The Journal of John Smith

by reedman

Rating: everyone
Tags: Queen Chrysalis, Adventure, Zecora, Human, Twilight Sparkle, Lyra, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 23035

A man ends up in Equestria after messing with something he bought off the deep web. He keeps a journal of his activities.

For some reason, John Smith decided buying a mystery box off the deep web was a good idea. All it had was some pencils, a sharpener, a journal, and this crystal with a note saying "charge crystal with sunlight". After he accidentally dropped the crystal, the man found himself in a strange, dark forest. At least he can document his day to day life until he can find a way out of this strange new world.

---

Cover image by me.

Published 2021-08-23 14:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2021-12-02 13:19:19 UTC

Day 1

I'm not sure where I am. One minute I'm in my room, messing with a mystery box I bought off the deep web. All it had was this journal, some pencils, a pencil sharpener, and this cool pink crystal. I had thought the crystal was almost worth getting ripped off. The note saying to charge it in the sunlight was weird. The last thing I remember was dropping the crystal when it started glowing. Now I'm in this forest. After I got all my panicking out of the way, I thought I would take a moment to write in this journal. I'll have to pick a direction and start walking.

***

Writing in this journal reminds me of Mrs. Jansen's English class. She would make us write in journals every day. I wonder if she still makes her students do it. I guess thinking about that is easier than thinking about this weird forest. I swear I can hear other creatures. I'm glad I'm wearing my hoodie. The pocket is good for all my stuff. Must've been luck I was heading outside and had all my stuff with me. The journal and writing stuff were sitting in the pocket. The crystal was in there too. That six inch pointy rod is never leaving that pocket until I figure out a plan.

Okay I don't have a plan. I just need to vent somewhere. Maybe I should climb one of these trees and try to find some civilization.

***

Bad idea. Turns out creepy trees can't take my weight. I managed to land on my left foot. Pretty sure I twisted my ankle or broke it. Can't touch anything with my left foot or pain shoots up my leg. Leaning against a tree right now. Hopping around on my right leg is not realistic. Tried to use one of the fallen branches as a crutch. Too brittle. Dying in a creepy forest in the middle of who knows where is not the plan. I saw a smokestack not too far ahead before I fell. Smokestack means fire, and that means people. Hopping might be my only option.

Oh, and now my body decides now is a good time to get thirsty.

***

Well that was an uninteresting bit of travel. Only fell a dozen times. It's been pure luck I hadn't attracted any unwanted attention. The source of the smokestack is in sight. Seems to be a house. Well, not exactly a house. It's a tree made into a house. It looks much nicer than any other tree I've seen so far. Perhaps less creepy is a better term. I just need them to not be crazy, and in the mood to help.

Whatever they're cooking smells awesome. I'm gonna take a chance.

***

Pretty safe bet to say I'm not on Earth. A zebra answered the door. A zebra! It talked! She saw me standing on one leg and helped me inside without hesitation. She gave me a stool to sit on. Turns out the smoke was her brewing up some tea and some soup. I gladly accepted both when offered.

She said her name is Zecora. She spoke in rhymes. Apparently I'm in the land of Equestria. Right now I was in the Everfree Forest. I introduced myself. I brought up that this wasn't my world. I hesitated to bring up the pink crystal. Still not totally sure if it was the reason I was here. That or just paranoia.

She looked at my ankle. I mentioned my accident with the tree. She said the nearest hospital was in Ponyville. An hour's walk north. I wasn't sure if an alien presence in town was the best idea. Zecora said she had no clue if she could even carry me there. At least I think she did. The rhyming was hard to keep up with. She said she would get help from Ponyville tomorrow. It was about to be nighttime.

She took the dishes after I finished up my small meal. She said I could sleep in her bed tonight. It didn't feel right taking her only bed, and I told her that. She waved it off. "You are my guest, you only deserve the best." she said. I had to lean on her to walk because she refused to let me hop. Probably the only time I was grateful to be five foot. It was easy to hold onto her as we made our way to her bed. Getting in was a simple challenge. Zecora even got an extra pillow to prop up my bad ankle.

She said she would head into Ponyville tomorrow morning. There was a smart pony that she knew would help. So this place has talking ponies too. What's next, talking dragons? Either way, it seemed I had no choice in the matter. The short time I've known Zecora, she seems to mean well. She took pity on a stranger.

This smart pony she mentioned. Zecora only speaks positively of her. At least her rhymes did. I think all the sci-fi movies I've watched are playing into my paranoia. Hypotheticals of this smart pony capturing me on sight sat in the back of my mind. A mental image of being caged and taken by the pony government was there. Thoughts of being treated like the aliens in those movies were there as well. I do my best to ignore these thoughts. I had to trust this zebra's judgement for the time being.

First day in an alien world went better than expected. If you ignore the whole part where I have a possibly broken left ankle. My first alien encounter was a nice zebra speaking in rhyme. While her rhyming was growing on me, I hope the rest of the populace didn't speak that way as well.

Zecora is sleeping on the floor next to me. She has a makeshift bed with a folded blanket. This zebra fed me, gave me her bed to sleep in(despite my protests), and was traveling through the spooky forest tomorrow just to help a complete stranger she just met. I wasn't in any condition to question her choices. For now, I have to hope her intentions are pure.

Day 2

I was awoken to the smell of cooked vegetables and fresh fruit. Zecora had made a plate for my breakfast. She had a glass of water on the bedside table as well. She had placed it all on my lap as I sat up. I told her how nice of a host she was. She left to get her own plate. She asked about my journal when she came back. I told her I had decided to journal my day to day life in this new world. She thought it was nice.

After an embarrassingly assisted bathroom break, Zecora got ready for her trek into Ponyville. She put on a cloak that covered her save for the tip of her nose. She said it warded off potential predators. It must work well.

***

Now I'm alone. I won't see her about two hours. Maybe more. Not a lot to do when your left foot is out of commission. I sharpened my pencils. I double checked that the crystal was still in the hoodie pocket. The hoodie was on the side of the bed, chillin' on the floor. A few of my spelling errors in my writing have popped up.

Currently I'm just singing Wellerman to pass the time. My tenor vocal range does not do it justice. I think I'll just take a quick nap to pass the time.

***

There are some animals outside. They sound like wolves. I hear wood scraping. Unsure of what kinda wolf it is. Looking out the beside window yields no answers. Can't get up and walk over to the door in my condition.

The wolves passed through after milling about for awhile. I'm glad not to have run into them yesterday. I don't think my pencils would've scared them off.

***

I took some time to look over the crystal. The pink rod wasn't that big. Six inches long. About a thick as a...cucumber. It was as simple as crystals went. I wondered if it was the thing that sent me here. The note it came with said to charge it in sunlight. I left it on my windowsill after I initially got it. Not even to follow the instructions. I just had nowhere else to put it.

I hear voices outside. I don't hear Zecora's voice among them. Hiding under the covers to be safe.

***

Not good. Sounds like they opened the door. I hear two of them. One went by Aloe, and the other Lotus. They mentioned something about picking up Zecora's herbal tea for a spa. In her haste to help me, she must've forgotten about these two. I don't hear them getting closer. They're probably still in the doorway. The one named Aloe just brought up walking in and waiting for her. Just my luck. Lotus wanted to wait outside. I'm siding with Lotus. Unfortunately, a howl from a wolf spooked the two inside. I heard hooves on the floor. Ponies? The nearest village was Ponyville after all.

Problem! They think I'm Zecora sleeping in! They're walking over! Panic!

***

Crisis averted. It was like something out of a cheesy book. Just as Aloe was about to pull the blanket, we all heard Zecora's voice. They left the bedside, thinking I was a guest in her bed. Technically true. My zebra acquaintance had a nervous tone in her voice as she rhymed. She had indeed forgotten about these two picking up their tea. They apologized to her for being inside without her permission, and brought up the wolf as a reason. They also apologized for potentially bothering her guest. I think they got the tea they came for because they quickly left after Zecora rhymed a lecture to them about being inside without her permission.

Being called out from under the covers. Time to meet this smart pony.

***

This smart pony seems nice. Her looks were much more reserved compared to my zebra host. Instead of Zecora's mohawk, this pony had well-kept straight hair. Dark blue with a single pink stripe as well as a purple stripe. Her coat was a bright purple. She had a horn on her head. A unicorn? She told me her name was Twilight Sparkle. I introduced myself. The blanket was quickly removed. This Twilight wanted to look me over entirely.

I mentioned how I fell out of a tree on my left foot. She asked where I was from. When I told her, she said she never heard of Earth. When I said planet, it was like she saw a rainbow for the first time. Excitement about an alien and all that. Those fears from the sci-fi movies crept up once more in my mind. I nervously looked over to my zebra acquaintance. She shared the same nervous look as me.

Zecora quickly brought up my propped up left foot again. She told her about how she wanted to take me to the hospital, but she was unable to carry a creature of my size. While Twilight brought up stuff like historical and scientific importance, my zebra host was adamant in me getting medical help. I said I really wanted to be able to walk on my left foot sometime soon. It was two against one, and the unicorn conceded. She agreed to take me to the hospital. Though she wanted to ask questions in return. I obliged.

So now I'm floating in a purple aura. In a world of talking equines, I guess magic was inevitable. I pulled my hoodie back on. Still keeping the crystal close for now. I asked Zecora if she was coming, and she said no. She preferred the forest. She hoped I would visit again. I thanked for for the hospitality and the help. Now I'm off to Ponyville.

***

So this Twilight is a chatterbox. It's a good thing these Equestrians speak English. She asked everything from Earth's atmosphere composition, to average human size. It was like getting quizzed in my high school science class all over again. Zecora said she was smart. I guess curiosity comes with such intelligence. Maybe she'll know how I got here. I'll have to consider sharing the pink crystal with her.

Twilight shared the curiosity Zecora had about my journal. I gave her the same answer of it being a place to document my private thoughts in this new world. She asked if she could read it one day. She was quite inquisitive about the inner workings of the human mind. Not wanting to disappoint my free ride to the hospital, I told her I would share one day. Just not today. That answer seemed to work for her.

Her excitement still ran strong. She really wanted to 'study me more'. The notion of heading to a place called Canterlot to meet the princess was brought up. I shot it down by pointing to my left foot. While I'm starting to get annoyed at her seeing me more as a specimen and less a person, I understand. If I was a scientist meeting an alien for the first time, I would probably be the same way she is now.

Doesn't make it any less annoying.

***

Twilight has taken a breather. The questions have been nonstop for what's felt like an hour. To keep her from bombarding me again, I tried asking questions about this place. If I'm stuck in Equestria, might as well learn something. I got a basic history lesson. There's a bigger pony named Princess Celestia that rules over Equestria. Her castle is on top of a mountain. Cool.

I was about to learn about a pony called Nightmare Moon when everything went purple. The aura holding me went completely opaque. Twilight whispered to me to be quiet. Not exactly in a position to argue.

Turns out we were leaving the forest and entering Ponyville. There were probably more ponies out and about. As much as I would like to see the place, I don't think I'm ready to be swarmed by dozens of curious tiny horses. It seemed she shared the sentiment.

I'm hearing a new voice. Twilight's talking to another pony it seems. This one goes by the name of Fluttershy. Her voice is really soft and quiet. It sounds adorable. I think I hear the flapping of wings. Maybe it's just me hearing things.

The conversation ended without incident. Twilight's excuse for the floating purple orb was funny. Apparently I'm a big rock that looks interesting. Better than premature exposure. Twilight whispered that the walk wasn't too much farther. Hopefully we can get there without any more distractions. I'm looking forward to walking on my own two feet again.

***

The walk was a bit intense. We had a few nosy ponies ask about the orb. I think it's going well. Though a few were confused why she was going towards the hospital and not her home. Most had left her alone though.

I think we're finally at the hospital. She's talking to someone by the name of Nurse Redheart. She has a really soft voice. I like it. I can hear Twilight trying to explain the situation to her. Her attempts at subtlety were horrible. At some point I said to let me talk to the nurse.

***

That worked. After the initial "I'm talking to an alien" shock wore off, the nurse was super helpful. I got put in my own room. Redheart promised Twilight that I would kept off the hospital records. So the only ponies that know I'm here will be kept to a minimum. At least I wouldn't get surprise guests. Looks like the bed will fit me just fine. Feels good to not be floating anymore. Not that it was bad, it just felt weird not touching the ground for so long.

