Filthy Acts at A Reasonable Price
Funny Valentine Part 3
Previous Chapter"I'm sorry for getting emotional its just tha-"
"-That no one wanted to even bother to . . .
Properly acknowledge you. Am I correct?"
Spike lowers his head in sadness. "It's that a majority of ponies here just treat me like I'm sort of wild animal or as an exotic pet, my adopted family-"
I cut him off mid sentence after that tad bit of information grabs my attention,
"Please forgive me but what do you mean your adoptive family?"
"Oh? Umm so yeah I don't know my actual birth parents as I was found as an abandoned egg from what my family & princess told me."
"Princess?"
"You know princess celestia? The one that rules all over Equestria."
"She's that tall white one with the rainbow hair that 'magically' flowing right. . . ?"
"Yes! That's her anyway she-"
"Wait hold on, how is she the ruler? Isn't the Queen or more specifically the King supposed be in charge? If they 'passed on' why hasn't she taken the title of Queen?"
Spike raises his claw but back down, "you know that has never actually has occurred to me now that you tell me about it. Anyway the princess told that she was just wandering around silver sholes on her vacation when she found my egg laying on sandy beach. Then I was hatched by my big sister when she trying to pass her entrance exam."
God I hope my face remains neutral because internally I'm fucking having a panic attack. There are several possibilities on how he was "adopted". *She doesn't want to change her title because it makes her easier to approach. She's a damn chess player that uses psychological manipulation doesn't she? What does he mean that they found him abandoned? I'm calling bullshit on that story seeing how earlier he just told me that these damn ponies are extremely supremacist although they're not actively enforcing it. But then again what he says could be true & I'm just letting my emotions take control. Their are too many possibilities in this damn equation. I'm going to have to have do some very extensive research on the entire world's history before I start pointing fingers. But one's thing for certain she must not find about the corpse parts.*
"My adoptive family is super affectionate towards one another & I used to live up in Canterlot with a Unicron family. My parents are Nightlight & Twilight Velvet are Nobility, brother is the captain of the Royal Guard, my sister is the student of princess celestia herself, & I'm her assistant & messenger in helping my sister. I have a group of friends up in Canterlot before we left to move hear. Their names are Lemon Hearts, Colgate Minutte, Moon Dancer, Twinkle Shine & Lyra Heartstrings. So that's pretty much the jist of my life so what's yours?"
*Yeah no I smell some fucking fishy shit the moment he mentioned 'assistant' & nobility. You poor bastard they only wanted be friends because you have very close ties to the nobility.*
"Well for starters I was born in The United States of America on September 20, 18-
*oh shit! I don't even know the date here! Do they even measure the same as back on Earth?*
-47 my father was in the U.S. army before he went missing on mission for my country. Which inspired me to follow in my father's footsteps but I retired earlier due to 'certain events'. Now I wish to travel the world in search of knowledge that my people never have witnessed before."
"What do mean 'September'?"
"It seems that we have different measurements in time. September is the name of one the months during the fall. There are 12 months in a year, 365 days in total. Now may I ask how do you. . .
People measure time?"
"I'm sorry that I can't answer that cause I don't know how to answer that properly." He looks down in sadness.
"It's fine it was just the heat in the moment. About that hotel or house now."
"Sure after we clean the li-" he looks around to see that it's all trash is picked up & in bags while books are where they belong. "Nevermind time really does fly by when your talking about something with a friend. Twilight is going be so jealous that I know something that she doesn't."
He proceeds to do a weird victory dance seemingly forgetting that he has an audience specifically me, stray cat, & the shark puppies who have a blank look in their eyes. I swear to god that I saw a sweat drop appear on Stray Cat's face like in all shounen anime when I looked at their direction. Spike realizes that he wasn't alone & blushes in embarrassment.
"Sorry for that. But can ask you one more thing? Earlier when I was . . .
. . .following you, what was that red flashing light?"
*Shit how much did he see, more importantly hear? Well might as well tell him just to rip the band-aid off. My body tenses up as Stray Cat narrows his eyes at Spike as if he was gonna do anything. So I quickly say,
"What I am about to show you will remain between us for the time being as until decide to do the same with the others." I say with all seriousness I can muster in my voice. It must've caught the others off as well seeing I how the playfulness just evaporate from the shark puppies.
Spike begins to look scared, I notice this so I relax my posture & tone.
"I'm sorry if my change of tone startled you it's just that feel completely comfortable with doing this."
"It's alright that you don-"
"No I it's fine. Might as well get this over with."
I reach into my left pocket a full out the yellow striped black pokeball & notice that it's no bigger than a large marble. Spike looks really confused of what I have in my hand. These can shirk or expand making it easier for storage if I recall correctly.
