The Dumbing Down of Love

Chapters

1. Well Painted Passions
2. Love Underwhelms You
3. Jaded in Anger
4. Tunnel Vision
5. Will You Listen?

1. Well Painted Passions

Starlight could blame it on her being drunk, except she wasn’t.

Two champagne glasses didn’t even scratch the threshold for that, especially since she had slowly sipped them over the course of the EEA afterparty, unlike the other members who took advantage of the open bar and got absolutely hammered. Sunburst only had one wine glass and he wrinkled his nose when the waiter poured it for him, but he accepted it anyway, taking it as another obligation he had to fulfill. They spent the rest of the evening sipping their drinks carefully, watching others get progressively more drunk until they got bored and decided to leave early.

Then, what was her excuse for being naked on top of Sunburst, bouncing on his dick like she knew what she was doing when she honestly had no clue?

All that Starlight knew was what her body was telling her—that there was no life without this (technically there wasn’t, right?) and that the pleasure was just an ounce of what it could be. With every sway of her hips, she could feel the pressure mounting, winding her up like she was about to explode in fireworks and confetti. Sunburst was urging her forward, not just with his hooves driving her hips into his but with his words, trying to soothe and force her to let go of the last stranglehold she had on reality.

A monumental task for sure. The breathy way he said her name made her dizzy, the strength in which he thrust into her astounded her, and it was all she could do to follow his rhythm. Sunburst surged upwards with a particular firm shove and hit something that made her see stars, and she threw her head back with a cry of surprise and ecstasy. His grip on her hips tightened as he angled his thrusts into that newfound sweet spot. Starlight stopped moving altogether, eyes half-lidded and panting, as she tilted her hips in a way that allowed him deeper inside her.

But…how did they get here? This was her best friend, her coworker, one of the few ponies she trusted to have her back at all times, and they were ruining it. And it was her fault, of course. There had been a boundary between them and this, and she worked for so long to keep it that way. Kept it clean and clear of emotional debris. Swept away all her muddled feelings that threatened to bend and smudge that line.

That was until about twenty minutes ago, when he shoved her playfully on their way to the hotel, with that stupid smile on his face that made his dimples more pronounced and she just, well, forgot herself for a second.

They chased each other through the dark streets of Canterlot, giggling like foals, which turned into a race that Sunburst “won” by some miracle when he entered the hotel lobby before her. The receptionist just rolled her eyes as they made their way to their rooms, snorting and snickering the whole way. When his gratified smirk didn’t disappear, she had threatened to wipe it off his face, and when he challenged her right back, she had no choice. Everypony knows that the easiest way to do so was by kissing, which opened the floodgates:

Sunburst yanking her inside his room, his foreleg around her like an iron band that she wore without complaint.

His teeth nibbling the soft flesh of her neck, eliciting his name from her mouth in a tone she’d never used in their entire life together—a pleading voice that got her exactly what she wanted.

Him rolling off her dress as she eagerly negotiated him out of his dress shirt and suit.

Her desperately rubbing against his shaft before he glided down to her opening, leaving them both gasping for air.

Without a second thought, without hesitation, without protection, without a shred of decency or common sense. Then it hit her, the icy cold realization that she was ruining this precious friendship all over again.

“Starlight, let it go.”

That pleading whisper was a last-ditch effort since all of this was honestly exhausting. Not only was he trying to keep himself from cumming, a feat that was astronomical for a stallion having his first-ever sexual experience with the mare of his dreams, but also trying to get her to relax enough so that she could climax. Add in the fact that he was still running game plans in the back of his head made for a terrifying amount of work.

Because two years ago, Sunburst made a decision: he’d wait. It was technically what he was good at, biding his time and thinking things through to the point of overkill. This kind of thing fitted him, played to his strengths. The kind of thing he was referring to was his hopelessly complex relationship with his best friend, Starlight Glimmer. It hadn’t taken him long to realize that Starlight was a tangled, elaborate web of conflicting emotions that she rarely got right the first time. That’s why, when he came to the surprising conclusion that he somehow liked that about her, he let go and settled into it.

So he planned. If there was a possible outcome, he thought of it. He spent nights creating play-by-plays of what would happen if they kissed on a trip somewhere, or if one day while working in her office she finally caved. Because he wasn’t being full of himself when he lived with the surety that she felt the same way he did. Once they were past the awkwardness of getting to know each other all over again, they were closer than ever before: casual touches that lingered, hugs that were a little too tight to be completely platonic, collapsing on the couch together, and more often than not falling asleep together, curled up in each other for warmth. But pushing her over that line was never going to be his job, since eventually, as with everything, her brash courage would take her exactly to where she needed to be.

Except, as predicted in one of his many daydreams, Starlight was only going to let herself go so far that first time.

He slowed down his thrusting and Sunburst resigned himself to not finishing. She’d actually kind of surprised him by taking the gamble of not using protection, something he felt fairly bad about since even with all his forethought, he’d gotten carried away in the moment as well. He wanted this, more than anything else in the world. And not just the sex, it was the idea that the stupid boundary between them would finally be erased.

But even with her mind a million miles away, Starlight didn’t stop the desperate grinding of her hips. He tried to stop her, but when he opened his mouth, he let out a gasp as his climax hit him. In the end, Sunburst couldn’t be the better pony, and he came with a helpless cry of her name as he sat up and pressed his face in her fluffy chest, holding her tightly. Five seconds were allotted to celebrate in his head, joyously memorizing the feeling of cumming inside her, before tilting his head back to come face to face with the predictable worry on her face.

“That was amazing—”

“That was a mistake—”

They fell silent.

Sunburst knew it was coming. It was number one on his list of “Wrong Things Starlight’s Going to Say When We Stop Toeing the Line Vol. 4” but there was nothing he could do to prevent the sting that her words brought. He cleared his throat and opened his mouth, finally ready to unfold the most well-rehearsed speech in his mind. “I understand, you’re scared. I am, too, but I’m done playing around, pretending I don’t feel the way I do. I want this, and unless you tell me no, I’m going to keep at it.”

“Tell you no?” She barely murmured, her eyes more white than blue for a moment.

“Tell me to stop,” he declared, “if you really don’t want this, I know you will and you know I’d never do anything you didn’t want. Like right now…” He grabbed the sheet off the bed, it was a hotel bed anyway, they probably cleaned worse messes than this one. With her eyes still wide, he lifted her hips and sighed as he slipped free from her and started cleaning the evidence of their lovemaking with the sheet. “Once we’re cleaned, I’m going to return the favor because you almost got there…unless you tell me no.” He brought the corner of the sheet between her legs and rubbed softly before pausing, bringing his eyes intently to hers. “Tell me you don’t want this.”

He hadn’t calculated for quite as long a pause as she took, just staring down at him as he sat frozen under her cerulean glare. This was the problem with all his planning: no matter how well he knew her, no matter how much time he spent picking apart her thoughts and little quirks, Starlight was still capable of surprising him.

Her lips latching desperately back onto his was just another one of those moments.

Starlight was supposed to be the one in control. She led, he followed, not the other way around. Her actions were supposed to move him, but in the bed, in the dark, the world was on an entirely different axis.

Sunburst’s weight, though pressing down on her, was a comfortable one. She had always known that his frame was a little bigger and stockier than her own, but feeling it now, her forelegs grasping his withers, her back legs wrapped around his waist as he rocked into her, made her appreciate it more. Her eyes fluttered closed when he kissed a sensitive spot on her neck and his pace increased.

The fact that Sunburst was so deft in manipulating her body was mind-boggling, and it was almost enough for her to let the wave of pleasure take her under. Almost. She felt powerless, ebbing towards an ending that seemed all under his authority until she clung to the only lifeline she had. “No.”

As promised, Sunburst rolled off her just as easily as he had on top of her, his hooves coming back to rest flat on his chest. His blue eyes were slow and blinking.

It took a lot of convincing on her part to look at him, fearful to see some kind of annoyance, but just finding his absorbing gaze. The only pony you’re frustrating is yourself, her mind whispered. She waited for admonishment, for questioning, for displeasure, but only found that his breathing had steadied and he’d fallen to tapping his hooves to his chest in a gentle rhythm. Starlight shifted her legs in the sheets, her body screaming anxiously with want she denied.

As soon as her mind realized her nakedness, he was leaning over the side of the bed, snagging a blanket and throwing it over her. “Here.”

“Thanks.” Starlight clutched it to her chest but it still felt useless. They were ponies, they rarely wear clothes, so it wasn’t just the bare skin, not even the fact that he touched her so intimately. Sunburst was the closest to her, the one she’d let in regardless of all the mired pain, but this was all of it, all of her. She had nowhere else to hide.

Sunburst offered a smile, making the tightness in her throat worse. She was drowning, about to give up, to let the fear pull her tightly under when he whispered, “Can I touch your hair?”

“Huh?” His words yanked her from the edge of the tangled ocean lapping at her legs.

“Run my hooves through your hair,” he clarified but he kept his hooves to his chest. “You can say no,” he added as a reminder.

Did it annoy her, the way he kept giving her an out? Or did it feel like he was just saying that to give her a delusion of control? It’s boundaries. All my little boundaries and he’s testing each one. “Sure.”

His smile grew more confident as he rolled to his side, not to renew the friction of his skin against hers but to decrease the space between them so he could reach for her without straining. His touch wasn’t as sure this time, not like when he’d been so delicately toying with the heat between her legs. Instead, it was exploration that was spelled out in the blunt edge of his hoof.