So apparently she had analyzed my left foot while I was writing the last paragraph. She confirmed there was a minor fracture. Despite the species difference, she seemed to have a handle on my situation. Twilight was just watching me with curiosity. Nurse Redheart wrapped up my leg the best she could. She said she had never worked on a bipedal creature before. I told her she was doing a good job. She wanted me to stay overnight, and I had no arguments. Twilight even offered to cover the hospital bill.

Twilight almost got kicked out. Nurse wanted me to get rest. The unicorn wanted to ask more questions. Before things got rough, I asked for some lunch. Both of them asked what humans ate. Explaining the concept of an omnivorous diet to two ponies is not easy. They had backed up initially at the mention of eating meat. I recovered the situation by quickly saying that cooked fish and eggs would be a good substitute for meat. I got fruit and veggies for now.

***

The rest of the day was quiet. Twilight left for a short while to get some paper to write down everything we had talked about. She also had written a letter about me to one Princess Celestia. I didn't like it, but it was inevitable. The ruler of these lands should probably learn about me being here.

Her comments on my answers are starting to get a little off-putting. She talks about me being "extremely fascinating" and "an amazing find". I really hope she doesn't make me regret leaving Zecora's home. She's starting to sound more sci-fi movie scientist than inquiring mind.

It's something I put out of my mind earlier because I had no choice. With this impressive wrap up job on my foot, I can eventually move on my own. I'm not saying she's evil, but I can't say for certain she has my best interests at heart. I have a strong feeling I'm safe in the hospital. Despite not being an unicorn, it seems Nurse Redheart's authority is absolute in these walls. I have a buffer between me and Twilight for now.

Moon's up. Twilight's leaving. She said she'll be back tomorrow. Nurse is telling me to put away the journal. Overall. Not a bad day.

Day 3

Well. Second night of sleep in this new world. I had a weird dream though. At first it was a nightmare about Twilight putting me on display in front of a bunch of scientists. Then this dark blue horse showed up and the nightmare just kinda disappeared. We were gonna talk, but I woke up. She didn't feel like a part of the dream. It was definitely a weird experience. I'm gonna blame it on magic, since that's a thing here.

Nurse Redheart came in with breakfast. Sliced apples, celery, toast, and scrambled eggs. I thanked her for the breakfast. She said it was the first time she cooked eggs. I told her they were perfect. A little overcooked, but I kept that to myself. While I didn't mind the vegetarian meals, the protein was nice to have. Fish and eggs were the closest I was gonna get to meat, so I had to enjoy it where I got it.

Nurse left. She said she was gonna go get a cane and more padding for my foot. Not looking forward to a cane. Gonna feel like an old man. Unless it was one of those old ones with a sword inside it. Wishful thinking though.

***

Twilight's here. She brought a friend. Turns out there are talking dragons. A little purple and green guy by the name of Spike. He's an assistant of some kind. Looks like he's stuck with the job of carrying everything. Twilight had brought books, paper, inkwell and quill. She said she wants extremely detailed notes for the princess. The little dragon and I shared a look. Neither of us were gonna have a fun time with this purple-furred genius.

Nurse Redheart to the rescue! She came in with more padding for the foot and a new cane. She glared down Twilight for harassing her patient. My foot got wrapped up in more padding. The discussion was put on hold so I could try out walking with the cane. A part of me wants to stick around after my foot heals. This Twilight is more annoying than helpful. Maybe it's just the constant questions bothering me.

The cane was a simple wooden one. Tried walking around the room with it. It's not as bad as I thought. Walking on my bad foot just got a lot easier. Nurse practically headbutted me back into bed after a minute. Can't blame her. She is a nurse after all. She's just doing the job given to her.

So the door just opened. A minty green unicorn is standing in the doorway.

***

So Redheart's reaction time is insane. This mare screamed like a chick seeing a boyband and dove at me. The nurse managed to tackle her in mid-air right before I would've had her on top of me. Poor Spike though. Little guy ended up in a pile. He pulled himself up and brushed himself off. He looked more annoyed than anything. The nurse asked the minty mare what she was doing here. Her name was Lyra it seems.

She said she wanted to see the human. I actually saw Twilight sweating through her fur. This new unicorn was asked how she knew about me. Apparently she saw me yesterday when we were leaving the forest. It was right before I was put in the opaque bubble. She said something about finally being able to see a human in real life. She was about as bad as Twilight with that look in her eye. Though instead of nerdy questions, she apparently wanted to know what human hands felt like.

Twilight looked like she shared Lyra's curiosity about how human hands felt. I redirected her focus by asking Lyra how she knew about humans when I was the first one in Equestria. That worked. She was now interrogating the minty nuisance. At least I have a moment to breathe and get some writing done. With no other humans around to vent to, this journal is becoming the place to focus my thoughts.

So apparently Lyra has been watching Earth for a few years. That's not creepy at all. I wonder if she was the one that sent the pink crystal. She said something about having a magic mirror. At least a piece of one. I asked if she knew how I got here. She said no. That's a theory down the drain. If she could see Earth, I wonder who else could. Seems Twilight shares the same thought.

Lyra was sworn to secrecy about me. She quickly agreed, as she ''didn't want to share the human with anypony". A bit of an uncomfortable statement. Twilight saw me as a science project to study. This mare saw me as an exotic pet or something. I've gone from one pony to worry about, to two. It's a good thing Nurse Redheart is great at her job. She straight up threatened to kick them both out if they caused too much trouble for me. Bless this pony because she's got my back.

At least she did until she had to leave to check on other patients.

***

Minor problem arose. I took off my hoodie because it was getting warm. The crystal had fallen out. At first Spike was gonna nibble on it. I guess pretty crystals are a dragon's favorite snack. Lyra levitated it away from him. She asked where I got it. Twilight was equally curious. I was pretty much cornered at this point. I decided to tell the truth. Buying it off the black market, charging it with sunlight, dropping it to teleport. Now the purple unicorn levitated it away from Lyra to herself. I wonder if I made a mistake. Twilight said the magic in the crystal felt familiar, but she couldn't remember why. She said Princess Celestia could help.

I got the crystal back. Took some convincing, but I got it. While the outcome wasn't as bad as I thought, I still would rather keep it with me. If I can learn how it works, it can be my ticket out. I left it on the table next to me in the sunlight. Indulging Lyra's curiosities for the moment until I can figure out my next step.

***

This mare has almost turned into a puppy dog. Lyra got on the other side of the bed and asked if I could give her "scratchies" like she sees other humans scratch dogs. When I scratched behind her ears, she almost melted. Twilight was furiously writing notes as fast as she could. I wondered if she had all the same scratch spots as my friend's dog. Watching her tilt her head back as I began scratching her back confirmed it. Her pupils practically rolled out of sight when I decided to go for the 'golden scratch spot'. Right above the base of the tail. Her jaw was hung open for a moment. When I tried to pull away, she pulled my hand right back with her magic.

Right as Twilight asked for a turn, Redheart comes in with lunch. She stares at me for a moment before placing the plate on my lap. Lyra was a little down that the scratching had to wait. Though she backed up at the sight of my lunch. Cooked fish on a bed of vegetables with a side of applesauce. She said the meat-eating aspect of humans was uncomfy for her. Twilight told her if she was gonna be a part of this, she had to get used to my diet. Of course she said it as she scooted back a bit herself.

***

Lunch was so good. I told the nurse she had a done an amazing job. She said she had gotten some tips for cooking fish from a friend. A local chef who had cooked for meat eaters in the past. Twilight expressed concern of me being exposed, but the nurse promised she was careful. The last thing we wanted was attention.

***

The past few hours were spent talking to Twilight and giving scratches to Lyra. Things were fairly calm. It was nice to have a day of calm after two days of stress. Walking through a forest and dealing with strange talking horses does not a good day make. Now my biggest concerns were questions from a nerd, and giving scratches to a pony who I hope won't become a stalker. I am trying to write with one hand because Lyra will whine if I stop.

Twilight is writing down everything she can about "inter-species scratching habits" as well as asking me about the 'golden scratch spot'. Opportunity! I tell her that experiencing is better than explaining. Maybe it'll get me a break from these constant questions. Getting a bit tired of talking about the concept of bicycles.

***

Well my plan only slightly backfired. Now both of my hands were occupied with scratching ponies. Using my 'golden scratch spot' on Twilight certainly worked. She stopped asking questions. Now she joined Lyra in cuddling up to me while telling Spike what notes to take. Not sure what outcome I expected. They were both using magic to prevent me from removing my hands. Luckily, I had a plan B. Totally didn't make it up on the spot. I told them both that scratches were best enjoyed in bursts. Said something about the nice feeling losing its effect if scratched for too long at once.

It worked! My fingers are sore, but they retreated. At least Twilight did. Lyra was still cuddled up to me, her head under my left forearm. Now the nerd had her notes going on about pony-human cuddling. I'm feeling a nose in my left side. She's nuzzling me! I am regretting the use of my 'golden scratch spot' now.

Note to self: Ponies can be addicted to scratchies.

***

Taking a bathroom break. It was easy this morning when it was just me and the nurse. I leaned on her to get in, and she left me to do my thing. Just like with Zecora. Convincing these two I didn't need help was a new challenge. Lyra kept wanting to cuddle up to me. Twilight wanted to observe the bathroom habits of an alien species. A threat of siccing Redheart on them seemed to work. I have a few minutes of peace. Hold on. I think they're talking out there.

Okay. They're talking alright. They're talking about me. Better write it down.

T: We need to move him as soon as we can.

L: How? Levitating in public will draw attention.

T: Not if we put him in a covered cage.

L: Genius! Where's he going?

T: Canterlot! To her highness.

L: Aww. I want more scratchies.

T: Science comes first. We'll need to keep the nurse busy to pull this off.

I jiggled the handle to let them know I was walking out. Didn't want them to know I was privy to their chat. One of my biggest fears was coming true. I hobbled back to bed, and Lyra resumed her cuddling position immediately. I need a plan out of here. Nurse Redheart was now an obstacle for them. She was tough, but I don't think she could take on two unicorns. I gotta stay calm. If I get antsy, they might think something's up. I'll need to think of a plan.

The crystal's been sitting in the sunlight for a little while. According to the clock, it was gonna be dinnertime soon. After that it would be nighttime. Redheart usually boots out visitors when she brings dinner. If they were going to kidnap me, it would be then. I might have to take a chance and use the crystal again. I run the risk of ending up somewhere worse. A mental image of being carried off in a cage dismisses that concern.

Redheart just walked in. Now or never!

***

That wasn't so bad. Could've gone worse. Soon as the nurse walked in, Lyra went to block her path to me. Twilight used a spell to put the nurse to sleep. I had already slipped all my stuff into my hoodie pocket. I grabbed the cane and hopped out of bed onto my good foot. Crystal was in my free hand. The nerd tried to yank it out of my hand with her magic. She ended up pulling me to her. I may only be five feet tall, but I got a decent cane to smack her with. Landed on my good foot again. Crystal began to glow, and I threw it to the ground just as Lyra ran at me.

Only issue is that the crystal seems to have a radius. A small one. Just enough for a small purple dragon to get a free ride. He didn't take to it well, given where we ended up. Seems like we're back in the Everfree Forest. It's funny because it looks like the same place I ended up.

Oh snap it actually is. I see the broken branches from where I tried to climb the tree. I started walking, and the totally not whiny dragon was in tow. Apparently Twilight carried him on her back everywhere they went. So I didn't have to deal with him trying to keep up, I am carrying him on my shoulders. He's writing in the journal for me as I walk. He's super useful and not at all annoying. He wondered how we were getting back to Ponyville with nighttime on our heels. I told him I was staying at a friend's place in the forest and he was welcome to join.

***

If I told Spike his handwriting was beautiful, it would go to his head. That last section looked prettier than anything I've ever done. It's only a little infuriating. I'm mostly impressed.

I'm glad I got the chance to go back to Zecora's. She was nice to me without ulterior motives when I first got here. I know her heart was in the right place asking Twilight for help. The poor zebra got taken advantage of. Her warm smile was a relief to see. Her rhymes were like music to my ears.

She invited us both in. Growling stomachs earned us both a bowl of soup. I placed Spike on the floor so he could eat and so I could get him off my shoulders. She wondered why we were there so late. She also wondered why I was out and about with my foot in its condition. When I filled her in on what Twilight and Lyra tried to do, she was upset. Not only did Twilight betray her trust, she wanted to put me in a cage.

Zecora apologized for getting Twilight involved. I told her she didn't have any way of knowing what the mare was gonna do. Spike tried to argue she wasn't gonna leave me in the cage forever. I retorted that she might not, but those she hands me off to might. He was quiet after that.

It seems she wants to right this wrong. She wants to go into town tomorrow to not only guide Spike back to Ponyville, but to give Twilight a piece of her mind. I told her it wasn't needed. I just needed some time to come up with a plan. If she went off on her, that nerd would figure out where I was and come back. Now that this purple mare wants me in a cage, the notion of running into her is admittedly scary.

***

As the dishes are put away, my current worry shifts to a small purple and green reptile. Spike is close to Twilight. There's no doubt he would tell her where I was. I couldn't force him to stay. I'm not a monster like her. I needed to do something. I knew he wasn't leaving out in the middle of the night. I got up with my cane and went over to Zecora to whisper my concerns. She agrees, and tells me to leave it to her. Besides one bad call, she hasn't given me a reason to not trust her.

***

Sleeping arrangements are familiar. I get the bed(despite protesting) and Zecora gets a folded blanket on the floor. Spike got a pillow to sleep on and some kind of sleeping potion. He's out like a light. She tells me it'll make his memory of today very fuzzy. She would've wiped his memory of today, but this was the best she could do on short notice. Also, the sleeping potion will carry into tomorrow, so she'll carry him into town.

***

I'm about to blow out this candle and go to sleep. I decided to do a last minute recap of the recent events. Writing it down might help plan a course of action.

I bought a mystery box off the deep web. It had everything I needed to teleport to Equestria and document my time here. None of the ponies here knew what a human was when I arrived. The only exception being Lyra. Yet she knows nothing about how I got here. Twilight sees me as a scientific discovery to contain and document. Spike's not a threat anymore thanks to a zebra's potion. I know I can trust Zecora. While those I run from wants to cage me, she wants me to be free.

A part of me hopes that this is all just bad first impressions. Maybe Twilight is actually super nice. Maybe Lyra isn't so weird. Okay she's probably still weird. I know Zecora was strange at first, but I warmed up to her quickly. Even Nurse Redheart liked me a little. I got her to cook new things. I hope she isn't mad about me leaving so suddenly.

I think tomorrow's plan is to try and figure out a way to keep Twilight off my back. I need some space between me and her if I have any hope of getting help that doesn't want me in a cage. I have to hope that Zecora keeps her emotions under control when she drops off Spike. She had the same look in her eye my mom did when I told her a teacher smacked me in front of the class. She admitted to feeling guilty earlier because of getting Twilight involved. She wanted to take responsibility. I can't blame her.

Author's Note

I wasn't expecting this entry to be so long. I guess the main plan right now is to build on the Twilight/Zecora conflict. I have a vague idea of a "villain" or something. This series is still my "do whatever without planning" series because it's a great stress reliever from the stories I normally write where I plan every detail possible.

Day 4

Zecora woke me up. Sun wasn't even out yet. She needed my help with Spike. She already had her cloak on. Got out of bed and carefully lifted him up. Once I put him on her back, he insticntively grabbed onto her sides. Probably not his first time like this. I hobbled over to the door to open it for her. She told me where the food was, and that she would be back soon. I reminded her to try not and let her emotions get the better of her. She said take care, and made her way into the forest. I was more tired than hungry, so I'm going back to bed.

***

Saw the strange dark blue pony again. I was dreaming about home when she appeared. We actually had time to talk for once. Turns out she's a princess. Princess Luna to be precise. The Princess Celestia I've heard about is her sister. She said she has the ability to appear in the dreams of others. She didn't freak out at the sight of me. A nice change from my previous encounters. She had seen humans before apparently. Lyra dreams about them. Figured it would be a good idea to fill her in on Twilight's plan to put me in a cage and bring me to Celestia for study. She detested the idea of a sentient creature in a cage and said she would speak to her sister. That's a relief. I got a princess on my side now. I thanked her for any help she could give. She hoped we would meet soon. I woke up feeling a lot calmer.

Sun's up. Ate an apple for breakfast. These apples are amazing. Better than anything I can get back home. Whoever grows them really knows their stuff. Not the most filling breakfast though. I miss the hospital food already. Probably the first time someone's ever said that.

***

As I sit here in bed, I can't help but think about Zecora. I hope she's okay. I know she wasn't happy about her trust in the unicorn being betrayed. I wouldn't be in a good mood either if I was in her position. I'm only bothered because Twilight was so quick to dismiss my autonomy. For the sake of science. It made me question what else she would disregard for science. Maybe it's my paranoia, but I just can't trust a pony like that now. I know I can trust Zecora. Perhaps in the future she won't be the only four-legged creature I can trust.

***

Zecora's finally back. Good. I was getting bored out of my mind. I asked her how things went. She had no smile on her face. She shook her head. Despite my attempts, her emotions led to a public outburst. According to her, she had dropped off Spike in front of the tree Twilight lives in. She was halfway through Ponyville when Twilight caught up to her. The unicorn had asked if she knew where I was. Apparently the nerdy nuisance wanted to ask more questions.

The zebra had her negative emotions brewing the whole walk it seemed. She had publicly exploded at Twilight. Right when other ponies were out and about. I admired the zebra for calling her out on betraying the trust she had in her. She shouted at her about how despicable it was to put a creature in a cage because it was alien. Twilight had fired back. Shouted about procedures for handling aliens. How I was a scientific marvel that needed to be contained. It seemed their shouting match had gathered an audience. Yet, that wasn't the worst part. A pony for the local newspaper was there. Apparently they had a fast turnover rate with stories, as Zecora had the newspaper with her.

Team Cage vs Team Freedom: The Battle For A Hoomin

It even had a picture of Twilight and Zecora staring each other down. It was a little bit impressive they got the story out so fast. Though most of the story seemed to be Twilight trying to make her point. There was a bit of my zebra friend making hers. The rest was speculation on what I looked like and if I was dangerous.

She felt horrible. She allowed herself to lose control of her emotions. I told her it wasn't too bad. She wanted to know how this wasn't bad. It was simple. Since the newspaper made this an "us vs them" situation, there would be ponies willing to help me. Folks always take sides. Despite her proclivity to privacy, this zebra was the face of "Team Freedom" now. I said that Twilight would no doubt be trying to use her position as the face of "Team Cage" to find me. We needed to take advantage of the situation and get some ponies to help us.

Zecora wondered if any ponies shared her view. Twilight was such a public figure that ponies all over the land knew. Meanwhile she was only known as the scary zebra that spoke in rhymes. She wasn't much of the public type. She doubted the ponies on our side would be able to match those Twilight would have on hers.

Our conversation has been cut short by a knock at the door. Zecora wasn't expecting anyone. She went to the door and I hobbled behind her. I had the cane behind me, ready to swing.

***

Good news! It wasn't Twilight or Team Cage ready to drag me off to who knows where. It was Lyra. Zecora was ready to slam the door, but the minty mare wanted to beg for my forgiveness. A roar from an unknown creature sent her scrambling inside anyways. We shrugged our shoulders. Zecora went to make tea while I went to talk to Lyra.

***

This is really good tea. Lyra's spent the past ten minutes at my feet apologizing for her selfish actions with no letup. Everything from staring at humans without their permission, to forcing scratchies out of me. Saying she didn't think about how I felt during all of it. After she finally stopped to breathe, I told her she was forgiven. She got up and hugged me. She said she was Team Freedom all the way now. That was good news. One less pony on Team Cage at least.

Now she was calmed down and sipping away at tea. Zecora didn't like the idea of her being here. Given today's and yesterday's events, I don't blame her for not trusting other ponies with my safety. Given Lyra's interest in humans was mostly akin to a hobby, I wasn't too worried.

Lyra asked what our plan was. Zecora said our goal was to keep me away from Twilight for now. Our new recruit said we should talk to Princess Celestia. I casually mentioned I had already talked to Princess Luna. They both stared at me in shock. I told them that I went back to bed after Zecora left, and she met me in my dream. She said she would speak to her sister about Twilight wanting to cage me. They were both excited, as that would be a huge help in our plan.

Speaking of which, we still needed to flesh it out. My growling stomach had other plans though. Unfortunately, my zebra friend had planned to stock up on food in town after dropping off Spike. She was too embarrassed to go back into Ponyville. Lyra immediately piped up. She volunteered to go into town and get some food. At least a couple days worth. She even decided to pay for it all herself. Her way of supporting Team Freedom she said. We had no arguments.

***

While we waited for Lyra to come back, we had a visitor. It was some journalist. Apparently they wondered if she knew where the "hoomin" was. I only just realized they don't know how to spell or pronounce the word "human". Oh well. Zecora told him no. They asked if advocating for my freedom was the best idea. She lectured him on not judging a book by its cover. A notion she understood well. She said that "Since the day he came to me, I have never seen him bring harm to another pony". She closed the door, and I closed the curtain of the bedside window. A good call since the journalist went there next. I think she handled it well.

***

Lyra should be back soon. Zecora and I have spent some time actually coming up with a plan. We need to get me to Canterlot Castle. Hopefully Princess Luna talked to her sister about my predicament. Though we very well can't just go to the local train station and get some tickets there. We don't know whose on Team Cage and whose Team Freedom. This division is starting to show its downsides. We were thinking of taking the earliest train.

I'm hoping Princess Celestia can help me find a way home. Zecora said if I really was trapped here forever, I was more than welcome to stay. It was a kind gesture. I'm not sure how viable that would be. There are only so many places to hide, and I can't run forever. Even with the crystal able to teleport me back into the forest, they'll figure that out eventually. I mentioned how nice it would be to know who made the crystal that brought me here.

I peeked out the window when I heard something. It's Lyra. She's back with food.

***

Lyra went the extra mile for me and got some eggs for breakfast. I thanked her for the kind gesture. I'm glad she's making an effort to accept the protein requirements of humans. She got a decent variety of fruits and veggies as well. Our zebra host immediately started cooking some of the veggies. Lyra split an apple with me while we waited.

I asked Lyra how things were going in Ponyville since this morning's events. Twilight's been in her home since the argument with Zecora. Apparently, she's pouring over every spell she can think of to track me down. Her five friends are on her side, waiting to move out when she finds me. Some ponies are taking sides. The only major concern Lyra had was when she got questioned by some random ponies for buying the eggs. I was initially concerned if she was followed, but she told me she was careful.

Almost lunchtime and this day has been pretty exciting.

***

For a plate of veggies, this zebra can cook. Maybe her offer of being a roommate wouldn't be so bad. At least if I wasn't being tracked down by a super nerd that wants to put me in a cage. As we ate, we filled Lyra in on the train plan. She said getting there first thing in the morning would be the best. We would have to leave before sunrise. That meant an early bedtime for all of us.

We would have to go not only through the Everfree Forest, we would have to walk through all of Ponyville. After that, we would have to get three train tickets. It was as good a plan as any. Lyra would meet us there. So far this was working out. Though saying that probably jinxed it.

***

My luck is beyond bad today. Did I break a mirror? Did I walk under a ladder?

We were just finishing up lunch. We heard the sound of something slam against the door, followed by the shout of "mail call". Zecora opened the door just a crack to see it was a mailman(mailpony?). She went by the name Derpy. Lyra and I had to stifle a chuckle. She had been watching humans long enough to know why.

It was a letter. Zecora didn't look happy. I looked at the letter. It was from Twilight. Describing it won't translate how screwed we are, so I'll copy the message in my journal. Lyra translated it for me.

Dear Zecora

I am sorry it has come to this. I didn't mean for this human to thrust you into the spotlight. I know you prefer the quiet life in the forest. Though it seems this alien has brought out a new side of you. I wonder if it's from being so close to him, or relating to the notion feeling like an alien yourself sometimes. If you have him, I know asking you to hoof him over is a fruitless endeavor. It's clear you want him to be free. I want that too, but I want to understand this creature first. I'm sorry it's come to this. I've put up a bounty of five hundred bits for the capture of the human. I won't announce it until tomorrow morning. Perhaps one day you can forgive me for going this far.

Sincerely,
Twilight.

P.S.
Thank you for bringing Spike back. His memory seems fuzzy, but I'm glad he's okay.

***

So the entire plan just went out the window. I can't risk showing my face if other ponies are gonna be hunting me down for a reward. I don't know the currency conversion, but it seems like five hundred is a LOT. What if word of the bounty gets to Canterlot? This wasn't good. Out of desperation, I asked Zecora if she had any potions that could help. She had to rub her hoof on her chin to think about it for a bit. It was a hard maybe.

I asked Lyra for her thoughts. She had nothing. This bounty just screwed up everything.

***

We came to a decision. We're gonna take a chance and stick with the original plan of taking the train super early. We've spent an hour or so planning our route through Ponyville and Canterlot. We're trying to plan for any ponies that might start hunting for the bounty. Though Zecora's been working on a Plan B of sorts. She won't say what. She's been mixing stuff together for a few hours. Testing stuff over and over. I asked Lyra to go home. She wanted to stay, but it was for the best. Others might get suspicious if she's gone too long. If ponies ask her, she'll say she was having tea with Zecora.

***

I've passed the time helping Zecora. She tried to argue against it. I told her I wasn't gonna be cooped up in that bed all day. I've been grabbing things off the high shelves. I asked if she was planning to share what Plan B was going to be. She said it was rather desperate, so it was better I didn't know. Fair enough.

She took a break. It was about dinnertime anyways. Now I'm getting nudged back to bed. If I was six foot, they wouldn't be able to get away with this so much. Sometimes I hate being short. The dinner makes up for it.

***

Not a fun way to end the day. At sunrise tomorrow, there's a bounty for my capture. By that time, we will hopefully be on a train to see the ruler of these lands. Maybe she can call off Twilight or send me home. Preferably both.

Day 5

Well this sucks. We both overslept. I feel like such an idiot. The only reason we woke up is because Lyra came by when she was the only one at the train station. None of us knew what to say. Our only window of opportunity was gone. Twilight had made the announcement by now. Now there were ponies combing over Ponyville for me. We had some time, as most ponies feared the forest. Though the money would tempt some to eventually face their fears. This house would no doubt be their first destination. Zecora said it's time for Plan B. I have the potion in hand. Not a clue in the world what this does. She says I have to pour it on myself.

Man I wish I didn't sleep in.

***

This is weird. So I don't feel different. I don't look different. I have a lot of smoke around me. I think it's coming out of me. Zecora has me looking in a mirror. The smoke will make me look invisible. As long as nobody(nopony?) looked through the smoke or the smoke is blown away. The smoke is only visible to me it seems.

So this is why Plan B was for desperate measures. All it's gonna take is a pony who doesn't understand personal space or a really strong breeze. A bit of a thread our plan's hanging on.

***

Alright we're just getting out of the forest. We're all super nervous. I told them our actual backup plan was the crystal. I could teleport us back to the forest if things went south.

Ponies are approaching. A small group of stallions. They seem to be the first walking in. Apparently there were some pegasi already flying above. Great. Flying ponies. We passed without incident. I should be slow with my writing. No telling how sharp their hearing is.

***

It is insane how many ponies are out and about. Searching every nook and cranny. Lyra says she's never seen so many ponies around here. That's not encouraging. Walking between my cohorts at the moment. If Lyra or Zecora start getting interrogated, things could go south fast.

Another pony walked up. She went by the name Bon Bon. She was Lyra's friend/roommate. Turns out a good number of ponies were at their house asking for Equestria's human expert. A lot of them figured the pony who's into humans would know where one would hide. Lyra tried to end the conversation by saying she and Zecora were heading to Canterlot until this all blew over. Not a good idea apparently.

The rich elite of Canterlot had put up bounties of their own for my capture. They didn't know what I was. They just knew that an alien would make for a good pet. At least that's the reasoning Bon Bon heard. Now the number of ponies hunting me down got even bigger.

***

Zecora said we were halfway to the train station. She says this just as the cause of my troubles walks up. It took a lot of restraint to not smack Twilight with my cane. I had to stay concealed. Lyra and Zecora were plenty mad for me though. They both glared at her intensely. I want to say something, but it would ruin the plan entirely. I have to let these three argue it out themselves.

Lyra asked her if she was happy with what she did. She had the whole town going crazy over this bounty on me. Even the Canterlot elite put up their own bounties in hopes of getting me for themselves as en exotic pet. Twilight had the gall to say that none of this would've happened if the two of them had taken me at the hospital when they had the chance. Lyra said that I deserve to be free, not captured and studied. This mare even offered her mirror she used to observe Earth to call off this bounty. Wow.

Twilight said it was too late. Even if she rescinded her bounty on me, the elite still had theirs. She wanted to study me, they wanted an alien pet. They didn't even know what I was. She said I would be safer with her compared to those in Canterlot. She looked over to Zecora. Twilight told her that if she really wants what's best for me, she would hoof me over. My zebra friend had such a sick comeback. She said and I quote: "You claim to know what's best for the hoomin, yet you caused all the trouble he's in."

Twilight didn't say a word as we walked away. How I wish I could high five Zecora right now.

***

A lot of ponies kept interrupting our walk to the train station. Some would ask Lyra for her help in exchange for a cut of the bounty. They asked everything about me. From my eating habits so they could make traps, to possible places I would hide. She told them all I was a meat-eater in hopes to scare them. A couple of mares had the brilliant idea of using themselves as bait, and went home to get the ingredients to make themselves taste good. Gotta admire their tenacity.

Zecora wasn't free from the interruptions either. They weren't as nice as they were with Lyra. They would accuse her of harboring me. They would demand to know where she was hiding me. Luckily for her, my former prediction was right. Members of Team Freedom would show up and keep the harassers busy enough for us to slip away.

A close call came up when we bumped into this mare. She was with her big brother, little sister, and their dog. The mare even had a cool cowboy hat on and had a southern accent. Her name was Applejack. She said she wasn't waiting for Twilight's help because her family needed the money for the farm. She must be one of the friends I was told about. That yappy little dog would not stop sniffing and barking at me. Lyra was quick to say that she and Zecora had my smell all over them since they saw me last before I up and disappeared. Despite a questioning stare, the group bought it. The group made their way towards the spooky forest.

Not even lunchtime and this day is seriously stressful. Hoping we can all relax on the train.

***

I tried to ignore the slight bit of pain I was feeling in my left foot from all that walking I just did. Now that we're on the train, I could finally sit down. With every pony combing through Ponyville for me, we had the whole train car to ourselves. Zecora sat across from me. Lyra sat next to me. A part of me is hoping that this whole fiasco will have a happy ending. The princess in charge would call off all bounties. Twilight would have to apologize to me. I get sent home to my sorely missed bungalow. I'm gonna catch some shuteye. I'll let them know.

***

Got woken up by Lyra. We were almost there. It looked real fancy through the window. I could make out the castle. The walk didn't look too far. A five minute walk past some official looking buildings. The train station was in the distance. The plan was to walk just like back in Ponyville. Lyra on my left, Zecora on my right.

Not gonna say that things are looking up. That's when bad stuff happens. No need to jinx myself. I will say one thing. It's about lunchtime because I am hungry.

***

Zecora really needs to plan her potions better. It turns out invisibility potions are canceled out by apple cider. Not the apple I was eating, oh no. APPLE CIDER! At least we were close to an alleyway when it happened. We got lucky. I'm ducked behind a trashcan while they panic. I wondered if making a run for the castle was viable.

The crystal's glowing again. Weird because it hasn't seen sunlight since I last used it. It's bright enough to see through my hoodie pocket. Maybe I should pull it out and see what it's doing.

***

I was close. I was so close. The castle was right there. This nightmare was almost over. It was all right in front of me. Then what happens?

Twilight Sparkle.

She somehow managed to not only track my crystal, but follow it. She appeared right in front of me, and now I'm inside a bubble. Lyra and Zecora are here too. This bubble is really crowded. There's four other ponies with Twilight.

A yellow one is congratulating her. She hides behind the nerd when she looks at me. She actually said "please don't eat me". The least the purple nuisance could've done is explain what an omnivore was.

There's a blue one. A pegasus. She says I don't look so tough. She even mocks me for the cane. If I get out of this bubble, she's getting whacked with it for sure.

The white one comments on how filthy I look. It only just dawned on me I haven't showered in five days. So one of them is right on something.

There's a pink one. Though all she's doing is bouncing around like my little cousin did when I gave him coffee. She said something about throwing me a party.

I don't think I ever heard anyone ever yell angrily and rhyme at the same time. Zecora had me both impressed and intimidated. The zebra was going off on Twilight. Her obsession with me. Her inability to take no for an answer. Her refusal to put morals over science. Never have I listened to such a poem of fury. I wish I could've written it down.

Lyra looked like she had some stuff she wanted to say too but didn't. You couldn't top a speech like that. I said something though. I asked her if all this was worth it. If causing all this chaos was worth it. If throwing the local populace into a human-hunting frenzy was worth the so-called science.

She was quiet. Her friends stared at her in shocked silence. Guess they didn't get the full story. Maybe I can use this. They may be her friends, but I think a good sob story will do the trick.

I had asked the yellow pony if she knew how horrible Twilight had treated me the past few days. She immediately defended her friend. Claimed that Twilight would never do anything bad to another creature. Too perfect of an opening. I told her friends how uncaring she was when I initially broke my foot. How she cared more about studying me than taking me to the hospital. How she plotted to kidnap me from the hospital in my condition. I told them how she's the reason I'm still walking on a broken foot.

The plan worked perfectly. Now the five of them are arguing. I intentionally left out Lyra's involvement. She actually recognized the line she crossed and apologized. A lesson Twilight still needed to learn.

I admit that planning ahead is not my forté. The four friends argued enough to distract Twilight. The three of us dropped out of the bubble. Now we were making a mad dash for the castle. It didn't take long for them to realize I was gone. Twilight was hot on our tail. I needed to do something before she had a chance to capture me again. Not sure what the range on her magic was. Writing and running is not a good idea. Plan B time.

***

A part of me wants to fill this page with every swear word I know. Maybe make up a few new ones. Right when I threw the crystal, Twilight blasted it with her magic. I don't know where I am. The crystal was supposed to take me to the forest. This is nowhere remotely close to a forest.

All that running and walking has my foot hurting. I'll take a seat at that cave entrance. It's pretty sunny out. Once I recover, I'll try to come up with a new plan. I hear some (hopefully small) bugs buzzing in the cave. I hope they leave me alone.

***

Not small! Not small!

***

Got captured. Apparently I'm an intruder. Two bug-pony things levitating me in a green bubble right now. I didn't think magic could look gross. Not a huge fan of bugs. The all black motif with blue eyes is cool though. Looks like I'm going to a castle. Meeting their queen. I swear Twilight mentioned a queen somewhere in that spiel she gave me on Equestria's history. Can't remember the name for the life of me.

They're commenting on my appearance and smell. Are bipedal creatures really that rare here? Is my stink really that bad?

***

Well that was a strange sequence of events.

I get dropped in front of the queen. Queen Chrysalis. The fangs were a bit frightening. I get called a spy. Threatened with eternity in prison. Told them the only reason I was here was "that nutcase of a purple unicorn caused this, like all my other problems". Changed the queen's mood real quick. Turns out, she hates Twilight too. While it's for thwarting her plans of ruling Equestria, I'll take help where I get it.

Looks like an enemy of Twilight is a friend of hers. I explained my situation to Queen Chrysalis. I left out the crystal. An artifact with the ability to teleport seemingly anywhere in her hooves is not the best idea. I asked if I could spend the night to get away from the purple nuisance hunting me. She obliged, and even offered a hot bath for me to clean up in. For an evil ruler bent on taking over an entire country, she seems nice. At least to me. Maybe it's just my hate for Twilight making me relatable.

***

That was such a good bath. Everything other than my left foot got a nice long soak. I actually nodded off for a bit in the bath. Didn't know I would miss sitting in hot water that much.

Clothes are gone. Not good. At least I got a towel. They left the contents of my pockets on a table by the door. It's all there. Even the crystal. Not sure if it's luck, or their lack of knowledge. Not gonna question it. There's a guard posted outside the bathroom. Maybe he'll know where my clothes went.

They're getting cleaned up. Chrysalis must really hate Twilight if she's being nice to someone just because they hate her too. I'm not her biggest fan either right now. All we share right now is a dislike for a purple pony. I'll have to find something else that'll make me worth keeping around. Revealing the crystal is out of the question. Scratchies? It worked on the ponies. Though these bugs don't have fur. Hard outer shells. Hmm.

***

Clothes are back. A few holes from being carried in their teeth. No complaints. They even wiped the dirt off my shoes. Nice. They're escorting me back to the queen. She had her subjects get some food for me. At the risk of jinxing myself again, I hope the queen isn't being nice to eat my soul or something.

***

Food was good. A few fruits and veggies snagged from a village not too far. It's the only full meal I've had today. The food reminds me of the hospital. I started to reminisce about Lyra's nonstop desire for scratchies as I ate. Chrysalis asked what scratchies were. I told her they worked best on creatures with fur, not shells. I got a few bites in before a flash of green caught my eye. Now I remember! Twilight said these were changelings. Shapeshifters. The queen looked different. She was light pink. Her hair was bits of purple, yellow, and pink. Seems this was the first form with fur she could think of. Better polish off this dinner. I know what happens next.

***

That was a long two hours. Going for the 'golden scratch spot' yielded the result I expected. She melted just like Lyra did. Her head was in my lap the whole time. The guards in the throne room just kinda stared. She dismissed them after the first few minutes. While the previous receivers of my scratching skills enjoyed it, she was borderline euphoric.

So my stay here in the spooky castle is guaranteed if need be. She changed back to her old self and now we're sharing a bed. She initially planned to lie about a lack of guest beds, but she admitted to wanting scratchies first thing in the morning.

She's cuddling up to me in that pink pony form again. She wants more scratchies before sleeping, so I'll have to call it a day for writing.

Author's Note

This chapter had me stumped for a minute. Wanted to have a rough idea of where I wanted the story to go before I moved onto the next day. With this Chrysalis bit, I feel I have a path the story can go on. Still no clue on who's behind the crystal. Making it up as I go with that part.

Day 6

Had another dream meeting with Princess Luna. She was concerned about my well-being. I told her where I was, which made her panic a little bit. I reassured her I was fine. Queen Chrysalis and I are getting along great. A statement that surprised her. The queen had a bit of a mean streak it seemed. The princess asked when I would be leaving. I admitted I desired to stay for a little while. Chrysalis wasn't the pony that wanted to put me in a cage, Twilight was. Until the bounties were called off, I was staying with the changelings. I ended the dream there.

***

Now that I think about it, I figured out why Chrysalis had the reaction she did to the scratchies. Twilight had said changelings feed off of emotions. Love is their primary source. I wonder if the affection from scratchies is a close second for them. If so, living here just got a whole lot better. My fingers are gonna be so sore later though.

The queen is waking up. She'll want those morning scratchies I promised. It's her breakfast after all.

***

I casually mentioned my theory to a fuzzy Chrysalis. She was in that pink pony form again. Turns out I was right on the money. She had been starved of emotional sustenance for awhile. That explains the long session yesterday. Told her I was glad to help out any way I could. She asked if I was willing to "feed" her subjects. I agreed to it if I could get some breakfast first. She barked an order to a guard. Fruits and veggies again I bet. I miss my fish and eggs.

I got curious about this form she uses for scratchies(I keep writing that without thinking. Lyra really rubbed off on me.) and asked about it. She said it was her niece, Princess Cadence. Cool. Chrysalis commented that "with hands like yours, no wonder that purple nuisance wants to capture you". I wish it was just that. I just wanted to go home, Twilight wanted a science project. While the queen couldn't send me back to Earth, at least she wasn't talking about putting me in a cage and studying me.

Food's here. Time to break for breakfast.

***

I seriously underestimated how many changelings live here. The line has gone out the castle from what I've heard. Only a few get back into line at least. Most just get sleepy and leave to nap. I guess they can get full and tired off of emotions. Now if only Chrysalis would get full. I find myself scratching her between writing sentences.

***

That took so long. Fingers sore. Lost count how many scratched. Pot of cold water coming.

***

Good news. My hands feel so much better after sitting in some cold water. I can write coherent sentences too.

Bad news. Queen Chrysalis wants me to do this daily. This would be my job. The Royal Scratcher. Not the fanciest title. On one hand, no Twilight. On the other, an eternity of scratching changelings. Even as an old man. Bit off more than I can chew here.

Crystal Time? Crystal time.

***

Lucky me most of them are too tired to notice me slip out. I guess all that affection filled them up. I just need to get outside to charge this crystal. Walking quietly is almost impossible with a cane. One of the guards walked up behind me right when I got outside. Scared me half to death. I told him the others were napping. Poor bug drew the short straw and had to stay on patrol while the others enjoyed scratchies. Now I feel bad. Stupid guilty conscience.

I'm under a tree with him. He took the form of that blue pegasus from the other day. Giving him scratchies while the crystal is off to the side charging. His face was like a dog when they want to be petted. Those big blue bug eyes were too much. I decided to give him some scratchies, then crystal out of here. There is a part of me that feels guilty for leaving. I AM their source of "food" right now. A mental image of being forced to give scratchies for all eternity reminded me of why I'm leaving. Soon as this bug gets his fill, I'm gone.

Hoping I end up somewhere ponies won't want to use me for their own benefit.

***

That was a close one. Chrysalis figured out I was trying to escape. It was a bit of a close call. Like, really close. That might be a bit of her hair on my face. That's gross. At least she's gone. Now to figure out where the crystal sent me now. Looks familiar. I might be back in Ponyville. At least the outskirts. I think I see a barn in the distance. Possible apple trees.

Feels familiar. Can't put my finger on why.

***

It must be lunchtime. I am starving. These apples are on another level. It is unreal how good these are. I couldn't help myself and ate two. I hope the owners won't notice. I see a house by the barn. Whoever's in there, they're eating lunch it seems. Gives me some time to figure out where exactly in Ponyville I am. Can plan my path back to Zecora's place at least.

I think the owners are coming out. Better hide. Wait. They look familiar.

It's Applejack and her big brother. I forgot they had a farm! They're coming!

***

They can run fast. I had no time to hobble anywhere when they saw me. Had the red stallion behind me, and Applejack in front of me. Obligatory "nowhere ta run" from her. My cane wouldn't be able to take them both on. The crystal needed a recharge, and they were too close to even use it. In that moment, I knew one of two things would happen. One, I would get handed over to Twilight, thrown in a cage, and studied for the rest of my life. Two, some rich pony would treat me like an exotic pet. No going home. Trapped here forever against my will.

In the moment, it was a bit much to handle. I found myself crying. Wasn't bawling my eyes out by any measure, but still. It made Applejack feel bad. Told them I was tired. Tired of walking around on a broken foot. Tired of being hunted down by Twilight and every other pony I met. Tired of running. I just wanted to go home. Guess that hit a few heartstrings. They're taking me inside their house. Her brother Big mac decided to carry me on his back. I learned to not protest when these ponies want to help.

***

They made me sit in a nice chair. Applejacks little sister brought over a stool to prop up my leg. She introduced herself as Applebloom before getting back to her chores. Big Mac went back outside. That left the orange mare. She started by apologizing for taking part in the whole "hunting me down for money" thing. I forgave her. I told her about the invisibility thing and how the dog almost found me, which got a good laugh out of her. She asked if there was anything else I needed before she left to pick apples. Asked her if she could let Lyra and Zecora know I was okay. Those two were probably worried sick. Also requested a glass of water.

***

I should've seen it coming. Lyra and Zecora got to the Apple family farm not that long ago. According to Applejack, Lyra bolted into Everfree Forest to tell Zecora the news. Soon as my two friends got here, they would not leave my side. Zecora spoke about how worried she was about me. She also rhymed how happy she was now. Lyra filled me in on the short time I was gone.

The two of them did talk to Princess Celestia. She can't order any bounties to be cancelled due to some old bounty law they have in place. That sucks. Rather than change the law, she put up the biggest bounty. Fifty thousand bits. Twice that of the top bounty(which was made by some pony unironically named Filthy Rich). Her bounty specified I was to be unharmed when brought in. Not the worst news. The princess and Twilight had a chat. She got a long lecture on how to properly handle an alien encounter. She also has an apology letter written for me.

They asked what happened to me after I used the crystal. I told them about the encounter with Queen Chrysalis. Both of them were shocked. I explained how she and I got along well initially. Another shocking statement. My distaste for Twilight coupled with the "golden scratch spot" gave me decent hospitality. It turns out that the affection from scratching was enough to feed them.

Lyra asked what I wanted to do next. I wanted this stupid bounty thing to be over, so going to Princess Celestia was our best bet. The morning train idea was still good(if we don't oversleep again). I saw Applejack outside through the window. I told Lyra that the Apple family was gonna claim Celestia's bounty. They need the money, and we need the muscle. Safe bet that fifty thousand bits is no small amount. Lot of ponies might try something desperate last second. With Applejack and Big Mac doubling as bodyguards, our concerns would go down to nearly zero. Plus, they would get all the money. It was a win-win situation.

Lyra and I talked the plan over with Applejack, who was down for it. She said Mac would go along as well. Applebloom overheard the conversation and wanted to go to, but big sis said no. Things could get rough, so it was understandable.

I noticed Zecora was quiet. While the others talked over plans for tomorrow, I asked her if she was okay. She admitted that the short time I was here was the most excitement she had in forever. She was glad my chance to go to my home world was approaching. Though she speaks of how she'll miss me when I'm gone. I pulled her close and whispered that if I can get this crystal under control before I leave, I'll visit more in secret.

***

Almost suppertime. The day has been boring. An aspect I do not mind. Zecora and Lyra went home. At least after I convinced them I was safe here. They both promised to be here first thing in the morning.

Applejack brought me a plate. Told her I didn't mind getting up and sitting at the table. She pretty much said no. Oh well. Food looks great. Baked squash and zucchini. Side of applesauce. So hungry.

***

There's a knock at the door. They're not expecting guests. Feeling uneasy.

***

It's Twilight. Of course it's Twilight. Soon as she tracked the crystal, she had to show her purple face. I wanted to say a lot of things, but there was a child present. With the bounty on the line, Applejack was adamant on not letting her near me. We were at opposite ends of the room. She only came by to drop off the apology letter. It was rewritten a hundred and seven times according to her. Applejack took the letter, and Twilight left. The orange mare said the two of them would have a chat to work things out later. I had a letter to read. Gonna copy it down here for future reference.

Dear John Smith,

When Zecora told me she had an injured alien at her house, I was as excited as the time Spike said his first words. Never in my life did I have the chance to speak to an alien from another world. I will admit my initial curiosity overtook my common sense. Having to be convinced and reminded that your health was a priority was not okay. Plotting to abduct you from a hospital while you were recovering from an injury was a horrible thing to do. The bounty situation crossed a line. I am so sorry for everything. I want to write it a hundred times. I hope you will forgive me one day. Maybe there will come a time where you and I can be good friends. Hopefully as close as you are with Zecora and Lyra.

Signed,
Twilight Sparkle

Now I feel bad. Right before bedtime too. After this bounty business is over, I guess I can forgive her.

Curse you good conscience!

Day 7

Author's Note

Wrote myself into a corner last chapter. Hoping to fix it in this one.

Also, I hope the longer chapter makes up for the hiatus.

Day 7

Having a hot breakfast waved in front of your nose is a great way to wake up. They even got scrambled eggs! Can't write too much. So hungry.

***

Applejack was surprised I finished off the plate that fast. It was a big meal. She got a good laugh when I told her this cooking would've lured me in good back when she was hunting me. Her grandma cooks like this all the time. All the time! My own granny can't cook this good. The meal certainly made up for the crick in my neck from sleeping in a chair.

Saw Princess Luna in my dreams last night. Gave her an update. Told her about the Apple family claiming her sister's bounty. Said she looked forward to meeting me. She also mentioned to be careful of desperate ponies, as some have been dreaming about how rich they would be when they capture me.

Applejack was gonna head out to get Lyra and Zecora. They're already here. Turns out the two had a little sleepover at Lyra's place so they could get here early. Glad they're here. I was snuggled on sight. I don't mind. This week has been stressful.

***

Welp. I hate Twilight again. I had shown the letter she wrote to Lyra. She checked it with her magic. Me suddenly forgiving Twilight for making this the worst week of my life was a huge red flag to Lyra.

Now I find out it was enchanted. The letter was freaking enchanted. We weren't sure what it was specifically. This is infuriating. Rather than actually try to apologize, she thinks she can use magic to cheat her way into my good graces.

I just can't right now.

***

After a bit of a magical once over from Lyra, I wondered if I should take a bath or something. I was going to be meeting a princess today. A sniff and a "pee-yew" from Applebloom sealed the deal. I was lead to a bathtub. My left foot was propped up. Despite all of them offering, I insisted on bathing myself. Not totally helpless.

A rough start to the morning. I'm just gonna relax in this water for a minute and not think.

***

Clothes are back on and I'm ready to go. Lyra, Zecora, Applejack and Big Mac were going over the plan while I was bathing. It's gonna be a bodyguard setup. Two in the front, two in the back. My friends would be in the front to handle any ponies walking up. The farmers would be at the back of me, heads on a swivel. Any ponies trying to nab me would have to answer to these four. One with magic, one with the reputation of being scary, and two farmers that seemed to be pretty tough. Yeah I feel safe. I wonder if the president feels like this.

Applebloom still wanted to go. Bless her little heart. If she's anything like my cousin from down south, she'll still follow after being told no. Seems Applejack knew this and told granny to watch her. A part of me hopes she's just being an overprotective sister. Though the desperation I saw a couple days ago said otherwise.