"Do you have epilepsy?"
"Huh?"
"I'm just asking for your safety because I don't want to end up hospitalizing the only person who helped me by flash banging them in the face."
"Oh um noooo?"
"I don't know how to properly explain it as I'm not very knowledgeable in the medical field but from what I've read & understand is that you'll begin to a have some sort of seizure on the ground caused from flashing lights. Normally it won't do anything if we were outside but seeing how we inside & I'm not ready to show them to the public just yet, I want you to be absolutely honest to me. So tell has this incident happened to you in the past?"
Spike takes several seconds to recollect himself before saying,
"No."
"Do you have a pair of sunglasses though? Just to be safe."
Spike walks past my companions & bag to go upstairs. Guess that answers my question. I inhale then exhale the worry out out of my body as begin to expand the Pokeball to the size of a baseball maybe a bit bigger just as Spike comes back down. Spike's eyes widen in shock & surprise before it's replaced by excitement as if the conversation we had several seconds prior didn't matter before putting his sunglasses on.
I look down at my hand holding the Pokeball before saying,
"Hey whoever is in there be ready cause about to release you."
Spike now looks at me as if I gone crazy. So with further notice I dropped the Pokeball onto the floor. The Pokeball bounces a couple of times before rolling a very short distance away from me. Spike was about say something before a bright flash engulfs the room in bright white light. Spike shouts in surprise before the light dies down & it reveals. Riolu all in his or hers (don't know these guys' gender yet) former glory by being asleep on the damn floor next to the Pokeball. *Can they even hear me in those damn things?* Spike gasps in surprise as he tosses the sunglasses aside before rushing towards the sleeping Riolu but I grab him by shoulders.
"Spike wait I going to have to wake Riolu up cause they don't recognize you & I don't want you to get hurt because of my mistake."
He smiles at with tears beginning to leak out. *Damn they must treat you like a piece of property or experiment then.*
"Oh okay thanks for looking out for me."
Walking towards the Riolu I gently nudge them wake them up while grabbing the Pokeball.
"Riolu? Bud? I want you to meet a friend of mine I just made today."
Riolu begins to stir, then slowly getting up to sitting position with a yawn like a human would do in an anime. They shake their head before standing up to look then over at Spike who looks with an unsure amazement.
"Now would be ever so kind & introduce yourself over to Spike the Dragon over there."
Riolu then walks over to Spike who now looks he's about pass out or run for it. Riolu walk until they're & at least a foot apart until they hold out their paw out to Spike to make a handshake. Spike looks a bit unsure but ultimately accepts the handshake until they say,
"Riolu."
"IT CAN TALK?!"
"Yes they can & they're limited to saying their species name but their are very few who can talk English not including the telepathic ones."
I look down at Riolu to which they're giving me a WTF look to which I say,
"Don't give me that look. I didn't want to offend you by guessing your gender wrong. Besides you can give me that bit of info later once I solve this entire fiasco in a minute."
I look back at Spike who is now at eye level with Riolu,
"So in short what you're seeing is a Pokemon they come in all shapes & sizes. I don't have time to properly explain it to you but in short they are a type of monster that have all kinds of abilities ranging from ice to flying to psychic. So now I need you to keep this between us for the time being because of the amount of fear they will cause to the general public."
"I understand that but this is a first. I have never seen a creature like that before! It's so cute! I kinda want one now."
Riolu looks away in embarrassment & saying their name but I can pretty much figure out what they said.
"The reason is because most of them are friendly but is what they can do will terrify the populace. And no I will not say anything to you just yet because I don't want you to do anything brash or live in constant fear. Please just let this be between us for the time being I don't want both of my friends to be gone."
Spike & Riolu both look up in surprise when my voice begin to crack. I feel something wet running down my cheeks. Fuck me am I crying?!
"Oh okay but has something like this has happened before?"
"I'm sorry but that's a big touchy for me."
I lie once again, Riolu can tell I did.
"Oh I'm sorry I didn't know."
"It's fine," as wipe my tears off with my sleeve, "As they say where I'm from 'No harm, no foul'. I hope."
"Now then Riolu." To which catches the small Pokemon's attention, "Now that you are of the Pokeball would you like join us for a walk or would you like to go back inside the Pokeball?"
The small Pokemon ponders for several seconds until it motions that she wants to walk. I clap my hands together.
"Gureto Daze! Now let's head on over to town hall for to see if their is any houses available. But first where do I put the trash bags?"
"You can put'em near the door outside the trash pony will pick em up."