His touch had always been soothing to her, pulling her back to him regardless of the anxiety that was still scurrying in the back of her mind. There was no darkness that they couldn’t break through for each other and Starlight felt the truth so keenly that she finally found her voice.

“You said you were afraid.”

“Yes,” he gave one sharp nod but didn’t change the trajectory of his foreleg as it ran through the base of her neck.

“Why?” It was a dangerous question because Starlight knew it could come right back to her and she would deserve it.

“Change is scary,” he murmured as his hoof stilled, like his searching had ended and he found something tangled in her purple tresses.

“Change.” It was a terrifying word, and it warbled like an echo from her lips.

“But,” he added quickly, once again pulling her away from the brink of panic. “I’m not entirely sure we changed.”

“We had sex.” Starlight was quick to correct.

He snorted a laugh. “Sorry, you just said it so bluntly that it caught me off guard, horse apples, I was sure you’d use a euphemism or something.”

“Sunburst!”

Her admonishment didn’t kill the amusement on his face, the naughty grin that started it all making a comeback. “I’m just saying, for the past few years, you and me…we have gotten closer. We fit, we work, so this doesn’t seem anymore together than we were before, you know? Sure, it’s something new, but we are already in a place where there’s no pulling us apart. That change happened years ago, and neither of us stopped it then.”

She looked at him, his hoof moving from her hair to her jaw with a delicate touch. She didn’t say anything as he pulled her back in, not a word of protest spilled from her lips as he kissed her, his skilled hooves going back to work. He rolled on top of her again and Starlight didn’t fight him, she finally let herself go just enough to enjoy this because she would be lying if she said she didn’t enjoy it, didn’t consider this, or imagine this on lonely nights when her thoughts wandered to dangerous places.

He kissed her deeply and she kissed him back just as passionately as he entered her again. They were past the point of foreplay, so it took little effort for him to find his target, but he went slowly as if he were savoring the moment. Starlight’s back legs spasmed in the air and she let out a shaky breath, a light gasp that could be mistaken for a sigh. She was still sensitive from earlier and the slightest touch sent shockwaves through her body.

Armed with the knowledge of what made her squirm and gasp, Sunburst started moving, aiming for those areas that would bring her the most pleasure. The bed rocked with their movements and Starlight held on to him, raising her hips in time with his lunges, lowering them when he pulled back. He was warm to her touch, almost feverish, his kisses open-mouthed and breathy, her name warbled with his moans and sighs.

She was surrounded, encase in all that he was, filled to brim with heat and fire that he was stroking into a raging inferno. She held on for as long as she could, but it was impossible, her conviction melting like a snowball in summer when Sunburst moaned her name and his cock hit the deepest part of her.

With all the denying, the waiting, the aching, her climax nearly crushed her, her mind and body completely lost to herself just long enough to be his and his alone.

Morning came with a milky white fog that was slow to dissipate. It was too early for the trains to start running, but the stores were slowly opening and the pair were the first to enter the pharmacy. Starlight seemed shell-shocked when Sunburst mentioned the emergency contraceptive, but he was prepared. This was another one of his contingencies. So they packed, cleaned up, got dressed, and now stood in line to pay for their items in silence. Well, technically, he had nothing to say, but he could see the thoughts racing across Starlight’s face, especially as they finally approached the check-out and Sunburst placed a box of condoms on the counter.

Out of the corner of his eyes, he could see her face turning red, her eyes darting between the cashier and the goods as if the poor early morning employee actually gave two horseshoes as to what they were buying.

Sunburst knew there wouldn’t be a fit, just a regular old Starlight implosion once they were alone, with that in mind, he threw the bits down before grabbing the bag and turning for the exit. The station wasn’t far and, as they stood on the platform waiting for the train to roll in, he put his foreleg around her withers and drew her close. She put up a good fight for the first few minutes before giving in, tucking herself tightly against his frame as if somepony would snatch her away if she didn’t.

Getting to Ponyville and through the door of the castle had been when he assumed Starlight would explode, and he braced himself for her shrill voice to skyrocket through the foyer, but she was decidedly silent.

Starlight snatched the bag from his suitcase and rushed down the hallway to the bathroom, slamming the door behind her and locking it for the first time in a year. With a resigned sigh, Sunburst plodded after her before letting his back meet the wall next to the bathroom door, sliding down to sit on the floor and do what he did best. Wait.

Author's Note

Welcome to my latest fic in which technically I have no idea where I'm going with it, pantsing at its finest you all. I just really dig the idea of Sunburst planning ahead, instead of getting caught off guard like in most fics I've read. Just keep in mind that this is more of a romance story than just pure clop. Enjoy.

2. Love Underwhelms You

Starlight read the direct, easy-to-follow instructions of the emergency contraceptive at least fifteen times by now. Each time she started at the top, she held her breath, feeling each word steal away a particle of oxygen until she was almost suffocating.

This wasn’t advance magic studies, this was just life, but even the smart safety of it all terrified her. The fact that Sunburst had everything under control was even more disorienting because he should be panicking. Not that outward, wide-eyed franticness that she was exhibiting, but he hadn’t even pulled his usual blank mask, the one that told her that underneath it all he was shutting down and his mind was a discordant mess.

Even worse—and what seemed the most irrational of all—was that she couldn’t cry, even if her drowning in her own tears felt like the most logical outcome. Life was over. The easy existence she and Sunburst shared was doomed since a romantic relationship between them was as plausible as the Storm King making a comeback. Instead, as she read the paper clutched in her magic for the sixteenth time, what really wanted to bust through was contentment. There was the tiniest of voices in the back of her mind that begged her to unlock the door, curl up on his lap, and let him tell her that everything was going to be alright because if Sunburst said it, she would believe it.

So why was she still shaking, holding on to more than just the directions in her magic? Because Starlight Glimmer could be brave in the face of the enemy, but it was the ones she loved that she feared the most—they were the ones that could absolutely destroy her and there would be nothing she could do about it.

She swallowed the medicine and a bit of her pride along with it.

Waves of orange hair were low on the doorframe when she walked out, the profile of his snout popping out next when he turned to look at her knees. She shuffled her hooves and purposefully ignored the box of condoms in the sink because the only other option would’ve been to throw them at him. After stepping into the hallway, Starlight slunk down. Since there was no room on the wall next to the door she just leaned back, taking up the space between his legs. A sudden thrill hit her as he eagerly made room, his forelegs wrapping around her shoulders to pull her tightly to his chest.

“Do you want breakfast?” She couldn’t tell if she felt more than heard his words, his lips were so close to her ear, his chest buzzing against her back.

She wished he would hold her tighter; her hooves came to press his against her skin. “I’m not hungry.”

“Are you sure? Not even some tea?” He asked. One of his hooves came awkwardly to her neck, experimenting again by running his nail along the cord of muscle. “That’s not like you.”

“Sunburst…” She slid against his shoulder, giving herself enough space to turn her head and look into his eyes. “What’s going to happen tomorrow?”

He blinked and that smile that sent her stomach on a rollercoaster ride came back. “Tomorrow’s Monday, the best day of the week!”

Starlight rolled her eyes as her hoof came up and tightly gripped the collar of his cape. She shook him lightly, enough for his floppy hair to fall over his eyes and elicit a grunt from him. His grin refused to disappear.

“Fine. It’ll be Monday.”

“Huh,” he let the vowel roll against the back of his throat, his eyes lifting to the ceiling as if their itinerary was written on the crystal. “I think I have a meeting with Shining Armor. Definitely have hallway monitor duty with Smolder. Then I’m supposed to give a lesson on the history of harmony. I’m sure you have the morning in the library, a meeting with the mayor about expanding the school grounds, and you’re teaching a class on the magic of friendship for the second half of that afternoon, just like always. I’ll show up at the tail end to watch you work because I like that.”

Listening to his list had only increased the pressure in which she held his cape, and she was about to shake him again because he was messing with her, but the last sentence struck her, leaving her confused. “You like what?”

“I like watching you,” he said it like it was obvious.

Her grip loosened, just a tiny bit. “But why?”

“I’m not sure,” he shrugged. “Makes me feel…proud of you, I guess. It’s odd, I haven’t figured it out myself either.”

“I assumed you had everything figured out...”

A hearty laugh vibrated through his chest, leaving her back tingling. “I have today figured out. Maybe tomorrow. But beyond that…”

“Beyond that?” She wanted to pry all this surety out of his being, to force him to share because it was all in his head right now, not hers.

“We’ll find out. Together. Like always.” Each word came out with an amused certainty like he was stating everyday facts. His hoof came to hers, the one fisting his cape, unraveling the muscle before tangling it in his. “Can I kiss you?”

Her face flushed because it brought all those weird feelings back; recalling the way his touch burned her skin and make her forget herself. “Why?”

“Why,” he laughed. “Starlight, why? Because I like it, it feels good, and maybe you like it too.”

“…it feels good,” the words sounded more like an echo instead of admission, just like she intended.

He didn’t call her on it, only raised his eyebrows before speaking, “So?”

“Fine…”

“Fine,” he mimicked her, his grin still wide and sweet as he leaned towards her.

The kiss was nothing like the first one, not heated and desperate enough to bruise her lips, just a gentle caress that made her hoof twitch in his involuntarily. He ended it quickly and all she could do was let out a shaky sigh as he pulled away, another battle starting in her head. It feels good. Starlight ditched his hoof and threw her forelegs around his neck, to cling to him for dear life because everything made sense and yet it didn’t. Everything felt fine, safe, perfect and so very dangerous, disorganized—disastrous.

“It’s fine, Starlight,” he murmured.

If Sunburst said so, she believed it. That was always the rule.

Trixie was leaning into Maud, absent-mindedly reading the bulletin board as she took down the old notices to replace them with new ones. It was then that Starlight zoomed by. It wasn’t just a regular I-have-work-to-do Starlight rush, but some kind of a grayish whirlwind of panic that sent both Trixie and Maud’s eyebrows up to their hairlines.

“Did you see that?” Trixie nudged Maud and both their gazes followed after the whipping purple hair slowly receding in the distance. “What’s that all about?”

“We should find out.” Maud dropped the stack of rolled posters to the floor and just as she took her first step towards the hallway a wall of stars appeared in front of them.

Sunburst held his ground long enough for them to trip into a stop, both mares blinking at him in confusion. “Don’t do that.”

“Excuse me?” Trixie raised an eyebrow at him.

He turned to face them, and though his expression was impassive, it was hard to figure what the tightness under his eyes meant. “Just leave her alone for today.”

Maud put a soothing hoof over Trixie’s shoulder, certain that the next thing out of her mouth would be a sharp retort, and pushed her own calm, monotone voice first. “Did something happen?”

“Yes,” Sunburst answered but chose not to elaborate.

“Well? What?” Trixie snapped despite Maud’s attempt to subdue her.

Sunburst looked down the hallway as if he could still see her. He could imagine her still storming her way to her office, her face withdrawn and unsure. Him running errands with her all day yesterday like nothing was wrong (because nothing was wrong) didn’t seem to make a difference since he came down to breakfast this morning with her blue eyes heavily scrutinizing him. But it was fine, this was still within his predictions. She needed time.

“She’ll tell you. Probably tomorrow, but let it go for now.” He swiveled his head back to the mares and almost enjoyed the confusion on their faces.

“What the hay, Sunburst?” Trixie barked. “Don’t act so—”

Maud yanked the unicorn back. “It’s one day, Trixie.”

Trixie narrowed her eyes incredulously at her. “But—”

“Please,” Sunburst added. Better late than never.

“Ugh, fine,” Trixie spat with a roll of her eyes. “But tomorrow I better get a least a note from her.”

Sunburst nodded, and while some things seemed under his control, that most certainly wasn’t. The only thing he could guarantee was that Starlight Glimmer was so closed in on herself today that she was practically unreachable.

Every thump of the library door sent Starlight’s eyes darting from the text, leaving sentences jumbled and facts completely left behind. The itinerary Sunburst had laid out for her was accurate, she had put the morning aside for a headfirst dive into a variety of documents and volumes currently spread out across the desk in front of her. There should have been pages filled with her notes by this point, but there was nothing except sharp pen marks where she had stabbed helplessly as she jumped at each creature that walked through the door.

Even though she had her own office, she liked reading in the library, like to look up, and observed the faces of happy students eagerly reading and making friends. Now she wished she had stayed in her office instead; she didn’t feel like being around anycreature at the moment.

And the worst part: each ounce of this nervousness was unreasonable and she knew it. Sunburst had been clear that today would be normal, even if it felt anything but. I’m creating it, all the worry, all the craziness is just in my head, and yet I can’t help myself. I can’t stop the twists and turns because I’m scared of a change that’s technically not a change. She tried to fit that anxiety and confusion into the spreadsheets and reports she had to fill out and sign, confusion and pain slotted into blank boxes between the dotted lines signed with devotion and passion.

It wasn’t a complete distraction, but she was sucked in enough that she didn’t notice any more entrances, especially the eventual one of a certain redhead unicorn.

Sunburst stood for a moment in front of her desk, Starlight missing the fond smile on his face that made his eyes so very gentle. His smile widened into something more humorous by the time he tapped a hoof on the desk. “Equus to Starlight.”

She jumped, instantly slapping the folder close in the process. “I thought you were in class.”

“Just finished, actually.” Which should have been obvious by the number of papers he held in his foreleg for him to grade later, as well as the stains of chalk on his face. “You hungry?” He nodded at the clock.

Her eyes landed on the wall and she gaped as the hands on the clock betrayed her. “It’s noon?”

“Yeah,” he chuckled. “And I’m asking you to eat lunch with me. You’re spacing out today, Starlight.”

Starlight’s face flushed and her tail was no longer under her control, curling around her as her ears lowered sheepishly. “Like a date?

Sunburst leaned over her desk. “I’m saying it’s lunchtime and nine times out of ten you and I eat together.” He narrowed his eyes and pushed his glasses up his snout, she could see him examining her face like a book written in a foreign language. “Unless that’s what you want. You want a date?”

“I…” She ran a hoof down the top of her thighs. Isn’t this the wrong order? Isn’t it wrong? All wrong?

He turned away from the desk, leaving her with his tail. “Come on, I’m hungry.” His hoofsteps were slow but steady and Starlight only had a few seconds of indecision before she took the leap. Still, she refused to bound after him, just walking fast enough to catch up to him and linger by his periphery, forcing Sunburst to curb his step. “Lunchroom and then balcony?”

Starlight nodded with all the strength she had left. The rest of her felt listless and she was thankful that her body was used to this routine, that way she didn’t have to think much as she went through the motions and soon found herself at the school’s balcony with a mundane lunch in her magic. Not that it mattered, since she was sure she left her stomach back at the library and her mind was busy chewing on the idea they’d left next to it.

Sunburst was his ravenous self, looking less like he was enjoying his food and more like inhaling it as she leaned against the balcony’s railing, watching the clouds roll by.

“Did you finish your paperwork?” He nudged her gently and, when Starlight turned to look at him, the crinkle of his eyebrows told her he’d asked her more than once.

The question didn’t have an adequate answer and instead her mind was screaming for release, the words starting quickly off her tongue. “Why aren’t you…acting any differently?”

A smirk ticked at the edge of his mouth but he pressed his lips together instead, erasing it with a sigh. “I told you, nothing’s changed.”

Starlight let out a huff of air, ready to snap back when his hoof came out to let his foreleg ease the air between them and make her bite her tongue.

“I walked with you all day yesterday through town until you ran off,” he murmured. “That’s nothing new, right? Or us having lunch. If anycreature saw us sneak up here it wouldn’t even be gossip, it wouldn’t even register.” He stretched out his foreleg and his hoof drifted down the length of her cheek. “And how I feel about you today is the same as it was yesterday. Same as last year, and the year before that.”

Arranging her own words in the wake of his seemed impossible, so the only thing that left her lips was, “That long?”

“Yeah,” Sunburst shrugged. “That’s why I had enough time to figure these feelings out. Maybe…” His voice dipped and jumped just like his Adam's apple, and his eyes faltered to his hoof. “Maybe they’re new for you, so that’s why…”

That was laughable, the idea that Starlight’s need for him was something that had magically appeared with that kiss or even a few moments before it. It felt like an ageless something as if it were there before she even knew him, only getting a name when she learned his. “Don’t be stupid.” She grabbed his hoof from her cheek, using it to pull him closer until they were shoulder to shoulder.

Sunburst seemed to accept the admonishment and the closeness, letting a silence slip between them as they leaned against the railing and stared at the sky together. Tentatively, his hoof slipped across the small of her back until it settled on her hip. “So, really, how was work?”

“Terrible,” she murmured as she rested her head against his shoulder. “I was distracted.”

He grunted a laugh. “But things have been so calm lately.”

Starlight didn't even reward him with an eye roll, smacking his back legs with her tail instead. “How was your meeting with Shining Armor?”

His hoof clenched against her side and his voice came back without a hint of amusement. “Bad.”

“Bad?” Starlight turned the smack into a peaceful caress.

“Just a cute-ceañera,” he was forcing the calmness in his voice as his ears were visibly folded. “Flurry Heart’s, to be exact, and apparently there’s a whole ceremony involved besides the party. I'll be gone for all of next week.”

“Well, you did warn me that you would be needed for the occasional tradition or festival.”

“Yeah,” he murmured.

His lips rested softly on her forehead. The sensation wasn't alien to her, her father had done it a million times while she was growing up, but the hum that it stirred up in her chest was.

“Sorry, PDA is not allowed on the school grounds,” he muttered.

Starlight didn't even bother to look around, she just tilted her head enough to catch his lips before they got too far.

Author's Note

It's a slow-going you guys, but it's coming along, I swear.

3. Jaded in Anger

Sunburst was quietly grading his student’s homework, frowning slightly when one of them ended up with a low grade, when the box hit his fetlock and landed on the table beside him.

“Will you put this somewhere?” Starlight had returned from the bathroom and was standing in the doorway of his study, ears lowered and eyebrows knitting in annoyance.

He picked up the condoms with an embarrassed chuckle he couldn’t rein in, knowing by her tone—and the years he spent living with her since he got the job—that he was wading into dangerous territory. “I don’t know, it’s good for bathroom reading. Did you know that—” He picked up the box, ready to read off some fact printed on the back, when she cut him off.

“What if somepony comes over and sees?” Starlight urged.

“Alright, alright, my drawer or yours?”

His eyebrows rose and the teasing smile saturated his face before he could really help himself. Teasing and prodding her with his words had become one of his favorite pastimes as their relationship grew stronger, and seeing what reaction he got from her was his reward: a blush, a smile, a frown, a laugh or a glare; he learned what to say and do to get each of them.

“I don’t know,” she huffed as her face started to pink. “Why did you buy them anyway?”

This was still technically fun, watching her squirm with embarrassment of the act, but the fear was starting to lap at the back of his mind again. Oh, Luna, I’m asking for it.

“Well, we are having sex again, right?”

He might as well have blasted a hole on the floor underneath her, Starlight’s face faltering through a cycle of emotions that he couldn’t identify straight away. “I don’t know,” her voice came down in volume but not in tone, the fight still there.

“Unless it’s a no, we should be prepared,” he tilted the box at her before getting up from his chair. “I’ll put this in my drawer.” He was going to be true to his word since that answer seemed dangerous to him.

‘I don't know.’ Come on, Sunburst! You predicted that she’d need at least a week to figure this out and it’s barely been 48 hours…But it still hurts, doesn't it? And now you’re leaving, giving you a day to still influence this decision before you leave her alone with her thoughts for a week.

As he hit his doorway her voice came back, slamming his ears as it reverberated through the large hallway. “Why would you even want to have sex with me anyway!?”

He tossed the condoms on his bed so he could quickly turn back, ready to scoff in her face until he saw her trembling lip, her blue eyes watering. “What?” Was what he uttered instead.

Starlight stomped her hooves, pawing the ground as she wavered between the instinct to fight or flee—in the end, she stood her ground, her ears lowered in anger. “Yes, I’m fuckable now, but back then you wouldn't even look at me twice or say hi to me—”

“Okay,” Sunburst said quickly, already approaching her. “I’m not denying that I left.”

“Of course you did,” Starlight hissed. “And why wouldn’t you? There was nothing back at home except your overbearing family and a fat, bitter, ugly filly that hid her acne scars behind heavy makeup and stupid clothes so I don’t—” He wasn’t sure if it was his touch or the tears leaking from her eyes that cut her speech short, but he was tentative with his touch, barely grazing her shoulder.

“Again, I’m not arguing that those things didn’t happen while I was gone…” Sunburst desperately needed time to think since there he was, completely without a strategy. How could he assumed that this wouldn’t come back and bite him in the flank? How could he store away his memories of a troubled and lonely childhood and expect she’d do the same? By being a complete insensitive idiot, that's how. “…but I want to highlight the fact that it’s all in the past now. Not that that makes it any better.”

He watched with a racing heart as that didn’t seem to placate her, Starlight’s lips pressing into a thin and tight line before she erupted again. “You didn’t even write a letter, or even try to see me when you were in town.”

“I didn’t,” he admitted. There he was, in the same old trap. The norm was to try his best to clean this up enough so that it could be swept under the rug, not just with Starlight but with everypony. Except if I do that now I'm a hypocrite. I said I was done pretending—so why keep any more truths from her? He swallowed his embarrassment and fear as best he could. “Because I was scared of what you’d do.”

She was just as surprised as him to hear those words, Starlight gaping for a moment before she snapped her jaw shut, her lips pressed together tightly. He watched her as she ran the words through her head, lifting a hoof to wipe her tears hastily and sniffled. He could practically read the words on her face but her mouth refused to budge.

Sunburst took a trembling breath. “I was scared that you wouldn’t remember me—or worse, you’d laughed at me because a scrawny yearling with glasses and braces dared talk to you. You were so cool back then and I was...not, nothing special at all, I convinced myself that you moved on, that we might as well lived in different worlds with how dissimilar we were. The fact that you didn’t approach me either just reinforced that idea, but that wasn’t the case, was it?”

“So it’s my fault?” She snapped but he grabbed her hoof and forced her to take a step forward, gutting out most of her ranting.

“Not what I’m saying. Answer the question,” he murmured.

“No,” she groaned.

“Same.” His hoof cradled her fetlock gently and Starlight didn’t pull away as he spoke. “And I was looking, Starlight, more than twice, it was all I could do at the time because I had absolutely no self-confidence. I couldn’t even fight back when the ponies at school teased me, I could barely talk back to my mother, how would I even approach you?” His hoof was trembling and he squeezed hers to mitigate it, she didn’t seem to notice that he was practically clinging to her foreleg.

He knew he wasn’t forgiven, not with that knot tangled between her eyebrows, but she was listening and that left him with a sliver of hope to hold on to as he powered through his speech.

“I got tongue-tied whenever I saw you walking down the street, I once crashed into a streetlamp trying to catch a glimpse of you. My mom would talk about the crazy things you did while I was away and I was envious, stuck in my room doing summer homework to make up for my terrible grades while you were out there living life, and looking beautiful while you were at it. You looked so tough and confident, I felt like you would’ve steamrolled me if I got in your way. Half of the colts in Sire’s Hollow were wrapped around your tail, and I wasn’t the exception—I just happened to be the most spineless of the bunch.” Sunburst dared to step closer and nuzzle her cheek, bringing her hoof to his chest, and he was rewarded by the slight softening of her wrinkled brow. “I was a coward, and for what it’s worth, I’m sorry that I hurt you.”

“You should be,” Starlight said softly, but her stern eyes lowered to the stars on his cape, to the loose seems on the edges where time had worn it thin and she sighed deeply. “But…we were just a pair of insecure teenagers; we didn’t know any better.”

“Yeah,” he murmured uselessly because he knew this was it, the point where he was effortlessly going to pound his horseshoes into his mouth and ruin it. “But you’re not just upset about that, are you?” Anxiety was a snake strangling his heart as he watched her bristle again, her mouth shooting open to unleash another torrent. He waited for the yell but instead got the snap of her lips. Maybe this emboldened him or maybe he was letting the latent fear take him but the words rushed from his lips, “I should have just stopped you at the kissing, Starlight, I know I should have—”

“No,” Starlight didn’t even hesitate. “We both did that. It wasn’t just you, or just me.” That was the last of her courage as the rest of her voice withered into a whisper. “We both wanted more than just a kiss.”

Sunburst tried not to feel giddy but failed, his stomach dipping at the idea as the heat flooded his cheeks. Even as his brain filled with euphoria, Sunburst knew better, deciding to just swallow his words as he wrapped his foreleg around her in a hug, closing his eyes when she hugged him back without question.

“I was angry at you," Starlight mumbled against his shoulder, after a minute of silence, "I even came to resent you for the longest time, but I never hated you...even at my lowest, I couldn’t entertain the thought of something bad happening to you…not even for a second.”

Sunburst held her tighter and nodded since he didn’t know what to say. His words always failed him at moments like this. Starlight stayed there, letting him squeeze her for a few minutes before edging out of his embrace and heading back into the living room. Sunburst waited until he heard her turn on the radio before he went back to work.

When it came to packing, Sunburst like to leave things for the last minute. So instead of sitting and thinking about what he needed for said trip, his solution was to pack everything, that way he wouldn’t miss anything he might need.

Starlight watched him pack, but she could only watch fifteen minutes of him throwing things arbitrarily into a suitcase before she begrudgingly started to help him, something she suspected was his plan all along. Even as Starlight convinced him to leave half of his original luggage behind, he still was taking far too much for a weeklong trip, three large suitcases plus his saddlebags just seem like overkill to her—but then again, she was used to traveling light.

Starlight zipped closed his saddlebag and tossed it to him. Sunburst caught it and draped it over his back, but failed to strap it in place and he let it slip to the floor as he stared at her. “Starlight…”

“Yeah, yeah, you can thank me later for putting your bags together. I swear Sunburst, you—” She wanted to be playful but he stole it all away from her, his hoof cupping her cheek and pulling her in for a kiss that not only shocked her with its suddenness but with its desperation.

It took time for him to stop making insistent tugs on her lips and to pull away, his face just far enough from hers so he could talk. “Just…” Sunburst cleared his throat before letting his mouth agape slightly.

Starlight watched him with the dawning surety that he was suddenly at a loss. Why is he faltering now? What is it about this moment that he’s suddenly not sure anymore?

“Just?”

Another gravely sound grumbled in his throat before a shaky foreleg reached into her mane, clearing it from her face as if that were the problem. “Be here when I come back.”

She stared, eyes flitting from his slowly sobering smile to the crease in his forehead. “Where else would I go?” As her mind was slowly painting the picture for her, she could see him coming undone, with worry finally clouding his eyes.

“I'm not saying…” he sighed as his foreleg flexed above her neck before moving to touch her hair again. “Just, if you decide something, don’t do anything reckless…”

Starlight grabbed it and pressed it to her cheek. “No.”

“No?” He murmured back, the wrinkle in his forehead deepening.

“I'm telling you to stop.” Starlight tried to encourage his hoof, awkwardly rubbing his fetlock against her cheek until he caught on and let his hoof caress along her jaw.

“Stop what?” He was softly shaking his head and she was relieved to see the confusion starting to overturn the anxiety.

“You trusted me to tell you no when I didn’t want you to do something,” she stated matter of factly but there was a curl to her lip, the start of a smile. “I don’t want you to worry.”

A weak cough of a laugh tumbled from his mouth and the neediness suddenly whispered through her skin. He was reaching for her, moving with purpose as he leaned his forehead against hers to negate where he ended and she began. “You know how impossible that is, right?” he muttered.

The mare didn’t bother to answer right away, letting her touch speak for her as she nuzzled his cheek. “You better try,” she hid her smile against his golden fur, “or else you’re breaking a promise, Sunburst.”

“That’s a threat.” He laughed softly, letting it drift over her hair as he pressed his cheek to the top of her head. “Just a week.”

“You act as we’ve never been apart for longer than that,” she murmured as she closed her eyes and took in the heat and feel of his body. “I probably won’t even finish my lesson plans this week, so I don’t know what you’re worried about.”

“Your lesson plans will be done by Wednesday, tops.” Sunburst was chuckling again and she felt his muscles relax. He took a step back from her, eyes still strangely fogged with worry behind his glasses, but at least a smile was growing on his lips. “Don't miss me too much.”

“Stop,” she groaned as she started to push him away. He sneaked in one last nuzzle before relenting and reaching for his bags. It was a slow walk down to the foyer, Starlight glued close to his side until the last minute, giving him space to swing the front door open.

He looked over his shoulder at her, pausing to open his mouth for some last remark. Not that it mattered, she stole a kiss instead as she pushed him out the door.

Author's Note

I always found it funny that Starlight blamed cutie marks instead of blaming Sunburst himself for leaving her, I guess we saw a little bit of her resentment towards him during the Crystalling, but it was mostly set aside with all the action that was going on. I like to think that they properly talked it out somewhere off-screen, it's just one of the things that I feel they'd need to address if they decide to take things further.

4. Tunnel Vision

Armed with a book, leftover pineapple pizza, and a half tub of ice cream (okay, maybe a full tub of ice cream), Starlight expected her night to be peaceful and boring. Her plans being to curl up on the couch under a reading lamp and read until she fell asleep or slip into a food coma. Instead, she found herself ordering more pizza and clearing the coffee table for the drinks that Trixie and Maud brought over, who now sat across from her.

While they ate in relative silence, their eyes told her it was only a matter of time, a gentle reprieve before one or the other asked her the burning questions that hung in the air between them. Starlight was already thinking about what she should and shouldn’t say, but she was sure that the words would tangle up on her tongue before she could even get them out.

After Sunburst left, she resorted to practicing in front of the mirror—even trying it out with a similo duplexus clone as an audience—knowing that the inevitable was coming. First, she started with ‘Sunburst and I are together’ which led to the clone questioning what ‘together’ meant, since the vaguest term she could think of could mean they were simply in the same space and of course, they were always in the same space these days.

Second was ‘Sunburst and I are dating’ a set of words that were even worse since they weren’t. The clone pointed out that there was no date in sight and she had left it at that, hanging in the air because she was too afraid to say that it might be nice for him to purposefully take her somewhere special with the intent for it to be just them. Then again, it was almost always just them. Dinner, theater, even a brief obsession with mini-golf all occurred with just him and her. Starlight vanished the clone after she said that, but it was too late because it reinforced what his insistent voice kept whispering in the back of her head, ‘Nothing has changed.’

Third, and finally what she’d settled on was ‘It’s complicated.’ The ultimate cop-out.

So as Trixie finished her pizza and unveiled the question, “What was wrong with you on Monday?” Starlight was ready for it.

Or not. “It’s complicated,” she spewed instantly.

There wasn’t a drop of pity to be squeezed out of either mare. “What's complicated?” Maud tried to clarify gently, letting her head tilt to the side.

Starlight shrugged and refused to look at them in the eyes.

“Did something happen during the EEA conference?” Trixie dove straight to the point, a coy smile on her lips. “Did you two—?”

“The summit was so boring that I wanted to gouge my eyes out with a pen, but the afterparty was okay…” Starlight tried and failed to sound confident as the pair laughed at her (Trixie did, Maud just smiled).

“Trixie bets you were doing that thing where you make excuses to touch Sunburst,” Trixie rolled her eyes. “And he was doing his usual lousy job at pretending that he was annoyed by it.”

This was the first time that accusation had been flung to her face, and Starlight was spellbound for a moment. As she replayed the events of that night, it was clear as day: the progression of erasing that line had started just about halfway through the conference. She was bored out of her mind and she resorted to drawing silly doodles on the margins of her notepad, making sure that Sunburst could see them. He tried to scold her quietly by rolling his eyes and gesturing for her to cut it out, but she caught him looking over her shoulder to see what she was doing more often than not, smiling at her stick figures doing silly things, unwilling to admit that he was just as bored as her. Sunburst tried to make himself presentable for the party, but it was obvious that he never learned how to tame his wild mess of a mane, so obviously, she had no choice but to brush it for him, standing close enough that she could see the hint of pink on his cheeks as she worked. Maybe spending a little too much time fixing his bowtie just so she could run her hooves around his chest for a while longer…

“So?” Trixie asked, pulling Starlight out of her memories.

Starlight’s lips trembled before she let out the most dangerous phrase she ever uttered. “We kissed.”

Both mares erupted. Trixie let out a high-pitched squeal as she scuttered around the table to throw her hooves around Starlight’s neck while Maud let out a monotone and gushing ‘aw’ as she clutched one of Starlight’s hooves from across the table.

“Tell us everything,” Maud urged after Trixie’s squeals had settled into giggles.

The warm blush hit her cheeks before she could speak. “It was…nice, really nice.”

“Ok, not eloquent, but not bad,” Trixie nodded as she squished her shoulders again. “What else?”

Starlight froze, her mind playing back the rest of the discussion which hadn’t exactly been romantic, thanks to her. Her voice turned even quieter, “I said it was a mistake.”

“What?” Trixie’s hoof dug into her shoulder.

Even Maud cringed, dropping her smile.

Starlight let her head fall into her hooves. “I freaked out,” she groaned, her voice coming back in strength due to the feeling of disappointment she shared with them. “But he didn’t even blink. I don’t know how that didn’t hurt him because I would have cried. Oh, girls, I would have sobbed.”

“Well, you probably did hurt him,” Trixie muttered.

“He’s just better at covering it up,” Maud finished with a sigh.

Trixie was shaking Starlight’s shoulders now, making her lift her eyes back to the two of them. “But then what happened? What did he say to that?”

“He said that he wanted this and unless I told him no, he was going to keep at it.” That barely brought a smile to her face because suddenly it was hitting her, how much the entirety of that moment—of her staring at him and resisting for no reason other than baseless fear—must have stung.

“Please tell me you didn’t tell him no,” Maud begged as she gripped Starlight’s hoof.

Starlight shrugged weakly, “I didn’t actually tell him anything. I just…” She looked between the two of them, her eyes pleading, “I feel like I’m going crazy, like…I want to push him away and hold on to him at the same time. I need him to tell me it’s alright but then every time he does, I don’t believe him—or more like, I don’t want to believe him…I don’t know, I’m scared, just so scared.”

“Of what?” Trixie was smoothing her hair, trying to get that desperation out of Starlight’s eyes.

“I can’t lose him, I don’t think I could bear it if he left for a second time,” Starlight murmured as the tears collected in her eyes. “That kiss, all of it just puts us at risk of falling apart. He was safe being my best friend forever but now…what if he doesn’t love me?”

“Well, did he say that?” Trixie asked incredulously.

“He said he felt things, but…” The tears finally rolled down her cheeks and Starlight instantly brought her hoof to clear them. “What if he realizes that it’s not love but just, I don’t know, lust or hormones or something and then he moves on and I lose everything.”

“Okay, maybe lust and hormones played a part in that,” Trixie muttered.

Maud quickly sent a glare in her direction before saying, “Trixie.”

“What?” Trixie shook Starlight by the shoulders again. “Look, this is insane. I expect this level of worry from Twilight, not from you. I’m sure that if you ask Sunburst, he’s going to say he’s in love with you because we’ve all seen it for the past few years. You think that what you two were doing before this was just being friends?”

Maud had to drop the attitude, her eyes softening on Starlight, “None of us have thought you two were just best friends since he moved in with you.” She was on the move, slinking around the table to Starlight’s other side so she could link forelegs with her. “And even though you seemed distracted on Monday, it didn’t look like it was anything that had to do with the two of you. The only weird thing that happened was Sunburst stepping in and telling us to leave you alone for the day.”

“He what?” Starlight murmured dumbly.

“No explanation, just to leave you alone and a belated please.” Trixie was finally able to laugh at this, even though at the moment she was sure she was going to kick him. “Trixie admits it was sweet.”

“From you two?” Starlight was even more bewildered since Sunburst had never intervened with the girls. She had always thought him afraid to, since no one dared challenge Trixie, and Maud could talk and reason with any creature into submission. Sunburst had no power over the two of them, or at least not usually.

Maud nodded before she tenderly squeezed Starlight’s foreleg. “I’m sure he thought that he was saving you from something.”

“Not sure of what, since Maud and I are obviously angels,” Trixie interjected.

Maud rolled her eyes in return. “But I think it’s still safe to say he was trying. Desperate to make you comfortable, so I don’t think it’s a stretch to say that he does love you.”

“Though it’d be nice if he said it,” Trixie grumbled.

“I didn’t tell him either,” Starlight corrected. “And after what I said? Why would he try? I was a mess, even when I kissed him again, I was still—”

“Oh, again?” Trixie waggled her eyebrows as she jostled Starlight again.

“A couple of times,” Starlight managed a smile now, feeling the ghost of his touch on her body.

Maud examined Starlight’s face with a knowing little smirk. “And a smile, finally.”

Starlight pretended to bristle as she eyed Maud. “I never said I didn’t like it.”

“Of course you did,” Trixie teased. “You’ve crushed on him since, like, forever, so it must have been a dream come true!”

“Not forever,” Starlight rolled her eyes. “Only since last year.”

Trixie shook her head firmly. “No, last year was when you admitted it.”

“It’s been way longer than that,” Maud added.

Starlight looked between the two of them for a moment before huffing. “Well, since you two obviously know everything, what should I do?”

Trixie and Maud exchanged glances before Maud cleared her throat. “It helps to actually have a conversation with him.”

“We talk,” Starlight spat quickly but winced at her defensiveness.

“About everything that isn’t the two of you,” Trixie corrected. “So have that talk. Tell him what you want, or ask him what he wants.”

Maud lifted her eyebrows with excitement. “And make sure to ask him when he knew he loved you. I want to hear that story.”

Trixie laughed contently. “Maud, you’re a hopeless romantic.”

“I secretly think Sunburst is, too,” Maud said. “I bet he’s going to surprise you. Say something you’re totally not going to expect.”

Trixie shook her head as she finally loosened her grip on Starlight. “Nope, Trixie doesn’t buy it! He’s going to have something short and maybe only a little sweet. What do you think, Starlight?”

But she was already gone, too busy piecing together the words she wanted to say to him.

Even sitting down, Sunburst had to crane his neck and tilt his head back to look at Princess Twilight in the eye. It was a little awkward to have the Princess of Equestria sitting next to him when she should be sitting near the front, but since this was Flurry Heart’s day, the little princess currently occupied the seat of honor at the far end of the table, Shining Armor and Princess Cadance sitting at either side of her, and he swore that the family was literally glowing with pride. It was not every day that a Princess received her cutie mark, and it showed, the royal’s sparing no expense with the lavish party.

Sunburst felt out of place surrounded by nobles and other important looking ponies, he guessed that he was important too, being the Royal Crystaller and all—but nowhere near the level of those present, nowhere near important enough for Princess Twilight to insist on sitting next to him, earning the curious stares of those present, wondering who in the hay this stallion with messed up orange hair was.

Despite the noise of chatter and the buzz of thoughts in his head, he managed to hear Twilight when she spoke. “I want to apologize for leaving the EEA party so early, I was really looking forward to hanging out with you guys.”

“Oh, there’s no need to apologize,” Sunburst said quickly. “Starlight and I were happy to see you either way.”

Twilight went straight to the point. “So, how was it? Did something interesting happened at the party?”

“Interesting?” There was a glint in the alicorn’s eye that told him she wasn’t talking about the party. Sunburst considered playing stupid, but the likelihood that she would notice was too high. “Didn’t Starlight send you the report?”

Twilight raised a playful eyebrow. “Her report was surprisingly elaborate this time around, that usually means she’s hiding something.”

Sunburst hummed a thoughtful affirmative, playing with a brussels sprout he debated on eating. “Am I talking to you as the Princess or as my friend?”

“Would one get in the way of the other?”

“Well, one might tell me one thing…” Sunburst rolled his hoof at the wrist to keep himself from wasting the breath.

Twilight nodded sensibly before taking a bite of her salad. “Then which one would you prefer?”

“Friend, I guess,” Sunburst shrugged.

“Then friend it is.” Twilight settled in her chair, her eyes on the redhead unicorn.

“Alright…” Even with the ground rules, Sunburst found his throat closing in on itself. Starlight surely didn’t include this bit into her report (he knew since he proofread them for her before she sent them) and he wasn’t going to delude himself into thinking that Twilight was the only one that knew, surely Maud and Trixie had already pried the information out of Starlight at this point, but how much was too much? “We left the after-party early and we, well, kind of…”

“I get it,” Twilight waved a hoof.

“Huh?” His eyebrows shot up his forehead.

“I heard from the other guests that you two were more flirtatious than usual that evening.”

“What?” Sunburst squawked. “No, we weren’t. We were just, I don’t know, having a good time. She and I, we—” It was the thin veil of humor on Twilight’s face that stopped him long enough for his thoughts to catch up with him. Why are you denying it? It doesn’t actually matter anymore. No pony was buying it before and now that you’re…something, no pony should be believing it now either. “Ok, alright, we might have…gotten physical at some point.” He gave a well-deserved cringe at his awkwardness.

“Ok…” Twilight offered as passively as possible but Sunburst could tell by the extra blinks that there was a lot more to say on that subject. Sunburst assumed that for Twilight this was like a stallion admitting to her that he was snogging her sister regularly. Starlight had been Twilight’s shoulder to cry on during her transition as a Princess so Sunburst knew this was odd territory for both of them.

“We took it too far that night,” Sunburst sighed, “But now? I don’t know, I’m trying to give her time, just act like normal in the meantime.”

Twilight paused her understanding nod to tap a hoof to her chin, deep in thought. “Have you told her how you feel?”

Sunburst winced, “I told her I have feelings…?”

The hoof moved from Twilight’s chin to her cheek, definitely massaging there. “But did you specify what those feelings are?”

“…No.” A sigh was his reply and Sunburst felt his stomach dip, the unexpected slew of words starting to run from his brain. “Look, she’s supposed to be the one thinking things through, not me. I did my thinking—I know how I feel and I know what I want from this, so I’m doing what’s right and giving her time to figure out her side of it.” He threw his hooves up helplessly. “I’m not confused.”

“No, you’re not,” Twilight jumped in quickly as he let his hooves fall away. “But you’re still scared.”

“I’m—” The accusation stopped instantly on his tongue; his mouth suddenly so dry he wasn’t sure if he could continue. “I’m absolutely terrified,” he wheezed out instead.

“Of what?”

Sunburst shook his head as he tried to piece it together. Ever since that night, the surety that he’d convinced himself with over the past two years had slowly started leaking out like air from a balloon. “I can do anything, I can figure anything out but…she has to love me first, Twilight. But I’m too much of a coward to say it and risk that she…that she’s going to tell me no.”

Even with the dread on Sunburst’s face, Twilight’s only comfort to him was a short laugh. “You could have just asked her.”

Sunburst’s lips curled into a sour smile, “Sure, sounds logical.” Air strangled in his throat for a second as he ran his hooves through his hair. “Her first reaction was that it was a mistake. She looked me straight in the eye and said it to my face and…it hurt, it hurt so much that I couldn’t breathe. I didn’t think it would because I told myself she’d probably freak out and say or do something extreme but even warning myself like that didn’t help. Even saying it now just makes me feel like crap.”

“You know she didn’t mean that,” Twilight let a hoof fall and pat at Sunburst’s shoulder.

“Yeah, but she could,” Sunburst groaned. “And leaving her this week makes me feel like I won't be able to convince her otherwise. She’s going to be at home, thinking about all the things that could go wrong, while I’m not around to show her what could go right.”

Twilight hummed thoughtfully before easing herself out of the chair. Sunburst’s head shot up, staring at her desperately. “You know, I think this room is too loud and I want to stretch my legs.” Before Sunburst could even object, Twilight pointed at a door at the far end of the room, where the telephone was. "They should be bringing out the cake in a few minutes. Use the time wisely.”

A half-finished game of Dragon Pit laid on the table between the three mares, who were slowly moving the pieces around as they each took turns. Starlight was actually fighting heavy eyelids, especially as the clock was ticking close to 1 AM. Just as she was about to nod off the phone trilled, ripping her violently from her rest. It took a few giggled-filled minutes to step over Trixie, Maud, and the mess of cans and pizza boxes as the phone call away, Starlight rushing the last few steps to grab the receiver. “Friendship Castle, Starlight Glimmer speaking,” she managed to murmur out before having to cover a yawn.

“Hey,” Sunburst whispered from a thousand miles away.

“Hey, is everything alright?” All of her fatigue vanished as her hoof clutched the receiver.

“Oh, yes, I’m at the Crystal Castle right now,” Sunburst reassured her quickly. “Sorry, I know it’s late.”

She took a long, slow breath. “As long as you’re okay.”

“Well…” His sigh shuddered over the other end. “I’m not, Starlight.”

“Did something happen? Is the Princess—?”

“No,” he groaned. “Relax, it’s not work-related. I need you to listen to me.”

That didn’t ease her fear, her ears folded against her head and she swallowed thickly before speaking. “Ok…”

“I wanted to spend this week with you to remind you that we’re good together,” his voice was urgent and she could almost feel the ghost of his touch on her fur, his hoof clutching hers to drive the point home. “And now I’m hundreds of miles away and there’s nothing I can do except lamely telling you over the phone that we are. You’re the only pony in this world that bothered to get to know me, all of me, who tolerates my eccentricities but inspires me to be better every day and I can’t live without that. I can’t lose you; do you understand that? I was scared to leave because that’s the one thing that I don’t know how to handle.

“So now I’m calling you to beg because I don’t know what else to do. I'm worried you’re making some kind of decision, and I know you told me not to, and that makes me feel even worse. Just promise me—no, swear that when I get home, we’re going to sit down and talk. Not fight, not dance around this anymore, but talk. We’re not perfect at that, I know, but I want to try. Please.” By the end, he was huffing like he’d run a marathon and Starlight was almost sure she heard him gulp down a sob.

“I can’t lose you either,” she murmured before taking a trembling breath, her lip shaking. “Let’s talk when you get home. I’m not going to decide anything without you.”

“Thank you,” he barely managed to choke out.

Starlight took a trembling breath, feeling the tears start. “Sunburst, I’m sorry.”

“There’s nothing to apologize for, I’m just—”

“No, I have to,” she urged back. “What I said, that this was a mistake—it was a lie, I shouldn’t have said that, and I don’t want to lie to you ever again. So, I’m sorry.”

Some of his breath seemed to come back to him, “That was a lie?”

“Of course it was,” she sighed.

She could hear him shuffling over the other end before a somewhat sweeter sigh came from his lips. “You know I don’t think it was either, right?”

Starlight gave him a short laugh, “You better not. You started it.”

“No way,” he chuckled. “You kissed me first.”

She sent a furtive glance down the hallway before cupping her hoof around her mouth and the receiver just in case those wandering ears were pressed against the door.

“You undressed me first.”

“Oh,” he teased out the vowel as he finally let a laugh leave his lips. “I guess you got me there. I…I did like that, almost as much as I like this. I like what we have, Starlight. I want to keep it. I…have a lot to say to you when I come home.”

“Me, too.” She wanted to urge him to come back, beg him to hurry it up, but the somber reality was there. There was still a world out there that was beyond them, that needed their talents and wouldn’t wait on romance, no matter how dire it felt to her. “I’ll be right here, waiting for you, alright?”

5. Will You Listen?

Author's Note

Well, this is it guys, thank you for joining me on this strange but short journey, and as a reward, there's some explicit content ahead. Enjoy!

5. Will You Listen?

Sunburst had always been driven when it came to living up to his title of Royal Crystaller, it was a responsibility he undoubtedly took seriously, but his dedication and motivation this time around might have been motivated by outside factors. Just a little bit, 50/50. Ok, maybe it was 25/75, since the more he thought about Starlight, the more the scales tilted. He always missed her when they were apart, which unfortunately seemed to be happening more often the older they got, except Sunburst was going to make sure that this was the last time. They could always be split as partners, but he’d be damned if anything other than work was going to separate them.

This drove him to an efficiency that went above and beyond anyone expected, and after all the ceremonies were done, he found himself on the train home a day earlier than anticipated. He tried to sleep, knowing that exhaustion would take him eventually, but it was impossible since Sunburst was overwhelmed with the task of not rehearsing and rewriting the conversation in his head. He made one plan and he was sticking to it. That’s why it wasn’t a relief to get in at midnight, to ease himself into the silent castle without hope of getting a conscious word out of her, let alone a romantic moment.

He shuffled down the hallway and felt his heart drop at the sight of the open bedroom door. Starlight never slept with her door open and he started moving towards it without realizing, just barely keeping himself from crashing into the frame. Her bed was empty, sheets perfectly tucked as neat as possible.

“No,” he whispered. She’s gone. She made a decision. She lied—

“Sunburst?”

This time he did bump into the frame, her sleepy voice jerking him back from tumbling over the edge of panic. Sunburst turned and took the few steps separating his room from hers to find her curled up in his bed, her sleepy head just raised off the pillow as she blinked drowsily in the moonlight.

“Hey,” he barely breathed out.

“You’re back early,” she murmured before looking at the clock. “Oh, it’s really early.” A desperate little snort left his lips as she curled back into the bed. “Go take a shower and come to bed.”

“Yes ma’am,” he managed to chuckle as she grunted her annoyance back at him. There were a few more laughs to be had at his expense as he plodded to the bathroom to follow orders. There was still that lingering fear of losing her, the image of an empty bed seared into his brain, but he let the water wash them away, confident in the knowledge that she was waiting for him. Only the necessary time was allotted, not even lingering for a second to straighten the slight mess he made of the bathroom before he was stumbling back into his room in the darkness.

It was a relief to find her there, her hoof tangled in the sheets and pulled tight under her chin. I wonder if she knows how beautiful she is to me, especially like this. He ditched the towel, not bothering to put anything else on, and eased himself behind her. Her breath was gentle and slow, making him think that all they would do was sleep next to each other. Instead, as he climbed under the sheets, Starlight scooted backward, her back settling against his chest and leaving him no choice but to throw a foreleg around her.

“How was it?” Her murmur was still filled with sleep, but her hoof was searching for his. She found it and brought it to her chest, holding it there.

“Fine.” There was nothing to stop him but her so he risked it, raising his head so he could press his lips to the crux of her neck. He was rewarded with a soft sigh from her lips which only spurred him on to nuzzle along her jaw. “I'm glad you’re here.”

“I told you, I wasn’t going anywhere.” He was sure he’d toed too far over the line since she raised her head as she said that, but to his surprise she was simply clearing away her hair, leaving her neck completely unobstructed for him.

Sunburst smiled before testing another kiss on her neck. “I meant in my bed.”

She laughed softly but her hoof squeezed his, spelling out a different message than the sound implied. “I was afraid you wouldn’t wake me up when you got home.”

He paused his gentle kisses, letting his whisper fall to her ear instead. “Did you want me to?”

“A little.” Her voice sounded so small that his heart lurched.

Sunburst searched for her, tangling more than just their hooves but feeling her body, feeling her heart pick up speed as he held her. “Do you want me to do anything else?” She was silent and he could feel the air between them trembling, humming with her thoughts. “Starlight?” he prodded, though he was sure it was hopeless.

She let him go, leaving his hoof hovering above her chest. “Will you touch me?”

That came with an involuntary swallow, his heart already fluttering in his chest. “Are you sure?”

She sighed, “More than anything.”

Sunburst brought his hoof to her shoulder, his nail pressed gently against her fur as he started a slow drift down the line of her body. He was pushing the sheet away as he went, his eyes following the reveal of skin underneath. Even with the need that was building, the way it ached when his hoof moved from her side to the dip at her waist, Sunburst brought his lips to her ear again. “We said we were going to talk.”

“After, I promise,” she sounded breathless. The goosebumps rose under his hoof as he snaked his foreleg lower, tracing the soft fur of her belly, just underneath her belly button.

“I need…” he stuttered for a moment, his grip tightening around her. “I need one thing from you first.”

“What is it?” There was less desire and more concern in her voice, her hoof momentarily coming over his.

He took a deep breath, trying to slow the frantic beat of his heart. “I need to know if you love me.”

She squeezed his hoof, her voice no longer anything close to a whisper. “Of course I do.”

All of his doubt seemed foolish in the face of her bold reply, the way she spat it back as if it was the most obvious thing in the universe. “I love you.” The words pushed his heart into overdrive, the heat coming to his face as if he had something to be embarrassed about. But the best of all was the relief in her sigh and the way her body relax further into him. “Starlight, I really do,” he added before he pressed his lips to her neck again.

“Then show me.” There was a giddiness in her voice that he couldn’t resist, and while a part of him wanted to taste it off her lips, he was more intent on following orders. The hoof on her stomach quickly slipped to her side against the bed, angling her more onto his chest so he could snake his other foreleg underneath her. She gasped at the shift, the way he pulled her to lay practically on top of him so that he could grip her flanks tightly, reducing the space between them to zero.

His teeth grazed her ear as he spoke. “This time, let it go.”

“Yes,” she panted as his hooves caressed her hips.

“I like the sound of that,” he smiled before pressing his lips to her neck again. Now that his need was no longer tempered by doubt or distracted by coming up with strategies and plans, Sunburst realized he'd never been this hungry for her before. All that was left was to satisfy her, to give her whatever she wanted, and fulfill any request.

Starlight shimmied downward, searching blindly for something as Sunburst continued licking and kissing her neck, his hips surged forward on instinct and Starlight moaned, feeling his rapidly hardening erection against her slit. She ground her hips against him and Sunburst followed her lead, making sure his medial ring bumped and rubbed against her winking clit. “Yes,” she moaned again, and Sunburst wondered if she was doing it on purpose but decided that it didn’t matter, it was driving him crazy either way.

He let Starlight sit up and put her full weight on his pelvis, he still kept a grip on her flanks, keeping her steady as she rolled her hips against his shaft. His hoof came down to rub on her clit, timing his grinding with the roll of his hoof. “Sunburst!” He couldn’t decide what was better, the sound of his name or her spontaneous cries of consent that pushed him forward, sampling each one over and over again. His hips stopped his thrusting, leaving her tail shaking.

“Grab a condom,” he murmured.

Starlight’s hooves searched weakly for his nightstand as he slid off from underneath her. He sat behind her and grabbed the soft flesh of her ass just as she took hold of the cardboard box. He couldn’t resist, the smell of her arousal, and he leaned forward and licked her opening; she squealed and almost dropped the box as she was trying to rip the plastic open. Starlight raised her tail even further, and she would’ve fallen over the edge if Sunburst weren't keeping her steady as he pleased her. In the end, Sunburst was forced to slow down when she handed him the wrapper.

“Should I—?” She started to turn, but his hoof came firmly back to her hip, keeping her in place.

“Stay right there,” he murmured while he fiddled with the latex, letting it glide over his aching erection with a hiss. This would be a tangle of limbs, he realized, but anything was worth trying if it meant pleasing her.

He scooted backward, gliding further until he was sitting in the middle of the mattress. Starlight followed him, and once she had more room to sit comfortably, he slipped inside of her. Just like the first time, both gasped at the sensation as he buried himself in her. It wasn’t a position meant for thrusting since he had very little leverage to pound away, but he hoped he could get her to feel both the stroke and the rubbing of his hoof. “Try moving your hips.”

Starlight tested it out, not a full range of her motions, but a tempting grind that brought another moan to her lips. “Is that ok?”

“Perfect.” He planted a kiss on her shoulder before he wrapped his forelegs around her middle, one hoof sliding down her barrel, past her tits, and to her pearl. As soon as his nail touched her clit, she was groaning, flutters of breath breaking past her lips. He exhaled hotly against her neck as he started to apply pressure, gliding his hoof in slow, tight circles. “I just want to make you happy,” he murmured helplessly as he got lost in the sway of her hips.

Starlight’s hoof came up, caressing his mane. She turned her head enough to press her cheek against his scruffy one, searching for some kind of anchor as the world started to unravel. He didn’t have to urge her on, to try and persuade her to anything more than what his hoof and her hips were doing—because there was no longer any battle to fight. She wasn’t resisting him anymore, just letting herself go entirely as she let out a satisfied whine, throwing her head back to the ceiling as her body curved against him, grinding her backside against his pelvis as he held her. All he could do was continue to trail kisses along her neck as he waited for her to catch her breath.

“That was the best,” she grinned as she turned her head just enough to catch his lips.

“Not done yet.”

It was a wonderful sort of agony to slide out of her, and though he was eager to get back in, he took his time to lay her gently on the bed, rolling on top of her with the same amount of care. Sunburst desperately wanted the warmth and feeling of her lips on his, but more than that he wanted to take his time. Savoring this moment was his priority since that first night had moved in a blur for him. Starlight’s hooves made blazing trails up and down his back, kneading his muscles as his tongue played against hers.

Sunburst broke the kiss with a sweet sigh as she wrapped her legs around his waist, letting him rub back against her slick center. He teased her for a few more strokes before she grasped him, angling him to the point of no return. There wasn’t anything he wanted more anyway, so he thrust forward, eliciting a little hiccupped gasp from her mouth, her face wrinkling in what he thought was pain. He came to his senses almost immediately, his hoof suddenly moving to smooth over her hair to clear it from her eyes. “Too much?”

“No, go ahead,” she replied with a smile before lifting her head and catching his lips.

He needed that, all of it, from her soft, reassuring touch to the willingness in her lips and finally the lock of her legs that kept pulling him back in. This time there was no need to wait, letting Sunburst set a steady rhythm as he rocked in and out of her. He wished kissing her felt like an option but as his strokes began to reach a frantic pace, he could only breathe across her lips. She felt heavenly, tasted even sweeter than he imagined, and her moans and sighs a song he wished he could play on repeat, he tried to keep his own moaning in check but he found himself joining her the closer he got to the peak. It was with one last aching groan that he felt all of it overcome him, driving into her hips one last time and staying there, his legs becoming useless beneath him as he let the euphoria take him.

“Now, that was the best,” he murmured breathlessly as he pulled away.

Starlight was already reaching for him, “Where are you going?”

“Give me a second, I just want to clean up.” Sunburst was true to his word, rushing out of the room and only disappearing momentarily. As he walked back in his heart skipped a beat, finding her still lying uncovered, one hoof running along her collarbone as the other sat flat on her stomach. “You're beautiful,” he made sure that was nowhere near a murmur as he slipped back in bed next to her.

“You don’t have to say that.”

He hated the weak smile on her lips so he kissed them, hoping to either wipe it away or strengthen it back to the intensity of before. “Have to and want to are two different things.” He said as he pulled away, running his hoof through her hair, brushing it aside. “I mean it just as much as when I said I love you.”

Starlight let out a warbling breath, “I guess both take getting used to.”

“Do you think you can?” Sunburst propped up on his elbow so he could stare and let those indigo eyes see through him. “When I left, I thought maybe you were…maybe it was too much.”

“I was afraid of a lot of things.” Her hoof ran up his foreleg until it came to rest at the base of his neck, playing with the fine hairs there. “I wasn’t sure where your want was going to stop.”

He tilted into her touch as his eyes narrowed. “What does that mean?”

Starlight sucked in air, trying to gather as much strength as she could for the words that needed to be said. “What do you want from this, Sunburst? If you just want to sleep with me—”

“No,” he shot at her, making sure to smash that thought into pieces before it even came to life. “I want…I want us to keep moving forward. To be closer, if that’s even possible, and…to have that future together.”

The tears felt inevitable no matter how hard she fought against them and Starlight preemptively brought her other hoof to her cheek, waiting to catch the moisture. “But what happens if it doesn’t work out? We both said we can’t stand the idea of losing each other…”

“Would you believe me if I told you it has to work out?” He tried on a glum smile that barely fit his features.

Another shaky breath and Starlight pulled him in, her lips trying to brush away the smile that didn’t suit him. “I believe everything you tell me.”

He laughed sharply. “Really?”

“At this point, I assume you know better than to lie to me,” she muttered as she pulled far enough away to watch the amusement flutter behind his glasses and over his blue eyes. “So, we’re going to…date?”

“Yeah,” he shrugged but the grin pulling at the corners of his mouth betrayed him. “Because the alternative? Going back to pretending we don’t feel this way just to save our friendship sounds miserable.”

“It does,” Starlight murmured.

“And the idea that I could never kiss you again kills me.” Kissing wasn’t the only thing he was thinking about as he ran his hoof along her side.

“It does feel nice.” For some reason, the admission still brought a blush to her cheeks and it fed his smirk.

Sunburst had a million playful things to tease her with, but instead, he brought his lips back to hers, a tender brush that he was certain felt more than just nice. “But you’re sure now? That we can try this out, you and me?”

Starlight slid towards him and pushed Sunburst onto his back so she would lay her head on his chest, letting her body cling tightly to his as she tried to erase another line. “We’re not trying, Sunburst. We are. It’s you and me.”

His legs wrapped around her, anchoring her to him. “And you love me?”

“I love you,” she answered. “That’s the last thing you should worry about.”

Sunburst sighed as the weight of the week (or maybe it was of the years) finally slipped away. “Yeah, well, maybe it’s just nice to hear you say it.”

Starlight tucked that away, a reminder she’d now set that he would need the reassurance, maybe some soft whispers in his ear at different points during the day, along with some kisses to go along with them. It gave her a new sort of excitement, planning how to love him rather than how to squirrel it away. It was a relief, beautiful and complete. As she sunk into him, pressing his heartbeat next to her ear, Starlight murmured, “When did you know you loved me?”

He grunted, “What kind of question is that?”

“An easy one,” Starlight snapped back. “There’s a moment, isn’t there?”

“Was there for you?” He shot back playfully.

“I asked you first,” she objected.

A sigh slipped from his lips before he used them to plant a kiss on her hairline. “I’m not sure. I think I figured there was more to what I was feeling for you on my first visit to Ponyville when I got along with your friends more than you. Seeing you so upset made me feel terrible, and the thought of you no longer being my friend made me feel even worse. I spent a lot of time after that thinking about how I’d never be able to fill that part of my life if we were to part again. Even though we didn’t have much in common, to me, you were irreplaceable. I just knew that I wanted you in my life and that was that.” His next breath was more thoughtful and trailed into amusement. “But you know what? It was something simpler than that.”

“So, there was a moment?” Starlight wanted to lift her head but he was holding her too tightly, keeping her trapped.

“Kind of…” he let a short laugh rumble beneath her ear. “You probably don’t remember. We were in the library, you were building a kite, a really complicated one, and I could see you working from the corner of my eye as I read. Then you yelped and I was out of my seat before I realized it, running over to check on you and I grabbed your hoof to inspect the damage. You jumped and, hay, I jumped too because since when did I took liberties with touching you? But you smiled and didn’t pull away, letting me bandage the paper cut.”

“And right then I knew how much I wanted to do that. Not just at that moment, but to be your comfort for as long as you would have me. I wasn’t just looking out for you because I was your friend, but because I wanted you to be safe and happy no matter what. And in a short-lived moment of confidence, I was convinced that you’d let me touch you because you were sure I could do it, that I gave you that feeling.” Sunburst finally released his stranglehold and Starlight raised her head, seeing none of that old confidence shining back at her.

“You’re not sure of that now?” She murmured.

“Told you, short-lived,” he laughed humorlessly.

“It shouldn’t be,” she shook her head firmly. “You always do that. Another reason why I always believe you. If you tell me that it’s alright, then it has to be because you make it feel that way.”

“Huh.” That smile was back, a little wonder added to the corner of his lips as what she said sunk in. “Ok, your turn.”

A fresh blush colored her cheeks as she settled her forelegs across his chest, so she could rest her chin without digging into him. “It wasn’t just one moment…”

“Cheater,” he prodded her side, eliciting a laugh from her.

“Alright, alright,” she giggled, then her expression turned somber. “When I was trapped in the catacombs. I was terrified, wondering if this was it and I would never see the light of day again, much less your face. I sat there thinking about all the things I never told you, all the things we never did, all the years that I wasted by being an angry, bitter mare. I spent the whole time being miserable, thinking how unfair it was that I would die just as I got my life back on track…just as I got you by my side again.”

True to his nature, Sunburst hoof fell to her cheek, ready to catch the tears that were threatening to spill from her eyes, but more just to rub comfort into her skin.

“But we were saved…” she let out the sweetest sigh even though a few tears ran down her cheeks. “And you walked so purposefully towards me and grabbed me without a word. That hug, the way you held me so tightly like we were both waking from a nightmare…I didn’t want anything else and when you didn’t stop, it gave me hope that maybe you felt something for me besides friendship.”

Sunburst smiled. “It did feel like a nightmare, the way the world was falling apart and you weren’t there, not knowing if you were…” he cleared his throat, unable to finish that horrible thought, much less voice it. “That’s why that hug lasted so long…I just couldn’t bring myself to let you go. I knew I was pushing the envelope, but I wanted that just as much as you did.”

Starlight shimmied closer and he happily helped her, his hooves leaving her face to explore down her bare side. Their lips met, another soft and slow exploration as the rush of the freedom of their words started to settle. She finally separated them, Sunburst giving a lovelorn sigh in reply. “I was wrong, Sunburst.”

“Hm?” His hooves were still on a move, memorizing the feeling of her fur and the warmth of her body, so when his eyes fluttered back open, they were hazy with love.

“I want this, too,” she pressed her forehead to his, nuzzling his nose. “This is me saying yes.”