I hope things aren't gonna get violent. We just have to get from one end of Ponyville to the other. Then it's a train ride up a mountain. After that, it's a walk to a castle. Just like last time. Though I have no invisibility potion this time. Hopefully no Twilight capturing me either. Bodyguards are a nice change.

***

So the sun was already up as we were leaving the farm. A few ponies were already milling about. Some were still very dedicated to the bounties on me. According to Applejack, most of the hunters left were either desperate for the bits, or hired by a pony from Canterlot. Rich folk that want something with little understanding of why it's important. I guess greed is universal.

Our first encounter wasn't too bad. It was that yellow pegasus that was with Twilight a few days ago. Her name's Fluttershy. She was less scared of me when I told her I didn't eat ponies. She didn't mind the fish and eggs I've been eating. Turns out she catches fish for a bear she's friends with. Cool. She had to run some errands, so our conversation was short. She was nice.

The second encounter was less fun. A group of four stallions saw me and ran my way. Luckily, none of them were unicorns. One was levitated, and the other three were scared off by my two new bodyguards. You'd only have the occasional pony charge with a giant net after that. The addition of two tough apple farmers really helped with these ponies.

One pony from the local paper snapped a picture of me before rattling off questions to us. Do I eat ponies? What bounty is the group claiming on me? There was more stuff, but Zecora threatened to turn him into a frog if he didn't leave. None of us know if she can actually do that. Not a bluff worth calling.

Ponies that had given up on the bounty or not interested in the first place were staring at me. Some said I don't look all that scary. Some wondered if I really ate meat. I didn't mind the staring. At least things weren't as bad as I initially thought they would be. A lot less ponies attacking me.

I jokingly told Lyra that it's a good thing these other ponies don't know about scratchies. She agreed they would be all over me if they did. Zecora asked what that was. Applejack had heard it from Twilight once, but wasn't too sure on it. I explained it. Big Mac got a chuckle out of his sister's face going bright red. My zebra friend went equally red in the face. I told them when things were less stressful, I would give them both some. I didn't hear them say no.

***

As Lyra gets the tickets, I think about something. Getting to the train Twilight-free was an enjoyable change of pace. I'm still upset about her enchanting the letter to trick me into forgiving her. According to Applejack, she has a history of trying to magic her way out of all her problems. Surprised she hasn't shown her face. Zecora shared the same thought. Either way, I'm glad my goal is in sight. This has been the most stressful week of my life. Princess Celestia is (hopefully) gonna make all my problems go away.

We have some good seats. A few ponies eye me down. Though two certain apple farmers scare them off with harsh stares. Big Mac and Lyra are across from me. I'm sat between Applejack and Zecora. They're both staring at my hands while their cheeks are a shade of red. I did promise them scratchies. Lyra's look says it all. She knows what's about to happen.

***

It lasted the entire train ride. The 'golden scratch spot' is scary powerful on ponies. The 'tough as can be' Applejack would not stop nuzzling me as I scratched. Zecora was barely rhyming whenever she spoke. Big Mac had to remind his sister about the bounty as we exited the train. I had a laugh when she almost reconsidered keeping me around instead. All Zecora said was something to Lyra. It was along the lines of "After receiving such a scratch, I understand why by his side you would latch."

Applejack brought up how she felt bad for Spike. I asked why, but was cut off. Some fancy looking stallion walked up with his entourage. Blue hair and a tiny blue mustache. His name was actually Fancy Pants. According to Lyra, he had put up the third highest bounty on me. Fifteen thousand bits. One of his entourage was carrying a massive sack. He told both Applejack and Big Mac that the bits were theirs right now if they hoofed me over. I was nervous for a moment before she laughed. I brought up that she was going to claim Princess Celestia's bounty on me. Couldn't help myself. Said that his offer was as small as his mustache. That got some quiet chuckles from his own entourage.

***

The castle is finally in sight. We had to deal with a few more rich ponies making last second offers. I saw one of them with a freaking collar ready for me. Do I look like a dog? A couple days ago I would've looked as dirty as one, but still. I think one rich mare offered five thousand bits and a butler. Seriously?

Right before we got to the castle entrance, we had one more pony come up. Brown stallion with black hair slicked back. He gave off car salesman vibes. It was Filthy Rich. The stallion that put up twenty five thousand bits on me. Turns out he wanted me as an exotic pet for his daughter. Applejack was sticking with the princess' offer. He offered to pay sixty thousand bits. I'm glad these farmers have a sense of honor above all. The offer was rejected.

We left with his jaw dropped.

***

That was a lot of guards with pointy spears. They're not fans of alien creatures. At least the captain knew I was coming and had the soldiers stand down. Had to walk across this massive courtyard. The castle is massive though. Like insanely massive. It was a bit of a walk to get where the guards were leading us. Both princesses were waiting for us. The captain said his sister was waiting for me too. Lyra and Zecora looked angry at that statement. I wonder why.

Oh. That's why.

Twilight is the captain's sister.

***

Not the best first impression. Yelling at who I later learned was Princess Celestia's prized pupil. Furious for her trying to cheat her way into forgiveness rather than earn it. Luckily, the princess was on my side for that one. Celestia said she could dismiss Twilight from the castle if I wanted. I think the enchantment from the letter was still lingering. I felt bad for yelling at her in front of two princesses, her brother, and friends. Okay it might be a tinge genuine. I told the princess the nerd(didn't call her that out loud) could stay, but she was not forgiven. Most of this week's misery was her fault to begin with.

***

After my emotional outburst, some business had to be handled. Applejack walked up to the princess, bowed, and claimed the bounty on me. It was like music to my ears. The bits would be sent to the Apple Family Farm. I thanked Applejack and Big Mac for all their help. They said if I was sticking around, I was welcome at the farm anytime. Noted for more of Granny Smith's cooking.

Princess Celestia made me nervous for a moment when she told a pony to go and announce that the human had been captured and now belonged to her. She reassured me it was a formality, and to get the others to drop their bounties. A notion I am glad for. As we walk down the hall, I wondered if she read any of the things Twilight wrote about me while in the hospital. She keeps glancing at my hands. The last ruler I gave scratchies didn't end real well. Though being a Royal Scratcher in this castle wouldn't suck as much.

Lyra and Zecora are chatting with Princess Luna. I'm being walked to a room where there's a seamstress who agreed to fashion me some new clothes. Hey it's that white pony with the purple hair that called me filthy. Rarity was her name. It's gonna be hard to write and get measured at the same time.

***

That was embarassing. My hoodie and shirt were yanked off. "Accurate measurements" Rarity said. Being in my underwear in front of a princess was enough to make my face red. Celestia took the crystal and said she would give it back after she had it analyzed. She left with a smirk. Was she checking me out? No way. Maybe I was seeing things.

Despite the fashionista's protests, I put my pants on. She didn't want me "wearing those unwashed things you call clothes". First of all, rude. Second, okay she's not wrong on the unwashed part. The last time they were cleaned was by the changelings. I wonder how Chrysalis was doing, besides being mad at me.

Rarity's had to redo the clothes a couple times. Never made bipedal clothes before and wanted them perfect. She was on attempt number three when I got a visitor in the room. It was Spike. He looked mad. I asked why.

Poor little guy. Ever since he got back from our trip in the forest, he was helping Twilight with research on scratchies. Basically, she's kept him on scratch duty for the past few days. So that explains why Applejack felt bad for him. I feel a little bad too. This whole "scratchies" mess is my own doing. Lyra gets some blame too though.

Rarity has some fast turnover. Clothes look fancier than my own. Way fancier. Pants look like they need a tuxedo to match. Shirt is a nice button-up. Looks more expensive than anything I own. Putting them on is incredible. It feels like I'm being hugged by a cloud. They're so soft! I told her she did an amazing job. I could never afford anything this nice. She said the clothes were free. She wanted to make up for a harsh first impression.

Before I left, she asked the question I knew a lot of ponies would ask. She asked about scratchies. I gave Spike the "help me out bro" stare. He gave me a wink. He told Rarity that he could show her what scratchies were. Given the smiles he had looking at her when he came in, I think the two of us are on good terms now.

***

Lyra and Zecora liked the new outfit. Old clothes are in a sack. Princess Celestia is off with Twilight going over the crystal. Not a fan of her being so close to my ticket home. If she's as smart as I've been told before, not many choices for getting the best results.

Now I get my chance to talk to Princess Luna. We're eye level, just like in my dreams. Wow that sounds creepy. She's happy to finally meet me in person. The feeling is mutual. Told her I'm glad the worst is behind me. She talked about how despite her concern for my safety, she couldn't help but be excited at my adventure. Told her I wrote it all down in my journal. She asked if she could read it. She will after I finish this part. I could use a writing break.

***

Right as I got the journal back, Princess Celestia was taking a break from the crystal. It was time for lunch. I was asked to join, along with Zecora and Lyra. Twilight wouldn't be joining, as she was still going over the crystal. I'm glad I get to have a meal with two princesses. Another first for me. Man this table looks fancy. Sitting by Princess Celestia is kinda cool. Now that I have a moment to take her in visually, I realize she's a bit taller than me. Kind of intimidating when every other pony has been my height or shorter.

Princess Luna was sat across from me. She mentioned how exciting of a read my journal was. Though it was sparse on details in some parts. I mentioned that a chunk of the writing was done in small spurts. Mostly detailing my thoughts rather than the world around me. She said I should consider getting copies made for publication. My adventure would make for an interesting story. Princess Celestia chimed in. Said that it would also serve as a way for them to understand Equestria from an alien's perspective. Definitely something to think about.

Wow this food looks good. I got a slab of tuna with garlic and onion on a huge bed of rice. Twilight told the princesses about my omnivore diet. So the princess did see the notes she took on me. Celestia had some fish caught and stored just for me to eat. She also has some eggs for me to eat at breakfast. Turns out I have a guestroom being set up for me. It beats the couch-hopping I've been doing. I admitted that I'll miss sleeping at Zecora's place. She was the first friend I made in this alien world. Despite a rough first meeting with Lyra, she was the second friend I made. She laughed when I said that some distance from me might help with her scratchies addiction.

I really need to stop saying the "S" word out loud. Princess Luna just read my journal where I mentioned the multitude of times I did it. Princess Celestia read Twilight's notes on it. I have two princesses staring at my hands as I finish my lunch. I tried to mention the effect it had on other ponies. Hoped the addiction aspect would change their minds. Nope. The royal sisters were arguing over who would go first as I finished my rice. "A condition for staying in the castle" they suddenly decided.

Me and my big mouth.

***

Not as bad as I expected. I chose who went first for them since the arguing had no ending in sight. Luna got to go first because she was the princess who met me first. She of course stuck her tongue out at her older sister as we left the table. Zecora and Lyra were chatting up a slightly grumpy Celestia as the dark blue princess walked me up to my guest room. Well, I sat on her back backwards as she walked me. She told me a healer was being summoned to fix up my foot. Awesome.

The guards walking with us went wide-eyed as I scratched away. She was really soft. My fingers really dug in. Went straight for the golden spot. I'd rather not describe the noises she made. Let's just say they were not ladylike in the slightest. Her wings twitched a few times. I think I heard a hoof hitting the floor a couple times. Have they never been scratched in this spot before? Then again, the only other creature with fingers I met was a dragon.

So the scratching continued after we got in my temporary room. The guards are waiting outside the door. She wanted to wait for the healer to get up here before leaving. I know the real reason. I hope the sibling rivalry doesn't get worse because of this. I'm sure it'll be fine.

***

The healer got here. Good. Gotta keep my fingers relaxed. Big sister is up next. Luna wasn't a fan of the scratching being over. Told her my fingers and I would be here until we could figure out the crystal. She jokingly said she would sabotage their efforts to keep me around. At least I think she was joking.

This healer is a unicorn mare, and she is very good at her job. I barely had time to mention that the original wrap job Nurse Redheart did. Foot was glowing and wraps were gone. Got up to walk on my left foot for the first time in a week. Feels so good. No more walking with a cane. I thanked the unicorn. She accepted my thanks, and left. I learned from Luna that she had a train to Manehattan that was waiting on her specifically. Explained her rush.

This bed is crazy soft. I'm gonna sleep as deep as the ocean on this thing. Almost tempted to take a nap. Princess Celestia's voice coming from the doorway shot that idea down. I watched as a now grumpy Luna walked to the door, and a certain big sister now sticking her tongue out this time. Coulda sworn Twilight told me these two were centuries old. They act childish towards each other. Maybe it's an immortal thing. That, or them just being sisters. Luna said she would certainly be back. She just didn't want to watch her sister receiving scratchies while she didn't.