I walk on over the duffle bag whistling that we are about to leave to which they get up & walk towards the door. Slinging the bow & strap over my shoulder once again we head out the door. I have a trash bag in each hand with Spike holding one as well. As I put the bags in between the mail post & door as Spike said 'near' I ask him,
"Do you have the key?"
"Huh?"
"For this door because I'm about to lock it & don't want to have you to break in your own library just to open the front door."
The realization sinks in as he begins to check his pockets until checks his sweater & pulls it out.
"Yes I do."
"Alright then let's go."
We really didn't have anything else to talk about or to start a conversation with during the walk back towards town hall as we pretty much discussed (well Spike did anyway) things to state each other's curiosity for the time being. Riolu is just looking around admiring the town as it's devoid of ponies at the moment just behind me with the Shark puppies.
*I'm going to have to very careful on what I say & do around the natives if I'm going to be living here for the rest of my life. I don't want them have accusing me for something 'normal' for me but highly disrespectful for them. I look at Spike & think sadly, *I wonder how long I can keep this masquerade up before he learns about the truth.*
Once again it didn't really take long to reach Town Hall but it wasn't short either. *Is that dubstep playing in background? This place seems to be fucking me the longer I stay here. Spike looks back & notices I'm beginning to become nervous.
"Hey it's alright I will be there with you to help ease the town folks."
"I know but what if they don't accept me as an individual but rather than a animal or object. Like how you told me that most didn't even acknowledge you as person."
He stays quiet for a few seconds until he says,
". . . I know why did but I don't think it will help you like it did with me."
"That's fine I guess your support will be-" I stop abruptly as I see 3, no 6 figures coming out of the building before they stop a couple meters away.
"SPIKE! There you are!"
Twiggy's PoV:
*This is what Friendship is like?! Why didn't I try this sooner?
As I dance like their is no tommorow I begin to notice something or 'somedragon' is missing. Where is my baby brother? I stop dancing & begin to ask several of the town's ponies where Spike is over the loud dubstep to which they respond with,
"Who?"
"Whom?"
"Uhhhhhh. . . "
"No idea."
"HAYBURGER"
"What do they look like?"
Ignoring the that delicious statement I begin to describe what he is to the town ponies but they begin to panic so I stop in sadness.
*I was really hoping that the ponies would be different than those ponies up in Canterlot.*
"Hiya Twilight! Why the looooooong face? ![]()
"I was wondering where Spike has run off to."
"Oh that's easy he went outside."
"What why?!"
"Well I was about to stop him but SOMEPONY! forgot something.
As she looks up towards the ceiling which I soon followed to see Rainbow Dash doing some tricks. That's a safety hazard right there.
"Well then I gonna go look to see if he's still there."
As I head towards the door I feel a breeze as something passes by me.
"Annndd where are you going?" As Rainbow Dash flys in front me blocking the door.
"I'm going to look for Spike to see if he is still outside."
"Who?"
*Ugh. Not this again!*
"My assistant!"
. . . . .
"BABY DRAGON!"
"Oh him! Now that you mention it where is his scaley behind anyway? He's missing out Please Pie's party!
Refraining myself from scolding Rainbow Dash for that remark I say with a bit of malice,
"Just please move out of my way I really need to check up on him."
"Oh okay I'll get the others to help then." Ignoring the hostility in my voice or not even acknowledging it as she flew off to gather the other element bearers.
I walk out through the doors to hear several footsteps coming out. I turn around to see that the entire gang is here out with me.
"Um Twilight isn't that Spike over there but um who's with him?"
I look towards the direction of which fluttershy is pointing & see Spike walking backwards.
"SPIKE! There you are!" But I notice he's talking to a complete . . . Stranger.
*What is that?*
"Oh my what an interesting design of clothing it's wearing. I wonder who made it for it."
Igonoring Rarity's opinion of what style of clothing it is wearing, this thing must have noticed us before we even fully came outside. The music playing in background is slowly getting weaker we just stare one another as if we were having a magical stand off. From the looks of it I can tell that it's a male from its body shape & face despite its mane looking like my babysitter's mane style. *Cadance is not going to be happy if she sees this. What is he holding*. The wind picks up as it . . .
he moves its limb to it's forehead, making its clothing & mane move giving it an even more menacing aura.


We stare at each for several seconds but it felt like hours until it did the most unimaginable thing I seen. It spoke perfect Equish.
"Yo, Ponies." As it did a two finger salute.
Author's Note
https://c.tenor.com/ubl4QbawaT8AAAAd/funny-valentine-d4c.gif
Doesn't fucking let me for some reason.
Edit forgot to add this:

