her friend before her. A look of concern came over Fluttershy’s face. “It’s not that early. It’s only around seven-fifteen, or something…”

Thirty-seven days, eleven hours, and forty-five minutes.

“I came because Luna came to me in my dream. She said you were having another nightmare, but you woke up before she could contact you. So, she asked me to check on you, instead.”

This clearly upset Rainbow. “Why can’t she just mind her own business?!” she huffed, plopping herself on the ground, curling into a ball in an upright sitting position, watching as the cracking flames consumed all of her past achievements.

“Because that is her business,” Fluttershy said calmly, joining the cyan pegasus and sitting next to her. “And because she’s worried about you. But not nearly as much as I am right now.”

“Well, don't be. I’m perfectly fine!” Rainbow spat, kicking a trophy back onto the bonfire harder than she intended to. The sound of grief leaking out of her words told a different story.

Deadpanning, Fluttershy looked at Rainbow, then to the flames and back. The stormcloud had started a light drizzle, the smoke seeding it to start precipitating. “You have toothpaste behind your ear...”

Eyes widening, Rainbow went on the defensive and shot back the first comeback she could think of. “Wha-? No! You have… toothpaste behind your ear!” In frustration, she quickly wiped behind both ears.

Fluttershy nodded, not in agreement, but in understanding. “This is about what happened to Scootaloo, isn’t it?”

Having failed to avoid the topic, Rainbow took this opportunity to vent her pent-up anger to her friend. “Did you see Diamond Tiara?! She was more upset that her weekly allowance was being revoked than she was about what she did to Scoots!”

Dramatically flailing her arms for theatrics, she continued in a higher pitch voice to try mimicking the filly. “What am I in trouble for?! You’re treating me like I physically pushed her over the edge! She did that to herself! It’s not my fault that she couldn’t handle a harmless prank!” Does Scootaloo look unharmed to you?!”

Fluttershy remembered hearing that, too. She also remembered having to join Applejack in her efforts to hold Rainbow Dash back from potentially snapping the filly’s neck after shouting ‘I'll show you harmless!’ at the top of her lungs. “Rainbow, I need you to calm down…”

“Calm down?! You want me to calm down?!” she screamed into Fluttershy's face.

Fluttershy took a deep breath in and then released it with a nod.

“Fine!” After another swift trip to her home, Rainbow returned with a baseball bat. She proceeded to unleash her anger onto the burning pile. “Okay, calming down! See Fluttershy! I’m! Calming! Down! I am the epitome of calm!”

Over a minute went by as she continued letting out her frustrations until the bat broke in two. All the while, Fluttershy waited. Once it was done, she couldn’t help noticing the flames reflect off Rainbow’s tear-stained face.

Seeing Fluttershy staring at her, Rainbow wiped a hoof across her eyes. “I know what you're thinking, it's not like that I-I, uh… There’s just some smoke in my eyes, that's all.”

“You and I both know that Diamond Tiara isn’t the reason you're angry right now.”

“What do you know!? If I had just been…” Rainbow grunted in frustration. “I-if it wasn’t for her, then Scootaloo never would have been hurt!”

Knowing she wasn’t making any progress by talking with her friend, Fluttershy tried to think of the reason plaguing Rainbow’s mind.

She’s destroying all her accolades. That seems to be the primary target, but why?

After a few moments, it dawned on her. It all made sense now. Rainbow had been the one to catch Scootaloo, only just barely saving the filly from death. Even though Rainbow Dash was also hurt in the process, she must’ve felt responsible for not being fast enough.

“What happened to Scootaloo wasn’t your fault.”

Knowing she was onto her, Rainbow lashed out like an injured manticore. “I let her down, Fluttershy! In the worst possible way!” She threw the handle of the bat at her, missing by a few feet.

Fluttershy shrunk back, but knew she had her friend cornered. “It wasn’t your fault.”

“Oh, whoop-de-do! Good for me! It’s not like I deliberately used myself as a cushion to break her fall! I was injured too, you know! The tendons in my right wing still catch every so often when I make a left turn! So I’m also a victim in this!”

“It wasn’t your fault.”

“Will you shut up?!” By now, her voice was growing scratchy from all the yelling. “You sound like a broken record! I’ve already been told it’s not… my fault so… so why do you keep…?”

“Because you don’t believe it.”

Nothing. No comeback or explanation to hide behind. That was the final nail in the coffin for Rainbow’s ego. Her lower lip trembled as her emotions began flooding out. Defeated, her legs gave out from under her and she slumped to the ground. She felt as weak and exposed as a newborn on a battlefield as her pain finally pushed past the hard lump in her throat. As hard as she tried, the tears refused to stop running down her face.

“D-don’t look at me!” she cried, trying to scramble away in spite of her legs not responding. “I’m useless!”

Fluttershy approached her friend, scooped her up and wrapped Rainbow under her wings, letting the waterworks run their course for as long as she needed. “If I put your head on my shoulder like this, and cover your body with my wings, then I can't see you.”

Rainbow Dash slowly embraced the pegasus, clinging to her as if her life depended on it. Submitting herself to Fluttershy’s kindness, she buried her face into her friend’s shoulder and continued to sob

“Why did this happen?” she sniffled, just barely able to form her thoughts into words. “She called me the fastest in all of Equestria. How come… I-I was so slow? I could have been there sooner. I should have been there sooner. What did I do wrong?”

Fluttershy stroked Rainbow’s mane gently, providing the much-needed comfort her friend required. In a way, she saw this as repaying her for the many times Rainbow had supported her after being bullied in flight school. “It wasn’t your fault.”

Five minutes later, Rainbow gently nudged her friend away. Her face was hot, and wet with tears and snot, not unlike when Fluttershy was in her position.

“Feeling better yet?”

Wiping a hoof across her eyes and nose, Rainbow shook her head. “No…” she said with a heavy crack in her voice, “but I’m cool with that.” Another wave of sorrow caused her to shudder and scrunch her face.

Putting a hoof on her friend’s shoulder, Fluttershy continued to offer her support. “Well, I’m not. What else can I do for you?”

Rainbow opened her mouth to deny any more help, but her stomach growled in retaliation against her act of defiance. That caused her to close her mouth and turn her focus aside.

“Do you want me to make you breakfast?”

Rainbow lowered her head. “You can’t. All the dishes need to be washed, there's garbage everywhere and…”

Fluttershy put her hooves on Rainbow’s cheeks, silencing her. “I’ll cook you some food and do some cleaning. Maybe later today we can pay Scootaloo a visit.”

Rainbow shook her head vehemently. “I can’t do that.” Just the thought made the butterflies in her stomach resurface from her last attempt to visit. She had thrown up that time.

“She wants to see you, Rainbow. You know she does.”

"I just… I can’t.”

Fluttershy turned back to the pile of rubble. The rain had mostly put the fire out by now, and while all the metal, ceramic, stone and glass just needed to be cleaned and refinished, all of the pictures and newspaper stories were gone, either turned to ash by the fire or mulched by the water. One trophy in particular caught her eye.

“If you don’t go, who’s going to give her this?”

Rainbow begrudgingly turned and looked, and her eyes went wide. When she’d been blindly stuffing trophies into boxes, she hadn’t considered the fact that this one wasn’t hers.

The base was slanted and made of discarded wood she’d picked up for free. To compensate for the crooked appearance, the cup on top was a little lopsided, giving the cup an oblong opening. In the end, it was an overall nightmarish banana-shaped monstrosity. It was no surprise that Rainbow had never received an award in the art of trophy making, but it wasn’t for her, as she’d been the one to pick the words for the plaque.

Scootaloo

Ponyville’s Bravest Filly

As she took the trophy from Fluttershy, there was a small scraping sound coming from inside of the cup. Turning it over, a medal fell out. A golden bronze medal on a decorative red ribbon. It was given to her by Captain Spitfire of the Wonderbolts, meant to commemorate her act of valor for saving a filly who had attempted suicide. A filly that had recently awoke in a hospital bed from a comatose state. A filly that needed her.

“Just promise me that you’ll try to talk yourself into going into her room,” conceded Fluttershy. “She’s doing well; you deserve to see that with your own eyes.”

The weight of the decision was more than she could bear. Rainbow wanted nothing more in this moment than to run away, to flee, but she didn’t. She couldn’t. She had to stay. She had to see Scootaloo through. She needed Rainbow’s help. This whole thing started with a call for help. And as terrified as Rainbow was, she was even more afraid of facing herself if she abandoned somepony who needed her.

“I’ll think about it,” she sniffed, wiping her face, “on the way there. I’ll go, but it won’t be easy.” She sniffed again, clearing her nose, and then crinkling it. Her fur was carrying the strong scent of smoke. “I think I need another shower, first, though…”

Author's Note

Credit goes to where it’s due, so here are the videos that I was inspired by.