Princess Celestia sat on the bed right next to me. She was happy to finally meet me, and was glad my foot is better. I was glad to not be running or hiding anymore. As I scratched her back, I asked how the crystal research was going. They know the crystal was very old. Belonged to some pony named Starswirl. As for how it got to Earth, she said that answer was probably lost to time. I wondered what the plan was for me and asked. Being a long-term guest until they can get me home seems to be the plan.

Princess Celestia asked if I was okay. I still looked worried I guess. I was distressed some rich pony still wanted a pet human, despite being claimed by their ruler. I was assured that as far as the public was concerned, I was hers. Not the biggest fan of belonging to a pony princess, but whatever keeps those weird rich ponies off my back. She also assured me that I was free to go where I please. I would have a guard walk with me of course. As soon as I had a way home, I could leave when I felt ready.

I shifted my scratching to the ever-loved golden spot. Her wings twitched just like her sister's. As she tilted her head back, she asked me to scratch deeper. In the off-chance this journal ends up as a published book, I'd rather not comment on how much effort I had to put into scratching the whole area above the base of her tail. I will say, I had to use all ten fingers. Nor will I comment on the noises she made that were heard through the castle. I will not speak on the guards bursting in when they heard "groans of a beast". Her highness was far too scratch satisfied to be embarrassed.

I asked if she needed anything else. There was a brief silence where she probably considered keeping me around. She said she had to go check on Twilight's progress. The guards left after she did.

***

I've done nothing for the past few hours. I love it. Zecora and Lyra had gone home awhile ago. The promised to come back tomorrow. Right now there was nothing to do. It's great. No ponies chasing me around. No bounties on me. For the first time, I'm happy to be bored.

***

Being summoned for dinner. Feels cool to be summoned for dinner. Table was sparse. The two princesses and me. I asked about Twilight. I know she was still in the castle. Celestia told me she's still doing research on the crystal. That was around lunch. It just became nighttime. I asked if she's taken any breaks. Nope. She refuses to do anything until she can figure out how to send me home. Going over every book on crystals and teleportation she can find.

The dedication won't make me forgive her, but I can respect the effort she's putting in to try.

Dinner was good. Tuna fillets. Desert was delicious too. Chocolate cake! Luna made a comment about it being a miracle that a cake survived the castle's cake bandit. Celestia shot a dirty look to her sister. I commented that whoever is snatching them, must be very stressed out. Nothing wrong with taking a few bites of cake to quell the nerves. The looks they kept giving each other made for a good laugh.

***

Couldn't sleep. The softest bed I'll ever experience. Can't sleep a wink. Still thinking about Twilight spending the entire afternoon trying to help with the crystal. Surely she had to have gone home to sleep. Why does the thought of her slaving away over hundreds of books refuse to let me sleep? Is it guilt? No. I'm mad at her. She made this week something that's ingrained into my mind forever.

I asked the night guard outside if Twilight was still here in the castle. He said yes. She never left. I asked him to take me to her. I'll see her, be reminded why I'm mad, then be able to sleep. Simple.

***

Wow. She's surrounded by walls of books. Scribbled notes everywhere. Spike's out cold on a pile of discarded paper. Twilight's barely keeping her head up reading two books at the same time. She's mumbling about using the crystal to draw a wormhole to tunnel back to Earth. She follows up to herself by telling herself that would be too unstable.

Not forgiving her, but she needs sleep. I tapped her on the back. She barely noticed as her head dips for a minute. This was painful to watch. I closed the books. I told her it's time for bed. She said no because she's close to helping John. She's so exhausted she didn't recognize me. I doubted she'd have the energy to walk. The guard was a unicorn. I asked if he could carry her up to my room if I carried Spike.

So now she's sleeping in my bed along with that dragon. I'm still a little mad, but I'm not a monster. She needed some sleep. She'll get rested, and she'll start again tomorrow.

I'm still mad though. I have no bed now.

***

Princess Luna came by my room when she sensed I wasn't sleeping. Told her what I did. She asked if I was still genuinely mad at Twilight. If I still felt rage towards her. I admitted that seeing her with all those books and notes was a sight. Especially that all of it was for helping me. Though enchanting the letter to make me forgive her destroyed any chance she had at forgiveness. While Luna didn't know Twilight as well as her sister did, she knows of Twilight's escapades. She sat with me in the hallway. She told me everything.

Every source of evil vanquished. Every feat she accomplished. Every friendship she made. She's more than just a nerd it seems. She's a young mare that wants to make a difference in the world. Sometimes, her quest for knowledge can give her tunnel vision. The idea of a cage wasn't to contain me for experiments. It was her trying to keep the outside world from hurting a creature she barely understood. The bounty wasn't her trying to get what she wanted when I ran away. It was a concerned pony that wanted an alien to be where she thought he would be safe from a scary new world. All this time, she was trying to help me.

In her weird, kinda twisted way.

***

Luna had to get up and leave as she had nightly duties. She offered me her room for the night. She had a guard escort me. The conversation the princess and I had was unexpected. I knew that Twilight was famous and respected by ponies all over. I never knew why. All I know now is that I jumped conclusions at the first sight of danger.

This doesn't mean she's forgiven. At least not in full. She made her choices. I still have a lot to think over. Her and I are gonna have to talk tomorrow.

Day 8

Author's Note

After a tough writer's block, I got this story done. Sorry for the long wait.

I will have an epilogue up soon. Actually soon. Writing the rough draft of it was how I broke my writer's block. I just gotta fluff it up a bit. Should be up tomorrow-ish.

Day 8

Guard woke me up. It was time for breakfast. He also warned against sleeping in when using Princess Luna's bed. She has no qualms about sharing, and she cuddles with an iron grip. I jokingly asked if he spoke from experience. Told me about how it took four guards to pry him loose. I will heed his warning and take my morning bath now.

***

A very nice morning soak. Shoes got cleaned while I was sleeping too. Forgot they were white they were so dirty. This royal treatment is pretty nice. Walking around with a guard is pretty cool too.

Walked by my original guestroom. Asked the guard at the door if Twilight was up yet. She was still taking a bath. As I walk to the dining hall, I wondered if the guard told her who had her brought to a bed. Probably confused the heck out of her.

***

Wow. That's all I could say to breakfast. A pile of pancakes and scrambled eggs. The only plate bigger than mine was Princess Celestia's mountain of pancakes. I let it slip that food like this just might keep me around. Princess Luna said that my hands and I were more than welcome to stay. She also said her sister would be happy for me to stay if the noises she made yesterday were anything to go by. Which means others in the castle heard our scratching session. Red from embarrassment, Celestia told her sister that she made just as much noise. Luna argued that her sister was jealous that the human slept in her bed last night.

For once, I was happy to see Twilight. She and Spike walked in right as the royal sisters were staring down. They greeted her and changed the subject. Close one. They asked if she slept well. She said yes, but didn't remember going to bed. Luna shot me a "you tell her or I will" glance. I had already finished my plate. I had stood up and told her what I did when I checked on her last night. She asked why I gave up my bed. I told her she looked like she needed sleep. Other than thanking me, she was at a loss for words.

Time for a walk.

***

Feels great to walk around without a broken foot. Not missing the cane at all. My guard sounded hungry, so we're walking to the mess hall. He said he would've been fine, but I gave him an ultimatum. To get some food, or tell me his real name.

Twilight's history lesson mentioned the whole name thing with guards in passing. I guess it was useful after all.

***

While my guard was inside the mess hall eating, I was chatting with three guards outside. The one without wings had been in the castle yesterday when Princess Celestia got her scratchies. His cohorts wanted to hear about it from me. The two pegasi with him were doubled over laughing when I told them about the noises she made. I asked if this 'golden scratch spot' I found was new. Surely a pony had to have figured it out in the past. Nope. Not many creatures with fingers in Equestria. Twilight had begun writing a scientific paper on it after the hospital.

One of the pegasi started to ask something when my guard walked out. He told the other guards the answer was still no. They argued they weren't gonna force me. My guard told them "no scratchies on duty, Celestia's orders". As we walked away from disappointed guards, I asked mine if that was really a thing. Apparently, word spread around really fast after yesterday. I asked how fast. He gave me the morning's newspaper.

An Alien With Magical Fingers? The Regal Sisters Would Know!

Wow. Word really does spread fast in Equestria. According to the article, some guards retold my...sessions with both princesses yesterday. A few nobles in the article say now they wish they had me for my hands. Now I've gone from potential exotic pet, to exotic scratcher. Not sure how I feel about that. My guard mentions that a few other guards have tried to take his position. Whether through abusing their rank, or straight up begging the captain.

I knew the power of scratch was strong. I didn't think it would be this strong. I said that if I was stuck here forever, I should consider selling my services. The guard said I would be as rich as the ponies on this mountain in a week. That's if the royal sisters ever let me leave the castle grounds. Given how they both reacted after our sessions(that still sounds weird to say), he has a point. While they weren't as bad as Chrysalis would've been if I stayed with her, I need to heed the warning I gave myself early on.

Ponies can become addicted to scratchies!

***

Crossed paths with Princess Celestia. She was walking with some well-dressed mares talking about a trade deal. One young, one older. I greeted them as polite sounding as I could. One of the older mares with a French-ish accent was eyeing my hands. Said she had read about me in this morning's paper. She asked Celestia if my hands were as legendary as the newspapers were saying. I could see the question caught her off guard. I had to do something to stop the incoming awkward moment. I offered a quick demonstration to the older mare. Her eyes lit up when Celestia nodded. Her outfit had her back exposed, so easy access.

Don't know who this older French-sounding mare is. So I have no problems saying how hard her eyes were rolling back as I scratched. It only felt super awkward when she bit her lower lip. Celestia took advantage of the situation and asked for the current cost to be halved. If their French is the same as ours on Earth, pretty sure she moaned out a yes. An answer that made the younger mare's jaw drop. Finished off with a quick, deep scratch. The older mare thanked me. Also thanked Celestia for sharing my hands. They said their goodbyes, as they had a busy schedule. I got wink from the older mare, and a glare from the younger one as they walked away.

Apparently I just saved Equestria a lot of bits. Importing high-quality materials from Prance for making clothes is normally costly. Would've taken all day just to get where we got in a minute of scratchies. I guess I really can call them powerful now.

***

Almost bumped into Spike. He was getting Twilight a glass of water. He thanked me for yesterday. Started to walk with him. Gonna have to get this talk with Twilight done with anyways. Might as well do it early.

I took the glass and asked him to wait outside with the guard.

***

Not as rough as I thought it would've went. Gave her the water. Told her to take a break from research because we needed to talk. The look in her eye said she knew this was coming. I pulled up a chair and she turned to face me.

Told her my perspective first. How I came into this world by means we still don't understand, scared and alone. How I broke my foot, making myself vulnerable. When I met Zecora, she took me in. I was an alien, and all she wanted to do was help. She became a friend. She went to the only pony she knew could help, and that trust was abused in the name of science. How I spent a few days hiding from every pony I couldn't trust. How I had to stay hidden because of a bounty that spun so far out of control, Princess Celestia had to intervene. Told her how her desire to capture and study me was obsessive enough to drive me into the care of Queen Chrysalis for a short period.

The only reason anything changed was because Princess Luna gave me a Twilight Sparkle history lesson. Made me rethink some things. Her and I aren't becoming best friends anytime soon. I just wanted her to know that I somewhat understood her reasons, severely misguided as they were.

I asked her if she had anything to say. She started off by apologizing for a rough first meeting. She apologized for trying to put me in a cage. She apologized for the bounties and all the problems they caused. She said "sorry" about a dozen times when she apologized for the whole Queen Chrysalis thing.

She was shocked to hear that Chrysalis and I got along fine. It was only the whole "scratchies for all eternity" thing that was off putting. She asked how her and I got along. The queen was known for being mean. Told Twilight that our dislike for a certain purple nerd was strong. As for how I spent my time with the queen, I said she could draw her own conclusions.

I think she had some kind of epiphany, because her eyes went wide. She levitated a book out of the pile and flipped to a random page. She berated herself for not seeing it before. I asked what she was talking about. She looked at me with an excited smile. The crystal. It was a portaling crystal. As in draw the portal. She kept researching it as a throwing crystal. It also explained why blasting it with her magic sent me off to random places. I asked her what this meant.

It meant I could go home. Hearing that filled me with so much excitement, I pulled her in for a hug. Caught her by surprise. She's running off to tell Princess Celestia the good news.

Drawing a portal. Why didn't I think of that?

***

Twilight's buried herself in the archives again. Princess Celestia is having tea with more dignitaries. Princess Luna had to go see a woodworker in Ponyville. She said she would give Lyra and Zecora an update on my situation while she's there. I asked what the woodworker was for. This princess wants scratchies after I'm gone, so she's having a scratcher made. I think it'll be Equestria's top export if they mass produce it.

My guard offered to show me more of the castle. Told him I was happy to sit in my bedroom and do nothing. A week of running and hiding made me long for boredom. He's posted outside the door. He's probably glad he doesn't have to fend off scratch-happy ponies. I share the sentiment.

I wonder what will happen after I go home. They'll have a way to go to Earth with the crystal. Given my experience, I'm not sure if Equestria is ready. If Princess Celestia is as old and wise as Twilight said she was, they'll probably observe Earth first. Maybe I can convince them to let me visit on the weekends so I can keep my promise to Zecora.

Things to worry about later. I could use a bathroom break and a pre-lunch nap.

***

So I got kidnapped.

Most terrifying alarm clock of my life. I felt hot horse breath on my face. Opened my eyes to see Queen Chrysalis standing on top of me. She covered my mouth with a hoof before I could scream. She had the crystal floating behind her. The way she said she missed me was creepy. She said she forgave me for running away. She had a cage ready to keep my hands safe and to keep me from trying again. She said she had to thank Twilight. The purple pony was practicing portals and the queen had a peek. With the crystal, she could not only take me back to the changeling kingdom, she could go to Earth. More humans all for her.

She drew a portal at the end of the bed. It led to her castle. It went to the inside of a cage. The outside of the cage had numerous changelings around it. I was told to go quietly, or I would never see Earth again. When I got in there, she told them that they had to wait for her to go first. Heard the bedroom door open as the portal closed.

***

At least the changelings got me some lunch. Celery and apples. Back to eating scraps I guess. Having meals made for me the past two days was nice while it lasted.

It's hard to write a lot right now. I'm shaking a bit. One of my greatest fears since I got here was ending up in a cage. The bug queen threatened me with never going home. She said it right after saying she wanted to go to my home world. The initial fear of never going back to Earth made me react before thinking.

***

The changelings are nervous. The queen hasn't come back yet. With the crystal, she should've been here right after me. A part of me hopes she got captured or something. I'm sure once the Royal Sisters learn that the source of scratchies is gone, I'll have my rescue. For now, I just have to be calm.

***

Well that didn't take long. Portal opened up under me, fell onto my bed. I looked over to see Queen Chrysalis dropped through a portal. Didn't have time to even speak because I was tackled by Twilight. She used her forelegs to hug me. I was so relieved I hugged her back. She was also bouncing between "I'm so glad you're safe" and "don't scare me like that ever again". I pushed her off and asked what was going on.

Turns out the bug queen used her shapeshifting to sneak into the castle. She ambushed Twilight and Spike, then used the crystal to portal into my room. Luckily, the nerd already knew a spell to track the crystal. The two battled in my room, which explains the scorch marks.

I told Twilight we need to do two things. First, we needed more protection for the crystal now that a potential danger knows about it. She agreed and said that Princess Celestia was putting something together. She asked what the second thing was.

I needed some lunch.

***

Tilapia with a side salad. So good. Having two alicorns, two unicorns, several guards, and a zebra refusing to leave my side? Not so much. Princess Luna came back with Lyra and Zecora after meeting with a woodworker. The two wanted to meet me for lunch originally. After hearing about what happened, they won't leave. I tried arguing with the full table that our main concern should be the crystal.

According to Princess Celestia, the crystal is now well guarded. Every pony in and out of the chamber it's held in is inspected for the slightest hint of changeling magic. Now their main concern was keeping my new stalker away from me. Twilight said she would need my help locating Earth. Something about me being an earthling making it easier. Whatever it means, I am down. While these ponies have become good friends, I think it's about time I go home. Things are getting a little crazy for me.

***

Testing the crystal was a little fun. The guards in the chamber kept to themselves, so I didn't have any hounding me. Lyra and Zecora are hanging out with Princess Luna. Her new scratching tool is finished and they're trying it out. Princess Celestia wanted to try it too, but she had diplomatic stuff to do. Twilight's been showing me how to draw portals. Not too hard. Focusing on the location I want to go to, and drawing a circle in the air. Her earlier experiments revealed that the portals can be as big or small as we want. The portals close on their own after about five minutes. A bit of magic can shorten or lengthen the time. Simple enough to understand.

Decided to check on Applejack for my first try. She was inspecting a tree. She almost jumped out of her skin when I yelled "boo". After she saw it was me, she calmed down. We caught up for a bit. Despite being fifty thousand bits richer, she was still working hard. A few small purchases to improve life on the farm. They wanted to save the rest of the money for a rainy day. She was impressed with the portal when she walked through. Her and Twilight are chatting about the encounter with Queen Chrysalis.

Applejack didn't stay long. She had farm work to do. She asked when I was leaving. Good question. Told her we were testing the crystal first before I could. She said if we didn't see each other again, she was glad we met. Said our goodbyes as Twilight closed the portal.

***

Tried drawing a portal to Earth. Specifically my bedroom. It felt so surreal. To see home for the first time in over a week. The place I have striven to return to was right there. I didn't realize how long I was standing there because the portal closed itself. Twilight nudged me and asked if I was okay. I needed a minute to collect myself. Something stopped me from waking through right then. A question that was stuck in my mind. Now that I have the choice, do I want to leave? Despite the chaotic nature this week had, it was the most excitement I ever had. I'll see if I can chat up Princess Celestia. Maybe some royal wisdom could help.

***

Her highness was talking to a number of nobles. Real fancy-looking ponies. I would've left and waited until she wasn't busy, but some of the nobles not talking to her saw me, and surrounded me. No guards were near me. They were all watching her highness. A few of the mares around me were eyeing my hands. Some of the stallions were asking how much a session would cost. Some of them had read this morning's newspaper. One or two of them mentioned being a part of the whole bounty mess. They were all unicorns, so I wouldn't get far if I ran. Being only five feet tall, I wouldn't be pushing past them either.

My luck still runs strong. Princess Celestia walked over and asked the nobles why they were harassing her human. Still not a fan of being called "her human", but it got the nobles to apologize and leave me alone. Their chat was finished anyways, so I could talk to her. She initially apologized for them, but I waved it off. I was starting to accept some ponies having more interest in my hands than the rest of me.

I asked her if she could give me some wisdom on a concern of mine. She obliged. I told her about standing in front of the portal. About Seeing my home for the first time in over a week. How I froze up and couldn't bring myself to walk in. Before the portal opened, I longed for home. Now that I had the choice, I wasn't sure if I wanted to leave. I was confused and wanted her thoughts on this.

Her answer was instant. She probably knew I had a concern like this brewing in my mind. She talked about how the past eight days have been some of the most exciting for Equestria in a long time. Being an alien in a new world probably felt equal parts absolutely terrifying, and positively elating for me. She said that deep down, it was probably the aspect of feeling important. To feel wanted. That's what most likely kept me from leaving. She was right. If I go back to Earth, it's back to my old life. My boring life as a boring John Smith. If I stay here, I get to be John Smith, the alien from another world. The alien that tamed the evilest of ponies with just his fingers.

Princess Celestia wrapped one of her wings around me. She said if I wanted to stay in Equestria, I was more than welcome. She would have me inducted as an official citizen. I could live in the castle. It would certainly be a life to live. Even if I didn't stay in the castle, I know four ponies that would open their homes to me without hesitation. I told her highness about my promise to Zecora. A hope to routinely come back in secret so we wouldn't lose the friendship we made. She asked that if such a thing could be accomplished with the crystal, I would be okay going back to Earth. I had taken such a deep breath before saying yes. She said that it could be done.

She was caught off guard when I excitedly hugged her.

***

I went to check on Princess Luna to see how she was enjoying her new scratcher. Princess Celestia finally had a gap in her busy schedule, so she was with me. We got to the moon princess' chambers. It was only Lyra and Zecora. Lyra was using what I assumed was the scratcher. I asked where Princess Luna was. Zecora said she went to get more scratchers made. Apparently it works just as well as me. My unicorn friend was too distracted to say much when I got her attention. Other than "scratchy good" that is. Poor thing's been scratch-deprived. Princess Celestia went to snap her out it. Probably to try it out herself.

I pulled Zecora aside. I told her the good news. She was so excited she almost forgot to rhyme. She was glad she wasn't losing a new friend. I told her I didn't have all the details, I would have something worked out soon. We were joined by Lyra, who had come back to her senses. I told her the good news too. She was equally excited. I told her she was welcome to join us when I visited. She asked what I planned to do when I would secretly come back. The plan was to relax with the company of my friends. We were interrupted by a light moan. We all turned to see Her highness enjoying the scratcher.

We couldn't help but laugh as a confused Princess Luna flew in from the balcony.

***

I decided that today would be my last day. My friends decided to make it an interesting one.

It couldn't have been more fun. Not possible. For my last day in Equestria, I wanted to actually enjoy it. With the fear of abduction gone, I got to take in the city of Canterlot for once. Twilight took me to the Canterlot University's Primatology Department. Got to meet ponies who were as nerdy as her. They had been peer reviewing the paper she wrote on scratchies. They asked for a hands-on demonstration. For science of course.

Some of the rich ponies I had met the other day when Applejack brought me here had crossed my path. Was only nervous for a few seconds. Twilight's horn started to glow and they ran off immediately. Was kinda funny to watch them run away like that.

I had passed by some of the nobles from earlier who now had scratchers of their own. They had bought them from Princess Luna. Others were already asking her where she got them. I swear I saw that older mare from Prance heading to the castle. Maybe she's looking to trade for scratchers.

The princesses took us all out to a fancy restaurant for dinner. Some place called The Golden Feather. It was the fanciest meal I ever had. One of the chefs had cooked fish before, so I had some salmon for my last meal. Dessert was some kind of weird looking fruit smoothie. Whatever it was, it tasted magical.

The day winded down. Princess Luna had raised the moon. As we walk to the crystal chamber, I can't believe I'm writing my final entry. I know I'm gonna cry as soon as I hug Zecora and Lyra. My two friends on an alien planet. Twilight and I aren't exactly best buds, but we came to an understanding. Maybe some time home will make things better between us. Not sure if I'm gonna give a final speech or not. Not even sure how Princess Celestia is gonna keep her promise of letting me visit.

So many questions burning in my head. Just like when I came here. Still don't know how the crystal got to Earth after all this. Still not sure if the crystal is gonna be safe in the long term. I don't even know what I'll do when I get home. I think I'll do the same as when I saw Zecora's house for the first time.

I'm just gonna have to take a chance.

Epilogue

Dear Diary,

It's been approximately one month since John Smith went back to his home world. The citizens of Equestria have gone back to their normal lives. I've even managed to repair my friendships.

Though the excitement of an alien in Equestria has worn off, his impact has yet to cease. John's journal was published, and the public was very intrigued with the story it told. Princess Celestia said that the journal would certainly help with re-approaching our alien interaction protocols. A notion I agree with.

The Canterlot Theater is even working on a dramatic interpretation of John's adventure. They have a stallion actor learning how to walk only on his hind legs for the part of John. I doubt the play will be totally accurate, but they did give me a ticket to see opening night. I'm sure it will be an interesting event overall.

Princess Luna's 'Scratcher' has taken the world by storm. It's Equestria's biggest export. Even Queen Chrysalis bought numerous Scratchers. While I can't take too much credit, I like to think my research paper helped. The Golden Scratch Spot Theory. I never had the chance to thank John for inspiring the title.

Princess Celestia has allowed me to join her in observing Earth as of late. It's the most amazing sensation to view a whole new world. These humans have no magic, but they've accomplished so much on their planet. Their world isn't perfect by any means. We most likely won't be introducing ourselves for a while. Oh well. It's still fun to look.

I had only learned from Lyra yesterday that John still visits Equestria in secret. A last-second deal he made with Princess Celestia in exchange for his journal. He spends the weekends with Zecora, drinking tea and having conversations about their lives. Lyra often visits when he's there. She only told me because John finally invited me. She said a break from Equestria gave him the time he needed to reflect and give me another chance. I'm happy that I can start to repair that relationship as well. It's a long road, but I accept the challenge.

Overall, I think that having an alien in Equestria certainly made for an experience nopony will ever forget.

Author's Note

The End

I tried my best to wrap up the story in a dollar store bow. It's not the happiest ending or the best. I really needed the story to end though. I hope it can somewhat satisfy.